Threesomes: Why Narcissist Encourages Partner’s Infidelity

Substantial minority of narcissists encourage - NOT COERCE!- their partners to be unfaithful via casual sex, swinging, group sex (threesomes).
Victims often misinterpret the narcissist’s encouragement as a wish or a command and seek to gratify the narcissist by acquiescing.
Narcissist is rarely a cuckold.
WATCH Cuckolds, Swingers (Lifestyle), and Psychopathic Narcissists: Death of Intimacy? • Cuckolds, Swingers (Li...
Betrayal fantasy and devaluation: discard the partner by shifting the blame.
WATCH How Narcissist Betrays YOU to Become Himself (Compilation) • How Narcissist Betrays...
Loyalty test (bait).
Dare, see if I care, power play (following triangulation or the partner's acting out).
Uphold view of other sex as untrustworthy and whorish.
Sadism: defile the partner by witnessing her/his debauchery and self-prostitution (just WITNESSING!)
Find and Buy MOST of my BOOKS and eBOOKS in my Amazon Store: www.amazon.com/stores/page/60...

[@freewoman]

I went for a job interview and the interviewer made sexual advances at me which i didnt respond to. I went home and told my narcissistic husband about what happened. He told me i should gone along with it to get the job. This was a shock to me. After 7 years of marriage, we finally separated. During the separation, he had extramarital affairs with his married coworker AND her girlfriend. They were in a threesome relationship. He treated the girlfriend like shit and out of spite, she ran to me and blew the lid. The whole time he was with them, he was begging me to return to him. Both of thesemwomen have kids. He was paying the school fees of their children and ignoring his own biological children's needs. These people are NUTS! 😂 So glad i am out! Divorce is almost done..whew!

[@robertah2353]

Sorry that you went through this! So the married co worker was bisexual?

[@freewoman]

@@robertah2353 hell if I know. I'm just glad I'm out. Before we separated, he tried to stab me in front our children, 6 and 4 at the time. He held me hostage for hours and kept threatening to kill me. He lunged toward me with a big kitchen knife 🔪 several times and when he saw how terrified I was, he laughed. These people are evil.

[@datguy9408]

What the hell , I’m sorry that happened to you!

[@freewoman]

@@datguy9408 thanks.

[@sarahmorgan8827]

My narcissistic ex was obsessed with sharing me with other men for his own pleasure. It was gross and made me feel very uncomfortable and cheap. I did not go along with it and it was just another of the many reasons I left him. I still can’t believe how I endured the abuse of that relationship for so long and it fills me with shame I did not end it sooner.

[@lucystrauss2989]

I had that too, it creeped me out.

[@maryellenshea6358]

Perg.💕

[@Hannah2265]

Please, don't be so hard on yourself...we do our best to be good wives/partners, for the right reasons! I too was unknowingly being groomed by my ex Narc. Good news is, we're free of their abuse! 🎉

[@buzzmeanytime]

If you don’t mind me, asking, what ethnicity are you?

[@sarahmorgan8827]

@@buzzmeanytime I am a blonde caucasian European

[@annb7913]

So that they can indulge in infidelity.

[@sitascott8446]

@@joeprimal2044 Narcissists are rarely that simple and straightforward. Not in my experience, anyway. Maybe they are ALREADY going out on you, and want you to do the same, so they can blame their own infidelity on YOU! And they will! The logic of sequence be damned. My experience, anyway.

[@glenyshill72]

Or the narcissist wants to be able to deviously cite their partner as being the one who has committed adultery in a divorce settlement

[@annb7913]

@@glenyshill72 yes, they are very strategic that way. Every little thing is thought out and carefully planned.

[@SharkE747]

My ex wife tried to convince me of it although she claimed "I'm just joking! I don't mean it!" BS!! I think that she wanted to because she was already having sex with the guy that she mentioned!!! Makes me sick!! Makes me angry!!! They tell on themselves without telling you, if you are able to think, you'll catch them.

[@SharkE747]

Oh how many times I heard her say "I HATE MEN!" I found out what she thought of me alright. She degraded my by saying "Any man can be a good lover." with a smile!! She's a vile excuse of a human being.

[@loveme77527]

Facts!! You have no idea how correct you are on this...

[@annetgreen2295]

You are absolutely right. Shows how little he cares about the partner. A form of portrayal to share the shame and guilt of infidelity. But actually the Narcissist wants to draw the partner down to that level. Excellent explanation Professor Vaknin !

[@user-ii3st8yy6v]

😂 This “quickie” is the closest I’ve come to one in 15 months since I was with my husband. I’m in the process of divorcing him as he behaves like a covert narcissist . The divorce process has been an absolute nightmare in spite of the hard work of my excellent attorney but I’m so close to finally being free.

[@themanwithnoname9578]

Sounds like you're the narcissistic one to be honest

[@AnimosityIncarnate]

​@@themanwithnoname9578 cause she is. She's giddy to have manipulated everyone, even tho most know and are sick of her shit 😂

[@stevenmiller5784]

So informative. Mine started suggesting threesomes during devaluation, exactly as you described. I was always perplexed as to why he would leave me alone with his friends often... just walk away and be gone for a while. It makes sense now as you describe the testing. Subtle but calculated. Your lectures are so helpful!

[@charlotte_stevens]

Crazy how accurate this information is! I engaged in 3-somes to try to please my narcissistic ex. I didn't want to do it, and looking back I'm angry with myself for engaging in this activity. 😪

[@Ragnarok_662]

FFM or MMF?? 🤔🤔

[@charlotte_stevens]

@@Ragnarok_662 MMF

[@michelleriley7983]

​@@Ragnarok_662😂gawd

[@Ludo045]

Like take some respinsability ? pLeAsE mY nArCiSsIsTiC eX.. gimme a break 🥱

[@freewoman]

​​@@Ludo045she is, thats why she said she is angry with herself. She knows she couldve just said no.

[@demigaines5644]

Thank You So Very Much For Sharing This My Abuser/Narcissist Demanded That I Have SeX With A Woman While He Watch.I Didn't Do This And I Was Discarded Narcissistic Abuse Is Brutal.

[@juliesheard2122]

My husband broke my heart with his wife swapping and advertising for 3 somes. He's dead now. 😁 I don't think he was a narcissist. I think he was just an arsehole

[@Mothermochi]

Interesting. My ex started hanging out with a guy I think he had a crush on tbh. His friend and his wife were in a open relationship and both bisexual. He also made another male friend that was very promiscuous and in a way that was borderline predatory towards vulnerable women. I said anything at all critical about some of the choices being made he Took it very personal and would get mad at me. He would often call me a boomer. Which was weird because I am not prude at all. I just don’t believe in exploiting others- there is nothing sexy about that. I also value my friendships too much to jeopardize them because of sex. Anyway it was clear he was trying to tell me something with all his hints abs getting mad. I’m pretty sure he was trying to gage how open I was to a lifestyle change. While we aren’t young. We are approaching middle age and at the time had a infant and a toddler. He ended up cheating, but to know one surprise watching this video blamed me for his infidelity. I have often wondered if I consented, he would’ve likely punished me for doing it! There was also sexual abuse in our relationship that at the time I had not fully processed. Edit to add: the friend became his employee and eventually propositioned him. Im not sure if the slept together but i wouldn’t be surprised. He told me as if I was a guy friend.

[@julierheaume1190]

He wanted me to do a treesome with his brother . I refused and he was mad at me . Am not an object and i got values i told him . He told me that it would reinforce are relationship . Common now that’s a form of disrespect. I love this person and i would never do such a thing . I got scared of him after and started to be less attracted. That’s a big turn off for me .

[@charlottebuck6907]

Wow, my ex said he wanted to watch me with another man...I said NO, I'm not doing that...WTF

[@Sadbuttrue-ThatSwedishGirl]

Omg I'm so glad I ended it two years ago. He just hovered me again which triggered the shît out of me. So back to watching Sam's videos to remind myself why I must not answer him at all bc the last time I did, he brought total chaos again and traumatized me even more🤮🤮 Zero interaction is the only way. Except Next week it's trial after that I hope he forgets about me and puts his focus elsewhere forever. Bc never ever will I accept someone's destructive life-sucking behavior near me again.

[@DarjaTruth]

Correct: narcissistic women became equal to narcissistic men.

[@MrsRobinson398]

My ex husband told me he left his wife and son who was a year old, because she had cheated on him. Years later he admitted that he encouraged her to do it because he was bored with her. He told his family and friends that she cheated on him and they encouraged him to divorce her. A few years later he tried to do the same thing to me.

[@AnimosityIncarnate]

That's way more Psycopathic ngl... But again, comorbidities

[@memnik]

I was worried that I might be a narcissist since he accused me of it lately. I started having cuckquean fantasies during my last pregnancy. He would throw women in my face saying he wanted to have them and that they were more beautiful than I am and laugh at me while I fell apart saying he was turned on when I was jealous. Idk what switch was flipped but I started getting turned on by the idea of watching him with other women. He has accused me of pushing him to have sex with others so I can leave him. He also said I was narcissistic because I was extremely upset that he didn’t include me in his last affair and hid a large portion of his relationship with the other woman. He crossed my boundaries by developing a friendship outside of just sex. I feel this video has helped me immensely. I now understand that he is assuming I have ulterior motives by encouraging him to sleep with others. I have only ever been turned on by it, and in fact my heart was BROKEN when I discovered he was too involved with someone else. I felt jealous and insecure for the first time in 14 years. Thank you for this video.

[@user-hc1iu2sc6d]

This is the first i have heard of this. Thank you. It is very validating to finally hear it placed properly. it was extrememly confusing tying to understand what was happening at the time. When i tried to garner empathy for not wanting to go along with it, i received none. When i pushed back, i got agressive rage, a pivotal moment in ending of the relationship. I spent months trying to figure out what i should have done differently. I appreciate the deeper understanding of which parts were mine and which were his.

[@kipriannalutu]

Took the words right out of my mouth. This may be the only video on the internet that really explains the complexity and nuances of this particular topic

[@TheIsraelProphetess]

Yep. I had a narcissistic ex break up with me because I WOULDNT sleep with his friends. Yes, you read that correctly. Basically all his girlfriends had to be whores and passed around to all his friends. And he got some kind of narcissistic validation from it that his girl was the hottest thing in town. Yes, I know, in hindsight, I should’ve had sex with his friends because they were much better looking than him and way nicer. The song “I should’ve cheated on you “ comes to mind when it comes to narcissists.

[@bobleglob162]

No. No you shouldn't have. Wtf????

[@polinap8027]

Wow!! This is incredible! 🖐 Thank you

[@eurolakshmi]

That was intense quickie!

[@suaynasi]

11:11 has to allways remindible against of hoovering. .It is really hurtfull , When I miss the love of my life :))) , has to remember this pain of that'' You meen nothing for him.''

[@mariehalsey8892]

Hello Sam! I have not seen one of your videos in a minute. So great to see you again. Thank you for your wisdom ❤.

[@heleninqueensland5989]

Wow and wow. This is so true. Fantastic explanation 👏

[@cherrywoood]

Fantastic video

[@elaine7461]

GREAT LESSON. THANKS TEACHER.

[@jeannfav2921]

Your "quickie" intro made me laugh. I love to laugh 🤗

[@Amyprof]

Thanks for helping us understand

[@rachelcoloradomy3kidz778]

Tfs 😢 You have explained beautifully. Educational And validating. May You continue to use your "power" for good of man kind lol ( seriously ty)

[@soniachambers6460]

This was very accurate..

[@meaghanmackenzie]

Lots of guys do this :s Way more than you’d expect. My guess is it’s a lot higher than 1-3 percent!

[@themanwithnoname9578]

More than70% of guys can't find a girl to hook up with or have relationships with. It looks like you only see rich narcissists as men and everyone else are invisible

[@amytiffanyhemingway]

avoidants do it as one of their ways of either pushing you away or testing if you will do it

[@evienleema101]

Lot of men doing this in srilanka,india

[@kellyb1420]

It’s amazing how they encourage there spouse to have sex with others, but then call them a whore for doing it w/ others smh 🤦‍♀️ They want the spouse to do it, yet they hold it over there head later. And use it against them later… I don’t get it…? It’s crazy

[@alexanderthegreat3106]

I don’t understand people when they say they dont get , you can’t get it , they have a severe mental problem you can’t get it , you never will just walk away from them ..

[@sitascott8446]

They are getting you to make ammunition they can use against you, later.

[@estee233]

Here I am in my 70's and I understand now being ordered to have affairs or else I promise you wont know me. I feared the latter for my young daughter. Not a dare but a threat in my case. I blocked it out until one day I ended the marriage and remembered the threat and others 10 years later.

[@k2doradca]

My ex narc claimed to be poliamorous. He had a wife I was his girlfriend, everything was opened. She had other relationship too. It's not very common isn't it? I wonder how the fantasy works in this kind of dynamic.

[@sharonmcclintock6727]

Oh Sam! I wake up looking forward to seeing whtr the heck we'll be learning today. I love you bunches. Thank you for helping me get through this nightmare!❤

[@david6544]

Hi Sam What a fantastic 👏 peice of information. What I found interesting was that it's mainly the narcissistic men, that make there woman have sex with other men/ women. I'm not sure if that applies to narcissistic women, but my one was fiercely against me having sex with other women, it was an ownership thing..I am B.P.D...she thought it was OK to triangulate me and have sex with other men/ woman..but hated the idea that I should.. Once I knew she had not and was not going to fulfill her role to heal my narcissistic mothers wounding..and I was loyal and giving her unconditional love to heal her fathers abuse...once I found out she was cheating..I sent her into mortification. Thank you for your incredible 🙏 knowledge, you are by Farr...the best I have come across. Your knowledge is a blessing to this 🌎. Thank you Sam. Peace&Love&Light Namaste 🙏 ♥️

[@david6544]

Hi Sam What I also found interesting is that fourty years ago..there was mostly narcissistic men. And now there are as many narsisstic woman. Could that be back in the day..women were more submissive and predatory men were abusing their women. Is not a form of survival and self defence and maybe retribution that they have become this way too survive. Peace&Love&Light Namaste 🙏 ♥️

[@mikahist4155]

Its really more about sharing her like a ware. This is also a common tactic for human traffickers- the man take money for the sex without the "girlfriend" knowing .

[@nothingisathing93]

Very interesting..

[@user-cz6qq5cn8w]

Oh my god. This js me my life. What he has done. what he is doing. What im nearly doing. I needed this.

[@lucifermorningstar4595]

I don't know if Sam believes in god or in some sort of supranatural entity but It happens that by chance, purpose or self interest the extremely high level of intelligence of this man It is gracefully directed to the right place

[@lucifermorningstar4595]

I don't mean cuckolds, but his whole work corpus

[@ericlarousse1149]

He's an atheist.

[@susanwagner1312]

You know he’s a narcissist right? He is god in his mind

[@kennethhall9202]

They are sick .don’t sleep with any one on the first three dates if you have feeling for them .take it slow !! My friend the Narc hi partner was dieing of melanoma he would plan dates while his partner was dieing at home 😢

[@glenyshill72]

If you're a woman, especially, don't sleep with anyone for AT LEAST the first 3 dates and I'd say try not to until you've spent time in their actual, real life company, ideally at least 30-40 hours of real life company.

[@FroggyFrog9000]

How long ago was this?

[@RicardodeAbreu]

In the beginning of my marriage my wife decided to do camgirl work and I accepted because I couldn't see that it could lead to cheating. She was becoming different but after 7 years she cheated on me. After the cheating there was no effort to rebuild rapport or intimacy. I'm divorcing after 8 years of marriage. And now she has a harem of men seeking her daily and I had to listen from her mouth that she has a sexual fantasy of being having 3 guys at the same time. I'm trying to figure how low my self steem was for not seeing her for her true self. I'm glad I'm walking away with no kids from her (she has 2 kids which I was taking care as if they were my own, not even that made her stop her devaluation behavior).

[@user-zu5uj7jf8i]

I had a female narcissist ex she wanted me to engage in threesomes. I said to her im sorry I dont do those things im here for real relationship and guess what she is a medical doctor who claims to be a practising Christian😂😂 from Canada. Do you understand anything I dont😂...

[@MC_Hammerpants]

I understand that she belongs to the streets

[@FroggyFrog9000]

3somes she wanted with another dude? or with another chick?

[@JessMariaDwyer]

Sounds like she has the Jezebel spirit. It makes you promiscuous.

[@sitascott8446]

I think they set it up so they can complain to you later that you did it. I did follow through with going out on one of them. The other, I kept refusing to do so. He had said that his ex had gone out on him; I wonder if he encouraged that in her, also.

[@janetkrawiec8332]

Wouldn't know!

[@afairlady224]

How does the behavioral analysis shift if a male narcissist prefers threesomes that engage his female partner with another female?

[@NinaOrrick4096]

Listening this makes me sick but I understand that wow he was doing this to me but I never let him , put a stop every time he tried, he hated me so much he brought a polyamorous girl in our relationship I left him 😊

[@1337x4x]

Woah. So interesting that there’s narcissist behavior patterns even in this department. Triangulation and 3-somes for years. Blehk. Trying to find the lessons I learned by these experiences than the shame I accrued. Good luck out there ladies recovering from male narcs, and of course the men of female narcs 🥸

[@martinmackay693]

Do BPD do that as well? I find that her ex cheating and me potentially cheating was a common topic for her. Like she secretly loved the idea of me cheating and her being the victim.

[@samvaknin]

It is not a feature of BPD, though, of course, there are BPD cuckqueans.

[@Dame21]

My husband did this I’m so ashamed😢😢😢

[@lees.9597]

Isn't the power play considered passive aggressive coercion?

[@VICTORIA-rf8pd]

Don't mean to sound cliché Sounds interesting

[@llirik699]

A former friend of mine was narciccistic. As he had a gf he pished her to have s.x with me or any other guy... that was fckn creepy yeah

[@thumbelina9587]

This vid came out 2 months too late..

[@Vanessa-xn1bk]

My husband encourages me in a sexless mariage way. But I am not the kind of person who cheats. Unfortunately 😢.

[@pjmrees]

Interesting. My ex narc lied about his past cheating on his ex wife. I found out (through different stories not adding up over the years). He was actually having orgies with co-worker and strangers. He said his ex wanted an open relationship. If that's true then Why did he hide it from her and lie to me saying he was coerced? No, he's a sex/porn addict and has been since 12/13. He used the same BS on me saying the woman he had sex with MADE him do it! I said you are a LIAR! Goodbye!

[@kimberlymorrison4880]

sounds just like mine

[@pjmrees]

@kimberlymorrison4880 probably the same narc!

[@usagiroxie]

It also sounds like the narc I was seeing for a short time. I'm not into the whole sexting thing, so he was pretty tamed with me. However, it does appear he's on dating apps to hook up and/or have situationships with women (probably any woman), and women that want serious relationships are fair game. He also blamed his "ex" or probably some other innocent woman he conned to indulge in his depraved sex addiction. As if she was forcing him... That was definitely not true. Who knows the full extent of his lies and the insanity that goes with it. He's a sex offender in my eyes and in the eyes of the law as well. Putting people at risk when you know they cannot give true consent to sex as it is based on a lie. He simply hasn't gotten in trouble legally yet. I'm grateful I'm now aware of the existence of these defunct beings, so I can watch out for myself and others. Good riddance and may we never meet again. I wish the same for all that are/were affected by narcissists.

[@pragnyaanta3130]

What if the partner refuses to cheat ?

[@samvaknin]

Then she will be devalued as well. Watch the videos in the shared fantasy playlist.

[@ShadowJerker-st3lj]

Maybe I was a bit narcissistic, but I told my ex I wanted him to sleep with other people so I could. It was a 9 year sexless and intimate-less relationship. I was craving some kind of attachment or bond. Who knows maybe I’m a narcissist.

[@NinaKarmen]

This is not normal for anyone to live in a sexless marriage for 9 years . This is a biological need

[@sitascott8446]

Sounds merely like you wanted to set it up so you could get sex somewhere without blame, since your partner was not interested. Doesn't seem like you're a narcissist to me.

[@ShadowJerker-st3lj]

Thanks for this, really. I’ve been beating myself up for months trying to make sense of everything and taking appropriate blame where it is due. I have a lot of days where I blame myself for everything then shift to him, but I think the truth may be 51/49. I’m the 51, because I am responsible for myself at the end of it all and should’ve left instead of tearing myself down to fit. Thank you.

[@themanwithnoname9578]

Sounds more like a gold digger staying for financial benefits

[@sitascott8446]

I think it's kind of expected that a person can find both sex and intimacy within a relationship. I don't think after 9 years of neither, you would have to label yourself a narcissist because you are trying to keep the relationship but find those things elsewhere.

[@aliceswderworld369]

I have a question: Is it possible for a man to be both Narcissist and BPD? coz I knew some male Narcissist, his sex fantasy is you, as a female , wearing high heal shoes, step on his important sex part, he will feel so erotic. he also prefer to have sex with his partner when someone else is in another room, kind of like have a love affair stealthily. His sexual fantasy sometimes like the movie "50 shade of grey".......you know ~ He prefers to have sexy with woman right after they fight intensively......that I do know it's because when we fight, the pressure and excitement is easily mixed feelings. I think this is involve in masochism, which make him aroused. I would like to hear your opinion, prof Sam. Thank you😃

[@samvaknin]

NPD and BPD are a common comorbidity.

[@aliceswderworld369]

Thank you professor. That's what I thought,too@@samvaknin