new roommate secretly fed me her breastmilk (w/ Kelsey Darragh) | Perfect Person Ep. 79

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PERFECT PERSON
A flawless call-in advice show in which Miles Bonsignore answers your calls, solves your problems, and helps you achieve perfection.
MILES BONSIGNORE
Miles is an internet creator, comedian, and podcast producer, known for his work at The Try Guys, on The TryPod, as a commentator on Pretty Much It, and for being real cool
EDITOR
Rob Laltrello
-----------------------------------------------
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[@PerfectPerson]

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[@nuggetmiles8521]

55:50

[@he.said.teenjiejer]

miles is one of the only other people on earth that i’ve found who realizes that singularizing something that is meant to be plural is the peak of comedy. i.e. “pair of shoe”

[@elliottsalibi]

it’s giving “i have purse, i have shoe, i have hat on head”

[@daniellerichardson5900]

For Jigglypuff. Why are vulpix and charmander's feelings more important than yours? You feel uncomfortable with her behavior. Which is valid. People do not have a right to touch you if you don't want them to. Period. It doesn't matter what the intention is. Tell her, " Can you back up, please? I don't feel comfortable." This is a valid boundary. HER feelings about your boundaries are not YOUR problem. YOUR feelings are. Protect and advocate for yourself. No means no. No is NOT mean.

[@KimbiW]

omg yes! I was so frustrated listening to this! Correct Vulpix every time it happens. Charmander needs to help manage his gf, wtf. Stop tiptoeing around the issue, it's okay to confront them. Things might be unfun or tense at first, but as long as the issue is done in a respectful way by Jugglypuff then things will get better after. But at this rate Jigglypuff is going to snap, freak out, and say mean things. That is going to be way worse

[@bronwyn2380]

totally agree!!! they need to tell their brother to lay down the law or do it themself. …..alternatively they should start clipping their toenails whenever the gf sits too close lmao

[@zerocraic3966]

@@KimbiWthat’s what I couldn’t figure out man… I listened on patreon to see if I missed anything but seriously is charmander a mentally ill minor? If so, no girlfriend. If able and well enough to bone and french, he is well and able to not make his crazy fucking girlfriend NOT HIS SISTERS PROBLEM. I say this as someone who affectionately holds their mum and dads hands at 30+. I get (like kelsey) DYING to cuddle my loved ones. But come the fuck on. I never cuddle a physical conservative (common among my friends) or make someone euthanizing their dog about me wtf. Miles was so dead spot on that people like that want to feel nurturing more than actually be nurturing

[@evalongoria7615]

kelsey saying she does that to her friends and the only thing that could make her stop is pushing them to the point of screaming at her???? like actually what is wrong with her

[@ginacaudle4119]

@@evalongoria7615omg I was just about to comment this. I HATE being touched so much and if I tell you that and you still need to be on top of me? I’d stop being friends

[@giveemmadog22]

I can't stop LAUGHING the intro is WILD. Kelsey explaining her wake up routine into Miles singing the song OMGEEE

[@EvWuzhere]

Kelsey using icona pop's "i love it" as an ALARM SONG is american psycho behavior but we stan

[@benchguy5940]

I absolutely love the energy whenever Kelsey comes on the show. The amount of times they both burst out laughing and Miles gets all wide-eyed is hilarious.

[@soph4081]

why am i getting emotional over a dirty talk advice caller pls LMAO i just love kelseys advice sm its so healing and empowering, thank you so much for leading conversations like this so gracefully kelsey, you are such a comforting person

[@ashtyncayias4441]

i 100% agree she handled it in such a fun but still careful way it was endearing

[@mmminno]

Maybe the bees are dead because you stepped on them.

[@PerfectPerson]

This is spoken word poetry to me

[@moonriverinc7896]

“We’re a little bit worried about your safety, girlyyyy”✨💅 bruh I’m CRYING

[@amandakluiter9625]

It's nice to see Kelsey handle the Perfect Person pod all by herself with nothing but a yellow chair 😂 (Miles blends into the chair)

[@catherinecran9329]

Miles we need AT LEAST one Kelsey episode a month, and one a month of the Wrecking Ball Crew. It’s not a want it’s a ✨need✨

[@Itsrei98.]

PETITION FOR MILES TO DO KELSEY'S MORNING ROUTINE!!! 💥🙌

[@peacechickification]

I think it would be especially hilarious if they traded morning routines!!!! Kelsey wakes up at 6am to take care of the baby for the morning. They could do a pair of videos, but one video cutting back and forth would be fucking golden!

[@oliviawitte3621]

The person who unknowingly drank the breast milk needs to question their roommate about any health conditions they have. Diseases can be spread through ingesting breast milk. If that person has HIV for example, that can be transmitted to others.

[@bronteevans2875]

That’s exactly what I thought. I’m a tattooist and there’s a reason we won’t tattoo breastfeeding mothers, disease and infection can spread through the milk and mess the baby up. This is so messed up.

[@autgoff]

Anything that could be transmitted would be dead from being baked in the oven

[@oliviawitte3621]

​@@autgoffyea probably. If i were the person who ate the contaminated food , id want to be sure though

[@peacechickification]

Also!!! From my understanding people don’t produce breast milk until labour and birth! Like, sometimes the milk doesn’t even ‘come in’ for a few days after birth? So how did this woman have a miscarriage, but also be able to lactate? From my understanding, miscarriage and lactation just fundamentally don’t go together. I have SO many questions and SO many concerns. (Yes, I know some people can produce breast milk without even being pregnant, but from my understanding it takes a lot of work. Hence all my fuckin questions!!!) I am just 18 levels of concerned for these people sharing a house with this Craigslist roommate

[@mckenzie1539]

​@peacechickification If it was a late term miscarriage/stillbirth, the milk will still come in. I know of people who lost pregnancies at 22 weeks and were able to pump and donate their milk to other babies.

[@henhonk]

Gworl, breastmilk caller, I HIGHLY recommend you go get an sti panel test. It's not fun to think about and you're probably fine, but, just in case

[@jordanmurphy4308]

You can get STI's from breastmilk??? I've never thought of that

[@nathansimpson5721]

Can we talk about Miles being completely camouflaged into the chair lmfao

[@SoupEaterExtraordinaire]

Look, Kelsey is a lot. She knows it, we know it, it's fine. But that breast milk scone call... that's the first time I've felt like her reaction fully matched the intensity of the situation.

[@proteaoaxaca5204]

PLEASE make a morning routine video with Kelsey!! We’re only 13 minutes in and I’m dying of laughter😂

[@zerocraic3966]

Im not a shill for miles (though id gladly be!) but i was on the fence about how essential the patreon was until this episode. Kelsey is in so many iconic episodes but this is so ding dang funny. I have watched it twice already. Between platinum being maybe my favorite podcast to ever exist and this cold open holy crap. Like her jumpscaring the light is only ten minutes in on YT meanwhile i was ripping my fuckin stitches laughing at it on patreon bc id been weakened by 40 minutes of laughter already. Listening to her daily hype regimen was just me wheezing the first time around ✨ honey ✨

[@janacardullo5194]

Omg kelsey you have to let miles sleep over just so he can experience the wake up

[@manganess5126]

Not gonna lie, I was so enthralled by the intro convo that I was kinda thrown aback when they started taking calls 😂

[@Abby-jp6di]

Normally I don't read comments before watching something but I always read PP comments and find what they're referencing throughout the show like a lil treasure hunt

[@he.said.teenjiejer]

dude you get it

[@megs.9915]

this is the funniest way to do it because without the context of having heard the episode, the comments are absolutely the most bizarre sentences you've ever heard. The nicknames + the scenarios of the callers + the unhinged advice = perfectly hilarious out-of-context comments

[@FrabjousDawn]

For the touchy-feely problem, subtly likely won't work. My best friend is like this and in high school (after 4 years of friendship and me trying to cope) I finally exploded at her. I told her to please stop touching me, that it made me very uncomfortable, that it made me not want to spend time with her, and that I needed her to respect my space. I was almost in tears and she finally got the message. We're still friends 10+ years later thanks to me finally setting the boundary.

[@zerocraic3966]

Tbh having a “best friend” from childhoold who doesnt give a solitary fuck about how their affection impacts you should be in the abused spouse starter pack. Nothing conditioned me better to a decade of abuse than my “best friend” from school (who i still think is wonderful bc trauma) not considering me a fucking ounce ever. And im physically affectionate so its not like im categorically talking about their exact issue. But people who dont give a fuck how their love affects you are just dicks. Always. Ive learned that the hard way by eventually, at like THIRTY realizing I’d be personally humiliated and ashamed to ever treat someone the way she treated me. Like people whose “love” is performative, not personalized are so so so hard to grow out of. I havent had a daily relationship with her for nearly ten years (were on good terms just no longer super close) and i STILL struggle to not miss our relationship. Honestly learning at 8/9 that emotional intimacy required invalidating my experience in that intimacy has never goneaway. Decades later i still cry big fat hideous tears just telling my very loving husband what i need even if its so easy and hes happy to oblige.

[@kathleenuclear]

the most florida think kelsey has ever said is that God gave us shoes

[@PokhrajRoy.]

Nice to see a Perfect Confidently Insecure Person again! 👏🏽

[@cookiedragon8234]

5:41 to 6:10 is a perfect representation of the Miles-Kelsey dynamic and I wouldn't have it any other way

[@ericaconnor611]

not "grim reaper pegs you as you're on your way to the underworld" i'm literally CRYING

[@yaitsasha]

i also love kelseys reindition of "i love it" at 11:45 lmaooo she turned "i got this feeling on a summer day when you were gone" into "i got this summer day feeling, death be-gone"

[@maddywilliams263]

“God gave us shoes…they’re called feet!”

[@emmyemu33]

the second caller: its boundaries! she def has issues with being liked and not just that she is touchy. I can say that cause I have been that person. She needs to learn consent. "Opp. Love you, but No thanks. I don't like being touched." should be enough. if she protests tell her HOW you'd like to be shown affection from friends.

[@imbomi7845]

Kelsey and Miles = Hilariously Controlled Chaos. Ciaaaoooo.

[@mangosmothies]

Cant stop thinking about the possibility of changing the studio light to a clapper control

[@maddirachael6362]

miles hitting the fart sound will never not be funny

[@NatFallsAlot]

Title has me HORRIFIED

[@ViktoriaBalog]

oooh yes! we need to see Miles doing Kelsey crazy morning routine! :))) it could be a fun series, Miles doing KZbinrs morning routines at the youtubers home!!!

[@baileescott401]

Miles, I found Perfect Person somewhat recently, and I've already listened to maybe half(?) of the episodes. The inane joy is something I love. Sometimes it feels like you're my long lost brother who never existed. You being a super wacky and silly person helps me feel less awkward. Miles, just knowing you exist makes me have more hope for the future. One day the silly boys will rise up and everyone will be jealous of our strange happiness xD

[@heatherkalman9668]

Omg!! Miles! PLEASE do a video of you doing Kelsey's morning routine!! 🙏

[@pagesutton4635]

Watching the first 17 minutes of this at the peak of my high is like bathing in mouthwash. I think I gained lives or HP.

[@courtney104]

this is PEAK chaos and it's perfect and i loved the whole wild ride

[@christinegarcia9614]

can’t stop cry-laughing when Kelsey gives her epic list during Get Real 😭😭😭😭

[@xxxmochibaby]

PETITION TO HAVE KELSEY AND WILL ON AT THE SAME TIME ONCE PLSSSSSS I need it

[@faith2980]

i need to see a miles does kelsey’s morning routine video

[@jacquelynchin5513]

In Taipei, there’s areas of parks with stones where you’re supposed to walk on them barefoot for acupressure. There’s even signs showing which portions of your foot correlates to which area of your body. Pretty cool and while it HURTS it’s kinda satisfying

[@Ratlover3333]

Fucking insane last call

[@nataliehubbard6568]

Someone said it in Patreon but They’re like a non toxic fremenies duo and it’s so good

[@Alysondatess]

Title has me paging Ian from Smosh

[@piquantement]

Now I'm imagining Ian on the pod. That would be fucking wild.

[@kirrahasariddle]

Ian catching strays in the Perfect Person youtube comments

[@ViperBiohazard]

The energy you both bring to this podcast is so fucking chaotic!!! We need more Kelsey and miles! You should have Rainie, Will, and Kelsey together!

[@lorithomasscott349]

I hate to say I have SAT on a dead bee in a bathing suit and I can confirm BAD VIBES

[@jessicamoore9446]

I AM STEPPING ON DEAD BEES!!!

[@kalebzerger301]

I've definitely tried my roommates breastmilk once or twice just out of curiosity, but she is one of my best friends, and I would still think it was pretty fucking weird if she fed it to me without telling me

[@morganmiller8010]

"I'll get to you when I'm hungry" is a vibe.

[@zerocraic3966]

That it’s just a footnote in this wild episode cracks meup

[@user-nw1wx9im4m]

I feel like Brooke and Connor would thrive in this environment, you simply must have them on Miles

[@PerfectPerson]

Would love to!

[@Teatimne]

I would happily listen to the two of you just shpoting the shit for hours 😂 yalls energy is perfect

[@ginacaudle4119]

The whole personal space section just made me so uncomfortable. As someone who does not like being touched all the time, if my FRIEND was just like too bad I’m touching you anyways like Kelsey insinuated? I would not be her friend anymore.

[@1610Lulu]

yea same it rubbed me the wrong way entirely. like respect people’s personal boundaries and space!

[@CB____]

I need a biological explanation for the breast milk story. She had a miscarriage without them knowing (meaning she must’ve been early in her pregnancy) but was also far enough along to be producing milk? I thought the milk producing stage is later into pregnancy. And also how is she still producing enough milk for a batch of cookies a month after a miscarriage?? She would have had to be pumping throughout that month right, meaning there would be evidence somewhere in the house that she was pumping right??

[@TheShauNanigans]

She could have had a miscarriage much later in pregnancy and not known it. If the fetus wasn't one that moved around a lot in the womb to begin with, so she didn't notice when it stopped moving ,for instance. There are plenty of reasons why a miscarriage could happen at any point in pregnancy without someone knowing, including later in pregnancy. Every body and pregnancy is different. I'm not sure how long it normally takes for a woman's milk supply to stop post-pregnancy,, but I think my previous statement applies here, too.

[@CB____]

⁠@@TheShauNanigans That’s what I thought as well but if you’re far enough along to produce milk that can be used in a batch of cookies there would have to be signs of pregnancy. She would have had to have been at least a few months along so a pregnancy and miscarriage would have been hard to hide. And then to also be able to pump without anyone knowing is crazy. I think she lied about the whole thing tbh

[@TheShauNanigans]

@@CB____ I'll be honest and say that I had not gotten that far along in the pod yet, but if she is a heavier girl, it is very likely she wouldn't show yet. You are right that lactation and showing happen around the same time, but people also start showing a lot differently. A lot of times around the 4 or 5 month mark it's still simply "this shirt fits, it just doesn't fit as well". That being said, I want to be clear that I think what she did is extremely weird and effed up whether she lied and said it was breast milk or did it wasn't or it really was her breast milk. I'm just saying that if she was only a few months along, that doesn't mean she was obviously showing at all, especially if the roommates didn't know what she looked like prior to her pregnancy.

[@madeline2282]

I guess her story isn't impossible necessarily but it is unlikely enough for it to raise flags when you take the rest of the situation into context (where tf did she get the breast milk)

[@allisonp4117]

This is SUCH a banger like the haunted cat episode used to be the ep I’d send to people to get them hooked on the pod & this feels like another perfect one

[@curiouslittlefrog]

What number is that one? 👀

[@allisonp4117]

@@curiouslittlefrog 55 - booty call panic attack!

[@emmaRBC]

"god gave us shoes, they're called feet" might be the greatest quote ever

[@kasicasillas]

Miles, you’re matching with your chair 💛

[@beckmannm]

33:02 the nose comment and both of your reactions was 😘👌 "does your mother listen to this show?!?"

[@xxxmochibaby]

Kelsey is so naturally funny and comedic, I love her episodes. Wish she could be on all the time

[@elka_shmelk]

LMAOO i was just singing “i got this feelin on a summer day when u were goonee” yesterday and remembering what a banger it was that’s so funny

[@kathleenuclear]

12:20 THIS SONG REALLY IS THE BEST FREAKING SONG TO GET HYPE TO

[@Kate._._.]

I feel like Miles and Kelsey should start a podcast together. They are such a vibe. They could learn a lot from each other and teach the rest of us some shit.

[@-streaminadream-5356]

we need that morning routine STAT

[@em__uhlee]

I needed this episode today so so badly. Thank you for always bringing the unhinged vibes. And Kelsey?!?! Love you both 🖤

[@alexrudie3538]

Trying another person's morning routine is a great idea, because you may discover something that works really well for you

[@ariamattias468]

We love a Kelsey episode!!!! ❤

[@zerocraic3966]

33:01 Kelsey worrying about momma bonsignore is iconic Edit: that her wakeup routine is a pop queen lunatic or snoop doggs affirmation rap is so fucking unbelievable funny

[@honeynutcheerios1031]

HAPPY HUMPDAY MILES NATION!! RISE AND HUMP‼️‼️

[@sophiekuhn5342]

Once I visited a friend from college and she was dating some guy that was a total douchebag, and he LITERALLY sat on me because he wanted to play video games when we were watching tv and was so rude. This made me think of that situation

[@cailinhurley208]

Miles, you and Kelsey are such a dream team. Every episode she’s on hits. PLEASE do a sex advice Valentine’s Day episode with her!!! (And maybe Rainey to get all of her innocent reactions)

[@prestonarment]

miles, i’m here to wax poetic about the cut you made before the first ad. you are comedy, we know this, but goddamn did that silly cut timing make me gasp in awe.

[@Of.course.we.are.]

Here’s the deal with the breast milk call. I don’t think the roommate is truthful. Hear me out! She’s been living with the other two roommates for a full month. Even if she stopped being pregnant the day before she moved in, she wouldn’t have breast milk still. To have breast milk still, she would have to be pumping all the time. Why would she pump all the time if she doesn’t have a baby? I think she’s lying about it. And I wouldn’t trust any other thing she told her roommates.

[@CB____]

Yeah either she used someone else’s breast milk or she’s lying about the whole thing. Not sure which is worse.

[@Kdump]

THIS!!!! I think she’s lying to seem quirky or attempting some weird psychological warfare.

[@zerocraic3966]

Definitely lying and it’s definitely worse imo. I started producing a week before my (breastfed) son was born and i was producing ounces of like “pre milk” which is safe and possible after 36 weeks. but having enough fatty proper milk to make good scones woulda been unrealistic. This woman assaulted her roommates for sport. And i bet my life that she has a nicu full of non producing moms in her area so if she willingly wasted milk like this shes a psychopath times two

[@megs.9915]

ya, I also thought this was weird. Also colostrum/breast milk from pregnancy is usually only a very small quantity and you probably wouldn't have it before 2nd-3rd trimester. And if it somehow is true, I think this is a trauma/grief response and she needs a good therapist.

[@mackenziemaevo]

That spider about 14 minutes in behind Miles the whole time was giving me cold sweats.

[@elyssarosen8835]

I can’t find it!!

[@mackenziemaevo]

@@elyssarosen8835 She’s really tiny, crawls behind his right shoulder, our left.

[@hconf]

Ketchup shirt now mustard… oh my

[@lolRhiannon]

why did i cry laughing @ 10:20-10:30 so hard my partner thought i was sad crying

[@lolRhiannon]

i've rewatched that ten seconds four times and i can't stop

[@zerocraic3966]

Rhi I watched the patreon so i was like 40 minutes in and i had to pause to catch my breath

[@TheOGBabbleBug]

The solution for the overly touchy boyfriend’s girlfriend is a safe word. Explain that sometimes you don’t like to be touched and that if it’s too much you’ll say “pineapple” or something to let her know. And that way it’s like an inside thing with the two of you, but also gets her to stop.

[@eyejay404]

Miles and Kelsey are the dream team, fight me

[@emmyemu33]

I love Kelsey! haha for the first called I fully thought *In a Mortal Kombat voice* "FINISH HIM!!!"

[@StargazerApril]

It's twenty-twenty-yolk for Miles this year.

[@angiebolan5354]

The yellow on yellow is really doing it for me

[@2948jdjdj]

The first caller, Kelsey’s like “we love kinks this is a no kinkshaming zone” and by the third at 1:00:28 she’s like this could be a KiNK she’s a weirdo!!!! Haha (I love her though she’s one of my favorite guests)

[@madeline2282]

I think she was shaming involving someone in a kink without their consent not the kink itself

[@robo7643]

I am an adult with one shoe 😂 free the feet!

[@Asi41055]

Listening to this while I have a relaxing morning with my 1 year old. She screamed when Kelsey screamed at 10:29 😂

[@brynnleighweaver1682]

to jigglypuff (if you read comments)- i have the same type of feeling with people. and the worst part is: its my own freaking grandmother. what usually works for me is saying something along the lines of "i love how open you are with physical contact. but i am not a fan in general of my life. i don't want you to no longer hug/touch me ever, but i NEED to be the one that initiates that contact or else i will continue to be uncomfortable. and if this continues, i will become more frustrated and overstimulated [mental health term viz kelsey's advice] and lash out. and neither of us want that."

[@singleparentspodcast]

100% convinced that Kelsey and the guest host from Ep.76 share the same voice actress

[@emilyf4178]

I was thinking the same thing when I watched it!

[@amelialarson3650]

The only times I’ve ever been stung by bees is by stepping on them. I see you Kelsey.

[@radiowolf.13]

Am I the only one getting a green screen floating head effect from Miles wearing the yellow sweater in front of the same color arm chair?

[@tawnyew]

My boyfriend right after i had my daughter joked about squeezing milk in his coffee while i was breastfeeding. Then he did it and said he couldn't tell the difference 😂

[@elisefyhrie6256]

A series of doing other youtubers morning routines is actually genius

[@jessicas1791]

Miles just roasting Kelsey

[@jordanmurphy4308]

The way I gasped at the nose comment

[@jordanmurphy4308]

Especially as someone with a big nose 👀

[@murraymanitos]

How does Kelsey know the bees weren’t alive before she stepped on them? 🤔

[@breezy8105]

I voluntarily tried my friend's breast milk out of curiosity but if anyone were to feed it to me without my knowledge I would ABSOLUTELY press charges. Wow...

[@findparadise]

As soon as the first caller described her problem the FIRST thing I thought of was the scene in Girls with Adam and Jessa. I am SO glad Kelsey bought this up hahaha

[@clarawebster02468]

as a touchy person i think its super important for my friends who don't like being touched to just let me know and once im super familiar with a person itll just be a simple reminder to myself where ill go in for a hug but then pause and see if they'r in the mood because boundaries are important and i dont want to make people uncomfortable but because im a touchy person i sometimes need to be reminded and usually dont assume people dont like touch so they have to be explicit about it when i get to know them

[@luanaregoduarte8037]

I love miles matching the chair

[@LucasNK]

honestly though as a celiac, please make gluten-free better lmao

[@morganmiller8010]

Yes! Sustainable goals for everyone in 2024 and beyond.

[@bucket2143]

Grace Helbig would be a great guest!!

[@kellypilarsky1929]

I also used ‘I don’t care’ as an alarm song for several months. I feel seen 🥰

[@clarawebster02468]

If Miles writes a book I’m buying and taking!