No one else knows how it feels to be you

Your perception of other people's lives is just as flawed as their perception of yours. Your perception of their life is just a simulation, and you can't know how it truly feels to be them - just like they don't know what it truly feels like to be you.
It's so easy to feel like you're constantly falling behind everyone around you. Like everyone around you got some memo that never made it to you. And that constant comparison to others often leads to feelings of inadequacy.
I'm going to show you how to change your focus. This will help you overcome some of those feelings so you can walk your own journey better.
Get my book: For When Everything is Burning
bit.ly/forwheneverythingisbur...
Connect with me on TikTok:
/ dr.scott.eilers
Hear the Podcast:
bit.ly/PsychologyOfDepression...

[@angiet1683]

I’ve followed and watched many different mental health channels for years. I recently found you. And I don’t think anyone gets severe depression like you do. I feel like you post a video addressing something I’m going through right at that moment. While I know you of course don’t know me personally. I still feel like you are the only person who gets and understand me, as crazy as that sounds. Please keep doing what you are doing.

[@tumbleweeduk7479]

I have learned that my depression is caused by a lifetime of not standing up for myself, because it was not safe to do so as a child, and therefore, holding in my anger and resentment. I deal with this using emotional freedom technique and homeopathy, but also learned that so much depression comes from the Microbiome and our diet. I have recently resolved my depression, completely with a ketogenic intermittent fasting diet, cutting out all carbohydrates. I think much of the problem was caused by carbohydrates, particularly Gluten .. I also take 3 g a day of fish oil as there is decades of research on fish oil alleviating depression and I take lithium OROTATE which helps balance my mind. One supplement alone gave me 90% improvement in 2009 and I still take it. It is called Patrick Holford mood food and worked in two days.! I HOPE SOME OF THIS MIGHT BE USEFUL TO YOU. ? Namaste 🙏

[@jakesmith-bs4jd]

Same

[@SoberIsSexxy]

It reminds me of recovery, no one can understand unless they have been there. Saved me from drinking myself to death ❤ He is the only one I have seen that is open about his struggles and that means so much.

[@critterscute3642]

Same!

[@victoriawilliams3119]

You know anhedonia. Life saver to know it's not forever.

[@lynnkemmer2434]

Scott is an authentic therapist. He has experienced, studied, reflected and truly embodied his teaching. Rare beautiful man. To use his own story that it can be ours is very organic. Thank you from a fellow therapist.

[@sgueymard]

Dr. Scott and Dr. Les Carter (on narcissistic abuse) are my favorite therapists on YT. What a luck to have found them. I skip the other channels on those subjects. ...I also enjoy Dr. Grande's channel which is more entertaining than therapeutical. 🏆💕

[@kensurdity3840]

What life really is..long term suffering, stupid people, working to drop dead, nothing to look towards ever but death.... being alive is a death sentence

[@ilenekuhns3463]

I'm so sorry you feel that. I have felt that as well. It's really awful. I pray that you can something that feels worthwhile to you.

[@interrupted9671]

Ha, I feel like I’m sitting in a waiting room of despair. Just waiting to leave this planet. I’d even welcome abduction at this point. 👽

[@BunnyUK]

Happiness and sadness always co-exist

[@mysticgardener2704]

I hear you. ❤ it does seem like that. I encourage you to look for the little glimmers of hope to help you find your way to more peace of mind and joy. Sending you strength to keep going

[@Chloe7270]

Totally feel the same way. I'm old, have gained way too much weight, and had a stroke three months ago, so I'm broke and can't work. This place is beyond miserable. It just seems to never let up.

[@interrupted9671]

So true, when you live with depression, envy seems to live off of that emotion like a parasite. It’s embarrassing. I’d also like to add that when you have been battling depression and trauma induced symptoms, it becomes a life long job to try and fix. My question is how do you strive for a feeling you’ve never had? I’ve never felt truly happy, joyful, safe in my own skin. This is a monumental job with no paid vacations, no time off, no breaks….I’m exhausted.

[@therealdeal3672]

How do you strive for a feeling you've never experienced? Very good question. I struggle with that one myself. I guess I just keep looking for the little things that do make me happy and try to work acknowledging them into my day. It at least helps me cope with the chronic depression, anxiety and PTSD.

[@interrupted9671]

@@therealdeal3672 So sorry to hear you experience the same pain…glad you can find some joy in small things. It’s a struggle but I try all the same.

[@middleofnowhere1313]

Ditto. I would just like to not suffer constantly. Happiness would be all gravy.

[@mariecarie1]

⁠@@therealdeal3672Something that has helped me on my worst days has been to celebrate the little things. Like, when I’m in the throes of depression and I can’t get out of bed, I will celebrate if I just sit up. I will literally make myself do a little happy-arm dance sitting in my bed, sobbing, and repeat “Good job, you did it, good girl,” until I kinda start to buy into what I’m selling a little. Just a little. I remind myself that given the person I am, what I’ve gone through, and how I’m feeling, sitting up in bed is a BIG deal. And I celebrate it. Then if I can stand up, I celebrate that, because that’s ALSO a big deal, given who I am, what I’ve gone through, and how utterly depressed I feel. Just going through the motions of celebration, doing a little dance and telling myself good job and trying to mean it, can give me enough of a tiny dopamine hit to start to push back the crushing boulder of depression. I continue to try celebrating the tiny, seeming insignificant things I get done, if they happen. I brushed my teeth, good job! Take a shower? Good job! Put on actual clothes? Good job! And even if none of that happens after sitting up, I give myself grace and congratulate myself for at least sitting up. Because, given who I am, what I’ve gone through, and how monumentally awful I feel, just sitting up is HUGE. I dunno, that’s one of several tools I use to deal with oppressive stress, anxiety and depression. I try to break it to one step at a time-literally, like, I took a step toward the bathroom, excellent job! That was really hard and I did it! It helps me shift my focus away from what I can’t do (or what I think I can’t do, or what I feel like I can’t do) to what I can. Because to me, it’s worth celebrating when someone who is being actively crushed by stress and depression sits up in bed.

[@SoulRetrievingSkills]

People like you make the world a better place Dr. Scott. Thank you 🖤

[@theoriginal7727]

People like you also do the same thing, and they make these channels, and the people who make them much happier!

[@One_Call_System]

Shit man, this is better advice than I've had from years of therapy with other docs, mostly because I feel like you had a similar journey to me and relateability is everything I think. I like the way you explain things. Thanks for the videos.

[@One_Call_System]

And for me you are hands down the best psych doctor I've found on KZbin.

[@bettyveronica9880]

I read your comment out loud because it’s so on point, and I like how you started it! 👍🏻🙂

[@ttf4now]

I’ve had a feeling that throughout my life that NO ONE understands me. It’s a horrible feeling when you have no one to confide in. When I talk to my counselor, she tries to restate my feelings and gets it wrong every time. I listen to your videos and I’m sure they help many people, yet, I don’t have any more motivation or hope for help.

[@therealdeal3672]

Please hang in there. I get that feeling that nobody really understands you. I feel the same way myself. I suggest seeking a different therapist. You can find someone that you click with better that gets you better and is more empathetic. We really do have no choice other than to keep on keeping on because the alternative is just far too tragic for you and people who care about you. I'm wishing you strength and resilience.

[@ttf4now]

Thank you. I wish you well also.

[@middleofnowhere1313]

Same. I've given up on humans getting the picture. A nice affectionate cat seems to be more understanding. He doesn't analyze, he doesn't talk over me , he doesn't pontificate or check out and ignore. He is simply present in the moment.

[@Timmer-qp8sy]

@@middleofnowhere1313hey I get you.

[@sarathguttikonda4065]

I can understand. Everyone from my parents to ppl always compared me whatever i do and my friends left me during my struggle with depression and anxiety almost thought to taking my own life but if feels like something has been sucked out . No strength or motivation

[@lameduck6786]

You are unique on KZbin. You're doing a wonderful job. You are authentic, a very good expert and very personable. Thank you very much for your work! You help me a lot to cope with everyday life with my depression. Please keep it up!

[@lindsayburns1377]

First off, I want to thank you. I have just recently come across your channel and I couldn't be more grateful. Finding your videos has come at a time when I've needed it the most. Without getting too far into it, I'll just say this: I'm broken. I'm a broken human. This has by far been the hardest year of my entire life, and it truly seems as though my world has completely crumbled beneath me. My journey toward healing is gonna be a long one, but you have no idea how much your videos have already helped me. So, I thank you for that. On another note; in regards to this video - one of my favorite quotes i have ever heard is "Comparison is the thievery of joy." Simple statement, but couldn't be more true.

[@pickledherring8759]

Thanks for a wonderful talk. I'm new, and I'm liking what you have to say. Today was a rough one, and I think I needed to hear this. I really appreciate it.

[@EP65]

Luckily I have passed the stage of comparison, at least I hope so. My life is a mess and I see other people just moving on. But I don't care about their 'progress'. I have lost a few friends in the last couple of years. My dad, my step-dad, my wife, my 3 dogs. Still grieving about all of them, very depressed, lonely and scared. But I am not going to compare, have to fix things myself. With your help of course, you bring very helpful content, thank you so much.

[@vanessaprincesssa]

This! Comparison is the thief of Joy

[@Fullyautomagic]

* a thief of joy, not the only one

[@RainbowPyramid]

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE keep making content about anhedonia. Your videos are helping more than you know! Your perspective is so useful.

[@bettyveronica9880]

As an adult with late-diagnosed ADD, this really hits. 🥺 Thank you for all you do for humanity! 💜

[@melliecrann-gaoth4789]

@betttryveronica - me too.

[@maggiemay7479]

Very helpful. I like the "own path through the woods" metaphor, and the thought of everyone being on a unique journey. It makes sense to me when I remember that my inner guide is the only "person" who really knows what is right for me.

[@wrjsn231]

That’s an amazing metaphor. Even when you get lost in the forest and can’t find your way . . . you can keep stumbling along until you find a trail again. This is good. Thank you.

[@GamerGrade]

Such a relatable doctor who seems more like a great friend/dad! Never knew thay existed lol. You're also a gamer, awesome ❤

[@DrScottEilers]

😊 thank you

[@anjaxtv]

I've been doing the "zooming up" mindfulness exercise to be in the moment, and it's really been working! I tend to live a lot of my life shameful of the past and worried about the future but that exercise is really helping with that. THANK YOU ❤.

[@ControversialChristian]

I made it through a major depressive episode by learning to fly. I'm absolutely terrified of heights, but in all honesty, it was the first time I felt alive and one of the best experiences of my life. There is nothing like being in control of the thing that scares you the most.

[@brandonpost6300]

Thank you so much for this video and for all of your content. It's hard to express how much I appreciate it. Your videos have blessed my life in so many ways, and I pray God returns these blessings on you and your family a hundredfold.

[@nobodysgirl7972]

Sometimes I find it helpful to compare myself to my former self instead if someone else. To look where I've been let's say a year ago to realize how far I've come.

[@DailyDose926]

This can be an iffy thing to do. For example, our mental health could've gotten worse since last year, our finances could be worse, our job could've been lost, we could also be having family issues that are taking a toll on our mental health. I don't compare myself to my past. It's bound to be a disaster. I take my life day by day and I try to be compassionate with myself. If I achieve something positive today then that's noted and I feel proud. Either way I make it a point to live in the present not in the past.

[@nobodysgirl7972]

@@DailyDose926 well, not saying it's good for everyone everyday. Just that it helped me sometimes before.

[@scootertahusky1380]

It still fascinates me (in a morbid sort of way) how anxiety and depression feed off of one another. In my case, I get exceedingly anxious about getting depressed. Depression eats up SO MUCH precious time, time you'll never get back. I feel I only have so much time and energy to make an impact on my life, and the older I get, the harder it becomes to do the things I want to do before I die. I fear that by the time I'm educated enough or wealthy enough to pursue what I want to do in life, it will be too late, and I won't have the energy.

[@brookecarlock]

As a grief educator and fellow KZbinr, I have to tell you that I am so impressed by your content. You are helping so many people, and I love that you, like me, admit to having had your own problems in the past so that people know that you understand how they're feeling. Thank you for sharing your struggles and vast knowledge.

[@DrScottEilers]

Thanks Brooke!

[@orlahayes6943]

Your comment about family reminiscing about past events hit hard. I'm the family scapegoat and I've always wondered if I naturally have a depressive tendency, or if it's due to the differences in upbringing I had in comparison to my siblings. There are so many events that happened, so many things my mother said to me in a derogatory fashion, or encouraged my siblings to aid her with, that they have no memory of, probably because it didn't impact them in such a deeply personal way.

[@UpFromUnder6]

I totally relate. 😢

[@interrupted9671]

If Novocaine were a person it would be me. And this is where I find myself when it all becomes too much to deal with…I dissociate and numb out.

[@dianaa.6268]

I have always felt that,but not against others. Its agaisnt myself. I always feel I should be at a better level phisycally, mentally, finantialy. Ive dealt with a lot of hardship but instead off being proud i think i only react to the difficult circumstances ; no good comes "just because" 😢

[@brinda2237]

Thanks, sir. Your words on each of us uniquely walking an uncharted territory & on how no one ever is doing exactly what we are trying to do, are very reassuring & I think they're gonna be serving as very important reminders 🙇‍♀️🌞

[@ayemiksenoj5254]

It is very true that no one is exactly like you (the same). However, compatibility in our relationships cannot be down played or ignored. It is absolutely crucial. I have never been in a relationship with anyone similar to me. The ways that part of my existence has negatively impacted me and my life are numerous. I can say with assurity that my life would have been and be substantially better if that were the case. To date, I have never been romantically in love. I don't have close friends that can really understand or relate to what I go through. Let alone help me. I could be considered "socially awkward" because the people I encounter don't understand and haven't been through anything close to what I have. Often, I run into people who want to play "who's had it worse". Also, as I've gotten older I simply don't enjoy talking like I used to (I never enjoyed small talk). I get tired of explaining things. I get tired of dealing with people who can't comprehend. I get tired of constantly being told, "if there's anything I can do let me know" just to find out there's nothing they can do. I get tired of living my life alone. I get tired of constantly having to leave my "comfort zone" to meet others and still ending up by myself. I'm tired of this forced loneliness. An not finding "someone like me" is the direct reason why.

[@aarti9917]

You are the best. It's like you know what severe depression actually feels like...Thank you Doctor ❤

[@rijd2304]

An interesting book I read once was a small mindfulness workbook I got off amz called 30 Days to Reduce Depression by Harper Daniels and it helped me realize I don't have to fight anxiety, depression, or stress, but to give it space to pass and not feel of ashamed of it being present.

[@christinemccoy4471]

@ rijd He talked on surrender a few days ago. I'm 65 and in therapy to fix me for many years. I watched it over and over until I cried and the light came.

[@stephaniem2743]

On experiencing events differently... I was talking to an old classmate about my favorite teacher. He was shocked. He described her as downright mean. We spent the same year in the same room with her. Yet our experiences were worlds apart. This also helps me accept that not everyone will love me. It must be impossible. And no matter what other people felt about my teacher, she made a huge positive difference in my life. It makes me feel like I can too, without being "perfect."

[@melliecrann-gaoth4789]

I had a “very tricky childhood “. That’s been the reason for xxxx However this is where I’ve been for a long time and “functioning” Thank you very much.

[@suzanmiller558]

I have experienced a slight firm of depression most of my life and chose to stay busy so that I would not have to deal with it. I am now retired and have to deal with it and stay frozen most days. Which has developed into major anxiety.

[@renciadevilliers6077]

Thank you so much for your videos! I have had CPTSD since I was a child, I only found out about it 5 years ago and am on my healing adventure. I used EMDR on myself and got quite far with that. Currently the focus is on reparenting myself and you are a great rolemodel for a good father figure. Every video feels like a peptalk that I really needed to hear. Looking forward to the next one! I have a question: since I was little I have isolated myself more and more. My whole life I have spent in my room. I am now 55 , alone, and living in the maid's room out back at a friend's house. All the solitude gave me time to teach myself a whole lot of good things, and I am now ready to rejoin the human race and share some of those things. The question is, how do I do it? As you can imagine I have very little resources to do anything. I'm basically an indoor homeless person, lol. I don't want my life to end on this note 😢

[@almasakic1148]

The forest analogy is quite powerful. It's not just a forest but also a dark one. It is hard to see or know ultimately where we are going, except toward death. If you believe in a God or something that helps, but even that can feel like a cope. But I am very grateful for your analogy of the forest since I have been looking at it like a racetrack this whole time. Thank you Dr.

[@justinpoe1392]

NEVER GIVE UP, no matter how much you think you are behind. Trying and failing, is learning. I fail and get discouraged while starting do woodwork projects, but I'm too stubborn on that. I feel like quitting but I keep going. I fail= I learn.

[@Viky.A.V.]

Brilliant explanation, thank you! I wish I'd watched this (or similar) video a year or two ago, it would have saved me from pain. I hope you will help people who struggle like I used to. I was torturing myself because (while I had depression) I wasn't married and didn't have kids. Other people of my age, and all my cousins, already were\had everything. I sometimes couldn't stop crying at night. Not because I actually wanted kids or a boyfriend, but because my Mom loves children and I though I was a bad daughter. In our society, this stupid idea of early marriage is still present. Women like my mom already have lots of grand-kids. And all I do is adopting cats, and my Mom helps me with them. I though she was unhappy. I thought I was a failure. Because our society forces stupid ideas on us. The "typical happiness" idea. Well, it took me a couple of years to get it that I'm not typical, and I'm happy exactly the way I am. With my family, with our animals, without romantic relationship, without marriage. I stopped caring if others think I'm weird, and that was the moment I told myself the liberating truth. The truth I didn't even tell my therapist. The concept of "work--marriage--kids" got so deep in my subconsciousness I did non realize this concept was Not mine. It was forced into my brain. Please, if anyone reading this struggle with mixed feelings-- share it with a therapist, it's very important. It will save you lots of time. Don't waste your life on chasing someone else's idea of Perfection, you can make your own because you're unique!

[@eveelliotauthor]

I think a lot of our problems with comparison begin in early childhood. Our first doctors measure us against growth charts and milestone charts (when did we first begin to walk/talk/say sentences/etc compared to others in our age cohort). Our first experiences in school may be play based (kindergarten) but teachers are still assessing our social skills and basic development. Grade school is when the academic comparisons begin - did you get a gold star today? Did you measure up to reading/writing/comprehension/math skills? We even get report cards that rank us from A to F as to how well we are doing, and the criteria is largely based on our performance compared to our fellow students. And forget about high school, everything in high school is about fitting in, being like everyone else, keeping up and being well-adjusted. Even our parents are guilty of comparisons - why can't you be more like your sister? etc. I don't think we have much choice but to become obsessed with measuring ourselves against others; it was drilled into us during our formative years and doesn't let up. And when you add in the effect of mirror neurons, which make us hard-wired to copy (or want to copy) the behaviour of others we see, it's a real challenge to overcome our deep desire to measure up. Maybe the best advice is not to try to avoid comparison, but to understand that what we are seeing isn't real or relevant, or is just a sliver of truth in that person's life. I appreciate your explaining it so well, and focusing on the uniqueness of each individual.

[@therealdeal3672]

I have learned to avoid comparing myself with others. Part of the reason that I got off of Facebook never got on Instagram and I've been aware that it's a detrimental practice to one's sense of self. However, I have a dear friend from age 12 and I'm 62, who in this last year has recently been kind of sharply comparing me with other people with challenges of different sorts. Every time she's done that it hurts so bad and I'm so taken aback I don't know what to say in the moment. And I have a resentment about it because she can't possibly know what my life feels like to me and what my insides feel like to me. And she's comparing the outside of someone else with the inside of me which is hurtful. And as you framed it not even scientifically accurate. I've been meaning to talk to her to ask her to please refrain from doing such comparisons. I'm working my way up to it. But I guess I'm not very challenging of my friends if I can avoid it. Because I'd rather have things be as copacetic as possible in a relationship. But I have been licking my wounds and feeling very hurt by her recent comparisons of others with me. Specifically in a way that's diminishing of my own challenges. What's more she has a psychology degree and Masters and she is trained as a therapist but because of her family wealth she doesn't have to work. And she supposedly specialized in trauma or trauma-informed care. But it seems like she's forgotten a lot of what she learned. As a trauma survivor myself, and she not being one I feel like it was a little bit ridiculous for her to study trauma because it didn't actually give her that much perspective, clearly. Otherwise I think she'd be more sensitive to my trauma history and not trying to compare me to other people.

[@Chloe7270]

That sounds like a pretty abrupt cognitive change. She probably needs to see a doctor. It's really not about you, though I know it feels like it. People hurt my feelings whenever the opportunity presents itself, too. They say things I wouldn't dream of saying to another person. I hope she gets checked out.

[@therealdeal3672]

​@@Chloe7270thank you for your comment. She does have some Alzheimer's in her family and she's a couple years older than me. I actually have considered the possibility that it is a cognitive decline issue. But it's partly also a never really experienced any real trauma and she has a daughter with major psychiatric issues who is not a trauma survivor, so somehow she has forgotten or never really knew how much of an extra load trauma puts on one's plate in life.

[@TheNesbittExperience]

Sam Vaknin’s work on toxic social media made me get off FB in 2012. I highly recommend checking out his work on this topic.

[@seaofflowers.]

Found your channel recently, last 3 or so months, and it's become my version of listening to music while doing other things; thinking my life is 'only MY experience' used to scare me, still does a little, because it feels like I'm even further from healing, since no treatment is exactly made for me. & The way you describe this differing POV for the same thing (ironic) unexpectedly makes me feel like, while no treatment is made exactly for me, that also means statistically negative results also aren't exactly for me. Long comment short, thank you for sharing your invaluable education with myself and so many others, Dr. Scott. & thanks for delivering these videos in a down to earth- realistic way. No fake constant smiling or surface level textbook suggestions. Much appreciated 🤙🏻

[@intignia]

I rarely compare myself to others anymore (I'm 70). When I did that I usually came out the loser/lesser. What I do is compare myself to myself. Am I a better person than I was yesterday, last week, last month, last year. Am I more patient (with myself and others), am I kinder, more understanding? We are always learning and growing. The trick is to grow in a positive direction.

[@heatherk444]

“Comparison is the thief of joy,”

[@j-lew]

I keep watching your videos and reading through your book, and I just relate to everything you say. It is craaazy how SEEN I feel by someone who has never met me. Thank you so much for your content.

[@kmech3rd]

The only people I envy are those who never were. Or who passed peacefully, having hurt no one in their lives.

[@MinkaSchlossberger4ever]

Dear Scott....I am amazed, how real, true and practical Your advices are,..that I can connect to the message instantly....that is a rare gift, and that s why so many suffering people are drawn to You. Listening to this channel, I really don t have the feeling, that I am entering a ,programm', it feels like someone is sharing experiences, who cares. That makes all the difference! I understand, that You want to reach more people, help more, be there more often.....but please take care of Yourself! Don t exhaust Yourself by trying to cover all of the mental needs of us ....that would be an impossible goal..and it would not do us any good....If You harm Yourself in the effort. Thank You for being so open and empathic, and be aware that You need care, too! Kindest regards

[@ryancraig2795]

I'm dealing with a combination - unresolved issues with my ex-girlfriend and angst over her moving on, and feelings of inadequacy compared to her since we broke up. She found a new passion, a new lover, learned a new language and moved to a city where it's the majority language, and did a Master's degree in that new language. And me? Well I did manage to find a job when we were all laid off in 2018 (she was a co-worker, too). And that's about it. Nothing else has really changed in my life in years. No progress or growth. I know I'll never be as ambitious as her, but I wish I had made some sort of progress.

[@Fullyautomagic]

This falls apart when you know that there are people who have never thought about killing themselves and others who actually killed themselves.

[@therealmrglanet2127]

I really would like to see a video on that whole forest analogy that 8 billion humans are in. For some reason, thinking of the life and the world in this way evoked something in me. It calls and speaks to something deeply true in every human being (maybe not much of a coincidence given our history as a nomadic hunter-gatherer species). I've thought before of life as a series of paths with doors in a misty forest, with some paths circumventing and winding around back to where you were so you can try walking through those other doors. But maybe instead of doors, they're just wider open areas to explore. This reminds me of the concept of "sonder" by the dictionary of obscure sorrows (VSauce did a wonderful KZbin video on this called "The Science of Awkwardness", one of my favorite videos). Thanks Scott! You're the real dude! I can feel your genuine compassion and understanding through the screen and it means so much to me.

[@yolandabraithwaite7730]

I once had a dream where everyone else got on a flight, and I was left behind.

[@markseyfried]

This is such and incredible insight. This POV would save so many people from worsening depression and beating themselves up for "not being enough."

[@gene108]

This I find my comparison habit to be coupled with what you describe as ambiguous grief, in another video. I’m not comparing myself to stars, just peers I grew up with like a brother, a cousin, one childhood friends who are around my age ( late 40’s to early 50’s). They are married, have kids (late high school & early college), and are settled in their careers. I’m single. No kids. No meaningful relationships, and I am not good in what I tried as a career. I have my own unique journey, and my journey sucks. I didn’t have superstar ambitions growing up. I just wanted to be married, have kids, and a career of some kind, relatively normal middle class things for someone growing up in the middle class. I missed out on things because of untreated depression in my late teens to late twenties (the age a lot of folks make the decisions, like marriage, careers, etc.), lack of self confidence, sometimes lack of self esteem, and my inability to really overcome feeling depressed. What you talk about in this video would’ve been very helpful, if I learned it 25 to 40 years ago. There are just too many missed opportunities over the decades for me to be satisfied with myself, which is where my comparison habit coincides with ambiguous grief. I really have no idea what to do with myself at this point in time. I just see I’ve opportunities to be where people I consider peers are, and thought I would be there too.

[@Liz-wz8dh]

I actually have never been a type of person who compares a lot of my life to others and that always made me feel kind of different. I think I recognized early in life that all the people I knew who constantly compared themselves to others were miserable people, so I actively tried to tell myself I was living my own experience and aside from situations where it's just like the human condition, there wasn't that much to compare.

[@d.l.8133]

I love your videos! I have depression and other psychological problems and here I feel understood. I've watched countless videos like yours but they don't have the same effect. Keep up the good work! I really appreciate what you do and I'm grateful you exist. Thank you!

[@mmmitchell6887]

Tyrone was touching on this in ATL. 2 years ago. I’m sending this to him now.

[@isisblackthrash9293]

Yeah I guess I failed career-wise, but I have an amazing daughter and (as of now) still am married, which is something many many people struggle with. Some people just die in a war or get crippled not just emotionally like me but also physically, sometimes I don't even feel like my life sucks.

[@DonnaFerguson-bd8zn]

I love being me and I don't want anyone else to be me thank you

[@hwaidasweilem8955]

Missing the announcement was an actual experience for me growing up.

[@argentiana]

Please make a video continuation of how to get rid of the comparison cycle, and how it causes inadequacy (how to end it for good!)

[@kikijewell2967]

For me, I believe that someone is either fundamentally based in hierarchy or equality - and that they are exclusive. So if you're thinking too much in a hierarchy, let me describe what equality based thinking is like (at least for me.) When you think of someone else's good qualities, think about them _from their point of view._ With them at the center, and their good qualities at the center, you don't need anyone else in the picture. When you see someone below you, remember that they could learn and do exactly what you did to get to where you are. You could even teach them, and create equality between you both. If you see someone above you, remember that you could have done what they did and learn what they learned and be exactly where they are. And maybe you could learn from their wisdom. And create equality between you. You have to see that everyone is fundamentally _equal_ - even those who are geniuses, or who have brain damage or other weaker mental capacities. Everyone is fundamentally equal, because we are all human, and have human worth. We are each striving to meet our own greatest potential. And those potentials are different, and serve a part of a greater whole to humanity. Each contribution, no matter how small, is important. I hope that's helpful.

[@drlove891]

Thank you. I needed to hear that.

[@user-bw6un2up3l]

Hi Dr Scott, I'm a doctoral student completing my PhD in psychology, your videos have been invaluable personal resource during what has turned out to be an incredibly difficult few years completing my training! I'd love to hear more about your background and what inspired you to get into psychology, your experience completing your doctorate, as well as what psychological perspectives you draw from to inform your work. If you have any tips on completing a doctorate I'd love to hear them :). Thanks again and I look forward to tuning into more of your content!

[@lia.851]

SO glad I found your channel ❤

[@theoriginal7727]

Yes!!! so many of us with depression, anxiety, addiction, or alcoholism issues, etc. ADHD! But especially in addiction and recovery, I have heard this sentiment stated so many times in so many ways! Appreciate your channel so much brother, thanks

[@jrandallgilmore8907]

Wow. Thank you for this. You have no idea how much I needed to hear this. Been struggling with so much and comparisons are a key factor. I know when I’m doing it and it’s wrong but it gets in my head and really messes me up - and it’s so hard to stop doing even when you know it’s wrong. Saving this video so I can rewatched it every time I go down that road. Again, thank you.

[@nurshark10]

Thank you, Scott!

[@ruthakers7524]

I'm so grateful to have found your channel.

[@butterfly7509]

I went through something yesterday, and this title came right on time, it's like if you were there when it happened, I have a disability and people just don't understand when it comes to doing certain things, I have seen your other vedios and they as well just came in time of things that I'm going through, thank you so much for taking the time to do the videos, keep them coming

[@crystalkauffman3322]

Thank you so much for helping me.I have been In therapy in the past & you are better than most of my former psychologists. You are a true hero!

[@rohankishibae4034]

I'm still struggling to catch up to my peers in terms of academic knowledge since I nearly skipped an entire month of education, it's been tough. I can't stop comparing myself to them since they make it look so easy and I know for a fact that I'm not slow or stupid, so most of the time I just want to give up and put the least amount of effort in studying. Thanks again for being incredibly reasonable and helping me look at the situation more objectively, it's gonna take a while, but hopefully I'll get there at some point. Oh and it's always great to see more videogame parallels, keep them coming :)

[@madeleindiedericks7020]

Glad I found your channel. You are so spot on, feels like you are talking to me!

[@danielafraser4811]

You are so special. I am so grateful to have found you. Now l am beginning to make sense of my life and my depression. I am always looking for answers and you make me feel worthy of my search. I feel so lucky to have found you. You are changing people's lives and l thank you so much.❤

[@rideka]

thank you for this, it's really helpful to help me not be so critical of myself when i see what other peers have achieved in life

[@davidbrislin1126]

Thank you for doing this. It's so massively helpful for me, right now.

[@beatrice349]

This really helped and I’ve not heard it put quite the way you did!😊❤

[@LukeAttemptsLife]

I need you in my life Scott. Thank you for sharing these videos with us.

[@Stephanie.101]

Thank you for this video

[@wittleghoul]

Finding your channel has made my day. Love your content. Thank you!

[@shadowjolteon4201]

It's wonderful having someone that actually understands. And you have a soothing voice, not monotone or boring. I'll check out your book. Thank you!

[@anapaulafehrlen4661]

Thank you for all your insights and wisdom. In my opinion, you are one of the best in your field that I've come across lately. You have been helping and inspiring me so much! I wish you all the best and I hope you continue your journey on sharing your experiences and knowledge!

[@hustlelisa]

THANK YOU FOR YOUR CONTENT!!!! It hits right in my heart every time! Soooo glad I found you. Please keep it up💯💯💯👍🏼👍🏼👍🏼👍🏼🎯🎯🎯🎯🎯

[@justynjonn]

All your subjects really hit home for me.

[@edroth7370]

Needed to hear this.

[@johnwhite7320]

Scott, you're really good at what you do. Thanks, Peace

[@davidsinogui]

Thank you. Just, thank you ☺️ ❤

[@natashafaizi6333]

im so grateful to have found this channel, Dr Scott is always so spot on, ive never felt so understood before despite having gone to several therapist

[@joyslove3858]

You identify, name, and explain the personal problems that I can't put a finger on. Then you teach me ways to cope and heal. Thank you from the bottom of my heart 🥰 Blessings to you and yours.

[@chrisodriscoll5095]

Love your videos. They have helped me so much.

[@jmb6192]

Very well said!

[@SuzD0n]

You were put on this earth to heal people. It's a privilege to subscribe. Thank you.

[@GA-if6qf]

I am so appreciative of you and how you address various issues--so very helpful. So thankful to have come across your channel. Thank you! Many blessings....

[@vuyamie]

that is just simply wonderful

[@Skrzacik]

Thank you as always for these videos! I am in a bad financial situation and can't afford therapist, so your channel is my only hope for a therapy, and I think it's working.

[@Theresa-zx7yp]

I am so thankful I found you Dr Scott...your videos are extremely helpful❤❤

[@SimonLeBonBelge]

That was really helpful. Thank you.

[@RoccoMax100]

I just discovered your channel today, randomly showed up in my feed and I love it. It is very different in the fact that a licensed professional is relatable. Most channels sound clinical, the creator is not as relatable, etc. One thing I struggle with is not so much comparing my success and material things but rather I struggle with “am I normal?” I tell myself you have a great career, financial stability, an astounding circle of people, etc but am I like everyone else in the sense of “does everyone feel this or that, does everyone have problems, does everyone go to the bathroom, do we all have off days?” I tend to view everyone else as perfect. Especially physically attractive people, they flow through life with no issues. Thankfully I’ve begun working with an awesome therapist but as a patient I sometimes wonder “is he just saying that to pacify me, are his words true?”

[@karinabrandenburg8425]

Dr. Scott, thank you! I want to say more, but I won’t because you’ve said everything I needed to hear. You are awesome - you are helping so many people with your experience, education, and honesty! ❤

[@nishasankaran]

This was excellent. Thank you

[@goon7163]

I had no idea what this video was truly about and I cannot believe how much I needed to hear this!! Instant sub!!

[@petrabrunia1543]

Thank you so mutch for this lesson. It helpt me more then i can say. 🙏

[@nadineW308]

This was really helpful. ❤

[@buzzn4happiness]

thank you for all these videos, I do enjoy them. I really don't feel like I'm in a race with others. I just want the pain to stop, not just emotionally but physically as well. when I feel I am finally getting some where, another storm comes crashing around me. I just can't win.

[@elibena2948]

Thank you so much for what you do. You touch upon so many subjects I gave up on getting help with. I can't afford a life coach or counsellor. Then I found you. I am so grateful.

[@karenday5662]

Thank you so much for helping people