Narcissism | What You MUST Know

Part 8 of our Mental Health and Complex Trauma series. Listen to hear Tim describe Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD).
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[@WhiteHeat-yd6zm]

1. Low levels of empathy. 2.Manipulative. 3. Alternate realities. 4. Superficial charm. 5. Parasitic life style. 6. Compulsive liar. 7. Pity narratives (if you feel sorry for me I can get you to do what I want). 8. Attracted to superficiality (my friend is a doctor). 9. Either, very tight with money or careless with money. 9. Envious.

[@AGenerationJones]

10. Vindictive

[@sxfnlc]

Spot on!

[@knighthawk882]

That tracks

[@carlac9026]

This is why I stay away from people as much as I can. Too many narcissist nowadays.

[@WhiteHeat-yd6zm]

In a book titled 'Toxic at Work' written by David Gillespie his research indicates that 1 in 20 people have psychopathic tendencies. He also defines psychopath in a way that is consistent with narcissistic personality disorder thus, moving us away from thinking of a psychopath as a murderous villain. It is helpful to be able to spot one however, the good news is that 19 out of 20 people often mean well and have capacity for kindness. Peace.

[@wicked1172]

Narcissism is severe compensation for severe shame. That made sense to me.

[@incognito595]

They will destroy you. That's what you NEED TO KNOW. AND IT'S VERY IMPORTANT!

[@visualapologetics4891]

This is hands-down the best description of narcissistic personality disorder I have ever heard. I have been listening to videos about this for several years now. We have a tremendous amount of this, in a very severe form, in both my husband’s family and my own. I guess like attracts like, unfortunately. My son is in therapy, and I can only hope the therapist is talking to him about stuff like this. But I think I might encourage him to listen to this video so that he can begin to get answers to why things are the way they are, and are home, and why he feels like he does. I pray every day that my children will be able to move beyond this. It’s a horrible way to live a life.

[@samuellopez8532]

Narcissists will sometimes pretend to be the bad guy to take away responsibility from people they are manipulating

[@SourGirl32786]

Can you explain this more?

[@SpookyChunks]

Hmmm. That's really interesting. Protecting their prey

[@olgakim4848]

@@SpookyChunks So they can continue preying.

[@frizzyrascal1493]

To make a good, useful example. Take someone who out of nowhere does something to hurt you verbally (e.g: they put you down). They will say things like: "I’m sorry, this was my fault, I’m stupid bla bla bla" in order to your attention and get you to dabble down on their actions. That’s how they keep you in the loop, just like Tim said, they use their emotions to manipulate you.

[@Alex-vj6wr]

​@@SpookyChunks not at all

[@jgauffin4548]

Wow, 100% true and correct!! I wish I had found your videos 6 years earlier, when getting into a relationship with a true narcissist. Even the beginning of our relationship happened like you just described here. I was just a retail assistant delivering my best customer service (to him as my customer) and he took it as I must have been flirting with him. I now understand that they are sick and traumatized from past events and probably cannot help themselves, but nothing takes away the fact that they are real monsters living on the Earth and they make you as sick and traumatized as they are themselves. There is nothing to justify the abuse and the violence, the sick control and manipulation they strangle you with.

[@rltreasure]

Thank you for your care and love in helping those of us trying to recover from narcissism abuse!

[@honestandfair1572]

Married to one 22 years just figured it out! It’s putrid.

[@feeltheforce10]

Why have you stayed with him for so long ?

[@Life4AllUs]

😢

[@incognito595]

I don't have words to describe how damaging these "people" are. It's so sick.

[@feeltheforce10]

@@incognito595Indeed they are and there seems to be more of them around now.The only answer is to cut ties 100% with them and start to heal from all the damage they have done.

[@rob820]

I moved out once with a friend, and started to be like that, and i left after 6 months, im lucky i figured it out

[@jennypitts8465]

At the center of all these “disorders” is behavior that attempts to secure safety. Especially for people born with highly sensitive nervous systems who are highly sensitive to cues of danger, the behavior is all about unconscious attempts to feel safe. There is nothing “wrong” with these people. Their nervous systems are simply enacting programs learned in childhood. Not to say there is nothing wrong with their behaviors, but there is nothing wrong with them 🤍 I wish this was emphasized. You can’t heal from shame when the system keeps telling you there is something “wrong with your personality”.

[@ebbyc1817]

I think at the root of npd and narcissistic perception in general is the refusal to acknowledge that something is 'wrong'. It also lies at the root of shame. There is nothing wrong with something being wrong. If nothing were wrong, there would be no need to change.

[@Ana-rb7ws]

Great insightful post. I believe you are exactly right. I’ve read of people being ‘healed’ of BPD and when they reflected upon that period, it was a very stressful time in their life that had triggered the BPD behaviors. So they may have used those behaviors in an attempt to feel secure. First the condition is created, then the condition is labeled as serious taboo, then they say there is no cure. What a terrible thing to do to vulnerable individuals. I feel it takes a lot of internal work for such people to get to healthy and normal, but it’s totally doable. It’ll probably need a total life changing crisis to get them to acknowledge that something is wrong, but if they’re humble and aware enough, it can totally be done.

[@laurenbatson5918]

We have to be able to discern between right and wrong. There must be a standard for "right" and "wrong" in a society, because individuals have the ability to affect other individuals. You most certainly can heal from shame, but you won't unless you realize you have shame/realize it is negatively affecting you and/or your relationships. If you've developed a personality that isn't working for you as an adult, the ONLY HOPE is to hear that it can change. No one changes what is "right". We only change what is "wrong". So that it can be right (healthy/ functional).

[@jennypitts8465]

@@laurenbatson5918 I agree that we have to be able to be able to discern between “right” and “wrong”. But I think you may have missed the point of my comment, which was to suggest that all “personality disorders” develop as adaptations from a childhood that did not provide adequate love and safety for the True Self to be expressed. Personally, both of my parents made to feel like something was inherently “wrong” with my personality as a child. To then be told by trained professionals that there IS something “wrong” with my personality just reinforces the shame and was thus not conducive to my healing. If instead it had been explained that my “issues” evolved as adaptations to survive a less than ideal childhood, that would have created more self-compassion and room to heal. This is of course just my opinion and you are certainly welcome to your own. But I did want to clarify.

[@leahflower9924]

I was tired all the time from always being in survival mode and it took me until my 30s to figure out why I was so tired and then I was scared because I found myself not being able to get out of survival mode

[@timmartin6091]

Some years ago, I almost took my own life. I was abused when I was a kid, broken, depressed, anorexic, bulimic, self-harming. suicidal. My narcissistic biological father choked me and chased me with the lawnmower as if her was gonna run me over, I went in & out of psychiatric units like it was a game of Chess. Suicide watch. I was on enough Antidepressants to kill a horse since i was 12. I hated myself. I wanted out. I wanted the pain to stop. The abuse to end I wanted power. I got into witchcraft. I thought it would give me the identity i wanted, to be set apart from people who hurt me. It only made me sicker. Sicker. Thats what it did to me. The doctors said i’d never get well. That i would suffer severe Chronic Manic depression, and never be well, that id be stuck on antidepressants all of my life. I would plot suicide on a daily basis, binging and purging my food as often as opening and closing a door. The pain was too real. People choked me. Assaulted me. Told me i was ugly, told me to apologize to him for every year i was alive. i felt worthless. Nothing ever got better. Then my mother died. The (1) & only soul who ever loved /emotionally supported me was removed from the earth. I was stuck living with people who broke me, ruined my identity, thus causing me to hate God. I thought God hated me, that he was just like the ones who tortured me, a family of abusers, who cover up all their actions with the mask of religion. I didnt know that God is on my side. I didnt know that Jesus would Love and Defend me, and fight for me and that He later would heal me, rescue me from Family. The ones who caused me pain. The ones who choked me for wearing a pagan necklace. I moved out after family threatened to throw all my belongings on the front yard, and have me permanently institutionalized in an insane asylum, when they were the ones who caused my mental illness via abuse. They blamed me for the abuse they did to me. To take my life in a psychiatric unit aka insane asylum when they were the ones who made me suicidal. Next morning i moved in with my dead mom’s parents. I stayed on the antidepressants, prescribed. But they only made me sicker. I got deeper and deeper into witchcraft, thinking it was a solution. But it made me even more suicidal. Self hatred was inescapable. All my cards have fallen down. I have nothing left. But out. I wanted out. I decided i was going to kill myself. I was going to take all my pills. But then Jesus stepped in. I didnt die. I surrendered my life to Jesus to make me well and heal me. The deity i blamed for me being abused wanted to heal me. He Was fighting for me and Loved me all along. He wanted to love me. He wanted to give me a new heart. His Heart. Jesus miraculously healed me - i am off all the drugs and dont need them and i dont have any mental illnesses. I am totally healed , full of joy. I’m now a born again Christian. I want ALL y’all to know that JESUS IS ON YOUR SIDE HE’s FIGHTING FOR you. Don’t believe me? Just WATCH WHAT HE WILL DO FOR YOU NEXT

[@lindadavis5668]

Thanks, no Jesus for me.

[@KingJamesBibleSword]

@@lindadavis5668”The fool hath said in his heart, There is no God.” Psalm 14:1 KJB

[@OnlyJesusMatters83]

You need to get deliverance from the demons in your body. Witchcraft opens major doors to the spirit realm. Look up win Worley

[@jesusistheway1879]

What a testimony...it brought me to tears ...I've been through it since I was 5 years old by my step dad...and now another 23 years from my dad's father...I feel just like you did ...but 3 years ago Jesus called me too ...the only thing is ..my ex is still tormenting me ...he's still on my mortgage and the father of my son ...he thinks he's still got the right to carry on ...I'm at my wits end lately...he still comes to the house....I pay the mortgage now ...but he refuses to take his name off because he still wants a hold of me.

[@dwir7017]

What a beautiful testimony of the love of God. Bless you.

[@Happy-Me.]

Lots of similarities to BPD too as NPD is a cluster B!

[@sxfnlc]

I just experienced this for the first time. It was a living hell. I forgive him cause he knows not what he does. But I had to block him from all contact. I set a boundary and he tried to heap guilt and heaviness on me. He played cat and mouse once it was unleashed and he would tell me how he didn’t remember any of his childhood (trauma) yet when I would try to talk to him he’d quickly retort “I don’t hurt”. He would do things to punish me. He never once said he was sorry for anything he did. He smashed his fists on the steering wheel once in an anger rage fit and never said a word of sorrow or that he was sorry for what he did. He had zero empathy for me. He hooked me with love bombing and then after our first fight it began to go down hill. The last time we talked he berated me again and literally lied about saying stuff that he never did to try to justify him pulling away. It’s truly sickening. I don’t hate him. I feel sorrow towards him. I am absolutely in a no contact mode and will not go where he may be. Silent treatment Cat and mouse Passive aggressiveness Lies Manipulation Etc etc… The biggest fight we ever had was cause I didn’t introduce him to someone. He was slighted. This enraged him into a fit. He was moody and impatient. I never saw it coming! 😭

[@kikit0732]

Narcissists will be wrong, usually if they realize that something is in it for them. Or they will be soooo wrong and say that they are out loud, and manipulate others to see them as the big victim. They are all about “What can I get while avoiding all shame?” I remember the 1st time I told my ex “no” for help he needed in a legal situation… the rage was so sudden and bizarre that I thought he had a split personality.

[@christinamorales6887]

Talk about empaths & narcissists and the kids raised by narcissist parents.

[@bellakrinkle9381]

I'm not sure what variety of narcissist my mother was...subtle and sneaky; think my dad was her co-conspirator. In the end, she turned against him, too; our family was murdered in one of my recent dreams - maybe a year ago! I'm the only survivor, yet it took my lifetime to figure out all the pieces. Tim is the BEST, even though I'm not a drug addict or alcoholic...though I've always appreciated alchohol! Best wishes to EVERYONE - hang in there!

[@KyleandAngelaHoover]

Covert narcissism

[@christinamorales6887]

You just describe my narcissistic, emotional vampire mother.

[@user-we6wi3rn1l]

He knows my mother!!

[@mishaanton5436]

These have invaluable info and a real good man comes acrossbas caring. The ones recorded in this room are hard to listen to because of harsh echo. Too bad.

[@julessoultrain]

Misha Anton Yes , great n want to listen but sound is terrible , I thought it was just me as I have a problem with Loud noises due to Trauma .

[@sarahjmount9221]

Right away...as soon as I started hearing this, I got sick to my stomach. I don't know what you consider being triggered but my narcissist boyfriend simply needed me to say "good morning" to him and he'd rage, torture me, severely batter me and f*** w/my head until I didn't now who I was, worse than ever! So, I think that as much as I love Tim Fletcher and his videos, it sounds like he's minimizing the true danger of these psychopaths! They will make up triggers as they go along just to abuse you...they don't get triggered like your average CPTSD sufferer. They also have no desire to try and change-ever! Why can the rest of us here be looking to heal and they can't? SIMPLE, THEY ARE EVIL. I'm struggling to recover from CPTSD. Due to never knowing what was wrong with me until I came across these videos and this community 10 mos. ago, in particular, I've been stuck with a narcissist for 10 yrs on and off. If I didn't cut ties with my entire family to get that toxicity out of my life, my narc made sure I didn't have any friends left and was completely dependent on him. Being so unhealthy, myself, I fell over and over for his lies. I'm completely isolated. I have been abused, abandon, and neglected throughout childhood and most of my adult life. No one has done these thing worse to me than the narc. No matter what he's been through, he's not in the same category as the rest of us who don't enjoy making people, who love them the most, writhe in pain.

[@soulsciencewithgia5915]

Are u still stuck?

[@sarahjmount9221]

@@soulsciencewithgia5915 Yes. I had to get surgery and couldn’t work, had “0” income (still do), completely financially dependent on the person. Taking accelerated paralegal classes starting next week. Should be done in 4 mos. Even so, I’ll be physically better by then to go back to work so I have a plan. Thanks for asking.

[@Rileyed]

Stand up against the devil. I tell narcs to take a walk when they get any way. Tell him to go outside until he wants to act like an adult or you will leave. If they continue then leave. It’s not hard. I’ve helped narcs heal that way. One little act of violence I say ,”whoa whoa whoa this ain’t the Jerry Springer show. Unacceptable. If they continue in violence you call the police. “The abuser is abused when the abuse is allowed to continue” at this point you are also abusive. You would be surprised how people react when you stand up to abuse. I’ve had many narcs put head down and apologize. I’ve helped a few overcome. Often they need to go to prison or get real sick to change though. Don’t be afraid. Get some mace and get to it. Fear not.

[@sarahjmount9221]

@@Rileyed Thank you, Riley. I understand exactly what you mean. I did stand up to him and called the police. I stopped taking that kind of abuse, but I simply have nowhere to go if I leave so I’m working on that now I have a plan. I understand you can say that I was being abusive too, because I was allowing it to go on. My warped mind at the time I believed he was going to change. The only thing that changed was me and the physical abuse has stopped by me standing up to him.

[@Rileyed]

@@sarahjmount9221 I was abused many years. Just one day at a time. Don’t take it personal. Look to Jesus and he will find way out.

[@ckvarnmass]

Well done!

[@victoriaani250]

Thank you Sir!

[@isabellcaputo954]

Excellent explanation. Thank you so much. Appreciate it.

[@moon.naamii]

God, he is speaking about my mom so precisely.

[@tulsakeishaable]

Thank you.

[@honestandfair1572]

Omg I get this 22 years and now I sadly move on feel bad for him.❤❤❤

[@cloudrun654]

I wish he could have talked about vulnerable narcissists too.

[@vickicollard1616]

This is important information, I need to hear it. However, that echo is causing major anxiety. I can't finish watching it. Is there some way to mute that echo?

[@WhiteHeat-yd6zm]

I wish you well in your recovery.

[@anony731]

My father is a narcissist.

[@marciariley7373]

He knows my son!

[@karlasimmet8777]

I am totally what you describe in a relationship when things get boring I want to get away. Idk I guess I’m a narcissist . Life is too short to sit on your laurels grab your adventure.

[@andrewmcbridemusic]

Do you feel unsafe when things are boring?

[@KyleandAngelaHoover]

If you want to be with someone for amusement purposes then it isn't based on love.

[@MysteryGrey]

I want to hear this...without the echo. It makes me feel he's yelling at me.

[@alexxxO_O]

OH IS THAT WHY I'M STRESSED WATCHING THIS?

[@MichNative01]

He needs a better microphone, smaller room.

[@kjbrocky]

This was recorded 6 years ago. Focus on the content.

[@TheBookofMatthew-Mc]

Luckily, feelings aren't facts

[@oliverhill113]

The shouting is a bit distracting but the content is spot on.

[@tnasir4903]

I am curious if a person can develop narcissistic tendencies from a narcicstic parent. Is NPD always from complex trauma? Could NPD also be attributed to learned coping skills and patterns modeled by dysfunctional family members?

[@jmvwegnerpriest]

In my teenage years I would say things to people that I heard at home, it went terribly. Had to painstakingly learn how normal people speak to each other. So what might have been perceived as narcissistic behaviour was just me using my parents’ language & ways of thinking, and having no appropriate social skills. These days I can behave normally(though with anxiety, there’s always an Imposter Syndrome feeling that people will know what a broken family I come from). My parents couldn’t do “normal” if they tried, there is no wish or insight into a need to be more emotionally healthy.

[@kerri5595]

Knowing one person that is diagnosed with NPD by a PhD psychologist, I'm not sure I agree that NPD is from cPTSD. The person I knew for years grew up wealthy to two docs that were both doctors. Always lived a very privileged life and was very bright intellectually.

[@TheyCallMeBabo]

That's a specious argument; just because someone was raised by two doctors doesn't mean they can't have trauma.

[@ENR400]

Narcissism can also be caused by over spoiling a child. If a child is never told “no,” given everything without ever working for it, etc. etc…. Especially if they are given material things and their emotional needs are not being met.

[@barbarabagatin8962]

Agree definitely. Wealthy people all narcs. This man should read the Mask of Sanity.

[@Gyan-Merchantry]

This post will be hated but I need to say this - A friend shared some videos of this guy and I stumbled upon this one after seeing the video list. While he does not say it explicitly, I believe that this is mostly targeted at men. When I read the comments, most are from women who have recognized these symptoms in the men in their lives. I am not saying he is wrong. Just that I think narcissistic traits are equally spread.... But we tend to associate this disorder more with men. Women too can be narcissistic... But their narcissism exhibits itself in a different manner. Think Trump vs Hillary. Thoughts?

[@caitlinbyrne9601]

Yes there is an echo. However, hum...I know someone who was a nice guy but I unfortunately saw the ugly side and he was in a power position and he had other people in good standing to reiterate their importance and put me down and blame me. Made me feel it was my fault for feeling hurt. Resolving issues is like running up a brick wall. It is painful and you need to let go.

[@lindylou7960]

I have enjoyed watching your videos but I can't understand what you are saying in this one due to the echo. Wish it could be redone. Just divorced a narc lawyer after 33 years. I am struggling to find healing. .

[@TimFletcher]

Lindy Lou Sorry about the quality of the audio. 9 months ago, we moved to a new location with high quality filming equipment. We will gradually redo all of the lectures

[@lindylou7960]

@@TimFletcher Thank you for your response. I can't find much info on these videos but this guy is so good at explaining everything that I have been binge watching. I recently found Dr. Gabor Mate's videos and also find his talks so eye opening. I loved the reference made to Dr. Mate in several of your videos. His videos have changed how I relate to my grandchildren for the better. The Holy Spirit is leading me.

[@TimFletcher]

Lindy Lou The guy is Tim Fletcher. You can check out the website - finding freedom.ca

[@lindylou7960]

@@TimFletcher oooops, this led me to a financial planning site.

[@TimFletcher]

Lindy Lou sorry, it’s findingfreedom.ca

[@phoebebeacham9816]

❤

[@0123serine]

I hesitant to say that they can do damage. What do you mean by damage?

[@KyleandAngelaHoover]

They manipulate people. They create a web of lies to control how people respond to them and to make others feel they are wrong and the narcissist is right. They will gaslight you to make you question everything you know is true if you try to confront the lies, the selfishness and the hurt they cause others. That's just the tip of the iceberg.

[@jinabecker886]

Hello, I’ve commented before on your other videos… Are all narcissist traumatized as children. Are all narcissist struggling with complex trauma?

[@tonytor9612]

Yes

[@marciariley7373]

No

[@aclark446]

No, the worst ones I've met were raised by genuinely good, healthy people that spoiled the child.

[@jmvwegnerpriest]

@@aclark446 Spoiling is traumatizing. If the parent doesn’t incorporate limits and boundaries into raising their child, something will be a miss in that little person’s development.

[@aclark446]

@@jmvwegnerpriest Poor modes of parenting that lead to developmental problems are not equivalent to actual trauma.

[@fairygurl9269]

*"Casing You"

[@dylanmilks]

Many of these are the same characteristics of a sociopath. What’s the difference?

[@Soaptivated]

Dylan Milks ~ According to the DSM-5, there are 10 Personality Disorders, divided into 3 Clusters - A, B & C. Cluster B's are the "dramatic and erratic" Sociopaths. In this Cluster are 4 PD's: ~ Histrionic PD (usually female) ~ Borderline PD (usually female) ~ Narcissistic PD (usually male) ~ Anti-social PD (usually male) That last one is most closely tied to criminal behavior and Psychopathy. But twice I've heard experts say they still refer to the Sociopath as a Psychopath - all 4 types apparently. There's also the ongoing "nature vs. nurture" debate whereby "Psychopaths are born" (a genetic connection,) vs. "Sociopaths are made" (how they were socialized/nurtured in early childhood). It's very confusing, to be sure. To learn more, prominent names worthy of researching here or elsewhere online are Robert Hare, Kent Kiehl, J. Reid Meloy, Sandra L. Brown, the amazing Diane Langberg, and Sam Vaknin - a self-aware Narcissist, diagnosed twice, after each of his prison stays for securities fraud. Another self-aware Narc is the channel, "Knowing the Narcissist" who goes by the name of H.G Tudor. Pretty sure all have websites and have authored books, available at Amazon. There are probably a few thousand videos here on NPD alone, but you can find vids on all 10 PD's. It's so sad because most of these PD's are the result of severe child abuse under the age of 5, when the personality is set, and unless stopped very early, it's extremely difficult for them to change. Hope this wasn't TMI.

[@lambchop2384]

Soaptivated thanks for that! Really helpful explanation and useful info :-)

[@angelinag.woodruff8378]

All sociopaths and psychopaths are all narcissistic. Yet not all narcissists are sociopaths/psychopaths.

[@walkietalkie6679]

He just explained my girlfriend....help😂😂

[@CoachCreesh]

Run 🏃🏾‍♀️🏃🏾‍♀️🏃🏾‍♀️🏃🏾‍♀️🏃🏾‍♀️🏃🏾‍♀️🏃🏾‍♀️

[@bevsofroniuk1193]

I think this explains my adult daughter... scary... how do I help someone who doesn't want help?

[@tonytor9612]

Why do you think this explains your daughter? 🤔

[@davidcrawford9026]

did you cause her to become narcissistic?

[@davidcrawford9026]

@@hellothere98765 parents like her lack the ability to self reflect and refuse to ever take responsibility for the damage they cause. I'm not going to coddle people like that

[@walkietalkie6679]

​@@tonytor9612😂😂

[@marciariley7373]

My oldest son is a narcissist, and no, I did not make him that way. How dare you say she made her that way.

[@honestandfair1572]

Bugs matter!!

[@damachine3]

2:50 *"A narcissist is s person..." (Not "Narcissism is a person...")

[@shahnazbi8346]

Don't nit pick.

[@damachine3]

@shahnazbi8346 What an ironic, and ignorant, comment. Nitpicking on my nitpicking.

[@richardlong8736]

How do you cause a Histrionic PD to leave you alone, and GTFO of your life?

[@katcraig7525]

Become extremely boring. They will leave.

[@jwheeler9991]

This would be great if it wasn't for the copious adverts. Come on 6 ads in half an hour? That's just excessive.

[@mcadams518]

he is narcissistic lol

[@healingandgrowth-infp4677]

Who is he?

[@tonytor9612]

You have got to be a narc for sure… 😢

[@indyku7405]

Sounds like you’re describing Joe Biden

[@di7645]

Lmao you misspelled Trump

[@indyku7405]

@@di7645 Fani Willis called she needs your help 😂😂😂😂😂😂 TRUMP 2024!

[@FulbrightETABulgaria]

How can you breathe with your head so deep up your ars?! 😮 I’m impressed 👏

[@mypussiehurts]

I was raised by two of them lol good video