These videos are such a fantastic resource. Thank you so much.

It's not always mother/ son...my case was father and daughter. I couldn't handle it anymore.

So well -explained

Can they overcome it?

Mine is 41 years old. Just left him. He is suffering to try to start living again but is silently resigned to his fate that no woman will love him. I left.

If you see any hints of enmeshment, run. After enough rejections, the enmeshed “couple” will try to conceal things.After all, mommy must make things appear normal when they’re not. My enmeshed former fiancé mommy would watch us thru our apartment window even when we were intimate, peeking at night thru curtain openings. She refused to invite me for holiday gatherings. He remained committed to her, defending her no boundaries actions no matter how cruel and inappropriate. I dumped him. Ladies and gents , pay attention here. You will never be number one.

I love your videos and are very clear. It all rings so familiar with me. This is invaluable, I think I'm dealing with a BPD parent, it's been a fight to have the boundaries I do. The hysteria, panic, and likely would show up to my place of work if I set such a strong boundary from her would be extreme. I'm just tired of living with the erratic moods, yes I understand I shouldn't use this as a weapon but an action for myself to heal and fully emancipate.

What you say is just so familar, despite low contact with my mother, i still have many of these problems. I tried changing the contract years ago. It just doesnt work, i have to go no contact soon. I dont want to but im tired of dealing with my mom who i strongly suspect also has bpd. Her fear of abandonment in part i think did this to me. I feel so sick. Attempting to talk about any of this with her causes extreme shifts in her emotions, im so done walking on eggshells.

Leave him so you aren't in between their love affair 😂 Disgusting God calls it an unholy alliance

The holy torah and holy commandments teach us the truth! GOD knows what us best for each of us! As we grow and family grows ! Boundaries and loyalty to family and friends! The truth is given to us from God! As God tells us he is the one and only true God! We should all trust in God! The first and most important relationship a person should have ? " the relationship with God!" Read Jeremiah 1:5... from birth to death , God knows us! So worship and praise God and see how love and loyalty truly is from God! ( God called the holy prophet Abraham friend, no greater friend then God himself!) Read about the life of the holy prophet Abraham! Also read about the life of holy king David! A man who lived after the same heart as God! So how God promised king David and covenant! And God will fulfill that prophecy! The jewish Messiah will be from the holy bloodline of king David and he will rule forever! ... learn the truth through worship and praise! Research and study!

Thank you very much for your valuable advice. May you have blessings of Almighty 🙏

I need help

WOW!!!! What a truly enlightening and helpful video. Thank you Amanda and Alexandra. Amanda, you are such an inspiring therapist. I love how you present and explain it all. SO grateful for everyone who played a role in creating this incredibly helpful video. 💜

Oh geeze. 7:50-8:10 gave me anxiety. 😂

As a spouse of an enmeshed man you are validating my truly awful experiences spanning decades with my husband. He has been most resistant, despite my kindest efforts for so many years. t has been the hardest journey of my entire life. Thank you for all you do. 😢

I think woman can be enmeshed with her family or parents or one parent.

Is a guy that’s addicted to porn and has cheated multiple times in the past normally come from enmeshed families?

Thank you. Can you talk about trauma bond type of enmeshing with siblings and or adult child trauma bond enmeshment?

Definitely a great perspective. I've had this problem with my female partner for the whole time that we've been together. I'm pretty much a wit's end. As you just said all of these behaviors within the family and other videos I've seen where not being accepted into the family fully or having your partner with one foot in one foot out of your relationship leads to frustration anger and wanting to leave. I also too left a message on your website. I feel that you're the first person that I've bumped into that has a full handle on this and would be able to help our situation looking forward to hearing from you

He answered her phone call while we were having sex. He only acknowledge the one time but there are so many other times I lost count. I just can't. I'm done. Tired of the gaslighting

My boyfriend of 5 months and his momma makes all decisions for him. “My mum said I shouldn’t pick your call, I am my mummy’s husband” blah blah blah it was as if he is in love with his mum and I am just the third wheel. Eww

@4:12 - 🙌🏽

THANK YOU, Dr. Adams.❤

Wow!!! I discovered some enmeshment in my previous marriage and noticed the enmeshment between parents and children and children and parents. I'm discovering that culture may play a part in that. I was told that I don't respect someone, but what was really wanted from me was blind loyalty. Children are used as pawns. It's such a weird concept for me and so very sad.

Sorry but the background misic is so annoying & actually distracts from the important message & points in this video.

Too many men love this dynamic. They triangulate. Putting both against each other and reaping the benefits of women fighting over him. Mine runs to his and makes things up for false sympathy from his mom. He values that more than my love.

❤❤❤

How can I get help to buy medicasion

Older divorced women want to use daughter as "caretaker" instead of letting her go. I divorced my wife because it was unbearable. "Mommy" was at fault. The most shocking is "support" for this behavior from other older and selfish women who seem to not care at all about younger ones. Adding to that neverending stream of threatening stories about "abusive" man, aimed on scaring girls from relationships with men and we have destroyed families.

🩵

I'm just finding you, Dr Adams....Its been a long journey in discovering the inner-workings of mother/son enmeshment! I'm married to a 56 year old man who was very enmeshed with his mother. It caused us to divorce 4 years after marriage....due to child, we remarried again a few years later. While his mother has passed, the damage of how this woman raised him to be fully dependant on her has never diminished. There came a time when I simply couldnt keep up the job of raising this man for a lifetime. Our daughter adored him as a baby, toddler, and on until about 8 or 9....its as if she was no longer entertained by his playful nature and he couldnt relate to her as she matured mentally and emotionally. It was throughout all this I realized, while she is growing and maturing, learning life lessons, he would require me to :"raise" him the rest of his life. Meaning....I would have to organize and orchestrate everything and leaving him notes and instructions....he does nothing that he's not told to do. I cant exit this marriage right now, although that is my full intention....so I backed away from him in every way. Weve not shared a bedroom in 16 years so he goes to work, comes home, buys his own groceries, fixes his food, I dont do his laundry or clean his room, his car is filthy now because I dont do that either. Its been extremely disturbing to see what would happen to a man whose mother never prepared him for anything, revert back to such a child and running on auto-pilot. Its almost like he lives on instinct! Thats today. The first 12 years together was indeed a battle with him and his mother. She would come in our home without knocking or if we were gone....she came and got his laundry to take home to clean, she cooked every meal and he went over there to eat, she fixed his work lunches, gassed his car up, paid his bills....you name, she did it. She fought me tooth and nail on everything!! I wont lie, its been a relief since shes been gone but he is exactly the same. Im not studying this to fix him or us...no repair. I cant. I wont. I am just very interested in the psychology of it all at this point. Theres tons more to this but you've heard it all before! Thank you, though for your videos!

I'm so glad to hear about this work with women also - since I have seen these problems going on in people's lives.

My abuser think enmeshment is "love" and boundaries and accountability are abuse. It's all twisted and backwards. I had to fight for all my boundaries until I could break free and go no contact.

I have just realised my bf relays all our relationship conversations to his mother ( and other women too) We recently discussed the topic of opposite sex friends and she sided with him ( behind my back) and has therefore laid down our relationship terms. He tells her literally everything. I have often been ganged up on by them. He is in his 60's , surely he should know better? I have already had a long relationship with a guy that was enmeshed with his father and now one with his mother. She is a typical matriarch and makes all the decisions for her sons except one that has distanced himself completely to avoid that. She wont even allow the partners to be part of the weekly family call ins. Is he too old to get over this? Something about me needs to change to stop getting attached to men like this

Can you talk about brother - sister enmeshment?

I foolishly thought that bc his mom lived in another country she wouldn’t be a problem. Boy was I wrong. 10 years & 2 kids later it took me asking for a divorce for him to finally seek help from a therapist who made him see his relationship with his mother was never healthy.

Do NOT do as I did….talked myself out of leaving several times because I thought he had put up boundaries and would keep them with his family. Got stuck in the “relationship” for months and at times I have been miserable beyond words. Planning on leaving out this week IF I can obtain a place now since I let several places pass me by due to guilt of leaving him. Don’t marry a Peter Pan man. A boy who never grew up. They are very very good at selling themselves on whatever they need from you.

Really really common in Avoidant attachment

Run………….

Can we speak via phone ?

My fiance is still enmeshed with his ex-wife. They've been divorced 11 years.😔

This is eye opening work. I realised back in 2015 that I was putting my family of origin ahead of my own relationship with my husband. When I started to set boundaries the pushback was enormous; after all it was my "role" to be the good, compliant, accommodating daughter. That was my conditioning from childhood. Thanks for all your work. It's been liberating!

Pushing mum a off the train and his mum n three 50 yr old brothers live on the tracks how convenient

Every person around this woman she’s killed by wearing all her sons relationships out and her brothers relationships n her own husband and she still keeps being needy and guilt n pouting n child behaviour tantrums victim even though she’s the enabler

What do you do? Walk, walk, walk away. They don’t change.

He is an only adult child that puts his narcissistic mom above me

He has even put off his medical needs suffer because of her

He has punished me like he was as a child

I was in a one year relationship. His mom moved from another city and county, quit her job just to come over to live with him. It was in the middle of our relationship. He was learninh german at the time and wanted to go there, but his mother also learned and wanted to go with him. When we were on a trip, he gave me a silent treatment, after his mother went crazy on him for walking alone to a hotel room just because he went somewhere else with me. He didn't want to discuss it at all with me. But he went to his mother and came back to our hotel room behaving like he is an another man. Eventually when I wanted for us to start to live together he didn't want to. I also found a Word document with 700 words that he wrote about and to his mom in the very ending of our relationship in which he stated that she is everything to him, his only love and that he wants to die when she does, that his world will end after she does, etc. That's when I confirmed everything I suspected . I felt FROM THE BEGINNING as i am missing something from him. He was very caring and loving, but always had angry issues when i wanted to discuss something. I bet he can't yell at his mom like that. I understand everything now, all the pathology behind that, and psychoanalysis. But thank God i realised that very early, probably because I have the highest grade in psychiatry and I am a medical doctor.

So good! Had to set big boundaries with my parents and go low contact. Pushback was huge and I was seen as being disloyal to the family "system". I had relinquished my role as the fixer or go to person in my family of origin. Eventually went no contact with abusive siblings who saw me as abandoning them. To do anything outside of the family such as making my own choice was met with passive aggressive behaviour and bouts of the silent treatment dished out until I conformed. Thank you for your work. I find it so validating.