Opie & Anthony: Contract Of Wifely Expectations (02/22/06)

[@barahng]

I like how he tries to make it sound official and clinical using words like "vaginal" but then immediately after he says "slit". Real charmer this guy is.

[@thebrownkid2218]

any girl willing to sign this document willing is a keeper.

[@ea8449]

Fcking in the a** is considered roaming. LMAO

[@ViktorVZ-ro]

This episode should be called: "Opie and Anthony read the quran".

[@Hope-Truth-Light]

Lmao

[@mr.brenman2132]

​@@Hope-Truth-LightWhoa. Easy with the Islamophobia pal.

[@BradyIsAfagInHeat]

Insanely hilarious!

[@SeamHead33]

​@mr.brenman2132 nah it's great and btw criticism or disagreement isn't phobia

[@OhHeyItsAlexx]

"Subset A, paragraph 6, clearly states, there will be a shaved anus in my face at 8:19 every night, unless its Monday night football"

[@zachk5249]

This is easily one of the funniest stand alone bits they ever did

[@tuco1121]

Patrice was the ONLY other man who could've successfully pulled this off.

[@polloleche7719]

And you'll never amount to anything and won't be remembered when you die so keep that in mind. Fuckin hater...

[@tuco1121]

@Mr Lovely I simply stated only he could pull something like this off. While I liked the guy as a human, I disagreed with his politics and was not a huge fan of his stand-up. In short, try being less of an assumptive twat hair.

[@bleepblop6132]

Mr Lovely where could i read your poetry?

[@bleepblop6132]

Mr Lovely I don’t have one in particular. I just enjoy reading poetry from time to time. I’m what you would call a “casual” when it comes to poetry

[@docvanilla2004]

Mr Lovely you might be the most autistic person I’ve ever seen

[@tarrasque419]

"You will wear a septic tank on your head" LOL

[@ga4650]

Guys women don’t do contracts. You need to think about a relationship with a girl like a continuous negotiation. Soon as you make a commitment she’s thinking how she can get out of it. Negotiations keep them interested. No marriage or long term relationships since they Just Can Not Be Trusted.

[@negativeindustrial]

Viking Blood Please tell me you’re trolling. “Bitches be tripping” is the cringiest shit I’ve read on the internet in a long time and you used it twice.

[@leethejuggler1486]

@@negativeindustrial did he delete his comment? It would’ve been funny to read

[@negativeindustrial]

@@leethejuggler1486 🤣 I kind of remember that one. It was so bad. There was more but that’s just where my douchemeter went in the red.

[@mozzarellakrunccy5655]

I'm curious to hear the story behind this opinion. Also, I think it's worth adding as a general rule of thumb, for every one thing she complains about in a day there were five things she had a problem with but didn't complain about. So especially if your partner seems ready for anything, when she has an issue with something, take it seriously.

[@williamsummers3557]

What was wrong with it, bitches do be trippin

[@chrisvaldez952]

“If you’re here, and I’m here, doesn’t that make it OUR time?” Lmao

[@l0ufromdaBX]

7:00 to 7:30 is one of the most funny/brutal bits I’ve ever heard.

[@dbrown2264]

Their serious debate over these contract terms is hilarious.

[@Ninja6485]

Every caller sounds exactly the same

[@RossKempOnYourMum01]

This is clearly a dom/sub kink thing and not a marriage contract

[@rippspeck]

Agreed. This is just the inverse of a "pussy-whipped" husband who enjoys being bossed around. I bet she came a little every time she put down her initials.

[@mozzarellakrunccy5655]

You'd be surprised

[@alexp2557]

For sure, but the dude fucked up by putting it in writing. Show that shit to anyone without any context and they'll think he's a lunatic. I'm sure she happily agreed to it at the time, then the moment he did something she didn't like she brought it to a lawyer. The contract is all smudged because the lawyer was drooling over it

[@mr.brenman2132]

​@@mozzarellakrunccy5655Not in Arabia.

[@intr0vertig0]

39:03 Opie, you cut off BILL BURR to see what some dumb caller has to say? Bruh

[@darrenthetuber743]

He was on a role for a while, by you know shutting up most of the time

[@cky1088]

During this time Bill Burr was a nobody.

[@theregulator1]

@@cky1088 he def wasn’t a nobody….he just wasn’t who he is today.

[@grilledlettuce1845]

Today honestly. Wouldn't be mad if Opie cut Bill off. He turned into a major sjw. It's sickening

[@alexp2557]

Yeah this is a good example of why Opie sucked ass. His contributions were cringe, and he only moved to phone calls because he didn't have anything to add for a solid 10 minutes.

[@dlaface7237]

I love how this guy wrote this to sound legal and official and was being so serious with the idea of a contract and the wording yet used his favorite dumb childish font. That font stinks

[@Tigerboyswagg]

This is for real some Greg Jackson "Onision" shit

[@pinethree7283]

This is the family you see on the news one random morning... the details are not clear at this point but the husband was found dead in bed early yesterday morning by the 7 year old. We have the 911 call, more at 11.

[@OFFICIAL863JLS]

No fat clause?

[@OFFICIAL863JLS]

@@magamale2111 lol I'm just saying, all that detail and he forgot the don't get fat part?

[@natestrickland1989]

For real, all that preparation into such wonderful document and he left that out. That’d be like writing the Bible and leaving out the New Testament

[@bb-od9ku]

Thats what i was expecting guess he didnt care

[@TheWeebinar]

Mistakes were made.

[@ChubbyCheckhers]

They addressed that

[@AL13NM]

The Valentines Day Manifesto.

[@BFSOM]

Romantic as fuck

[@pellel8283]

today is 1/4..She earns a B-day GBD!!

[@BuffaloveBills]

I wish Jimmy would have actually made a contract and read it on air

[@mozzarellakrunccy5655]

The world isn't ready

[@Spootnik]

To be fair marriage is just a contract anyway, this guys just a business man, always looking for a better deal

[@mozzarellakrunccy5655]

That's what Craigs List is for.

[@saraforney3940]

Husband is making a contact for my Christmas present

[@bopalopedumbaldorf5147]

@1 2 Lol. F'n dolt

[@theflanman1986]

Sara Forney you sound like a real hole

[@Azidoazideazide.]

@1 2 she's probably ugly

[@teamhex]

@@Azidoazideazide. She's probably a he...

[@randymarsh9089]

A dildo doesn't have opposable thumbs

[@louis3141]

This guy is my hero lol

[@gmb7200]

39:00 just shameful

[@HaythamThorn]

@@gmb7200 Oh, fuck off.

[@diplamatikjuan3595]

Correction: he's every guy's hero

[@ct-gt2dt]

your hero is a child molester??

[@realBiGO]

my hero

[@tedcrilly46]

gofundme - statue to this guy.

[@tedcrilly46]

@Sister Mary Catherine That money was just resting in my account.

[@sponge6197]

I checked the register and he was arrested for CP in 2008.

[@JahBronee]

Did ya?

[@sponge6197]

@@JahBronee Yes.

[@bobocaterpillar3697]

what is CP ?

[@sponge6197]

@@bobocaterpillar3697 Coconut plundering.

[@sponge6197]

@@marz-95 Yeah very funny guy, let's be serious here, Callous Plumbing can lead to leakages and possible slipping accidents grow up.

[@AnnaJo2000]

All he had to do was get a sex doll. Boom, problem solved.

[@NxDoyle]

To call this a "slave contract", as one caller did, attaches a kind of pejorative implication that the submissive party has no rights. Up to a specific point, this contract sounds like a mutual power exchange. As far as the media (including O&A) is concerned, the focus of the contract is the sexual element. But it runs much deeper than that insofar as the submissive party is required to behave in a way that conforms to the dominant party's desires. Unless the submissive party is willing and able to do that, then it's an unfair exchange of power/control. In other words, you can compel someone to shave from bellybutton to asshole, but you can't compel them to be happy when they're not.

[@mattyboyanderson]

i read your comment early in the morning and I thought it said "this contract sounds like a mutant power exchange", and I laughed very hard because I was trying to grasp your point

[@mozzarellakrunccy5655]

I agree that BDSM relationships are often misunderstood, but I'm not sure whether this has anything to do with that, or if this guy is being a good dom, especially if he's up on charges. There are still guys out there that really think their wives should have no rights.

[@eyezwideopen7590]

These contracts wont hold up in our gynocentric feminist courts. No way no how.

[@teamhex]

Never. Not once.

[@theguywhoisaustralian1465]

@Magnus Fullauto Okay psycho virgin

[@vikingblood6781]

@Magnus Fullauto Just don't get married.

[@theflanman1986]

Magnus Fullauto you sound really well adjusted

[@docvanilla2004]

Magnus Fullauto you’re autistic huh?

[@AdairRobles]

Link to full contact www.thesmokinggun.com/documents/bizarre/sicko-marriage-contract-one-ages

[@edwardmoreland2785]

This should be standard in any marriage

[@mozzarellakrunccy5655]

Yeah but where's the part about you can't look at other men but I can look at other girls.

[@StevenBray-o4m]

Totally agree

[@Doomreb]

Alright, that list went on too long. Something's not right with that guy lol He basically overkilled it.

[@docvanilla2004]

I see no problems here

[@godlesspeacesign8852]

hey yall think jimmy actually did this with nikki?

[@JohnDoe-cj1cw]

This guy rules

[@calviincalifornia4048]

women should be grateful to be treated how we treat them and not put them thru a wall constantly

[@sk6964]

Can I have your SS# and a blood sample ppl need to be warned

[@mozzarellakrunccy5655]

Did you hear that SUSAN!?

[@FangXL]

Documented insecurity

[@vikingblood6781]

More like he knows how lazy and slovenly bitches can get.

[@gypsymorning8558]

19:00 It's "phoning it in" Opie.

[@manlyburns5772]

im mad as hell

[@deandrepowell7115]

perhaps a bit more

[@nestlesnipes1893]

Billy's wife made him get rid of his dog and drum set when they got married, IIRC

[@negativeindustrial]

It was when their first baby was born but your point still stands.

[@zionix15432]

"every couple years on your birthday" What

[@SKa-tt9nm]

No she didn’t. Bill jams all the time. And no real bill burr fan thinks his wife made him get rid of the dog. All of us have heard the Cleo story many times. So 0/2 slugger.

[@mike2590rrr]

@@SKa-tt9nm "real bill burr fan", what is that?

[@citylimit33]

she also told him who to hang out with and who not too 😂

[@deadjuice1880]

39:20 This sounds like a dork to me, but I agree with the first caller about the dumb woman who chose to sign this stupid thing. If you look at this stupid thing, and don't turn it down and leave this guy, it's all in you... up until the creep actually ties you up and SAs you. That shouldn't happen to anyone against their will, disgusting, but can also see her using that against him when she decides when she was done with it. Nothing against BDSM relationships, but thinks one stinks of losers.

[@awesomecool3280]

Oh I wish 😂

[@drawstringg7519]

Opie can relate. He gets to watch naked women walk around in studio and his wife knows better to check him on it or get jealous 🤷

[@stephencooper5155]

How the fuck do you kidnap your own wife lmao like who are you kidnapping her from??? She's yours.

[@groovygamers1]

Lmao I hope you're joking

[@mozzarellakrunccy5655]

Yeah lol she Is mine. Not yours. Because you say shit like this.

[@citylimit33]

how stupid can one comment get? 🤔

[@tejasnair3399]

Foreskin

[@dannyvitullo27]

3:38

[@Hilder78]

14:00

[@bob9280]

18:10

[@baalzebub5000]

LOL is that a typo.

[@SKa-tt9nm]

Could you please be more vague?

[@baalzebub5000]

@@SKa-tt9nm I know right.

[@saraforney3940]

Craziest thing my hubby does is put strange things inside me. I like it though. He hasn’t done it in a while he used to stick water bottles & ya know whatever else was around inside me...but he hasn’t in so long probably coz after the baby I got a lil fat but this contract could do wonders for us

[@negativeindustrial]

Viking Blood “All insertion and/or application of lube is to be performed by (the woman)” Greasy dog dicks qualify as both. Weren’t you listening to the contract?

[@MrIvanKnight]

God, you thirst for attention like its going out of style. Shaddap.

[@saraforney3940]

Nukka Nonsense nah I probably won’t 🤷‍♀️

[@saraforney3940]

Nukka Nonsense nah I probably won’t 🤷‍♀️

[@KC-bg1th]

Change your first name to Kate, so it looks silly on legal documents when it's read as: Forney, Kate.

[@kommandomarksman3545]

This man is a fucking legend. Why did patrice never comment on this?!?! Also, its impossible to rape your wife. Does not compute

[@mozzarellakrunccy5655]

If you're married and think that you probably rape her every time

[@matthewgriffin7857]

Creepy