Narcissists Think Caring Makes You Weak

Рет қаралды 9,025

Surviving Narcissism

Күн бұрын

Пікірлер: 146

@sturobertson6791 Ай бұрын

Some people put their energy into actually caring. Others put their energy into making you think that they care.

@texaspatty458 Ай бұрын

Stu , you know full well they have no genuine concern for anything or anyone except themselves & that is questionable in itself . 🤔Hmmmm?

@Suzanne.574 Ай бұрын

Amen

@sturobertson6791 Ай бұрын

@texaspatty458 Hi texaspatty. I agree a full blown narcassist has no genuine concern for anyone except themselves We've all experienced that to our costs. I wrote my comment thinking of my sisters (not full blown narcassists, as far as I know) who congratulate each other on our wattsapp group on how great they are at caring for our parents, yet spend very little time visiting and actually doing the caring Take care.

@amandaa3713 Ай бұрын

@@texaspatty458 Correct.

@user7-o9w Ай бұрын

Narcissists think that caring is weak because they don’t have the strength to even care about themselves.

@duhmoan Ай бұрын

& at the same time, they're so selfish and self absorbed.

@DHW256 Ай бұрын

Sad fact is only the narcissist can fix the problem, but there's little to no chance he/she will.

@yvonnebasson8652 Ай бұрын

They only care about themselves, everything is just about them

@amandaliverpool3374 Ай бұрын

They spend humongous amounts of time energy into making you BELIEVE that they care and future fake the hell out of you. Then, when you take the bait, they sit back and enjoy the ride 😢

@caroleminke6116 Ай бұрын

Only a sociopath thinks like this 😉

@amandaliverpool3374 Ай бұрын

@@caroleminke6116Wow! It looks as though I had a very lucky escape 😳

@roxymovie3938 Ай бұрын

Hi Amanda, guess, that Carole is right about the thinking of sociopaths. At least I made the same experience what you are describing with only a sociopath. For me it is still so unbelievable that someone puts so much energy into wanting to make you believe they care. It's ridiculous, isn't it? First prize future faking is my mother, nevertheless. Hope you had some peaceful days while your son was staying on Tenerife 😉 All the best for you 💖🤗

@amandaliverpool3374 Ай бұрын

@roxymovie3938 Luckily, I was only with this guy a little over a year. And, it was long distance. He wore a very "kind" mask. My eldest and his girlfriend enjoyed Tenerife. My youngest still has problems. I hope work hasn't been too troublesome for you 💕✨️😊

@southerngirl1408 Ай бұрын

@@amandaliverpool3374 I 100% Agree with you! That’s Exactly what they do. I have a narcissistic neighbor that you described perfectly

@aaronkwolfe Ай бұрын

Caring makes you weak, helping makes you a pushover, giving makes you the patsy. Guilty as charged, then.

@sturobertson6791 Ай бұрын

Same here! We learn to be more discerning

@Summer_Harvest Ай бұрын

@@aaronkwolfe You're not guilty for caring, because that implies your behavior was wrong.

@amandaliverpool3374 Ай бұрын

@t_nels I agree. You shouldn't be penalised for being nice!

@bobtaylor170 Ай бұрын

We shouldn't care to try to please savages. It's our duty to live up to the standards we know are right. If they, if most of the people we know, for that matter, have scorn for us because of it we should feel honored.

@BaraSchmidt Ай бұрын

@@aaronkwolfe what I find most disturbing about your very accurate summation of a narcs perception of the goodness in others is how society will lavish praise on those of us who have these core values yet continue to hire, promote, befriend, elect...those who weaponize them.

@elcee7800 Ай бұрын

Without empathy you can never relate. And empathy isn't artificial, it's innate.

@Summer_Harvest Ай бұрын

🎯

@amandaliverpool3374 Ай бұрын

Well said ❤

@elcee7800 Ай бұрын

Yesss! ✊🏼 Thanks!

@naomieleonora Ай бұрын

Don’t mistake my kindness for weakness. I am kind to everyone, but when someone is unkind to me, weak is not what you are going to remember about me.” -Al Capone😂

@jeankipper6954 Ай бұрын

Many people consider kindness and respect to be weaknesses. Our culture is sick with this. But I don't want to live in or create that kind of world. I AM kind, and respectful. AND intelligent, with many excellent skills. SO thankful for the validation and skills Dr. C and other like minded people are teaching. THANK you so very much!

@CynthiaAva Ай бұрын

And when you detach and stop giving them supply...they are gone. There is no winning with these beings. Keep it moving and take care of yourself.

@southerngirl1408 Ай бұрын

That’s Right, but that is Not a loss 😊

@IzabelaWaniek-i1x Ай бұрын

If you don’t have empathy, you won’t be able to connect with anyone on a heart level and it sends you onto a path of loneliness and misery. It’s tragic that the narcissist manages relationships rather than create them.

@GiantSlayer-rr1vu Ай бұрын

That covert religious narcissist mirrored my traits early and loved them. Once married I was told that I was weak and a bunch of filthy names. Because I come from a family who care, love, and help people. Plus I serve in many capacities in the church. today I am considered weak. Divorce proceedings are almost final after 5 years of disrespect.

@SurvivingNarcissism Ай бұрын

So sorry you’ve had to go through this. I wish you the best.

@amandaliverpool3374 Ай бұрын

My ex-husband did exactly that with me. The names I got called in the middle of the night while holding my eldest son as a baby were unbelievable. I said to him several times, "Excuse me," I'M the mother of your child. It shows great strength to divorce. I'm glad you found your strength 💪 ❤️

@lorinapetranova2607 Ай бұрын

I hope life is treating both of you kinder. I can dig narcissist hell. Many blessings ya'll. 😊

@BeKind526 Ай бұрын

Another lesson that hits home. Thank you Dr. Carter.

@surlif Ай бұрын

@@amandaliverpool3374 Oh my! Was your ex calling you names for caring for your baby? I have been wondering for many years why my cover narc husband ridiculed me for spending so much time with my infant and two year old to take care of them properly! I had complications after childbirth and he was so aggravated at me about that also and acted like I got sick AT him on purpose. It was terrible and the strangest thing. So I wondered if anyone else had been through something like that. Congrats on the divorce and finding your strength.

@katehampstead6024 Ай бұрын

Well, narcissists can breathe a sigh of relief now, because I quit caring about them.

@Hatbox948 Ай бұрын

When it comes to a narcissist I think caring does make you weak as far as they are concerned.

@sturobertson6791 Ай бұрын

Because they don't recognise the characteristics of emotional intelligence.... understanding, cognitive & emotional empathy and caring.....they see them as you being an emotional crybaby / weakling

@Hatbox948 Ай бұрын

@@sturobertson6791 Right, but if you have the misfortune of being in love with one you might sometimes be tempted to cave to their demands. They'll always take advantage of that.

@Summer_Harvest Ай бұрын

Hatbox, that pretty much sums up the relationship. You just did't know they were never able to reciprocate. I really think it's like Dr Carter says, 'I can work with this!' type mentality. Opportunists.

@amandaliverpool3374 Ай бұрын

I agree. Even when you put up defences, they'll still look for a chink in the armour or a different button to press. Keep healing ✨️ 💖 🙏

@amandaliverpool3374 Ай бұрын

@@Summer_HarvestWell said 💖

@brucefriedman1 Ай бұрын

A thoughtful person in the presence of someone who is conceited is perceived as having the potential to diminish the attention paid to them and it will not be tolerated at all and the gloves succinctly come off.

@stevenpower1804 Ай бұрын

Spot on. I was recently divorced from covert malignant narc and attracted another one right away. She loved bombed the crap out of me and I thoroughly enjoyed it knowing what came next, thanks to ppl like Dr. C, I was very prepared for all the crap that follows the LOve Bomb phase. Obviously she couldn't trigger me in the least and that enraged her even more. I got away from that ASAP!

@Summer_Harvest Ай бұрын

Caring about them does make you weak. Caring about humanity is IMHO, is still the winning way to go.

@sturobertson6791 Ай бұрын

"Caring about humanity..." Thats a nice phrase to read👍

@townstunsltd6727 Ай бұрын

You must have been through a lot to reach that conclusion! Thank you for sharing! And well done!

@Summer_Harvest Ай бұрын

@@townstunsltd6727 Thank you for saying that. There is a lot I don't recall.

@mcash4063 Ай бұрын

I asked my narc husband to say 1 positive thing about me because he never compliments me. All he said was I was dependable on paying 1/2 the bills.

@Melly16yr10 18 күн бұрын

Why not divorce? sounds like he's just using you

@joecaughman6746 Ай бұрын

What people have to remember about a narcissist being helpful to you is that it is just another transaction to them. My now ex-girlfriend helped me out caring for a basal tumor on my back. I thought that this was a loving gesture from her that she cared so much to help me. At the end of the day, she wanted payment for the work she did and have me pay her $300 power bill. Of course, I was guilted into doing this. The lesson learned is that they don't care about you unless there is something to be gained by doing so.

@caroleminke6116 Ай бұрын

Purely transactional beings & you always owe them in the end hence no gratitude ever

@amandaliverpool3374 Ай бұрын

Omg 😲 ❤

@butterflycomb Ай бұрын

Just crazy to me how they have no problem faking caring with others.

@caroleminke6116 Ай бұрын

Scary is how well they can fake respect also concern when it’s just bogus & meant to ensnare more supply

@amandaliverpool3374 Ай бұрын

There's usually something in it for them. They don't do anything for nothing!

@jeankipper6954 Ай бұрын

Mine ONE time warmly, proudly welcomed me when I returned to him in the audience after an excellent, beautiful performance. Then he actually said, "See? I DO know how to act!"

@rossanderson5243 Ай бұрын

Care means to pay protective attention. They protect the attention they seek.

@SandraMuller-vs8ck Ай бұрын

Caring for oneself is my primary focus, while being able to recognize the vulnerability in certain individuals that manifest narcissistic behaviors. I am very grateful for your ongoing educational podcast that brings out the goodness in a person. Thank you and may God grant you a long and healthy life to be of assistance to this human race. Society needs more people like you. God bless. ❤

@judystevens6039 Ай бұрын

When things are going their way and you keep quiet they're happy but disagree with them and go against them god help you.

@DHW256 Ай бұрын

Thank you. Yes, the narcissist misconstrues genuine charity, caring, strength, and love as weakness. The narcissist sees positive qualities in an envious light and projects his/her own failures to measure up onto the observed. Best to walk away, to stay out of their sight, to position the narcissist outside of your circles. Last night I told my wife, "Every day I'm thankful that my wife is a warm and loving person, and I wish my father had the same experience." She padded me on the knee and cried a little. Every day my heart aches for Dad, the circumstance he could not overcome at the hands of his/our abuser.

@tyremanguitars Ай бұрын

this makes a lot of sense, my father always told me to 'not let it get to you' and still has the emotions of a robot.

@Private_Pookie Ай бұрын

Makes sense they say "i dont care" so much

@Private_Pookie Ай бұрын

Its crazy because i kno we have all tried to empathize with a narc, its just too taxing and exhausting. The sad part they dont even know how to receive empathy. They "feel" like your trying to trick them or something. So weird....

@atomisum6445 Ай бұрын

Absolutely weird. So damn weird you second guess yourself

@annemarieb.1460 Ай бұрын

they can´t recieve because everything is a competition to them and they can not compete on that.

@Ashley-d6e3j Ай бұрын

If they’re obvious about it, then I know to stay away. The worst is when they come across as caring then you find out they don’t, and the cognitive dissonance and pain that causes.

@kath610 Ай бұрын

I’m wondering if they don’t really understand how to label emotions or caring. If I am sad or hurt about anything my husband always assumes I am angry with him. If I am happy or excited about something he says things to squash that emotion. He likes me to just have a neutral expression most of the time. My mother is the same way. It makes life very boring and burdensome.

@caroleminke6116 Ай бұрын

Because your focus must always be on them

@stevenpower1804 Ай бұрын

I can relate and hate that these ppl try to control you. Be yourself tell them to shove it

@yvonnebasson8652 Ай бұрын

Yes!! Truth! When you are a good person they don't respect you, they respect evil people!!

@JanetSnakehole28 Ай бұрын

If any survivors are panicking that their tendency to go into problem solving mode makes them a narcissist, it doesn't. It's a different thing, typically a trauma response, especially if eg, you're the family scapegoat or your narcissist partner used weaponised incompetence/learned helplessness. Big difference between the controlling, power obsessed narcissist going into problem solving mode and a survivor who was conditioned to step & fetch going into that mode.

@stephaniehepler8341 Ай бұрын

The trauma bonding is so strong. After all the pain I experienced because of this man, it still hurts me to see him suffering. Even though my suffering meant nothing to him. So confusing.

@caroleminke6116 Ай бұрын

Playing roles by their rules until you get left by the side of the highway

@amandaliverpool3374 Ай бұрын

That's one way of putting it!

@Freethnkr Ай бұрын

Caring, crying, being vulnerable, having empathy or sympathy, having a big heart, being a giving person, and being understanding of other people's situations are all considered weak to them. My ex snuffed me off while riding in the car one time when I rolled the window down to give a few dollars to a pregnant homeless lady on the corner. He tried his best to get me not to do it, but I just ignored him. They have stony hearts.They admire certain qualities about you but can't stand them at the same time.

@cairosilver2932 Ай бұрын

If they saw someone who is frail or mistaken they'd pounce on them, so they expect to be pounced on if they show those things. And to some degree they are right, there are other narcissists around.

@jpatterson829 Ай бұрын

Thank you DrC, always great insights. Have a great day everyone! 😊

@amandaliverpool3374 Ай бұрын

You too 😊

@saggiandcappi1 Ай бұрын

Thank you so much Dr Carter for making these videos. You really hit the nails on the head.

@SurvivingNarcissism Ай бұрын

You are very welcome!

@MT-tx7bu Ай бұрын

To them, caring can translate into weakness, and it can also translate into pity, especially when you show them care.

@Coral_Forever Ай бұрын

Thank you. This brought me back more than 40 years and helped me make sense of events. Thank you, thank you. 😊

@Melanie-m8w Ай бұрын

They can be good at pretending though to extract whatever it is they think your role in their sadistic play is.

@davidhynd4435 Ай бұрын

Dr. Carter, I've been following your KZbin videos and podcasts for months now, during probably the lowest ebb of my life, having left my narcissist wife of 32 years. I wish I could thank you in person because your wise advice and the sharing of your years of training and experience have been a significant part of my journey toward recovery. Thank you so much. God bless you

@peggyerickson2549 Ай бұрын

Another stellar presentation Dr C!!

@SteelyBlue2013 Ай бұрын

Thank you Dr. Carter.

@SurvivingNarcissism Ай бұрын

You are very welcome

@andreacook6000 Ай бұрын

Love this video! Thank you🌺✨🐾💜

@Matthew-n7v Ай бұрын

Thank you DRC. Awesome as always.

@rwdchannel2901 Ай бұрын

Narcissists have emotional leprosy. All their sensitivity has been destroyed.

@ann-mareeputt3156 Ай бұрын

Gus is in the dog house. He has been tied to his blanket. I luv Gus

@SurvivingNarcissism Ай бұрын

Gus is a great companion!!

@patrickglaser1560 Ай бұрын

I used to care... they trained me to be cold

@ReiMari-ty5bz Ай бұрын

I cannot think otherwise than that a narc´s only way to get a human relationship is by birth or by sexuality - after loosing these possibilities they fall into hopeless empty loneliness.

@andreacook6000 Ай бұрын

Thanks!

@SurvivingNarcissism Ай бұрын

Thanks, Andrea!

@samalvarado3957 25 күн бұрын

Thank you for another great video, I have been learning from you for quite awhile now and it's been a month now that I have gone no contact with the narcissist that I dealt with for the last seven years. I have learned a lot and will continue to watch your videos until I can rest and sleep peacefully just like Gus 😂 Thank you again Dr C.

@ptrblz 16 күн бұрын

I'd rather be weak and caring than having to deal with the strong nonsense of narcissism

@itskindofemily Ай бұрын

Yep... Set up a boundary with my dad and he called it selfish and not including him. Huh??

@atomisum6445 Ай бұрын

Turns out I've never had a reason in 9 years to get upset about anything. Weird. Guess I'm just too sensitive.

@WoohooliganComedy Ай бұрын

💖

@stephaniehepler8341 Ай бұрын

My husband was served a protection order. So far he has tried to trick me into moving out & is asking me to compare hotel prices for him. Guess what role I played? Useful idiot.