"Only An Addict Can Help Another Addict" Is a MYTH, and here's why...

Today's video delves into a crucial but often overlooked aspect of the recovery journey. While support and solidarity are essential in the process of healing, there are instances where well-meaning individuals on their own path to recovery might unknowingly hinder the progress of others. Join us as we explore the nuances of this phenomenon and discuss how we can navigate these challenges with empathy and understanding. Whether you're a recovering individual or someone supporting a loved one through their journey, this insightful discussion offers valuable insights into fostering a more inclusive and supportive recovery community. Watch now
⚠️These are educational videos, NOT therapy or advice specific to your situation.
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[@sensiblecrime7699]

I recently heard that half of the people who go to AA and relapse never go back because they are ashamed. We have to work at making people feel accepted and loved when they mess up.

[@PutTheShovelDown]

💯💯

[@briandonovan5687]

I do want to say that i recommend your channel all the time because Your awsome number 1 but you REALLY REALLY get it Amber. I appreciate you and this channel so much. Addiction is not a cookie cutter approach and one thing for certain is addiction is not Simple at all. Each story is completely unique n although theres alot of similarities it has to be approached with fresh eyes everytime

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Wow! Thanks for your positivity and support, Brian! 😀😀

[@richardpearce4988]

I've definitely felt the impatience of being post recovery with people just starting out, or who I think should look at themselves. It's not a very lovely trait as people have helped me, but I think you're right that it's common. Bit like a blue belt in ju-jitsu or a 2nd/3rd year student in college - you know some things and that might be useful, but easy to (i) forget what it took yourself to get there and (ii) act like an expert when you're at best just midway in the journey

[@PutTheShovelDown]

That's a great metaphor.

[@roxannegarcia5853]

I believe they can help each other out simply because AA, Al-Anon, CoDA 12 step programs do work.

[@LetThoseOatsRoll]

My recovery from alcohol, cannabis and junk food took a totally circular route with many 'rock bottoms' and i kinda think that concept is a bit of a myth that doesn't really help. Professional counselling was helpful at times. AA and OA was never helpful for me. Totally agree, thank you. I call it the blind leading the blind although it does work for some people. I just want to say that if it doesn't work for you, don't give up on your recovery journey, there are other ways to get there ❤. And thank you for the insight into my own lack of sympathy for addicted family members. I'll be more careful about my projections from now on ❤

[@PutTheShovelDown]

That's great advice!

[@sharonscott1776]

My ex is a meth addict, he was clean 20 months and wasn’t going to any therapy or group to keep him clean. He was doing community service at a men’s shed and they put him in charge of other community service workers and were on meth. I knew it was wrong and it was only a matter of time until he was using again. I remember hearing him talking to Peter, his mother was so worried for her son and Steve would tell her give him space etc. Steve spent daily with Peter eventually and Steve was back in active addiction again. So I blame Dave who put Steve in charge of addicts when Steve had no control himself. Dave is in his 70’s running a men’s shed who told Steve to get rid of me as we are too different he wants a drug life and Sharon doesn’t. Steve listened to him, he blocked me for two weeks. I was the only non addict in Steve’s life. So I do believe he chose his addiction over us. He wouldn’t go to get help. Now he’s so bad on drugs, he’s 56, so doubt he will ever get off drugs now.

[@PutTheShovelDown]

That's absolutely heartbreaking, Sharon. I'm so sorry you've had to go through all that.

[@sandrapaterson6322]

Im in AA and Naranon. OUTSIDE the meeting itself, I agree. I’ve gotten a lot of shit from AA members about not “dumping “ my boyfriend for him to hit bottom but I’ve learned from this channel and naranon to set very good boundaries .

[@dianemcmahan5159]

Amber, you are so easy to listen to, and make this issue perfectly clear, in how to cope with the elephant in the room. Thank you Mrs. H ✅

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Awwwww, thanks Diane 😀😀😀💖💖

[@briandonovan5687]

I agree 100% Addicts have empathy where otheres dont BUT, they themselves unless they have alot of experience n insight they can really lead them astray. It also demends on the person, if a person had a full life prior to addiction are better equipped than those that have been addiction since their early youth imo

[@PutTheShovelDown]

We're on the exact same page, Brian! 💃🏻🕺🏻

[@marvinferguson1332]

I went to AA meetings for a long time. I finally quit because it was making me want to drink. I had a wreck while drunk. I ended up in jail for drunk driving. When I got out, first thing I did was drink again. I ended up losing my driver's lisince for 3 months. I finally fought the addiction on my own. I quit for almost two years and mistakingly let my sister move in with me. Found out she was actively drinking, couldn't hold a job and always it was someone else's fault. I started drinking again to be able to handle the situation. That's been five years and I'm still drinking.

[@deannarobinson4065]

Love this! Love this! Love this! Love that you tackled this!

[@deannarobinson4065]

There’s also the aspect of all the things the Addicted Loved one has said about (most likely) the Sig Other, when in active addiction, behind the S.O.’s back…. And after someone gets into recovery, they will sometimes still have to contend with whatever stories and mean things they said about the SO when they were drinking/using.

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Gosh, thanks Deanna! 😀

[@ADRS271]

This was very helpful. I had people tell me I should just cut my loved one off but I’m really glad I didn’t. I did distance myself but I didn’t totally close off.

[@PutTheShovelDown]

I'm so glad this was helpful to you! 😀😀😀 Thanks for watching and espcially for taking time to leave a nice comment!

[@maylammarie]

Thanks to all I learned from Amber my partner has over a year and a half of continuous sobriety ❤ I promise what she says works!!

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Thanks Maylammarie!

[@sandrapaterson6322]

Important to distinguish between the 12 step meeting itself and before and after. The structure of the meeting is set up for no crosstalk so is very safe.. with a good sec who stops passive agressive “ shares “

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Good point.

[@mauiminnowful]

It’s such a slippery slope. In our 12 step programs we’re told as soon as we complete the steps with a sponsor (in early early recovery), to immediately begin helping others. In fact it is Step 12. You have uninformed people sponsoring newcomers. Disastrous sometimes!

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Good point. Sometimes I think people who have between 1-3 years make good sponsors because they still remember what it’s like. Other times it s a mess

[@user-df6th2ce5v]

I recently watched 60 Minutes segment on Dr. Ali Rezai’s Focused Ultrasound for treatment of addiction. I’ve watched my son become the exact replica of his great grandfather, great uncle, uncle, male cousins. We know addiction/personality is very biological. How can these strategies help change brain development?

[@davidcasson5602]

Hi Amber ,, facing up to them hardball ,,was never going to work on my partner,, I made the mistake right at the start of confronting them and ,, well ,,I asked them not to drink 🍷 as soon as they got home from work ,so guess what ,,they didn’t come home , sober , they went to the bar 1st . From then on it was cat and mouse ,, the main problem ,, apart from them being drunk ,, by the time I got home ,, was ,, I couldn’t get them to see a future without it,,they were this sexy ,wide awake , on it ,, person. Even when I ended stepping over them ,crashed out outside the supermarket .Sexy wide awake ,, well ,, it’s not what the rest of us are seeing.