DON'T Do THIS if the Narcissist Becomes Nice Again

[@narcabusecoach]

Link to my best resources for healing: linktr.ee/narcabusecoach

[@nileshkumar8076]

How to connect with you?

[@SteffiDon-b5w]

@@nileshkumar8076 click the link above, click the tab of one on one correspondence. Book an appointment.

[@mauiskater]

I went to your page. I’m going to sign up for the trauma bond one soon. Will want a private session at some point too. You have opened my eyes and I’ve been in every kind of therapy imaginable. You finally made me understand this truly. My father and my husband of 23 years are both narcissists. The stuff about my husband AND me are spot on. It’s like we grew up together. Aloha from Hawaii. Mahalo for bringing this education to us. I realized speaking with the owner of a company I was doing work for that he was completely lying and manipulating me! I do mobile notaries and his company hires people like me to sign loan documents. They get paid from the title company who then is supposed to pay us. The last year payments haven’t been coming on time. The dude lied and basically threatened me if I posted the fact that they are not paying on time now that it would be a problem. I found myself being apologetic etc even though he’s asking me to lie! Bosses are renowned for being narcissists. I worked in the mortgage industry as an underwriter. My signature could make a lot of money for these guys. They all flirted, grabbed me, threatened me and on and on. It intimated me and I thought that was just what we had to deal with as women. These dudes used and abused me because they could. It’s prevalent in so many aspects of my life. And now some repressed memories are working their way out. I can feel it. The stories I’ve told myself now don’t seem real. My brain is protecting me. With the knowledge you are bringing me it’s opened up dusty old parts of my brain that need to be healed. The two memories were at age 6 and age 22. When I look back at the stories attached to them they make no sense. I could see though how my brain has helped me. I’m ready now to remember thanks to you! I’m so grateful. Oh, do you do anything regarding repressed memories? Mahalo from Maui 🌸🌺

[@birdtj82]

I LOVe your wall!!!!!! Thoes nice wood wall

[@hegemeretemoller...]

Tell us the diffrence between x: "opray whinfrey" narsicist and x: "trumph" narsicist then?Tthis if you include both side and the side "trowing out of heaven"...

[@nidabumactao9710]

This cycle had gone on for me for DECADES(40 years). Each time more painful than the last time. I had to remind him I wasn’t the enemy. I’ve asked friends, family for advise but I was met with toxic positivity. “ you should learn how to work around them”. Ouch! It’s like adding insult to injury. Little did I know I was being gaslighted.. Thank you so much for spreading awareness about Narcissism. I now have a name to this evil personality disorder. I now know I am not crazy. This is real. Please don’t fall for these kind of people. It’s like living in the presence of a crocodile.😢

[@Sharon-lj8kb]

Same here told him years ago he a razor blade for a tongue he took that as a compliment.I have tried to leave but he always finds me then threatens to set fire where i live ect.

[@jenniekeefe4118]

I had 40 years of it too, love. I hope you are doing well and healing. Bless you.

[@heyoldman2003]

40 years for me too 🙁 but now i know 👍🏼 after going almost no contact for three years … now she is being soooo nice . but i know better now . i know she lost her new supply….but i have been Blessed to find a life long , true friend again 😊a Lady that has Always been good to me . if i had tried this separation alone … ? no way could i have pulled it off …i know after 40 years of off and on i would have gone back . gone back to abuse and pain one more time. Thank you Danish … your words are priceless 👍🏼

[@rockhard5390]

Me too

[@M3LINDAH]

The lies, him looking at me thinking I don't remember what I've said, or remember what he said, him telling me I'm crazy.

[@gloriachapman5618]

Believe nothing they say, everything they do has an agenda..

[@littleRadhamadhav]

Correct

[@AlwaysHope2019]

amen

[@mercyrahma9501]

Exactly...!

[@jules-lc6im]

SPOT ON!!!

[@echarles6204]

I fell for the agenda recently….I got burnt but I’m back out again thank God

[@fruitypopwhickle6806]

He never changed. Every time I tried to leave him, he'd weaponise my compassion against me. He acted like a victim. Like I had just kicked a puppy... Evil, evil creatures! I finally broke free and my life is incredible! It's peaceful and filled with love and no drama or abuse.

[@David-eu1ms]

The victim game is strong.

[@fruitypopwhickle6806]

@@David-eu1ms The attention seeking game is strong.

[@thinkingallowed1st]

It dies feel like kicking a puppy. When I rescued a dog he told me I am on my own. I realised how much more that comment meant to my relationship then he wanted me to see ❤

[@BarklineWoof]

@David-eu1ms Beautiful expression of truth. I never kicked the puppy, and was constantly told I did

[@BarklineWoof]

Beautiful expression of the truth, I never kicked the puppy an ws constantly told that I did.

[@upa_19]

If you stay wit a narcissist, you will give up yourself piece by piece. No matter how much you do , how much you give , it will never be enough for them. You will end up destroying yourself by giving your all to someone who gives you nothing in return. Forget about your dreams and hope💔

[@bobbyapple7414]

This is true - Staying and giving up yourself. 😮

[@upa_19]

@@bobbyapple7414 yess

[@gerger5670]

32 yrs. Same promises every time I leave Learned so much about my situation in the last 5 yrs, now I’m empowered I left Monday , today I’m being promised the world. This time I have a plan , I have a place, I have my soul! More to come!🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉

[@Yathome00]

Congratulations well done. The first step is always the hardest. You got this!

[@belindaalderson7209]

Good for you, it's not always easy but not nearly as hard as living with a narcissist

[@bridgetsieger2261]

How? You must have a good support system. Congratulations!

[@nicholeh5058]

"You have been kept thirsty for a long time and then they give you this cup of water. Your brain makes a big deal of it, but actually it's not." This sums up that constant cycle perfectly. You are so thirsty for love that you'll accept anything, even the tiniest drop. But it NEVER lasts. I have never found someone so real and understanding of how this type of abuse works and offers real advice for recognizing and overcoming it. Thank you Danish!

[@meowmeow7212]

Oh my God Danish, what timing of the video. I got it just in time. This happened 10 mins back to me. After 14 years of abuse from my narcissistic boyfriend I finally walked out 3 months ago. I was in no contact from the last 3 months. Then he started calling me from all different numbers, calling my friends and relatives. Around 10 days ago I broke the no contact and spoke to him since he was trying so hard to reach me. He was weeping and started love bombing me. Saying things like "u r perfect for me, u r the only one for me, I will die without you... and so on..." for the first few days I was very uncomfortable with him, but somehow he won me over and made me believe him again and I got comfortable with him in the last 2-3 days and again he started the blame shifting, shaming me, abusing me. Just 10 mins ago he was on call with me giving me all the dirty bad words and abusing me. I hung up on him and blocked him again. And now again m heartbroken and shattered. I came to your channel to find some peace and saw this video was uploaded just in time. Now again m scared, heartbroken, in pain and crying. M stupid. Thanks though for ur wonderful content. U r a saviour.

[@tjfSIM]

@@jbrown2908 Have you been in this situation? I'm guessing not, otherwise you would have a better understanding of how this cycle makes people feel. Feeling heartbroken and shattered are perfectly normal emotions when you're in love with someone and put your trust in them, only to be let down again. We give them another chance because WE desperately want it to be different this time. We may cognitively know that it won't be - but hope gets in the way. Feeling angry and resolute is a stage in the grieving process which often doesn't come until much later, when we are out of the fog and the trauma bond with that person.

[@tjfSIM]

Firstly you are not stupid. This is what they do, and they know which buttons to press because they spend all their time manipulating and lying to others. The fact that you gave them another chance simply shows that you are human being with empathy and feelings. And to be let down by someone when you really thought they wanted to change, is extremely hurtful. Narcissists gravitate towards forgiving and trusting people, but that doesn't mean that you're wrong or stupid for being forgiving and trusting - the fault is with them, for abusing those qualities for their own gain. Hang in there and please don't give up. Talk to a therapist or friends or family about what's happening if you can.

[@belindaalderson7209]

We all do this cycle again and again, seeing their potential, sadly not the reality - hoping that they will follow our leed and do the healing work but they don't - they don't change. These videos help so much in understanding that they won't change, they don't actually love you - they are only out for what they can get from you and it is just a repeating cycle...until we move on.

[@msjanine8]

This is me right now. Let’s stay strong.

[@meowmeow7212]

@@msjanine8 Oh dear, I understand how painful this is. Sending you lots of love, strength and healing. You are wonderful and very strong. Take care. May God Bless you. 🙌🏻 🤗 ❤️

[@oliviaw3397]

My late mom was a narcissist...I have not totally healed even after 20 years since she passed. I only realized that she was a narcissist around 3 years ago (17 years after she passed), and the healing only has started since that. I'm so glad to find your channel. Your explanations are so on point.

[@oliviaw3397]

I did try to run away from home when I was a teenager, but she stopped me. At that time I had no idea that she was a narcissist. All I knew was, as her child I always tried to be as best as she wanted me to be, but all I got from her was bad treatmeants and abusive words. She drove me crazy every single day and she killed my self esteem.

[@oliviaw3397]

Thank you for the kind words ❤️

[@donnaroberts4565]

I'm 61 & still healing. I was kicked out at 16 & tried to have some kind of relationship with my mother ever since. But all she could see was my brother he was king. A fat fu*k up with every mental problem you could name. Never left home never had a job can't use a computer & scared of the world at 59 because of her. Now she is dead. I've lived in Australia for almost 40 years & don't even know where her ashes are! She hated me all my life because I was a girl & because I wasn't afraid of her. I actually wonder if there is something wrong with me that I don't care about her! But if you have read this far you may as well know the ugly truth... She knew I was being S.A's at 5-9yrs by my stepdad #3 & stayed with him! Yep I had 4 dads & 9 schools & was never allowed to make friends with anyone ever!!!!

[@lolo9553ify]

Thanks for this reminder, Danish. It's true. We are very vulnerable to guilting. They know this. They use it against us. You have to stop and look at the whole timeline and recognize the patterns you may see. The patterns are the facts, the truth. The hoovers, love-bombing and crumbing are the lies. Believe your experiences and not people who stonewall and lie to you.

[@williampicton7072]

After no contact. I made a list of all the nasty ways they treated me. It helps in getting over the trauma bond. And cognitive dissonance! 😊 Thank you Danish!!

[@MegaRose1958]

This is why it's best to go into hiding and get out of the Toxic relationship!! My ex always told me he wasn't leaving!! I knew he is good at convincing people that he is good so I knew I couldn't call the police while he was in my home after he had punched me in my stomach. This is another reason it is important for a person to always have your own money, so if you have to leave ,you can go and stay at a decent hotel to file a PTO, go to the emergency room, file a police report etc. I did all these things when I left my home. Once he was served I went back home and I got all my locks changed.

[@undercoverbird8592]

That’s what always gets me when people call their partner a narcissist because the narcissist dumped them and left them. That’s just a jerk. A real narcissist doesn’t leave!!! Won’t leave you alone.

[@MegaRose1958]

@@undercoverbird8592 That's why I left, my Toxic ex wouldn't leave my house, I left so I could get him out.

[@ColleenBarlow]

Actually, to comment above, some Narcissists do leave. When I learned about narcissism, I started my healing journey. I explained my weaknesses due to my upbringing. I asked him to also get help, because we both needed to heal. He finally got to the point of saying he wanted to change and getting help. Literally within 2 weeks, a female predator went after him. He jumped to her for source, but the sad thing is, she is so toxic to him. It's very hard to watch someone you love be eaten alive and lose himself. I struggle with how a horribly sick parent can cause a child to become a narcissist, and then there's no hope for thr innocent child.

[@amberinthemist7912]

​@undercoverbird8592 Narcissist do leave. Usually it's a ploy to break you and the plan is always to come back. Sometimes it's because you've been successful in grey rock and they find new supply.

[@PhantasmicEther]

My husband is doing this exact thing. My birthday yesterday he made me a cake, got me a card, put up a few decos. Never done that much before if anything. But since I’ve been one foot out the door now he’s acting slightly interested in my existence… it makes my blood boil, honestly.

[@rickiilatino]

Our anger is most helpful in keeping us motivated as we move on to better days.

[@piggy310]

Is he a good guy?

[@donnaroberts4565]

@@rickiilatino Nooo Anger is sads bodyguard. Self respect is what is needed. Can't beat a healthy dose of self respect like " you don't get to do that to me anymore, I quit"

[@iamhereok]

My narcissistic husband became so so much kinder and respectful when I started no contact with him . Now I don't need his love, I have my kids and myself.

[@Morpheus-pt3wq]

It all depends not that much on what you know or what you see, but what you WANT to see. As long, as it´s a fantasy and not reality, you will eventually become trapped again. Do not linger too much in the past. Do not look too far in the future. Ground yourself in the dirty and difficult present - do it in a way, so your mind won´t drift around. It´s a conscious effort at the beginning, since you have to retrain your brain to stay in the present.

[@riddhidharaiya5032]

Yes, when they are afraid of losing you as their luxurious source of supply , they "pretend" to be loving, caring and so on. But when they know you can't leave them, this "idealization" stage comes only once in the beginning of the relationship. After that they would replace it with 'extreme rage'.

[@ESumner]

Every video you make is 100% facts. So relatable. So absolutely damaging to my brain it’s true. Hates me but obsessed and stalking me…. How.

[@dkim5162]

Going through this as of right now. He just did the love bomb because I am serious about the divorce now. I can recognize the cognitive dissonance that just befell me. Thank you so much for your videos!

[@kalkhan816]

The problem is Danish that we want to believe them...I think this is also a thing we have too

[@Sara2016a]

Yes! You are right! We want to believe them. Being treated like sh* for years, we get thirsty for some love or some nice words and we think they changed, while they play their evil games. They never change, they remain evil till the last day.

[@Love-np2rt]

We're in denial about the evil we have been thru....I know I've been.

[@MauveBlossom]

Trauma Bonding

[@Love-np2rt]

@@MauveBlossom Yes :(

[@BlinkinFirefly]

He's been being nice to me once again after the breakup. In the past he has lured me back, after multiple breakups. I am being firmer than ever, and not accepting any of his love-bombing. I just say "no thanks" now, instead of giving in. He seems to have gotten the message. Now he doesn't bother me. In a way, it hurts. But I also know that this is better, because now I'm not being sucked back into the vicious cycles.

[@AngelCoyoteMusic]

This is excellent advice, Danish. Thank you for speaking it out loud! I made the mistake of getting reeled back in AFTER I'd left. When his snakely self reappeared, what a mess I realized I was in, again!

[@rickiilatino]

Same here. Lesson learned 👍

[@undercoverbird8592]

So true. I’ve had guys dump me but my ex husband I damn near begged him to dump me. 😂 after we had kids he stopped working and was always home. 🤦🏽‍♀️😳 bugging the crap out of me on my one day off. He would follow me around the house like a needy child. At some point he started calling me “mama”. That marriage was a sh@tshow. 18 dumb years.

[@nikkyluv2244]

I’m sorry 😂😂😂😂 this is too funny because this is so sadly true… they KNOW they have you hostage and nobody truly wants THEM for them

[@GripOnCulture]

Not calling u.mama 😮

[@donnaroberts4565]

Wow you sound like a got it together person I'm left wondering how the H did it las 18 years? I really hope you are far away from that "mama" needy man-child & his PlayStation!

[@dhara5781]

I am the scapegoat daughter in my family. My mother never spend 2 minutes talking with me personally. After my marriage she started calling me everyday and tried to get as much as information about my newly married life including my bedroom stuffs. Her concern about me made me feel doubt about her next step. I observed her actions very carefully for 4 years after my marriage because I did not want to fall into the horrible situation I was in before my marriage with them. My mother even tried to ruin my marriage involving my sister into us. As I educated myself about narcissism and their behavior patterns, I have severe anxiety and headaches because that’s all what my parents are. They always tried to down me in front of my law’s family and other relatives. So, I started making distance with them and focusing more on my health. May God bless all the child who are dealing with their narcissist parents to survive.

[@sirg-had8821]

Don't buy their lies.

[@prime5816]

U kno u are the best narc coach ever… thank u so much🙏🏼

[@moonstone4684]

Each time he would do something diabolical to me, it would be followed with a random money "gift", deposited to my account, to "help" or go buy something nice for myself. It would just show up on my account. Then I would feel obligated (his plan) and think he really was a good person after all, and really did care for and love me. After awhile of this love bombing after abuse, and things getting so horrible, I had to save myself and live in reality. Not the fantasy mask I'd been shown from the beginning. 😢 It was brutal, and I was told that I now owe him ALL this money, that I'm a user and a gold digger. That I trickled and abused HIM! 😮 My heart has never been so broken in my entire life. I only wanted love. 💔

[@ankhofmotivation]

Exactly the same thing I went through..😂😂😂😂 omg..

[@madeleinegrayson8372]

You see this in some employers as well who are narcs. Treat their employees like crap then dole out gifts or bonuses to keep you there.

[@AvengerCrazy]

This is the biggest confusion, I had.

[@MauveBlossom]

Swear I have been thinking of getting a t-shirt printed with the message, 'Unhooverable' in BOLD. Thanks Danish for your continued enlightenment. You've been a lifesaver.

[@jasmynreddiar933]

You are on point, precisely what I experienced. Thank you for sharing .

[@casperinsight3524]

Talk is cheap ~ follow thru speaks volumes Effort requires action

[@milananchor513]

Greets Danish. You said the fact. I wasn't a known the subject narcissism until I met my friend. Now its been 4yrs. Initial stage with love bombing, then devaluation later controlling nature. I couldn't understand his nature. I was being depressed and wasn't all happy when around him, like a melting wax. Once I came to know this personality is too poisonous and by that time I ended up as victim. Gods grace now realized the sickness and survived . Still he is hoovering, but never a go back, if so thats an end. I wont say anyone with NPD has to be thrown out, they too are human with a disordered birth, but we should protect ourself., no other options.

[@jeannieotb8491]

Yes you become so emotionally deprived and unfulfilled, any display of affection becomes such a relief and then the 3 stage cycle happens over and over again til the only way you survive is to emotionally shut down completely and deny yourself yourself and your true nature of love and kindness.. It happens over and over again until you find out about narcissism and then the trauma bond and cognitive dissonance is so huge you cant believe it until you look back, over 23 years in my case, to see how they manipulated you and you can see the 3 stages played out continually, ~ especially the discard when they throw you off a cliff. Thanks so much. for this video, It explains my life so well.The healing joirney is a long hard road in my case. Taken 2 years and still living beside the narcissist is very hard as I wait for house to sell.

[@DeCamJ]

thnk u its refreshing to have this validation. the cycle is real and incredibly unsettling.

[@marialucas1810]

Your words made me smile recollecting those moments when I thought "yes he's back! Here's the man I fell in love with". He only "came back" in those moments when he was scared I was coming to my senses.

[@advsanketbilagoji97]

They are pure cold evil they have no feelings they only know one thing:supply. Run for your life keep boundaries ✋. Be in command.

[@roksannastephens4375]

Yes!!!

[@roksannastephens4375]

Danish, love your sense of humor throughout your videos. The load is lightened to help us continue to heal. It's a balm over our soul...thank you!

[@patlewkowicz6339]

Thank you breaking free!! God is my rock and my salvation who should I fear

[@realcanadiangirl64]

My ex-husband did this when I told him that I was divorced him after ten years of an abusive marriage. He started to cry begging me to change my mind and promising he'd go to counseling. I gently told him sorry but I don't love you anymore. His tears immediately dried up and through gritted teeth right in front of my face he promised me that I would never spend another night alone under the same roof as our three young children. He told me that he was going to ruin my life and wouldn't stop until I was homeless pushing a cart down the street. They are truly evil

[@dianaballiet3661]

I hope both you and your kids are safe.

[@erinh2704]

I am so grateful for your videos. We've been dealing with my MIL for 3 years & we feel like we've been living in crazy world. I started seeing your videos and our lives started making so much more sense. Thank you for all the information you put out there, we are learning how to deal with her thanks to you!

[@GloriaGonzalez-zz4wp]

Thank you so much for this message 😊💓🙏🙏🙏🙏

[@justsayin4394]

Wow! So true! My narcissistic sister and I were estranged, after years of me enduring her lies and abuse. When our dad died, she reached out to me, becoming the sister I always wanted. She was being so sweet to me until I found out she was stealing all the trust funds! I had really thought she had changed, but her being so nice to me should have made me even more aware.

[@silverwolf2666]

It took me 34 years and 7 attempts to realize what his game really was and finally leave for good.

[@Jussynz]

Such great advice, just when I needed it the most. Thank you

[@LC-rm9xy]

Yes wow this is exactly what is happening my ex narcissist ran away and disappeared from one day to the next abs discarded Me and. Now after my healing process he is now being so nice and sweet telling me he loves me and missed me for months …. It’s so hard to say no to him cuz he makes it seems he is being so honest this time but I am so glad I heard this video!!!!! I told him he was a liar and I am going to do this what u say and question every thing!!!!!!! Thank you so much!!!!!! 🙏

[@yvonnendanga995]

Oh boyyyy.... "You are dealing with a corpse, an emotionally zombified human being"......So powerful image. And indeed they are. Thanks for being so direct and honest about these parasites that we keep feeding until we receive knowledge. Thanks a lot!

[@cecilyngreen9597]

I got trapped by a narc almost 2yrs. ago, a charming liar, never wanted to spend quality time together, saying he works all the time, only wanted sex, mother was always a problem, no follow through with plans, offered to give me money if I acted right, popped in and out, never had time to support me in anything, it was always about him, no real accountability, fake apologies, therefore I never put my heart on the line. He was not even close to what he claimed to be and I was just a sexual fantasy to him. Shut these kind of men or women down as fast as you can and take back your power in Jesus name, Peace and ❤

[@dawnieholland8368]

I told him to go to confession,then when he said he'd been to see a Priest,I checked.

[@kalkhan816]

It's a trap though, that took me years to accept 😐

[@Chamsmad]

Hello Danish, can you make more videos and share your kwolegde about the steps that narcisstic parents uses in children abuse, please. How we become someone that we cannot recognize through tactics AND sabotaging of them. How tricks they use to form an adult who have a lot of problems in their lives (self worth, dependance of all kinds, addictiction, obesity, financial issue, relationship issue and so on...). Thanks.

[@SuperMethegreat]

You are so damm perfect. My narcissistic bf whenever saw me drifting away used to love bomb me. He used to spend hours and do all that I liked to hear. In reality i never felt emotional connection with him. He felt like cold and stone hearted.

[@sophiasweet7351]

I send you a lot of strength they are the most dangerous beasts I have ever seen 😳🥺 take care sending you all love thank you Dr Bashir for this content it’s really helpful ❤

[@kathleenkirby7700]

NOTHING BUT .. GAMES W/THEM .. AT ALL TIMES! NEVER LET THEM SUCK U BACK IN! THESE GAMES .. WILL GO ON FOREVER! THAT'S THE WAY THEY ARE & LIVE! THEY WILL .. EVENTUALLY DESTROY U .. IF U ALLOW THEM .. TOO!

[@II.PP.11]

If you're in a narcissists relationship you must know one thing: YOU'RE ALONE. Don't fall for their good loving caring behaviour, is a trap. They'll hunt you just to sick your soul as many times as they want and then, when there's nothing left, they'll throw you like garbage. That's the reality. Instead, start a relationship with yourself and stay grounded, that will blind you against the emotional abuse. And if you're able to leave, do it ASAP, before you become an empty vessel or worst, a monster, like them.

[@lobsterbisque7567]

When I decided to walk away, I tried to make it as abrupt, and surprising as possible. Her situation was growing desperate, and for the first time in our relationship she told me that she loved me. By that time, however I already knew she was constantly lying & cheating on me. So when she 'confessed her love' to me, I had already began the process of distancing myself from her emotionally. So confessions meant nothing. Looking back, I can see that she viewed our relationship as nothing more than a game: to see how much she could get away with. Her life was always a dumpster fire long before I ever met her, and I cut her loose from my life. Now my physical & emotional health has returned, And I have a much better job(in every respect, not just in pay)

[@uma222]

You cannot love someone's pathology out of them, and they don't love you enough to overcome it. 😜

[@wingsly]

Oh ya, well said!

[@ambaro0887]

Exactly what my narc dad does with my mother; I and my siblings were the flying monkeys, he takes us on a car trip without our mother, and starts B.S.ing about her "She doesn't cooperate, she doesn't make sense, she doesn't want to talk to me, I am confused.." and the whole time I'm just😐. Really homie? He ain't the smartest narc out there, it was all too easy to spot the fake drama but it's the dependence we had on him that kept us under control until we became independent partially or fully Thanks for another great video, keep up the good work Sir

[@loniwylie4975]

My husband is doing this right now but i am on to him. I've been with him for 21 years. This is the LAST time.

[@meiw8358]

Thank you for your teaching. I Just realized one year that I married with a grandiose narc husband, I have been experiencing the cycles from love bombing to devaluation He performed over and over. when I married the second day I left his house because i couldn’t tolerant the narc abusive behavior, then I lived in my own house 5 years now. It costs me got breast cancer and low white blood cells because he always cost me sad mad angry when I did not know he is a narcissistic . Since I have the knowledge about narcissistic, I deal with him never be the same, I am separated, and ready for a divorce.

[@bethpage6696]

I have often said "I'm in prison" he says "I'm not keeping you here" Only to pretend to be the person he was in the beginning and refuse to talk about parting ways like civil human beings... I'm so stuck emotionally, financially and disabled.

[@krishnamayimarianni8026]

This description is spot on!

[@elizabethdcosta6337]

I experienced this all the time being with a narcissist. Few weeks of being nice, he got back to his monster world again, being nice when every time he sees me I am trying to leave or move on… I became confused and wasted my 12 months with this man. This is not a lot compared to other people living with a narcissist for years. whatever mess he did to me, it’s not just hard, it’s really hard to heal and move on.

[@sahajjeewanbydrlata]

Wow so helpful for the empaths trapped in narcissistic abuse

[@olgajarsky33]

thanks for your work! You're so terribly right...

[@Lisaaaaaaq]

I'm on this stage right now. It's so freaking creepy 😅 I know it's only temporary

[@DidiyogasalsastudioTM]

but why the narcissist is always drawn to us in some ways? he is such a glue

[@casperinsight3524]

They enjoy pulling the rug out from under you when you least expect it

[@iamclaynow]

Excellent. And that's exactly where he is. Not falling for it, but would have sure liked to believe he wasn't a monster. I can't. I've seen too much and I do have a memory. But that is exactly where he is.

[@tictactoedias1908]

100% only the each time worsen and each time gets shorter and shorter ..... also add substance abuse to the mix 😢a total nightmare!!!! Thank you Danish ❤❤

[@ronandheather3079]

Dear Mr. Bashir, you have helped me understand so much about myself. You are seriously doing the work of God and I appreciate you so much. God bless you. I pray for you everyday that God blesses you indeed.🙏🏼😊

[@southerncatlady]

Been there. I recognize it very well now. And I will NOT fall for it again. I will not get back in that cage.

[@skylerkelly597]

I'm absolutely broken from this

[@regimolsameeer5500]

Yes Danish, for 22 yrs I am in this loop..

[@meenatibiswal3776]

Yes u are right. My husband does this and he has been using me in every way he wants

[@deborahbarchard5957]

Begin your steps to leave now! It will never stop. Help is readily available if you look for it.

[@SteffiDon-b5w]

Thank you for the video and information Danish. I understand narcs follow the method of love bomb, devalue and discard. I see everyone follow this method around me. This feels like a behaviour everyone follow for me. Parents, siblings, friends, coworkers, acquaintances, management at work, all authorities - this is how everyone behaves! But if this is only what narcs do, what should a healthy relationship may feel like ? What do healthy people do in their relationship ? Sorry, I have way too many narcs around, I think I dont know what a healthy relationship may seem or feel like. What happens in a healthy relationship? Thank you!

[@susanparker9877]

Excellent video with important info. Thank you Darnish!

[@jennelleschulzeck9426]

My husband left me in 2009 for another woman. I started a whole new life in another state close to my grandchildren. After the "new" woman spent all of his money he became very ill and my son begged me many times to take him back. (At this time, I did not know he was narcissistic but knew something was wrong and I did not understand why) Eventually, I let him come back with the promise, no drugs and alcohol and that there would be no physical relationship between us. With all his charm he agreed, and I let him live with me. BIG MISTAKE!!!! He hid his drugs in an old abandoned shed out the back of the house and put his alcohol in the big shed on the property. He hid the drugs out in the abandoned shed so that he could sneak out there at anytime night or day and have a puff etc. But what he didn't know, was that the smoke would come wafting back into the house and I knew what he was up to. I was LIVID and approached him about this. He didn't deny it, no apology, nothing, and proceeded to smoke on the veranda where it would come into my bedroom. Eventually he made a man cave in the big shed and he moved down there. But he was bad and it all made me very sad and now I have this huge burden back on my doorstep, JUST BECAUSE I FELT SORRY FOR HIM. He is still with me and verbally abuses me every day, I want to go but there are reasons I can't. He is slowly killing me. One good thing, we never got back into a physical relationship, he tried, I was not going to give in to that. And, so far, he has been off the drugs and alcohol the past few years. But the verbal abuse, the twisting, the turning......I am angry all the time.

[@ginaalesha2]

Shape shift, been there, thanks Danish!!!

[@gypsywhispers5744]

Oh I know this all too well with my mother. Her “love” is purely conditional. She changes daily generally between what I can do for her as opposed to when I genuinely can’t do something for her. Tell her “No I can’t”, watch the monster come out! Or If I’m not constantly praising her up to either her or others etc. Only she matters it does not matter if anyone around her including her children are suffering, sick, struggling. It only matters when it is her it is affecting. The minute you talk about anything that is affecting you BANG! She tells you “you’re not the only person on earth” and to get over it. If it is something affecting her we are all expected to throw a pity party and console her unconditionally. After I put my foot down with her and don’t come near her, she lures me in with pretending to change and exerts very flimsy attempts in making out she will try with things. She will say all these nice things and pretend to care by buying me things or giving me things, but within a day or two she is straight back to it. I feel so foolish for believing her every single time. You literally live in hope at the end of a rope with her. I’m getting wiser in my age now and can identify all of her behaviours thankfully.

[@donnamcquail7551]

Just yesterday thought everything was all going to be okay with both Narcs, my mind was telling me off for thinking so badly about them both in my head. Now I realise it's just going through the motions, and I hate the notion that they don't really like me.

[@fami_famy]

Well detailed all the traits of a narc. And the definition of narc, perfecto

[@fatimah.y14]

Wow, this video came upon me when I just got a caring message from them.

[@animetsystudio9841]

Even a criminal/murderer can change when they've been through cell, but a narcissist will NEVER till their last breadth. . Edit: You forget to tell the most important thing never pity on them even if they are trying to change bc their pitiness can be another weapon.

[@Sara2016a]

So true!

[@sues3218]

It was uncanny how the narcissist started to use the very same love bombing techniques they used at the beginning of ensnaring me, as I started to pull away from them. They have no idea how to empathize with a person. It is weird how they can't even figure out that you are on to them, and think the same technique will work again. It is weird watching them try and lure you with the same fake nice, even though you now know it was all an illusion, and now realize that they have been playing you and you had been falling for it. They are devoid of empathy and can't put themselves into another's shoes. They can only parrot what they see, they don't really comprehend the emotions of others. It was really baffling to watch, once I had fully snapped out of the manipulation. It was abnormal to witness. I like to call them Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. I like the word you use for them "shape shifting".

[@MsStratyllis]

Someone tried to pull this on me recently. I told them I didn't believe it, because they had lied to me so many times before.

[@terridillon3053]

True! They are dead inside No one home! Very sad

[@joannzappoli3667]

Yes he said couple’s therapy if I took him back. Let him in and no efforts to make an appt. For therapy at all. All talk no actions. They will not change. I left him for good this time. Run, run and don’t look back.

[@casperinsight3524]

When you're all " Lovey Dovey " on cloud 9 AKA " oblivious " They are planning their sneak attack when you're most vulnerable

[@justjen2591]

DEMONS IN DISGUISE, RUN......

[@EvaCFricke]

Perfectly said.

[@SP-vg8ih]

Yes I experienced the same.Horrible experience. I am experiencing exactly the same scenarios since couple of years. The worst experiences of ups and downs I have ever had in my life. I have blocked the narcissist right now and the current stage is - I'm being hoovered.. and she's trying to hook me again

[@allisonbarrett969]

6:00 I actually just found out a year ago that my husband of 17 yrs is extremely high in narcissistic traits. The crazy part is it literally did not manifest until year 14 together. I'm not someone who is easily fooled so as you can imagine my world began to crumble. Are they really so tricky they can seriously fool a discerning person for 14 years? I've been looking back & I see maybe 2 red flags that could possibly be just having " a bad day" . How can a person keep up a facade for over a decade?

[@valgrl1000]

Thanks for your videos. Your explanations and examples have been very helpful.

[@cyberchen4]

Thank You!!🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼

[@kareng6049]

Danish, so incredibly grateful for stumbling across your channel, just discovered you today! Lived in a narcissistic marriage for 30 yrs, left 5 yrs ago, have been divorced 4 now and truly thriving. With having 3 kids with this man, the decision to break away was the most difficult one to have to make BUT I had to save myself and my daughters. I didn't know what the term "narcissist" meant until roughly 3 yrs ago, everything you say is 1000% accurate. There is so much help and healing available to those who have been through this experience. I have realized what a beautiful and wonderful human being I am, learning self-love has been so good for my life.Wishing everyone to very best always and please keep providing these amazingly informative videos! I appreciate you. One important thing I've learned is that I had a narcissistic parent, then I married one of them. It all makes sense now.

[@theoriginalemissary422]

Great video!!

[@marycampeau9378]

oh the punishment. the one constant

[@LifepostNarcissism]

Lump of flesh. I love the humor in your videos, Danish. Corpse of the true definition of them

[@adamtedder1012]

Mine is doing it right now. She knows me well enough to know when im planning to leave. Which i am. My son and I are planning our escape and she senses it. So now all of a sudden shes doing everything she ever promised to do.

[@juanadrianrobaina5763]

Lol Danish what is the background 😮,where u at ? Hope u have not been taken hostage by a narcissist in some faraway cottage in the mountains,now i am worried😮Thanks for all the great videos by the way, everything you say rings true.

[@DaRyteJuan]

It’s hard to believe someone is such an evil mastermind as this … That is, until it happens to you. But even then, you still can’t believe it.

[@Isabela2024-yr]

In my relationship with the narcissist, he tried to find out my financial account. And I replied, "Did I ever ask you about your accounts? He could not answer me. He got humiliated because I told him that men shouldn't be asking women their accounts. Instead, they should be helping. What kind of man are you? Another thing, love bombing is not an option for him. I gave up sleeping with him. What else is left for him. None whatsoever. Finally he told me the other day. You're the only woman who can not be controlled. I replied, "Who do you think are you to control people around you?