Overcoming Fearful Avoidant Attachment: 5 Toughest Challenges In Healing | HealingFa.com

Embark on a healing journey as we explore the 5 toughest challenges faced in overcoming the Fearful Avoidant Attachment Style. You are not alone in your struggles, and these moments of difficulty do not define your worth. Keep going, knowing that you deserve freedom, safety, and happiness, and your healing journey is a testament to your resilience and strength.
Sign up for the FREE 3-day course: The Basics of Healing the Fearful Avoidant attachment style, at www.healingfa.com
Your journey may look different, but it's ok if it feels hard. It doesn't mean you won't get there. Keep going, and know that you are not healing to become valuable: you are already valuable and worthy, exactly as you are. You are healing to feel freedom, safety and happiness, because you deserve nothing less!
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Video Title: Overcoming Fearful Avoidant Attachment: 5 Toughest Challenges In Healing | HealingFa.com
This video is about Overcoming Fearful Avoidant Attachment: 5 Toughest Challenges In Healing. But It also covers the following topics:
Fearful Avoidant Healing Obstacles
Attachment Style Recovery Struggles
Transforming Fearful Avoidant Patterns
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✅ About Paulien Timmer - Healing the fearful avoidant.
The way you feel right now is not the way you are. If you want more freedom, calm, love, and peace in your head, body, and life, it is absolutely possible. You are not too broken.
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After spending 14 years healing the fearful avoidant attachment style, I am beyond passionate and dedicated to getting you to where I am now: living a life true to myself, waking up feeling rested and peaceful. Deeply in love with my husband, and looking forward to the future. This is what life is supposed to be like, and it is my honor to help you get there.
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In the past 7 years, I have guided over 2000 people through my Dutch programs (I am from the Netherlands), to a secure attachment and happy relationship. Over the past year and a half, another 150 beautiful people have been through the English program Healed&Happy. I love seeing how lives can change within three months, and how NORMAL it can feel to have a secure attachment. I wish you so much joy, pleasure, and love.
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#fearfulavoidant #attachmentstyles #emotionalhealing #personaldevelopment #psychology #overcomingchallenges
Disclaimer: We do not accept any liability for any loss or damage incurred from you acting or not acting as a result of watching any of my publications. You acknowledge that you use the information I provide at your own risk. Do your own research.
© Paulien Timmer - Healing the fearful avoidant

[@jaredjohnson2761]

I have felt alone and so lonely since I was 7 years old. I’m almost 50 now, and you are the only person that I have ever heard tell my story. You exactly described me and what I have thought and felt for over 40 years. Thank you so very much for making these videos. Thank you, thank you, thank you. ❤ I have thought that I was alone, because I have never heard anyone describe what I think and feel, and your videos have given me hope that there is a solution, that I can find peace with myself and have intimacy in my relationships. Thank you.

[@myrrhrax5805]

“Relapses are a way to integrate the healing you’ve already done.” ❤

[@toniasheridan]

"the right to live". OMG YES! That’s EXACTLY how powerless that feeling makes us feel. How sad.

[@charlottelovelynyc246]

Ok yes PLEASE create a video of how you constructed your sense of self. Also, the part where you described laying on your couch with the curtains closed is literally what I do all the time. It makes me feel safe!

[@paulientimmer-healingthefe9870]

Oh dear, can't believe you do the exact same thing! It does feel safe, doesn't it? I vividly remember that feeling of safety. But it's even better just feeling safe in the world, curtains open or closed :)

[@tinyshepherdess7710]

Yes! Agree. I do that too.

[@whiteoaksroad]

Yes please make sense of self video. Thank you!

[@user-ei8rb7sj6c]

Yes! Please add how to create a sense of self. I’m 70 & still struggle with this. Thank you!

[@ajourneythroughmecca]

Did you make that video? Creating a sense of self? Would love to view it

[@sxyteesa0890]

YOU MADE ME FEEL SO VALIDATED I CRIED AND DIDN'T FEEL GUILTY ABOUT CRYING. MUCH LOVE

[@MissVna]

I'm crying watching this 🥺🥺😭😭😭😭😭 this is how I feel for the past few weeks. I'm scared, I'm tired, im exhausted with this highs and lows... I feel being alone is the safest way.

[@sylvievachon1020]

We're used to playing small

[@Nipponsuki]

I struggle with all those things. It's hard to make connections with people I don't have an instant connection to. It's like I want to reject them right off the bat which is terribly lonely but feels safe. I also can sometimes get too codependent on my partner and even get agoraphobia when I am really all alone and have to go to new places. I think the fear of not wanting to be seen is part of not wanting to be powerful, it really is all about not feeling safe. Right now I don't even like to drive. I think its my fear brain wanting something to be scared of and picking something.

[@jenaya_laila2442]

I feel so understood by you.. 😭😭. I'm so alone on my healing process and I beat myself up when I'm relapse. When im in relapse I sabotage everything I had just built up...I have push pull in my entire life. Relationships, friendships, jobs, relocating e.t.c

[@yashi7799]

Have you made a video on creating a sense of self? and if you haven't could you do it please?

[@coreygeiger81]

Yes! Make a video about sense of self! What you said resonates with me ten-fold. This is literally the spot I’ve been stuck in for years

[@paulientimmer-healingthefe9870]

Ahh, I will put that on the list then!

[@ryanbarker3978]

You may have already made the video by this point, but “developing a sense of self out of nowhere” is the biggest challenge of this attachment style IMO. So that video is a great idea.

[@djenning90]

Your words of affirmation and encouragement are SOOOO nurturing and loving… your words touch my heart and give me strength.

[@tinyshepherdess7710]

I just watched this for the 2nd time and something dawned on me as I listened to you talk about FAs not wanting to feel powerful. The realization hit me like a punch to the gut. I feel safest when I give my power away. Wow! I hate to even admit it but it's true. Thank you for talking about the "under belly" of this attachment style. Your perspective is unique and I appreciate your contributions.

[@paulientimmer-healingthefe9870]

Such an important insight! It is safe to have power, and to keep your power! That alone can change your life :) So happy you are here, genuinely!

[@denisejaydub]

So grateful for these channels…but I feel a bit of heartbreak that I identify so much with this attachment style

[@paulientimmer-healingthefe9870]

I hear you. It's hard. AND you can heal this. It is not a character trait, it is an attachment style, which can be changed. You are not labeled, nor are you doomed. Recognizing it is the first step towards freedom. You are not alone.

[@Stella-cv4mc]

You are not alone ❤️ as an FA myself I understand how tough it is to live life like this and do relationships. But I also think FAs have certain "emotional superpowers" that make us an interesting branch of humanity 😃❤️

[@sandypmcgroarty]

I've just discovered your channel and oh my God, everything finally makes sense. It is like listening to you recount my life back to me. For the first time in my life i have an explanation as to why, aged 40, despite so many offers of love, i have never been able to have a longterm relationship. I can't express how grateful i am to have found you and your wisdom.. you've given me hope in such a lonely time. Thank you. I've signed up to your waitlist and look forward to starting it.

[@EsseQuamVideriSe7en]

You are such a beautiful human being. Your message of belonging is so powerful. Thank you for that.

[@nikstar1313]

Thank you for everything 🙏 I relate so much about the loneliness, the third oneI feel soo alone for the first time in my life at 47.. it’s scary but I am just trying to trust.. number four too, oh wow.. I feel myself getting stronger.. and I feel scared of my power and just letting go of the control.. omg everything you say is so true, thanks for being so vulnerable you are like a friend I’ve said before. Thank you again x

[@livingoncetwice]

I'm finding your videos so powerful and healing. Thank you!!

[@jhummelgaard9310]

Thank you such a beautiful video ❤

[@diaoopshi4813]

rewatching this but only now realising i'm truly on the path of heeling😇😇#confident to be stronger!

[@Melow55]

I thought I would give up this life today. I live in a girls hostel with around 30 girls but only I have no friends, they do ask for favours or help me when I need them but they don't include me . I was healing and feeling better and having the time of my life than my crush asked me out on a date and then he got intimate with me despite me saying no so many times. I was feeling so low that I thought my no isn't important. Then he ghosted me . I started feeling like I'm doing something wrong or feel uncomfortable when someone is angry or loud around me and I feel like my existence or opinions don't matter. I'm tired of this life. Watching your videos made me feel less odd.

[@sharonjumba4648]

Big hugs to you. May you find yourself, say your no and stand by it and forgive yourself for the moments you don't. You are wholesome, worthy of life's safety and beauty.

[@sylvievachon1020]

When you mentioned how stable he was and this would make you mad. That hit a point with me. As I'm learning more about my attachment style I noticed this just the other day. I was thinking why do I want him to be dramatic? And fight back? What is wrong with me

[@themuffinman4172]

I love you so much and my life feels better because of you

[@Stella-cv4mc]

Giiiiirl I'm not even done with the video yet but you're describing all my past right there! "It didn't feel good to feel good" exactly!!! So many paradoxes with the FA style and during the healing of it! Before I knew about attachment, I assumed I had internal Borderline Personality Disorder because of the overlapping symptoms! My therapists told me it's not BPD so I was just at a loss. 100% felt like I was just the odd one out, I don't belong, I don't know how to connect beyond constant extreme activation - deactivation cycles lol. It's so nice to see someone describe that she had the same experiences💐🙏🏻🌺🙌🏻

[@paulientimmer-healingthefe9870]

Ah I see you! You are definitely not alone, and it turns out we are actually REALLY good at connecting when we've healed, because like no other we can feel the moment of connection and have all kinds of strategies around them. When we haven't healed we just use them out of fear. When we have healed, it feels like playing. You DEFINITELY belong, more than you know!

[@Stella-cv4mc]

@@paulientimmer-healingthefe9870 ❤️❤️❤️🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻

[@tinyshepherdess7710]

OMG me too. For years I've been thinking I had a touch of Borderline Personality Disorder, like I must be on the BPD spectrum somewhere. But I realize now that it's just classic FA. (I also have ADHD which has a lot of overlap as well)

[@nickyseize7097]

I was diagnosed with BPD and this sounds very similar to it, so it's a bit confusing to me. But no matter the diagnosis I think if you heal one you heal the other.

[@neko_neko9]

​@@tinyshepherdess7710 me too!! ADHD can make it even more extreme, I feel

[@pulchritudinouscommunist]

You are the sweetest. Thank you for your work!!!!!!!!!

[@starlilyoracle]

Thank you so much ✨🌹

[@user-xl6jx7pi7k]

Creating a sense of self Highs and lows in different aspects of life

[@candymountain6325]

Thank you for this post. I have felt lonely for such a long time. What you say makes so much sense to me. You are so brave to tackle this.

[@paulientimmer-healingthefe9870]

I'm so sorry to hear you've felt lonely for such a long time. It's hard enough as it is, and I really do hope you feel less alone now.

[@xanaxex5480]

Thank you!❤️

[@nickyseize7097]

Please make a separate video about relapses, it’s much needed 🙏🏼

[@naomipaul2048]

Thank you for the reminder that relapses are a part of the integration process. I feel in that state now, where everything feels exhausting and complicated, and so it gives me hope that there is light on the other side of this :)

[@paulientimmer-healingthefe9870]

There is definitely hope! You are on the right track. Sending you lots of love❤

[@ra4798]

thank u paulien your channel is very helpful and there is so much to relate

[@nickyseize7097]

You're the best🌹 thank you for making these videos. I have been listening to you every day and it has helped so much!

[@scoopycoopydoo]

I am so lucky to find this channel ♥️👌👌👌thank you

[@jaredvaughan1665]

Great lecture

[@coreygeiger81]

I wish you did personal in-calls/video sessions. as I love and appreciate Thais Gibson, she is accessible through her school because of the amount of requests she gets

[@jolynn89]

Wish more therapists would speak to me like Paulien does. Feel I’d be doing better.

[@leenaalghattas1115]

That’s so accurate ❤

[@Melow55]

Can you make a video on 'How to create a sense of self?' that would help so much.

[@awilburn29]

Thanks for this video. It is such an intense journey to heal. I would love to know more about your EFT experience.

[@paulientimmer-healingthefe9870]

It definitely is intense! What would you like to know? Ill see if I can make a video around that!

[@marcey7466]

Is there a video on healing the highs and lows?

[@sunbeam9222]

The highs and lows is what made me give up on the relationship with a FA. I was love of their life one day, number 1 enemy next. We'd plan a trip, work on it for weeks then for whatever reason where I i " disappointed" him , he'd throw all plans away and tell me to find someone else to go with. No stability whatsoever and I felt there was nothing I could do to avoid it expect walk on eggshells and pray. I'm amazed your husband had the patience. I'm secure attachment style and I understood my FA, I didn't feel upset with his behaviour, but I admit I got tired of the rollercoaster ride and wanted my stable life again.

[@paulientimmer-healingthefe9870]

I totally understand and choosing healthy is always a good choice

[@tiffanyevans8359]

If I have no sense of self then how is it that others like and even love me?

[@paulientimmer-healingthefe9870]

Not having a sense of self only causes you to not fully receive the love you are getting. Your soul is still you, you are still you.

[@tinyshepherdess7710]

I am really enjoying your videos. Have you considered making a video about how things went for you in relationships outside of your romantic relationship, like with friendships or family - both before and after your healing work. Thank you!

[@paulientimmer-healingthefe9870]

Yes, i've put it on the list!

[@nikstar1313]

Yes omg I want to be in bed at 3pm and I fight it everyday- that’s my relapse! You’re amazing

[@nickyseize7097]

This sounds similar to BPD, is there a correlation between the Fearful Avoidand Attachment style and BPD?

[@martacwiek6092]

Hi. I really appreciate your videos. Im dealing with fearful avoidant friend who is afraid of commitment and creating push and full effect. Im completely puzzled and dont know what to do anymore. Closer we get he is acting out of fears and pushing me away. Im being patient and want to understand how he feels but he stonewalling me after every time he gets vulnerable. Any advice? Please help. I care about him and i dont want to walk away from this connection

[@noo9300]

do you have a video on sense of self?

[@jenaya_laila2442]

When I relapse, I'm beating myself up and I'm feeling general anxiety...I have insomnia and my body literally aches..its painkillers or massage.

[@pooterpan8075]

On creating a sense of self, I often have trouble with self-gaslighting and finding the courage to believe in my own opinion. I also find it hard to just sit through relapses because I'm super scared I'll become stagnant and become complacent.

[@paulientimmer-healingthefe9870]

Ooh yes, the being scared that it will stay like that forever. That was one of the hardest parts in relapses! Might make a video on that too, if you'd find that interesting! How to deal with relapses

[@pooterpan8075]

@@paulientimmer-healingthefe9870 Please do. It could pair well with creating a sense of self, as they feel closely related.

[@daniellec4728]

Such a good video. If you haven't already could you make a video to describe how to really identify the actual trigger in detail and what it is or was... sometimes I struggle so hard to even know what I need. What do I need when I feel I need something? How did you come to identify those things? Thanks!

[@paulientimmer-healingthefe9870]

Thank you, I will look into this!

[@adrianacowart]

I have never heard anyone else explain all these. I have all these symptoms also. I gad no idea they are related

[@rolfjohansen5376]

I have met a FA woman, but I doubt she will heal ... or if I shall go trough the battle with her , is all savable or do they want to, or understand there is a better way of living?

[@Zensdead]

Are you a practitioner of EFT!?

[@Stella-cv4mc]

Some questions are coming to my mind, and I apologize if you already answered them in another video! But how did you find out you were FA and how did it make you feel? I found out about a year ago by randomly clicking on a KZbin video (THANK GOD!!!), and it made me feel such intensity, because all my life suddenly started making sense 🥺 and my other question, how long did it take you to become securely attached? Thank you! 💐

[@paulientimmer-healingthefe9870]

I found I was FA about 2,5 years ago, and I felt like the world crumbled under my feet. I had no idea I had an insecure attachment, and it made me question everything. And at the same time, all the puzzle pieces fell into place. Such a weird feeling, did you feel like that too? I think it took me about a year!

[@Stella-cv4mc]

@@paulientimmer-healingthefe9870 wow, that's exactly how I felt. World crumbling underneath my feet. It was such an intense realization, I was so grateful but felt destabilized at the same time. It's heavy when you lived a riddle your whole life and suddenly you begin receiving all the answers 😳😳

[@paulientimmer-healingthefe9870]

Yess it really is a riddle! But in the end it feels so good to finally understand, right?

[@ori9278]

You and your channel is so valuable. I hope you know that🥹💚