Parenting

Some more thoughts on parenting! Have a great week 😁
❤ Laura
*****
About Me
I'm a young mom living in an intentional community called the Bruderhof, and vlogging about what that's like.
If you want to know more, subscribe and ring the bell so you don't miss any new videos:
→ / @laurafromthebruderhof
I used to vlog on the Bruderhof channel. See all my old videos in this playlist:
→ • Meet My Mom - Laura fr...
*****
What is the Bruderhof?
The Bruderhof is an intentional Christian community of people living in radical discipleship in the spirit of the first church in Jerusalem. We gladly renounce private property and share everything in common. Our vocation is a life of service to God, each other, and you. Learn more at the Bruderhof KZbin channel: ► www.youtube.co...
More info is at:
► Website: www.bruderhof.com
► Instagram: www.bruderhof....
► Twitter: www.bruderhof....
► Facebook: www.bruderhof....

[@suemoravec422]

When we had children both my husband and I worked, and my mom rarely babysat as she also worked full time as did my in-laws. They were always available to talk to but mostly it was my husband and I. Gender specific roles need to be thrown out the window, both parents need to clean, cook, shop, make repairs and help out. Both parents need to be able to have some quiet time for self care, wether that be a nap, a long hot bath, or just time out of the house. Making friends with others who are raising children can be helpful in so many ways, you can bounce your ideas off each other, plan events like a trip to the park, or play dates and even trade off babysitting if you need some time away or a date night. You can build your own community and it does not necessarily have to be the family you were born into or the family that you married into.

[@vanessagherardini2885]

Also missing your posts. Hope you and your family are well. ⚘🌺🌼🌻❤🌷☀️

[@suzannepeck5610]

Laura: in raising our three children, I think the single most important thing we learned was consistency. Consistency in values, in discipline, and in care responses. I can’t tell you how many times, as my children grew up, i’d find them on the living room sofa, with my husband, getting “the talk” from him. The “talks” always lasted an hour, and there was no way to make them shorter. At the end of the “talk” you knew exactly what you’d done that was not within values or expected behavior. The “talks” were, in the limited situations when they were needed, as consistent as the sun rising. The “talks” were rare. The thing I most often said to them was “Do that again,” as they’d do some amazing thing or another. They were very loved children as well. My advice for successful child rearing is consistency and love. Suzanne

[@jakeo2806]

Your description made me chuckle. My late husband took the same "talk it out" approach with our daughter. I don't know that he held it to an hour though! Many years later she told me as an adult that "I got so tired of listening to him go on and on - I asked him if I could just be spanked instead." (She wasn't - the talks continued.)😀

[@Noone-rt6pw]

Striped bass is a real good tasting fish! It's right there with crappie. But I bet they'd make good fish n' chips too. Dark beer, flour baking soda or powder. Roll fish in flour, dip in batter, drop in fryer.

[@susanyates4233]

When I had my three sons in the 1960's, early 70's, I was given a Dr Spock Baby and Child Care. My parents lived miles away, and my mother in law left much to be desired, so I learned as I went along, and took his advice, particularly on breast feeding, allowing the baby to cry, etc. We managed to survive! They are in their fifties now.

[@margaretknowles3060]

Who shall have a fishy on a little dishy when the boat comes in ? (Old English folk song )🎵

[@dianes2652]

I love your channel. You are so wise at your age. My daughter is grown now and it was the greatest accomplishment to raise her. I am an RN and had long hours and worked holidays too. I thank God for my mom and dad who helped. They so enjoyed spending time with her. My faith means everything to me. I am a Lutheran and love the fellowship. There were times when my mom took her to service with my Aunt. Children are a blessing from the Lord. God bless you 💕🙏🏻

[@leeannebro4285]

Hello Bestie! Waiting on your fall soup this year! I hope you’ll be able to find the time to grace us with another lovely recipe! Also more Grandma! 💕🌺💕

[@fibifeo]

Laura , I’m missing your videos x

[@mooneyflyer]

First time mom here with a 5month old. From unexpected reasons at 38weeks pregnant my husband and I had to move in with his parents and brother. We thought 3 months max and we would be out on our own...still here almost 6 months later 😂 It has been the biggest blessing and most sanctifying experience for us. To live in community you must truly learn to put others above yourself and die to your own selfish desires. For the first while I had to pray the Lord's Prayer every single day just so I could learn to forgive and move on. I had a c-section and with the help we had from my in-laws I was able to recover properly and my baby was (and still is) spoiled rotten from Nana, Papa, and Uncle's kisses and snuggles. The tips and encouragements from my MIL were so so appreciated. I recommend any first time parents or moms getting a c-section to move in with family/friends or have live-in help for the first few months! Laura I really enjoy watching your videos and I love learning about how you live out your faith.

[@Flint1545]

I decided to become a single mom by choice. I’m so happy with my decision but I admit didn’t realize how hard it would be to raise a child on my own while working a full time job in this day and age. Thank goodness for my mom’s help. She lives about 2.5 hours away by car and she basically moved in with me for the first year to help me!

[@pathkeepers]

Any male role models in your child’s life?

[@MarijkeRennmaus]

Letting a baby cry is not good for them. It causes death fear in them, though it might seem safe for the adults:( you cannot spoil a baby.

[@mailill]

So true!

[@swampophelia2098]

Excellent video today Laura, yes children need community just as much as parents need community, I raised mine in a fairly small fishing village where everybody knew each other and it was a wonderful place to raise kids.

[@janburn007]

My parents got married in 1955 in a remote town which was a very long way from anywhere & about 1,000 miles (& inter-state) from any of their nearest family members. Consequently they did not really have any family members at all at their wedding - only good friends - whose friendships had been formed after arriving in that town, where my father had moved for work & my mother moved there very shortly afterwards so they could get married. In those days it was a very long way for family members to travel for a wedding by car/road, especially with some of the roads along the way not being sealed & just being dirt roads. Also, air travel was almost prohibitively expensive back then. So my parents got married with very little family presence or back-up. Then my older brother & I were born in that same town - my brother in 1957, with me arriving 11 months after my brother. So my parents had to somehow raise us both on their own there, with no local family members to support them - though they did have some good friends there & their local church community as well. When my brother & I were just a few years old my parents moved back to a town in their home state after my father took another job there - but they still lived a very long way from their nearest family members - with my father's family about 500 miles south & my mother's family about 1,000 miles south. My younger brother was born in that town, & we continued to all live & grow up in that town/city. So growing up, we never had any family members at all that lived close by & I guess we all just got used to it & my parents must have somehow learnt to cope with raising us children by themselves, in terms of parenting, & without any assistance from other family members. As soon as she was able, my mother returned to her full-time work as a primary school teacher, & of course, my father also worked full-time as an electrical engineer. Up until the time we started primary school, us 3 children were placed in a local council operated child-care centre. Fortunately, our family always had a car, as far back as I can remember, & we always had a home phone - which not all families had back in those days. My father was also provided with a company car as part of his job. And somehow my parents continued to raise us 3 children by themselves whilst being a long way from their nearest family members. During the school holidays we would sometimes travel south by car to visit my mother's family & stop along the way to visit my father's family as well. And of course, we had occasional phone contact with them as well - though it was not that frequent, as back in those days, long distance phone calls were all time-based & expensive, costing more, the longer one talked! Whenever my parents had to attend functions of an evening, they would engage a paid baby-sitter to look after us 3 children. Usually the baby-sitter was someone personally known to my mother or father through their work or church, or a referral from someone they knew. If any of us children got sick (as we did a number of times) & had to stay home from school - my parents again would engage a baby-sitter to look after us at home during the day, while they were at work.

[@LaurafromtheBruderhof]

Thank you for sharing your story! ❤ Laura

[@suzannepeck5610]

Laura: LOVED the bass; many thanks for sharing! Suzanne

[@mritchie85]

Really interesting post Laura, the tweet you read is true of many parents in modern times, they don't realise the support they will need from family to make it work and how becoming a parent means that living a self centred lifestyle comes to an end which is a shock to many young first time parents. I'm in my mid 30's now and became a Dad at 20 and I'm still learning about what it means to be a parent, it's for life and you don't stop learning as they grow.

[@aghauler1964]

Hi Mrs Laura. Thank you for giving insights to your life, I do alot of trucking for Colonys in SD and SK, Always kind and keep me in oatmeal cookies. Have a blessed day.

[@BMoll87]

Hey Laura, I'm someone who moved from Germany to Canada 11 years ago. Met my daughters father here who's French. Had her 4 years ago, and last October separated from her father. So I know a thing or two about raising a child without a support system. We both work, and have daycare take care of her during the day at least. As all of my daughter's grandparents live abroad, we cannot count on them for hands-on support in our daily lives. We chose this. But I would not say it's easy.

[@hazellamb2359]

My Mum was disabled and my husband retreated into work when we had our children so I was on my own with everything. Fortunately I was an older Mum and trained in Child Development so I knew I was doing OK - but it did get incredibly hard when the babies wouldn't sleep. I had to go back to work when each of them was between 9 months and a year old, and then I found wonderful peers who were members of the National Childbrth Trust, here in the UK. I made some mistakes in choosing carers for my children, but I also found really good, solid supportive friends (one through my church) who were lifesavers! My advice to any young Mum would be, regardless of how much or how little help you have, if you are tuned into your baby you will always be the expert in caring for her or him. Don't let yourself be deskilled by an app. or a book or even a professional.

[@Machtmirdochegal]

It does take a community and being intentional about choosing it. My parents moved away but while their parents were intent on being involved my parents chose a path they considered healthier and we found this wonderful enclave of happy people loving children as they were. And I'm eternally grateful to have grown up this way, we were allowed to be children and treated like we were capable and you always had neighbors watching out and helping out. And family friendly people that were flexible about child care, like us being part of her art course she taught or spending the day in my dad's school. One of my favorite stories involves an ER, kids get hurt and if the grown ups are stressed the kids will surely be, I hit my forehead and needed stitches and I wasn't panicking in the ER(not my first time) so my dad didn't want me panicked over the syringe to numb the area and held me while they stitched it up and everyone just stayed calm and I even asked the doctor where he went to college while they stitched me up. The thing I love about it aside from the awesome scar and the epic story is the way everyone just worked together to get it done without stressing the kid out. And it was an unusual situation for the doctor, he asked my mom afterwards if she was my mom because it was a unique experience for him, he was new and the only one I hadn't met before but he fit right in with the relaxed professionalism in that area. Children are smart and capable if you let them learn and get back up and don't let your own fear get in the way, if you don't like dirt, blood or chaos I suggest not becoming a parent, you're going to have to laugh through a lot of madness if you want to make it. One amazing moment I experienced recently was how perfect strangers came together when a kid and a guy on a bike kinda crashed, my mom and I and another mom and her daughter saw it and were there having checked if anyone hit their head when it happened and helping the mom out and it was very nonverbal in a way, the kid had lost his ice cream and was really upset about it, understandably, and the other mom send her daughter to get the ice cream again communicating with my mom about which ice cream it was while we checked out if anything happened and calmed the mother down a bit. The biker had a harmless scrape since he stopped to avoid the kid and the kid was just upset about his ice cream and perfectly fine when he had new ice cream, this time with a little swirl and everyone went their way after the mom was calm, she was worried about head trauma but the kid hadn't hit his head and cognitively fit. But I loved the casual way everyone was present to help out instinctively.

[@esybilladimontana2136]

Late to the party and slipping into this from another country (Germany) I think its a mixture of both. You should make finding and having your support Group a priority, but on the other hand there are obviously other constraints as well. And obviously your support group doesnt have to be family only. In Germany, healthcare pays for antenatal classes, and for you to have a midwife come to your home regularly during the first weeks/months with the baby (of course you basically need to search for one the moment you have the positive test in hand...). Most towns and cities also have parental support groups where you can just go and hang out with other mothers, and quite often There is a professional or two (social worker, or teacher - the professions dont translate 1:1) that you can ask questions to. Its not perfect but if you look for things you can find them. It does take initiative though, it doesnt come automatically (although even in hospital after Delivery they still ask you if you have a midwife for aftercare and try to give you adresses), but things exist for sure. I kind of think thats ok. Not the same thing works for everyone. That may be different across the pond though. For myself I have two small kids and a almost full time job, so obviously without support I would be dead. My parents live far away (far being "far" in german measures, so a 4 hours Drive...) and heavily support my sister (who is a single mom to 4 - so I lose ;) ). that support is a mixture with also professionals. my first support is of course my husband. We made the conscious decision to be equal parents. He fed the kids as babies with milk I pumped for him. We shared night shifts, and to this day it really doesnt matter (apart from the obvious mood swings of toddlers ;) ) whether he is with the kids or I am. We never wanted a primary or secondary caregiver among us. its not how we roll. Sometimes I wonder in these discussions where the fathers are, to be honest. I was a C-sec Mom as well (and twice) and of course he did the cooking and cleaning while I was recovering. Then theres obviously the daycare which is an important part of the kids life, and it would be stupid not to consider also the teachers there part of our support system and important contributors to our kids lives. Its not because they receive a salary for it that they arent invested. And then theres friends, and acquaintances from the parents group and fellow daycare parents who have kids the same age... its still tough but its working most of the time. But of course that didnt come by itself, its indeed a conscious decision and effort. It would have been easier with my parents nearby, but life doesnt always work that way, or rather, there are tradeoffs involved ;). And obviously - no one has to do it that way. But I totally agree that doing it alone is really crazy.

[@mailill]

I agree that it takes a community to raise a child. However, I think the worst thing we do in our modern societies is that we seem to have lost - or suppressed - the instinctual knowledge about early attachment and the baby's emotional needs (as well, maybe, as the mother's). We also very seldom hear what developmental psychology has found about the importance and development of early attachment, either. Instead mothers are forced (often against their will and deep gut/heart feeling) out to work long days very early after giving birth, often leaving the small baby - whose whole world is still the mother at this early age - to total strangers who are at the same time taking care of too many other small babies, for 8-9 hours a day, that is most of the baby's waking hours.And in such stressfull situations babies are found in studies to develop chronically elevated levels of stress hormones. Also, this way of organizing society makes it impossible for those mothers who can and want to follow the WHO advice of breast feeding. I am not saying it always goes horribly wrong the modern way, but in the worst case scenarios giving away their children too early to institutions means parents lose the chance to make sure their baby develops a secure attachment style. Actually, I think very many of us carry some sort of deep early attachment/separation wounds because of the way our societies are structured when it comes to the youngest children and how ignorant we are about early attachment development and the emotional needs of babies and small children (also, the idea of letting newborn babies cry themselves to sleep in a seperate bedroom is extremely unnatural, though there might be times when parents have no choice because they don't have help and they really need some sleep - and some people still seem to believe in the myth that you can "spoil" an infant by responding to its communication of its needs, which is NOT true ).. Early attachment is so crucial for the rest of the life, both for later physical and mental health, and the first two years are very crucial .The time between about 8 months and 1,5-2 years is an especially vulnerable time when it comes to developing secure attachment. Living in the age of the smartphone and tablets doesn't help, either. On the bus I often see parents totally ignoring their babies who try in vain to get their mom's or dad's attention, because they have their eyes glued to a screen. And that comes on top of all the separation from an early age. I wonder if in the future we'll become a society of almost only Dismissive Avoidants.

[@OblateSpheroid]

Commenting in support.

[@hundo9314]

Wonderful 🐟.

[@sjwells04]

This is actually a main reason I don’t want to have children myself because there’s not enough support for mothers and I’d rather remain in my ‘auntie’ role and help my family raise our children

[@kniddelliz7512]

Oh boy, this resonates with me. I moved continents for college years ago, and am now in a long-term relationship, headed toward marriage and kids. I am obviously far away from family; my partner isn't in touch with family due to neglect and abuse. We have friends, but that is not the same as having a dependable community. Friends have lives and your kids are not their responsibility. I'm confident that we will make great parents, but the thought of not having much support is really scary.

[@r.n.4765]

Try to make friends with other expectant mothers in your area once the baby is on their way. Some sort of baby/mom group is also a good way to meet other parents. Don't wait until your child is in kindergarten to do this, it becomes much harder as time goes on. A lot of people are in the same boat as you. We moved abroad for my then partner's job when our daughter was 2. It was very hard to find people I could trust, or rely on, because I was also working full time then. But we made it through and our daughter is now a wonderful young woman. The one thing I really regret, what made everything much harder, was trying to do everything myself. You do need some sort of community for these things.

[@marynevel6015]

Love those fish! Your SIL is very talented!

[@michaelgibbs3147]

Laura, I was at WoodCrest for 8 days and your name came up a few times when talking about KZbin channels by community members, I must of asked 5 people the same question, “is she really like that in real life she seems so nice and genuine” kept getting the same response and a chuckle “yes she is” :-) I’ll run into you one of these day…. Lol

[@koaky6737]

I agree - takes a community to raise a child. However, I think the tweet also says much about the information (or opinion) overload we have these days - is there really a time your baby "should" be sleeping for? (Sure, I'd agree to a range, but no ideal number of hours). A community helps us see various ways of doing things (even if most people do it one way), whilst too many experts just make us feel like we're failing when we don't do it their way.

[@andijvieblaadje]

We raise our children without a community. It is hard, but doable. We are by no means super parents. I know you mean well, but loads of people have raised their family without communal support. If you have to, you can find the strenght and provide a great family life for your kids. We both work, our boys went to a paid daycare and loved it there.

[@thomaspomeroy5678]

Question: With a common purse, are people allowed to travel? If someone wanted to travel for a vacation is that allowed? OR study abroad? Or even religious pilgrimage? How do people use a common purse on things like this?

[@amylynn5047]

I don’t know what I would have done without my village! I’m still raising kids, but they’re passed the toddler/baby ages & I’ll be the first to say those early days are ROUGH! Pretty sure I would’ve been committed without my family & friends to lean on! My friends mom said it best- we can’t tell a non mother because they won’t get it until they live it & we can’t tell an expecting mother because that would be mean & scary! 😅 It takes a village to raise a child- so all we can do is be there as those new moms walk the path!

[@stillyourb]

My in-laws strongly encourage moving away to get established as your own unit....as that is what they did. My husband of course agrees and so we moved 8 hours away from our families when we had 2 toddlers. I now am a homeschooling mama of 6 kiddos from twin tots to 11yrs old. I 10/10 WOULD NOT RECOMMEND trying to fly solo. This a point of disagreement in our marriage but I have tried to make the most of it and cherish our church family. Currently though, that doesnt include those above our generation and I desperately wish I had that wisdom. In his defense, Im not sure we wouldve gained much wisdom from family, but I still would much appreciate even help with "babysitting". All that said, we are survivng fine, my kids are happy and have a homeschool & church community....my nerves are just "fragile". I really think thriving comes from community though.

[@airbenderXX19]

I grew up with out a mom Laura 😭😭😭

[@bg5822]

It Takes a Village to Raise a Child !

[@felicitycunliffe6407]

Hi Laura, is everything ok with you and your family. I’ve missed your posts.

[@benfir8920]

Did you get to see the lady slippers?

[@jakeo2806]

Sorry - a bit off-topic, but I can't find the right place to ask. What version of the Bible do the Bruderhof use? Is there a common version, or does each member select the version that they prefer? Thanks in advance!

[@outback7092]

It takes a village. The End :)

[@SarahAndSomeGuy0098]

Dear Laura, when can we expect the video about the fish?

[@haesuejung5591]

Hello, Laura! I'm wondering if you have a church as a form of building in the community? And do you allow the strange tongues(in the new testament), as a way of praying? Are there smokers? Smokers of cigarettes?

[@denisejones1863]

Babies pick up on the mother's stress and respond to it. It is now very normal to wear your baby to free up your hands. I think the fact mom's let the babies stay in their bedrooms instead of being in their own space, every noise the baby makes they respond to it. Once your child is at least 3 months, move them to their own room. Use a sound machine and keep the room dark.

[@adampalmer5554]

Yo Laura…. Love the channel. Love the Bruderhof way of living. I’m interested in visiting a community perhaps we are called to more. But I was curious… would people who still have bad habits or addictions like tobacco or alcohol be welcome to visit or join?

[@LaurafromtheBruderhof]

Hi Adam, all kinds of folks visit us. Please contact us to arrange a visit: www.bruderhof.com/en/visit-us

[@emilysmith9099]

Missing your videos hoping you are ok as this seems to be the most recent one.

[@luciamonicazaragozaanon8502]

i can totally relate, but are we talking here just about women? cause it seems so. I would agree but if men are finally integrated in this job

[@margaretknowles3060]

Missing your Ankela, I pray she's well Laura ?

[@bluuuelady]

I had to do it on my own I had no choice

[@froreyfire]

Question: You keep asking us to subscribe (which I did). But why? Have you ever had any concerns that you are glorifying yourself with your very successful channel as worldly people do?

[@vickijones3660]

I hope you’re well. I’m a bit concerned as we haven’t heard from you in a while

[@Sakeinaa]

5:50... uh, a baby crying in their crib for 10 - 15 minutes isn't at all a good thing for them. I don't think letting them cry for 5 or so minutes every now and then when you can't immediately tend to them makes anyone a bad parent but it's also not at all a good thing to be doing regularly and for as long as 10 minutes. That is so bad for their development. Science has said over and over again that this teaches babies they cannot rely on their parents and that it negatively impacts them for the rest of their lives. Babies cannot be spoiled and they cry for a reason... to communicate their needs. I'm sorry but "It's good for them" is absolutely incorrect and also downright ridiculous to say.

[@Noone-rt6pw]

😢😢😢😢😥😥😥😥😢😢😩😩 Where have you been? We miss you, did Sasquatch find you and take you off?

[@cookiedestroyer402]

Is that a Diablito Tequila box?

[@CherylHaurik]

Have a Wonderful day. Thank you for your videos and all the work and time that goes into them. My heart breaks seeing all the evil and wrong going on in our world. I do know it was coming because the Lord tells us so in his perfect and holy word. The most important thing to do during these times is to trust Jesus and Pray. John 3:15 That whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have eternal life. John 3:16 For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life. Hebrews 13:8 Jesus Christ the same yesterday, and to day, and for ever.