Nine Is A Lot | Tom Segura Stand Up Comedy | "Ball Hog" on Netflix

Tom Segura tells a story about one of his friends who dreamed about hooking up with a member of the Wu Tang Clan. They have nine members and they all accepted the offer. Nine is a lot! Watch the full stand up comedy special "Ball Hog" streaming on Netflix.
tomsegura.com/

[@cvgurau]

the delivery on “they all accepted” was solid fuckin gold

[@Charlezard.]

His certain deliveries are always great. This 1) sing-song way, 2) his chuckle through words way, 3) his matter-of-fact delivery of crazy shit, 4) and the screaming.

[@milessmith6611]

@@Charlezard. lol, his screaming is the best

[@jerryknuckles736]

I think hes a smug douche. I'm glad you like it though:) im just fucking around. I do hate his face though.

[@J-man1017]

@@jerryknuckles736 Ur just a hater kick rocks.man

[@Reallycoolguy1369]

@@Charlezard. BIKES

[@Tr-fj4hr]

I can’t help but imagine her probably married with adult kids by now, sitting in her living room and watching this lol.

[@oncerain]

podcast joke

[@chasepotter2376]

Husband: “wait... you’re friends with Tom and you actually did get on a tour bus with WuTang Clan, didn’t you?....” Wife: “😐...... what?”

[@bryanvickers]

I mean, 7 of the dudes in Wu Tang are married, so...

[@MikeY-nh2we]

@@chasepotter2376 🤣🤣🤣🤣💀 nooooo

[@chasepotter2376]

@@bryanvickers doubt any of them are married to her lol

[@Milliardo66]

„Omg they‘re everywhere“ „Yeah that‘s cause there’s nine of them“ 😂

[@immortaljanus]

That's what Frodo said... 😉

[@jeremya4075]

We know. We all watched this

[@iggystardust9236]

@@immortaljanus Lol great LOTR reference bro

[@KS-xk2so]

I laughed so hard at the delivery of this line lol

[@bigding8977]

The Wu Tang Clan helped this young lady achieve her lifelong dream.

[@jv-lk7bc]

stand up guys

[@McNasty_JP]

Questionable make a wish

[@taylormilne1596]

@@jv-lk7bc they're were standing, she was on her knees

[@seanA416]

@@taylormilne1596 right, stand up guys haha

[@TheDunkinGaming]

You forgot to say no pun intended

[@bwaper]

"protect ya neck" ..you are now officially legit Tom

[@ZexionZeroThe2nd]

That's sealed it for me this dude is legend

[@forestgump1667]

Yeah, what a solid fucking reference.

[@Neenerella333]

Please refer also to "Sup Kane!", Big Daddy Kane guesting on YMH podcast and recalling the sizeable uptick in sales of BDK merch after that bit aired. I think Tommy Buns was legit slightly before this one.

[@notagreatnamebuthey]

Yeah they have a segment on YMH called “Tom or Black” and it’s a hit every time 😂

[@jv-lk7bc]

top shelf

[@Powerlifterusa]

She don’t do burpees, she does slurpies.

[@marcdemise2072]

Underrated

[@killingmyoldself.4942]

DAMNIT! 🤣

[@beesechurger_1]

nice

[@civic9404]

Oh she burped

[@nissinderblock3582]

🦞 Tell the truth clean your room 🦞 🦞 Hail lobster 🦞

[@clintonkildepsteen3982]

I love how he takes a bow after the "protect ya neck" joke... He earned it🤣😂🤣

[@rsk6929]

I made it 70 this comment doesn’t deserve 69

[@michaelh9656]

A four-minute leadup to that punchline deserves a standing ovation. Maybe some roses

[@leq6992]

pretty weak joke, tbh

[@c0smic_ca5h]

I can’t remember the last time I screamed laughing while driving

[@seanriopel3132]

Absolutely. What a brilliant setup.

[@OvelNick]

What a sweet, wholesome coming of age tale.

[@IAMTHEANTICHRISTISWEARMAN]

creep 😂

[@theusher2893]

I see what you did there

[@Kasper623]

Cumming of age FTFY

[@borisjohnsonslostcomb7457]

There should be a made for TV movie about this

[@tez11205]

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

[@seanpulatie4951]

I don't care if this isn't a real story or not. It's one of the best stories ever.

[@DragonTigerBoss]

Tom is friends with some sexually questionable female comics... I'm just gonna say it's true.

[@DefaultName-du3kr]

It's real, and there's a podcast clip about it that goes into more detail. Tom lost his shit.

[@Statuslock]

I hope not...Wu-tang got wives... & they would not be happy lol.

[@DefaultName-du3kr]

@@Statuslock Bro...

[@marshall8787]

crazier shit happens every day, all over the world....not that hard to believe

[@jebbryant6522]

Say what you want that lady set herself a goal then not only succeeded but succeeded in a bigger version of the goal that’s better than 99.99% of New Years resolutions

[@raellskys4083]

YEA........Lets all really CELEBRATE that um ACHIEVEMENT, yea, do you think her PARENTS would be proud?

[@QschoolCandidate]

@@raellskys4083 calm down

[@goose8284]

@@raellskys4083 lmfao, whatever loser

[@xodealt4831]

Yes bc we need to teach our kids to just sleep with anyone off of a whim 🥳

[@jebbryant6522]

@@xodealt4831 not just anyone idiot it’s the wu tang clan anyone would be lucky to blow the entire band

[@kingmajin]

i wanna start calling them the "wu-tang fellas", now. lol

[@BlancoLaChicoBonjour]

The Wu-tang Fellas are not for any shenanigans!

[@Where_is_Waldo]

Reading your comment in my head I heard Hank Hill saying "whu-tang fellas" and that made me laugh so I felt I aught to share it

[@kingmajin]

@@Where_is_Waldo they’re a good musical group, I tell you hwhat. Lol

[@VOLCAL]

SOMEBODY TELL TOM. A study of 253 men from Tanzania found that the average stretched flaccid penis length of Tanzanian males is 11 cm (4.53 inches) long, smaller than the worldwide average, stretched flaccid penis length of 13.24 cm (5.21 inches), and average erect penis length of 13.12 cm (5.17 inches).[32] A study of 115 men from Nigeria found that the average flaccid stretched penis length of Nigerian males is 13.37 cm (5.26 inches) long, which is near identical to the worldwide average, stretched flaccid penis length of 13.24 cm (5.21 inches) and average erect penis length of 13.12 cm (5.17 inches).[

[@neemnoa303]

@@VOLCAL 1. if you wanna cite a "study" give us the source. Show us the actual paper. 2. Nobody fuckin cares.

[@braydondixon1960]

My jaw is sore just eating my breakfast sandwich while I watch this video. The endurance that must take is otherworldly

[@animaniacs538]

Those girls could be navy seals real talk

[@NoiseThatLaughs]

What was in the sandwich?

[@braydondixon1960]

@@NoiseThatLaughs rubber

[@Praise___YaH]

Guys, HERE is The Savior YaH The Heavenly FATHER HIMSELF was Who they Crucified for our sins and “HERE IS THE PROOF” From the Ancient Semitic Scroll: "Yad He Vav He" is what Moses wrote, when Moses asked YaH His Name (Exodus 3) Ancient Semitic Direct Translation Yad - "Behold The Hand" He - "Behold the Breath" Vav - "Behold The NAIL"

[@jasonhenderson3678]

LOL

[@danilomoscoso1213]

Honestly one of the funniest comedians. And just by telling casual shit. Wish he had more stuff on Netflix.

[@johnnysomething153]

Exactly! He was the guy that got me into stand up when his “Disgraceful” special came out. Since then I’ve rewatched these like a dozen times.

[@HarryManback0]

If you think this is funny you should be watching his pomcast.

[@systemdnb214]

Is 4 Netflix specials not enough lol? Like others have mentioned watch “Your Moms House” on KZbin. I’m glad he doesn’t have a project with NF or star in a TV show or something. He wouldn’t have the creative freedom he enjoys right now.

[@ZartaxtheWise]

If blowing nine guys is a casual thursday for you, well, I'm impressed!

[@nathanbarnhart7823]

When the last time you casually blew nine dudes?

[@BOBofGH]

"I'd've skipped lunch" ROFL

[@didyee1172]

@@NurfSammyP thats... what he said

[@jayp13]

@@didyee1172 well that would certainly explain the quotation marks, wouldn’t it?

[@jayp13]

@DildoSnuggie Epic fuckin name, Marine. Epic. Fucking. Name. Lol.

[@didyee1172]

@@jayp13 guessing you didn't read the guy's reply that I was mentioning since he deleted it lol

[@sethwatson8952]

Man, this guy's delivery and cadence is spot on! I think it's 50% or more of your success when you're a comedian.

[@westonprather3157]

With that cinnamon roll bit I wish he went “do you need to go to the hospital? I care about you Bert.”

[@JordonPatrickMears11211988]

Underrated comment is Underrated

[@jno4159]

@@JordonPatrickMears11211988 This underrated "Underrated comment" is underrated

[@jackkraken3888]

Yes we do Louis CK.

[@tylermitchell5525]

"Why are they so mean about it" 😂🤣😂🤣😂

[@thecarshowblog]

this is the correct funniest part

[@CS-Loc]

The way he fit in "Protect Ya Neck" makes me want to tell G to free T, or we're taking him down to the Falcon Car Wash for free dental work.

[@saulsilver209]

cerebral

[@docbradleydc]

Well played.

[@lovingthelessloved3679]

It's important to set achievable goals. This lady really out here living her best life. Good for her. RIP her throat and knees 🙏

[@roadlesstraveled34]

Her jaw too.

[@Forenzikproductions]

Now...we all know who went first. The RZA.... *bong bong.*

[@EckoUntitl]

Im pretty sure it was Nikki Glaser

[@rallyfeind]

@@EckoUntitl It sounded just like her when she talks to him. The whole keeping it private thing was the attention phrase to it being her.

[@mattwhite7014]

😂😂😂 You gotta respect the Abbot! Bong! Bong!, then Skeet! Skeet! 😂😂😂

[@mobucks555]

I bet the last was the GZA OHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

[@humanblockhead5726]

Sure it’s not da dirty ol bastard

[@matthues6188]

"So far this semester, he has been absent nine times" "Nine Times?!" "Niiine Tiimes"

[@Tar-Numendil]

Ferris Bueller's Day Off?

[@chumcool]

@@Tar-Numendil C'mon

[@burrob78]

Great reference

[@rustyrelicsfarm2406]

@@burrob78 He beat us to the punch.

[@Praise___YaH]

Guys, HERE is The TRUE Savior YaH The Heavenly FATHER HIMSELF was Who they Crucified for our sins and “HERE IS THE PROOF” From the Ancient Semitic Scroll: "Yad He Vav He" is what Moses wrote, when Moses asked YaH His Name (Exodus 3) Ancient Semitic Direct Translation Yad - "Behold The Hand" He - "Behold the Breath" Vav - "Behold The NAIL"

[@JonathanBeltran]

Nicki Glaser isn’t happy her name wasn’t dropped at the end of this joke.

[@joshua.snyder]

Ha! Thought the same thing.

[@neemnoa303]

She talks a lot about sex in her stand-up because she's very shy and scared of sex irl so it's like therapeutic. So I doubt.

[@GoriIIaTactics]

@@neemnoa303 more like she isn't naturally funny so the easiest topic to make people laugh with is sex All the terrible comedians focus heavily on sex jokes

[@Pokarot]

@@GoriIIaTactics This video is Tom making a sex joke...

[@TheRealTaco]

@@Pokarot Not his bread and butter though.

[@ja5140]

respect the women who was like "Wu tang clan is something to fuck with"

[@malkinmalone]

When he said “So many guys!” He sounded exactly like top dog. 😎

[@mukhtarsharmarke251]

From tde?

[@EckoUntitl]

There's no better feeling than killing the enemy

[@seanbrown8722]

Heeeeyyyy Buddy

[@malkinmalone]

@@mukhtarsharmarke251 Nope.

[@joseangelhernandez5274]

"she's slurpin and burpin."-RZA

[@bigd8924]

"This was a Thursday for this young lady!" A day to remember I'm sure lol...

[@karelhoogendoorn]

8 dislikes? That is a lot.

[@phj223]

probably from the 8 Wu-Tang Clan members who didn't get to go first

[@karelhoogendoorn]

@@phj223 That, or her dad has 8 accounts.

[@The24soldier]

8 is a lot..... but not as much as NINE though!

[@emangamer1729]

yeah but 279 is more

[@DannyGT7]

I think it's because this video is the quietest video on the internet.

[@MitchellFace]

All that leading into a sick Protect Your Neck reference, fucking love Tom so much.

[@nickdeiters4690]

3:56 My new favorite punchline of any joke ever said. Tom is savage level >9000

[@BrettfordBolts]

He used the Japanese director skin point when saying they don’t look like me. I love Tom

[@jstamps101]

🤣 great callback..."did you catch? It was pretty quick."

[@princerj9790]

Feels like a Tom Cinematic Universe

[@scottzvidzo5564]

This man is on a whole new level , I really had to take this moment to just appreciate how good he is , I mean I would watch him all day 🤷

[@sebastianrutkowski7316]

"the peoples' mayor" Tom's brilliant!

[@boboso4705]

Theres a bunch of em!

[@farischugthai5598]

I think the next line is "Yup she's a Philly girl" 😭😭😭

[@kaydog890]

We here down-under call them ‘keepers’.

[@Arthurguy95]

Probably one of the best inspirational Ted Talks I've seen. Yes. You can achieve your dreams.

[@Yojimbro71]

I was expecting a “Liquid Swords” reference but he went with Protect your Neck... NICE!🤣

[@MRWEDAWEST]

You nasty

[@cvgurau]

everyone sayin tom segura is underrated needs to do a google search or something bc dude’s one of the top comics in the country

[@OrlandopeJayWay]

This was a all around from start to finish funniest and well orchestrated joke I've heard. Standing ovation to you Mr Segura

[@jessb465]

Wu-Tang has always been known for their philanthropism. ✨

[@maddhadder7893]

One of the best most eloquent joke I've ever heard. 👏👏👏

[@stevekenton9422]

"I shoulda skipped lunch" *chef's kiss*

[@NGJ05]

The amount of times I had to pause this special because I was laughing so hard is great🤣

[@MDVBIGDADDYQ007]

"They're everywhere,YEAH 'cuz THERE'S NINE!!" DIED!

[@gabrielyudi5109]

This whole special is BRUTAL, one of the best

[@rogeliobeltran1742]

i just had the ab workout of my life. omfg hilarious.

[@pxrays547]

Goals and perseverance! Good stuff Sir Segura.

[@jmichaeljohnston4937]

"If I tell you, you'll make fun of me." >encourages her >adds story to routine. Trolololol

[@Dai_Abdurrahman]

I love the way with such sarkasm or and irony he spits his jokes.... Just a genius

[@xkpm]

You misspelled sarcasm, it's spelled: zcarkazm.

[@Dai_Abdurrahman]

@@xkpm thx mate 😍❤️😘😊👍

[@thefisherking78]

You said "spit" 😂

[@ThomasTk30]

One of the best in the business hands down. As always thanks for the content.

[@BOG925]

He held it together very well for such a hilarious joke lol

[@clairelouisehuder]

Tom Segura is such a good comedian. So many comedians just tell you stories while he involves you in them 😂

[@mitchgarbeno3788]

This guy is so underrated for his talent.

[@seanj.3644]

You kidding right? He's one of the top paid comics currently.

[@jimmiejordan6537]

@@seanj.3644 lol was gonna say the same.. this dude is literally paid to drive new super cars and review them. I think he’s doing just fine from his comedy

[@seanj.3644]

@@jimmiejordan6537 yeah I think number one would be between Joe Rogan and Kevin Hart, but I bet Tom is in top 5 paid stand-up comedians.

[@nihil95]

@@seanj.3644 i also keep hearing alot how he is underrated.. it just blows my mind how someone can describe it that way when guy does stand up world wide, has a few netflix specials, runs podcasts with his wife which has somewhat cult following haha sure, underrated that is?

[@seanj.3644]

@@nihil95 he's going to be considered one of the best comics of this decade. Imo

[@HansPeterWuerst]

"Omg they are everywhere" I couldnt stop laughing...

[@faptainamerica9049]

That was a well deserved bow.

[@danielguest7841]

ODB is going to be the hardest of them all…

[@mztweety1374]

Well get her a Ouija board for Gods sake

[@NORMASHBASH]

I fucking love this man, holy shit.

[@DrDeathpwnsu]

And she learned that day Wu-Tang clan ain't nothing to fuck with.

[@NoobSaibotVII]

More like ain't nothing to SUCK with.

[@mcluvvyn5501]

Literally

[@hassanm.hassan4799]

After the mighty Dave Chappelle this is my favorite comedian. Love his stuff.

[@TheFeliciakelley]

I can listen to his stories ALL DAY!!!

[@nicholasjaworski9368]

I agree

[@shaultzur8646]

I would add Bill Burr and Louis CK to the list.

[@whiterex66]

That whole, entire bit was a set up for the "protect ya neck" line, and I can respect that.

[@Daveed1984]

That Protect ya Neck set up was PURE GOLD. #WuTangForever

[@stephenkorenoski]

Nice he put this in his stand up! Talked about it in a podcast before

[@qwentynjarrell6275]

LMFAO “NO YOU NOT DONE!” 😂

[@EmiliusReturns]

The cheerfulness with which he delivers “they all accepted!”

[@danthealarmmanchavez9757]

Literally one of the best story tellers of All time! Segura kills!!

[@joey_dice4508]

this dude literally was listening to protect ya neck and worked his way from a punchline to an intricate joke about a woman blowing every member of the wu-tang clan. legendary bit.

[@sharpe8888]

Nope it's a real story

[@SunShineShawnie]

You gotta protect ya neck 🤣 Right on man, right on.

[@Tmac-rv9wq]

3:15 should’ve said. “If you think burpees are rough then you should try gaggies”

[@jvega419]

The Protect Ya Neck joke is absolutely brilliant.

[@likithkb8599]

segura is such a great comic, a well crafted joke

[@LVMILL1156]

"Protect Ya Neck"🤣🤣🤣🤣 I almost spit out my BANG.

[@allanjim3]

Tom is a master when it comes to word and phrase selection. For example; he was on the JRE one time and wanted to freak Joe out with a few videos. So he says; ‘by any chance are you familiar with the work of King Fart Blaster?’ I mean come on … that is a next level intro!! 😂

[@clintmccoy2146]

I believe you are referring to the work of king ass ripper

[@Yiffboy]

He's soooo stoned XD fkng love you dude. Hope I get to meet you and drink with you some day! I'd love to hear you beyond the stage lol good stuff

[@bigmike249]

Protect ya neck got me 🤣🤣🤣🤣

[@sgriff-zf9nc]

Tom this is first time I've been viewing your comedy and it is fantastic bro such a good story teller

[@gooddaysahead1]

Watch his "First 48." Hilarious

[@thisisntsergio1352]

Gotta respect the hustle tbh she aimed for one and got 9

[@CrazzyJ-iw5rc]

"i'd have got lunch" had me crying

[@euroshane]

The punchline deliveries were fuckin awesome 😂😂

[@noelv1976]

"I would have skipped lunch" 😂

[@mynameisbetty1767]

When I was being born, bring the ruckus” started playing and I came out of there like a boxer coming out of the locker room

[@n3rd_chris520]

3:43 I’ve been laughing at this scene for 10 mins straight omg the delivery is so good😭

[@p.al.o4437]

You gotta protect your neck.... is a legendary line

[@kimthomas8717]

LOL I’m so glad I found you Tom I needed a new funny comedian 😂😂

[@rdeleon4190]

You should watch all his Netflix specials. You will die from laughter.

[@schmo2109]

Daddy Jeans still rockin this makeup I heard

[@biggSHNDO]

I’ve never seen Tom Segura until now. Boy, have I been missing out

[@caliluv1219]

Brilliant!!

[@dtice69]

Got to listen to him work this out on the road before this special: "What happens if you got on the wrong bus?" "OMG, I can't believe I just blew the ENTIRE Wu-Tang Clan!" "Wu-Tang Clan? We're the Portland Trailblazers." Feels like he toned it down a smidge for the special lol.

[@TRDBucket]

I bought the protect ya neck cassette single because I saw the group name, the cover style and was like woah asian rappers, cool...

[@positivelygrowing12321]

"Why are they so mean about it?" 🤣🤣🤣

[@FlyingGuillotine]

That was such a satisfying “protect your neck” punchline

[@jobar4170]

"The Wu-Tang fellows"

[@jasonablah7702]

Search "Bill Burr Tom Segura Wu-Tang Clan story" Burr is the man "Hey, hey some of these guys could have been married"

[@donelltarver7371]

@ jason This story is old, but funny af!! Because Tom was rolling in that podcast!! And Bill Burr was like hey these men have families. 😂🤣😂

[@leeadams4934]

Subscribed. I'll remember this moment for the rest of my life.

[@jedbeals2791]

"You gotta protect ya neck, weren't you listening to our music?"

[@davids5529]

She sounds like a keeper. She followed her dreams and accomplished it

[@noquartergiven7789]

Well Tom is still married to Christina after it so I guess everything is all good.

[@Man-sc7fs]

Huh?

[@Praise___YaH]

Guys, HERE is Our ONLY Savior YaH The Heavenly FATHER HIMSELF was Who they Crucified for our sins and “HERE IS THE PROOF” From the Ancient Semitic Scroll: "Yad He Vav He" is what Moses wrote, when Moses asked YaH His Name (Exodus 3) Ancient Semitic Direct Translation Yad - "Behold The Hand" He - "Behold the Breath" Vav - "Behold The NAIL"

[@noquartergiven7789]

I didn't know Christina P. liked the Wu-Tang Clan that much.

[@milessmith6611]

Didn't know Theo Von was in the Wu-Tang Clan

[@CassiusXs]

You gotta proteckt ya neck got me.

[@thefisherking78]

This bit gets me EVERY time!

[@lorenstickler4482]

Wake n bake and fresh Tom Segura? Word.

[@senorspicyboi]

This is the funniest shit I've ever heard xD

[@crazybros9912]

easily one of my fav Tom bits

[@mikemckinlay7270]

that puts sloppy seconds to a whole new level. lol