Narcissistic Mortification: The Shattered Ego

Narcissism is a shame based disorder. The shame of being ordinary, being flawed. They have a false, distorted and fragile version of themselves, others and the world in general. They also lack humility. In order to maintain that sense of themselves reality must be rejected at all costs.
When reality cannot be ignored or denied they experience what's referred to as narcissistic mortification. This video outlines the mortification, some of the things that can cause it and the maladaptive defence mechanisms they employ to protect their ego.
If you find this video interesting please consider supporting me on Patreon or Substack
/ dfmagee
darrenfmagee.s...
#narcissism #narcissisticmortification #narcissisticrelationship

[@caroleminke6116]

You can fool some of the people some of the time, but when a narcissist finds out that he can’t fool all of the people, all of the time… run!

[@cassien7585]

Oof...overplaying their hand with the wrong people gets them everytime. It's satisfying to watch too.

[@gonegirl9114]

My new weird coworker was acting like we were on a date instead of at work. Opening doors for me and trying to buy me lunch. He even took it upon himself to clean my car windows. Nice gestures but he had ulterior motives. He asked me on a date and I told him no. He coldly told me he was just trying to be nice. Next day he brought me food he cooked and a valentine card. I refused both and told him to leave me alone. He started gas lighting me, I guess it dawned on him that I wasn’t going to be manipulated by him and I might report him, which I did. This man told me he doesn’t date coworkers and he hopes I get the help I need. Implying I had some kind of mental issues🥴

[@user-ly8ft2wb1c]

He was displaying the perfect signs of love bombing!

[@WoundedWarrior77]

It’s true nice guys finish last 😅

[@nopereradicator]

That’s so creepy. I hope your job takes this seriously.

[@andrewrees8749]

Omg that's just so crazy !

[@dylanlawrenceholland3295]

for a period in my life i became narcissistic and my behaviour led to a mortification experience. it was eye opening, and since then (5 years ago) ive cut out all that behavior. everyone has narcissistic traits but i let mine go out of hand. i was still a teenager at the time with no real world experience, but i was pulled back down to earth very quickly - and thank god. social media was like a drug to me

[@dgvfsa66]

My narc sister started her own cult by having a dozen women over every week to give her their rapt attention as she spoke on the topic of her choice. It all fell apart once they started talking amongst themselves and ignoring her. Sickening to watch.

[@VanessaDayleRaeWaggoner]

Successful cult leaders only “come down from the mountain “ to speak to their followers every once in awhile, while appointing others to be with them the rest of the time

[@user-qv9nw1dq2f]

Narcisists behave in the most shameful ways in order to avoid shame. Spot on Darren, thank you. 🙏 I love your Irish accent 😊

[@eottoe2001]

TY for the plain nonclinical talk.

[@AndrewNuttallWearsPants]

The phrase "shame-based disorder" stands out as very succinct and accurate. Flying monkeys articulate narcissists' shaming messages and narratives. Shaming tactics are omnipresent in cases of parental alienation.

[@psychicconsultant453]

I laughed at your little 'out take' at the end 😆

[@jeffreyjackson5229]

My father tried the provocation approach. I turned and walked away. As I boarded my car, peripherally I could see him just staring at me in disbelief that I didn't fall for it. I got in my car and drove off.

[@jeffreyjackson5229]

"forced to see themselves as they really are"- I have no doubt that was my now deceased narcissistic father's issue with me. Meaning, he was a deadbeat, but all of his children, particularly his sons, excluding me, still actively and consistently interacted with despite his neglect and often taking advantage of them. As I got older and saw what he was, especially his downplaying my healthy choices and successes, I distanced myself from him even the more. I have no doubt that my actions reminded him exactly of what he was, his shortcomings, and his personal failures as a father and person. I think that this really hit home for him when I never visited him in the hospital and relocated back to Tennessee having never done so.

[@Jillian15]

One thing I've discovered is that quite a few people with this disorder have youtube channels or social media. It's the perfect opportunity to grandstand and gain supply. I personally found this out the hard way. Thanks for this content it's very helpful. Blessings 🙌 from Australia

[@Dystopia2024]

You mean quite a many people...

[@susantalebzadeh9741]

Everything you just said happened in my relationship when I chose to leave after 24years…everything! My leaving did cause mortification for him and he reacted in every way you described

[@cornelia9778]

It must be hard to hold a narcissist accountable. I’ve never been able to do it even when I’ve put everything in writing. I was once told a document wasn’t accurate. When I said it’s all there in black and white she said well it’s only factually accurate. I could only laugh.

[@annie_charcheologist]

I record conversations nowadays because my sister lives off denial and distorting and is always in prosecutor mode demanding evidence (despite her rewriting history that are so far removed from reality). I suspect she would claim it was AI if I ever tried showing her - my dad had left an abusive voicemail on my phone, when I said I didn’t call back because of the abusive voicemail he claimed I created the voicemail 😂😂😂 no apology 😬 These defense behaviours are so ingrained and instantaneous. Also because verbatim the words might be ambiguous or not that bad - but tone, condescension, yelling etc adds context.

[@howyduinyall7653]

Nice one Darren, your always spot on, keep em coming.

[@tiffffffffffffffff]

When you reject a narcissist …

[@jeffreyjackson5229]

Passive aggression for certain is one of their responses when mortified.

[@carolcooks1208]

Reassuring northern Irish twang

[@treesoul00]

Most soothing dialect 🤍 there’s another channel with a southern US accent that is difficult to hear bc it’s where my dad is from but I can imagine the UK listeners probably really love his too lol thank goodness for KZbin it’s so healing.

[@dgvfsa66]

Erin go bragh!

[@frainer]

Lol😂

[@randy_cbc8811]

@@treesoul00 are you speaking of Dr Les Carter's channel?

[@prant8998]

Don’t be waiting for an apology, it’s never coming. “Waiting for Godot"

[@gregoryritchie7852]

Good information - wish I had known this years ago before I met my narcissist.

[@carolovesteven]

Yep. When all else fails-good ole shameless shame. Can’t make this stuff up.

[@caroleminke6116]

Pathological lying is an incredible feat to observe as they contort the truth to evade any responsibility… I once repeated what he’d said then gently replied It’s OK as if to a child & walked away… then I heard him go into the kitchen while muttering It’s NOT OK 🤦‍♀️

[@carolovesteven]

@@caroleminke6116 they live lies. The truth isn’t in them.

[@amandaball353]

Great video!! Thanks for sharing.

[@jeankipper6954]

Key points. I always get insights and really appreciate the confirmations and explanations of so many things I've observed. Indeed, I'm not crazy! Spoken in a lovely accent. Thanks

[@alvahynes]

Thank you

[@kathleensmith8365]

The last bit, very reassuring. You pass. 😊

[@TheDillDoe]

This was brilliant 💯🩷

[@Wendolynn_Jane]

Thank you. Best! :)

[@user-dd3ny4xb3w]

I was setting boundaries, asking questions and just like that, I was replaced with the gal he'd been having an affair with. The smear campaign (lies with a sprinkling of truth) was set in motion for months prior to my discard.

[@ricardajames5769]

Thank you for sharing. ❤

[@mptajosog]

The last time I spent anytime with one of the narcissists that I have been dealing with for years, she really thought she had control over me. She spent a whole day manipulating me.I allowed her to do it on purpose, taking notes of her behavior. It was over the top!

[@nicholecornes1915]

Yeah im not apologizing for being treated like that

[@bigm383]

My covert narcissist mother has never shown any sign of experiencing mortification. She’s always correct, even in situations where the other person is far more qualified and experienced. She seems to somehow think of those who disagree with her as complete idiots. She takes the tiniest bit of praise as others saying that she is wonderful or extraordinary.. No, no mortification for my mother.

[@lailaevans9968]

Thanks!

[@DarrenFMagee]

Thank for your kind support it means a lot 👍

[@springchick6870]

Finally understood what I was dealing with my whole life in my 50s and went no contact with my covert narcissist mother. It’s been a tough few years of healing with more to come. Relocated and needed to build /share a fence with neighbors. I quickly realized he was a narcissist by catching her in several lies. She contact a fence co. I told her I had an appt with (after telling her appts are hard to get and I had a few no shows) she moved the appt to a different day under her name. Other things as well……now HAVE to deal with this person. Taking as an opportunity to learn and heal but I am so upset about it!

[@treesoul00]

Last week I had ego death. It was brutal. I’m still working out why it hurt so much, when I had assumed I was in a higher vibe. I related to all the painful things mentioned in this video about death of the ego. I might be partially narcissistic, maybe my individualistic worldview overrides being envious of anyone idk. I’ve always been able to take a backseat to an expert. And I think all people are equally valid and inviolable. No competition except to be the best we can all be. being invalidated and having my ego die last week caused a primal self doubt, just like in childhood. It was from someone I respected telling me I was stupid and that my contribution was worthless. Which, I know I’m extremely naive and mostly uneducated so that shouldn’t have hurt so much. Maybe the deep self doubt it caused was rooted in the injustice of my culture (which feels to me like the whole world). My culture, US Protestant/Anabaptist conservative Christianity invalidates half the population for being xx even though they pretend otherwise. I think that’s why it hurt so much. Running into that deepest pain again. Maybe my inner work has reached that level. I’m not autistic (I paid for a professional assessment with a licensed psychologist) but I have a strong sense of justice. I don’t think anyone should be invalidated by any physical characteristic. Every person should be free to achieve their own personal highest capacity.

[@ginaiosef]

Well then, go for it!

[@boxelder9167]

I think my greatest downfall was being more focused on what others thought about me and not on how God sees me. When those people who I looked up to turned out to be not good people I finally realized that I had made them idols above God. So basically I was breaking the First Commandment on a regular basis. So I asked God to show me and He showed me infidelity and adultery. There I realized that is what I was doing to Him, I was unfaithful. Then I realized that I had been looking at others unfaithfulness and not my own towards God. I experienced a sorrow so deeply that it motivated me to turn completely around from the things that I was going after. God healed so much in me through that. I stopped attracting people who wanted to give some validation to get more control. Death to self is the only way back to joy.

[@Whipporwhill]

Maybe it hurt so much because that was a very rude & hurtful thing to have said to you. Being told you're stupid & your contribution is worthless seems like it's coming from a punitive place that's intended to hurt you.

[@e.1165]

The timing of your videos lately has been just incredible. My family was expelled from a nominally Presbyterian church at the beginning of March (two months ago). It has been a battle with the presbytery, who have just last week informed the minister that he is not allowed to just kick people out on a whim. (We really were ordered to leave the building!) All this started because we asked the minister to stop threatening to resign and make up his mind. Four threats of resignation and years of whimpering got to finally be enough. Just today we received a letter from the minister informing us that there were “errors in procedure.” Not even close to an apology. But we’re going back. I am expecting him to try hard to bring us down again. But I am ready. He messed with the wrong family. The church of Christ is not man’s plaything.

[@audreyandrea460]

Um, stop bullying and stalking the minister! You sound like a narcissist - this sounds like pathological envy because he is in charge and you aren’t! Why are you accusing him of “threatening” people? Threatening to resign is not a threat against other people! The minister was right to kick you out.

[@charel9399]

I'm no psychologist, but I've spent the last several years studying at "KZbin University", and am finally convinced that that I was raised in a family of narcissists, and potentially even psychopaths. My father admitted at one point that he was diagnosed a psychopath and a narcissist in prison, to which he now denies a memory of saying. I believe that I was a narcissist most of my life, until I had a moment of realization which brought me to self awareness, and in turn many changes in behavior and thought. I wonder though, is that possible? Could I have been a narcissist, and am now in recovery? Could I have never been, and simply exited the grooming? Am I just a narcissist in denial? Reflecting on my past self, I check seven of the nine criteria from the DSM-V for NPD, but currently only three

[@matikramer9648]

That's it That explains a lot

[@PenninkJacob]

But I've never seen that actually happen tho... Thank you!!!👍❤❤❤

[@SheynaVVV]

Yup. Yup. Yup.

[@tmking7483]

This could be mortification however mortification looks like darvo _ chicken or Egg. Master abusers turn it on u _ down the rabbit hole.

[@evanphillips6834]

Darren, what can you do about a narcissistic co worker who constantly makes up issues about others work and runs to the boss with these issues?

[@SassaFrass28]

Document everything, collect the evidence, & talk to the manager stating that this coworker is falsifying the performance of others & committing defamation. If the manager does not care, look for another job. The manager might be behind this coworkers’ blame game. Don’t get involved in any skirmishes. Electronic & digital records & production evidence speaks for itself. Do NOT talk to HR because they protect management & the company. You want to show an employment attorney that you and others were the victims & unable to speak up due to company retaliation of being fired. No company tolerates company nor management complaints by employees, NO MATTER WHAT THEY CLAIM.

[@symbolsandsystems]

Dan, how do you define truth... the same as reality?

[@janicefree1874]

The narcissist in my life is my DIL and she is now keeping my grandchildren from me and my husband. Our son is obviously abused by her as well. Our narcissist ruins all gatherings. She drinks heavily and as she does her behavior escalates into violent temper tantrums. She has actually threatened to family members that she will assault me if she sees me again. Our son has now been pulled into her lies and believes I have done something to hurt her so that excuses her last violent temper tantrum. We are so confused about what that could be. We believe it is a double threat to be around a drunken narcissist. She knows she can hurt us by keeping the children from us. I am heart broken.

[@audreyandrea460]

I’m sorry but none of this sounds legitimate. There is a dream-like quality to your report of your daughter-in-law’s behaviour, and you don’t share any information about what instigated the supposed “temper tantrum”. It’s clear that you hold her in contempt, and so, narcissist or not, she has every right to keep her own children away from a woman who despises her so much, no matter that you’re the grandmother.

[@janicefree1874]

@@audreyandrea460 I would have to write more than there would be room for. Her personality disorder goes back to her middle school age. She has abused the children. And she is an alcoholic. I don’t feel I need to explain to a stranger any of this. It is a living nightmare. Have a good life and be kind to others.

[@Mychannel67-wh4tc]

This happened b my family. What happened was when the child was 16 I was able to find her … she was no contact with her mother by then, now we have a good relationship. The other tip is to begin saving for your grandchildren and when they’re teenagers give them the gift .. they’ll be told you abandoned them saving the money is proof you didn’t

[@jaysilverberg]

et tu Brute? 😅

[@spaideman7850]

once, a waiter delayed to service my narc elder brother, he went into rage and almost fought with the pitiful waiter. if his ego got mortified...can't imagine what will happen..lol