Navigating holiday gift exchanges with narcissists (subtítulos en español)

[@angelanicholson951]

Best gift i ever gave to myself was no further contact.

[@olgakim4848]

And the smartest.

[@angelanicholson951]

@@olgakim4848 yes.

[@jenreu]

Awesome .. me too!

[@iknowwhatsup2880]

🤣😉

[@AnnaG1996]

Love this

[@nacarreira777]

The only time a narcissist gives nice gifts is during love bombing. When they're receiving, they will not validate you even if they like the gift.

[@knittingarch]

Nope. Unless love bombing happens in waves mine gave me an expensive, thoughtful gift well after the initial lovey-dovey phase. Some are just super random.

[@DaniefromCanada]

So correct. My mom and sister return everything I buy them. No remorse don't care at all. I swear it's done diliberalty to hurt me. I've given a gift to my mom that she immediately just gave to my narc sister (her mini me). It seems to be done diliberalty to let me know they think my gifts are shit.

[@krissiberry9087]

Omg! So true

[@orkumm]

@@knittingarch I'm experiencing love bombing now with work colegue (it's my first time recognizing a N on first step), she gives me a lot, today for example she bought me lunch suddenly. What should I do? Keep receiving staff or reject everything? I want to keep in good terms and be nice and thankful, but also not feed the monster. What do you think I should do?

[@reenieanderson6349]

Truth!

[@nancymann4734]

Just go No Contact and get the hell out! So many better things to choose in life than dealing with these toxic people. Seriously. RUN!

[@serenasmuckers9310]

Give them your absence

[@budgirl1368]

Agreed!! That’s my New Year resolution !!! Good bye to my narcissistic step mother 💪🏼

[@brittneybizallon6907]

Nancy!!!❤️❤️

[@Melly16yr10]

Definitely true

[@Anonymissus]

some people aren't able to move out

[@YesuAiNimen]

The best gift my Narc gave me was signing the divorce papers.

[@Wildchile]

Congratulations!

[@gruv2nz]

So true

[@bekidarlin2.0]

That's the only gift I want from mine.

[@sheryl7837]

Me too!!

[@tamararutland-mills9530]

Yes!

[@gorgess]

I think if you have to deal with a person like that you should just buy a gift for yourself.

[@kimsmith819]

I always do and my cats sure luck out every Christmas

[@gorgess]

@@kimsmith819 I'm pretty sure it's an even exchange for their companionship, i.e. the privallage of being treated like a cat bed lol

[@niti470]

RhymeOfTheAncient Sub-Mariner exactly!! One should love themselves more than loving these narcissists ... then there will be lesser pain ...

[@MsLuvmusic81]

LOL! Truth!

[@NurseLydia9]

RhymeOfTheAncient Sub-Mariner yup. Every year. And I make my own birthday cake because I’m still being held hostage for school being out, having three kids, family obligations and it being on Dec 29th

[@joannak7526]

I sent my MIL a signed copy of a Joan Rivers book. She sent it back to me several years later. The crazy thing is that it was sealed in plastic and I don't think she recognized that it was autographed. It's mine now.

[@kimsmith819]

I think you may of lucked out on her regift lol

[@jackiejames3898]

Good!!! She didn't deserve it. I miss Joan.

[@joannak7526]

@@jackiejames3898 I do too. She was one of those people who others seem to love or hate. I loved her. She was like that wacky great-aunt with no filter who said what everyone else was thinking.

[@joannak7526]

@Bushra S What a thoughtful gift! How awful he acted that way towards you. OMG! What is wrong with these people? I never know if my in-laws are going to love what we sent them, or we are going to get a rundown on how we got it wrong. One year I told my MIL that I was getting an expensive jacket for my husband and SHE sent the same jacket to the house two days later. I was furious. I told my husband about it and he was so pissed, he never wore the jacket. Now the MIL wonders why I won't tell her what my husband wants for Christmas. Duh.

[@feebee1982]

😱

[@lillym.1091]

"It's kinda like throwing a gift into the abyss."😂😂

[@zonarybaka]

Lilian Moss perfect parable.

[@flowers6576]

Exactly!🎯

[@Marishebert]

If the abyss threw the gift back in your face.

[@cheralyse1352]

Spot on!

[@maryholton162]

I remember my ex narc friend bragging that she had to make a special trip to the post office to send a gift overseas to an internet friend that she had never met. Meanwhile, I would not even get a phone call for my birthday.

[@lilmoth227]

I'm sorry you had a friend mistreat you like that. I had a similar experience where a friend went to the Grand Canyon one year with her dad and when she came back she wanted to bring over all the minerals she got there (large raw chunks of obsidian, rose quartz, quartz, amethyst etc) and she went through every single one of them telling me who she got them for, why she got them for the person, and where she got them etc. She got none for me lmao. Even though I was the one that got her interested in minerals in the first place and she knew that my great grandfather had a rock shop and I was in love with geology and minerals (and at the time I was into new age spirituality but I don't like to admit to that lmao it's pretty embarrassing). I then explained to her why what she did was rude and inconsiderate. She acted absolutely clueless and then told me that I could take one of the small pieces of sand stone she picked off the ground. Thanks I guess? Lmao. I didn't even know she was getting people gifts so it's not like I was expecting one but for her to come over to my house and go through all of them and tell me she got a bunch for other people and then not get me any was a HUGE slap in the face especially because she knew how much I loved minerals and that I was the one to get her interested in them. Needless to say I asked her to leave after that lol.

[@reenieanderson6349]

Omg yes I get that

[@flowers6576]

@@lilmoth227 yeah, that "clueless" look ... Come On!! They know Exactly what they've done!! (Sometimes I just want to slap the "clueless" off their face!!)

[@whereisyourhumanity7557]

For a while, I chased a narcissist, and neglected my true friend. I pursued her, because my family urged me in her direction. I'm glad I figured it out. I made up a Valentine for Narcs: Roses are Red, Violets are Blue. You are a Narcissist, so F*ck You.

[@Stormy867]

A narcissist will rush and get you a gift with no thought just to get it over with

[@mrred3578]

Who's here because of there mum? Surely it can't just be me!? Merry Christmas people. 🙂👍

[@rachiekrenewher]

Mr Red you’re not alone 🙌🏻 I’ve just got a message from her confirming my postal address (which she has by the way because she sent a birthday present in October!!!!!!!), and I know it’s going to be that she wants to send Christmas gifts, which I don’t want and we don’t do gifts for them because we haven’t spoke in three years until a few months ago, and only then it’s only via text messages or phone. Now I have to reply saying don’t send gifts because we’ll be away....she’ll flip. She flipped the other day because I was unable give her a recipe due to copyrights within my business. 🤦🏻‍♀️ unbelievable!!!!!

[@co4975]

Merry Christmas 🎄! Narcs are the poison of this world. I’d like to forget about them. Terrible abusers ! I sympathize with those who’ve suffered from the karmic relationship with a narc.

[@avfeland]

Me too!

[@rachelschwartz3731]

Me, also-you’re not alone.

[@mrred3578]

Well I hope everyone who liked and comment got through Christmas OK. Ours was a little rough because of the narc but I'm getting wiser and with my partners support I did my best not to fall into any of the old traps. I hope new year is good for all of you!

[@annmalone1585]

Don’t give them any gifts..... SIMPLE

[@sonicfoxxmusic4281]

A decree absolute seems like a nice trade for their discard to you.

[@astridgalactic9336]

It's really not that simple. One year I was absolutely broke and my narc sister knew it. Financial logic meant nothing to her. Well before Thanksgiving, I told all family members not to get me anything for Christmas because there was no way that I could afford to buy gifts. My insanely full-blown narc sister blew a fuse because I wasn't gift buy for her and her entire family of 6, as she absolutely expected. Life was Hell that year and I avoided them that Christmas just to avoid the nonsense. A year later, I completely cut the psycho out of my life. Thought it would be tough going without family contact but it only turned out to be the best thing ever. My finances are a little better now and I now buy a gift for myself and not have to worry about the financial and psychological strain of having to deal with her ever again. Life is good again.

[@Gee-xb7rt]

@@astridgalactic9336 Don't think you need to tell other people not to get you anything, its a pattern of codependency you picked up by being around codependents. People should feel comfortable both giving and receiving without obligation, if you can't you might want to consider therapy, you might be free of your sister, but there are still wounds.

[@astridgalactic9336]

@@Gee-xb7rt ​ It was a subtle warning that I wasn't, and could not, get gifts for all the people who expected them. It was mostly the kids I was concerned about, whom she had conditioned to expect to be showered with gifts. Interestingly enough, they were fine, it was only she who took offense, which didn't surprise me in the least. But it was also a warning to my crazy sister to back off, which she didn't, so I did. She actually got much crazier and hateful. Sometimes there's only one way to deal with toxic people and that's to remove yourself from their poison.

[@Gee-xb7rt]

@@astridgalactic9336 you really shouldn't have to drop subtle warnings to a grown adult, they should be able to handle reality. narcissists can't handle reality because their egos need validating, constantly, forever. trying to warn a narcissist is really just asking for it, they are special, they are entitled, how dare you act like they are aren't.

[@thenerd2446]

The words “ Thank You “ do not come naturally with Narcissists, they open the gift and immediately find something wrong with it. Conversely they Always expect you to be soooooo grateful for the gift they give you even if the gift they give you is a box of cheap Chocolates.

[@nayanaramesh1252]

True! They are never satisfied with what we give taking so much of time effort, money and love!

[@user-dy1qw9jx9o]

I got my ex cologne on Valentine’s Day last year and he got me a box of brownie mix. He was half surprised with my gift and then continued to use it against me the rest of the relationship saying he wanted that girlfriend back who got him the nicest gift on Valentine’s Day. Anyways, when I showed disappointment at just the brownie mix, he flew into a rage and almost broke up with me because I just “don’t get his gift and how it’s amazing and thoughtful”...

[@susisonnenschein5069]

thats my aunt 😏

[@hannyhawkins7804]

s vogti Really? Lucky you. She’s marvellous.

[@susisonnenschein5069]

Hanny Hawkins not Dr. Ramani😁 . This would be awesome. ❤️ I am not so lucky, i have to stick to narcissistic aunt😕

[@pavla2055]

The last Christmas I ever spent at my covert narcissist mother’s house was after a raging fit she had at me for gifting her bubble bath from a discount store she always made sure I knew that my family’s gifts came from . I was expecting a reaction but it was almost immediate- screaming and throwing things - ‘ look what your brother gave me !’ , ‘ look what your father gave me !’ . The most notable thing to me was that not one other person that had moved to the next room came and asked what all the screaming was about - just the usual fully acceptable Christmas Day screaming at the scapegoat daughter to them I guess . That was the last gift I ever gave my mother.

[@flowers6576]

Can't blame ya

[@jackilynpyzocha662]

I wouldn't bother giving her or any of them gifts.

[@jackilynpyzocha662]

Much less the time of day!

[@galateea2531]

I got from my ex an used thash can. I bought him an used but really useful van, a fountain pen to write his first book (never did or will), a laundry washing mashine, food and cooking for 8 months and gave birth to our child (who he never was interested in). Single mom for 16 months, never happier than now. That used trash can was a symbol of exactly how much did he valued me during our relationship.

[@h.s.2958]

Im sorry 😭 I'm a single mom too now so I totally get you (husband was narc and addict). Hope you have and continue to grow a good support system and can relax and start thinking about your and your child's needs. It's hard, but freeing, right? 😉☺️

[@astridgalactic9336]

Completely cutting my extremely narcissistic sister out of my life made Christmas great again. Originally, I expected it to be sad for me celebrating Christmas without family, but it turned out to be the best Christmas gift that I could ever give myself. Now I love Christmas again. Merry Christmas everyone!

[@miriammatthews2202]

That was my Thanksgiving. I gave myself the gift of peace and spent it alone. Awe. Beautiful quiet day, no drama.

[@gabdubuc]

Same here haha

[@cymbolichuman433]

I don't bother with gift giving to adults. Christmas is for kids and it's up to the parents to make their dreams come true. I'm a baker, so I mail cookies to everyone and it's mostly for the kids. Kids are wonderful and sweet. Then the world messes them up. I don't care if adults get upset, there's no pleasing them so, why would I ?

[@LillyNotFlower]

Preach.

[@Blue_Azure101]

Cookies!

[@HelotesHellRaiser]

I dont buy adults gifts either and I don't want any gifts I much rather treat the kids

[@wanda4573]

My sister in law gave me cookies once, I loved it!!!! We arrived from over seas and had to travel to go see people so having some home made cookies was nice

[@whereisyourhumanity7557]

I work in a tourist shop and I collect little things all year - pretty sticker, bookmark, art card. I put them in red envelopes and leave them in the car, with a pen. If someone gets poopy about no gift, I say " oh I must have left yours in the car." Then I go out in the car and write their name on the envelope, and give it to them. If they stay poopy because it's not big enough or good enough...then they're an ingrate.

[@fairdose]

I know one narc who is a cheapskate. He comes from a wealthy family and would give out cheap gifts or re-gift old stuff and then expect you to be bowled over by their generosity or grand gesture.

[@annperez1]

My experience is been like that...! The narc in my life give the worst gifts and makes very clear that, she didnt want that or that it was on sale...and dont even wrap the thing + leaves the pricetag on... :/

[@kiakai]

This is exactly what is happening with the narc in my life. thank for this comment, it just gives me another reason to believe i am not crazy or ungreatful as they have me to be.

[@lorettanericcio-bohlman567]

Ha! Mine would give me a cheap thing that would break and then get pissed that I didn’t wear it. WTF?

[@clogs4956]

My Narc hasn't even bought me or our sons a card for years, let alone gifts. Actually, he's bought nothing, even for his own family, since we wed.

[@XeniasWorld]

This made me laugh 😅

[@flagirl0315]

They love to return your gifts or tell you the wrong size for things. It’s maddening. It’s a setup to make you fail. Could you imagine living like this?

[@christianprincedebates6740]

I've been told during an arguement with my narcissist that all the gifts I had ever given sucked. I put tons of time and thought into them all, needless to say that gift cards are now my go to ☺️

[@Pfsif]

Yup, that's about right.

[@kimsmith819]

I can't say I blame you. I would do the same. Shame on them for not even pretending to love the gift

[@TheSahand68]

Your narc is the one with a mean and nasty streak which is not surprising bcse she is a narc ... I would ask all the gifts that she did not like back ASAP! Ask her: why bother receiving gifts if you dont like them?!?! After you get those presents back, if you get any ??? I would regift them before I discard this narc. ... this narc costed you $$, time and energy ... invest those in someone else! Dont take bull anymore!!!

[@co4975]

Basic / I’m sure that the pure evil in every way: social, religious, spiritual - is narcissist. To have one of these in the family will give lots of pain. Guarantee. Narcs have no soul. They’re like machines generating bad words and bad actions. To tell them anything sensible back is useless because the machine will not answer. The most uneducated narc will be able to break a PhD empath. Again, these are anything but humans. God knows why and how.

[@deeprollingriver5820]

And you’re still around?

[@kimwright2538]

Don’t waste your time, energy or money. Invest in some self love, buy what you need for a spiritual bath and wash that toxic sh*t off !!! You are beautiful and deserve so much more! You ARE worthy !!! 🦋🌟♥️🌟❤️🌟🦋

[@melbygosling890]

With my narcissistic in-laws there are always strings attached to every gift.

[@1Sweetness]

My mom gave me a picture of herself like I really wanted or needed a picture of her nope

[@NurseLydia9]

Tina Lynn my mom had an artist color a likeness of her that was giant. It’s hanging in the living room of her house and makes me feel so uncomfortable every time I’m in that room.

[@miryreina925]

Oh boy...hillarious!

[@springfauna1465]

OMG, my mom did the same thing one year for each of us kids!! LOL!!!!!!!

[@CocoPink44]

Oh my god that's hilarious

[@flamingo690]

This year, for Christmas, the narc sent me a gift emoji through text message and expects me to be grateful and moved by their thoughtfulness. No joke.

[@acatte1]

Jenny i got a christmas tree emoji lmao

[@flamingo690]

@@acatte1 A Christmas tree emoji, wow Kristin D, your narc was feeling extra generous this year! ;)

[@Blue_Azure101]

😹

[@reenieanderson6349]

I am dying. 😔

[@paullombardi380]

What I would add is that although the grandiose gift might seem generous - there is a good chance it has fed their narcissistic supply as they will have spent two months telling their friends, colleagues and family all about it! And enjoying everyone telling them how kind and generous they are

[@flowers6576]

Preach!!

[@whereisyourhumanity7557]

And it might be useless to you. I got a pressure cooker. I gave it to the Soup Kitchen.

[@kriistiina111590]

I just finally came to the realization that my mother is a narcissist took me 30 years.... This video helps so much. My mom regifts things I have purchased in the past and it used to hurt so bad. Thank you for explaining her thought process

[@elduderino7767]

i tend to put a lot of thought into gifts, always figure out something they are using religiously but has some flaws that creates unnecessary hassle... so a substantial upgrade on something they have or something new entirely that will be of good use - not expensive, just useful.. my narc family member would always just pack the present back in the box for it to never be opened again... and even if it was say an upgrade to something he already had and that inferior item broke down.. he still wouldn't touch it, instead he'll just go out and buy a cheap replacement... after decades of disappointment I now put minimal effort... i still constantly catch myself thinking about that perfect present only to tell myself don't waste your energy and just get whatever.. then try to ignore that bit of guilt that flashes in my mind as i imagine everyone opening their presents together

[@kimsmith819]

We have downgraded to just cards, for my husband and myself. His doing totally. I in return gift the heck out of those that appreciate the gifts I send them. Oh well, not going to spend my time worrying about it anymore. Its just a sad situation

[@annmalone1585]

My mother always puts away in a closet anything that she’s given.... even if you’ve put a lot of thought on that gift, she always hoarders it.... she’s gives shitty gifts also. So I don’t care anymore, it took me years to understand that she’s never going to be pleased or grateful. Now I buy nice things for myself

[@grayrockaroundtheclock9937]

they lose any gifts i give them

[@SusanBame]

@@annmalone1585 Mine did too. My siblings would often go together and buy a big ticket item for our parents, which our parents hardly ever used -- tolerated getting the gifts, but hardly ever used. I decided to do things for my mom instead, so Iʻd come to her house and plant tulip bulbs with her in the fall at her birthday time, something like that. The tulips still grew where we planted them, even after she passed.

[@katiehunt3083]

I quit trying after I got him a gift certificate for a place he goes ALL the time....he never said a word about it. When I finally asked about it..."oh, I don't know....I lost it...i can't remember."

[@Intrepid_Insomniac]

Thank you. I send my heart out to all of you who are dealing with a narc this holiday season. We cannot let them steal our joy. ❤️🎄❤️

[@budgirl1368]

Kristin Bertram ♥️

[@sandywilliams3244]

Thank you Dr. Ramani. You have given me a huge gift this year by teaching me so much and I am very grateful. I hope you have a very happy Christmas season.

[@AnDitaLee]

Give a like if you have been treated to a trip or vacation by a narc who, after isolating you and making you dependent on them for transportation back decided it was time to unleash their narc rage on you. My advice, never accept a gift from a narc unless you have no other option and NEVER travel with one unless you enjoy feeling trapped and emotionally abused. 🤕

[@jsmith5866]

That happened to me so often! I hated traveling with him. It was scary! He would do that on every holiday. The kids hated holidays and so did I!

[@flowers6576]

Never been given a vaca or trip. But I'll tell you right now, I Never get into a vehicle with my spouse anymore, unless I have no choice, bc I Refuse to be trapped in a vehicle with him ever again!! Instantly the raging & fighting begins (he knows I can't get away) & the erratic & dangerous driving begins.

[@Sky_Star-hq6bx]

Amen ! Never Travel with a Narcissist and Never depend on Them for transportation Or anything Else for that matter !

[@peacerun]

EXACTLY this happened. That exotic vacation was HELL.

[@whereisyourhumanity7557]

That reminds me of a rule I learned about the Narc : they will never meet you on your home territory, or neutral territory. They will always meet you on THEIR field of advantage.

[@Jen-sz9cq]

Dr. Ramani, you are 100% right. I have tried so hard to make it a perfect Christmas every yr. Nothing has been good enough--nothing. So with no contact for a yr, this will be the 1 st Christmas, no adult kids of grandkids. It breaks my Heart. So I decided to share my Christmas with elderly in my community. Makes me so happy. Thank you. Hope you have a Beautiful Christmas!!

[@loritr]

I wish I had seen your advise 30 years ago.

[@Blue_Azure101]

Loraine Taylor lol she would’ve been an embryo

[@reenieanderson6349]

Exactly

[@TheWhisperTexan]

My Narc Dad was literally writing a check on Christmas day as I was opening my Mom's gift of a firetruck that I really wanted. He put the $50.00 check on the tree and left the room. I was seven I didn't even know what a check was.

[@anneneem]

They're so checked out aren't they. A real mental disorder in the body of someone who looks 'sane' to others.

[@carolbird5708]

Wow cold as ice

[@NurseLydia9]

TheWhisperTexan sad. 😢

[@AnDitaLee]

Ouch... I’m sorry.

[@Blue_Azure101]

A real dad would have at least stayed to play with the truck with you. He fucked up.

[@eglezioma]

I experienced such sadness and relief watching this video. It answered one of the biggest (and most bitter) riddles of my life. Thank you!

[@cloudshadow954]

It’s true, my husband used to give me nice gifts. A few years ago when the devaluing started, it became gift cards to get what ever I wanted. This past year we entered the discard phase, he said he wasn’t getting me anything this year. I got him a nice gift. He felt obligated to get me something, after he seen I had no gifts this year. He waited till New Year to take me to Walmart for a makeup box and deodorant. Really? The idea is to have it the day of and have some sort of meaning. Maybe he thought I stink so he made sure I get deodorant, lol, idk. So, I treated myself to a laptop and a Hawaiian vacay because he’s not in the picture now.

[@angielilliank.1109]

Very helpful. Another thing that I've realized is that it's important for me to not give a narc something that I also have one of because then that thing will always remind me of them and then I won't enjoy it anymore.

[@christinastaten3575]

It felt absolutely amazing returning two gifts I got him for Father’s Day that he stated he “didn’t want,” after he acted a whole fool the day before. So I kept the gifts wrapped and vowed to him that I would return them. I wasn’t playing. I wasn’t going to reward bad behavior. Today the gifts were returned and getting my money back felt good! I’m saving my money from now on. Spending it on me and my children. They appreciate mommy’s gifts.

[@uuesgirl]

My ex gave me dish towels and a kettle for Christmas on our first Christmas together. I had plenty of dish towels and a kettle already. So romantic! I gave him a tv for his birthday because he had an old school tube tv, so I bought him a flat screen and he complained about the tv, because it wasn't good enough. He bought me a Valentine's Day mug with cinnamon hearts for my birthday. He got them at a drugstore on his way over from his house. Zero care. Zero consideration. Not to mention the lies, cheating, gas lighting that I had to endure. Actual hell.

[@parypearl382]

I used to agonize over what I'd get my NF for Christmas each year. He always opened it and then said I shouldn't have gotten him anything. One year(in my late teens)I didn't get him anything. He. Was. Pissed! To this day, I see this as one of my first victories.

[@gennyalvarez7038]

These are amazing talks. Thank you for this lovely gift in a tough season.

[@gailcapshaw397]

My husband gave me a set of brakes for my first Christmas with him. The Family laughed at this gift. Next Christmas he wrapped a well thought gift and wrapped it in the brake box from the previous year. My daughters and I acted confused when I opened “brakes” (but he had gift inside.)while he raged something about not being good enough. He never gave me another gift for 30 years. I got excuses like, “I was too busy to buy a card.” Or, he didn’t acknowledge that a gift was appropriate. He loved receiving gifts but gave nothing in return except excuses about why he didn’t give a gift. Sometimes I still feel foolish for staying with him while extremely grateful that he is now deceased. Thank you Dr Ramani for these valuable podcasts that help me process and heal from 34 years with a narcissist.

[@oliviapendergast1]

I feel so much gratitude to see your videos...this one... It so makes me see how text book my husband is/was... He would OUT gift me every year. I tried so hard. I would hand make and do all the details. I would listen for months to what he wanted, I would get friends involved. Order things from overseas. And he would buy me something last minute but it would be way over our budget. It was something I didn't ask for ...a new laptop, a new camera, a new iphone... They were "generous" but soulless gifts. I hated each one...Also he would ALWAYS ruin the surprise. He would leave details lying around. Receipts on the table. He would tell me to use google maps on his phone and there would be a picture of what he bought me on his phone. But I would have to act super surprised and overwhelmed even though I knew what I was getting...He would look at my gifts and shrug or make a face that meant I hadnt done good. I missed it. I f***ed up. IT (I) was never good enough. It was soul crushing. I'm so happy I'm free. 13 years of hell. I'm FREE!

[@flowers6576]

Wow! Been there. Done that.

[@user-wd3po8sd7k]

My boyfriend is a grandiose mid range narcissist. He usually gives nice gifts, and of course, expects over-the-top gratitude as well. I recently gave him gifts for Christmas, and he informed me that he didn’t like any of them, and he wants me to take them all back. 😐

[@Tilly236]

I'll always remember my ex narc friend's response when I said I wasn't buying too many gifts one Christmas: 'You're gonna feel so guilty when you see how much I bought you...' Nice. Such Christmas spirit!

[@walkingwithheather]

Been separated for 16 months. I kicked him out and he decided to live life with the new source, which turned out to be a disaster. He's hoovered and left messages on my phone, and this is how I know some of the information. He has made the 'narc apology', and that he really 'f---ed up', with the choice he made. He also wanted to do what he didn't do last year and thats give us gifts for Christmas or be involved over the holidays. I did send him a message, for I didn't want him showing up on my door step over the holidays and asked him not to and to save his money for he needs it. He's on disability and his money goes fast, so I don't want to be obligated. Fingers crossed that he stays away.. Narcissists are usually cheap, unless they want something. I'll feel better doing without, then feeling like I owe him.

[@gypsywolf2061]

My narcissistic ex husband, knowing I was in jewelry sales and knew a lot about it, bought earrings that weren’t even real silver and said they were diamond earrings. They were costume jewelry. This was part of the year he was disgarding me.

[@Hgood1]

Thanks to you I just stay clear of narcissists-as much as humanly possible. Life is hard enough.

[@Melborn0915]

Exactly! I give because it is in my nature to give.

[@Holly_hamigakiko]

This was really helpful; I did the gift exchange with my mum yesterday and she barely looked at the gifts I gave her. She had asked for fleece lined mittens and I managed to find some lovely ones which were more expensive than I would usually pay, but perfect for what she wanted. She barely looked at them. I actually said, 'they're the ones you wanted' before she even acknowledged them, putting them on and saying 'oh, yes, so cosy.' I was actually talking in therapy today about how she doesn't seem to have the skills of reacting in a natural way; she almost needs prompting to remember someone else exists and has feelings too. This was especially shown when my husband told her that his mum had had a fall and was in hospital and she then went to talk about how she had had a fall too and spoke over him. Her story of a fall began 3 months ago - it wasn't even recent nor was she hurt in any way. She has also told us this story many many times - it is like she doesn't know how to just listen or be empathetic to someone else - only by relating it to herself can she communicate. This also occurred when I told her I had OCD - suddenly she said, 'oh, I have that too' - again it was like my experience and existence doesn't even matter. I did have one success yesterday though; as a child, her and my brother used to shame me for not liking blue and every year she buys me everything blue. This year, after a year of clear boundaries in all aspects of my life, I told her no blue (which she was ignored in previous years) and instead to think pink or red. I think after a year of me clearly putting boundaries in place, she knew she could no longer cross this one and I got a pink scarf and pink PJs!

[@h.s.2958]

I have a mom like this too. A lady I lived with needed a hysterectomy and was very sick, she interrupted me and started talking about how she thought her dog had one and it wasn't a big deal. Another time I was having coffee with her and my dad who is quite a bit older than her and has some painful problems with his foot. There were two cushy chairs and one wooden one. I asked if I could trade chairs with her because I was extremely uncomfortable because I was pregnant and starting to get very big.....she told me no, that she was pregnant too once (30 years ago!!) And then my dad got up in pain and traded me because she wouldn't budge. I don't get how anyone can be so selfish and unaware.....

[@Holly_hamigakiko]

@@h.s.2958 Wow... it never ceases to amaze me either. glad your dad was kind x

[@orkumm]

Thank you for sharing, and congratulations. Boundaries has been my challenge lately and it's not easy with parents. It's been painful so far, was it for you too first months/years?

[@Holly_hamigakiko]

@@orkumm it is getting easier but it still is painful...due to my 'old learning', I feel cruel for putting boundaries in place (especially at the beginning) but I know that that is because I have been conditioned to think that is the case. It is getting easier the more I do it and the more consistent I am with it. However, the both sad and positive side is that it confirms that this is real, my mum is playing games with me, she doesn't care about me in the way a typical mother should; i was really supposed to be her doll. It really does make me realise that the relationship is so empty, has always been empty and will always be empty. This has been a whole new layer to the grieving cycle. Despite this, when I look at myself now, I feel happier, more confident and whole. The more distance I have has made me healthier. No matter how hard this has been , how sad I am about realising I don't really have a mother - it has been worth it as I finally feel like I am living for me and that i matter too. I wish you all the best of luck in this painful journey.

[@orkumm]

@@Holly_hamigakiko so indentified! I also feel cruel, what if something happens and I'm with this boundaries policy? I'd feel guilty the rest of my life for not being there. They don't understand and not even try to. I'm doing this from my love to them and to myself and I know it's the right path. People usually talks about couples but this is so complex, because you can loose a couple but your mum and dad are not replaceable. Your words are inspiring for me, to know about someone in this situation, thanks again! 🙏🏼

[@MsFrost-yt3nl]

My narc x was so unthankful when he was giving a present 🎁 never showing happiness or being grateful. So unthankful. That stupid fuck. Love your videos Dr. Ramani....

[@GypsyJulie]

I have so many stories around gifts. I took up photography to help with the grief of losing my 7 day old daughter. My father decided he would buy himself a camera and take classes. He refused to share his knowledge with me from the classes and for decades when asked what he would like as a gift it was a photographer book. It felt like he was rubbing it in that he took up my hobby. I actually lost all my family because of a xmas gift to him! To long of a story to leave in a comment but he was very angry about me sending a gift card. I had moved rural and couldn't get to the city to shop. Knowing he liked to hike I sent him a $100 gc for REI. The devaluing started to happen and by easter I just couldn't take the escalation of verbal abuse, went no contact and not one family member will speak to me. I even told him that I was broke and spent more on him than my own husband. It all feels so surreal!

[@VocalSpiritPresents]

❤💚💜🙏💜💚❤

[@lilmoth227]

I've heard of narcs taking up their victims hobbies to try and control and devalue and to take all the attention away from the victim and put it back onto themselves. Knowing that you took photography up as a way to help grieve the loss of your daughter and then he did that just shows that he was doing that to fuck with you and that is beyond the word fucked up! I'm so sorry for your loss and I'm sorry you went through all that abuse on top of it. It's bittersweet and a blessing in disguise that your family wont talk to you... they obviously don't care and you don't deserve that or need that bullshit in your life. I hope you're doing better now 💚

[@GypsyJulie]

@@lilmoth227 Thank you, your comment made me cry. There are layers and layers to his abuse. I'll get there, I am living so rural and my therapy is youtube and books.

[@lilmoth227]

@@GypsyJulie I can deeply empathize. Sending love and warm hugs 💌

[@GypsyJulie]

@@lilmoth227 Love to you too

[@Lazerr111]

While I realized how accurate this is I picked my jaw up off the floor. Drugstore and promise of some future gifts. Nailed it so completely it’s scary. Great job doc. Thank you for this.

[@macnchessplz]

Dollar store small package of candy kiss , no card. After -cake,candles,heartfelt card for him (gift giving is a no no and causes problems). A card picked from the heart would have made me happy. After a mutual trip to Dollar General for basic supplies, I’m handed this M&M size pack of candy. Anniversary, a situation occurring 8 or 9 years ago tossed in my face the night before. It’s not the material things that bothers me. It’s the effort put in to ruin the occasion, show how little care there is ….anything to taint and poison it.

[@missbliss4278]

My narc mom was an absolute masterpiece at giving bad gifts. Pretty sure she spent a lot of time making out how she could get the worst gifts too. For example, when my son was a baby, she would get clothes for him - which in itself is a very good gift, cause I was a single mom and kids grow really fast. However, she would always make sure that she bought clothes at least one size to small. And ofc, she never ever kept the receipt. This was actually quite brilliant on her part. This way, she gave something really good, useful that I wanted/needed - but made damn sure it was completely useless. Whatever gift I´d give her, she "kinda" appreciated, then after a few months or so, she could say "Do you want this? I´m getting rid of it!", showing the exact same thing I had given her as a gift. When I realized she did this on purpose I started thinking "What would I like to have?" and bought that and gave to her, since I knew she´d never keep or appreciate whatever I gave her. So, one could say I basically bought my own gifts, since she never kept it anyway, but gave them back to me =)

[@sadiewinters6394]

First comment! I love you and your videos Dr. Ramani!

[@jillyoung1282]

I could write a book on this subject! Now, I treat them as I have been treated! Regifting, trash from her gift draw. I’m loving this now.

[@nineredberries]

Thank you! I have a couple of narcissistic relationships and yes, I have to remind myself to give without expectations. It is an incredibly liberating experience. I do get wrapped up in the experience sometimes, thank you for the reminder. 💜 definitely bought me back to earth.

[@rb919]

Wow, yeah.. I really needed to see this video this year! I've decided this will be the last year that I participate in this holiday. And then I see this and you sum up why perfectly. Thank you :')

[@LEA-4America]

I love Dr. Ramani's videos. She is so very wise, beautiful and helpful. She is an inspiration to me.

[@up8572]

Spot on! They’re never happy with what they receive and make sure to let the gift giver know of their criticism! On the other hand they believe the gifts they give are the best, doesn’t matter what the recipient thinks of it.

[@sexycaliman003]

My narcissists will get everyone a gift and not get me crap, now how is that a narc for you lol. Talk about being devalued. 😂

[@LadyMissCoppertone]

Or stuff from the dollar store...

[@springfauna1465]

@@LadyMissCoppertone I got a tin of beer nuts one Christmas, obviously a re-gift from someone else to him. And I spent all kinds of money on the most thoughtful gifts I could find for him. What a first-rate jerk he was!!!

[@tamararutland-mills9530]

Bullseye! They use gift giving as a time to punish.

[@ouvaiouraxa]

I guess I’m not alone in it. Coming from an international trip, my mom bought everyone a gift: to my husband, my son, even my maid, except to me. And as an excuse, she justified herself by saying:” well, I did not find that specific item you asked me to buy, so...., NO gifts! Hahaha!!!” Can anyone here believe it?

[@sexycaliman003]

@@ouvaiouraxa omg mine said the exact same thing 🤦🏽‍♂️

[@Ricki_Raquel]

Good topic, Dr. Ramani. Thank you. I hate gift exchanges with my family. My sister and I are the only ones who give and receive gifts with kindness and gratitude. Both of our parents are narcissistic and aggressive. I really wish gifts were not a part of the holiday.

[@kimsmith819]

Im sorry you have to deal with that crap. Wish you could find a way to just exchange gifts with your sister

[@LordKaydenBreak]

Ricci Raquel sorry this is kind of off topic but how has the marriage between two narcs been?? I’m actually curious

[@Ricki_Raquel]

@@kimsmith819 Thank you. I wish we could too. It just is what it is, I guess. I try to focus on the positive things. And when something they do or say starts to hurt me, I travel somewhere else in my mind. Somewhere nice. Happy holidays to you.

[@Ricki_Raquel]

@@LordKaydenBreak Probably worse than you're imagining. Lmao. But they won't divorce. It's like some kind of competition for them. Neither will give up. Happy holidays to you.

[@bekidarlin2.0]

This explains a lot. Thank you. I used to get so hurt that I'd give specific reasonably priced (under $50) gift ideas and he'd always buy something way more expensive that I didn't want or ask for... then get mad at me for not going crazy with appreciation over it. Then would come the passive aggressive rants about how much money he spent on the thing I didn't ask for and how it's my fault we're "broke". I asked once why he chose to buy a more expensive thing that I didn't want instead of the less expensive thing that I asked for and he said because he felt the need to improve on my request because it wasn't good enough. Narc "logic" confounds me. 🤷‍♀️

[@enoughalready244]

I learned a long time ago to stop expecting gifts from my narc mother and to not expect her to like a gift, if I give her one. My brother is the golden child and still receives gifts every birthday and Christmas, even father's day, even though he doesn't have children. I, on the other hand, have 2 kids, and don't receive gifts for mothers day, birthday, or Christmas. This year though, my youngest son is now 6, and he noticed for the first time that his uncle got a birthday gift and his favorite homemade meal for his birthday a couple weeks ago. And yesterday was my birthday, and not only did I not get a meal, I didn't get any kind of gift, card, or even her telling me "happy birthday". My son was so upset with her and cried to me asking why his nana was so mean to me. It was heartbreaking. My oldest son has disliked, even hated, his nana for years because he's seen how she treats me, and now my youngest son is starting to see it too. It sucks so bad. He's too young to explain it all to. How do you tell a kid that their grandma hates their mom for no reason??

[@AnDitaLee]

💔

[@cornflakes1494]

Each video you posted is great gift to humanity. Thank you

[@browneyenrs76noel34]

I remember the first gift I gave my narc ex was a sterling silver bracelet. He looked at it and said "You should have given me a watch instead." My first red flag of many with him!

[@BunnyLang]

The expected gratitude can come in the form of their expectation for you to be controlled.

[@michaelpillingnow]

This is a great guide Dr Ramani, thank you. We have one of those home made advertisement stores here - and the ads are normally so irritating. Then one Christmas she says "At **** we have gifts for everyone, even people you don't like." And I thought, I'll pay that because some of the stuff they carry is just so ugly and tasteless. So if you are forced to buy for someone who is really unreciprocating and you know they are not going to be grateful and complain anyway, why not give them something truly cheap, tasteless and awful. That way you can enjoy they gift giving too. But Dr Romani's advice to do something that is spiritually uplifting for you is probably better advise, it's just that sometimes doing something shitty is and act of standing up for yourself.

[@RavenGirl333]

Don’t be surprised if they wrap up a framed photo of themselves! This always comes across as self absorbed and narcissistic! I always throw it away. Yes, it happens almost every year!

[@flagirl0315]

Lol I couldn’t imagine doing this as a gift unless it’s a picture of a memory of us together.

[@sunshinedayz7032]

My ex narc was a cheapskate. He would also complain when it was a birthday for a certain person, he would say, " I don't like to give birthday gifts, I like to wait until Christmas to give a bigger gift." And then Christmas would come around and he would say, "I don't like to give big gifts at Christmas, I like to give more gifts at birthdays." So hardly any gifts were ever given by him especially at birthdays. Maybe a trinket or two at Christmas, but he would always get disappointed and moody if he didn't get something spectacular from everyone. The 3 main narcs that I have experienced in my life were the worst gift givers, Ever.

[@ajh757]

Lori B ahhhh the contradictory statements. My ex’s favorite pastime. Him: I’m not into politics, I don’t vote. Also him: I’m a democrat. I don’t know about you but I’m definitely a Democrat and I voted for Obama.

[@standup4332]

I have one person in my life that come birthdays or mothers day etc - says: "I was too sick/flat out/away/working but have ordered it and its coming next week, I will drop it in" You never see it. Ever!

[@sophiemorrison9820]

in my brief and budding "romantic" involvement with a narc some of his behavior didn't settle into the pocket. i often felt off balance by my interactions with him. it was a week before my birthday. i had made a nice dinner and we chatted and got to know one anther better. we were saying goodnight at my door. he had a look on his face which i can only describe as anguished. he told me he wasn't good at getting birthday gifts for anyone. i told him i didn't want anything but it's the thought that counts. we hadn't seen each other for a while but kept in touch with email and phone calls. he told me he sent me a birthday card and to look out for it. i don't know if he sent it from a far flung island outpost but he kept checking with me daily to ask if i had received it yet. perhaps four days passed and i got it. what was in the envelope was a first for me from an adult. it was a home made, dark purple folded construction paper card with a rubber stamped image on the front. inside was the message "happy birthday" and his signature. that's all. i generally feel it's the thought that counts but this was just sad to me. i was very ill the day i received it and just returned from emergency care. i wasn't in any shape to call him and thank him for his "card" but i did anyway because i sensed he was anxious about my receiving it. his actions surrounding this "gift" stuck out like a sore thumb. my point is that he agonized over getting me a gift and this was the best he could do. he was a man of means so money wasn't the issue. after all that i learned about people's experiences with their narcs i believe he was an "insecure" narcissist. i wonder if anyone else can relate to this.

[@reenieanderson6349]

So weird

[@flowers6576]

I can relate. They're cheap!! But at the same time, they actually think their gift is awesome! ... crazy ...

[@h.s.2958]

2 years ago I had to give my husband money to buy my gift. He gave the money to his mom and sister to buy something for me, he didn't even try! Last year he was in the phone during the time we were spending time with his family, trying to get me roses for my birthday (which is December 25) because he and his whole family forgot 😟😟😟 I'm done trying to "win him over" or try to love him into him me loving me back or making some sort of an effort back. He was only kind and thoughtful in the beginning... Then we got married and he showed his true colors😤😡

[@markhinton6748]

My narcissistic mum one year i gave her a full body hot stone massage certificate because she had 3 lots off cancer the other kids gave her a diamond neckless an she through the certificate in my face. So i kicked her and the rest off my family out of my house it was Christmas day 2020 and ive never sopen to them from that day and gone fully no contact.

[@avalancherose]

Thank you from the bottom of our hearts for your precious videos. You are enlightening so many hearts with your knowledge. You are warming up our souls with your kindness and we will all think about you during our “toxic holidays”. Thank you for your being so articulate, patient, delicate and sensitive. I wish you happy holidays. God bless you. A big hug

[@MaiDove3]

You nailed it. Give for joy of giving, expecting nothing. No matter what you do for the narc it is Never Good Enough!

[@DivinityC]

I love your topics on narcissism. They cover so many topics and scenarios.

[@GOODLANDLORD]

Wow did this hit home. I used to give my mom the receipt right along with her gift (that I was asked to purchase for her, but it's never the right one). I'm so thankful I found your channel. It's really giving me wonderful insight on why even though I was the only child, I was the bad seed.

[@kathy259]

And the narcissist get angry if the gift was not expensive enough. You'll hear about it later, he/She Will slip og out. At the same time the narcissist is not very thouhgtful when choosing a present for you. I' ve tried it.

[@dianejones7308]

I appreciate your talking more slowly.

[@edwardarruda7215]

I dated a narcissist that gave me cheap regifted items.

[@Bratzmaniac29]

Honestly though.. no ones really entitled to give you anything so that’s pretty narcissistic to say. Not everyone can afford gifts, period and that’s the best they can do.

[@jwilson8007]

I wasn’t love bombed at All! He barely brought me anything. I was the gift giver and he would only buy or give equal or less to what I brought.

[@doutoralexandremansurreal5002]

Dr. Ramani is the best...

[@Nur100etc]

I don’t know if my DH is a narc or not, but he’s always been an extravagant gift-giver, whereas I am not. Over the years I’ve given up on trying to reciprocate gifts due to his constant complaints about the things I’ve picked out. So I’ve always dreaded his birthday and holidays. Finally I told him you know what? I’m done. I’m going to be up front. I’m not doing this anymore. We’re not going to exchange gifts anymore; don’t get me anything for my birthday or Christmas and I won’t buy any gifts either - let’s agree to that, OK? Surprisingly he has reluctantly seemed to go along with this the past few years. Another thing he does is he always seems to compete with me when it comes to buying presents for our adult children. Yet he always accuses ME of competing, when it’s the farthest thought from my mind.

[@letmeseemm]

I've come to realize that his grand gifts are just a way for him to shame me and continue to be the victim. This year I told him we aren't exchanging gifts and he got me something anyway. I didn't accept it. Just like he'd done to me a few years ago. I felt empowered.

[@angelachallita5297]

Oh my God, this was on point. I got him an expensive watch on his birthday and made him a card. I illustrated him and it took hours. I spent just as much as he spent on me, and made a gift from the heart something money can’t buy, my art. He hated the card, made fun of it, then when it came to the watch gave me a lecture about how the 400$ sunglasses his ex got him. Oh and the ex before that spent a thousand dollars on him. It was ridiculous, never before in my life did that happen to me before. Like ever, most ppl just say thank you.

[@sylviealexandris6696]

Every word you said Dr. R is my gift giving and receiving life with my Narc partner! Such validation for me. My narc went so far as to pester my coworkers for advice on a gift for me, purchased a very expensive necklace and earring set, gave it to me and then told me I could keep it or return it and contribute that money back into the holiday we were planning! I was so shock and speechless and confused. Who says that to a person? He had agreed to “help out” with financing the holiday for me as long as I was willing to give back his gift. I said no! You shredded to pay for my flight and we were splitting the hotel. *Note* he makes 3 times what I make financially! Thank you for your videos-it gives me a little bit of sanity and courage daily

[@funkoaddict6269]

Your video has explained the gift giving situation in my last relationship. I finally have answers to that part of the puzzle. Thank you.

[@matjohn4092]

The supply you give them is the ONLY gift you can give. Your spiritual energy and love you show them is ALL THEY WANT.

[@vanessita4138]

My family made me resent holidays. All the fakeness just to fulfill their agendas and ill intentions.

[@jaisyw7569]

This video alone made me realize who is toxic in my life. So happy I went no contact and had a wonderful Christmas this year. I love my in laws and the little family we’ve built.🎄🥰 it was all smiles and laughter with gift giving/receiving. Inspired by this video to keep giving the best of myself to the best people❤️

[@you_a_noob8295]

My ex was not working I payed for my gifts from him

[@AClutterFreeLife]

Omg !!!

[@Pfsif]

He probably wanted an over the top thank-you?

[@kimsmith819]

Thats terrible. I have to give my husband a little credit then. He's not crafty by all means, but the 1st year we were together he was unemployed for part of it. He actually made something for me that year. Our gift giving days are over after 15 years together though

[@Blue_Azure101]

How does that work lmao

[@oliviachimdalunwosu6267]

Damn!!!

[@angieflores8873]

I didn't realize my husband was a narcissist until 12 years together. Could never understand why he wouldn't give me a gift. And I would year after year until about 2 or years ago I stopped. He never brings up Christmas gift shopping so this year I did it on my own, finished a week early and wrapped days before Christmas. He didn't give me a dime for the gifts which were for our kids and his family but it was worth not hearing the bitching and not last minute shopping. But he once gave me a cheap gift and then nothing after that, 12 years together.

[@deeprollingriver5820]

It took you TWELVE YEARS to figure he was a narcissist? Something ain’t right.

[@yuliasyoga4768]

Yes. I didn't know my mother was a narcissistic until I found your channel. So greatful! Somehow I intuitively bought her gifts which I would like to receive myself..sure thing - she put them away without even opening! Now I am waiting for her to give them back to me!

[@hellomoto5870]

I thought of Michael Scott on the office when he gives Ryan the iPod and then hates the oven mitts that Phyllis made him. Also Andy giving such a grandiose gift to Erin (the 12 days of Christmas)

[@christianprincedebates6740]

That was a funny episode 😂😂 🤣

[@JacK-qn4zh]

OMG...I had to buy for his Mother, Daughters 3 kids and his son....send the whole family cards... I got nothing. I then stopped doing anything. Best thing I ever did.

[@user-dy1qw9jx9o]

I did not receive a gift from my ex narcissist on Christmas last year and I put a lot of thought into his gift. I was devastated. I wanted to scream at him and kick him out of my apartment. But I knew in that moment if I showed him how upset I really was, he would gaslight me into thinking I’ve truly been the problem in our relationship all along. So I calmly explained how much it hurt me, he still didn’t get it, and I ended up stuffing it and trying my best to let it go... obviously still a little hurt by this. I should have broke up with him on Christmas last year and never looked back. Thank goodness this year on Christmas he is out of my life.

[@theL81Again]

OOOOKKKKKKKKKKK, Dr. Ramani, when did you spend Christmas with my family and me???? You hit the nail on the head. I used to try to please the NPD folk with gifts that aligned with their interests and needs. I knew what they liked, and I went out of my way to get those gifts. Like me, my gifts were never good enough. The gifts that I would get in return showed that there was absolutely no thought put into the gift. Why put in all of that effort? Not worth it. That realization was liberating. Now, it’s all about minimal effort and usually NO gifts. Guess who’s happy? My wallet and me.

[@SAE-Restorations]

This has been a weird year concerning my narc wife and I. I got her what i thought she wanted for Christmas. Our 10 year anniversary was in january and she demanded expensive jewelry because she derserves it for "putting up with me for 10 years". Mothers day comes and i didnt do anything special and she flips out and tells me that she was unhappy with her christmas gift, unhappy with the aniversary gift (i didnt buy her expensive jewelry) and she was unhappy with her Mothers day. Then she demanded an expensive gift for her birthday in July. Meanwhile she didnt get me anything for Christmas, nothing for our anniversary, nothing for my birthday in march. She offered to make a cake for my birthday and asked me what flavor i wanted. I told her and had a look of disgust and then didnt make it (i thought a lemon cake would be a nice change). I made my own birthday cake a week later. She made a big deal about fathers day but she also made it obvious that it was to show me how poorly i executed mothers day and not because she felt that i deserved special attention. I dont need gifts, especially expensive ones since we arent doing well enough to support it. However i dont understand how she can feel so entitled while simultaneously neglecting me. Actually, i do understand it but i have a hard time dealing with it.

[@tessjones5987]

Wow. This really sets the right Tone for a great Holiday! So wise. Thank you for these expectation management skills.

[@cherrytop9616]

The one in my life (step son) used to try and control what I spent on others...only because he was afraid it took away from how much he would get. I finally said, it's my money, I decide who I give what to.

[@Mari_Iijima]

I think there is one missed point. Their explosive rage when we (I) didn't like what they (he) gave us (me). He thought that was the most thoughtful gift. But to me, it was a cheap idea and to make that particular gift, he actually destroyed some of my precious items. My heart broke for that but he didn't care. He was so angry I didn't like what he gave me. It was one of the scariest moments of my life.

[@jacobsed6665]

My brother and sister in law is having anything child. I always gave them expensive gifts for the baby. Not sure if I should do it this year….