Jay Leno's Headlines - 1998

* Audio problem in the beginning of this video resolved after the 1st headlines segment.
* Source: TV-recorded VHS tapes I had stashed away.
* Can't get enough Headlines? Check out this Playlist: • Jay Leno's Headlines -...

[@onelove33333]

I’m kicking myself for never sending in the headline I found back in the early 2000’s, “Number of Pot Smokers Getting Higher”

[@boisegameshowguy]

That’s a headline which is much more relevant today. I live in Idaho but Ontario Oregon is close enough to give folks the high they crave.

[@sharonward4766]

Yay! From the pot capital of America!😊

[@onelove33333]

Funny cause this headline was from Ontario Canada 😁

[@natevm7888]

Nothing like eating at the Anus Steakhouse. Either that or Arby's.

[@melissayager883]

Hahaha 😂🤣😂

[@ladiiblue2u634]

i used to watch these before going to sleep

[@allisoncorona8162]

Jay Leno invited people who find such bloopers and misprints and such to send them in to him; the closest thing I found to that was a jigsaw puzzle that had this instruction on the box: "Open package before use."

[@garyschultz7768]

that's funny !!!!!

[@captainscentsible1811]

I think some of the ads , in the wanted sections people paid for just to send to the show.

[@michaelsalisbury1477]

@@captainscentsible1811 I doubt it very much

[@DeeDee-ot2ly]

@@michaelsalisbury1477 but we don't know for sure do we 🤔

[@620john620]

The ducks refused medical treatment because they didn’t need another bill. Bah-dum-pah.

[@realdealvideos]

Ya know, that's better then Jays 👍

[@gregghansen9504]

Why didn't I think of that?!?

[@austinteutsch]

What makes this all work is Leno's comments and the band's quick musical accents. THIS is real late night T.V.

[@richardcline1337]

And since he left late night, all we get is pure, raw SEWAGE trying to force their political BS on us...all three networks!

[@DizzyDez613]

“The ducks refused medical treatment.” Lmfaaaaoooo

[@kpyng]

These will never go out of fashion. One can watch these over and over again and never get tired of them...

[@DaniTheNachoPirate]

kpyng I fall asleep listening to these, From 97 till 00, almost every single night. Thought I was just crazy

[@chuckdieselkicksdisks2380]

@@DaniTheNachoPirate nope totally normal it was one of the funniest things he did the way he would read them off. 99 cent store is pretty funny too

[@port566]

I'd fall asleep to these, too. That probably explains my dream about the carnivorous pants eating me and my children when I was 12.

[@MOORE4U2]

@@port566 ...You had kids when you were twelve?

[@port566]

@@MOORE4U2 Money was tight back then. I could only afford used diapers until my parents raised my allowance.

[@leonardvicari2857]

I love the wedding ads of the couples last name Jay Leno was a perfect successor to Johnny Carson I miss him as the tonight show host

[@acgsmith5937]

Nothing I have ever seen on late night shows is as funny as this stuff. So simple, but comedy gold. I miss it.

[@bradeyliverio9286]

acg smith I wish they would've passed it on after Jay, it would be cool if Jimmy Fallon did this again. Headlines is arguably the funniest segment I've ever seen for any talk show

[@acgsmith5937]

I doubt one guy is gonna want to steal another guys schtick. Lets see Leno come back on another channel.

[@stevenherrold5955]

anybody who loves jay leno i could get along with . besides this i love stupid criminals stories. its hard to beat the comedy of an idiot

[@stevenherrold5955]

somebody needs to clone leno because he will not be around for ever in the meantime i can.t stop watching this goofy stuff!!!!

[@acgsmith5937]

What if it was Hitler that loved Jay Leno?

[@LMichaelL65]

Give me one Jay Leno over a hundred Jimmy Fallon's.

[@Unknown17]

Yes, the peanut butter truck was stuck under the bridge, and, yes, that's ironic. But don't worry, they'll have it out in a JIF.

[@arad4912]

Couple of years ago I bought a truck mirror at dealership saying on the box "proudly made in America " and the mirror was wrapped up in Chinese newspaper.

[@arad4912]

Proudly made in *USA , Do these mfs think we are completely retarded?

[@maryexstroughtonaire4244]

AR AD 🤣

[@bokhans]

AR AD Americans proud to elect a real American president financed by the Russians. 🤦‍♂️

[@magnetsoldiercephas331]

This will be 25 years old in a couple days. 😮 time flies.

[@ariel393939]

Jay look so young. I still miss him on the show.

[@jmartine]

The sewing machine / computer ad at 1:19:32 was from my parents' store. I just saw it for the first time, 20 years later. None of us had any idea that they were featured on Jay Leno until now!

[@boopitykaw2817]

Lol. Too cool.

[@rayn1ful]

who made the mistake on the ad?

[@jmartine]

@@rayn1ful It wasn't really a mistake. It was kind of an "industry term" at the time. Some sewing machines were computerized, and others were not. As in, "This sewing machine is a computer. That one is not. If you're looking to get into a computerized machine for not too much money, this one just came out, and it's our lowest priced computer so far."

[@rayn1ful]

@@jmartine ok thanks for explaining , its actually an honor to hear from someone from the segment of the show . ty for your reply .

[@zetacentari2547]

@@jmartine some things seem as though they were meant to be

[@brad25000]

When I was a teenager back in the late 90s my mom and I would watch Headlines just about every Monday night that I happened to be home and not out smoking weed with my friends. Lost her just a couple years ago in July of 2017 can't help but think of you ma when I watch this😔

[@shimmySchermerhorn-dk1gi]

Restaurant sells FRESH BAKED BASTARDS...bout died when Jay showed this one...still laughing 10 minutes later.

[@tejaswoman]

P.S. for anyone puzzled as to what it was meant to say, there is a shape of bread called a batard. (True story: autocorrect tried to "fix" the word for me just now.)

[@RockrohrMissions]

@@tejaswoman that’s called “artificial” intelligence

[@gspendlove]

I always thought I was the only one who had the VCR ready on Monday nights so I could record Headlines. I wanted to keep them forever. I guess I wasn't the only one who did that!

[@antoineemory6772]

tha only reason i used to record it cause i had to get up at 5 am to go to work an either watched it in tha morning an watch or when i got home from work.

[@John_Fugazzi]

The headlines were always funny but Jay's delivery is what really added to the fun.

[@coltino99]

John Fugazzi I think the toilet golf was the stupidest product he ever had on there and the reaction was priceless.

[@toptenguy1]

Yep, his delivery plus Eubanks' laughter in the background, gold.

[@jessicaabbott10]

Jay’s reaction to all of them is priceless!!

[@kylestubbs8867]

coltino99 When was the Toilet Golf?

[@bethdibartolomeo2042]

I loved his reaction to "driving erotically", LMAO XD

[@streef88]

Thank you! I kinda like the tracking coming onto screen occasionally.... Oh the VHS days

[@ozonatedman]

Yeah, old school I guess :)

[@bronxbomber370]

Laughed so hard I couldn't breathe and my head hurt afterwards. Definitely worth it.

[@RinJackson]

Warning: watching this while drinking water can potentially be hazardous to your health :)

[@port566]

Hazardous to my screen, too.

[@maryannanderson2213]

The best part of this was Leno's ad lib when he said the ducks refused treatment because their doctor was a quack! I miss him.

[@RockrohrMissions]

And I think he was impersonating Rodney Dangerfield!

[@pantera6343]

No sign of mobile phones , internet , anything tech , ahh the good times

[@scottparmer5718]

I always loved when headlines was on. This was the period where Jay could do no wrong.

[@actionjackson7434]

Still funny after airing 20 feckin years ago...well done lad.

[@hilarylaw8415]

Watching in late 2023 and laughing my ____ off. I would have gone to see the movie Titanic, had I known Leonardo Da Vinci was in it!

[@omalor]

The doctor was a QUACK!!!! OMG, classic, clean humor!!!!!!!!

[@boataxe4605]

I think it was because the ducks were afraid of getting a big bill.

[@Hypercube1729]

*Leno was always the best of them all.*

[@marctempler3250]

Yeah...makes me sad though to see how far we have dropped in only 20 years.

[@elainealibrandi6364]

I can't watch too many of these because my stomach starts to hurt from laughing.

[@shazam2128]

One of Jay Leno's best bits! I always loved Headlines!

[@leecowell8165]

Leno is what made this segment go. Can't believe its been 25 years. You can't make this stuff up absolutely hilarious! I loved it when he pointed to his temple. He probably spent a lotta hours on this.

[@LRoach79]

This was the year I graduated from high school and got married 😂 . Gosh miss late night . They all went woke not funny anymore.

[@tiffanycarter5432]

Headlines was the one segment of late night TV that I would watch EVERY week, it was mandatory to start the week right.

[@Diddz]

same for me

[@sweetwentworth]

a comedic way of showing a failed system. make it funny so you can't see it..

[@toolguyslayer1]

Dang Tiffany if that is your picture in the icon you have really let yourself go it's okay though you can beat this you will find that special guy in your life somehow someway someday in another time and another dimension in another lifeand maybe someday you'll be able to get an operation to fix all that complicated stuff above your shoulders you can start with a little soap and water I hear that helps LOL

[@Werdnasemajjamesandrew]

I would stay up past my bedtime and watch a foot from the tv and blackout the door way and return vent. I was about 11-14.

[@jb428]

"The age we live in" - little did he know....

[@keithhyttinen8275]

About what?

[@47485ksc]

I have one I've always regretted not mailing to Jay: "Caller reports chickens are stealing everything and using wagons to transport grain to the curb" from the Fresno Bee. I still have the clipping 30 years later.

[@mlc3stooge1]

The best part of the Leno Tonight show was the Headlines segment. Thanks for posting these.

[@diannameade495]

😃mine too!

[@LyricalMedicine]

mine three

[@judyvalencia3257]

mine 4

[@artbagley2038]

Agree! Also loved his techno-modified characters Iron Jay, Mr. Brain, and Beyondo. Can't find any segments on KZbin except just a few Iron Jays. Hil-f-n-larious!!!

[@joelwillams4405]

Randall Buie me 5

[@tanyawade5197]

I can’t believe I sat here & watched this entire thing… & laughed all the way thru it, too😂😂.

[@JL050]

1998… man time flies

[@johnskalbe5995]

Jay Leno one of my favorite late night host"!!

[@vivianacavazos6673]

who says these are not funny? i realize everyone has different taste but I used to love this segment when I was little and now I see it again and crying from laughter 😂😂😂

[@stevenherrold5955]

we have a few killjoys that there life is a trainwreck so they hate it when they see other people that are happy if you see someone making ugly comments remember what i said there just mad because we're having fun and they're not maybe this is why we have so many mass shootings there miss rubble so then we don't have right to have so much joy

[@formerlythetim]

Imported.

[@FranzFerdinandVIII]

*39:03* That potato's value has Skyrocketed!🤣

[@waynemarvin5661]

Who says they're not funny? Probably Bob. Bob doesn't think they're funny.

[@jakeg3126]

I don’t think the wedding names are that funny.

[@PhilBagels]

If Leonardo Da Vinci had been on the Titanic, it might not have sunk.

[@svenlima]

Regarding weddings and surname combinations. One of my German clients married and now the woman's double name is "Mensch-Killer". Translated it means Man-Killer !

[@pylonialwaffles6944]

Man, can't believe the ducks refused medical treatment.

[@boataxe4605]

Pylonial Waffles They didn’t want a big bill.

[@aliabdallah102]

Sir Waff. L. Hammer their insurance is probably expensive

[@harrygaul4475]

The ducks were whack whacked up ..

[@abdizzll]

They thought the doctor was a quack...

[@Taylor101310]

Before Obamacare, being a duck was considered a preexisting condition.

[@RedfishCarolina]

Since I spent 15 years in the grocery business, the misspelled grocery store ads are my favorites. Best on in this compilation, "Retchup".

[@gledatelj1979]

It's so funny to read this just as it comes on video

[@Cathrope1]

Scooby Doo wrote that.

[@hilarylaw8415]

That one was good. But my favorite was Velveeta Juice.

[@hilarylaw8415]

Refried Sugar was good as were nearly all the Chinese Menu entries. I'm gonna go watch some now. I need a mood boost.

[@SuperCody1124]

When late night was Fun to watch

[@NoCreativeNameGirl]

right!

[@jhock9171]

You mean back before everything became politicized and life was boring? Who wants to go back to that?

[@NewsandTalk]

The world is a bad joke now. Only the current tonight show is some what tolerable. The rest is crap. Though I don't mind the Corden chap. Kimmel, Seth, Colbert and Conan are partisan, dull and unfunny. I may cut Conan some slack as I used to watch but his side kick Andy went on political rants on tv. Most shows failed. So we went from a high of 11 talk shows at night to 7 if you include comedy central garbage. Then E! and Bravo do shows but not the same format and so I do not include them. But I do see Busy Phillips on E. But her format is one guest all half hour then show ends. No monologue. Maybe she will do a skit or talk a little but only 5 minutes. Some nights just see Carson reruns on Antenna TV. But having said that I wish Leno and Ferguson were reruned or early Conan. Then I lost the channel doing Dick Cavett as it now runs old female driven shows. Cavett was ok but ABC pulled the plug too early. Not as good on PBS as it was just interviews no monologue. CNBC version was ok but he was older. But late night was funnier before. Now I skip it a lot. I do not care for political jokes or guests bashing the right. I tuned in for family friendly comedy. I actually was not as big on Fallon when he began but he grew on me mainly after toning down the games so some shows now do not have games with every guest. He is decent. But I still am split on Questlove, the Roots bandleader, at least he quit being as political on camera as he was during the Obama years. Having a tough time trusting anyone on tv.

[@coltino99]

NewsandTalk Corden is a fucking tool.

[@MGB18]

@@TheJester39: Johnny and Jay were political, but they were never nasty about it like the rest. The rest are diehard liberals that are still crying because Hillary lost. lol.

[@jpa5456]

I gotta run to the store to pick me up a pack of boneless muffins

[@TheBeautifulOne_Char]

Don't forget the " fresh baked bastards" 😂😂😂😂🥴🥴🥴🥴

[@markjeffels3327]

I miss Leno on tv!

[@Hot80s]

1000 times better than today's lame night t.v.

[@1964DB]

Yep. Because it wasn't about politics ALL the time and a parade of celebrities beeotching about politics. I tune into TV to be entertained and forget about that crap.

[@2Majesties]

...back when I was a kid, we used to have to walk ten miles through the snow to get to school...

[@dougrobbins5367]

That's what they said back then. "Johnny Carson was funny, not like these guys now.."

[@dougrobbins5367]

@@2Majesties "It was ten miles uphill, and then it was uphill again all the way back"

[@rinsedpie]

Yes absolutely

[@muglymae7408]

give him a chance to come back on tv with today's issues, and we'd probably poop our pants from laughter

[@JessicaTG2008]

I remember these back in the day and rewatching them again, I STILL can't believe many of these wedding announcements are not made up. Its like, Oh come on, that can't possibly be real lol.

[@natevm7888]

With the horrible late-night lineup now this makes me really miss Jay Leno

[@wyliehudson8396]

Jay had a hit show but I only liked the headlines segment. I used to rush home from work to see it. I appreciate this collection.......

[@ashleelarsen5002]

@Clean Up On Aisle 3 I used to just fast forward to the music segment, turn it down and sleep.

[@ABR11hour]

I could really go for some "Fresh Baked Bastards" in the morning

[@jr.a8301]

Bowel of oatmeal had me crying. 😂😂

[@stevenconroy5586]

Yep I just laughed while drinking. "Keister Savage Wedding" Its ok the screen needed cleaning. Thanks Jay

[@reneeochoa1015]

I never watched Jay Leno when he was on v so these are all new for me. I appreciate the laughter and smiles. In the times we live, we all need to find laughter to get us through. Thank you. 🤣😂

[@waynemarvin5661]

I might be mistaken, but I don't think Jay Leno was ever on v.

[@omalor]

That feeling when Jay Leno says "last one?" Then you realize there's still over an hour of content. :)

[@port566]

I didn't like how he'd spend so much time sifting through the ones he has left. If he'd pick one quickly, it'd give the audience a sense of a more complete segment. The ones that were prepared can't be very lame if they're selected for possible appearance.

[@caseyhunter6956]

dude was a badass he built a cabin that he was born in.

[@michaelsalisbury1477]

Not many can do that.

[@brettmillman9137]

I miss Jay Leno on The Late Show. His replacement is pretty ordinary. Headlines & Jay Walking were my fave segments when he was on.

[@JxT1957]

i remember the psychiatrist ad: "suffering from schizophrenia? you're not alone"

[@antoineemory6772]

that's funny lol

[@theyarehere8919]

Thank You Jay. This part of society I would surely have missed. The printers mistake. But they will print what you give them, to a point.

[@NobenStudio]

No need to apologize for that audio problem at the start, that's just the gorgeous sound of tracking. :D

[@alann5003]

Please come back Jay

[@iboremytherapist]

Nostalgia for headlines, as well as vhs bad resolution, tracking lines, and buzzing

[@whome5933]

Fucking whaaa. You must be a millennial the way you whine. Ooo it's not perfect enough for me. I just can't appreciate it this way waaaa! STFU!

[@BrendanTheGent]

@@whome5933 jesus christ... you're unhinged. You also dont have reading comprehension skills.

[@clayz1]

I see the bad resolution, the faded VHS, hear the buzzing, and think nothing of it because thats what we watched then. You can’t blame the later crop of viewers for at least mentioning it.

[@monaj2971]

I never get tired of Leno.

[@SuperDobieGirl]

20 years later it’s just as funny. There is NO ONE who can take Jay’s place. Not even close

[@petiewheatstraw3560]

Please,,,,Like Carson Was a Nobody???!!!

[@SuperDobieGirl]

@@petiewheatstraw3560 Leno took Carson's place.

[@WorldwideWyatt]

This is when I started watching The Tonight Show. Jay was great.

[@amazinggrace5692]

I shouldn’t eat during these. I nearly choked again!

[@danielleeitzmann]

Am I the only one who sees the funny engagement names and wonders if they are still together

[@lauranorwar]

I do the same!

[@HipsterDoofus100]

Yes

[@boataxe4605]

Danielle Eitzmann Fine loving and Do her right are probably still together, Yoo-Win, probably not.

[@jr.a8301]

Bonner-hard Orange-butte. 😂😂

[@efisgpr]

Not "Reammer and Out" 😂

[@asianfireflie]

Jay is great

[@squirrelboss7067]

Kevin’s laugh gets me every time, even if the joke isn’t that funny! 😂😂😂

[@randelldarky3920]

Headline wisdom is great philosophy to live by

[@austinteutsch]

The mark of a great comic is one who can laugh at himself. Carson, Leno, and Dangerfield wrote the book on it. Sure miss REAL comedians.

[@fendertremolo9793]

But David Letterman was the Master.

[@asmodeusasteroth7137]

Letterman was ok

[@PG-co2ww]

austin teutsch g

[@QuinnnMallory]

I liked Jack Benny.

[@ozonatedman]

@@asmodeusasteroth7137 I hated how Letterman would always wait for the audience laughter. Leno didn't do that, that's why I like him better.

[@DavidFMayerPhD]

Schmuck is a German word meaning jewel or jewelry. In the streets of German cities, you will see stores labeled "Schmucken".

[@randyhuard5959]

Damn I miss when late night shows were fun and funny.

[@alcoleman5261]

Back when the Night Show was worth watching.

[@malcolmdrake6137]

LOL! If you were satisfied with late night crap.

[@DeeDee-ot2ly]

Jay is a great comedian. Watch his stand up - if you can get a seat.

[@qet78]

Thank you for all the editing you did to link all these segments! Top notch on youtube!

[@cherylb5680]

Love the interaction between Jay and Kevin, headlines and Jaywalking always my favorite part's of The Tonight Show thanks for posting.

[@RinJackson]

"Tide Ultra or Cheese Ultra" Hmm....is that how the "eating Tide Pods" thing started? :P

[@darkcloud5530]

This is great. It has been years since I laughed so hard. Now I realize what is wrong with this country. The comedy menu has gone extinct. Miss 'ya' Jay!

[@davidrosoff3228]

Comedy is alive & well. There are many, but here are just a few. "Last Week Tonight" with John Oliver. "The Late Show" with Stephen Colbert. "The Graham Norton Show". "Full Frontal" with Samantha Bee. "The Daily Show" with Trevor Noah. Anything by Lewis Black, Amy Hoggart, Desi Lydic, Amber Ruffin, Dulcé Sloan, Iliza Shlesinger, Nikki Glaser, Sarah Silverman, or Natasha Leggero.

[@tomservo75]

Exactly. They could do political jokes that everyone can laugh at. I was a Clinton supporter yet never felt offended because I knew the jokes were somewhat based on reality and done in a funny way. They were obviously just jokes. No one can take a joke today. But for Leno? Clinton, Bush, Obama, doesn't matter. Not the mean-spirited woke ranting of today.

[@DefaultName-hs6gd]

Bunch of leftist hacks.

[@redwing46901]

Thanks for sharing this, was a great look back on history & great comedians like Jay Leno . Had many laughs while watching.

[@c5d53g2e]

I miss Jay Leno!!!!!

[@stevenkunzer9027]

errors in media are timeless

[@Brandon-rq3ys]

These wouldn't be as funny without Kevin laughing in the background

[@justuswarner8951]

I love Jay's reaction to these he is a reaction god

[@hanestshirtsarecool]

False

[@melaniebrantner3871]

Miss Jay too !! So funny. 😄

[@kristopherlee81]

"brand new headlines from 1998 keeps me laughing for the entire hour in the whour and a half special video" lol

[@BandB1111111]

Kinda funny to see 1998 as a more innocent time, but it was...

[@wheelzwheela]

Very true.

[@abacab87]

Back when newspapers were still a thing.

[@maryexstroughtonaire4244]

I miss the 90's altogether. 😢

[@RCmaniac1231]

The innocence was lost after 9/11

[@paulmontgrain6329]

Tt//ttt/tttttttttttttttttttttt/ttttttt/tg

[@JxT1957]

jay leno is the best

[@ericvanrite]

Jay Leno will ALWAYS be the king of Late Nite, everyone sucks now!!

[@dickJohnsonpeter]

All except the Bottom Water kzbin.info/www/bejne/oJLKYaB6esekr9U

[@F8Tributo]

Agreed!

[@JackiePhillipsTheSocialPet]

Wrong. All are great!

[@oksills]

Except today , in March of 2024!

[@drewzuhosky6826]

Jay resurrected _Headlines_ for his version of _You Bet Your Life._

[@smittykins]

“2025-Montanans Will Be Older.” Gee, Y’THINK???

[@713unclebill]

I WANT LENO BACK ON THE TONITE SHOW FOR GOOD

[@andyjackson9363]

no thanks

[@stevenherrold5955]

yea that would be great we are trying to figure out how to clone him

[@1970borntorun]

Yeah. Immature Jimmy Fallon can go away now.

[@whome5933]

Willam yeah sure we'll call it "Weekend at Leno's"

[@tomfisher9089]

Yeah. Until he dies of a stroke in the middle of a monologue.

[@loker77]

i miss the VCR days

[@OFFICIAL_VIDEO_AWARDS]

Small free drink with the purchase of a new home. What a deal 😆

[@antoineemory6772]

i used to stay up every monday night jus so i could catch leno's HEADLINES.

[@tomservo75]

Remember back when we could just sit back after a long hard day and get real comedy like this. I like how they could make fun of a Democrat President, yet do so in a humorous and not mean-spirited way. And he did the same thing for Bush and Obama. Compare that to the late-night "comedians" of today. Stephen Colbert especially, going on anti-Trump rants and literally comparing his supporters to Nazis. People like Leno were "equal opportunity offenders" yet kept it funny and above the belt, whether it was Clinton, Bush, or Obama, same standard for all.

[@mjparadero7046]

Lmaoooo the classics haha I miss u J!

[@TheBeautifulOne_Char]

Nostalgia ❤ I am 40 years old now and I used to love to watch this show on tv.... Headlines was my favorite segment ❤😂

[@robertdavis4192]

Im drunk, thanks for being my buddy Jay