My ROCD Story

[@christinas.3461]

I can’t believe I’m not crazy. Thank you so fucking much, i feel so much less alone.

[@jazzminlauren]

Yay! So happy I could help. You'll get through this!

[@vesiradkova6253]

Omg thank you so much. I have been struggling with ROCD for the last year. My bf and I have been together for a couple of years and honestly I have watched so many videos about ROCD but this one was the winner for me. I related to every single word you said. I was so depressed because I knew how much I love him yet my brain was saying otherwise and I was just so confused and scared. To whoever is reading this comment OCD hangs onto the things you love the most. It gets so much better just don’t give up. You are not alone and you are so so strong. And if you are here then best believe that you do love your partner and your relationship. ❤️

[@bethrutherford95]

Do you still have moments where you doubt you even have ROCD? That you're making it up to avoid the uncomfortable truth of having to break up? That you're lying to yourself? These seem to be pretty common thoughts of mine. Appreciate the video, hope you continue to feel better x

[@laural4879]

I can totally relate to this !

[@christinas.3461]

Beth Rutherford I have pretty severe ROCD/OCD and I definitely experience this. I realize these thoughts are rooted in fear. Real intuition should not feel panicky. “Listening to intuition” can be a HUGE trigger for me and I have learned to recognize that there are different kinds of intuition and not every thought or feeling I have is productive or healthy for me or my partner. Ask yourself if you find these thoughts to feel more intrusive/anxiety-filled than anything else. But don’t become obsessive over thinking about that either (From experience)! I hope this helps at least somewhat.

[@jazzminlauren]

Hi Beth! That question is the million dollar question! No matter what, It will always be there somewhat nagging at you. If it's giving you an intense amount of anxiety, especially if it's interfering with your every day life, than I feel confident that it's not just simply "relationship doubts". Essentially, every person has these thoughts! Even ones that truly LOVE their partners! It's our reaction to the thoughts that stirs up the anxiety. The more questions you ask, the more you'll doubt your answers and thus the cycle starts. Sheryl Paul has a few blog posts on Conscious Transitions that discuss the feeling of "lying" when you say you are in love. I'd highly recommend reading it!

[@jazzminlauren]

@@christinas.3461 Such good advice, Christina! It's true! Intuition doesn't have that sense of urgency!

[@bethrutherford95]

Thank you so much Jazzmin for responding, and congratulations on your engagement.

[@joannaschluff810]

I Think there is a spiritual element to this. That tries to break apart the purest relationships that have that true love. I can tell she is so in love and they just seem so good for each other. That’s what the world needs, is some solid love...nothing dark would want that to happen. I know we don’t all believe the same things, but for those that also have thought this, maybe you can relate to me on this suspicion. I can’t help but notice that it’s always the most solid and in love couples who are attacked like this. I say this from my own experience as well. When I had ROCD symptoms, I just knew something wasn’t right. It was literally the WORST state of panic I’ve ever felt. Now I’ve felt this before, I had compulsive confessions from 9-12 that showed up again later in ROCD at 25. How I conquered it? When I was young, instead of confessing my guilt, I would write down something I love about myself, or something I accomplished, or even a positive quote I came up with in the moment. I started doing the EXACT opposite thing that the compulsion wanted me to do. OCD wants me to confess? Well I’ll go secretly write down things I love about myself and things that make me happy. One entry per thought. That worked for me then. I brought the book out again for ROCD recently and it’s working great for me once again. And as I write I just know it will go away in time just like it did when I was 12. Just a personal tip from my experience that may help someone along with my thoughts on this! Again, all personal experience. I found a lot of correlations between my experience and what she described in this video - helped me a lot. She’s spot on “don’t give the actual thought the time.” She’s so inspiring and so is her true love.

[@ViNtAgELovv11]

Confessional OCD? I've never heard of that, but thats something I experienced as a kid and still do...its like I need to confess something (minor) that I feel will make me a bad person if I do not. And it eats at me...

[@villelaukkanen3294]

Beautiful comment 💓

[@reyesrodriguez4360]

My current partner has ROCD and I am here because I want to help him and support him, I do not want our beautiful relationship to come to an end. He's been going through all of these things you've described (or most of them) but we love each other so deeply that I am willing to help him and understand him. Such a great video with very valuable information. People with OCD happen to be really strong and if we're around these people we should give them a hand, especially if we love them as much as I love my partner. Thanks!

[@virginiagutierrez1758]

God bless your beautiful soul

[@aguy559]

I hope things got better for you.

[@mariavaz7067]

hey! I wonder how you've been doing! I dealt with ROCD in my past relationship, and I bring an advice to you. I've also always been honest with my ex-partner about ALL of my doubts. All of them. Maybe more than I should have. He was sometimes hurt, but even so, he would be understanding. Sometimes it would be doubts, but sometimes, I'd legit think he was all kinds of a bad person. I guess that's part of the sabotage. Even so, he would try to be understanding and patient and then ease my thoughts, mentioning my "relationship anxiety" (I didn't know about ROCD, so I thought it was a FA attachment style).. BUT, from my point of view, that would just devalue my feelings and gaslight me into being okay with him, changing my reality of thoughts... And at a point, I started not trusting his words at all and whenever he tried to help me, I'd not take it, because I though he was being manipulative. Now I realize he was just trying to help me, although in a very wrong way, because intrusive thoughts, despite irrational, are still our reality, and no one can shape your reality instead of you. I think the best way to help is to make a few questions that you know might have a positive answer. By that, you'll bring positive memories to hopefully overshadow their negative and very loud ones. Or maybe talk about something they're passionate about! The first time I had ROCD, I just became distant for 2 hours in the middle of the date. He understood I wasn't ok to talk, so he just said "hey, let's just sit down and watch cat videos!", and we did for another 30 mins until I calmed down. That was very meaningful to me because he didn't pressure me, he didn't abandon me, he just waited. There's another friend of mine I'm pretty sure she also has ROCD too, and she criticizes my ex for trying to ease my thoughts too. She says that her ex had the perfect outcome whenever she said she doubted her feelings. He would just say "okay, so tell me when you're sure again. I'll wait"... I'm not sure this would work perfectly for me, because it still sounds a bit passive-aggressive and I would feel bad for making him distance himself from me. I think the cat videos, or something distracting are still a better strategy. These are all my inputs. I wish you and your partner all your best luck!

[@user-vk7oj2qj5i]

Google is my favorite worst enemy...but hey I found your video. My anxiety and thoughts increase around my period and big changes. Aka like right now we are moving and it’s constant

[@jazzminlauren]

Samantha Hill I’m the same way! Physical triggers, such as hormones, alcohol, caffeine, sleep etc can have a strong affect on how intense your intrusive thoughts are. Generally, any life stressors will stir negative feelings up. Hang in there! ❤️

[@joannaschluff810]

Girl same!! Haha

[@marcyzombie]

My symptoms also increase around my period !!! And also my boyfriend and I are getting married and my bridal shower is 2 weeks away. I was suffering with pocd and that kind of became dormant but now I feel like it’s evolved into ROCD. I feel like I’m going through it all over again. The anxiety chest feeling, being super emotional , wanting to breakdown, wanting to seek re assurance. It’s the worst.

[@kyleehokenson6942]

Omg, it’s always my periods that makes these thoughts occur 10times more than normal and I thought I was crazy!

[@Ali-lw1toc]

Sounds like some of you may have PMDD

[@kelseydavis-roberts7473]

Love this. I’ve been struggling for rOCD for 6 months and just got engaged! ROCD has made it difficult to enjoy being newly engaged and planning towards our wedding in June but this video is another reminder to keep moving forward 💗 thank you for this.

[@gilmoregirls1606]

Kelsey Davis I am in the same place at you! Just got engaged and still struggling with ROCD which I just want to get past! Let me know if you want to talk and share stories/share advice!

[@jazzminlauren]

Big changes will always trigger up more intrusive thoughts. Be ready to brace the wave of emotions. You can do this!

[@katyd7626]

Kelsey hey I suffer from rocd and it takes away any enjoyment

[@trishnegrete309]

I just watched your wedding video. I had tears of hope imagining my future day. Thank you for reminding me we can all get through rocd.

[@kirakeynow]

congratulations!!

[@swetatries]

Thank God I found you. These thoughts finally got name. I was feeling so guilty for having this thought because I love her a lot.

[@dianacortes5337]

You literally saved me. Even when I knew I’m going through this fu**g sh***t listening to the whole video just gave me a relief, because it’s like I feel you. The difference is that I’m getting crazy every day a little bit more. The more I have the thoughts the less I want to leave him, but at the same time the most frustrated I feel. I cry almost three to five times a day and I feel a complete sorrow inside. My love story is the prettiest I’ve ever know, my love is the best person I’ve ever met in my life and I just feel like life it’s unfair. I had a lot of past desastre relationships, full of humillation, and bad things that I don’t even like to remember. But the only person I met that is totally worth to spend all with, is with the one I feel this. And kills me inside, every second kills me more. I’m seeing therapists but still can’t figure out how to get rid of this. I want to love him in a healthy way, he doesn’t deserve less

[@mr.krabbskrabbypatty8342]

I began noticing that I was getting doubts and intrusive thoughts about my boyfriend and I about 2 months ago. It’s gotten worse and it’s so frustrating that I can’t figure out what the problem is at all. I love him so much and I absolutely love being with him and spending time with him but I get intrusive thoughts every single day and I can’t escape it. It sits so heavy on me and I feel terrible that I feel this way about a relationship that is so good. How are you doing now with this? I see your comment was 2 years ago

[@broojie8191]

I’ve had ROCD for almost 2 years now, my boyfriend and I’s second anniversary is in 6 days and I also struggle with HOCD. Thank you for sharing your story ❤️

[@aliceventuri9167]

I've had HOCD and now I'm struggling with ROCD!Take care!If you need help I'm here💖

[@Nix-dw5sm]

I also struggle with HOCD and ROCD! Hope you're doing well ❤️

[@tinaxvp]

What is HOCD?

[@lindseykuehn7473]

same here! ❤️

[@sharmila7654]

Same here too!! ❤️

[@ManTownProductions]

I’m in the midst of ROCD, and you hit every nail on the head with this video. Definitely a great starting point for people to begin recovery. Thanks for posting!

[@idk-ul1ob]

R u ok now?

[@ManTownProductions]

@@idk-ul1ob doing much much better. there is hope, but you must do the recovery work.

[@ManTownProductions]

@@idk-ul1ob and for the record, I married her this past October ;)

[@Nickvdb93]

I'm listening this one week after my girlfriend broke up with me. She is diagnosed OCD and follows e-v-e-r-y single pattern I have researched and heard you talk about. We were together for 4 months and the feeling was so insanely strong I couldn't think anything but us being actual soulmates. Suddenly she started becoming distant, but we had an unbelievable last day where she wasn't having these obsessive thoughts, full full full of love. Then the day after she shut me out completely. I'm really interested in psychology and mental ilnesses. Also to cope with the heartbreak, I notice research helps me understand. I literally watched hours of videos and this one is the one that stands out the most. I'm really glad for you you managed to realise before it was too late. I love her to death and all I can wish for is that she sees this video. Sadly it isn't my place to send it to her. Thanks for sharing your story, it changed a lot for me.

[@michh99]

I thought I was crazy because I also have those moments when I felt I was in love and happy! But it was just for one day or hours.. I thought I was crazy because it sounds impossible that from nowhere you feel different and later you came again with all the things in your head

[@Phoebe907]

I just learned about this yesterday through one of my countless, obsessive compulsive google searches. I feel SO relieved having learned that this is a thing, because I’ve been struggling with these obsessive thoughts for a very long time with my boyfriend. I saw a therapist because of these obsessive thoughts, but she suggested that maybe I should leave my boyfriend if I’m having these thoughts. I didn’t like this advice, so I stopped seeing her. I have dated a few men before, but this is my first long term relationship, but I have noticed it’s a pattern with every partner I’m with, there always comes a time where I think “there might be someone better waiting for me.” Or, “I’m too young to be in a relationship like this.” Or like yours, “I need to find myself,” (eat pray love style.) I also wonder how much of this is cultural. It seems the younger generations might fall pray to this kind of illness more easily. With movies like eat, pray love, or glamorizing being single and having sex with loads of men, or having social media to compare the “perfect” relationships your friends have, etc, etc. Anyway, this video has been incredibly helpful for me. Thank you thank you thank you 🙏🏼

[@Sara-zw8cy]

Exact same situation......feel you

[@dolores9886]

Same..

[@tiffanyliranzo7187]

Girl I feel you!! How are you doing now??

[@CL9193]

You do not understand HOW much your video has helped me. Not because you're feeding into my compulsion, but because I can show this to my mom and have her understand what this is. I've always been a very anxious person, but have ALWAYS been able to fight it myself. Until college, I went through 3 bouts of depression, to the point where I could not leave my room. This is very hard for people to understand or comprehend because everyone knows me as being a very bubbly, happy person. But depression and OCD and anxiety for highly functioning individuals is such a struggle because it's hard to show people you are going through it since they don't see it. My ocd is definitely pureO. Because it's all mental. The constant questionin, ruminating, etc. Everything you've said in this video is ME. Thank you for being so informed and positive and real. We can do this ❤️❤️❤️

[@tiffanyliranzo7187]

How are you doing now?

[@salisanti]

I appreciate your video so much. I am constantly crying over some anxiety filled feeling. My "new" relationship anxiety is that I'm possibly getting bored of my relationship. Its horrible because I love him to death but I cant seem to shake this TORTUOUS feeling. The last thing I want to do is break up but sometimes I feel like I just want this anxiety to go away forever. I need desperately need help because when a new wave of relationship anxiety comes I become depressed and feel sick. I just want a confirmation that it's okay to feel this way and that it doesnt mean that you have to break up when you dont want to. Anyone who didnt have this problem would just find something to spice up the relationship and move on and forget the fear but here I am obsessing over it to the point that i feel like throwing up and questioning every thought to death!

[@jazzminlauren]

Totally normal! Sometimes we feel this urge to leave our partners not because we don't love them, but simply because we want relief from the anxiety! Once you realize the anxiety is stemming from your intrusive thoughts and not your partner, you'll begin the process of healing.

[@themadmattster9647]

wow that explains last week for me. I was ignoring my partner, and felt relief thinking that we may be breaking up. I don't even see her that often!

[@pixie4536]

The whole time watching this I was like “Omg! I’m not the only one!”

[@georgiacraffey9441]

I also struggle with ROCD/HOCD and watching this and reading all the comments helps me feel less alone in this situation. I’ve tried therapy once but the therapist didn’t have enough knowledge on my condition and only managed to make it worse- constantly encouraging that my boyfriend WAS the problem and that I SHOULD break up with him. You can imagine how long it took me to get a grip on myself especially with HOCD constantly buzzing in the background as well.

[@adriaminton]

I’m going through this exact same thing rn. I’ve been so lost and confused for the past two months about why I was feeling this way and having these thoughts and I’m just figuring out it’s ROCD. Thank you for this video it rlly resonates w me!!

[@kaitlyn415]

I am currently going through this, the man im with is amazing but i think im not in love because i "dont feel anything" but i realized its just my ocd and i understand now that its my anxiwety so thank you! :)

[@_NoraCatFGC_]

It is nice to remember the time before my ROCD. The only way i'll ever feel it again, is in a memory

[@Rushdia-di5by]

Same, how are you now?

[@juliannes9390]

i’m so happy that i’m not alone!! i’m 17 and my boyfriend and i have been together since we were both 15, almost 2 years. about 5 months ago when i was talking with my mom she said “you’re gonna have a lot of boyfriends as you grow up” and the next day is when the obsessive thoughts started. my boyfriend is the best person i’ve ever met, he always puts me first, he’s there for me all the time and is just everything i want in a partner. i told him about the thoughts and that they were about him and he’s still with me, he has helped me through everything and i’m so happy he does. i was experiencing the EXACT same thoughts as you!!! everyday when i wake up the thoughts start and theyre there all day until i fall asleep. i see a therapist and she helps me a lot! i’m so happy i have such an amazing, supportive boyfriend who has been helping me through this.

[@jordynt6270]

how r things now

[@juliannes9390]

@@jordynt6270 LMFAO i broke up w him last year bc i realized i actually just didn’t have feelings for him anymore but now i have a boyfriend who is 10x the man my ex was

[@sanityisnotstatistical5912]

Sheryl Paul is amazing I go to her stuff too when my rocd is really bad.Rocd is a very painful disorder and I hate it but seeing other people experience it helps me realise I'm not the only one

[@fobluv2011]

I have severe ocd and its focused on ROCD and hearing you explain the feeling you got when your thoughts came is exactly what I've been going through. My fiance has been patient and I am trying to fight but this is hard when all the professionals cost just too much to get help.

[@CherryCoke550]

Yesterday I had a strange dream, I woke up being in fear in instant and immediately asked questions to myself "do i love him?" And this is horrible, because how is it even possible that I could not love person about which I was thinking so warm and I was so happy before I fall asleep just last night. I told my boyfriend about it, we are in long distance relationship so it makes things even harder, but he will always help me when I need it. Maybe its a little better than it was yesterday, but these things are in my head all the time, if i really love him, I start to cry, I feel like I can't eat, I can't really think about something else now. I did not know that even small trigger can start something like this, when I was totally happy and fine the day before... I had obsessive thoughts in the past also, but not about my love, so this is just next level of what I had... Thank you so much for this video, when I hear your story I know I am not alone in this, also when I read comments I see people are struggling with many faces of this problem.

[@wisdomofanxiety]

Thank you for the link to my work, Jazzmin. Blessings to you. x

[@catherinehart3775]

Thank you SO much for sharing the story. It took me years to realize I have ROCD and it’s still a battle sometimes but the suffering has been way reduced because of the tools I now have. Thank you for the recommendation of Stuart Ralph and thank you for so much for your vulnerability in this video. It helped me so much. Love and light to you!!

[@jazzminlauren]

So happy I could help!

[@juliewildeman3731]

Can you share some of your tools? I am new to ROCD (as a concept) but have struggled with it for some time.

[@jazzminlauren]

@@juliewildeman3731 I'll be filming a video soon on my ROCD tool kit! Stay tuned! xoxo

[@nikisoul]

Dearest Jazzmin, thank you so much for your honesty and bravery. I was literally sobbing through this video. I'm talking ugly cry, girl. So much of what you said struck deep within me. I think ROCD has always been lingering in my past relationships but it did not rear its ugly head until my present one. I have been struggling with this since the start of my wonderful, almost 3yr relationship. I have never decided to break up because I try to be rational and my hubby is literally the most amazing man I have ever met and he works so hard to make our LDR work. We are coming to the point of engagement and this is scaring the hell out of me and having me question my love for him constantly. I want you to know your video (as well as all these beautiful people's comments) have helped me so much and reminded me to take things one day at a time. Wishing you the best 🌼

[@tiffanyliranzo7187]

That’s totally normal :)! How are you now?

[@alourajane5702]

Thank god I found you. The excessive googling, the constant worrying that you don’t love them how you do. It’s so miserable and terrifying. I’m so glad I’m not alone.

[@Mayhem5417]

okay wow i just watched all of this, and you have the closest symptoms that i have than anyone else ive seen on youtube. I want to get better., I want to be able to have a relationship and be happy.

[@kamaca1219]

Thank you SO MUCH for this video. I’m suffering right now, have been for 5 months, and recently found out about ROCD. It’s a horrible HORRIBLE disease

[@jazzminlauren]

It truly is. Hang in there, Katie!

[@mariepayraud7788]

It messed up my last relationship. At that time I didn’t know it was ROCD. Up until a few weeks ago, I believed it was just anxiety or something was deeply wrong with me.. Now I realized it was ROCD. I also recently struggled with HOCD and intrusive thoughts around incest. I feel relieved to know I am not crazy and there is hope. 👍🏼

[@ifatima948]

You are not alone. I have been through this lately. You know getting too attached, thinking of so many whatifs, and wanting to cut it off because it only seemed overwhelming. Now that I put a name for it, I'm way more happy and satisfied!

[@enkarehousedesigns148]

I have a different form of OCD, and I can relate 100% to what you are saying. There's nothing worse than not being able to trust your own mind, and that's what happens when someone tries to "debate" with OCD. I wish you all the best.

[@Elmer1953]

“Body in hot wax” yep, that’s what that feeling is, I could never find the words for it 😅

[@KenKen-hl3gr]

Ever since I found this video everything in my head has become clearer. The thoughts I had about my boyfriend would make me physically nauseous and would make me break down and cry. You don’t know how much this helped❤️

[@tiffanyliranzo7187]

Girl you are not alone !! How are you doing now?

[@jocelynem96]

So glad I came on KZbin instead of non stop searching on Google. Thank you thank you for sharing this with us.

[@annagorbatoff8716]

I have had ROCD for 8 months now and just got engaged! You’ve hit all of the feelings right on, but there is HOPE. The less attention we give the ocd bully the more strength we have. Thanks for being vulnerable ❤️!

[@dodoismus369]

I used to also wonder if I would recognize my OCD from my real gut feeling if something was actually wrong. And then I remembered the time when I was collaborating with actually manipulative person and my body was telling me that this person is not a good person. And yes, the feeling for me was completely different. For me, OCD is mainly in my head but the actual gut feeling is in my stomach and gut. Everyone can experience it differently, but for me personally there's a difference. So I hope that if something was actually wrong, I would be able to recognize it. :)

[@twilightlover2443]

I relate to literally every second of this every step is what I experienced. When it first all hits at once it is the scariest thing to ever experience in life. Especially when the intrusive thoughts go darker than your relationship. But it is a lot more draining when it picks at the most important thing to you- your love:(

[@evelynmary5050]

Girl!! I can relate SO MUCH. Even though I have religious ocd. I think that no matter what is the main theme of ocd (relations, religion, etc) it all feels probably the same. Ocd basically takes what's the most important for you and turn this into a nightmare. I wish you are so much better now 🧡

[@leenbee17]

What is religious OCD?

[@evelynmary5050]

@@leenbee17 It's the kind of ocd in which you constantly worry about sinning (that was my case). But for other ppl it can also be intrusive profane thoughts, constantly repeting prayers (bc you worry you didn't do this well enough)

[@sidneyn1366]

"or I'll always feel anxious" EXACTY that. the scariest feeling

[@marlene18g]

I cried almost the entire time I feel like I’m not alone ,but this made me feel hopeful all at the same time thank you.

[@nataleighelizabeth2401]

I’ve suffered from OCD for a year and right before my boyfriend and I moved to another state, I started having ROCD. It started when my boyfriend asked “why do you love me” and because I didn’t have an immediate answer I freaked out even though I know I love him deeply. I started asking people at work about love and things like that. On the road trip up to the new state is when I found out about ROCD. Since then it’s just been research

[@chiledawgg]

First off I totally love your personality and subbed right in the middle of this video :) Secondly, we’ve had a lot of similar intrusive thoughts. I’ve been suffering from ROCD since 2012 (when I was 15 years old!) Around that time I could find absolutely no information on it. I’m so glad this community has built up online, especially on KZbin. Thank you for this lovely video!

[@itstiaamia]

I know I’m 2 years late but I’ve recently discovered that this is something that I may have. After watching your video I’m now 100% sure. Thank you for making this, you have no idea how much it has comforted me knowing I’m not the only one who feels this way and that there is help ❤️

[@mariea.1015]

Same! Discovered that just a few weeks ago!

[@adammillest3518]

Very brave and very helpful, thank you Jazzmin. I've been struggling with rOCD for many many years, and it wasn't until I found Stuart Ralph's video (because my mum worked with his girlfriend!) that I realised what it was. I found it really hard to commit to relationships as I would always question them, and buy into those thoughts too easily, and so end the relationship prematurely. With a mixture of reading on the subject and having therapy sessions, I am beginning to move past it, and recently got engaged to my wonderful girlfriend. It is still an issue for me, but I hope to continue to progress in my recovery. It's really comforting hearing someone talking so openly about exactly the same sort of experiences that I have had, so thank you very much. I'm glad that you are in a good place with it now. All the best, Adam

[@daffodill90]

Thank you so much for sharing about your experiences and your recovery journey. I have recently been diagnosed with OCD and I know it's ROCD because that's all I ever think about :/. I really want to get better but know it's not a straight line to recovery but much rather a very topsy turvy squiggly line. We're in this together!

[@laural4879]

Thank you so much for this video. Lately I've been struggling and it is really hard because every time I feel relieved I instantly forget how hard it is to deal with the thoughts and the anxiety

[@elaknapp6346]

i’ve literally never felt more understood.

[@whitneyferris4918]

I am so happy that someone spoke out about this I struggle with rocd real bad and it’s been getting worse lately don’t really know what to do

[@ahhscarygames]

I failed. And I lost my girlfriend a year ago because of ROCD. Today is the first time I have ever heard of this term. I wish I would have found this about two years ago. I feel bad because from my ex girlfriends perspective, I broke up with her for know reason and I didn't know why I broke up with her. I just felt trapped and unhappy even though everything was great with our relationship. I questioned whether I truly loved her. And I felt relief when I was out of the relationship but then I started missing her.

[@adamarmstrong9408]

Tyler Nance I’ve had exactly the same experience, and have always been single because of my rocd ,every time I get close to someone I start feeling trapped and the feeling of dread in my stomach, I’ve had ocd all my life and didn’t know about rocd, so another hurdle to get over ,hopefully we can all get through it!

[@Caramelavocadiatto]

My ROCD started a week prior to meeting my online boyfriend for the first time and literally every sensation you described with the emptiness, the urge to break up everyday was spiraling so badly. Our entire Vacation became a traumatic memory for me to remember because through out all of it, I couldn’t feel a thing and that made me panick, feel like my standard are too high, doubt if I’m rly a committed person, and just made wanna cry it all out but I went through all of it without even having him notice. 7 months later now he’s visiting again this upcoming week and I couldn’t be more anxious but I am comfortable with accepting that maybe or maybe not it might not be perfect but rather I see it as an opportunity to do major ERP. I’m still having the thoughts, the worry, the occasional feelings of emptiness, but now I have more hope every since I found myself to be correlated with this disorder. This video continues to remind me that I’m alone and I always go back to it to remind myself Thank you so much for sharing your story!💗

[@CherryStawberry]

YES, YES, YES! I absolutely love this! I have childhood traumas and ROCD/HOCD. So super fun. But I am going trought Sherly's course for the second time and have an therapist with whom I work regarding my traumas and who understands anxiety/intrusive toughts. So I am hanging in there! But let me tell you, if you meet an uneducated therapist it can worsen OCD/anxiety. I had this misfortune only a couple of weeks ago.

[@wickedlychilllifeenthusias3866]

*I have to find myself or I will be anxious forever* the feelz

[@annibananii8206]

You are so incredibly BRAVE! Thank you for being vulnerable to help the rest of us better understand our own ROCD struggles. Just wanted to tell you that. 😊

[@Kat-z3b]

I have felt so relieved since i found out about ROCD tonight. The possibility that nothing is actually wrong in my relationships is such a relief. That my thoughts might all not be true. Every thought you mention I have had. I have ruined relationships many times with this.

[@azz75sl]

Look into ERP therapy. Exposure and response prevention. I’m here after my OCD picked up the relationship theme but I was bad off with checking and ruminating about ppls safety. I was having to spend over two hours a night and over an hour every day before work or leaving to the store locking up and had to record it all so I’d know for sure I did it. I spent like 5 minutes a day, once a day now. I’ve lost friends because I couldn’t stop calling and texting them compulsively asking for reassurance that they were safe. I don’t act that way anymore. There’s help out there. If you feel like OCD is what is happening you should try to get a diagnosis. The sooner you get help the better. It progresses.

[@dinosuarzr0ck827]

The thing I keep telling myself is "if it's not meant to be, it will not be", I have huge anxiety about "wasting my time" Thank you for your videos!!

[@tim_ashton]

Made my day listening to this because I’m going through the same thing and it’s heartbreaking- it will sometimes feel so so real and it really is excruciating 🙁 hope you’re doing well and I feel the same I love my partner so so much and yet I have these thoughts. I’m currently on sertraline (Zoloft) and they’re helping but I’ve got a while until they truly kick in xx

[@pauldevera2840]

Thank you ! You describe it so well!! Especially the gut feeling! I’ve never heard it described as clear as you have done. This illness is so tricky. Thank you again You give me hope.

[@selenefirme3626]

I have ROCD A and B! 😭😭😭 Thank you for this. Gives me hope....

[@hannahpettit7211]

Everything you are saying in this video I am going through right now. I am going through a break with my boyfriend right now after having this constant anxiety that he is not the one for me. I felt physically sick, I couldn't eat, I could sleep, I was weeping all the time and couldn't focus on my work. Thinking about talking to him about how I felt made me shake and sob but once I broke things off I felt relieved that I no longer felt the anxiety of telling him. I feel utterly sad though. Everything that reminds me of him makes me feel a deep emptiness and sadness and I feel incomplete without him and it's only been a day. I just tonight learned about ROCD and everything makes so much sense now. Thank you for sharing your story it has really helped me a whole lot. I know it is hard to share these feelings, especially online.

[@blakekinseyfilms]

Just found this. In the thick of it right now. I've also been with my partner since just after we graduated high school, and your story has lots of parallels with mine. Thank you for this.

[@elliskillick8342]

my stories over. i haven’t beaten it but they gave up on me. the stress was too much for them and they got with a mentally stable friend of mine

[@bakedmoments6959]

Sorry you went through this. This seems so hard to go through :( I agree with the point you made as in the hardest the thing to do is to convince people how misreable you are so they can believe you when you say you have a mental disorder (ocd). I finally opened up to my friends and my boyfriend about my ocd (not rocd but the jealousy, scared, fearful) kind. I found myself explaining myself over and over, as in there was no way I had ocd in their mind and therapy is not meant for me. I felt alienated and alone. So thank you for sharing this video

[@trevorcurrence6580]

Thank you so so much for making this video and sharing your experience with this all and for you to go and explain you reasonings behind it all and I’m just forever thankful for you to share your perspective about it and it has really helped me with my thoughts and understanding I am not alone! I have the best girlfriend ever that is supportive of it all and knows that everything is ok and I’m just blessed to have my girlfriend come across this and show it to me

[@erinmourtoupalas4112]

❤️❤️ Yes, I am forever thankful to have found your channel. This is the most educational and supportive video I have ever seen on KZbin. It is a true blessing that my boyfriend and I can finally understand these thoughts and that there is a name that fits the symptoms. I’m finally not afraid of these thoughts anymore because I know I’m not alone. And I know that my boyfriend loves me. And to anyone out there who has a partner that is suffering, just know that they are in your life for a reason and do not give up on them if you love them. God bless you Jazzmin for being so brave. People like you make the world a better place thank you so much.

[@laylaharrell8778]

You don’t know how much this has helped me, thank u

[@troublesmyths]

Thank you so much for sharing. I think I may be suffering from ROCD as well. This is a relatively new thing for me. (Last 10 months.) Mine started when my boyfriend cheated on me. My whole confidence and trust was destroyed. I already have OCD and now my thoughts are constant and painful. I feel like my emotions are on the surface at all times and I'm at the point of tears every moment. A lot of what you described is how I am feeling and thinking. Thank you again for sharing.

[@kikivet640]

My story is so similar to yours. First I was scared to sleep and was shaking all night. Then I got scared of not thinking and being filled with anxiety every day and thought I had found my answer which was I had to leave. Nobody really understands tho but my boyfriend is the best and helps me so much. I have been with him for almost four years and these thoughts started in januari of 2020. My biggest fear is that I am just out of the "honeywood" fase and this is just how every relationship is after a while or even that I was just not in love anymore. Things I can't control basically. I NEVER questioned my feelings for him. Our relationship was at its best and I was too (mentally) when the ROCD hit me. I am taking ritalin for my ADD and that helped me a bit to calm me on a daily basis. But I am still obsessing about not feeling the anxiety as much anymore and just feeling empty and not connected to my boyfriend. I have had other forms of OCD like skin picking (still have) and sexual ocd before having ROCD. I had these for a year. It shifts into different ocd thoughs every time. Right now I have of course ROCD and obsession with losing weight. Isolation is killing too because all the thoughts are making me crazy. I know my boyfriend is my everything and that is why I am so filled with anxiety of losing it. I just so badly want to feel what I felt just a couple of months ago...

[@HM-fb7sq]

Hi Kiki, how are you feeling now? I feel very similair to you, been going through this since January :(

[@tayasharp8430]

I appreciate you sharing your story Jazzmin. Some of us have come to realize that mental issues have made their way into our lives, I've struggled with a ton of anxiety since I've become an adult and it's nice to know that I'm not alone or I'm not the only one going through things. Everyone has their own struggles and your amazing girl for sharing your story and overcoming what you have so far. I look forward to future videos from you about this topic. Thank you for sharing Jazzmin!

[@Indis_world]

The amount of times this video had made me want to cry due to feeling seen🥹 thank you

[@mr.krabbskrabbypatty8342]

I feel so understood. Thank you. This has been just eating me up.

[@nicolewatson609]

I’m so glad I found this! Would really like to hear someone’s opinion or just know I’m not alone ♥️ I have a past of 2 very toxic relationships where the guys were very bad to me (i know i shouldn’t of stayed) . For the first time I am with someone who is AMAZING. I mean if I could draw a perfect person for me the man I am with is who it would be. But about 3 months into the relationship (we’ve only been together 6 now) I started having these thoughts and I have no idea where they came from. I love him so much and do not want to lose him AT ALL. I found after my toxic relationships I’ve been focused on finding “the one” and broke it off with 3 other people before this for very dumb reasons but basically looking for perfection. But I just have this amazing person now and don’t know why I’m doubting him in this way but didn’t with my exes that were awful to me

[@carlotabevia4193]

Hello Nicole! First of all YANA (you are not alone). I was in an awful relationship for 3 years (15-18) and I continued to be obsessed with this relationship until I was 20, refusing to even date other people because I was "still in love with my ex / I wasn't over him". But even though I had these thoughts, I was in the path of healing and growing and loving myself. So last summer, when I came back of my year abroad I was in my strongest self and felt so empowered, and that was the year I met my current boyfriend. He is everything I could've picture as a partner, he is loving, caring, open minded, has a beautiful view of life, interesting, ambitious... Everything. And ROCD kicked in just before we started a long distance relationship. I have been doing some exposure work around it and I have come to the conclusion that whenever you are in a toxic relationship you don't experience ROCD because you are in constant chaos and hurting, instead of healing. On the contrary, when you find someone beautiful, that is there for you no matter what, you crave for chaos, for attention, for infatuation, for being saved constantly. Your healthy partner mirrors all the things that you need to heal with your inner child in order to feel deeper connection. I hope this was helpful and sending lots of love! I see you, YANA ♥️

[@analuciaaraujoraurau197]

Thanks Jazzmin! I just got diagnosed with ROCD and I've been suffering for a year and half with these thoughts and all the guilty and anxiety that come with it. Your video helped me a lot, thanks again, and I am confident I will overcome this.

[@JenniferSmith-zi6lg]

I loved this! I started experiencing rocd literally as soon as I became exclusive with my boyfriend and we broke up. Now we’re back together and I’m pushing through this!

[@nikolhuff6923]

I'm currently going through the same thing, were not completely back together but my ROCD has been so bad lately because I'm so scared. You got this!!

[@JenniferSmith-zi6lg]

@@nikolhuff6923 I appreciate that a lot, we’re not together anymore ☹️ but I have someone much better for me now. You got this as well!

[@aguy559]

I hope things got better.

[@JenniferSmith-zi6lg]

@@aguy559 unfortunately I’m experiencing it in a different relationship now. But I’m trucking along thank you for asking!

[@aguy559]

@@JenniferSmith-zi6lg The best answer I know of is for us to stay out of our heads. Rumination clarifies NOTHING.

[@victoriarose310]

I can’t thank-you enough for this video. I have been aware for a while that I have rOCD after doing all of the googling(!) but deal constantly with the fear that perhaps, it isn’t that and that’s just a way for me to ‘get out of leaving my relationship’ yada yadaaa...But listening to you speak so openly about your experience is so helpful to me...I literally do everything you have mentioned you did/do. It’s so good and calming to know that I’m not alone and that I might just be ok too. You’re my hero! ❤️Have a lovely Christmas x

[@jazzminlauren]

Merry Christmas, Victoria! I can already tell you're going to get through this. Almost anyone with rOCD's number one fear is that maybe it isn't rOCD. It's the million dollar question! I like to say if you've found yourself here, you already know the answer. ;)

[@victoriarose310]

@@jazzminlauren Aw, what a lovely way to look at it! Thanks again! Merry Christmas to you too! I'm a subscriber now so I'm really enjoying catching up on your videos and I look forward to your next! :) xx

[@johnindermuehle7632]

I've suffered with this for over a decade. I've spent literally years of my life trying to think my way put of it. Most of the time I don't even think I have it, I think I just have a fear of commitment and am using it as a cover for being a coward. Maybe neither is true, maybe both...I don't know anymore. I just want it to stop. I'm so tired

[@Blank_sp8ce1234]

I’m just coming back to this after watching it a few days ago. your video has helped me through a very recent but strong relapse of rocd. Thank you for sharing your story. I’m sure it wasn’t easy

[@johnokelly1983]

I’m plagued by this. I’ve ended two otherwise healthy long term relationships over this, and I’m almost 40.. I do not have the strength to fight it, been in therapy years but it ain’t getting any better.

[@PK-hg6gl]

Well done, Jazzmin! You are making a difference in the OCD community.

[@berenicethegirl]

I can relate to sooooo much of what you're saying (only halfway through the video). I'm getting much better compared to last year (the worst months of my life, same as what you're describing) but I'm getting help too :)

[@jazzminlauren]

Good for you for getting help! Hang in there!

[@kevinarleo3680]

Omg. Thank you for this. You are so brave woman. I imagine how hard must been to you to take the courage to make this video. But I must tell you that you are my superhero from now on.

[@stephanied9112]

Thank you so much! I feel so much less alone now and less crazy.

[@miatapia3725]

Hi Jazzmin. I've also started dating my BF our senior year. During my first moments of ROCD, all I could think about was how much I loved him and just cried myself to sleep every night. Fast forward to now, almost everything triggers my ROCD. When friends talk about their hook-ups or their exes, seeing tv couples talk about their exes, older family members telling me to experience as many people as I can, etc. Those words or notions make me think that I should, and me feeling numb currently doesn't help. I've been in my relationship for almost 2 years and there are moments where the thought of "experience" doesn't really cross my mind because I know that he's my person. But at the same time, I also feel stuck thinking that I should because I don't want to miss out [even though we're still young]. It's been insanely brutal and the feeling that you mentioned earlier of having was so accurate.

[@eternalchange5496]

I'm a dude with ROCD. I don't have access to ERP professionals in my country, but I have embarked on the journey to face the thoughts and rituals by myself. Right now, my anxiety is through the roof due to me exposing myself to my worst fears. The trick, I guess, is to keep going.

[@azz111full]

How did your journey with this go?

[@misshannyy]

This video is golden. Thank you so much for filming it.

[@precillacabugao9639]

2021 and I’m here. Thank you so much Jazzmin! You’re God sent. I finally have a name for it. I love my fiancé very much and ROCD made me fall deep into depression. I’m getting better now, just like you, I’m given Zoloft for my depression. Again, thank you.

[@diko834]

TY so much for being vulnerable and sharing your story. I can relate to a lot of it. I actually left my marriage for ROCD (not even knowing I had it). It can be brutal.

[@hyrulexmel]

one of the best videos of ROCD i've seen, super relatable!

[@Elle.Experience]

Does anyone else get so panicked to wear you can't feel anything at all, or can't feel any feeling but bad? I am dealing with depression at the same time. The depression and ROCD showed up at the same time (I had ocd prior but it was very manageable ) debilitating

[@rachaeladams3121]

My story and yours are so similar! Thank you for being so brave to share this story!

[@vulcanhumor]

I'm pretty sure this is what's going on with me. I'm planning on talking to a therapist as soon as I'm able, but based on research and stories like yours, this seems to fit the bill. It never occurred to me that I had a form of OCD because, like you said, the compulsions are more mental. I didn't think that doing Google searches and looking for advice on the internet was a "compulsion"...it seemed liked like a perfectly reasonable thing to do! But, through my constant Googling, I stumbled across some articles on ROCD, and saw that repeatedly researching things on the internet was a common compulsion for the disorder...and I felt really called out, lol. All of the symptoms lined up...mine are more in line with Type 1: constantly worrying/doubting I don't really love my partner, feeling like it's just not "right," taking little issues and problems and thinking they somehow spell doom for the relationship, wondering if I should have dated more people (he's the only official boyfriend I've ever had), what if he eventually realizes what a terrible person I am and decides he deserves better and leaves, what if I decide I deserve better and leave...ugh. But I know he loves me. And I know I love him. That's why I want to address this with a professional.

[@alexandra-pd7hd]

hey, how did that go? how are you now?

[@the_bun_e3314]

To those in doubt - please listen to your therapists. They know what they’re talking about when treating ROCD. Don’t do the mistake I did and listened to my intrusive thoughts. It ended a perfect relationship I was in for 5 years which still haunts me till this day

[@MeganJohnstoneMackie]

Hugely helpful - currently going through this myself and have been since last September. I know my exact moment it started too. Stay strong!! xxx

[@twistedtale599]

Your story brought so much clarity to my current situation and it really helped me feel relieved and motivated to get better myself. Wish you all the best and thanks for sharing.

[@cadaemcdade4462]

this has been such a reassuring find. I feel exactly like this. The thoughts started pretty much a month after I told my boyfriend I love him. I'm divorced and I think you have nailed it on the head saying that you are scared to lose something and I must carry the loss from before in that fear too. I cannot tell you how much less crazy I feel after watching this video. You have saved me from a day of uncontrollable sobbing. Identify the anxiety and whats triggering it and stop the obsession. Thank you gal x

[@jazzminlauren]

Thank you for your kind words, Cadae! Remember too, that sometimes anxiety doesn't have a "cause". Sometimes we're just anxious! Learning to lean into that feeling and not try and fix it is a great first step towards healing.

[@Hannah-ng7xk]

So interesting hearing your emotions and how much I relate to them in so many ways. I went through this heavy this year and it is so isolating. Through therapy, I am beginning to learn how my depression and issues relating to childhood trauma have caused me to become the anxious person that I am within relationships. For example, I grew up with no sense of emotional security or template for what a functional relationship looked like, and it took until college to realize that about myself. When you don't have that foundation, it's painful to try and develop it as an adult. It's so hard to disconnect your past from your adult life, but unfortunately, one influences the other. I feel for everyone commenting on this thread who relates because it's an agonizing thing.

[@AlejandraRodríguez-c9o]

Thank you so much for this I am going through this now. Thank you thank you. I feel less alone 🧡

[@bridgetteleach8198]

Love One Another, Be Aware of Mental Health Needs in Your Loved Ones...

[@rachelcoloradomy3kidz778]

Tfs I'm here 2023. August 6th, Sunday I appreciate finding You And This channel ❤ Your validating And honesty And sharing has helped me And I'm Sure Many others XOXO 😘