Not all parents are good | Dr. Sherrie Campbell | TEDxDanville

NOTE FROM TED: This talk discusses abuse. TEDx events are independently organized by volunteers. The guidelines we give TEDx organizers are described in more detail here: storage.ted.com/tedx/manuals/t...
It seems taboo to say the words “bad parents” out loud because all we are indoctrinated to know is the good parent. And make no mistake, we also see good parents all around us. However, in our culture it is mis-assumed that all parents are good, which is simply not true for so many.
This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at ted.com/tedx DR. SHERRIE CAMPBELL is a licensed clinical psychologist who specializes in helping healthy people cut ties with the toxic people in their lives.
She is a nationally recognized expert on family estrangement, a best selling author, inspirational speaker, host of the “Sherapy Sessions: Cutting Toxic Family Ties” podcast, a well-known social media influencer and a regularly featured media expert. This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at www.ted.com/tedx

[@nostalgic3ctasy433]

She makes a valid point that strangers who abuse children are held to account for what they do but parents can and do get away with abusing their children

[@dr.sherrie]

Sad but true! This needs to change!

[@EvelynFluyeVida]

becase the worst wounds and betrayal didn't come from strangers, but from those who "loved" us.

[@Charlize-Z]

My heart goes out to all the people who had to grow up feeling like they weren't truly loved and protected by their parents

[@vanessamamisial]

“as the acceptance for hard truth, is the prerequisite for meaningful change”!! yes yes yes!!

[@dr.sherrie]

YES YES YES!

[@TheCookieAngel]

Once I got older and had sleep overs with my friends and saw how loving their parents were I sadly realized that wasn't the case for me.

[@dr.sherrie]

So relatable! I get it

[@Sru001]

Relatable I used to feel jealous for My cousins parents because they were so loving and caring

[@mariannelaney633]

Thank you for addressing this "taboo" subject. As a +20 year distancer from my family of origin, I feel incredibly validated and seen. From Professor Laney @ SCC

[@Cristinact]

Dr Sherrie's book "But... it's Your Family...!" and her daily reflections on social media have helped me heal from my toxic relatives. I am so glad to see her here in such a relevant Talks Forum.

[@dr.sherrie]

I am honored to represent us ❤

[@nickid5210]

Thank you Dr. Sherrie❤. I am reading your books now… it’s time for ME to heal and grow, even in my 50s😢

[@dr.sherrie]

You’re very welcome! It’s never too late. It means 45 years!

[@rhymes-stories]

Very powerful, may the old us all be healed from past abusive parents.

[@dr.sherrie]

Thank you!! Our voices are now being heard! ✨

[@sergeymarushckin]

It's so refreshing to hear someone speak the truth about the myth of perfect parents. At the end of the day parents are just people and no one person is perfect.

[@debbiekillewald8384]

Thank you for speaking up. I had 2 abusive parents. One was actually dangerous for me.

[@dr.sherrie]

I had two abusive parents as well. I get it ❤

[@TracieJLee]

Incredibly moving and insightful. Her point about societal cognitive dissonance when it comes to accepting that parents can be abusers is spot on.

[@dr.sherrie]

Thank you!!

[@flipthatscriptontoxicfamil9056]

I am so thankful to her for being a voice for us survivors of these kinds of parents.

[@dr.sherrie]

Thank you! I see you ❤

[@nostatus4me]

I like that this isn't just about highlighting the problem but also offering a pathway towards healing and breaking the cycle of abuse. That's the kind of stuff we need.

[@dr.sherrie]

Thank you!

[@Chann223]

She is speaking so much truth!! I know everything she is speaking on from experience. The world needs to pay heed to this message so much. How much different our world would be if we could have healthy and whole parents raising children, and the secret to that: bringing up children that are unharmed and truly loved by their parent/guardians.

[@dr.sherrie]

Thank you!! Totally agree!

[@flipthatscriptontoxicfamil9056]

Thank you for all that you are doing to break the cultural myths regarding family. You put it so succinctly when in one of your books you stated that abusive people exist and families are made up of people so therefore there is such a thing as having abusive family members.

[@leekaygraphics]

Excellent presentation, Dr Sherrie! Such powerful words about a taboo subject. I'm picturing the many people in that audience who were holding back tears...

[@dr.sherrie]

Thank you!!! Yes many were in tears. It was a really special experience. They felt seen. How beautiful is that?!😭❤️

[@saturnsrings3608]

She said something about the unpredictability of her days that really spoke to my truth. A lot of the time it was the not knowing what I was going to get from day to day and now that I'm grown I see that comes from how unstable my parents were in their own mental health

[@Joyspout]

I think even just creating dialogue around this issue is a huge positive. Sometimes people are so wrapped up in their own trauma they can't see how they're in turn abusing and manipulating.

[@dr.sherrie]

Thank you! It’s time!

[@Joyspout]

@@dr.sherrie yes it is, thank you

[@58vette]

I appreciate the focus on accountability and changing societal narratives around parenting. It's not just about identifying and bringing attention to an issue but actively working towards a solution that respects and protects children.

[@hazelttan]

it's so true about breaking the cycle. thank you for being a voice for what is unheard and tampered down as taboo.

[@dr.sherrie]

You’re very welcome

[@Favekillertunes]

I get what she's saying and there can be so much emotional abuse that happens from unstable parents because LITERALLY ANYONE can be a parent. That's what's crazy to me.

[@dr.sherrie]

Exactly ! literally ANYONE!

[@joeboggio4002]

Watching my parents taught me to be the kind of father they were not. This is an important topic that should be discussed more, because parents should not be allowed to do whatever they feel like just because they are "family."

[@dr.sherrie]

Agreed! Cycle breakers!

[@bobkat1911]

This woman gets me.

[@kimberlyholley4478]

I love dr sherrie so much! she has helped me remain guarded and optimistic about my situation. cycle breakers unite!

[@dr.sherrie]

I love you back!! ❤ thank you!

[@Zumbale3]

Powerful! Thank you Dr Sherrie for leading the way for us cycle breakers.

[@dr.sherrie]

You’re very welcome!!! We are being heard! 🎉❤

[@heatherlynch6003]

Thank you Dr. Sherrie. Your words pull me out of a dark place and back into the light. After decades of abuse, when I'm not feeling strong her years of gaslighting start to seep back in, and I return to thinking that it's all my fault. I've turned to your work in the past to pull me out of that mindset and I know I will use this powerful and validating video to do so again in the future. Thank you for standing up for all of us.

[@dr.sherrie]

You’re so welcome! Thank you for this message!

[@hmmhmmhmm3]

Fantastically powerful speech, Dr. Sherrie. You are a voice of reason, accountability, strength and advocacy. Viva “DNA!"

[@dr.sherrie]

Thank you!!!

[@thephilosopher59]

This is a very serious topic and one that in many cases continues to travel for generations. It's heart warming and shocking to hear this kind of honesty. We shouldn't be surprised by the parenting images we are served. In the matters of human existence, we all look a bit glossy and glossed over in the name of successful lives and living the dream. Nobody wants to hear about the nightmares. Yet here we are, thank you for your opening this conversation!

[@dr.sherrie]

So beautifully stated! Thank you

[@makeitso1017]

I'm so glad to see someone talking about this because yes, it is incredibly common and people shouldn't be made to feel guilty in terms of how they feel towards their parents and wanting to cut them out of their lives

[@clairlovesjesus314]

Great talk Dr Sherrie! I really felt this. Unfortunately I had 0 parenting skills because I was the scape goat of a dysfuntional family. Oh how I regret that it didn’t stop with me in time for my own children. I was still running from it at the time. The abuse continues until today. My own children are into some very dark stuff . And I know that how they turned out is my fault. I pray for them daily and the sorrow continues because my family has brain washed them against me. So I get it from every angle. Its like sitting in a bull ring and holding your breath because you never know whose going to hit you next

[@4EverTheirDefender]

You rocked the house Sister! And you rock my world … Such an intelligent, passionate, healing force for us all! Thank you so very much Dr. Sherri 🙏💥💫

[@dr.sherrie]

Thank you so much! I am so happy this spoke to you!!! 🎉❤

[@justsewit_tk5477]

Brilliant! I know you were incredibly nervous but excited about doing this speech Dr Sherri. Congratulations on this wonderful and powerful ted talk!

[@dr.sherrie]

Thank you!!

[@shastahasta]

Such courage in sharing her personal experience, and it shows how often there are hidden struggles within "perfect" family images.

[@dr.sherrie]

Thank you!

[@user-rr7uv6lq8d]

THANK YOU for this topic. More people need to talk about it.

[@dr.sherrie]

You’re very welcome! I couldn’t agree more !

[@Elusive-Khan]

This hits close to home for so many of us.

[@dr.sherrie]

It really does ❤

[@a.pologar5623]

So healing and validating. My gratitude to you is immense. Your courage is inspiring.

[@dr.sherrie]

Thank you! I appreciate your message !

[@EvelynFluyeVida]

Wonderful dear Sherrie. So blessed that I found your books and you on 2023. 💕

[@dr.sherrie]

Thank you!!! 🎉

[@tessamaras340]

Incredible speech! Thank you for speaking the truth that many of us face.

[@dr.sherrie]

Thank you!!! I see you ✨❤️

[@JeanineLaMonica_fem]

Thank you for stating the truth!

[@dr.sherrie]

You’re very welcome ❤

[@ms-wl8wz]

When I was a kid, my mom went to school to be a drug counselor (I thought she was a psychologist lol) she changed the reasoning she gave for not working in the field from "because I'm addicted to cigarettes" to a less noble, but surely more honest "I didn't like how everyone blames their parents" and it's probably because she heard people dealing with trauma from less than or the same ways she "parented" her children

[@anumi-techniques2470]

Powerful and strong, a deserving and genuinely authentic ambassador. ❤ You speak a truth that only those who have experienced suffering of this kind will truly understand. You lead the way for the rest of us to heal and become cycle breakers. much love and gratitude 🙏❤️🙏

[@dr.sherrie]

Thank you!!! I appreciate the feedback and support ❤🎉

[@LibertyB356]

Outstanding and incredibly validating! Thank you and I will share this every chance I get. ❤️

[@dr.sherrie]

I am so happy this was validating ! I get it ❤

[@adelinarose7941]

Thank you Sherrie you saved my life!

[@dr.sherrie]

Aww thank YOU ❤

[@lesliebnichols]

Thank you Sherrie! This was an excellent presentation! I felt so heard and validated and damn proud to be a cycle breaker! 👏❤️

[@dr.sherrie]

Thank you Leslie 🎉❤

[@hermesn]

Oh my yes, the unpredictability of it all. I remember that part all too well

[@dr.sherrie]

The lack of predictability was the only painful constant. I see you

[@SwissGirlFlorida]

Thank you Dr Sherrie, this is monumental for all of us. Very powerful talk ❤

[@dr.sherrie]

Thank you!! I am honored to have been able to represent our Bravehearted community ! Thank you for the support 🎉❤

[@Katie-gf1tk]

So Validating !! Thank you Dr. Sherrie !

[@dr.sherrie]

You’re welcome! ❤

[@jezebelrebel250]

Now, imagine going through all that (which I did with my NM and EF).....AND suffer the trauma of a destructive cult. My NM forced me at age 6 into a cult that proceeded to psychologically terrorize me for 20 years. I wanted to be anyone else as a kid. I wanted to die in my teens. I was broken for so long.

[@dr.sherrie]

I’m so sorry 😞 I can relate

[@theevolvingmindset333]

Thank you for this Dr. Sherrie!

[@dr.sherrie]

You’re welcome !

[@healingways2293]

Great Talk. Escaped seven years ago at the age of 50. Been hunted ever since. Were able to convince pretty much anyone I ever knew that I was issue. I have lost everything. Thank you for bringing awareness. Maybe it will be different in the future.

[@dr.sherrie]

I’ve been out for 8 years. Left at 45. I’m so happy this resonated with you!

[@jodyjohnson4617]

Thank you for naming and bringing bad parenting into focus. As a fierce advocate for children and Associate Professor in Early Childhood Education, where do I sign up to promote this message?

[@dr.sherrie]

Just like and share in all your socials, newsletters etc. I will ask my team if there are other ways. Thank you for the support for my message! I appreciate you and the work you do!

[@k60c85]

Perfectly said 🎉Thank you!!!

[@dr.sherrie]

You’re welcome ❤😊

[@MountainMama1970]

Excellent presentation Sherrie! You are my voice up there & for so many! Cycle breakers we are!!

[@dr.sherrie]

Thank you!!! It’s time we are heard 🎉❤

[@KikiVivi_001]

thanks for share .

[@houseofsoulcanada]

Thank you for speaking a very important truth

[@dr.sherrie]

You’re very welcome !

[@amayaroonie2166]

I think the saddest part in all of it is the love element. As people all we want is to feel loved, even if it's coming from a person who is deeply flawed.

[@dr.sherrie]

Very true!

[@AliciaDunams]

Important subject - thanks for sharing your story.

[@dr.sherrie]

Thank you!! I appreciate you!

[@karmelitable]

Ahhhh thanks for this ❤

[@dr.sherrie]

You’re very welcome ❤

[@happeehappeeme]

Parents do the best they can from the experience they had growing up. They can't give what they didn't get.

[@dr.sherrie]

There is no excuse for abuse. Abuse is not an accident but a choice.

[@drumbum3.142]

Sad but unfortunately true. Same holds/goes for some people too. Both assertions are obvious but true.

[@Usa17Patriot]

Love you Dr. Sherrie!

[@dr.sherrie]

Thank you!!! Back at you 🤍

[@robertmetcalf2461]

Thank you

[@dr.sherrie]

You’re welcome !

[@Book-Notes]

Omg!!!!!! Awesome speech Dr Sherrie Campbell. So happy to see you in TEDx Danville. Bravo 🙌!

[@dr.sherrie]

Thank you 🎉🎉

[@sadiaykor]

Associating "Do Not Abuse" with DNA is pretty powerful.

[@dr.sherrie]

Thank you!

[@sadiaykor]

@@dr.sherrie no - thanks to you.... great talk

[@faithcortellis]

"We hold strangers to higher standards of treatment of children than parents." Okay this, breaking it down like this is important. Why should excuses be made like as if the people closest to us shouldn't be treating us with the most consideration and kindness?

[@dr.sherrie]

Exactly!

[@tiffanyfournier2985]

Well done Dr. Sherrie! 💖

[@TraceyLatture-zw7wk]

I absolutely agree that abuse should be validated. I am absolutely disgusted by professionals who profit by separating children for profit. The awareness of corrupt governmental control is just as important today. Irretrievably broken families? That term or anyone who uses it in such a general way terrifies me. God help us.

[@alexandrugheorghe5610]

C-PTSD

[@dr.sherrie]

Yes!

[@oo_eddie_oo4204]

My toxic relationship with my mother made me not want kids. How could I love my kids if I couldn't love her and don't know what that kind of love even looks like?

[@dr.sherrie]

Understandable! The destruction they cause to our lives is inexplicable!

[@samanthastewart5172]

Excellent ❤

[@dr.sherrie]

Thank you!

[@andrealfifi]

This challenges some pretty deeply held beliefs about family and love. NGL it was uncomfortable to hear but I can see how it's necessary.

[@nadiam8678]

AMEN.

[@nadiam8678]

The reframing of invalidating comments as micro-aggressions is profoundly important. This is exactly what they are.

[@dr.sherrie]

Yes it’s exactly what they are!

[@imadampierce]

The statistics mentioned in the talk are staggering and highlight an issue too often swept under the rug. It’s a wake-up call for society to take a hard look at how we view parental roles and responsibilities and how we can do better.

[@dr.sherrie]

Yes!!

[@InternationalZombieGuide]

Yeesh I know some people who need to see this one...

[@dr.sherrie]

Share it!!! Thank you!

[@Saimon625]

❤❤❤

[@elmurodjontiger1340]

❤❤❤❤❤❤❤

[@MdRihankhan-xk7so]

😢😢😢

[@alexandrugheorghe5610]

What are the 5 European countries that outlawed emotional abuse?

[@alexandrugheorghe5610]

ChatGPT: «As of my last update, the following five European countries have laws specifically addressing emotional abuse: 1. France 2. United Kingdom 3. Ireland 4. Norway 5. Sweden»

[@dr.sherrie]

Thank you! And now also Australia

[@oliverreserd]

There is no excuse for abuse, I know that. But I also know that it's a cycle, and if you think about how traumatized the generation that raised our parents are... it kind of all makes sense doesn't it?

[@therealbellasantarosa]

My parents weren't good parents but I don't think they abused me. I think they neglected me. Not sure which is worse tbh

[@KAT-dg6el]

Neglect is abuse

[@raphkisento]

I'm a little conflicted about this talk... I think it's important to discuss and address parental abuse but it's something that could easily alienate and stigmatize parents who are just struggling with their own mental health. They might not fall under the abusive category but just need a little help, and maybe the fear of being labelled abusive will actually stop them from seeking that help?

[@linuspears]

Okay the 6:30 - 6:50 mark is pretty dang poignant and brings up all kinds of questions about how society is structured.

[@deluxe_vegan1390]

And this is why it should be mandatory for everyone having a child to go to freakin therapy.

[@dr.sherrie]

Agreed

[@KAT-dg6el]

And how are you gonna do that when a girl gets pregnant in the backseat of a car?

[@deluxe_vegan1390]

@@KAT-dg6el what do you mean? because she got pregnant in the backseat of a car she can't go to therapy?

[@user-ot2uy2og9l]

❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤🎉🎉🎉💪🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻💌🙏🏻

[@dr.sherrie]

❤❤❤

[@jackanslow]

Lol had to laugh at the intro, such cliches but also like why are their faces covered in flour?

[@dr.sherrie]

Messy baking skills!

[@bettyboohadapoo]

DNA perfect!

[@dr.sherrie]

Do Not Abuse!

[@KAT-dg6el]

@@dr.sherrie we are all a product of our environment. Some people don’t know they’re being abusive because they’re just repeating the same environment as how their parent(s) treated them. To tell them to stop abusing would be like telling a Christian to change religions. It’s what they’ve learned/seen since birth.

[@FelixCulpa333]

“Do not think that I have come to bring peace to the earth. I have not come to bring peace, but a sword. For I have come to set a man against his father, and a daughter against her mother, and a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law. And a person's enemies will be those of his own household.” - Jesus, (Matthew 10:34-36)

[@tigersallaroundus]

I appreciate her bravery but it feels like this paints all parents with a broad brush. An attitude like this risks villainizing well meaning parents with flawed behavior alongside the truly abusive ones.

[@huskybutler]

Don't get me wrong this raises some pretty crucial points about parental abuse, but I do think it also oversimplifies the complexity of family dynamics and it seems unfair to put every strained parent-child relationship into this abuse narrative

[@dr.sherrie]

This is an 11 minute talk that cannot be exhaustive to all family dynamics. This talk is for those of us who have never had a voice under abusive parents. No talk should be viewed as representing all family dynamics. This represents a valid piece of the experience. As I state in my talk there are good parents all around us. It is also true that not all parents are good.

[@user-cv1pj2vv1u]

I have to disagree she made such a wide generic claim. I don't think she framed her talk in that manner or intended to give that impression. Her talk for example, would fit under say the instance of a single parent, abusive parental figure who was a police officer that always demanded perfection and talked down to their child and undermined their every effort, even belittling them in public while no one made any effort to get involved due to the parents occupation. It wouldn't quite fit for say, a two parent household where the child felt ignored by the obsessive working parent. Being ignored/negelected can be a form of abuse, but this just doesn't fit into the context of her talk in the right manner.

[@jacey-morgan]

Obviously this talk is pretty confronting but I think that's more about the cognitive dissonance she talks about as well.

[@neelywebb2154]

Is pink hair professional today!?🧐🤔

[@liannaturner4045]

Is pink hair really going to affect whether or not you take her message seriously and support victims of abuse? 🧐🤔

[@dr.sherrie]

It sure is!

[@debbiekillewald8384]

Who made up the rule for hair color, tattoos, or clothing to dictate what's professional anyway? It makes no sense.

[@PhingerpaintInsanity]

There's a professional. With pink hair. You answered your own damn question. Also. Thats the ONLY thing you take away from this video??

[@KAT-dg6el]

I thought only insecure people had to change external things about themselves.

[@JanetChuiArtist]

THANK YOU for this topic. More people need to talk about it.

[@dr.sherrie]

You’re very welcomed! I honored to represent this community in whatever way I am able! ❤

[@josephatwawire8448]

❤❤❤

[@marierichardson3470]

❤️❤️❤️

[@dr.sherrie]

❤