Our Sex Life Isn’t the Same Since We’ve Had Kids

Our Sex Life Isn’t the Same Since We’ve Had Kids
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[@sarahlockridge7879]

Girl... Be glad your husband says that stuff to you are you kidding me...?! I wish my husband would act like that with me.

[@Mr_White_98_]

If my wife ever calls a therapist to ask how to reject my sexual advances I’m taking a long walk off a short pier

[@sarahalderman3126]

Don’t think that… all it means is that she cares enough to want to “reject” those requests in a way that will not harm the relationship… this is just a communication issue, that’s all…

[@cur244]

@@sarahalderman3126 Rejection does harm the relationship period. Do it over a length of time and any guy will flat out give up. Thinking that rejecting won't harm the relationship is simply delusional.

[@nickabel8279]

Could just divorce but I guess you're choosing peace

[@jessicaannefloresjf]

I think the husband is just trying to keep the flame going and she’s not taking it well

[@texan903]

Now that she's had three children, she was able to first withdraw emotionally, now she's pulling back sexually. She's needs Dr. John's advice only to confirm the things she's discussed with her mom, sisters and girlfriends but with those women they've told her with her husband's salary and benefits, she'll be alright when she requests child support, maintenance, and any properly they've accumulated.

[@zeal4god402]

He's trying to morph that flame 🔥 into a inferno!

[@jaredajones87]

@@zeal4god402 from a smoldering ember

[@zeal4god402]

@@jaredajones87 Oh ya! The flame 🔥 been gone for a while now!

[@Jennieallen415]

Maybe he's stayed at the 10th grade flirting level and now that she's a mom, she's become more of an adult. Feeling like a "piece of meat" stops being a come on after a certain maturity level. He needs to mature in his love language.

[@jaysmith6013]

It would be nice to have this conversation with both husband and wife on the line so we could hear both sides

[@AshleyLebedev]

Agreeeeee

[@lesterparker1594]

How much you want to bet that if he quit making these jokes and trying to sleep with her she would call in saying “my husband doesn’t treat me like he used to”

[@stephengallagher2209]

Are you suggesting they're never happy? Because you might be onto something...

[@daltonbrasier5491]

If you have to earn your partners affection, there is something wrong. Never ever ever ever ever require acts of service for intimacy or affection.

[@razmiddle9410]

If it's framed as a trade, then yes that's bad. But if you need to feel that the weight of everything you need to do is preventing you from wanting sex, then that's a legitimate thing to bring up.

[@ethebeliever]

100% this...also she said "Its a No" anyway when she's had a long day. She wants the benefits without paying the toll.

[@mikehawk2156]

As soon as Dr. John suggested "choreplay," and she laughed, this marriage was over. He was already helping her around the house and doing his part. Good luck fixing that. Impossible, move on.

[@meidachnate8855]

Exactly. Choreplay advice exposes relationship experts as either shills OR as lacking long term experience of seeing how that approach plays out for couples in most scenarios. Women only suggest choreplay as a solution for leverage, not as a reason to get wet again for their husbands. Its just more bs propaganda to blur the lines between gender roles in traditional household settings.

[@murraybeachtel8585]

Egalitarianism has been proven time and time again to be the winning ticket to a healthy marriage. When she laughed I agree with you it was straight condescension which means she is long gone and her poison is running deep in the marriage.

[@snoozyq9576]

@@meidachnate8855 absolutely false. I'm way more turned on by the boy who is less messy. Maybe we don't all think like you?

[@andrewcoffey6072]

This woman came on the show asking how to make our marriage not sexless, fun, spontaneous, and sat there and said idc what happens most times I don't ever want to have sex with my husband.

[@pocmouse3909]

Weird... my wife adores my "jokes" and "suggestions." We have 6 kids so this kind of stuff helps relieve stress and its fun/funny.

[@hanymohd5194]

Absolutely

[@tacooflove6175]

Same here and grossing the kids out is just a bonus.

[@rudysoto8154]

@@tacooflove6175 lol

[@CaptPicard81]

No wonder you have 6 kids

[@abrahamflores2566]

The best relationships are the raunchy one's

[@chrissmarie455]

Imagine having a loving husband that gives you complements and also helps around the house and you being bothered about him wanting to be close to you. This makes us look like the stereotypical never content housewives. Looks like she doesn’t ever really want to fix the issues she has

[@seneca1932]

Jodie. That’s all I have to say.

[@KevinNordstrom]

Emagine being her husband listing to this conversation and her say " no not really" when asked if Intimacy is an act of release of stress or whatever with him. What a slap in the face as a husband.

[@fh1980ram]

Unfortunately, women that think like you are in the minority.

[@snoozyq9576]

@@seneca1932 who is Jodie lol

[@xreediculousx]

@@snoozyq9576 you don't want to meet Jody

[@ComfortingGrace]

I think you went the wrong way with your advice here, Dr. John. They will be divorced soon. Sad. Poor husband. You should have told her to get help (grandparents, preschool) so she can feel like a normal human again and be her husband's wife again.

[@skincareceo]

How can I make my marriage spontaneous and fun? Proceeds to kill all the fun. This is why I never wanted to be a mother, so I don't turn into this.

[@FTBASTAR]

Good on you for noticing this 👏

[@yesorno1768]

Lol I have 5 children. More fun and spontaneous now then before. There is always something that needs to be done you just have to drop it . It just takes two seconds to clear your mind and go enjoy yourself!

[@JustinCase780]

And, if the guy wasn't making comments of admiration the call would have been about him not giving enough attention anymore. 😅

[@daltonbrasier5491]

I try not to be that guy, but it seems like everything thing is always put on the men in the relationship.

[@skincareceo]

Exactly

[@tigar0485]

This is applicable to a massive number of households. Intimacy is simply not the same after kids. Everyone has to work at finding a new way to mutual fulfillment.

[@el676]

This is why relationships scare me. I understand kids are a major change but it sounds like this woman isn’t attracted to her husband now. That just shouldn’t happen. Kids or not. I feel bad for the dude. You don’t think he works all day to support them? You don’t think he’s tired and dealing with change? Talk to each other dude - he’s your life partner

[@texan903]

This woman has no incentive to collaborate with her husband on building sustained steam in the marriage. She's had what she wanted, which are kids, which means she's got three golden tickets.

[@jamesw7565]

@@neolithic3 Do you don't think the husband is not working all the time too? The reality is simple, modern women are too demanding and don't respect their husbands anymore, hence high divorce rates. Best keep marry free, childfree.

[@kingjamesthe8046]

@@neolithic3 they already said she takes care of the kids but nobody thinks being in the air force is hard work nobody think dude is tired to .

[@el676]

@@neolithic3 haha wow you obviously are letting your own baggage distort your view of reality. You didn’t listen to the call if that’s your conclusion. Try listening again with a less angry mind. And Women do not do the bulk of the work in every relationship. That’s black and white. The world is not.

[@neolithic3]

@@el676 I apologize that I came off as angry and rude. I promise that I do respect men and I do look up to them. I guess I was just triggered by something in that call. I know men work hard. And I have 100% respect for men in the military (I think someone mentioned he was military).

[@jmoney9494]

After having kids with my wife I felt a new level of attraction to her. She and I were both worn out from jobs and kids but I still was willing to spend a half hour less of sleep to put towards our relationship and she wasn't willing most nights and it was hard. It got better when we could define we need self care and caring for our kids but also a marriage to care for

[@juancarlosmontes]

What a luxurious problem to have. It's beautiful. They both desire the same end result. Good for them.

[@zeal4god402]

Amen! Never let kids come between you two. The better the marriage, the better the parenting, so AlWAYS make it a priority even if its only 15 minutes of sweet passionate intimacy.

[@addiskassa5165]

Morning goodmorning and night goodnight kisses is not easy to count on. Life is too short we never know how much we going to be here, so be someone's shoes is a great thing to make the intimate life keep going! Thanks again Dr. John you sit there and listen every individual patiently and respectfully and make a difference! God be with you and your beautiful family!🙏

[@2000VinceCarter]

It destroyed my relationship either way the mother of my son, i was young horny and didnt understand the fundamentals , it would drive me nuts and eventually i snapped and regret it so bad

[@spartan1121]

She really should be more specific about the comments he's making to better understand how appropriate they are. You don't want to be dirty in front of your kids but you also don't want to portray married life as an affectionless partnership between two adults. Your kids do need to see that mom and dad love each other so they know what a healthy relationship looks like. King of the Hill did a great job at satirizing this type of couple where Hank and Peggy were embarrassed to even hold hands in front of their son.

[@zeal4god402]

Yea true, affection doesn't always need to be sexual. Vibrancy, tickling, laughing, singing together, dancing together etc

[@snoozyq9576]

Sometimes it can be healthy to know your parents have desire. Because we will know what it looks like to cultivate later in our relationships

[@kimdelaney9775]

I LOVE how open and honest and genuine you are about this topic, Dr. John. I'm very closed up about intimacy with my husband and he is open about it. And our daughter is up and grown and out of the house!

[@janelleg597]

Danger, Will Robinson!

[@TheAgentmigs]

"The cockpit has to be clean." AYEEEEEE

[@zeal4god402]

Before there is lift off😆 🤣 😂

[@iPervy]

Red flags once she says "my kids"

[@LTJuni0r]

and “my house”

[@snoozyq9576]

Sounds like she is willing to kick him out and take the kids or something. Like they're not in this together. Yikes.

[@TuBui2]

Girl can clearly identify all of her wants and reasons to say no but nothing to say about how she can make/compromise to meet his needs. It always seems to be on her terms. She changed the terms of "the game" but not willing to let him have any input on what the rules are.

[@neededtobesaid4275]

Exactly, and Dr. John put all of the compromises on him. Then she had the nerves to say...What if he does all of those things and it's still a NO for me.

[@anthonylozano8035]

@@neededtobesaid4275 she has every right to say it’s a no for me. That’s because desire isn’t about compromise!!!!!!

[@carlossantos252525]

She cares more about organizing the house than to have fun with husband

[@natef1504]

I feel bad for him. He must be miserable around this woman. But she made the right choice calling Dr. deloney. He will make her feel great about herself and talk a bunch of crap about her man.

[@ans_939]

@@anthonylozano8035 He's doing all the things she asked of him to help create desire and it's still a "no" or "fine let's get this over with" and he probbaly feels like crap

[@TerryBluezTV]

So if a man comes home to women who doesn't cook because she is too tired everyday, what is that man to do? He either goes hungry, has to cook for himself, or go out to get some fast food. Eventually he will get tired of starving and making his own meals and that McDonald's will look more and more appealing despite how unhealthy it is. Do you see where I'm going with this metaphor?

[@tcarp1616]

You’re not lying

[@VV-er3zg]

And he’ll still be to blame for choosing the unhealthy McDonald’s. Not her. If you dislike the relationship, walk out. Nobody but the cheater is responsible for cheating

[@hansonallie]

I’m a little taken aback when I read the “But she has 3 kids!!!” comments…. As if she was afflicted by cancer, a hurricane, or even served a subpoena! Seems like people conveniently forget that sweetie pie was complicit in making them! 😉

[@Aces135]

Pick me!!!!!

[@meidachnate8855]

You can call her "pick me" but can't call her wrong lol Which is more important, miss lonely feminist?

[@MeloFloww]

@@Aces135 not really, seems like you don’t understand what a pick me woman is.

[@Nah-ah]

False equivalence, but it’s sounds cool and smart… but hardly reality for most married couples with very young kids!

[@ethan4048]

@@Aces135 that's not what it means to be a pick me but you're definitely a Karen

[@isaacraze4301]

Went through something similar, now we’re separated. Not sure when intimacy became so difficult, also it doesn’t help when she decides any normal gesture of physical touch is taboo.

[@el676]

Simple as marrying the wrong girl I think. Sucks man I’m sorry

[@normantheforeman9866]

Sorry bro

[@user-so1wr2oh1t]

Maybe she is stressed out! I know I was and performing in the sack just seemed like another chore.

[@dj_86]

How is her attitude towards you? Any change as she got her space now?

[@aliparker3]

I would venture to say intimacy isn't difficult for her. But her connection with you shifted, and intimacy went with it.

[@BlessedbytheKingofKings]

Is anyones ever the same after having kids?

[@jaysmith6013]

Unless you’re rich enough to hire nanny’s and maids, I’d say no

[@ComfortingGrace]

Every marriage is going to have ups and downs, regardless of kids. My hubby and I were married 6 years before our son came along, and we had ups and downs in those 6 years. Having young children under 4 is really hard, they are completely dependent on their parents, but as long as the married couple makes time to prioritize one another, it can be better than ever. My husband and I are about to celebrate our 14th wedding anniversary and I have never loved Him or desired him more than I do now.

[@Nah-ah]

Nope 😆

[@nikkib6003]

everyone is different. Some people lose who they are and they think their identity is their children.

[@lorinmotta9585]

I think both the wife and husband are cringy. Sounds like wifey is partly trying to justify in her mind not being attracted to her husband anymore.

[@jordanott5464]

why say the husband is cringey? all we have is her selfish point of view. the dude sounds like a rockstar husband. She already said that he does all the stuff she wants him to, but it's still a NO from her. What is the man supposed to do? she was calling and asking how she can justify not wanting to have sex anymore

[@adambev9548]

Agreed lol

[@Mattheus94]

I hope it works out for them, but it looks like Divorce Attorneys and the family court system are going to have ANOTHER great financial year.

[@texan903]

Yep. Now, with her having the kids she wanted, she is able to emotionally detach from the marriage, which is what she obviously has done already. Her pulling back physically is her final death knell to the marriage. She's talked to her mom, sisters, girlfriends who have assured her that with child support, alimony and the division of property, she'll make out fine.

[@kingjamesthe8046]

Lol I need get in the business

[@BlackJezuzBaby]

Yup. I hope the husband is ready. Smh.

[@Ramblon2003]

A primary example as to why men & woman without children fear crossing that threshold with their significant other….especially for those of us that are in our 40’s that may be on the fence about starting families.

[@mbs8001]

My husband and I had 3 kids in 3 years and through it all, our sex lives didn’t change (aside from the 6wk postpartum thing). I’d argue, it’s better now than ever. It’s what you make it!

[@Jennegg23]

No children here. This girl is probably thinking she hasn’t had time for herself to just chill. Watch a favourite movie or get a foot massage. Sex has probably gotten so routine that it’s more about satisfying his needs more than hers like another chore.

[@Deb_deCoder]

@@kylemartin6343 I am planning to get one before going into relationships! Protect your seeds.

[@ComfortingGrace]

I think women make a huge mistake putting their kids before their husbands. Now don't get me wrong, 3 kids under 3 is HARD. They all need mom for most of the day. However, if this woman wants to show her sons a healthy marriage, or any marriage at all, she needs to prioritize her husband in her life. He probably feels completely abandoned and unloved by her, and he is helping her in every way he can. I hope she doesn't regret that she put him last...a marriage can't survive that way.

[@jamesw7565]

I agree with you modern parents put their children ahead of the relationship and this leads to ruin. You have your kids for 18 years but your partner for life.

[@BethanyShaw]

She’s probably not putting the kids ahead of her husband, her whole life just changed and she now works a 24/7 job at home being a mom to 3 kids. Some stuff just has to get done and it’s always weighing on you. Changing diapers, cooking breakfast lunch and dinner, playing with kids, keeping kids safe from choking or getting into things that aren’t safe, cleaning up after everyone, helping the kids learn and be kind. She can’t just not feed her kids dinner or leave a kid in a dirty diaper because her husband wants to spend time with her. Their basic needs have to be taken care of. It’s obvious to me that she’s not putting him last because she keeps talking with him about their intimate life and is trying to make it happen. A wife who doesn’t care would just tell him to deal with it. It is not healthy to show sons that a wife has to submit to her husband even if she doesn’t feel like having sex.

[@abrahamflores2566]

Thank you! I would do anything for my wife to make her happy and she would do the same for me. Kids are 2nd in a marriage because they can't go anywhere lol. If the marriage fails, you fail the kids even more

[@tylertyler6418]

@Reese B not true. Eventually the kids fly the coop and you’re left alone with your spouse. Now what? Your kids could move 3 states away.

[@Violet-ve8rt]

@ConfortingGrace PERFECT comment. You are 100% right.

[@Aesthetics45]

Imagine being a cop in the military and working 12 plus hours providing for your family and being told not to joke about intimacy to your committed partner. Then on top of that, being told by some random dr on KZbin he needs to do MORE.

[@MeloFloww]

Yep.

[@lawrence-juniornalty]

Is it any surprise that marriage rates are falling in the West?

[@chrissmarie455]

Imagine getting bothered by your husband giving you complements and helping at home at yet it’s still a problem 🤦🏻‍♀️

[@Profitglutton90]

She’s going to be the arbiter of her own divorce. And she’ll still blame him for something she caused at the end of the day.

[@emmarose6590]

Imagine thinking providing for your family is all you need to do to have a healthy family and marriage.

[@addiskassa5165]

Some women are like that when they have a baby they think they won a trophy and forget about there husband, I am a woman and strongly disagree with them..I do not blame if the man goes around and made a mistake! A Man crave respect and loved, they are helpless creatures if we don't support them as much as we take care of our children. Communication make it this marriage work. I give to a priority for my husband even whenever I am so tired not even look at him, because he is my half part. Being compassionate towards eachother that help me a lot to leading my marriage successfully. May Almighty God be with you!!!🙏🙏🙏

[@tcarp1616]

Lol, stay at home mom and the house isn’t clean!!!!

[@tanyamilewski5700]

Sounds like a matter of priorities. She is prioritizing the kids and neglecting the marriage. She needs to know the marriage is important too and work with him to get along inspite of the children. Eg find babysitters to relieve the stress of little ones all day. Decide boundaries. Because the reality is kids grow up fast and they are visitors passing through. When they are gone you need to still have a relationship. Feelings are one thing-you feel tired, you feel excited, you feel in the mood, you feel stress. But you shd also use logic to create the life you want. You married someone and for the marriage to work/to be mutually satisfied with the marriage you need to respond to each other’s needs. When you feel tired and unavailable you need to do things that can make you less tired and more available. Simply because you believe the marriage is important. You can generate feelings from deliberate actions instead of just waiting for feelings to show up.

[@janelleg597]

You can't just "prioritize" marriage over small children. You sound ridiculous. It's not that freaking simple. Cutting corners with young children is planning a disaster. It will backfire, at some point or other. Babysitters are only a small part of a potential problem...if they can even afford it

[@tanyamilewski5700]

@@janelleg597 you don’t prioritize marriage OVER small children. You prioritize BOTH. I think the idea of either or you are displaying is this young lady’s problem also. It doesn’t have to be either or. You just have to find balance between 2 important things. You have to see what’s causing challenges in prioritizing marriage and solve those hence I suggested babysitting. If you don’t trust them find other ways to create time for each other. Maybe have the sitter while you are there so that they can help while you monitor. If it’s another problem altogether find out what it is and find a solution. That’s also prioritizing marriage. It’s possible to have 2 import things not just one thing.and you don’t have to cut corners with your kids either.

[@Evil-Rod-Farva]

@@janelleg597 this lady is either going to prioritize her husband or she’s going to be yet another single mom that nuked her family because she took her husband for granted. The best thing for kids is parents who love each other first. Without that the family breaks down.

[@BlackJezuzBaby]

Sounds like she lost desire for him. Marriage is headed for divorce.

[@charlesmcbee8513]

Dr John sounds like he's just trying to not get canceled.

[@meidachnate8855]

Exactly, the safe thing to do in modern society is always to foist accountability on the man when it comes to relationship advice. You will never see a mainstream relationship coach tell the woman what she needs to do unless its extreme or they do the whole "Well BOTH ppl messed up" yadda yadda

[@benjamina.serrano8948]

@@meidachnate8855 Kevin Samuels....(mic drop) 🎤...

[@miketheyunggod2534]

He doesn't say what he really thinks.

[@Cardinal15]

If she doesn’t pay attention to her husband someone else will.

[@yesorno1768]

There is no problem here, you said he is giving you this attention. He is not saying that about other women. Your 3 boys see dad giving mom attention, dad going to work, dad coming home and helping out, that’s a great example for them. What’s devastated is for them to see that his reward for all that is, mom unhappy and unsatisfied. Don’t allow negative thoughts about your husband. Think of how to show him appreciation too. That will be the best treasure for your boys to see mom happy and enjoying her husband!

[@buntun3670]

"I wanna be comfortable in my house!..."...then later "my kids". She has long stopped valuing this man, that's his house too and he shouldn't walk on egg shells, especially about behaviour which used to be fun for them both. Those are his kids as well and if she payed more attention, they are on the same side. This is how people apply for infidelity and later divorce.

[@snoozyq9576]

The fact that she was speaking as though they weren't his was so weird to me. I found myself not liking her. And that's rare.

[@markeayers]

Once he stops pursuing her, as she wishes, another woman is going to fill that void. He sounds like a normal young man with a normal sex drive. That doesn't make him immature, and he doesn't deserve her demeaning him. She may be stressed and overwhelmed, but you have to find a balance and keep the marriage afloat or else it all falls apart.

[@heathj7794]

Do these chores first and you might get lucky. Good dog.

[@gloriack7976]

I think fear is at the core of her no desire. She has gone into omg what about the kids mode and she's playing what if in her mind. This is deeper than my husband is a teenage boy. She needs to deal with her fears and do the work there first. Then she needs to make him a priority. She honestly has flipped the script on him and he's standing there with the car and no keys.

[@susieare]

Totally agree!

[@snoozyq9576]

Yep placing the blame on him like that is not cool.

[@neededtobesaid4275]

"What if he does all of those things and it's still a NO for me?!?" Dr. John seems to have put almost everything on him and she seems to believe even that won't work. She's going to drive him away!!!! When he's gone she'll miss the lack of attention. Good luck to him.

[@landonlowe4029]

Yup I said in my comment plenty of women would love to have a dude that into them after childbirth especially 🤣

[@aliparker3]

Women don't have a lack of attention.

[@zeal4god402]

The reasoning behind her "No" needs to be further explored. A sex therapist is in demand

[@Deb_deCoder]

@@aliparker3 yeah.. only lack of money

[@aliparker3]

@@Deb_deCoder these days, not true. Definitely not in my circle.

[@dannikattt3307]

This woman is insufferable. “My kids” lady those are his kids too!

[@snoozyq9576]

She's probably the first caller ever I've just simply disliked. I'd hate for my kids to suddenly not be considered mine for some reason

[@anthonyfuller9933]

If he ignores you when the kids are around then thats an issue as well. Women will always find something to complain about.

[@otsam1050]

Uh this is why I think twice about getting married 🙄. I first thought the guy doesn't do anything, the man works full time and help out around the house and she still makes it appear like he's the one with the problem? It doesn't take more than 25/30 mins max 🤷🏽‍♂️

[@Evil-Rod-Farva]

Yeah your husband didn’t take a vow of celibacy when he gave you children. Either be intimate or expect him to find intimacy elsewhere. Men need bedroom intimacy like women need attention . The days of men freely giving their attention, time, and money are over.

[@hikerhobby1204]

He took a vow to be faithful to only her.

[@Evil-Rod-Farva]

@@hikerhobby1204 she also took a vow to love and to cherish. Not many men I know feel loved or cherished by being denied their primary needs by their wife over and over again.

[@hikerhobby1204]

@@Evil-Rod-Farva Love and cherish aren’t sex. I’m guessing the men blaming this all on the wife are young.

[@GhislaineMutombo]

@@hikerhobby1204 well it's definitely not rejection, and she's rejecting him.

[@CraigWhargoul]

"Clean the house and I'll pay attention to you." Sounds like my wife 🤣🤣🤣

[@zeal4god402]

🤣

[@meidachnate8855]

And you are still dealing with her treating you like a bozo because...?

[@murraybeachtel8585]

@@meidachnate8855 Some men are still loyal to their family these days. Either pick better the first time or work with what you’ve got.

[@imonlyheretoarguewithidiots]

@@murraybeachtel8585 nah, fuck that. You don't need to be miserable. If some woman is being a cunt to you, you shouldn't have that woman in your life. If she's being intolerable, she has already broken your marriage vows. Move on.

[@imonlyheretoarguewithidiots]

Get a divorce bud

[@chrispowers627]

She'll be calling back in a few years about him having an affair. If she doesn't find a way to communicate with him he'll probably find attention somewhere else or somebody shows him attention and he'll be vulnerable.

[@greenfly0917]

So if he cheats that's her fault? I don't think so, if it comes to that he needs to leave BEFORE crossing that line. He is responsible for his own actions.

[@chrispowers627]

@@greenfly0917 definitely not her fault at all but I'm just saying that whatever is happens doesn't get resolved then he may start accepting attention that he would usually not accept bc he is not getting it at home. I've seen this happen on both sides.

[@FTBASTAR]

@@greenfly0917It's partially her fault for pushing him away. Husband has wants and desires just like the wife.

[@hikerhobby1204]

@@FTBASTAR Then he needs to divorce her before he goes out of the marriage.

[@finesse3417]

Chances are she's already having an affair

[@Shay-yg7nm]

So she's mad her husband wants her? I mean honestly be careful what you wish for. The grass is not greener on the other side. You could have a husband who doesn't give a shit about you

[@miguelalbino9400]

She needs to schedule intimacy. I know that being a stay home mom is hard, but your partner goes before your kids. He can be inappropriate but she’s not being fair also.

[@el676]

I wish John would’ve been more assertive with her cause honestly a lot of this is on her. If my wife acted like that, I’d panic thinking I married the wrong woman. Although I’m glad he was trying to reassure her and be hopeful.

[@zeal4god402]

@MM393 😂 SOMETHING

[@neolithic3]

Your partner does not go before your kids, especially when they are babies. They have 3 kids under age 2. This woman is likely totally exhausted. Not to mention I bet her husband doesn't help out as much as he thinks he does.

[@jordanott5464]

@@el676 My thought as well... It seems like she likes having a husband that works and does stuff for her but she doesn't want to have sex anymore...

[@miguelalbino9400]

@@neolithic3 she said that he helps. It’s a really hard thing to do with 3 kids. Me and my wife are in the exact situation and it’s so hard to have intimacy, but not impossible. Both sides have to work hard on that and be intentional. It’s not just on him in this situation. She needs to be flexible also

[@bevbayb3029]

I appreciate this call so much!

[@FTBASTAR]

Ah yes, one of the many reasons Millennials/Gen Z aren't getting married and refusing to have kids.

[@victoriagregoire567]

The marriage I want but the kids part is a no for me.

[@yearlymandonothack]

Clean the house makes mommy want daddy... That sounds like a great marriage 😂😂😂😂

[@johnsmith-kt7ef]

ya that doesn't happen lol...

[@obinnaezelibe3553]

lol

[@anthonylozano8035]

“Happy wife happy life” 🤪🤪🤪 duh huh

[@Cathy-xi8cb]

you have no IDEA how much loading the dishwasher WITHOUT BEING ASKED TO DO IT is a turn on. And how rare that is. Nobody normal wants to have sex with someone who acts exactly like their 8 year-old about chores. It simply isn't erotic to remind a man to act like a full partner.

[@jamesw7565]

@@anthonylozano8035 lol they are never happy!

[@brianmatterson6845]

First time I heard ar it clicked when you said seasons... I've been going through issues that hopefully fall into the season category... we'll see in a year when all kids are in school... I dig your analogies

[@masonbohall]

Takes two to tango, it doesn’t have to be 50-50 but it can’t be 90-10

[@nathansimpson5721]

There is also a flip side to this. Emily needs to be actively taking steps to helping her husband feel loved with intimacy, just as he is helping her feel loved with intimacy. She needs to ask herself "what can I do to help my husband feel wanted and valued sexually" just as he needs to ask himself the same question. If both parties start working on themselves, the sex is going to be amazing.

[@greg6909]

Can confirm, was married.

[@heathj7794]

Sounds like married a guy she wasn't that attracted to to begin with and now she has her kids that guy has served his purpose

[@abrahamflores2566]

The best husband's slap their wife........'s butt around the house all time. Thats a sign of true love. Don't discourage him but modify how it's done around the kids and encourage raunchy behavior.

[@mr.c7312]

John Delony stop pandering

[@BrettGarner17]

I definitely feel bad for this guy

[@anthonyfuller9933]

Doesn't look good for this guy. Once the woman starts to pull away sexually, it's all down hill from there.

[@harrisonbailey9884]

I'm hearing she doesn't want to take care of her husband in the way he feels loved. I'm curious how she'd feel if he decided to no longer care for her as the provider of the house, father to her children, or roles as a husband. I'm sure he doesn't feel like going to work everyday but he loves his family so he does it and learns to like it. I'm going through this with my wife and the whole conversation I just heard seemed unappreciative of the man and his unique roles. I think John has a lot of wisdom but he seems to talk to women in a way that holds them unaccountable. He might be scared to come off as harsh or maybe he thinks he deals with women the best he knows how. I think he missed the mark here. This doesn't sound like a bad woman at all but I do think she needs correction in how she views her husband. It is a good God honoring thing to desire and love your wife. He sounds like he is trying and many men don't do that.

[@Hunter-ox6kh]

well said

[@Jennegg23]

She probably doesn’t feel as desirable as she did pre children and what seemed cute before doesn’t seem as sexy now. Sex can get pretty routine and boring if you let it. Sounds like they need to change things up so that she feels like she’s benefitting too.

[@BethanyShaw]

Sex should not just be for one partner. No one should ever feel like they have to have sex when they don’t want to because it’s for their partner. It is a way for a couple to feel connected. It will lose significance for the wife and can even hurt her if she feels like her desire to not have sex isn’t honored. It is a two way street, not a wife’s duty. It will only distance the wife further if she feels pressure and it will associate sex with resentment. No one wants to have sex with someone they resent. When my husband tells me that we don’t have to do anything, we can just spend time together, it often makes me feel more loved than if we were do just do what he wanted to do. And often times, I end up in the mood because all the pressure is gone. Each partners desire to and not to have sex should be viewed as equally important and they should continue to talk to figure out how to find a middle ground.

[@Evil-Rod-Farva]

Facts. Dr. John is doing the same thing society has been doing for 50 years and that’s making excuses for poor female behavior. Women don’t realize that duty in marriage also applies to them. This woman is robbing her husband and the total disgust she seems to have for him and his needs would lead me to believe she’s got one foot out the marriage already. He’s in the military, so never overlook the Jody factor.

[@susieare]

100% correct!

[@Shardalon]

Here's the thing: she changed the rules, and isn't telling him the new rules. That is not fair. Yes, she is not required to submit to his every lust and whim, but there HAS to be a path to intimacy. And since she apparently gets to be the sole arbiter of when that happens and how it happens, that role comes with responsibilities.

[@djpuplex]

She wants to trade chores for sex. Wonder if she was single and a new guy would have to do chores.

[@thedelusionisreal]

Dr John is telling her to emasculate her husband. His audience must be 90% women.

[@BethanyShaw]

As a woman who has had kids, I can relate a lot to what she is saying. I can’t speak for her, but for me, the whole situation has changed. I stay home with kids now too and everything about my life has changed. I now have anxiety, my body is different, I’m home all day and often feel lonely but I’m also never left alone. Your body isn’t even yours anymore, kids are all over you all day long and it’s just exhausting. For me, I don’t even know why I don’t feel like doing it but my body just doesn’t want it. It’s not like I don’t consciously want to try to be intimate because I do and I miss it, it’s that my body doesn’t enjoy the same thing that used to happen. She did not change the rules, their entire life completely shifted and she’s also probably dealing with hormones too. It’s no one’s fault, it just happens and you both have to try to fix it and do something different that works.

[@thermalreboot]

@@thedelusionisreal I've noticed he does that. He's bought into the toxic masculinity narrative hook, line, and sinker.

[@pattythomas9405]

Yes it's all about communication!

[@junebee5128]

3 kids under 2! I bet that is playing a lot into this... as in hormonally. Having kids and then breastfeeding really affects a woman hormonally. Biologically it’s suppose to help spread out the closeness of pregnancy’s. I’ve had 4 kids and breastfed them all and it really lowers ones sex drive and even affects the bodies ability to get turned on. (Im not saying every woman but often) I still chose to regularly connect physically with my husband but until I became fertile again- over a year after having the babies- that’s when I felt normal again as far as sexual desire..

[@jaysmith6013]

Married 8 years, 2 kids. I work full time, wife works part time, we both EQUALLY contribute to housework. I do plenty of housework and yet she is mostly always too tired or unwilling for sex. As time goes in I grow more and more frustrated. I’ve tried talking to her but she always turns lack of sex into my fault, for example not touching her or being more affectionate through the day. Okay I accept I can be more affectionate but it’s not just my responsibility, I would also feel more affectionate if I had more sex. Honestly it sucks to say but marriage at this stage in life sucks. It’s constant work at work, then work at home, then work with the kids, then work to help run the household. After doing all that you’d think at least sex would be easy to come by but nope, not for me. It also really sucks being a high sex drive partner in a relationship with an extremely low sex drive woman

[@extremecarpetcleaning-wvwi86]

Divorce is coming. Sorry but you have to make 5 minutes for your husband needs.

[@mixyman86]

When will she just up and say she’s not attracted or even aroused by him anymore. She was hoping to get a reason to leave him. Sounds like the husband is doing his part and more, and she’s got one foot out the door. Not surprised.

[@sarahalderman3126]

Oh honey I wish I could sit you down and help you understand… you HAVE to put your relationship, your love for each other, above EVERYTHING else.

[@thewordistruth399]

I'm upset with this woman. She has not articulated well what "his teenage" behavior is that is so off-putting to her. Is he a teenager because he's excited to be intimate with her? He's looking forward to it. What is he doing that is so bad? If it's just that he seems very eager/excited to be intimate with her, then I have news for her, if he did change his attitude to be more like hers and "let's just get this over with" she'd be calling back to Dr. D and complaining that her husband isn't excited by her any longer and it would freak her out. I can get excited about a lot of things and I have had a friend act like they thought it was "child-like" to be so excited and show it, but honestly, that friend is a boring, stick-in-the-mud, so that friend complaining that my excitement/eagerness seems child-like is weird given she is a boring old woman though she's really not old at all. This woman better be very careful. If she doesn't loosen up some, I don't think her marriage will last. Maybe the husband is being to eager/childish with his excitement, but if he's responsible at work, does a good job with his kids, helps her clean, then let him be a little child-like and excited to be with you. I guarantee you if you keep stifling him, he'll find a woman somewhere who will appreciate his eager/child-like excitement and you'll be a divorced single mother of three young boys.

[@jeanqbxx]

They have a lot on their plate, they have to compromise a bit during this hectic time. Blessings!

[@landonlowe4029]

Imagine having the issue of your spouse being too attracted to you after you have kids LOL... most modern women have the exact opposite issue .. I understand he needs to control his urges sometimes but trying to disparage the urges in the first place is not that

[@zeal4god402]

Two spouses still staring longingly and flirtatiously at each other AFTER kids, WOOOOAH, if only that were true in ALL cases

[@landonlowe4029]

@@zeal4god402 precisely like omg the horror ?!🤣

[@Jennegg23]

That’s a fair point! He probably doesn’t satisfy her in the bedroom though. That’s probably the real truth.

[@zeal4god402]

@@Jennegg23 I'm reluctant to yield to your inference Jennifer. She gave zero hint that the quality of the bedroom action was lacking. Many women like her testify that they just give their body up to their hubby, but they just are not fully emotionally into it. So if performance was lacking, I am sure it would be even slightly implied

[@Jennegg23]

@@zeal4god402 If you desire someone you could be tired, sleep walking, stressed, it doesn’t matter. When desire is there it’s a stronger emotion then anything that could be happening in your life. When you are not happy or feel unsatisfied there’s nothing that anyone can do to make you feel more passionate. Also women don’t open up about personal quality of sex with other people. I never hear my girl friends brag about their sex lives or lack of.

[@jonathanlangdon4910]

It's always 'my' kids when she clearly is over her husband... Only took 2 kids to reliaze thats all she wanted in the relationship!

[@dj_86]

I learned it even before with just one kid

[@Nah-ah]

The issue here is not usually feeling a lack of desire for the man, it’s the lack of desire for herself after becoming a mother. Sadly a lot of fathers become left out of the equation thinking they did or didn’t do much. It’s more likely about how the woman sees herself after becoming a parent. We get lost into taking care of babies that we forget we had a life before the baby came along. I went through this myself and my husband struggled to get me back. It’s hard but most women go through this. We had counselling before and after having a baby about this shift in changes with me but nothing prepared us like experiencing it first hand. I hated myself for even becoming a mother bc I made him suffer not even meaning to.

[@Jennegg23]

@@Nah-ah thank you for sharing.

[@gsquared2394]

Sounds like she just sucks. Condolences to the husband

[@imonlyheretoarguewithidiots]

Damn straight

[@emmarose6590]

Bitter

[@imonlyheretoarguewithidiots]

@@emmarose6590 lol I wonder why

[@snoozyq9576]

@@emmarose6590 ya she bitter. Like you

[@pattythomas9405]

NAILED IT!!!

[@jrmiller6606]

He better be getting ready for a divorce...she's not happy

[@cmmcfielful]

For sure

[@neededtobesaid4275]

Yep.

[@thegreatgatsby9583]

oh yeah. It became all about her and didn’t even mention one positive thing about him sexually. She is on her way out.

[@hanymohd5194]

He will try to cheat before divorce

[@texan903]

@@hanymohd5194 she'll be more likely than him, to cheat. Once a woman checks out emotionally, it's over and this b***h obviously got what she wanted, which are kids.

[@masterk5066]

Omg this is why I have no kids & barely have a girlfriend…..happier & healthier this way 😂

[@brentayers3132]

Put those rugrats in daycare. Emily needs to get a job outside the home that pays for all or most of the care. The work at home is exhausting her to the detriment of her marriage. That’s the primary relationship. It’s affecting her libido, and she’s wading in dangerous water saying she just fends him off in three-day intervals.

[@sarahlockridge7879]

That is NOT a strange sexual perversion...do NOT gas light him!

[@MeloFloww]

This is gonna end in a train wreck. He will eventually find some one who meets his needs.. come on, active military working 12 hour shifts, just to get told you need to do more. 😂

[@JordanEvansMusic]

It sounds like she’s not interested in intimacy in general

[@nikkole9951]

Funny cause I don’t mind my husband’s jokes or suggestions. We have five kids. We have always been a very open family. Our kids tell us everything. That doesn’t mean our kids are growing up thinking they can make jokes like that with everyone. Bonus, we love grossing them out cause we all end up laughing. I think she is overreacting but to each his own I guess.

[@texan903]

She's overreacting because she might have a boyfriend, she is clearly checked out of the marriage emotionally and physically. Whatever it is, she's let it go for too long and didn't communicate with her husband until she had already pulled out at an emotional level. You seem like a great wife to your husband, by the way and an outstanding mom to your kids.

[@zeal4god402]

Yep she's just wired different

[@MsDorcelus]

Everyone is different and has their boundaries that should be respected at all times.

[@mrbass093]

Yea that sounds like a divorce, I feel bad for the guy

[@wLBlue]

And he doesn't even know it. He can feel it...but doesn't know what it is. Or he does...and doesn't want to pull the pin? Cause it's a no win situation.

[@libullets3099]

If is that much of a drag to have intimacy that most times she just wants to get it over with then why not let him do what he wants with other girls? Because when he does…. Her main issue will be getting his attention back! People don’t appreciate what they have until it’s gone! Both men and woman alike. Really sad episode

[@tcarp1616]

She’s a prude, keeps saying “MY” kids not “OUR” kids… she keeps acting like this and he’ll have an affair.

[@neodaltiair8624]

I’m a little disappointed that John didn’t ask her to clarify the jokes and why she feels like he’s a middle school boy that’s really strange to hear from a woman who has three kids now

[@kaylaa2466]

We have 2 boys at home with us almost every night & my husband constantly says “isn’t mommy so beautiful? She is just so gorgeous” around them but gets dirty in my ear & I absolutely love all of it. Show the kids how you want them to treat their wife & do the rest in front of them too, but quietly...so they understand the affection. There is a balance. But as a mom, she is BURNT OUT. She is touched out. She’s just not saying it because maybe she can’t admit it. She needs time alone too.

[@Drumbeat52]

Been there done that, my ex reduced me to a non-priority and a walking wallet. After 7 years of marriage and one son who was 2 1/2 she cheated!! I divorced her and never remarried. I didn't change, she did!! Dude is in for a wake up call, the paradigm has shifted and so has her priorities. The old paradigm is history.

[@OscarHernandez-xo4lt]

She’s going to lose her husband. This lady has some self improvement to work on.

[@seneca1932]

She’s already checked out of the marriage.

[@theresachiorazzi4571]

Children are the best part of being a family after all that’s why two people get married in the first place I’m an 84yr old great grand mom I believe in family life think about it children are gods masterpiece and blessing.to us

[@9liveslisa]

"Bi-annual sex plan!" lol!

[@carlgutwein3038]

Ya def not getting married sounds like it sucks

[@thejakelegion]

Yikes. She sounds like a liberal. Pass.

[@TannaCoolstuff]

Sounds like she needs a nanny once or twice a week so she can get some regroup time and then maybe be more rested and ready for the eggplant emoji jokes

[@riceandbeans2019]

She was ready to be a mom and she was ready to be a wife...but not both at the same time

[@cashisqueen3825]

Come on, I think your kids are young and he knows they don’t understand yet.This would be a problem if they were 10, but right now I don’t think you need to worry about the patriarchy. Your husband is desperate for your attention. Give it to him.

[@greenfly0917]

10?! You know kids repeat everything they hear. That 1 year old may not but in a year or so those twins will be in pre-k repeating what they hear at home. Whether they actually understand what they're saying or not.

[@jaredajones87]

@Greenfly09 boldly said, but you have no context as to what the comments are. She didn't give a concrete example. Unless you are new to the English language, there are multiple ways to communicate desire without being vulgar or misogynistic. She may think his comments are inappropriate simply because she's not in the mood to receive them.

[@ledgic1317]

A very safe response from him. Especially when reading the comments. Imagine being a married man fighting for your country, and finding out your wife doesn't want you anymore, even when you clean, cook, and provide for her. She said she didn't like that's he's into her so much. The man is attached and attracted to you, wants and desires you, and you say it annoys you. Gosh what is going on. He still has to protect her and the kids and provide at times, why is so hard to be there for him sexually. The same way they tell us men or wives have needs, so does he, erotism if he's doing his job, which she said he was doing. You could have told her to do more and be understanding.

[@snoozyq9576]

That's how affairs happen

[@nickabel8279]

Great call. Stop telling your wife you're physically attracted to her. Let's revist this marriage in 5 yrs

[@aarong1811]

John did not cover this one well. Too much catering to the caller when the husband sounds like one that many women would be delighted with. Yea 3 kids is tough. Absolutely granted. But at the end of the day when John addresses two concerns of the caller and it was still not enough to make her completely available for her husband, well, she either still does the thing or she doesn’t. And not doing it and saying “you do your thing and I’ll do mine” was just abysmal. You do not want to encourage your husband to pursue other outlets for his needs for any reason. If so, you’d be in the opposite situation in 15 years when your kids want nothing but their own privacy and you’re living in a sexless marriage because his needs were forced to be met elsewhere. She’d then say “where did I go wrong? Perhaps I’ll call a radio show”.

[@Gerelisf]

You’re telling me she can’t take 10 minutes to do what he needs? It’s not all about you… sacrifice 10 minutes of your time and put on a smile and give him what he needs. That’s your husband and you’re his wife… act accordingly!