My Wife Told Me SOMEONE ELSE Was Her Soulmate r/Relationships

[@DJace3000]

The moment she blew up to defend Chuck and attack you, that's the *ABSOLUTE* sign she needs to get to stepping.

[@ineedhoez]

Facts!!!!

[@Emon-vc9js]

I'm 100% sure , op's wife only apologized because she's financially dependent on him.

[@KadeStringer2.0]

@@Emon-vc9js I don’t that’s the case

[@MaryTheresa1986]

​@@Emon-vc9jsI think so too. As much as she loves Chuck, she knows where her bread is buttered. Once she has a baby and a steady 18+ year income it'll be interesting to see what happens.

[@Guitarbarella]

@@Emon-vc9jsexactly, she wants ther student loan paid off, he said at beginning student loanS, so hers as well…seriously who forgets a fancy date night with a spouse you hardly get to see because of work? No-one that actually loves their spouse, they dont even have a baby or kids so no excuse to forget..heck first thing you would think of as soon as your hubby told you he is taking you on a fancy date is plan what you are going to wear and what hairdo, makeup etc. so yeah i dont even think we have to wait till she has a kid…i think she will bale when her student loans are paid off.

[@sergeipohkerova7211]

"He's my soulmate, but don't feel bad! You're my number one choice for paying my bills and putting up with my emotional diarrhea."

[@KadeStringer2.0]

That’s not what she meant and people can change

[@akl2k7]

@@KadeStringer2.0 People can, but not overnight and she's been an idiot for a while now, so she has a lot to make up for. OP will see how much she's truly changed in another six months, for good or ill.

[@AngelaMerici12]

Emotional diarrhea 😆🤣🤣🤣!! Gold!

[@johnbradbury8610]

Op is the Ah for staying with this woman she does not care about him at all. she knows all she has to do is say sorry, and OP's dumbass will take the disrespect.

[@johnbradbury8610]

@@KadeStringer2.0 So OP should just wait around on the off-hand chance that she might change.

[@bhutehole]

Poor op got cheated on and when she realized he was about to leave her she ended the affair and gaslit the you know what out of op.

[@momo382844]

The fact that the Wife,all of a sudden, wants work on the marriage after Chuck found a new himself boo says it all.

[@ec4145]

Story 1: I feel so vindicated that everyone is as upset as I was by the end. She was cuddling with this other man after a night out with him on their couch while he slept alone in their bed, then called him her soul mate. She was blowing him off, calling him the third wheel, acting married to someone else under his roof for 6 months! You don’t come back from that. She saw she was going to lose her meal ticket and is temporarily cleaning up her act. I'd be shocked if the neglect and emotional cheating didn't resume as soon as he's back to work. This guy is a sad fool from an abusive home clinging desperately to the idea that he can have the happy family his parents didn't give him, and he's willing to overlook being the one abused to get it.

[@Plaprad]

Good point. I forgot he mentioned an abusive father. That actually makes a few more things make sense in hindsight. I just hope he can see that as well and work on it.

[@johnbradbury8610]

Op is an idiot for staying with this woman. it will not end well with his "soulmate".

[@Lordofthelosers01]

Yep OP is a fool. When you're upset/angry you usually express your true feelings. Em spouted Chuck was her soulmate. Not best friend, not important childhood friend, but soulmate. Words aside she didn't invite OP to dinner with her and Chuck when she realized she forgot her date. She didn't even offer to bring back some food. OP is not important to her

[@holeymcsockpuppet]

Amen, brother.

[@paulinejackson5861]

Men need to respect that women can have their wants and needs that they cannot control. If she wants to cuddle up with another guy, he should learn to accept that as part of her, and learn to live with it.

[@strawberrysangria1474]

Em disgusts me for 2 reasons. 1. She's having an emotional affair and attacking her husband, and 2. She's using Chuck at a vulnerable point in his life as a cheap thrill, not a friend. Nothing she's done to either of them is appropriate, it's all very selfish.

[@johnbradbury8610]

She has no respect for him. The fact that he wants to have a child with this woman is insane. Op deserves what he gets.

[@lynnw7155]

I really don't believe all Em's excuses. I think she meant everything she said/did. I don't know if I could ever trust her again. OP is WAY more understanding than I would be.

[@pinklemonade8320]

Did you watch until the end before commenting?

[@ndawn90]

​@@pinklemonade8320The ending makes it worse! Either she completely failed to communicate with her husband something hugely important (she even moved Chuck in without talking to her husband first), or she's lying about her motivations. Either way is really bad. And that isn't even getting into the fact that she dismissed and gaslit her husband throughout the entire 6 months that Chuck was living with them, blew off a date, cuddled with another man on the couch while her husband was sleeping alone in their bed, and the fact that neither she nor Chuck ever stopped to say, "Hey, maybe this is a little inappropriate!" Did Chuck never once ask how OP felt about this situation? Why did he stay even when it was clear that he didn't need to be there anymore? Em's story maybe explains moving Chuck in at first, but the moment either the couch cuddling, the "third wheel", or the "soulmate" comment came up, both she and Chuck should have been snapped into reality.

[@KadeStringer2.0]

@@ndawn90I don’t think she is lying and why you can’t stop being negative

[@theseeker9442]

"ive had multiple women telling me they have multiple soulmates" Soul mate has been used to describe someone as your one and only, the person that completely and utterly completes your soul. OPs wife is cruel for telling her HUSBAND that another person is her soulmate

[@immapotato1]

bro got gaslit by a minority in reddit comment section. u really can't help a guy who wants a specific answer.

[@Draggonny]

I'm guessing she said something equally inappropriate to her friend/brother and that's why he's moving out.

[@IamJenJen101]

Idk. My mom always said soul mate could describe someone who's your friend as well. We're a little Pagan so that could be why. Actually a soul mate could be someone you meet once or who you've known your whole life. Could be your lover or your murderer. Just someone who's soul is reaccurant in your past lives. I don't know how the wife meant it but there's more then one interpretation of a soul mate.

[@sampa2nyc]

The concept of "soulmates" is so over used. Life is not a Hallmark card or a romantic comedy, but some people want to hang on to those tropes because it is easier.

[@Fingerscrossedout]

Actually from what I could understand is that twin flame is actually the definition of romantic love however I've seen that change in recent years as well. Tbh I think it's bullshit either way 🙄 but op is right too feel like he does

[@DragonbornMike-ym2er]

Story 1: She spends the entire time prioritizing a friend over her husband,saying he's more important, and even going as far as to ditch her husband and actually make her husband the third wheel in their marriage. This was literally just a sexless affair. None of the update excuses/justified her behaviour. She's lucky OP was willing to work things out after everything she did/said. All that stuff together could've easily ended a marriage. Disgusting. I really dont see how you could look at your partner the same way after treating you like that.

[@SilverSight92]

Friend most likely left because she tried making a move on him.

[@Racfguy]

OP said more than once that Chuck is queer. Is he? Then SHE invites Chuck to live in their home without even consulting OP? Then OP finds them cuddled up asleep while he waits for her in their bed? Then she says that Chuck is her soulmate and OP is the third wheel in their marriage? Then she blows OP off on their scheduled date-night to have dinner out with Chuck? OP is a slow learner, All those red flags and OP goes along with all that BS? OP needs to tell Chuck to get out. OP needs to get a lawyer and divorce the horrible wife. OP needs to stop being a wuss. Chuck is queer? Suuuurrrrreeee he is, until he and Em get it on. I don't believe for a minute that Chuckie boy is queer and they aren't screwing. OP needs to walk, no, RUN away from these to liars. He deserves better than her.

[@DragonbornMike-ym2er]

@@Racfguy Honestly I'm willing the believe the part about his sexuality is completely true. The primary known problem is the inappropriate nature of the behaviour and the la k of care/priority towards the relationship. Obviously it would be worse if he wasn't actually queer or if she did have really inappropriate feelings towards him, but it would just be bonus negative points at this point.

[@AndyyWithAY]

I didn't like update 2 at all. I think OP was taken for a fool. You're worried about your friend's safety? Ok great, you can still ask your husband if he can move in.

[@DragonbornMike-ym2er]

Yeah, none of it made or even really explained what she did. The entire time she just didn't make her husband a priority at all. Not even second place priority. From beginning to end it seems like she never cared to care for OP until it was going to affect her. Even when he put in the effort for a date night, or to have a conversation about the whole thing. She couldn't care less.

[@ineedhoez]

It does make sense. She went into crisis mode. Her rational brain shut down. She thought her friend was going to kill himself. It wasn't rational but that is the head space she was in. She apologized. She didn't gaslight OP. She took responsibility for her actions. She put boundaries in place. She made a plan for change. This is as healthy as it gets. Given the fact that we rarely see this, we should be amazed.

[@laucorn123]

​@@ineedhoezyeah no. OP says as much in the Update that he didn't go into everything discussed. It's a safe assumption she tried to use OP's words that night to make him feel guilty, & the fact she spent the whole time before he left acting like everything was normal shows she didn't regret what she said until he left. Meaning she only began to panic at the possibility of him leaving for good aka not pay off her Student Loans or help with the bills. She made it very Clear that OP is the third wheel, not her soulmate & not her priority.

[@QueenOfTheZombieApocalypse]

So you’re mad that they communicated and are working on things? 😂

[@laucorn123]

@@QueenOfTheZombieApocalypse can't speak for the original commenter that said for me personally if it was Genuine I'd personally be fine with people talking & working things out. That said I highly doubt it's as worked out or as rosey as OP portrayed which let's be real wasn't that great regardless. I'm absolutely a cynical asshole but that's because I have seen far too many real life examples of what actually goes on in real life. There's a reason for the saying when someone shows you who you are believe them. Even when they were not fighting OP's wife made it very clear that OP was not her priority & was the 3rd wheel in his own marriage in her eyes. The fact she acted like everything was fine until he left speaks volumes.

[@deifieddata4462]

Do not give an ultimatum - just leave. The marriage is dead if she's describing you as the third wheel. She told op that to hurt him. She wants out of the marriage, so oblige.

[@Fix_n_Fly]

When she attacked him and said she knew him longer and was soul mate, she made her choice. Asking how you stand with her now will only result in a pity relationship. She is gone. Actions over words.

[@holeymcsockpuppet]

Acta, non verba. Personal motto of mine.

[@KadeStringer2.0]

She is trying to make it up to her husband and she really didn’t mean it . At least she didn’t cheat on her husband and realizes her mistake

[@haroldvazquez]

​@KadeStringer2.0 she knew she was wrong but kept going at it. No, I would have been done.

[@KadeStringer2.0]

@@haroldvazquez she apologized and made up with him . Why can’t you see anything positive ? Because you are just a negative person that probably cuts people out for no reason.

[@OldManAndTheSeaOfTooManyCats]

@@KadeStringer2.0She apologized because she realized the consequences of scuttling her marriage for Chuck.

[@shells500tutubo]

Story 1- you know what I would do, as a wife, when I ASKED, not INFORMED, my husband about Chuck's dilemma and moving him in? I would tell hubby what happened in their teens and how I was afraid he might go to that dark place again, and I wanted him close for a while. How difficult is that? The truth, all up front. But she chose to lie, put you down, and cause you pain for months while she wiled away her time with her best friend, not giving a damn about you. Out of sight, out of mind. Op is delusional if he thinks this is over. The only thing that changed is that she realized she was losing her paycheck if Op leaves.

[@anonymouse9833]

I don't believe in 'soulmates' necessarily, but holy cow, it would break my heart if my SO said that to me. This poor guy is sacrificing time at home to make a future for them and she's in love with someone else

[@thomasjoseph5876]

The OP is a wuss and she conned him into not leaving and/or divorcing her. I bet she had a long talk with Chuck and expressed her love for him and he probably told her that he could not be with her the way she would want and she should stay with her husband. That's a pretty dramatic 180 turn she did. While she will be "behaving" for the next several years, it won't last and eventually, she will find someone else because, for some reason, the OP isn't her "be all end all" person. I think the OP knows that but because he is such a beta boy, refuses to address it.

[@davidransom4476]

@@thomasjoseph5876 , might find out in the future that Chuck is not gay, but Bi. Then when the tummy starts growing, OP ends up having to pay.

[@akl2k7]

Yeah, in my opinion, you make your spouse into your soulmate. You aren't fated soulmates from the start. And even then, the soulmate status can fall apart if you're not careful and you don't work at it.

[@srideout91]

The OP in the first story deserves everything that’s going to happen to him. If he is to delusional to see what is truly going on, then that’s on him. I have no sympathy for doormats.

[@JasperCatProductions]

Story 2 what? No Jenn needs to stop having kids she can’t support. Your wife is WRONG. Why would you help this sister? Jenn continues to do this cause she gets bailed out. I’d tell my wife not one dime is going to that sister, if your wife don’t like tough luck. I wouldn’t put my family out for a deadbeat.

[@rpurdy4821]

Up vote all day long!

[@flamenmartialis6839]

The best help for Jenn would be for them to pay for her to get a sterilization. That way she wont have another kid with a deadbeat dad.

[@ineedhoez]

​@@flamenmartialis6839😂😂😂😂

[@AryonaSamoto]

Story 1: I think the wife really believes Chuck is her soulmate but when she tried to dip her toes in with Chuck after her blow up with OP Chuck probably shut her down(he probably didn't even notice what she was after). Upon realizing she made a mistake she decided to try and fix things with hubby. OP deserves better. Story 2: OP came up with a solution and I agree with him. His wife is probably stressed and worried about her sister so isn't thinking clearly. So when hubby didn't immediately jump to help she took that as him not caring about someone she cares about. Hopefully, they can talk it out and find a solution together.

[@draconisdragonheart4248]

Story 1: OP does deserve better and he is setting himself up for failure staying in this relationship.

[@sandracox4341]

Came to say this^ I think Op's wife is in love with Chuck and thought she and Chuck were bonding. She thought she was going to leave OP for Chuck and when they had the fight and OP went to stay in the hotel, Op's wife confided in Chuck that she wanted to pursue a relationship with him and he shut her 100% down and went to stay with friends. Then OP started panicking that she effed up her marriage for a pipe dream. OP deserves better.

[@ianesgrecia8568]

Let's be real. If she could Op's partner would 100% leave OP for the 'soulmate' if Chuck made her choose

[@draconisdragonheart4248]

Exactly, she actually had an emotional affair and was mentally abusive to her husband.@@sandracox4341

[@johnbradbury8610]

@@draconisdragonheart4248 He is a major AH if he gets this woman pregnant. It will be too late. this is what happens when people watch too many Rom-coms.

[@YukikoSnowLeopardess]

Final Story: I think the sister seriously needs to be on birth control, because it's not fair on other's to raise her deadbeat baby daddies spawns, because she can't keep her legs closed.

[@burntblonde2925]

Why can’t her sister work 2 jobs? Her life, her choices

[@persebra]

she just had a baby, if she works, she will have to pay double child care. maybe she can find a remote job

[@Plaprad]

@@persebra That and even with a remote or part time job, she's not going to have the time or energy with two toddlers and a newborn. She needs help, but from the sounds of it there's too much pride or something preventing her from going that route and is instead overloading Sis.

[@mbyerly9680]

I'd help pay to have her tubes tied when she gives birth. No one could afford the amount of therapy needed to give this woman a brain or common sense.

[@johnbradbury8610]

Op has a serious wife problem. She wants to give money they don't have to her 304 sister who keeps having kids with different men.

[@terriwetz6077]

For the 2nd story, the old adage "You can't set yourself on fire to keep others warm" definitely applies.

[@shadowking9739]

First Story: If Em is willing to be that callous towards her own husband and readily toss him aside for a man she has no romantic/sexual feelings towards, then imagine how she'll get if she's around a guy she actually likes. And don't forget how she first said that Chuck was her soulmate, then walked back on it and changed her answer, seemingly just to appease her hubbie and mend their relationship. Dump her. Second Story: It's nice the wife wants to help her sister but she needs to realize that there's a difference between helping someone and completely shouldering their problems. I'm sorry if this sounds harsh, but the sister has gotten herself into this mess not once or twice but THREE times and it doesn't sound like she's doing anything to improve her situation. Neither the wife nor the husband has any obligation to give her money and raise her kids for her but if they want to provide aid, then they can help her help herself.

[@MiraTheWarlock]

I'm not buying her claims of not liking him She likes Chuck, but remember he's gay. Only thing holding her back from being with her soulmate is the fact he's not an option

[@shadowking9739]

@@MiraTheWarlockShe could be one of those people that doesn't buy the idea of homosexuality and might try to "convert" him

[@sidhu139]

OP is not going to dump her. He's a doormat.

[@KadeStringer2.0]

@@sidhu139no he isn’t

[@johnbradbury8610]

@@sidhu139 Agreed, Stevie Wonder could see that this woman is toxic.

[@bahnmi436]

Story 1: I’d be out. My spouse calling another a soulmate and flipping out like that would make me lose all feelings. Story 2: Jen running around collecting baby daddy’s like Pokémon is not your problem. Once is an oops, but even serial killers get a pattern after 3.

[@johnbradbury8610]

very true, Put Op has a wife problem. i bet she is going to sneak money to her.

[@akl2k7]

Story 2: Right? There's so much Jen could have done to avoid having kids. I get the feeling she's doing it deliberately, probably to the point of trying to babytrap any "good" guy who comes her way. Hopefully any guys she comes across in the future will see the red flag that is three kids with three different dads and steer clear so there isn't a fourth.

[@ajzephyros7454]

lol collecting baby daddies like Pokémon

[@enjolireyes643]

Story 2- being honest. The only way Jen will be able to hold her and her kids head above water is to go after the deadbeat dads! I understand for a little bit while the child support and lawyers go after those dads but it’s the best option!! I love the fact he suggested a lawyer!

[@tallyp.7643]

Same here--this smacks of the wife being used to coddling her sister and trying to keep her head above water much of her life. She's frustrated because she doesn't see anything wrong with the situation. To her, it's no different than all the times she's "helped" before but needs hubby on board with it. One commenter was totally correct: they start supporting now, when the hell will they be able to stop. Sis will get complacent with the extra income and throw a fit if the cash flow stops.

[@jaymevosburgh3660]

Yeah. I wouldn't put anyone else's children before my own. I don't care if it's family or close friends. My kids are my first responsibility, not my SiL that has three kids from three different guys 😂 Sorry but someone needed to teach that girl about responsibilities, birth control, and learning to tell guys No! And if she needs help with her kids then she needs to hit up those guys because they're the freaking dad's! Certainly not bothering her sister to help pay for her mistakes. Learn to swim. "Life is not fair", say the lazy people 😂

[@ineedhoez]

Not really. If the dead beats are broke, she might get 100 bucks a month or something stupid.

[@Merryfrances]

Story 1: after that update, we can see that he gave her a week apart to come up with reasonable enough sounding answers to backpedal on what she said. The reality is that it probably occurred to her that Chuck will heal, move on, and find somebody else. And she will have to make sure that the husband she has comfortably settled down with has not left her already. Good luck, OP. Edit: edited to fix spelling/formatting mistakes.

[@Merryfrances]

Lol stupid autocorrect. Chuck will heal, not chuckhole heal. 🤦🏻‍♀️

[@FoolMisinfo]

Finally a reasonable comment that doesn't assume a shtton of stuff that's out of grass touch around here, if there was emotional cheating chuck wouldn't have left at all- Even then I still feel bad for OP the way Em lashed out at him was horrible tho.

[@ArcanineEspeon]

@@Merryfrances You can edit your original comment by clicking the three dots, if you weren't aware.

[@Merryfrances]

@@ArcanineEspeon thank you!!

[@AndyyWithAY]

That I have several soulmates foolishness is very troubling. I believe in nonromantic soulmates, but to tell your SPOUSE someone else is your soul mate? Ain't no way. Toxic relationships are not only the ones where the 2 people want to bone each other. This is some Will and Grace level dysfunction. Those 2 torpedoed so many relationships being toxic and codependent with each other. Love the show, but that dynamic is not at all healthy.

[@ArcaneNim]

Unfortunately, I agree. You can have a toxic relationship with anyone. Toxic friendships, toxic familial relationships, toxic aquaintances....

[@One.DeSanctis.]

Yes, so strong! Em &Chuck's toxic swamp of co-dependency has polluted OP's marriage. OP and EM should call it a superfund and try a trial separation

[@StefenBruh]

That's called a kindred spirit not a soul mate. Get your shit together

[@ineedhoez]

Amen!!! Codependency is real!

[@TheEmpressReborn]

I don't believe in soulmates at all. It's just an excuse that cheaters use to justify their cheating. Nothing more, nothing less.

[@johnowen9349]

Her soulmate almost cost her a sweet deal. She'll cheat, eventually, but because Chuck didn't actually make a move on her (yes, we all know he's gay but every gay person can tell you a story about a straight person who refused to accept that) she did a full 180 to keep her husband for the time being. Chuck will be ignored more and more, and once she feels secure in her marriage again she'll be hunting off the reservation.

[@KG-VanityInKnickers]

Last story: I complete understand OP's dilemma as my (ex) hubby tried the same thing. I did the bills and finances in the household so I literally threw them at him and told him if that was what he wanted to do, then HE needed to figure it out because I could NOT find the extra money. Apparently he couldn't either because he ended up taking a second job to help his sister and we seldom saw him. I ended up divorcing him and finding out most of the money he gave his sis went up her nose.

[@nicknitro86]

It sounds more like she just appreciates him, not loves him. If my wife said that to me, it would permanently change my view of her.

[@emanx222]

Oh hell no if doesn't just sound like she appreciates him. All the stuff they do together while excluding OP? Nah that's not appreciation. Heck, appreciation needn't even involve interacting with a person so that flies right out of the window. She literally has been treating Chuck like he's her partner because literally outside of sex, she does everything with Chuck, is insanely defensive of him while attacking OP, completely disregards OP's feelings about the situation multiple times and outright tells him to get over another man being her soul mate? The guy being gay is completely irrelevant, again that is NOT appreciation. That Long since crossed that line. Holy fuck! To even insinuate that is wild looooool

[@tallyp.7643]

I'm surprised she didn't say "I love you, but I'm not IN love with you anymore." in hopes it won't tip their boat over yet. She put him on the back burner so long he's miserable and she put all her focus on her friend. Yes, he was hurting and in bad shape, but you don't put your own marriage on the back burner to help someone else.

[@MGP2210]

Maybe she "appreciates" OP the way a boss "appreciates" an employee, to keep them slaving away, without sufficient reward/remuneration? 🤔

[@Nevertoleave]

You should probably talk to your wife. Do you actually fulfil her emotional needs or does she go to her friends? What do you do together? Is it mostly the things you like while she does things she likes with her friends? Can you honestly says her best friend(s) no matter their sex or gender aren’t her Chuck? Someone who is emotionally fulfilling, has things in common, and does things she likes to do?

[@tchoythao1730]

@@Nevertoleavegotta remember that you need a life outside your spouse. Nowhere near what OP’s spouse was doing, of course, but you need to get away from your spouse from time to time because depending solely on one person all the time for everything is not healthy, and no, I don’t mean cheating or nothing like that, calm down. Also, while OP’s spouse did not do a good thing, we do gotta understand where it was coming from if we take it at face value or by OP’s words. Self deletion is a scary thing to most people and most people don’t know how to handle it. Because most people aren’t knowledgeable in assisting in these kind of situations, they can end up doing too much, and there is a such thing as helping too much. Also remember that the friend is gay. Not excusing the spouse’s actions, but the dynamics are not the same as a woman with a hetero male friend. Just pointing this out because it feels like a lot of commentators are projecting their hurt vs taking the OP’s words in the story.

[@nexutus8073]

I totally agree with the comment that said that telling your partner that someone else is their real soulmate, is an marriage-ending-statement. No questions asked just get out of the door and never come back The wife needs serious therapy if she thinks it is okay to nearly kill your own marriage and then just come back by flirting a little and saying how sorry she is Sorry would not cut it from me in this instance.

[@MrColin159]

Hubby will be hyper-sensitive to everything she says and does from now on. I'd give it two or three years and he'll decide that though he loves her he definitely can't trust her and start showing signs of moving on. Given how callous she is she will probably get pregnant at that point just to make sure he sticks around. She is a lousy person and a lousy wife.

[@ramzagtzo]

It's not controlling to have boundaries. If my wife ever called me controlling over clear bullshit like this I would give her all the freedom she wants through divorce

[@Callimo]

OP was socialized as a child to have a very skewed view of boundaries and anger. OP needs therapy to unpack those feelings and to learn to express boundaries and anger in healthy ways.

[@KadeStringer2.0]

@@Callimotherapy wouldn’t do much

[@kisstune]

@@KadeStringer2.0 Yep op needs to hit the gym instead.

[@KadeStringer2.0]

@@kisstune yeah I agree

[@Bleg94]

1. Story: no matter what she says now, the relationship is over, she doesn’t care about Op and she showed that more than just obvious Update: she successfully gaslighted OP into staying her meal ticket … he needs to grow a backbone and get some therapy, he is in an abusive relationship

[@miminana-hd6nf]

I call, absolute, bull on Chuck no knowing he was interfering in their marriage. He knew he was taking her away from plans she made with OP, he didn't care and took advantage of it. I do believe that OP's wife was miserable with her feelings towards Chuck. If he threatened suicide before and those feelings were never dealt with I can, totally, understand why she would be afraid he would think of it again. Chuck is the AH here. He had the means to move into his own place and he did not. He got comfortable becoming the "third wheel" in OP's marriage and never gave a shit how it was affecting OP, and his marriage. OP, and his wife, definitely need counseling, not only to learn how to communicate effectively but how to set limits/boundaries regarding outside interference in their marriage.

[@LadyBern]

Sounds likev emotional codependency.

[@madambutterfly1997]

Well I would file for divorce because you can't be married to me but somebody else is your soulmate.

[@tallyp.7643]

She needs some major therapy after that update, but so does OP. I hope it works out with their communication.

[@missNekolover91]

hmmm there is platonic soulmates?

[@madambutterfly1997]

@@missNekolover91no those don’t exist

[@missNekolover91]

and if caring for another human being, because they are suicidal is bad

[@Kris-wo4pj]

​@@madambutterfly1997yes they do. Its only been in the last 100 yrs that hasnt existed. Greeks even said there were a soulmate for every form of love and if ya find those in one person its special. Most people dont find that.

[@mickymcbryan4814]

It sounds like OP in the first story’s wife is engaged is what us asexuals call a Queerplatonic relationship. It’s when someone has a platonic relationship that becomes their central one, which often involves dates, cuddling, and having all the same intensity of a romantic relationship without the actual romance and sex. And yes, having a queerplatonic partner without having that previously negotiated into your relationship IS emotional infidelity.

[@Plaprad]

I've legit never heard of that before, but it makes sense. Some people want a relationship without the sex and romance, and that would give it to them.

[@thomasdatoneboi405]

I rather have a qqp than a "regular" relationship. But lord it's so wrong to lead someone on like that.

[@AndyyWithAY]

Guests moving in are a 2 yes 1 no situation. She was dead wrong to invite him to move in without discussing it with her husband. Em is one of those people who's never satisfied. Instead of having a soulmate who could engage with her in a romantic way, she decides her soulmate is some gay guy. OP is definitely letting too much slide. There's no way she just "forgot" their date. She is putting no effort into the marriage. Worse she's the type of person who will always find something to be upset over. They've never fought because OP has always rolled with whatever she wanted

[@thomasjoseph5876]

The OP is a wuss and she conned him into not leaving and/or divorcing her. I bet she had a long talk with Chuck and expressed her love for him and he probably told her that he could not be with her the way she would want and she should stay with her husband. That's a pretty dramatic 180 turn she did. While she will be "behaving" for the next several years, it won't last and eventually, she will find someone else because, for some reason, the OP isn't her "be all end all" person. I think the OP knows that but because he is such a beta boy, refuses to address it.

[@deusdamnit]

@@thomasjoseph5876 You guys are some hardcore cynics. Really took the redpill, huh? It's no wonder you're alone.

[@kichikitsu]

if she's on the verge of a nervous breakdown due to insane fear that her best friend is going to kill himself, then yes, it is extremely possible that she just forgot about their date, considering OP admits himself that they haven't been going on any dates for 6+ months. I seriously wonder how many of y'all have ever had to deal with close friends with suicidal tendencies. It sucks, and it's miserable, especially when you feel like you're the only thing that could stop them. Going 6 months thinking your best friends life is in your hands is insane. It 100% explains why her aggression (that OP admits is out of character for her) and Chuck taking up most of her time happened. Also, platonic soulmates and romantic soulmates are not mutually exclusive, nor should platonic soulmates be dismissed.

[@AndyyWithAY]

@kichikitsu1504 It seems like you didn't comprehend anything that happened in the story. None of those detailed happened in an order that makes this comment relevant or accurate.

[@sonialinsey8083]

@andyawe13 I know, people are reaching so hard with this one… people can apologize and mean it 🤣 commenters should write a novel with the fiction they post on here.

[@mayaya1613]

Story 1 made me so mad. I would never emotionally and intentionally strive to hurt and tear down my partner. I would leave her

[@alexnightray3204]

Story 1: If it were me, knowing how things affect me, especially when someone I consider near and dear to my heart say things like what the wife said, I wouldn't want to work on the relationship anymore. It's nice that the wife explained Chuck's backstory and why she blew up at him (and I feel bad for Chuck's back story). If it was me on the receiving end of a spouse blow up after I explain how those same actions make me feel like an afterthought, that would stay in my system for a long time and I wouldn't look at the spouse the same way, no matter how many apologies were said after the fact. I would leave for my self.

[@sharyebethancourt3660]

S1: I’m not even mad that she feels Chuck is her soulmate, cuz that can have different meanings for different people. I definitely have at just one platonic soulmate. It’s the fact that she prioritized Chuck and shrugged off OPs plans. It’s the defensiveness. It’s the apathy towards OPs feelings.

[@livewellwitheds6885]

even if some people have more than one soulmate, the way the wife used the word and treats chuck makes it clear that chuck is her one and only. blowing up, attacking op, defending chuck when op was never saying anything bad about him is a huge red flag. at this point i consider it cheating in like a platonic relationship way. its 100% emotional cheating! but regardless of whats going in between them, op is being treated poorly and thats not okay.

[@davidgolden1607]

Story 2: Sounds like OP is being logical and rational; the money just isn't there. Perhaps now is a good time to explain the concept of personal responsibility to the sister; if she has three babies out of wedlock, what are they going to do when there's a fourth, or fifth? What is the sister going to contribute to this situation other than being a leech? OP is definitely NTA, and his wife needs to take a long drink from the well of reality.

[@tallyp.7643]

I'm petty enough I'd say hello to the sister and give her the card for a good lawyer to help with child support and a box of condoms (or better yet, a consult with an OB/GYN to get an IUD)

[@wmdkitty]

OP could offer to pay for a tubal ligation...

[@One.DeSanctis.]

Story #1 - OP's wife sounds like a sneaky so and so who has ignored OP's feelings to white knight for her soul mate. The soul mate that said the 6+ month self harm watch was not necessary. I feel that OP's wife may be a narcissist. Chuck sure gave her all of the time and attention OP could not. Personal bias, but my narcissist father and ex-friends were really circumspect about directly addressing a topic that might remove their constant supply. OP has larger problems than Chuck. The wife will continue to seek out activity partners cum soul mates.

[@KE-hr4sb]

S1: “He’s not the third wheel, I’ve known him longer than I’ve known you.” That she didn’t see this reaction as incredibly inappropriate and insulting is a huge red flag. No matter how long they’ve known each other, if she thinks you’re the third wheel in your own marriage, she needs her priorities straightened and to start putting an effort into her relationship with YOU. Sure you do too, but she’s given him all her time and attention. That’s an emotional affair. “He’s my soulmate and you just have to deal with that.” No, no you don’t. She has broken your wedding vows; she doesn’t get to have her cake (you) and eat it too (him). If that’s how she feels, she needs to leave so you can find a partner that feels YOU are her soulmate. Ignore the women that say they have “more than one soulmate.” That is not the meaning of the word and they sound like cake eaters too. ETA: Maybe I’m jaded, but I don’t buy her backpedaling. Chuck is never going to want to date her, so she’s settling for her safety net: OP.

[@deancrocker1573]

Story 1: she had an emotional affair and was only sorry when she got called out on it. Up until then she didn’t care about her husband. To call someone else soulmate for me is instant divorce. No such a thing as multiple soulmates since we have only one soul. Her affair is no different than if it was a physical affair and her response is the same

[@debbymccormack6525]

In the last story, I think there is a difference between helping someone and enabling someone. Her sister clearly doesn't get into a solid relationship before bringing children into this world. There are natural consequences for your decisions. I think helping her in any way is just going to enable her to make more bad choices rather than examine her life and change how she's living it. She sounds like a mess honestly and her kids and sister and her family are the ones left paying the price for her inability to be accountable.

[@RoseKoneko]

There’s definitely better ways to express the closeness you have with a friend than soulmate.

[@draconisdragonheart4248]

Story 1: Setting boundaries in a marriage is NOT controlling. It is done to help both husband and wife stay loyal. The problem here is that OP never set the proper boundaries, and so his wife totally disregarded him. The KEY WORD HERE IS LOYALITY! OP is actually setting himself up for failure. She already had an emotional affair and it would have been physical if Chuck wanted it.

[@Loveeleven10]

Update: She is sorry she pushed away her meal ticket.

[@paulastiles5507]

Story #1: Until OP realizes that playing the Pick Me Dance doesn't work, he's going to keep doing the same thing and expecting different results.

[@theseawriter]

There’s a kitten inside I’ve been trying to catch. It’s a small kitten, and has no tail. Meows like crazy, but has been hiding in bushes. I’m trying to gain its trust so I can capture it, but it’s slow going.

[@broken_queer_but_fighting8589]

Aww poor baby good luck

[@jessikajane4967]

Open up a can of tuna and leave it near the bushes

[@starbird3939]

Story 1 & Updat I know in some cultures, a soulmate can mean a person dear to you (not just a romantic partner). However, ditching Op’s date, snuggling up to another man, and calling that man her soulmate? Nah. There is a line and it has been crossed. I feel like the wife is trying to cling onto her moneybank and safety net.

[@earcher]

The cynic in me feels like she shot her shot with Chuck after the blow out with hubs and got turned down. Then she pivoted back to hubs like, "oh I didn't mean it though"

[@venusbleu5764]

Yikes. That is not your wife that I'd simply someone you're legally bound too. Unfortunately for her Chuck will never be what she needs and I hope she knows how it feels when he finds a husband.

[@venusbleu5764]

Yeahhhh I just don't know how forgiving I would be if my husband repeatedly prioritized another woman let alone to the extent of lashing out. Chuck is a grown man wife cannot police him forever nor take his actions and mental health onto herself. It is super not ok for many reasons

[@davidransom4476]

If I was OP I'd leave my laptop out with a divorce lawyer site on the screen and a business card under the edge of it. Make sure you visit the lawyer, too. Chuck should never have moved in.

[@MsStrangeEmilie]

Story 1: How can a partner say that nonsense ? I tell her to be with the soul mate and be free. Sure as hell will not be the third wheel in his relationship. The spouse took her chance with Chuck and it did not work. Tell Chuck to rot with spouse.

[@itsashorething]

The one line in marriage vows that people seem to forget is "forsaking all others". And that phrase is not just confined to would-be sexual or Affair partners.

[@enjolireyes643]

This 100%. In your marriage you and your partner are one and must handle the world on a united front and together. That was truly the problem. She forgot that

[@walterlyzohub8112]

@@enjolireyes643 I don’t think she forgot it as much as she dismissed it.

[@milhousego]

I guarantee Em confessed to her bestie and when he rejected her (for obvious reasons) THATS when she realized she needed to prioritize OP.

[@Porschesplayhouse]

Hell naw. As soon as EM used her whole chest to tell me that she wasn't my soulmate, I'd have been done. That's more than a marriage ending statement.

[@madambutterfly1997]

There is no forgiving you calling another man your soulmate while you’re married to me. There’s nothing you can say, or do to ever redeem yourself for that. And you can’t take it what you said. Oh, like I said, you are my definition of a second chance if you go your way, and I’ll go mine. A second chance on our relationship where you and I stay together is not possible, especially after you say or do something you can’t undo and nothing you say or do you in the future could ever erase that act from existence.

[@annabethsmith-kingsley2079]

I don’t believe her line about being she was worried about her friend. Worried or not, she still clearly prioritized her friend at the drop of a hat.

[@kayliejean5510]

"Others just pointing out he got his toes done, and fair play to him" 😂😂😂

[@leegraves8878]

Story 1 all she cares about is his resources betting soulmate swings both ways.

[@AndyyWithAY]

Nahhh... you get pregnant by a deadbeat one time. Ok, maybe you got bamboozled. But THREE baby daddies?? I'm not here for it and I wouldn't be supporting her. NTA. She should have been focusing on the 2 children she already has

[@akl2k7]

I get the feeling it's deliberate. As soon as she finds a "good man", she starts trying to have kids with him, whether he wants to or not. Hopefully all future suitors bow out and block her as soon as they find out about her three kids with three different men.

[@DL-ce4vy]

Story 1 - he's so concerned with making sure he's not the abuser that he doesn't realize he followed in his Mom's shoes and married an abuser.

[@LOLtz1]

Story 1: I know you have to work through a lot in marriage but if my wife was treating me like this for another guy regardless of orientation I don't think I could stay.

[@ScooterBond1970]

I was waiting for a reference to the ART ROOM but was bitterly denied.

[@icantchange.youtubesaysine7338]

Rn, having a bit if a doodle. I'm doodling snakes because I want to draw some Good Omens Fanart. Hope everyone's day is good. Remember, taking a mental health day isn't bad! Look after yourself. You come first always!

[@broken_queer_but_fighting8589]

Ooo fun 💜💜🤗🤗

[@godbearxd]

The first thing I do in situations like this is evaluate why I'm not happy then I bring it up to my partner. If there is little to no change or no long-term change I'll bring it up twice more before a breakup is *definitely* happening no matter what. If it truly matter it would have mattered the first 3 times. Listen when people are telling you how they feel about you, even indirectly.

[@vlionheart]

Yeah, I don't believe one second that the wife didn't 100% mean the soulmate comment. The only reason she backed down is that she noticed that she was in danger of having to pay her own bills so she fixed her relationship with her ATM.

[@FlipTheBard]

People can have platonic or romantic soulmates, but to call someone a soulmate in front of yous SO and treat your SO like crap(even if just for a moment) is a low blow.

[@rosesantos5682]

STORY 1- The wife is wrong in so many ways. She is lucky that the guy was even willing to listen to her apologies. I'm glad she realized her mistakes.

[@dueldr]

Good grief, the first story guy is really selling himself short. Clear cut time to move on, divorce. He attempted to have a talk, but her response revealed her priority. Agree with the “better to be happy apart than miserable together,” guy.

[@Eric-bl8lp]

Story 2: handouts dont work 99% of the time especially when the person theyre being given to is an idiot who doesnt take accountability and learn from their mistakes

[@annabethsmith-kingsley2079]

If Chuck loved her he wouldn’t want to ruin her marriage.

[@kevinnaranek6649]

After reading you the riot act she adds "Then she she said "Chuck is my soul mate and you just have to get used to that." At this point you write a note telling her you hope she and Chuck will be very happy together and depart.

[@dave7865]

story 2 - don't set yourself on fire to keep someone else warm

[@aurorathedragonlady2728]

Hi Mark! Having some lunch before doing some recording had to drop by! Story 1 before Updates: I get there are different kinds of soulmates. My best friend I have known sense 1st grade I see as a soulmate but not in a romantic way. She's like a sister from a different family. However, this is extreme. She's having a gay friend that she is treating like her husband. Won't hear her husband out on it when he feels neglected. I don't think this woman is worth it, but if he wants to try and talk it out more before bowing out, I say he should do that. Update: I can see she was protecting her bestie. Glad they talked it out. Know that it will be a struggle but I hope they are in a better place. Story 2: Geeze! Lady, your husband is willing to help but he's being reasonable. I agree you should look for a long term plan then something short sighted. Don't just throw money at her, get her a good lawyer. I like the "die by a thousand cuts" line because that's true!

[@frankhonesty9146]

I wonder how much Em in story one is like OPs dad. She doesn’t process her emotions well and lashes out when she’s upset. She’s punishing and cruel when she feels vulnerable. OP was trying so hard to not be his father he may have ended up married to his father.

[@bioshockbrat9171]

Story 2: why not use the spare time she has to work on getting her sister social assistance programs to get Jen the helps needs, like the wife taking Jen's kids and volunteering at a food bank to get her hampers for her sister, teach her easy recipes to feed her kids. The food bank teaches the kids generosity and compassion. Find community based programs for the older kids to participate in after school to give mom a break. And I hope I'm not insensitive by saying get the sister on birth control. It is heartbreaking to see a family struggle when it can be prevented so easily. You can be a strong single parent when given the support, encouragement, and resources to stand on your own two feet

[@catsithx]

She made the art room for chuck!!!! 😂

[@Floratic]

I got into an arguement with a guy a couple years ago on the subject of soulmates. He believed people have multiple soulmates. I told him that isn't possible and dilutes the meaning of a soulmate. I'm under the belief that everyone has ONE soulmate, but we have multiple people we are compatible with. We may never find our ONE soulmate, but we are given the opportunity to be with various people we are compatible with.

[@roelthas]

If OP stays, he'll be just another doormat.

[@maxinemyers9215]

An update for story 2 would be interesting !

[@telinhajp]

Good afternoon, Mark and Poppy! Wishing that you both be happy and healthy! ❤️🤗

[@broken_queer_but_fighting8589]

You too m8🤗🤗💜💜

[@MGP2210]

Story 01 Her behaviour does not sound like someone who was on the verge of a nervous breakdown.

[@MrColin159]

Story 1: Em thinks she managed to save her marriage and maybe she has - for now. But hubby is now aware of her nature and while he's still there for now, his feet are in the starting blocks and he's already heard "On your marks, Get ready" and if she does one more little thing that disrespects him, he'll hear "Go!" and he'll be gone so completely that the next time she hears anything from him it'll be when she's served the divorce papers. Hell, he's probably got a bug-out bag in the car and is setting up a secret bank account as we write. Trying to repair trust is like putting a bandaid on a popped soap bubble.

[@PaychecksDk]

Story 1:.... Suuuuure, thats going to end badly in a few when he finds out that he never was a priority other then a wallet

[@cb9825]

Story 2 - Jen will never learn how to get her shit together if the sister is always rushing to help her. I have an aunt like this. She was a single mother since she was 22 and she got used to siblings always helping her. She now expects them to just give her money whenever she asks. She always had a job, and most of the time the pay was decent (not exactly loads of money, but not minimal wage job either). she is just not good with personal finances. She is in her 60s now. I wonder what is her plan for the future, all the siblings are older and will die before her.

[@amiefaillace]

Story 2. No one has addressed the fact of how irresponsible Jen is and putting herself in this situation. 3 babies 3 baby daddies, has she never heard of birth control? It's probably better to put this child up for adoption.

[@videofan1010]

Soulmates are not... Real... Relationships and closeness are a choice. She's choosing not to be close to him.

[@calliopeeerin6584]

My only thought during the second story was “Don’t light yourself on fire to keep others warm.” It’s normal to want to help family and op and his wife are kind to do what they can, but it shouldn’t be at the expense of them or especially their kids

[@Naushad2906]

Imagine loosing your wife to a guy who doesn't even like women

[@piratsnygg]

My best friend is my soulmate, and I would never treat my SO like this. It's super weird. You can have more than one soulmate, but this just sounds like she doesn't care about him at all, AND takes him for granted.

[@Panosptr]

The wife of story 1 is lucky she have such a weak husband. She managed to manipulate him and keep him as her personal ATM.

[@geaanderson8525]

Story 1 - Leave her. You are not Important to her. Excuses, excuses. Then until the next heart break.

[@sidhu139]

Nothing makes me more mad tan listening to doormats and simps, and that's exactly what the OP in story 1 is.

[@rebeccay480]

1st story, if what EM says is true, she really should have communicated better with OP. Something like "OP, I'm worried about Chucks safety and would like to take time to make sure he is in a good place. I know I invited him to live with us without running it by you, but my history with Chuck made me feel like bringing him here was a priority." Communication in the long run would have definitely saved some heartache all around.

[@alank9754]

If my wife told me another man was her soul mate. I be filing for divorce. It's over folks

[@mattharrell6880]

S1...that marriage is over. They are just performing CPR on a corpse with their *plan*.

[@blovelee9920]

Good morning, everyone! Hope you all have a great day.

[@broken_queer_but_fighting8589]

You too m8🤗🤗💜💜

[@carlsberg-gs6rl]

Story 1: OP needs to ditch her ASAP. She is done. OP needs to realize that he's the backup here.

[@noneedtoknow07]

She said that Chuck wasn't the third wheel, in front of OP and in front of their friends. She'll be lucky if this doesn't end in divorce.

[@wolfmancool]

More than one soulmate? That is ridiculous logic.