Narcissism and depression

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DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL.
THE VIDEO DOES NOT REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS VIDEO, ESPECIALLY TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION THAT THE MAKERS OF THIS VIDEO BELIEVE, OR SUPPORT A CLAIM, THAT A SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE VIDEO AND THE INFORMATION FEATURED IN IT.

[@NarcSurvivor]

Narcissists are always trying to escape their depression through forms of escapism or even through project their feelings of fear or shame on to you. You will feel down whenever you are around them.

[@mcreally29]

Facts! Thank you!

[@Linda2]

My narc was a alcoholic and heavy pot smoker.

[@SueP-D]

They are life draining

[@joseenoel8093]

Sure, lift your head and it'll be stomped upon anyway! Their stomping grounds, our souls being grinded kicks up their adrenaline, lack of it running through their veins becomes our problem and damaging us is their medicine, where's ours?

[@joseenoel8093]

@Ten too I've been to Scotland 3 times and can assure you their dungeons are vacant. The Spanish Inquisition, done by their Queen a devout catholic really thought she was doing the right thing, like a narcissist also does but all religions can be dangerous and narcissists see themselves as Gods needing constant worshipping or pay the price by being tortured and rightly by them!

[@matilda1505]

Before you diagnosed yourself with depression make sure you are not surrounded by a...holes

[@savetrump1088]

You are so right, the a..holes benefit from others downfalls. Then when the depression turns into defiance and it's time to make changes all of the a...holes panic because they get tossed out one by one. Then they say, why can't things go back to the way they were back in the good old days? Back when things were good for them.

[@Leoo117]

@@LightingLotusLove You broke free of your mother's grip on you, and now you are in control of what you do and who you are. This makes me so happy to hear. My wife had the exact same issue with her mother. She broke free of the control for a while, but when we had issues in our marriage and after we decided to take care of her sister's baby when her sister couldn't, my wife felt very overwhelmed, didn't want to try in her marriage anymore because of it, and ran back to her mother, who now had better behavior, because she wanted her daughter around. It's obvious her mother will return to the usual narcissistic tendencies eventually, which means my soon to be ex-wife will be extra overwhelmed. Also, the baby will have to grow up in an environment with a narcissistic grandmother. Also, my wife's mother always wants her children to act as her parents, because she didn't get to have much of a childhood and wasn't shown much love as a kid, and she refuses to try and be humble so she can grow up. So my wife basically has two kids to take care of. Also, now my wife is constantly distracting herself from her feelings and emotions by always staying busy. The whole situation just makes me sad. I feel happy though reading about your situation. It helps me feel more like my wife might be able to eventually fully break free and be herself as well. I feel good about that, even though we will be divorced.

[@brimstone33]

Or that YOU are an a...hole who is depressing yourself and others.

[@oazazdravlja5]

Wow ....Amazing Explanation !It is really very important to know.👍👏🙏❤️

[@knowthyself8233]

Well said

[@melodyharmony8448]

The narcissists I know have depression and anxiety. They are addicted to alcohol, drugs, shopping, sex, gossip and create drama to "ease their pain".

[@joseenoel8093]

They're never satisfied, always the victims!

[@hztaylor1]

Very true

[@silvio.r8443]

Borderline personality comorbid traits

[@crthompson1793]

Yes!!! So true!!!!!

[@costelloandlizzievolk2233]

Yes I find this confusing because it seems sometimes people who’ve suffered narcissistic abuse have these symptoms too 🤷🏻‍♀️

[@ChantalLatinwo]

5 months no contact im freeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!! Thankyou for your voice

[@vibehigh5280]

Freedom!! Im happy for you!

[@sprock4chick]

Wonderful ❤️

[@eddierayvanlynch6133]

Imagine how good five *years* will feel. And welcome to your new, real normal. Stay Strong 💪

[@heatherroberson1648]

It's very difficult to find a therapist who understands narcissistic abuse. One who recognizes it, realizes the seriousness of it and who cares enough to try and tackle it with their clients instead of blame them.

[@alaysiakayebutler6299]

The secondary trauma from a bad therapist, can nail the lid on the coffin.. a misaligned therapist can destroy the remaining hope, that got you to look for help... But..YOU are the failure.. Narcs are drawn into positions of unequal power..like counseling. A covert malicious narcissist, I knew was going to school to become a counselor yet had zero life skills or life experience, had been a kept man, by a truly malicious woman, and zero interest in others. Abused his ex, alienated kids.. He thought he should be looked up to, a counselor, just because of his "superior" "wisdom"..

[@chinemeremugagu4650]

It is Difficult to see a therapist that understand Narcissism i had to explain to like TWO therapist what narcissism is

[@alaysiakayebutler6299]

@@chinemeremugagu4650 bad omen.. I had one continue the "assessment" for over 5 sessions, each time Id start to get to the emotions of why I was there shed shut me down.. Final straw, she asked me if I was afraid of my emotions, and I knew she was..I left the office and ended up driving the wrong way on a one way road, in a daze from the reconstituted abuses, not processed, compounded..

[@Armz69]

i agree very much

[@Armz69]

True that!

[@northdallastexashomes7106]

Once I divorced, my life changed. I finally experience happiness. I’m happy, positive, decisive, and successful.

[@robinb.2646]

They basically try to hide their depression. While they're draining all of your energy.

[@chriscunningham8807]

Most people are programmed to appear happy and mask depression or other unacceptable feelings to project a positive image even if they're struggling with real problems. Depressed people can drain people's energy yet are less draining than manic and hyper people who can suck the oxygen out of a room. Few people listen. Those who do are really valuable and supportive and not afraid to share and discuss uncomfortable and vulnerable feelings to make both people in a relationship feel heard, validated and understood. Pick your friends wisely and life can feel much better as there's a buffer against people who might harm or exhaust you. .

[@vivian7220]

Many of the narcissists I have known are very miserable and unhappy.

[@KaddyFeast]

I spent 20 years getting yelled at trying to help a depressed narcissist. It warps your sense of reality badly...and certainly kept me depressed.

[@brimstone33]

Me too, and still am. Got yelled at t day because the salad I made my wife for lunch wasn't big enough. Then got yelled at later because I apparently wasn't watering the lawn correctly.

[@chiriviscospower]

@@brimstone33 grow some cojones bro..

[@brimstone33]

@@chiriviscospower And where will that get me? In jail for "induced physical assault"? In divorce court where the notoriously misandrist legal system will take half my military retirement pay and give it to her as a reward for screwing with me for all these years? Are you paying attention at all? That is exactly what she wants - to draw me into an argument. She feeds on it. Maybe back in the day the solution was to slap your wife back when she hit you, or scream back when she screamed at you. Maybe that was actually a better way to do things. Not allowed today. Haven't you noticed? I'll tell you a little story about 'growing cojones'. Absolutely true story. My military specialty got 'stop lossed' after 9/11 and I was prevented from retiring. Instead I got promoted and sent from Fort Bragg back to a deploying Special Forces unit headed for Iraq. A couple of days after arriving, knowing I was leaving soon, I took my wife shopping to try to help her settle in while I was going to be away. We bought a couple of badminton rackets and I carried them in a bag as we walked back to our car. It had grown dark and the parking large was very large. I didn't want to cut across the dark parking lot in a strange city so I was trying to walk along the lighted sidewalk. My wife was intentionally bumping into me trying to push me into the dark telling me I was going the wrong way. And complaining, telling me to "stop hitting her" (with the rackets). She was having a hypomanic episode and talking a mile a minute, I couldn't even tell her why I was going the way I was going. Finally I had enough and just pushed her off of me, telling her to "get the f*ck away from me". Then I took off alone towards the car. Some dude came up to me in the dark and said, "Hey buddy, you know what goes around comes around". I just replied, "I know" and kept walking. He was clearly trying to start some shit. I met my wife back at the car and we took off, with her driving. Before we got out of the parking lot we got pulled over by cops. A group of them hustled her out of the car while another one ran up to my side and started screaming at me. Ooo-kaay... so apparently while we were walking a couple of bored undercover cops followed us. In their little one-track cop minds they probably heard my wife, in her thick foreign accent, say that I was hitting her and couldn't or didn't want to understand that she was talking about hitting her with the shopping bag that was swinging between us. What THEY heard was a wife-beater and they were gonna play saviors and get that bad guy off the streets, teach him a lesson he would never forget. Except that my wife had no idea what the F they were talking about, and she was soon in tears begging them not to arrest me. She comes from a place where the cops are even more corrupt than they are here. So they had to reluctantly let me go. There's one experience I've had with 'growing cojones'. And the result. I have spent much of my adult life around idiots who thought every problem could be solved with enough 'cojones'. In fact, I have known and worked with and fought against - and sometimes killed - bigger and badder MF'ers than you can likely imagine. One thing I have learned is aggression is sometimes the best solution to a problem, sometimes the only solution to a problem, and often a path to disaster. But if you have some specific and actually useful advice for my situation with my mentally ill narcissistic wife I would certainly like to hear it.

[@keariewashburn4680]

So very true. Its alot of work to recover and manage the symptoms.

[@keariewashburn4680]

@@brimstone33 hey. I totally relate to your story there. Even Ft Bragg, special ops ect...." The Sled" and other shit. But it really is a hard situation in personal marriage and other factors coming in with Narcissism ( And PTSD ECT) anyway, Be well ttosbt

[@MimiB77]

My eczema cleared up once I left my husband!

[@eddierayvanlynch6133]

Just yesterday, a vid on another channel mentioned research connecting skin conditions with extreme stress. Excellent to hear of your healing! Stay Strong 💪

[@time2bherenow]

Louise Hay, author of “You Can Heal Your Life,” asks of people with skin issues like rashes of any sort, what or who is getting under your skin? Uncanny insight.

[@BIGKILLANICCA]

@Jannie Porter omg 😱 can it really cause that?!? I randomly started getting BAD breakouts on my hands. This comment just blew my mind 🤯

[@myrnabryant7992]

Both depression and narcissistic abuse it’s a wonder that I am still able to function in life 🤦‍♀️🤷‍♀️it’s a cocktail for a lot of self sabotaging 😔thanks doc 💐🙏

[@monmacphee289]

Can really truthfully relate to this I had an episode of major depression way before getting into a relationship with a sociopathic narcissist I healed myself with therapy also and became whole again happy joyful ect Then down the track found sociopathic narcissist and before finally leaving 3 years ago now became a shell of myself and was very very paranoid after leaving Suicidal thoughts ect Today I am very thankful oddly I went through this as I can finally see feel and love myself We all ah e down days yes but it doesn’t last long as it was in the past

[@meredithcosta7374]

I went through hard core depression during the height of my relationship with my ex. I stopped taking care of myself, I couldn't sleep, I lost jobs, I never wanted to do anything, and just felt like I had been sucked into a vacuum. It wasn't until I found my absolutely amazing therapist who saved my life that I was able to work through that horrible heavy cloud and begin to set boundaries and take my life back. Thank you for what you do, Dr. Ramani! Your videos got me through the first month of no contact with my ex. Couldn't have done it without you.

[@hodamawlawi512]

So happy and proud of you 💜💪

[@inezi6977]

I am in that situation right now, it’s so hard find right help. Can I ask you if you did go in KBT or something else? ❤️

[@meredithcosta7374]

@@inezi6977 I'm sorry - I don't know what kbt is. If you mean cbt, yes, I did do that with my therapist. I found her through a search for therapists who specialize in domestic violence and Codependency. I hope you're able to find someone who can help you. It made all the difference in the world for me. Good kick! ❤️

[@Linda2]

Dr Ramani showed the the way.

[@corinnefisher166]

That is exactly my situation. I feel like I am nothing- even showering is a chore that I put off, let alone maintain employment. I don't want to ask what state you live in, so would you mind simply stating if you live in my state of Oklahoma? I'm so desperate for a therapist, yet I fear the devastating possibility of having to weed through multiple. I will sincerely appreciate your reply-

[@faizaa1244]

My depressive symptoms left when I started left my narc relationships & started setting boundaries. Thank God 🥺

[@sarahheath5912]

Please may I request a video on PTSD as a result of narcissistic abuse? You may not be aware but your videos are recommended by trauma support networks in Australia. Very few psychologists or primary physicians in Australia are trained in this field. Thank you for educating people in such an empathetic way.

[@4craycray]

I am interested in his too.

[@bandieboo8102]

Might as well be talking a foreign language when you bring up narcissist abuse with most therapists in Aus.

[@joywebster2678]

@@bandieboo8102 in most countries. The key difference is seeing a PhD in Psychology or a Psychiatrist who are the ones trained to diagnose the personality disorder of narcissists. Because other therapists aren't licensed to diagnose they get little education in the personality disorders. It is the same here in 🇨🇦, my therapist sees I'm distressed but will not use the term narcissist to refer to the narc in my life. I directly asked her why, and she said it is out of her license scope and she doesn't want to be thought of as diagnosing. Lastly there is a gap in terms for clinicians to use if the person doing the abuse hasn't been diagnosed, we call them narcs, but it's a condition that occurs on a spectrum from mild to fully disordered and diagnosable. I use self centered and toxic, this engages my therapist more comfortably to help me cope.

[@eddierayvanlynch6133]

Good to know you Aussies are working to get ahead of the curve. In spite of professionals like Dr. Ramani, it's pretty much the same here in the US. Like the attitude against NPD as an accepted diagnosis, it seems to be generational, and hopefully will fade as solid info from professional educators like Dr. R is seen and discussed online. You may want to check into CPTSD (or C-PTSD). Crappy Childhood Fairy channel on KZbin has good info. She says therapy didn't help her, but openly states that it was because she couldn't find a therapist that "believed" in CPTSD. It sounds like you may relate to that. Good luck from the States to all our cousins Down Under. Stay Strong 💪

[@suzannemorrow9987]

Yes. I too have PTSD , and realize I have numbed myself , depression. I am usually the most active, happy person. Healthy... Now I’m all the stuff Dr. R said , except for the suicide . My MD , just wants to give prescriptions. It’s from the Narc abuse !! I found myself down the Rabbit Hole over & over. My close relationships and loved ones (Narc ones ) at me since childhood & or after. Till now. Horrible things happened and no one was or is held accountable. Over & over... Bad therapists too

[@savetrump1088]

I got so depressed after my first son was born. It was 30 years ago, and looking back, it makes me so angry now because nobody helped me.

[@joywebster2678]

I'm 60 and my mother had post partum depression and put me in a cab at 7 days old alone told cabbie to take me to a hospital she didn't want me. No one helped her, or me and I felt the effects forever because she associated my birth with bad feelings and that I caused them, she had no insight.

[@XXX-ru1kk]

My mother (covert narc = never happy, always angry) always has escaped from depression with an enormous explosion of rage. When I was a child it was scary, now I react with an anger bc I'm not any longer in a mood to tolerate her excesses. That's safe my well being.

[@arielklay23]

Wow 😳! That's exactly what I dealt with growing up. In my case, the narcissist *appears* happy, but when I think about it, this person isn't truly joyful.

[@brimstone33]

Don't do that. Resist getting angry. Let her anger wash over you without affecting you, remind yourself that she has a problem and can't control herself. Think of it as though she has rabies and can't help wanting to bite other people. "Observe don't absorb". Don't "Defend, Engage, Explain or Personalize". Just step away. When you let her affect you it hurts you and encourages her.

[@AnnaGirardini]

@@arielklay23 Yes! I feel that too with the narcissists I know. They can be "ok", they can laugh, they can have an instant of elation but they are never mindlessly joyful.

[@ha8236]

But when you react back, they then go around smear campaigning telling people how bad you are.

[@ha8236]

@@arielklay23 they will pretend to the world their happy and the scapegoat is the one whose miserable, trying to suck their happiness when in actuality its the other way around.

[@alisondunning7116]

This explains so much. My Dad, a covert narcissist, remains, even today, extremely prone to depression. But while my Mum was alive, he repeatedly projected his symptoms onto her (being unable to take the shame of such an illness himself). I can still hear him snarling at her “Your’re not well, are you...?” And then sending her to the Doctor. Unsurprisingly, there were times when she was depressed herself, but more rarely than he was. And when she was, he would blame me, the child, for causing her distress. What a dysfunctional family we were.

[@lauragadille3384]

No my dad did the same thing to my mom. Then take his anger on me. It was horrible especially when she was dying from cancer. When it was his time to go, omg I got his wrath big time. When he passed, I grieved but the relief when he was gone. So no your not alone.

[@costelloandlizzievolk2233]

Sorry to hear. I can relate, my dad is similar. It’s awful at times. Learning to keep my boundaries and manage myself, taking my power back with self care. ❤️

[@amandachilds5290]

You are not alone. Been the kid but slightly different dynamic as dad in denial and both likely covert but mom BPD and secretly abusive, been the wife too, who got accused of being depressed when was just exhausted or He was so projection and then when I was depressed due to his drama and cheating and isolation I had to be fixed but not really listened to or helped. I would say what I thought I needed help with like chores and nutrition and was wither ignored, refused or actively sabotaged. Why bother became attitude which is depressing for a former type A, high achieving, agreeable and conscientious leans slightly extroverted person. I literally had no rational desire to be myself so I just stopped. It was a conscious decision based on data and results analyzed over the course of 20 years. Every time I had a dream or plan ans was successfully executing it some crazy drama from out of no where would bring it to a cataclysmic end via same person with different justifications until midlife infidelity became a recurring theme so I just said no more. Done. Done with it all. No point and knew the terrible truth that no matter what, there was no escaping that we would not be ok ever again really as the trauma was unavoidable and the previous trauma not fully understood, known or addressed.

[@hildehausikujohannes7664]

my x husband did the same to me. telling people I'm depressed, while him refused to take his antidepressants tablet, on search for answers as to why depression episodes are going on ,I found out im leaving with a depressed nazist,, I'm running for my life ,asking almighty God to protect our kids in the process.

[@cannedangel8550]

This notion of combination “depressed and with a narcissistic relationship “ would have saved me a decade of suffering and blind therapy. Thanks Dr. Ramani for your rich content on this matter.

[@giulytsme]

My gf suffers from depression and has a narcisistic mother, but she fights trough! She is strong an i help her a lot

[@rcomyns4664]

I'm loving that you support her and try to understand. Good luck!

[@shravani165]

Wow you are really nice..

[@russellm7530]

My narc family and my mother cause me extreme, loneliness, pain, poverty. Why? I just can't understand how they could do it. God bless all victims these evil hurtful people.

[@joseenoel8093]

Ya go figure, the gouvernment forced my half bred cuz (squatters rights) to buy my mom's home and the money will grow/goes to her estate/he couldn't even say he'd purchased, nor the price, she's locked up and still it dribbles on, hope you get some nice moments in nature!

[@savetrump1088]

They could ,"do it", because they enjoy watching you suffer. That is what we need to understand about these narc type of people, they like watching others suffer. Yes it is sick and abnormal, that's why it is called a personality disorder. It comes straight from the devil. Was Satan sad or sorry when Adam and Eve got thrown out of The Garden of Eden? No. Did God forgive Satan? NO. It's a long story but in the end God wins.

[@AnnaGirardini]

Being raised by narcissists it's like being wired for failure. You get programmed to make bad choices: you trust the wrong people (people like them) and distrust people who are good (and different from them). You learn to not trust your guts, while you should. You have zero self-esteem. You have to un-learn anything you learned from them to have a chance.

[@chiriviscospower]

They're sick, it's pathological. For snacks and giggles I asked my mom if she could spot me for a doctor's visit. As I expected she snapped and told me to pay for it myself. I shrugged it off. A month later my dad found out she had been wiring money to a man she met over Facebook and was planning to meet in person. I swear I almost lost my sh*t 😂😂 So did my dad (who's also a serial cheater). I've pooped on him too. I pitied her enough to convince him not to do anything stupid. We managed to blow off some steam via name calling and shaming. Shes been locked up in her room for a week now..

[@msPranksterPixie]

"depression emerges [in the narcissist] when their narcissistic defences fail" -- YES. THIS. I've seen this all the time in the covert narcissists I've known.

[@SDubThe-illis]

Whoa! This is why I see they get really happy, when you play the role they are comfortable with.

[@ddseir1443]

The problem with the combination of my preexisting severe depression and the narc in my life, was that depression made it easier for me to be drawn deeper in that fake thing and later, it made the consequences more severe.

[@devidaughter7782]

the last narc in my life exuded a cheerful enthusiasm for life, that was very appealing. but as I got to know him more, I began to notice an intolerance for anyone to express anything that wasn't 'positive'. "So, did you have a relaxing day?" he would ask, clearly expecting an agreeable, cheerful response. I tried to tell him that chronic fatigue is not the same as 'relaxing', and when I tried to express how it was like recovering from a major medical event, he cut me off to go back to talking about himself. I sense that depression was under the surface for him, and that he was masking his pain with 'enforced positivity' (for himself and others), which triggered my inauthenticity, to play the role of 'people pleaser'.

[@salonsavy6476]

So relatable!,. I know exactly what you went through!

[@80islandia]

Great observations! I have recently gone through something similar with an employer. One of the consequences of being a truth teller is that you begin to carry the weight and blame for the untold truths that exist within those who wish to perpetuate false narratives about themselves and the world.

[@nalinbengy9075]

I mean, having to be constantly positive... He used to self regulate or uplift him with alcohol. Like thats ok then, as long as your positive👍

[@devidaughter7782]

@@80islandia yes, the whole idea that the narc controls the narrative, and our own attempts to break through this false 'cheerful' narrative, in our attempt to practice authenticity, has really resonated for me.

[@vicbaker8367]

There was a lot to consider in this video. I too, thought about an adult child of mine who will only talk to me if I talk about nothing personal. I’m getting tired of discussing the weather. After divorcing my daughter’s narc father, my only relationship with her is “feel good” conversation. We will never discuss the elephant in the room. I’ve been trying to figure out a good “mom response”. I’ve even offered to pay for family therapy, but she refuses. My communication with her is at her initiation and only if I don’t say anything. Which is okay I guess, but even my mailman asks how I’m doing. Now, after listening to this video, I see I am required to follow unhealthy narc rules. ( my therapist says she’s her fathers “Golden Child”). Like you, I’m required to have a surface relationship because they demand it. Hmmmm.... I don’t want to alienate a child. And I don’t need boundaries, because there is already very little communication. And I cannot change anyone else. I’ll have to listen to this video again.

[@shodack5124]

My ex is a combat veteran with PTSD and bipolar disorder (and likely TBI). I knew all those things going into the relationship, and between them and his horrible childhood I excused his behavior for almost 8 years before my therapist suggested that he may also have NPD and that I was suffering narcissistic abuse. Once I started learning more I realized what a hopeless situation I was in. I still struggle daily with the wish to help him and fix him, but I now know what I was dealing with and it has made my exit possible.

[@SSJ0016]

Proverb idea: Misery loves company. Came to me when you were pointing out that both narcissists and their victims are often depressed.

[@goldilocks3593]

Or at least the empathic person is in a very sub-optimal place when they meet the narcissist 🤔

[@erockfreedom6399]

I had a malignant narcissist in my life, observing me with my, then, benign friends . . . Who she did not know . . . Shout out at me: "misery loves company!" Now that I know, that she is one of those self aware, sadistic narcissists, I believe she was telling me who she was (to what degree she knew that about herself, I'm not sure.... but she likes being evil).

[@ha8236]

Their victims soak in their depression, as they are empathetic. Its a horrible cycle.

[@hildehausikujohannes7664]

this does not excuse the nascist to finish you you up because you are already depressed,, choose your own journey of healing,, don't get more thorns simple because you have one already. take it out and you will clearly see where the other thorns are coming from. I know my trauma ,old and new, and I'm getting rid off them all.if you never heal from your own personal trauma , you will not know additional trauma in your life and it will be difficult for you to figure out your own depression and that of the nascist in your life, ,, it requires therapy to know what is going on in your life.

[@justlookalittledeeper9953]

The narcissist I'm thinking of seems to only be disgruntled, not depressed, now that she's lost key sources of supply. It's still game-on, with no resignation. Dr. R, you are so right when you said showing them understanding and sympathy when they seem depressed can get you a pretty bad reaction. After losing a longtime relationship, the narcissist only wanted to hear what a big mistake the guy had made and how great she was for him. She never spoke in terms of how she actually felt.

[@CalmKitten184]

I got diagnosed last week with mild depression (in addition to anxiety and social anxiety that I’ve known about for a decade), but I am strong and not a victim. 😊

[@CalmKitten184]

@Ten too what I’m saying is that despite my unfortunate circumstances concerning my mental health, I am not a victim, and I will persevere. What do crimes and convenience have to do with anything, if you don’t mind me asking.

[@chaitrakeshav]

@@CalmKitten184 "Don't Engage" is one of the core teachings of Dr.Ramani when it comes to difficult/antagonistic people. I'm happy for you that you don't see yourself as a victim. That's a small win already IMHO.

[@CalmKitten184]

@J Mc making unrelated comments is certainly a pain in the butt, but this aforementioned user will have to try harder to provoke reactions.

[@CalmKitten184]

@Ten too censorship is NEVER okay, you dunce. What gives YOU the right to take away ANYBODY’S free speech? Dr. Ramani has every right to speak and work, just like you have the right to comment under her video. You cannot stand in front of someone’s free speech or their desire to learn about mental health and grow, as well as share wisdom with other undergoing difficulties or simply curious to learn.

[@lisadeangelo244]

I do this sometimes...get depressed, hide and then feel guilty for not doing anything about it and staying! I feel a combination of hate and guilt. I know what I need to do and feel guilt and remorse for not doing it. It's a crappy cycle I am trying to stop. My narc does suck but I continue to be my own worst enemy.

[@eddierayvanlynch6133]

I hear ya, but my experience is that narcs have an uncanny ability to actually top us, but *only* in being our worst enemy. I do hope we all get peaceful moments of processing narc relationships to learn how to treat ourselves better, tho. Stay Strong 💪

[@maddie5131]

Pls do a part about bpd and narcissism. Please.. 🙏🏻✨🦋

[@missie.ann.317]

Yes! This!

[@kimberlys.7097]

Just delt with a huge bout of depression. Lots of family problems triggered something that hadn’t happened in me in over 10 years. Doing better today. Had to recover and remember al your tips to get back to life. Can’t thank u enough.

[@lxnickerson]

I believe in you as well. This space is for us ♥️

[@kimberlys.7097]

@@lxnickerson I love the support I get here. Don’t know what I’d do without it.

[@roddydabronx1573]

My female covert narcissist wife takes meds for her bi-polar depression. I left! After 3+ yrs of the “ mix”.. and the emotional and physical abuse... I’m a total empath the narcissists best target. I cannot begin to tell you how this drained me!

[@free2beme773]

I hear you. My sibling is a covert noble vulnerable narcissistic hypochondriac, bi-polar, has an eating disorder, had a stroke, is losing their sight, has kidney disease caused by their habits, was depressed, and blames me for everything! Refuses meds and totally victim and entitled mentality. Utter confusion until Dr Ramani. Now crystal clear. I now have limited contact to one morning a week via email to pay their bills, but wish I was no contact! It is life-sucking! You did what was best!

[@joseenoel8093]

My covert maglinant mom married a manic as is often the route enjoying all the excitement, I can assure you it was he who had one foot in the grave from the beginning.... He was her middle husband!

[@caligirl1002]

Thank you again Dr. Ramani for being here for me every morning. Over the months, you have given me light in a world of darkness. You kick start my day! Blessings to you today and every day.

[@rcomyns4664]

The same for me! We are blessed to have found Dr R! Have a lovely day my friend!

[@klee_of_c8082]

My state of mind got so tangled & trashed by the ex-narc, who insisted I should be on medication for depression and anxiety (as she was). I kept saying, “But this is circumstantial depression & anxiety. Meds will not help.” I knew that much, but not enough to realize that the “circumstances” were all rooted in the ex-narc. Since she is out of my life - and I left an abusive job - I am symptom-free. Enlightenments are grace-filled blessings.

[@scifimom42]

He used to shout at me for hours demanding I make him feel better.

[@venusrising6554]

From the Narc to the vicims, the whole mess is depressing. The victims have a shot at escaping & improving their lives. Hang in there brothers & sisters.

[@CC-mms]

Thankyou ❤

[@405OKCShiningOn]

🕯️🌅☕🍵From confused to more confidence! Dr Ramanis work will not leave a person stuck and hurting. Days get better. It's the first May in a decade without sedatives. I'm so thankful for better regulation. Sleeping eating returns in baby steps. Less being tearful since changed meds to case mgmt are helping do much. The panic, ocd pieces of depression are less painful. 💐🧠🧭👍

[@cbeachbaby266]

Thank you

[@franchescairby4834]

When I would notice something was wrong with my narcissist, it was anxiety, not depression. And then when I would try t to ask what was wrong or if he was okay, he would tell me that I was only making things worse because the anxiety is just there for no reason and he’s fine, but now by asking I’m making him worry if something is wrong.

[@suryas1692]

Dr Ramani, thank you so much for your time, research and generosity. Despite subscribing to a popular US psychology magazine for 4 years now, I didn't realise that I had a narcissist partner. It's only because you have made the effort to break down the different stages and behaviours of a narcissistic relationship into small relatable videos that I recognised what I was going through. Your videos have given me the information to stick to my decision to leave. If it weren't for that info, I might have gone back coz I kept hanging onto the sporadic happy moments.

[@caligirl1002]

I keep hanging on too. Even after 15 years. It's hard, but each day gets easier. Watching Dr. Ramani has helped me so much! Don't go back, no matter what!

[@Kellydalebob]

Before I realized that my husband was a narcissistic and the abuse part of it I was in therapy i didn't say much about the abuse because of the shame I felt. I would tell her my huge fear of death and as I am getting older it is getting worse at the time I was 47 I am 50 now btw. She just classified me as a bored house with who needed to volunteer someplace to get me out of the house when I have told her of my high social anxiety. Never saw her again.

[@kryssysmith1486]

I was diagnosed with major depressive disorder about 15 years ago ( I ran 17 years ago). I look back now and just stare and disbelief. The people who brought me up constantly gas-lit me telling me "Oh, it's all in your head," another one was " you can choose to be happy or sad it's your decision." mental health issues were such taboo it wasn't funny. So I ended up in the hospital after my first serious breakup, and there was other stuff attributed to it. Two weeks after I was out of the hospital (the female person who brought me up) had told me to my face " oh, you know people who commit suicide get it right the first time." I kid you not. That's how heartless they were both of them.17 years later it's been almost over a decade since my last in-hospital visit. Which I am eternally grateful for. Once you cut out cancer (that we all know is narcissism), it may take time but the energy does come back and you do feel later in my opinion.

[@80islandia]

I am so sorry that your feelings weren’t treated with more compassion and care by both the system and the people who brought you up. I have had my mental health invalidated in similar ways and have been through hospitalizations so I get it. Proud of you for doing what needed to be done and for looking after yourself. Take care and thanks for sharing your story.

[@kryssysmith1486]

@@80islandia Dealing with no matter what narcissism you're up against isn't easy. We know that narcissists don't care about feelings or anything like that. And knowing that there are other people who've gone through the same thing that I've gone through is really reassuring. If I wasn't such an introvert I'd probably be a motivational speaker yeah, I was born with a disability so automatically I was an inconvenience for the people who brought me up from day one. So here I am doing what I heard it didn't bother me all that much because it was just the way that they spoke to me. I am really grateful that I was able to escape what I did because if I hadn't I would still be going in and out of hospitals at this point. I'm to the point where I've almost accepted everything about that family there are still bits and pieces that threw me for loops. However, that being said I'm in a healthier headspace. It does happen it takes time but it does happen.

[@lesleymichelle2806]

This was very enlightening. I definitely struggle with feeling depressed and often wonder what came first, the depression or the abuse.

[@crthompson1793]

I was raised by a narcissist and all of my personal relationships have been with narcissists. Would it be fair to say, since I realize I have been a victim of narcissist abuse for decades this was my reason for depression? Because since I have been free of the narc, I feel great!!!

[@kaymuldoon3575]

That’s awesome! I’m so glad things are so much better for you now.

[@Peanuts76]

I think we were living in submissive and shy, never said what we sre trully feel in our heart, this is why we always attract Narcissist, whether that was friends, colleagues, or maybe romantic partner.....

[@myrna4445]

I have a really good psychologist. We are working on things that my past relationships have affected. Low self-esteem is a big one. Learning to love myself and realizing that I deserve a loving and nurturing relationship and environment. Thanks Dr. you are my double dose of counseling sessions. I will be attending your next live session. ***I really hope everyone who is reaching out to this channel to obtain healing. You deserve better. May God bless you.

[@MimiB77]

I remember realizing I had been numb for I don't know how long--- I was dating a covert narcissist. I went to a theater and watched Jane Eyre, who had been so abused and neglected, finally get a happy ending. I ended up bawling in the theater! I realized I hadn't felt anything good or bad in a long time. Sadly, it took me a lot longer to see why. Now I'm recovering from a marriage with a toxic person. I have a hard time with "happy endings" in movies, because I never get them. I don't cry so much at the sad parts, as much as at the happy parts. It hurts. At least I can recognize a lot because of these videos! And I had started to read a book on verbal abuse as well, and the 2 have in common the fact that it is hard to explain to other people what goes on. It's so frustrating to try to explain that someone isn't "normal." People think it's the usual human state to think you are the only one going through problems that everyone goes through, but there ARE people that aren't "normal!"

[@svancouver]

I went through something similar but for me because it was my mother who was the narcissist and my dad was the enabler, I bawled over family-themed movies when the mother responded to the child in an accepting and caring way. I mourned for what I never had.

[@McSpaddenator]

That's one of my favorite books. I used books to avoid my narcissist sister. Now I'm a really patient journalist and since I have no contact with her, I'm so happy.

[@shecoop6633]

As a clinician this is very enlightening. I do not work specifically with personality disorders but I noticed the clients I suspect may have a PD rarely follow through with Therapy.

[@cstevens8788]

That could be because you are not giving them the tools to work through. 🤔✌️

[@eddierayvanlynch6133]

It's encouraging to see your comment. I hope recognition of NPD and its effects on others will become more common. Obviously, we need more professionals like you who don't specialize in it to speak openly about it. God bless you and your efforts. Thank you. Stay Strong 💪

[@shecoop6633]

@@cstevens8788 I doubt it being that the my typical only show up for the intake process to include a treatment plan which can take up to 2 sometimes 3 sessions. My sessions tend to be structured

[@cstevens8788]

@@shecoop6633 , I can understand that. However, when I have to research myself, she could at the very least tell me to "make a list" of my thoughts. 🤔

[@shecoop6633]

@@cstevens8788 again. They don’t follow through with Therapy which means returning to therapy and/or completing homework/exercises

[@Rain9Quinn]

Totally gaslighted by my therapists… all my life! I learned on my own, managed stress, blamed myself, then found Dr Ramani. But a life time of depressive habits & meds since my teens… future is starting to be something to look forward to for the first time!

[@kimslone5185]

Thank you! You've just answered something that plagued me for years and I had to let it go and let it be a mystery. My question was, after I offered support to someone who told me he was depressed, why was he so ungrateful and why did he rage at me? Now I know. Thank you so much.

[@eddierayvanlynch6133]

Isn't it wild how such a "small" answer can put such a big question to rest? Stay Strong 💪

[@yvonne3903]

Me too, but rightly or wrongly I'm adding that to my toolbox, my siblings think I'm making it all up about my mother so I've stepped back, grey rock, as far as possible, hoping they will get to know her better and it's actually working with some

[@msPranksterPixie]

I've been misdiagnosed with depression (I have C-PTSD and dissociative amnesia due to abuse). Ani DiFranco had a lyric: "If you don't ask the right questions, every answer feels wrong". I think this is such a relevant quote.

[@janswimwild]

I can relate to your experience. I have ME/CFS a byproduct of C-PTSD and lifelong disassociation following narcissistic abuse. What a great quote.

[@eddierayvanlynch6133]

Ani's lyrics are some of the most honest I've ever heard. "Just a couple things I'd like to know: How could you do nothing and say "I'm doing my best"? How could you take almost everything, and come back for the rest?" - Done Wrong (from Dilate) I bought Dilate because she rocked the house on Conan O'Brien, and was gobsmacked by how much I felt her lyrics. I think Ani actually helped me begin to grieve. Thanks for that important memory. 👍 Stay Strong 💪 (And now, I'm jamming to "Shameless" lol)

[@eddierayvanlynch6133]

"I'm like one of those zombies in Vegas, that keeps pouring coins into a slot" - also Done Wrong Yep, Ani has wisdom 😉

[@msPranksterPixie]

@@eddierayvanlynch6133 I HAVE FOUND MY PEOPLE!!... I'm guessing you saw the video a few days ago re: addiction? Haha hi fellow Ani D fan. 😍😍😍😍😍 You know.... Dr R is doing the proverbs series, I'm wondering about when Dr R runs out of those, if she could do a "wisdom of song lyrics" series: that'd go on forever. Be a two videos per day thing! So many lyrics hold wisdom or talk about narcissistic partners or show narcissism in action (although I know she's cautious not to say "X public figure is a narcissist"

[@msPranksterPixie]

@@janswimwild sending you all the loves. My mom has ME/cfs. She was the primary lifelong carer for my disabled sibling, along with being a narcissism very long haul survivor. My mom is the sweetest, most lovely person. But the stress of my brother and my psychopathic father took their toll. 2 stress-induced psychoses, and multiple organ failure, led to ME/cfs. I've got a catalogue of maladies that I won't bore you with, but daily pain and fatigue... Btw.... I know you know your condition and body best... But do you have symptoms of myofascial pain? As that is something that responds well to daily heat and a sports massage gun thing. I have the physion one as I got 70% off, and use it on me and mom every couple of days. It can really help myofascial pain for some people. Just passing on the information, not advice. And realise these things cost like $400 unless you can get a discount code. (Beware of fakes, as they're a fire hazard!)

[@suewhite7199]

I always thought it was kind of weird that when something random happened to my ex, he would say something like "I didn't deserve that". I used to wonder who he thought he was talking to. Sh*t happens. Sh*t doesn't care what you deserve!

[@radiant1withtuba18]

My ex went through tens of thousands of hours of psychotherapy for major clinical depression. He had had a horrific and abusive childhood. Still he has this anger and this hubris that perpetually destroyed relationships with any friends (he has really no long term friends). He even tried to wreck friendships of mine as well. His personality and depression made him unemployable, and so I supported him, his hobbies etc for 20 years. I did so much in the relationship trying to make his life easier, and much to my detriment. I worked long hours to keep our finances stable despite his spending on discretionary items. Often I felt blackmailed for him wanting to buy for himself. ...if I do not get this, I will get frustrated and then I will be depressed....you do not want me to be depressed do you? And I would give in. I had poor boundaries because I realize that much of his personality was not dissimilar from that of my mother.-- Love = conditions. And so for me it took twenty years to realize that he had a personality disorder on top of the depression...most likely covert or cerebral narcissism. Your final commentary in this video describes him very well. It took the book "the 5 Types of People Who Could Ruin Your Life" by David Eddy for me to realize it. I then sought a therapist who also agreed with this assessment. After twenty years i ended the relationship because I could never see it getting better and it cost me so much emotionally and financially. I lawyered up. I did everything to protect myself and my property. At times I felt like I was the narcissist because of the way I ended it...much advices from attorney, close family and friends. I had so much emotional support. I am now trying to recover, slowly despite a complex and challenging healthcare job. I have to pay him spousal support and he now lives in a different city and province but now I have peace in my home.

[@yvonne3903]

You did the right thing

[@arielklay23]

Wow! This video *completely* explained the pattern and role of depression in the narcissist in my life. Technically this person has bipolar type 2, but I see how this person *demands* "support" when this person feels depressed and that this person feels better when they get "support," which actually is narcissistic supply. Little wonder that the medication this person is taking isn't really helping control this person's depression because it's clear this person doesn't feel good about themselves. Thank you, Doctor!

[@maryschleicher3364]

Please address disassociation from long term narcissistic relationship.

[@masoncaffey3093]

Doctor Ramani, your videos have allowed me understand alot of the treatment i was receiving at the hands of my ex partner. Thank you so much for being so well informed and sharing that with the masses who need it! I will continue watching your videos in the hope of learning more! :)

[@barryosullivan3428]

When I moved out of my family home and went no contact with my narc younger sublings it was incredible how all my depressions just melted away and especially in the last 4 years since I've been living with my labrador. It's not the narcs where my sympathies lie but the poor folks who have to be around these nightmare creatures! I'm not saying that medication doesn't have it's place but a major step towards dealing with the depression caused by narcs is A)Getting as physically far away from them as possible even if it means being physically alone and B)Adressing and dealing with the complex PTSD that comes with all of it....

[@eddierayvanlynch6133]

Yeah, it's weird how people agree that "Fences make for better neighbors," but family and friends get upset if you say, "I tried, but I need my own space now."

[@David5005ful]

I was diagnosed with NPD. And I didn’t believe I had it. I always looked for someone who would explain the POV of someone with npd. And I thank you for this video, it made come to terms even though it was hard that I do have npd. I never understood why I escalated so quickly when someone pointed out the thing that was hurting me.

[@NiNitosix]

Finally, someone on this thread is admitting it. I feel ya! I hate it but what can you do? My dad is the biggest narcissist I’ve ever seen and I’m 58! Apple doesn’t fall too far from the tree is true. I’m no where near of a narcissist than he is! He’s my dad and I love him dearly but it is what it is. It’s mixed with severe ADHD. I also have that.

[@shecoop6633]

O wow this is definitely an eye opener! Also when the person experiencing narcissistic abuse sees a therapist they are also told that you need to seek couples counseling in addition to learning new ways to communicate.

[@paulafernandez1336]

I am amazed by how well you know these people.... I feel that you are exactly describing my ex best friend. I never knew what was going on with him. I am an empath and for me he seemed to be living in his own parallel reality, with his mood swings and the triggering elements that 'made him happy'. He was always obsessed with his modelling and instagram likes. He would do anything to get photos of himself taken. He would claim he is an actor even though he doesn't go to castings or has ever been in a movie. Somehow, to me, he lived in his own distorted reality. But you know, I was also an enabler of his reality as I felt pity for him. He justified his entitlement, grandiosity and need for likes and admiration by talking about high school bullying. I was also bullied in high school and felt pity and sympathy for him. However, I cut this relationship off when I learnt about narcissism. As you say, they just want 'an emotional animal', someone that enables them. They don't really see you. Any person that enables them is in their team. Everyone deserves to be seen for who they really are. We all have to face reality, heal our traumas and aspire to live a healthy live

[@dilara9676]

The covert narc who was in my life used the “depression” as an excuse and explanation to their abuse. I was suicidal and diagnosed with depression many times but that narcissistic person was like “you don’t understand depression at all” so I blamed myself for everything. Then I found some forums for people who have a “depressed loved one” full of codependents... when i started to come to terms with what actually happened i tried to explain this to people there but i mostly got invalidated...

[@beverlyorlando8040]

I was diagnosed with depression/anxiety and medicated on & off over the years while married to my covert narcissistic ex husband. I had also been going to therapy off & on during those years to help me figure out what the hell was wrong! I finally realized through videos like this, that the problem with me and my marriage wasn't my fault! Yes, I played a role but after 33 years of marriage, and after numerous attempts to leave, I finally made my break this past January once and for all! The knot in my stomach is gone, I can breath again, no more migraines, no more depression or anxiety! I am, however struggling with nightmares or just very emotionally invoking dreams, sadness and grief. I've gone no contact after receiving abusive content from him. Each day that I make it through, I know I'm healing! Thank you Dr. Ramani 🙏

[@embira4256]

For me I have found one person who can relate to me here in Soweto where therapists are under qualified or expensive. She is a social worker, but because she can directly relate to everything I have told her, I feel like she has helped me more than anyone else, even the government psychologists I have seen have not managed to understand me in the same way, she actually understood me the first day I met her.

[@cstevens8788]

I knew I needed this series. Thank you. I always believe I am overcoming my Narcissistic abuse because I keep going. However, I now believe my routine is some-what keeping me afloat. I have a new therapist who charges my Insurance over $400 a visit yet, as I have diarrhea of the mouth because I am overwhelmed not once has she given me something to work on. 😟 I cancelled my appointment tomorrow because after my last visit I went to my car & wrote my own plan of what is truly on my mind. Pretty sad when you know you need Professional help but they do not give you tools or even suggestions on what to cover next visit. My insurance company should be giving YOU the $400. This is tough. 🤷🏼‍♀️

[@Neighbor818]

I've been depressed for over a year now since the discard 😔. Having to hear about the new supply and my nex from our child is just heartbreaking over and over again.

[@teal1010]

Practicing Self-love and Self-care will take the focus off of THEM and back on YOU where it belongs! 💞

[@edwinalmanza1427]

Same I’ve been depressed for 2 years ! Deep down I want them. Back but I know it’s not what’s best for me

[@fleep9008]

The challenge that most avoid in these times is becoming self sufficient. Instead, the path of less resistance is being reliant on external ease. Remember, we live in for the most part a "disposable" era. This is why one cannot just "Have" a good day. One must "Make" it a Great Day!

[@wellnesspathforme6236]

That attitude is an expression of entitlement, right? Others exist to make my life easier. While not always narcissistic, ALL narcissists have that exact attitude!!!

[@keariewashburn4680]

Yes, thank you. I have major depression, I have better management of it. There are times it's around through times that are hard. The chemical imbalance is the yucky part. But, I tell myself this will pass 😊 I'll be okay

[@wellnesspathforme6236]

Look up Morley Robbins, and stop eating iron fortified foods. Metallic inorganic iron filings are very toxic, and deplete bio-copper and magnesium, the two most important nutrients in cellular energy production. Chronic stress depletes them as well. Morley explains, and gives his countermeasure away for free.

[@keariewashburn4680]

I have IDA, with lymphocitosis. I'm monitored every 3 months to look out for any changes. I have PTSD, dysthymia. I've been well treated and continue to manage really well. JAC2 was negative. The covid is yucky and then top that with narcissistic people. Well I had to cut the narcs out of my diet 😂 when I'm tired I rest and when I feel better physically, I do things that I enjoy! Especially enjoy not letting the narcs steal my energy and mind all the damn time. ❤

[@wellnesspathforme6236]

@@keariewashburn4680 All the more reason to learn how to improve the quality of your body's "Petrie dish" so that the tissues have the best opportunity to survive and, perhaps, regenerate.

[@reginathorp5902]

I have often said that I am sad/ depressed, but that it's situational only... that I'm not a depressive person. I have felt that people didn't agree with that statement & judged me otherwise. It's interesting to hear that maybe I haven't been wrong. Dr Ramini, you bring me so much clarity & have helped me understand what I am experiencing and that I'm not going crazy.

[@klee_of_c8082]

I just posted nearly the same thing. I always called it “circumstantial.” Just didn’t realize those “circumstances” all stemmed from narcs. You & I are on the right path!

[@eddierayvanlynch6133]

I agree 💯 There are too many "I miss the old me" type comments on this channel to deny it. Stay Strong 💪

[@salonsavy6476]

Dr Ramani.. I’ve lived with chronic anxiety since childhood,,my parents were toxic,, alcohol,, narcissism,, abuse ,, I grew up in a shell of myself,,, living with sexual abuse,,, that still haunts me,,,I’ve set the boundaries with my toxic mother & sister ,,who still make my life miserable,, I’ve freed myself from 2 narcissistic relationships,, suffered from adrenal fatigue,, and now after looking back at all the destruction I’ve been through,, I am worn out,, my only refuge is God ,, 🙏🙏

[@msPranksterPixie]

No contact shifted a lot for me. Both for taking my power/boundaries back, and for shutting the door on the people saying/doing the horrible stuff to me.

[@siematy1613]

I used to suffer from major depression due to a Narc. reletionship . Manipulation and gaslithig but also devaluation have all added to my symptoms. Unfortunately this has person cought me in a very critical phase of my life my dad was sick and the pain and isolation was even worse. thank you dr. Romani for helping me to understand the terrible situation I was in.

[@ignoranceisbliss6259]

This is pretty much exactly what happened to me over about eight years. I was constantly blaming myself and allowing myself to take that blame, as my narcissistic ex increasingly found new ways to blame me and paint a new reality. She would literally say "Our relationship is broken and I have to deal with it because you won't fix your depression." It became an unbreakable cycle. I'm out of the relationship now, but the self doubt has lingered on, particularly as we're co-parenting, and she still tried to manipulate everyone and everything.

[@mrs.salazar5219]

My narcissistic (drug & alcohol abusing) parents helped my depression throughout my childhood. As an adult, after many years of therapy & God’s help and mercy, I am climbing away from the cycle of narcissistic abuse & depression, so my family of origin is practically rejecting me for caring for myself.

[@CC-mms]

All I can say is thank you. I've been struggling for a LONG time in my nightmare of a relationship. My friend who is now an accredited counsellor, also herself suffered a narcissistic relationship and has been trying to tell me for the longest that is what i am in. I refused to believe it. I kept trying to rationalise his cruel behaviour. Things came to a head and I caught him in his biggest lie yet and I've been having suicidal thoughts. The past 24 hours have been tough. But thanks to my friend and these enlightening videos, i don't feel as crazy, ashamed, stupid like i was before. I now really see what I got myself into. Every video my jaw has been on the floor, as it's like you're in my head! Everything is what he does and what I'm going through! Why are they all exactly the same though?

[@BeansBrown22]

So spot on with my covert narcissist mother and I. Thank you Dr. Ramini

[@damiens5759]

Hope you're well, from Melbourne Australia! 🙌🤗🐨✌

[@rs33823]

Can you make a video explaining the difference between “regular” nonviolent domestic abuse and narcissistic domestic abuse? I’m frustrated because my otherwise wonderful therapist doesn’t quite know. And I want everything called by its proper name so I can have clarity. Thank you for everything you do!!

[@wheneaglesfly4817]

Thank you Dr. Ramani!!! You have validated my life and helped me heal from Narc abuse as a bipolar empath! Yippee

[@Rain9Quinn]

Thank you for mentioning the restlessness, focus & problemsolving issues….

[@DolceIbarra]

It really is simply amazing how call Dr. Ramini nails the life I’ve been living.

[@c.e.schlink9933]

My god, if psychologists could treat the “PROBLEMS” rather than the SYMPTOMS, humans would live in the proverbial “Garden of Eden”. People are supposed to be happy. Sickness, poverty, greed, HOARDING. Another great talk Ramani. Such a prophetic discussion. Happiness is not part of survival. It is free of it.

[@klee_of_c8082]

“HOARDING & the Narcissist” would be a great topic for Dr Ramani to tackle. I know many narcs who hoard. Is it a coincidence? Or is there a connection?

[@c.e.schlink9933]

@@klee_of_c8082 yes! Topic of Hoarding! Not the same as a “collection” of desired things. Hoarding is strange....they are so unable to LET GO of even what normal people see as trash. Rotten dirty moldy things! Unhealthy for sure!

[@kimib1951]

This is so true! I was being treated and given medication for depression, but once I left my abuser (4 months ago) I’ve been able to no longer take meds and have felt much more myself! Actually much better!!! I spent 21 years trying to fix me in this abusive relationship just to find out that the fixing I needed to start with was seeing the relationship for what it was and escaping the toxicity. I am thankful for these platforms to learn why I was vulnerable to entering this relationship and staying in it for so long.

[@edgreen8140]

F60.1= irritability and things will always go badly in their perception of the world. She does a good job "i deserve..." Like a 2 year old ,she nailed it!

[@saradejesus8313]

That’s what I experienced. I’d been in therapy off and on over the years but it had never helped me. Then I finally cut contact with my narcissist father and enabler mother and suddenly, therapy started to really have an impact. My decades long depression is now fully resolved/gone. My relationship with them was causing my depression and anxiety.

[@tootienottoofruitie1726]

Please keep up the excellent work to educate people about this problem called narcissism... It is the basis of any story, movie, real life drama. The ongoing saga of human life. Bless you for doing this. Thank you 😊

[@justme-dw9oj]

The onset of early menopause at age 41 has resulted in battling depression for over 30 years!Various Anti Depression medications have not been able to help as much as hoped due to side effects and consequent low doses! I'm not only tired but tired of dealing with this condition,in addition to anxiety disorder! It has ruined my life! I am not a Narcissist but Empath and pushed myself to still be there for my husband and children! Have lost many friends and relatives as I simply could not function as expected! Very sad and disappointing!

[@triciamears7338]

Hey Dr Ramani, I’m 53 and have been experiencing anxiety confusion fear of abandonment and shame for most of my life. As a little girl, I had a lot of ‘problems’ and I can remember (it’s part of me/etched in my brain) that my mum didn’t like me. I just kept disappointing her over and over again. This led to a lifetime of trying to please her... you’ve heard it all before I know. But this video just rang so true for me. I thought for awhile- after watching your videos and others, that maybe I was the narcissist. Or at the very least, had narcissistic traits. I think now I’m just trying to protect myself from anyone that triggers the fear in me that feels like or makes me feel uncomfortable even scared. . It’s exhausting. But Monday to Friday, I get up out of bed and go to work. Sometimes with only 3 or so hours of sleep. You are helping me connect the dots. I’m slowly understanding more about how I am, how I have grown into this dis functional adult who has raised two sons alone and is still drawn back into childhood fears and habits. Thank You Dr Ramani.

[@marianlyons5130]

This is the first comment I have made because I can’t always figure out it works consistently on my phone. First I want to say I think you are awesome! The videos I have watched reaffirms what I have been thinking. I won’t go into detail right now with my experience with narcissists but I can tell you I just dumped one. I used to feel sorry for her. I am sure you are help of soooo many people! I love your videos. I do believe in some cases it is a generational cycle that needs to be broken, if you know what I mean.

[@rayman1295]

This was super informative. I loved the whole layout of the video. I’m slowly starting to understand narcissism. It’s so complex and has so many factors. Then you add the individual experience. I’m so grateful to have it all laid out like this. I feel so much growth and awareness when I watch these videos. I’ve been binging them and they are all so useful

[@sjwillis1137]

This sounds like my husband . I am not even allowed to ask him if he's alright . It triggers a flash of rage and outrage in him .

[@teal1010]

How convenient for him! POINT HIM TOWARDS HELP, then run 🏃‍♀️ in the opposite direction!

[@sjwillis1137]

Terri, ha ha . Run !!! Sounds a bit like you have had a similar experience. Cheers !

[@chaitrakeshav]

Thank you, Doc! Looking forward to learn more from this series.

[@rmarieshen862]

18 years ago, diagnosed regular PTSD and major depressive disorder. Two therapists who got it only partially right, and the abusive relationship patterns continued until one almost killed me. It was up to me to put together the clues and figure out what was going on; thanks to the emergence of resources like this, starting 5 years ago, I started connecting the dots. I now ask ALL of my coaching clients to analyze the relationship patterns in their lives and look where they have healthy versus toxic interactions' instead of just focusing on improving communication skills. Where I live especially that advice flies in the face of all traditional therapy and coaching platforms. There is so much work to be done. It would be very useful to me right now to know if there are any therapists versed in narcissistic abuse who are fluent in Spanish (aside from the subtitled videos), as I have two therapists in my circle who want to learn more and one friend who could use the help.

[@dlfluffl2110]

Try finding a EMDR therapist. Cognitive therapy wasn't as effective with me. EMDR therapy was incredible! Dr. Ramani's videos and EMDR gave me healing rapidly from a 46 yr marriage to a narcissist with C-PTSD.

[@caseyhstuver]

This is gold. I’ve had multiple therapists that couldn’t address the narcissistic abuse. A few at least recognized it and that was good!

[@cathymars23]

Thank you Dr Ramini. 🙂 Your videos are so well thought through. They are a fantastic resource. (I've had years of therapy, but only recently began to watch your videos, and understand Narcissist Abuse. Suddenly things make sense. It's a huge relief, to be able to understand the patterns.) ❤

[@Rain9Quinn]

I practiced in a religion that always brings problems back to the self (karma), and like many raised with extensive narcissistic abuse, i often found myself with narcs-in relationships, workplace, and among the religious leaders (major!). Talk about cognitive dissonance, and depression! “When you change,” they simplified it, “THEY will change.” Not narcissists!! I tried, i buried what little ego or self esteem i had , i faked it to make it… uhuh. Just a great way to further abuse victims, by the entitled, grandiose, superficial, praise & powermongering spiritual “leaders!” When i finally left, my healing of both/all areas began….

[@msPranksterPixie]

"if only... If only... I deserve... I deserve.... " My father all over. I heard this said constantly for 35 years.

[@justinedecelis7870]

Thank you so much for this insightful video Dr. Ramani! My ex left me after I told him how much I'm willing to support him and I've spent a lot of time thinking about what I could've done wrong and this video just makes it all clear as day.

[@valeriegonzalez6629]

This is such an insightful video, handling such a complex situation so skillfully and dealing with so many nuances and smbiguities. Thank you so much. Presently I am dealing with depression myself.

[@ambervannortwick]

Just popping in to say I appreciate ALL of your content and your videos have helped me heal my family over the past 2 years. 🤗🙏

[@marie-christinwilm553]

Thank you so much, Dr. Ramani, I really do love your enlightenment around NPS! Since I realized a few years ago, that I tent to invite people with narcissism structures to engage with me, I learned a lot about Narcissism & my own psychological pattern due to your online presence. But this recent talk about narcissism & depression is opening my eyes in a such a crucial way, that I really want to thank you & to send you my best wishes for you and your family from Berlin/Germany 💐

[@rosemaryclarke2348]

My best friend is a depressive but also a realist; she opens out to the world to help where she can. Her naming of depression is ' You're on a lovely sunny beach, it's a wonderful day, you have your friends around you and you look good...and you are still in the deepest darkest place.

[@CPaul-cm7qk]

Marriage Therapy with the Narcissist was like bagging my head against the wall.....the denial of the Narc spouse was glaring. Thanks for explaining the resulting Rage scenario Dr. Ramani (when you try to help the Narc with something.) NOW...that you explained it...it makes sense why I was Raged at in a particular incident which kind of dumbfounded me at the time because of the intensity of the rage!

[@erockfreedom6399]

I'm diagnosed with the following during severe narcissistic abuse, in which I didn't know the degree of it, but I knew it was bad: 5 years ago: PTSD (accurate, thank you), and *then* stacked below that, the following: Major Depressive Disorder, ADHD, Generalized Anxiety Disorder, and Substance use Disorder (yes, I was using substancea at the time, and I am proud to say I have almost 1 year off of it -- much to the "who cares?" of my Malignant Narcissistic parents, or anyone else around me). So, I'm on prescribed medications now, which I did not know how difficult it would be to come off of. Still being narcissistically abused, but very much stonewalled, because there was a sick moment where, they saw me see them for who they were and what they were doing. Got to get out, but I will not leave my dog alone with them, and I will not be bullied into taking impulsive action because of their fear mongering. I am taking steps to leave though. Thanks, Dr. Ramani, as always

[@marykeslerclements3291]

Thank you sooooo much for this (all) video. You've literally saved my sanity