Autistic Meltdown vs Temper Tantrum: What's the difference?

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I'm Olivia Hops and I'm Autistic! In this week's video I talk about the differences between an Autistic Meltdown and a Temper Tantrum. They are completely different things, and I go over some key differences.
Apologies for all the "ums" and babbling! I hope you don't totally hate me for making this laidback video. Y'all are awesome!
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[@srice6231]

Telling me to control my meltdowns is like telling me to control my throwing up. There are things I can do to try to keep it from happening but once it starts there is no stopping it.

[@angelcoops511]

My daughter wanted to have ago at making something out of modelling clay on Tuesday. She totally had a meltdown because of the texture of the clay. When she has a meltdown she gets angry with herself for having a meltdown. My daughter then says to me, mum why can’t I be normal and not autistic. I totally understand what your talking about.

[@JaneSmith0709]

God bless her! I'm glad she has a mother who understands.

[@barefootgirlsunflower9472]

OMG you hit the nail on head! Tantrums happen in front of an audience, whereas I try to keep my meltdowns to myself. I would hide myself and muffle my cries

[@forestequestrian9290]

This is exactly why I started to really realize that there was something "wrong" and that I needed to see a professional. I was having meltdowns when things would get too loud and chaotic in the house and my family would taunt me and call me a little baby having a tantrum when I was actually really struggling and couldn't stop them from happening. So glad to have gotten a diagnosis because now everyone looks back and understands why I was acting this way, and now I know how to identify my triggers and avoid having meltdowns a lot better. Anyway, thanks for making this video! I felt very seen when you mentioned the "something wrong" part.

[@243-samiam7]

I agree with you 👍 💯. My dad would scare me from time to time and then confuse me often.

[@luthientinuviel3883]

I live in a very noisy house and Im notorious for freaking out because things are chaotic; for the longest time I thought I was just too emotional and not tough enough. Apparently, though, most people don't struggle to deal with overstimulation like i do

[@Tickles_The_Oaf]

Your restaurant example was super interesting! Because a change of restaurant is nothing to get upset about for neurotypicals. But we autistics will will “plan” on the restaurant- we’ll look at the menu online, check reviews, make sure we know how long it takes to get there so we can plan out the rest of our day. Maybe we know the kind of service we can expect and mentally prepare for that. We know what we’ll wear. We’re in control of ourselves for going to THAT restaurant. Then BAM! Plans change, no big deal, right? But it’s a huge deal! It’s like our world has suddenly been turned upside down and we’re all alone because no one cares or understands the suffering that one flippant remark has caused for us. So no, autistics don’t have meltdowns because we’re not getting what we want. It could be that we didn’t even WANT to go to any stupid restaurant in the first place! But we’ve taken the time to prepare for and accept that we’re going to THIS restaurant. And depending on the autistic person, this could have taken a whole lot of work for them. We’re all prepared for that one restaurant. Not another restaurant. THAT one. Even if it’s a crap restaurant. Doesn’t matter.

[@jshadow536]

I am not diagnosed. I am genuinely curious, is this not normal restaurant prep for neurotypicals?

[@luthientinuviel3883]

This! I get really particular about plans and schedules which exasperates my family but I dont mean to be difficult.

[@StephanieDefinitely]

@@jshadow536no this is absolutely not something that most NT people will do. My ex, who was one of the first people who recognized I was ND, actually liked my pre-restaurant deep dives, but yeah, it was really awful if we had a last minute plan change due to some factor outside of our control. 😞

[@laurenschwamb]

My mom had to stop promising things to me because when I was younger I would be like "but mom you promised!" (now after watching so many videos I think it was more of a "my system is overloaded" than my mom making the promise and it not happening)

[@LegalVampire]

I've always had complete shutdowns as opposed to meltdowns. But I've been going through autistic burnout for a while now and that caused me to start having meltdowns as well for the first time. It's horrible! I hope the burnout will go away

[@TheCloverAffiliate12]

Gosh, I'm so sorry to hear that 😞 Hope you can get through the burnout, too! Do you have any comforting sensory objects or stims that you've been using to help you?

[@rosana8697]

I'm new to trying to figure out if I'm in the spectrum. What is a autistic burn out?? I'm dealing with so much lately that even the least bit of stress I have a meltdown, have severe mood swings and then get angry before I cry. I'm becoming more isolated because I'm afraid of my rollercoaster of emotions that I CAN NOT CONTROL. My husband and I argue daily for the dumbest things. I shut down regularly because I can't get myself to be reasoned with. Does that sound like autistic burn out? Thanks for anyone who can answer my question!!!

[@niccilefevre]

The part about punishing meltdowns is so important omg. I have so much trauma from both my dad and teachers because of meltdowns. My dad was older when he had me (boomer) so I was told "I'll give you something to cry about" when I got upset, and my third grade teacher would just put me in the hallway alone (I was out there for a lot of that year, luckily school was easy for me so I passed).

[@Crisjola]

Boomer parents are… there is something about someone raised when it was fully acceptable to belt your children that makes them think the threat (even if they never do) will… pull you in line. It doesn’t. I’m so sorry your school did that, my elementary school would lock kids in a broom cupboard if they melted down and so I would start voluntarily hiding in the bathroom (wasn’t in a traditional school) if I realized I was going to be locked somewhere I felt unsafe. Because I was good at most of my subjects (dyslexic and undiagnosed at the time, I couldn’t spell to save my _life_ but could read, because my brain is weird) I didn’t suffer grade wise. The best thing that every happened to me was getting away from the school system and into the State College/Uni system where classes were shorter, things made sense, people were _quiet_ because it was a lecture, and I had to be around them at max for an hour and half, then I could retreat to avoid things I knew subconsciously were triggers. Never took back to back classes and the one semester I did, I had to drop because I was being held over in one and punished by another prof for “choosing” to be late when I couldn’t leave my late-running class. >.>

[@relentlessrhythm2774]

When I was a kid, I had a group sing happy birthday to me and the attention was too much. I did my best not to cry but ended up melting down anyways.

[@deana6410]

It sounds like something I would do at my age now 23.

[@SamCantThinkOfCreativeNames]

I know that feeling and its so horrible! I remember in P.E. class a few guys would cheer me on and I had/was close to meltdown, because it was just too much attention and pressure.

[@faithoverfear1722]

This reminds me of my eldest son he wanted nothing to do with presents and holidays and attention until about 4. I ended up unwrapping his birthday presents and christmas presents because he would have a meltdown if i tried to make him do it. He only started.to get into it whe hos older female.cousin moved in woth us amd he wanted to be just like her.

[@juliadesouza6674]

Wow, I aways had meltdowns at my birthday because of the "happy birthday" moment when everybody is singing the song. I remember not understanding why I would cry and always be sad at my birthday parties, and on someone else's party I would usually be okay (even though I didn't get invited for many😅) And after the song I would hide so I could cry and calm down in peace because I was stressed.

[@tracirex]

yes, meltdowns from overwhelm can feel like an allergic reaction. like your brain busts out in hives. doesn't matter if there are people there to see you or not. you've got hives. doesn't matter if you are getting a cookie with a hug or not. you've hit the point of hives and they are going to itch for a while. thanks for the casual video. you are a good communicator. 👍

[@sitathisfeet5797]

Great analogy

[@JaneSmith0709]

Yes she is. I envy that ability.

[@Peacewoman62]

I'm 78, and was diagnosed in my 60's by three professionals, including Temple Grandin. This video on melt-downs was so helpful! I can own my meltdowns, and call them by name, instead of people thinking I'm having a self-centered tantrum. I cried watching this, but was also grateful because now I can tell people what is happening to me, and that it is not their fault, so they needn't patronize me, either. I carry a wallet card with me asking that I not be restrained or touched if I need to be apprehended for what appears to be intrusive behavior, such as when I stop to watch people dig up the street because I am very interested on how things work. I do have friends who can...and are willing...to re-direct me when I start staring!

[@yourgodismean4526]

Nice to see you scattered like this. Makes you human and gives me permission for my own scattered days ❤️

[@lauraridge-cosby5555]

Thank you Olivia! 😊! My 23 year old autistic daughter has meltdowns. Hormones have also played a part in her meltdowns and find she will be more sensitive & reactionary during her monthly cycle. I help her track her cycle so she can be aware of being more venerable to meltdowns.

[@Tickles_The_Oaf]

Sorry, not sorry, but since this is a nice autistic space, I’m gonna give my 2 cents worth on restaurants in general. I spent quite a few years living in Japan and over there, restaurants are an autistic person’s dream. Many places have drinks bars where you just order a drink and help yourself as much as you like. When you want to order, you press a button and someone comes to you. No small talk, no chit chat. You’re not rushed at all and when you want to pay and go, you do so. No tipping ever. Restaurant rules are straightforward and clear cut. No ambiguities whatsoever. In contrast, the US restaurant culture is nothing BUT ambiguity! I liken restaurants in the US to a British pantomime. We all have roles we need to play. Friendly customer, friendly server, but let’s pretend that they’re not looking for good tips and let’s pretend that it’s not our job to help pay their salaries because the restaurant industry doesn’t pay a living wage. And let’s pretend that we’re not seeking perfection in our restaurant experience because after all, we’re giving the tip as well as paying the inflated food prices. And let’s pretend that it doesn’t stress us out when something goes wrong or we’re feeling rushed to get out because the tables need to be turned. I mean when you step back and think about it, it’s the most insane, bizarre situation ever! Geez Louise! This is why I do not go to restaurants anymore! It’s a meltdown minefield setting foot in one!!

[@sitathisfeet5797]

I hate how loud most restaurants are. It boggles my mind that loud music doesn't seem to phase most people..my husband and I will sometimes move tables twice because of lighting, scents, or noise.

[@deborahhope9094]

Olivia I loved this! It shows the human side of temper tantrums and the uncontrollable melt down. Please carry on being truthful about Autism and how it affects you. It’s very enlightening for those of us who may be wondering if we’re on the spectrum as well.

[@TheINFP_Diary]

You are making me laugh so much because of how relatable you are, I feel like I'm being educated by my future self and i'm just having the most glorious time 😂

[@OliviaHops]

I love this comment!!!

[@elisefinder]

This helped me realize that a tantrum is when someone has been thwarted, but a meltdown is like a train being derailed!

[@ivanbraginskienjoyer2089]

I never had autistic meltdowns until I experienced trauma in my early 20s. Mine are more like quiet meltdowns. I work at a restaurant right now and the kitchen can be extremely loud. I've been overstimulated at work before but on one particular day I was having extreme hypersensory issues and went to the bathroom to cry because everything in the kitchen felt louder than usual. I'm still learning how to manage these meltdowns and its exhausting to do!

[@jshadow536]

I'm not meaning to say that I know better than you, but for myself (not diagnosed), I am unsure what to attibute to autism or to cptsd. I thought it may be relevant since you mentioned trauma.

[@JaneSmith0709]

Thank you, Olivia! I cried through this video because someone finally understands!! I've been shamed my entire life for my meltdowns, which have always been called temper tantrums by my family, and it crushed my self-esteem and self-confidence. I've always felt like there was something broken in me, that I was inherently bad, because I couldn't maintain the way I thought everyone else could. I'm 57 and had no idea I had autism until last year. I haven't been diagnosed but I know that I know that I know that I have it. Realizing that I do have autism has done wonders for me, and videos like yours have helped so much. Words aren't enough to say how thankful I am that you decided to share your experiences on a YT channel. Thank you!

[@Milklatte]

Great video, clear for me. It has helped me as a mom to understand this of my child. Just the other day she was having a meltdown over some banana sensation in her mouth and i recalled your explanations and she felt seen and understood when i said oh you dislike the sensation of banana in your mouth, i get it, lets remove it from your yogurt. That helped ease the moment. But this explanation makes so much sense thanks a Lot since my child is only 2 and a half years and lots to live through in our lives. Big hug, stay cool and you're always fine in your sharings. Trust yourself! Grateful

[@henriettajsoneskelin7806]

Please don't feel the need to excuse yourself for wearing your natural face and your hair like I wear mine most of the time! I have watched a whole lot of your videos in a few days since I found your chanel and I honestly think this is your best look. Wish I had skin like that! But that aside, it's only healthy to show what a real person looks like and go through emotionally, so please own it and lead an example of not adding pressure to wear make-up or certain hair-dos

[@TheCloverAffiliate12]

Hope you're doing better today-and if not, that doesn't make you any worse of a person/role!

[@Haziesmom2023]

OMGosh........ You have no idea how this video has touched my heart. Olivia, you are so brave. Thank You!! For me I'm 71 and always wondered why I didn't have friends either, OR the fact that the family calls me "The Banty",....thinking I have this terrible temper and hate any kind of change. I'm beginning to respect myself after watching your videos. I'm not bad, I'm just autistic!! :D

[@OliviaHops]

I am so glad to hear that you are starting to respect yourself and love yourself more after watching these videos! I am so honored they could help. It's so vital to cut ourselves some slack and acknowledge what we go through is okay. God Bless! 💙

[@tammybrewer8608]

THANK YOU!!! I just found your channel and I want to tell you how grateful I am. I have 2 diagnosed grandchildren and believe 2 others might be on the spectrum. My 9 granddaughter has big meltdowns and broke 2 big TVs. I was so embarrassed 😞. Many people of my generation just believe that she’s a brat and needs a spanking. I try to educate people that she does NOT want to be out of control, nobody does. Listening to you helps me sooooo much to better understand my beautiful grandchildren. Thank you, you’re AWESOME 🥰

[@prschuster]

This happens to me. I have a meltdown before I consciously know I'm doing it. Then it lingers for a few minutes, even when is no one around. It's never about manipulating anyone.

[@lotus5w4sxsp]

Yes and another thing Meltdowns last longer in and of themselves but also live on ruminating in our minds.

[@ChristiTom]

I love your explanations. This helps a lot understanding my daughters who are autistic. Sometimes my kids have tantrums that turn into meltdowns. But I’ve definitely learned that a meltdown is very much like a tsunami that’s coming no matter what. My daughter may say she wants just one thing but if I give it to her she’s still crying or she changes her mind and wants something opposite. That’s when I realize, “Oh, she’s melting down because she’s tired or overwhelmed or for a reason I don’t know yet.”

[@GummyBear1972]

Yes, the restaurant example is so well explained. When I remember my own childhood meltdowns when I didn't realize I was autistic, I could not understand why, when people would ask me what the heck it would take to get me to stop, and I just went blank - there was nothing that would help at that point. The damage is already done and I'm just broken for a few hours. It was horrible to go through alone. NO ONE understood me then and still don't today.

[@tarablethoughts]

Thank you for making me feel less alone, from a fellow babbling tangent queen. 💕

[@jpnlvr]

I see this sometimes in my daughter. I can tell she cannot control it and it is not because she is not getting her way. I think she is just inside the spectrum, but no one wants to believe me. People ask me why I think she may be autistic, and I cannot explain it to them. My son had similar reactions to loud noises. It was complete overload. Neither have been diagnosed and same thing. I cannot explain to people all the reasons. They don't believe me. I live in Japan, and so it is even more difficult for me to know what to do.

[@jpnlvr]

P.S. I really love this look into you at a different angle. You are still just as amazing as ever, keep up the great work you do!

[@lordcailx]

Japan (along with many other countries) definitely is not as aware of ASD and other neurodivergent conditions like ADHD. Having said that many years ago when I lived in Japan, I "helped" (by working through mutual confusion of various behaviours) a Japanese friend self diagnose as having "Aspergers". She was then given an official diagnosis. This means it is hard to get an official diagnosis but possible if you find the right place to go. Wish I knew where she went to get her diagnosis but I literally have no idea sorry. 🙇🏻‍♂ A key point where you suspect your child may be on the spectrum is: (1) Trust your instincts: You are their parent. You know them best. The CDC points out that parents are a key guide to diagnosis in children. High masking ASD is often not picked up until much later in life. If parents pay close attention AND stick by their guns until they find someone that listens, we will be able to turn this around. (2) Identify and "log" as many traits and behaviours as possible, particularly that relate to ASD in women and girls. This applies even if your child is born as a male as it sounds like if you are the only one that sees it they are likely to be high masking which is frequently discussed as "ASD in girls". (3) Look up the lists of co-occurring (comorbid) and often misdiagnosed conditions including ADHD, Bipolar, Depression, Anxiety (4) ASD and co-occurring conditions are genetic so look for signs in your family -- you will probably need to discuss with family directly as many of these are hidden. For high masking individuals, this could be things like absent-minded professors, family that "underperformed" vs childhood expectations, gifted or highly successful family members (ASD can foster singular focus on lifelong passions), "black sheep" (eg with Conduct Disorder, a low frequency co-occurring condition), etc etc (5) IMHO Most Importantly: Connect and discuss with people who have the same Lived Experiences, parents of high masking children with ASD, etc. No child is going to be exactly the same as others but if there are enough common threads you will start to see the pattern. This will help you with your confidence in deciding whether your child is in fact on the ASD spectrum as well as your ability to articulate what you feel to professionals who will need your help and guidance. TLDR The "Don't self /other diagnose, leave it to the professionals" meme is inaccurate and harmful, particularly when it comes to high masking ASD, ADHD and other conditions. Contrary to conventional "wisdom", in those cases self "diagnosis" or initial "diagnosis" by a person with a meaningful relationship in ones life is in the MAJORITY of cases the first step to a formal diagnosis. And because diagnosis is so critical to long term prospects, not giving up at the first, second, third, fourth, fifth, tenth or hundredth obstacle may be necessary to ensure that your loved one gets the proper understanding and support they need.

[@tris5602]

I'm in my 30s, and I have had a meltdown over my introduction discussion board posts every semester since I started college: I graduate in six months. I don't like answering personal questions or being asked about my career aspirations or goals, and I HATE answering leading questions, so these posts are the bane of my existence. The whole process makes me extremely irritable. I spend hours agonizing over how to complete a post requirements without: 1) sharing more than I'm comfortable with 2) lying 3) offending my professor 4) alienating my classmates. It's a lot of emotional turmoil to manage on top of the research some of these posts require. The meltdown doesn't change the fact that I HAVE to complete the assignment, but I still have one every single term. They've gotten better now that I know I'm autistic, but I still can't prevent them.

[@mama2kittyfubb]

You did fantastic! You managed to film a video, get your point across pretty clearing, all while watching a baseball game! Win-Win! Thank you for making these videos. I find them super informative as a mom of someone your age on the same journey.

[@pamiperry3329]

I did not know tell I was 50 years old that I had Autism. I have seizure and I thought I was getting SSI because of this but after my husband Died had to go take a test to see if I was handicapped enough to get disabled widow benefits. Or had to wait tell 65 to get his benefits.that when I found out and social security told me back in the days when I was younger they would have put people in special home. So I'm learning a lot why I was the way I am I don't like changes either, if people say they are on there way to pick me up but they get there 2 hours late I have a melt down. Still learn people tell me you have to stop getting made because we are late picking you. But I can't help it when I thought they were on there way my brain say there not come for me. There a lot more could say but it would be to long. Thanks for making these videos.

[@aprilmcelia1969]

"I don't know of adults who do this" I do. It's really common with disordered personalities and entitled rich people. The era of the customer always being right has not helped.

[@LauraGibson1987]

Oh my gosh Olivia I am just recovering from one this morning it is so great you posted this !! It is so much easier to be nice to myself knowing why this happens, it started last night when my baby started crying when I was painting and I left all supplies out and it quickly spun when the morning with kiddos began getting wild:/

[@IntrepidIanRinon]

I really appreciate the laid-back format, Olivia. The video is also informative as well, thanks for that! :)

[@coriroo9323]

Honestly, the perception of a temper tantrum is demeaning, even in young children. Oftentimes, a kid tantrums because they are overwhelmed and have not learned the coping skills they need to successfully deal with these huge emotions. Its still not the same as an autistic meltdown of course, but you only see that really bratty tantrum in a minority of children who have been conditioned to believe that they will get a result out of it. When someone is freaking out, they should be met with compassion, regardless of the cause. I'm sorry people give you a judgy reaction like that.

[@oralacerta]

A meltdown is horrific and embarrassing because it’s completely counterproductive. It draws more unwanted attention and pressure onto me and I just want to be in my safe place (or to just melt into the floor and disappear) and have no one around me (preferably for days haha, but that’s not possible). A tantrum is self serving with an on/off switch. A meltdown is unstoppable and uncontrollable in that moment. At least that’s how I see it.

[@Ozarkbear80]

That's really interesting. My 16 year old has autism and she described a meltdown to her young cousins the same way with the computer tabs analogy.

[@trinaq]

Thanks for highlighting the differences, Olivia, it can be tricky to tell them apart!

[@multipleSpiders]

man, this reminds me of how my dad used to yell at me for having meltdowns. i used to think he was just being dumb and mean because obviously making me feel worse would make me cry more. but he thought i was doing it on purpose just to get my way. he gets it now.

[@marylounorth7750]

It's a common problem with people who don't understand. We found this over these 10 years. We pulled her out of school because she just couldn't do that much overload. Anxiety too. We knew at 1 our daughter was Autistic. Now, 10 she has bigger meltdowns. (We adopted our granddaughter at birth.) People aren't able to understand this will pass but it's not something that she can stop. We also deal with FASD that complicates her life. I have learned to be numb to other people and their comments. We know they're coming if we haven't had one in a while. Her inability to process certain things can trigger her. When there's trouble in a scenario she's trying to get through, I hear her start to hum. We try to get her out of those moments with out any one realizing before it causes too much for her. Thank you so much for helping us through this. I'm new to your channel.

[@baixinha_bullrider]

I've had lots of meltdowns but people confused it with a tantrum. But when I have a meltdown, I'm like telling myself out loud "Don't get mad. Don't get mad." But I still have the meltdown. I don't like getting mad so I force myself to not get mad and have a meltdown when the triggers occur. Although I'm not diagnosed with autism yet, I do have most if not all the symptoms some are more subtle than others. That's why I say I have symptoms of it, but not say I have it until I get the courage to get tested.

[@redoksunflower]

My ten year old had a meltdown in school today and had to be sent to her special needs teachers room to be calmed down. Her class got to loud for her to be able to deal with. Her teacher walked her out at pickup and told me about it and told me how they dealt with it and I thanked her for understanding what happened and why..

[@amybaker1880]

I was on mood stabilizers for most of my life due to meltdowns being labeled as mania. I just came off of them for good this year. I couldn't feel hope while on them. I'm doing so much more with my life now.

[@francie5161]

I'm SO happy for you! Living with hope is the only way to live.

[@lordcailx]

If you feel like you are a better person without medication that is awesome! I sincerely hope that you have found permanent happiness. 🙂 Just a note re mania for others who may see this: Bipolar is a common co-occurring condition with ASD and ADHD. Make sure that you keep tabs on your inner state to see if you feel that you are atypically high or low in longer term (eg weeks, months) repeating cycles (one of the key signs of bipolar). If you find that is actually the case, you may want to discuss as in that circumstance mood stabilisers have been shown to be helpful for long term mental health along with life skills type therapeutic techniques such as cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT), etc.

[@miriammcfarlane6972]

Aww, big hug! I can see the emotion in your eyes - look a bit tired. You go girl! P.S. I'm looking at your videos, because I do relate to some things, not others, and my brother was diagnosed on the spectrum some years back (when he was in his 40s!). It made a lot of sense of some of his behaviours (high-functioning, but not unnoticeably different!) Re tantrums... I often was unable to cope before or during my periods and when there was a high workload leading to never enough self-care time. I would feel the anger/irritation rising and I would think, "I mustn't say this", then I'd blurt it out, like I had no control over it, driven. Since menopause and since the workload has lightened up, plus getting into more of a manageable routine, I am much more stable and even-tempered. I still grumble about things, but have learned to just go, "Oh well, can't change that, let's get on with things" and just laugh it off a lot better.

[@rhondahughes285]

After finding your channel this morning, at 61, I am wondering if I may be on the autistic spectrum somewhere! Hmmmmmm.... I so got the baseball watching while trying to make the video! I "care" about people, but I am really interested in other things maybe at the moment I'm supposed to be totally focused on someone else.... some would think that is rude, well, I am so like that!!!! Keep up the good work ! So glad I found your channel!

[@AlmondMoose]

I really enjoyed this format and found it more relatable to see you in this setting as more yourself. Thank you!

[@shahjmir]

having autism is hard but i love that it makes me special

[@lateknightcreations]

Look at you multitasking! There is no way I could have something else going on and keep my mind on what I’m doing. ADD over here.

[@ginnystein7055]

Olivia, No need to apolagize you were and are very good at explaining things. The comments are very enlightening as you are. You have a beautiful smile. While I'm not autistic I'm an old home educator and I've worked with a lot of adults that didn't do well in school situations - adult literacy. You and your followers comments have helped me so much and I look forward to learn more from you. Thank You!

[@kind_of_willow3193]

This was a good explanation. It's sometimes really confusing, if you don't have a diagnosis, to realise, what may be an issue of beeing autistic, and what is only a bad behavior. I know those moments when it feels like a crash but no one is understanding, what's going on. This knowledge can reduce the feeling of shame and can help to manage the whole situation a lot better. Thank you!

[@bella2004___]

I have meltdowns but I get irrationally angry and not violent but so angry I have to take it out on myself. I don’t know why and I can’t stop having them

[@lumenpierce8583]

Sometimes I take it out on myself and beat/cut the crap out of myself, sometimes I take it out on furniture etc. and sometimes I take it out on others. 🤷🏻‍♀️

[@satuhamalainen8903]

Thanks. This was eyesopening!! Very important information.

[@DanS8204]

Olivia, thank you so much for sharing your gifts with the world!

[@deborahkristensen9344]

Thank you, this was very helpful and interesting. I enjoyed the casual format.

[@sianchild]

This is a good explanation of the differences.

[@vslifeofcycles5415]

Thank you so much for this video! I am just at the beginning of figuring out how to get screened for Autism as an adult. Your point about meltdowns not ending, even if you "get what you want," makes my life make so much more sense. I appreciate your channel!

[@andrejka_talking_out_loud]

Greetings and God bless you Olivia, you are a pioneer. Thank you for taking the time and mustering the courage to share. This video is helpful to me as pretty much everyone either gaslights me or tells me whatever intolerable literal human rights violation I have endured is just how life is so be happy.,. If I can ask, what would you recommend to get out of the meltdown short circuit? Once it starts and especially when around sadistic narcissists I have difficult getting out of the meltdown as a dynamic develops..

[@georgiagirl1986]

I am not Olivia, but I wanted to tell you for me personally, elimination of all sensory stimulus possible helps a lot. Meltdown at home: go to bed under the covers. Meltdown out and about: head to the car and have it parked somewhere as quiet and low key as possible. Reducing all of that helps a lot! I try to clear my mind at that point, which is very, very hard depending. Next step for me after that is trying to think of other things (usually in my special interest wheel) that may distract me and pick me back up again, as well as focusing on my breathing patterns. The next step objectives usually begin when the crying reduces for me. Last step: making sure I forgive myself for having a meltdown and remind myself I can only do what I can as a human. I can’t control the meltdowns and it has taken my entire life to not beat myself up for something I can’t reprogram. Olivia is 💯- you can’t stop it intentionally, just ride it through and be kind to yourself and try to get back up on that horse again later

[@emmalazenby6932]

My favourite video yet :-) it was like listening to myself trying to have a conversation with someone. Really related to you, completely. Thank you for being you and sharing yourself with us. Xxx

[@Crisjola]

I 100% relate to the computer analogy. I’m in my early 30s now and _finally_ understand enough of my triggers (emotional and physical sensory mostly) to isolate myself somewhere _very_ dark and quiet and while it will still happen I can sidestep the public/other people aspect. I (before prices went nuts) used to built hobbiest PCs and it very much feels like what happens when you don’t have enough RAM in your GPU and motherboard and then you mod Skyrim to be running at 8K with realistic weather, physics, archery, etc etc (modded Skyrim being the “real world”) and when you finally add in that one extra mod that… I dunno makes the water textures ripple when your character wades through it, whole thing bluescreens because you literally just ran out of RAM and the CPU kicks back an error loop and everything crashes. If I’m lucky, it’s only “Skyrim” that crashes. If I’m not aware enough or _have_ to keep masking way past tolerance struggling against what I know is coming… “Windows has encountered an error.” It used to happen a lot more in my teens and early twenties (hormones really didn’t help) and I also completely misunderstood (despite being diagnosed!) what my triggers actually were and thought I was just unreasonable because I didn’t understand that emotional triggers (for me) are a sliding scale that if they are low, I can handle the sensory triggers better to just know something might loom for a day or two instead of minutes before crashing down. Thank you so much for the video! I’ve tried to explain that a temper tantrum is about not getting what you want (and usually can be stopped by giving into the-you are correct, usually very young-child) a melt down has to run it’s course, and has very little to do with “getting” whatever seemed to have triggered it. Usually a snap change in plans or someone completely uprooting an agreed upon plan/schedule and just going “why do you care so much” which with very black and white thinking I’m left wondering why they _don’t_ care because there was a _plan!_ Which is extra ironic because my long term planning is atrocious because I keep having my short term plans disrupted/changed which makes it hard to make “a five year plan” or a “two year plan” or a “three month plan.” Working on training myself into a one month plan and _ignoring_ anyone who disrupts my day-to-day plans otherwise that end of month goal isn’t going to happen. Side note (I babble too!) : having chronic pain/physical disabilities absolutely makes handling other triggers of ASD _much_ more difficult. So for anyone else in this boat, I see you. Much love, and stay strong.

[@rvbex]

I loved this video. You remind me of me the way you babble and it makes me feel at ease. You've also really helped me understand my autistic melt downs. I'm not diagnosed but my 2.5 year old is under investigation for possible autism. I've actually been looking in to autism for about 3-4 years as the more I saw things about on Facebook etc the more I started looking in to and realising that I may be autistic. I'm 100% sure I am now and one of my main issue of with the autistic melt downs. I do have very mild temper tantrums too but over the years I've managed to calm them down to just feeling a bit moody to getting over quicky by distracting myself or something. Where as the meltdowns, nothing can be done, I have to ride it out and hope nothing make me worse. I cut my hair off in my last one several weeks ago, long story short, heat wave was going on, was supposed to be having a party which I was already nervous about as I've not had more than one person or 2 sometimes, at a time come to my home, and I was going to be having possibly 6 extra people which I was excited about but also terrified of. I'd had a shower and was all hot and still sticky after because of the heat, I was trying to put on a white bra, which I haven't used in years as I have chronic pain and I never liked them in the first place, but they hurt too now. But for party u wanted to wear one, anyway that was a bad idea and I got so overwhelmed trying to get this bra on that then felt really uncomfortable and restricted, my hair was tangled badly from not being brushed for over a week and started pulling when I was frantically waving myself about as I do when I start to meltdown, which caused more overwhelming feelings and I'd used scissors that morning that I forgot to put away, saw them there and just hacked at my hair 🙈🙈🙈🙈 think I just cried for another 20 mins after that till I calmed down but just felt so deflated and exhausted. Cancelled parry obviously and then fell asleep at 9. I'm a night owl usually... I put myself in situations like this all the time, I think it's because of the masking. I've always tried so hard to fit in, that I feel like I'm missing out when I don't do things like this, so I force myself to do stuff I'm not comfortable with. I made myself a social person, even though I realise now, I always felt like no one liked me, that I was weird, people always refered to me as they crazy bubbly one. I was the only one of my friends to have meltdowns. I was always more tired than them, and slept way more. I actually think my chronic illness is due to Always pushing myself to be like my peers, putting myself in the overwhelming situations all the time, which is probably why I did a lot of drugs and alcohol when I was young to get me through all these things. I was planning on having 2 shots before everyone came round for my birthday to help me deal 😂😂😂 so thank you. Now I know I can't control the meltdowns, I'm not going to push myself through all these things anymore. I felt like I was just being silly feeling all these things. But now I know it's just the way I'm built. I guess we're just more sensitive to things like this than neurotypical people and that's ok. Really happy I found your channel ❤️

[@Stranded360]

Good perspective on this from a perspective I hadn't heard- I usually feel guilt for meltdowns but never have I wanted an audience.

[@JawjaPeach27]

I'm so lucky to have found your channel. My 6 year old grandson was just diagnosed with autism. He was born at 30 weeks and we have been told he was simply "delayed" due to prematurity. Obviously not the case. The good news is he's been going to school for 3 years at a development preschool and has done well. He sees a speech therapist and occupational therapist every day along with his regular teacher and he catches on to learning very quickly and has an amazing memory. I think he will fare well as an adult. You seem to be so "normal" (don't take that wrong!) and I just wonder what you were like as a young child. You may cover this in some of your videos, I haven't seen them all yet. I think you are amazing and the information you are sharing is priceless! I thank you for all your hard work!

[@susiethompson5123]

Thank you for your insight. Have a great week!

[@elizabethwesala1480]

I really really really hate to rush. Yesterday I was not originally going somewhere but that changed. But the because of the last minute change, we had to go right then, I was trying to find things I needed to take with me, and a young person kept coming back in the house and saying he needed to go right then. I cried and then yelled at him to shhhh, just shhh. Normally I’m pretty calm and whenever this happens, everyone is startled and my significant other was worried about how stressed I’ve been lately. Anyway I’m not sure where this was going, but I feel it relates to what you were talking about.

[@melissabyrd1310]

don't worry about your video, it's great. I do the exact same thing with the melt downs. I had a melt down today because of who i live with isn't good for me. The disrespect, lying and taking my things makes me have huge melt downs. only thing that helps if people give me space and leaves me alone. I've had people follow me from room to room and even outside. I have freak attack ginormous melt down if they follow me. I feel i look like poo, people can tell by my appearance something has happened. My hair, no makeup, just everything. The rest of the day I'm worn out and just done. I also have people belittling me and criticizing me not leaving me alone when i have a melt down. I want to move so bad and can't right now because of finances. I've actually been trying to fill out disabilty paper work . I had the papers for several days and can't get it done because of my meltdowns.....dont listen to people that say you're a spoiled brat and its tantrums. It's totally not that. Love you as the person you are. I'm 52 and your videos have helped me so much. I had no idea what was wrong with me all these years. I 100% know now.

[@madisonmunro7299]

I've been struggling with this for years and will lose my mind when I'm overheated for example. Often times throwing things and screaming with no sense of control. This really help in my search for a diagnosis

[@beckymerriam8715]

This has been super insightful for me! Explains so much of my life!

[@kayhaich]

I have people challenge me on something I know not to be true (like trivial rules of a card game), and I have pretty over-the-top reactions as someone with autism. People have intentionally triggered me to have them before to embarrass me socially, and then gaslight me by saying things like "hey I don't know what the problem is here" or "this is something that really doesn't matter" One thing I can tell adults for starters...DO NOT drink alcohol, as it'll lower your inhibitions as to how you melt down, which can be extremely ugly when you're under duress and your life is in danger, esp as a man, where your anger is especially visceral and can scare others.

[@fluffypuffball]

Thanks for the linkie. I love to learn. Your Channel is awesome. I was Dx about a year ago. Most of my mental stuff counters itself.

[@esthermortensen4260]

I'm so confused. I'm 72 and many parts of your videos can hit home. I'm not necessarily one who minds change. Often I instigate change - eg, changing room layouts often. I can feel stagnant if I don't. Yet, the restaurant analogy hit close to home. I can get upset on something like that. And I definitely don't want everyone to change their plans for me. That'd upset me more. If I plan to do something specific like clean a room, I'll get sidetracked and, even if I still have time to do that something, I won't do it because it didn't follow the timeline I envisioned. In college, my class team had a presentation to make. I was last. I had to wait until the next day because one of my teammates went allot longer than agreed. I was visibly upset to the point of crying and I couldn't control it. I felt so small. I think the signs are not severe enough and I'm too old for it to be any good to figure this out completely. I think I'm just on the very fringes of the spectrum of I am on the spectrum. I also have 2 grandchildren who we believe are on the spectrum. One was tested (age 12f). Tho not "autistic" other things surface Dec like ADHD. The other (10m) has regular meltdowns. Parents divorced. Dad (his girlfriend who is a teacher) & other grandparent just think he's being obstinate. Our daughter has made great strides in helping him cope and listening to him and helping him. But she can't have him tested until dad agrees. I'm sorry. I just vented all over you. I just needed to get it all out.

[@rebeccaroberts1638]

You’re awesome!! This is so enlightening! Thank you!

[@StephanieDefinitely]

I wish my mom was still alive now to see me get diagnosed with autism. I think she would feel so much peace to know that my “tantrums” weren’t a sign of something she did wrong but rather autistic meltdowns. My dad still tells the story of the time I yanked on my mom’s skirt and basically made her flash the whole parking lot… it wasn’t because I wanted something, it’s because I was upset that I had been taken out of the safe cozy car and I didn’t want to go inside into the noisy, smelly rest stop. I was melting down and I 16:11 didn’t know how to control it.

[@jeannine1739]

Even off the cuff you did great on this video. Very informative and casual, thank you. :)

[@narutogoldylocks]

I’m 26 and haven’t been diagnosed but…. I had NO idea that kids could control their temper tantrums???? What????? Growing up I was ALWAYS crying over the littlest things & I hated it so much because I would try & try to not cry or get upset, but I couldn’t control it & nothing would help once I started crying. My mom & dad would yell at me quite a lot which only made things worse. I’ve had meltdowns in college & since then and I always just called them panic attacks? I do have anxiety so idk but like the thought that you can control a “meltdown” to me is like 😮 I can’t control it, nothing will make me feel better. I didn’t know that other people were the same way 😭

[@sheryljohnson8359]

It is helpful. Thank you. Have a great week

[@celestial_gaze_youtube]

Tell us all about your wedding!!! Details and all; can't wait for the big day!

[@wendiewegner9236]

This was very interesting. You did a great job and I love your smile. 😊

[@jjslivia40]

My 16 teen year old had a moment at a store. Took her to the car & she wanted to go home. We let cry & I said let's stop at gas station for paper towels & a water. She loves water. I made her laugh for a moment & I said your day isn't ruined & let's continue the day. This something I'm not sure is common for her age or not.

[@jjslivia40]

She will cry on top of her lungs & not care if anyone is around.

[@tmusa2002]

Loved this video and loved how you can multitask with your baseball game! Thank you!

[@NJGuy1973]

I wanna know who's playing. Baseball is my special interest. Does Olivia know the players' on-base percentages?

[@tmusa2002]

@@NJGuy1973 She does have those kinds of superpowers, so I’m betting YES!

[@Claire-ol6fd]

This was really helpful, thank you

[@omarcrosby]

It was not terrible at all and you cleared it up a lot for me. Thank you.

[@kennethmontoya7111]

I have a little brother that's on the Autism Spectrum and he has a lot of meltdowns my brother has a lot of meltdowns I have a Intellectual Disability a mild intellectual disability and very independent and my brother does a lot of meltdowns and temper Tantrums

[@IaconDawnshire]

When I have a meltdown I'll take becoming catatonic over screaming and punching crap

[@lateknightcreations]

Great video! Loved it!

[@lillianf4431]

I love this topic, but the background noise is distracting.

[@DeborahAnnsuperversatile]

My daughter had 2 pretty big meltdowns today. Any of my family or friends would have said they were temper tantrums, and major ones she should be in huge trouble for, at that. But I could tell they weren't because anything I could do or say in either direction, "her way" or NOT, could not console her. She was screaming and crying and yelling and shouting some mean things like all at the same time.

[@deannachilders826]

cant tell you what your videos mean to me as my husband has asd and i didnt know it when we got married but it didnt change my desir to be married to him. your words and explanations really help me understand him a little better...they also let him know he isnt alone...so thank you for being so honest....he is one of those people on the spectrum who dont really know what should and should not be shared lol not sure if you are or not but thank you for putting yourself out there to help and long distance accompany others! i was also wondering if your future husband is neuro typical as i am

[@missjodie9732]

I cry for hours when I have a meltdown. It's hard for me to calm down. I usaully do it at home and I cry on the floor. This usually happens every 2- 4 months when I'm having a burnout. Meltdowns sometimes happen if I get embarrassed, if my hormone levels change or I'm going through a lot of stress

[@threewins3]

Awesome video. I enjoyed this format, very informative. I didn’t think it was babbling, it was educational. Please can you tell us, what should parents, friends, therapists (pediatric speech language pathologist here 🙋🏻‍♀️) do to help when a meltdown occurs? Please keep up your wonderful videos. Thank you for sharing.

[@shabaka6406]

Awesome video! Skillshare link?

[@reginaclark1816]

Thank you for your videos! I am slowly understanding my next door neighbor! She's never been diagnosed (in her 80s). She would never believe that she "has a problem....it's everyone else that has one (in her view.)" What I would like to know is "how can I cope with her?" How can I help her "NOT drive me crazy?" What can "I" do to accept how she is? What can I do to make her meltdowns minimal for her? What can I do to help her cope? She has few friends....most people avoid her b/c they simply don't understand her. What can regular people do to HELP people like her????? Thank you.

[@juliadesouza6674]

Oh i remember once, so i love jelly beans, the candy (i live in Brazil here we have this even at drugstores, i have no idea how common these are in other places) my father bought a huge bag of Jelly beans but i was doing something else and he kept telling me he would eat it all by himself, and my siblings started threatening to do the same, so i got really mad at that so I ran, grabbed the bag because i really wanted the jelly beans and was super stressed that i might never have it again, so i locked myself in my room and started crying and eating the jelly beans uncontrollably because i was scared of not being able to have them later. And that went for maybe 20min idk, also i was like 12, can't really remember. But later i walked out of my room with shame, still crying because i ate jelly beans until it made me upset that i ate so many jelly beans and didn't enjoy any of it because i was crying a lot over it. I gave it back to my parents and they didn't scold me or anything, they simply didn't exactly understood what happened. (I think this would be a meltdown because i just got really stressed, I can't remember why i was already anxious with something else, and the situation was just a trigger, but all that was really upsetting for me and got really mad at myself for doing that like "why did you do that, now you've ruined the best candy in the world and will never be able to eat it the same way again", i f*cking traumatized myself with my own favorite candy)

[@mitzisimpson6262]

I am a teacher of exceptional children. When we started having a majority of autistic children, I went back to school for a behavioral associate in autism. Boy, still learning!! We have only had 2 autistic girls in 5 years of a contained autism class. You are a wealth of information. Thank you so much!!

[@robokill387]

disabled, not "exceptional". Disability isn't a bad word, you're stigmatising it more by using euphemisms.

[@mitzisimpson6262]

🙄

[@mitzisimpson6262]

@@robokill387 that’s what the class is called. I work in the “exceptional children’s department “. I didn’t name the department. That is the department I work with so let the county school system they need to change their name😂. And this department contains the advanced students also that are pulled from their grade level for more intensive work. They are also in the exceptional program. It’s not just “disabled”.

[@JonBrase]

TBH, meltdowns seem more akin to panic attacks than to temper tantrums to me. I tend to shut down / burn out and have never had a proper meltdown as described here in my memory (though my mother has described some breath holding episodes in infancy that may have qualified). However, I do have anxiety issues and can have debilitating panic attacks, and the typical way that people describe the internal experience of a meltdown tracks fairly closely with that (except that my panic attacks can generally be stopped by removing the trigger, if that's possible).

[@juliaevans9521]

At times you use Shutdown interchangeably with Meltdown at times. I more often have the former with the help of coaching and mentoring

[@jshadow536]

I am intrigued by this. I am undiagnosed, but I suspect I may be on the spectrum. I don't know that I've ever had a meltdown from being overwhelmed, but I shutdown all the time.

[@lumenpierce8583]

People sometimes confuse shutdowns for meltdowns. Very annoying, because they’re two entirely different things.

[@nl3087]

I always seem to have meltdowns at really inconvenient times like on my leaves day at school I got really overwhelmed and had to go inside to calm down meaning i missed out on some stuff because I was inside

[@pink_chevy_emblem2676]

I pretty much never get worked up to a meltdown ,my mom told me that she was told I had autism/aspergers when I was at school in 4th grade , and I didn’t think anything of it but later in life when I looked into it the symptoms resonated with me and looking back I was weird and not social in school and I have had a few times that was like meltdowns but it’s really rare and makes me question if I have autism I just don’t know :/

[@lumenpierce8583]

I wish there were videos of adults having a meltdown, so I can show my therapist.

[@chasinglegends9413]

Meltdowns can be rough once I start I can't shut it off hince why I cried for a month it was probably longer but I blocked some of it out I try avoiding having one altogether...

[@NJGuy1973]

NT's are likely to throw tantrums, as anyone who works in retail will tell you.

[@OliviaHops]

😂😂😂 fantastic point!!!

[@NJGuy1973]

@@OliviaHops BTW, what baseball game was on?

[@notasdasublinha5075]

hey, Olivia! I'm 44 and have recently started the process of seeking diagnosis. all these years I had several "tantrums" where I exploded after "small triggers". How do your meltdowns manifest?