My Toxic Traits. A conversation about what’s holding us back

Long video alert!
What was meant to be a sit down video about dealing with toxic traits turned in to a session with the crew filming this video. Admitting you have toxic traits is one of the hardest things to do. So how do you do that and then...what do you do next?
I’d like to hear from you, comment below.
Find me here:
Instagram: / officialjanetmbugua
Twitter: / officialjmbugua
Facebook: / janetthejourney

[@winniesworld5]

Who else think Janet is amazing and her content is so rich 💜💜💜My Inspiration to Start a channel came from her positive vibes ❤️ I can listen to her whole day.

[@presentfatherhood6216]

I do

[@fridajeremy6445]

She's amazing

[@annkamau7400]

Me you and every other person sweets trust mee

[@OfficialJanetMbugua]

Much love! Thank you! Please start your channel! ❤️

[@presentfatherhood6216]

I have my channel (present fatherhood) from your inspiration. kzbin.info/www/bejne/iaHHe4JvZrdjes0

[@wam1549]

I've been on the receiving end of the toxic traits discussed here. I've repeatedly found myself with people I thought were close friends only for them to hurt me deeply. I decided to give people the energy they give me. I'm done giving 100% for a 10% kind of person. I started talking to a behaviour specialist because I was getting severly depressed and thinking something was wrong with me.

[@mwarigia6189]

This is so me😂😂.I tend to isolate myself when dealing with issues and people arrive to the assumption that I keep off.

[@MoniqueFamilyLifestylevlogs]

Can Relate too .

[@inspiredwithjulie]

We are twins!

[@OfficialJanetMbugua]

We are so many! 😳

[@marthaauma7503]

Please start a podcast.listening to you on my way to work and jeez,its uplifting........learnt alot.....

[@OfficialJanetMbugua]

Mrs Gailberger oh Thank you! Definitely something in the near future 😊

[@njerigathungu]

@@OfficialJanetMbugua yep...podcast for sure

[@keziamathuku1528]

This ghosting thing is me as my defense mechanism. That kind of friend I had or still have because am still figuring out if they are worth it...because if people wrong you and SEE NOTHING WRONG with what they did...I'll forgive you as christian and ghost on you for the next 2 years plus, because I love myself. My therapist told me, that I don't have to get along with everyone but the basic human respect can be there like saying hallo....And being in my safe place sometimes is okay

[@scholarsticanaomi659]

I second this wooow❤

[@OfficialJanetMbugua]

👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾

[@tinakyalo7]

I'm an INFJ , I'm able to see right through people and their intentions. I can meet a stranger and they'll tell me intimate things about themselves. This makes people think they know me because we have bonded over some deep stuff but in the real sense i was just being friendly. I need ALOT of time alone. I ghost people alot and it's just that i don't know how to deal with emotions( other people's) and sometimes my own. I don't like confrontations or being burdensome, most times i just ghost people because I'm overwhelmed by my issues or because i can't deal with other people.

[@madelaine191]

This is so me.

[@OfficialJanetMbugua]

I hear you on so many levels. And then people completely take it personal when, in my opinion, they need to invest time in getting to know you! To each their own. Thanks for sharing!

[@silviamwendia9439]

But why has this spoken to my spirit?! I can relate but really trying to do better

[@joannemonene9131]

I so relate to this. Aside from the 1 friend who has taken his time to really understand me, I wish I had more friends who we relate at that level of deep understanding.

[@tessnjokie4847]

This is 100% me

[@lyndachalker3430]

She is so self aware though!

[@KORRE.]

What I learnt about "ghosting" people is that number 1 we need to change how we call that. It's more of "self care" that requires space, distance from people and that should be respected. Some people deal with issues with friends, some deal in isolation, and that's ok. That said, not everyone will understand - so what I learn is communicating in a brief but satisfactory manner i.e "I am dealing with something right now, and I prefer to deal with alone. I may distance myself but that's not because I don't trust you, I just need space otherwise I will get anxiety." - it works. That way once you are done dealing, you can go back and say "ok, I am done dealing."

[@qbee2330]

I'm an empath, coping hasn't been the easiest to be honest. Living with a mental illness has helped me retrospect almost everyday does wonders!Thank you Janet

[@LloydWaihenya]

Basically creating an inventory of previous toxic situations for example an anger outburst and the shortcomings it brought can help an individual evaluate which steps to take when confronted with a similar situation and this will help the individual to weigh in.

[@Lucyaisha]

I am the queen of ghosting 😂😂😂😂, I always tell myself anything that is not bringing me consistent happiness, is out of the picture. Just simple.

[@marthaauma7503]

Wait,like me too,i pick up on energy from people,and when i pick a negative energy from you,i get confused,my work is affected,i keep on making mistakes,my mood is always off,i am nervous and waiting on a chance to just quarrel with them.i mean its a waste of time and its soo toxic ,its good that i feel this because i just go to my boss and say how i feel and boom,i am given another person to work with.i thrive in a positive environment.when my partner gives a positive vibe,our work schedule is light,and we work efficiently, i think most bosses should rely on this when they want their employees to thrive.

[@winniem6551]

Sometimes it's the boss 😂

[@winniemwangi62]

Lol 😂 I thought I was abnormal

[@mutiokiamba4314]

I will watch this over and over and over again. And then after my long meeting with myself, I will watch it again.

[@shizma7917]

Me too

[@OfficialJanetMbugua]

So happy to hear that! Please be gentle with yourself when meeting with yourself 😊 Feel free to report back here when you’re ready to share what you learnt about you! 🙏🏾

[@faithkalondu797]

I just turned 20 and this talk got me thinking.... thank you Janet

[@joymaureen43]

Oh man! I resonate with this like a 100%. I have lost a number of relationships(read friendships) in the past one year. I have had anger management issues for quite a while and I just recently opened up to some people who are helping me out. I am an only child so whenever someone seemingly wants to tell me something, I feel like they have no right to, (stubborn may be). You see, I will tolerate a lot but once am done, even if that person meant the whole world, I don't look back, like I am DONE! Yaani, this has been so eye opening. I used to write but now I do walks and talk to myself, meditate, pray( before I land behind bars for tearing someone's child apart). Mmmmh! Thank you Janet for this!

[@louisa4669]

I can completely relate ,, energies to me are Soo strong. I can easily ghost or isolate myself due to how I felt from the surrounding.

[@BerylWalubengoAnyitiNanyama]

Sometimes it's not necessary. You can have crappy traits but you are not a crappy person. Confrontation doesn't mean aggression. This is such a good conversation. 💚

[@ruthwambari2134]

Great conversation. I have gotten a lot esp with working in my anxiety and identify toxic traits within self. My toxic trait is also retreating from friendship(I can't say I have a best friend) something I have found goes back to my friendship in primary school. But we keep working on-self. We aren't perfect but have room for improvement. May God continue blessing you with this grand platform you have.

[@joycegichana3213]

Wow! You literally described me

[@OfficialJanetMbugua]

A lot of these triggers can be traced back to primary school. Many of mine are! It’s about trying to learn how to manage them but that can be a lifelong journey. Thanks for your comment and for watching the video! Be kind to yourself! ❤️❤️

[@winniemwangi62]

Glad to have bumped into this Janet- this was me on Monday. I’m generally an extroverted person who hibernates when dealing with personal stress. I become quiet and focuses on the task I’m supposed to do without minding any human relationships around me . Any human interactions during these moments feels like so much energy is being drawn from me. So I hibernate, cull into my shell, take a breather in the shell then deal with the issue at hand. A friend told me the other day that I need to lower my walls to allow people in but I’m afraid to do so

[@AsenathKiprotich]

Nothing could have articulated my life better! Word for word!

[@ivywainaina759]

Love the discussion. I also hate confrontation so its just easier to exit on the left hahaha!! and as I get older you notice your friendships and relationships shifting and letting go wow! that should be a whole new topic. Who do you let go? and who do you keep ?what can you forgive? and what cant you? how do you even start to have those uncomfortable conversations? Also your intuition how do you draw the line?just so much ...love the discussion Janet.... Great job! :)

[@tessnjokie4847]

Waiting for a discussion on this topic as well! Especially on what to forgive/condone and what to let go....what constitutes a good friendship?

[@SherryOnline]

This is the best thing I have watched in a long time. So substancial and educative. Thank you for this Janet.

[@OfficialJanetMbugua]

Sherry Online thank you Sherry! I really appreciate you saying that!!!

[@ashafox29]

Loose lips sink ships - I love this

[@OfficialJanetMbugua]

Sara O My favorite saying! Thank you for feeling it too! 😊

[@MoniqueFamilyLifestylevlogs]

I Can Really Relate with the first point am Really Good at Ghosting it doesn't matter if it's Family or Friends i know how to Shut every passable entrace from People in my Life when i realise someone just passed my boundaries and yes Trust issues accomodate this charachter so much expecially when People are always there because they can get something from you am always done

[@deotio2768]

This is so eye opening.

[@dorisjepkorir7780]

You've literally spoken to me..keep posting more of such !

[@marykamwende9506]

I like how strong women deal with issues ❤️❤️ all love for mama Mali forever. You are blessed 💚

[@minkrasi3318]

I like the part that you say manage your own toxic traits so people can still give you feedback - love this show! (you should do more off the cuff kind of productions - from the heart, no script)

[@janetwaithira7327]

Whooooosh! This has hit home for me

[@journingpinky4361]

Where can I just sit and just listen to you talk woman! Gosh! You are my superwoman. But I get the conversation quite well. I think I have also had some of those traits being projected out to my siblings cause I'm a decade older than I just realize it and pull back. I'm so glad you guys had this conversation

[@aishakhagai5768]

Am so everything you spoke about. I don't see anything wrong with it. As i have grown older i respect my space, emotions and sanity. Whoever comes my way to play around with me i ghost you completely. I do not encourage users, negative people close to me. It is not worth it. I would rather have no friends than have unhealthy relationships with people.

[@jossienjeri6188]

I Loved this so much..so relatable especially with ghosting to me it can even be an extent of blocking people on socials... and once I do that I ask myself Is it necessary? And I unblock and shake down my pride and apologize..I have learnt pride and fear can bring you down and God hates them all...I am a work in progress..above all we have to guard our hearts!!..such authenticity gaal🤩✋!!

[@OfficialJanetMbugua]

Jossie Njeri work in progress my dear; so many of us are just that!

[@evewandaka8630]

it is only when people realise that these are constant things that happen in our daily lives and like you said decide make that conscious and deliberate choice to take care of the crappy traits within ourselves only then can we become a better society a better nation a better people. Loved this episode immensely affirms acute self awareness is a skill that helps you get by. Perfectly flawed!

[@carolynemusyoka9048]

She is so humanable and relatable

[@Sarastefy0]

This is a very much needed conversation, Janet. Thank you for sharing this. You exhibit a strong and mature sense of vulnerability and that makes me fall in love with your conversations. Your approach to life is sensible and empowering. 💖

[@chaigal295]

I really enjoyed this! Thanks for sharing! What has worked in my life is journalling- regularly writing down my thoughts. Things as simple as 'Yesterday I cleaned my place and I feel good today!' This helps me know what I'm feeling. I can then audit the emotions e.g. Today I feel discouraged- is it because I was stuck in a massive traffic jam last evening? Or my friend cancelled a coffee date just an hour before when I'd already found my way to that part of town? Is this the first time she's doing it? Maybe I need to gently and lovingly point out that this pattern to her because it is frustrating me.. etc etc. Journalling has helped me develop self awareness- I am learning that some of the things I do/say are reactions to past unresolved experiences and not really the authentic me.

[@OfficialJanetMbugua]

Chai Gal I absolutely love this and I feel like I’ve learnt something from it! Not just journaling but auditing and asking the right questions! Great insights, thank you! ✨

[@viviannemusumba4691]

OMG!! This is so me. I ghost when I am dealing with stuff and when I can't trust you anymore. And just like you I am working on it. Guess I am always trying to protect myself when I ghost people for life.

[@trueyokefellow3576]

Guards have been up for 8 years. No social life whatsoever! Its me and my 6 babies below 8yrs. If your reading this Janet, last time we spoke was when i was pregnant and you wanted us to meet regarding my autistic boys...its Emily M :) BTW I'm currently momaging fraternal 6mnth old boy girl twins. 🙌

[@milkamaina7628]

We would be such great friends, connected with you on everything you've talked about. Thank you for sharing 👏👏👏

[@Sarastefy0]

I felt the same way tooo!!

[@iryn7794]

I know I kept nodding at everything 🙌🏾

[@queendyna2543]

Ghosting is necessary but I do agree if a friendship is genuine then don't ghost and communicate

[@mariechantaluwamahoro4208]

Janet, I just want to tell you how much I admire your authenticity. I really like you as an individual. You just came when you were needed. Thanks for being who you are, it is beautiful.

[@OfficialJanetMbugua]

Marie Chantal Uwamahoro what a sweet and kind thing to say! Thank you! ❤️

[@immaxkaruku]

I am the right opposite,when I have issues I talk them out with anyone who'll care to listen...I may need to look into that...

[@lucykimani7255]

It is very difficult to self examine and call yourself out. What I find most difficult is to move to the point of amending self or fixing it

[@rosemarykamau6767]

Such a nice personality. It has sunk deep in me. I deal with a lot of anxiety. Thanks Janet

[@lydiahchegeh2225]

Wow, this is so informative. I lost a good friend of mine coz my ego couldnt allow me to just reach out. I sometimes wish i did better coz we were so close but then she was ghosting on me, i still wonder what happened to date.

[@gladyswahome2838]

Listening to you,I saw me; I isolate myself completely,because I don't like that 'closeness' thing...thank you for this topic

[@WanjiruMuya]

If somebody breaks my trust am soo done with them and will never see them how I used to before😂😁

[@alicemwangi4382]

thanks Janet for opening up.It's great listening to this.The DHA in omega 3 is what is actually helping you

[@cathythuo8606]

I have issues getting close to people especially the ones who want to combine business and friendship. I fear being taken for granted or advantage of.

[@OfficialJanetMbugua]

Catherine Thuo I hear you. It can be tough deciding who to let in. I think you can keep certain boundaries while not shutting everyone out but it takes practice!

[@tumwesigyemoses-tu8wk]

Keep it up

[@maureennjuguna356]

This is so real Janet. Thank you for putting it out there. We all do struggle with toxic traits and true we need to guard ourselves 🙏

[@viviannjeri6023]

This is the best video I have seen in days, love you’re spirit & I do learn a lot. Thank you.

[@OfficialJanetMbugua]

Vivian Njeri Much appreciated Vivian! Thank you! ✨

[@breznevttyson4493]

Yes love this n it helps, like for me i don't make new friends any more coz pple are not genuine

[@yvonneanyango7139]

This is so eye opening and relatable in so many levels. I guess we're all flawed beautiful creatures. Also, acceptance is key. All the best , and thank you so much for sharing this. I've felt it all.

[@wairimudebor9964]

I went through a very bad fallout with my dad, he did something that I felt was the greatest betrayal. My reaction to it made me discover a side of me I didn’t know I possessed. I was so angry and bitter to the extent i started being toxic for my kids & husband. I started a fitness journey to help me with my anger and a gratitude journey where I right down what I’m grateful for every night before bed. It’s been 6 months now and I feel soo much better, I am a better person and I’ve forgiven him and myself, but I choose to keep my distance. I usually take omega 3’s for my memory, postpartum got me loosing all my memory lol and doctor said it helps. Glad to know it works for anxiety as well. Great topic Janet.

[@flaviahkayose771]

Wow, girl you are my kindred spirit...yes to self-awareness, spiritual awakening, shadow work, and coping....

[@valeriemakatiani2879]

Great conversation right here, We all have toxic traits, its just never about the other person, recognizing this really helps to deal with issues in a much better way...

[@annetteirungu8395]

This conversation was needed at this exact time

[@JejeNdungu]

I also tend to Isolate myself, but of late i realise how i hurt pple so nowadays i let them know i will be away for sometime. I wish i can have another way of dealing with issues. All in all Good content Janet.

[@OfficialJanetMbugua]

Jeje Ndungu Day at a time 🙏🏾 Be gentle with yourself ✨

[@lydiahchegeh2225]

Wow, " If you want to change your toxic behavior, you have to be intentional about it."

[@m2mawiz]

This has been one real conversation! Thank you for sharing your coping tools!

[@saritahikenye4099]

Keep it up! This is a great video..... Truly inspiring Janet.

[@judymunene605]

Hi Janet!!! Best vlog ever.... I need to work on myself and what my triggers are. Unfortunately I think I have already projected a few on my daughter. Need to see a therapist so that I can save the rest.

[@janemuchiri5946]

I have been hurt so bad by my family and friends, Family especially and at some point i though i had a problem because i just couldn't understand how people who are so close to you can be so cruel. but i sat down and realized that i did not deserve to be treated that the way i did. i literally shut everyone and ghost them but now i also realize that not everyone deserves to be ghosted, imma work on that.

[@deborahayebare9059]

This entire video spoke to me directly. Thank you Janet for sharing your lessons in life in the most sincere way.

[@miriamkaruga]

Such a profoundly honest conversation! Thank you!

[@OfficialJanetMbugua]

Miriam Karuga thank YOU!

[@dorrahmunjaru3408]

Janet,I love you for having this conversation.I was having it with friends yesterday and they found me weird.There are those I give second chances if they ask and there are those that I just shut out.That's how I deal with it.There are people that will find fault in your explanation as to why you ghosted them.Those I just ctrl+shift+delete.

[@annkamau7400]

Aw yeeea even the tone of your voice can end things between us just like that

[@valiantsystems4010]

Thanks for this Janet.. Spoke directly to me. Thank you.

[@agneswanjiku1645]

Wow... Very profound and this is what you call emotional intelligence

[@OfficialJanetMbugua]

Agnes Wanjiku 😊✨

[@sallykoyier499]

Janet you're gorgeous!

[@margaretwambuik.kariuki2260]

I ghost a lot too. Thanks for sharing and making some of us feel ok. Normal.

[@dorcasawuor3475]

This is so me I am that person who just cuts people off all the time. Nice conversation mama Huru

[@OfficialJanetMbugua]

Dorcas Awuor Asante Dorcas! Glad you enjoyed it

[@Joyce-sunshine]

This is totally me..I build blocks and isolate myself when I detect negativity or when am going through a hard time.. Lots of love from a small youtuber😛

[@laurasango2575]

It's our own insecurities that cloud our judgment at times

[@godfirst7452]

True and largely from the upbringing

[@askpsyfemmeaskpsyfemme8377]

This is very authentic I love it

[@magdaleinek9518]

Ohhh God I can totally relate. Kumbe tuko wengi. I also tend to isolate myself when I am dealing with issues and honestly it's hard to rebuild the relationship you locked out when you isolated yourself 😕

[@angelamwenesi8085]

Deep Deep. Love this

[@misst263]

Am the type that runs away when anyone gets close to me.

[@cathythuo8606]

Me too. It just feels uncomfortable.

[@madelaine191]

Me too. Just get anxiety when someone tries to get to know me.

[@JackiehAkinyiehGeorgieh2022]

Wonderful Topic Janet👌😍....am learning🤗🙏

[@loveandlight339]

I've been abused by alot of narcissists so i just ghost people to avoid issues

[@Zestsuli89]

Janet, this is so beautiful

[@giniah0892]

One of your best videos!

[@wambuiw.4032]

I find Type A mean spirited people the worst. We have freedom of boundaries yet we have to co-exist in society. Ghosting is fine but also grant grace to those who deserve it e.g good people who didn't intend to hurt you and can be called out on their behaviour.

[@silviamwendia9439]

Heh! The therapy I didn't know I needed. Another one?

[@OfficialJanetMbugua]

Silvia Mwendia Soon! 😊❤️

[@silviamwendia9439]

@@OfficialJanetMbugua I'll just be here counting the days then😂😂😂

[@nienyambura5439]

I love you so much, Janet!! keep winning .

[@Madoidomadoido]

Always loving your content and relating 💯 percent .I feel like lately you have been talking out my life!

[@valeriemurrey5836]

This video is amazing!

[@whitneysiago5443]

I like this, it speaks to me

[@tracyinyanji5729]

What I really needed to hear at the moment.

[@sonie31]

this is so relatable , helps that its uncensored too!

[@annegatere2282]

Good idea janet

[@fridajeremy6445]

I need more of such talk, in Kenyan tvs

[@mercypatock4625]

I really loved this, I was encouraged you are awesome!

[@RosaliaShiweva]

I just can’t confront directly. It’s something I am unlearning .on what you saying . A lot of people tend to ghost others . It’s either you are going through things that they don’t want to share with next person .

[@roseck851]

Loved every bit of the conversation

[@solomondaudi3002]

I love Janet.

[@michellewangeci5707]

You're really inspirational. And wise. Please keep doing what you're doing. ✔ New subbie for sure 😄

[@muthamafaith5106]

Insightful! I'm contemplating the same about my bff

[@Minnie718]

I Love this..Thanks Janet.

[@gracenjenga4939]

Amazing conversation, thanks Janet

[@kungufaith8280]

I can relate. Great conversation Janet