Could You Be Autistic? The Signs & Traits Of Undiagnosed Autism

[@ieatlotsoftoast]

It's amazing how nobody helps you in life, especially family. They just think your some weirdo who's depressed.

[@JC-ji1hp]

This hits home for me

[@Fairbranksthecat]

Or worse your mother knows you're autistic but didn't want to put the stigmat on you and get you diagnosed. That's tough, I can't even hate her, she's the only parent I ever had but I spent all my life thinking I was just crazy and a burden to everyone around me until 3 days ago when I read about a study on mental illness and autism correlation, and I discover that I'm autistic trying my hardest to supress my autistics behaviors to fit in the norm at the cost of my health.

[@HeathenofthePineyWoods]

I’m not deficient, I’m abundant.

[@robertriding1342]

Lit my adopted mum tried to kill me just cos I was autistic n burnt out got put back into care at 16 n been a mess ever since

[@robertriding1342]

​@@Fairbranksthecatthis shit socks cos eventually u burn out n its fucking horrible hope your good tho sometimes going no contact is best I had to for my sake :)

[@ivankocienski1]

i am not formerly diagnosed or anything but a thing i remember is when i was in school my teachers would always be on my back about "he's so smart if only he focused and applied himself in class". i was forever doing badly in classes and so i would be put in the special ed class because they thought i couldn't hack it but then in special ed class i would be too smart! so they would put me back in the regular class. this happened a bunch of times. it even still happens where people meet me and think i am really clever and then get confused when i do really stupid things.

[@chairninja]

I always did ok with school, but my teachers could tell I had more in me....try harder, stop being lazy was the rationale. But as Orion stated all I needed was some one to be with me to reassure me so I could get started.

[@LucaAnamaria]

I'm legally blind and that exact same thing happened to me.

[@willak79bud90]

Same.

[@thehunta1744]

Same thing happened to me

[@jackd.rifter3299]

I had the same kind of experience. Toggling back and forth in certain classes between regular and special ed classes and they would always be on the fence about what kind of "special" I am. I got along with more people in the special ed class.

[@nbctheoffice]

I can’t tell you how validating it feels to hear you explain near the end that autistic traits may not appear until well into adulthood when the external pressures exceed personal capacity. I feel like I’ve really hit this tipping point in my personal life in the last five years. Our stories are similar in that I didn’t consider my own autism until my child was diagnosed! Thank you for this content.

[@babystepsgarden6162]

Me too, lol! And my "child" was not diagnosed until she was 30.😅 I so love being able to understand why she.... (fill-in the blank). Example: When she was six, I gave her a birthday party. She stayed alone in her room almost the whole time. I thought I had failed her somehow, but I never suspected autism. We are very close, and have a wonderful relationship. But if only I'd known! I feel I could have been a much better mom.

[@jimmybutler15907]

This is my story too!

[@drkarenswrld]

Mine didn’t really appear until my late 40s, though may be confounded by trauma

[@noblefir9106]

Me too!

[@justinedse8435]

@nbctheoffice Parkour!

[@GhostCracker0]

I love how now that I’m learning about autism, autism and ADHD descriptions are just describing huge chunks of my life and I’m just like, “Oh, so that’s why that happens!” Or, “Wait, that’s NOT normal?!”

[@Defeat-Ruzzia--Delete-Putin]

I feel the same way. I probably am mildly autistic and often don't even realize that I am making neurotypical people feel awkward with the way I interact. I also feel like I understand autistic people much better than neurotypical people. All my life I got along well with people who seem autistic. In the past I hardly even realized how different neurotypical people are from me. Now I also feel I may need to learn how neurotypical people think so I can understand them, as they are kind of a mystery to me. I am a teacher so it is good for me to better understand the weirdly different way neurotypical people experience the world.

[@Pause0]

I knew a whole lot of what i do isnt normal just through talking to others and being like "wait, so you dont panic in conversations, feel like an alien, and spend entire weeks or months focusing on the same thing?"

[@Baptized_in_Fire.]

​@@Defeat-Ruzzia--Delete-Putinit's called high masking.

[@Imperial_Lizardgirl]

​@@Defeat-Ruzzia--Delete-Putin Слава Украины, свобода России 👊 удалить путлера, нельзя помиловать. 🇺🇦🇷🇺

[@Imperial_Lizardgirl]

​@@Pause0 GOD IT'S WHAT I DO!!! GOD WHY?!

[@adellajones9887]

I love these comments. I am over 60 and have so many of the issues you talk about. I always felt overwhelmed with working jobs. I finally got really overwhelmed - couldn't remember anything and thought the work process was stupid. I don't like talking on the phone. I don't want to go anywhere. I hate people. They drain any energy I have. Your channel is so helpful ❤️

[@yasmeenamzk]

I’m 30 and exactly the same here. Now not sure what to do with my life..

[@Dave-lg5oz]

@@yasmeenamzk30 is very young, you gotta do what u wanna do with your life, dont worry about what anybody else wants

[@theother1281]

@@yasmeenamzk Follow what feels right inside ignoring what the world might think.

[@BellaMarsilioRN]

64 here and the same. Isolated with animals and homesteading. Hate talking on tele too. I don't "hate" people, but feel extremely misunderstood ALL THE TIME so I tend to avoid people. Took the Meyers Brigg Personality test and scored INFJ, which represents 1% of those tested. #BlessedBeThee🐦

[@billware6721]

Education for me was a nightmare. After multiple sales positions generating moderate success which I now understand was due to fairly good masking skills I discovered Over the Road trucking. At 64 I have been a commercial driver for around 30 years. The industry pays well and provides hours of repetitive skills, routine, solitude and productivity without the overstimulation of jobs in which one is surrounded by people. It was a lifesaver for me long before I understood my autism or that I was even a candidate. #thetruckdriverspeaks

[@JD96893]

The adult diagnosis part was really helpful for me. I'm still un diagnosed but I'm pretty sure I have autism. It would explain so many of the struggles I have had but especially as an adult.

[@yungyahweh]

@@HonorableHarbinger your comment reminded me of one time at work everyone ganged up on me and bitched me out for never saying goodbye on the telephone and just hanging up. Never realized I was doing that. Never felt I was doing anything wrong.

[@tempestive1]

Detail I have heard from many autistic people I've conversed with - I was told autism isn't something you catch or have - you ARE.

[@TEWMUCH]

​@@yungyahwehlol 😂

[@ryanbarker3978]

@@HonorableHarbinger I get what you're saying, but it's important to disconnect from the subjective and head towards the objective if you think you see evidence of mental illness in your life. The key is not your emotions surrounding your life... those are going to change day to day. The key is to actually get screened, and if that provides supporting evidence, order an actual clinical evaluation and differential diagnosis. I flew "under the radar" for almost three decades of my life because of comments like this one. I keep telling everyone I always felt different but could never articulate why, and people would baselessly dismiss it based on simple objectivities in my life... you have a career... you are successful... you are in shape... your social issues will just "work themselves out". I spent about 10 years trying to find a therapist and experienced really high turnover. The common feedback was that I was "too high functioning" for therapy. That led me to self help and darker corners of the internet which wasted multiple years of my life. At the tail end of that, I tried therapy again, and finally found someone excellent who was willing to ACTUALLY LISTEN TO ME. He came up with some theories after a few months of working together, and then had me take a test without telling me what it was. It was an Autism Spectrum Quotient, and I lit it up like a Christmas tree. We're working through MSD5 together currently to explore it more. "Society" falls short in a lot of ways and one of the worst issues with it presently is that there is such a poor understanding of what high functioning mental illness looks like. Just because someone has a thorough understanding of the way their brain works and knows how to cope with their specific set of challenges does not mean that their brain functions the same as yours. When my therapist pointed out just how much effort I put into masking, it absolutely floored me. Not asking for pity, apologies, or excuses in telling this story. I am just trying to point out a different perspective. If someone feels like they need help, they should listen to that feeling no matter what anybody else tells them.

[@etcwhatever]

​@@HonorableHarbingerthis makes it even more obvious to me as i had a lot of traits as a child. I act more normal now but its draining and i burn out often. When i meltdown its like i cant handle anything anymore and i feel angry and like i dont know where i am. Its hard

[@andersh9301]

The different criteria for autism basically explain my whole upbringing. I always blamed myself for not being able to act "normal" and at 12 I started having constant thoughts of suicide. Those constant thoughts lasted until I seeked help 21 years later, at the age of 33. I can't understand why no one could see it when I was a child. It was so obvious.

[@Pause0]

Sounds like me, relatively bubbly, curious, absent minded child that once in school, around grade 6-8 started noticing I was somehow different in my thought patterns from other children but could never really put my finger on it, so I just tried to develop strategies to fit in, frustrated it wasn't working and I fundementally cannot understand conversations and impressions like others do for a decade and a half until just now, where I'm finally hearing other people tell my story for me!

[@tnix80]

This was my experience, no shrink could figure it out despite being a complete basket case

[@arsena5209]

Often times it's because people simply don't *want* to see it. Sometimes it's because they believe that acknowledging you may have any mental illness or disability would expose you as 'different' and 'weird' which are unacceptable things to be in society. Sometimes it's because knowing the reason why you act in ways they deem 'wrong' makes it so they can no longer insult you and make fun of you for acting that way with no consequences, because then it's not you, it's your illness/disability and it's generally seen as not okay to make fun of people known to be disabled. Other times it's because they don't want to put in effort to help you or be kind and understanding towards you, because they don't deem you important or worth their time or they only care about themselves. Maybe people really didn't see it or maybe they did but preferred to ignore it. I've also seen someone say that their teachers have talked to their mother multiple times about wanting to do an autism evaluation, but the mother would always dismiss it, so it could also be that your parents have done the same and nobody ever told you about it. It's hard to say, because I don't know you and it could be any of these reasons or a combination of a few of them, but those are some things I've noticed in my own experiences, the experiences of others, and other people's behaviour towards mental illness, disabilities and people who deal with these things in themselves.

[@SaltySirenFloriduh]

Oh my goodness, the phone call and conversation aspect is spot on. I always thought that was just my social anxiety...really, just the whole social portion is so relatable.

[@gaynor_goldcoast]

I’m a volunteer for Riding for the disabled- it’s mostly for autistic children and it’s sponsored by the government. I started because I love horses and knew nothing about autism. I’ve learnt a lot, some of the kids are high functioning and some are not. It’s been very interesting and the horses are a great therapy for the kids as they are large, gentle and don’t care what you’re thinking but how you treat them

[@angeljaceherondale]

I've been waiting one month for my diagnosis after the end of the process and I've been so stressed about it. Having a brain that tells you you're faking it to make yourself feel better doesn't help at all. But watching you does, so thank you.

[@supremetarantulasorcerer165]

Same,it just feels like I'm just convincing myself that I'm autistic as an excuse for everything that's wrong with me,at this point idrk

[@I_like_turtles_67]

Considering I talked to a therapist and she wasn't very helpful when I told her. I know how you feel.

[@DD-wx4jc]

How did the diagnosis go and what was your process like?

[@OzymandiasWasRight]

I went to take tests to see if I was ADD. After a couple sessions the testing was expanded. I was anxious about the tests, but they're not bad. Some tests feel repetitive or redundant at times, but apparently that's by design. It's also a lot of interview style questions, and weird tests I still have no idea their purpose. One was just drawing circles inside of circles? I know some people want the diagnosis, but I'm not sure how you'd "cheat" the kind of testing I had. I walked out with quite a haul though! A degree in autism, my ADD certification, a minor in depression, and just barely missed my anxiety requirement. Only 3 panic attacks, those are rookie numbers. Oh I'm also anorexic, struggle with insomnia, and possibly a little OCD....but I've kept my amateur status with those. I'm sure I could turn pro with anorexia and insomnia, but at some point I'd just be bragging.

[@lucid2184]

@@OzymandiasWasRight that's how you're doing in this carnival freak show where selfish and materialistic WINS🤪 What about where people's feelings and needs matter most?

[@mizotter]

"My capacity was not meeting my demands!...I started to look a LOT more autistic..." That's me. Only when the pressures from being targeted for harassment on my job of 25 years added to all the normal pressures of being a high school English teacher did my mask crack, then quickly shatter within 2-3 months. I retired suddenly in 2019, just as the 3rd trimester began. I was profoundly traumatized, and I've been in recovery since. A big part of recovery has been discovering, at age 57, that I'm AUTISTIC, not suffering from BPD, as I was misdiagnosed when a teen. Behaviors that was interpreted as "depression" were either a meltdown or shutdown related to social trauma (bullying, grooming, dating violence, etc); behaviors deemed "mania" was simply my intense focus on and energy for my interests (and echolalia: blurting or repeating song lyrics--or actually bursting into song!). It was quite funny to discover that I'm autistic after my retirement. Without knowing of my own autism, I'd built a reputation as the teacher in my department who worked well with autistic students, I'm proud to admit. I even did teacher research and a case study with one of my autistic students so that I could learn more about how to help my autistic students. I'm glad to say that many of my autistic former students are my friends on social media, even decades after graduation, and we've all had a good laugh over my late discovery of my autism! Nobody--especially my students-- has been shocked when I tell them, LOL! Thanks for making great content! Be well!

[@chelseamayb]

“Why do you stand up so much, cause I don’t wanna sit 🤣🤣🤣

[@advancedtechnologiesandresearc]

unfortunately society does not respect autistic personnel. many autistic people have had their national security clearances suspended, denied, or revoked for being autistic. If not for the terrifying events that happened in Nazi Germany from 1933-1945 it is my humble conclusion that autistic people would now either be gassed or euthanized one way or another by society as a whole. What particularly makes me enraged with especially the treatment of high functioning autistic people is that how they are treated on par with individuals with actual severe and true mental disorders such as criminal insanity, kleptomaniacs, Pyromaniacs, homosexuals that are deliberately spreading HIV infections, sociopaths, and psychopaths.

[@joshgarrison7779]

"Nobody has been shocked when I told them" ME TOO!! I still can't stop laughing... It at least defuses some anxiety.

[@advancedtechnologiesandresearc]

@@joshgarrison7779 do you think my reply was too severe???

[@joannacampos5942]

This was a beautiful message and way of expressing it. I find myself struggling at the moment with my diagnosis. I was diagnosed with ADHD at 25, now at 32, attending therapy and working in the education field I see and make connections. At this point I feel / know its Autism, especially after your reading your experience with working with special education! I was working with children that were autistic and would be able to express their interactions and feelings due to my own connections. One of my peers really noticed and knew before I did, she was patient with me and help me make those connections as well. I worked well with those students and teachers really enjoyed watching their student feeling safe and at easy when I worked with them. This is my 4th year teaching and I am thankful that I work in a field that can understand myself and help others as well! You comment really made my day!

[@mauricebeauchsne2061]

Hypersensitivity to moving objects in my peripheral has saved my life from deer and moose so many times

[@kissmyaft]

I saved my parent's house from fire twice, waking in the middle of the night after sensing a burnt smell.

[@markrichter2053]

Saved my life when I was learning to drive and I saw a speeding car on the main road when my mum told me it was safe to pull out of a Junction. But hypersensitivity to sunlight has led to a lot of headaches in the last ten years. It’s a result f aid adaptation to atress

[@jannettb7930]

When I was a kid I thought people must be telepathic, because everyone else seemed to know things and exchange ideas in some way I couldn't detect. I even had a theory about how this telepathy developed into adulthood, and I just was missing that part of me. I would be hanging out with a group and all of a sudden they would discuss the same thing or get up and go do the same thing seemingly out of the blue, and I figured there must be a telepathic conversation going on that I couldn't detect

[@robertbooth1395]

Same here. Particularly in elementary school, I was always oblivious to instructions given by our teachers. The other students knew what the in-class topic was, what the homework assignment was, what projects were due, and when. Not me!

[@jannettb7930]

@robertbooth1395 yep. I'd come in to school and someone would ask if I brought my science project or why I wasn't in pajamas for pajama day or something. I had no idea.

[@TEWMUCH]

Aaaw. ❤

[@TheNakorius]

i get what you mean..i was always belittled why i didnt do this or that..and when i said no one told me to or how to do something all i got was stares..

[@LocalPest]

I've had to repeatedly ask people over text if they're being sarcastic, if what they said was positive or negatiive, etc. Even irl I am the last person to understand the joke even if I ever understand it. My thought is that i'm just dense a rock since i'm neurotypical, probably, i'll figure it out soon

[@michaelshawii6722]

I am sick and tired of being accused of being obsessed with something that I have taken an interest in just because I am focused on it at any point and time. I AM NOT OBSESSED, I just enjoy this, and it has my attention right now. Damn dude.

[@kymholwerda1014]

Another trait I have. I’m a ‘treasure hunter’. Going into thrift shops or garage sales is just so stimulating for me because I don’t know what I might find that might be worth something. The problem for me, though, is that the satisfaction I get from buying something because I might sell it at a high price eclipses the satisfaction I get from actually selling it. So … before I’ve sold everything I’ve already acquired I’m already out there again treasure hunting for things I might be able to sell. This consequently leads to hoarding and then I get overwhelmed. And the therapy I find most effective in dealing with that overwhelm is … treasure hunting!!! 😒

[@susanschmalle8895]

The lights changing color in the background is driving me insane

[@janeteddddd]

​@@susanschmalle8895 yes, and the constant motion of his hands. I had to stop watching.

[@Trumpsucks4ever]

Hoarder here. I completely relate.

[@laurettayoung-violin5952]

I wanted to write as I think I might be able to help with the understanding of autistic women and masking. Hearing about masking, is what finally convinced me I might be autistic (although the term hindered my self diagnosis initially). Previously, I thought I was just 'too good' at understanding people (indeed expert at it!). I have spent my whole life, watching people's faces, figuring out what they want and need from me for them to feel happy, figuring out the real meanings and feelings behind people's words and understanding their motivations. I devoured psychology books in my twenties and instead of seeing myself as socially challenged, thought I was way ahead of the social and emotional game and that everyone else was behind! I was regularly told how mature a young lady I was! Over time (through talking to other people and reading about masking), I realized that other women were nowhere near as socially vigilant as I was and that they actually said what they wanted to in conversation with others. I also began to realize that the reason I dread socializing in bigger groups is because I stand no chance of being able to figure out and meet the needs of say, two or more people in conversation at once. To say it came as quite a shock to realize that other women don't think and act like this when with others is an understatement! The word 'masking' implies that the person deliberately puts a mask on, and in my case, it is such a way of life, and is so ingrained a part of my personality that it took time to recognize myself in such a description. Anxiety is also a term where you assume people know they have it, but speaking for myself, it took until my thirties to realize that I had been struggling with anxiety my WHOLE life. Quirky moments of anxiety are often too easy to write off as funny or unimportant: 1. Offering tea and coffee to visitors is SO stressful for me. When to ask people what they'd like is a problem, as they're usually in conversation with others and I don't know when to interrupt. 2. And this is a biggie for me..... with instructions for milk and sugar, I can only take one order at a time as I can't remember/process any more. Not only that, but if someone then stops to talk to me before I get to the kitchen, I forget what was said by that one person and have to go and ask them again. In the last two years I've read about 'auditory processing disorders' and again, this has been eyeopening and explains the tea and coffee stress and other things! Signs of autism can appear in the strangest parts of your life and not necessarily where a diagnostic manual says they should be! I think it may help other, older autistic women to understand that the 'masking' can be so good and so thorough that you yourself do not realize you have been doing it!

[@alexandrarimescomposer5871]

Wow. I read this and it was like reading a description of myself. I used to be a PA/secretary and the most stressful part of my job was not the "high-level" tasks other people might find a challenge. Instead, it was making teas and coffees for visitors or colleagues, for exactly the reasons you describe. I felt I had to pretend to find this seemingly straightforward task easy because I was scared that anyone might see through me and discover I was incompetent at something so "simple". Excessive social vigilance is something I can identify with too. I have a lack of genuine social spontaneity because I'm processing a great deal of data during social interactions and being overly cautious in all my responses. I consciously deduce what those around me are thinking and feeling, and because I've tried too hard over the years to get socialising "just right" and avoid causing hurt or offense, im actually pretty expert when it comes to diplomacy and making a good first impression, especially in formal contexts, but it requires a lot of hard work. I've masked my challenge in this area by using stock responses to as to free up enough mental bandwidth to consciously process non verbal information (as I can't make sense of it subconsciously). I also rehearse conversations before social events to preempt the kinds of questions I might be asked. Socialising in groups causes me a great deal of anxiety but as a result of my hard work I outwardly excel in social settings, but at a significant detriment to my mental health and wellbeing. The more perceptive people in the room can probably sense that something is a bit "off" with me, even if they can't put their finger on it. They might assume i'm hiding bad intentions rather than trying to be a nice and considerate person. This has cost me potential female friendships more times than I care to remember and is a source of great sadness. I find men easier to talk to because I think they are less perceptive when it comes to non verbal communication anyway so I don't have to try as hard when I'm around them. Yet I yearn for female company and alwats have. I sometimes which I could wear a sign that said "I'm not shifty, I'm just autistic, and I'm a really nice person....honest" because I am extremely thoughtful and caring, and so aware of myself and the feelings of others that sometimes it hurts. Only recently did I discover that being "normal" means being less vigilant and less "correct" as you say. But I'm still unable to relax and trust myself to get it right without putting in all the hard work "begind thd scenes". It is exhausting.

[@bbdn5123]

🌿🌺 Hello ladies, how are you doing these days? It's weirdly liberating next to all the anxiety to read about your experiences and observations. There's me... 🤯 The one we can't talk about (now). Take care 💖🌌💫

[@arsena5209]

I'm a 21 year old woman and I also always struggled with simple tasks like offering people coffee and tea, though not this exact task but similar regardless, and I thought it was because I must have anxiety/social anxiety but now I'm aware that it could also mean I'm autistic. I've been thinking about it for about a month now and watching videos like these and content made by autistic people a lot in the past few months and a lot of things make me think I'm autistic but others make me think I'm not and now thanks to these comments I'm also thinking that some of the autistic traits I think I don't have could simply be things I just *think* I don't experience when in reality I do, just don't notice them

[@davestewart2359]

Hi, I'm 67 and have realised over the last couple of years that I am autistic... It's been a hard life and my masking skills are quite good. Since I have realised that I have autism I feel relieved... I thought I was crazy, and my meltdowns I put down to depression or the fact that I was crazy. I haven't been diagnosed yet... I don't even know if it's worth it at this point. But any online test I have taken, has come back "you need to seek help". I now know what my problem is and I'm comfortable with me..

[@kayjay-kreations]

Congratulations xx

[@ADragonMyst]

I’m in the same boat at 57. It’s nice to finally understand me, seems like a good beginning.

[@butterpecanrican_]

I'm sorry that it's taken so long. I'm 43 and just discovering there may be something here. I feel almost vindicated by videos like this. There's nothing actually wrong with me, my brain just might be wired differently.

[@tonymk618]

That is my experience exactly!

[@divinelotus19]

Exactly. It's not like we can take a pill. It's a waste of time for me to get a diagnosis. I know I am.

[@zerodadutch6285]

I'm an undiagnosed female autistic and alot of this is me. I basically my whole life have had what I call an emotional support human or a bridge person. It was my younger brother growing up and now it's my husband. The analogy of there being a screen keeping you from social situations had me screaming yes. I've always felt like I was staring at a fun time but I was stuck behind one of those road block things.... it always made me fel off. It also lead to me being an easy target for bullies.

[@saladslug7432]

Hello, I just wanted to say as many have before me. I find your videos very helpful and kind of reassuring. I'm 23F and I was diagnosed with C-PTSD and ADHD about a year ago. The Psychologist diagnosing me with ADHD added "with a smidge of Asperger's" and of course that got the barrel rolling. My brother has Asperger's and I have at least 2 more cousins who are on the spectrum as well. I have since started questioning if I am in fact on the spectrum but I kept putting it off thinking "well someone would've noticed, because my brother got diagnosed" but I think my mom was very focused on my brother because it was already hard getting a doctor to diagnose him. And the circumstances of my upbringing, demanding me to be able to read my father very well and also raising my brother a lot of the time cause my mom was working 5 jobs at times. All added up to me just learning to mask early on. I have always been the odd one in school. It was hard maintaining friendships, I got bullied a lot, got depression after my dog died, had panic attacks 7 Times a day at times, which only got better after talking to teachers and classmates that I need them to ignore me when I leave the classroom and come back when I'm having a panic attack. Wanted to go into programming, didn't have the degree. Couldn't get the degree cause at the next school I was bullied by teachers and social workers for my panic attacks. Didn't do anything for 2 years except for job experiences. Went to nursing school and the first year was ok but with the second year I just felt like I was in constant burn out. Finished nursing school a year ago which takes 3 years. And now I'm trying to get into a school for programming again. I've been on antidepressants since I was 15yo and they don't really help. Been taking Dopamine for the ADD and they're amazing but now I'm burnt out again and your videos are just giving me the final push to advocate for myself. Just thinking back on my childhood and actually objectively viewing my behavior and challenges in life really astounds me as to how no therapist or psychologist who I've worked with ever suspected this. Sorry for just dumping all of this, I know a lot of people don't like "trauma dumping" but I just felt like I could just let it out here and even if no one reads this or replies I feel a lot better getting it off my shoulders. Again thank you for making these videos and I love the way you just go with your own pace

[@orionkelly]

Thanks so much for sharing your story. I appreciate it.

[@KathyHussey063]

Yes, dear, please keep seeking appropriate and skilled care for diagnosis and the right things to help you. You can learn some coping skills that will help and you can stopo being too hard on yourself. Think of how amazing you've been for your mom snd brother all your life, now it's time to love yourself just as well.

[@Thurston86]

I can relate to your story. I’m only now realizing I’m autistic and I’m in my 30’s. Even though every “symptom” fit, I too struggled with wondering why no one caught it earlier. Did you happen to do well in school? I think that’s partly why autism wasn’t considered when I was young. I was diagnosed with everything from social anxiety, OCD, sensory processing disorder, etc. etc. but no one even considered autism and I think it’s because my grades were damn near perfect. Plus, I learned to mask at a very young age and wasn’t even aware of it until very recently. I also think being female makes it difficult to get an actual autism diagnosis. For some reason people used to have the view that autism was super rare in girls. I’m glad that view is changing and people are getting better at recognizing the signs. I hope girls these days have it better so they don’t need to mask at all. 🖖

[@maidmarion2976]

The video is helpful because it is unbeat and POSITIVE. There is no normal in life. You have been thought of as abnormal but you are just different. Perhaps you just need rests from time to time. Nursing is very full on. Could you try a offshoot of this that is less stressful. Then your training could come into play. There is so much that is positive in your situation perhaps because of all that has happened to you. You can use this to benefit others and yourself at the same time. All good wishes. Be kind to yourself.

[@richc9503]

I hope you got it figured out. I'm 57 and have dealt with this stuff all my life. I was always just a pain in the ass, fights, argumentative (that's how I was described), somehow no one ever noticed I only came out fighting when I was forced into a corner and had to. You're too young not to get through it. Back when I was your age they didn't have a clue, you have a chance! The Dr's are a pain but you'll get there.

[@CBirky-mm3fn]

Orion, thank you so much for sharing these perspectives and experiences. The last few minutes of the video especially resonated with me. As someone who was recently diagnosed at 38 years old, it’s very validating to know that this is not impossible or even uncommon. I wish I could have known many years ago why I’ve always felt different from others, but at least now I am able to move forward differently in my life, with more grace and understanding for myself

[@orionkelly]

I’m so grateful to hear that. Thanks for watching and commenting.

[@divinelotus19]

Yes me too. 1 week into. I don't need a medical doctor (don't have money , time) but I know for sure I am. No doubt.

[@cynthiaseavers1444]

Oooo

[@therrdon1841]

Gotta say, I lived most of my life undiagnosed. At around 60, my wife asked the psychiatrist we were both seeing if I might be on the spectrum. He said "possibly, but no real need for the diagnosis at this point, and it could be detrimental to my well being." I didn't really pay any attention to it (he did say possibly). I started watching your videos and it finally clicked (at age 68). Obviously I am "high functioning," but your descriptions could be applied directly to me. One of my thoughts since I was a kid was "Why didn't I get the same book everybody else did." I have, off and on, thought I was a sociopath, or even a psychopath. I have wondered why I could I could not feel the breadth of emotions those around me displayed. I have always been diagnosed as an introvert. I tried to change it and never understood why the therapies did not work. I am on my third marriage (coming up on 14 years), and, at least, this wife recognizes and accepts the challenges, and loves me in spite of them. I hope many others can see your videos earlier in their journey, if for no other reason to understand and accept who they are.

[@coyoteinthepool]

I am so glad you have found some usefulness in your diagnosis. Did you already think you 'hadn't been given the same book'? Or did that realization come after? My father (73) has really extreme self-esteem and burn out issues due to what I believe is undiagnosed autism. It breaks my heart to see him so sad and hate himself so much, but I have tried to talk to him (very directly) about it, and he won't listen. I don't know how to help.

[@fehryn7369]

he said he thought that since a kid

[@coyoteinthepool]

@@fehryn7369 Oh yes, you're right.

[@brum4692]

@@coyoteinthepool so sad

[@natelachae]

Thanks very much for explaining this topic in a common sense way. I am 80 years old and realizing I am autistic and have been all my life. My dear mother struggled to hide it, but there were times when she would mention I had been "tested". Once she said it an I.Q. test. I assumed that was always the only kind of test she was referring to. Twenty years later, I was tested at my job and not given my score; just told that I "could be anything I chose to be". Much later, I took an IBM qualifying test and told I must have cheated or seen/taken the test before because "Nobody can score that high on our test". Again, they refused to tell my score. It didn't bother me too much, because I just assumed I score high on I.Q. tests. Now I realize many of my behaviors relate to autism and my intense interest in technology. One of my granddaughters was diagnosed with autism at an early age. She graduated from college this year! :)

[@Sentientdreamer]

Yes, I can relate to the "crap person" label... Earlier this year I figured out why I've thought I was a crap person. I took the tests for ASD, the RAADS tests and scored stupid high... Things began to make SO much sense once I viewed my life through the ASD lens. Also, since these things run in families, the abuse that was heaped on our heads from other family members that were on the spectrum and had abuse heaped on their heads from family members that were abused for being a crap person... Holy Moly this shit is hard.

[@dawnlivingston6236]

Thank you for your explanations and your videos. You're awesome you explain everything so easily understood. I'm 60 years old and realized that I've been neglected my whole life because I feel like I've been autistic all this time. I didn't understand the meltdowns, and it did start when I started having children of realizing that I couldn't cope with it all. I wish I could go back and fix my life back then so my kids didn't have to suffer.

[@KathyHussey063]

In all fairness, I'm 62 and there was not enough awareness about autism & the spectrum of ways that it affects people back when we were raising our kids & also there was little treatment available, little knowledgable, effective counseling that existed in our youth, our teens, in our 30's or in our 40's even.... So many were just put on wrong medications for disgnoses that they did not have and that created more problems, but helped very little. It's not been til lately that doctors are catching up to being able to spot the many, many people of our generation (and all the generations since) who've been affected by having autism or adhd symptomolohy. So, be honet with your kids about it now and apologize if you feel it's in order because that goes a long way with your family, your children. They want to understand so helping them understand why you did behave the way you did and that you did not know why or how to not do that years ago will help them and you'll feel better to say you're sorry if some of your traits made their life tough at times.

[@CarbonizedStardust]

My son was recently diagnosed. The more I learn about autism, the more I think I’m autistic. His doctor was really excited about my brain LOL So much love to you all. ❤️

[@M1cromanag3r]

Having kids was one of the big eye openers for me. Im still undiagnosed. I can't afford to, but I've spent countless hours researching and learning. Even have artistic peers kinda confirm vie "peer review". It has given me such an amazing understanding of all the weird awkwardness of my childhood and teen years. It has also given me clairty into why I have seemed to "get worse" over time. More "panic attacks" which i guess were actually meltdowns from being overwhelmed. Its been a wild journey of self discovery over the last 5 years.

[@iam0rion1]

I'm definitely not autistic, but I have some autistic tendencies and your videos are helping me self reflect and be conscious of them and how they effect those around me.

[@theautisticpage]

Einstein had seven of the same exact suit. He said he did this so he did not have to waste time thinking about what to wear. It makes perfect since. It is a pain to do something as simple as choosing what to wear. With that task eliminated it makes first thing I. The morning much easier.

[@mizotter]

I just recently purged a huge pile of shirts from my closet because, even though I like the way they LOOK, each has some bit that hurts my overly sensitive skin. My recent discovery of my autism has allowed me to not see my need to discard these shirts as wasteful, but as necessary to deal with sensory issues. My clothes are all the same & inter-changeable: tank top, short sleeve tee, long sleeve tee, hoodie, vest, soft pants--but in every color--and all SOFT--very, very soft!

[@andrealipnicki7057]

I usually select my clothes the night before. I just don't have the patience to think through my needs when I am groggy or not 100% awake.

[@ronkingston2833]

Einstein also had several affairs so he wasn't too shy.,.

[@michaelhales5695]

My brother wasn't diagnosed autistic till he was 19 or 20. I've watched two of your videos and things you describe hit home for me. I crack under too much pressure and stress and retreat to my safe place. I get over stimulated with lots of nose happening at the same time. I don't like large crowds, and I have fidgeted with the seams of my clothing since I was a little kid. I enjoy having friends, but I'll try to find a reason to not go out so I can stay home. I love working with my hands and problem solving to a fault. I'll get really passionate about a new project and a new task to learn and if it doesn't go 100% exactly as planned in my head I go from 0 to 100 being angry and upset at myself. I have never been tested for autism and until recently I never thought I should get tested. Now I am wondering if I should.

[@etcwhatever]

You liked to play with the seams of your clothes? Since im a child i have favorite blankets and i like to rub my fingers on them to relax. At 34 im in love with a scarf. Its my relax scarf 😂😂😂 wtf i cant believe this. Maybe im on the spectrum due to many things im learning about.

[@_jk23]

As an adult who is diagnosed with ADHD but has always suspected that there is something else or something more that has gone undiagnosed, I just want to say Thank You for making this video.

[@JamieMitchellDesign]

Yep. 46yrs old and just figured I’m autistic. Plus I have CPTSD with PTSD and disassociation from trauma and abuse. Good grief!

[@mizotter]

I hope you find the resources you need to live your best life!

[@markar6395]

I think I get what you're saying. I believe I have a tangle of various things too

[@ItsTarotAndBeyond]

I’m not formerly diagnosed (although I am diagnosed adhd so ya..), and I watch the same shows and movies over and over and over and over and over and over and over and never get sick of them, if anything they seem to get better each time I watch because they are so soothing and each time I pick up on new things (background actors, scene changes, subtle cues I missed, etc etc). My favorite comfort show is Bob’s Burgers, and my favorite movie is Pride and Prejudice, but I also have a yearly ritual with Harry Potter and Lord of the Rings (books and movies)

[@mattm6580]

This was the most eye opening video I've ever watched.

[@robynfromcanada]

I've never heard that the DSM-5 mentioned "social demands exceed limited capacities" and even masking! Amazing! 😲 (at 23:23-24:03)

[@jennifergauthier3282]

Yes, that is EXACTLY my experience!!!!

[@FrankWinchester]

I refer to it as available bandwidth. Some days I'm high bandwidth, and can manage social expectations more easily. On low bandwidth days, it's always going to be a challenge because the bandwidth gets exceeded easily by social demands

[@terriem3922]

I had a boss that would insist on eye contact while giving directions. I would hear everything she said. In one ear and out the other...🤯

[@I_like_turtles_67]

Sunglasses help. I have sensitive eyes so wearring them as much as possible helps with eye contact situations.

[@jayleeper1512]

I have the same problem with eye contact. I have a friend that insists that I make eye contact when talking to them and gets angry when I don’t. I can only do one thing at a time. If I am looking at you, I can’t hear you. If I am listening to you, I can’t look at you. I don’t know why people get so angry with me just for not looking at them. It has made me very sad at times.

[@Iloveflowers2024]

Where you described that sometimes you may want to have some social interaction but there is that struggle to be included and that there is that invisible wall stopping you from going and joining in. I definitely can relate to this so much. It's been a life long thing for me. Actually that part hit me and made me tear up. I had no clue this could be autism related, or maybe it's just anxiety which I have. I have terrible anxiety. I don't know if I am on the spectrum or not but I can relate to many things you have discussed in your videos. I'm in my late 50's.

[@legojenn]

Thanks for this, especially the discussion of adult diagnoses. I'm self-flagellating, asking myself 'why now?' Early middle age means too much pressure on even the most 'normal' in a statistical sense among us. Meltdowns younger can be dismissed as youthful overreactions, misdiagnoses etc. As you mention, adulthood brings pressures that start to exceed capacity. Once we hit our 40s, we start to see our parents' generation die off, maybe our peers too, our children grow up and our careers are generally peaking and social demands are off the chart. It's no wonder that for a lot of us, it gets exposed, or at least undeniable eventually. Crises like Covid with the lockdowns, forced isolation and travel bans don't help, especially when maniacs take over your city because they're angry at the PM for being the PM. Horn honking for three weeks 24 h/d put even 'normal' people into sensory overload. I never experienced a meltdown like that before. That nonsense put me on the track to informally investigating whether my anxiety attacks were more than anxiety. Recent work pressures made the search more formal. I don't know as I write this whether I have Autism, ADHD or any of the other labels that the APA has stuffed into their code book. As I get older, I can't hide it anymore, and it is terrifying that life could be a solid as a house of cards.

[@markar6395]

Thank you and many others on this feed for articulating where youre at. I'm 59, undiagnosed and the cracks are appearing. Too many years of trying to meet the expectations of a Neuro typical lifestyle. In fact I have gone through stage 1 of a diagnosis. Not sure where to go from here as there is now no one who can comment ony early years. I know I am neuro divergent. The best explanation is Asd.

[@KathyHussey063]

I think knowing what has been wrong has been a great help to me, as it's helped me to decide to STOP hating myself for not living up to my own expectations of what I SHOULD be, the picture society has drummed into our heads all our lives, which puts unrealisric demands on we human beings, expecting us to run like rats under terrible constant stress, for 40 years plus, for 60-100 hours a week working just to eat, have a roof over our heads, etc. I mean, I'm sorry but if I was doing just great in this sick society (that thinks money/job/image/status is everything & that happiness can be found in a new car....society is sick, so it's ok if I'm not the type who can adapt to being a mouse on a wheel so now I accept myself for who I AM, love myself and put my energy into reaffirming my good qualities and accepting my own nature, my needs not just filling others needs all the time.

[@vincentkingsdale8334]

The lockdowns were complete BS and your "overreaction" was completely normal. I read about what happened in Australia and some European countries, China....it was all wrong, and here in the US....when they want you to wear a mask indoors, yet Oelosi can go to her spa for a treatment without wearing one, or Gavin Newsome can attend a private dinner without anyone wearing masks....well, you know it was all a scam when you see that. Masks dont work. If a virologist thought they did, they would wear masks instead of hermetically sealed suits whil working with viruses in a lab. So, your reaction to the tyrants was just

[@bbdn5123]

💗

[@Circleofcocytus]

The smell thing really got me I have always noticed smells before other people. I can recall when I was younger and visiting my grandparents The minute I walked into their house I smelled sulfur and it turned out there was a small leak in one of their gas appliances. I don't know, because it was a long time ago, how strong it was relatively to anyone else's perception, but I've always noticed smells before everyone else and they are either very pleasant or unusually unpleasant. For instance, I despise walking through laundry detergent aisles in grocery stores because it is just a nasal assault. Also I will notice people's perfume or the slightest whiff of someone who has a scented lotion or something like that.

[@bbdn5123]

I'm still about to press play. Thought I was just a sniff expert and I enjoy the soothing comforting smells. It relaxes me and I need a lot of relaxation. No autistic diagnose (yet).

[@amye9765]

Orion, your video is so incredibly insightful and helpful. Thank you for such an open and honest view point on autism. Your commentary on " Why can't you.... normally?" really hit home for me. I've spent over 40 years being told " you're just different" and feeling like an outsider to the world around me. THANK YOU!

[@robbunch2225]

This is the first episode where I had “my” self discovery that I’m autistic. I’m now subscribing and watching more episodes; I’ve been almost over emotional after watching since traits and memories that are share blow me away on all the memories it brought up in my life. Thank you Orion.

[@spiritualcloudinmotion2866]

I'm 46, in the process of being diagnosed. Of course I already know the answer. I had a complete meltdown this year the worse I've had yet and it's what brought me here. I was unable to cope with school from an early age so I ended up in a children's unit for kids with mental struggles, when I reached 16 I was told they couldn't do anymore for me and I was left to get on with my life. My saving grace was the love and care of my mum, who cried not just for me, but with. I've never held a job down and I've spent so many years hiding away because I just wasn't like everyone else who just dealt with life. My mother died 15 years ago, and I thought I was doing okay, I didn't see the damage I was doin to myself. I can't attend parents evenings for my child as its stressful and so are most things even phone calls. Thank you for helping me see that I am more than I ever thought I was .. I hope you and your family have an amazing life 💜.

[@ZSchrink]

As someone who has just learned that it's possible to make it through a good portion of your life without having a formal diagnosis and someone who frequently feels like I'm lying to most people around me and was frequently asked "why can't you just be normal" for a variety of situations, the end of this video hits so home that it hurts. I think I should be making a few calls Thank you for posting this. I don't know why Google gave it to me today, but it's been insightful.

[@johnmcnabs8904]

Listening to you talk not only about the diagnostic criteria, but your experiences, and especially the whole "why can't you be normal" part, I think I need to bring this up with my current psychiatrist (that I'm seeing for other issues). Thank you for your wisdom, you got my thumbs up and sub for this.

[@jacquelinesmith2994]

Don't sweat about the reciprocity. The video was great and very informative, in particular the last part - indeed important!

[@VhangorD2]

I'm 43, and this video is so accurate. Specially the last part. A couple years back, I realized I was living my life behind a mask. Now that a fully embrace myself, ahdh and autism seems to bring anwsers to my whole life.

[@patricklaird8796]

Thank you Orion for doing what you do. It’s wonderful that someone is attempting to raise awareness and advocate for the autistic community. I am certainly looking forward to seeing much more of your content. I am currently attempting to entice the “neurotypical” people in my life to understand my ASD. I’m finding it difficult. I was diagnosed at age 39 (Now age 64) with what was called then as Aspergers syndrome. Now I believe called “High functioning” on the spectrum. Boy is that a misnomer! I also have a brilliant grandson who was diagnosed as “non communicative” at age 3 who is now age 5. I am not looking for any medical or psychological solutions. Only to have a place to hear from you and others how they may cope with their own ASD challenges. Again thank you.😊

[@justincase6588]

It's difficult to describe how wonderful it is to have stumbled upon you and your channel. I'm subscribed, a fan of 👍'per (a big thumb-upper). I'm 55, my childhood Dr told my mom I might be autistic, giving a referral to a shrink. They never followed through. Fear of exposure. Had some horrific childhood times. I can relate far too well to your descriptions of characteristics and the DSM5. There's so much crossover in diagnosis traits. PTSD startle response for example. Much learning to do. Thank you for all this.

[@TedBates-cj6jr]

I like to talk one on one with a friend. I hate crowds and noise. So going out to eat with a friend who I feel relaxed with is very meaningful and enjoyable for me. I really appreciate you and what you are doing with your own area of challenge for you are the best person to speak and share on the subject. God bless you. Without the Lord I would not have gotten this far with my own disability. We really need people who care. In today's insane world, it's a miracle to find someone who just plain cares about you. That is what is difficult for me, the apathy and indifference of the world we live in.

[@lostastronaut3632]

I was recently diagnosed with autism and ptsd. I was confused and really uncomfortable with it. I feel much better after watching this, thanks a bunch.

[@johncorlett3699]

3 am is my space, clarity, and peace. often awaken with a solution to a problem, eureka moments, i have to write it down tho or i forget

[@jmp.t28b99]

Thanks so much for doing these videos. I am retired now from a high stress job. I am undiagnosed but you have cleared up a lot of my questions about myself.

[@pathwalker1762]

Like many other commenters, I am over 60, undiagnosed, and don't have contact with my siblings (who are different in a different way if you see what I mean) There is little chance of any kind of timely diagnosis here (UK) but I'm past worrying about it. It is good to see all your symptoms validated though, and you cut yourself some slack :) Many thanks, love your style and honesty (obviously!)

[@baileyplayz1844]

This is so relatable. I was diagnosed 2 years ago but as soon as I started going back to school in 6th grade 7 years ago after being homeschooled for 5 years, they immediately put me into an IEP classroom like 2 weeks into school. I didn’t understand why but I liked it because it was a smaller class and it was easier for me. I’ve stayed in that IEP program till the end of high school and even now going into college. They always would be like, “You’re a smart girl, you can do it, why do you think you can’t?” And I don’t know why I think I can’t I just can’t and I need help understanding what I’m supposed to do and they never did because I was “too smart for help”. It all started of me thinking that I had ADD(like ADHD without the H) but my mom said she thought it was autism and then I watched autistic people in videos and related to them too well and so I went and got diagnosed with mild autism, and anxiety disorder as well.

[@amandathatcher6762]

The seamless "oh, I've got a claw today!" made my neurodivergent heart smile 💛

[@TEWMUCH]

Wow! I had the same experience of forgetting who i was and not knowing who i was, my masking meltdown blew up in grad school for me. I just couldn't take it anymore. I couldn't fake another smile! That's awesome, u made it that far in life without the mask breaking. My authentic self spilled out around age 23. I am 29 now and just realizing i may be autistic. No formal diagnosis yet, but when i get insurance again, i will confirm with a professional.

[@lisablack5935]

Thank you so much for breaking it down and explaining how certain elements can be viewed in a different way. I'm 53, suspecting autism for myself and the last "C" section you talked about really helped me feel seen for the first time! I almost cried, and I subscribed!

[@johnwalker8417]

I heard a list of autistic traits at 58. My jaw dropped as it explained my life. At 61, I have been rediscovering and reexamiining all those years through a different lens. Quite a journey. Thank you for sharing your journey. I'm curious who else is challenged with recalling known people's names on a routine basis. Thanks, and all the best.

[@CaptainEarls]

I discovered this when I was 22, and my jaw dropped too. Can't even begin to imagine how it would be to rewind 60 years of one life, the 20 I had to go through was more than enough😂

[@CannedCam]

I appreciate the effort and time you put into these videos Orion.

[@middleearthmorphs]

Thank you for being such an amazing hero for people with Autism! Our 4 year old son is Autistic and your videos have been so helpful for us to learn and understand our wonderful child. You are incredible and we appreciate you!

[@LexMouse]

Omg, I just found this video and watching the same shows over and over. I never even thought of that as a sign, but it’s exactly what I do. I listen to the same Agatha Christie audiobooks and watch the same shows over and over. And for exactly that reason! I know how they go - I know the words. It relaxes me… and drives my family mad 😂 some people have a glass of wine while they cook - I listen to Miss Marple on repeat.

[@justindunlap1235]

I never made that connection, but it makes sense, my comfort program is Futurama, I've seen the reruns so many times I can close my eyes and still see the show. I'm actually watching it right now 😂

[@derrygerry2569]

Hi , my 8 year old grandson has been diagnosed with autism so thank you for your pod casts helping me understand what lays ahead for my beautiful grandson ❤

[@theautisticpage]

I had no idea I was autistic at 50. As soon as I heard the definition I KNEW I was autistic at 50. There was never any question. I was diagnosed two months later.

[@danab3591]

This is exactly what happened to me at age 55. I knew immediately and was diagnosed two months later. Explains soooo much.

[@theautisticpage]

@@danab3591 And a female at that!!!!! I am glad you did!

[@catherinecarter8987]

Brilliant! Thank you Orion for clarifying straight away .....that Autism....is.....not.....our....fault....when.non-autistics make life difficult for us. I still find it unbelievable when I look back and remember being called flapper, (and wondering why - hand flapping is not one of my traits) and people bullying me, being abusive, rejecting and cruel. I know I am on the autism spectrum and when I asked my gp if she thought I was she said she thought it looked likely and referred me. For the life of me why didn't previous gp's refer me, especially when I overdosed because I could not fit in with life. Im 70 now for goodness sake . Others have said things which indicated they suspected such as "she is much misunderstood" and other indications they knew something was seriously up. Not wishing to bore everyone I stop there. Anyway, thank you.

[@Grouchbox]

Pretty sure I am on the spectrum. I have a lot of the traits and score very high on screening tests. I love your channel.

[@YouKnowWhereYouWentWrong]

Subscribed. Every one of your videos helps me understand myself. I am not diagnosed but I'm pretty sure I am Autistic. Unfortunately I have lived most of my life self medicating with drugs and alcohol to try to "fit in" with strangers and to ease my struggle with being in crowds. If I could be what most people would call 'normal' I would. But I'm not.

[@maidmarion2976]

Orion, this video has helped me so much. Thank you for sharing yourself so intimately and illuminated a difficult subject. My husband is autistic. I believe his family was also. There was a lot of masking going on there. All you have mentioned fits them like a glove. It has all been so puzzling. There was no information about this subject years ago. 50 yrs ago, actually when I first met him. He is a lawyer also and functions very well in this role. I have looked for information on the subject but it has all been so vague. You have put it into human terms. It is frightening for some to believe they are ‘different’ in a way that no one can adequately explain. There should be a way that we can all integrate into society and be accepted and accommodated as part of the human landscape. With educational videos such as yours there is a lot of hope.

[@Blind_Bibliophilic_Life]

Just popped across your video and I'm so thankful I did. I find myself always looking for self validation through videos like this. I was hospitalized in 2020 due to a mental breakdown. Something changed and I was no longer able to mask. I didn't know that's what I'd been doing, I just knew something was off. Through my research of trying to figure out what is wrong with me, I came across Autism, several time, it kept coming up. Here's the thing, there's a movie called House of Cards, when it came out, my family and I watched it and I felt like I had a connection to the child in the film, I was 12 at the time. When Autism kept coming up, I was immediately reminded of that movie and how I felt like I was that child. So I went down the rabbit hole and consumed as much info as possible until I understood it inside and out. I brought it up to my GP..."you're not autistic, you talk and act normal" while chuckling. I brought it up to my Neurologist..."You're not autistic, you have sleep apnea cause you're obese". I brought it up with my Psychiatrist but it's not their expertise. So I self diagnosed myself, but have brought it up to other drs and they've all said, "Hmm yeahI can see it, "if" you are I'd say you're high functioning, but that's what you're presenting to us at the moment". How is it possible that the drs who are supposed to recognize these traits, not even bothering to listen to me, yet, my gynecologist, my allergist and my rheumatologist all agree with me and notice the traits even while masking?!? Not that the healthcare system is perfect anywhere, but damn, being disabled in the Big Red state of Texas...they do the bare minimum. I'm 42 and finally learning who I am and why I am the way I am and learning to unmask. I'm more comfortable unmasking at home now, out in public is still very difficult.

[@peterthwaites7792]

A very brave young man. The masking bit resonates with me. You do get good at hiding your true feelings. I’ve learnt to be ultra polite and a people pleaser. I had to earn a living🤷‍♂️ Now I’m retired, I spend a lot of time alone, it really is heaven. I still don the mask when going out, I would have made a very good Venetian back in the day.

[@amandamandamands]

And then the fun one is that if you are AFAB then you have a harder time getting diagnosed not only because we are traditionally better at masking but the DSM is worded for the way that ASD typically shows in people AMAB. Agree that you become very good at masking, my mum said that she took me to a psychologist for a while when I was a child and ended up pulling me because she could see that I knew exactly what was expected of me and what I should be saying and was walking all over the psychologist so there wasn't any point. As an adult when I started crashing badly enough to be hospitalised I was given some mental illness diagnoses. Combination of my masking and inability to articulate emotions I didn't have anxiety as one of them. Anyone who knows me knows that I get anxious/overwhelmed by things all the time but depending on what I am in the middle of doing I just push through it because I want to complete XYZ. It was only earlier this year I was diagnosed with ASD and that was me looking into it and thinking that it fit me better than my previous labels. I hate that the DSM says that the symptoms have to be interfering with your life (approximate wording), this means that you can meet all of the other criteria but if you have managed to find workarounds so that you can function and not go into meltdowns then you don't meet the criteria.

[@amandamandamands]

@Accra Terminal agency That is so nice of you to recommend, I am considered 'high functioning' though so I can already do all of those things - no herbs required.

[@Lessontobe]

The literal speech interpretation is something I have found in 100 percent of atypical's I have known as well as the repetitive behaviors. I personally have been watching a TV series at least 300 or 400 times from beginning to end since 2011.

[@barbarabuttler7647]

Justified? It's so well written!

[@justindunlap1235]

For me it's Futurama, I'm even watching an episode while I watch this video.

[@fluffsarecute]

The look you in the eye thing has made my husband and my self hold an uncomfortable level of eye contact for our nuerotypical friends. I was confronted about it in college and was told it was creepy, but it was literally beat into me. Now I try not to look at people. People often try to see what I'm looking at but I just don't know what a good level of eye contact is. If people quite down in a group to listen to me I become overwhelmed and nervous and start stuttering or feel like every I say is a lie even if it isn't because I'm so worried something I say might be wrong and now multiple people have paid attention to whatever I said. Basically, I want to be sure I'm accurate and if I might not be I feel like a fool or imposter.

[@etcwhatever]

I had to learn to keep eye contact. Its always so awkward. I never know whats the right amount. 😅 i look so normal at 34, but when i hid behind my dads and moms legs in public until i was 11. Geez.

[@herminator250]

Thanks so much for sharing your lived experiences in this topic! I learned so much from your discussion!

[@timhorton8085]

I did not know ehcolalia was a sign of autism. I get trapped repeating phrases over and over again in my head. It gets worse when im tired. Its the only psychological divergence ive experienced that genuinely scared me.

[@MrFluteboy1980]

I had that with my mum when I was a kid. It's basically how I learnt to talk! Once I got past the screaming ofcourse.

[@AlastairGames]

that really resonates, brings up so many memories... feel like I'm meeting my people!

[@d1l4te43]

I don’t suspect that I have autism, but I’m surprised by how many similarities I have with the points and subjects described in the video. I was diagnosed with ADD at a very young age and perhaps there could be some overlaps between ADD and autism. I just found this video interesting as I suspect a friend of mine might be on the spectrum and wanted to know other signs I might be unaware of. Wasn’t suspecting I’d relate so much myself though. Thanks for the video!

[@FractalZero]

i've got some news for you...

[@RedneckHillbillies]

This was incredibly eye opening. My daughter was diagnosed as a toddler with a syndrome and autistic tendencies. Her other challenges (much better word than deficiencies) got her the extra help that she needed. I realize now that I understand her so much better than my husband does, because I have many of the same traits.

[@lymb3914]

I don't know that I'm autistic, but a lot of these behaviors I understand. I know I have OCD, so that may be a factor at play. I'm not sure. I want to get tested, though. I appreciate your insight, thank you for sharing your knowledge and experiences!

[@mhadden]

love how you structure and describe things. very clear.

[@chibinyra]

24:00 Right, I look at the incidence of Autism went from ~1 in 2000 when I was a kid in the 80s to 1 in 44 today! To me, that means there are about 45 people in 2000 that have been masking "successfully" since the 80s.... I'm probably one of the kids that slipped through the DSM-III cracks... I have an autism diagnosis intake in 3 weeks! But they did catch my ADHD back in 1990 =oP

[@GRNS2115]

Looking for answers … glad I found your channel. Praying for the right answers even if they’re difficult to hear. Praying for relief. Thank you for sharing your journey and your findings.

[@pw510577w]

I heard a good description recently, somebody's nickname was "The Bible" because he was hard to read. I am hard to read, there is something a little bit off about me, people can't work out what it is, it seems to be invisible, hiding in plain sight. Blank expression, quiet, odd monotone way of speaking, difficulty with socialising, disinterest in other people, disinterest in things that are common to neurotypicals, such as sport. I have attended a couple of football matches, it was like watching paint dry. I do not get excited about big sporting events. I have a high verbal IQ, 132, but rarely speak.

[@willb5548]

Finding these videos really helpful - where you give examples of how the aspects of autism practically work in life is really helpful. I find when I hear the criteria read I really struggle to comprehend how that would be lived out practically - but when you use examples - ie ending conversations - I cant do it, it can actually make me feel trapped and panicky, especially on the phone - these are really helpful as I need a bridge from the jargon of the DSM to how that might practically look. For some reason I cant bridge that myself, I seem to lack that self awareness.

[@BeyondtheScreenMentalHealth]

I’m not diagnosed, but a lot of this resonates with me. Thanks!

[@RavenaDenver]

I love your videos because you're so positive about Autism. I was 47 when I was diagnosed Audhd, I'm 51 now. I only watch 3 tv shows, The Sopranos, Bob's Burgers or The Office. I'm not starting a new series, the idea of having to sit and meet new characters sounds exhausting and I know Tony, Dwight and Tina pretty well so I stick with them lol. Music is one of my life long hyper fixations so I can and do listen to a lot of it, where it's not "normal" is I will hyper fixate on one song. If You Could Read My Mind by Gordon Lightfoot was one that I had to listen to daily or I couldn't sleep. I'd have to get up, listen to the song, then go back to bed. I've always had that going on though. When I was 12 it was Panama by Van Halen. There's always one but it usually changes at about the 6 week mark to a new one, Read My Mind stuck for 4 months though, I actually started to get bothered by the need to hear it. It finally switched though and the funny thing is I still love that song, I never hyper fixate on a bad song, so that's good, and for some reason I still like the song a lot after my mind lets it go, it's not the same kind of things as it was when I was a kid and they played a song on the radio too much and you start to hate it. I wonder why it's different, I'm definitely listening to the song as much but I never hate the song after my brain let's it go. Like I'm listening to that song in a different way then the way I listened to the radio. Anyways, thanks for the channel :D

[@kymholwerda1014]

Another one is the pathological need to be in control - being self-appointed leader in a group task. Sticking to a set of rules and making sure everyone else obeys the rules as well.

[@purplenature13]

These videos are incredibly helpful and reassuring. I've got my first autism appointment soon after a horrible time at work last year and am hoping things will start to get better. Always drifted through life on the edge of social circles feeling weird and never quite fitting in anywhere like I'm some kind of alien who never got the rulebook so these videos are great for helping me to understand myself and how I'm not as broken as I've always seemed. I just work differently.

[@mimi2boys]

I have been watching your videos and I see myself so much but I do not think I would qualify. But yeah, I fake so much. I have an autistic son, he is now 20. But I have a facility to deal with kids, Adults are another thing... Social situations are so hard, I pretend. I have the food issues, clothing issues. I spent 3 years incapable of leaving my house unless I was obligated, it was awful. I did get a diagnostic of generalized anxiety disorder, and still people do not believe me I am so good at pretending. I cannot deal with someone knocking at my door without notice, or a visitor coming without notice or doing something without knowing all the details. I makes me shake inside, gives me upset stomach but I still do it, I push through but after I am exhausted. And I am clearly an introvert too but my autistic son is not an introvert, he is a very extrovert person. Out of my 3 children he is the most extrovert lol. We are quite the weird family for sure.

[@geebee2276]

My heartfelt thanks Orion. Having discovered your channel has meant more to me than I could possibly put into words.

[@SatansWerewolf]

I've recently begun to suspect that I'm autistic and the mention if there being an invisible wall between me and others has been with me most of my life.

[@elanbair4571]

I had a PDD-NOS son and I so very much appreciate you! God bless.

[@Aelius_07]

I’m 16 and I since I got diagnosed with anxiety and depression I started looking into more conditions( I don’t really know what to call it.) that are out there and as I looked into autism I started noticing things that I’ve done in my past and now do all the time and I really don’t wanna self-diagnose but I can’t get myself diagnosed because nobody would belive me and also I want kids when I’m older but was told by a coworker that I can’t adopt when I’m older if I am so I don’t wanna get a diagnosis but I’ve really looked into it and think I might be.. I have a lot of things that show signs. I’ve hypersensitive to sounds feelings smells textures.I stim a lot and have a lot of repetitive words. I can’t sit normally I have to have to be crisscross or cross legged or with my knees to my chest. I’ve noticed and one of my friends have noticed that I mask my actions and emotions a-lot when around a bunch of people. I’m a ambivert I work for a restaurant and being a hostess scares me because I have to call out a name in-front a bunch of people I hate talking in-front a bunch of people but if I see something cool you have I’ll start talking to you. (It’s hard to explain) I also get worried about hangout with my friends unless it’s my ‘favorite person’ I get anxious if I’m hanging out with a group of friends thinking it wont go well but it dose. I’ve watched the same things over and over. I have fixations. (Sharks 🥰) Sorry this is a lot but I just don’t really get to talk about it at all. There is no much more I could say but I won’t.

[@gabsfairchild]

I can't believe I've never come across this information before. Not only did I resonate with nearly every one of these traits, but I'm pretty sure my dad might as well... which just... everything seems to make so much more sense. I really want to visit a doctor and see what they think...

[@Luke_Stoltenberg]

I had a suspicion for a while as I was peripherally aware of autism from doing undergrad in psychology. I finally all but confirmed my suspicions at some stage by becoming intensely interested (haha, yes) in the subject. It was very useful after searching high and low for many years as to why I was such a weirdo to finally have some answers that made sense. It made planning out my life a lot easier because I could finally work with and around a solid list of strengths and weaknesses and a chain of reasons why they existed. I haven't bothered to get a diagnosis because I can't see any point, I have nothing to prove to anyone and I keep it to myself. I'm happy to know why I'm weird now, and I'm totally happy to be known as 'weird'. I'm glad I wasn't diagnosed with anything as a child though because I never grew up feeling any limitations, and I'm not sure how my childish mind would have coped with the knowledge that I was qualitatively or quantitatively 'less than' the other kids, I was ok with being 'different' and not knowing why. I realise that being autistic doesn't make one any better or lesser than anyone else, but children process things in a developmentally capable manner, and sometimes a lack of complete information can be for the good.

[@markar6395]

Yes, yes, yes. I totally get this Luke. It's like looking in a mirror. I am undiagnosed, an older adult and completed first stage of diagnosis. I'm agonising whether to go further, pay loads more money or work with what I know and decide I dont need to prove anything with a bit of paper ( and risk the confusion of a wrong diagnosis)

[@barbarabuttler7647]

@@markar6395 Physician, heal thyself.

[@davidhollfelder9940]

Thanks for sharing. I self diagnosed well into adult life (formerly Asperger’s, as I didn’t even know about ASD) as my 1st child was diagnosed .. Deja Vu?) .. over time, learned/adapted (trial and error) the perception most have naturally. I recently retired and picked up the Ham Radio (Amateur Radio) Hobby. Operating 2 way radio, especially in a group, has trained me to follow, collect my thoughts, in a much longer time frame before I get to transmit (talk) .. effectively extending my time frame comfort zone, better perception, while filtering out distractions .. being more relaxed, brief and concise communicating. This has put me in a better place socially as well.Other advantages of Ham Radio, is exposure to a wide range of language accents, age groups, and cultures/customs, worldwide. You’re name Orion fits you (Betelgeuse and Rigol), my ASD speaking here.

[@divinelotus19]

The ending hit home. 😭

[@patrickchamberlain3980]

The capacity thing really resonates with me. It's so helpful hearing that it's not just me. Thank you.

[@nicoleraco636]

I don't have autism, but I am diagnosed OCD and disassociative identity disorder. I do have some of the issues with socialization and sensory things like that. I do stimm ALOT, and a doctor told me that it was an autistic trait but I've come to realize everybody stims in some way.

[@nicoleraco636]

@Accra Terminal agency that's awesome! I've decided to go herbal. I feel more balanced out

[@honuugako3418]

I recently "failed" out of university and after some consultations with with an head hunter (for job search) they told me to get a checkup for autism. So I informed myself what autism even is, because I never cared to before. Your video helped me a lot in understanding what autism means in real life, so thanks a lot.

[@Rhaenarys]

Everytime i hear "lining up toys", that sends chills down my spine. Its one of the most common memories my mom has of me as a child...is lining up my toys through the house. She always thought it was the strangest thing and still asks what i was doing. They were migrating. Thats it. Thats all there was to it. They had to get from point a to point b, so had to walk there...in a line...because thats easiest lol. Now that i think about it, the "wave" appearance was always captivating to me, wonder if that had something to do with it. But yea...i remember clearly thinking they were just moving to another place, and a line was most efficient to move them individually.

[@maidmarion2976]

That is how people used to travel from war zones in the last world war. There is an excellent book about it by Nevil Shute called Pied Piper. It is fictional but follows people actually doing this. Having read and enjoyed the book immensely, I would find what you did with your toys really moving.

[@chrissylouise3226]

I did this. It doesn't necessarily mean you're autistic

[@Rhaenarys]

@@maidmarion2976 thank you for that ❤

[@Rhaenarys]

@@chrissylouise3226 oh yes, this is true. This is just one of many of the "weird" things i did/do that relates to it. Its cool though im not the only one, whether the other person is autistic or not 🙂

[@PARoth2011]

I absolutely love your videos, they make a world of difference in how I understand and relate to the high functioning autistic people I love (and sometimes don’t 🤣🤣🤣). For someone who doesn’t rate highly in social skills, you do an amazing job conveying the need for empathy and kindness for autistic people everywhere that are so challenged by the neurotypical world they live in.