Narcissistic Parents: How They Caused You to Be Confused in Life

[@jerrywise]

Finally get your family OUT OF YOU & be the true self you were never allowed to be 👇 Access my free training - jerrywise.ewebinar.com/webinar/free-training-10027 ‘Road to Self’ Program: Join 10,000+ people who have transformed their lives! www.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com/road-to-self

[@JNash317]

Thank you Jerry Wise. You are very helpful

[@sarahstrong7174]

Thankyou.

[@carolnahigian9518]

1 sibling Bully- with brother& cousin Hanky Panky-3 sibs with addiction& angry 24/7 UGH

[@akai.christo]

Life tastes different when you grow up and old been raised as a scapegoat of a narcissist parent and fooled relatives. BH Always grateful for finding you and help me on my path to healing, forgiveness and self recovery. Some more some less, but we are all tested in life, by who by what?? That’s the mystery behind the magic of life and our presence and existence in the middle of nowhere. And to stand up every time we fall and keep walking is our highest mission and purpose while we are alive. And when things are going well for us, just keep sending the right vibes to those that are still struggling. Thank you Dr. Wise… the best wishes for you and all here!!

[@pam8056]

"Rules for thee but not for me" - a narcissist's credo

[@karadiberlino]

😂😂😂❤🙏🏼 Great one!!!

[@cindybydesign]

One of my mother's favorite sayings was, "Do as I say, not as I do".

[@carolnahigian9518]

true

[@augustcanyon3438]

My grandmothers was "If I'm unhappy then everyone is going to be unhappy"

[@monongahelacats]

Yes! I always heard “do as I say not as I do “

[@dannomusic47]

1. Hypersensitive yet insensitive 2. Oppositional and yet intolerant of opposition 3. Demanding of attention but don’t reciprocate 4. Emotionally entitled yet lacking emotional intelligence 5. Quick to blame yet slow to own their own part 6. Worshipful of status and appearance but do not see their flaws 7. Needy yet depriving 8. Fuel relationships with anxiety yet resent others’ anxiety 9. Becoming anxious yet blame others for not staying calm and mature 10. Playing the victim yet demanding control 11. Demanding loyalty and love yet abandoning others 12. While always choosing the wrong they expect others to choose right

[@malwads1836]

These really are some of the worst parents a kid can get🤢🤮.

[@sll110]

​@@malwads1836Indeed in Hell

[@Ibetala]

It’s unfortunate; however it’s better than having none at all. The strength you gain from survival and the emotional intelligence you acquire from overcoming obstacles it becomes an attribute! I wouldn’t undo the process of surviving it because who you become after it is so strong, wise, reasonable, forgiving and unique.

[@karadiberlino]

@@Ibetala❤❤❤ You‘re not wrong! Well said. 🙏🏼

[@KCAtarot]

Took me a mother, sister and two ex’s to admit the truth to myself… I’m not perfect but it’s definitely them who are the source of the problem and the source of blocking the solutions. My mom is having a completely unbelievable experience since I blocked her out of my life and has started seeing how her behavior caused me to be used and abused throughout my life. Nothing motivates a sick soul like a mother’s rage I guess. It helped me to see that the only teeny tiny speck of hope for them comes from being completely and utterly abandoned by everybody that they know…. Rarely triggers that level of self-reflection in someone who so deeply hates themselves but I can’t help but hope for their healing and happiness one day.

[@alainroger-r8b]

Absolutely true, because I had narcs parents, I am confused and don't even know what I want in life. But I'll tell you this much, the world we live, the business system and job system, is very much narcissic in nature. We live in a sick society.

[@atedinahalf6288]

It's a system that rewards narcissists that's run by narcissists.

[@angelacahill9460]

Yes.

[@angelacahill9460]

​@@atedinahalf6288Bingo.

[@FroggyFrog9000]

True, the business and organisational World aids and abets narcissists and pretends they dont exist! Not one organisational code of conduct even mentions narcissism. It will change if and when you and I speak out loud.

[@lonefaolan6042]

I don’t know what I want in life either. I also had narcissistic parents. It’s getting harder not knowing what I should do to move forward.

[@Ann-eb8dp]

They are very sensitive about themselves but have no empathy for others Everything is about them

[@christinefarris6985]

When you see it, it is like deprogamming from a dang cult.

[@andriyandriychuk]

Absolutely

[@MindBodyStorm]

🎯🎯🎯🎯🎯🎯🎯

[@damionpetersen3179]

I feel like throwing up🤢🤢 this is my entire life experience

[@annamiller8871]

I find dealing with my narcissistic mother is like going to marriage counseling alone and expecting to save your marriage.

[@ginarobichaux]

Great analogy

[@frakismaximus3052]

Well said

[@v2ike6udik]

There, there, Get her vaxxinated!

[@lilc5353]

​@@v2ike6udik😂😂😂

[@CesarNostradamus-wj9uq]

Gives yo something to do I guess with no effective outcome.

[@lisasantucci8220]

They Don't See. They Don't Care. They have Been Told and Still Don't Care. They Never Apology. They Can hurt you, Disrespect you, and you are just to suck it up.

[@Imissyoulou]

Everything you said is true, but the most PROFOUND ASPECT IS, THEY DON'T CARE.

[@SandraNichols-n3p]

So true! It’s really sad

[@dianeshoemaker6591]

I have NEVER had someone point out every single one of my experiences. I have not been able to even conceptualize or articulate these things because I have been swimming and breathing in such deep, muddy confusion. This video greatly clarified the confusion and helps bring up unconscious confusion to the surface of my awareness. Wow! My husband and I are doing another online program, but after we complete, I am very interested in participating in one of your online programs. Thank you so much Jerry!

[@bachtube11]

Narcissistic Parents do a lot harmful things to their children. I struggled with tehm but fortunatele I got financial and emotional independent of them. When i visited them only on Birthdays and Chrismas they complained tht they se me so seldom, and eventually they confronted me, that they thougt that i am so different, that they sometimes think I am not their son. Wen the said that I answered that genetics mix genes in unpredictabel ways so that chlidren are sometimes seemingly wider from the stam, then usually expected, I somtimes felt that they re not mey parents, but after longer thinking I found a lot of similalities. Even much more similarities than differences, but some differences are so striking, that they make forget the similarities. After all we as family are more similar than any other people in the world, only the few diffences make us blind for seeing the similarities. That answer calmed them down. My father was not so narcistic but he learned some philosophy and parenting methods from conservative friends and neighbours. Thea said: Parant ahve to decide everything for the children, because they know bettter, and the chlidren have to obey, then everythig will go well. Authoritarian parenting methods are often not distinguishable from narcisstic behavior. My mother was the more (coverd) narcisstic part who influnced and controlled and manipulated my father too. But she had not only bad characteristics. The 4 best things she did to me was: 1. having much patinece in helping me to learn writing in primary school. I had problems, and it was very important and crucial for my later career. 2. encouraging me to learn for a entrance test for a highscool, which I passed Ok. 3. finding a tutor and pay him to teach me better english. That was very crucial for my later career too. 4. encouraging me to imariculate to a technical highscool for engineers in Austria. give me money to pay a mathematic tutor, as I had problem in maths. After overcomig all problems I had a sucessfull career as engineer. I thank my narcistic mother who helped me, perhaps not because she saw my needs,, but rather she did help me, because she was ambitious and wanted to be pround of a successful son. That did not work with my brother because he was less talented and didnt make a highschool. After all she likes my less talented but narcisstic brother more then me (despite his lack of talent he made a successful career in residential building. After all you might say: she may have had the wrong motivation, but did the right things. But here is the twist: I couldnt get chldren with my wive, but my Brother had a son. And my nephew grew up and was sucessful in school tlll he was about 14. But from there on he learned less and less and didnt finish higschool. My mother as his grandmother did interfere much in the parenting methods of my brother and his wive. The things she did well for me went wrong for my nephew. Terrible wrong!!! He could not satisfy the career plans of his parents and grandma (my ma) and decided to quit from the meritocracy. He didnt learn much and his father arranged a apprenticeship as elecrican for him. But he hidn like that. His father ignored my advice to let himself decide what he wants to learn. He said: "I am his father, I know what he needs, he just has to obey then everything will go well, its all for his best" For me the decision my parents made (sending me to highschool and learn engineering) was good, but for my nephew It waa traumatic to see that he is not able to finish higschool. And when he was sent as Apprentice to learn electric wiring he waited to his 18th bihday and then sad goodby to electric wiring. His parent searched for othe work for him but he quitted every job after maximum 3 weeks. Now 20 year later he he had enver worked mor than 6 weeks a year mostly utterly nothing. He lives in a flat payed by his grandmother and from money from government and his mother. Long ago he made a last attemtp to learn something for a job. He was sent to a computer programming course. As a computer expert I offerd him to help him to learn. and we met 3 times and I taeched him some things he would need for learning programming computers. But after 3 weeks he quitted the course, as he did always with every school or job before. Some yers ago I confronted my nephew that he is living on the work of others and does not contribute anything to society. He answered to me scoffingly: "I pity you, because you work!" For me that was the last drop that made the barrel spill over. I reacted in anger and told him, I dont want to see him any longer. He left the family party, and his father told me, that he wants to see me not any longer too, because I disdained his son, and he and his wive left the party too! Even my mother told me, she does not want to see me any more, because I disdained her beloved gandson! (but she forgot that later ;-) Meanwhile I have seen my nephew several times accidentaly while visiting my mother, but I talked little with him, and I have no ambitions to meet him often. So far this is no problem to me, but my brother does not talk to me still, and is avoiding me as I am still avoiding his son. I see no reason to apologise, nor does my nephew or my brother. I dont feel comfortable in this Situation, but I see no way to change that.

[@demonicusa.k.a.theblindguy3929]

This is exactly what helps me the most. Once one or more of the things I feel are given labels I can work on them.

[@RonSafreed]

Dianne, my narc. parents ran off 5 differnet young women my older half-brother was dating over a period of time!! They all loved & liked my half-brother but wanted nothing to do with mom & dad after meeting them the first time!! Sad to say this half-brother of mine never got married & had a woman after these 5 good young women that gave him hepatitis that affected his health the rest of his life!!

[@suzannebunbury2961]

❤👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻🏆

[@ThatFont]

Not every adult deserves to be a parent, but every child deserves a loving parent.

[@brendaplunkett8659]

True. Professor Sam Vaknin did a great video on that. "Cluster B's should not be allowed to be parents."

[@ThatFont]

@@brendaplunkett8659 Straight people need to get themselves together, then.

[@CesarNostradamus-wj9uq]

When you look at the fact that 20-40 percent of executives are either a psychopath or narcissist. You can confirm all the wrong people are having kids.

[@Cherrybee61]

I feel like I was set up for failure. Are these people even human?

[@danhayek]

This is like reading a profile of my father. It is such an exhausting dynamic, being constantly asked to give attention and having so little of my voice heard.

[@Chris-2-of-3]

Same here about dad.

[@styracosaurusqvt4841]

My father too on nearly every point.

[@voltjutsu]

Both my parents passed with flying colors 😢

[@herecomesthesun7180]

Voice is so little heard that the ability to hear your own voice can disappear altogether. Until you decide enough is enough

[@AshleyJeffries-e8d]

Exactly this. Trying to quit mine, but the guilt and shame are strong.

[@RonSafreed]

Recently, I have met a 49 year old man at a shopping mall begging for money! He told me for the last 16 years he has only gotten temporary work & after talking about his work history & it was evident both his parents were narcissists!! The parents were vendors at a flea market & they never cared about his future & an attitude, "you are on your own, just like my narcissistic parents!! THEY NEVER HELP THEIR KID GET AHEAD IN LIFE!! IN MY TEENS I WAS NOTHING BUT A "CHORE BOY" TO DO CHORES AROUND THE HOUSE!!

[@melinarodriguez8395]

Yes, me too. When I became conscious of it I pointed it out to my father once, that he only talked to me to ask for stuff and he was very much offended, as both my parents always are, you can never tell them anything , it was only me that was wrong and I felt eternally indebted to them

[@robertmcgirr401]

You are not alone. It's like we are here only to help them achieve their wants, their dreams but other than that it's like be a good boy go lay down in the corner and be quiet till I need you to do something for me.

[@SusanLlewellyn-pp2xn]

Mine set up.barrier after barrier after barrier 😢..then laughed at us. No financial support whatsoever.. Bare necessities, if that, growing up...very little in the way of food...we were all so very thin...yes, I had 2 Nparents..resentful of us...and decided since we ruined their lives by existing..they would ruin ours...

[@CesarNostradamus-wj9uq]

Yep my parents stole my lawsuit money from when I almost died from a skateboarding accident and had to learn to walk again and taught myself the 4th grade. Then my mom stole my inheritance when my dad died. I did bankruptcy from diverticulitis (probably caused by narcissistic parents) and when I asked for help she said the 6 million she got from my dad was not enough. Then for the last 14 years my uncle Peter Wallace and brother john Wallace have been paying people to gang stalk and torture me so I kill myself.

[@MarianneExJohnson]

It's like being underwater and needing to swim to the surface, but not knowing which way is up, or that up even exists. You meet people who are confident and at ease, and you can't even imagine how they can pull that off.

[@Fullspeed18]

My mother, especially, didn't teach me anything useful, apart from putting the blame, the shame and a lot of doubts, fears and anxiety on me, every single day, for literally nothing. She was hyper critical, I was never doing the right thing and I was never doing it in the right way, or up to her standard.

[@ronmills6244]

My father never taught me anything, period. Apparently, I just wasn't worth it. It caused me to have so many insecurities, self doubts, basically no foundation to carry into early adulthood.

[@Fullspeed18]

@@ronmills6244 I can understand you!

[@Fullspeed18]

Apart from gd manners and 1st impressions, that had to be immaculate, the rest was only a lot of confusion!

[@sll110]

same evil person

[@marcelasotakova637]

You are talking about my mother as well😂 Exactly the same.

[@jessicaabbott10]

#1 is so true; they’re hypersensitive over what people think OF THEM, but could hardly give a crap about you.

[@DoNkEyShOt]

Being wise while being exhausted from depression. I give my best.

[@02drpyro]

He just described both my father and mother to an absolute T. I’m in my 50s still trying to recover from narcissistic abuse from both parents and all older siblings. Only now through KZbin’s algorithms am I finding videos such as this that serve as therapy for me and help me to understand what was happening to me. I am now coming to understand the processes that kept me depressed and confused for the greater part of my life and only over the last few years have I had some semblance of true happiness. Both my parents suffered untimely deaths. I would have to say that they both received precise karma in the way they left this world. Let that be a warning to anyone reading this comment. We are all accountable for our actions and how we treat others.

[@marinvidovic763]

I think ... It very unlikely that both parents are NarciSSistic.. ... as a Narcissist is a manipulator and a predator that is WILLING to colonise ( for deeper " engagement) only those with week boundaries : ... rejected people ...not so nice looking charmers ... empaths ... delusional victims of idealistic Movie/ Gav. propaganda ...etc... ...etc. and narcissist will not tolerate another narcissist more then few weeks. (* So... yep... open gor discussion. ) But what is more often in modern society is - that * a Narcissistic parent (mostly ... = $he ) takes over children... based on huge Charm, charisma , publicly projected and created false persona ... and * huge FINANCIAL and Logistic backing ... from certain Cult SUPERSTRUCTUREs (* That wants to se denise of family and other traditional structures)... So... dont be surprised - it is much often that One parent is a VICTIM of Narcissistic entirled Family Deviant cult.

[@SuzkaMares]

Wow! Thank-you for sharing. I have the same family dynamic. Praying for resolution

[@LR-yu3mx]

All the same in my life. Both were narcissists and I their scapegoat. Sad I learn it now, in my old age while they are both dead. Want to go and kick their tombstone.

[@ellie698]

Same here

[@ellie698]

One of my parents is in their 90's... Keeps saying they keep going for *our* benefit. But tbh we all just want that person to be out of our lives for good so that we can be free of their toxicity at last ☹️

[@BlitzenSpeaks]

Neither of my parents tried to prepare me for the real world. They wanted me under their thumb. No one else's! They divorced when I was five, and fought constantly for me; just to hurt each other. They didn't care about me! Neither did my half Brothers! They hated me! But it would be years before I truly saw it. (Both were passive aggressive as hell!) My mom didn't want me having friends, or getting married! She saw my savings as her money, not mine!

[@randallfox4265]

At 57 I find this . Thank God the Lord didn’t give up on my messed up life.

[@rahrahrobbbieee]

Right there with you.

[@RonSafreed]

Hey, I am 68 & all my life did not know anything about narcissism!!

[@honeyand_sunshine]

My mom literally would say “do as I say, not as I do. I’m not perfect.” Yeah no kidding woman.

[@ZooxMaze]

At least she was honest

[@AngelaTheDoll444]

"Demanding loyalty and love, yet abandoning others." Check. ✔️

[@lynndurbin9476]

Little kids are quick to forgive in order to stop the abuse, not be abandoned, hopeful of a trinket of acceptance. Sad thing is I can see generational through this and sorry to say some of these in myself.

[@DobermanLover]

I agree with everything you wrote. It kills me when I recognize very unhealthy narc behaviors (that were demonstrated to and perpetrated on me) in myself. I was deeply disappointed when I realized this. I am praying there is hope for me to work past them. I take a little bit of comfort in the fact that I have recognized the dysfunction. Self awareness is a good place to start.

[@WeAreNot4Sale]

You are not alone! You are a good person when you recognise this in your behaviour...the fact that you want to change means you are not stuck! God is working with you, to help you. Im a parent and i see that at times ive had Narcissistic traits but i then felt so much guilt. Only true narcissists have zero empathy. I think 100% narcs would never even be sorry.

[@boethius1812]

They say it's incurable, but it's not true. I was a bad narc and have made much improvement. I'm much less narcissistic now.

[@swiftkarma4436]

This followed me into my years and I always forgave horrible men. I only had 1 good man and my narc dad destroyed that relationship and I was too scared/weak to do anything😢. I haven't found another good man since.

[@carlocharisma9871]

My parents never taught me anything about life besides staying dependent on them. It did not really work and now they resent me and tell everybody what a bad and selfish person I am.

[@beckeredward14]

#5 is the absolute worst. It is called a lack of accountability. My narc mother NEVER accepted responsibility for any harm she did to others. Not slow. Simply not at all ever.

[@aaronwright6058]

Thank you for this! I’ve been confused my whole life. It affected my schooling, relationships, and careers.

[@littlebobbie11]

My kids are just entering adulthood finally able to begin to sort things out. What advice would you give to help them see how this might influence them in relationships etc.

[@brawndo8726]

@@littlebobbie11 are you a narcissist? Best advice is stop trying to control them long enough to figure out who they want to be and then help them to become it.

[@jamesquick403]

​@@brawndo8726⁷

[@perdidoatlantic]

You should make a vid about this same family but where the parent (s) use poverty to control and punish the children. Even if they’re not poor. No food in the house. Poor house in poor neighborhood. No new clothes. Raised like destitute soon-to-be orphans. And told it’s the children’s’ fault.

[@livelystones7773]

OMG this!!! Then I found out decades later she was always sending money back to her family every month without fail, especially to her brother in her home country, even though he was working in a good job in a good economy , while we lived in poverty. Apparently he used the money to fund his playboy lifestyle of multiple women while she screamed at us that we should eat bread when we asked for anything.

[@thediver123]

I remember my narcissistic parents calling me up and questioning my life choices because basically I wanted my own life and just wanted to live it the way that I had dreamed.

[@SamsungGalaxy-nm5qt]

When I moved out, we had LAN lines and call blocking was a new feature. First peson I call blocked was my mother. She had to call my roommate and leave a message, which usually wouldn't make it to me because my roomie was not my personal secretary. 😂

[@TheTheologeek]

OMG. My parents constantly talk about my normal life choices as "freedoms" they "allowed" me, and speak of my life as a failure due to my "seeking freedom". For doing things like ... going to college, getting my own apartment, and having a handful of friends.

[@elizabethl6187]

Ohh yeah. When I first moved out, I just avoided answering the phone. After a few months, my mother sent me an answering machine. Mom and Dad would just call me occasionally to remind me how disappointed they were. Sometimes Mom would provoke a fight… but I could hang up! 😅 Any time I returned home, each parent wanted to know that they could still make me cry. What was our relationship even based on??

[@nicselectronics81]

Chopped my legs off, took years to just stand on my feet and build any semblance of a normal way of living.

[@AbyssalManta]

To summarize, Rules for thee, but not for me. They can't take what they dish out. Huge hypocrites.

[@Neko_Shufflin]

Exactly! They are so demanding of everything! Then when youre filled with anxiety then judge and harass you for having anxiety. Grey rocking is the only solution, dont show any emotions to them, you cannot be vulnerable around them. I feel so bad for everyone who weren't able to be kids as kids

[@styracosaurusqvt4841]

My father judges me for having anxiety, yet when he’s anxious is entitled to express it however he wants, especially by lashing out at others (in his family, or service people who don’t respond fast enough).

[@rosettesionne9139]

Double standart, is a classique naricissistique behavior.

[@rosettesionne9139]

@@joannad8047 Treating someone the way you yourself will never want to be treated and expecting special treatments from people without reciprocity

[@gojiberry7201]

My former best friend was a flaming narcissist. I wonder about his parents. He was an only child and the parents were very strange -- they appeared to be absolutely perfect from the outside. They lived in two houses, and their big house in the mountains was like a museum. It was spotless. When I came over, the mother would wheel out a perfect breakfast on a trolley and serve us all. MUCH later I learned that his father was dysfunctional and left the family, and the mother drank a lot. You would never know.

[@inchristalone25]

A lot of toxic shame when everything looks fine on the surface, but is super dysfunctional on the inside.

[@SculptExpress-gv8jp]

Dysfunctional is normal, perfection is not; we are only human. However, that doesn’t mean that efforts towards having , beautiful and welcoming disposition means that there is something sinister there. Let’s not go overboard. It could be sign of narcissism, but most of the time is just natural human effort to do the best possible. And that’s good. I’ve seen narcissists living in a pigsty, but they barely cared (and definitely would never support any critical opinion about it!).

[@gojiberry7201]

​@@SculptExpress-gv8jpMy former best friend was certainly a narcissist. Whether that came from his parents or not, who knows. But he was a monster. He got offended when other people would talk instead of him. He considered himself a superior being because some incredibly high IQ (that's probably fictional). He was offended when his parents wouldn't buy him a two-story, four-bedroom house with a pool (for just him). He refused to work due to a pain disorder and bragged about how his pain was worse than a woman in labor (biological HE). He would freak out over any slight perception of criticism. He was also a racist, an elitist, and called straight people "unaesthetic" (anything he wasn't, was inferior to him). He only bought designer clothes off his mother's wallet and gossiped badly about others, constantly backstabbing them. One day he did the classic narcissistic discard by moving away and ghosting me after 11 years of "friendship" where we did everything together. I was in therapy for a long time due to this guy.

[@SculptExpress-gv8jp]

I am sorry to hear that. Narcissists are so disgustingly self absorbed. Their curse is following them to the very end of life as they can’t take it to become old and insignificant. Sending hugs and good wishes in finding better humans out there.

[@williamsaloka9043]

I had a clear direction for my life but my parents pretty much interfered in every way. That was in my early 20's, I'm 63 now. Things did work out for me in the long-run, but they really threw wrenches in my life. It was hard to escape.

[@mikeyblaze]

It's so hard for me to accept that my own parents can be so dense they can't even see the possibility that they ever did a single thing wrong at all. How can a person be so crazy and mentally deficient

[@Frances864]

12 for 12. You described my childhood to a tee.

[@sprocketsgirl]

I often find that I'm bewildered at how we got to this point. (along with feeling lost and trying to find some direction, sanity and joy). Someone, somewhere dropped the ball HARD and millions of ppl just got away with being total a**holes throughout life and here we are - trying muddle through, all the while seeing/feeling that something isn't right and being compelled or "enlightened" enough to make an effort to set it right.

[@beckstewart8271]

Yep. I've only started realising and exploring this at 52. My life is completely empty😞, but still controlled to a large degree by my narcissistic father.

[@madeleinegrayson8372]

Can you go no contact and give yourself a fresh start? It's never too late.

[@VisibleTimes]

I agree except my life is not completely empty.

[@Kat-n8j]

My parents complained about having to provide food for us. One brother and myself would not eat much because we didn't want to burden my parents. We went hungry because we were afraid to eat.

[@SculptExpress-gv8jp]

My father did the same!!! He would say in the most desperate loud voice “will I have to feed her all my life???” I was just an unhappy teenager then. He might had said it earlier too. He was shooting his mouth all his life in the most ugly and unkind ways. Since my early twenties I never anymore asked for anything at all. Then, he became upset that I could provide for myself and provide well. It sounds awful, but as if he wanted me to be needy and incapable of taking care of myself, so that he would have a good reason to rage and humiliate me. Ah well…I still don’t understand why people turn that way? What makes them so cruel?

[@RonSafreed]

My narc. father was the opposite, he loved to cook & eat & was an obese/glutton!! However he was mainly meat & potatoes/starch!! He did not care much for salads & cooked veggies but he told of stepmothers that did not feed him too much & also an aunt that was skimpy on food!! Also he cooked food for the dogs & cats we had & he cooked so much it would spoil & attract bugs & flies but he did not care & would get offended & angry!!

[@MamaCrowAsh]

Omg this is so my parents.

[@jerrywise]

❤️

[@Theowlhawk]

Mine too, sad at 57 to see the light, the awareness 😢

[@akai.christo]

My dad 2!!😢

[@katehampstead6024]

Moral Gaslighting.

[@CEO_HCC]

My mom is so immature too. She wonders why I became an addict. She puts me down so much and treats me like she hates me . Why does she hate me so much.

[@GodiscomingBhappy]

double standards all the way.... no point wasting your time.... better to stay alone.

[@annamiller8871]

When I was in high school I realized that my mother had taught me I shouldn't lie growing up. Yet what she really meant was don't lie to HER. I realized this when she told me to lie to a teacher because she didn't want to deal with a situation.

[@malwads1836]

Exactly!Why do you 💭 they tend to absolutely HATE liars?They want us feeling like we always have to "confess" everything to them🤢🙄.

[@tajr.2650]

EXACTLY!!!

[@Shell.29]

I think it's projection! They know they lie, so they get paranoid and must find out what everyone else is "lying" to them about, even if no one's lying but them.@@malwads1836

[@austinnevels7447]

Hypocrites! When I was having trouble with my puppy being scared of me , my father said “don’t you want your dog to like you?” In an instant I realized I couldn’t stand his guts just by asking me that question.

[@maragirl1658]

Hypersensitive and insensitive is so true 🤦🏻‍♀️

[@gloryfavorforeverwchristje9343]

❤❤❤❤❤ Remember how she was baking pies for strangers, but not her kids. She is dead, l don't miss her!!!! She was all you said!!!!

[@futurekron]

"You can always tell a narcissist, but you can't tell them a dang thing!" is what I always say (based on my own experiences). Best list I've heard so far. Thank you doctor.

[@Kittyprimee]

By 5 my mom was doing all this and was convinced I was sabotaging her life and everything was my fault and I was evil

[@anne3230]

This is my mom. The first one really hits home. I could never confide in her or ask for guidance bc she would immediately turn around and humiliate me by telling others my vulnerabilities. This was a source of entertainment for her sadly. I didn’t realize how damaging that was until I had my own children and wouldn’t even consider betraying them in this way. Thx Jerry

[@rahrahrobbbieee]

I feel so much of that pain.

[@stefanegstrup3145]

I feel for you. My mother had the exact same behaviour. It is so damaging.

[@mvbigmagic4048]

I had the same story. Once I had children of my own, I realized that the things my parents did.... I WOULD NEVER EVEN FATHOM of doing to my kids. :( It was re-inforced when I saw how my husband's parents were NORMAL. It came to a head as my dad was dying, and my mother was losing her narcissistic supply, she started demanding I give her control over my bank account.... UM.... NO. Delusional. I realized narcissists are DELUSIONAL. The last straw was when she refused to let me talk to my dying dad -- BECAUSE I WOULDN'T GIVE HER CONTROL OVER MY BANK ACCOUNT. That was it. I am currently no-contact with her. My kids are happier, my husband is happier, and I finally for the first time in my life, have a stable financial situation!!!!! WHY didn't I go no-contact SOONER!!????

[@anatremoco9018]

You've broken the cycle! Congratulations 😊

[@katec9893]

I had a 'friend' like this at school. She was the queen bee of the friendship group and had a couple of henchwomen to keep everyone in line. She was so sensitive yet totally insensitive to others. She'd always get drunk and start crying on nights out and everyone expected me to look after her, yet the next day she wouldn't remember any of it and was back to bossing everyone around. She would constantly use shame, blame and disapproval to get people to do what she wanted. And she was always tutting at and criticising everyone, because in her mind her way was the always the best way. It was absolutely exasperating being around her but nobody else called her out. I finally called her out on the behaviour and she played the victim and got the others to comfort her! I left that group and just wish I'd left sooner. They convince you you're the one in the wrong until you start to research narcissism and manipulation and you can see a pattern.

[@DawnGreen-wn4hr]

You can’t change your mother but you can change yourself!

[@minkymandy6065]

My father was like all of those things. He always made my stomach churn yet demanded my utmost respect. When I was 15 he deliberately ignored me for 3 whole weeks & was even pleasant & attentive to others in order to maximise my pain. After 3 weeks of being ignored I fell on my knees in front of him & begged him to speak to me. He simply stepped over me & left me with a terrifying sense of abandonment & worthlessness. I'm 62 now & I still feel that internalised pit of anxiety & abandonment if someone doesn't respond to me.

[@brawndo8726]

This makes me so fukn angry

[@jennifercooper3812]

I wish I didn’t relate so well to this. They are the biggest crazy-making hypocrites.

[@sharonjones7138]

You must know both my mother-the narcissist, and my sister- golden kid & covert narcissist.

[@marajade784]

You just described my mother father and brother.

[@thewoundedhealer4950]

Mother and son are exactly that way. I now understand my dad’s Alzheimer and his passing. Unfortunately, too late, and I miss my dad so much. If only…I stop myself, because ‘if only’ isn’t helpful nor healthy.

[@whatthis4366]

Jerry I think you know my father,that's him!

[@amandaball353]

This is my toxic mother-in-law which no one sees as manipulative and sees her evil spirit?!🤯 I don’t get it. Every family member is under her wicked spell. No contact for me in over year!!🙌🏻

[@atedinahalf6288]

I just experienced this myself. These people are evil.

[@aurronius1243]

„Blaming is the way of handling responsibility that you don’t want to be responsible for!“ Yep, that’s the way it always was for my dad. Even today, and I’m 32. And as I type this message I feel bad because I feel like that I’m guilty and should feel ashamed for writing that. Isn’t that strange?

[@gaurs230]

Yes they blame you for every I even things you are or were never responsible for their shit I always suffered so much because of them they are like so delusional

[@paulamartin834]

You described my Mother, and my Dad was king of the silent treatment. It left me lost...

[@gillianford9208]

This is so validating. I have experienced every one of these points. It has to be experienced to be believed and then to add insult to injury you're told repeatedly how "perfect"your childhood was. It's truly mind boggling!! Thank you Jerry for your healing words they ease the horror of narcissistic abuse.

[@produceman13]

My narcissist parents always go with the tired old line "we did the best we could". But if I failed a math test let's say.... or got a D on my report card.... I couldn't get out of their punishments by telling them "I did the best I could"...

[@swiftkarma4436]

It's even worse when your parents are wealthy and can give you things/education. They really talk about how perfect your life was. Pfft.

[@swiftkarma4436]

​@@produceman13so true

[@catherinesinclair7727]

So helpful to hear this...upsetting when you realise you've been brainwashed by their deluded world view

[@denisedixie1625]

Completed 2, Going on 3 years of no contact with my narcissistic Grandmother. 🙏🏾 And my intuition, and clarity have been the highest it’s ever been my whole life. ❤❤❤ Freedom is on the other side of Risk #GoNoContact Today‼️

[@legendgamer676]

“It doesn’t matter how abusive I am towards you. You still need to show up for me and also it’s your fault that I’m like this.” My mother’s mantra and my codependent father probably had that tattooed

[@ladennayoung2939]

A lot of time it seems like interacting with a toddler but even worse. At times you can get more sense out of a toddler. As strange as that may sound. Yes. It do seem as though they are in a world of their own.

[@malwads1836]

Toddlers are SO much more wonderful... They're able to receive/ give ❤️ & they'll actually LEARN how to be good folks if you just make the effort to teach them among other things.We're not giving toddlers the credit they deserve when people try to compare narcissists to toddlers😮‍💨.

[@musica4567]

You just described my childhood perfectly. Anyone who I meet that wants to know what I lived through shall be directed to learn from this video!!

[@swiftkarma4436]

That's a good idea but make sure they arent narcs as they will try to use it against you

[@FFlores79]

I cried the other day after my mom was yelling at me while I was in the hospital ..I don't cry often and that was just ammo for her to play the victim even further. I made her feel guilty with my tears and like a bad person...I was crying because the situation is hopeless. Same woman always told me growing up ..I can't make you feel any way....

[@JulieSevelson-nb9nj]

Yell at you while you were stuck in a hospital bed ??! That's beyond disgusting.

[@JulieSevelson-nb9nj]

I hope one of these days you are able to go no-contact with her, or at least limit it to tolerable levels. People like that can stress a person out to the point where they actually wind up in a hospital, anyway !

[@hugmc]

@@JulieSevelson-nb9njtrue they fracture the brain chemistry

[@JulieSevelson-nb9nj]

Ms. Flores, please,please,please, consider at least starting to get some boundaries with your mother. If you're from a Roman Catholic background, you already know that people, especially women, are forced into having children they aren't ready for,and don't want. Children don't ask to be born. They keep forgetting this fact. You are in no way responsible for her resentment and lack of love. There's no changing such people's minds, because that attitude begins with conception. You can't make a reluctant parent love you. But for the rest of your life,you CAN decide who gets to be in it, and who needs to be limited, or just cut off. I hope you'll find an answer that works, because this kind of stress causes premature aging, and threatens your physical and mental health !! Consider only what makes YOU happy,in this matter.

[@AmyMichelleMosier]

I don’t know your age but hopefully you can strategize a get-away plan though it may take a while.

[@weaviejeebies]

They are hypocrites...about their hypocisy. You must forgive them. They will not forgive you if your forgiveness isn't instantaneous and doesn't include an apology for getting upset, full amnesia about what happened, and an open invitation to do whatever you just had to forgive them for again. They will hold a grudge after you apologize for not forgiving them fast enough or thoroughly enough. It's not technically psychotic, but it's not that far off, either. We're faced with the impossible choice between joining their delusional everyday experience in an enabling folie a deux, which goes counter to survival instincts, or trying to stay in reality, which exposes us to more of their irrationality, rage, and abuse, which is also contrary to survival instincts. And we're expected to make this choice as a toddler, before our own subjective narrative and reality testing skills even emerge. No child is going to be able to navigate that. The strategy I adopted was to take it demand by demand. To respond like an actress playing action hero, saint, magician, jewel thief and detective at the same time. I became Pollyanna, Heidi, James Bond, Joan of Arc, Catwoman, Bambi, Lassie, Scooby Doo and Old Yeller in the space of 15 minutes. I was 80 before I was 10. Shame on them.

[@tinastanley4444]

Best comment

[@SculptExpress-gv8jp]

Wow this is poetry in prose, you got to the bare bone of narcissism.

[@styracosaurusqvt4841]

Very well said, very insightful.

[@livelystones7773]

My word! 😅 Truest statement ever!

[@andrewgray1520]

My 20s were a gong show from hell because of this. Glad I've found this out. It's brought a lot of healing just knowing that I was never the problem.

[@austinnevels7447]

I feel like I wasted my 20’s because of the fallout from this. I’m 30 now- there is redemption!

[@alyssalesko7258]

😂 Gong show! So right!

[@liagrigori]

I’m 37 and this is still happening 😂

[@styracosaurusqvt4841]

I’m 52 and this is still happening.

[@augustcanyon3438]

It'll never stop until they pass on, and then you're left with them in your head.

[@kareemmohammed5270]

this was so painful to hear yet so true Jerry and ripped my fragile ego to pieces! will need to watch many times again as you hit the nail in the coffin. you forgot to mention the religious mixed messages, controlling, shaming, guilting. much appreciated Jerry for this insightful video.

[@produceman13]

Religious narcissists are far worse than a run of the mill narcissist. This is because they can project their will into the heavens beyond time and space in an all-powerful way. The sky God gets molded into whatever the narcissist wants and is used against helpless kids in particular. Now the narcissists will is God's will. You better obey God or get punished.

[@coffeepandacat]

My parents like to bring down anything that doesn't fit into their bubble which is sitting in front of the TV for hours on end in seperate rooms. Any moment that is supposed to be special is a waste of time and silly. TV is more important the outside world is too scary

[@Mrcamm4]

Very good very correct! These have all happen and the sad part is most of us believed for so long that our families were normal, or we were told that this is normal but it is not!

[@jerrywise]

It is very abnormal and being able to see this allows us to introduce normal to our life

[@MsSpiffz]

*Very* concerned about MY appearance - how they would be seen, in terms of how I was seen. So I can be starved, but nobody must be allowed to perceive me as starving. The concept of 'what will they think of us, when they look at you' that ruled my life.

[@melinarodriguez8395]

You're a genius. I always thought my experience and trauma with my family were too abnormal and impossible for me to explain to people. But you have explained clearly exactly all that was going on with my parents and my chronic feelings of insecurity, confusion and lack of freedom (because always indebted to them or scared of their reaction). It has been amazing for me to realize that many people have had a similar experience growing up, and that this could be understood in such clear manner. I wish I had found you earlier!

[@escapematrixenterprisejacq7810]

This is excellent, and living like this is the most damaging experience ever

[@WhiteRabbitProphecies]

You are singing my song. I spent the first 19 years being told the my truth was wrong, my feelings were wrong my choices were wrong but I should be happy. Mother had smashed my radar, intuition reception and made me her marriage therapist at the age of 8 or 9. At age 11 in 1971 I was Terminal for 3 months with brain swelling that was deadly and I couldn't get a hug or kind word or reassurance just a cold indifference but mom wanted dads attention when she had a 3 day flue ?????? It took me 44 years to reconnect to my inner self and calling to write script for a movie.

[@rahrahrobbbieee]

I hope I can still find that place after decades of this foul treatment.

[@robertmccutchan5450]

You described my childhood to a T!

[@1RPJacob]

What pisses me off is that the inner voice that says "I'm not enough" is the same voice that says "Don't put fingers into fire".

[@jammyjay917]

Exactly, they expected my attention on them especially my Mum, but I never had that back... now in my 50's, I can see it clearly... the way we are brought up, effects us especially when its so negative.. my Mum has never been affectionate towards me...if I was upset over anything, she never said anything to me to make me feel better... she doesn't deal with my feelings... I dread Mothers Day, but I'm learning to do my own thing with my own family...sadly though growing up and for years after, I had anxiety and had a lack of confidence which totally effected my life...

[@anatremoco9018]

You described my mother and father. You point all out.

[@darialo8740]

Very accurate. 100%. Describes my mother. It’s so important to be aware of this, it’s so validating to hear this now. It’s essential to shine the light on the way these sick people are. That’s how healing begins.

[@smoothandchunky1]

This list is so exacting and spot on. My foolish man baby of a "father" was a raging narcissist. He was all these things and a whole lot worse. Wow, I will have to watch this a few times to catch everything. Thank you for this video!

[@lzcrazyzl6443]

Man child is bang on. God help us. Stay strong.

[@SculptExpress-gv8jp]

Nasty man child!

[@rosetovar6289]

Man baby 😂

[@susannesigurdsson]

You describe my childhood and I realise why I was so confused. It will now be much easier for me to maintain the necessary inner and outer distance. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

[@sparrow7711]

You just described my family..

[@kdjourney51]

Fighting this confusion- it is a perception wound that I keep proving to exhaustion- I want to lay it down. Thanks for putting it to words.

[@Tooma8Channel]

I can see a lot of this in my mother and unfortunately now myself too

[@einahsirro1488]

Demanding attention without reciprocating, oh boy, is this my mom. She'll talk for 20 minutes straight. Then when it's finally my turn, I'll get out 4 sentences before she just interrupts with some random "Oh, look at that! Anyway, I talked to your sister yesterday, and--" And another 20 minutes. I usually just give up, and she babbles on until she's had enough, and then I'm dismissed.

[@daniellfourie]

I could watch this video a 100 times... Thanx Jerry. You are such a blessing. One feels to be heard.

[@jerrywise]

You are very welcome

[@twopurringcats]

Both my parents are narcissists, mom is high level and dad is covert. Everything you say is 100% true. Being an only child, I've spent my life in therapy, trying to unravel this endless confusion and insanity. I had to stay low contact due the intense toxicity yet any contact was abusive so I'm 99% no contact at this point. I don't call or visit because it's all a game to them, blaming, entitlement and using is what they're all about. I will not be controlled or roped into their lives. Their manipulation doesn't work so they blame and play victim to their friends. Nope. I have a good life and need peace. Done with the craziness and endless confusion.

[@RonSafreed]

My deceased wife had the same, a malignant narcissistic mother & a covert narcissistic father & I could not relate to either of them & what they both did to my poor wife!!

[@godzillamanstreb524]

This is 💯 % npd sister…..thank goodness she never had children….ty Jerry….my late scapegoated husband suffered all of this which led to his premature death

[@livelystones7773]

Hi there, sorry for the loss of your husband. As someone placed in the scapegoated role myself, do you mind explaining how you think this lead to his premature death? Thanks

[@freeandfabulous4310]

Spot on, Jerry! Crazy making.

[@shannonharrison768]

But I must say.. You are the best at explaining narcissists!!! My mother is a covert narcissists and she was unfortunately terribly painful for me

[@sunnyadams5842]

Holy Mackerel!! Narcissistic parent "Live Mixed Messages to their kids"! I've just started to see how true this was!! Especiasly aroubd sex!! I was held to a 1950's Chastity Model in the 80's. I had pre-marital sex and they knew it and it wasn't ik. Tgey called me a slut. Nd yet, come to find out, both of them were having Extra-Marital sex, so I was getting so mixed a message, subconsciously. much I figured this out when I began to see I was only comfortable when a partner was cheating.

[@rahrahrobbbieee]

Very on point for me. A little validation but the scars linger still.

[@duewhit310]

Absolutely LOST. My pointless exhausting soul-draining "life" And i wish somebody wouldn't have stopped me from trying to hike a challenging route up Mt Washington (NH). I could've died then and been over with it 12 years ago.

[@gamersquad7469]

Just described my parents to a T! Omg. Every single point resonates!

[@matikramer9648]

Looks like all points are present I wonder was my mom codependent or borderline, or narcissistic? Because physical abuse, and rage from narcissistic injury, and enmeshed all are present. But she did it only when no one was present. Never mattered for her if I'm just a baby, or teenager, or adolescent, or an adult. And she had no breaks at all.