Nimesh Patel - Jokes for Quarantine (Full Special) | Stand Up Comedy

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Watch my previous special Lucky Lefty: • Nimesh Patel - Lucky L...
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#NimeshPatel #standupcomedy #jokes #special #standupcomedian #comedian #ontour

[@Findingnimesh]

Hey, thanks for watching this. If you enjoyed it, share it with a few friends. If you hated it, share it with the people you don't like. Punish them, you know? Hopefully when this is all over, I can come to your town and you can come love/hate me live. Until then, stay safe, do drugs, become better. Regards, San Patellegrino

[@kartikeyapanwar]

My town is Bangalore. Come here man!

[@anweshaghosh8474]

"Go outside while there's still an outside" Shit. 😣

[@vontaygalaxy4120]

you gotta come to austin bro!!! ill get 2 front row !!!

[@reapergrim5324]

Bhai tera statement @10:50 is reality now

[@christianteplitzky2781]

Come to Asbury Park homie. Everyone would love your shit here.

[@cookinggrandma1]

This flow, this delivery...it’s like hanging with a funny good friend after smoking a blunt

[@carahartoon8313]

Right?!

[@xSIJUx]

Reminds me of dave chappelle

[@inline6-b586]

Exactly!

[@macofalltrades6396]

Nailed it.

[@apocalypse487]

@@xSIJUx Dev Chappelle

[@thinkinloud]

That voice. The goofy laugh. The landing of the jokes. How's it that the Indian subcontinent has not yet woken up to this man

[@amoolyanarayan2148]

Right on...he's so edgy and so chill. It's sexy as hell

[@hshshsjanaha308]

@intempify he is 😂

[@bombaclatttt]

Bruh we right here.

[@f_USAF-Lt.G]

'Cause he's taken by a white girl (she's not sharing)

[@saxenaakash19]

Cause he's in a different time zone

[@rohan8631]

Hey Nimesh, it was 2016 i think, me and a couple friends just walking around NY(my first time) looking for Kati Rolls and Artichoke Pizza and bumped into comedy Cellar (which is literally a fucking small cellar), and instantly recognized the bricks and the name from several other sets ive watched on youtube. we got a couple seats the follwing week and i was surprised to see an indian in the line-up. Gotta say you sounded nothing like i thought you would, and man you blew us away hard, and i remembered your name. Sitting here in Hyderabad, India, 4 years later just makes me happy to see you successful and kinda blowing up. Keep it going man!

[@johnupadhyaya9626]

Nimesh isn't like a regular stand up comic. He's like that one funny friend who tells mediocre stories of his life but in such an fun way. Love it!

[@eggsyraso8991]

Going through a breakup, cant stop thinking about anything but, but for 51 minutes and 7 seconds, i laughed my ass off 😂. Thank you, much needed, GET THIS MAN A NETFLIX SPECIAL

[@OSCRGAR]

If the person is worth it, FIGHT. FOR. YOUR. LOVE. If the person is not worth it. find someone new to HaB with and move on ASAP! Live your life, cuz they living theres ✌🏽

[@whyucaremindyours9016]

Hang in there.

[@f_USAF-Lt.G]

Or another turmeric latte... On the house.

[@e.graceoldstoneroses9947]

Sorry you're going through a heartbreak, but a Nimesh broke through your pain...and I'm so glad he did. Blessings to you.

[@puckles7585]

Laughter is medicine

[@1ACL]

Your Dunkin Donuts joke cracked me up. I'm a white lady. I went to India. The first morning at a hotel, I ordered coffee. The waiter brought tea. I figured, well, it's India after-all, and I like tea, too. Cool. Next morning I asked for tea, and dude brought coffee. You gotta love that style!

[@blackmamba9950]

😂, we are sorry

[@lukeastorw]

😂😂😂

[@MJ.unplugged]

Hasan, Aziz, Nimesh walk into a bar... 2 of them got Netflix spl, one of them got kicked out of Columbia

[@abyslayer]

Hasan and aziz are muslim...he's not.

[@xxKuroKajixx]

That was pretty hilarious ngl

[@abyslayer]

@FHRGP Isaracket By their names.

[@prakashtiwari8003]

Once he start abusing Hindus he will get his Netflix special.

[@exterspecial]

“two muslims and one hindu walk into a bar….” …it’s neither aziz, hasan, nor nimesh!

[@induhindus10]

"Go outside before there's no outside to go to." And here we are in quarantine.

[@Findingnimesh]

Im ahead of my time.

[@user-pv9my4gl9w]

Just so there is an outside to go out to.

[@harseetpanigrahi527]

@@Findingnimesh whats ur venmo im paying you for this shit idc

[@MBRMBR-no8jg]

thank you , come again

[@imaginarydrummer]

I go outside, I just don't people.

[@ignacio5283]

im an old spanish dude, and that was some clever funny stuff. its 7am on a saturday morning on my second cup of coffee, sitting by the kitchen table, and still that was some funny shit. no what i mean? hopefully ill get the chance to see you live one day. thanks Nimesh

[@f_USAF-Lt.G]

Personally, I hope by now your chance to see him has gotten closer. Unless you seen him since. Then imma b personally offended you didn't see this common and send him my way

[@gautamsane1499]

This guy doesn’t give a fuck about social media backlash and it’s so refreshing to hear his raw, unfiltered comedy. Yeah it may not be politically correct but it’s all in fun so just sit back and enjoy the humor for what it is. Thank you Nimesh bro keep it up!

[@Quarker]

"Quick, find us an Indian that can sing the Beatles" hahahahaha

[@Findingnimesh]

One of my favorites

[@f_USAF-Lt.G]

Yeah, but Bollywood ain't like WeGoUSA... Though, I think they inherited all the old special FX from the 50's monster movies. "Yeah, $6,000 for the hospital... Use these FX, they respect that in America."

[@VARMOT123]

Daniel Evans huh ?

[@DearDextra]

@@f_USAF-Lt.G wtf u on about son?

[@edwardm3050]

he got the mainstream dialect down dawg

[@divyamurthy8859]

Give this guy a Netflix special!!

[@brucewayne4128]

@J D Incel.

[@MADOUT_VPS]

Divya Murthy That would be a breath of fresh air

[@ashchapmantv6792]

Nah they will ask him to water it down fuck that

[@notimportant3686]

no, please don't.... there is already enough weak comedy out there

[@crystalmasters8582]

Not Important ...change your name buddy, it’s the problem here...surely. Cause he’s fire

[@vonallen1646]

I am a 50 yr Black woman from SF and LOVE your comedy

[@TheDennisgrass]

First logical statement of why anyone would like this guys comedy!

[@georgegri]

My parents wanted me to be a doctor not a paramedic 😂😂😂

[@MrEpiknation]

why does his head not have a shadow

[@raaga0023]

WTF 😆

[@ss_avsmt]

penumbra

[@patrickball3185]

@@ss_avsmt coming in hot with the science!

[@drsps3280]

🤣

[@SaintTrinianz]

The lighting guy is a repressed assassin

[@JasonMcAlpin]

"go outside before there is no outside to go to..." bet you had no clue how prophetic that was...

[@trovadorregio]

that struck really hard...

[@RishiintheAir]

That already exists as a saying.

[@e.graceoldstoneroses9947]

Indeed!

[@Pantokrator1]

Yeah, Joe Rogan took me here. After investigating the full Columbia incident, I'm chuffed to say that the world has started to cut through the timid bullshit, and see Patel for what he really is, a dedicated and true comedian. Do you remember that word - 'comedian'? A person who tries their very best, to transport you away, to help you forget, (if that's what you need), for just one fuckin minute. This generation will fall on it's face if it can't laugh at itself. Well done Nimesh, from Ireland🇮🇪👏👏👏👏👏👏👏

[@matthewflandermeyer500]

I work for a Patel who runs a liquor store, that joke hit me hard. 🤣

[@blakewiley5304]

"I'm going to pray to Allah that your son is gay" lol that's funny af! love your set!

[@margasa7]

Aren't Hindu people Buddists?

[@blackpig52]

@@margasa7 hindu and Buddhist are 2 different religions

[@margasa7]

@@blackpig52 ok. Thank you. I'm here to learn blackpig. I guess I will go for Hundu then. Since you didnt tell me the answer, but its for pedagogical reasons Im sure ;)...but today they're Muslim, right?

[@margasa7]

@Sensei Hooplah thank you, it's hard to keep up with Muslim conquest. Cheers.

[@margasa7]

@Sensei Hooplah example?... what is the Hindu God?

[@andrewheffel3565]

It's very hard to be that funny for almost a whole hour. This guy is. A great way to have a few laughs while hiding at home.

[@oatmealcookies916]

Really appreciate you giving this away for free, I know it's hard to write all that material. I know you'll have a huge career.

[@cheeseonyomama]

The white struggle is hangovers and avoiding carbs Lmfaoooo

[@justindurham4495]

As opposed to the darker meliton content that must be so otfresive. How do you deal with it? Must be rough.

[@sabrinastarks7868]

@@justindurham4495 "darker meliton"......ummm...Yeah I'm concerned about the color of my off-brand excercise bike....the struggle is real!!!. But you lost me with "otfresive"...I got nothing.

[@xxKuroKajixx]

The white struggle is acne and blemishes on your skin…. I gotta black friend of mine who has BEAUTIFUL fucking skin and I am so jealous. Like hers is so clear and pretty and blemish free.

[@parikshit804]

boy, this material is great. kinda like dave chappelle, all chilled out and shit, making points.

[@portlandgoose4727]

lol thats a bit of a stretch. he's NOTHING like chappelle (aside from being laid back)

[@Unz360]

I thought the same thing 👍

[@willk4783]

Hes got the same cadence as chappelle in some of his jokes. “Im not gonna send you down the path to addiction... for free you better pay up this is america” sounded just like him

[@clarencegarraway700]

You are so very true

[@TheDennisgrass]

Your statement is like saying, "the light from stars is kinda like the light from our sun" Bringing it closer to home, "the light from the moon is kinda like the light from our sun"

[@INOOT-INeedOneOfThose]

27:31 Ooo girl, imma snag me a Sanjay tonight! 😂😂😂

[@bobsingh5521]

How bout a Bob Singh?

[@Mostly-Sane]

😂

[@willray0415]

"2 wks ago, I found out exactly how much weed someone needs to smoke to have a asthma attack.....I had an asthma attack" 😂

[@imaginarydrummer]

If anything his high sounding voice just makes him funnier

[@krystalborgman]

🤔🤣🤣😆✌🌿🌿🌿☺️

[@michaelfogle1304]

Just stumbled across this in my feed. Lots of "shock comedians" out there, where they just curse without context to get cheap laughs. Your comedy is "smart", very "smart". I'd rank you up there with Gaffigan, Birbiglia, and Demetri Martin. It's a real gift to be able to shift people's views on controversial subjects while making them laugh.

[@funvids5592]

" This dudes going places" - Guantanamo. 😂😂😂

[@trevorlewis4056]

Started watching this at 1 am thinking will probably just watch it for 5 mins..well my sleep cycle has taken a beating!

[@jays0909]

His joke about heroin being treated much different than crack in the 80’s. Facts

[@kenken1704]

He grew up around Black people lol 😂 his voice is impeccable

[@37thraven]

13:23 Gotta love that a dude accused of transphobia, educated me, a room of people and maybe you, about a legacy trans woman fighting a phobic hometown and a rapist, in a struggle we've barely heard about. And he said he's not an educational comedian ;)

[@Sam-tu1dz]

I wish you'd put some ads in... Really feel like I'm ripping a brother off

[@hahasimp]

Unfortunately, advertisers won't support his content :(

[@ThePaintedHope]

if you put an ad in stand-up..you ruin the flow

[@violetinthesun1756]

@@hahasimp we can, subscribe and share!

[@krutikawadhwani3606]

He put in some ads. :)

[@flclub54]

Oh... There's ads baby.

[@johnbires568]

I'm crazy and hear voices.....here's your gun. The mall is down the block. Bravo!

[@khuloodsirleem7416]

Is anybody going to talk about his voice? I'm low key turned on while laughing my ass off. Excellent delivery and content. Just amazing!

[@sabrinastarks7868]

It changed IMMEDIATELY at the end...just sayin...lol

[@devjoshi8124]

Really want to see Patel's Liquor now.

[@yashs100]

I literally found out about you 2 days ago and now you post an hour long set damn. And you're a Patel from Jersey!

[@e.graceoldstoneroses9947]

Me too. The Fates must be giving him the wave of Fame...hope he's got a surfboard handy, because I very much want him to ride this wave till he hits sand! And you can hit sand, Sir.

[@ratanaxis]

This dude is my favorite comic right now. Binged watched all of his content on Instagram only to find out there is entire special on KZbin. Gold of content.

[@ThePiitteri]

Did I just enjoy one hour of comedy without ad every 10mins. Wow that was nice. So many good lines.

[@rocky5152]

Nimesh is good, I like his chilled character and the jokes are relevant and pretty damn funny. Thank you for not being politically correct. Love it!

[@f_USAF-Lt.G]

I thought talking about the drug training wink was counted as politically correct, though. Oh, so I'm just old. It's cool.

[@paavampatti]

"Do you like darts but need the danger of death!" 🤣🤣🤣🤣 That killed me.

[@Unworshipediety]

I watched this entire thing, man. Well worth the time for anyone who's reading these comments.

[@Findingnimesh]

Thanks man!

[@hitzncritzmobilegaming9988]

I really enjoyed him except the heroin jokes that were closely similar to Chappelles.

[@Unworshipediety]

@@hitzncritzmobilegaming9988 I don't know bro, I'm not trying to get into _conspiracies_ on whom told a similar joke about whatever subject. If I started worrying about that then every comedian who told an _I was so high_ joke is a plagiarist. LOL, I think you'll find that some jokes just cover familiar ground, I mean drug jokes are usually about the *thing* that makes that drug terrible or relatable. So I wouldn't read to much into it, but hey that's just my opinion.

[@Findingnimesh]

@@hitzncritzmobilegaming9988 i consider it high praise that Chappelle and I are probably some of the only comics doing heroin material. It doesnt take a genius to see the discrepancy between how heroin and crack were treated differently, just someone who who is willing to look. Its painfully obvious.

[@hitzncritzmobilegaming9988]

@@Findingnimesh the fact that you commented back makes me like you even more on a personal level. Man that gay and black joke was hilarious and well crafted. Honestly one of my favorite jokes I've heard in a few years and I just watched half the just for laughs comics in Vancouver including Burr and your joke was better than his entire hour.

[@enzomthethwa5861]

What a great show. So down to earth. I felt like I was right there with him.

[@loosecanon9]

This is the first time I have heard your comedy show. By far you are one of the best on my list. Such cool delivery. Loved every minute of it. All my friends are hearing about you. Great job

[@janamejayvinayjoshi8817]

Criminally underrated. Where all the millions of views at?

[@nickrankovich]

He brought 'Herb' back to the diss game! LMAO

[@ssettev9361]

I was like how old is he?? 🤣

[@terryhammac8915]

My parents wanted me to be a doctor not a paramedic! Lmao

[@saphired02]

That Reagan joke flew over alot of head's.

[@DustyPetals]

It feels wrong to not be paying premium for this.

[@Findingnimesh]

Im also on venmo

[@monkeypolicd]

@@Findingnimesh bruh i got u.

[@souslicer]

@@monkeypolicd thats his sister. they got the same last name. dont fall for this shit

[@tarubewildin6931]

souslicer u stoopid

[@porscheoscar]

@@souslicer I see what you did there.

[@Nostalgicmoviefeels]

I actually died when the white guy passing them saying "look at these two computers" lmfao 20:50

[@--s--]

snakezz101 R.I.P.

[@vivek7690]

But he dint knew how to even process that😂

[@nicolesandsmark2975]

I used to work at The Punchline in San Francisco. I don’t know what it is, but there’s nothing more attractive than someone making you laugh. I low-key had a crush on him, but I heard he is engaged. (and is probably already married by now, I don’t care to do that much Internet research) however, his fiancé is gorgeous. Congrats you two! I love his delivery and topic choices; he is really someone to watch and encourage his career. Thanks for the laughs during covid.

[@Ladystardragon]

OMG... Love that you mentioned Edison, NJ... I'm moving there next month!! I am an aspiring comedian myself, as is my partner. I did notice on my internet search for housing, that there are a lot of Indian and other-type Asian stores and restaurants in that area. I also lived in Jersey City in the 2nd grade (1973?) So many of my relatives live in and around The Oranges... Blessings man, I love your comedy!!

[@millennialyogi]

"I'm gonna pray to Allah that your son is gay!" --Nimesh Patel 😂

[@jasonsharkey2237]

"Go outside before there is no outside to go to" Hit me really hard as I sit in quarantine.

[@gabeysf]

This cheered me up during a really tough week. Thanks, Nimesh

[@Metaris]

The way you said "Elizabeth Warren" made me choke on my laughter. Man, that was gold.

[@matjohn4092]

The "old fashioned Reagan guy" joke is pretty funny.

[@screen571]

First time seeing this comedian... I really like him. Funny , relatable , Interesting , current , urban. I feel like I'm listening to one of my witty friends. Definitely subscribing to his channel.

[@LukeyMia4]

"Take one for the team like Jeff Epstein did." HAHAHA

[@bonniehogabaeff1432]

Thank you for this. It helped me get through the boredom of putting together about 80 out of the 200 slides of data for a report I am doing. That was one of the most Asian things I've ever said.

[@Kinect360]

You've gained a new fan, never heard of you but the youtube algorithms brought me here! Very good set, netflix worthy!

[@kylacecilialoves]

Relatable. I feel like I’m there with an insightful, funny and honest friend.

[@vinaynarayan]

"How you gonna be racist and not racist at the same time" Legend in the making

[@elyk46]

I have never paused a comedy special so many times to Google shit, omg.

[@Blue-_-Jay]

He touched his eyes in this special for the all of humanity in quarantine.

[@lee-roy4157]

this mans is waay too funny we need more uploads Nimesh

[@lvx5317]

Jokes For Quarantine: "Go outside while there's still an outside to go to"

[@macofalltrades6396]

Nimesh is one of the funniest people I have seen in many years. Keep up the rude, my man. Outstanding stuff.

[@joshuahelms5242]

I have been on a binge of standup comics lately and this is easily top five i have watched this month! I hope you get around to Seattle after all of this man.

[@brownieboiii]

100% passing the blunt to Nimesh

[@texwilliamson4692]

Why am I just now hearing this? This is fucking dope.

[@JidduVillarin]

Go outside while there's still an outside... That hit hard man

[@bullacademy]

"Go outside before there's no outside to go to" - Prophet

[@creamnall]

Ye that part hit home bro

[@arnoldchand4144]

this dudes a brown gem in the brown wave lmao, couldnt stop watching

[@stephenajit890]

Feels like some of his material is inspired from Chappelle. Nimesh is fun to watch. Period😂

[@v9237]

Netflix! Netflix! Netflix!

[@douglasharley2440]

this dude is the funniest comedian i've seen in a LONG time! it's like bill hicks was reincarnated as an indian stand-up comic...which actually sounds like a dope sitcom.

[@satenkun]

The yoga thing hit me pretty hard man! 😂 😂

[@Hellswarmglow]

Smooth af delivery. This was beautiful. Sarcastic art. Marry me.

[@songzandwatnot]

So happy you’ve blown up bro, I’m buying tickets asap

[@abhJOKA]

AKAASH GOT COMPETITIONNNNNN this is good for the comedy scene.

[@Findingnimesh]

Thats my brother

[@anthonysellsit]

@nimeshpatel you tour with eachother ?

[@inline6-b586]

I think Nimesh is better! He going places!

[@sapowoman]

@@inline6-b586 yeah, Guantanamo 🤣

[@JohnDgr81]

Water bottle almost empty at the end,...and he is leaning up against the wall!....I m thinking there's tequila in that bottle!...lol!....great fun comedian!....I watched the entire show!

[@shannonluster5083]

I just discovered you today. I'm kind of a finicky elitist when it comes to stand-up, but you are genuinely hilarious!

[@saumma0069]

"Corona had your back" the whole perspective has changed lol

[@carrrexx7190]

Like an Indian Jeff Goldblum on ludes.

[@christinebrowne1756]

Jailbait jitney!🤣🤣

[@MrLakers92]

I screamed

[@Tricknologyinc]

Thanks! We needed that!

[@newaccount1268]

“Asian people like movies” 😂😂😂

[@phdpirate4917]

Dude you is funny. I hate when comedians try to be funny, I shall not name names. This dude is just funny and even takes time to do comedy for himself in front of an audience that might not appreciate his humor, that's comedy guts right there.

[@PROCATICJOLT]

Do more Native American vs Indian jokes. They're seriously underrepresented in Stand up.

[@f_USAF-Lt.G]

And could see a chance for comebacks, on stage... Then it's the battle of the funny!

[@mazdarex7]

I've been watching FNX comedy experience on PBS

[@Quantum_GirlE]

Funny thing is, there's a Patel Liquor store, right down my block. ;)

[@mistridancer]

Damn you're good. Listening to this on my evening walk...I'm not sure if ppl think I'm having a seizure as the mask is covering half my face.

[@OMGitsTerasu]

Lol

[@misse2013]

🤣🤣

[@efisgpr]

Lmfaooooo I love you

[@srishtimittal742]

Lmao🤣😂

[@3rdwarddove]

“ phillip ... yea i got oxycontin “ LMFAOOO

[@charminarchaupal]

Look at these two computers I don't even know how to PROCESS that one😆😆😆

[@MT-gv8ns]

White Struggle is hangovers and avoiding carbs - now that's funny

[@erewind]

Here because of Russell Peters, this guy is a beast!!!

[@8911mave]

This is such a fresh set of jokes. Keep it up Nimesh, you going places.

[@felixndayisdebologne9725]

Guantanamo 😇😇😇

[@adityakavangal1352]

@@felixndayisdebologne9725 he he he

[@souravyadav7162]

You took a old white lady out, so you're going to bring one back 😂😂😂😂

[@profesormafu]

I love your comedy! Keep going, u one of the best if not the best! Greetings from Puerto Rico 🇵🇷.

[@Niloolooloo]

Just found this guy and I love this dude. There’s something really cool about his voice too. He’s got an east coast vibe.