Wife Is Pressuring Me To Allow SIL To Move In But Her Husband Is A Freeloader r/Relationships

[@Mia-dt3gl]

I feel like OP’s wife deserves a lot of blame for Story 1 because _she_ pressured OP to let those leeches move in. It makes me wonder if OP’s wife is in fact blaming OP for the situation, which is why he blames himself.

[@curtisalex456]

OP is utterly useless, and spineless.

[@jessicarichards6796]

True, though I’m sure her parents and sister really laid on the guilt. I bet after this she will never let them back again.

[@Mia-dt3gl]

@@jessicarichards6796 Only because this whole mess personally affected her.

[@j_hi]

OPs wife sounds like a real piece of work. I find it tragic and hilarious that *she* had to get a job at one point. Honestly, what did she think would happen with moving in her sister and litter of kids. Kids, and adults are not cheap, at all. Unless you just buy bulk rice, beans, and Flintstone vitamins, then I suspect the sister would complain about that also. Father in law is a dirt bag for enabling that garbage.

[@stellamccoy5259]

Wouldn't doubt it.

[@Lestaticate]

Reddit: “Do NOT let them in”, “Have them sign legal documents”, “Nothing good will come from this”, “They sound like ungrateful leeches”, “My family went through this and it took years to recover financially! Please reconsider!”, “Plan this out very carefully! This could bite you back so hard!”, “Nononono-“ Welp.

[@Malkolm52]

it's his fault I have no sympathy for them for letting the leashes live there

[@markanthony1004]

Right?! They gave him all the info he needed but you know “family”

[@calebhoffman6368]

Op1 only needs to feel guilty for what he put his daughter through. That 1000% is on his and his wife. Never put other kids before yours

[@sofie6524]

Op needs to start thinking about how guilty bil and sil SHOULD feel for leeching off of their sibling and ruining their house.

[@antithoughtpolice7497]

Wife was the one guilting him to doing it in the first place...

[@sonialinsey8083]

I’m sorry but everyone told him it would be horrible, affect his child negatively, affect his ability to work from home and they would be dysfunctional deadbeats. He should have stood up to his wife’s manipulation. I don’t feel sorry for him at all.

[@paulastiles5507]

This, exactly. Both he and his wife have spines made of wet tissue paper. Their daughter deserved so much better.

[@AngryReptileKeeper]

@@sonialinsey8083 Right? OP and his wife did this to themselves. Not pity from me, especially after listening to his disgusting tangent about how he should have been happy to support the leeches.

[@promisedmysun6044]

I have absolutely no sympathy for anyone but the children. They should have never moved in, in the first place but OP should have packed up their stuff and thrown them out and the wife too, if that is a hill she wants to die on. People who should never have children, have them - those poor souls. Imagine being OP's daughter and having your safe space invaded like that for months on end without a break.

[@jr5557]

Yeah it was so crazy how he started the update with predictably. They moved in like dude. It's your house. You let them move in. He never put his foot down

[@akl2k7]

@@jr5557 Yeah, if he'd used his brains, the update should have been "I showed this to my wife. She realized it was a bad idea. We said no." Or at least "I showed this to my wife. She didn't agree with me. I put my foot down and said no but she's now at a hotel because she thinks I'm heartless." The first one, preferably. Alas, some people buckle under pressure.

[@herewego8686]

​@@akl2k7 I know this is a mixed bag but I love the stories where the OP shows the guilt party the reddit comments about them

[@sonialinsey8083]

The worst part is that he seems to feel more regret for “putting his finances over extended family” than the trauma he put his daughter through. I wouldn’t help these people even if they literally were on the street. They are both able-bodied in their EARLY! THIRTIES! If they’re like this now, I can’t wait for their 40’s hit. No way, OP is ridiculous. Even sending them 1000k a month to rent an apartment would have been cheaper than all the damage they did to his family. He had to go on meds ffs.

[@paulastiles5507]

@@sonialinsey8083 I'm astounded that it never occurred to him that adding four people, three of them kids, wouldn't spike the family food and utilities budget.

[@LeoInAMillion]

Should have put his kid first, once she was getting stressed they should have been evicted.

[@owl7072]

Story 2: Okay, but Op has a point. Someone who's never driven before, or barely has, does _not_ need an unpredictable toddler with them when they do so. If he had been driving for a _while_ then that's one thing, but that's not the case.

[@kateemma22]

Also it appears the wife hates the eldest.

[@soroh0062255]

And op also has NO point expecting his wife to constantly take care of Six kids! Taking the smallest on a drive doesn't work, ok, find some other accommodation. And giving a 16 year old a car is a huge nono if the other 5 can't also be given one. Op is playing favourites big time, mom is trying to keep it equal.

[@Redragingphoton1]

That's why I'm sticking with ESH for this one.

[@heathermcdougall8023]

@@soroh0062255 Disagree. You've got 6 kids and the eldest gets a free car - fantastic! A free, expensive, and very useful gift.

[@soroh0062255]

@@heathermcdougall8023 yeah, but it's *only* for the 1 kid. The parents did not get to set rules or stipulations for it because the grandparent gave the thing just as is. When the next kid is 16 the chance of them getting a car is very small, and then what?? Sorry hon we know your older brother got a free car but you will have to continue begging him for rides cause no car for you 😘

[@jaymel4691]

1st story: OP: my SIL and her husband and 3 kids want to move in, they trashed their parents' house and the husband won't get a job, what should I do? Reddit: DON'T TAKE THEM IN!! OR BY ALL THAT IS HOLY, AT LEAST GET A STRICT CONTRACT!!! WITH A DEADLINE AND AN EVICTION CLAUSE! OP: I let the SIL and kids move in, who knew 4 extra people in my house (3 of them kids) would be so hard?? What do I do? Reddit: ::facepalm:: These are adults, you can't force the SIL or her deadbeat husband to grow TF up. It sucks for the kids, but you can't fix everyone. Cut them ALL loose. It sounds cruel, but OP needs to protect his own family first, like he should've done from the beginning. OP shouldn't feel guilty about protecting HIS OWN family from these leeches.

[@jimdob6528]

I mean his own wife was pressuring him to let them move in and all this “guilt” he is feeling is probably being caused by said wife. I wouldn’t be surprised if he had said no overall and kept them away that the wife would have left and taken their child with her because in her eyes the op would have become a villain since he wouldn’t help those poor innocent children. There is a reason 70+% of divorces are initiated by women. They think first with feelings and sometimes back it up with logic after if they need to.

[@indarkestknight9778]

OP says this is a cautionary tale??? To whom, literally everyone in the comments section told him not to do this and he did it anyway.🤣🤣🤣 I wonder what kind of guilt he would feel if they didn't move out and he let these relatives terrorize his daughter and destroy their finances all for the sake of helping people who don't want to be helped. Just supported.

[@stirrednotshaken4823]

This SIL will continue the way she is until everybody stops helping her. When she hits rock bottom, she will have to get a job to support her children. I will help people in need, but only if they are making an effort too! Can’t help somebody who won’t help themselves!!

[@akl2k7]

A cautionary tale to himself that it was a bad idea. He realized it was a bad idea and he did it anyway.

[@YankeeGirl226]

I said the same thing. Everyone told him not to do it. This is self inflicted. He was warned. 😂

[@tallyp.7643]

This story is THE go-to definition of "don't set yourself on fire to keep others warm." OP tried to maintain his own campfire, but kinda hard to do that well when the folks near you either piss on it or throw gasoline on it... or both. No wonder the sister didn't wanna leave her husband--she's just as bad as he is (just more subtle) and doesn't see anything wrong with what they've been doing, even though it's been failure after failure.

[@LOLtz1]

Story 1: I would feel bad for OP if the commenters didn't already worn him about what was going to happen. He got all that advice and still let them in. And I don't understand why he feeling guilty, it's not his problem but considering how he handled this situation I can see why he walked all over.

[@AndyyWithAY]

It's hard to feel sympathy for women who have multiple kids with a deadbeat. He wasn't 💩 when you had the first one. Why would it get better? I wouldn't extend the offer for him to live in my house though. If OP wants to let the kids and SIL come there still needs to be boundaries. His own family won't take him. That says everything

[@ladybetrayus69]

Sounds like sister-in-law is just as bad as her barnacle husband

[@jaymel4691]

She was the one who picked him. And kept having kids with him. And stayed with him.

[@ladybetrayus69]

@@jaymel4691 not just that if you listen to the second part of the update she refuse to get on food stamps or government assistance and then lied to about all the progress she was making in that area she did get a job but she refused to do any thing to help around the house.

[@kimsvisualdiary]

Some women are so desperate for a man they will take anything. I feel like these types are another version of the pick me girls because they will literally get with any man that will have them so they don’t have to be single. I’ve known women who brag about “well, at least I got a man!” Yeah, and he’s jobless with like four other baby mamas and a criminal record. He ain’t no prize! 😂

[@ineedhoez]

Agreed

[@cnow82]

He should feel guilty for what he put his daughter through. What a selfish as*hole. They knew what would happen and still did it. And you would have continued indefinitely?! Cause screw your kid right?! You want to be the hero? What a loser. I will never understand doormats.

[@promisedmysun6044]

Thank you for saying that - I have no empathy for anyone in this story, except the children. He should have put them on the street and the wife too, if she insisted on helping them so much.

[@RuminatingRaptor]

That is a good point. They were literally going into debt to support the leeches, in addition to not protecting their child.

[@sheenawarecki92]

That's the thing people need to understand, is your kindness being selfish or harmful in a different way. You can't just assume your kindness is harmless and everyone assumes "well kindness is good" as we see here and as you said mmmmm nope not always.

[@SilverstreamPJ28]

Exactly what I thought!! If he needed psychiatric medication to deal with this bs, how does he think his infant daughter was faring? These two are absolute jerks. And doormat jerks at that 🙄

[@simonO712]

I fully agree that he made the wrong decision, but how is he _selfish?_

[@hunterjames8653]

The wife in story 2 sounds insufferable not only does she pick her “me time” on the same day as her kids birthday she feels entitled enough to demand gifts from the FIL

[@yourmom2189]

And the wife thought it was sexist to be call a woman? I thought women were being erased! 🤣😂🤣

[@RandomTrinidadian]

Story 1: Why do i have a feeling CPS is gonna take away SiL and the Leech's kids? Cause they sound like the type whi should not have kids in their care. 😶

[@RuminatingRaptor]

Especially now that they are alone with their children, for the first time ever. That’s not going to end well.

[@felix0-014]

OP should have called DCFS tbh before the whole debacle started but especially now that the neglectful egg donor and sperm donor are soley responsible for these children

[@YankeeGirl226]

​@@felix0-014 Right. He should have kicked them out and called CPS. Or better yet call CPS before they even showed up.

[@AngryReptileKeeper]

People like this really make me start to reconsider my stance on forced sterilization.

[@khaavren3]

I wouldn't have let that situation happen. A mom with 3 hellions and a deadbeat dad who won't do anything to help? Yeah, no. I'm all for helping family, but only if you're making an effort and just need a hand. I'm not replacing your efforts.

[@stirrednotshaken4823]

Believe me if a family member moved into my house and their kids created chaos in my house, I am speaking up and those kids are gonna be treated like my own…discipline and punishments. Making holes in walls, writing on walls, screaming while I am trying to work, fighting with my daughter…oh hell NO! You are gonna hear my voice being raised. She needs to take the kids outside to backyard or to a local park during the day. Work some of that misdirected energy out in playing kick ball or something, if there’s no jungle gym or play equipment! They act like this because mom is not being a parent to them and not spending any time with them. She sitting around moping because OP isn’t letting her have her way. I would have a hard time letting a whole family live in my house, especially if they are contributing in any way towards the household. Did SIL not even realize the financial strain she is putting on her sister and OP? Oh wait, what am I asking that for, because we all know she doesn’t give 2 rats a$$es about any strain she putting on others! They are lucky nobody has called CPS to have her and deadbeat investigated into not financially supporting their own children. Everybody is doing her a disservice by supporting her because now she expects to get her way in not having to work for what she has! 🤦🏼‍♀️ And it won’t change until everyone drops her on her butt and she has to do for herself 🤷🏼‍♀️

[@jimdob6528]

This was like 90% the wife’s fault too because you know she was pressuring the op into it and if he had said no there is a solid chance she would have either left him or made him miserable for even longer than the year it will take to recover from that disaster

[@Hogwarts_dropoutt]

Story 2: the wife sounds exhausting, picking fights left and right. If I didn’t know the wife was a grown woman with a 16 year old child I would’ve thought she was the one being a teenager!

[@KittenUndercover]

If anyone remembers the story about the crazy OP who flipped out on her daughter in law (she called her Bea) for not calling her back right after Bea was diagnosed with post partum preeclampsia and then decided to go for grandparents rights, there are some hilarious updates in Best Of.

[@jamie151-d9j]

oh, thank you, i remember that story. do you know the name/username? i can't remember much other that the story itself.

[@Cel3ere5]

I do remember! That woman sounded insane and it was hilarious of how she gave Reddit half truths and small confessions as to provide some sort of smoke screen for her actual, bigger 'crimes'. Bea cautioned OP that they dr*g test for people trying to claim guardianship so OP confessed to doing the devil's lettuce, yet having medical card. 😂 No one is buying that you just do MJ, you crazy witch.

[@moonyollie6977]

Oh dear lord, I thought for sure she'd stop digging herself further. I'm afraid to look

[@KittenUndercover]

@@jamie151-d9j I don’t remember but it’s pretty easy to Google with the key words

[@holyek7892]

OP is a doormat. He deserved all the trouble he went through. Reddit warned him and he chose to ignore the sound advice. 0 sympathy for the first OP.

[@vidhead85]

Never allow barnacles to attach to your ship. They already told you who they were but you didn't believe them

[@vidhead85]

Story 2: I don't think he's necessarily the ah. Sounds like wife needs to lighten up here. Why would someone take a toddler to a DMV? That's the last place I want a kid. OP said he could take her tomorrow and she refused. She does create offense here

[@zerobolt9506]

Agree

[@stirrednotshaken4823]

Agreed…I would have jumped all over over that offer. I would have hightailed it out of there to never be heard from the rest of the day! I don’t get what she would be getting out of him taking the toddler when there 3 other children. 🤷🏼‍♀️

[@mcaeln7268]

@@stirrednotshaken4823 the other children were in school

[@stirrednotshaken4823]

@@mcaeln7268 ok, but still...why would she think it was acceptable for her husband to have to tote a toddler to the license bureau on her son's birthday, no less? She was offered a whole day, the next day in fact, to go spend time by herself. What is waiting 24 hrs gonna hurt? She was looking for a fight and didn't care if she would ruin the kids birthday time with dad!

[@mcaeln7268]

@@stirrednotshaken4823 no i completely agree with you, i was just saying it’s not like she was at home with the kids or anything. minor detail

[@only1one1me]

The only thing OP should feel guilty for is letting that trainwreck of a family in his house after dozens of people warned him not to.

[@devchekhov7512]

Story 1: OP sounds like a doormat, and the daughter suffers because he has no spine

[@coreymartin6486]

Story 2....the wife acts like a 10 year old throwing a temper tantrum in a store. She put herself ahead of her son multiple times in this story....drivers license practice, attitude at party, wanting the car taken away,.... It's like she's trying to hurt her son. 😔

[@Main07vega]

She sounds like a feminist

[@wmdkitty]

S2: NTA. Wife is in the wrong. She knew what OP had planned for Son's 16th birthday, and waited until the last minute to decide that she needed that _exact_ day "off".

[@isabellamartins469]

We went for something similar, my uncle and aunt and baby lived with us without helping for one year, the baby would cry all night until one day my grandma lost it, slapt my aunt and told her she would beat the shit out of her he she let the baby cry the whole night again until the baby stopped crying, my aunt never let the baby cry again, and would run to confort him.

[@strawberrysangria1474]

Story 1 sounds like a pair of comic book villains. "Oh no! It's Lady Leech and Barnacle Bill! Here to do malicious deeds... or slack off and get around to it later!" The reason SIL won't leave is because she's just as compliant to bloodsucking as her husband is. OP better take this lesson to heart and never let them back in ever.

[@YellaBellaReno]

Just cause the first kid gets a car, it doesn’t mean the next kid has to. Or the next one. Or the next one. And so on. You do the best for each kid with the resources you’ve been given. The oldest may have been given the car, but it doesn’t mean he has control of when he gets to use it. He’s still a kid, and there are still rules and driving the car is a privilege. With 5 younger siblings, the oldest having a vehicle would be incredibly helpful for both parents. The oldest could get a job, or do the shopping, or drive the younger one’s to after school activities (once he has proven he can handle himself as a driver).

[@swearimnotarobot3746]

The SIL needs to break up with her husband. He seems to just have no drive in life. OP does want to help, but he doesn’t want BIL to move in because he has a history of trashing homes and not holding a stable job. Maybe try explaining to SIL why he can’t move in, but her and the kids can. And try write up a contract.

[@lynnw7155]

I can't believe that OP FEELS GUILTY for not helping his SIL more???!!! I'd feel guilty that I put my poor kid through that. Reddit warned him exactly what would happen and he didn't listen.

[@kronos0316]

SIL is like her husband she moved in fully knowing OP and his with would have to financially support her.

[@zoe9190]

Sil is just as bad as her husband, just for different things. Theres a reason she wont leave, because they are the same

[@SilverstreamPJ28]

SIL is a mooch too, of course her husband's behavior doesn't bother her

[@jerriewyatt905]

Story 1… I can’t feel sorry for SIL for staying with someone like her husband and , won’t try to do better for her kids..she could divorce her barnacle husband and file for child support, so he’ll have to work..she’s as bad as her husband..you can’t help someone that refuses to help themselves..just dump them..don’t feel guilty about it..they were putting OP’s family in financial bind and didn’t give a darn as long as the could mooch! Story 3…OP’s wife is being the AHole! You don’t take a toddler to a DMV! Especially when her teenage son is getting a license.. The wife is acting like a deranged idiot! OP’s dad SHOULD have discussed the car before giving the teen his old car.. wife could have taken any other day but, it had to be that one.. nobody else could watch the kid?

[@onepieceisking5493]

Update 2, I had some sympathy for SIL til she threw a fit at an extremely reasonable plan to help out financially and to help get back on their feet. Either bil was a bad influence or she actually expected op to cover everything, for her husband to actually get his crap together and not for to do anything. I'm not surprised that she tried to drag her feet, resist and lie repeatedly about her progress. Actions speak louder than words and her's show that she has no intention of being better for her kids and wants to rely on others. Op shouldn't feel guilty because he put his family's needs above everything else as he should as a dad and husband. I would be relieved their gone too but to be honest op and his family are saints come paired to how my family would be. My family would have been on their case and force them to get financial assistance, jobs, ECT. And if they keep lying, dragging their feet, and resisting then they lose their place in the house because we won't put up with it.

[@hilaryc3203]

The only person I feel sorry for in #1 is OPs child. OP knew this would happen and he let them in anyway, so I have no sympathy for him and his wife.

[@MisterNightfish]

"fait accompli" is french for something that is basically a foregone conclusion at that point.

[@brendamuirhead483]

I watch a lot of these Aita / revenge channels and you are the best narrator by a hundred miles….your speech rate, rhythm and intonation make it so easy to listen to….

[@emanx222]

Agreed to an insane degree haha

[@starbird3939]

Story 2 - wife wants to dunp her toddler on the birthday boy and have the house to herself? Hmmmm…

[@zerobolt9506]

Are you ALSO thinking what I'm thinking 🤔

[@stirrednotshaken4823]

@@zerobolt9506 paternity test?

[@dustyrose192]

there apparently six kids so i dont know how much rest she was planning on getting whilst still have four kids. Oh course they could still be in school and stuff but really? Six kids means extremely messy house and chores needing to be done. Yes she valid for wanting a break but setting it on the oldest birthday seems shitty. OP's dad could be sexist with his remark but she was being rude first, he does not owe her kindess or respect since she refused to play on fair ground.

[@starbird3939]

@@zerobolt9506 I think so, Brain… but how does do you get the hermit out of the crab?

[@katwiltz1134]

Alright maybe you ought to get a paternity test right after the driver's license test for the kid

[@beccaf262]

The wife in the last one sounds insane. Yeah it’s valid that she needs a break but the fact she demanded it on the oldest sons birthday speaks to such an unfathomable level of selfishness. Everyone is saying I bet there’s a history of how the grandfather speaks to the wife but I’d actually bet the reason he spoke to her that way is because she has a long history of making outrageous demands at the expense of everyone around her.

[@0potion]

It's reddit.... I should tell you all you need to know about the fact that he will always be wrong just simply because hes a man. And as soon as people found out he had 5 kids they immediately took her Side saying things like of course She needs a break. But the issue being why did the brake have to be on the oldest son's birthday question mand why is it such a big issue that grandpa got the oldest son a carm at no point did grandpa say he wouldn't get a car for the other kids mom just assumed so and then started screaming at him. And this is definitely not something worth going no contact over. As far as I can tell the wife is just very dramatic and controlling.

[@owl7072]

Also her going "So we're not a priority to you?!" When Op said son is a priority because you know, it's _his_ birthday. Unless there's an emergency, the birthday person _is_ the priority.

[@IWasaTeenageTeenWolf]

Honestly the father was way too kind just calling her 'woman.' There's a word for women like her in the English dictionary but writing it would probably get us banned. (She's a real ' see you next Tuesday.' )

[@caseydemmings6666]

​@@0potion op did said he going take the kid the next day and she turn it down

[@Main07vega]

Beach been talking feminists.

[@broken_queer_but_fighting8589]

Managed to escape my flute lesson today woooo weekend yay, gonna work on a sewing project and make a sea inspired 2 piece dress

[@isasantos8577]

Must practice

[@broken_queer_but_fighting8589]

@@isasantos8577 I know I know but he drives me up the wall and keeps me way longer then I'm supposed to be there

[@romonaelrod7870]

The dress sounds cool. I like to sew for Barbie dolls.

[@broken_queer_but_fighting8589]

​@@romonaelrod7870 thanks and that's cool

[@telinhajp]

Do you sew? I wish I could do it, as well. I'm very very short, so I have to shorten half of my pants. 😅

[@taoroahgah]

Story 2: OP's wife literally sounds impossible. Why pick your son's 16th to get "me time" how selfish and self-serving that is... don't like how fil responded but hounded him for making your son's birthday a great one and made the issue about HER. I am shocked OP stayed long enough to give her 6 kids and bring a toddler to the DMV and the road trip with a new driver is insane.

[@redalerter]

Op 1 reminds me of my Mom, putting her own self and other children-adults yes, but with disabilities they are trying to get help with ao they can work- at risk of homelessness bc one of her kids keeps nuking her own life and not sticking with the help tht is CONSTANTLY OFFERED TO HER

[@victoriamiranda-stotelmyre4382]

Story 2: wife is having issues of control or a sense of loosing control with the older kid driving and therefore gaining some bit of independence then the Grampa gifted a car and creating more independence. She’s lost a grip because she thinks she’s loosing her grip, that’s why she threw out lame obstacles and had an attitude. OP, Grandpa and teen didn’t do anything wrong nor did they approach the situation wrong in anyway. I’d say “get a grip Woman!” Once she get accustomed to the new normal she will see and seize on the benefits.

[@MGP2210]

Story 02 OP's wife was an assh0le for trying to mess with their son's 16th bday. If she needed a break and more help with the kids, that was not the way to do it. At all.

[@rokudan96]

Story 1: I learned this a long time ago. Say it loud. Say it proud. CHARITY IS NOT A SUICIDE PACT!!!!!!!!!!

[@shirokusanagi3901]

Hard to feel bad for anyone in this story but the children. He saw this coming a mile away but he still went with it.

[@Geallach83]

I blame OPs wife. Way to ruin your actual family and exposing your child to that.

[@locstyle]

I have lived the exact situation in story 1, and it seems like some people are perfectly fine with taking advantage of and leeching off family members.

[@kitkakitteh]

Just a Hard No. Never light yourself on fire to keep someone else warm😂

[@ajillofmanytrades8638]

Never put deadbeat family ahead of your immediate family. Help is never enough and they will never be grateful. The house and finances were destroyed

[@OmniscientlyMe]

1. First rule of being a lifeguard (as I learned it) "don't get within arms reach of the drowning" [because they'll take you with them] seems to apply here. 2. Oldest is probably going to be used for errands like every other oldest child, they'll pay for the value of that "free" used car in no time. Something's off here; can't tell what. Scheduling a personal day for yourself on your kid's birthday doesn't sound like good parenting.

[@LoveK1]

Also, I’ll be damned if I shell out $600 extra dollars a month to feed another family. He has his own to prioritize and his wife was looking for a job to help house these trash people? What is going on here?!

[@Aluranae]

Story 2: You know what? No. Wife's coming off as the asshole here, and a pretty bad one. Let's break it down: OP had a perfectly good suggestion of taking the kid the next day while son gets his driving practice. She sulks and acts like a toddler all day when she can't usurp the kid's birthday despite OP offering the compromise. He didn't know Grandpa was going to do this but she kept throwing a shitfit. She pesters said grandpa, apparently not processing that he did this because he's *getting a new car* not solely because lolbirthday. She then expects him to do this for each other child. She then gets pissy when he finally snaps back. Then she wants OP to cut contact with him because her fee-fees got hurt, and gets even pissier about OP supporting her not wanting to talk to him but not cutting off contact himself. Yeah no, the lady's a Grade A piece of entitled work. If it had *just* been her being angry about the birthday, yeah, okay, maybe I could support ESH, but she took this way way WAAAAAAY too far.

[@susankaempfer8427]

I was inclined to agree, but we only have op’s side of the story. So, he takes a day off work to be the fun dad and have a day of freedom and road-tripping with nearly adult son. I wish I could see the rest of the story and hear her side. I also wonder if granddad is strongly favoring first-born boy and she’s sick of that too…

[@llynxfyremusic]

​@susankaempfer8427 I agree here. She's being very disingenuous and an ah but I feel like something stinks.

[@swiftninja91]

I've heard Story 1 before. It's clear from the updates that they were planning to leech off OP for the long term before OP put their foot down.

[@Cel3ere5]

Friends did similar some years ago. War buddies. It led to me playing a cat and mouse game with a diagnosed ASPD person. It was... Interesting.

[@Sakuraqueen]

Story 1: I was screaming "don't take them in" knew it would be a disaster!! Poor OP!!!

[@Tijggie82]

Why is he feeling this much guilt? He seriously needs therapy because he will be trapped in this situation again once FIL dies.

[@AngryReptileKeeper]

It's more telling to me where he chose to place his guilt. The appropriate thing to feel bad about here was not considering the damage to his daughter's security, happiness, safety and well-being. Instead, he felt bad for not wanting to let his in-laws parasitize his own family, even to his daughter's detriment.

[@Tijggie82]

@@AngryReptileKeeper 100%

[@jimmyjohnjuan]

Story 2) nta. I'm not say divorce yet. But she is causing trouble and they need to fix with counseling.

[@mayurakshimukherjee7948]

Story 1, op is feel guilty for not burning myself to keep others warm! Stop being guilty!

[@Tryyourhand]

There’s a very famous quote in relation to your having family move in with you! Do not search yourself on fire to keep others warm.

[@AndyyWithAY]

Story 2 WTF is wrong with the wife?? She sounds psychotic. This was planned in advance and she wants to flip the script at the last minute. Calling her a woman is sexist? Is she not a woman? The grandfather gave a lovely gift. If the grandfather can't give the baby a car, the parents have nearly a decade and a half to sort that. It seems like there are randomly FOUR other kids involved, so I have to say not enough info. Maybe she's overwhelmed looking after 5 kids if the rest of them are younger than bday boy. If there's another child close in age they may be wondering why they didn't get a fancy car from granddad too. As is not enough info. That last comment just threw a hand grenade in my verdict

[@SilverstreamPJ28]

How is it psychotic to want to previously discuss a car as a gift? Who do you think is going to be paying for gas, insurance and repairs? Not the teenager. Of course you don't see a problem with the FIL diminishing her and calling her "woman" while telling her to shut up, you openly call women who display disagreeable behavior as "psychotic" 🤡

[@Grimmwalt]

There's a lot of relevant information that isn't in the post be even going off of what is in the post OPs wife is a bit out of line. If the plan was agreed upon before hand, changing it like that to put a toddler into the hands of a new driver is irresponsible. Not only that but the op also offered a compromise that, at least on its surface, seems reasonable enough.

[@AndyyWithAY]

@@SilverstreamPJ28 you sound psychotic too and unhinged. Getting this triggered by a comment on a video, yikes 😳

[@strawberrysangria1474]

She sounds like a narcissist. Way to make her kid's special day all about her. No wonder mom and son have problems. Sounds like grandpa sees through her too. Girl can't put her petty in a box for 1 day, and it seems everyone's 100% done with her selfish crap.

[@stirrednotshaken4823]

Hell, I would have been ecstatic if someone gave my child a car. It just means they won’t be driving mine and me sitting at home wondering if it’s gonna come home in one piece! All new drivers will have a fender bender at some point. And what is sending one toddler with dad and son going to do for her when she has 3 other kids at home? I would have jumped on the offer of the next day and hightailed it out of the house, never to be heard from the rest of the day!

[@lorrainemontagnon1537]

I would get them an apartment and pay the deposit and 2'-3 months rent and tell them that is all you will do.

[@SilverstreamPJ28]

You're more generous than I am, I would've literally just done nothing. Not my circus not my monkeys.

[@fufufuaru]

he was warned. he deserved the stress. i feel bad for the kids.

[@echtemeid415]

Story 1 is frustrating to no end! OP was warned about it all, yet just let it happen and now everybody is suffering. Poor kiddos. All these kids are the victims of their parents being poor adults.

[@kizzykiz]

Story 1: there’s a fine line between supporting family members during a hard time and enabling their poor behavior. OP and his wife continued to enable the SIL by letting them stay with OP even after all the crap she put them through. I can understand maybe initially feeling bad for SIL and the kids, but after seeing SIL and her lack of effort nor care in improving her and her kids’ lives, I would’ve kicked them to the curb. I feel really bad for the kids though. No kid deserves deadbeat parents like that.

[@jennifersilves4195]

Doc with the Gila... The Gila is so cutems. "Hold on like a little bulldog". "I don't want to give him any lattitude".

[@Odd_Interaction]

S1: Air thieves are everywhere and it seems you have a pod of them. OP is NTA, the air thieves are just living life with absolutely no plan and no intention of ever bettering themselves.

[@BridgetKF]

That last story, I would sit her down, tell her that "No I'm not going to stop talking to my father, that being said, I realize you need a break" And then offer her an entire weekend to herself and take all of the kids and send her to a nice hotel with a spa for the weekend. And then, maybe, budget so it can become a thing every other weekend where she gets time off and you take the kids. The spa thing? Well, I'd budget for that about once every 3 months, if you can afford it, but take the kids every other weekend and give her a break.

[@AliceRinGameLand]

He did off ler to take the toddler to his work but not on his sons birthday. You are missing that she wanted this to happen on her son's birthday

[@19WolfGirl74]

We’ve been in a similar situation for the last 2 years until recently. The leech keeps trying to come back or burn the world with us. Yet he sees no problem with how he left things like we should just forgive and forget- owing us $15k between unpaid rent and borrowed money, and us having to clean the camper that HE trashed and left FILLED with human feces. It was so disgusting that after we cleaned it and there was no more food source the mice that had taken up residence moved into our house and some of the neighbors houses

[@VorenusXIII]

17:20 "Stop bothering me, woman." I like this guy. He knows how to shut down a troublemaker. OP needs to learn from his old man. The wife is the asshole. First she tried to sabotage her son's birthday, then she tried to give back the son's car, then insulted and harassed a man for giving her son a gift worth thousands of dollars. What exactly is her goal? To insult and make enemies out of everyone?

[@kazzuo32]

I have a friend thats ask me this. I told her I will let her and the kids not her husband he have to look where to live, she insisted and just repeat my self. She refused but force the husband to rent another apartment. Op shouldn't feel guilty, those people will drag your family to the ground and wont care.

[@donnalothes7085]

Someone else's crisis should never become an emergency for.

[@fhuber7507]

1... Just say no to letting the leaches move in. 4 1/2 years with FIL and they trashed his house. You expect them to treat you better? FIL probably quit (then said he lost his job) so he could move and be rid of the leaches.

[@amyyaku5022]

Reminds me of another reddit post about a couple taking in a recent divorced sister and her children. Her kids were also unruly and the sister ended up ruining their reputation in town , using most of their money, taking the wife's things and even turning their own child against them. Still, without them her and her kids would've been homeless and they would be considered cruel for not letting them in. I can't blame OP for doing what he did. It really is a "danged if you do danged if you don't" situation. S2: NTA. Six kids or not the wife is being selfish and ungrateful. I understand she wanted a break but it wasn't the time for that. Also, if a grandparent wants to spoil any of their grandkids then that's his choice (honestly I would've talked to her the same way for acting like a Karen 😂).

[@videofan1010]

Why do they feel so responsible for other people's bad choices?

[@lightsalt8530]

Story 1-This reminds me of an older movie called Madhouse

[@redconvoy]

Story 1: I've been through this with my own family. They do destroy your house and act very entitled. If you say anything, oh my God!

[@iononcantomascrivo]

This reminds me of a former friend of mine who wanted me to move in with her when she left her husband. Burying the lead here, she never left her husband, the kids grew up, cut contact and she has no relationship with them or her grandchildren. The story seems like what my life would have been if I had her for a roommate because she never lived with in her means. She always had her hair done, her nails done, a full pack of cigarettes and booze in the fridge but she never paid her bills on time. I mean, for God's sake it's pretty bad when you're so far behind on your auto insurance that your license get suspended but she still had fresh highlights. It's the important things that matter, right? On top of that, she never wore her seat belt while driving and got to click it ticket. Had the nerve to hit me up for money for it and I laughed in her face. The woman was a nutball.

[@leaflet1686]

Story 2: Old men used to call women as women. Deal with it and suck it up. Source: I am a woman. They say: "I love my woman", "Stop nagging me, woman", "Remember, I don't like Garlic, woman". It simply was like that. Also who the frick has 6 kids?

[@AngryReptileKeeper]

I refer to my boyfriend as "my man" and to myself as "his woman" all the time. Some people are actually offended by that? Also, yeah, who the f*ck has _6 kids?_ Any more than 3 is just seems gross and uncivilized to me. Like what are you, a feral cat?

[@leaflet1686]

@@AngryReptileKeeper Exactly! You may be called "my wife" or "wifey" so why is woman an issue? You ARE a woman! X'D And yes 6 kids is way to many... Ever read about condoms or pills?

[@nemanjajovanov]

Honestly, it's insane. Once you go past four and still don't think you should stop you lose the right to whine about 'me' time and shit like that.

[@leaflet1686]

Especialy if your kids are not raised right... Even a 3 year old can do tasks around th ehouse. Divide the tasks according to age and so you have 8 tasks doers. That should shorten the daily house keeping to maybe 30 minutes, depending on size of the house! I did the vacuuming, trash and laundry as a teen so I learned to do house tasks early, use my time efectively and my parents had all the time they wanted/needed. @@nemanjajovanov

[@broken_queer_but_fighting8589]

Hey you yes you, take a deep breath let it out slowly, and lower your shoulders. Know that you are important to someone even if you feel like no one loves you, guess what I do. I'm so proud of you being here. Thank you. Now make sure you take care of yourself and drink some water, eat something and take a stretch break.💜💜🤗🤗💜💜🤗🤗😊

[@telinhajp]

Happy weekend, Broken! ❤🤗

[@broken_queer_but_fighting8589]

@Telinha you too m8💜💜🤗🤗

[@Number-vt1fl]

Birds of a feather flock together. SIL and BIL are 2 peas in a pod.

[@hilarymurray8741]

First story NTA OP. DO NOT let the freeloader into your house or your house will no longer be your own. You could consider letting the SIL and kids stay for a defined time but not him. 2 issues immediately arise. 1) The SIL may be a hard worker, but you cannot look after her kids while she works as you are working and, if your wife does, you are both down her wage. Child care would have to be arranged and 2) she may acquire tenants rights if she stays over a certain time, a situation her husband will exploit to the max. Have to get legal advice beforehand. Sounds like they are heading for a shelter by the way her husband is behaving. Don't set yourself on fire to keep others warm though.

[@lucassandrimeneguetti6383]

The Repo Reaper is coming for that van 😈😈😈

[@joeschmo622]

_"Don't set yourself (or your whole family, including your own kids) on fire just to keep someone else warm."_ The Opie was an idiot for even letting them get a foot in the door. The SIL married a layabout, pooped out one kid, then pooped out 2 more?? She's a willing participant. And rules to keep in mind: If they stiff one landlord, they'll stiff you, too. If they trash someone else's house, they'll trash yours, too. If they can't be arsed to find jobs when somewhere else, they won't be arsed to find jobs when living with you, either. You. Will. Never. Get. Them. To. Willingly. Leave. Lesson learned. Hopefully.

[@treehouse2902]

1. Wow. Both the SIL and BIL are the issue too. There are long stay hotels as a great option Pay three months and let them save that three months to find an apartment. That's it.

[@GreenKnight1982]

For The Last Story the husband needs to sit the wife down with two business cards one for a marriage counselor the other for a divorce attorney and tell her it's her choice

[@missmax2492]

👏👏👏👏 Say it louder!

[@jameshutchinson2817]

Story 1 is exactly why they say don't set yourself on fire to keep others warm. While op and his family didn't get out unscathed, it really could have been much worse. I've seen 1st hand the resentment this scenario can cause between couples. Especially when one wants to eviect the others family but the partner unilaterally makes the decision to allow them to stay.

[@boneymeroney2674]

There was a story I read awhile ago...OP woke up one morning and realized all of his in laws were living on/in his property. It started with renters in a small detached home, and then the rest of the famn damily soon followed...😅

[@SilverstreamPJ28]

Story 1: This dude is an idiot for even letting these people move in. He should've never entertained his wife's bs. Edit: You feel guilty for being rid of them??? You should feel guilty for forcing your daughter to live in this dysfunctional stressful environment. If YOU needed antidepressants to deal with this situation, how do you think your CHILD was coping? I cannot STAND doormats, oh my f***ing god!!

[@yef122]

Story 1: never set yourself on fire to keep others warm. 🤦‍♀️

[@xirochamber5863]

Story 2: I am 100% in the belief that the first born should be basically be gifted more than the other children as they get older. I think that the first born should pass down the car to his siblings too. Everything he is given should be given to his siblings when he no longer needs a use for it.

[@1tiptip187]

The whole thing about being surprised of the extra expenses is something a lot of people don't realize. I was lucky to listen to people who learned this the hard way and notice the electricity when my brother moved in went up (he moved in as a room mate who helps with bills). I had a friend who kept couch surfing to not put up with her mom and was burning bridges. I refused to be on her monthly roster, partly as she wanted to run my brother off and move in with me and I knew her mom's "emotional abuse" was actually over her acting like a preteen when she was in her mid twenties. Someone who takes long showers, wants to feel up the big tub for every other day soaks, runs and charges extra electronics and doesn't leave the thermostat alone can really knock the price up.

[@jennilynne1977]

I hope everyone is having a great day/afternoon/night! Peace ☮️, hugs 🤗 and love 😘!

[@naturalPaths]

Story re: car. Seems to me OP’s oldest child is going to end up helping to drive all those siblings around. Even the wife gets a win on that one.

[@whimsicaltitan]

Story 1: Idk how they lasted that long 😂 I would have cracked on week 1 😂

[@srideout91]

I have absolutely no sympathy for Opie and his wife. They gave sister-in-law way too many chances, and instead of enforcing the rules, they let her walk all over them like doormats. And as a result, their house is destroyed. Sister-in-law is in the wrong obviously, but they are also at fault for not having a backbone. I have no sympathy for them.

[@AngelaMerici12]

Same. Was pretty hard for me to feel any kind of sympathy for them. They let it happened even though reddit warned them about it.

[@Batman-lg2zj]

Y’all just have a lack of empathy .

[@PrincessQ-fj9ly]

​@@Batman-lg2zj It's not that. Everyone has sympathy for the poor children who are the biggest losers in this situation. As for OP and his wife, they were warned not to do it, but they did so anyway. I'm afraid this IS on them. They should've listened.

[@shellchenonceau6987]

The Dave Ramsey money advice youtube show has rge best advice fir deadbeat relatives

[@gilliancourtney4701]

And it wasn't like anyone was advising him to let them stay - on the contrary, EVERYONE told him to not do it!

[@broken_queer_but_fighting8589]

Hey can you take care of yourself? Just do one small thing that will make yourself happy. And if you feel like you can do more, please stretch, drink some water, and eat something. You matter so much. I send all the virtual love. 💜💜🤗🤗💜💜🤗🤗

[@PuppyKatt]

Story 1: They have to leech off of someone else. Sorry to say this, but you have to exercise tough love and kick them to the curb. If SIL wants her deadbeat husband with her, then she will have to gather her kids and belongings and go to him NOW before you lose your wife and child and your sanity.

[@stevebanner5609]

Story 1 part 2: I NEVER expected SIL to be a barnacle too, just goes to show you that her hubs taught her well. I hope the FIL has good insurance on his home SIL is moving in to…

[@JJerseyGirl]

OP do not set yourself on fire to keep others warm.

[@kronos0316]

I have a friend move his cousin and his family in. It only took the cousin one hour to complain. They where complaining that all he had in the house was coffee and 2 coffee mugs. The cousin really thought that my friend was going to feed him and his family. My friend told him he didn't cook thats why there is only coffee and that him and his family are not his children he will never feed adults.

[@AraAra6367]

OP1’s in-laws have a long track record of being unable to sustain themselves but he was awfully optimistic about them picking themselves up.

[@TheIronwil]

Story 1: OP should feel guilty for allowing his children to be subjected to these people for months.

[@air8015]

Story 1: As soon as the woman started complaining I would've been like, "Alright you can leave with the kids to join your husband if you're not going to take bettering yourself seriously." I'm petty I guess, but I've been wronged too many times and I'm not about to pour my effort to someone who wants to blame everyone but the ACTUAL people who got them into this mess, themselves.

[@shebakoby]

story 1: OP's SiL and BiL both sound like Clusters of Bees (could be some other mental illness going on there, like bipolar, but it's hard to say).