the pursuit & appeal of (MUCH) older men

[@stassadar]

All this video so true. Im 6 years older than my boyfriend and people are quick to pass judgment and some even told my bf he’s good looking so he could find someone way younger than me

[@themangoman9315]

Damn that sucks I bet there just jealous of your love

[@junaidnizami7076]

Do you ever feel jealousy towards younger women, as in do you think that one of them will try and succeed in taking away your bf? and if so, does this insecurity get better as you get older, or worse? On a different note, I wish that people would encourage couples to stay together and build a deeper bond rather than encourage them to split up and find "better" people.

[@ravenmindful673]

My brother is currently dating his girlfriend who is one year older than him. Many of his friends didn't approve of his relationship, not because of maybe cultural differences or that sort, but because of the fact she was simply older than him. It was so disheartening. My brother was so hurt when he heard those words come out of the mouth of his friends. He was disappointed. What's ironic is that our uncles who are middle aged and married in good relationships were encouraging him and giving him good advice of building a life with her, adapt where he can and learn to take care of each other. None of them mentioned anything about her age. They just said that it was okay. Even my parents said it's okay. like bruh...

[@stassadar]

@@junaidnizami7076 not going to lie, I do ask myself sometimes why would he want to be with someone with me instead of someone more youthful. Im 31 and my bf just got 25 and I always see younger girls who wants to ask him out. But he makes me feel confident and never made any remark regarding my age. In the end you need to know your worth and have self confidence. I swear when I went in my 30’s had an mini depression, but thank god my partner is very supportive ! Also, took me time to realize, but 30 isnt old despite what society tells us

[@stassadar]

@@ravenmindful673 thats terrible, and those are not good supportive friends! I wish your brother and his girlfriend all the best

[@potatowithgooglyeyes2458]

as a society, we somehow think that women should be with older men. Women are told that “men who are older will treat you better,” which is not always the case. These types of relationships always creeps me out.

[@junaidnizami7076]

@@stephany6417 To each their own

[@fatimahanwaar306]

finally someone with facts and logic

[@angygremlin4423]

Something else that nobody seems to mentions is that when these kinds of relationships go bad, they go often REALLY bad for the younger woman. Older men with more resources, respect, and connections can make leaving an abusive relationship a living Hell, especially if there are children involved. There might a much older man out there who will treat you very well but there are plenty more that are ready to make your life miserable and it isn't always worth taking the risk unless you have a backup plan in case things get ugly. I've always found it funny that when an older woman consistently goes after younger men, people are quick to call her a cougar or a predator, but that kind of judgement is oftentimes not extended to men when it seems like this kind of abuse is more common in the latter dynamic (even if that is just because relationships between older men/younger women are more common). I feel that ANYONE who who consistently has relationships with much younger people is at least suspect (even if they aren't guaranteed to be a predator/abusive/toxic) because if they weren't predatory/abusive/toxic they likely would have been able to keep a relationship with one of the people they've dated instead of chasing after barely legal/much younger prospective partners for years. It gets to a point where it's a pattern and they didn't just "happen to fall in love with someone younger" and it's often the hallmark of an abusive, predatory person. It's sad to see that people don't seem to care about this whenever the older party is a man.

[@simonstory29]

@@fatimahanwaar306 what facts?

[@fatimahanwaar306]

@@simonstory29 that this idea that older men would treat younger women better isn't always the case

[@slavmetal]

All the men I've known who pursue much younger women only have a facade of stability and maturity, under which you find a mess of emotional issues and immaturity.

[@mitatf]

Indeed, my brother says women his age are already pregnant or compromised so he "has" to aim younger

[@starrilysky]

Thank you for this comment! It always irks me how everyone says that older men are more mature and such, which is an aspect I disliked about this video. Many older men are actually immature.

[@slavmetal]

@@starrilysky Right, age definitely does not guarantee maturity.

[@alvariuztheplug5728]

Define immaturity

[@Account.for.Comment]

So like every human in the planet. I found men actively pursuing much younger women pathetic but expecting maturity is setting up a beauty standards. Ability to provide is considered maturity to many despite it can be simply luck.

[@tyleryoast8299]

Thanks for tackling a taboo issue in a level-headed, measured way. Our culture has become so addicted to outrage it's difficult to speak forthrightly about the actual, complicated dynamics in our relationships, and it becomes much easier to label and shame anything that disrupts our little boxes we make for ourselves. It seems so strange to me that even as we say that society and culture is progressing, it feels like we take shame and judgement as our starting point.

[@fatimahanwaar306]

there's only "taboo" against the criticism against age gap relationships

[@adrianazashen]

When I was a teen, i fantasized over being validated by an older man. Creeps will take advantage of the "mature for her age" girls. Glad this is being talked about more often

[@lavonnealexander6936]

I one of those girls, I am so happy, I got out of that phase.

[@simba8665]

Who cares

[@iconictiktoks5586]

@@simba8665 you should.

[@simba8665]

@@iconictiktoks5586 men are only creeps when, when they are not easy on the eye or poor. And young girls will forever have crushes on older men, because they literally run the world (tv shows, movies, music etc). Its be been like that like forever

[@iconictiktoks5586]

@@simba8665 what? you can’t be serious? honey, there’s a study that most “creeps” or predators are normal-looking, normal-acting people. that is how they lower in their prey. a young girl isn’t gonna willingly go to a strange man. it’s literally a psychological fact that psychopaths have charisma and good conversation skills + are typically attractive so that they can blend in. 💀

[@kcsnipes]

I’m an older guy with no money! I am breaking this stereotype 🙌

[@fatimahanwaar306]

GOOD!

[@TwistedLullabies]

Most older people aren't that wealthy or have a staus of significance

[@fatimahanwaar306]

@@TwistedLullabies exactly

[@NickolaySheitanov]

My man

[@CuanZ]

@@TwistedLullabies But often more than their younger counterparts surely

[@actuallyrubyleaf]

The interesting thing is that all the "benefits" to dating older men that you listed off actually feel like downsides to me. I'm 22, and like most early twentysomethings I don't quite have my life together yet. If I were to date an older guy who does, I would constantly worry that he won't be able to relate to my situation anymore, think less of me or outright patronize me. Same goes for significantly more experience, sure, that person will likely mess up less but I fear they might hold that experience over my head and try to shape me into their ideal partner or something. Partners should be equals, and if I can't grow together with mine, I don't want them, thank you.

[@cuddlemuffin.9545]

He can relate since he already been through it and figrued it out

[@EC-yw5hg]

@@cuddlemuffin.9545 By that logic people in their 30s should be able to date 14 year olds 😊 since they were 14 once, right? How absurd.

[@kevinhayden2260]

@@EC-yw5hg I feel like thats a litle bit of a straw man though.

[@caroguerra44]

I totally get what ur saying and agree!

[@starrilysky]

Omg exactly!! I am 19 now with VERY little life experience and for me it would be very intimidating and very uncomfortable to be involved with someone older that has a lot more experience. It wouldn't be a positive for me, I would just feel like a naïve child next to them - and like you said, I'd be scared/worried that they'd hold my limited life experience over my head and be condescending and patronizing about it or find me stupid or something akin to that. (edited to correct grammar/spelling mistakes)

[@Nein1337]

My father is 46 and his girlfriend is 23. I am 16. We’re literally the same generation. Not weird at aaaaaaaall.

[@fatimahanwaar306]

it's disgusting and creepy no matter if people say "but they are both consenting adults" to prove a point and dismiss the age gap

[@Nein1337]

@@fatimahanwaar306 I absolutely agree and also didn’t mean to say, that I approve of this relationship. But what can one do accept adapt?

[@fatimahanwaar306]

@@Nein1337 we should understand that age gap relationships are wrong no matter what

[@tubblestop414]

Do you believe people who are 18 or older should be held accountable for their decisions? Do you believe women who are 18 can't make their own decisions? Are women 18 or older forever children?

[@funilyily]

Yikes

[@allyli1718]

I was talking with my friends about how it’s weird that girls like older men, that it’s a weird societal norm, and they were asking me “well don’t you want someone who can take care of you?” Uh maybe both partners should take care of each other! Mind blowing, apparently. It’s so weird that we’ve made a paternalistic relationship ideal when we should want one between equals.

[@chai_lattes]

I think it's so sad that a lot of women have internalized paternalistic views. My friends are the same. They're also very traditional when it comes to gender roles. I definitely want to find someone who will support me as much as I support them.

[@jiyama]

this honestly. as much as possible, i want someone i can balance with. we help each other and grow together as a person

[@Chuck.Mast3r]

Exactly. If we're being honest with ourselves it has a lot to do with our narcissistic culture of wanting it all. I see a lot of women at the moment that say gender roles are bad but while they wish to be absolved of their roles they still hold men to the role of provider, initiator, etc. How is that "equal"? Equal is like you said equal support.

[@katybee3891]

@@Chuck.Mast3r what are you talking about? Most women have a full time job, take care of the household and invest more time and money into looking attractive. If anything it’s the other way around. Men expect women to have long hair and wear makeup, remove hair from their body, and then they act like it’s unfair if they are expected to at least pay for a date.

[@Chuck.Mast3r]

@@katybee3891 In the US, unemployment for women is still higher than that of men, and I'd imagine that many guys take care of their household too just as women do. I would definitely agree that women put more effort into looks, but guys don't care much about the fashion/accessories as much as women think we do. Most could care less that you had your nails done or hair is down to your waist. Guys care far more about the shape/size of a woman opposed to the extras, yet there's a higher percentage of obese women in relation to men. The accessories are what most of the money goes toward, and saying that you care about the fashion shouldn't make a man liable to pay for a mutually agreed on date (despite personally doing it anyways). That entitlement is no different than a guy who thinks he's obligated sex after paying for the date. Let me ask this... if a guy dressed his best, shaved, got a clean haircut, bought a clean watch, and ultimately did more grooming should that mean that the woman is now entitled to pay for the date? It should be a simple "yes" with your standards if we're being fair. I know your rebuttal will be along the lines of "but they don't" but then let's switch it up to a fit man and an obese woman. Who pays in that scenario according to your logic and why? I mean he could've spent years getting that body versus the couple of hours she spent on makeup. Equality is expecting both genders to make the first move. Equality is normalizing stay at home fathers. Equality is paying 50/50 split on bills regarding dates. Equality is both genders not feeling to entitled to something from the other gender based on what they value. It's both genders taking responsibility when a baby is born. It's not a hard concept to understand unless you're unwilling to acknowledge that you feel entitled to more in some areas. The only exception should be biological reasons tied to pregnancy. If you swap the genders for controversial scenarios and you have differing expectations that's called a double standard. And double standards shouldn't be acceptable if we want actual equality. But it doesn't seem you want that.

[@yohann2768]

The great thing about your viedo is that when a contrapoint or an idea comes to my mind, you adress it in the 10 seconds that follows. This is excellent writing and development.

[@ayeshamunawar2516]

Also in many cultures women after 25 are considered too old 🤢 as if you are a product who has passed it's expiration date

[@NobodyImportant5]

As far as children are concerned, its true

[@kaiyodei]

Christmas cake!

[@kaiyodei]

@@sidney6522 how many times should one see a man to see if they fall for him? and then if it's wise to be taking it to another level, of time to then say "yes we are officially a couple"? 5 chances, 5 dates of eating and hanging out for 3 hours. and of course "i'll tell you when I am ready i will show you when I am ready to let you just touch me in any way" I feel like I want realtionship. but I'm touch averse. I don't want this. but then I don't think an overly affectionate man is good. nor is a hands off boyfriend, like having a hands off pet. you can enjoy your finch without cuddles, or your pet jellyfish....pet cobra...whatever.

[@nklumia]

I like mild😂😂

[@manicpepsicola3431]

@@mafumofu986 men only date younger women because women their age don't want anything to do with them so they talk crap about women their age because they can't manipulate them the same way

[@YungHustla218]

As a dude this stuff is definitely eye opening. When women and men discuss social issues they are clouded by the fog of socially imposed gender dynamics. Also we tend to get tribal and want to defend “our side”. To hear such a nuanced perspective is really interesting. Way better content than those alpha dude podcasts that say money and power is all a man can and should offer while a woman should offer submission. I feel like most of the best advice I’ve ever gotten has been from women. Keep it up ladies

[@YungHustla218]

Also my mom is a year older than my dad and they have a great marriage

[@fatimahanwaar306]

@@YungHustla218 good

[@kyle4563]

@@YungHustla218 My mom is 5 years older than my dad And it kinda seems that way since my dad seems a little more immature than my mom

[@kickrocksent3207]

@@kyle4563 immature in what way exactly?

[@kyle4563]

@@kickrocksent3207 Things like pranks, not taking things seriously at times when he needs to, farts in the car and laughs and locks the window so we gotta be quick to roll it down, overall nothing bad but just immature Actually a lot a more immature, whereas my mom is way mature

[@nataliaalmeida-nacillustra5954]

When I think about me in my teens, I see now how much of a child I was and I thought I was such a grown up. If you're a young girl, know this: a guy in his 40s that says you're too mature for your age or that seem to treat you as "an adult" has a lot more problems than you realize.

[@yaa930]

@DDream 1986 They're talking about much younger girls (probably in their teens) and older men saying they are "too mature for their age" is usually in the context of taking advantage of them sexually. Why are you projecting?

[@JediTiga]

Your old and young women are doing the same thing you did. Stop trying to manipulate them because you're bitter.

[@strawberryfox8819]

@@JediTiga Manipulate them into being more aware of the people who would try to take advantage of their underdeveloped brains due to their young age? Bro, are you okay?

[@JediTiga]

@@strawberryfox8819 If they were underdeveloped they wouldn't be adults. They wouldn't be allowed to make adult decisions for themselves or be considered adults under the law.

[@diorgirl8523]

@@JediTiga the brain isn’t fully developed until 25 lmfao, young adults are often naive and eventually learn through experiences. idk why men love to call older women “bitter” for trying to warn younger women of experiences they’ve gone through themselves. Interesting phenomenon

[@witchplease9695]

Liz Gillies relationship grosses me out. He knew her when she was a kid too. You can’t convince me most of these young women aren’t grooming victims.

[@fatimahanwaar306]

even if she was a young adult it should also be considered as grooming

[@tolor8180]

Especially the brain isn’t even fully developed and matured till the age of 25-27

[@EduardoFlores-bt4fo]

@@fatimahanwaar306 now you are crazy

[@fatimahanwaar306]

@@EduardoFlores-bt4fo how exactly do you think I'm being crazy? stop normalizing age gaps and using the "legal adults" excuse isn't going to do anything

[@EduardoFlores-bt4fo]

@@fatimahanwaar306 at 18 or 21 you don't get "groomed", you can get manipulated, but not groomed. I should know, I was manipulated by an older woman, but that is different than grooming. YOU are the one that should stop cheapening the concept of grooming, weirdo.

[@hellosarah_]

Thank you for discussing how certain phrases such as daddy issues doing nothing but add unneeded humor to a very serious issues

[@paulalopez7819]

I totally agree! And I always considered it as a way of deviating the attention on the teenage girl/ young woman's issues rather than focusing on the old creep who's taking advantage of her

[@rudy1999]

@@paulalopez7819 Why be with a granny if I can be with a young woman? You are so stupid.

[@bruiseleeroy7010]

@@paulalopez7819 One thing I never understood is that we can let a 16-17yr old girl drive but when it comes to who she picks to open her legs to she's not responsible for that decision? Dont get me wrong, the older man should know better and not go for someone underage. At the very least verify she is 18 then its free game according to the law It just seems we hold the man solely responsible when we need to also teach our young girls better and parents need to step in and talk them out of pursuing older men

[@paulalopez7819]

@@bruiseleeroy7010 I get what you are saying and I agree with you in some points but I also think driving and having a relationship (young girl/woman + older man in this case) are totally different things: you can be a really good driver and also be prone to manipulation and be tricked to do things that you don't really want to do. On the other hand, like I said, I agree with you with the following part. We have to educate our young girls and their families (and general population of course) about predatory behaviour. And just like Olivia says in her video: women have choices. We have freedom to change things. Some of them may believe they don't and that's a problem. I'm not saying "blame it 100% on the older man" and never said women didn't have any responsibility at all. My point is that these "daddy issues" jokes, plus a lot of cultural myths (eg. older women are less desirable/women need a providing man/boys are more immature than girls so an older man will be more mature/and so on), some movies/books/songs that romanticise these situations, all these factors send a message (which is very common to believe in your teens) about how having "daddy issues" is a cool thing and sort of hide the fact that behind a girl with "daddy issues" there's an older man who's taking advantage of that situation. Also, I feel like society praises the older man for being with a younger woman and that's part of the problem too. If these men weren't predators in the first place, these situations of abuse just wouldn't happen, but we don't live in an ideal world and sadly, I think they'll always exist. Luckily, this is a topic that's being more talked about, and there's still a long way to go, but with the reach social media has, even more people will be informed about it, and hopefully these young girls and women will have more tools when facing a situation like this.

[@bruiseleeroy7010]

@@paulalopez7819 I agree with you that it does need to be talked about more. Im kinda sad you dont see the disconnect between letting underage people drive but withholding responsibility for who girls give their time to is absurd.

[@pogboy537]

as an 18 year old guy I want to say that men aren't mature by age we just get older. We bullshit with each other the same way 12 year old boys do. Same bullshit happens between 40 year olds for example. Yes it gets different when a young man and an old man are together but as I grow older and hang around younger guys, I can say that I get the same joy when they say stupid shit when I used to when I was young, it is just that I now know that these things are stupid and silly and not to be taken seriously.

[@timothykaczanowski2603]

This is not true, as a 25 year old guy you will gain wisdom overtime younger guys don’t have.

[@grimmcreeper192]

Speak for yourself. If you aren’t maturing or getting wiser as time goes on then you’re living your life wrong.

[@VasterLordUlquiorra]

You're just 18. from 18 to 30, you'll realize that you were wrong. when your parents die. when you need your own home, when you need to change jobs and look for a better one, when you additionally get an education while working. when you need to make connections and communication just to earn more, not because you like these people, when you are interested in politics for earnings and investments, when you lose not parents but friends and acquaintances, realizing that you are also mortal, I think you haven't seen the corpses of your loved ones, right? And much much more. I can't say anything about relationships since I'm a virgin at 35 and haven't even been on a date once. But age will force you to be more mature. otherwise, you'll just disappear or be eaten. For example, at the age of 34, the war began in my country and I had to completely change my life and arrange the relocation of my loved ones. their life is completely dependent on me. I'll do something wrong and they'll die. But while you're 18, you don't think about it. But if you want to get a job as a babysitter for 5-9 year olds and you will understand how much responsibility is needed.

[@rjScubaSki]

As an 18 year old guy, you know literally nothing

[@fridasaavedra8460]

As someone who's family is full of age differences between couple I notices that women get so much shame for dating younger men. My grandmother was 10 years older than my grandpa and his family insulted her (she was also a widow so that didn't help her either) for doing it even when he was an grown ass adult by that point (he had 3 kids before her but he was in his mid 20s). However, my dad is seven years older than my mom and nobody said something and I was like ¿?¿? ¿? All the people in these examples were adults but for some reason you act weird when it's a women.

[@gummy5862]

I mean, it was a very traditional culture; the dude has been married with two kids by his mid twenties. That’s abnormal in this day and age. Tell me, what are the odds that a 35 year olds woman circa 30-50 years ago would give birth to a healthy child? Or even multiple healthy children? There’s also the idea of being able to “do better” in a relationship; unfortunately women’s value in dating goes down as they age past about 25 or so. The family felt that your grandpa could do “better” than a woman 10 years his senior. (At that time, I’m sure marrying someone ten years YOUNGER would’ve been acceptable and preferable.) All in all, just be grateful we live in a time period that’s a bit more progressive and being older than your man is slowly but surely becoming less taboo.

[@mitatf]

Yeah,it's like women are "dated" when they get older so men have to aim towards their age or younger, whereas men become more "mature", "experienced", etc, when they age.

[@marianistor8163]

@@gummy5862 lol are you aware that old fathers give diseases too?

[@gummy5862]

@@marianistor8163 Lol do you not understand the context of what I’m trying to say? 🤪

[@theinvinciblewinner]

It’s called patriarchy and gender roles. Disgusting.

[@michaelf7093]

At some point we have to decide if an 18 year old woman has the agency to make her own personal decisions. If yes, then there's nothing wrong with a relationship between an older man and a younger woman. If no, then why should we allow them emancipation and political franchise? Given we often hear that women mature faster than men, why shouldn't we allow young women to choose their partners, since we certainly allow 18 year old men to sign up to die for their country.

[@michan8093]

Despite there being a huge difference between forbidding women to date older men and criticizing a larger social trend where older men fetishize and seek out young women not only for their physical youth but also their mental pliability, I think you're onto something here, bro. I'm sure, however, it's not that women shouldn't have rights (also newsflash you have nothing to allow here a lot of women already have these rights and generally where they don't there are also fewer rights for men).And maybe 18-year-olds shouldn't be allowed to go to war, seeing that we know historically and scientifically that they are more vulnerable to military propaganda and stupid behaviour.

[@eiskaltertorjaeger]

thats one hell of an argument. will keep these lines in mind, thank you buddy.

[@eliteteamkiller319]

We've already decided that as a society and the answer we decided upon is yes.

[@marcosmanzano7190]

we’ve already decided they do. The issue isn’t one of legality but morality because the two aren’t linked as well as most people would like them to be. The fact is that at 18 years old your brain isn’t fully developed and on a moral standpoint people who are old enough to be your parent should not be actively pursuing you in any romantic fashion regardless of you being an adult legally. In my opinion this even extends to someone who’s about 5-10 years older than you as well

[@samarakarow1051]

New Girl explores this with the character, Dirk, who Nick deems “the smartest guy I know.” Dirk is an English professor who is old enough to have a law degree, as well, and whenever he gives lectures, he has a series of college students fawning after him. Nick, noticing this, asks Dirk what this is about and, after Dirk explains the appeal of 30-something-year-old men to 18-22-year-old girls/women, Nick decides that he wants in and he, too, begins pursuing Dirk’s students. They are impressed with him because of his ability to perform basic tasks; one of these girls/women is impressed that Nick, an unambitious bartender, can pour a drink. This is, presumably, because this girl/woman is under 21 (legal drinking age in the US,) thus enhancing the power imbalance. [SPOILERS FOR NEW GIRL] Compare this to Nick’s love interest, Reagan, who is also a PhD-holder in her 30s and has an even more powerful career than Dirk. Nick-as well as probably Winston and Cece, but to a lesser degree-thinks that Reagan is “hot.” Nick, like the college girls/women who were impressed with him, is impressed with Reagan’s basic ability to mix a drink. However, there is no power imbalance because they are roughly the same age. Notice that the initial reason for Nick’s attraction to Reagan was physical: she walks in the hospital, dramatic music plays, and Nick checks her out, acting as if she is the greatest thing since sliced bread. It is not during the moment immediately after that, when Reagan is a powerful businesswoman who can persuade the doctors into giving the best medicine to the patients, that Nick first finds Reagan attractive; in fact, some of the side-effects of the medicines the doctors were prescribing before Reagan walked in (“butt sneezing”) are played for laughs. It is only episodes later, right before Nick and Reagan’s first kiss, that Nick describes to Reagan, after acting goofy around her for her entire stay at the loft, why she is “hot,” reasons which don’t pertain to physical appearance. I don’t remember all of them, but one of them is that she is “mean,” and he doesn’t say anything about her being a financially successful woman who is good at adulting, even though, at this point, Nick hasn’t even sold “The Pepperwood Chronicles” and Reagan is, in fact, financially successful and good at adulting. Compared to Dirk, Reagan does not have any younger people wanting to pursue her. A lot of men and women appear to be attracted to her, but they are all in their thirties. Dirk, however, at the time he was hooking up with a myriad of female students, didn’t have his life nearly as together as Reagan, but young women practically worshipped him for it. It makes you wonder how society views women, especially in correlation to age and life experience, versus how society views men. Dirk and Nick-especially Nick-did the bare minimum and, to younger people of their desired gender, are seen as these ultimately attractive men, while Reagan, whose educational background is similar to Dirk’s, is attractive, according to the show, because she is bisexual (I hate this trope) and surface-level things about her personality. Note how, when Cece tries to make Reagan less attractive to Nick, she resorts to the physical (“Reagan wears a wig”) instead of fabricating some character flaw. (Granted, Nick thought it was “hot that you kept a secret” when Jess “killed” Ferguson, so, perhaps a character flaw wouldn’t work.) I could write another paragraph about Nick and Jess’s infatuation with Russell and how the show treated that, as well as how the show treated Cece’s relationship with Buster, but I’ve already written a lot, so I’ll spare you

[@oliSUNvia]

this was such a good read, i love new girl and this was a great application to the show

[@mamamacaroni1629]

OMG I never thought about this when I watched the show, I loved reading your essay lol.

[@Therealsoso10]

What episode is that I wanna watch

[@helenegraham]

Wow props to you for putting so much thought into this! I love New Girl and I like Nick a lot but I did find the whole part of the show where Nick was pursuing college girls to be pretty gross. Also if you wanna comment another paragraph about the Russel thing please do, I'd love your take! To me, I thought the age gap between Jess and Russel was okay because they had more of a casual relationship, and also because Jess was fully an adult; the age gap wasn't too crazy for casual dating, but I couldn't see them working seriously because of it (which in the end proved to be true). Especially because it seemed like initially what attracted Jess to Russel was that he was so confident, mature, and established--something she admired but didn't relate to.

[@liv4413]

Omg please continue this was great

[@absol3441]

I think one thing that you forgot to mention is that a lot of guys do it because it's easier to start a relationship with a much younger girl because you have more life experience than the girl so that automatically makes you more attractive. These older men also know how to play exactly into the image the girl wants to see

[@AABB-zb6dv]

And you forgot to mention they have more money than young broke guys.

[@morbiddiathesis4428]

You sound bitter, and your comment smacks of insecurity and desperation.

[@aztekenen1]

provides leverage when at the same age bracket there would be little to none, which makes other options more enticing. by having a gap, that issue is automatically covered. its a failsafe.

[@pennify2079]

As long as the younger person isn’t underage or an adult who first met the older person when they were still underage, I honestly don’t see a problem. My parents have a 20 year age gap and met when my mom was 30 and my dad 50, they’re now 53 and 73 and it’s totally fine. It would’ve also been fine had my dad been 30 or 40 year older. What wouldn’t have been is if she was 17 and he was 25. You see that what makes it bad is not the age gap but when people actually get groomed.

[@fatimahanwaar306]

you need help

[@pennify2079]

@@fatimahanwaar306 no you do if you’re forcing yourself into the relationship of two consenting adults telling them its wrong when in fact it really isn’t. If you’re both adults the age range is automatically not the problem but the personalities of you and your partner. I’m tired of y’all saying shit like “Leonardo Di Caprio is a groomer bc he only dates 25 yos”, you’re changing the meaning of a very strong and important word. As someone who’s been groomed, people misusing that term isn’t fun to see. You simply cant groom someone who isn’t underage and as long as he doesn’t date literal minors y’all shouldn’t be acting as if he is. 25 is more than legal.

[@fatimahanwaar306]

@@pennify2079 this isn't about "forcing oneself into the relationship" and you keep using the "two consenting adults" buzzword just to prove a point telling them it's wrong is common sense pretending like the age range is somehow not a problem but only the "personalities" between the partners also getting triggered over people calling male celebrities out for going after younger and younger women it IS predatory those male celebrities ARE groomers it's you who doesn't understand the actual meaning of the word "groomer" it's not only about children it's about anyone who is younger you using your own personal experiences doesn't mean anything saying "you simply can't groom someone who isn't underage as long as they don't date literal minors" is an illogical statement these relationships between celebrities ARE the reason why grooming is still prevalent age gap relationships are the cause for pedophilia this isn't about "legality" it's about morality stop being self entitled and grow up

[@-Scrapper-]

@@pennify2079 there's usually a big difference culturally between generations

[@fatimahanwaar306]

@@-Scrapper- exactly! and there's misogynists saying that women shouldn't be upset if men leave them for younger women

[@junfaa]

I'm a 29 year old male and can't see myself dating someone younger than 24. There are a few exceptions but most people younger than 24 would have almost nothing in common.

[@salsipuedes8425]

Same

[@TheAaronir3]

People will surprise you. Plus you may not need someone to bring commonality to the relationship. Instead you’ll want a foil

[@hopeleslydevoted6170]

Same it's weird tbh.

[@Hoenhighn1]

The idea that you could have nothing in common with someone 5 years younger than you, in their 20s is insane.

[@popaesthetics8365]

Personally, I’m 27 and I’m only willing to date within the range of 21-35.

[@lemonymouth]

I find the "older man are more mature" bit ironic because older guys' upbringing wasn't made to make them mature but it depends on what kind of maturity we're talking about. Providing? Hell yeah, they're supposed to be responsible and hard-working. Emotionally mature? No, not at all, many were taught to repress their emotions, use unhealthy ways to deal with them (like drinking), they oftentimes don't know how to communicate. If someone, as an older partner, takes the role of a mentor, they refuse to learn from their significant other - that's stagnation. How arrogant does one have to be to think they always know better. It's as if the other person has nothing to offer, nothing to bring to the table and that's just insulting... their partner isn't there to fix their insecurities, to make them feel smarter, better etc.

[@lancewalker2595]

No. Here's the reason: because older men have had a longer amount of time to establish material wealth. Pretty simple.

[@lemonymouth]

@@lancewalker2595 I don't understand what you're referring to

[@jareddavis9012]

@@lemonymouth It's clearly simple what he meant.

[@sblbb929]

So are there just no mature men in the world?

[@lemonymouth]

@@sblbb929 I think some guys out there are great, either mature or mature enough to realise they have some work to do

[@trqster]

Most men will feel attracted to an attractive young woman (not a child obviously) and it's very much based on instinctual reasons like fertility, so it's not weird , just a natural behaviour... The same could be said on the female side, being attracted to an older confident man, that can provide resources and security and eventually also provide a lifestyle, she'd have to still wait many years to reach. At the end of the day, if they're both consenting adults it's ok, just deal with it.

[@fatimahanwaar306]

stop being backwards minded

[@trqster]

@@fatimahanwaar306 Backwards minded!? Don't like m hearing the facts it's fine but it doesn't change reality.

[@fatimahanwaar306]

@@trqster women shouldn't be reduced to just their fertility! stop objectifying them!

[@trqster]

@@fatimahanwaar306 And men shouldn't be objectified either by their resources, height, age and other factors but we don't live in la la land do we?

[@fatimahanwaar306]

@@trqster nobody is objectifying men for anything! you're clearly an incel with your pathetic nonsensical rambling!

[@Loriloya]

I don’t understand where the “daddy issues” became “cool” I never had a good relationship with my dad and always felt shamed instead of glorified. That’s interesting

[@TheLightShines]

Me too

[@arol1644]

For me it’s the opposite of cool, the main reason why i’m afraid of relationships is bc i don’t want to end up like my parents

[@stinkypinkie9029]

Many guys believe women with “daddy issues” will be more likely to try to keep their bf satisfied sexually so he doesn’t leave. It’s not said explicitly but implied with saying things like “if she blows you first date, she has daddy issues.”

[@godimready2go]

It’s the same as toxic masculinity being portrayed as “cool”. “Haha yea I’m such a slut with no impulse control and zero accountability” , “who gon handle me 😩”

[@fwoomsh]

@@arol1644 same here

[@userrdm14]

My best friend's college friend has been in a relationship for a long time. So my friend asked her when did she start dating her current bf. And it turns out that she was 13 and he was 21 🤮🤮🤮🤮 when they started dating. This is actual grooming like wtafffff mann.

[@fatimahanwaar306]

even if she wasn't a minor it's still wrong to be in these relationships

[@huytranvan2754]

@@fatimahanwaar306 Nope, it's wrong if she's minor but if she's not, I don't see why it's bad. People date whoever they see fit...

[@fatimahanwaar306]

@@huytranvan2754 you're uneducated

[@DangRenBo]

It reminds me of that pedo anniversary joke.

[@ebonijones3641]

@@fatimahanwaar306 if your grown asf and know what you want then by all means do what you want, I don’t care for 23 yr olds dating 35 yr olds, their an adult and so is their partner therefore none of my business and it really shouldn’t be anyone else’s at that point. But this situation is just disgusting and disturbing🤢

[@a.h.i267]

I hate how this video and these comments try to act like young women aren’t capable of chosing a partner without being “manipulated” and “pressured” and “groomed”- some of us were raised in a way where we DONT lack common sense. Like who you like if youre both consenting adults, many of these comments are brain dead. think for yourself for once

[@fatimahanwaar306]

everything you say is complete and utter nonsense this isn't about women being "incapable" of choosing partners it's about why women shouldn't contribute to their own misogyny and seek male validation by dating or marrying older men and being entitled to it and you think being against it is "misogynistic" which shows your hypocrisy your narrow minded views twisting feminism around just to fit your own narrative adults can also be groomed by older adults stop limiting this to just "minors" two wrongs don't make a right if you think these comments are "brain dead" you're obviously projecting yourself this "they are both consenting adults" argument is meaningless grow up

[@shawn7923]

@@fatimahanwaar306 grow down..........yikes you can't

[@fatimahanwaar306]

@@shawn7923 you're delusional

[@annagardiner8351]

My ex cheated on me with an 18 year old girl and he’s 25 years old. That was all I needed to know to know what kind of guy he is and I cut him out. It’s sick because an 18 year old girl isn’t responsible for not knowing the dangers of sleeping with older men and it’s men who have the responsibility to put boundaries on who they see-but they won’t.

[@mercury_icarus]

No he wasn’t a good guy because he cheated not because he cheated with a 18 yr old.

[@MClovinHD3D]

The cheating is the bad part The fact he did it with an 18 year old being bad is your opinion, as you just seen some people like billie eilish is in a relationship with a 29yr old

[@LEOIAMLEOONYOUTUBE]

You sound unempowered because in countries that have a really good sex education, women are already empowered. In the UK the age of consent is 16. In the UK your boyfriend could have cheated on you with a 16 year old and it would have been legal and that girl would have been empowered to have empowered safe sex because of their background education in anatomy. The real issue is education. In the U.S. we are drastically repressed and trained to have horrible relationships with our bodies. Empowered women empower women. You aren't doing that here. It's okay though. Now we can do better. Through education we can fix so many problems in the world yet in the U.S. they don't educate to empower but to make people easily malleable through fear.

[@gz5405]

@@LEOIAMLEOONKZbin see this is a great example of how creeps try and twist the idea of female empowerment through sex in a way that only benefits them. If a 25 yr old is sexually involved with a 16 year old, no matter how you phrase it, that’s an adult having sx with a teenager. A high schooler. In what way is that empowering to the teenager? What sense of power do they gain? Any teenager, regardless of gender, is going to be at a loss in that sort of relationship because they do not have the same empowerment and influence that aging grants the older predator. And it’s from that the older person has far too much sway and influence on their young victim. They simply would not be able to have an equal amount of power in that relationship. And no offense to any young people reading this! Just know that this is a very common grooming technique, they will tell you how empowering or good for you it will be KNOWING that it will only benefit them. Be aware and very wary of this or things like it. Another good thing to note is how often the argument of the age of consent comes up. A grown adult who is hyper aware of the age of consent in various countries/states that a HEAVY red flag. A 25yr old and a 16yr old may be legal in the UK but c’mon…what does a 25 yr old gain from a romantic relationship with a child? Weird. Groomer behavior. P€do behavior.

[@LEOIAMLEOONYOUTUBE]

@@gz5405 lmao don't run and go watch the KZbin channel TRULY. 😂😂 First off I'm a woman. My pronouns are she her hers and my name is non binary like "Taylor" Second off I def had relationships with older guys when the law said it was "bad" like in middle school with my ex army daddy pe teachers in my head. I think of it as the reverse for only me though. When I was a child I wanted to kiss on older men and the older boys and when they denied me because I was "too young" and cuz they "weren't gay" and cuz they were scared of the law I was so hurt and rejected and I still wish I was a little child putting men on leashes forcimg them to be mine and do what I order them to and be the dominant queen that I am subjugating older men and putting them beneath me. (B d s m) Not only that but I hate abuse. What priest do to boys is bad when it's done without consent. I'm jealous of the guys that were chosen by the priest cuz I'm out here wanting to play with older guys and they never picked me and picked the other boys that didn't want it. It would have been so reassuring knowing that it was okay to "be gay" if the priest was too and knew he was doing it with the others boys. In elementary my straight boy classmates also got to play with the female teachers that wanted it and no one said a thing because the boys that did it bragged about how they would so do their teacher "Ms. E." That's the difference between consent and empowerment and not. The real issue is education and the fact that we lack it in the U.S. and should receive it young young so we can say a clear no to priest when we dont want it isntead of ignoring it and saying god creates babies. And yes if you watch the KZbin channel TRULY there is a video there with a 16 year old girl who got pregnant with a 50+ year old. Love is love. Age doesn't matter. Education matters. And in the video the girl happened to be in the UK which is why and how I know that and yes after the video I went to look up age of consent and saw how repressed we are here in the U.S. Also people dont have an issue with p3 d0 fiiilia ... They have an issue with poor people doing it because the rich do it all the time and get away with it and do it out in the open and no one says anything and even now it is happening and all our world "leaders" do it and no one cares or they call it conspiracy when the truth comes out. This is not me saying all kids want it cuz not all do. I did and I'll always be sad I didn't get to do it more cuz of men scared of the law cuz I was "too young" I'm legit like this girl at 10 years old wnating to get with Chris Evans in fantastic 4. To me you sound jealous you didn't get to do it like many of us have done it. Even my friend in 8th grade when we were in 8th grade would have done whatever to be naughty with Chris brown. It legit happens all the time and no one cares. The ones that care are the ones who didn't get to do it so they get mad and then they relly on "the law" to shame others cuz they bitter.

[@Ancor3]

Holy shit, someone is finally talking about this. When I approached/turned 30, I became more popular with teens and women in their early 20s. I've even had two girls as young as 17 try flirting with me. Even just talking about these experiences makes people think that I'm flirting with teens, but they're approaching me. I'm genuinely weirded out by how these girls think they're mature enough to date someone in their 30s. All I'm saying is that someone should tell these girls that they are putting themselves at risk. KZbin finally recommended me a good video, it's a miracle.

[@AmazingStoryDewd]

As someone who is about to turn 30 I feel no difference between 22 and 30 interns of maturity. In fact I feel the same as I've always have.

[@Ancor3]

@@AmazingStoryDewd I went through some rough times between 20 and 30, gained a lot of experience too. But I get it if you're not feeling much different, your personality doesn't change much in this period of time.

[@Phasma6969]

You wouldn't be interested if you've developed enough as a person, which it seems you have. It can be alarming at times, just make it clear. Some people that age can make a fuss about it, they are not worth the time and surely you understand this. The difference is development is way too vast.

[@bgschannel9357]

@the grind maybe you don't, but he did

[@funilyily]

That is hilarious😂

[@BillEyelash]

found you today and have been binge watching for 3 hours

[@onlyfrog]

when my dad and mom started dating, they were 39 and 23. her family and him convinced her to marry 2 years later because of the pros you listed: maturity and financial stability. after married, he constantly made poor financial decisions; he wouldn't listen to my mom's advice, and sometimes she wouldn't even question him because "he has more knowledge, right?". he was constantly manipulative towards her too. at the dating phase he behaved so sweet and calm, and when i was a child he was the best dad ever, but when i became a teenager who thinks and questions, or when my mom questioned him, he would yell, curse and be aggressive. nowadays he deeply regrets his actions, because just *now* that i'm an adult he became *truly* mature. but his apologies can't erase the deep damage he gave to all of his family. at the end, the maturity found in much older men is only that: an idealization, a maturity only beneficial to the man's power and not to the women's well-being.

[@miiniimiiniijpeg]

so we’re all living the same life huh

[@Lastskykey]

true

[@arina85258]

I met my current boyfriend when I just turned 20 and he was about to turn 25, so our age gap is under 5 years. We were both students back then and our lifestyles were kinda similar, so the age difference meant nothing, but there was still one annoying fact. He was my first boyfriend ever (first kiss and so on) and he’d had multiple long term relationships. It was hard for me when he talked about his exes and I had literally no exes (besides my kindergarten boyfriend). I felt like a loser, I lied on several occasions trying to seem more experienced and mature. He helped me to deal with my insecurities and we are very happy now. I can’t imagine myself dating a 30+ year old man being in my late teens/early twenties. What if he had been married or had kids and I’d never even had my first kiss? Would I ever stop blaming myself for being so naive and inexperienced, failing to be on the same level with someone so far ahead of me?

[@deadinside8719]

Why would he talk about his ex though?

[@danielapardo9776]

@@deadinside8719 exactly

[@TheNunakun]

Don't worry about your lack of experience; men usually find this much more attractive than a woman who's been around the block. It's actually a very rare quality these days. I understand the feeling of being left out. I myself haven't had even my first kiss past 30 (I'm a unicorn), even though there were plenty of opportunities. I've found out the most important thing in a relationship is working on and being confident in yourself first before you can commit yourself to another being. I'm not at that point in my life yet, do I avoid relationships like COVID haha. Seems like you have an understanding boyfriend, which is also becoming a rare aspect sadly. Best wishes!

[@sblbb929]

But that's modern society in your ear telling you you need to have many partners and being a virgin is uncool etc. That's not really inherent to your relationship but just current social norms. It was the opposite for a long time were having any experience before marriage was tabboo for both sides. I'm glad your current partner is empathic though lucky you

[@arina85258]

@@deadinside8719 He never spoke badly about any of them or compared us or implied he still had feelings. It was just stories: “I went to see that film with my ex”, “I’ve been there with my ex, that’s her hometown”. Then he told me how they met, how long they had been together and why they broke up. We’ve been together for almost three years, such things come up eventually.

[@gdblesscptamerica1726]

This video is half an hour long and covers nearly all the angles EXCEPT for the most important one. CHILDREN. Older men can still have children, whereas most women over 35 or 40 can't. And even those who can have a higher risk of dying. Not to mention bouncing back afterwards becomes harder, etc etc. It's such an obvious point, how could you possibly miss that?!

[@Svn6twomm]

Strong and valid point! She misses the mark with that one.

[@CB-dy1he]

The older and more experienced women get, the more they realise how inadequate a lot of men are in all areas of life and intimacy. I think that's another reason men seek out very young women and girls. Because they don't see how inadequate the man really is. They are too blinded by the mystique of an 'older man.' Edit: I'm talking from my own experience having been a teenager with older boyfriends and then seeing things in a different light as I grew up. These are often a specific type of man who preys on these younger/barely legal girls and it's easier to see all of the red flags in someone as an adult that you missed as a teenager. Thought I would explain this a little, seeing as some people are talking my words a little too personally in the replies below. I'm not talking about you, I don't even know you. But if you felt hurt by my comments, even knowing this, maybe you are an adult in a relationship with a teenager or have been? Is this why my comment hit so close to home?

[@fatimahanwaar306]

and obsession with women's fertility is a part of pedophilia culture

[@ren.8137]

A lot of men are inadequate in life and intimacy? Thats just sexist, how about women start looking at themselves instead of judging men or society so harshly. You arent perect or adequate in most parts of your life either tf 💀

[@Dandelion333F]

I agree

[@Tatakadiri]

I don't get why you attach your emotions to you text. That's crazy!

[@E_MZ_]

@@ren.8137 they are inadequate in intimacy due to social conditioning. They aren’t taught how to be intimate, how to love, how to communicate whereas women are expected to be able to do all those things.

[@Direktorhkbergdahl]

I mean, if most women want older boyfriends, isn’t dating an older woman a much bigger accomplishment than dating someone younger? I hereby conclude that the true alpha move is to date women who are as old and successful as possible. Let’s go bois.

[@satyadevbadireddi382]

My man, you just won "Best comment"

[@fatimahanwaar306]

men with older women is better than vice versa especially since a lot of incels are preaching about women's "fertility" being the reason for men going after women a thousand years younger than them

[@dr.joctor3454]

ayo the queen lookin mighty fine these days 😝

[@garbello8640]

Ayyy you know

[@TheCastedone]

@@dr.joctor3454 her money looks even better

[@nikoljasminesahraiova5250]

Oh my god! I am in a age gap relationship and I knew that something was wrong lately, but I couldn't name it or say what exactly is wrong and you just described it perfectly! Thank you so much

[@bookishbrendan8875]

Speaking as a man, it takes a lot of time to get your shit together. I think that’s true for both sexes. The difference is that women by and large have more stake in the aging of their own bodies and the passing of time. Men are hardly even aware of this until someone else-such as a lover-points it out to them. This isn’t foolproof, though. Even the elderly can act petulantly. You love who you love, and hopefully your values and commitments and goals line up with one another’s.

[@rustydynamo1088]

I remember this was actually a problem at our high school (talking about seniors here). Most of the girls did not care at all for the dudes who were the same age and instead were gunning for university students or older. How are men supposed to be experienced by then if they don't even get the chance to have experience? It just creates a gap that makes that when dating older men, the women will not forcible date more mature guys because they just didn't have the chance to gain experience earlier.

[@TheLastOutlaw289]

Bruh chicks always go for the dudes with the most resources young or old. Most women who don’t go for older men only do so cause of societal pressure but deep down the really rather that. This was a bullshit video. And all the feminists in the comments make it worse.

[@FreeloadingBird2584]

Bingo. This age equals experience is nonsense especially for men. Much worse if you're autistic. Only women say age equals experience because they actually score partners.

[@caseyw.6550]

I'm just gonna say I've dated men close to my age in my early/mid 20s and then again in my late 30s...and everything was easier when I was younger. The older men I have dated have a lot of baggage. Older does not equal better. At all.

[@AB-sm1qf]

@@keylanoslokj1806 How disgusting you are.

[@rudy1999]

You look like a man yourself.

[@caseyw.6550]

@@rudy1999 Ok? You jealous? 🤡

[@caseyw.6550]

@@keylanoslokj1806 yep! Exactly why I don't have the energy to deal with anyone else's. I got my own, thanks. My point still stands. Anything else? Try telling me something I don't already know. Lol

[@NANA-jh8gs]

@@keylanoslokj1806 You must be a old man thats bitter that his 30 and still single 😂

[@dakotabongers7373]

I remember being like 15 and I was telling my friends about a show/book or something like that, where a senior in high school was dating her high school teacher who was 8 years her senior. They didn’t see why it was weird. And I was explaining to them how I thought the age gap was too large but they all loved the idea of being with a significantly older man. But I didn’t understand it, like yes I am attracted to old actors but I feel that I would not have anything in common with them. Even I know I’m not at the same mental level as significantly older men

[@abbyb6431]

My first real relationship was with a man who’s more then 2x my age at that time. I was 19 (turned 20 not too long after) and he is 43. we broke up due to reasons after. I didn’t originally mean to date him, but I was attracted to him I learned later on. Now I’m going to find something around my own age later on.

[@idunnomanseemskindagaytome1493]

Damn he was your around dad's age

[@amandabennett1527]

I found it really interesting hearing about the research, as it aligned with a lot of my own personal experiences with older men. When I was younger, like 19-21, I used to sugar for money. I would go on dates with older men and some of them didn't even expect sexual favors in return. Some literally just wanted to be seen in public with a pretty, younger woman. Don't get me wrong at the time I did enjoy the attention and it did feel validating in a way. I had trouble with relationships with guys my own age so I chopped it up to them just being young and dumb, which admittedly I was also young and dumb. It was an interesting experience though and I don't regret it.

[@odietamo1476]

A couple things that are noted here but are worth going into specifics on. When it comes to Older Men seeing Younger Women as less financially and socially demanding it’s partly because the older a women is the more likely she is to have children. Something I’ve noticed when talking about dating with my older coworkers is that divorced or widowed women w/kids tend to be seen as a commitment coming with a whole social world one has to join. In contrast younger women tend to be seen as far easier to fit into one’s life. Another thing that isn’t talked about is location. Younger women are far more likely than men to leave home and relocate to metropoles leading to a surplus of young women in places like New York. The options for dating a man your age is significantly limited and given the living cost of Metropolitan areas it exacerbates the financial dynamic.

[@blueberryexists180]

you're one of my favorite youtubers and always touch on such interesting topics, ty for talking about this :)

[@theaxe7562]

Sorry couldn't finish watching the video. It brought back recent bad memories. My GF replaced me for a guy of 30 something. I am 23, don't have a car and I still live with my mother. The other dude is a local recognized psychologist, financial independence and having an apartment of his own. It truly broke me that she broke with me with a text message, explaining to me that he met the guy in a party (which honestly WTF is a 30 somethings man doing in a party of early 20s). And the following months I saw in her stories how he gave her gift like daily, take her to fancy dinners and even a fucking air balloon trip. At first glance I knew it was love bombing and I felt so powerless in this situation because if I said anything I would be the jealous ex how would said anything to get her back, but on the other hand I knew it was wrong the shit he was doing. Well, the drop that spilled it was when I discovered she was pregnant. I couldn't take it. It wanted to ended it all in that instance. Thank God that I have good friends who convince me not to do so and had been with me during this whole recovery process. It really is a great video, but I'm not ready to watch it. Hope someday I can come back and finished it. Your work is amazing.

[@dropmelon]

That sounds extremely manipulative. At least you’re recovering now. Can’t say the same about your ex.

[@darkoale3299]

Dude man up! Young women are usually going to go for the man who has his life together. That usually happens when the man is older. You're only 23. You have the rest of your life to settle down. Work on yourself and the broads will come to you! Also, you're a hater. The guy wasn't doing anything wrong. It's not wrong to treat a women to nice things when you like her.

[@theaxe7562]

@@darkoale3299 I'm the process of making the best out of it. Harvesting the hatred and sadness and decided to start writing a novel to get all of this out of me. It doesn't matter to me if it ends up as a success or not I just needed to say in the most beautiful ways possible "Fuck you!".

[@ileutur6863]

@@darkoale3299imagine being this much of an asshole to say this to someone who just got dumped

[@chamberv5261]

Don't listen to the guy above^ A 30yo man going to a party full of people in their twenties that clearly went to hit on some of them is OBVIOUSLY weird. I'm so sorry for what happened to you but I'm glad you have supportive friends. Cheating is awful and I wish you only have happy moments from now on.

[@carrington227]

My ex wife was one year younger than me, and more emotionally immature than my current girlfriend who's 25 yrs younger.

[@fatimahanwaar306]

you're ignorant and mentally deranged

[@penguinvic9892]

There will be cat women who deny that immaturity is not limited to young people. I have known young people at 18 who were very mature, but also much older people who weren’t. This, I might add, goes for both genders. So good luck to the man whose current GF is 25 years younger but more mature than his ex. A win win.

[@zaldabus]

I clicked on this thinking it was going to be some light-hearted buzzfeed-esque piece on the age gap stereotypes often seen in celebrity relationships, only to be presented with a well constructed, thought provoking break down of common relationship dynamics in male-female intimate relationships. I may not agree 100% with every point that was made in this video, but I thoroughly enjoyed the discourse and am curious to see your thoughts on other topics. Liked and subscribed.

[@gustavoliara]

Same sex couples experience the same, specially if one of them is perceived as "feminine". Be it financial, age or even a self worth gap, we all experience this.

[@fatimahanwaar306]

agreed

[@tubblestop414]

Mental illness is not tolerated here.

[@freyjaalmighty6764]

I'm 28. I've been 18 and every age in between, I've never fantasized about an older man, ever, and my dad wasn't around much. At 18 my dream guys were anime guys lol, I thought I was immature back then but I realize I was more "normal" than my friends who were hanging around 25 year olds, I looked at those guys like "what is this pasty grown up doing around teenagers". Like I saw them like someone from another "tribe", like "what are you doing in our tribe", if it makes sense. Even now I like guys my age, my bf is "gasp" 10months younger, he looks like he's drawn, I always liked a boyish look in a guy but with a mature mindset. I still percieve older guys like they're from "another tribe", indifferent.

[@gwizzy5370]

A ten year age gap is significant depending on when the relationship occurs. 19 and 29, very different phases of life. 20's is a pivotal time of change and growth. May not want to waste that with 30+ yr old. Also an older guy can have less and it appears to be a lot to a t*en/young woman. When women mature they reflect on this and realize, he was subpar all along.

[@MK-il4cw]

Yessss! I'm of this view also. A 32 year old woman dating a 42 year old man doesn't irk me because I feel they both have gone through major life altering experiences and thus a healthy dynamic would be there (hopefully). What irks me is like a 21 year old 'young lady' involved with a 31 year old 'man' .

[@CL-je6sv]

Why did you censor teen?

[@kaiyodei]

i went very little places and I think I had an adjustment(or is it conversion?) disorder traumatization at 20. oopsiedoopise. but that dosen't make it ok for me to be with someone younger than myself. even if I mentally function like a 23 year old with arrested development

[@graizeyt4327]

I completely disagree with the point that "older guys are always more mature and aren't needy and have already reached that point past being immature" I have met tons of men and guys alike who are oldr and younger, and age doesnt always point towards maturity. I met a 19 year old guy who acted way above his age and didnt boast about it. As a guy he was just as independent IF NOT MORE than say someone who's 10 years older than him. And the woman he was in a relationship was in fact older than him. I agree with a lot of things in this video and I love the way you explained everything throughly, included your own opinions, as well as proper sources to further enhance your points. But I think its a little foggy to add these asumptions that older ALWAYS=more mature. Kepp it up and keep posting, can't wait to watch more!

[@fatimahanwaar306]

true! I'm sick of this mentality that younger men aren't somehow more mature so women should start relationships with older men it's a toxic message

[@jamesbedukodjograham5508]

​@@fatimahanwaar306some old men are actually boys in disguise.😊

[@fatimahanwaar306]

@@jamesbedukodjograham5508 mental maturity isn't an excuse

[@aleksandrak.5217]

My mom always told me - there's nothing wrong with girls dating much older men... However, if a man cannot find a date his age and dates only girls 10+ years younger than him, there's something wrong with him.

[@fatimahanwaar306]

true but everything is wrong with girls dating much older men it's not an argument

[@Eros13adios]

@gonootropics That's the price that women pay for their naivety of opening up sometimes to loser that do come haunting them later down the road in life and no man around her age that has experience like her wants that as his companion because it's hectic to deal with her issues...So you're right why men prefer someone younger that is not made up in her mind or set in her ways because it's energy consuming and the reward is not there... That's why women gotta balance in a guy/ man that is Manly and Nice person balance..Of course not too nice is not attractive to them but also not a super cocky bad boy that she's trying to lock down or trying to fix or rescue him for her..

[@aleksandrak.5217]

@gonootropics literally the same can be said about men in their 30's. 🙄 They also get less attractive, they lose hair, wrinkles start to show, beer belly etc. Most of them also have trauma after past relationships and the older they get, the more bitter they are in this area. It's not a gender specific issue.

[@fatimahanwaar306]

@@aleksandrak.5217 exactly

[@bratty2987]

@@aleksandrak.5217 ikr honestly what made this guy think he's invincible and exempt from the law of nature...delusions

[@thirstwithoutborders995]

I did not think much more than "Ew" when I saw one of my peers date an older man, because men also get wrinkly and saggy after 35 and often also boring. I also had a dad that was just 19 years older than me... Now that I am in my late 30s myself, and I have 21 year old coworkers it hits differently. Because, while I do see them as equals in adulthood, I don't see them as my mental equals and even if I try not to be patronising, in my head I do pat their hand when I hear about their problems. Technically I could be their mother, and that is the mentor-y, protective feeling I get towards them. If I look at a 19 year old or 21 year old man, I just cannot wrap my head around finding them physically attractive, other than acknowledging that they are objectively handsome. Like I think a puppy is cute, but I don't want to make out with the puppy.

[@someguycalledcerberus9805]

I think you're experiencing one of the main differences between male and female attraction. Men are near-universally most attracted to girls in their teens to early twenties, while women are attracted to men their own age and slightly older (sometimes, much older, but that's not the norm). Even as you find men 20 years your juniors objectively attractive, you don't feel the sort of connection to them that you are looking for in a partner. For men, this same sort of connection you're looking for is very much predicated on the feeling of objective attraction. What's more, for men, the mentory, protective feeling _is_ something they want to feel towards their partners. Men desire to be needed and want to feel they can protect their women. If the woman is capable of protecting herself and taking care of herself, it can be downright a turn-off, because, well, what is left for the man to do then? A man can feel useless around a very capable woman. Men can connect with women on an emotional level, but without the youthful attraction and feeling of protectiveness the relationship is just unable to proceed any more beyond friendship.

[@charity_catt]

this

[@manicpepsicola3431]

@@someguycalledcerberus9805 this just sounds like the male is insecure in his masculinity if a woman his age is too much for him he sounds like a low grade male who can't compete with men his age which must be embarrassing for the male amongst his own peers

[@manicpepsicola3431]

@Yak congratulations you're a low grade male 👏

[@someguycalledcerberus9805]

@@manicpepsicola3431 It's not that a woman our own age is "too much for us" - it would be more correct to say they are too little for us. Men prefer young women. If a woman prefers taller men you wouldn't say that the woman is insecure because a short man is too much for them. If someone rejects fat people, we wouldn't say fat people are too much for them. This rhetoric that if you are not someone's type you're "too much" for them and that it proves they are beneath you is simply flawed.

[@MostlyBuicks]

No matter how old I get, I am still attracted to the same age range of women I have been all my life. That is: the age of women I am attracted to does not increase as I get older. I have always been the type who would rather do without than to not have what I want when it comes to most things in general. Needless to say I am doing without now that I have myself aged out of the dating market.

[@tinytimm5905]

i’ve never felt comfortable w/ older men talking to me. i never felt mature enough or safe. i always felt like prey… if that makes sense…

[@__3028]

29 y/o male here with a 39 y/o gf and I remember being 16 and all the girls I wanted to be with were dating dudes in bands and in their 20s. back then it seemed totally normal and even cool whenever they could get me back stage to hang with the bands. It wasn't until I reached my twenties that I realized how fucking weird that actually was. My current relationship is awesome but her friends judgements of me for being younger definitely mess with her expectations and perception of what our relationship should be like and that part can definitely be frustrating for me

[@kaiyodei]

well of course they will be judgemental. it's kinda predatory right?

[@justicethedoggo3648]

Bruh tf ? U wasting your time . Let them call u a boy but the inside boy In men is the reason men can be so happy even with very less things . Don't let that boy inside u fade that's the best thing a man has .

[@ccbred]

I like boys my age like 19-20 but I really like older men too like 30-50 😭 I do think it is how I see maturity and just want to feel protected especially in a romantic relationship. My relationship with my dad is slowly getting better and I think that was the reason for me liking older men in the first place. It depends I guess. If I meet a skinny guy around my age and he makes me feel happy then I’d be fine with that. But if I meet an older man who’s maybe not even that fit but he still makes me happy id be fine as well. I think I like personality above looks but at the same time they’re and equal thing for me.

[@LuisAguilar-sl6qh]

At the end of the day, all relationships have pros & cons. I like how she mentions that couples need to figure things out & work together, that's cooperation. I met my wife in middle school & started dating after I finished High School. She dropped out of HS so I helped her finish getting her GED then she got into a great college and helped me get into the same college. After graduating and working for a couple of years I had a big breakthrough and things finally started to go our way. Now in our early 30's we are thinking of starting a family and having her prioritize our child over a job. When we started dating I was broke AF and I used to eat at her place all the time, we have always helped and supported each other and we will continue doing so until we die.

[@weltschmertzz]

It's weird that society call women gold diggers for wanting a financially stable guy and doesn't even bat an eyelash at men who date women for their looks/body. Doesn't it say something about the man who surrounds himself with questionable company but tolerate it because they want their bodies.

[@famisheddendon]

Well cuz relationships are built off attraction not treating an individual as a financial investment. If you're doing the latter you're most certainly faking the first. Also most girls who do this are still getting it somewhere else. It's literally evil lol

[@oneofthosemoments4564]

I think the problem is also that girls mature faster, or to be more precise, that boys their age are often immature, and their immaturity is supported by the society - 'boys will be boys', enabling bad behaviours, not holding them accountable, bad idols, toxic masculinity, wanna be edgelords etc. A lot of girls become dissapointed and think they should seek relationships with older men that are mature, experienced and 'on their level'. This is the problem, because a lot of those men WERE those immature boys and still are, they just learned how to manipulate and control those less experienced. Glory to the exceptions.

[@fatimahanwaar306]

exactly but people use biology as an excuse why it happens

[@oneofthosemoments4564]

@@fatimahanwaar306 yeah, and it's ridiculous. So many experiments were done to compare female and male brains and the differences they found (if any at all) were so minor, they are ignored from a scientific standpoint. Most of it is based on how society treats (pampers) boys and men. If even young children can reach high maturity levels due to unfortunate upbringings, boys can be as mature as girls their age, if only they were encouraged to do so. I don't want children, but I feel the need to have them just so I can create mature adults that grew up without outside pressure of gender roles and with strict moral compasses, lol.

[@fatimahanwaar306]

@@oneofthosemoments4564 I don't want biological children since the world already has over 7 billion people and I believe strongly in adoption PS people think that it's "human nature" for men to have younger wives/girlfriends due to "fertility" (for the women) and "stability" for men that we somehow need to embrace gender roles people with these mindsets are extremely close minded and ignorant they don't understand that gender is just a social construct they love to twist around scientific facts just to fit their own toxic narratives on these relationships it's truly disgusting

[@oneofthosemoments4564]

@@fatimahanwaar306 yes i agree and that's also a reason why I don't want to have children too. Also because climate change is happening and it's going to be bad for future generations.

[@fatimahanwaar306]

@@oneofthosemoments4564 no don't mention climate change because it might trigger those conservatives who might call you a "stupid leftist" I want to adopt 2 girls from China and India (since these 2 countries have the highest cases of female infanticide due to "tradition" and toxic gender norms)

[@xavier4503]

When you said that women feel excluded when their peers gain certain benefits from dating older men, it really got me thinking because I absolutely felt excluded from the entire dating pool of people who were my age. When I was growing up, I really struggled with the fact that female attention was monopolized by significantly older men. It fucked up my self-esteem and warped my view of relationship dynamics. I started to just ignore girls who were my own age because I assumed that I wasn't even on their radar. I started dating below my age, and I was miserable because there was a pretty clear maturity gap. Later on, I dated a woman who was a couple of years older than me for a couple of months and it was an entirely different experience. Now I'm the happiest I've ever been dating a girl who's the same age as I am. If I had never unlearned those experiences from my youth, I very well could have wound up becoming a depressed and lonely older man in unsatisfying relationships with women much younger than I am. I wanted to put this out there because a lot of the comments talk about the facade of the put together older man covering up a deeply insecure person without really bothering to try and understand how they got to be that way. When you want to be desired and seemingly the only things you can do essentially boil down to "be older" it's going to fuck up your emotional development, and that will have negative impacts on all your future relationships. This is something that makes the rounds in the (marginally) less toxic incel circles as a kind of consolation, "just be patient and they might notice you!" Another point in the video about male status strikes me as a post-hoc justification to cover up pain that is seen as unmasculine and unattractive. Feeling like you only have prospects with women who are less mature than you will undercut your self-esteem, so you project this veneer of confidence and status to avoid falling back into undesirability. It's not that so much that they want to prove that they are "still desirable," rather they've finally achieved being desirable in the first place. I think you raise a lot of really important points but at the same time I can't help but feel like simply trying to situate women within the common narrative around age gaps in relationships is doing a disservice to the topic because the narrative itself shouldn't be taken at face value. Where women are denied agency by the mainstream version of that narrative, here the agency of men has been minimized to such an extent that the negative impacts on men are reduced to a measly 15 seconds without any substantive exploration or analysis. I think the real danger in these kinds of relationships comes in specifically because the facade of confidence; these men are not adequately prepared to be good romantic partners because of the insecurities and immaturity. People who are mature and secure don't feel like they need to manipulate a partner into staying with them. My overarching point in saying all this is that men are equally the subjects of the value-conferring power held by women. Absolving women of the responsibility they hold in bestowing value upon men denies a significant part of their agency in the dating scene. The ways toxic masculinity harms men would be extremely relevant and even necessary towards a truly paradigmatic shift framing this issue, but it feels like little more than an afterthought with some lip service to the idea. Anyways, this got a lot longer than I intended the more I kept thinking about it. I've found a lot of your videos really compelling, and I hope that if you get the chance to read this it's coherent and provides some food for thought on the topic from a male perspective that isn't as concerned with projecting status in that kind of way.

[@alanamontero4743]

There are some insights there. I think it's worth young boys/men understanding that the primary reason why older men get more attention is because it is generally easier for them to command it. It is very easy for an older person (and this goes for older women too, it's just that older women do it a lot less) to manipulate a very young person. Whereas, most very young people tend to be awkward and haven't developed the same confidence and skills. The fact that girls and women are discouraged from showing direct interest in boys/men or being the one to initiate plays into this too. The reality is that a lot of girls/young women ARE interested in their male peers but don't know how to navigate that, assume that their male peers are uninterested, and their male peers don't know how to navigate it either. I suspect things would work out a lot better if people could communicate freely and openly. Furthermore, I think people often misinterpret their lack of dating/sexual success when they are young, even after the fact. In most cases, it'd not due to age or even physical attractiveness (though there are exceptions) but due to social skill and social awareness factors + in some cases social network factors (if you are unpopular and socially isolated, you will have far fewer opportunities and will also be seen as a less desirable partner). I had zero luck in high school and didn't do that well after high school either. This was a combination of a few main things: Firstly, social skill and social awareness factors (turns out I'm autistic), including obliviousness to when someone was interested in me / flirting with me / asking me out unless they were very direct and obvious. Secondly, me internalising in my early teens (thanks mostly to adults who fed me this counterproductive bs!) that I MUST NOT EVER directly show interest or be romantically or sexually assertive in any way or I would be a Bad Female and Bad Things Would Happen, I must be Normal. My autistic brain took this very literally and I very much followed the "rules" to a tee, which severely crippled my love life for years. Thirdly, I was a bit of a loner and not very sociable, which decreased my opportunities to meet people, and I had a tendency to come off as distant and unapproachable. I, however, came to the conclusion that it was because I was just not attractive, which made things worse. By the time I was 17 I was also very neurotic about my inexperience, compounded by the false belief that everyone had way more experience than me (plenty didn't, it's just that a lot people hide it or make stuff up at that age...I did too, after all, like my "boyfriend Justin at another school") - which made things even worse. And it snowballed. After high school, I dated a few men very briefly but they were all overly aggressive men I didn't like and wasn't attracted to at all. I honestly believed that they were the only men interested in me and this depressed me, but now I realise that it was just that they were the men who weren't concerned with me being standoffish and giving no signs of interest and made their interest over to the point of being aggressive so that I didn't misunderstand or miss what they were asking. I "gave them a chance" partly because I was ashamed about my inexperience and thought these douchebags were my only option. There WERE other men interested in me but I didn't realise at the time and they either didn't ask me out or did it so indirectly that at the time I didn't realise that they were asking me out. After talking with a lot of people and also researching the topic, I see that this sort of situation happens a lot, though perhaps not to the same extent in most cases. Also, people might say it doesn't matter but the reality is that missing out on usual teen experiences does have a lasting impact and affects your social. emotional, and sexual development. Sometimes the impacts can last for years. Adults can also give really bad guidance sometimes. In my case, yeah, I would've had the autism issues (diagnosis would've helped!) but the worse than useless guidance and messaging I received in my teens made things much worse than they had to be. If I'd felt that I could actually express interest or ask a boy out, I would have and I think that things would've worked out quite differently.

[@xavier4503]

@@alanamontero4743 Thank you for this, I absolutely agree that more open communication is absolutely critical if we want to make any meaningful progress on issues like this. For everyone, but especially for people who have neurodivergences, having to navigate a maze of implicit and explicit expectations is already a source of anxiety and trauma, and then to boot you'll usually get punished for making a wrong turn. Really, it would be difficult to come up with an environment that's worse than that for fostering learning and emotional growth.

[@alanamontero4743]

@@xavier4503 Yes, it's a really bad environment. And as long as we as a society persist in this counterproductive approach, it's going to keep creating problems.

[@orenjidance]

@@alanamontero4743 I’m so glad to read about an experience very similar to mine. I missed out on that experience during my developmental years, and I’m coming to terms lately as well that I have ADHD and may even be on the spectrum. Social anxiety is common in my life, and that was usually the first roadblock to how I interact with people. Couple that with the fact that having superb people skills was the norm in my family; if you don’t have it, something is “wrong” with you, mental illness be damned. It was tough to navigate that, and I’m just now coming to terms with it as an adult and am picking up the pieces, especially now that I’m learning to break out of my shell through my own experiences. It’s a rough journey and at times I feel like I’m 16 again, but better late than never! Also, I love interacting with people now more than ever before, where we have more reason to stay behind screens. Nothing beats a voice, emotions, and warmth in the same room as opposed to a cold, electronic screen, to me anyway. I’m definitely ripe for someone to be the older man in the relationship, but one thing I definitely got right all my life is that I find women my age, slightly closer or farther, waaaaay more attractive than age-gap relationships. There’s just that familiarity in life you will both always share, having grown up around the same time period. That familiarity dwindles the farther you go away from your age. I would also like to use this moment to state that there is nothing wrong with significantly-age-gapped relationships, so long as that relationship has a stable power dynamic for the two parties involved. And that is where the journey lies.

[@jochem1986]

As a kind of attractive 37 year old male (I am a 6.5 in terms of looks), but being a part time university teacher and part time accomplished designer, I notice this a lot. I am friendly but not casual with my students, but the young female students are extremely, overtly flirty with me during classes. Part of it may be my unavailability to them, which might excite them more, but it is extremely obvious to me that they cannot help but be attracted.

[@thablackkat9905]

Fellow 86er here, I know the feeling, brother!

[@TeddyBear-mz7cb]

They need a father xd

[@TaYLoRBReaKouT]

I dont know why but i also find older men attractive but its mostly above average handsome men (like actors). But dating someone thats ten years my age i find scary

[@dopex89]

In my country is pretty much the norm that a girl in high-school will date a guy in his twenties. I actually thought it was normal until I turned 20 myself and the thought of dating a boy in high-school sounded just insane to me. I did date a woman 10 years older than me when I was 17/18/19 and boy, years later, you realize it wasn't ideal. Sorry for the TMI, but she kind of was into the age gap. Obviously it wasn't all bad. Anyway, I guess I wanted to say that this happens in queer relationships too. Great video! Also your nose is adorable and reminds me of RMs from BTS :D Sorry I kind of hyperfixated on it throughout.

[@kaiyodei]

i was possibly 3 or 4 years "behind" mentally and emotionally when I was in highschool. as well as I'd be oblivious if someone liked me.

[@pweetyliciouse]

Mann I now feel bad for dating my older guy. I just know everyone will judge us. I'm quesioning everything even though he's so sweet and selfless. He's getting older and looks forward to a future (marriage) with me. I feel like I'm wasting his precious time. How do I even break up with him? The only reason I have for breaking up with him is 'what will people think?' He's a good listener, faithful and respectful of my choices. TMI: We always use condom cause he respects my decision and is mindful of the risks of other birth control. Admittedly though, our relationship was mostly sexual in the start.

[@rockandfashion7207]

It's not my business what goes on in your relationship, but if things are going well for you guys then a KZbin video shouldn't stop that. Hope things work out for you, no matter which direction you choose to go in.

[@oliSUNvia]

i said this in the description box but if your relationship is healthy and happy, then please don't think that i am trying to force you out of it. this is just me blabbing about general cases and things that i've seen, i am glad you are happy though :)

[@junaidnizami7076]

I think this video is intended to make people more aware of how older man-younger women relationships can play out, and why they occur in the first case. In my opinion, telling younger women and older men that they shouldn't date each other is wrong and is a faulty solution to the problem, a video like this spreads awareness of issues that "can occur" in these relationships. Making younger women aware of how they are or might be treated. Which can give them the knowledge and then power to stand up for themselves and/or consider alternative dating options. While at the same time demanding that older men treat their young and inexperienced partners better and not view them as objects for sexual pleasure but rather as free-thinking individuals. In your case, your relationship seems perfectly fine. Better than fearing being judged would be to show other women in relationships with older men that this is what a healthy relationship looks like and that they should strive for there relationship to be better and not settle for less, when its appropriate of course.

[@bellarose1562]

Well don’t jump to anything, I’m glad your thinking deeper but breaking up with him over a video you watched once is a little silly. Just be open with your man, alright?

[@pweetyliciouse]

Thank you guys. I do appreciate your insight. It's not just this video fuelling my doubts though. My family is super judgmental so I do take that into consideration. Your comments are objective and respectful so thanks again

[@hailey857]

This might also be the reason why many men on TikTok keep posting misogynistic things like “women need a house, rent etc and don’t like men for their personality!”. This might be like a side effect of this phenomenon, bc young women keep wanting ppl who can provide financial things bc of them missing out of those “experiences”. Just my thought.

[@fatimahanwaar306]

exactly

[@fatimahanwaar306]

they also say that older women are somehow being "jealous" of younger women "getting all the attention" from older men

[@fahadkhalil9696]

im turning 22 this year and i haven’t dated anyone b4 and am really inexperienced. the male ego and ignorance in me is telling me that i wont be found attractive until im in my 30s. so am i to just build my finances and just live a loveless life until then. but i know that doesn’t solve anything and just how childish i would be to take such an interesting topic at face-value . i throughly enjoyed watching your video. i was aware of the attraction of older men and of the power imbalance but your much more in-depth analysis of this topic was filled in a lot of misunderstandings and blanks i had on this topic. also I’d like to add that your videos are always quite easy to understand and you always explain all your points really well. i thank the yt algorithm for your channel popping up on the homepage.

[@TheLastOutlaw289]

The first half of your comment made no sense….”building your finances won’t solve anything” Cause it actually will.

[@lambousginiguccigod2007]

@@TheLastOutlaw289 depends on what he wanted to solve? I still feel like he can just date those in his age range because its easier.

[@TheLastOutlaw289]

@@lambousginiguccigod2007 yeah he can do that. This need to be first…. sometimes….you just gotta take life how it comes. If a young chick happens a to dig you then good.

[@lambousginiguccigod2007]

@@TheLastOutlaw289 yeah totally agree. Nothing wrong as long as everyone has good intentions

[@vyllix8546]

"I'll peak on my 30s" Classic cope right here

[@hawrahlol]

Can't wait till u get all the recognition u deserve

[@Shimeih]

Everytime I’ve told my mom that I was falling for someone she made sure to tell me to get someone 2-4 year younger than me because “girls mature faster”🤦🏾‍♂️ I don’t even blame her, that’s how we’ve been conditioned as society especially in Africa. I’m still judged by some family members because my wife is two years older than me. It’s crazy. As long as my parents understand us I could care less

[@fatimahanwaar306]

agreed

[@dove2826]

I wonder if girls ''mature faster'' simply because they're expected to (and hit puberty a little earlier, but boys aren't far behind). Meanwhile boys' behaviour is constantly excused when they're young. "Boys will be boys", amiright?

[@fatimahanwaar306]

@@dove2826 a lot of people use "human nature" and "evolution" as an excuse to defend this narrative of "girls mature faster" therefore women in their late 20's should be dating men twice their age

[@dove2826]

​@@fatimahanwaar306 Yeah and that's a dumb narrative. Female brains and male brains aren't that different.

[@fatimahanwaar306]

@@dove2826 and just because a woman who is over 25 is dating a man twice her age it doesn't mean the age gap shouldn't matter anymore just because they are both "mature adults" somehow so many people are defending these relationships but then they complain about 17 year old girls dating 18 year old boys

[@scottemmons6409]

Women always want men to be providers. It don't matter how old they are. Which is why I think a lot of older women get mad at younger women. They have far less options and they see a younger women dating a older man as " stealing a option".

[@somethingawesome1462]

I have seen a lot of comments where just bc he’s older, doesn’t make him more mature (which is true). However, he probably is going to be slightly richer just due to affect of having more time in his career

[@ShiZu-e4p]

I'm a woman and I don't hate them but I hate that we are no longer desired at 25 anyway:) I have a boyfriend too but I'm so anxious that I turn 25 and become a milf and he would just date someone who is 20. That's the worst part :D

[@sarahcha]

My parents joke about their “age difference” bc my mom is a few months older than my dad. Like she’s born in July and he’s born in October of the same year lmao. I mean no one that I know of besides them have mentioned it, but like they would’ve never even thought to joke about it if their birthdays were switched

[@behemoth2887]

Just because some men are older doesn’t mean they are gonna have all those good qualities

[@fatimahanwaar306]

true!

[@pedowise]

​@@fatimahanwaar306false

[@roguedoge2479]

@@fatimahanwaar306Lady you’ve been here tumblr-battling like 25 people in the comments. Are you okay? Did you smoke some weed after this?

[@fatimahanwaar306]

@@roguedoge2479 grow up and stop using meaningless arguments

[@annikalee3351]

i love what you said about the halo effect!!! that is pretty true. when it comes down to the crunch, attractiveness still plays an enormous role into society's moral perception of that person. and then the bit about gender roles!!! and the way society narrows its eyes on older female-younger male relationships. like, "goodness, is the girl dominating this partnernship?! no no, we can't have that!" but society is all too ready to accept when the male is older, significantly older. because that's how it should be, right? (r/sarcasm). great video!!!!

[@jiyama]

i dont remember being attracted to older men heck they creep me tf out. i most often times have attraction to people my age or atleast near my age since even a few years can definitely show a huge difference already for me where they are at in their life. we have different paths and life stages so having a huge gap is something i feel like im not ready to deal with

[@darklaw7635]

You seem young. You will eventually

[@hel.x3648]

For me it's the same. I just can't relate to people with a huge age gap and just can't get into any conversation with them, only with people close to my age. And whenever I see older men showing interest in me, I just cringe and feel like throwing up lmao. It's funny that I literally find younger guys more attractive than men who are much much older than me (I'm okey if a guy is 8-9 years older...but MORE than that? No, I don't like it).

[@Ben-jx1ys]

There are a lot of case studies in age-different relationships, and although you may have explored some broad patterns, there’s the sense that your investigation here, despite great effort and intent, ultimately feels unsatisfying in shedding light on the positive age-gap relationships of which there are many. For one thing, single middle aged men have a harder time finding single middle aged women because so many of them are married, hence the tendency to focus on younger unmarried women, it’s as prosaic as that; they’re available.

[@newjewel]

I don't want to be the "but men suffer too" guy I really don't, but I do think another reason why this is so prevalent is on the male side we feel insecure for being unable to provide like these older men do, we feel like that "grown" way of being is something to seek to be, and that's why younger men would grow up to want a younger partner cause that's what they've been idolizing. I think the "men provide" narrative is to blame.

[@fatimahanwaar306]

agreed

[@fatimahanwaar306]

@Zenith even with adults age gaps like these and the "reasons" for them are never OK

[@newjewel]

@Zenith i agree, i was just pointing out one cause, what Olivia said in the video about men thinking getting with a much younger woman is some sort of prize or proof that you still "got it" is also very true in my opinion.

[@rudy1999]

Why would you date old woman when the young one would cost you the same.

[@drchef9544]

Boy u don't have to provide to anyone but your own ass

[@iluvcookieluv747]

I used to strictly be with older men And it definitely came from wanting approval from my parents (Both mother and father in my case) and it’s so sad that 18/19/20 year old women are just thrust into the world as total adults no matter what has put me in dangerous situations

[@babygirl-1895]

Literally 18-24 year olds are still young adults they still need guidance and support.

[@Bessux]

>Has a Powerpuff Girls profile picture Like fucking clockwork.

[@wizardmongol4868]

" it’s so sad that 18/19/20 year old women are just thrust into the world as total adults no matter what " yeah thats called being an adult lol have some accountability

[@alakazamgengar5434]

"dangerous situation"? The most dangerous males (physically and mentally) are within their teens and early 20s... Males actually mellow out more in their mid-late 20s and onward. This is a statistical FACT. You are more likely to be beaten, raped, or murdered by younger men than older men. Plus younger men have more sexual desires, thus would probably cheat more often; increasing odds of STDs and emotional distress. Instead of altering to change reality, we need to accept the FACTS. 1. Men naturally value female youth, lack of emotional baggage, and signifiers of fertility. 2. Women regardless of age value wisdom, emotional well-being, status, experience, assurance, stability, confidence, and money/wealth; things more common with men at 30 and above. This is true across all cultures throughout time, with minimal exceptions. Sure some people have mental disorders or low IQs. But they are the exceptions and we should not infantilize adults by restricting their rights or shaming consenting adults. Instead we need to embrace reality and work within it, not against.

[@DellikkilleD]

you would prefer we infantalize you and treat you as a child? you cant have it both ways dipshit

[@pogboy537]

man thinking that having an older guy for maturity and stability and thinking that having a young girl for dominance and beauty is a primal mindset to have. Grow up man

[@mimik6414]

I’ve had crushes on older men as a teen, but never desired to have a relationship with them. All I see are uncles and dads. That’s a turn off.

[@26danielpatrick]

Reading some comments here suggests that. In whatever age range or gap you are. Relationships/People can still Thrive or/and be Dangerous.

[@fatimahanwaar306]

people cannot "thrive" with age gap relationships that's just delusional

[@fatimafarishta4152]

When dating someone I feel has more power than me, I feel like I start losing myself. I have this desire to please and feel respected, that tend to put myself in a submissive position. I also depend more on the man, losing my ability to critically think for myself. That's why I generally date men my age, so we can have space to grow together.

[@kFY514]

I'm a man who once dated a much younger girl. She's 9 years younger than me, and she was definitely in the "barely legal" category at the time. In a country where the age of consent is lower than in the US. ...I know. I'm not proud of that. But let me share my perspective. We met in an age-diverse group of friends who shared common interests, and we very quickly clicked in terms of friendship. _She_ actively pursued me romantically; I knew that the age gap was icky and tried to be somewhat assertive, but she managed to talk me out of that and into a relationship with her. This might sound like putting her to blame, but that's not my intention writing this. I should have known better, I shouldn't have let myself be seduced by a teenager. But the point is... I wasn't really as mature as my age would suggest. I might have been a fully grown adult, I might have been in the full time workforce, but emotionally, I was still an immature kid inside. "She's very mature for her age" is a very cliche thing to say, and some would even see a groomer attitude in that, but in my case at least, it wasn't like that; _I_ was childish for my age at the time, and that's how the age gap kind of disappeared psychologically. That being said, we did have some glimpses of happiness. The relationship kind of worked for a while. She actually tried to pressure me into overcoming some of my childish behaviors, which is one of the reasons I ultimately dumped her. In a very immature way at that. Well, everything turned out fine for her. Almost a decade passed since then, she's now happily married to a guy her age, and we still occasionally keep in touch. I'm not proud of that chapter in my life, but I also know that I don't need to beat myself up for breaking a young girl as that's not what happened. What I'm trying to say is that men who get into such barely legal relationships aren't necessarily predators or into objectifying women for youthful looks. We're sometimes just boys who never matured to match the biological age and thus resonate better with a much younger partner. It's not an excuse - we should know better. But I think we still deserve an attempt at understanding.

[@manosijroy8282]

Would you call 19 and 22 as such age gap too or is it fine? I am a 22 year old guy in last year of college and I like a girl in my college who is in 1st year and she is 19 now so we are only 3 years apart. We chat on Instagram daily and share many things and I started liking her so can I ask her out? Is 18/19 dating someone 22 normal?

[@kFY514]

@@manosijroy8282 3 years is basically nothing in absolute terms, but of course the age gap is always more pronounced as you both are younger. Even if that my relationship worked out in the end, those 9 years would get blurred by time eventually. 19 and 22 doesn't sound weird to me at all, but it all depends I guess. Nobody will give you a conclusive answer. But also - if you're looking for external validation (either for the age gap or anything else), that's kind of a bad sign in itself, don't you think?

[@manosijroy8282]

@@kFY514 Yeah true. Idk we have plenty of things in common to talk about tho as we are both students. She turned 19 like 2-3 months ago and my birthday is in December so at one point we will be 19 and 23 if it works out so would that still be fine? Also would it have been fine if we were 18 and 22? I keep seeing reddit criticizing 18 and 22 dating and sometimes even 19 dating 22/23.

[@kFY514]

@@manosijroy8282 Look, there are no hard rules here, aside from perhaps the age of consent in your jurisdiction if we're to be legalists. I get it that you're trying to not pass off as a creep, something that I probably should've been more careful about, and that's commendable. But if you keep overanalyzing things, especially in terms of whether you'll be criticized, you won't have the time to be happy in a relationship, either with this girl or any other. Relationships are about feelings, aren't they? If it genuinely feels right - *for both of you* - then go for it. If you have your doubts, then it's a bad sign in itself. But use your own judgement, nobody will hand you a textbook on how to live your life, and even if there was one, it probably wouldn't make you happy anyway.

[@VasterLordUlquiorra]

this is a very correct answer. As I have heard that there is a strong reason for a relationship with someone who is not a pedophile (this is no longer treated), this is extreme immaturity and lack of relationships at a young age. literally, the brain of a 30-year-old man works the same way as when he was 12 in terms of relationships. That is, if he constantly acts intelligently and does not give free rein to feelings, everything is fine and he seems ordinary. but if he gives free rein to his feelings, everything is very bad, he can't have a relationship until he closes the stamp. I don't know if you have conducted such studies, but we have such a conclusion made by the police and law enforcement agencies. Therefore, it is very bad for us to shoot virgin men over 30.

[@callmetriple6250]

I’ve traveled a lot, lived on three continents and have a degree in anthropology. I’ve found the stigmatization of age gap is distinctly a North American cultural feature. Go to Europe for example, no one cares, even if the woman is older, people just don’t care or comment. Just let people do what feels right for them individually with out judging, my 2 cents

[@doktor0521]

I love seeing this comment. It’s funny you say this about Europe because about a month ago me and about 10 other people were in a discord vc and we were talking about age gap, maturity, nature vs nurture, and so on. It was funny because the one dude who was from Europe was defending about how it doesn’t matter about their age or maturity as long as you and them like and love eachother. But the people from America mostly weren’t really agreeing to much with it since it’s out of the norm for us plus we’re pretty sensitive on the issues of age gap and stuff like that. Also I haven’t watched the videos yet so idk if what I’m saying at all is in the video.

[@callmetriple6250]

@@doktor0521 she talks about the age gap like it’s an assumptively seen as odd or bad, she doesn’t address or probably even realize that her perspective is culturally influenced

[@chroma._.5986]

yeah we know that but thats not the point. the point was that men or women pursue these relationships because of their age solely and not because of their personality or their "charm", which is more important in a relationship than their age.

[@ileutur6863]

@@callmetriple6250 that's not completely true though. Age gaps will get judged if its obviously creepy or manipulative, but smaller age gaps like 23-18 are basically the norm and no one bats an eye

[@natalieromanoff]

In Europe we've this mentality live and let live. Kids here get independence at very young age so they mature faster.

[@OnyieOnyeabor007]

I think a big issue in what you’ve said fundamentally sets relationships as strictly transactional… and sort of missing or even asking the question of why people enter into relationships to begin with. Relationships that are transactional in nature are always, doomed. Because the idea of “ leverage” in a relationship is not based in love…if power comes into the relationship, love is absent and irregardless of age gap, these relationships will always fail

[@notmbr]

this was the toughest pill to swallow when it came to my ex who was much older than me, w/ how she preferred dating older men and reminded the good traits of her dad can see why it ate away at my insecurities lol

[@kaleocheerio736]

why blame women for not being able mature pass daddy issues, when the parents are the most essential part of development and maturing?

[@ruji5755]

I think another thing about the pursuit of older men also has to do with timelines in life and all that, especially after conversations with friends of mine. Most of my guy friends say they want to have kids probably when they’re 30-35 while my girl friends say they usually want to have kids in their mid to late twenties. I think the pursuit of older men also comes from a point when people want to settle down. Most of the reasons listed by my guy friends revolve around wanting to be financially stable enough to support a family while my girl friends say they have a biological clock. Both are completely valid, but I think with the former, times have changed and men aren’t expected to be the sole providers and women have options like freezing eggs now, so it kind of has to do with what society has normalized for us too. Otherwise, great video! As a young guy in college, it kinda puts into words my frustrations with dating.

[@kovala]

It’s actually amazing how wise you are. I wish I would have had that wisdom at your age.

[@Achiledus]

This is really well written episode and it’s covers a major of the issues except in relationships to younger men and ripple effect it has. In my country, high school girls wanna date up while dating pool for guys is usually down except you’re financially stable or really physically attractive. Causing this weird dynamic where the girls in your class brag about dating seniors and boys see clearly how imbalanced the relationship is and seek to do it to their juniors. It ripples out into College boy and high school girl, while the girls are involved in “freshers’ Rush “( college sophomore and seniors go after freshmen ). While in high school the gap might be 1 or 2 years it grows to 3-4 years for college/high school relationships and ballon’s to 4-6 years for freshers rush. In our economy, financial stability is very difficult with no jobs in general. Women fresh out of uni ( or college, they are interchangeable here. Mostly ) and even while in uni are frequently approached by this more stable men with jobs and cars. While the boys, now men, are only “ men “ by age. They are unemployed, still living off their parents and still figuring out life but now they have to compete with old men for the same women or are left to date uni girls again. Once the uni men get established it’s to late, they get power of choice something most men don’t have and aren’t ready for but are expected to wield responsibly. There’s a saying over here, “ get money first and women will come after “ with indirectly translates to focus on being stable and then you can choose. Especially when society and social media fetishize “sugar daddies “. But when things go wrong, “it’s the mens fault, why can’t they now chase women their age. “ it gives this weird narrative and unease to dating, one which no one really talks about. And this is coming from someone that was dump in uni cause I was broke by a uni babe. But that’s life

[@Afreshio]

yeah this video was taclked with so much feminist bias and ignores this reality of how the dating market is severely in favour of women. if you are in a classroom 10 boys and 10 girls and 5 girs are dating or persuing senior classmates or even older dudes then 10 boys have to compete to be with 5 girls, assuming all of those girls are interested in those 10 boys. it's just impossible. so what does happen? the guys that are out of the competition will go for younger girls 1-3 years younger depending on grade. this happens in every phase, situation and instution. the women who go for older guys fucks the balance. but blaming men it's so easy...

[@onetailedjin]

I was wondering if anyone was gonna touch on this aspect.

[@cristianchiari2697]

You should do a video about older women and younger man in this situations

[@fatimahanwaar306]

older women are seen as predators for dating or being married to younger men

[@N0rth_Star]

@@fatimahanwaar306 both should be seen as that imo dont date 18 and 19 yos thats weird af

[@fatimahanwaar306]

@@N0rth_Star exactly

[@sushidope1701]

I feel like people only choose to point out the times when these relationships turned out bad, but never look at the ones that turned out good. I know plenty people with large age gaps and they’re all doing fine.

[@blobertasbleach4545]

I feel like all the points in this video flew right over your head

[@dareenabuhmeidan2286]

Agree

[@wizardmongol4868]

@@blobertasbleach4545 except he's right

[@OG.PoshCat]

This video was great, but I feel you didn't really hit on one that I have personally heard both my male and female friends voice: fertility and starting a family. In short I guess, young women on average (who mature much quicker than young men) want someone who has slightly more experience because those men are more reliable and trustworthy when it comes to something serious like settling down and having little ones. And for the men, I think it's one part the obvious biological reason of age/fertility, but I also think it's because those same men know they can take longer to grow up fully if their partner is younger. That's what I've seen at least. Although larger than a 3/4 year age gap is too wide in my opinion if the woman is say 19/early 20s because of how much mental growth takes place between then and your mid/late 20s. Things like the power imbalance you talked about are very true

[@anonymous-mo9fe]

not to disagree with you but isn’t it more of a social stigma that men mature slower than woman? i think it’s often used to justify age gap relationships with younger woman forcing women to grow up faster with the mindset that “boys will be boys”

[@ravenmindful673]

The part for Men mature slower than women. isn't it suppose to be boys mature later , usually 14 or 15 where girls mature earlier usually 12 or 13. This was used only for when Children hit puberty not when men and women are adults. By 17-20 Men and women have a clear understanding of morals and expectations of the real world which makes them have an early adult stage of maturity. In this stage Both are now at an equal level to grow and mature where their age, environment, experience affects their maturity. Not puberty.

[@OG.PoshCat]

@@anonymous-mo9fe You're right! in that it's partly socially reinforced, but the origin of the belief isn't pulled from nothing. My understanding of the developmental psychology is that, simply put, family is on the mind much earlier for women than it is for men. I think this is partly because guys don't have a monthly biological reminder that their body wants them to continue the species so to speak.. in a way, this lets young men act more irresponsibly in terms of sexual encounters/relationships (probably not a good thing) but is what leads to the trope of women making men 'grow up' when it comes to settling down and getting serious about later life And, I don't think it's used to JUSTIFY large age gap relationships as much as it's just an observation that, across all cultures, women who are interested in starting families young are more interested in a partner that has some idea of who he is/what he wants in regards to the future rather than someone just sorta figuring it out Keep in mind too that it's not simply older men stealing away these young women in a predatory fashion -- that DEFINITELY happens and I think Olivia had a lot of points on how/why, but it's important to remember that these are also the men that women are seeking, it's not as is if they're all accidentally falling into relationships, y'know? Women DO have a real and sensible interest in making sure they don't start a family with some loser that's gonna leave/cheat etc, which, in my observation, young and immature men are more prone to these sorts of errors for all kinds of reasons

[@OG.PoshCat]

@@ravenmindful673 the initial maturation at puberty you're talking about is when the gap is widest as far as I know, but the part you talk about for age 17-20 where men and women "meet up" on these graphs is actually a little early. It's more like 22-25 across the board if I'm remembering right

[@OG.PoshCat]

I mean, whaddo I know, I'm just a fuckin' cat!

[@Lolaluv4u]

Me (15) watching this as someone who has been in a kind off relationship with a 50 year old men🙏😭

[@tintsart]

Ok girl there’s age gap relationships, then there’s this. You a CHILD and he can go to prison for that

[@fatimahanwaar306]

@@tintsart two wrongs don't make a right age gap relationships are a small step towards pedophilia

[@TheSoloExpat]

6:30 😂 if the older man is ugly he’s a creep but the attractive man is not weird even if he is older

[@corpsebride9155]

i enjoyed everything about this video, this all makes perfect sense. i wasn’t too educated on why either gender liked the immense age gap, but i knew it had everything to do with how people have shaped the perception of romantic relationships. i personally think the word “daddy issues” gets thrown around a lot as if it’s some glorified, rewarding thing to have and it’s almost romanticized i would say.

[@JacketsOnFire]

I think it’s more rooted in biology, younger women = fertility, older men = security. Simple as that. These are the basic attributes if you want a family which biologically we are built to do.

[@fatimahanwaar306]

just say that you're misogynistic and leave

[@ithil-maril9141]

Why did I automatically start smiling in a very spiteful way when she mentioned that dating younger women can cause men unexpected financial problems

[@rabbit5000]

🤣

[@brandonwilliams6221]

Because you’re a terrible person on the inside.

[@drotegu6]

Very detailed discussion with lots of points. Would love to see you on the whatever podcast or something similar, you could bring a much needed aspect to the conversation.

[@thesevenkingswelove9554]

Thanks for saying this. We are conditioned from young age to date older men but once we are aware this is wrong then we should make our own decisions and not continue making wrong decisions even after we are aware

[@Somehting]

This is a super well put together video, but I do feel it is missing a component in that I don't think female attraction to older men is more prevalent then men's to older woman, just more socially acceptable so more seen. My evidence here would be the ubiquity of MILF fetishes and attraction.

[@alanamontero4743]

I at least partly agree with you on this. Women into older men will usually be quite open about it while men into older women will often keep it secret or at least a lot more discreet. There can be huge social consequences for men when they date older women. It's actually the most common reason such relationships break up. We can't really know the numbers but my experience and observations suggest that most people prefer someone close to them in age, and some people have a preference for significantly older or younger, and some really don't care about age either way and will date a wide range of ages.

[@Unknown-vf8qz]

Hardly disagree lmfao, obviously younger women would be more appealing to the general male species with some exceptions or "fetishes" as you called them

[@ileutur6863]

Nah older women are ugly

[@amrez.]

@@alanamontero4743 Maybe men just keep it discreet in the presence of women. But I can assure you, they don't keep it quite or discreet. And I'm sure women are even less discreet about their preferences for older men in the presence of the female peers, as I never really see women open about it in the presence of males.

[@phaggott]

Isn't it crazy how the 2 ladies agree and the 2, now 3 dudes disagree I think you expressed the idea of fethis on pshites but that's just that, a fetish We all and I repeat ALL like an older lady hit there's something else they have in common They look wayyyyy better than their peers, right? They get out attention like you said but seldom get a ring, isn't there a crazy stat like 90% of all married women do so before the age of 35?? Meaning not many of us are rushing to wife up so called milfs Mothers I Like To Marry XD