Narcissistic Family vs HEALTHY FAMILY: 11 Essential Traits

Discover the traits of healthy well-functioning families and gain a better understanding of how to overcome a dysfunctional household background.
👇🏼This is how I can help you 👇🏼
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2) FREE Toolkit for Instant Family & Relationship Detachment
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3) 🔥🔥🔥6-week online program 'Your New Road To SELF': Break free from toxic family patterns, heal the damage, and discover your true self!
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🌐 Website:
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➡️ Video Timestamps:
00:00 - Introduction
0:21 - Trait 1
2:09 - Trait 2
4:25 - Trait 3
5:18 - Trait 4
6:11 - Trait 5
7:21 - Trait 6
8:43 - Trait 7
10:16 - Trait 8
11:10 - Trait 9
12:56. - Trait 10
14:04 -Trait 11
➡️ Recourses:
List of recommended books to read: www.jerrywiserelationshipsyst...
➡️ Recommended Playlists:
Adult Children of Alcoholics: Heal & Change The Pattern - • Alcoholic Narcissistic...
Outgrowing dysfunctional family Patterns- • Outgrowing Narcissisti...
Break Free From Narcissistic Parents & Families- • Breaking Free from Nar...
➡️ Visit our website for coaching & workshops:
www.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com
Jerry Wise, MA, MS, CLC as of this date has over 300+ videos on You Tube. He has 45 years of experience helping people become more self-differentiated, unstuck, and overcome the effects of their family of origin imprinting and emotional functioning. He uses a Bowen Family Systems approach to help coach those who are in recovery, healing from Codependency and other dysfunctional family-of-origin issues.
DISCLAIMER: This video is not intended to substitute for professional counseling help. Be sure to consult a professional in helping you with these integrate and utilize these concepts.
#functioningfamily #healthyfamilydynamics #narcissisticmother #narcissisticmothers #narcissisticfather #narcissisticfamily #narcissisticparents #narcissisticparent #parentabuse #abusiveparents #familyboundaries #daughtersofnarcissists #boundarieswithanarcissist #childrenofnarcissisticparents #childrenofalchohlicparents #toxicparents #toxicfamily#narcissistic #narcissism #narcissist #internalboundaries #externalboundaries #boundaries #narcisismo #narcissists #detachment #emotionaldetachment #narcissism #jerrywise #self #dysfunctionalfamily #emotionallydysfunctional #anxiety #reactivity #selfabandonment #emotionalprocess #maturity #dysfunctional #foo #calmness #selfdifferentiation #empathy #acoa #acon #bowenfamilysystems #bowentherapy #trauma #narcissisticfamilies #familyoforigin #abuse #abusiverelationships #abusiverelationship #familyissues #narcisista #innerchild #reparenting #healthyrelationships #heal #healing #healthyfamilytraits #functionalfamily
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[@jerrywise]

👇🏼This is how I can help you 👇🏼 ➡FREE 84-Minute Training: "Build The REAL SELF You Were Never Allowed To Have!" jerrywise.ewebinar.com/webinar/free-training-10027 🆘FREE Toolkit for Instant Family & Relationship Detachment join.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com/welcome/ 🔥🔥🔥 6-week online program 'Your New Road To SELF': Break free from toxic family patterns, heal the damage, and discover your true self! program.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com/welcome/

[@RahabsRedemption]

If only this was taught in schools and institutions, so that everyone could learn this before having babies. I never knew this when growing up.

[@malwads1836]

EXACTLY!!!!It's shocking if you come from a dysfunctional toxic narcy family system & then start 👀 how healthy nontoxic families function...It's like 2 entirely different planets🤯.

[@marilynschmidt6400]

Its been this way since the beginning of time. Narcissism is demonic ​@@malwads1836

[@justrosy5]

It never will be, particularly the private-run ones, because it suits them for their patrons to not know this stuff.

[@JohnSmith-ks5xw]

This is helpful for those of us that grew up in dysfunctional families so that we can get a better picture of what "normal" is.

[@jerrywise]

I’m glad it was helpful Jhon, thank you for watching

[@dayegilharno4988]

@@jerrywise If I still had any doubts before, this 1:1 comparison makes it painfully clear to me just how MUCH my family of origin (and sadly - due to both my wife and me handing down intergenerational trauma to our daughter - my own, too) is dysfunctional. I never even had a language to describe to myself what I have been experiencing in the relationship with my parents for the past 50+ years, and the constant emotional pain (and all the physical side effects coming with it) that gave me, before stumbling across your channel by algorithmic accident!

[@lindac6919]

YES! I have a lot of models and understanding of the Narky family. But almost zero models of how things could actually work.

[@justrosy5]

This was the one reason I was hesitant about marriage and family when I was still in a place in my life where those things mattered to me. I had no healthy, functional pattern to follow. I suppose it doesn't matter though. I never really stood a chance in the adult arena thanks to every last stupid choice my parents ever made that impacted my future. I didn't learn good social skills, and no one at school would give me a chance. I was bad at math after my Mom yelled at and derided me over it in 2nd grade, then refused to ever help me with it again, and no one at school would help me with it either - so there goes STEM and a lot of other things too. All I got was bullied, and that made it all worse. I spent most of my alone-time crying or trying to calm down, and the rest of the time, trying to hide it, since any showing of emotion was punished. I grew up in Hell, and I had nothing to "build on" in my adult life for "catching up" or whatever. People are stupid if they think that young adults coming out of these situations can just wave a magic wand and all the sudden be "functional" or whatever. Just. Plain. Dumb. Anyway, I no longer care about marriage/family. I just want a job and can't find one because I don't really qualify for anything. Any time I've tried to gain the qualifications, I've had everything from physical to mental health issues that just tanked me. I can't even sleep when it's convenient for the rest of the world. I'm constantly in emotional pain that overtakes everything. I'll never forgive my parents for sabatoging me this way - they ruined everything for me from day 1, and had no good reason to do that. There can never be a good reason to do that to a child. The holding of adult children of narcissists responsible for trying to live adult lives should be banned. We should be put on SSI, sent to trauma-based therapy for free, and put in free adult-learning classes that pick up the pieces in our educational histories, where we can learn at our own paces without the bad GPAs and whatever from our pasts being held against us. We should be provided with opportunities that give us equity in the job search after that. Once we're actually able to function on the adult level on our own, paying for ourselves and such without all the supports in place, then the SSI could go away, but not before that. I'm so blessedly sick and tired of living in the throw-away pile.

[@livininamerica76]

My father passed away three days ago. I am having a hard time dealing with losing him. He was the only one left who knew how the others were and would be honest about it. My heart is forever going to have an empty place that he filled

[@timk7073]

Hang in there.

[@MarthaMcCrum]

Hold on to what your Dad told you. You knew the truth and so did he. So sorry for your loss💔.

[@PaigeSquared]

"If it hurts, it means he did a good job while he was here." Celebrate and honor his life, and his time with you. My dad passed when I was 23, I miss him every day.

[@MattxtianUniverse]

I know how you feel.

[@lambchop6278]

He's still watching over you and you can talk to him. I read that in order to get a message back from them, that you need to mourn your loss. That way it clears the energy or something, so that the spirits you love can give you signs that they're around and helping you still.

[@malwads1836]

It really is like 2 different planets when we compare healthy nontoxic family systems to toxic narcissistic family systems😳🤯.

[@mariadaquila7587]

My dysfunctional family to a tee. Mom will say, I’m you and you’re me. Dad will say, Honor thy Mother and Father. Combine that with diabetes and a continuous supply of opioids and other pills. This equals crazier very old people😢😢😢

[@djlykaen]

My dad was always quick to quote "children obey your parents" from Ephesians, but had nothing to say when I reminded about the rest of the verse on fathers not embittering the children. I'll be 31 this week and he still uses the verse as a type of control, had to accept the fact that although i'm not seen as an adult in the house, doesnt make it true.

[@websurfer5772]

I've learned through marrying into a dysfunctional family that if you're not seen as an adult when you are one, it creates all kinds of problems for ya.

[@matthewdietzen6708]

There's a "rest of the verse?!?!" 🤯

[@centpushups]

"Children" but we are adults. So we are now brothers and sisters in faith.

[@sharonboehm5296]

I hope u can find it in your heart to forgive him.

[@djlykaen]

@@sharonboehm5296 I love and forgive a while ago but trust is a different thing entirely

[@user-et6fw6zc3n]

Your videos are amazing. No matter how far I've come in terms of healing I still listen to your videos regularly as my upbringing roots are a dormant virus on my soul and your videos are the antidote to keep my old unhealthy thoughts and habits in check. Thanks you!!!

[@aubreyj.tennant1123]

Well said! Dormant viruses are mostly harmless. Still a great metaphor to use as symptoms arise. We can control the dormancy. 😊

[@smustipher]

I grew up in a dysfunctional family. My sister and I became roomates after the pandemic to save money. It's been a few years of ongoing work to get her to trust me enough to have healthy communication. If I ask her a clarifying question, she becomes defensive, if I even glance in her direction she assumes I am judging or attacking her. Things are much better know, as I am persistent in that demonstrating that I can be forthcoming and open with her, and that my questions are not meant to be an interrogation or trap. It has taken a lot of patience but worth the effort.

[@SAVAGEINDUSTRYCRIMENETWORK]

Oh my goodness try but please don't try to hard x save yourself x

[@SAVAGEINDUSTRYCRIMENETWORK]

There is nothing wrong with you if she don't understand who you are, her loss x

[@lindac6919]

Were you the Golden Child?

[@websurfer5772]

My takeaways about ideal Healthy Families from this video: 1. Everyone is able to communicate their thoughts and feelings without fear of judgement or retaliation. 2. Everyone's privacy is respected. 3. Everyone feels supported in their goals and aspirations. 4. Everyone is willing to work together to solve problems and conflicts, and each is willing to compromise when necessary. 5. Everyone has a good sense of humor. 6. There's a good balance between everyone's independence and interdependence. 7. Everyone shows LOVE and affection. 8. Everyone trusts each other and holds each other accountable, while being understanding and okay with mistakes. Mistakes are not taken personally. 9. Everyone has a sense of belonging and each family member feels respected, valued, and important to the family. 10. Everyone stays calm and no one overreacts. 11. Everyone takes responsibility for themselves. It's so nice to learn about healthy families and what they look like. I always want to know what healthiness is. Thank you Jerry Wise. If you come from a healthy family and you marry into a dysfunctional one, you cannot fix, manage, control, or influence them to be healthier. I learned that the hard way. If your own family is dysfunctional you likewise cannot get them to become healthy. I could even see everyone agreeing to all these ideals of a healthy family, and thinking they do it right like this, but then being unable to actually be this way as they live their lives.

[@yuk498]

This is not a healthy family, its a theoretically perfect family.

[@websurfer5772]

@@yuk498 Yes, it's the ideal healthy family. It shows us what we can aim for as we create our own families, and it gives us something to measure our existing families against. It also helps us assess and modify our own behaviors towards others. You're never going to find this kind of perfection here on Earth. It's just not going to be that way here. But each of us has to decide where our lines are, and just how much negativity and abuse we will accept in our lives, and how much we won't. Without some kind of ideal guideline like this, we're just referring to 'healthy families' in a nebulous way and some of us want to know what ' a healthy family' even looks like. That's why I typed this out. Because I need things spelled out for me. (That drove my mother crazy and she didn't understand it, btw.) lol "WHY DO YOU ALWAYS NEED EVERYTHING SPELLED OUT??!!" - my mom Me -- 🥺

[@yuk498]

@@websurfer5772 hmmm.... ❤️

[@Dietconsulting]

I'd say we achieve this about 85-90% but it's the effort of two generations working on their EQ. My partner came from a "good on paper" family and spent several years wondering when my family would blow up and show their toxic sides. We just had to get together to problem-solve around our Dad's failing health. He was greeted with hugs like a blood relative and said to me wryly afterwards that he might have to stop expecting an implosion.

[@malwads1836]

​@@DietconsultingExactly... Even though no family is pure perfection,the reality is that a generally healthy nontoxic family will get a grade of around 90% or so.They'll pass with flying colors & you'll definitely 👀 it🌞👍🏻👍🏻.However narcissistic families especially with full-blown NPD involved...They ALWAYS fail miserably if we're grading them on these things,they completely flunk😬.

[@tbunnyshy1]

I don’t know where to go from here. I am running out of steam but I still appreciate your videos. I’ve been in therapy for years and….I am tired.

[@adriancampbell630]

This video makes it plain as day that I came from a highly toxic and dysfunctional family of origin. I have made changes to get the family of origin out of me so it does not effect my son.

[@jerrywise]

Your son is very lucky to have you doing this inner work so he can have a healthier future

[@adriancampbell630]

@@jerrywise Thank you Jerry❤️

[@anniewang9723]

Thanks for another great video! My husband grew up in a happy, functional family exactly like you described. I am envious every day that he got to become the confident calm adult because of his family.

[@jerrywise]

You are very welcome Annie. some people are more fortunate than others, this is just how life works. With the right healing that health is possible within you, if you are here you are already on the right path ❤️

[@ccalexander1924]

Based on this video I have the most dysfunctional family on the planet

[@sfarns100]

This was very helpful, as adults of dysfunctional families they most times have no idea what healthy relationships are. Thank you, Suzanne LVN

[@Laz_RS]

I remember when I was in my early twenties someone tried to hug me for the first time. I had no idea what to do and felt really uncomfortable. It wasn't until years later when I saw my friends hugging their kids that I realized how off my family was. I always thought kids were supposed to be afraid of their parents.

[@lizl1407]

This is so helpful thank you! I would love a follow-up video with examples of these healthy behaviors. My family was so dysfunctional that you can use words to describe healthy families, and even though I know what the words mean, I sometimes have trouble even imagining what those behaviors "look like" in practice. I often feel as though I am an alien, I grew up in such a broken way that I don't know how to human. I will often be surprised that something I had never even thought about is "normal" for others. For example I didn't realize that people from healthy families are not overly afraid of being assertive, because they are operating with the baseline assumption that most conflicts CAN be resolved 🤯🤯🤯

[@websurfer5772]

Excellent points. I feel similarly and I sometimes wonder what healthy relationships look like.

[@Vercanya]

This is an excellent video on the differences between healthy & dysfunctional families. Unfortunately I recognise more of the dysfunctional traits in my family.

[@ohdarling6657]

I only realised my familly was bad after i met my husband's familly. Now my parents are not part of my life, but i couldnt be more happy with the actual loving familly i got from my in-laws and their parents

[@sleepingwithcats5121]

For 4 years now I've been religiously watching a show called, " family " , from 1976. Kristy McNichol might ring a bell for a lot of people. What a healthy, wonderful family with amazing parents , caring brother.... aiding me through the past few years and woke me up a little more into knowing what a good family should look like. Reinforcing what I know is a sound and good family.

[@Lex_Koncord]

Only 2 types of families - dysfunctional families and families with dysfunctions. Healthy family = family with dysfunctions. Members are aware of their issues and problems and can represent themselves to their family, while their family members are aware of the issues and have grace for each other. Just to help those with guilt and shame - all of us have issues and problems. It's how they are handled is if they are considered "healthy" or not.

[@rosel9785]

Super helpful. The descriptions of the dysfunctional family describe exactly my family of origin. I appreciated you listing the characteristics of both functional and dysfunctional families. I had to learn this and am still learning. Concise, packed full of information, super helpful. Thank you

[@jerrywise]

I'm really glad the video was helpful to you, you are very very welcome

[@JustMe-bl4lb]

Thank you very much for this comparison functional vs. dysfunctional family. It's really essential for who was grown up in a toxic family. You don't know how a normal family is like. Thank you again 🙏

[@SunnyDays70s]

This video is gold for me. I am now convinced beyond a shadow that I come from a narcissistic family system. My parents ruined my aspirations to marry to a Godly man when I was in my twenties and turned around to blame me saying ‘maybe we could have supported you if you didn’t dishonour us’- yet/ I never did! In their narcissistic minds they thought I did because I wanted to marry someone outside of the approval of the super self system. I am SICK at how they ruined my life and then blame me! SICK PEOPLE!

[@Goldenheart2911]

Excellent video Jerry. 👏💪☺️ One thing that really stood out to me was your description of a cult. Through our healing and learning to set boundaries, say no and trust in our own thoughts and intuition we begin to see things with greater clarity. This cult-like mentality can be found, felt and seen not only in dysfunctional families but also in local and online communities, organizations and affiliations. In these situations a person's vulnerabilities, loneliness and desire to be seen and accepted are being used to lure them into and keep them attached to these unhealthy environments, sources and situations. This is another reason why self love, care and healing are such an important and necessary part of maintaining and preserving our continued physical, emotional and spiritual health and safety. If something doesn't feel right it's probably not and it's always ok to recognize that and leave.💛

[@jerrywise]

100% This is why the moment you are able to recognize emotional dysfunction and enmeshment it becomes clear that it is everywhere. eventually it becomes clear that we no longer should aim to change the dysfunction but to know how to resist it, this is achieved with self differentiation. This is true for any system, from the smallest biological one on up to society itself etc. A healthy organism or system is healthy not because it's lack of interaction with dysfunction but by knowing how to effectively resist it and not be impacted by it.

[@Goldenheart2911]

@@jerrywise Love this Jerry I have missed your videos. We can't change the world but we can change how we respond to it and how we involve ourselves and interact in it.💛 Have a great day ☀️

[@rupinderh01]

14:00recognize when they/we are over functioning (over productive) 'im doing too much, i needc to calm down and relax'

[@etaokha4164]

Raising my kids in a healthy way

[@kmartin2988]

I'm grateful someone even still has a clue :-)

[@gunillasveningsson7106]

Experienced that it is the state of mind within the person with personality syndrome that sets the moment wuther the daily problem solving with the daily same problem is going to be something fun or a bad experience.

[@debbiejahnke8724]

Good points. I think I’m capable of the healthy side but I’m doing it on my own just to get a feel for it.

[@brownqty4u]

This is really informative. I have suffered for years with both of my dysfunctional families. After my mom passed away, my first family of twelve was already a mess and never recovered. My step-dad is only there for his children. My second family with my dad. I was also the stepchild of six, adopted by a step mother, and being only the girl. Now my dad is gone, and I am struggling to bounce back or move forward.

[@websurfer5772]

They can throw you off course, but you can both bounce back and move forward. I like to tell myself that I will reset to happy and healthy even after I get pushed off my center. As long as we keep doing that, we're gonna be fine.

[@brownqty4u]

@websurfer5772 I have to detox just from being around any of them. Now my Narc stepmother is in mid late Alzheitmers. She's making sure everything is centered around her and using her purse power on the weakest links.

[@websurfer5772]

@@brownqty4u Sorry to hear that. Hang in there and you will get through it.

[@brownqty4u]

@@websurfer5772 Thanks, I appreciate the support.

[@jerrywise]

Thank you for sharing. I hope my videos can help you heal and self differentiate. You deserve a better healthy future. Sending strength and love your way

[@marekm9647]

Dziękujemy.

[@lisabrooks844]

Sooo, my family growing up scored a 0 out of these 11 traits. We didn't have one of these traits, not one. In fact, we were the complete opposite of this.....yelling, cussing, accusing, slamming doors, threatening, name calling, physical assaults, pure hatred and sabotage.... We put the "fun" in dysfunction.

[@Poptartsthatareplain101]

Wow 4:00 took the words right out of my mother’s mouth.

[@Return2Peace]

Very helpful information. I didn’t even know #1 existed until I removed contact and started that process in my own life.

[@tiadobi6932]

Pure Gold Jerry. This is True Ministry.

[@jerrywise]

Thank you Tia, I'm glad it was helpful

[@user-qi8kc8jk1l]

So true

[@monisantini-kelly6581]

My mom mostly resonates with point #5

[@Jamieoo77]

Great video!

[@jerrywise]

Glad you enjoyed it

[@englishwithteacheradgie4699]

I love your videos. So helpful!!!

[@jerrywise]

Glad you like them!❤️

[@adrianadelassereed]

Thank you for this video, Jerry!!! With this information, "I get the memo!" While it is so useful to get to know deeply the toxic dynamics in the psychological and relational realms, it is also very necessary to understand what is healthy. This will allow us to get the full picture, as this video shows. May I suggest more videos on what is healthy, please? My best wishes to you and your team!!!

[@sage9836]

Yes to this. Glad you said it. I think descriptions of health are so helpful. Also, for some reason, these descriptions are relaxing to listen to.

[@malwads1836]

@@sage9836 That's because healthy nontoxic environments are relaxing😊.

[@Sarah_wondemagen222]

I grew up in a dysfunctional family and its so accurate haha 😅

[@sunnyadams5842]

Jerry, you are a rare treat!

[@dreamiedips8624]

Thank you so much ❤

[@lambchop6278]

Hi Jerry, Excellent information as always. I did want to ask... When you discuss, at point #8, not taking mistakes personally for BOTH parties involved: what if figuring out the boundary between being too sensitive or selfish versus when another is being too sensitive and selfish (taking it personally) is, rather, the hard part to figure out... ? - I have had this experience. I believe I've figured it out, but only after years of being pushed to doubt my self and take on others' burdens. That is, I wasn't conscious of this blurring of my boundaries and it had a real effect on me for a number of years. Edit: Also, I wanted to add that the simple task of trying (needing) others to get past an 'All or Nothing' perception, when they just can't, and are hyper touchy... It's impossible. Even just discussion is impossible. In fact, there is a real lack of understanding to begin with. And instead a need to have power and a glee in having power over. I find that a dysfunctional family lives by a kind of severe punishment and uses shaming of the person. They don't know how to forgive and as such there is a hypocritical ' It's ok for me but not for you' self righteous approach, which they dress up as 'righteousness'. ...Indeed, what you identified as a Codependent's swinging in "The Pendulum Life" describes too well my experience and my struggle to get a sense of healthy stuck among people who keep reinforcing an All or Nothing model for how to be in the world. I suffered years of an anxiety disorder because I felt so flawed and that I had to constantly watch I didn't make a mistake... It took being among the first true Functional Family, an amazing group of work colleagues (who demonstrated for the first time to me a number of traits you list in this video of a functional family) for me to at last break away from crippling social anxiety that saw me unable even to work. I then stopped looking for faults all within my self (too much) and began to identify all the ways in which my family are flawed. And I've been doing this ever since. Finally awake to what I thought was normal but which isn't healthy. I made an excellent breakthrough over a year ago, that involved a sort of putting to rest of the doubts put into me by a parent (and strengthened by my family who largely followed his lead). I believe it also was not so much my taking it too personally, as my parent actively exploited my self doubting for years. ...Reading that last sentence: I guess I just said it was both, then! 🤯 ...Still, there is the struggle for so long to simply get out of the negative conditioning of that environment. Perhaps I had to go through all that in order to get to the other side. ...But I wish it had not been so gruelling. So many years wasted under a cloud of Self Loss. ...I was also awake on some levels, but I had no sense of HOW to cure my self. Just as I knew cognitively that my family were dysfunctional, but I could not translate this so as to incorporate it into how I lived. I had helped my self in one way significantly, but wasn't aware of other wounds I was carrying still, just that they existed. And i I didn't know how to fix them either. Sometimes I feel overwhelmed and deflated by how much of my life has been lived so unconsciously and so helplessly. I also haven't been able to hide said unconsciousness and helplessness...it's shown up all to well. Tough not to feel some shame over this.

[@SidLamar]

This is very good advice. Ty🌻

[@kareemmohammed5270]

wow! you hit this one right on the nail Jerry, resonates, much appreciated as always.

[@brendaholiday2634]

Bingo! Thanks for articulating so well as to these dynamics.

[@nt6911]

This was really helpful thank you ❤

[@Sarah_wondemagen222]

Hey Jerry! Im from israel and i enjoying listening to your videos! It helps me a lot and encourage me through my healing journey! Thanks you so much 😊🙏🏽

[@felixgonzalez6466]

You really know your stuff. Cheers

[@phyllisbeasley4446]

This video is priceless! Thank you Mr. Wise.

[@margaritayianni2059]

Great video, massive thank you!

[@jerrywise]

You’re very welcome, I’m glad you enjoyed it

[@gregwinsell1404]

Thank you for another awesome video! I highly related to a ll traits within my family of origin.

[@jennylynn82173]

Jerry, Thank you! Excited to listen and absorb :)

[@jerrywise]

Thanks for listening

[@berenicer.ortega3691]

Love the contents!.really Wise

[@jerrywise]

I'm glad you enjoyed the video!

[@freeandfabulous4310]

Brilliant and so very helpful!

[@jerrywise]

Glad it was helpful!

[@joshua255860]

Excellent

[@jerrywise]

Thank you Joshua, i'm glad it was helpful

[@darialo8740]

Loved the video. Thank you, Jerry

[@jerrywise]

Glad you enjoyed it

[@brinta19]

Very Good Channel. Thankyou 🙏🏼

[@jerrywise]

So nice of you

[@kachka2983]

"Honor your father father and mother"... what about "parents, do not provoke your children to wrath"... both verses are in the bible smh

[@silethaking279]

Great video…I feel like I’m on the right path!!❤️

[@jerrywise]

Wonderful! Thanks for watching!

[@annikatan378]

... Thank you. There are times I just wanted to lie down and be gone with it, as I realise growing up I had always wanted to fix conflicts within the family, but the only thing that keeps holding me back is GOD in secret.

[@sumina8653]

Hello Jerry, thanks for another gem video. Makes so much sense & good to focus on healthy ways to function, relate. Gives one hope. Recovery can feel like a very lone struggle & finding that sense of belonging has so far eluded me. There are so many different healing modules out there it is difficult to know what works & what is appropriate. If only it could have been like this. Being among toxic people, institutions included dysfunctional toxic people is so exhausting but it seems a facet of modern culture. Gabor Matte addresses this in his latest book, "the myth of normal" healing in a toxic culture. I wonder what you think of this? I am to look at your self love video now as you state this is so essential first & to reparent ourselves. Healthy self love that is as distinguished from Narcissism. Blessings & thanks as always.

[@Chris-dw7gq]

Fabulous list and well explained. Love it! Thank you. Too bad most families or folks are not healthy. All we need is love and acceptance! Down with counterfeit love. Self love , trust, open communication, responsible, being valued and accepted is the way to be. Calm is great.

[@malwads1836]

Exactly it blew my mind once I realized just how many people out there are toxic in various ways😳🤯.

[@moscowcowboy_13]

I feel like honor your father and mother means don't do anything terrible to damage their reputation, honor them by behaving properly to others. Everyone has parents so it applies to all of us. After 40+ years of this abuse from my family everything my abuser does cuts me deeply and adds to my existing wound, kind of like peeling the scab off before the wound heals which just leaves a scar and a part of me that will never return to normal again. It feels like the only reason I am a "part" of my family is to be a punching bag and scapegoat for the others, so they can continue on pretending like everything is normal. The problem is not them it has always been me, of course. They are perfect. Just the thought of having to be around them or interact with them makes my stomach ball up in knots immediately. Everything about them is full intensity and massive blaming and shaming. The evil husband to my mom is the most effed up and mentally ill person I have met, other than someone in a hospital, and he refuses to admit it and he dumps all his toxicity on the family and it is completely overwhelming. He is a liberal Democrat who lives in a constant state of fear and alternates from upset to full on rage fits apparently without any control of himself, like a baby throwing a tantrum and kicking and screaming while shitting itself. My poor mother has no clue that she has turned into the monster, which is her husband and she hates him but feels compelled to defend him. It makes me literally sick, I have several auto immune disease which has become quite debilitating at times, with swelling, bloating, inflammation, arthritis, asthma (I have to wake up in the middle of the night and breath because I start choking on all the mucus my body creates in response to my traume), I have gone from an extrovert to someone who avoids contact with people altogether. It makes me feel lonely and unfixable, my poor wife has to constantly listen to my reactions and fears. She has to tell me when I need to go relax and be alone for a while.

[@salguzman802]

Thanks so much Jerry Wise best buddy for another wonderful video🥳❤️😏😏, I know you probably was thinking about a situation what we talked about a few weeks ago, about Cults as religion and family 👪 Keep up the good work my friend😏👍

[@jerrywise]

Thank you Sal

[@salguzman802]

@@jerrywise awwwww you're welcome 😊 🙏 😏

[@jacintamcpadden7258]

We need to work hard to do our best at school to get A HONOUR it comes from alot of hard work and giving our best . HONOUR IS EARNED not demanded so I was told when I was hit with that Bible quote.

[@madeleinegrayson8372]

It's amazing how hard the dysfunctional family will defend itself when you begin to set boundaries and call them out. They band together, attack. They claim e very family is like ours, lol. Nope. Every family has issues, but not every family used humor as a weapon and marinates in addiction, narcissistic behavior and enabling one another. Even if that did describe every other family, it doesn't make it OK. I'll take being an orphan over that.

[@Katywampus1158]

I had no idea.

[@kadirramazn]

None of these traits had in my family. I was a golden child and then scapegoated for being fat. Shaming, controlling, persecuting everything created CPTSD - Depression - Trauma. A careless father, a narcissistic mother; There you go.

[@DSS712]

4:46 "Functional families support the members' goals and aspirations" What sucks is that dysfunctional families can be REALLY skilled at making you think they are doing this when they aren't. They can do this thing where they project what they consider to be "acceptable" goals onto you, or at the very least, warp your goals into versions of it that they prefer. Then, they praise you for "pursuing your goals" when in actuality they aren'r actually your goals. For example, with my parents, they would constantly push my siblings and I commodify our hobbies and passions. It would always start with genuine praise for our passions, but that praise would soon change to pressure to turn that passion into a full time career, and then the final stage would always end with us being shamed and told that the reason we struggle financially is a direct result of not trying hard enough to turn our passions into careers.

[@Viyan48]

Is there any possibility for a person who grew up in a dysfunctional family to create a healthy love relationships and a family ? Please talk about it

[@jerrywise]

Absolutely yes. My whole channel is dedicated to help people who grew up in dysfunctional families heal their relationship with themselves and create healthy adult relationships with others

[@malwads1836]

Many of us already have or are in the process of creating our own healthy families, that's why so many of us are in this community🌞👍🏻.

[@annas1873]

I just Got Divorced with Narcissists 😂🎉😢 Thank you Jerry

[@annas1873]

I Am freeeeeeeeeeee

[@annas1873]

Thank you so much Jerry

[@annas1873]

I got This

[@justrosy5]

Now, replace "family" with "church family" or "work family" or "national family" or or or. Friends, we're screwed. We have got to fix that. We can't fix the problem-people causing all this trouble, but we can stay away from them and band together with the concept in mind of actually being healthy towards each other. I really don't know what else to ask for or suggest. Something's gotta pop though. Narcissists will always band together and defend each other, because their narcissistic rules being propped up supports them. Why should they change anything about their rules when they prop their lives up so perfectly, and even excuse their behavior by way of blaming their victims? They're too busy trying to "fix" everyone around them to bother to see themselves as the problem. They are the problem and that's their problem to deal with, not ours. All we can do is walk away. One other thought: Imagine how much worse this is for people who are intellectually impaired, or so physically disabled that they can not get away at all, when their parents/guardians are narcissists. We need a program that finds and helps them out of those situations.

[@adrianalondon]

🙏🙏🙏

[@poiewhfopiewhf]

Thank you Jerry, do you have any gross estimation as to how many families are functional vs. dysfunctional? Even which label would accurately describe more than half of families?

[@jerrywise]

I don’t want to just make up an estimation, however I will say that i genuinely believe every single human and family on earth can benefit from my videos. Remember that what we consider today dysfunctional or toxic, in previous generations may have just been the norm. We now have that chance to heal and create a better world for ourselves and future generations. We are always advancing as humans, I am grateful we have the opportunity in today’s world to access and discuss these important topics.

[@poiewhfopiewhf]

@@jerrywise Yeah I guess you kind of answered it there. I know that ultimately it shouldn't matter if an issue in one's family is experienced universally or is a particularly severe and specific case, it is a problem that requires the same solution either way. But still I want to know how common it is for families to be so dysfunctional

[@hpholland]

8:07 😂weenus Sorry

[@irinamladenoska7539]

💜

[@jerrywise]

❤️

[@zeusaegiduchos2981]

Does anyone has a link that explain the "Family Super Self"? Is it something spiritual, an entity of its own or a system of learned behaviours? Would there be such a thing such as a "Corporate Super Self" or a "Nation Super Self"? When I was 19 I got forced by my father to work in a corporate office with people much older than me. I didn't fit in, I didn't want to fit in. There was a lot of expectations regarding how to dress, what music to listen too, what car to drive. There was no place for individuality. People didn't even like the fact that I am vegan. I felt I ended up in some sort of sect. People who work there where all the same, dress the same, etc. Being true to myself seemed to really disturb them. People expected me to portrait a certain image. For me it was just a job but it seems that a lifestyle was imposed toward me. If I would have bought a pickup truck they would have made a fuss about it because it would not look sophisticated enough. If I would wear skater pants they would make a fuss. If I would say that I love Pink Floyd but dislike Celine Dion, another fuss. I was constantly labelled as the weirdo. It was hell. The company is called Bell Canada, worst place in the world to work. That was in 1996 and I am still traumatized.

[@vanessanesener4028]

🌹

[@lanakosmo6023]

❤🙏🏻😍

[@user-ur5fo9sf6k]

when you have 11/11, jesus christ. help me god 🙏

[@needsmorecowbell1758]

Wow. All you’re listing…is opposite for me

[@mrskmonster]

Do these families exist?

[@malwads1836]

Of course...It just tends to sound like a fairytale when you've unintentionally normalized toxicity & dysfunction is all.Also once you become educated & start healing quite a bit...You realize that there's actually a lot of toxic types of people out there.

[@madeleinegrayson8372]

They do indeed. All families and people have issues, it's the way one reacts to that and whether they're able to acknowledge that and work towards healing those issues.

[@marthac7824]

How much of the dysfunctional nature in families is generational? Like are these patterns more prevalent because “that’s just the way things were” or were there functional families back then too?

[@jerrywise]

A lot of it is generational. There can be other factors as well. We are blessed to live in a world today where there is space for this type of healing, previous generations did not have the same opportunity to do so and much of what we would call today dysfunctional was just the norm

[@soothingsleepsounds9532]

Is it worth it to try to teach my dysfunctional family this stuff?

[@jerrywise]

Probably not. What would be worth it is self-focus. Use this stuff to grow yourself not change them. Thank you for watching.

[@madeleinegrayson8372]

You'll likely find that they push back on that, ignore it or mock your efforts. These patterns run deep. I like Jerry's reply, to focus on yourself. ❤

[@tiinaheinikangas3936]

What does super-self mean?

[@jerrywise]

I recommend watching these two video: Are you your real self or are you your family super self? kzbin.info/www/bejne/n3iogGytiLJlqJY How to outgrow your dysfunctional family superself? kzbin.infoL2-NxYJCRTs?feature=share

[@323martyrstreet8]

Isn't it the very fabric of why we're a family ? We all scapegoat each other a little bit ? We all have to be the butt of the joke a little bit ?

[@jerrywise]

Absolutely not

[@malwads1836]

These behaviors are toxic/unhealthy & it's truly a shame that so many of us unintentionally normalized it before we started healing😮‍💨.It's like if you smoke just a few 🚬 on a regular basis...It's still unhealthy & bad for you ultimately.