Online love & infidelity. We're in the game, what are the rules? | Michelle Drouin | TEDxNaperville

Have you found love, sex, or intimacy online? Millions of us have-and we are constantly building and maintaining connections with friends, relationship partners, and lovers through the intricate paths of the world wide web. But how is this all affecting romantic relationships? And what rules should we have with our partners about online behaviors?
A developmental psychologist, Dr. Michelle Drouin studies the effects of technology on literacy, communication, and relationships. She also studies the roles of technology in teaching and learning. Dr. Drouin’s research on sexting and mobile phone addiction has attracted international attention, and she regularly does interviews for television, radio, newspapers, and magazines. Her research has been cited in a number of prominent news sources including CNN, NPR, MSNBC, CBS News, The New York Times, Huffington Post, Reuters, Men’s Health, Parenting Magazine, and Psychology Today.
This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at ted.com/tedx

[@maryeva2491]

I’m honestly traumatized about internet and social media. It takes your partner away from you and there’s nothing literally you can do to avoid this... people lie way too much. Wish I was living in 1800 than this madness of nonsense and fake personalities

[@liamwalsh1620]

Your a woman I don't think you would've liked the 1800s either haha

[@maryeva2491]

@@liamwalsh1620 yeah, most likely ☺️ My wish is that people start being more conscious and less selfish, I wish to see love coming from their hearts without wanting anything in return and that we all have better lives!

[@gaby5546]

Aw gosh I so know how you feel, I'm really frustrated about it too😩. The best we can do is conduct ourselves the way we would want a partner to conduct themselves too, be loyal and faithful, and make sure our partners are aware of our feelings about these things. We can't control them, but we at least control ourselves and have conversations about these things. Sad that it seems we've become the minority, but I do believe there will always be loyal people in the world.

[@jenelm4185]

Absolutely

[@grumpy1962R]

My first wife left me for another man and now I struggle with trusting my second wife. That’s hard on our relationship.

[@davedm1]

It's been proven on a psychological level that the more options a person is presented with, the less satisfied he/she is with their final choice. Mic drop

[@auroraborealiseme2698]

Because people always think there is something better out there! So they always think "the grass could be greener on the other side" even after making their final choice.

[@LaborHours]

While there is truth to this idea, it is also a character weakness that can be overcome through self awareness.

[@lesterdiamond6190]

especially after these women smash the wall and suddenly find men want to bang younger chicks!

[@lesterdiamond6190]

davedm are you familiar with Terrence Popp, Donovan Sharpe, and Coach Greg Adams? great content, often hilarious

[@user-wj9si6wu8n]

Lol "mic drop "

[@d4ngly]

the line has already been crossed if you had to hid it from your partner.

[@Neknadeg]

I tried online dating for a while. It is the same as real life dating: hopeless.

[@JourneywithKasitti]

i tried too and realised its the same as real life. Didn't i will be deeply in love.

[@shannondove96]

_Sadlex_ exactly right. I am an incel and i know how hard it is to get women, especialy if you are short like me

[@shannondove96]

Greystar1988 thats no different than online dating. You still have to look good because women go by looks and only looks, thats a proven fact

[@alexarobinson3691]

@@shannondove96 that is not a proven fact at all 😂 if that's the case then I guess I'm not a woman

[@spiritlevelstudios]

Yes. Same as IRL. Unless you do yoga and what not. Online is like a million prostitutes that want to take your money to upgrade or subscribe, without any delivery of services. Just be single and happy and enjoy having money.

[@fatherof4kids]

I miss the world without social media.

[@caseyxaviera]

same here.

[@the-engneer]

Me too. It really depresses me😔

[@Swagg816]

we've always had social media, it used to just be called the newspaper.

[@iankim770]

every 20 year-old should mandatorily watch this. I just broke up with my girlfriend and this was something that would have helped the relationship as a whole.

[@Hannah-tg8hw]

Being cheated on (or betrayed) is such a horrible horrible experience. I will not marry again. And because it’s easy to fall in the trap of infidelity yourself-it’s better to cancel your social media accounts.

[@MrNanah38]

You are way too fine for anyone to do that to you.

[@grumpy1962R]

I can relate. It can happen to anyone, male or female. It only takes a second to feel the attraction to someone. We can’t control that reaction but we can prevent acting on those feelings.

[@winstonmarlowe5254]

@@MrNanah38 you got ignored lol

[@ginime_]

Social media makes the approach easier, but the follow through is so hard bc you dont get to experience the other person's response: facial expression, tone of voice, body language, etc. So many people now fall for someone that may not exist on the other side of an online chat bc we fill in those gaps with what we want to hear/see

[@carolynmcmillan7083]

My husband who had been my rock had an online affair. They both talked about their individual partners families etc. it’s smashed my world apart. It’s the most horrendous feeling seeing your life discussed. Lied about and what not. It’s a nightmare

[@dannac_8888]

Skating Mummy Emily-Kate Ice Skating I hope you read this. Know that there are THOUSANDS of us that reject and push those kinds of people away. We don't want to have you betrayed, lied about, and listen to your partner twist and complain about you, your kids, your life. We shut it down and tell them to get therapy with you. We take YOUR side and help them to see THEIR part and to take ownership for their stuff, not look for a confidant who, "understands them". It's betrayal. Period. We're out here fighting for you, your marriage or partnership and we believe karma is a vicious equilibrator that should be respected and reminded of when they approach. We know that if they do it to you, they will 100% do it to ANYONE. That's who THEY ARE to the core, not you. May you be healed of your betrayal and find the path to love again. 🙏

[@breguet101]

What did you do ? Did you stay, or did you leave ?

[@behaviorhandwritingrevealt3949]

@@dannac_8888 Yes, if they will do it WITH you, then they will do it TO you. I live and die by that one little nugget in the Skills For Life bag.

[@WillBlindYouWithLight]

Ya. Exactly. They are the perfect one and we are the animals. Too bad they aren't truthful creatures when it comes to giving someone else what we're deserved all along.

[@ElfGodd3ss]

@JohnnyRock2000 same with the males its humiliating

[@johnj4446]

My girlfriend and I don’t really use Instagram, Facebook etc. been together for 4 years now. Perhaps that has helped our relationship stay strong… interesting talk

[@joevigil3763]

In my situation, my wife is the one that seeks extra marriage relationships online. She’s had 5 social media emotional relationships in the last 5 years. Today, I found out what I already knew. She was actually in love with one of the men that she had a Facebook relationship with for almost 3 years. She says that she wants to work things out with me and I love her with all my heart but she refuses to do the things that I feel need to be done to rebuild trust. I’m about to just walk away.

[@kamran.haneef]

Did it workout with your partner?

[@Chamacurmom]

Walk away, hate to be harsh but speaking from my life experience. She will continue to go behind your back.

[@cindyhalpern3187]

End the relationship. She is a cheater and she will continue to cheat.

[@anthonymarchionne1884]

Walk away bro, same thing happened, can’t control nor should you want to

[@ellenfranceschini8279]

Omg I feel your pain 😢

[@Achilles94627]

"You have access to every single person you have ever been attracted to in your entire life". You don't really have 'access' to them, do you. That's the illusion.

[@MB-su4tr]

exactly. no hot guys among my fb friends although I like to stalk others (no access to those)

[@cryora]

There's the block feature that almost every single person I tried initiating contact with that I had been attracted to has used on me.

[@FYTJ]

You “have access” means “you can contact them”. That’s the whole point: Before the internet it was much more complicated to get in touch with someone.

[@Achilles94627]

@@FYTJ Yes, I understand that. My point was that being able to contact somebody doesn't mean much. You can get deleted, blocked, ignored, unfriended, etc. Having someone's social media details means next to nothing.

[@brianrappleye9078]

She is stating the obvious but this talk hits home with me. Women I have been brave enough to approach in real life (without the internet) are much more responsive.

[@SAMUELgreyGOTH]

this was one of the most objective, unbiased and genuine analytical talks I've watched here so far,remarkable job...

[@stevenhooper4369]

I once chatted up a girl in a busy city centre coffee shop. All went well and we agreed to go on a date. At the end of the conversation she asked about adding me on facebook. I told her I didn't use it. I could see she found that so odd, she couldn't cope with it and changed her mind. That was about ten years ago and it was the first time I saw the real world collapse thanks to unreal internet world

[@victorarregnelle8976]

There is a chance she thought you were lying though. But still...

[@frostywasp1743]

Weird, until 2015 i dated without the use of fb. I had one situation where i was asked a few times by one chick to create in account to keep in touch, which i did when she moved out of state. Its a mood killer when a date has zero communication devices but being upset over no social media ? You dodged a bullet my friend...

[@victorarregnelle8976]

@Nyet Nine since pretty much 100% of woman are social creatures because of survival, they cannot understand that a man would not have a Facebook. I have an account but barely use it. Didn't use for a year and only use it now because I had 6 months old messages from friends in my country. But otherwise I would still be inactive.

[@Risuna]

do you ever read a thread full of self-important incels making up stories to try to impress one another and just think to yourself...we sure live in a society

[@nohemi6899]

@Nyet Nine I'm fairly introverted. I enjoy my solitude and play video games (which is the majority of what I do online). I don't use social media like Facebook or Instagram whatsoever and neither does my boyfriend, who I met online. I just think social media in itself is an issue. People put their lives on the internet. Then, people want to control their partner's social media. It's more trouble than it's worth. I understand staying connected with friends and family, but you can easily take pictures and send them via text.

[@frankzaccari]

So true. Technology does not make cheat, but it makes it easier to make a connection for those inclined to stray.

[@BruceRyanCannaCorp]

"I'm the product of two hippies. That's my most aggressive move." LMAO

[@BruceRyanCannaCorp]

Brilliant talk.

[@BruceRyanCannaCorp]

Oh, Please, do not be sorry!.! My three sons are 'products' of two hippies. Each and everyone of them is a massive success in their chosen fields. One is an aerospace engineer, second is a sound engineer and the third is teaching English as a second language and performing in the classical section of the local orchestra.

[@20001horace]

Woodstock!

[@Gentleman...Driver]

My most aggressive move is hissing and then running away.

[@karencephas8577]

This video helped me understand why I feel so rejected when I'm cheated on with online dating. I'm older and figured the older men would be more honest. Not true! At this point I will probably give up on online dating. It really hurts when you think this is the one then the texts become less or you get that text sent to you in error. Then you know it's time to move on...over and over.

[@ericephemetherson3964]

Women are more deceptive on social media.

[@Chanel31113]

In error?

[@elizabethbennet4791]

ALSO. They do say that men *overreport* and women *underreport* partners..this has been proven time and time again

[@empress_highpriestess3307]

Those are reported Actual partners and reflect accurately many gender stereotypes and bias-- this is a report of projected desires and fantasies..totally different set of data being tapped..and therefore imo..legitimate

[@TheMagache]

@@empress_highpriestess3307 yeah and for every 1 potential back burner a man has, it's a 99% chance she will reject him anyways. The online world has driven women's hypergamy and standards into outer space. Guys just aren't as picky because we are more realistic and not living in a fantasy land.

[@Nephibis]

@@TheMagache I agree with you on there being outside conditions as to why this happens, because men typically are expected to be the one to approach. Then you have women who seem like they are interested, but put you in the friend zone. I have had women say we were platonic friends then try to sleep with me. I've had women where all of their closest friends and family and even strangers thought we were dating due to how we acted with each other and we spent almost all of our time together, but they put me in the friend zone. Men have to deal with a lot of situations like this, so I can understand choosing more "just in case" relationships than women since there are so many situations that make no sense and you don't know if she has the same intentions, because there is so much lying.

[@downsjmmyjones101]

Citation?

[@marcusp905]

good talk! don't have fb,I have done 14mths off fb and it's been liberating!

[@malhunt7]

Marcus Pritchard I havent had fb since 2004!

[@-kiwiflower3783]

I only use it to keep up to date with my play's schedule and practice

[@michaelweston1042]

I had fake book for a month several years ago. No thanks!

[@clausita]

Me too. 24 months without facebook. VERY liberating indeed.

[@rivqyahscraftcorner]

I haven't had fb for 2 years and don't intend to go back.

[@90nomads]

I don't like this idea of love being a game. That makes everyone a player.

[@EmmaDee]

90nomads they say don’t hate the player, hate the game!!

[@starlightwhispers6781]

It's the learning that they've been sleeping around that gets to you Trying to form a mere friendship becomes almost impossible, forget dating!

[@scottholtslander8336]

My wife had two affairs from online connections. Even though they were 100s of miles away, they were still able to meet up. The things she said in texts and emails wasn’t even close to who she was with me. I wish she talked to me like that or that she would share her fantasies with me in the easy that she could with them.

[@jeromebarry1741]

Is she your former wife yet?

[@gordonlawrence1448]

Notice she did not mention two of the important reasons to not play around or go off with someone else: loyalty and integrity.

[@donaldfewell9929]

I'm faithful and I respect that many people aren't faithful or emotionally invested in dating relationships.

[@harmonizedigital.]

Great talk. I agree so much with the things she said. online dating has been such a good thing and a bad thing. Easier to get dates but much easier to not commit to anything also.

[@thisisaname4661]

Have never had a 'backburner relationship' in my life but have been met with the assumption that I do more than once. Probably because the people assuming had them going on themselves. One of my exes went out with a chick he had known for over 10 years right after he broke up with me (Spoiler: It didn't work out... and despite me being very clear that I'm over him he still messages me occasionally to tell me he still loves me and hasn't been able to find anyone like me since...5 years later. Well dude, not my issue). Is that like the 'thing' people do now? There is literally nobody I'm friends with that I would ever date. My social circle is small and the friends I have I've known for more than long enough to figure out if I like them that way. Once I decide I want to be with someone I don't think about other 'options'. I try to make it work with them and if it doesn't then it could be because of a number of reasons, but me being preoccupied with 'backburner relationships' isn't one of them. I just don't understand people who do this. Yeah your current relationship may not work out and then you need to go through the process of getting over it and then looking again (if you choose to do so) but like...That's life. Grow up. One of these days constantly wanting to explore and keep your options open is going to backfire. When you have something great right in front of you but you ruin things because you are never satisfied.

[@jimwmckeown]

Jessica Postopoly ~

[@nirupams2158]

So true... couldn't agree more with this...it actually shows that people nowadays are in some sort of hurry to achieve things rather than enjoying the journey thoroughly

[@thisisaname4661]

@@nirupams2158 We have a throwaway society and we've grown accustomed to expecting instant results without having to put in real work. It's one thing when you buy a product that doesn't work the way it's supposed to but people are not objects. Obviously if you are clearly incompatible, not on the same page as far as what you are looking for or the person is unstable, mean or abusive then don't stick with them. I see quite a few of my friends rushing things and then giving up as soon as they don't get exactly everything they want or if that person isn't perfect... Or the relationship isn't moving at some lightning fast speed. I've known people that have literally said they want to get married within 6 months or else they are moving on. But on the flip side you don't want to hang onto something that is clearly not working out. It's the balance of enjoying the journey while also not wasting your time.

[@damo9961]

I have the same opinion as you, but there are women on my Facebook friends list that I met before my GF and I find attractive. Seeing as I initially saw them as potential romantic partners I kind of always look at them in that sense. I hardly ever talk to them but Id feel bad if I deleted them. Seems hard.

[@thisisaname4661]

@@damo9961 Damo Are you worried they'll offend them if you delete them? Seeing that you hardly ever talk to them do you think they'd even notice? Or care if they did? I mean I would care if a guy I was actually good friends with deleted me and stopped talking to me because he got some jealous girlfriend or something but not if it were someone I only talked to occasionally. But if your gf is chill and you aren't doing anything she'd disapprove of then that's fine. I think most people with Facebook have friends they barely ever talk to and a lot of people meet in the sort of setting where dating might have happened. I'm not naïve to think that most guys don't try to get to know women with that intention. It's the people that try to keep the connection with other people going just in case their current relationship fails or they want to trade up. They always want to have someone lined up to take the place of whoever they were with because they can't stand to be alone.

[@noemil571]

And this is exactly why after all real human contact in person will be always superior compared to any social media one - superficial, 'coloured', 'perfect '(when in reality is far from it) contact. Unfortunately, there is far more harm and evil coming from it sometimes that is worth any significant time investment in it. Just my humble opinion. And that is why I am not a real social media user. I don't think I am missing out on something meaningful.

[@gilgillis2445]

This is a great talk. You shine light on deception, which is the root of infidelity.

[@rtheck]

I applaud her for sure, shes pretty, smart, and confident. Especially in a world and at a time where it is more excepted that the guy is suppose to ask the girl out and not the other way around. That does take courage, good for you going after what you want!

[@diaperdude6163]

"I showedeth thou mine own member, now respondeth with haste!" - William shakespeare

[@christinebursoto9105]

I had Dr. Drouin as my professor for Psychology and I love her!

[@Casaholl799]

A very interesting and needed topic, I hope this will be discussed more often also on other media platforms and even in education. Thanks you did great!

[@betha3463]

That's why, when it comes to social media and relationships, I stick to friendships within group chats. This way I'm able to keep romantic relationships exclusive to my normal life, instead of worrying about catfishing or long distance stuff

[@mshell1959]

Thank you, Michelle, for a really excellent and thought-provoking talk.

[@chickenortheeggphotography]

I’m so glad I met my lady before the internet really took off. And we were of the internet age. Albeit, the early internet age. Of all our friends we’ve been together the longest. I think this is due to the fact that neither of us really love to share our lives with random folks on the internet. But she and I talk all the time. We connect all the time. We do things together. We have dreams together. And we’re two peas in a pod at the end of the day. When I changed my mindset that social Media was an online journal to an amazing free platform to start a biz it was amazing to see how my life changed. I just Facebook and Instagram for my bands and business.

[@sddfsfsfsd]

My man don't get so self complacent cheaters are gonna cheat

[@nhwilly1011]

Great talk, even better outfit. Well done.

[@1djtraxx]

nhwilly1011 That was a very nice outfit she had on. I noticed that too.

[@liangchristina7919]

Loving her dress!!!

[@giovannaroma9527]

There is something wrong with you character if opportunity controls your loyalty.. Unfortunately social media has made it very easy to cheat, you don't even have to leave the house to meet someone.I guess it's hard for a lot of people to resist .I'm glad i am not on any social media except YT.

[@davidbolha]

It's called hypergamy & Briffault's Law dear. That along with narcissism, ME culture & lack of values & you have a recipe for disaster. 🤔

[@rachelsoulsings6188]

I'm glad this lady and I are on the same page!

[@Nephibis]

I agree, but I had the tendency to look for women online, because I lived in an area where a lot of women were less morally inclined and there was the danger of losing your life with the ones who weren't because some guy was crazy about her. Though I will say my 1st girlfriend(who I met online) was a better relationship than i've had with any woman face to face. Though i've never had a really good face to face relationship with any woman to begin with, so I guess it wouldn't matter for me either way. I give off bad 1st impressions...except to babies and animals...

[@junebrogan1859]

As a relationship counsellor I am torn between thinking that each couple has to make their own rules. But perhaps someone needs to create a list of things to discuss.

[@indigoblue4791]

Yes...any help on how to make those conversations happen is bound to be appreciated.

[@MartinScreeton]

A great talk... and things are changing rapidly to a more openness and transparency in people... (if people are honest) in my opinion. Although I think you are right in saying that it also can be a very shallow at the same time... which is the balance of course... propensity for good as well as bad...

[@missamericausa]

Could not have said it better myself. Perfect thank you for your time

[@rizzamaeong]

geez! now i am neurotic about back burners. she gave an amazing talk. 👏👏👏👏👏👏

[@20001horace]

Hello LOL!

[@snowfall1927]

Now that talk was an eye opener. Thanks a lot!

[@jessecompean4861]

What a gem Extremely insightful thank you

[@JohannaElixirdanza]

Here in Colombia back burners are "arrocitos en bajo" (when you're cooking rice, you put it in low fire to keep it warm, so it means "rice on low fire"). And the slang and the practice exist before social media

[@nayreemonzon8483]

En Venezuela es el ganado X'D

[@LyonBrave]

This talk is excellent. Michelle Drouin, you are my new hero.

[@RepsUp100]

Amazing talk doctor, thank you.

[@tonyliolio9078]

I very much enjoyed your TED talk Michelle, thank you : )

[@paulfenton6899]

A very true and good Ted Talk. Thank you

[@VidiSensiVici]

We need to define the words, love and lust. Most people attract to each other because of having like kind energy, chemistry, and it is fun to be with them. And if true love exists, then we wish loyalty would be there, the ability to stay through All struggles and challenges of life. What is love? Love is giving or loving without expecting anything in return, an unconditional love to speak off. In short, it is harder to find true love. Perhaps, we need a Divine intervention, or the so-called Destiny. By the way, not all of us are destined to be parents. Therefore, it is fun to date, to socialize to see what life has for us in the journey.

[@sc-cg2wh]

It's all about honor and dignity. Without those qualities, you're just a dog in heat. I'm on social media. I have no "back burners". I have people in my life who are looking at me for guidance. How am I going to expect good from my grand sons if I'm a dog?

[@dannac_8888]

sc4400 👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏

[@boardman49]

I second that emotion.

[@badsexofficialthingy2026]

One of the most important videos on KZbin, listen, be afraid and learn. Get off social media people!

[@AMarie2326]

Best ted talk in a longgggg time

[@thomas8413]

Honestly, it's just sad honestly. But when it comes to dating, I had no other choice but to look online. But not in typical stuff. I went to amino not seeking dating relationships. But love naturally sprung in a conversation. The beautiful thing? No bias or anything. And my autism mannerisms didn't get in the way. Been with my wonderful GF for a year now. Love these Ted talks

[@manesti336]

Everyone have just refused to admit that it's just natural for human beings to be attracted to others. We can set up as many rules as possible, blame the internet all we want, it's still true. If people get the chance, they will desire and be desired by others.

[@SoulDelSol]

Yup your wife gonna cheat

[@joshjourdan]

Particularly men, as her research showed. It’s just propagation of the species.

[@colbycaldwell3273]

Thank you for the perspective.

[@My6StringSweetheart]

People fail to realise that even though social media is a virtual world, there are actual people with actual feelings behind those screens. Eventually we will all forget how to be human.

[@chrissy0surname]

I avoid all that SH&T as it is all a form of the devolution of marriages, relationships, “soul connections”. If we can simply “swipe right” what does that do to our “commitments”. Say NO THANK YOU to the breakdown of marriages, families, soul connections and truly fulfilling relationships.

[@takeitfromtim]

Awesome video and SO true!!

[@TheBetHerHalf]

Yup 2008 my (now ex-) husband gets on Facebook friends with people he graduated with for his 20th high school class reunion and has his first affair. Then multiple Sexting affairs, real affairs and ultimately I find out about the Sexting A few years later we're divorced then a spiteful ex-girlfriend decides to tell me about all of his affairs. I'm so lonely I could die but I'll never subject myself to this system of relationships again.

[@elizabethbennet4791]

jesus christ, Im so sorry

[@Danadane314]

TheBetHerHalf My heart breaks for you... I abhor infidelity. We should bring back stoning. Just sayin'

[@dannac_8888]

No. Being lonely and alone is not the answer. If he was that deceptive of a person, you may have ignored red flags waving in front of your face. Not to mention your gut. Get tools, hone your skills in classes and become an expert at FAIRLY judging your partner and his connetions, I promise you that you can do this and find a good partner. You've suffered enough, time for you to be the magnificent person you are and share that on your terms with another. 🙏

[@jamesblack9499]

did you have 20 years or less

[@MrNanah38]

So sorry about your experience Hope you find it in your heart to forgive him for that's the only way you can move on.

[@linay1507]

This exact thing occurred to me before but didn't think it was a big deal until faced with having to feel it first hand and I just cant get over it, it has just ruined what was a beautiful relationship of 8 years... and now it feels like 'what relationship' 😢 anyways, ive forgiven and understand the causes but unfortunately cant seem to be attracted to my significant other anymore with the other world and time tgat was invested. Im sorry for those of you dealing with this and wish you the best relationships with awareness and boundaries going forward.

[@safsdfsdfsdf]

I worry that by not fully trusting him, I may be holding onto something that's not healthy for either of us, and that maybe setting him free is the right thing to do. It's painful to consider leaving, but I also understand that my inability to trust fully may be doing more harm than good.

[@aplicqu8761]

The matter isn't that people catfish or lie online. If you meet someone and invest the time (something like 60 hours to be someone's "friend" IRL) I don't see why a relationship won't aucceed. However, Grindr and Tinder aren't known as relationship sites. If you spend enough time with someone you meet online, you should be able to know them well enough. If those backburner people are only known online, they aren't real relationships. But that is true of anyone you have not invested time getting to know. Real relationsihps require being with someone regularly and in person. This is the issue of the online era. People think non RL relationships are equivalent to RL relationships. It's not true. And online relationships can drag on because they're fantasies fueled by hope, not reality.

[@billhiggins-ha4all795]

This is so true. back between 1996 (post separation) and 2000, I was on America Online. Over time phone numbers were shared, then there were 30 that I was intimate with. I had a number of back burners who I held in the hope a relationship would form in years to come. Only one of the women I met in person had not shared her actual photo and information. The interesting point 20 years later is that I am in contact with very few of those intimate contacts, while those on the back burner became some of the most treasured friends of my life.

[@michaelcheng4985]

She left us hanging with her rules in her relationship...

[@MusicLover-qg4rn]

Good talk and insights

[@vanellaicecream9821]

Even before dating apps, at school the courting etiquette is that you talk online. You talk online with the person you are courting, this makes it confidential, nobody other than you two knows about the fact that you are 'talking' even if you do officially get together there is hardly ever evidence of it anywhere, it's all a big secret. There are no risks and if you don't progress to being in a relationship, all it was was 'talking online'

[@nothinghere32]

For my generation, social media is the best way to find someone you like, not just a classmate that you happen to know a little about, and with today’s judgment and high standards, it’s safer to stay behind a screen where we can speak our minds and express ourselves, reaching millions of others. We can get to know our world, not just our town or community, find new and interesting things we wouldn’t find sitting around, only being able to talk to those around us, who have the same view because of our limited vision. Social media is a curse and a blessing, and soon, online relationships will be normal and expected, and human interaction can definitely change, for better or for worse. What used to be normal, like meeting people in person, isn’t always the best way to go, especially in our ever-changing world.

[@simpinainteasy680]

She was so brave she went for the alpha !

[@antoniochiappetta4833]

She was awesome

[@cicisingh3515]

I know I’m watching this years after the fact, but even considering how much worse this has gotten over 5 YEARS is shocking. When my husband and I first became bf/gf we agreed to delete our social media. All except for his Facebook.. ( bc I didn’t use it in the first place) Ee share his Facebook. ( I added some people I know) we share our google account, KZbin) & we are happy like that. Believe it if not, even after all that. I still have the problem with him over using Facebook. It’s crazy

[@Acapellachick27]

Just deleted access to all of my social media apps, slightly worried that I won’t find someone who is on the same path because most are online

[@boardman49]

Michelle looks like she’s still only 20 years old.

[@darring.9161]

...and acts like shes still 20 too!

[@steveowens913]

S.R. was my dad's employer! Go Norfolk Southern!

[@MeatPuppet1962]

She was 33 when this was recorded.....she was very attractive then.

[@MeatPuppet1962]

She's 37 today.

[@entertain7us148]

i literally was confused when she was talking about being in high school in 1993 cos i literally thought she was a fresh high school graduate hahah

[@BoucheronsNo.1Fan]

Her hair is absolutely gorgeous

[@safsdfsdfsdf]

I've been watching relationship advice videos in an effort to gain clarity and insight into whether I should continue this relationship or let go. I'm actively seeking guidance and perspectives to help me make an informed decision about our future.

[@jeniferswinney2478]

I'm in the same boat as you. It's like I love him so much and don't want to leave but can't stand even looking at him other times. I wish you find the answers your looking for as well. Take care of yourself first and foremost

[@avasalvatore1643]

Interesting, well presented talk. Strange last line.

[@antoniasenz2045]

I like the emphasis on "navigating." It's so important to discuss these things before people feel like their boundaries have been violated.

[@looselygaming6130]

there's a difference between lying and not answering a question that hasn't been asked

[@s1029_]

the outcome is the same: you are cheating. your partner is not aware

[@briechilli4496]

It is your moral compass if you have one.

[@prosiz1377]

Great speech👏👏

[@jacobmathew6135]

Great talk

[@becauseofkarma2913]

She is absolutely gorgeous on top of intelligent!! Something tells me she has never had a hard time finding a date LOL

[@personaldevelopmentconsult1952]

She's a keeper Things flow together better and sooner when a woman chooses a man.

[@davidbolha]

Depends on whether she does it in her prime (i.e. 16 - 22) or in her decline (i.e. 25+/30+). 😕

[@Georgia1981]

this is how my 18 year relationship ended. my ex was cheating on me with a woman online.

[@1djtraxx]

Very, very interesting and very, very relative.

[@michaelgrimes5588]

Emotional cheating is the worst imo....all it means is best case scenario you caught it early

[@robertmaxa6631]

No, not all of us, are in the game. There are many people, me included, who are not married, in a relationship, seeing someone, dating, online, or otherwise or going out on dates. With the way society is turning out, the game isn't even worth playing.

[@sidmehere2964]

My ex gf of three years re-connected with her ex bf from her past while she was still in a relationship with me. I gave her the benefit of the doubt that they are just friends, until she blamed me for not marrying her and moved on with this old pal of hers

[@aplicqu8761]

Stats show you find out 7% about a person with text only. Ninety three percent is gleaned by longtime, personal contact. It takes hours of investment ( about 60) to create a solid "friendship". Friendship and dating relationships are based on spontaneity, humor, shared interests. NONE of that matters in an online relationship. The relationship is never tested in real life. These kinds of relationships can last for months and years BECAUSE they are never tested. Look for real life friends close to home who can pick you up if your car breaks down, give you a shoulder to cry on when your pet dies, see a film with you, have a walk and a talk, go bike riding or shopping together. Invest time with a person who can give you a satisfying, supportive, vibrant relationship, instead of words in a vacuum. It will work out better and the chance of being catfished is minimized. You only have to watch "catfish" to find out how many people fake profiles and lie about their lives to keep a word-support relationship going because of whatever unhappy issues plague them. It's not good to be used.

[@indigoblue4791]

What fantastic advice! It's needed pinned to top of the comments section, for everybody to read. 😊

[@NewtralHuman]

More technical mumbo-jumbo to avoid describing the consequences of emotional and physical intimacy out side of *marriage*. It easily develops the worst of traits: dishonor, disloyalty, disloyalty, ungrateful, treachery.

[@olumide31907]

Interesting talk.

[@howardjohnson2138]

Interesting. Thank you

[@composerdoh]

Well, the internet has magnified the issue, but it's hardly new. For over 200 years one could have an "affair" via written correspondence. All you needed was ability to read, write, paper, something to write with, and a post system. There are examples of "affairs" via letters from 50 years ago to 150 years ago where the two "lovers" never even met in person.

[@bubblywaters3116]

Excellent!

[@silviahernandez7175]

I feel and think when you meet/know organicly meaning casually at the mall, store, restaurant and face to face ask for their names more emotions/investment its done probably more valued than someone met online cus u see what you see the person how it really is not the persona/image in a profile... i met this guy whos friends in fb are pretty much that a list of options or possibilities available for him... how do we want to be viewed, i dont think virtual intimacy its genuine nit all people are honest

[@christian4641]

Wow...Excellent content.

[@alanguest1434]

that courage is needed to actually meet in real life. Oddly enough that doesn't happen because many lack that courage. I have many women friends on dating apps and most of the contacts she's get they never meet up. She's willing to but they chicken out last minute.

[@vanekirk]

“How can love survive in such a graceless age”? Don Henley from “The Heart Of The Matter”.

[@luisl691]

I don't use misrepresentation. I throw red flags right out there. Then follow up with green lights. Its user preference to haul or go.

[@vapeking466]

My brother met his wife online but that was 20 years ago.

[@AnnaCatherineB]

People put emotional energy and time into friends/acquaintances they were attracted to before the internet.