Neuropsychologist: “This Is SCREWING You Over!" STAND UP & Be The Woman NOBODY Messes With | Judy Ho

[@LisaBilyeu]

WARNING: I will never ask for your contact info in the comments section, that is someone impersonating me!

[@JudyHoPhD]

Thank you so much @LisaBilyeu for the opportunity to share my work with you and your audience. It was an absolute delight to meet with you and I loved the insights you shared during our conversation. Thanks for all that you do and I hope this is helpful to people who want to create lasting, positive change in all aspects of their lives!

[@Marcel-xs1er]

Loved this episode thanks so much for sharing your knowledge

[@JudyHoPhD]

@@Marcel-xs1er Thank you so much for the kind words!

[@LisaBilyeu]

YOU were amazing my homie and I still talk about this interview! Thank you for taking the time to empower us all here at Women Of Impact! 🙌🔥

[@JudyHoPhD]

@@LisaBilyeu Thank you for the kind words Lisa and for being such an amazing, gracious human being.

[@jswan312]

I’m going to push back against the constant message that women “need” “connection” because we really don’t “need” it as much as society wants us to believe. When I stopped putting my emotional labor into “friends and family” and put the focus on myself, I realized how much I was being exploited by these relationships because I’m a woman. You can absolutely spend a lot more time with yourself than society wants us to, and be happy and fulfilled.

[@moderngoblin]

You’re awesome I can tell.

[@anniemiller8927]

👍 absolutely right …it‘s because we are women they suck the dear life out of you expecting

[@Jessica_Popp]

Word!

[@JudyHoPhD]

Good point @Juliekswanson and thanks for your comments! I think the idea is that all humans "need" quality connection (based in biology and evolutionary roots) to survive and thrive; but that doesn't mean we can't have our individuality and independence. Also, depending on your childhood experiences, messages one has been given, etc., it may be that the work to be done is actually to rely more on yourself and less on validation from others - especially if those you care for sometimes take advantage of your empathy and goodwill. One of my favorite exercises for people who have anxious attachment is to spend more quality time with themselves and get to know who they are and what they're all about.

[@Pursuit4happiness]

💯

[@danaaganovic5045]

Great topic. Thanks Lisa. I find myself in this. In my childhood, my emotions were totally ignored. My older siblings were more important so I went though my life putting others on pedestal and ignoring my emotions all together. No more no more.

[@JudyHoPhD]

Thank you for sharing your experience. No more indeed! Your emotions are valid and important, like everyone else's.

[@suwimalibandara4028]

Me too. Wish you good luck ❤

[@tamarazwinak]

Selflessness is not often addressed. Abusive parents who neglect the child and punish a child for asking for what is needed create a selfless female child. She then pairs with a selfish abusive person. He tells her, and the world tells her, "You are selfish, give more, be more..." She blames herself and he blames her. She keeps trying to change herself and he remains the same. Recovery means she becomes able to appropriately put her needs and wants first. There is no world where she will become totally self-centered.

[@JudyHoPhD]

There are many people who are selfless to a fault, and at that point, their own self-concept can suffer. Thanks for your comments.

[@blondefox69]

Can you talk about being a woman of 72 years moving on from a man who has a narcissistic personality and ADHD? He also holds the purse strings and is very ill with Heart disease, COPD, diabetes.

[@gabbypage6929]

My mother was the ultimate doormat. My father a bully, controlling and alcoholic. My father continually put me down and humiliated me. I spent my whole life people pleasing and peace keeping etc. Ended up alone. No husband or children. Got into personal growth 40 years ago and still trying to heal the damage it caused to my self esteem.

[@JudyHoPhD]

I am so glad that you are moving out of people pleasing and getting more in tune with what your priorities are. Thank you for sharing!

[@IndigoCosmic]

I love how Dr. Ho broke these attachment styles down. This is major knowledge. Thank you for this information.

[@nikkistringfellow8375]

This is FOR ME because I was just praying for release from it all. Oh Lisa, your program has been such a blessing to me.

[@JudyHoPhD]

Lisa is amazing!!

[@starsapphirelee5714]

I LOVE Dr.Judy Ho!

[@msfifi8669]

Thank you Lisa. I like the fact that you’re inviting more remarkable authors and Dr’s in your channel. It’s life changing.

[@nadinetchaho2618]

The beauty of evolution after so much trauma is accepting that you can alone and feel truly happy. When you feel truly happy you don’t keep longing to be with people who can affect your wellbeing. The true is when you happy you attract other peoples who are happy. It’s like living with heavenly being on earth. Jesus done it for me. I wouldn’t have been able to achieve this steadiness without being in a relationship with him. Honestly God’ love is better than life itself

[@li37444]

I asked my therapist being in a relationship where u want to talk about things and ur partner avoids it .Can that make u a avoidant attachment.She said yes it can intensify it if ur already a avoidant .Working through this and proud to say im getting better at it xxxx

[@JudyHoPhD]

So glad you are working through this and thank you for sharing!

[@amberscottcmt7400]

I feel like I'm secure with anxious tendencies, cuz I can totally be on my own and in my 4 relationships I've had, I was secure with the first 3, and anxious with the last one who ended up diagnosed with BPD, although once I recognized it in him, I could be more secure because I was more stable and he needed that from me. The other place my anxious side gets triggered is in dating. I've had so many false starts. I'm tentative at first, then things are starting to go good and as soon as I relax the dude bolts... But when a man pursues me with clarity of his interest in me, it all disappears. It's the hot and cold guys that would trigger my anxious side... Now though, I perceive hot and cold behavior as a red flag that the dude hasn't done his own work on himself and I'm no longer holding on wondering what happened. The way I see it is what happened is he revealed he's not an eligible candidate, and... NEXT! 😊

[@thebackyardhorseenthusiast]

This content truly backs up my mission as a Certified Gestalt practitioner, conducting multiple online inner child healing groups. Once it take my clients through each stage of development, and heal each stage, they overcome their codependency tendencies . It’s transformative work and healing.

[@secureboundaries]

please let me know

[@thebackyardhorseenthusiast]

@@secureboundaries Hi. I’m not sure if your comment was for me or not.

[@secureboundaries]

@@thebackyardhorseenthusiast yea it's for you

[@DeniseLovenberd]

I'm studying every aspect of this I can!!

[@jilllingenfelter4682]

I’m not being used anymore And I know how to keep hard firm boundaries in place. And I know how to say no. And mean it. And I’m not being screwed over anymore!! And and I’m not a foot door mat anymore:) And I’m also absolutely permanently divorced. And 100% Single/ 100% independent. And I’m also 100% Free:) thank you Jesus for Everything:)@Lisa Bilyeu

[@JudyHoPhD]

So so good that you are enforcing healthy boundaries!

[@Aylinakguner]

Love these video's! Too good.

[@chilloften]

It’s so good. We just need the whole, whole, world to just SIT DOWN and LISTEN.

[@HitTheRoad1000]

Can we actually have a moment for how mesmorizing Judy is... Look at her eys they are soooo beautifull

[@JudyHoPhD]

Thanks for sharing that this video was helpful to you! I wish you all the best in your self development journey. And yes, Lisa is the best for what she does to promote knowledge and healing!! ❤

[@HitTheRoad1000]

@@JudyHoPhD knowledge is such an beautiful and strong thing. I could not thank you as women enough for that. I keep looking forward for more and MORE 🎈☀️✨⚡️☺️ And your book will be BOUGHT! ❤️

[@JudyHoPhD]

@@HitTheRoad1000 Thank you for your very kind words. Knowledge is EVERYTHING. So glad to hear that you are looking forward to more inspiring content. And appreciate your support of my book!!

[@HitTheRoad1000]

@@JudyHoPhD ofcourseeeee. I truly appreciate the fact that you share your story and knowledge and also that your answering the comments. That makes us feel heard and seen ☺️✨🙏🏝️🍀☀️⚡️

[@mondaypositivitea]

Thanks Lisa, I love your energy and most of topics you bring are helping me in life ❤ much power to you 🎉

[@valentinestumpf2588]

This has been so helpful to me… forever grateful 💞💞💞I’m 7weeks out of almost a decade with an avoidance and I’m an insecure and shedding my mom’s disorganized. She had me at 16. Tough💯 Thank you 🙏 💯💞

[@JudyHoPhD]

Thank you so much for sharing your story. Glad you broke free of a relationship that wasn’t honoring you!

[@Ponyup67]

I needed this episode so very much. It was beyond helpful as I have a disorganized attachment style.

[@JudyHoPhD]

I am so glad to hear this is helpful, and thanks for sharing your attachment style! Healing is possible. Good luck in your self-development journey!!

[@KatieS-o3o]

Stand up and become a moral being. How many moral beings on this planet do good, not using and discarding at the same time, climbing the social ladder and chopping the heads of others down, to with their narcissistic game called I made it. We need more Heroes,not pretenders.

[@nadinetchaho2618]

Thank you for saying that. She is focusing on the good side; but not raising awareness how the kind hearted are preyed upon by predators; sucking them dry to the grave. Only God have the power to save and protect us against the evil one.

[@Lizapendleton]

Best video on KZbin ❤

[@ajvs2054]

Thank you for the awesome interview! Can you please invite the Crappy Childhood Fairy? She just published a book on Self-regulation.

[@cathyandresiak]

I appreciate this information but I have a question: Why are we supposed to squelch our anger all the time? Maybe the person that is triggering us is out of line and being abusive. I believe anger should be relieved in some way, being treated and traumatized by people that were supposed to love you is hurtful and can definitely turn into anger and especially as you get older and realize what this person or persons did to you! I think repressed anger for so long is very unhealthy, it has to come out in some form! Writing about it and the anger you feel, hitting a pillow with a tennis racquet, screaming, crying! Get rid of it!

[@JudyHoPhD]

I definitely don't think that anger should be suppressed. It should be acknowledged and honored for what it is telling you. Most of the time, anger is covering up another important emotion that's harder to uncover. Anger is also a defense mechanism that makes us feel strong but can keep us in a place of resentment rather than moving forward. All emotions are important and should be acknowledged and validated! Good points about trying to dispel anger in ways that are healthy and expressive.

[@cathyandresiak]

@@JudyHoPhD I agree anger cannot go on for long and trying to resolve trauma in a healthy way is important and needed. I also know what suppressed anger can do to the body and health. I was a nurse in a psychiatric crisis unit and witnessed several people who should have released from their body that was pent up for years, in a healthy way! Thanks for your response! Great content!

[@JudyHoPhD]

@@cathyandresiak Wow, thanks for sharing your experiences as a nurse in a psychiatric crisis - what life changing work you did! Constant anger held in the body can lead to such deleterious physical and mental health effects and I know you saw that first hand. Thank you for your insights and for sharing. And I appreciate the kind words!

[@shalakataley7350]

Thank you so much for such amazing conversation. I got answers to so many questions.

[@JudyHoPhD]

Thank you so much for your positive feedback!

[@nellie...]

Informative thanks Lisa!

[@denisemphahlele]

Great Show🧡

[@PassionateFlower]

If you let people abuse you as an adult it is 100% your parent's fault for screwing you over and do not let anyone tell you any different because the only people who don't want you to blame abusive parents for setting their kids up to endure a lifetime of abuse are other abusive parents or abused Stockholm Syndrome adult children of abusers who still obsess over and idolize their abusive parents and are in denial.

[@gdee8365]

One of the top best videos i watched. Just hard to follow as they both talk so fast like someone switched them into the electrics. 🎉

[@Golgibaby]

Mahalo for this conversation both of you!

[@JudyHoPhD]

Thank you so much!

[@tammyestes6953]

Thank you so much

[@Mehluvzm2]

Ohhh so true story of my life

[@ed000]

Question: I know of someone who only calls me when they want personal information,after they gain whatever they want,they leave me high and dry. After I observed the pattern I starved them by ignoring their calls or messages. Now,this person has gone all out to befriend my younger sibling and left them a message for me to call. I call my brother to ask how he knows this person,he gets upset,hangs up on me. I call this person to ask why they had to befriend my sibling to get me,this person guilt trips and tells me it's nothing. Long story short,what could this behaviour mean please?

[@milestoneslu]

AMAZING INFO

[@lauracarstiou3505]

I have a good one for you. Me and my boyfriend have never.met but we text each other daily..for three years. We are both avoidant but need to hear from each other or we get disturbed. We both had previously disastrous relationships. We met during Covid when we Couldn't meet but after that we made plans that never materialized. The longest we didn't speak was two months. Also to complicate things..he is a single father. My children are grown up.

[@nicoleml4491]

I love this soo much

[@JudyHoPhD]

Glad you're finding this helpful!

[@northstarearthstar]

So helpful!!!!!! Ty❤

[@JudyHoPhD]

So glad you found it helpful ❤

[@northstarearthstar]

​@JudyHoPhD I'm really interested in the self sabatoge book you wrote! I have a disorganized attatchmemt style and am just really starting to understand what that means. Really grateful for your work :)!

[@JudyHoPhD]

@@northstarearthstar Thanks so much for your interest! Disorganized attachment can be complex to understand at first but everyone can work towards healing with little, concrete steps. Appreciate you sharing your gratitude, and I'm grateful to you for sharing your experience!

[@lauracarstiou3505]

I lost my father because I fought against him. I fought him because he was abusive. Then we never spoke again. I don't fight against abusive behavior because that means I will lose you. But that doesn't include physical abuse.. that is where I draw the line.

[@ariannagao1983]

OMG you rock girls❤

[@terriwhalen3618]

Amen!

[@samanthaenriquez509]

Thank You Lisa for this video 😍 and Thank You so much Dr. Judy Ho this is Amazing & I'd also like to Thank You Dr. Judy for your book, (I actually Won your book in a drawing through Med Circle) I'm starting it and Yes, Everyone need's to get your book (The New Rules of Attachment) it is a Great Book! Thank You, Thank You Both sooo much for what you do, sending much appreciation and love, I love being a Work in Progress 😍💝

[@JudyHoPhD]

Thank you so much Samantha for these kind words and wonderful feedback. We are all works in progress and if we can make some forward movement each day, then we are doing great!

[@franceslock1662]

The neglected, and for some people, abused child parts within us are still in there needing a voice, love, and integration with ongoing care by the Self.

[@Sheisme120]

34:56 This is why it can be dangerous to get in a relationship with an insecure person with an insecure attachment style.🚩

[@Schquirl]

I NEEDED THIS 😢😮 THANK YOU ❤

[@JudyHoPhD]

Thank you!!

[@lauratabachik6965]

Well, this is strange because you’re saying that the insecure secured attachment was something that happened when I was a child, but I had secure attachment when I was a child I loved. I did not mind when my parents left and I was happy when they came back that never upset me. I developed an insecure Style in high school when I friended this woman who is very sick and she used to cut her herself and she became my best friend and eventually she ended up, abandoning me and turning everybody that I knew against me. And I couldn’t deal with it, and I started using drugs to try to escape from the terrible feelings that I was feeling from being friends with the sick woman, and she was still my friend me but I thought we were friends and she would do horribly psychological mean nasty things to me and now I have an insecure attachment style and I can’t trust anybody and I am isolated and I’m alone because I’m so scared of something like this happening to me again. But I definitely was not born that way, something was sick enough and me to be able to choose a friend like that and I don’t know what that was, but I definitely developed this later in life

[@johanatorre]

I’m anxious style and my partner is avoidant style wow

[@JudyHoPhD]

It is one of the most common combinations! Thanks for sharing. You can still have a healthy relationship with someone with insecure attachment style.

[@sharicoburn5475]

I've always been the wife and partner who never turns down sex and I enjoy it a lot but they still never reciprocated the other.

[@ageeibc6029]

In the past generation, people weren't allowed to speak out & many accept it as fate & suffered in silence. But that kept the family together. Unlike this 21 st century generation. Young people get upset over little things & most turn out to be rebellious & spoilt brats generation.

[@JeannieSoko]

I have to disagree with two things the doctor mentioned, the first is that when this person gets upset when someone is late , and it's because you are the same? I disagree, i have known people that are punctual and they don't arrive late, they do get upset when someone else is late, but that doesn't mean they are late themselves, i don't think they are not like that. The second is about the cheater, cheaters are remorsed when they get caught, if that person who had been a cheater in the past and is accusing the partner is probably he/she are still in the same path.

[@JudyHoPhD]

Hi! Thanks for your comment. My example about the person being late is actually about someone who recognizes they have a really huge reaction to someone else being late. Not just annoyed or upset but really through the roof livid. When it’s that kind of an emotional reaction, it’s good to look at why this behavior was so triggering to you. Often (but of course there are exceptions) it’s because it’s related to something you don’t like about yourself or a trait you’re really hoping to never express but may have the tendency to if you’re not careful. Nothing is ever 100%, we talk about patterns from science and clinical observations but it’s not going to reflect every single person’s experience. Thank you for watching and for your comments!

[@li37444]

Can the stress give u abnormal smear test results.Mines was abnormal till he left then was normal again xx

[@msfifi8669]

What was the name of the other Dr?

[@HappyCat1111]

I remember the days where attachment styles were considered intrinsic to the child. Now we know that it has everything to do with shitty parents. Great interview!

[@kr4382]

so the anxious needy ones suck the life out of everyone else and it still isnt enough and they get sick. at least its karmic.

[@rosaliafeal671]

❤Thanking you Sweetly Sweetie Sweeter ❤

[@thomasj.loebel9809]

Satan is the false lord that screwed over every woman when they obey his order to tempt the true lord and surrender themselves to him as the one who let false love come to him as one who did nothing in the end..Ya, that's it, I tells ya, next time at judgement where the great who-re now becomes Moses next that the Fair o hardens the heart against.

[@sharicoburn5475]

Okay to be fair everybody don't think that Sting is some great husband I personally know somebody he used to date while he was married

[@_IslaNearly]

So much bs from the second guest