My Wife Wants To Do Less Chores But I'm Strictly Against It r/Relationships

[@Paige_wonders]

Hey so the wife in story 2 is going to end up as the victim on a true crime podcast in about a year. Stay tuned for that

[@Iflie]

Yeah they need to kick her out and she;s determined to stick with toxic guy. Some women are like that, they get addicted to the toxic behaviour and they will drag everyone else into it. Or you know, maybe dire therapy but it doesn't sound like she'd to that

[@Center-For-I.E.D.Mismanagement]

​​@@IflieWhen someone wants a Darwin Award, and I mean *REALLY WANTS IT,* there is little one can do to course correct. Not just some women can be like this. Men can befall this tendency as well.

[@Iflie]

@@Center-For-I.E.D.Mismanagement Yes very much so, you'd think already having a husband would give you some defense but nopes. Let her go ruin her own life. She was so determined that everyone should like him but obviously the only one that mattered was her sex.

[@Center-For-I.E.D.Mismanagement]

​@@IflieOP is also a spineless cuck and needs to stop being a spineless cuck.

[@eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee8]

@@Center-For-I.E.D.Mismanagementand it tends to be due to a life of trauma, abuse and neglect. Because it’s all they know it’s all they attract and see as love. It’s a sad situation

[@starbird3939]

Story 2 Update The boyfriend is not a dom, he is an abuser. He is trying to separate the wife’s support group, is constantly hovering her, and dominates hier time. A person who is turned on by serial killers is a red flag-like those people who tattoo Charles Manson on their bodies and write love letters to prisoners. It’s absolutely sick and there is something fucked with them.

[@damien678]

I just don't get it with people that crush on serial killers. Fictional characters like Hannibal are literally Right There, and it's not nearly as fucked up...but maybe that has less of a 'thrill' for them? Maybe I'm 'lucky' that I'm perfectly content with just reading completely fictional stories about fucked up shit though

[@sugakookie7985]

It's also a possible sign of former abuse either as a young child or teen, it seems her whole family is into this lifestyle wouldn't be the first time mom or dad's partner used their position in the family to mess with the children

[@randomusername3873]

Imagine introducing your boyfriend to friends and family (and husband), only for them to be so horrified that they won't even have him in the house because they fear for their safety What kind of creature did she pull

[@sugakookie7985]

Wife clearly wants out of the marriage (that's what I like about him...translation...he makes you uncomfortable and I like that) she doesn't need a freak to dissolve her relationship but she's having fun doing this she may have more than a few screws loose?

[@ACCER]

My niece called me one day in her late 7th month. She had done laundry the day before. She was trying to do a load of laundry (top load washer) but could no longer get close enough to it. It literally happened overnight. She was getting so frustrated when her husband walked in and asked what was wrong. She kept trying to reach the buttons but her baby bump just wouldn't let her....she kept trying to turn to get that half inch she needed. Her husband just turned her around, told her to go put her feet up and call me. He did the laundry after that. After she had the baby, she called me so delighted that she could reach the buttons on the washing machine again! Pregnancy is weird. Good husbands realize that and help with what their partner needs help with......even if they don't ask.

[@ChrisAndCats]

From someone who was the size of a small elephant when pregnant - I wonder why would your niece would not just turn sideways for the buttons? Why does it have to be front-on?

[@ACCER]

@@ChrisAndCats ROTFL.....I wondered that at the time and it had something to do with the location of the machine and her size and it just didn't work. She had tried turning back and forth, and was so frustrated but kept at it because it had worked yesterday! She called it "Short Pregnant Girl Issue #97"

[@samanthavanscoder9536]

I had laundry tongs so i could reach the bottom lol

[@ChrisAndCats]

@@ACCER 🙂

[@katie6731]

​​@@samanthavanscoder9536 can relate. I am both short and disabled, and our washing machine is tall and a top-loader. Getting the last half of the wet items out of the washer means balancing my ribs on the rim of the washer and leaning my top half into the machine. Because of my underlying condition, if I do that, I dislocate my ribs, causing _excruciating_ pain. A few months ago--after having a mini-meltdown from frustration, pain, and an inability to carry out such a simple task--I finally figured out the laundry tongs solution. On good pain days, I can take one of hubs's least-favorite chores off his plate. He's my caregiver, and has had to take over pretty much everything else, so it feels good to lighten his load. I can't imagine trying to get laundry out of the washer while pregnant! I don't think even my 24-inch laundry tongs would be enough 😆

[@kavertia6261]

I really went into that first story thinking I wouldn’t draw premature conclusions and then I got hit by the “my wife is pregnant and does most of the chores around the house” :/

[@MorganaCrow]

And then slammed by the "I'm not a misogynist."

[@sharontalladira]

Yup he is ta! He needs to help with the household chores.she shouldn't be vacuuming or mopping or lifting the laundry. Those chores alone pull at the placenta and can cause premature birth. Been there done that. Step up and be a real man

[@anthonycollier2456]

Stop complaining about being pregnant when you asked to be pregnant. Woman up and learn to deal with it.

[@untitled-gv3qp]

​@@anthonycollier2456They both wanted the baby. And it's physically dangerous for her to be doing all the chores while heavily pregnant and experiencing pain and extreme nausea. If she needs to woman up for the baby then he needs to man up for the baby and at least handle the chores that require heavy lifting or being on her feet for extended periods of time.

[@BrainWitchSiv]

​@anthonycollier2456 women die everyday due to complications. If picking up a plate is too much for op he is not ready for the gauntlet that is child rearing.

[@EluneAnzu]

Story 2: "He acts like a serial killer" "Yeah that's what I like about him" Sounds like wife is one of those nutjobs who fall for serial killers. Hopefully she comes to her senses and, like any rational person, realizes there's a reason why most people kind of, you know, don't like serial killers before she experiences first hand why people don't like serial killers.

[@pinkiepower1968]

The second story has me really concerned for everyone in that story. Hope we get another update, even if its just 'Hey! We're not dead at the hands of this psychopath!'

[@MrJpaynebb]

This man is controlling, crossing all sorts of boundaries and aggressive to OP, their friends and family. Is his cock that good? She knows he's wrong for her but just let's it slide. This is all the makings of a Lifetime movie.

[@MaryTheresa1986]

I don't even care about the dingbat wife. I just want OP to nope out of that situation ASAP.

[@iisalehtonen4251]

😊😊😊😊

[@sharyebethancourt3660]

That open relationship story scared TF out of me. Wife sounds delusional and dude sounds unhinged.

[@katwitanruna]

Second story - been in a poly relationship and one of our firm rules was that the other partner had veto rights over our outside relationships. Personally if I had a boyfriend act like that around my husband I’d have kicked them out myself. „That’s just how it is“ is BS. Just like „boys will be boys“ is BS.

[@taylorlibby7642]

While it's true that you generally have no idea what's going on in a relationship unless you're one of the people involved in the relationship, and a lotta times not even then, pretty much all of the poly relationships I've been around seem to suffer from these kinds of tensions.

[@katwitanruna]

@@taylorlibby7642 the key is communication. That’s where many poly folx have issues.

[@taylorlibby7642]

@@katwitanruna That's pretty much an everybody thing in my experience. Not just limited to the poly's. ; )

[@katwitanruna]

@@taylorlibby7642 true! Many folx have problems communicating because they weren’t taught how to do so. Something I worked on with my kids.

[@thomasjoseph5876]

People in poly relationships are selfish by nature. I will laugh my butt off when OP comes back saying the dude killed his wife. Poly is just a form of cheating and power control.

[@isiaadiel3468]

"That's what I like about him!" Nah, some folks are just built to be on a true crime show. She had her husband tell her that this dude suck, everyone around her say they hate him and that he is terrifying, and says she LOVES HIM?!! She is a walking chalk outline at this point.

[@mracula1667]

Story 2: This is where open or poly relationships get super complicated. OP is in a relationship with his wife and the other guy is playing out a kink with both of them.

[@Sensansenkai]

Every time I learn a new fact about pregnancy it makes me want to get pregnant less and less. I'm currently 673% sure I don't want to experience that.

[@kali3731]

omg same!!!

[@triciad4100]

...So what you're saying is you're a cat, and when you're on your 7th life there's a chance? 😺

[@Sensansenkai]

Hmmm maybe 40 reincarnations from now I'll be ready XD @@triciad4100

[@user-kl8lo6rj5i]

OP in the last story needs to get security cameras for their home and do a background check on the wife's boyfriend. Everyone's gut is saying something is really wrong and the wife is mesmerized by a crazy man. Buy some pepper spray, make sure he doesn't get a key, put in an alarm, do whatever you have to do, but protect yourselves.

[@LunaP1]

He needs to also have her evaluated. Because, like a raby infected animal, she has no self preservation.

[@Vallyrah]

One of the things that is often mentioned regarding what women go through with pregnancy is how there body changes. A major complaint from partners is that they don't get their body back afterwards. I want to put out an FYI that while some women do bounce back to their pre-pregnancy body, others have health issues as a result for the rest of their lives. I have a genetic condition that I didn't know about when I had my kids. My condition got much worse during my pregnancy and never really calmed down. The joint issues that were talked about 11:13 never ended. If I didn't have a supportive partner, I don't know how I would have made it.

[@weltschmertzz]

The mindset of chores being a woman's duty and men "helping" is so problematic.

[@AngelaVEdwards]

But should he have to do the lion's share of the chores the way his wife wants, even though he has a demanding job? Is that fair? She doesn't work. How is her not having to do any of it fair to him?

[@lulul0l039]

Did you listen the story, one of the comments ? He admitted that he had been ignoring her telling about the pregnancy symptoms and will be more involved and caring partner. Late stages of pregnancy and post partum are ROUGH. Commetors told their experiences, and it clicked. Wife folds while sitting and husband makes most of the rest with OP's sibling helping.

[@AngelaVEdwards]

@@lulul0l039 I can understand not having her carrying baskets of clothes around and perhaps not reaching for things. But she wanted him to do the MAJORITY OF THE WORK. He already works full time and she does not. I don't get how everyone seems to think this is fair. Husband has to do "most of the rest" and wife only has to fold while sitting? You can't be serious.

[@katie6731]

​@@AngelaVEdwardsTo be fair, the only thing he actually said she'd asked him to do was the laundry. He _acted_ like she wasn't doing anything at all, but, if you listen to the setup, the fight occurred because the wife asked OP to do laundry. He responded that laundry "was her responsibility if she wanted it done that night" (t/s 1:42), beginning the argument. He gave no other examples of her asking for his help, he didn't say that the house had become a complete mess, and he didn't mention any other fights about housework. So, he either has no idea of what goes into taking care of them and the house, or he is completely oblivious as to the state of their home. I doubt that he could go very long without noticing that there's no food, the dishes are all dirty and have stunk up the kitchen, the bathroom is filthy, and every surface is covered with dust. So, that indicates she *has* been doing the other chores on at least a semi-regular basis. It's odd that he didn't have a single clue about what it takes to grow a human. He cared so little about how his wife was feeling that he thought the only difference between pre-pregnancy and seven months into pregnancy was that she'd started napping once a day. He wasn't curious enough about his own baby to learn anything until he had a problem with his wife's plea for help, leading him to Reddit. Based on that and his comment about the child growing up in a poverty-stricken home, I'd bet that he has had others to do a lot for him. The all-or-nothing approach to money, the underestimation of housework, and the inflation of the _provider_ role all indicate that he either grew up with money or whoever raised him enforced such strict gender roles that OP never did any household chores. After all, he made _laundry_ his hill to die on, when laundry for two people shouldn't require much hands-on time and effort for someone who isn't pregnant or disabled.

[@AngelaVEdwards]

@@katie6731 I have never been pregnant but from the descriptions, it does sound like much of the laundry is difficult or adds pain. And he should of course help in a case like that.

[@ItsYaBoiV]

That second story is the setup to a psychological horror movie right there. Wifey is gonna end up missing, then dead. Or she's in on it and OP will be the one being axed. Yeesh.

[@jessbeingme8155]

I would watch this movie but I would peace the F out if I actually knew someone who said that they like the serial killer vibes. That's the type of person who watches too much true crime and thinks they could do it better

[@mbyerly9680]

I'm sure Lifetime will buy the rights to the story from the survivors.

[@DisneyChar]

If it's the former, it couldn't have happened to a nicer lady.

[@Ospyro3em]

Second story- is wife even aware of what is going on outside the bubble of her and boyfriend? OP told her multiple times his misgivings and it's like it all went completely out the other ear seconds later. For her own sake and the sake of everyone around her, i hope she wakes up and finds a way to safely break it off with boyfriend.

[@taylorlibby7642]

Polyamorous relationships just always inevitably seem fraught with this type of tension from what I've seen.

[@cleopatraonlyfans]

“Why didnt anyone tell me” They fucking did, you animal. Seriously fuck. This is why I’m romantically monogamous. I’d rather be a great platonic-sexual friend and have some fucking boundaries and priorities. My partner and i work so damn hard to be good to each other, set goals together and work on them and be good friends to our sexual partners

[@craigwapples4200]

That’s the problem with poly relationships

[@allstarsreviewers2278]

@@craigwapples4200 I don't think you've heard about enough poly relationships. They can work just as well as monogamous ones. They just need some more effort since the default that everyone is taught about is monogamy. I've seen so many happy and content poly relationships just like I've seen so many happy and content mono ones. Imagine if you only knew of monogamy from what you saw on r/relationships? Wouldn't you think that monogamy is rife with trouble?

[@robertx8020]

@@allstarsreviewers2278But it will not work if one of the partners can't stand one of the other partners ,,in this case it wasn't working and no this would not happen an a mono relationship because then she would be cheating

[@MaryTheresa1986]

If OP's wife chooses to stay with him, I hope she refuses to have another child because OP doesn't deserve more children. I still hope she leaves him. I'm not convinced by his update.

[@reddogjrs]

Story 2 comment paraphrased "you can cheat In a poly relationship" 😂 that one caught me off guard. Sad to see the partner falling for a dangerous man, though.

[@damien678]

Yeah, I've been cheated on in a poly relationship before. Super not fun, especially since it was open..? But apparently just telling me before doing anything with someone else was too much for one of my partners at that time 🙃

[@reddogjrs]

@damien678 sounds like your ex was a "I would change the channel but the remote is too far away." Kind of person they could have sent a text or something but the phone was To FaR AwAy. Anyway, what I'm getting at is your ex was/is an ass. I'm sorry you went through that. Hopefully, your next/current partner is more respectful.

[@LisaApril]

Story one: most moms that do stay home want to take care of their own children. It's a housekeeper/ cook she needs, not a nanny.

[@sharyebethancourt3660]

19:22 I nearly got whiplash cuz of how I reacted at her asking how OP thought it went. You can’t read a damn room sis?!

[@Russman67]

Story 1: a dad here. OP's wife is growing a whole ass human. That's going to change how things get done and she's likely not going to be able to do all the things she could when she wasn't growing a whole ass human. You're tired now? Wait until that baby is out and needing things 24/7. Figure out what your partner needs help with and know that what you consider "normal" is going to shift. A lot.

[@alienabducted4027]

Finally a real man

[@felix0-014]

So wife in story 1 it depends on the kinds of chores IMO. Some chores can be done without a huge amount of effort but anything that requires a lot of bending or heavy lifting should be left to OP for sure. It isn't fair to shove everything on the only working partner though if you aren't on bed rest or something by the doctor's orders. This is especially true if OP has a physically demanding job (trade, construction, package handler etc).

[@noname-ip9xe]

Thank you! I’m tired of everyone always expecting the bread winner to not only work their asses off out of the house but then when they return? Nah, if she can’t do something fine but she should be doing as much as she can so he can relax when he’s home.

[@thePhoenixQueen]

​@@noname-ip9xeYou sound just as bad as OP before the update... smh

[@FlamesofRebirth3836]

I agree, but it’s kinda hard to judge this case since everybody goes through pregnancy differently. Sounds like neither of them communicated well.

[@felix0-014]

@@FlamesofRebirth3836 agreed. I am just pointing out that it's unfair to expect one person to do everything and that she should do what can be reasonably expected as long as it is safe to do so. If they need additional help from family or professionals that also should be discussed. It's just sad to see people dog piling on this guy when there have been situations where people who are somewhat disabled to a similar degree as the wife get absolutely dragged for not wanting to help out. Especially because she would need to do it anyway if she was single. I just had a baby so I get it. It SUCKED but I still had to work and do chores (to an extent because of limitations) because my SO and I didn't live together.

[@sfsin3380]

if you read between the line Op was the AH OP was doing exactly what wife was accusing him of at 2:36 twisting things. He said she asked him for more help with a specifically example of asking him to do laundry those are the only two requests he uses she said/asked for but he spent the rest of the post talking and acting like she'd demanded he do everything while she sat one her a***. but he again he never describes that as something she actually said.

[@owl7072]

Story 2: "I don't know how to respond to your concerns. It's important to me that you like him" Well they're telling you point blank that they don't like him which makes sense seeing as you two did nothing but boundary stomp the entire day and a half that he was there and didn't discuss any of it beforehand.

[@xelectrix]

I'm curious what's going on with OPs partner that she's accepting this behavior. She told the BF that she loved him!?

[@LunaP1]

​@@xelectrixI think something is mentally wrong with her. Literally everyone said they don't trust the guy, and she still thinks nothing is wrong.

[@soosgoes]

Story 1: Going out for walks isn’t as strenuous as bending down and picking up items, vacuuming, etc.

[@Takeoverartist1987]

It’s two grown people. How much is she bending over to pick things up? Also. Did you just try and pretend vacuuming is more strenuous than walking?

[@catandrobbyflores]

All while getting kicked in the bladder and morning sickness.

[@skullphantom705]

Markee, you'd better keep an eye out for updates on that last story, we need to know if the people survive that horror story.

[@Markee]

We won’t get an update if OP is straight up murdered lmao 💀

[@skullphantom705]

@@Markee maybe we should all keep an eye out for the news lmao, it's such a wild story that it's bound to appear in the news should it escalate.

[@lindah3803]

​@@MarkeeMaybe Rob will hop on his post and update.

[@ruthhenderson5413]

@@Markee Are you the one making all this stuff up?

[@starbird3939]

Story 2 - The best poly relationships I have seen are ones where the partners understand boundaries. “Hey, your paramour makes me uncomfortable. I don’t them in our relationship.” Just like baby names are 2 yeses, so should paramores.

[@xelectrix]

My stomach was tense the entire reading of that story.

[@squirrel670]

That's how any good relationship works tbh

[@Mglay556]

Story 2: hey Op, it’s time to kick your wife out. She’s insane, her bf is insane, and that man is going to kill someone.

[@taylorlibby7642]

Honestly what surprises me the most about crowd sourced relationship advice like this is how often the crowd seems to get it right.

[@MysticEle]

Unfortunately, there's far too many people with similar issues. It's both saddening, and reassuring.

[@alyzu4755]

Story 1: I was so angry with OP until the update. Not many people can truly listen and change. ❤

[@ruthhenderson5413]

My first thought was: how could anybody be that ignorant and self-centered? It must be a fake situation. This was confirmed when OP suddenly turned to sweet reason in the update: from one extreme to the other, but preachy and narcissistic at both ends. The post sounds totally made-up, but even the update is appallingly all about him. First he's a total victim, then he's an enlightened little prince of a guy. Look at me, look at me. Nope.

[@AngelaVEdwards]

I am not sure how expecting a man who works full time AND commutes to have to do the majority of the housework is fair. Does this make sense to you? Sure, maybe she needs some help. But she wants him to do MOST OF THE WORK!! Most of the work!!

[@saratronus]

​@AngelaVEdwards In the story, he was complaining that she was asking for help. She didn't say she Didn't say that she wanted him to do all the house chores just to help her out with some of them. Like laundry and mopping. OP interpreted that way when all she did was ask for help. And if you think that's unfair, then what do you think single people live everyday? They do all of it just because you're married doesn't mean you get to drop the cleaning duties It's a partnership for a reason.

[@AngelaVEdwards]

@@saratronus Not all single people do all the housework every day AND when someone is single, they can clean up after themselves and there isn't anything from anyone else involved in the work. People keep on bringing this up but it's not even close to the same thing.

[@AngelaVEdwards]

@@saratronus I thought it was in the story but it's not. You're right; she asked for help with the laundry which is not asking too much. Commenters have been talking about him taking on the "majority of" the household chores which I do not see as fair at all. But he can certainly help her with things that are becoming too painful or too hard for her to do.

[@diamcole]

Yikes, yikes, yikes. I hope OP's wife is paying close attention and planning effectively for the future, she needs a backup plan - just in case.

[@taylorlibby7642]

I dunno, by the end he comes across as fairly reasonable. He seemed pretty willing to listen and change once he got over his intial freakout. Lots of people like that out there.

[@jakeand9020]

I'm still doubtful if he's thinking he only has to until she has the baby. Because he's likely going to freak when he finds she still needs help with having to deal with the baby all day.

[@ohboy-zi1yf]

​@taylorlibby7642 itll take a while until it gets through his head i think. theres a chance he'll only change for a bit after he got reamed out but then will go back

[@davenunyabusiness4893]

you guys are obviously not thinking about the guys needs. Bro needs to cut his losses and get rid of the wife and get as much custody as possible. Its only going to get worse for him.

[@taylorlibby7642]

@@davenunyabusiness4893🙄 Oh yeah. Going through a divorce and the custody process is only going to make things better and easier for him. Great advice.🙄👍

[@83gemm]

At what point are people going to understand that pregnancy is a medical condition. If she broke her arm, would he say, “No fair! She won’t do the chores!” She. Can’t. Do. Them. Also, big guy, what would you do if you lived alone? You’d have to come home from your stressful job and do some chores, yeah? Why do people keep reproducing with these useless whiny men? EDIT: Oh dear God, he just tried to say she’s lying about how uncomfortable she is. DUDE. And I’ll give credit where credit is due that 9.5 hours plus commute is probably very tiring. Sounds like they need to hire some help or ask family to come ease the burden if that’s an option. But him just flat out saying, “No fair! She’s lying and lazy!” is so gross. It’s just beyond me.

[@patty-pat-pat]

S1: if OP thinks the house is messy now, wait till the baby arrives... since he's only responsible financially.... ;) I bet she left him by now.

[@noname-ip9xe]

Imagine expecting someone to do heavy labor out of the house then do more in 🙄 i swear y’all are embarrassing

[@crumbsburner]

@@noname-ip9xeThat’s what I’m saying 🤦🏾

[@patty-pat-pat]

@@noname-ip9xe and yall wonder why the birth rate is declining...

[@patty-pat-pat]

@@crumbsburner imagine expecting someone to do heavy labor inside the house while pregnant then do more when the guy arrives home and whips his dck out

[@lewid019]

​@@noname-ip9xethen hire a hose cleaner

[@chazm9458]

I really hope there is another update to the 2nd story. The OP needs to put his foot down and give his wife and ultimatum that it is either the serial killer boyfriend or him.

[@phoenixblade8315]

How many times do I have to say this. Poly does not work.

[@kellylee4696]

Is OP really comparing "I work a demanding job" to "I'm creating a life"?

[@jr5557]

​@@davidlionheart2438she literally never asked him to do all the house chores

[@kellylee4696]

@@davidlionheart2438 She asked him to do a load of laundry, not build a retaining wall. Every woman's pregnancy is different and it's likely taking an extreme toll on her body. Her entire body is swelling up (not just her belly), her center of gravity has changed, and she's carrying around XX extra weight. More than likely, her ankles are swollen, making it hard to walk. Her back is in enormous pain from the weight of the baby pulling in the front. But hey, as long as the KING can come home after working 9 1/2 hours, sit down, have his dinner cooked, his clothes laundered, and everything else taken care of, what's the big deal, right? If OP is complaining now, what's he going to do when the baby arrives? Wait! That's woman's work!

[@Enriquez2222]

@@davidlionheart2438yeah women should stop getting pregnant for y’all. Not everyone deserves their bloodline to be continued. I can do everything on my own without a man complaining while I create HIS child. Since working is more important, I’ll do that.

[@issecret1]

​@@davidlionheart2438like fucking anyone else. What the fuck do you do when single?

[@MaryTheresa1986]

If OP is exhausted now, imagine how he'll feel after the divorce when he has to do all of the house chores on his own, as well as parenting when/if he has visitation. If he plans to find a replacement wife, he'll have to-gasp-go out after work when he's tired and put effort into another person! (at least in the beginning)

[@davenunyabusiness4893]

still better than carrying her dead weight for 20 years

[@AKAJAYGAY]

​@@davenunyabusiness4893lol, you tired

[@KE-hr4sb]

As a SAHM, I agree with Dave. Being pregnant/a mother doesn’t make you incapable. Let her get a job if she wants him to do both his responsibilities and hers.

[@ScreamingDucksShotMyMother]

@@KE-hr4sbShe wasn’t asking him to take over her entire chore list. She was asking for some help. If you have a marriage where all your husband needs to do is work, and he never needs to do anything around the house, or help with the kids that’s on you. Plenty of pekple exist in much healthier marriages where one party works but still does basic shit around the house, that picks up the slack during times where their partner needs a bit of extra support. Not everyone has signed themselves up to be considered nothing but a mother in their marriage.

[@ScreamingDucksShotMyMother]

@@GreenKnight1982She’s literally just asking for a bit of help. She’s not just a mom, and wife, she’s a person. If OP was too stressed with work, and needed some time off be it for mental health, or to find a different job everyone would be willing to give them that time. After all they aren’t just a work horse. But when a pregnant wife needs help around the house she’s terrible, and it absolutely extends towards after pregnancy. Once you become a mom & a wife suddenly that’s all you are.

[@tamsel814]

Op1 expects his wife to maintain the same level of chores during her pregnancy as pre pregnancy. How would that even physically be possible at the end of the pregnancy?

[@taylorlibby7642]

Nevermind when they're caring for a newborn.

[@BundasaurusPecs]

@@taylorlibby7642I mean hopefully they’ll both care for the newborn… 🥲

[@taylorlibby7642]

​@@BundasaurusPecsHopefully, but I was referring to their current disagreement over chores/division of labor and how the situation wasn't about to get any easier for them.

[@angelaa7388]

OP's wife is going to be expected to do 100% of all child rearing and newborn care.

[@maryjanedodo]

Or when she has to parent 24/7 but he only has to work 9 hours + commute 🙄

[@catherinecox573]

OP really tried to justify not taking on a TEMPORARY increase in labor for a PLANNED baby????? For his 7 months pregnant wife! Sir you wanted this baby! Her body is literally using her bones and flesh to build that baby, she is tired! Glad the community set him straight.

[@보모]

too bad they drink the _but man make money_ kool-aid here in the comments shyting on his wife

[@ruthhenderson5413]

There used to be an old saying, "For every child, a tooth [lost to the calcium drain]."

[@faceofvision]

The fact they only spoke about his involvement and paternity leave when she's 7 months pregnant..... 🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️

[@hyzenthlayrose2176]

"Your boyfriend feels like a serial killer" "That's what I like about him!" Girl what.

[@deadseven3474]

See that first story had me thinking "Oh maybe he's being reasonable and she's expecting a bit too much?" and then he said "majority of the chores goes to her." Damn.

[@starbird3939]

Story 1 - YTA “The baby would do better not in a povetty stricken home” YIKES OP. His wife if just asking him to do some more housework so she can relax, not change the entire set up. It’s not hard to do a load of laundry or clean the toilet-stuff that would be easy for someone able bodied but far too difficult for someone who can’t bend over or put straining on their stomach and back.

[@noname-ip9xe]

Lol nope she is tho.

[@loryndabenson2118]

"i realized that rigid roles in the household were problematic" is code for "i realized i was about to lose my wife"

[@lindah3803]

OP 1st post was " I think I might lose my wife,but why." His update was "My wife was leaving me if I didn't get my head out of my butt." Now I know why.

[@melsoft121]

In the last 2 or so months of my pregnancy, my daughter wedged herself into my ribs and I vomited every time I had to bend down to pick something up, and I couldn’t cook unless I was sitting the whole time, but I couldn’t really trust myself to do a lot of food prep because I worked 12 hr shifts and was dozing off while I was cutting veggies and such. By the end of it I couldn’t even apply drywall mud without feeling like my ribs were going to dislocate. I generally have pretty easy pregnancies. My husband had people over to help him with things I couldn’t do (we were finishing up a renovation), never once made me feel guilty for being unable to do things. As for OP’s original concern that his need to help after the baby arrived would continue…uh…yeah! I had fast labour and injured my tailbone/sacrum/pelvic floor so badly I’m still recovering 6 months later. I actually needed more help immediately postpartum than I did at the end of pregnancy! It’s a very real possibility that partners of pregnant people need to be aware of. 2nd story: Buddy is terrible and abusive I don’t understand how someone can be in a healthy relationship and a relationship that aggressive at the same time. Every polyamorous relationship I know of, everyone agrees in terms and boundaries they feel are reasonable and date within them. The wife is now cheating because she has stepped outside of the agreement.

[@Mkay999]

Before pregnancy, she can take care of big baby OP. After pregnancy, she WILL likely expect you to take over more bc she is taking over way more as well. I made over $150K and being a “financial provider” honestly isn’t as hard as housework. That’s why you want to outsource there OP! If it was so easy you’d take it up when you get home. You are the lazy man

[@rayajayce2034]

Story one: I've lived this but it didn't get better. It turned into hell on earth.

[@Diogenes323]

Good on first op for admitting he was wrong and trying to do better

[@DaniS398]

Providing financially is not an excuse to not help out with home chores, especially with the wife approaching her third trimester. It doesn't sound like he plans to help with the baby either. Hope she has a back-up plan. Also I worked my entire pregnancy in the OR and it IS exhausting. Just because she can go for a walk in the morning doesn't mean she can still do her whole normal routine. She's walking because it is good for the baby. That OP needs to step up.

[@SunnyD74]

Story 1: I freaking freaking hate that it takes strangers to open someone’s eyes. If you’d have just listened to your wife instead of digging in and thinking of her as lazy when she never was before, you would have saved a whole lot of stress for both of you. Stop doing the bare minimum ffs.

[@saratronus]

Yeah, but it always takes a third party. Who isn't in the situation to make you see sense sometimes. Look at the Bright side, at least he asked instead of buckling Down after hearing Yes, from his yes circle.

[@setsunanoroi4971]

I find it very sad that a spouse who works full time, took care of all the cravings (many of which can happen in the middle of the night), and didn't miss a single doctor's appointment for the baby and was there for her is the "bare minimum".

[@Enriquez2222]

@@setsunanoroi4971that literally is the bare minimum

[@magiv4205]

It's actually unhealthy for a baby if the wife barely moves during her pregnancy. The child's vestibulatory sense (aka sense of balance) is developing and not moving at all can cause issues in development. However, being 7 months pregnant is a bit of a different story, and she WOULD be absolutely exhausted and can't be expected to maintain the same level of activity and chores. And the guy needs to realize that a father's role is not just "bring home money", but being present and emotionally available for his family! I initially wanted to say ESH because they were both handling this poorly, but after those backwards comments he is definitely TA.

[@kixi8033]

How do people make it to adulthood with no idea how taxing pregnancy can be on a woman's body? Good grief.

[@Paige_wonders]

Hey Markee! Just wanted to say, love the vids. They really help me get my work days in

[@deerust6528]

So no one gonna mention she’s pregnant 24 hours a day and he works a normal work week?

[@projectjupiter5523]

and doesn't have to rearrange his internal organs to accommodate a rapidly growing mass that is sapping all his energy and the nutrients from his blood and bones?!?!

[@GoldenXBoots]

I am currently pregnant with our third baby. We are able to have a third because my husband understands how difficult a pregnancy can be on my body and then how much energy bfeeding a baby takes. I did that for over a year with our number two. He is my partner in managing our family, household, childcare and chores. With our second, I had pelvis instability for 30 weeks and morning sickness all throughout. It was such a draining experience that I was hesitant to try for a third. Pregnancy can suck so much. Too few women can discuss this openly with their partners. Joining appointments and getting snacks it not being a supporting partner. Men, join a labor course so you can assist during birth and ensure your wife's wishes are being honored during her labor. It is called Labor because it is the most demanding thing our bodies go through 💪🏻

[@lauraanderson8785]

I was first annoyed at the first OP for not understanding how difficult pregnancies are, but I'm glad that in the end he supported his wife and understood that he wasn't being empathetic enough. There is hope for this marriage, and I hope that they continue being a team once the baby arrives.

[@Midnight0Mistress]

I was reserving judgement till I heard Pregnant wife and trying to inflate his sense of financial responsibility by saying "not living in poverty. My jaw dropped.

[@saratronus]

​@@Midnight0MistressOh, my God, yeah, that comment confused me so much. She's not asking him to quit his job. She's asking him to help with a load of laundry because that's where this argument started. Like it's crazy how he completely overexaggerated how much she asked for.

[@charitynordstrom5734]

Second story divorce her and move far away. That dude is going to murder everyone in that house

[@randalthor741]

Story 1 If you feel the need to say "I want to clarify that I'm not a misogynist" when justifying your position, that might just be a sign that your position is not exactly the best...

[@threeducks157]

Op doesn't sound like a total butt, but he is surrounded by buttholes (the so called friends)

[@LunaP1]

Basically he talked to his friends who are misogynistic or incels instead of asking his heavily pregnant wife what chores she wants him to do.

[@SappyDuder]

Story 1: my dad used to be the main provider for my family, my mom was a stay at home mom for our early years, while he worked. She did housework, but he did all the hard work outside the house. When my mom went back to work and my dad started working away for weeks on end before coming home for one week, he'd rest, but he'd still do things that needed to be done Story 2: I'm expecting to hear about this on Last Podcast On The Left in a year from now as the man turns out to be a serial killer. He's either a sociopath or a psychopath

[@GLoLChibs]

ESH. He works a physical full time job, he also needs less stress and rest for the sake of her and the baby. My husband's company has had to shut down jobs due to accidents because the guys weren't rested enough and became dangers. But she's right, she's pregnant and needs rest and less stress. They should've been adults and had this discussion before ever trying to have kids.

[@taylorlibby7642]

People like OP seem to get stuck on whatever "the deal" or "the understanding" was at the beginning of the relationship without realizing that that stuff is always inevitably changing because both the individuals and the circumstances they find themselves in are always changing. The only things that don't change anymore are dead.

[@RaspberryHugs]

She has said she tried to have this discussion with him before and many others before getting pregnant and he'd just dismiss her

[@TuAmigoElMorrocoy]

Story #1 is the reason why women are favoring staying single and not having kids than being married. Guys think that parenthood is handing over a paycheck and calling it a day. As a woman you are MUCH better off working to support yourself (wich is not hard to do) and you come home you just clean after of yourself and then you have plenty of time and energy to do whatever you want. Chill in bed and watch neflix, hang out with friends, go to the gym. Imagine having to be at home with not a penny to your name, heavily pregnant and having to clean after you and someone else ... and no sick days, no help, just chores 24/7. When the baby is born she is gonna go INSANE because the mess is going to tripple and if "cleaning on weekends" is his version of helping out, it means hes not even giving her a hand on the days when he doesnt have work and she doesnt get ANY breaks. Yeah, and people wonder why birthrates are going down.

[@DisneyChar]

S2 the most amazing part is that comments are enm positive compared to most of reddit and youtube, im sure selective but was surprised.

[@sugakookie7985]

Last story Wife is getting off on her husbands discomfort this marriage is over, she no longer cares about your feelings

[@kee-ta3487]

1st story, the wife really needs to explain what is going on, when I was pregnant it felt like I had covid. I couldn't breathe after doing the easiest things like getting in bed was a serious struggle.

[@kasuihikari]

I feel like she’s tried to explain and he’s just dismissing her feelings.

[@Whistlesonthewind]

“A tolerable level of permanent unhappiness”…

[@julesr6965]

first op’s wife is already a married single mom and she hasn’t even had the baby yet, poor thing

[@CrystallynRose]

Story 1: I like how OP said he supported his wife during pregnancy and the 2 things he said he did was go to OB/GYN visits and get her snacks she was craving. Like that was all he did? Unless she was demanding snacks several times a day, that isn't much.

[@shootingcomet082]

Story 2: There's a huge jump between "he's eavesdropping on conversations and looking at phones" and "he gives off serial killer vibes and we're all afraid for our safety". I really want to know exactly what he did to make everyone, not just uncomfortable, but genuinely afraid for their lives.

[@fukofffukwits]

Probably a combination of facial and body language. The guy sounds like a huge creep. Haven't you ever met someone genuinely creepy? Imagine how bad this guy must be that he gives everyone serial killer vibes.

[@maurer3d]

Story 1: YTA, your wife is 7 month into making a baby.... If you think things are bad now wait till the baby comes. You need to start doing your share (at a minimum) of the household chores, and when the baby gets here at least half of the care-taking (aka parenting) of the baby while you are home.

[@Gumbier_Than]

It was hard for me to call him TA, people really fail to get it if they're not living it themselves. Though there are men who are supportive despite the facts, many don't understand how much overdrive a pregnant body is in; or how taxing that overdrive is. I'm glad he did work it out with her.

[@jaredstar]

This being pregnant make her a fucking invalid.. no I've known plenty of women who even at 7 months were able to do at least some light house work. I mean fuck I've known women who unless they had medical device in the hitting otherwise worked until they went into labor unless there's something the OP hasn't been telling us as of 3:12 It sounds like she is being lazy

[@Early666]

Story #2: Forget rose colored glasses, is OP's wife blind?

[@browhattheactualfu-2659]

I sincerely thought the "Yeah that's what I like about him!" Was just improve from Markee until a commenter brought it up 😭

[@sorinsilverheart3200]

Second story: just divorce her at this point. Literally everyone you both know hates him because hes a freak and a danger, but she jusy brushes it off because "i love him".

[@gilles111]

The 2nd story, coming to someone's house at a saturday morning before breakfast to meet the husband you've never met before in suit and a suitcase full of outfits is pure powerplay. Showing "I think I'm the best, at least standing above you and I don't respect any of your boundaries." The same for the sexual comments in the kitchen, not trying to have some work out with the wife but just stomping boundaries with husband, showing his lack of respect. Not sure what rules are set between OP and his wife but I hope for OP they have set some rule that the partner always can veto a friend if they think it's not okay. Should use that veto and get that douchebag out of their life. But as I understand the update, they don't have such rule. Hope OP has set such a rule by now.

[@Qwerty95ish]

Story 2. This is why open poly tends to fail. A thruple is fine and can last forever. Open poly is almost impossible to make work long term with any stability.

[@brandonshelp4682]

Due to 10+ hours out of the home, it's not reasonable to come home to another hour or two of chores. There are definitely alternatives, though. Catch up on a day off, ask family for help, or hire a little temporary help.

[@patty-pat-pat]

what will you do without a woman? Starve to death? Are you even able to survive on your own? What do you think single ppl do? Also, starve and walk around in dirty clothes?

[@nwilady1867]

Or just do the extra work because your wife is growing your child...

[@brandonshelp4682]

@nwilady1867 or just do the chores because you don't work. My response wasn't in anyway unreasonable, but you just seem to prefer argument.

[@damien678]

​@@bhutehole People used to live in smaller places/in multi-generational households. The nuclear family is a very new concept in human history

[@brandonshelp4682]

@@damien678 people also didn't have electricity, indoor plumbing, washing machines, dish washers, vacuum cleaners, air conditioning, microwaves, blenders, rice cookers, crock pots, cars, internet...

[@BambixLynn]

Second story: “yeah that’s what I like about him” ….damnit. I feel that.

[@michaeldodson2300]

For story 2 i would let my wife know that she is insurance for a large amount and that i canceled my insurance so if her boyfriend kills me she dont get anything.

[@katphish30]

Story 2: Oh yeah, that one poly guy who's "just like that." Aka the Missing Stair. There are days I miss polyamory, but not today.

[@RockinTheBassGuitar]

Story 1 really depends on if the wife is wanting to do no chores or if she just needs him to lighten her load. Communication for the win regardless.

[@anwarpine6797]

Yes, and also what’s the timeframe. She’s wanting him to help more because she’s pregnant. That’s not a permanent condition, so he can pick up some slack for a few months until things settle and they can renegotiate their roles

[@chornathome]

My third pregnancy was horrible and i didnt do alot the last 2 months. But im not sure how much work a childless couple needs to do in terms of chores...

[@ВячеславШолохов-ф9п]

I have a problem with my wife's boyfriend. Lemme stop you right there, buxter, i think you've failed to identify THE problem - your wife having a boyfriend.

[@RaspberryHugs]

Not really. Poly and open relationships can work if there is completely open and honest communication, full transparency and well established boundaries that are respected. It takes a lot if maturity to make it work.

[@ВячеславШолохов-ф9п]

@@RaspberryHugs people can definitely try, but it's like having a coke habit and telling yourself that you're the one, who broke the code and can make it work. It's called positivity bias or as i call it, naive foolishness. Don't get me wrong, i wouldn't want to tell people to stop trying, otherwise it'll be less content for me to laugh at. It's like trying to tell clown to wear appropriately sized shoes. No fun.

[@wildwikedwanderer1208]

Story 2: I met my wife’s boyfriend. I immediately don’t give a fuck about this man or his family. If you’re gonna have an issue congrats end this farce of a “marriage” After update: I think the dude is legit getting off on humiliating and intimidating everyone. It’s just one big power move that he’s enjoying every second of.

[@Ravenishish]

Yeah, that's some 50 shades shiz going on. By which I mean no boundaries and awful understanding of consent. Doesn't necessarily quite slide into the abuse category but it's dancing on the line a bit there. I wouldn't be surprised if there was something behind closed doors that tipped the scale in that direction particularly with her "I'm not strong enough to say no to him" bit at the end there. Though on the whole he is an awful gobshite

[@marshawargo7238]

Before hearing the update, I thought that this was the new guys first time being in this kind of situation/relationship. He's thinking it's a cuckold kinda thing(degrade the husband) ***Just so you know, when I tried to write cuckold, my phone's auto correct kept trying to put in COUCH !!!

[@drezhb]

​@@marshawargo7238 NOOO not the couch again!

[@chinavaughan6383]

Story 1: I’m guessing that you’ve never been pregnant. It may not look like she’s having much difficulties with the pregnancy, but believe her when she says she is! The household work load is going to get even heavier once the baby arrives. No one may have told you this, but it takes more to be a husband and father than just going to work to earn a paycheck!🙁 Story 2: I admit that I’m not familiar with these types of relationships, but I don’t think that this is a safe environment for OP to be in as the partner that his wife is involved with sounds a bit unhinged. I remember hearing about a couple that was in a somewhat similar situation. The former partner, who was still living with her ex, bought home a man who ended up killing them both😢

[@radish6740]

Pregnancy isn’t a disability. The lazy ass wife can do some fckng laundry.

[@guntgunderson2829]

My wife’s boyfriend is making me uncomfortable…dude…do you think your “wife” gives one single rats A hole about your feelings buddy? She wants that guy because he is unpredictable and exciting, OP sounds meek and kind of boring. Don’t ask nicely if he can leave, tell him to GTFO of your house, STOP allowing her to have “boyfriends” (btw when you are married, thats called an affair partner, or whatever the male version of mistress is, you can’t be married and have a BF/GF), or she needs to leave the marriage. Why are you guys even married if you want other partners? This isn’t 1930, you can have as many partners as you want WITHOUT marrying. Sleep in the bed you made OP, stop complaining you wanted this 🤷‍♂️

[@wmdkitty]

S2: Poly "relationships" simply do not work. Period. OP, DTMFA, STBXWife can have this creep.

[@RaspberryHugs]

Wrong they can work if there is completely open and honest communication, full transparency and established boundaries that are respected. You have to be very mature people to make it work.

[@mattiekarwin3667]

I am still waiting nervously for the update to that last one.

[@Hunter-vp3he]

My jaw actually dropped while listening to story 2; that “boyfriend” is , in the very least, a HUGE creep.

[@cocobako2582]

I'm so glad OP wisened up in the first story. I'm sure things would have gone downhill very quickly if he refused to change his mind

[@maryjanedodo]

I have a feeling his brother in law gave him a hard talking to as much as anyone in the comments section did. For some reason men listen to other men more than women - even if it's about pregnancy 🙄

[@cocobako2582]

@@maryjanedodo fr!! and when I heard "I tried to explain but she wouldn't listen" i was like THE NERVE OF THIS MAN!!

[@322Mermaid]

When i was pregnant with me and husband first baby I still was working up until 8 months and STILL doing chores. And now still doing chores and working.....i reduced my work schedule for more time with my baby but im always working hard for my family. My husband will help me if i ask him to.....and he volunteers to cook or grill occasionally. I prefer to do most of the cleaning because i clean better than my husband; ive been cleaning since a young child and I also do it commercially for a living. Being her first pregnancy, i understand how she feels for her unborn baby and adjusting herself to the pregnancy. Her husband, like my husband, had to learn that when children are involved responsibility shifts and changes for both parents

[@felicitybakerscorner6767]

You really have to have a baby with a good partner you can literally die just from giving birth or any other thing that comes along with pregnancy

[@MsMichelle1432]

Pregnant wife needing help with chores. When I was pregnant, as a young and otherwise healthy woman in my late teens and early twenties, I fell or no reason, had never ending pelvic area aching my whole pregnancy, twice ended up on bedrest in the labor and delivery suite at the hospital…after starting to bleed after carrying groceries in from the car, became dehydrated from hyper emesis, developed blood clots in my legs and had to be on blood thinners, had a nurse come to my home every week, had weekly doctor appts in my first trimester, had a home health aide come four times a week to help me with chores due to my delicate condition, she washed dishes, did laundry, swept and mopped, ran errands…I was 24 at the time…I needed her help and all was paid by my insurance. so even though you may not see it or understand it…that does not mean she doesn’t need help.

[@missnika86]

Man. This one needed a mood booster. Now I have to listen to more to be able to sleep tonight!!

[@berylwheaten9385]

Story 2 gave me more whiplashes than watching a tennis match

[@GBunnyG]

Story 2: Well, I'm sure uncomfortable.

[@lisawhereisthecultjam]

What in the world is going on in that second story? Yikes!

[@zairap6563]

We neeedddd and updated on the second story asap!!!

[@magnarcreed3801]

As a bi woman who doesn't want kids because I know exactly how hard they and pregnancy's are... hes an a in story one. If my mind on kids changed and my gf was pregnant there is no way I would dismiss her asking for help. Ever. I work a 12hr factory job too and that wouldn't stop me. Dudes just a raging sexist. I'd plan a one way trip via boat to another country if I was the wife.

[@judyjohnson9610]

Story 1 - HIRE SOME HELP!! It's cheaper than a divorce Seeing these stories, I feel that I had a charmed life as far as pregnancy goes

[@catsncrows]

S1 i first thought it was going to be a complain, angry double down, sputter tripple angry down. I think he did a pretty good turn around S2 i watched my roommate have a poly relationship and he was a bit...off to begin with and he attached himself to unstable and it became a circus. One thing i noticed is that you have to be extremely good at setting boundaries, like extra good at it

[@thekameru6058]

First story - The update saved it, but before that I was quietly willing the wife to leave him so he'd have to pay upkeep for the child AND have to do his own fuckin domestics when he went home. Give him plenty of time to think about how much easier it would have been to just run the washing machine a few extra times for her for a few months instead of wasting his energy running off to get advice from other completely culeless *men* about what his poor wife was going through whilst 7 months pregnant with HIS baby. What kind of asshole tries to publicly shame his heavily pregnant wife whilst she was struggling instead of helping her anyway. Well, that sort, apparently. He should thank his lucky stars he still got a marriage.