Bill Burr: “I’ll Never Own a Helicopter” - Full Special

Bill Burr explains how watching MTV Cribs lowers his self-esteem, describes an incident he witnessed on the subway and shares why office work isn’t for him.
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Original airdate: February 14, 2003
Paramount+ is here! Stream all your favorite shows now on Paramount+. Try it FREE at bit.ly/3qyOeOf
About Comedy Central Presents:
These half-hour specials showcased some of the best up-and-coming comedians of the moment. The show was a pivotal stepping stone for many of today’s stand-up stars, including Dave Chappelle, Patton Oswalt, Amy Schumer, Jim Gaffigan, Kevin Hart, Zach Galifianakis, Dane Cook, Bill Burr, Wanda Sykes and Maria Bamford.
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[@modnairfeargach]

We were blessed to have Dave Chappelle and Bill Burr in our generation of comedians.

[@davidizett5307]

And Steven Wright and Dana Carvey!

[@JoeBattle]

I just actually noticed his transition between jokes is just "well anyhoo".

[@danielgrusuk5758]

I like that style more, feels more like a DJ changing songs and makes the next one feel refreshing

[@KUATO_COBRETTI]

Reminds me of Tom Segura saying "now" for his transitions. All of them. Every single one.

[@ricky23rocket]

Seeing a Bill Burr special you haven't yet seen is something special indeed. Already legend for so long.

[@selfproclaimednobody4614]

Better late than never 😊

[@jamesmathu5227]

Exactly

[@znuteri3815]

"Britney Spears is 20 years old..." this clip is 100 years old.

[@ho_town_handler]

"I got a computer recently...."

[@danielreed4050]

Lol its from 2003

[@oldrrocr]

your first clue should have been that Bill has red HAIR.

[@kieransmith7558]

Yeah back when u can insult people and they would laugh it off and not be cancelled

[@xSIJUx]

@@oldrrocrno your first clue should have been that Bill has HAIR.

[@badad0166]

I'll never marry, I'll never own a helicopter. Oh, Bill.

[@Wafaloo]

I’m still disappointed he had kids

[@moon-unit-zappa]

@@Wafaloo 😄

[@xSIJUx]

hate it when people grow up

[@acezavala3816]

😂😂😂​@@xSIJUx

[@1OAK_X]

@@xSIJUx😂😂😂

[@nomadicnoize]

You have to love the fact that he does actually own a helicopter now:)

[@oscarvazquez3869]

Doesn't he just rent them? It's pretty expensive to own and house one, and I Nia would let him own one as well haha. They are definitely prioritizing their house / kid before a helicopter. Shout Out to All things Comedy.

[@mats7492]

He has a helicopter pilot licence but doesnt own one himself

[@lordfordification]

He said if he did buy one he wouldn't tell anyone because all his rich friends would beg him for a ride out when California inevitably collapses.

[@BREAKocean]

@@mats7492 On his podcast he mentioend that he does have one because it is expensive to rent one. He said it kind of under his breath and I'm sure he said it when he had a guest on his show if you really wanna find it

[@twraoylnledyou8511]

No I dont

[@chewbacca4778]

I can't believe I never saw this Bill Burr set before. It was so hilarious I almost peed myself 😂😂😂

[@markonino12]

What??

[@markonino12]

God ur sad.

[@khughes6247]

Im currently on a train listening with only one earbud. I keep giggling at his jokes and Im noticing the people around me looking at me like I'm nuts😂😂😂😂😂

[@durrtywater3918]

If this has you laughing? His specials on Netflix are wayyyyyy better😂😂😂

[@TheUuhhh]

Yeah 20 years later and still practicing gets you much better Honestly tho, I think he’s not as funny as he was a few yrs ago. Still one of my favs

[@durrtywater3918]

@@TheUuhhh Yea, He's not as edgy as he used to be...but he's still top 10

[@thesye1014]

Fucking laugh it up

[@DavidSmith-fj6fx]

Well, you can enjoy his humor AND be nuts….

[@elmahia]

This guy is good, if he keeps this up he just might own a helicopter one day

[@reginaldklewis]

[@Threedog1963]

He'll have to sacrifice his hair for it though.

[@danielcarlson8137]

He actually owns a helicopter now 😂

[@the_even_toed_ungulate.]

​@@danielcarlson8137 no he doesn't, he rents

[@kirubeltamene2302]

​@@the_even_toed_ungulate. no he actually does said it in interview with kevin hart.

[@toaolisi761]

20 years later and his offensive jokes still hold up to this day. Comedic genius.

[@ancientjediwarrior]

Offensive?

[@rodqueen2910]

After Norm, Bill is great still today. Lots of great females in the biz today too

[@curtleyollivierre7671]

guy is a living legend...natural comic...

[@thesimplegig]

Not offensive

[@eugenetkd]

​​​@@ancientjediwarriorconsidered "Offensive" nowadays.. by delusional idiots

[@ILoveFacts333]

They say gingers have no souls, but Bill Burr manages to squeeze every drop of bitterness out of his

[@writingref]

When a guy can tell a joke about everyone and everything and everyone in his audience ends up thinking he is on their side - you have witnessed a master The true power of comedy to unify

[@peterkavanagh619]

So funny 😅

[@marinamartin2567]

He is truly an absolutely amazing stand up, comic genius & will forever be a very talented & timeless work of art..(In m h o)cheers, Bill Burr🥂🍾... with love💖from, - Marina Martin -💋in Surrey, British Columbia, Canada ...peace✌& hugs💞for u & yours,Bill..xox

[@bfpskater]

Amen!

[@notspacedarlings]

He’s always been a certified legendary killer, love anything from Bill Burr. 🤣

[@daviddegraff5137]

Philly. O and A.

[@fazbell]

Burr is a master. Since George Carlin died, there are very few in his league.

[@danidejaneiro8378]

Imagine a time when “we’re gonna getcha” is the craziest thing you ever heard a President say….

[@rorycolgan]

I mean you could just grab em by the 🐱, but what do I know, might of been locker room talk😂

[@danidejaneiro8378]

@@rorycolgan - bigly!!

[@CarissaConti]

@@rorycolgan Might "of" ? Really?

[@zaboomofoo8755]

Exactly lol! Now they have an endless supply of racist and insane sentences Biden has said. What a time right

[@KingGorillaWarrior]

Right?!??? 💯💯💯😂😂😂💀💀

[@thebeermaster34]

For him to do 20+ minutes clean... for him a damn miracle. Bill knew the assignment, and killed it

[@gwho]

There was no assignment.

[@KatieDeGo]

Bill has come so far in 20 years. Good for him ❤

[@conorsbrokentibia4805]

He got way better because this material was not great.

[@JK-hf3tp]

not as far as his hairline.. HEYO

[@Bob_Smith19]

Imagine how much better he would be if Nia didn’t turn him into a woke liberal idiot.

[@petermeichan3160]

@@conorsbrokentibia4805 Dave Chappelle taught him how to perform

[@bryant2040]

"Have a midget just for the hell of it", that actually sent me so bad 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

[@michaelsoper3610]

Welcome, welcome. Just past the entryway, you'll see my midget collection in the display case on the right. Yes, yes. There is a near certainty that at some point in the evening's festivities, I will break the glass and unleash midget mayhem upon the party!!!

[@chrisclermont456]

Funny af 😂😂😂

[@candicemirisha912]

Me too 😂

[@carlosflores4380]

Listening to to this in my cubicle 😂

[@byanymeansnecessary9329]

Off yourself

[@marvinnotgaye-kk6cd]

I’d rather be playing mega man

[@FULLNOIZ]

Get out of there man !

[@williamyoung9401]

And what's crazy is, cubicles are an upgrade compared to what I have now! Just a long desk with two plastic shields and 10 people each to my left and right.

[@luciusvorenus9445]

Are you allowed to look out the window? 😂

[@buggiebuild1]

Bill didn’t think in a million years he’d be where he is today,Dave Chapelle told him “stick with it you’ll get there”& boy was he correct 😂😂I listen to his Netflix specials every time I mow my property, I shout out what he says everytime &it never gets old,my son & I reference him when we banter,my husband thinks we’re crazy,until I remind him,it’s a Billy Burr joke 🤣🤣,Nia is also hilarious & has the BEST laugh 💞

[@TheUuhhh]

Nia’s annoying

[@CarcPazu]

I love to mow my property. Everyone should own a property, just to mow it.

[@InservioLetum]

I cropped that squealy bit "let go of my neck" and made it my ringtone. Scares the bejeezus out of guests, but it makes me giggle, which is nice in the middle of a workday. Highly recommend.

[@MR82ad]

Genius 😂

[@johnedward8352]

Finally, a new special from Bill Burr!

[@generaltso6914]

2003😃

[@vertigosun9267]

New to me too buddy

[@galazore]

​@@jeremyscorpio4170 Fenway, whenever the hell it comes out, will be regarded as one of the best hours that's ever been performed. It was that good.

[@jeremyscorpio4170]

@@galazore can't wait 😌

[@MrThenry1988]

Lol. New? Lol.

[@Wyattinous]

Man that intro brought back some memories. Early-mid 2000s sitting on the couch as a kid, going down the list of comedians currently avaliable on Comcast's On-Demand. These didnt last long but was always nice watching these with my father in the afternoons.

[@charlesjoseph730]

Dude i did the same thing! Cannot believe you brought that up.

[@dylanrampage9360]

Hearing that comedy central intro makes me feel like im 15-16. Kinda like a time machine for my ears.

[@Irv123]

You basically just explained my entire summer of 2003 when I was 11 years old. Those were the days, man.

[@eugenesis8188]

Bro, same. It was Netflix before Netflix and comedy central was the only channel that actually put full episodes of anything for free on demand. Everything else was like previews or $3 for a 45 minute show.

[@codywebb1290]

I remember these and Comedy Central showing full Gallagher specials

[@mikesallaberry3718]

Went to a show at the Punchline in San Francisco for less than $20 years ago and Bill Burr happened to be the headliner. Unbelievable performance, feeding off the crowd, kept going and going - thought I was going to vomit blood, I was laughing so hard.

[@jIvEztImE]

I was him at st louis the day before red rock special.. i left thinking this was special worthy material.. if i only would of spent 2k more!

[@jIvEztImE]

Nevermind.. i saw the warmup before

[@davidhunt2708]

Amazing thing is you TOLD the truth

[@jondunmore4268]

If you are about to vomit blood, you've got more problems than laughing too hard...

[@whatsinaname3034]

​@@jIvEztImEwould HAVE

[@MarcRiley-sf4gw]

I honestly never saw this one. I love Bill Burr. His style. His material. His delivery. It's good to see he has changed nothing. He just keeps telling us about the world from his viewpoint. It's accurate. He holds NOTHING back for anyone.

[@excalibour00]

The Bush jokes makes you realize how far we've fallen 😅

[@wurfinius1113]

The fact that this was 20 years ago is wild. Man time flies

[@magnetsoldiercephas331]

As he owns a helicopter and is learning how to take passengers and do tours lol. Full circle. Love it

[@dhalsim-1]

Don't fly in a circle

[@philemonkaisa925]

Bill Burr is a gem. Him, Dave Chapelle and Norm McDonald (RIP) are my favorite comedians

[@KayAnderson888]

I'd add chris rock George Carlin to that list

[@impactlicense]

@@KayAnderson888 don’t forget Carlos Mencia

[@colinstewart1432]

Jim jefferies is good

[@marvinnotgaye-kk6cd]

Norm wasn’t funny at all. He was annoying

[@Jeffbambam]

💯 %agree with you!

[@ebbhead20]

Love that someone cares enough to upload Burr stuff we haven't seen. I wish we would get more of Burrs older stuff from before the big ones was made. Or even stuff from the last 10 years thats not out there officially. It would be a nice surprise to find that once in a while. 😊

[@paulavance5096]

When he's doing the train bit and says, "You can actually feel the heat coming from his finger", I'm laughing so hard I'm literally crying!!🤣😂🤣

[@dannyv2230]

I watched Bill Burr live a couple weeks ago and I am soooo happy this stand up is now on YT. I can’t stop laughing.

[@richardsimone2798]

First time seeing Bill burr was this special. Couldn't find this special for years. Love the cubicle job riff.

[@einundsiebenziger5488]

Bill Burr*

[@CaidicusProductions]

A legend of comedy, you could even see it back then.

[@nahjo]

I love this dude man, story telling is a genius. He gets me tuned in

[@xm1k3y101x]

The spell check joke is amazing. You got me buddy which is amazing cause I have ALL the words lol

[@jacksonmorris9234]

*literally learned how to fly one like 2 specials later

[@isakallen]

Dude, it was a whole 5 specials later: HBO One Night Stand Why Do I Do This? Let It Go You People Are All The Same I’m Sorry You Feel That Way (helicopter bit on this special) That’s a full 11 years, lol.

[@andrewchannell7731]

@@isakallen akshullyyy🤓

[@isakallen]

@@andrewchannell7731 🤓🤓🤓

[@mastro4886]

@@isakallen and a head a hair.

[@anotheryoutubeaccount5259]

...bozo, can't even do research

[@BoyAditya]

Dear lord... I remember this standup 😂 cannot believe it's already 20 years old

[@adammorra3813]

Believe it.

[@dhalsim-1]

It's true

[@graysoncampbell3459]

I had nearly the same thought. Like I was in h.s. when he performed this.

[@prettyreecee]

I was a teenager when I first watched this special. It was so funny. Now all these years later I’m still cracking up from beginning to end! Bill Burr is hilarious 😂😂

[@karolflis187]

Happy to say Bill aged like fine wine and his humour has evolved from good to great.

[@ambermarcrum9923]

Ehhh I wouldn’t say that. To me he put a cap on it to stay out of trouble and keep that Disney money

[@NN-fz4pd]

lol ew

[@PeacefulPariah]

@@ambermarcrum9923 So are you not watching his specials?He's riskier than ever. Lemme guess, u hate his wife? Lame. 🐑🐑🐑

[@jennybfoxxy]

I was probably 16 when I first saw this set on Friday night stand up and fell in love with Bill's delivery. Comedy is one of those amazing platforms that let's us all relax and enjoy our meager existence by knowing we all share this same thread of time and have similar struggles. ❤

[@josephadame5732]

Couldn't have said it any better.

[@zyzzyvacation]

10:02 "the will on the headboard..." was just too much for me😂

[@IsUserADuck]

Saw him live this Thursday. Haven’t laughed so much in a while 😂

[@nedflanders5302]

I see him next month, front row, I am so pumped.

[@pxxTRAUMAxxq]

I space his podcast out to listen to in the mornings on my way to work. Always good to start the day off with a good laugh.

[@Scottkellyandthedynamics]

Monday morning podcast

[@16missedcalls56]

He makes himself so relatable that you have to stop to really see how clean his rapid delivery is

[@Mascotal]

I love Bill Burr comedy. Always hits the nail.

[@hlic7941]

this was such a long time ago and yet the humour remains great. He really is one of the all time greats

[@jasonjohnson4803]

Ol' Billy Boy.. This was so great and timeless. Lovely to see how his set hasn't changed much and he's still super funny.

[@mattleblanc4459]

5:07 was more fun when these guys wanted to go to war with someone else, and not their own country.

[@andrewmugisha8644]

Bill Bur then and Bill Bur now, both LEGENDARY!

[@UBik0013]

sitting at home and clapping, this guy is a legend

[@freddyfasthands8131]

One of the greatest comedians ever

[@thesinaclwon]

Young Bill is tame compared to old Bill and I love it!!

[@bilbaomadrid5040]

Ong

[@moon-unit-zappa]

God-damn was he young here! 20 freakin' years gone already?

[@joshuawright8990]

@@moon-unit-zappaHe was 35 in 2003. Still relatively young.

[@CHEEBnRUN]

Oh man, the intro music brought back a wave of nostalgia; being in highschool, coming home and watching comedy central.

[@silentleges7988]

This special is ample proof that a hilariously famous dirty comic is still hilarious when he's reasonably clean.

[@SunAndMirror]

not even dirty he just says F every other word cause the world is full of F'n C's!!!! hes definitely yelling his act line by line here, before he got so good that he delivers comedy more inline to his everyday speech. This was before the podcast too! each line is developed crafted musical phrase

[@gertraudmariaspicer8757]

❤

[@josephlgamblejr9560]

I’m on the floor, shedding tears the computer said, I have all the words😂😂

[@louisenelsonjr1094]

This dude is so funny!!! 🤣🤣

[@Somegoy]

If you wanna taste irony this is literally it right here.

[@JoeKoOhNo]

'Course, he was bullshitting when he said he didn't want one.

[@TheSubwaysurfer]

Rednecks want to go to war seeing this in 2023 is like going back in a time machine it’s practically prophetic

[@KingGorillaWarrior]

"You're gonna be smoking crack in like 6 weeks!! Save your money!" 😂😂😂💀💀💀 Dead AF. Bill Burr 4 president

[@thej3799]

Uncancelled Bill Burr is the best Bill Burr

[@user-ve3iu1oz4m]

Love that someone cares enough to upload Burr stuff we haven't seen. I wish we would get more of Burrs older stuff from before the big ones was made. Or even stuff from the last 10 years thats not out there officially. It would be a nice surprise to find that once in a while.

[@syzmiktv664]

I'm maroon African descendant living in the UK raised in the West Indies and YES 👍I find #billburr quite hilarious

[@mortenhansen3455]

If I ever have children. It's a must in their upbringing to watch 1. George Carlin and 2. Bill Burr! They are so spot on and right in your face that it almost seems like education, rather than comedy! And what's so great to me about both of them. Is that they are not acting. They don't imitate or do impressions. They are just themselves! That to me makes the best comedians!

[@TomCook1993]

he's literally a licensed helicopter pilot now lmao

[@charlton8366]

Bill is by far the greatest comedian of all time we love him in South Africa❤

[@DavidMatias79]

I saw Bill Burr and Patrice O'Neal open for Dave Chappelle at Caroline's Comedy Club a couple months before Chappelle Show premiered. Bill did some of this material. The choking on the train but was very memorable.

[@2TMarie]

Noticed that this was downloaded "one day" ago, and I thought I saw most of Bill Burr's comedy. Thanks for the download, and keep em' coming! 😂😎

[@livetravelrepeat.188]

Update: He has a helicopter. Just goes to show you that anger is the correct path.

[@PocketDelicious]

Premiered 20 years ago and still accurate AF.

[@VroodenTheGreat]

I'm glad he threw in the "I have all the words and I have no idea what you're talking about" bit at the end.

[@StaciArdmore]

That ending had me in stitches! Just as relatable now as it was 20 years ago!

[@immortaljanus]

"I have all the words!" 😁 ~Definitely not Donald Trump.

[@StrobeFireStudios]

"DUCK WUS OVER HURH" lol

[@David-R.]

I was struggling in trying to find some Bill Burr stand-up that I haven't seen and then KZbin brought this to me! Good stuff!

[@yankeezfan4life1]

One of the greatest comedians of all time!

[@DustyLeeSledge]

And now he is the self proclaimed "Tom Brady" of aviation.

[@neomoshane2148]

Universe was like "You are funny here is that helicopter you never wanted" 🤣😂🤣

[@greyforge27]

Something about this aspect ratio is really making me feel warm and nostalgic

[@ashjeansims8731]

Bill Burr with hair be looking like Dennis Renolds😂

[@brass_mccrafty]

Good god, yes 😂

[@CarissaConti]

Joel McHale comes to mind.

[@iamnormal8648]

I see Bill Burr, I click and watch to the end.

[@eugeneblake9514]

One of the best storytelling comedians

[@MrCarbera]

id love to see bill burr sit down with bush and see his reaction to these jokes lol

[@chukienuno]

this guy was and is ahead of is time, legend

[@judelainegazes]

Oh Bill, great comedy at every age. Love it!

[@a-love-supremist]

I loved these Comedy Central specials. Patrice had one too, was my first introduction to him.

[@MothraMissWorld]

A bill burr set that i somehow haven’t seen!?! YES PLEASE AND THANK YOU.

[@rakim126]

fresh and angry bill was such a good bill.

[@SkandalouzStyle]

Probably one of the best comedians in the world! Bill Burr can stand next to Dave Chappelle all day long! Bill Burr vs Patrice O'Neal is a great example!

[@galazore]

Hands down. I make a point to see him every year for what is usually my only couple days off. I spring for the best seats humanly possible and fly out to whatever bucket list venue he's playing. I saw him at both Red Rocks and Fenway. I can confidently say that when released, Fenway will go down as one of the best specials of all time. By any comedian, ever. I saw Chappelle at Yellow Springs as well and that was something to behold, but still can't come close. Anyway, that's my unsolicited story. 😂 Shame we were robbed of Patrice so early, because he would certainly be up there currently as well.

[@SceneWins]

If you somehow don’t know Tom Segura, I would check him out. For me it’s been Dave and Bill for many years, but Tom Segura is easily number 3 for me.

[@lavurei]

​@@SceneWins Segura is funny but doesn't stand out like Bill or Dave. As far as comedy goes, not all of Toms specials are good or hilarious. Bill and Dave are better in the sense that they say what you dont want to hear and make it even worse but in a funny way.

[@peterjones4940]

Dave and Bill💯

[@roderickthered4981]

Maybe, but comedy is subjective. I just watched it all the way through without even smiling. Its very witty talk. But I just watch Jim Careys face, and my cheeks are hurting with smiling and Im actually making laughing noises.

[@brandonmaes9227]

Watching homie waddle walking makes me laugh just as much as his comedy. 😂😂😂

[@Griffx99]

A Bill Burr old school set that I haven’t seen yet. It’s a good night.

[@user-ud9ow5yi7n]

Out of nowhere became one the all time greats.Bill Burr.

[@ThePoizonkiss]

Thank you! This was material I hadn't heard before😆

[@kingkillagaming]

Hands down my favorite comedian for years now!!!!

[@Psycho_synthesis2]

The spell check part is hilarious. 😂

[@wes326]

Airplanes fly, helicopters beat the air into submission, on a good day.

[@xxyanlixx]

Can't believe I found another hidden gem. I love it thanks comedy central!!

[@noone3216]

Hidden gem? Bill burr? It's gotta be like a 20 year old show from a very well known comedian. He's certainly a gem, but far from hidden

[@xxyanlixx]

@@noone3216 no dude i meant this clip not bill burr. Everybody who pays attention to the comedian circle would know him.

[@ssokol91]

This dude was so funny. Haven't seen him around for a long time.

[@immunesicness4950]

Who else agrees that Bill Burr and Christopher Titus should do something (movie ,show,podcast,standup) together that would be the most funniest thing ever

[@N3ur0m4nc3r]

100% owns a helicopter

[@LupusYonderboy]

Hello. :D

[@FFmaxxx]

Lmfao he willed a helicopter into his life.

[@thomaspaine656]

Nice. He's had his license for like 8 years but I didn't know he finally made the move to buy one.

[@MeneerHerculePoirot]

​@@thomaspaine656 He didn't. He has has a group lease timeshare on one. But, he's working with a guy in a helicopter up cycle business. It's like flipping houses except it's helicopters. Eventually he's working towards getting enough money to buy his own through that means. He's worth well over 8 figures and could buy one outright, but being working class he has a frugal streak.

[@icu3869]

I wonder if that helicopter has weapons on it, someone should ask him.

[@carloszuniga9803]

Bill is brilliant.

[@siaahmadi413]

My God the spellchecker joke has me rolling 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

[@gxrssll]

This guy would be perfect for a niche Star Wars character, just a vibe i get from him

[@IshmaelTsoka]

Bill got me crying with the podium 😂😂😂