Best HFY Reddit Stories: Humans Are The Best Medicine (r/HFY)

Fixing them up good!
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#hfy #Greentext #awesome #space #spaceorcs #/tg/ #greentexts #4chan

[@RexMK-]

Humanity: I am a healer but *Pumps shotguns with medical intent*

[@talonsclaw9058]

Curing one bullet at a time -L4D

[@ickytheclown]

the harmacist

[@Sora-md1ye]

Sounds like the TF2 Medic.

[@afrightenedsloth]

Preemptive injury preventative action

[@calvingreene90]

More precise than most antibiotics.

[@bryce5895]

Ah yes, the wonders of equipping your immune system with the ability to employ small arms fire

[@2ndbrain909]

Small arms might be an understatement 👌

[@aronnemcsik]

If small arm start at 12 gauge than sure...

[@bryce5895]

@@aronnemcsik small arms would consist of most if not all man-portable weapons systems depending on which specific definition is used, so shotguns are well within the limits of any commonly used definition, let alone when equiptment like recoilless rifle systems, rocket launchers, and small mortars are included.

[@aronnemcsik]

@@bryce5895 ahh ok.thanks for the info. Does 50 cal included as well?

[@onerxowns2202]

@@aronnemcsik Yes, up to field howitzers, which is ridiculous

[@lotuswraith]

Humanity, the cleaner fish of the universe.

[@radioactiveassassin5218]

"There's always a cleaner fish." -Qui Gon Jin, probably

[@zacharyhawley1693]

That would assure our survival. Cleaner fish aren't targeted and sharks and other fish get aggressive towards fish that hurt the cleaners.

[@alganhar1]

@@zacharyhawley1693 Not *quite* true. Occasionally they are in fact targeted, and there are species that look very like various cleaner fish species that are more interested in taking a nice chunk of flesh. While your statement is *generally* true, it is not *universally* true. Saying that it was an interesting story, and not a take I expected! The idea of turning Earths militaries into Parasite Destruction Teams just.... clicks with me for some reason. Far better use for our soldiers than killing each other right?

[@stevedixon921]

@@zacharyhawley1693 Inspired by the living ship Moya from the show Farscape maybe. We get first contact to the starts as healers. Could be worse. Mutually beneficial symbiosis for the win.

[@erichares841]

@@zacharyhawley1693 thanks for that knowledge ^^

[@Kez_DXX]

And so, the Eldritch Nightmares and Humanity became the best of friends!

[@petrimal]

the elderich nightmare and the shitbat crazy, sounds about right

[@damienmccuinn1956]

I heard that in the Primarch Vulcan's voice

[@tehs3raph1m]

@@petrimal Humanity is an Eldritch Nightmare...

[@NcrXnbi]

@@damienmccuinn1956 Curse you for making me heard it that way.

[@damienmccuinn1956]

@@NcrXnbi 🤣

[@masterb2130]

"Hey Frank! You look a lot better than the last time I saw you. What's up?" "You are going to absolutely love what I have just found."

[@TheDragShot]

I used the parasites to destroy the parasites.

[@theenderdestruction2362]

I found small creatures who aren't parisites and will destroy them amazing

[@thepanzerofthelake732]

"So I found these parasites that are actually medicine!" *Collective gasps can be heard throughout the entire species*

[@randomguy3080]

“Oh guys look a planet for the conquering.” *Cthulhu’s chill cousin and his entire family* “Oh no the fuck you don’t.”

[@theengagedfew]

An alien species that has its own "Don't Fuck With Doc" rule.

[@jakevex4198]

The King in Yellow holding a baseball bat

[@iDontKnowAnyCoolName]

** *grabs giant baseball bat* **you picked the wrong house fool

[@bogustoast22none25]

“Your job is to kill the human sized alien so the giant alien gives us rides to places”

[@nk_3332]

B: We are the Borg, you will lower your shields and surrender your world. H: We are Cthulhu's dentist. B: We are the Borg, we are leaving. H: Have a nice day.

[@doom7ish]

The moment other aliens meet us and we have a Eldritch abomination as a buddy would freak them out.

[@stalinsoulz7872]

Aggressive aliens be like: *We just demanded tribute and they send a eldritch abomination unto us!*

[@everythingman0082]

Aliens of our size: you befriended The giant space amoeba!? The kind that literally consume gas giants!? Humanity: ye

[@alek7998]

@@everythingman0082 As you do

[@thepanzerofthelake732]

@@everythingman0082 Humans: So yeah this guy's name is Yog-Sothoth Alien Religion Researcher: *Bawling tears and screaming something about praising the very space it inhabits*

[@wyrmhand]

Say Hello to my little friend

[@Oryxification]

So we form a symbiotic relationship with these living spacecraft? Do we find a way to live inside these guys protecting them from parasites in exchange for them helping us colonise other worlds and conduct commerce?

[@2ndbrain909]

So in other words almost exactly like our own gut bacteria does for us. 😁👍

[@ADerpyReality]

Farscape

[@SoMuchFacepalm]

There's a Fermi Paradox solution, ET doesn't need Dyson Spheres or whatever, just snack on a gas giant. Hydrogues would love that.

[@admiral_waffles533]

If Jupiter's a snack, i wonder if Uranus and Neptune are their equivalents of ice cream

[@biggsdarklighter0473]

@@admiral_waffles533 I doubt it, those two planets are mostly methane, and not fusion fuel.

[@physics_hacker]

@@biggsdarklighter0473 Well, not mostly methane, not by a long shot, but yeah the extra methane and water and stuff probably makes them "taste" weird.

[@queenbee8045]

@@physics_hackersardines lol

[@physics_hacker]

@@queenbee8045 What?

[@artandstuff9026]

When your T-cells be a whole SWAT team:

[@taitano12]

So, in this universe, we're the sapient medical nanobots? Awesome! 😎

[@morescodesup2087]

So now we are the one who steals sock. Oh how the tables have turned

[@AnikaJarlsdottr]

humanity are the cleaner fish of the space whales xD

[@johnnymellon7414]

This story has one of the actually really interesting concepts in the HFY universe

[@Sanquinity]

Yea it's definitely a breath of fresh air from all the insect/animal species that are 2/3 our size, live on planets with 1/2 our gravity, and have bodies so weak they're like cardboard to us. Giant Orwellian monstrosities that help us in exchange for pest control. xD

[@johnnymellon7414]

@@Sanquinity That's a VERY big brother

[@enclaveofficerz3245]

@@johnnymellon7414 at first it was "are we about to be exterminatus?" And at the end it was "bring your brothers here for help"

[@antimatter1075]

It would be cool to see an expansion of this universe and have something like portable transport harnesses that can be attached to the backs without hurting them and while they take us to different places we keep them parasite and infection free and keep them healthy. Gives me an idea for something to write about, great video👌

[@wombataldebaran9686]

And that day, Humanity basically became the white blood cells of an entire species^^

[@codymurphy7347]

Feasibly, it could work. From the sounds of it, these creatures could easily be used as organic ships, and I'm sure they would have no problem doing so for our services.

[@pulverize3]

Cosmosis Jones

[@codymurphy7347]

@@pulverize3 lol god damn you, that's hilarious!

[@onerxowns2202]

@@wombataldebaran9686 Heavy Armed and Armored "white blood cells"

[@obsidian00]

I like it! Earth becomes GENERAL HOSPITAL for Eldritch Horrors!!!

[@jesseamaya4413]

Eldrich horrors that know gratitude 🙏. I personally don't care what they look like, just what kind of people they are.

[@discordweapon5495]

I feel like the nickname for people who kill the parasites would be called, “Painkillers” and have a modo like “we kill the pain” or something

[@jacobfoss7783]

Maybe something more like: "the bugs stop here!"

[@OodldoodlNoodlesocks]

Harmacists

[@theengagedfew]

Improved Health Through Superior Firepower!

[@AnikaJarlsdottr]

@@OodldoodlNoodlesocks when the healer respeccs to DPS

[@jakevex4198]

​@@theengagedfew healing is fire rate

[@Felix-gv1ij]

For stellaris fans.... HERE BE DRAGONS!!!!!

[@biggsdarklighter0473]

Though this dragon didn't suffer from any sickness when it landed.

[@radioactiveassassin5218]

I don't know anything about Stellaris, but as SCP fan this brings painful memories

[@Zakvadr1995]

As a fan of both Stellaris and the SCP universe, this statement brings be both joy and pain.

[@forgottenzero897]

im confused on the here be dragons can you explain it a bit

[@DerGeistDesKriegers]

@@forgottenzero897 I recommend looking for "Exploring the SCP Foundation: SCP-1762 - Where the Dragons Went" from "The Exploring Series" youtube channel he captures the article quite well.

[@zetaking2909]

you know i could see them paying by brining mineral rich meteorites to luna or for the really skilled ones, to earth itself with no or little entry burn, tho the loss of gas from the gas giants might suck long term

[@waynecampeau4566]

They could just give us rides in the beginning. Imagine being able to go anywhere in the Sol system in less than a week, possibly carrying a thousand tons of cargo. I would help us bootstrap into a space-faring species in less than 2 or 3 years.

[@biggsdarklighter0473]

@@waynecampeau4566 they would have to Account for our lower G-Tolerance, though.

[@zetaking2909]

​@@biggsdarklighter0473 yea if they dint we would be a greesy mess on the wall. considering it going to where more of its kind are in mass and back in 30 years (assuming 30 rotation was referring to around the sun, and not 30 days) or 15 one way, with the closes possible system being Epsilon Eridani which is about 11 light years from us which means he can book at least 73% the speed of light, to bad we dont know how long it takes to reach that speed if i did, could calculate G Force.... still for helping us set up colonies and keeping them supplied they would be invaluable, just we gotta get people there the slow way

[@gibthegrey2214]

@@zetaking2909 when they say he flashed off, I'm assuming it takes less then half a day, but even then at those speed you'll still feel it

[@2ndbrain909]

@@zetaking2909 the alien said “30 rotations of your planet” meaning Earth’s own rotation. So 30 days. 👍

[@calvingreene90]

Maybe they know of some Earthlike worlds and can give our ships a push.

[@TheMjollnir67]

This is still the first chapter of an ongoing story...follow the link ;-)

[@michaelhice7636]

@@TheMjollnir67 thank-you for pointing out what I otherwise would have skipped right over! So, DON'T MIND IF I DO!!!! :D weeeeeeeeee

[@James-ep2bx]

Or even serve as the ship, after all if humans are on it, it has help dealing with any new parasites

[@queenbee8045]

They take us to new worlds we set up hospitals for them around the universe win win!

[@rohanjarande]

I sometimes get the feeling our universe was built for much bigger lifeforms than us in mind... Like, *seriously* Big lifeforms.

[@thepanzerofthelake732]

And then we make a Symbiotic relationship with them and become incorporated into said huge lifeforms

[@rohanjarande]

@@thepanzerofthelake732 Or we could become *huge* ourselves? What do you think about earth sized humans?

[@thepanzerofthelake732]

@@rohanjarande That just feels like God but with fewer steps?

[@rohanjarande]

@@thepanzerofthelake732 It would make things much safer, also make it easier to extract resources and exploring the Universe...

[@enclaveofficerz3245]

@@rohanjarande in WH there are sentient ships that at one point we're humans so yeahhhhhhh

[@hollyferay8131]

Heal the alien and more untold technology awaits. I want to see more in the series.

[@anathardayaldar]

Is rioting an unavoidable reflex in humanity? Like when you kick a leg if the doctor taps your knee in the right place?

[@gingercore69]

As a rioter, i confirm *throws a brick through a window*

[@trevtall1094]

Individuals act differently when in large groups, the mob is a primitive beast

[@nweasels]

Eh.... more or less.

[@thorin1045]

Yes, those who have little to no direct affect on the problems want to do something but can't, so they start rioting. Add the looting and general disruption of way of living from such major event, and you get a mighty mess. Well if most of the population would actually interested in this. in reality this would be ignored by most of the world population, many would make reasons why it never even happened and would be lost to the next cat video on the net.

[@anathardayaldar]

@@thorin1045 I don't even click on stories about rioting anymore. So the rioters destroy their local area for themselves while the rest of the world doesn't care.

[@quezbot3663]

and soon there was a shit load of aliens in line for their spa.

[@heatherweir8726]

So humans in this story humans are like the cleaner fish of a reef.

[@TheRealNekora]

yupp. except we dont eat the parasites. at least not yet

[@suraivase7285]

@@TheRealNekora Ah yes, I'd love to have fried centepede monster for dinner, I bet it'd taste great with some barbecue sauce!

[@theengagedfew]

@@suraivase7285 You KNOW somebody down here would take one home, and find out. "Hey Pearl!, fire up the smoker! I'm bringin' home a chunk of one o'them alien gut worms!"

[@suraivase7285]

@@theengagedfew Lol, Yeah I can certainly see it, if people eat poisonous fish and scorpions it wouldn't be that strange for some giant alien parasites to be placed on a menu somewhere.

[@singletona082]

The wonders of medication that comes complete with man portable ordinance and can deliver treatment directly to affected areas.

[@Zedyne]

This gave me a great feeling of satisfaction. It would be lovely if there was more of this story!

[@enclaveofficerz3245]

There is a link in the description, a continuation of this story.

[@westonsimmons561]

When humans become the immune system

[@Yeger51]

Well I guess that give the term "a bug hunt" a new meaning then.

[@funkmastaC]

There are much worse things than being known as the galactic hospital planet. It must certainly help with first contact.

[@suraivase7285]

Nobody want's to be the galaxy's dump.

[@zandrokozalecan888]

Well, we're antibodies now.

[@chosendovahkiin5781]

When you max out restoration and charisma in skyrim

[@akiraman21]

This story needs to continue

[@aprilpatel6741]

I look forward to hearing more from this author this is a good story I hope it continues

[@bandiras2]

All right everyone, Earth is open for business!!! We help you with your sickness, and accept any and all science and tech you can share!

[@warrendesonia7924]

Very well written, and, as usual, very well narrated.

[@sypherius2624]

I love this story

[@DEMONOFLOVEANDDEATH]

Bless the Narrator Bless the Author

[@13thBear]

“I’m a doctor, Jim, not an exterminator!” :-)

[@suraivase7285]

I can see that line being in an fps based on this or a movie♪

[@ceu160193]

@@suraivase7285 It's probably from Starcraft 2.

[@James-ep2bx]

Well technically if we use them as ships in exchange for dealing with detrimental parasites we would become parasites, albeit non obligatory mutualistic parasites

[@burnerheinz]

i think the term you are looking for is "Symbiotic Relationship"

[@James-ep2bx]

@@burnerheinz no I was using the technical terms that describes a particular type of symbiotic relationship Note: technically speaking parasitism isn't limited to just things feeding on, and/or living in/on, a host, technically speaking dogs are semi-obligatory mutualistic exo-parasites as they depend largely, but not exclusively, on their host to survive, don't live inside their host, and both sides generally benefit from the arrangement. And symbiotic relationships need not include any form of host, nor mutual benefit, for example crows, and racoons have a symbiotic relationship with humans in many places exploiting the effects of human activity to enable new survival strategies

[@ceu160193]

@@James-ep2bx There are 3 types of coexistance: mutualism, parasitism and commensalism. Parasitism is used only in cases, when parasite directly harms it's host, either by feeding off it, or stealing it's food, or otherwise interfering with it's life processes.

[@James-ep2bx]

@@ceu160193 not quite, different systems have different criteria, and from what I've read one of the main ones is multi part, one for it's dependency on a host, one for if/how much of it's life is spent inside a host, and one for how a host and it are effected. That last one, which is likely closest to the framework you're using, is in turn also multi axis as it considers how each party effects the others. So even if we where to limit ourselves to that component, and limit and just two parties, we'd end up with nine potential outcomes. That's said many are similar enough to be lump together, IE all where both parties are equally exploited. While others are unsustainable if we're only dealing with two, but an ecosystem of two is inherently unsustainable anyway.

[@Jake007123]

@@James-ep2bx This guy has called our good bois doggos parasites! GET HIM!!!

[@thejuggernautofspades9453]

Due to recent reports we have decided not to destroy your solar system and replace it with highway, and an ambassador will be sent to your planet

[@TheDandyMann]

This was so wholesome

[@AgreeableSmile]

It would seem that the earth hospital is taking in patients now, cool

[@xzardas541]

Huuman soldiers: I Am The Cure!

[@Ossianshadow]

This story is very refreshing, such a nice change of pace.

[@joshuafischer684]

I like how it isn't "humans are so much better than these weak cowardly xenos", but setting up a mutualistic system.

[@dilonkaaz8415]

That is basicly what if Hellstar Remina was friendly (if you don't know what Remina is then check it out, it's a great manga)

[@Kolroling]

I thought the same thing! Great manga!

[@EvilPaladin11]

This is certainly a new, and interesting alien story premise. I love it!

[@leechowning2712]

I have been reading and listening to short story sci-fi for a significant number of years, and I'm hard-pressed to come up with any story like this.

[@ThornMu]

Eldrich cleaning station Earth.

[@theicyphoenix_7745]

when space amoeba's are mixed with dragon intelligence in stellaris,and its early game with humans spawning as primitives.

[@tyrschampion471]

The need a sequel or series.

[@silvadelshaladin]

If they fly through space through natural processes, there might be a lot less they can teach us than one would think.

[@peterwall8191]

*Silvadel Shaladin* Abou propulsion you are right. About the very nature of the Cosmos ...their insights would be invaluable. It would revolutionise physics and astronomy, let lone biology. I mean a parasite that survives the accelerations they can pull.. Their venom that dissolves tissue alone, could help with cancer treatments in diluted form... The carapace of their parasites ..could revolutionise organic chemistry. Or metallurgy it is turns out to be metallic. The creatures themselves , how exactly can they absorb gasses directly? What mechanism made them possible? How did they reach sapiens ? Questions without end . Enough to occupy every research scientist on the planet for a life time. And of course the big Question. How the hell do we weaponize what we learn ? We wouldn't be humans if we didn't try to make some sort of weapon out of all that. Not that we'd have any targets in mind but, you never know.

[@singletona082]

Just because they do not undertand does not mean we cannot observe and learn.

[@venom0825]

Man learned a lot about flying by studying birds. So even if there space flight is through natural processes, the knowledge we would gain from just studying the process would be invaluable.

[@leechowning2712]

It really and truly doesn't matter if they have anything to teach us, since the most dramatic reason humanity has become what it is is a lack of somewhere to go. Look up the studies into rodent population and overpopulation. Humans need the ability to go, and in this case we don't honestly need to get any additional technology. The entity described is so large as to be able to plant human colonies almost anywhere. Yes I have to presume his propulsion is radioactive in a sense, but he himself is not radioactive. Thus probably the propellant is outside of him. Humanity no longer bound to Earth would dramatically change its behavior, just as discovering there was nowhere to go changed its behavior.

[@waynecampeau4566]

Humans as medical nanites, I love it.

[@ziokai175]

This was wholesome AF. Eldritch Nightmares are nice too.

[@nicholasmunroe8989]

No! Now I actually want some more of this! This is so good and cool!! Aww come on!

[@inzyniertv9305]

Space Worms huh? Are there... Space butterflys?

[@beave200]

Plot twist, they are giant space locusts and they devour our gas giants throwing the whole solar system out of wack and killing us all by launching our planet into the vastness of the void.

[@rezredstripe2774]

Good reading, I'm hoping there's more to this story

[@whatsawigwag2590]

That could have ended badly... all roads to hell paved with good intentions n all

[@samuelhiorns9244]

I love wholesome videos like this

[@theengagedfew]

The slogan of the newly-created Human Exobiological Medical Complex: Improved Health Through Superior Firepower

[@Terran.Marine.2]

Ha ha ha ha!

[@writecraft7049]

Your now my new found place to hear about good stories.

[@Boris99999]

That’s actually a great idea for a movie or even a game!

[@Shaun_Jones]

Quick! To Unity!

[@Boris99999]

@@Shaun_Jones I’ve read this while programming on Unity! lol

[@kintsuki99]

What do you mean parasites? *explain parasite* Ah, yes that us.

[@Shythalia]

Bringing a gun inside a living creature is so risky. 😬

[@suraivase7285]

Luckily the thing has tough insides.

[@joimumu]

I love that the one that took the biggest risk got the biggest reward

[@surbris]

MORE MORE MORE kathulu well done~!

[@Blutwind]

20 years later: Welcom to Medical School today you will learn all about your most important tool the trusty Shotgun

[@nocount7517]

Spoiler: Monkeys eat parasites.

[@michaellively6467]

Really enjoyed that one!!

[@dan_e]

It starts on my birthday! I'll be saving this one.

[@Free_Krazy]

Lol, looks like space cowboys are in style!!! Who needs a space ship when we have our noble eldrich nightmares!

[@Free_Krazy]

I would really love to see this story expanded!

[@cristalmewtwo4160]

This just makes me think of the mites some bugs havd that kill infectious mites or obviously cleaner fish

[@jasonwarren9279]

Man, this is seriously good.

[@jameschastain1229]

Very interesting tale. Definitely needs several sequels for our enjoyment.

[@peekiepeeks5099]

It would be cool to see this story continue

[@tipsy_hog]

So it's an armored lamprey eel? Absolutely horrifying.

[@Terran.Marine.2]

Definitely similar, definitely frightening.

[@victortahlor4038]

Thank you for the reading

[@alexcorl2247]

More from this story!

[@matthewshiers9038]

This was an unusually wholesome story!

[@Terran.Marine.2]

It's a real person narration. Yay!

[@JustMe-um8zp]

Binge reading this authors other chapters to this story, truly fantastic!

[@gw2macken757]

Different and good. Thank you.

[@bait1021]

So basically, humans are Nanites for Eldrich giants. Noted.

[@z3r0t0l3r4ns]

If engineered symbiosis is what gets us off this doomed rock then si be it.

[@FozzyZ28]

That was a cool story! 😁😁👍

[@styxriverr5237]

I like this story.

[@ickytheclown]

"piss me off and see what happens" -some human before calling up an eldritch horror of the stars

[@chrisgnarley5366]

The new treatment is so human.

[@SecondBestArtMuseum]

Oh man, I just realized. This is a sci-fi adaptation of Horton Hears a Who.

[@Zaluskowsky]

..guess what...everybody lost their shit. 100% Accurate

[@neosildrake]

If there is one giant alien species with health problems, who says there aren't more? Earth really becomes like a major reef cleaner fish station. Soon colonized worlds will open shop, maybe specialize in species and every customer big enough can get a portable at ready human health security tream. H1: "What's your job?" H2: "I'm a parasite extermination and prevention specialist on a 3 year tour in Xhulcutl. And you?" H1: "My team is going to be stationed on one of this newly contacted whaleshark like species. Seems they are hunted by what we named Pequodians, a form of space pack parasites that cling to the outside of the body eating themselves though." H2: "Nasty. Good luck."

[@davidblakley6806]

imagine being a doctor and simply walking into your patient to treat it xD

[@Phucough3]

Ludicrous speed!

[@Terran.Marine.2]

We've gone plaid!

[@assaulthetz]

When an eldritch body has a Military sized White blood cell.

[@frocurl]

Pretty cool!

[@Nitro89]

Why is it that this story gives me a sci/fi Cells at work feel

[@thorinator1233]

I would like to have a second part

[@michelelyons9410]

Excellent story, and a really terrific idea! Really well told, with a great dose of dry humor. So humanity could become like the coral reef fish who clean sharks! And there would be all kinds of way that the aliens could "pay" for the service----with knowledge, or giving us mineral rich asteroids, etc. And can you just imagine if some alien race threatened Earth!? Then Cthulhu and his family show up and eat them! I would love to see a part two, as to what happens next. Maybe humans could even travel with the Cthulhu beings----kind of gives a whole new meaning to "Doctors without Boarders". This would be a wonderful first contact for Earth. Our first alien shows up needing help----and we help!

[@bryson502]

just wait till someone comes to fuck with earth only the new friends to roll up

[@mugenokami2201]

One of maybe many different friends. Just picture we as the antibodies for several different species. You don’t fuck with doc