OE Webinar #2: What to do if Your Partner is Enmeshed

[@HowAboutThat3]

WOW!!!! What a truly enlightening and helpful video. Thank you Amanda and Alexandra. Amanda, you are such an inspiring therapist. I love how you present and explain it all. SO grateful for everyone who played a role in creating this incredibly helpful video. 💜

[@kathyjobresnock474]

You definitely gave me inspiration to move forward because you can’t have a relationship with someone who won’t get the help to heal from this , it’s impacted me so much and emotionally spent because of being neglected in being a priority, thank you for your work

[@angeliquehoward1238]

This is tough and subjective because I find my husband to be extremely enmeshed with his mom even though he or Our family don’t see her often. They talk daily and alway when he’s off work. He prioritizes her over any of us on our immediate family. I’m torn because he should care for her but not when it’s her having him keep secrets from me or put down my 8 year old daughter when I’m not around. Or take him out on secret dates to home stores to redecorate my home. She does mean well and this I find to be a very common situation in the black community. My husband is black and I am white. Culture really does have a hand in things. It’s happens in all cultures but this is my own experience. I want “us” to care for her but it can’t be a completely separate relationship where I’m forced out. He can’t discuss everything with her that he should be discussing with me first. He should have friends to confide in vs his mother which he doesn’t. It’s so hard. Then the gas lighting because I have all of these things and year over year they seem to diminish.

[@Thrillingg]

Thank you for this resource! It’s a blessing to have this supportive perspective for partners.

[@Peem_pom]

Thank you for this ❤️

[@Illuminated333]

Just run. The narcissist mother owns his soul. Let her have him and find a man who wasn’t groomed to be his mothers emotional slave.

[@Candy_Mountain]

Yes

[@darnabedwell2115]

Deep!

[@kathyjobresnock474]

I’m involved with a man who enmeshed, every time we are supposed to get together, see one another, he usually starts a fight and won’t speak to me out of nowhere. Subsequently, it’s been a over year. we can talk calls texts while in a distance physically, but when we plan time together ironically a week prior there’s a odd out of nowhere argument. We never in all the years ever was I invited to a family holiday , years, sad but true my thoughts are now this isn’t going to change his mom 89 , he’s 57, I feel that he’s never put me first and now I see he never will, he won’t acknowledge or even get help . It’s sad because he is a wonderful man with I guess that being sad it’s time I just walk away,

[@jovieg5861]

I feel like Chris Watts had this. This could lead down a dangerous path. Thank you for the knowledge there is not a lot of information on this.

[@DiscardedDiva]

Oh same

[@wellitsawkward]

Same.

[@TheMoonkelly]

How can couples therapy work if the enmeshed spouse also show’s narcissistic traits? Is that person’s partner at risk for more abuse this time by the mental health professional too?

[@Candy_Mountain]

Totally ruins so many marriages

[@Armygirl4Christ]

What is the “impact letter” @26:18?

[@rebeccabektas3929]

Is it possible for my husband to be emotionally enmeshed with his mother/family even though he left his home country to come and live with me? He says it is ridiculous I think this, as he left his family to be with me. However he says and does things relating to his family that feel wrong to me but he says I am in the wrong to feel that way; the biggest one for me is that despite being married 20 year with 2 grown up children, he has told me that if he dies before his mother I have to "take him back to my mum as she will miss me more than you as it is not normal for a mother to outlive her child'. Any advise or guidance most welcome.

[@Inspirationfromthe_heart]

Yes it’s absolutely possible. This is my current situation. My husband left his home country his family etc and he definitely has this. He’s even recognized it from watching one of the videos. Unfortunately This has played out in the form of gambling addiction. And is currently destroying our marriage. I never appreciated the way his mother had no boundaries and him texting or previously calling every day. But the “cult” ure accept this as normal. My husband has not lived in his country of origin for a very long time but the enmeshment from childhood even to adult hood eventually came to light. His mother seeked that emotional support from her kids because the father is a compulsive gambler and alcoholic. Never provided nor currently provides any emotional support to the mother. It’s actually kind of sad. But at least there’s ppl talking about this and trying to help ppl who have been impacted. Have your husband watch a video, he may be enlightened!!

[@rebeccabektas3929]

@@Inspirationfromthe_heart thanks for your reply. My husband has had a couple of gambling 'incidents' but the last one was a decade ago; however I think they were linked to the enmeshment. I feel your pain on this. We have been together 24 years and after a blowout row he watched one of Ken's videos and has bought his book. I am in shock he has done this; however there is def a shift...its like the fog has lifted for him a bit and he can see how he his family demands/needs on him are not healthy for us. Let's see what happens. He actually comes form a lovely but quite poor family however they just cannot 'take the loss' and turn to him for every crisis or bump in their lives because we are relatively well off; the guilt loaded on him must be unbearable and I am doing my best to empathise. That said I am willing to walk away if the fog comes back down! Good luck with your marriage...we went to Relate after my DH gambled last time

[@amarie6223]

It sounds like he may still be emotional attach to them.

[@aprillegg1201]

Is a guy that’s addicted to porn and has cheated multiple times in the past normally come from enmeshed families?

[@penelopebranson3621]

What do you mean by “ the enmeshed person has to have done level 1? What is level 1?

[@Armygirl4Christ]

It sounds like Level 1 is the work the enmeshed partner needs to do first before couples therapy can go forward. The partner has to identify they are really enmeshed and do the work involved in breaking free from the parent(s). Hope that helps and is right. I didn’t check out her workshop.

[@JenieceH-l9q]

Step 1 is acknowledgement by the enmeshed individual that they are, in fact, enmeshed with their parent(s).

[@ipaycloseattention]

My fiance is still enmeshed with his ex-wife. They've been divorced 11 years.😔

[@drleo6409]

Why the husban is the example? My wife is enmeshed with her family . She is also narcissistic. Her ability to accept counsel is very low. It is difficult to hear the “husband”. Why not “The PARTER”?

[@vesselfit2use]

Because most of the time it's the son who is enmeshed with the single mom. That is far more common than any other relationship enmeshment. If you are offended by terminology then go look up enmeshed daughters or take what you can from this and move on.

[@penelopebranson3621]

She mentioned in the video that just for the sake of the video she was going to say * his enmeshment.