My Situationship Turned Into A Marriage That Ruined My Life

[@sunshineb1778]

If you beg a man to be with you, you will die begging him to stay with you.

[@cuixinshi]

i wish some women would listen to this statement. But these women stay begging

[@Ktreneice]

Maaaan🙌🏾

[@Deenique16]

That goodness I’m gay

[@Melb321]

Word

[@yourriderdie8472]

That part

[@caidyn4268]

This is crucial I was in a situationship for 2 years and it finally settled in for me that everything I didn't like in him, was in me so basically, I didn't love myself. Because I chose someone who wasn't open to receiving me and giving me what I needed. I realized people are reflections of us, and relationships are reflection of how we love ourself.

[@letstlk]

This part 👏

[@sarahwebster8629]

But at the same time, sometimes it has nothing to do with the way we love ourselves. The way we love ourselves is the reason we attract these people. Some of us are strong and wouldn’t take that lies but after enough 1 on 1 sessions with false promises, gaslighting and doting on our empathetic character, THAT can make us START to treat ourselves the wrong way. Like doubting ourselves and the many things that come from being abused by someone like that. The many things I didn’t like in my guy wasn’t in me, I was taught those things after being with him. He tried to do transference, take my good energy and replace mine with his bad. For me I learned that the good qualities I had in me, were thrown into him and THAT’S what made him so special. I’m not perfect but I know for sure that I did not have any of the bad qualities that he had in himself. I never had and still have no desire to treat people with such disregard. It did reach me to always trust my intuition though because something did tell me to stay away from him.

[@SweetUareDesi]

Tht last statement- ppl need to dive deep

[@Pbbbb]

This sounds like a brainwashing technique that many men have told older women and it’s been internalized and passed down. Introspection and self reflection is real but not in this cliché way

[@kylieking8163]

I don’t think so

[@CeceNaturalful]

Currently in a situationship and I was supposed to see this. This confirmed I need more. I'm worth more than crumbs.

[@jamesspareusbeatztm9555]

Yeah I should certainly see it that way as well .

[@shirleytravelstheworld8035]

Yesss girllll, leave that situationship ASAP

[@jodancer5040]

Please leave sis. It takes years to recover

[@PassionateFlower]

Cece you deserve the whole damn bakery!!!!!❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤🥖🥖🥖🥖🥖🥖🥖🥖🥖🥖🥖🥖🥖🥖🥖🥖🥖🥖🥖🥖🥖🥖🥖🥖🍞🍞🍞🍞🍞🍞🍞🍞🍞🍞🍞🍞🍞🍞🍞🍞🍞🍞🍞🍞🍞🍞🍞🍞🍞🍞🍞🍞🍞🍞🍞🍞🍞🍞

[@CeceNaturalful]

@@PassionateFlower awwwww 😊 thank you

[@missminti]

Situationships have nothing to do with your value. What is actually happening is that the man knows he has nothing to offer you and is looking for the easiest and lowest hanging fruit *in his eyes* because of his own inadequacy. Has not one thing to do with you as a person.

[@RoQuiMarcel]

I like this.

[@TeflonBarbie]

Amen!

[@anareginacoronado1147]

wow, best description I've read about this.

[@lunebug00]

so ur calling her easy and low hanging fruit? that didn’t make sense to me

[@missminti]

@@lunebug00 His own inadequacies are holding him back from seeing value in others. Situationships are the problem of the person holding the relationship back.

[@StephaniePerry]

You're so right that any time we feel like we have to EARN value, there's a problem. You sharing is going to show somebody else a way out. 💗

[@BrownandBendy]

That will make it all worth it ♥️♥️ Thank you sweet Stephanie

[@stevejohnson747]

@@BrownandBendy hi

[@Habanerobbq]

unfortunately I didn't see this video before my own experience but if anyone else is reading this and takes value in it. I can concur. Learn from the pain and experiences of others.

[@TheKatarinaGiselle]

Usually when we feelile we have to earn value in somebody, the fact we chose them shows we already didn't value ourself first and need to learn to do that before searching for a partner. We can't expect love from anybody unless we love and accept and value ourselves fully and find somebody who does the same. We tend to go towards people who are like us like magnets, which is why it's critical to invest time in ourselves alone to grow and develop! I wisn I had done that more. I believe my partner feels the same. We are very much in between that stage and always have been. We are happy and love one another and ourselves, but not completely. We wish we could be in a better place in life (and both of us havigg had kids early on in life and having health problems doesn't help) but because we have so much responsibility, it's hard to grow. Especially when we accept each other flaws and a 100% and are so comfortable. Growth isn't just difficult in toxicity, it is difficult in comfortability and happiness. Being fully accepted and having that partner of your dreams is wonderful, but also know where you want to be in life and who you want to be, because it gets tougher to grow when both ppl are comfortable and accept one another (laziness and all) and financially do you aren't where you want to be and neither is he, you never know what might happen in life as far as health issues or other catastrophies that can happen beyond our control. So beyond loving and acveptinf yourself and growing to where you want to be (which you will naturally attract those as you grow who are on your level) make sure you also fight for WHERE you want to be in life- and NEVER expect and man to give that to you, even if you love and accept him completely. Because sometimes, having UNCONDITIONAL love and acceptance allows for a space of...laziness? Not exactly that, but just not a rush on each other to grow. And generally women are able to help and motivate the man for years in the beginning, and that _can_ help a man, unless he isn't there yet for himself and you also need that from him and he can't give that because most men naturally can't unless they are THERE. And when you already acdeot and love them (which IS how a relationship should be) that can make you conflicted inside and make it easy to just fall back. BASICALLY- *TIMING US EVERYTHING!* But also sometimes you just know when you find them, so you have to decide what matters more to you. I chose my way and I accept it and love my family endlessly. But for many people, that isn't enough..so know what you need and pay attention to the timing and the person. Pay CLOSE attention and don't hear what you want to..listen to your heart but also listen to your brain and what you need and want in life. And if you aren't there yet within what that man is capable of providing, then don't pursue it. And if he's just plain toxic- IMMEDIATE BLOCK!!! I asnt even talking about toxic people here, just how the bon-toxic side can also be challenging and how to better find that balance. I guess toxic positivity is a thing lol so maybe thatsy what I should call it for relationships that have trouble growing and improving (with life things) together but are still happy and comfortable. Idk..lol sorry for this rant but I hope I make SOME kind of sense here! I've been writing so long that idek what I've said!

[@stephaniemodkins4624]

I love Adam. Him not dating you until you were legally getting a divorce shows his integrity. Congrats 🎉

[@erehistruth2356]

Amen. Man with class.

[@diolini_]

"how your relationship feels, determines the events that will manifest within the relationship" facts.

[@esteehanvey5647]

I have found this to be true so many times and yet I still somehow blame myself when it just feels off. 🥲 I need to work on that

[@deadroomeyes8965]

It’s funny because that sounds like a no-brainer but for whatever reason we have just been so programmed not to take her own feelings seriously that were like what do you mean this feeling like shit is going to manifest more shit lol

[@jadarling973]

I disagree. Sometimes maybe though. You can be in a relationship that feels really good and then boom you discover he/ she is cheating etc

[@lindanamyalo7862]

Exactly 💯 Cause I realized when an event happened around me that placed doubt about my partner in my mind .More negative things started to manifest Cause my mind started deviating to the fact that he's just like every other lying guy

[@BlackGodKing-oi2gr]

Feelings are forever changing and fluctuate during a process of time through ur own personal evolution. U can’t base a relationship on “Feelings” then it will fail cuz once u feel bad then what? Feelings can be self-sabotaging as that has been truly self-evident in women I have dated.

[@LoveStarsWorld]

Beautiful. My last situationship felt like a really good friend. After 4 or so years of situationing, he stopped talking to me for one year, when I said I wasn't gonna chase him anymore and he wd have to come to me. He never did. One year turned into 2 and beyond. Rejection is protection.

[@intentionalgreatness]

When you entertain a situationship..you will really see how that man feels about you by how he treats you. You will get to the point where you don't even like who that man is. Next you will realize that you are not missing out on ANYTHING by entertaining a man you don't like..who doesn't even like you.

[@cookiegirl891]

This!

[@Mike-sj9si]

Completely agree! To add to that, in my humble opinion a man who entertains a situationship with a woman and treats her badly is not a good man/one who will ever treat a woman particularly well or healthily. I get that he wouldn't necessarily treat a woman super well when he's just in a situationship with her. Of course it's just a situationship so there isn't really a reason for him to treat her like she's his girlfriend/wife/most important person in his life. But it's when he treats her BADLY that's the problem. Especially when he's entertaining the situationship or even initiating it. It's of course possible to just treat someone with basic common decency or to just refrain from interacting with that person rather than treating that person badly. I think a man who's willing to actively treat ANY woman in a way that lacks common decency is not a good man. The same actually goes for women and all people now that I think about it. Just my opinion.

[@aztirayjx3389]

wow I really needed to read this comment.

[@giftedgift6322]

Honestly with time you realize you didn’t lose anything

[@RobinShane]

@@Mike-sj9siThis was emotional for me to read, because I’ve been guilty of tryna rationalize that the man is still “good”, despite treating me poorly, to simply cope and not accept that I chose a really awful person to spend time with and give my body to. I have since grown to not necessarily judge people on how they treat me when they like or want something from me, but also how they treat me when they don’t like or want anything from me. Meaning, if you as a person, cannot leave people be who you’re not interested in or simply want to use, then you’re not actually a good person. Because a good person would just not interact with you only to hurt you or let you genuinely and maturely know they’re not interested beyond a certain interest and have you move accordingly.

[@sarath7619]

"The respect they give you is the equivalent of what you believe you deserve." That's a word!

[@star.punk.]

I was in a situationship a couple years ago and when i finally snapped and stopped being the “cool girl” he immediately dumped me. I was sad momentarily and then immediate relief set in.

[@delilahburnett8882]

So proud of you!!! We women tend to linger longer than we should for all kinds of reasons. We have to teach our daughters their worth. Your truth and honesty will help many.

[@Evycakez]

Not only teach our daughters what their worth is, but also showing it to them with our actions. If you tell your daughter to not give themselves to just anyone, but then you treat the daughter like a child, might as well just not say anything.

[@MettleHeartsSlay]

Omg! Recently I’ve seen my uncles and my aunts (my mom’s sisters/friends who use to be married to them) and it’s like night and day. My aunts are happy in their second marriages. My uncles are all lonely, homeless (most of them), and sick. Mind you they (my uncles) put my aunts through so much crap. One of them had a baby with the other woman (who was one of many by the way). I’m so happy for you. I’m glad you got out of that toxicity.

[@yogigoyi]

Did your aunts have any kids when they remarried?

[@MettleHeartsSlay]

@@yogigoyi no, they had my cousins with their first husbands. They’ve been with my uncles since they were young. They divorced in their 40s/ 50s.

[@yogigoyi]

@@MettleHeartsSlay sorry,that's what I meant yes.I have 1 son from my first marriage and I always feel hopeful when I hear about women who had kids from previous relationships and had a second chance at love. Thank you for answering💓

[@crystalglopez91623]

@@yogigoyi hi there! I’m in my second marriage and it’s also night and day compared to my first .. i was marrieds for 13 years with my first husband, we have 2 kids together. I filed for divorce after the last straw was his affair with his coworker .. fast forward 4 years later, I’m remarried now to a wonderful new man.. and we have a 1 year old. We coparent effectively with my ex. And also my older children are much happier and thriving.

[@b_b_b5146]

Karma is hitting your uncles really bad for all the unjust situations they put women from your family into. I'm glad your aunts are being taken care of in their relationships by good, real and decent men.

[@TheNeecyWhoCrochets]

I'm ending my situationship today. It's only been 2 months in, however I know that this is not for me. Someone who communicates what they want is what I need. Beautiful video! Thank you for sharing yourself.

[@KatelynAriel]

Praise the Lord! ☺️

[@gorgeousfrazier5903]

Same just ended mine today

[@sin3358]

Good decision you've made 👏 the sooner you end it the healthier you are as an individual since you know not to waste your time and focus on things you actually care about

[@Justanotherbabymama]

It’s crazy how men already have it ingrained in them to chose themselves. Society has enabled it. Women are natural nurturers. It’s engrained in us to always think about the community before ourselves. I’m glad you figured out how to gather strength from your turmoil. A real Phoenix rising. ❤

[@Miranda-gi9fx]

We are not natural nurturers, we were groomed that way.

[@lime427]

@@herenow4550 thank you

[@sin3358]

This is very true tbh. Me and my bf are in a very loving relationship and it's healthy and all, but when we argue (which thank heavens happen very rarely), he always says "I come first" while I believe that in order to solve a problem, we both must be willing to hear both points of views and understand one another. There is no ME in a relationship. I care about him, and so does he about me, but damn whenever I see him get triggered at times I can immediately tell how he goes full protection mode. Luckily it hasn't been a dealbreaker since he's willing to learn with me along the way XD

[@tubester4567]

Thats BS, Men have been brainwashed to be "providers and protectors" since the dawn of time. Men created the systems and society we have today, They built the science, the education, the medical care, the law and the industrial revolution that allows us to live privileged lifestyles today, Women have only had to deal with themselves and immediate family

[@HUNGRYFLOWER98]

THIS IS A LIE!!! MAJORITY OF WOMEN CARE ONLY ABOUT THEMSELVES. As a young man I was naive and believed that women “nurture” Most have gone thru so much trauma most women honestly don’t know how to be. I’m speaking from experience. I’m not saying all. But that’s just humans in general. Men and women only choose themselves. It’s not a man thing at all

[@gracelikerain5848]

I was in a situationship at the beginning of the summer with a dude who claimed to be looking for a serious relationship he wanted all my time all my energy all my attention sleeping over at his house 5 days a week he wouldn't let me catch a break but I was enjoying the attention... long story short 4 months in I ask him if we were i a relationship we started arguing about it I thought the argument was stupid we stopped talking and In 2 weeks I met someone else the guy I met was off of a dating website he a month in he started paying my bills and treating me well and when I asked him if we were in a relationship he said hell yeah so there's that... lol

[@tiddyboof]

i hope i get this one day

[@gracelikerain5848]

@Day the man is paying my bills if hes love bombing me im still getting something out of it lmao i dont care

[@carmelcutie1991]

@@gracelikerain5848 you say that now... But what if in 2 months down the line he stops all that and treats you differently? It starts small maybe making a comment about ur weight or doing something you don't like. I personally think it's very stupid having a man you met 2 weeks ago pay ur bills. Ur having yourself be financially dependent on him. Love bombing is a very common signs of abusers

[@sin3358]

@@gracelikerain5848 honestly I felt this XD but seriously, don't become financially dependant on someone you've just met. If they pay for the dates it's okay, cause that's not necessarily depending on their money. But paying your bills can be a way for them to manipulate you too

[@gracelikerain5848]

@@sin3358 im not dependent on it but it helps because I am in school so im broke anyway

[@SuccessfulladiesSoftLife]

Never entertained a situationship, life already hard enough without someone toying with my emotions and time.

[@nancy_xv7096]

I’ve never been in any serious relationships because I always attract guys that just want friends with benefits or situationships. I’ve always ended up ghosting them as to me I don’t see what the benefit is. I’ve already accepted I’m probably gonna die alone cos I rather be single than caught up in an entanglement. I’ve never met a guy that truly wants to be with me and not waste my time. It would be a miracle at this point if I ever get in a real relationship. People tell me my boundaries are too high but look what happens when you lower them.

[@pterodactylbull]

From my experience , that’s usually because your greatness makes a man feel insecure. Men have fragile ass masculinities most of the time.. it’s weird they always have to feel dominant. Like at all times and the stupidest things make them feel like they aren’t. So I’m engaged to a woman. Lol not suggesting that at all I’ve always been into women as well but I’m js , being a woman with a good head on your shoulders seems to repel most men. 🤷🏽‍♀️ I’ve literally been told this by both men i dated seriously they said they felt they weren’t good enough for me but they were simply building themselves and i wasn’t complaining. Idk man i feel like that’s a trait with people in general as well. Folks like to feel like they’re “on top” edit : both of those men said that shit after about a year and some change I wasn’t even that successful yet.

[@liahlove8297]

Same

[@87Lohan]

Maybe your boundaries aren’t very clear or very solid because you say you attract the same sort of guy. I’m speaking from a place of feeling like my boundaries were too high when in fact I don’t think I had solid ones. I think u have to be clear to yourself and others what u are willing to except and what you’re not and stick to it. Ghosting isn’t necessarily setting boundaries it’s fleeing out of fear of being hurt. Enforcing a boundary is articulating ‘I’m not staying or engaging with u because I told u my boundaries are a,b,c and you’ve crossed them.’ When you’re clear about what your boundaries are you see the flags early

[@pterodactylbull]

@@87Lohan this is the best advice for women from a man that I’ve ever seen on KZbin lol no joke man shit made me smile thank you for being compassionate.

[@shutit4024]

I feel you 100 percent

[@londym.]

You were not "that type of girlfriend" for checking his phone. We sometimes do things because of the energy the person has presented to you. If you felt you could trust him, you wouldn't care to check. He would ensure to make you feel secure in the relationship and create trustworthiness. If someone ain't acting right, you cannot relax, you cannot trust them. So glad you moved on and working on yourself. You're so beautiful, physically and spiritually. 🤗🥰

[@sin3358]

Exactly. If you feel jealous or like u can't trust your partner, you need to first tell them about it, what is causing it, and have them hear you. If they respond in a defensive way, it is a sign that they also don't trust you, which is probably the reason you don't believe them to begin with. A healthy relationship means having negative emotions and thoughts like that go through your head and you still being able to openly communicate about them in a non-judgementsl way

[@VEJJIETALES]

Crazy that you said Adam is your beginning considering his name!!!! Love that for you. Thank you for sharing this. There is a lot of videos about manifesting the person you want and but not a lot about the result of it. But it’s so beautiful to see you in a better place (even I didn’t know you before, obviously). Wonderful warning and testimony wrapped together.

[@rachelesmith3342]

I love how you touch on not having to prove yourself to get a man to like you. I’ve suffered from low self esteem my whole life and always felt like I had to do things or earn peoples love whether that’s overcompensating in support, buying them things, or going over the top. Some of it is just my passionate personality but a lot of it has to do with me feeling myself alone is not enough to make someone love me, that I’ll always need to do things and prove my worthiness constantly to receive love. All the men I’ve liked have made me feel like I wasn’t enough and like I had to be someone I wasn’t or do more to get them to even see me let alone be romantically interested in me. I’m conscious of this but I get caught up in gaslighting myself and trying to convince myself that these men aren’t as bad i think or that they do care about me but have a hard time showing it. Basically making excuses for grown men and why they couldn’t show that they gave a damn about me 🤦🏾‍♀️

[@Hyfae]

I have the same problem 😭

[@yellowfeline6491]

I've been there too 💛💚💙💚

[@Jenny-fl5cn]

I have been taught this by the women in my life since I was a young girl. Prioritise the man who loves you over the man you love. Love stimulates love. When a man loves you, he treats you well and it becomes easier for you to reciprocate his love. As a woman, you are a reciprocator. That is a trait of the feminine. Do not abandon your femininity. If someone has to love more, let it be the man. But remember not to take the love of a good man for granted. Whatever you feed grows. Whatever you stop feeding dies. If I like a man but think he is not sufficiently interested in me, I stop feeding the connection and instead, focus on the men who do like me.

[@Elisabear]

The fact that you’re aware of this is huge. That’s half the battle. Have you considered therapy?

[@euphoria5042]

Same I did all that, went above and beyond for my recent ex, and I still got cheated on

[@Sprinkles_444]

Being in four very different toxic relationships and hearing stories like this makes me believe your better finding love and happiness on your own and staying alone fr fr been single for now 2 yrs and it’s amazing drama free

[@Locdluuv]

DONT be ashamed of who you were before you grew. We have all done things we were not proud of when we were hurting and trying to figure it out. ❤

[@daebak_hana]

Love this! Needed to hear that today! ❤️

[@KatelynAriel]

Oh my goodness! I have made so many mistakes (out of character) since I have been divorcing my wud-band. But I’m trying to be gracious to myself.

[@Ktreneice]

Thank you

[@miajones7514]

🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽

[@thereasoningwrasgirl7246]

Needed to hear this. Thank you🙏🏾

[@Kyeasha]

Thank you for sharing your truth. I got out of a 5 year vicious cycle of doubt, anger, confusion and sadness. It's been 6 months and everything God was saying finally clicked and I will never go back. Doing affirmations every day has helped me so much with recognizing my wants, weaknesses and worth daily.

[@jaz1391]

Sis, your honesty of what you have experienced, I cannot thank you enough. I went through something similar in my first marriage only to then get into a situationship after. What I learned is that love for self is key. You cannot receive the right love nor give the right love if there is no love for self first. God is amazing! I was supposed to see this! 💜

[@positiveoutcome3566]

i was suppose to see this too.

[@RubiPearl560]

I’m learning now that red flags aren’t decorations, they’re warning signs to heed too. After my divorce this year I had to reflect, and everything you stated here kind of mirrors my relationship with my child’s father. It was a mess. A toxic one. The corn was a huge factor when It came to weaponizing sex against me. So I thank you for your transparency

[@samco63]

Needed this. I’ve been in a situationship for 6 months and it’s coming to an end, either he’s going to end it and has already ghosted me. Or, I’m ending it if he does come back because I’m not happy with the hot and cold and games. I need more.

[@fostertheweekend]

I heard this the other week, and it makes me feel better: "Liars never heal." Thanks for your perspective chica

[@HolisticManifesting]

Sounds like my first marriage. My current partner is a beautiful man. Let them go! I made two kids in my situationship. Our girls are amazing but he could be a better dad. They don't make good husbands or dads, they're too focused on themselves.

[@MesheherKim]

Same girl. I knew from the get to that is was not going to work. But I was so young. I made sure not to get pregnant tho. So glad that ended. Looking back I can’t believe I did not. But we live and learn. My man now is so amazing, so good things will come.

[@shutit4024]

@@MesheherKim sameeee omg I was so dumb as a teen

[@Maggs415]

Thank you so much for sharing this story Dominique! As someone who spent 2 year in a situationship it helps with self shame when I hear others who have gone through similar situations. I'm so happy you are happy, in good health, and abundant. Sending you a big hug!

[@BrownandBendy]

Hugging you right back ☺️🫂🫂🫂

[@iuidit2809]

you should not feel ashamed by what you have gone through. you did the best with what you knew of in that time. all the best ✨

[@cutestuff59FR]

Sending you hugs for letting that man go. I was in a situationship too few years ago, it was so toxic and it took me 3 years to fully recover.

[@GratefulDaughter1]

I was in a situationship for about 5 years. Thinking back, it messed me up mentally. It was such a waste of time and not worthy of my time. It was a toxic environment with nothing but great sex that made us stay around each other. When I finally woke up, he was still sleep. He still wanted to be around me and didn't wanna let go. I thank God I got out of that situation because it meant alot of harm to me. Thank you Lord for delivering me....

[@tui_kowhai9096]

Wow exactly the same here!

[@michele33s68]

If you learned to say no, then that bad relationship taught you a valuable lesson.

[@MesheherKim]

Many of us girl. We live and learn. Just be glad you’re out of it

[@skkuties8381]

Sameee 😅 Thank God

[@brittanys505]

How do you get him to wake up? I'm in a situation where it's not toxic, we're both quite respectful to each other but I wanted a relationship and he says we can't because of long distance and other things it's just extremely difficult to work towards that and no time.

[@ericaharris81]

This moved me to tears. Your story is my story, your testimony is my testimony!! I love it here ❤

[@chloemastropolo9149]

I was meant to see this. I’ve been in a situationship for 3 years and I literally just had to cut him off today for my own health. He was manipulative and a compulsive liar and I watch this video crying knowing I did the right thing even tho it’s hurting.

[@tochiagu]

If you are considering joining the Patreon group - DO IT! I have been a member of the highest tier for two weeks and i have already felt a huge shift. I'm back to my daily meditation and feeling so much better about my life. Thank you Dominique for the space you create and the wisdom you share.

[@BrownandBendy]

You are so special to me Tochi ☺️ thank you for your sweet words ♥️

[@PepTalkDiva]

Thank you because I was considering it. I need accountability.

[@ToBHonest...]

Whats a Patreon & how is it different?

[@LivDeSantos]

So glad you and Adam found each other! Thank you for sharing your story. It put a lot into perspective for me...

[@LivDeSantos]

My question is how do you keep the faith that better is out there? And how do you stop yourself from getting triggered by someone's love when you're not used to it?

[@goldenlittlelovey]

Loved this, very relatable. I'd love to hear more about how you successfully moved past the toxic stage in the beginning of your current marriage 💛

[@trk80880]

The laugh after she said “simping for him” was her realization that how she used to act is not who she is today. Congrats on the healing journey ♥️

[@ClearKnowingFeelingHearing]

Nice observation

[@SpiritSoulSense]

It’s the accountability for me! It takes two people to maintain these kinds of relationships. People will say they’re “strong,” but strong people do not stay in toxic or abusive relationships. Acknowledging the problem is the hardest part, but it’s necessary for healing. ♥️✨

[@simisolarenergy]

I just ended my situationship today and was second-guessing myself. Thank you this was my sign ❤️

[@JM-ip1es]

I just ended my situation the day before thanksgiving. He was toxic, controlling and always accusing me of talking to other guys…(I wasn’t, but I didn’t even know if I was his girlfriend) plus he was moving things way too fast. Luckily I only wasted a month of my time… thank you for this ❤️

[@JM-ip1es]

I also wanted to add.. that this guy I was just seeing. Seem to be addicted to sex also. We live hours apart and I work a very demanding job.. yet he always guilted me into coming to see him and sleep with him. The only thing we did for fun was go to dinner and have sex. It was draining. Even when I tried to have a serious conversation with him, he would force me to be quiet and proceeded to have sex. Ladies no one deserves to treat us less than respect. I’ll pray for everyone’s recovery ❤️

[@erehistruth2356]

@@JM-ip1es I am sorry you went through that. 😔

[@MissRaych28]

Congrats J M you dodged a fast bullet!

[@JM-ip1es]

@@MissRaych28 thank you 🙏

[@JM-ip1es]

I’m okay , thank you 🙏

[@lani2894]

Thank you, I needed to hear this. I’m been in a situationship for 6 years. I feel like I’m not growing as a person dealing with this person.

[@Kaithelightworker]

Everything you went through came from a lack of self-love. Lack of self-love usually stems from childhood trauma. I think karma also played a role in everything you went through too but not as a punishment, but a lesson. We all make mistakes & do things we’re not proud of but as long as you have remorse & grow from those mistakes that’s all that matters. Thank you for sharing your story & putting yourself out there like that! Peace & blessings to you love ❤️🙏🏽

[@Sukuna1983]

I'm a dude and I agree with you. She is a beautiful young woman and had plenty of options of men that she wasn't attracted for one reason or another that would have treated her great. Yet she was drawn to the guy who was toxic and terrible. I'm not implying that anyone is entitled to anyone else and that people should and must date people they aren't attracted to. But it is worth examing why you are attracted to toxic people. I never had a toxic relationship and I'm 40. The reason being is that toxic women aren't attractive to me. I value my time and my peace way too much to be with someone that doesn't add value to my life. 🤷🏾

[@lilymulligan8180]

Dang, the algorithm really delivered on this one. Listening to your story was so healing for me in several ways. Not only in your story about your situationship (relatable, that's why I clicked), but also what you had to say about blending Christianity and the law of attraction. I really appreciated this, thanks for sharing 💗

[@Kadzz95]

After reading these comments, it's safe to say I really needed to hear this. I'm currently trying so hard to move away from situationships but I know the vibrations I'm giving off are what are ruining me 🙃 this was a great video to watch as I move into 2023. The information gained was powerful. Thank you.

[@techlady4276]

To all young women, take advice from an OG. To put it bluntly, men love and respect women who are "bitches." Women who will let them know, we will put our stilleto up their arse if they get out of line. Men respect boundaries and discipline. Which is why they do so well in improving themselves once they get into the military. The tone you set on day one in the relationship, is what they will follow. Almost like training a beloved pet. Don't let them jump on the kitchen counter or piss on the carpet. You need to set the tone and let them know that it is a privilege for them to enter your home and to be in your company and spending time with you is an honor. I cannot count how many marriage proposals I have received from men. A guy friend once told me that men want to be "knighted" by me. It makes them feel special, if they make it through the obstacle course that other men failed. You are special and highly valuable. Make a man earn the privilege to be with you. He should earn it everyday. They secretly like to work and struggle and compete to get what they want. Just like in sports, they secretly love the challenge. It's their nature.

[@morountodun]

highkey true

[@mary-pujehunsamba7711]

THIS! EVERYTHING you say here, every sentence, every word, every syllable resonates with me. I have nothing else to say 😘

[@rosalinasantos3078]

I’m 21 I’ll never forget this comment.

[@chaoswitch1974]

Rosalina Santos Just be genuine and be yourself. Don't play games. That won't get you anywhere... just be up front about what you want, and if he doesn't want those things, move on. Don't pretend to be the cool girl, or the bitch, or whatever you think he wants. Be who you are and make sure he's who YOU want, not that you're what men want. I respect miss thing up there, but honestly, who has that bitch said yes to? I've seen so many girls who stayed with guys they knew didn't want to commit or would never be monogamous thinking they'd come around. Men don't come around. They are who they are regardless of you. You are who you are regardless of what you think men want.

[@sonyap8253]

Yes! Men are hunters.

[@sallyg4544]

Thank you for sharing this story. I don’t know how you showed up in my feed but I know it was not random. Your story is reaching people that are meant to hear it. 🙏

[@goddivathomas932]

Thank you for being so transparent and sharing such a painful, personal and relatable story. Your story sounds all too familiar and this is why you were chosen to share. So many of us have endured these situations and trauma's in silence. I have been healing and learning from my own experience. My marriage ended legally 2 mths ago but I know it actually ended on the honey moon. I married a man who was infatuated and not in love with me. Once the chase was over (getting married) the mask came off. He had the same addiction as your first husband which is one of a few. To hear you speak of Adam was like hearing words describing the sun breaking through a storm and a rainbow leading your path. I am happy that you recognized what allowed you to be in that first situation as have I. And baby, you didn't emphasize enough just how painful it is when YOU/WE recognize our part, our hurts, suppressed and denied traumas. Its a combo of being punched in the chest and gut by Thanos and aha moments that stop you in your tracks. It's not for the weak!!! But it brings a smile to my face and spirit to know that you have been blessed and have a true partner in your life now.

[@HonduranTendaroni]

I have been in a “situationship” (and I hate that I have to admit that) for 11 years off and on. I finally cut it off recently and he won’t let go. And we did “try” to build a relationship but the compromising he was trying to make me go through was neglecting to my needs. He would tell me he doesn’t require attention or affection that much. But for me I love being loved on so he wanted me to diminish that to what he required which was bare minimum. I was sacrificing being loved on to satisfy his needs. If I wanted to cuddle he would complain that he doesn’t like to cuddle too much. Thank GOD I left. But I need him to let me go because he cannot move on

[@Vxruxxss]

Please forgive yourself ❤ so proud that you left!

[@Rebecca.xoxoxo]

I would not last in a relationship with a man who isn’t affectionate. I need all the kisses and cuddles😭

[@issywilly1988]

Thank God for your courage and strength. What I don't understand is the 'I need him to let me go' part. You've moved on. I feel if he's stuck on you that's his buiswax. It shouldn't stop you from continually moving forward

[@raslalique]

I'm glad you got out of it. Many women stay their whole lives in situationships so feel proud of yourself. Just keep moving forward sis. Don't even waste time thinking about him not moving on. He is only laying a trap for you. He knows your good heart and probably feels that if he's pathetic enough he could wear you down somehow. It's painful to know that we were not valued in these relationships, but it is true. They do not value us. He probably hasn't lined up your replacement as yet so he is scared but rest assured, he's working on your replacement. While he is working on your replacement he is hoping to squeeze what he can get out of you until then. Onward and upward. He'll land on his feet (for a while anyway).

[@agadonk]

Seeking advice from a relationship coach might help with keeping yourself accountable and keep him blocked from your life

Thank you for being vulnerable & sharing your story! Many of us can relate to a "situationship." Good to see that many of us are recognizing our worth & leaving the things & people who don't serve us.👏🏽👏🏽❤️

[@lologirl11]

Wow, I feel like we lived the same relationship. I'm glad you shared your story because often times it feels like I gaslight myself into thinking it wasn't as bad as it was. But hearing you talk about your story had me visual myself back in those memories and situations. It's so strange how similar our experiences were.

[@shirleytravelstheworld8035]

Thankyou for sharing your story ♥️. I felt that you were speaking about me in this video because I also tried to “prove myself” “let him get away with things. My situationship lasted almost a year and now I am out of it, my mind is clearer and I have a clearer vision of the kind of man I need and want. I only had that one situationship but I will NEVER do that again, the trauma and manipulation is enough to break someone’s spirit. I actually wanted to marry him and have kids with him, but he wouldn’t commit but wanted to manipulate and cause me trauma. Thank god he didn’t commit because I feel that I would have married him and had kids. Thank you lord for telling me “no” 🙏.

[@daniellehill9898]

This popped up randomly for me. Must be big confirmation. What makes this more real is that I literally prayed last night for confirmation if this person was for me and now here this video shows up.

[@MalaWaldron]

Your story touched my heart and brought tears to my eyes -- thank you so very much for sharing it. I can see so many people being inspired by it ❤

[@kristinatsourdalakis6531]

I actually got emotional when you mentioned your husband Adam because I so deeply relate. I recently got into a relationship with a man who has consistently shown me genuine, sacrificial love and it has blown my mind. I totally get what you mean about the veil being lifted because after years of situationships and tattered self-worth, it's like my eyes have been opened to what romantic love is supposed to look and feel like. My life could have descended into complete ruination several times, but purely by the grace of God I've now started to understand what I deserve in a relationship.

[@aishaliane]

My situationship turned into a 6 year relationship... that ended once I found out he'd been sexting other women for 2 years. My family constantly pressed us to get married, but I didn't want to and I'm so glad that I didn't.

[@carableu]

Such a good point made about the financial aspects of marriage (when the bank account was cleared out)… Integrity in a spouse is so important…

[@arleymarie3535]

Girl i LOVE the ending!! I am soo happy you found a man a REAL man that you deserve!! When you said "he was all in, ill give it all for you girl" that literally made me tear up!! I pray so much I find a man that feels that way towards me!! BTW this is my first video i have seen from you and girl i am subscribed!! i love your views on things and i cannot wait to see more!

[@michelle4025]

I appreciate you being vulnerable for all of us to see the lesson here. It is appreciated, thank you! Take care.

[@amandam5773]

This video was truly heartbreaking and so important in so many ways. I stumbled upon your channel completely by accident since KZbin recommended it and I'm honestly so thankful. There's been a lot on my mind lately on this subject and the grace in which you put all of this out there is so meaningful.

[@6287ywuwu]

I’m so thankful for your honesty during this story. I cannot even put into words how much I needed to hear this. I’m struggling so hard today but it helps to know there’s people out there that can understand.

[@6287ywuwu]

I needed to hear this today. Thank you.

[@shawtygotlo1]

I haven’t really been in a situationship, but as someone who’s experienced SA by a partner, I’m so sorry you had to go through that. That’s what ended my relationship w my first abusive ex & I’m still kind of ashamed that’s how bad it had to get for me to wake up, even though I’d never think that of somebody else (funny how we always judge ourselves more harshly). I’m glad this video brought me to your channel bc I’m in a place in my life where I’m definitely in need of some wisdom & guidance regarding healing 💖 P.S. I’m not big into spirituality on a higher, more abstract level, but I definitely value people talking about how their personal experiences shaped them, lessons life has taught them, etc, so I’d be very interested in more videos like this! 😊 Especially if you’d be comfortable talking about father/abandonment issues bc I’m still working through some of my feelings on that subject 💕

[@angelamarie2023]

You have a wonderful energy. Thank you for sharing your story to help others. Your authenticity shines through. 🌞

[@refinedquality3033]

Thank you for this vulnerability society makes “adult movies” seem completely natural but this type of addiction is absolutely detrimental they have no control it takes over their lives. This is hurtful and draining to be with an addict any over the top excessive fetishes and kinks inability to just enjoy your essence and indulge in you as a woman they say they “love” during intimacy isn’t normal please don’t force yourself to accept what is toxic.

[@jadehalliday6636]

You don't know how many people you are helping right now. As someone who's recently been through a traumatic event & who has ended up in a situationship(?) by default, I am "filing" away all your lessons in the back of my mind.

[@wendysylvain4273]

We love you Dominic 💕💕 I'm so glad you created your happy life with Adam, both of us deserve the world 💕 We all deserve healthy love, self-love, respect, acceptance... 👏🏽

[@StepHanie-fb9nn]

I cried the moment you said "he is fine" and you showed the video. You adore him, he adores you. Wow - he hugged your knees...I think this is soulmates at work. Amen. Thank you for sharing 🥰

[@neurotatical]

Wow this was so powerful. Thank you so much for sharing this with us.

[@VWHNeal1018]

I appreciate you sharing your experience with us. I have learned that I have to see a person in every season of life. And what that means is , how will people react if they are happy , sad , grieving, in love , in sorrow. If I cannot trust who you are and how you respond to life. Because life is great today and tomorrow it will through you for a loop. And that is any person in my circle. Looking for the behavior early on , will tell you who they are. And any man who has to manipulate, lies , cheat and undermine someone else, is not completely mature and ready for adulthood.

[@k.naturall2128]

Thank you for your vulnerability. Self discovery is rough but so beautiful once you have a better understanding of everything.

[@phish2947]

This is insane because I had a relationship just like this and I have genuine ptsd from the awful shit that went down . I knew his from high school and gave my virginity to him to appease him and I was his situationship for 10 solid years until I gave an ultimatum and he finally wanted to be with me. I found out so much about him . I realised I idealised myself relationship with him because he was not a good person. I felt so insecure all the time because of the body comparisons , the porn, he even bought porn from onlyfans and Snapchat . And the girls never looked like me. Sex was always weaponsised , he always wanted it and would also cry and tell me I was cheating for refusing to have sex 5 times a day, he’d force me to record porn with him as well and it was so degrading . The relationship got mentally, sexually and physically abusive .

[@Zen-cx5tc]

Wow😮

[@aligned4purpose980]

So sorry you went through this praying for you

[@soloac3234]

So sorry you went through this. Thank you for sharing and I pray you will be able to work through your PTSD as time goes on. God bless you x

[@hertrueself7177]

I'm glad u got out 😉🙏

[@Sarah-kv3qs]

this is a serious question but do you know if he has any of the recording he took of you? Is your face in them?

[@TheCourtney19]

I just wanted to say thank you for sharing your story. My ex husband assaulted me in the same way that yours did although I woke up during and it was brutal. When I finally came to grips with it, I ended up making an escape plan and I left. Yet, I didn’t take the time to fully heal and ended up back in somehow an even worse relationship with someone else that lasted three years and finally ended when I discovered he cheated on me with his ex in my bed the night I watched my dad die in front of me. There were so many things before that, that I chose to ignore because my outlook on myself was so low. This time around I have remained single and working on myself and I feel like a whole new person. I love so much how you express yourself and your laugh and I am just so freaking happy for you and your new family. Blessings to you sister

[@saffron_786]

My heart goes out to you. I'm also trapped in an unhealthy marriage. He does everything to hinder me from divorcing him.

[@pbj4142]

Omg get help from outside forces if you can.

[@alungakabuasa]

I’m so sorry

[@alungakabuasa]

the indecisiveness will kill you first.

[@lovemusic8387]

I can not thank you enough for sharing your story. I really needed to hear your experience so that I can be wise in navigating my own. I've known that I need to let go of this fairytale story with my current situationship and face facts for a while now. Listening this is the final nail in the coffin. Thank you❤

[@cheek719]

Perspective is key… I appreciate your perspective and hope it helps others to learn. You don’t have to chase what submits to you. Submission is always a two way transaction.

[@WhitneysScript]

This story means everything to me. I can relate to so much in your story. Thank you so much for sharing. It really hit home when you said that the veil was lifted from who you previously thought you were. I felt brainwashed after my situation.

[@KatelynAriel]

Oh my goodness. You are so brave in sharing your story. It is so similar to mine. I have been SA’ed for 15 years (the same exact way) so many times and he would guilt trip me in not believing it was SA. It happened at nighttime too. Wow. I’m divorcing this thing right now. I’m getting out very soon and I hope I can share my story one day too.

[@AmaniStudio]

"...led to him taking his internal chaos out on me" !! THAT HIT DEEP, wow, watching this video brought resolution to past instances of trauma in my dating experience TYSM you're a light

[@beth4990]

The way she spoke about Adam literally made me cry. I needed this.

[@Kenny-dr1oz]

Me too 🥺🥺

[@desireedoubleyou]

Never have I EVER watched a storytime video, and had to STOP...grab a notebook + pen, and rewind it to go back & take NOTES...all at almost 1 in the morning! Idk how I found your video (YT recommendations I think, + then I saved it in my "Watch Later" playlist a week or so ago...), but girl... I'm SO glad I did! Thank you! Luckily I'm in a much better place, but my most recent relationship before my current one was extremely abusive & these are ALL the things I wish I heard then! I'm so glad I'm past it- but I'm STILL taking notes bc these are all legit GEMS of information! I hope your video gets spread and reaches young girls AND women of all ages bc this is such important information that NEEDS to be heard...esp. for the girls & young women hearing these things for the first time. Your message is SO important. Again, THANK YOU, so much, for sharing your story and knowledge. I just subscribed. Can't wait for more content. Sending all the love + light your way. 💖💖💖

[@tishellefrancois7840]

It feels like you're reading my life. I'm on the fence with going through this marriage. I get an anxiety attack and my family is convincing me to stay.

[@the_live_in_podcast]

Ssi, I hope you went with your guts and if it's the other option, are you doing okay?

[@EmilyASMRchannel]

You are amazing to share this very personal story. What you say here is 100% the truth - especially about how it is to be with someone that you feel you have to continue to impress for fear of them “breaking up with you.” It’s exhausting, not worth it and abusive. Men who ignore/mistreat and then love bomb are doing a power play ladies, remember that

[@Timi1111]

Please share how you met your current partner and the bond you share now and all the healing you did..

[@rosebud072001]

This was right on time! Won’t go into details as to why, but thank you for being vulnerable enough and open enough to share! ❤❤❤

[@seedra6533]

Thanks love for being so open 🙌🏼 you are enough and you get to have it all ✨✨💕💕💕

[@spillledmilllk]

This is actually crazy to see right now. I'm going through something weirdly similar to this. My last partner wasn't abusive but I didn't feel right around him, the love bombing had worn off kinda thing. Right after I broke up with him, my friend literally named Adam & I realized how we both felt about one another. (Same as you, we never cheated, never even texted or hung out outside of group settings). He's exactly like how you describe your Adam. Since I was so fresh out of a 1yr relationship, I told him I was still unsure of how or if I wanted any labels at this point, and he was super respectful of me wanting to take my time. Long enough has passed now, and this video is the sign I needed to make things official. :) Very happy and excited for the future, I love getting signs like this

[@robertgailey9910]

I hope it surely works out for you 😊

[@robertgailey9910]

Unlike me

[@ItsAy_GThang]

Thank you so much for making this video. I related to this so much and you have given me so much hope that there is better for me out there. I was in a situationship for 3 and a half years. I was the girl in between girls too. Walking on eggshells so that I wouldn’t make him upset with me but he always found a reason to be upset with me, bending over backwards and doing everything I could possibly do to make him see that I was worth being chosen. I even got pregnant because he wanted another child, thinking that if I had his baby..he would finally love me like I love him. But when I miscarried a few weeks ago, he literally ghosted me. I’m dealing with a lot physically, mentally, and emotionally right now, but I know that one day I will be healed.

[@DiandraStarShine]

thanks for being willing to be so vulnerable, that's a very intense story, thank you for talking about it. it will help a lot of people, including me because what a great reminder about self-worth..also, no need to apologize for the the length of the video! no one is forced to watch AND it can also be watched in segments if anyone was pressed for time.

[@Jazzycanvibe]

This is so true, i was in one for 2 going on 3 years. 😅 10/10 don’t recommend. And at the end of it they ended up telling me “it wasn’t that deep” but my value is put into myself now and it’s so much better putting myself first! Anyone going thru it, just know your feelings are valid.

[@tangoalpha94]

These are self inflicted “wounds” though. You had sex with a man who didn’t like you back. That’s it. That’s on you

[@lisbethpichardo7755]

Thank you so much for sharing your story. I feel so validated as someone who was also in a situationship/ friends with benefits relationship with someone for years and eventually married him and then going through hell in the 3 years we were in a relationship two of which we were married for. When you were talking about the two different realities and because you loved him you would believe his lies that really resonated with me.. the shit he would come up with is literally INSANE yet i still made it make sense because i was blinded, codependent to him because my own abandonment issues and lack of self-worth and self respect… thank you so much for sharing again, i hope this video reaches those who need to hear these words just as i needed them back then 🙏🏼🙏🏼💚

[@lauraooooo1161]

I’ve always said this: our sense of touch is our only connection to reality…

[@sainttheresetaylor2054]

what does that mean?

[@lauraooooo1161]

@@sainttheresetaylor2054 in short, imagine you were born without your sense of touch (can’t feel your body, anything)…you can still see, hear, and smell…but what stops you from believing that it’s all in your head? in your imagination?

[@SALADVENTURES321]

Thanks for being brave and sharing. You sharing shows everyone that this is real and it happens and you can make it through. Many women have and are going through this right now so it’s a relief to hear your voice. An amazing voice for healing and change thank you! ❤️

[@cheyennestahelindeleon7477]

I didn't knew how much I needed this video until now. It hurts a lot in all the right ways. I'll try to save this and listen to it, wenn I feel weak. Like for real I just cried for like the 100x time yesterday. I deserve so much more. Why is "love" so complicated.

[@FoodTrucksForDummies]

I’m so grateful for you. And I’m even more grateful for your growth.

[@adryer06]

Thank you so much! I went through very similar experiences in my marriage 8 years ago. I'm glad God told me to leave and I'm glad I listened.

[@auntieruckus6444]

That man was a narc crying to satisfy his needs trying to guilt you into something and he wouldn’t even give you the bare minimum and when he FINALLY gave you him…he gave you hell…so happy you got out

[@tia4936]

I loved this video so much. I recently broke off a situationship and It’s been a week or two and I found myself literally CRYING (and I rarely cry) over this man…I was crying bc I know there was nothing I could do to make him be with me, but I also cried cause it wasn’t completely his fault. It wasn’t mine either, but he’s genuinely such a great guy but I didn’t wanna stick around for someone who was sure about me, but didn’t still take the leap. I also cried cause I understood why he couldn’t, but idk I just felt like I was shooting myself in the foot staying with him knowing my intentions are to be in a relationship, and his aren’t. So it was bittersweet knowing that I’ve grown enough to know my worth more and be real about what I want and not settle for less bc there’s people who also want what I want, but it’s sad bc I really saw his worth, and he saw mine but it still wouldn’t have worked.

[@UniquelyNeecee-ml8vd]

Thank you so much for sharing a chapter in your journey!! It really helped me to look closely at my relationships! ❤

[@thetanishiashanae]

I absolutely love how authentic you are and how you have allowed yourself to be vulnerable. I was in a situationship for a year. He was terribly scarred and we were friends first so all I wanted was to heal him through love, but, it only caused me to become depressed and no longer love nor value myself. One day I was really tired and I know it was God and my Ancestors who shown me my final straw and picked me up and had me walk away (out of body experience though I did physically walk away I just felt like I was sleep walking through it). I went back twice after months of not talking but saw he was still the same and took no accountability for how he hurt me. I talked to guys after but didn’t heal at all before though I thought I did and in all truths it took me finally healing and grieving from everything I went through (losing my mom, my favorite uncle, abortion and walking away from him) that finally aligned me to my now man. He is everything I finally knew I deserved that before I did not and he chooses me everyday. The best feeling in the world. Going on 5 years single and met my God ordained partner it just took for me to heal, go back to Christ, know my worth, be ok with being by myself or with someone & detach from desperation and fear of abandonment to have him. All glory to God.

[@Zaria526]

😓 “I felt (she) found my letter and read each word aloud. I prayed that (she) would finish but (she) just kept right on strumming my pain with (her) fingers” I’m so happy I’m not alone in this mess. Thank you ❤