Narcissists Are Trapped By Their Own Control Issues

[@angelahagerman5693]

I can never get enough of your logic about the Narcissist..

[@petercrutchley6085]

He certainly has a talent for getting these truths out in an understandable way.

[@enzoorciuoli328]

B.s .30 narcs downed it

[@herewardthewatchful1014]

I agree.

[@iconsnart]

Dr C! I have handeled myself with Dignity, yey :D Thank you so much for all ur help

[@iconsnart]

@@enzoorciuoli328 lol

[@chinookvalley]

Pity the narcissist, but don't get too close or you WILL get burned. Don't get sucked in to their GAMES, they want to play but don't know how. They only know how to harm YOU for their gain. Self-absorbed and blaming.

[@polskigirl8547]

They pick up their toys and go to the next sandbox....

[@Andearea]

You are SOOO bang on. Well said.

[@lindadunn8787]

Yeah. Ouch.

[@valeriegriner5644]

@@polskigirl8547 Yes...that is so TRUE! They are just like bratty children!

[@tomasnokechtesledger1786]

Exactly! They only know to Harm you, nothing more!

[@user-wm4je4ct8y]

I almost started crying at the last words you spoke: Freedom means the freedom to choose. I never even thought I had any choice about who I was around. I know that sounds crazy, but it's a revelation to me that I can have boundaries, say no, and choose my companions. Thank you.

[@blondshellcc]

I'm only 7 years in and I'm just realizing now that it was my mistake not making boundaries to begin with. I've taken my lumps. Now that I'm setting boundaries, it's really starting to degrade. Don't beat yourself up. You don't know what you don't know what you don't know. But now you know how to protect yourself and hopefully all of us can end up moving forward. Stay strong and stay convicted in your decisions to move forward without the negativity and the weight around your neck. I'm praying I can do the same.

[@firebunnii3536]

Proud of hearing this from you, I’ve similarly done the same and it’s been a long journey my whole life, yay you 🥳

[@gretchenburton7184]

True. So true.

[@GuitarMatt]

I don't trust anyone with the name "User" on youtube. Every single time, we get to see who the real control freak is. And it's you!

[@jordans2678]

I have made the mistake in thinking that I can reason with them or enlighten them with new ideas and ways at looking at things. I have been stubborn and not wanting to let go of thinking I can help them with what I have learned about things. Silly me. Thanks for the constant reminder in your videos that this WON'T EVER HAPPEN. For a person who is always learning and growing, this is very hard for me to understand that not all people want this. I get it now.

[@phabove7]

I can totally resonate

[@salliegallegos918]

Run!

[@Truthseeker-lf5kn]

I made the same mistake. Won't do that again!

[@cm-yu6gu]

Yeah I got totally mixed up in that. It can put you in a psyche ward how little they respond to reason, truth or logic What I've realised is that as soon as you pull away they do all the things you wanted them to do. Which means THEY KNOW how to please you. And if you do anything wrong they will throw it in your face, or if THEY do anything wrong they will project and say you did the thing wrong. Which means THEY KNOW what is right and wrong and have a sense of morals They just CHOOSE not to apply this logic or right and wrong to THEMSELVES because it would destroy their fake and weak control matrix they have going on and undermine their self image and reveal how truly vulnerable and afraid of abandonment they really are But instead of just being honest they will challenge your sanity instead as you fry your brain cells trying to reason with them

[@Truthseeker-lf5kn]

@@cm-yu6gu Doctor Ramani has a video called "Is narcissistism have a choice" or it called "Narcissistism a choice?" I wish I could remember the name, but you will find it very helpful & freeing! Watch to many of these videos. LOL

[@patwest1925]

The local narc has many voices -- the whiny four-year-old hypochondriac -- the raging, argumentative adolescent -- the hypnotic seductive "swami" voice. etc. He switches back and forth, depending on what he wants at the moment. All serve the same need for control. THANK YOU!

[@jerrys9226]

I feel like I have been paroled from their alternate reality prison.

[@sweetrose813]

@zumzy u very good! My ex-husband told me it was none of my business when I started suspecting him. That's because I was infringing on his private life! So you see how he had me beat down! Thank God I was rescued out of that miserable marriage to a thug from hell.

[@thehotcoffeehouse6081]

Jerry s more like u orchestrated ur own jailbreak....

[@sweetrose813]

Haha! You are so right I feel the same way Jerry!

[@christar9527]

When I first went No Contact with my entire narcissistic family and learned what REALLY went on, I had a vision that I was coming out of a lifelong prison sentence after 57 years. I actually saw huge tall gates made of thick metal bars opening wide and I FINALLY stepped out into bright sunshine and the light of day. I never have visions like that. It was so revealing and I felt relieved and freedom from all kinds of mental illnesses including suicidal thoughts and behaviors. I was on lots of psychiatric medications and now I’m on almost zero.

[@sweetrose813]

@@christar9527 oh that is so awesome! I believe God gave you that vision . I hope he gives me an intervention as I just confronted my daughter, for her narcissistic husbands abuse towards me. It's not just him it's been lots of people but confronting my daughter made me feel like throwing up

[@marymary20]

Inability to reason and inability to connect....so frustrating!

[@ssellers1870]

And then you feel alone, you chase connection they run the whole thing gets weird until someone leaves.

[@69LOLIN]

Now I get it!

[@notwhatiwasraised2b]

Oh, narcs can reason and connect - better than most. They just don't care how their behavior might affect you

[@skinnybear5743]

They live in an elementary world

[@ryanfatguyinlilcoat2436]

🙏

[@Nancy-yw1rr]

It is amazing how they try to control every single aspect of every situation and conversation, yet are quick to accuse others of being control freaks.

[@Robidu1973]

There's a lot of projection and blameshifting going on in a narcissist's mind.

[@Dee33636]

"The narcissist is crafting a false narrative." Absolutely true!

[@lindaw.1568]

Bondage vs Freedom! A new point of view: I am regaining my freedom, while he is trapped in his addiction to control. ... Thank you Dr. C! Another valuable message!

[@enzoorciuoli328]

Go down Moses let my people go

[@angelvisitor4282]

Narcissists are crafty. Lots of crocodile tears to try to get you to feel sorry for them... sometimes no water flow, only the sniffing sounds.

[@kellyleighread807]

Pitiful poor me snake.

[@aaronwalton1810]

Lol....sniffling sounds

[@Miss1Ginger]

True

[@larryskwarczynski9386]

hmmm how about trump& family & friends & CAB & PILL-O-SI & RNC / LIB / MOST DEMS (very few reps like the Mich REP Justin Amash who left RNC and refused LIB! more on my Fbk - listen 2 more .. like vitalmind.com.au and bbrfoundation.org

[@monicagoldstein5413]

Come to think if it, i never saw my narcissist relative, who put me through so much grief, cry!

[@rodlynnstephens7429]

It really sucks when this is the person you did life with for 31 years...the love for them doesn't just go away, even though they caused you a great deal of torment through the years....but there were glimpses of the real them (the person trapped within their own demise) that's why it's so heartbreaking... you hope that this person could one day be whole

[@nancygreydee2608]

I finally got my freedom from my narcissistic alcoholic ex husband. Now I can be free to be my true authentic self

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

You speak on behalf of many! Dr. C

[@rickhammar1636]

It's like the phrase in the country song......I thought I'd miss you but I miss me more. Enjoy your new lease on your old self

[@jeanetteredden24]

Yes, freedom is sweet. But we must keep our Narcissist antenna up, as we are vulnerable to that type of person. One day you wake up and realize another one has snuck in (disguised of course, they are master chameleons) until you figure out their game, and that you are being played. Slowly we get wiser and are able to identify them sooner and get out before too much damage is done. Sigh.

[@monicagoldstein5413]

Congrats Nancy! God bless you and give you many genuine, loving friends.

[@kellysims5732]

The journey can be rough. Hang in there!

[@salliegallegos918]

Don’t try to change anyone; don’t accept anyone trying to change you.

[@neiljennings8822]

This man has brought me sooooo much closeure, he is so accurate and helpful. I wish I saw these videos 20 years ago. KEEP IT UP LES, well done.

[@kakiegrace]

I just posted the exact same thing

[@nd8610]

Neil: Me too

[@nd8610]

@Lovie Bryant I know what you mean.

[@jaco7675]

Neil Jennings He knows my wife. Every point is dead on.

[@deighfrost3023]

Wish I had seen them 20 years ago also. He’s spot on and has helped me work through leaving the second narcissist husband.

[@Youbarkimeow]

You'll never be able to live a happy life with a narcissist they only care about themselves. I have pity for them but stay far away they will destroy everyone who is around them just run.

[@sweetrose813]

So true!

[@satsumamoon]

satsumamoon Im managing it :) Its entirely possible . First realise that no one makes you feel anything. You, your thoughts about them, your reaction....its up,to you how you feel and respond. Learn when to duck and when to stand up for yourself. Get it into your thick head not to expect anything from them, make yourself happy . Focus totally on how to make you satisfied with your inner world , learn to focus on good things, cling to any good thing if there arent many then make sure to enjoy whatever you do have. Warm shower, bird song, self massage...look for things to enjoy. Make life about you finding joy and pleasure. Read self help stuff like Abraham Hicks and Neville Goddard. Educate yourself in how to deal with a narcissist and stop kidding yourself that you are in a normal relationship.You are there to learn how to be autonomous and how to direct your own ship, thats all.

[@bestlife9925]

satsumamoon I did that for years but then I crashed. I was very stressed and lonely in the relationship and left it after 32 year of marriage. My Soul was suffering. Always check in with yourself. Good luck to you.

[@azaramoon4027]

My son seems to be stuck with one, [ seven years now ].

[@angelvisitor4282]

Narcissists always need to have the last word. You can't reason with them. Talking with them will waste your time. Go NO CONTACT! Leave them for good at your earliest opportunity! Good Luck everybody. Blessings🙏😇

[@hoth1009]

Spot on...I joined their game and it began to destroy me, however I didnt realise at the time that this was narcissistic abuse.

[@MH-cv5ye]

They'll create their own demise in the end. Just leave the rope lying around.

[@cubanelly]

Living life like that i imagine they cant ever be happy and as they age everything falls apart. Their frustration surely increases as they get older. What a waste of life.

[@Hannah2265]

I had a 3 yr relationship with my N and we're both in our 60's. I can only imagine how miserable he must feel as he's aging. He's angry at me because I finally figured him out after he discarded me! It was painful and to this day I can't believe what I've lived through, like Twilight Zone.

[@cubanelly]

@@Hannah2265 i was discarde too by a 44 year old narc who kept saying "i m getting old, i wish you would ve known me when i was 16". I guess he got stuck at that age. Can you imagine? A 44 yr old man with a mind of a teenager. Must be miserable. Apologize for my english.

[@Hannah2265]

@@cubanelly sounds like he was having mid life crisis! My ex husband, not a Narc, went through that...they want to be young again! Your English is good! No worries!

[@cubanelly]

@@Hannah2265 mid life crisis. I think so too. Thank you💕

[@brusselsprout5851]

I think being kind of sad for them is appropriate, and I've heard aging for them is exhausting.

[@chuckandgabs9114]

That's amazing: uploaded 5 hours ago, and 6K views already. It's sad so many people need this

[@xyaeiounn]

There's a lot of jilted or abused people pathologizing their ex-partners behavior in comments. Then there are people whose family members or partners are truly monstrous. Maybe Step One should be asking yourself if you're just hurt and trying to make the one who hurt you the villain? I'm dealing with a wife whose mask has entirely slipped away after 15 years of marriage and it's a daily struggle watching her get harsher with the children as they grow. She ticks every box for dismissive, covert narcissism hard, not just a little here and there, sometimes, as most people can. Dr. Carter has shown, without really telling me, that the main barrier to her growing or changing is that she can never take criticism. A weak sense of self and no self-esteem means being wrong is being nothing but wrong, a kind of extinction and failure. There is no hope for her, but maybe dealing with her won't have to warp or thwart the kids.

[@valeriegriner5644]

We live in a world of narcissists and "selfies!" People don't care for others (like their neighbors)...as they did in times past. Look at all the sad people in the nursing homes.

[@valeriegriner5644]

@@xyaeiounn Our ex-partners WERE pathological and we have every right to discuss it on this forum. I don't think that many people on here are "jilted." Most are just "shell-shocked" from living with years of narcissistic ABUSE! I hope you do all you can to love and protect your children. They are the ones who suffer most. Don't bash their mother...it will come back to BITE you.

[@xyaeiounn]

@@valeriegriner5644 Some of them are fine, my grandmother and father are both in assisted living and my brother works in the field managing a home. Ever heard of a smother party? People in the old days were abandoned, smothered, allowed to starve or just sacrificed due to being a liability. The olden times were awful. We have always lived in a world of narcissists, i believe it's the default condition of humans at birth and developing a sense of self mitigates it and overlays it.

[@mariaanjonker6195]

@@valeriegriner5644 have you thought that some of those old lonely people are the narcissists. My mother will be one because she drove me out of her life.

[@TheBanjoFlyBoy]

My experience dealing with a narcissist is they neither laugh or cry. They can produce crocodile tears like an Academy Award winner. And, they can turn those fake tears on and off like a light switch.

[@tamicagle1729]

AMEN in a Real relationship there is Freedom , not Bondage ! God bless !

[@polskigirl8547]

They are in complete and total bondage by their own disfunction....you nailed it Dr. Carter with the list of bounds...

[@theeuropeanhousewife5889]

I have narcissists in my family that I truly love but have had to step away from to save myself.

[@marieahlin1718]

"Yeah, let me wreck your nervendings, so that your body's energy system has no way of stopping me, then I can "walk right in" and suck out your very life force" (No, not me talking! The narcs "demon's talking).

[@HuhisHere]

That comment is on point. I wrote it down to refer to when I forget and am overwhelmed by the actions of those who honestly do NOT always realize what they are doing to me. There are different levels of narcissism. For we wrestle not against flesh and blood. The demon in them sees an empath as someone to destroy. Love heals and their demon thinks it has legal rights to it's vessel and does not want anyone who can show love and truth making it leave. Thank you for sharing your insight. 👏👏👏👏

[@marieahlin1718]

@@HuhisHere Well said!!

[@marieahlin1718]

I'd like to emphasize that I'm not religious, but I believe that the body has energies (used in acupuncture) and that there's more out there than what meets the eye!

[@jeanetteredden24]

Excellent wording!

[@angelvisitor4282]

Marie Ahlin @ Exactly.

[@marijkevandermeer2772]

Yes, right on spot! And...they have their 24/7 karma...my ex narcissist stole my money, my earnings, my life savings...evil people...but he will be targeted...one way or the other...

[@marisolpinney8406]

You are ABSOLUTELY RIGHT Dr. Carter!! But I REFUSE TO BE CONTROLLED!! I JUST LOOK ON AND EMPATHIZE BY THE SADNESS.

[@isabelleparise5607]

so true

[@davidpointon8383]

My wife is having to deal with letting go and trying to understand her mothers narc behavior, whats caused it, as well as finding her identity and life back with our 7 month boy, your videos are extremely helpful and appreciated!

[@cyndimoring9389]

david, my mother was the same way and my mistake, after having my children, was to think they could have a great grandmother relationship if I just stepped back and let them be in her life. Wrong, they grew up disliking her and feeling forced to know her.

[@missnukkinfutz]

@@cyndimoring9389 My children quit coming home for Christmas because of my mother. They couldn't stand the way she provoked me and ruined everything. Took years to heal and we finally had a Christmas full of love and laughs 3 years ago. 😊

[@billyrayvalentine7972]

27 years.......... The minute I say I've had enough of the controlling and belittling she started the disguarding and hunting a new supply. Dr . Carter is going to get me through this and onto a new life

[@dub1951]

Being with a narc...is like doing time for a crime you didn't commit..be your own judge and jury and set yourself free

[@nataliableu6390]

This is a beautiful comment & so true.

[@dub1951]

@@nataliableu6390 yep so true Tnks

[@nataliableu6390]

Your welcome.: D

[@carolynballerina5342]

"I'm onto u, I see what's going on. I'm sorry u r addicted to these inappropriate ways of life. I can do better." Wow - that sums it up in a nutshell, thanks Dr Carter, how great to hv these simple words that cover such a huge area of secrets/lies by the N. I will keep this note close at hand to remind me not to get re-involved in my N hubby's gigantic-web.

[@leneasmith1501]

what finally got to me the most is that he will lie about lying and continue to compound it. I'm so sick of that. The last thing he said was in a text if I was too much of a coward to talk face-to-face , eye to eye about our future, he didn't want to talk to me anymore until I can do that. So my last text was...As You Wish! And blocked him! Just tired of being tired of it all

[@rebekahbrown4052]

And in order to heal from CPTSD caused by narcissistic parents, I must break free of the false narrative they have brainwashed me with. It’s so hard

[@jillsmcfarland2001]

Children of narc parents doesnt seem like a popular subject to address.It destroys generations of the family.Few people seem to understand Narcissism.

[@michellebegin4965]

You hit the nail on the head with this one Dr. Carter! I feel like a 'free' person now having left my ex who lived by rigid timelines ~ and he can no longer control what I do or how I do things. It's actually empowering to be me again!

[@cutebutton8468]

You really opened my eyes, Dr., thank you! I've been researching narcissism abuse for a while but this video was fantastic. I actually thought I had control issues, but it seems it's just what my narc 'best friend' kept telling me. I now realize I've been controlled all my life. Unreal

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Glad to be on the path with you. I'm pulling for you!

[@kari8187]

If they don’t have a relationship with their own child, that’s a RED FLAG

[@AlastairjCarruthers]

Absolutely. My narc ex is completely estranged from her adult daughter, the girl won't have anything to do with her. She genuinely seems to have no idea why though, she's so wrapped up in her own false reality that she can't even begin to see her very obvious abuse and neglect, let alone take responsibility for it or try to make amends.

[@sharonjones5173]

Absolutely TRUE.

[@aquagirl9228]

Free...free as I'll ever be! TYSM Dr Carter 🎭✂️⚖️🙋🕊️🕊️🕊️

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

YW

[@sueb6885]

Can hardly wait to hear your latest! You keep me informed and entertained for hours in isolation! Just want to say a great BIG thank you for all that you have taught me about narcissism. I wished I knew years ago!

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Pleased! Dr. C

[@kellyleighread807]

Yes I do. But while I wish I could wish I all the money it would take to fed Scooby.

[@dasein9980]

@@SurvivingNarcissism you think it's okay for men to cry? Too bad women and society don't think it's okay.

[@valeriegriner5644]

I know! I'm 62 and spent about 60 of those years feeling unworthy and flawed...because that's what I heard all the time. The people who truly LOVED me are mostly dead and gone, so it gets rather lonely at times. Dr. C is so encouraging...even his VOICE soothes me.

[@amymoore8140]

This is, apparently, a video about my ex-husband! We both missed out on so much in life b/c of his insatiable need to be in complete control. When he bought his house (behind my back), 1st thing he did was sternly warn me that if I ever threw a surprise party for him, he would take that as ME ending the relationship. He was dead serious, frowning and pointing his finger in my face for added intimidation. Anything I bought for the house (towels, bedspread, dishes, etc.) had to be laid out before him for his approval before I took any tags off, even though they were purchased with MY money. He NEVER wanted to try anything new. E.g. I'd beg to go to a new restaurant for months and he'd refuse until he could go behind my back first and then decide whether or not he would "allow" us to go together. During the meal he'd admit that he had gone there w/o me while I was at work, then proceed to explain to me how the menu worked and what food was good! We would be invited to parties/events and he wouldn't even tell me b/c he didn't want to go anywhere he might not be in complete control of the situation, same as with the surprise party. And anywhere we went, he absolutely insisted on driving even though he was a terrible driver. If we drove separately, he would pull INSANE maneuvers to make sure he pulled in ahead of me, even if it meant being flipped off by other drivers and risking my and his life (no joke). Then he'd casually claim innocence and say he didn't have a need to get there first... He stopped having sex with me 3 yrs in b/c he wanted to control my sex life and he ruined every event we went to b/c he wanted to be in complete control of my happiness. I was only allowed tiny bits of joy or pleasure with his supervision and approval. It took me a while to realize this was all due to an irrational need to be in complete control. It was utterly exhausting. I cried constantly and began drinking and gaining weight, which I also realized he took as confirmation that he controlled my emotions. These people are truly sick.

[@simpletruths5322]

Thank you Dr Carter! I've stepped outside the cage of control (my family) I'm outside looking in and everything you say here is truth! My poor family cannot see from inside of their cage of control! Their view of life is clouded/controlled by the Narcissist at the head of my family! She controls EVERYTHING! She controls Information, the family narrative, the roles within that family. Now it's like looking into the cage at the zoo, they are gossiping and scheming! complaining and bitter! My life is glorious, filled with good kind people. It's so sad, these narcissists they don't see, it's their own behaviour that brings about their own downfall and loss of relationships! It's so sad! #walkaway x

[@1ajtg]

The best description of a Narcissist relationship I have ever heard explained. I've wondered my whole life why the constant drama, havoc & misery. I'm free now but scarred from the process. I'm making peace with myself now, I am who I am & I like me. For one that girl climbs mountains now, my narc ex was afraid of heights. Thank you Dr Carter, I feel more sane...

[@realtordryogihaynes]

Omgness, yes I was truly enslaved. I assumed if I mirrored him he will be able to see the errors of his ways. Huge mistake, he got worse. Thanks for sharing 🧡🙌

[@tamko9563]

Big mistake indeed because to mirror him is to say that every thing he says and does is right which is all he wants is for you to admit he knows it all, his thinking is superior to yours.

[@leneasmith1501]

Yeah because they're already mirroring you all the good things you are and the good things you do and say and if you flip it back on them how they act they can't stand it to see who they really are. I've done it in some things and he would shut up just get quiet and then a couple minutes change the subject or do something else or suggest we do something go somewhere for fun. Cuz they can't face themselves when you mirror it back to them!

[@leneasmith1501]

@@tamko9563 not all of them react the same oh, he is actually full of Shame as most videos say they are so it does work with this one anyway but we're not speaking now so I don't care

[@kellyleighread807]

I knew something was wrong with him 38 year's ago. What kind of snake says "I love you" when they are told by a single mother, " My child is dead". My mom is that snake and handed me to another snake. Both snake think their life is harder than anyone else. Always the victim! That's the kind of snake. The "poor me" snake. Beware of this snake.

[@kellyleighread807]

@zumzy u Thank you. He left me 21 months ago. He has worse problems with himself than he had with me. Faithful wasn't anywhere near his vocabulary from the get. Society gives folks a pass on virtual adultery.

[@sweetrose813]

I'm sorry that happened to you! But you can find good people that won't treat you that way!

[@sweetrose813]

@@kellyleighread807 I was married 20 years to a womanizer. Found out years later that he slept with my cousin the night before my wedding. I hold no unforgiveness but I'm thankful to God to rescue me from these predators

[@kellyleighread807]

@@sweetrose813 I am blessed to hear that you are out of Satan's den. I don't yet know that I will forgive nàrcsissist ex husband. The worst is knowing, truley knowing that he abused me. That's hard for me to get into my thoughts. But he did. For 38 year's . 36 married. I remember the lack of concern. The lack of any emotional support. I know he wanted me to die. He has tried a few times. There are day's I hate him for how he treated me & our children. There are day's of pity. Satan is paving his way for the eternal lake of fire. Galatians 5:26-36 explains it well. Ephesians 4: 29-32 explains why I was disçarded. I am sealed as a child of God.

[@sweetrose813]

@@kellyleighread807 oh! I know it takes time to get over being treated this way. Believe me I know. I had a visitation of the Lord one night that took the hook out of my belly where this guy was sucking the life and pulling me back into his satanic abuse. The next morning he curled up in a ball in the floor and cried! You have to consider these people are demon possessed! The best thing is to get away from them and let God heal you! And give you a sense of value the narc never would! God has promised to restore everything that's been stolen including what happened to your children! God bless you

[@Jo-xn2cs]

Beautifully done, Dr. C, as always. This is one of my favs. It leads to such a beautiful conclusion: FREEDOM!

[@michellebegin4965]

Sadly, narcissists take away one's 'freedom' so slowly that you don't realize its gone until you finally realize you can never do or say anything right ~ you've lost yourself.

[@Jo-xn2cs]

@@michellebegin4965 You can find yourself again though. It's a slow process and extremely painful. I am so grateful I have some amazing friends, church members and family to help pull me out of the hole I was stuck inside.

[@michellebegin4965]

@@Jo-xn2cs Thank you for your comment ~ fortunately, my ex moved away, and it is only NOW that I can see the hold he had on me. You're right, its a slow process and very painful to realize that you were used, abused, then cast aside for someone else.

[@Jo-xn2cs]

@@michellebegin4965 I totally understand. I wake up most nights around 3 am and some realization has come to me regarding my marriage to a narcissist. I recall conversations, actions, disagreements all in a very different light. It's amazing what a little bit of distance and clarity can do for your mind! 😊 Good luck on your journey.

[@michellebegin4965]

@@Jo-xn2cs Well said! It IS amazing what distance and clarity of what the 'real' person truly was, in hindsight. It took me a long time to get over him, and over the fact that our marriage was a sham. But as each day unfolds, it gets easier . . . .I hope you stop waking up at 3:00 am and realize that you are so much better off now! God bless you!

[@wildhorses6817]

Thank you, Dr. C. After a long marriage and so much pain as well as divorce, I am basically isolated now. Your words heal and guide me toward a rewarding peaceful life. I am very grateful.

[@MzShonuff123]

I just quit my job of 12 years because of your videos. My boss for the last 7 years is an incredibly malignant narcissist. I was brave enough to leave the job without another because of your videos. So much of me wanted revenge-or at least for her to get what's coming to her-but I realized I have the privilege of being able to leave that job, because I don't have to only work in a narcissistic safe haven, but can work anywhere. I also realize she lives in her own internal prison from which there can be no escape, so there's no need to wish karma comes for her because it already does every waking moment for her.

[@sherrim4067]

Best thing I ever did was a leave a job with a narc boss. The right situation will find you because you are happier now. All the best to you!

[@larrytruelove7112]

Whatever I want to suggest counseling or seeking God about the matter of forgiveness. I believe we forgive because Christ forgave those who come to Him. Anyway, pray for your narcissist ex-boss to submit to God and to receive forgiveness. It’s a very powerful struggle that will be healthy for you. The desire for revenge is one that I can relate to. I get told often that I am too nice. I believe in goodness, kindness and decency. But I know I’m deeply flawed and I always need God’s help. However it is that you learn this, I can tell you that I believe it’s the right thing. God bless you and be at peace.

[@hindwidad2723]

When I told my mother I was moving out she threw the biggest tantrum I've ever seen a grown woman throw. She was literally acting like a child. Perhaps she realized she can no longer control me if I don't live under her room 😂

[@LeeRaldar]

Had a similar experience with my ex-wife years ago, her true self began to show through after around 6 months when we went on holiday. At the airport she demanded I give her my travel papers/passport and line up behind with her then 4 year old son from a previous relationship. I had been a seaman for 10 years from the age of 15 and had travelled all over the world in ships, planes and trains so felt this was not necessary therefore refused and told her that I could manage to show my passport to the man without help. Seconds later she was stamping her feet on the ground, face and fist clenched up and making a whining noise increasing in volume like a spoiled toddler refused candy at the supermarket checkout. Had never seen anything like it before but similar behaviour was to become part of life for the next 5 years.

[@andreabrunkow9314]

👍👍❤🥰

[@fireupyourheartfortruth]

yes that sounds right❤️

[@hindwidad2723]

@@LeeRaldar Should've divorced her. Life's too short to be miserable for years

[@LeeRaldar]

@@hindwidad2723 I did divorce for enough reasons to fill a book , but unfortunately she still has her toxic creepers out 30 years later through children and now grandchildren.

[@darlalong3097]

I hate ruminating...like a really scary movie, over & over. Dr. C , you really have helped 🤗

[@spiralsun1]

This is the best video ever. So perfectly descriptive and helpful. WOW. The narcissists I know are is so crazy controlling and blind. Bound by anger and the need to always be right and in control... owned by their own dysfunction but they think they have life all figured out. So sad. I tried to help but there’s no helping... it’s their own prison. They cannot come out. It’s like a living death with just scarce pleasure to look forward to. So staggeringly sad. It’s such a vicious cycle. I want to destroy all vicious cycles and solve the conflicts of all humanity. I am going to do that. According to my history and ability, I think I can do that with some help from my blessed friends.

[@lindaschloendorn5033]

I do not live with a narcissist or know anybody off hand but I do think that everything I know about President Trump shows narcissistic tendencies.

[@mountainhobbit1971]

and yet it never ceases to amaze me how much endless energy they have when it comes to acting like they are on top of the world and soooooo happy and so wonderful and amazing.

[@AlastairjCarruthers]

Yep, there's always time and energy there for bolstering the facade and maintaining the false reality. Of course it's a top priority, without it they'd crumble completely.

[@para1324]

True facts. 13 years with a narc and alcoholic. It takes time to heal. Dr. Carter thank you very much for all you have done for us all who listen to you. The knowledge you share is so valuable. I personally cannot thank you enough. Much respect

[@pennyparish5309]

❤ words cannot begin to explain...you are a life saver. Thank you

[@ruby-qv5bd]

Love this so much. Once we realize what we are dealing with, we can accept it and move on with happiness and let the narcissist have what they need without us in the picture. That works for me. Thank you so much for the wonderful video.

[@tranquility9325]

Their desperate need to control, in fact, controls them.

[@MarlaMartenson]

Always being right.. omg! I don't know how they are not exhausted. I get exhausted from listening to them, getting cut off mid sentence and insulted.

[@gwalker819]

Your content is so incredibly valuable. I look forward to every one of your videos. I did therapy for 2 years after my ex turned on me like a light switch after the birth of our second child. Your videos reinforce everything I learned and came to understand as I went through my healing. The authenticity, caring, reassurance and clarity come through every time. Thanks for putting this content out there. You're helping a lot of people.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Pleased...and I like that pic next to your name. Gus says to tell your buddy hi. Dr. C

[@jemgem9593]

So true. They so are. You've just summed up the main controlling narc who has almost destroyed my soul and my free, caring, well intentioned spirit. Yes the narc is always "Crafting a false narrative". Excellent thanks for excellent video Dr C xxxx

[@thelioness3478]

You’ve helped me so much as a daughter of a narcissist. Thank you ❤️❤️❤️

[@illbeback126]

You have NO idea how much you're helping me! Thank you from the bottom of my heart!

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Received! Dr. C

[@sherrim4067]

They hate what they bring to a situation, and they bring what they hate to that same situation, or relationship. It's bad self prophecy.

[@MeganChandler1]

Oh absolutely! Well said!

[@Fight-4-your-food]

I think that is where I get tripped up. My husband keeps telling me that he hates these attitudes but then turns around and then gives me the same treatment. For awhile, I thought I could get him to see if you don’t like a certain kind of behavior then you should not be modeling that behavior.

[@bigyin2794]

Absolutely 100% spot on summary of the horrible internalised hell that these people live in, and then share with the rest of us...

[@robinsteward2351]

Thank you for your words of wisdom and compassion for the broken narcissist and helping those of us that have been broken by their behavior.

[@bradconnexion9442]

I can say that what I have learned about my narc on this channel has helped me endlessly in my dealings with them. I am no longer easily spun into their web. I stand outside it and watch them starve, feeding them only morsels and only when I want to.

[@katiegeyvanpittius7391]

A person who finds themself after or during a Jezebel/narcissist connection has truly found themself and will be free indeed, living life at the next level.

[@tldrnkh2o2]

With your help and the help from my friends, family and therapist, I suddenly feel FREE! I am 54 years old and never knew ME. I do now and I have fallen in love with myself, my life, my work, my charity projects, my hobbies, my ..... everything! There IS life beyond this "tick". And soon, I will make a new home for myself where I am much more free. And for that I say "thank you!". Keep up the great work, I am still relying on you for my freedom and well being!

[@micheleagren1604]

Oh my goodness Dr. C you are helping me personally so much. Thank you for showing us the way to keep our dignity, our humanity, without losing sight of the real battle and the absolute believe that we can be free, mentally and emotionally, if not physically, right now.

[@joanplaylist304]

Dr. Carter, I see it now, "drunk on control," I get it! Wow! Replaying this over and over. Thank you for giving me what I need just at the right time I need it. Narc. close family member, after months, since I separated myself from them. Responded in calmness and respect. Thanks to your videos on anger and controlling emotions. Experiencing peace and having freedom with out guilt. Wise enough and strong enough not to be pulled by into her web. Thank you Jesus!! 🌹🌹😊

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Once you see it, you can't unsee it. Glad the light bulb turned on. Dr. C

[@gladra9596]

Thank you. Dr. This is true! Previously When I let him help me to solve some problems, or include him in a matter to get his opinion or point of view... He will make the situation worse!! The outcome ends up back firing me. When all I needed was help... No more issues on top of what I had at that particular moment. I am separating myself psychologically for now, as much as I can.... because am currently co-parenting with him . Thank you Dr. For highlighting what true freedom is and what it should be for a healthy, reasonable and humble individual.

[@elanabethfariss117]

Thanks so much for this great insight! I spent too long feeling sorry for myself, but I managed to survive. Now I feel sorry for the narcissist.

[@adrianocavalcanti298]

I'II NEVER become tired of thanking YOU Dr. Carter for your work! Watching your videos has given me a thorough vision of all the abuse I was been given by my ex narcissistic boyfriend and the bullying I suffered from my ex's flying monkeys. The more I get to know about narcissists from you, one of the most well-versed people in talking about these scary and unstable people, the FURTHER I want to be from these types of people. I taught I had an idea of narcissists were after reading a few books about them, however, I couldn't be more wrong. I've read quite a lot about Narcs, but watching your videos has been everything, your videos have shown me how these people can not only destroy people's lives and minds! YOU saved my life in all kinds of ways Dr. Carter. You helped me to understand myself better and that I have the right to love and to be loved but by the right people. You helped me to be in peace with myself after all the psychological and emotional abuse I went through. Thank you so much from the bottom of my heart! Please, I'd love to watch you talking about the triad personality disorder, which mental disorder, I am quite sure that was one of the mental disorders my ex suffers from. All in all, keep up the good work. Adriano from Brazil/Canada.

[@billy4072]

One of your best. ;

[@Dastardly_X]

🌟🌟🌟

[@brusselsprout5851]

Agreed.

[@lollypopnarcy7585]

Yup!!!! Nailed it!

[@majorsolutionsllc]

Living this everyday....wish I knew I what this was when I met my husband. Had no idea....however, "red flags" were there....I guess I didn't think someone could really be this dysfunctional because none of us are perfect....but WOW! Bad judgement on my part.

[@bonniecat2918]

majorsolutionsllc I wholeheartedly agree. I never experienced this behaviour before I met my husband now I’m trapped in a loveless relationship with no means of escaping.

[@truth8497]

Tears came to my eyes listening to this video. It affected my deeply, in a good way. I'm gaining my freedom and growing into the person I should have been years ago. Keep those videos coming Dr C. You're making a huge difference. ❤ Ruth

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

So pleased! Dr. C

[@homersmom]

Who on earth gave this a thumbs down?! 🤷‍♀️. Thank you once again Dr C for your thoughtful explanation. Your work has helped me tremendously. I was recently on vacation with other family members who are still in contact with my narcissist (my sister), and hearing their stories of her continued crazy making behavior solidified what I’ve learned from you - I am truly better off without her involvement in my life. Sad, but true. Anyway, thank you again.

[@lindabermudez-hafer5440]

It was probably a Narcissistic person who gave it a thumbs down 🤔🙄😁

[@brusselsprout5851]

Realizing I'm freed from their hate is wonderful. This video is so well articulated about their sickness, and it IS a sickness. Its sickening, too. Thank you for all of this keeping it simple.

[@karriphillips5090]

This is exactly right! You know I experienced all of this and then some & even as a Christian really trying to get to a solution - peaceful conclusion it's not at all possible. It was a parental narcissist that I experienced & it is excruciatingly painful. My parent couldn't receive any of the real love of God that was in my heart for her. What comes to my mind right now is that nothing is impossible with Christ.....However it is impossible with a narc who won"t even allow Gods help. One day I will share my testimony in Hope's of helping people who have gone through this but for now God is helping me to get to the other side of this first. Thanks Doc & God bless you for these videos.

[@mause1947]

THANKS SO MUCH for all your support

[@The_Green_Queen]

Dr. C, I’ve been following you for a while. Sometimes you make me LOL when you’re just being a good communicator. I’ve lived with these miserable narcs close to me for most of my life. Maybe I just need the release of a good laugh sometimes to release stress. But when you said “They are pretty impressed with themselves” it made me laugh out loud all by myself in my kitchen. They have tricked themselves into this thinking!

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Thanks for the good feedback. I'm uploading an "interview" Wednesday that will probably make you laugh. Either that, or I'll get run out of town. Dr. C

[@The_Green_Queen]

Surviving Narcissism Just that comment got me laughing again! Looking forward to tomorrow’s video.

[@michelekurlan6489]

Whenever I listen to Dr Carter speak I feel heard and understood anyone else feel that way? Very healing.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Pleased! Dr. C

[@orgonevibes2402]

Thank you Dr Carter, hearing your sound advice always helps me in my difficult journey of co-parenting with a narcissistic

[@cierajackson2490]

You have to not put yourself second. Remember, if you are held accountable for your actions, so are they don't let them bring you down, I'm finally learning how to be free from a nice assist my children, on the other hand, must learn as well, it was the worst experience I could ever imagine going through, but your wisdom and your inside has helped me change and grow so much. Thank you.

[@susancosgrove7821]

Thank you so much, you draw an out line on the invisible 'shapes' of narcissism and then you colour it in. Through the insights you have given me, I've gained peace and clarity. I appreciate your selfless sharing of your knowledge. Oh and where's Gus! 😊

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Gus was probably under my desk asleep that day. Dr. C

[@susancosgrove7821]

@@SurvivingNarcissism Well, that's the peace and calm you give us both! 😊

[@susancosgrove7821]

@@SurvivingNarcissism Dear Dr Carter, Probably like many of your followers I watch your videos again and again, each time reinforcing the valuable insights you have shared. I particularly love the Dignity, Respect & Civility motto you have. You encourage us to deal with this intrusive problem of Narcissistic people but in a Christ-like manner. I am a Jehovah's Witness and I enjoy the respectful manner you encourage. On one of your (many) videos you mentioned how the entertainment industry promoted violence, and how our society seems more 'attuned' to narcissism (my words). So I thought I would share with you a couple of thoughts from the Bible. One is in 1 John chapter 5 verse 19 which shows how really 'rules the world'; the other thought is in 2nd Timothy chapter 3 verses 1 - 5 which shows many of the selfish traits that would be prevelant at this time. You have been so generous with your time and knowledge that I wanted to share something with you that would shed some light on the questions you pondered. I know you are a busy man, but I hope you might have the opportunity to perhaps check those Scriptures .... and that it might make some sense to you. Please keep up your fabulous work. I have recommended your site to a number of friends who are also benefitting. With kindest regards (and a pat for Gus), Sue Cosgrove😊

[@StarOasis26]

Dr. Les Carter is a godsend for so many of us.

[@mmmfun77]

This validates what i have been mulling over the last day or two. Truth has become so profound in its clarity. Thank you for all your videos. They are EXTREMELY vital right now . You look great in yellow, my favorite color!! Of course, when you were talking about freedom, I couldn't help but cry with joy. I can't believe what i have overcome. It lead me to the practice of present moment awareness and meditation which is a daunting practice in the commitment of making peace with one's my mind. Change truly does come from within.

[@TRL2303]

"Their behavior is like an addicts" so true - I noticed that when I moved in with her the controlling got a lot worse. "Enough is never enough" Her ex of 10 years had moved out previously (depressed, suicidal) so there was no way she was gonna let that happen again. Which is kind of ironic because its that "controlling addiction" that drives you away in the end.

[@drppr76]

What I've decided to do is try and not be like the people in my life who I dislike - I try not to emulate them - I avoid picking up their annoying habits and try to handle things differently than they would - very good video Dr Les - keep on thinking free

[@DogGroomer-hd1oj]

Dr Carter, your videos are like having a guardian angel on my shoulder. You instill strength and wisdom in people like me that simply must continue to be in relationship with difficult people that fit the description of Narcissism. It was painful and confusing before I stumbled across your videos. I am healing and I want to Thankyou for it.

[@gettothechorus]

Characterising narcissists as control addicts has been so helpful to me, thank you. I have a deeply engrained sense of "endorsed" and "unendorsed" activities in my mind that it is sometimes hard to distinguish their tastes and preferences from my own. I realise now that have such a deeply entrenched dichotomy was a way to instill control in me. Thanks for your videos.

[@jamarsu]

Left after 34 years. I'm free. Always felt something was amiss All of the above made sense. Thank you Dr. Carter.

[@rebeccalavoy6655]

Their bound by...I listened to this very helpful video twice. Too many good points, to mention. Really liked the comparison to addiction. Only wish that I had seen this video sooner. The ex narc in my life, would undermine me at every turn. I started to loose any assurance or confidence in myself, just basically beaten down. He would bring competition to the most mundane of conversations. It became such a hopeless atmosphere, that I would plead with him to reveal a more humble side. I would go as far as telling him, that he is free to admit to the times that he is wrong, without any condemnation. Instead, I would be appreciative and thankful for his honesty. To no avail, my sincerity never reached his ears. I have since learned, that it was never about being on an equal playing field. He had to float above the field, looking down upon his lowly subjects. One day, with deep frustration in my voice, I said to him, "do you realize that you don't think and behave like normal people." Instead of getting insulted, he was proud of himself. I would clarify to him, this was not a compliment. He is a legend, in his own mind.

[@josephrobinson5952]

You always say , I hope you find value in these videos haha That is an understatement there should be required school courses on narcissism because it seems like the number of people with this dysfunction is on the increase . The harm they can do is criminal , If you steal a car you go to jail , If you rob a family of love and happiness together its no big deal

[@kevindavis1281]

So true that it blows my brain. I am hurt that no matter what I did itnwas never was reciprocated. These people are such a waste of time.

[@dryounas]

Dr Carter, that was an incredibly uplifting video. From a spiritual perspective you hit all the right tones all the time. I pray that God grants you the highest station in heaven with all of your loved ones. It is truly videos like these that help so many people that will get you there. You're doing God's work and please continue with it. Thanks again from your number one Onc Doc fan.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Received, with gratitude. Dr. C

[@RobertSimms]

Thank, kind sir! You have given me the permission, so to speak, to be free . . . of misery; this, I know! ♡&☮︎

[@micellecoetsee3483]

I think I have watched most of your videos by now, but this one stands out for me. It is like the last, major piece to the puzzle that is narcissism. It feels like I have finally connected the dots. Thank you for your valuable input, Dr. Carter.

[@ladyday438]

Dr L. Carter, I wish I knew this valuable information decades ago. My life would have been better for sure. I thank you for freely sharing so much valuable insights and knowledge into the world of Narcissistic Personality Disorders.

[@BusyMagnaBee]

Thank you, Dr. Carter, for sharing your expertise and knowledge with us. You are a blessing.

[@A.S1982Kush]

Your a brilliant man . I work with a narcissist and I refuse to be like him. This video just reinforces the way I want to think. Thanks for your videos

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Pleased! Dr. C

[@byronbutterfield4006]

Thank you soooo much for the insight. My narcissist wife of 32 years fits this description to a t. I have separated from her and am on the path of recovery. They are impossible to be with. They are exactly as you describe in this video.

[@TeddyD802]

I have a narcissist in my life , this info was so helpful , I was clueless for so long thinking something was wrong with me. Once I learned more everything started to make sense

[@LindyLooo99]

Each one of these videos lets me know I did the right thing by walking away with NO contact..... I refuse to get sucked in further.