Obama Replaces Costly High-Speed Rail Plan With High-Speed Bus Plan

[@gonzalogutierrez510]

I like how they just strapped the front of a train into the bus. Radical

[@MrSir-zd4bu]

Right

[@flarklar2371]

For the small price of 40 dollars.

[@ridhosamudro2199]

Yeah, it's like, tubular dude!

[@geraldfrost4710]

"Retrofits that cost as little as $40 per buss."

[@jameshenderson4094]

@Stock Name ye it like, improves max speed and fuel efficiency right?

[@samwolfenstein5239]

'the floor is deportation'

[@skyscall]

Underrated comment

[@herbderbler1585]

It makes me sad to think some people aren't getting this joke because they didn't play the best game ever as children.

[@user-wn2ho5ij5f]

@@herbderbler1585 everyone gets the joke

[@brandon4391]

M.A. that game has been around since before kids played on playgrounds they just had to find something to do like baseball and apple pie it’s just in everyone

[@tsguyoldchannel2691]

What game are you guys on about? I get the Trump reference though.

[@profblack]

The mental image of a car pulled over in the hard shoulder with a bus hurtling toward it at 165mph is one of the funniest parts of this.

[@AdanyKai]

Where

[@loganvurklemeyer1957]

@@AdanyKai not anymore

[@JimmyMon666]

Just never have a flat tire. problem solved.

[@jerseyjoyride1316]

Kind of what we saw when they showed the cars trying to exit while the buses were using the shoulder.

[@KartKing4ever]

You can make this real with BeamNG Drive.

[@yggdrasil9039]

cars attempting to exit the freeway on the exit ramps dodging buses travelling at 165mph on the shoulder lol

[@hitoshisawa8479]

ygg drasil what happened doctor sir you have been in accoma for 7 years

[@sondreavik5337]

@@hitoshisawa8479 sie señor

[@JohnDoe-on6ru]

I'm going to exit...May God have mercy on my soul.

[@ismailabdelirada9531]

Yep. It's like Frogger, only with your car instead of a frog. (I'm sure it'll be a ribbiting experience.)

[@AnimationAirlines]

sri lankan bus drivers go faster than that

[@HelloCompanion]

I lost my shit when I saw the animations of the busses weaving in and out of traffic.

[@yayo3036]

haha me too. XD

[@thephantomeagle2]

+HelloCompanion Looked like a video game. Hilarious.

[@malamindulo]

You from Botswana?

[@user-uv1tw3so7r]

Same with when the cars had to speed out to the exits hahaha

[@ablackbunny3149]

So many near misses

[@michaelkeehan8094]

I heard a rumor the battery they were gonna use would explode if the bus went slower than 50mph.

[@stinkyham9050]

It was designed by Dennis Hopper.

[@courier6960]

Is this a cyanide and happiness reference?

[@courier6960]

Ben Grimm Ah, thanks had a feeling the reference was from somewhere else

[@tacocat1714]

A cyanide&Happiness episode was the 50 mph man, their was a bus that couldn’t stop because if it went below 50 mph it would explode

[@mandreadfg]

Pop Quiz Asshole

[@Mikeanglo]

lol I love how the other cars have to play frogger with the buses to exit the freeway XD

[@herbderbler1585]

That big nosecone is for aerodynamics and crumple zone.

[@marshhen]

This era of the onion was written by genius comedy writers. So many jokes crammed into an efficient minute and a half. Amazing.

[@mediocreman6323]

Yeah, The Onion is suffering a Simpsons-fate.

[@Alex-js5lg]

It reminds me of Chatterbox on GTA San Andreas. The writing was gold.

[@braxbro6674]

it’s becoming less funny bc reality is getting closer and closer to satire with each passing day

[@crepperwlp]

@@braxbro6674 No, it's just less funny. The old ones are still funny, so your "logic" doesn't apply.

[@braxbro6674]

@@crepperwlp I mean, yeah, but the old ones are like... depressing funny, not funny as in 'look at how absurd this is' in a lot of cases...

[@yes-gm5ts]

The premise: already excellent. The graphics: transcendent.

[@codylee1682]

Cool name

[@gordonmcknight8877]

The way the bus slightly bounces up and down is inexplicably hilarious.

[@DeSinc]

this is exactly what happened with the australian NBN. our fibre internet rollout was hijacked and instead of rolling fibre out they repurposed the old ADSL copper lines to give us VDSL that STILL bloody well drops out when it rains

[@gamesmile1440]

desinc lol 12 hoursa go im so fucking happy i want dont

[@wvlf]

didn't expect to see you here

[@bluebitproductions2836]

strange

[@FacundoThanhousen]

Socialism

[@svtirefire]

Well I live in the US and my only home internet service is a cell phone hotspot.

[@LFTRnow]

If you put big wheels on the back and small ones on the front, you can save gas since the busses will be going downhill most of the time!

[@DickBanton]

Duh, that's why it only costs $40. That's just ten bucks per tire.

[@Deschutron]

That's how penny farthings work, but not everyone can handle the extra speed. People mainly ride safety bicycles now.

[@hemipemi]

@@Deschutron Yes, mainly. The Penny Farthing business has been somewhat slow lately.

[@Deschutron]

@@hemipemi Yes it has, ironically.

[@AJ69238]

Just like America

[@areurdytoparty]

"Congress has passed a compromise bill allowing illegal immigrants to live in the US as long as their feet never touch the ground" 😂

[@stevegamer68]

Wear shoes 24/7

[@davisjugroop3782]

This is royal rumble rule.

[@jasonchiu272]

Feet: *Touches the ground* Immigrant: *Falls into the backrooms*

[@jntj3007]

HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

[@gandalf_thegrey]

@@jasonchiu272 relatable

[@t65bx25]

The best little detail in this is that the buses are advertised to reach 165 mph, but the fastest recorded test run took several minutes to reach 102 mph.

[@subway8448]

sounds like hyperloop

[@aadarshroy3216]

their bus plan was stopped by trump...

[@drumboarder1]

@@aadarshroy3216 HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

[@arbiterskiss6692]

It's a lot like high speed rail in California; big promises.

[@Alex-js5lg]

I think the joke there is that you're still in downtown Washington DC a few minutes after leaving Union Station, yet they still got the bus up to 102 mph.

[@ripem1417]

for as little as $40

[@dadamager3000]

lmao

[@frowlinian8175]

@@lnteIIigence nah, man, It takes much more than that. You would need new tires to handle the excess speed, as well as brakes, new safety measures such as seat belts/harnesses, countermeasures such as flares and chaffe, a donor high speed train for the nose cose, larger fuel tanks with E85 (plus a conversion kit from diesel) assuming they're not 100% electric... which given the acceleration they would kinda have to be... plis factoring in the instantaneous lawsuits all in youd be looking at right around 1-200 million per bus, though they would be doing it in bulk so they could probably get that down as low as $36.50

[@AnimationAirlines]

they attached a train head to a bus lol, what next, plane head to bus and make it fly ?

[@Rotem_S]

@@AnimationAirlines Oh my god you just solved air transportation

[@LawF250]

@@frowlinian8175 you cannot run a diesel engine on E85 or convert one to run on it either. But one would definitely have to do the rest of that.

[@akkoismydaughter3573]

"Congress has passed a compromise allowing illegal immigrants to live in the US as long as their feet has never touched the ground" 😂

[@astroflight6571]

I'm in then. I wear shoes.

[@adchrisrob]

He had to take an astroflight to get here

[@jonathandellasantina7715]

No, his FEET are wearing shoes. Not his ass..

[@gulmaraz5931]

Build the wall!!!

[@raphaelrenzo8404]

I mean, Trum should learn from the Onion, instead of building the wall, just pass this proposition.

[@mc1993]

After all these years, "Buses to be equipped with a cafe-passenger who sells tamales out of a cooler" still makes me laugh out loud.

[@JinghisKhan]

Real talk though cooler tamales always taste damn good.

[@JohnAllerton1977]

"canasta" tacos are also a great cooler to plate food.

[@fluidthought42]

​@@JohnAllerton1977 You mean tacos al vapor?

[@evan]

Hahahaha, I love how the cars have to leap to get off at the exit

[@jarjarbinks4744]

Evan Edinger Whoaaaa it’s Evan from 7 years ago... kzbin.info/www/bejne/rITbe6OPgrqcg8U

[@Eli-gn6dr]

@@jarjarbinks4744 Whoaaaaa its Cubs MLB Perfect Inning Gaming from 2 years ago

[@Rybread52]

Eli Whoaaaa it’s Eli from 14 hours ago

[@RAIN-qo2fk]

@@Rybread52 whoa it's rybread52 from 3 days ago

[@ekkehard8]

@@RAIN-qo2fk Woah, it's R A I N from 5 months ago

[@axelm4164]

"Mexican Drug War escalates as Cartel Battleships lay siege to Mexican Navy"

[@imperator5228]

Axel Mayol Well, they have submarines IRL so a cartel navy is possible.

[@fpscanada3862]

@@imperator5228 not real "submarines" per say

[@jacobp.2024]

@@fpscanada3862 I guarantee that they have decommissioned subs on hand.

[@zec.4491]

FPScanada nah they fs have real submarines

[@jacobp.2024]

@@lachyt5247 the cartels have more influence and reach that the actual Mexican government. It's not that hard to find retirees with experience running submarines who have nowhere else to apply that experience.

[@olbradley]

I kind of want to live in the Onion's universe.

[@danielhager6805]

Just be careful in the year 2137.

[@olbradley]

@@danielhager6805 Yeah, about that...

[@cordingmoon9868]

There are some buses like that in Mexico

[@Jamesthe1]

We kind of are

[@weaponofmassconstruction1940]

Oh my, imagine a game where Onion news is real 😍

[@MitchellWiggs]

I'd like to apply for a bus driver position, 0:58 is how I drive them in GTA

[@kxmode]

"In other news, the High-Speed Bus plan hit a snag when one of its test drivers was impaled as the bus collided into the back of a truck transporting rebar. The investigation is ongoing."

[@adamlafountain5727]

lol

[@hydrogenmissle]

thats how i drive in real life so if anyone should get the job it should be ME

[@jimenycricket8431]

Sandra Bullock is pretty good at this mode of driving also. And the buses explode if you get too close to them and slow them down. This can give work to those ex-movie actresses who now need something to do. I think this plan can work people. The future might be dystopian, but it's gonna' be a lot more fun.

[@VersoTai]

@@hydrogenmissle Nice job endangering others lives for your entertainment

[@chairshoe81]

8 years later and these buses have revolutionized transportation, obama's legacy stands strong

[@weswheel4834]

You do know that this isn't a real news article, right?

[@cageybee7221]

@@weswheel4834 r/wooosh

[@weswheel4834]

Did I miss a clever joke that you were making, or is that just the sound that the bus makes in your head? edit: Realised after posting that you didn't make the original comment (dodgy contact lenses, sorry). Still wondered where the woosh came from though. Maybe I was just overthinking the original comment but obviously it had nothing to do with Obama.

[@KoruGo]

Chairshoe81 was making a joke. The buses aren't real, but he's going along with the joke in the video and therefore is saying that these buses were revolutionary.

[@njf1175]

Tony Flies wooooosh

[@alenzhang4854]

Cost of all the equipment: $300,000 Cost of a bus driver: $300,000,000

[@dreamsteal4773]

Alen Zhang cost of passengers?

[@ItalianStallion1415]

@@dreamsteal4773 Priceless!

[@hungwang6131]

@@dreamsteal4773 who can control the bus going at 165 and be completely chill?

[@DragonRazor9283]

Also the cost of insurance

[@nicholasgill5236]

He has the speeding licence.

[@alexboy2111]

"Option to tell up to two economy class passengers to stop doing what they're doing"

[@RenTheGreat]

Bruh. Never expected to see you here

[@NegativeROG]

"Option to tell up to two economy class passengers to stop doing what they're doing" This line made me p!ss and cry at the same time. Whoever wrote it deserves a serious raise!

[@Blade.5786]

*"Meanwhile Congress has passed a bill allowing illegal immigrants to live in America as long as their feet never touch the ground."* Guy in wheelchair: _My time has come_

[@cart4092]

Just live on a refugee raft ez

[@safe-keeper1042]

I didn't think of that 😮

[@aviciitor378]

damn. its amazing how usa went from 100 to 0 in 5 years

[@cart4092]

Avicii TOR huh

[@aviciitor378]

@@cart4092 idk what im saying exactly, but rn i want to be as far from america as possible, shits wierd af

[@srbrant5391]

This is horrid and reckless! They completely left out the jump ramps and rocket boosters!

[@aapadd]

Right? How could they do that?

[@Galactipod]

That'd be too expensive. The government needs the money to manage Europe, its colony.

[@AJ69238]

@@Galactipod as a united states official, I can confirm that

[@hanahsbsjshcsh5356]

Achintya Jain as a uk citizen f word

[@swagchu6737]

Jump ramps? No! That's unsafe and Horribly expensive. We need those Funds And Sacri..ahem.. Volunteers for the new scuba diving Expeditions to challenger deep!

[@JudgeDreddMegaCityOne]

I dunno how this lady keeps a straight face.

[@IHateYoutubeHandlesVeryMuch]

There is something called takes nigga

[@bigshepherd3127]

Maybe she isnt gay?

[@hemipemi]

@@IHateKZbinHandlesVeryMuch So she takes nigga and then what? Gets him to stand there and that helps somehow?

[@l337pwnage]

lots and lots of botox

[@kinnikuzero]

@Richard Ball Nice name you got there

[@sk4lman]

If Elon Musk stood by this bus project, people would hail this clip as futuristic, brave and ground breaking.

[@francegamer]

He would be clowned on by transportation youtubers and saluted as god-king by his fans, as with most actions of billionaires.

[@shamwow9889]

thuderf00t aint going to fuck you bro

[@sk4lman]

@@shamwow9889 I hope not. Elon, on the other hand, is busy fucking people over left and right.

[@shamwow9889]

@@sk4lman not really compared to Larry Fink

[@frogmouth2]

Underground Tesla slide

[@napornik]

Actual America ---- "making Onion's job harder every day!"

[@ForsetiTemplarJaster13]

***** Of course he is. No one isn't that stupid...

[@mgray999]

Reread your comment in Trumps presidency.

[@scaredwilly329]

How we doin now? Lol

[@AConquerorsVendetta]

LMAO FROM 2018

[@gulmaraz5931]

Scared Willy Better now trumps here.

[@cottonsoxx1677]

Hahahaha. It's just an ordinary bus with the nose of a bullet train... Looks brilliant

[@eathams]

***** You... realize this is fake, right?

[@coelacanth9821]

***** it looks pretty safe.

[@wesley5729]

marinecorp179 how is he stupid? I didn't even notice it until he said it

[@manfromnantucket9544]

And quite the bargain at only $40 lol

[@IngoPagels]

realy??

[@GraveUypo]

don't let elon musk watch this. he might take it seriously

[@NJ-wb1cz]

Nah, Musk hates public transport because he has a phobia of being among common peasants.

[@NJ-wb1cz]

@Pecu Alex Peasants

[@doryfishie2]

Musk is already developing some sort of rocket to travel between cities, he wouldn't be building something like this.

[@AngloSupreme]

Already plans in place for Mars public transport.

[@moltenlava1877]

@@NJ-wb1cz Are u joking ? What about Hyperloop ???

[@ReverendTed]

1:15 - I have to appreciate the commitment of actually writing the article that's barely even visible for 4 seconds.

[@mace8873]

Good idea, but there are many ways transportation could be improved, how about we start on a smaller scale, and make escalators and elevators go 150mph? EDIT: Holy shit, I had no idea so many people also thought my idea was a brilliant and flawless one, you guys and girls _rock._

[@sfsaviation]

speed limits are outdated and extremely limiting. its time we get rid of them once and for all! make the roads free again, as the founding fathers intended!

[@mace8873]

@@sfsaviation In Germany, they have some freeways with no speed limit.

[@revolver265]

@@mace8873 Yes, the Autobahn is pretty incredible, but the infrastructure shouldn't be taken for granted either. The sanctity of the fast lane is taught to people a lot more rigorously over there than the US, so we get middle lane hogs, too. And not to mention the tow/police stations, rules around not running out of gas, and density of first aid and medical care surrounding those sorts of highways, hence part of why this video is so funny - American drivers are bad enough, but with that speed difference, things would devolve into insanity quickly.

[@samuelrs5138]

Lets make it even greener and put catapults in everyone's front yard. Launched into the future!

[@pagamenews]

You should use some sort of simulation program on a computer to show how effective high speed escalators would be in our everyday lives. I can imagine sim bodies being thrown 50 feet in the air. Also, I am guessing that the average escalator only runs at about 1.5 MPH. So you're idea would make the commute time 100 times faster.

[@SyriusStarMultimedia]

She said all that with a straight face.

[@terminallydrunk1900]

she's a professional

[@belalabusultan5911]

it is true, they already applied it in my city, the bombu roads give you a great massage during the flight/road trip.

[@realTexans2024]

How do you know?

[@JimmyMon666]

Wait, I hope you aren't implying this is a bad plan and not at all real.

[@tylerwilliams33]

I watch people say stupid shit on the real mainstream news outlets with a straight face all the time. Like he said, professionals 💀

[@WittyDroog]

A cutscene from any Bus Simulator game.

[@weswheel4834]

I need that DLC

[@Daoibhéar]

Oh god, imagine in a dlc, the ai buses are stuck to always ignore the speed limit and go full speed.

[@Andrew-on3vc]

What is this Graystillplays,

[@cubicinfinity2]

Snakeybus?

[@mema0005]

Loved the bit about negotiating for Canada to remove the password for its Wi-Fi

[@johncaiwa]

My favorite part that made me laugh was the cars trying to exit. They sped up to like 200 MPH, then dropped back down to 40 within a second.

[@azi9_ity]

😂😂🤣

[@wmpx34]

“What laws of physics?” 😉

[@PashaGamingYT]

"Reaching 102MPH within minutes of leaving the terminal" **shows picture of people get pushed back in their seats from acceleration**

[@geraldfrost4710]

Obviously the terminal isn't on the freeway; takes a couple off minutes to get to the onramp. then, hold on to your hats! Hats! Hold!

[@Seethenhagen]

It shows them on the interstate in that photo, those forces are probably from all the traffic weaving

[@castonyoung7514]

You realize how old those senators are right?

[@erikhendrych190]

Reminds me of some taxi movie where he had folding spoiler and rocket boosters fitted to the car.

[@ryans6280]

Literally current cars: 2.5s>= ... What a time to be alive

[@erililil]

0:52 Look at the cars leaving the highway.

[@wellfindheavenineachother]

Erik Liljeberg ikr lmao 😂

[@thesalandarian3314]

😂

[@ffmRules]

I love how they also move back before they move towards the exit haha

[@darknutgaming5510]

My fav onion headline, from the print days “You can just tell area bank used to be a Taco Bell”

[@robertalexstorm]

Well now there are Taco Bells that look like a bank. lol

[@shiggityx2]

The Onion TV was so goddamn brilliant, such a shame they didn't continue.

[@dezignateddriva]

they were out competed by Trump administration

[@ozanozenir2503]

Real news somehow managed to make even more ridiculous news

[@tnfsg1866]

@Lysimachus Shut the fuck up you Trumptard, everyone with half a brain knows the Cheeto Hitler administration is one big Onion article.

[@ferrumignis]

@@tnfsg1866 Good to see the TDS still strong in you, the big Don still living rent free in your spacious brain cavity. Got your relief check yet? 🤣🤣🤣

[@The_Poro_King]

@@ferrumignis I check the CDC website if TDS exists and I didn't find any results

[@JontyLevine]

"This idea has potential, but you could make the high-speed bus so much more efficient if you just took away the tires and gave it frictionless metal rails to slide on, and built those rails into the road." "You mean like a streetcar?" "I said HIGH SPEED, dammit!"

[@0MoTheG]

You could also make it longer so more people push through the same front, then you could make it electric but without the batteries. The vehicle could even recoup the energy straight into the grid. When extra traction is needed magnets in the track could break or accelerate it. Totally unrealistic though, has never been done.

[@UnseenVids]

​@@0MoTheG Adding stations dedicated to this form of transportation to not interfere with other means could be an effective way to increase efficiency. Although I agree, this is completely implausible.

[@slyseal2091]

look tex, all I need to know is if your rail tractor can bring oil from the sand people over the atlantic to us.

[@louiesatterwhite3885]

Did you just reinvent the maglev train?

[@itismethatguy]

@@slyseal2091 xD i heard the sand people rulers are your puppets

[@hedhigh520]

High speed buses use all lanes Lmao

[@marshmelows]

lost my shit there

[@TroyCenter]

This so awesome!!! Somehow popped into my feed 13 years late.

[@Gvtteddybear]

"Department of twists announces we're all dead and earth is purgatory" Sounds about right.

[@12...]

13 years later and we still don't have high speed rail

[@Ursi_]

well duh, he replaced it with the high speed bus, didn’t you watch the video? smhhh

[@EzekielBrockmann]

We still haven't fixed our infrastructure.

[@Not_actually_a_commie]

"DOT: Buses easily retrofitted by removing valve, welding a new thing to the engine" "Buses to be equipped with a 'cafe-passenger' who sells tamales out of a cooler"

[@SlapthePissouttayew]

For about $40.

[@Meowface.]

I mean they have the animation, thats usually good enough to get millions in government funding Look at hyperloop or solar roadways

[@stinkyham9050]

Or the Iraq war.

[@toonikolai]

The ironic thing is, an entire highway with a single painted line will *still* cost at least $10million, because govt contracting is painfully expensive even for menial tasks

[@minhtrido969]

This is a parody, chill man. Everyone know $30000 can't even buy a bus. Also that dixie cup strapped to the front seat work as pen holder...

[@ichijofestival2576]

Yep, when I think of the private sector, I *definitely* think "cheap." Also, "efficient," "reliable," "responsible" and "safe." Nothing brings out the best in people like profit.

[@nocensorship8092]

@@ichijofestival2576 Its certainly higher quality more reliable and cheaper than anything the government does. you sir need to take a better look at reality. or do you think a government would make good safe cars? or huge reliable bridges without it taking centuries? no those things are done by private companies who want their reputation preserved and who want a bridge to last cause they get paid for every car crossing it.

[@AnimMouse]

Private sector: Buy using your own money. Public sector: Buy using someone else money.

[@NitBeanTheMachine]

@@nocensorship8092 who do you think designs your states bridges at the DOT?

[@lawrencetaylor4101]

I am seriously starting to wonder about the people at the Onion. I think this is a great idea whose time has come, but really question if they can do it for under $65 according to my calculations. $40? I mean, come on, who are they kidding?

[@claytonhayes3024]

You must be a idiot

[@BigOlWalrus]

@@claytonhayes3024 They were making a joke about the price

[@alleghanyonce]

@@claytonhayes3024 an*

[@0Clewi0]

You're forgeting the savings of buying in bulk and of not paying the workers on time.

[@rylandrc]

With inflation, 65 just might be today's equivalent.

[@sparkss4]

Oh how I miss the old Onion...

[@mgray999]

I literally went down to comment something similar. I miss posting these links on Facebook and having people outrage over them (Circa 2007)

[@guitarmatt94]

M Gray when the acting was good enough people actually bought it

[@SL-gz9gq]

sparkss4 It is still pretty great, sad that they discontinued this series tho

[@frowlinian8175]

I miss when we werent living in the real The Onion

[@mrcrazyattire723]

@@frowlinian8175 Seems like what they parody is actually happening.

[@jamesmcelwain342]

The semi truck waiting for the buses to pass so it can exit kills me everytime

[@okrajoe]

COOL bus.

[@tomharvy9374]

Ya I wanna be a driver.

[@Davis-tl1rc]

THE VENGABUS IS COMING AND EVERYONE IS JUMPING

[@விஷ்ணு_கார்த்திக்]

*CRAZY BUS*

[@agustinval1508]

Crazy bus! Crazy bus! Its so fucking crazy

[@FireypepperCP]

I have tears, good lord. I can't believe I haven't come across this sooner.

[@rhuttrho88]

Me too homeboy. Literally crying!😂😂😂😂😂😂

[@snusmumriken232]

Same haha

[@salluna1957]

Quarantined here. Just discovered it today.

[@gummyboots]

Totally me right now, I don't understand how something this simple and stupid is even funnier than they layered and more nuanced stuff but it absolutely fucked me up with laughter.

[@fakestory1753]

than do you know about the "real series"? something like this kzbin.info/www/bejne/mJS6e5aYgrGGjdE

[@een_schildpad]

Still more of a plan for a high speed network than we have now 12 years later 😭

[@handsfortoothpicks]

It's still being built lol

[@russetwolf13]

Would have been easy but we just had to give private carriers all the tracks.

[@brrrrrr]

​@@russetwolf13catalism

[@russetwolf13]

@@brrrrrr all the socialists and dictators just build a track and if you're in the way they send you to your new house because they probably already built it. People get butthurt for bring inconvenienced by being made to move for the first time. Meanwhile in America rising housing costs make me move every 2 to 5 years but I don't get a train out of it.

[@benjamintomlin4387]

​@@brrrrrrcataclysm*

[@texasjapan4071]

After I’ve watched channels like “Not Just Bikes”, “Strong Towns”, and “RMTransit”, I’ve come back to this video and it has taken a whole new meaning. Instead of being a funny shitpost, this exposes the reality that cities (and America in general) prefer to have Rapid Bus Transit over building expensive rail structure that, if built well, and not just in downtown, can have a lasting impact. As for America as a whole: Since our society is so car-dependent, we never wanted to expand our rail infrastructure, and even if we wanted to, there is a lot of modernization and opposition that needs to be overcome. If we wanted a solution that is faster than a car, but cheaper than a plane right now, a crazy fast bus would truly be the dream. I’m cutting off a lot of info here since at the end of the day, it’s just a KZbin (not an essay assignment), but I highly recommend watching the channels mentioned earlier! It really gets you thinking about the hidden flaws of American society, and why car-dependency is bad.

[@haroldberserker]

Great channels, you’ve learned good

[@singleproppilot]

Electrification of automobiles is likely to make mass transit unnecessary. If the cars aren’t polluting, then it doesn’t matter how many are on the road.

[@felipevillalba9311]

@@singleproppilot traffic is a thing

[@singleproppilot]

@@ichijofestival2576 When have you ever known mass transit to be faster? When I was a kid in the 1980s growing up in Southern California, we had a smog problem, and mass transit was pitched as a solution to that, but it didn’t work. We have more traffic than ever, and the smog was reduced mostly by driving the heavy industry out of the state. The solution for traffic is to stop congregating in super dense cities and spread out a little. I still live in Southern California, where the deeper in to the big cities you go, the more dense the population, and the worse the traffic, poverty, crime, and pollution become. But California politicians insist the solution for all these problems is… guess what… denser cities. If we cram many more millions of people in to smaller and smaller spaces, they think this is somehow going to reduce the very problems that population concentration have created. The need for mass transit tells me you just have too damn many people trying to live and work in too small of an area.

[@davidec.4021]

Well this was my exact thought lmao amazing to see the “spillover” between channels!

[@JDmoney00420]

Nascar drivers need jobs on the off season i cant wait. Canadas wifi code is moose squirel all one word 👍

[@cuphead8159]

Oi stop telling the Americans the wifi password

[@KnuckleHunkybuck]

They changed it to "m@ple-le@f1867!" for better security.

[@CharlieND]

@@KnuckleHunkybuck as a Canadian I can confirm

[@Hostefar]

uh, its actually peoplekind

[@LindenHighwind]

I thought it was CehNehDeh!

[@qmto]

Kirk Douglas would live for almost 10 years after this video was made.

[@Demiglitch]

Still barely alive all that time. Every time I watched this I was shocked he was still not dead.

[@TylerBenney]

9 years on and it’s still funny

[@cozinoda]

That deadpan delivery is what makes these videos so freaking hilarious

[@Pennsylvania343]

The animation for the buses lmao

[@2dawgsmiked684]

😂😂😂 "Option to tell two Economy Class passengers to stop doing whatever it is they are doing"

[@guillermogutierrez-santana4446]

Never understood why assholes on the train think they have the right to tell people to drop what they're doing because they've entered the car. Stfu and act right, you don't own shit.

[@xaj]

The algorithm decided 13 years later to show me this gem

[@battlesheep2552]

It's hardly even a parody these days. Pretty much every proposed transportation alternative is basically "lets take trains, but make it inefficient and dumb so it doesn't replace cars"

[@qjtvaddict]

Light rail

[@MrStark-up6fi]

Which is stupid because even with all the methods of transportation in the world like planes, ships, trains and so on, nothing can replace cars because they are still needed in the middle of nowhere

[@SlapStyleAnims]

We don’t need to replace cars, the cars vs trains debate is retarded and doesn’t get anything done. It’s better for people who don’t want to own a car to have something else to use. People should have options for how they get around, and I say this as an avid car enthusiast

[@lawrencelewis2592]

or in the case of Toronto, build two light rail systems and never open them. Don't announce when they will open. Waiting over five years for one of them. Also, "Let's have high speed rail." No, let's have another study of high speed rail, like we've been doing for over 50 years. Making studies.

[@AntagonistChan]

The negotiations with Canada, tho.

[@Underlaw41]

I rode one of these buses this morning. I completely missed my flight from Boston to Jacksonville. A friend recommended this so I tried it. These buses are actually faster than airplanes. I managed to get to Jacksonville four hours earlier than my scheduled flight.

[@Giouvan]

I live in indonesia, we literally have exactly this. We even call the lanes busways too

[@xxcolguyss6359]

nice

[@ariq4209]

normal busways. Not high speed.

[@adirizkiguritno3497]

If we dedicate one lane on the toll road between, say, Jakarta and Bandung, for bus like Transjakarta, then we can actually implement this intercity high-speed bus.

[@AlamoOriginal]

@@adirizkiguritno3497 its just not safe to have a speedy bus lane

[@adirizkiguritno3497]

@@AlamoOriginal buses in indonesia are already traveling unsafely at high speed all the time on toll roads even without special lane lol

[@kittyonmydesk5532]

I love how there were no critics to the national bullet bus plan! I, for one, criticize that the bus wasn't fast enough. It only topped at 102.

[@elektra81516]

Elon Musk: "WRITE THAT DOWN!!"

[@Bella_Rei]

That animation gets me every. fucking. time.

[@arleatham]

SO many good things in this video, when they have the snippet of what business class is and it says you have the option to tell up to two economy class people to stop doing what they're doing

[@lmackenzie9198]

That animation at 0:50 is one of the funniest things I have ever seen

[@goobers143]

When you reach the final level in frogger

[@frankyu553]

"Buses to be equipped with a 'Cafe-Passenger' who sells tamales out of a cooler" 😂😂😂

[@0Heavy0Metal0]

Just so funny. One of my favorites from the Onion. "...a business class ticket guarantees you won't be over a wheel-well and 5 rows from a bathroom" So funny.

[@MenachemSchmuel]

my city is actually doing this. tearing up roads for a dedicated lane, adding platform stops, the whole shebang... for a fleet of buses. on the one hand, im grateful for more public transport, and at least the buses are electric, but like... YOU MADE A TRAIN LINE, WHY ARE YOU NOT PUTTING TRAINS ON IT!?

[@MAL1GNANT]

funny thing, making a road is just a stupid way to make ballastless track

[@FurryWrecker911]

That's how I feel about the Route 33 project in Ohio. I like to go up to Columbus for events and shopping at Microcenter, but I don't enjoy spending the gas money to get there. They're adding more lanes to Route 33. Space that could be used for a light rail train instead. I'm dying inside.

[@MenachemSchmuel]

@@FurryWrecker911 plus more lanes does nothing because the exits and/or the roads the exits empty onto remain the same size. Massively expensive for little to no benefit...

[@colinsmith3915]

Crazy that Kirk Douglas lived another decade after being named Sexiest Man Barely Alive.

[@ModeratelyAmused]

A tough mother trucker in the movies and in real life.

[@mpg869]

I haven't laughed so hard in a month. that was great

[@_pudu661]

0:55 that red car shooting through the flying buses lmao

[@DundeeShamrock]

_pudu that made me giggle, I didn’t see that the first time I come back to this video every once in a while to watch the animations

[@jaythompson5102]

The CG work they did on this bit really took it over the top for me.

[@housewares]

"Option to tell up to two economy class passengers to stop what they're doing"

[@ObviousSchism]

It's amazing when you consider how many things in the Onion have actually come true

[@therealdoge4760]

Well this hasn't and i can't think of anything that has

[@Rottot]

*Someone makes funny comment* 'wElL aCtUaLy ThAt'S nOt TrUe YoU nEeD tO cHeCk YoUr FaCtS'

[@therealdoge4760]

@@Rottot how on earth is that a funny comment

[@therealdoge4760]

@@Rottot its just a stupid unoriginal statement under every onion video and is usually incredibly false

[@Rottot]

@@therealdoge4760 I care so deeply that its not real, thank you

[@orangeapples]

Don’t mind me. It’s 2019 and I just wanted to see some sane news.

[@figo3554]

Yeah

[@bugofcake]

Hi 2019, news is a bit nuts here in 2020. 43 days and we've had some large plane crashes, almost ww3, coronavirus, brexit, kobe died and illumination confirmed to make shrek 5

[@Deanidge1983]

@@bugofcake You think that`s bad its 1 month later and no ones allowed out of their houses and the economy has tanked. At least we have a super genius in charge so it cant get any worse.

[@mauz791]

@@Deanidge1983 lol

[@thisguy356]

ooh boy you ain't ready for 2020

[@dohboi6987]

OMG I miss this content. It's extremely funny & well produced to be made to look low budget & serious. Kudos

[@keithcu2]

So funny! I love that having a sign that says high speed buses use all lanes is actually going to help the situation.

[@FNFive-seveNN]

The only reliable news source

[@bazil4146]

At least it’s more reliable than Fox News

[@FNFive-seveNN]

Javabasily Or CNN

[@richardmillhousenixon]

@@FNFive-seveNN or just any news source. Although I do love the fact that Fox News is literally classified as an entertainment show, not as news, like almost every other news channel

[@FNFive-seveNN]

Tribe of the Iron Flame Wait really? Lmfao

[@richardmillhousenixon]

@@FNFive-seveNN I wish I was joking lmao

[@yes4me]

Onion is gold for comedy. As soon as I saw the buses I couldn't stop laughing. Added to playlist.

[@WinterGamesYT]

1:27 as a canadian, this made me die of laughter

[@fixerofthings]

The ironic thing is they are literally proposing to use highway shoulders as express bus lanes in the Tampa Bay area.

[@elijahhmarshall]

well that sounds like a horribly dangerous idea XD

[@drabberfrog]

What does it have to do with the Tampa Bay area?

[@alex2143]

@@drabberfrog well the fact that the highway shoulders that they're proposing that on are located there, for starters.

[@drabberfrog]

@@alex2143 yeah but what does that have to do with the Tampa Bay area?

[@fixerofthings]

@@drabberfrog There is currently a plan being proposed in the Tampa Bay area that is similar to the content of the video. I hope that helps.

[@andrewp.menotti6756]

It's pretty amazing some people don't seem to know what The Onion is.

[@Citizen_Se7en]

That just makes it more fun for the rest of us.

[@AConquerorsVendetta]

Wait really

[@Pajamers]

its even more amazing the people pointing out the pointing out of pointing out that the onion is pointing to

[@Chaosfury50]

We have them also rallying behind flat Earth

[@Underlaw41]

I ate an onion this morning. I know what it is

[@antwainclarke3406]

LOOL get out of the way the bus of the future is here! LMAO!!!

[@commanderboom2626]

This is basically what my city is doing, except instead of high-speed rail, it’s light rail being replaced by double long eco-busses. And yes, they WILL stop every few hundred feet in the middle right lane to pick up more people.

[@phexus]

I laughed so hard at those animations I thought a vein was going to burst in my head.

[@brianfunt2619]

Always watch these videos twice to read the bottom crawl headlines

[@TheBlaert]

Guaranteed there are people out there who think this is true...

[@melted_cheetah]

Yeah, they're called Trumptards.

[@simon6071]

Guarantee there are idiots who believe Obama's digital birth certificate with doctored information is the real deal,

[@simon6071]

What do Obama and Onion have in common. No, I'm not talking about the letter O. The answer is they are both sources of bizarre news. But one is true and the other is false. Here are some examples of Obama's real shocking news: VIDEO: Obama Tells Illegals to Vote VIDEO Obama Admits US Trains ISIS ISIL Obama is the real Onion.

[@WhySoLoud]

Guess this thread "went off the rails"

[@jaimayy]

TheVern18544 bum bum tssss

[@FurryWrecker911]

I still have no idea how she kept a straight face during the line delivery "to remove the password from its wireless network." I'd be laughing during every read. Bloody fantastic work to this day still!

[@JJJRRRJJJ]

I cannot believe that this video has been around for 9 years and I’m just seeing this for the first time. This is so goddam hilarious. Those animations made me laugh for five straight minutes.

[@Picnicl]

The high-speed bus plan has even helped cut down rail and air deaths as a percentage of all transport fatalities. But, in 2 years time, the percentage of CAR road deaths is expected to decrease as 90% of all traffic on motorways becomes accounted for by high speed buses, 8% being sportscars and 2% being the Driving Miss Daisy demographic. New airports will be built over underused railway stations to accommodate the car use downturn, creating 32000 new airport jobs, 5000 of those alone being in airport security and scrutinising Boeing.

[@nelsonta00]

*High Speed Bus Uses All Lanes* I cried so hard at the velocity these vehicles are traveling.

[@moofymoo]

I just imagine aliens who don't have concept of sarcasm eavesdropping on this earthlings news broadcast.