Narcissist's Fantasy Sex Life

[@honeybee519]

Also want to add... We know from the start that something isn't quite right with these "people". Our intuition is guiding us but we get caught up in our own ego and what we desire. Yes, narcs leave when they get what they want. More precisely, when they *aren't getting supply* c; They like to think they've discarded but are forever having to find new supplies. Those who supply have the ability to heal and move forward. Ns' have no hope.

[@paulamcgavin8008]

And also familiarity can play into your partner choices...so if you grew up with family members that are personality disordered, especially primary caregivers, that can have a strong influence on your choice of partners in your adult life.

[@hornypervert3781]

Melissa My ambition is higher than petty abuse. I want to take over the galaxy.

[@bethtenhave4883]

Paula McGavin It can also be more difficult to recognise the abuse (particularly emotional abuse), for what it is, when you’ve grown up with it and therefore experience it as normal behaviour from loved ones. It’s taken me many years to recognise it for what it is, myself, and I’m still trying to learn not to automatically try to defend myself to people who I don’t owe any explanations (especially when they ignore what I say and repeat the same accusations over and over again)!

[@c11xitlaly]

the fact that there is WORSE out there the fact that there is people out there who experienced WORSE than what I went through breaks my heart 💔

[@OregonSingles]

"Malignant Self-Love" what an excellent name for your book. Your description was just too spot on. Unfortunately the answer to your scenario about his being as satisfied with a inflatable robotic doll is that he would actually prefer it. He very much prefers his fantasies with unobtainable women with sexuality fueled in basis by his mothers pregnancies with younger brothers pregnancies (breeder/pregnancy fetishes). He'll never be honest enough with himself to reach the depths of his psychiatric basis of healthy sexuality due to his fragile ego, insecurities, anxieties, sensitivities. "What a sad life" indeed.

[@TheBLACKKING25]

This is some truly scary stuff......Human beings can be such monsters without even knowing

[@samvaknin]

Thank you for your kind words. I suggest that you buy the book from Barnes and Noble (online or in a store near you). Copies sold via Amazon are second-hand and MUCH MORE expensive! Or go to my website and purchase the e-book edition!

[@ghostfood260]

Sam Vaknin I came to find out my x was a hebephile/pedophile. I was already starting to see his narcissist traits and then this extra discovery. He had Tor downloaded on his phone and I found a chat room centered around 5-13 year old girls, that was bookmarked in his browser. Previous to that, I had noticed he seemed hypersexual. He wanted sex 3-5 times daily. His porn searches were for 'sleeping daughters' and other incestuous materials where the female is sleeping or drugged. He did not have a close relationship with his mother although it seemed she tried to be close. He didn't explain why but he seemed to reject her. When I asked him about his pornography searches he blamed me stating that he was 'researching' me (He accused me of being in a porn during the relationship which I denied). I have questions, does this fit with madonna/whore complex and is it fair to call him a pedophile? It occurred to me that possibly he was sexually abused and porn addiction had escalated in some way. I've known him as a friend for many years and it's very difficult seeing him as a pedophile. If he is a pedophile narcissist how much closer to psychopath? What is the difference between the fantasy and signs that a person will actually offend and act out on their fantasy?

[@samvaknin]

My name is Vaknin, not Vankin.

[@LylaPierson]

the worst part of being a victim of this was my shame of my own "weakness" for letting it happen ... has taken me years to share with just one friend .... he went from giving me a fairy tale to insisting that I go along with every new sexual path "she" was traveling now and saying that if I did not love HER then I never really loved him because she still had his soul ...YEAH, RIGHT like he ever had one.

[@shaunm1314]

Yes, and the porn fascination is quite scary and strangely bizarre!

[@ghostfood260]

Shaun M Yes, it is! My narc accused me of being in a porn earlier on in the relationship. And later I found his porn searches for disgusting things. All he did was blame me and say he was 'researching' me and trying to find other porn I had been in. I was never in any porn 🤣

[@djpsykix9266]

@@ghostfood260 Maybe he needs to be in a mental institution...

[@ESSER68NJ]

i think mine is gay. and is too cowardly to own his own sexuality.. anyone else feel the same???

[@samvaknin]

+esser Homosexual and transgendered narcissists www.narcissistic-abuse.com/faq18.html

[@ESSER68NJ]

Sam Vaknin i am humbled by your reply. thank you for the information.

[@emaliajames6862]

ESSER yes ! Mine too

[@chockpea]

No need to have a relationship with a woman and use her for cover and abuse her in the process is there?

[@londoncalling7895]

Sue Key exactly..

[@dylanesque66]

I knew a narc that tried SO hard to seduce me. He gave me every line in the book like he was Mr. Stud, but he kept coming up with odd reasons not to have sex. I am attractive, in fact, and I am a former model. I thought he was just scared. I finally ditched him. He then started texting me again about how much I turned him on. I ignored him. Now I get it.

[@auptag4846]

dylanesque66 I only wish i would have done the same as you. I let it go on for 15 months. I've heard every excuse in the world. Now everything makes perfect sense.

[@ivy3839]

Wow have similar story , he wants to be present but not physically, comes across as shy . Well it is all a game ...

[@breakthetraumabondmoveforw8038]

What a tTRAGICAL sad life ,I m the blacksheedaughter whom been raised and PROGRAMMED to rescue those tragical SELFDESTRUCTIVE and ABUSIVE NPD/BPD men .Wish I ve seen youre videos when I was young,it was no internet when I was 19 in 1982..,my dad was a NPD with PORN addiction etc and my mother was a CODEPENDED (victimised) and she too been ABUSED when she was young..Thank you dr Vakning for sharing VALUABLE information so I can EDUATE my self about NPD/BPD :-)

[@reliableandrew]

Oh, we're so much better than we used to be at identifying you...you're quite numerous now, once you've met one, you've pretty much met them all, you become better at identifying the signs...especially if intuitive and insightful...and consequently much better at dealing with you. If... as you posit, it's the 'age' of the psychopath...we'll ensure it's a dark age.

[@shaunm1314]

I noticed that some are closeted homosexuals and overt woman haters... Ummm, why is he bothering me? I'm married and my husband loves me. He uses these social media apps to wrangle women- but he hates women, though ? It's weird.

[@Lxv]

A body to be defiled sounds like what I went through. When I made a joke about him liking a porn star who looked like a child he got super offended.

[@ghostfood260]

Britney Siren My x narc had a sex/porn addiction, I had come to find out. And yes it lead to porn searches for incest father/daughter porn. And also to deep web chat rooms for hebephilia.

[@rosebrown6811]

Same, webcams are his favourite,teens, brother / sister porn, mom n son, makes me feel ill.

[@laurenm9563]

@@rosebrown6811 bless your heart 🙏.

[@champagne5552000]

Before I began dating my ex Narc, he would say "I want to rape you." That eventually stop. He then started with the "I want you so bad" or "I masturbated thinking about you". Then became "I never wanted sex from you BECAUSE you're inmature. " 2-3 months into the bs, I dumped him. Blocked his number. He got a new phone/number, two days later and began texting again. Same petty stuff of him not wanting sex from me because I'm a immature baby, baby,baby! One big headache.

[@cjjaxxon]

"what a sad life". LOL.

[@jaydeerebel557]

Wow. I am so thankful I ran across these vids. Great work getting the word out about these people. I'll keep my eyes open.

[@shellybrooks2549]

This video is so true. Do narcissists hate to kiss their spouse?

[@samvaknin]

Narcissists hate all manner of real intimacy and acts of intimacy: Approach-Avoidance Repetition Complex and Fear of Intimacy health.groups.yahoo.com/group/narcissisticabuse/message/5000

[@normadeluna3349]

Shelly Brooks why I want to know the reason. I asked and he said. It is a mood thing. Or dental issue or he is tiered or is only to be intimate. Bla bla. I do not get any at all. I am tiered of begging.

[@emmajane646]

They can't do love, only evil. To them sex is not a loving act but a chance to do evil.

[@MultiFirebrand]

This video just about sums me up. And he's right, it is a sad life.

[@c11xitlaly]

3:29 ... "his mother" the fact that he HAS to even mention a parent to describe how a narcissist views sex 😟🤢 and to fully help others understand how a narcissist thinks in general about intimacy

[@samvaknin]

NEW VIDEO Narcissist's Fantasy Sex Life Narcissist's Fantasy Sex Life archive.org/details/NarcissistsFantasySexLife

[@stevencastellano1613]

My ex wife despised reciprocation. I'd please her willingly and she'd either resist or flat out refuse to please me. She told me to pick my battles and one battle I fought was getting some of my sexual desires met. I spent a year with much less frequent sex followed by a divorce. She delighted ion not doing anything for me.

[@eastbaysf]

Hunts for new feminine prey.... creepy.

[@soniabernatchez8237]

yes u got it

[@emelise9039]

That’s because they are creeps

[@honeybee519]

This is how I came to realize my ex was a narc. If I'd never found his online second life I'd have never known what he truly was. A facade is just that, a front. A mask that eventually slips. And by the time we've used our intuition to discover what you *were*, yes, you are gone. Thus having spared us the exhausting task of having to remove you. Good riddance :D

[@hornypervert3781]

Melissa I dont have a mask. I look at sexy ponies. You will know I am a power hungry man the day you meet me. BDSM is for the weak. I want to become dictaror of the galaxy.

[@Neidytrozeski]

Yes, as you sad it yourself: what a sad life...

[@auptag4846]

Yes, I agree, what a sad life.

[@lakshyavarshney9942]

Nopes, not always

[@kimwawalker6818]

I don't think my ex/narc ever met a woman he didn't screw.

[@modernapexfinancials]

they are master manipulators and destroying society with all this hookup culture accepting going on.

[@TheKuatrech]

Yes a different woman everyt evening (whomever wants to have him in his contacts...), bed hopping, wife swapping (espacially having a married woman, as the narcissist is not married - too normal for him!) LOOSER!!

[@MAKEmoney56]

Narcissists are usually winners though. hater

[@samvaknin]

***** Narcissists in stable marriages www.narcissistic-abuse.com/faq32.html Approach-Avoidance Repetition Complex and Fear of Intimacy groups.yahoo.com/neo/groups/narcissisticabuse/conversations/messages/5000

[@jbc6467]

Sam Vaknin While my parents had a seemingly stable marriage, he worked abroad and was often absent, the time apart 5-6months over the course of a year.And when he was away she spent a great many hours on the phone, daily to various male colleagues, who she would then berate and bemoan for their various character flaws. I was a tween to teenager, and find as an adult that the level of information I was exposed to was very negative to my own sexuality's development as she cheapened relationships and would be seen to make out with married men in front of me and such like. I will never know if my father knew about the depths of her behaviour and specifically the level of abuse aimed at me, he was a man characterized by his humility by peers. I feel he was emotionally available to his children and sincerely caring and often available and generously helpful to his siblings and own parents. But after his death a smear campaign to remove any memory of him and tarnish the most simple of things such as gifts given or kindnesses shown. And within the year she had had at least 5 men, again giving me, her daughter all the details (presuming they're true). Perhaps it is mostly fantasy, I continue to assess if this was remote sexual abuse by trying to promote promiscuity and loose morals.

[@champagne5552000]

*side note* We never had sex.

[@mariehalsey8892]

That sucks...I'm sorry.

[@asgharakram]

Same here after 2yr I realized it was never going to happen , he would build me up to deny me, and mastrabate beside me.

[@mariehalsey8892]

@@asgharakram I'm sorry

[@rgaleny]

I suppose the key word here is extreme behavior !

[@leegordon-asch7391]

I can definitely relate to the fantasies. Women have them too, for real. They only becomes a problem if a person were to act out on them. I keep mine secret because I know other people would be very uncomfortable. For the record, I never sexually abused anyone & never will. I've been in a few fights, but other than that, I'm completely harmless. I wish people would stop bashing those who have this disorder. I think it really sucks & makes it even harder for people who are trying to recover. Mentally ill people behave badly. Duh. What a concept. If they didn't, what would be the problem???

[@haleydoe2279]

This video was very cathartic for me, and i am sure for many others as i was sexually abused by someone with this disorder and he has lied to gain custody of my son. While i appreciate that you have never acted out on any deviant fantasies, so many of us have been the victim of those that have. Take pride in the fact that you have the self control to not hurt anyone. If that truly is the case, then this video is not aimed at you. I truly hope you continue your journey to health and wish you nothing but the best. Please join us over here when you can. We will accept you with open arms.

[@jspin6871]

A question-- Why would he never look at me during sex?

[@gorunsko31]

Ouch😢

[@colleend5171]

Wow, Spot on!

[@nitahylton159]

Is there a way we can communicate one on one? I’d love to ask you a couple questions!

[@samvaknin]

[e-mail]

[@OrganicMommyof2]

Random people, cheating on every partner and how about sex with a minor-those sound like a narcissist too?

[@nullavitasinemusica1]

I dated this really weird dude Who said he was a virgin with 23 But said he projects girls he likes into porn I also researched his insta and he liked all kinds of creepy loli like underage anime girl pics

[@becks97morgan]

hi sam just to conclude from another comment I had started but did not reach satisfaction of a well written summary that can be a reflection that doesn't do my intellectual skill the justice it deserves and the credentials for data input in a very informative way in which it is intended to be validating and maybe entrigued to share our stories experiences we have encountered along the way a insight and a topic that is not just of deep meaning and not just a matter of curiosity that elevates validates devaluing at a self destructing at times tbh and also being not just self Awre of my illness but aving an extreme exposure to what is so sad cruel and just heartbreaking whe

[@cjjaxxon]

This explains the sex life of a narc woman I know who said she was into swinging and bisexualism.

[@athanaisdc]

+cjjaxxon A lot of the narcs I have known were bi, because supply is supply whereever you can get it eh....

[@cjjaxxon]

+athanaisdc Yep. I guess so.

[@hornypervert3781]

cjjaxxon swing what?

[@hornypervert3781]

athanaisdc I prefer to just look at pony porn

[@Lliam82]

I think there is an over-reach in this video that is not otherwise present in other videos from MR. Vaknin. Perhaps I am in error in my understanding; I'll explain. Many of the proclivities (BDSM, homosexuality, etc) described by Mr. Vaknin are present in healthy and emotionally stable adults. My question is related to one of the closing statements about objectification; does the desire for an inanimate partner need to be present for it to be narcissistic behavior, or is it merely one qualifier?

[@becks97morgan]

When u start getting to the root of the the cause and evaluate how a child so young so pure so loving being born as one self should be born in the the peak of vulnerability and the logic of coda penance that our that our very life needed for survival with mins not affected or have the ability to think of harm risk good judgement of people thããã are toxic and are gonna be the destruction on life and fragments your brain that continues to

[@sclassmami]

Sam Vaknin I have seen so many of your videos, I think almost all, and I honestly wish you could evaluate me for a moment. P.S. If it weren't for my fear of life imprisonment due to me skipping a step, I have no doubt I would've killed my only family, my mother...as that is a serious fantasy of mine. Thanks for reading.

[@reliableandrew]

Let's not get into any kind of longwinded dialogue Michael. I'm fine...and you know nothing of what I know...or my strategy. If you need to convince yourself, then by all means keep talking. I don't look at 'the' world. I concentrate on my world, where you have already long failed. 'Luck', is unnecessary.

[@ketokyah6019]

sounds just like R. Kelly!

[@jocelynthomas5104]

Excellent

[@KerryLeighBrett]

He mentioned fantasy to me, he ran me down as a woman, and he is now sleeping in a transgender.

[@maryw3989]

mine couldn't even look at me or, stand to hear my voice bc he would lose his erection, as soon as he was done, he would leave and ignore me for day's sometimes week's at a time until he wanted to have sex with me again and the cycle would repeat itself. Anyone else have one of those types???

[@jennygump5835]

mine wanted nothing to do with me after & would say sex should only last 5 minutes (not long enough for a girl to get off of course) & ONLY wanted to have sex with me after horrible arguments when I was crying & naturally, I so did not want to have sex. This made him want it even more & he would get increasingly nasty the more I refused & even made threats of cheating on me if I didn't put out. Watching this video actually just made me sick & so fucking grateful that the man I am with today is caring & loving & our sex life is wonderful. Hope you've moved on to better things, too!!! xoxo

[@maryw3989]

Jenny Morris Thank you for sharing your story it's awful when they make you feel that bad about yourself, I'm happy to hear that you moved on and have a good man, your story gives me hope. I felt just like you did watching this video it did give me the courage to dump mine and move on, I have my dog and taking some me time now after all the year's i wasted on him I think its important to heal and figure out my role in the situation I feel like some of it was my own fault the worse he treated me the more I tried to fix it. Have a blessed day my friend. xoxo

[@jennygump5835]

Mary W he brainwashed you, none of it was your fault!!!! You're a good, sweet person & you were only trying to show love- that does not mean you deserve to keep getting crapped on!!! I'm so glad you got out & that you have your beautiful dog with you. You deserve to be treated with respect & kindness. Don't ever forget that. If you ever want to talk or just need positive affirmations, please don't hesitate to email me whatdoesthefoxsay82@hotmail because I know all too well how long it takes to heal from the damage inflicted upon us by these monsters & sometimes we need to be reminded how great we are!!

[@maryw3989]

+Jenny Morris thank you my friend for your kind words and encouragement. I'm going to save your email address. Have a blessed day :-)

[@kvdme]

Mary W my ex, with his ex wife said he would have sex with her and not talk to her for weeks....its common

[@LeoInterHyenaem]

I like to agree with you, mate, but ascribing crossdressing to psychopaths is a gullible and very short-sighted idea.

[@islamiscrap8888]

Everything we need to know?

[@artzischark]

My x too a tee.

[@sclassmami]

I am a feminine female, but with "masculine views" when it comes to sex, and I dream of treating another female how you've described, but I also dream of being treated that way by a man. In no way, could I everrrr, submit to a female! Nor have a 3some with a man and woman, as I cannot be both Dom and sub at the same time. I have taken the NPD Inventory over and over again, and my results at my humblest of moments were a 34 or 35, where the average scores a 15, celebrities 18. Do I have NPD?

[@Lukaino]

What the...

[@sclassmami]

I think its pretty hot

[@hornypervert3781]

MJ I prefer the cold.

[@DrSpooglemon]

lol

[@samvaknin]

Thank you for your kind words. I suggest that you buy the book from Barnes and Noble (online or in a store near you). Copies sold via Amazon are second-hand and MUCH MORE expensive! Or go to my website and purchase the e-book edition!

[@reliableandrew]

Oh, we're so much better than we used to be at identifying you...you're quite numerous now, once you've met one, you've pretty much met them all, you become better at identifying the signs...especially if intuitive and insightful...and consequently much better at dealing with you. If... as you posit, it's the 'age' of the psychopath...we'll ensure it's a dark age.