PATRIARCHY, TOXIC MASCULINITY and MISOGYNY Part 1 : the psychology and belief structure.

I talk a lot about the toxic stories embedded in our culture, but perhaps none have caused more harm than patriarchy. This corrupting ideology hurts women, children AND men.
In today’s video, I begin to unpack the belief structure behind patriarchy. Where does it come from, why are we so vulnerable to it, and where does toxic masculinity come from?

[@theodorathompson2034]

After 70 years as a woman navigating the patriarchy, still struggling for every millimetre we take up in the world, I am only now beginning to despair. Thank you for your clear and insightful analysis - and please continue to speak up.

[@renendell]

A man speaking on this topic gives me so much hope.

[@joshiek7839]

Most women will never fully understand the struggle of everyday men because they wallow in a pool of self pitty

[@user-ox5op8ub5x]

@@joshiek7839you watch porn that degrades us and you see us as objects .You don’t deserve us or our pity .You are whining about not being treated as a special snowflake by us and then accuse US of self pity ? 🤣😂

[@user-ox5op8ub5x]

@@joshiek7839stop watching porn and seeing us as objects and feeling sorry for yourself for starters .

[@user-ox5op8ub5x]

@@joshiek7839you’re complaining that we don’t pay attention to your issues when you have been treating us like objects and second class citizens for millennia ? 🤣😂

[@joshiek7839]

​@@user-ox5op8ub5x as I said - your wallowing in a pool of sellf pitty. thanks for proving me right.

[@letmeseemm]

Thank you so much for breaking this down for those that pretend it doesn't exist or that they don't understand what women are talking about.

[@e11esounds]

Always appreciate when I see a man who’s done/doing the work of unpacking patriarchy, and teaching other men about it too. Thank you. As a woman, I’ve had patriarchy mansplained to me by patriarchal man (I prefer to say that rather than toxic) and it’s maddening that they can’t see it and deny it even exists sometimes ! Hopefully in generations to come things will improve but so many get indoctrinated fully without their knowledge. Cultlike. But it lives and breathes in all of us unless we unpack it.

[@AngCJ-18444]

My ex was like this. Very abusive, controlling, thought very low of women and if he had a female manager he would end up getting fired because he couldnt handle them telling him what to do. He said women were stupid etc. He grew up watching his mother belittle his dad and i remember him saying he never wanted to be spinless like him. Everyone thinks he is wonderful on the outside. I have certainly seen this in the workplace too, as a female manager ive even had hand written notes telling me i cant tell them what to do... so disempowered. Its damaging to everyone. If there are ways to help everyone in this cycle, that would be great

[@victoriawilkinson7491]

I feel like you have coloured in more of the picture of why girls and women are brought up to be pleasing and put our own needs behind others and specifically men. Seeing how this fits into patriarchy is so helpful. Thank you.

[@stonedoliveees]

Don't know why but how about adopting an approach of meeting people as unique souls first than all the compartmentalizing and labeling that happens sometimes. We can approach animals like this too, as souls. Bringing in the perspective of past lives as souls having been both women and men in all scenarios and dynamics and karma, I wonder if would smooth feathers if contemplated about. Appreciate your full sensitivity, spectrum and scope and freedom of expression!

[@Love_Daisys]

How about leaving women alone 🎉 we're not going to listen to you !@@stonedoliveees

[@ozdigg9254]

I am a very self-aware woman and yes, I have spent my life fighting against this patriarchal system, along with many other women. I am a writer now and will change the world of patriarchy in my stories. Thanks for a great introduction to patriarchy Alexander 🍎

[@ozdigg9254]

Also I can understand your friend wanting to protect his son from the poisonous kick backs in this patriarchal society. It takes a lot of talking as our children grow up, and constant awareness, and open communication. A challenging task. Not passing it on is probably the best task of parenthood.

[@BL-sd2qw]

Oh! That's incredible! I love writers who write with narratives that revolve around subverting patriarchal tropes! I would love to read some of your works! ❤

[@MichelleSmith-gt1py]

thank you fellow woman, i'm also a writer. and have been a feminist since childhood :)

[@heidithesausage]

The 1st rule of the patriarchy, is don't talk about the patriarchy. Some men deny it even exists, & some deny that they have any privilege. Conveniently, blaming women for the unrealistic unachievable standards that a patriarchal society expects from them. It's why men invented religion, to maintain power & control. How do we urgently speed up evolution?

[@Wargulpartal]

How many women you know, are breadwiners for their men and children? How many women you know, pay alimony to fathers with children? How many women are drafted now to army, and how do they perform? Do they fulfill the same standards as men or are the standards separate? 🤔

[@herelookinatu]

​@@Wargulpartalthe only answer to that question that would make you happy would be none. The better question is why are you comparing yourself to women. Who you guys have said over and over again they are beneath you.

[@Wargulpartal]

@@herelookinatu The feminist try to play victimhood Olympics and establish themselves as an ultimate victors of that game, making their perceived victimhood the token highest moral highground. I found this tactic dishonest and lacks nuance, if not any remote grasp of reality. Feminism is a supremacy movement targeting its hate and grievence at all men (hence "patriarchy"), making them a favorite scapegoat for all evil of the world and all women failings, ignoring fact that men provided all civilized goods, prosperity and safety, and all of it thanks to traditional male talents and virtues condemn by feminist as "toxic". It's beyond unfair, dishonest, injust, counterproductictive and dare I say suicidal on global scale. For leftists diversity is only skin deep, as if people born the same amd must behave the same way always. Equity and sameness, being the leftists fetish called "egalitarism", require limit of individual action and choice to even try pull this of. Need establisment of socialism. But socialism is a bedrock of totalitarism and tyranny. Socialism promising free stuff, guaranteed access to wares and services, conveniently omitts in its propaganda the necessessity of slavery providing those goods, which leftist call "rights". It never will stop being true to say, those who trade freedom for safety, will not be free nor safe. But the women, being solipsystic as they are, they give in the temptation for promised safety. This is what Adam and Eve parable told about: subjective morality, magical thinking, gnosticism... Evil can't create new things, only steal and corrupt what is created by good. So does all the good fruits of patriarchy being spoiled by feminism in the name of "inclusivity" and "tolerance", which are codenames for mediocrity, envy and grievance.

[@BeforeWarTheBook]

I know many many women who are breadwinners. Men pay alimony because men still are better rewarded by society and women are still expected to stay home with the kids. There is no draft. Women are not the warriors. Men are. Because men are the ones that start the evil wars. If women were in charge, there would be no wars. There you go. A little logic goes a long way.@@Wargulpartal

[@Itzzmeagain28]

​@@herelookinatuwhy is he comparing himself to women? Umm because that's the loosely discussed topic here? Lol. What he says is true. As a matter of fact women have more privileges than men. And to be honest "patriarchy" has giving you the platform to speak against it whether you wanna believe that or not. Patriarchy has built the world around you. You benefit from "patriarchy". It is what it is.

[@bergenehrlich8309]

This is a gem of a video, and should be shown in classes all over america.

[@marilynwarbis7224]

T he patriarchal man is also egotistic and out of touch with Nature's times and seasons, with her rhythms. He has a distorted relationship with birth and death, both of which fall within the mother's area of life: he hides birth from society's eyes, and views death as a personal enemy to men. His talk of "real life" reflects his male-centric focus on life in which women's experiences and history for instance, is silenced and buried. He is used to the social spotlight being on him, and today with this spotlight moving more towards women, he feels neglected and aggrieved.

[@kriispyskinz]

So says the selfish narcassist aka modern whamen

[@LuxBro-um2fu]

​@@kriispyskinzthank you

[@LuxBro-um2fu]

As if men's problems aren't buried over women's complaining

[@kriispyskinz]

@@LuxBro-um2fu they are trying to portray stuff that happened 100's of years ago like it still matters. Sure in medevil times women where over shadowed by men but i think most men dont give two cents about it. They say women are reacting to generational putting down when in reality its a bs excuse to be a misandrist. Men are reaction towards the hate today not 500 years ago. These people are intolerabe morons. Also wheres the Equality in doing the same to men as what supposedly happended to these hypocrate misandrists?

[@kriispyskinz]

@@LuxBro-um2fu and thank you sir

[@carykaradasia4568]

Will tell you what patriarchy did to me: my grandfather married my grandmother for her dowry. My grandmother her entire life served my grandfather. My mother was raised in a secluded environment because she was a woman. The same she did to me. I was forbidden from dating forbidden from having friendships going out. The only thing i was allowed and obliged was to study so i can advance socialy cause that s what my mother wanted. And in general i had to obey my parents. I was called immoral by my mother cause i wanted to date. Till this day i am 45 year old now she does not let me have a boyfriend. She does not let me have kids unless it is with someone rich or educated. My parents have broken off an engagement in my late 20s and called in the house of my boyfriend in my 20s or ring my doorbell for hours to see if i was inside with a boyfriend in my 40s. The situation with her will never stop and i wish God will bring me a kid somehow so i have family too. Also my last boyfriend s family his dad and grandma were telling him to cheat on me use me and dump me as his grandma was telling him because i was older than him and that i will make autistic kids as she was saying to him. Aka the notion of men only going with younger women the notion of women must not have sex cause if they do they are immoral beings the notion women must stay at house and be obidient has destroyed my life and my mental health

[@leyaarose8071]

Im so sorry this happen to you and so many women have bought into this an treat there daughters like second class citizens its very sad our own mothers will harm us so bad, we have to dismantle patriarchy we women have to because men really dont care.

[@danielastoica3354]

You didn't loose anything, you only won a better life, trust me

[@robr.5044]

This isn’t patriarchy. Your parents have real issues. You should probably get a restraining order.

[@Yomomma-jf9iy]

Look at the bright side. Read "Bad men: the roots of sexual deception" by David Buss and you will find that your life, if you would have gotten pregnant buy a broke/poor/stupid/lazy man would have been far worse. Most men are ephebophiles anyways.

[@lovelyandsmartcommentator5130]

And the pervasive concept that the absolute highlight of a woman's achievement is her wedding.

[@mchlle94]

I appreciate you talking about this, but you didn't really get down to the root. There are some very interesting feminist books that discuss this, but it very obviously has to do with reproduction and reproductive power over women (as well as their sexuality- the two go hand in hand). E.g. men try to exert extreme dominance over women to ensure that women only bear their children (even though 1 in 25 fathers, as of today, still has, unbeknownst to them children that are not theirs). It's interesting to me that you made the definition of patriarchy all about men, even though patriarchy is more like an obsession with women and the control men long to have over them. Toxic masculinity is a way for men to enforce other men to control women.

[@sinplemistakes]

Lions kill cubs that aren’t theirs. What you describe of men’s behavior sounds tame by comparison; and just as rational. I can see why women don’t like it, but I also see why men do it… but if things are really as you say, it is merely a power struggle: in which case there is little incentive for men to enable female ‘freedom’, and (more crucially) no moral ground from which women can demand it either. Just war.

[@gtaylor6937]

Men are also afraid of women. Deep down they know that women have a power and a connection to the life force and its nurturing, creative forces. Not that men would ever want to understand it or have it themselves because control, violence and destruction are their own superpowers and are much more fun and interesting to them. Sorry but this is just how primitive the things we're discussing are.

[@user-pp1sn1nb4f]

This subject has many roots another one I feel is the inability of men to produce life and this is why they created a male god. Religion is the foundation to which patriarchy justifies its rule.

[@OmniMale]

Toxic masculinity isn't real. Your word salad is ridiculous.

[@earthling8585]

Patriarchy...Hence, why the world is in the condition it's in now. 💔

[@joshiek7839]

Patriarchy - the one size fits all scape goat

[@michelelevi3904]

It's amazing to get this informed video from a man. You are doing great job here!!

[@veganbutterfly3652]

Just the fact he would be listened to because he is male is another form of patriarchy.

[@patludwig1971]

Wow. As a girl who always knew she was getting the short end, all I can say is wow. Thank you for telling me that was self awareness. It's been very painful but I stole their knowledge so good for me!🎉

[@Vivacious.rabbit]

Great video !!!! This is the kind of content I pay my I internet bills for.

[@sunshinejones3344]

I like when you said that the more you're aware of this patriarchal system depends on your place in the system. Your unbiased view is refreshing. Thank you.

[@shirleyvargas1117]

Even though there are more and more prominent women in films, they still portray strong women through the lens of patriarchy. That’s not good either. Being emotional is still seen as weakness.

[@cunjoz]

hmm if a "strong female character" is basically only the one that takes on masculine characteristics doesn't that mean that there's no other way for women to be strong?

[@tulipchic34]

Even when guys are great they still show signs of internalized misogyny

[@tulipchic34]

@@BharaniBharani-wf5wd misandry is a reaction to misogyny

[@tulipchic34]

@@BharaniBharani-wf5wd well aren’t you the sicko

[@rebelmnk2382]

Typical feminist response. Women can never do wrong in your eyes because you're so brainwashed. You can't accept the fact that men and women are not supposed to be equal. You probably don't even identify as a woman anyway. Some kind of "non binary... insert, insert insert" type of thing the lgbtqwysdtam community got you to believe.

[@killgoretrout3671]

my jaw is on the floor. this both terra size and shocks and educates me. bravo

[@killgoretrout3671]

low key kinda called out my internalized misogyny. The call was coming from inside the house the whole time and I didn’t know 😭

[@saysikeern202]

@@killgoretrout3671 It's good to educate yourself and recognise things like this! Keep learning brother!!

[@Lyrielonwind]

It's all about narcissism. Power and control through manipulation. Patriarchy is also related to not dividing the family estate and property. The first born got it all in old times. Nowadays, most narcissistic men are the ones who hate feminism the most and they are usually right wing, fascists or incels. They don't want to lose their privileges.

[@Wargulpartal]

Narcissism in women often takes form of borderline (women are diagnosed more often than men with this form). In other words: it is dihonest to contribute narcissism/toxicity with only one gender.

[@melm295]

@@Wargulpartalborderline personality disorder is not narcissistic personality disorder.

[@Wargulpartal]

@@melm295 Yes, it does, just diffrent form. Grandiose narcissism belong to cluster B personality disorders with histrionic and borderline. Grandiose form is mostly diagnosed in men, borderline form in women, both sexes can manifest both forms. According to dsm.

[@Wargulpartal]

Firstborn son got the lagacy in past, because, there was no contraception and paternity tests before. It is more propable, that firstborn son is biological of husband. Men want taking care of their biological offspring before anyone else. If women thinks it should not be the case, let me propose an offer: Let your newborn child be separated fromyou after birth, and accept the child of stranger for adoption. If you don't accept that offer, then stop calling patriarcjal men "toxic" and "narcissistic".

[@melm295]

@@Wargulpartal I have it. We can exhibit narcissistic traits but for diff reasons than narcs. We are very aware of our self hatred. Narcs are not.

[@berlinetta____2680]

Thanks Alexander. I have never fit the mould of any of the males I have come across in my life...particularly not my father. The interactions were all very unpleasant. After a knock to the head...twice, I "woke up", I identified patterns of behaviour, and I started to work on my own subconscious beliefs. I worked out that I was giving away my inner power to others...particularly to males. I had been brainwashed to believe that I didn't have the right to choose (anything really, including feelings). After much inner work, practice, and self love, I now have my inner power back, I feel very esteemed and confident and I am aware of my and others behaviour and their true intent. If I don't fit anyones mould (male or female) then the problem is theirs, not mine. I respond accordingly, with empathy for myself first. I choose my own authenticity and growth and to me that is the basic responsibility of an adult. I no longer have anyone in my life who is not genuinely working on their EI. My life is very pleasant now and for once I genuinely feel inner peace, freedom, and self accountability. All the best to everyone who is doing the inner work.

[@maggie2471]

Thank you, for addressing this subject.

[@mizginavale22]

This was incredibly insightful. I enjoyed listening to every word and ready to go to the next video of this topic. Thank you!

[@karenridgeway7556]

What a refreshing perspective! I agree and I see from this perspective as well.

[@mshill2406]

This is absolutely great!

[@maviandrei44]

Thank you so much for this video, is it so clear, thank you again

[@sanja4320]

THANKS FOR SPEAKING TRUTH! I hope you can inspire a lot of men and people in general with this.

[@karenpowell3800]

Being in this world just makes me want to be an alcoholic.

[@karenpowell3800]

@@mackenziefields8298 eh I just want to be healthy and do good.

[@Itzzmeagain28]

If that's what you choose then you may. Patriarchy gives you that freedom (though one I would not recommend). Patriarchy has also given you alcohol. 🙂

[@karenpowell3800]

@@Itzzmeagain28 they don’t give me alcohol.. they blocked my dopamine so i can’t feel pleasure. What good is making me not feel pleasure.. when they feel pleasure it means another mouth to feed and clean up after and puts a strain on the governments which means you’ll have to pay more taxes.

[@laurettaleone6482]

Dr Carol Gilligan and Naomi Snider's research around why this is still going on, because humans are wired to resist infection, something damaging. They have KZbin videos and interviews around their findings and book "Why Does Patriarchy Persist?" . I am so glad this is being discussed by men, now too. Thank you for your courage and leadership...as Dr. Jackson Katz has pointed out in his work. The importance of pointing out patriarchy, the bystander approach.

[@lislelisle5453]

Yes, I have. And I am on a tight rope, the seeing men as dangerous. I thought before I shift my mindset to stay safe, I am going to learn about it first before I make my mind up. This will be part of my healing to learn WHY because I'm starting to blame myself.

[@eastafrika728]

Patriarchy is entitlement to physical existence and needs of security, food and sex. Some forms of patriarchy are politics, democracy, religion, white supremacy, tribalism, capitalism, colonialism, Freemasonry, slavery and imperialism. Patriarchy controls labs, science, research, technology, society, economics and psychologically manifests as Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder, Psycopathy and Narcissism. If you don't submit to their interpretation and organization of truth, like university degrees, they disqualify you for life and personal creativity. Patriarchy is when men live by their Suprachaismatic nucleus and amygdala brains of violent regulation of physical satisfaction.

[@nyashamahleko7007]

Wow

[@cherilynnfisher5658]

"BINGO"! "BRAVO"! I could not have said it better! Thank you for this excellent post! Your wisdom is greatly appreciated!

[@inetstrydom8787]

Men working together for effective protective and aggressive violence benefited the whole community. That did come at the ecpense of women and some men. This presentation appropriates women's grievances in the service of beta makes. This is not about empowering women but yo unseat dominant makes and take their place.

[@eastafrika728]

@@inetstrydom8787 yeah, it benefitted white people against innocent Afrikans. That's why Pope Nicolas V sanctioned slavery and colonialism. Toxic Patriarchal Masculinity, Narcissism.

[@autumngrace8541]

There is some pretty staunch male black power on women too, there are also black free masons you know?!! Biggest thing is for us females of all color, were the first slaves and traded as livestock. Raped and pillaged, burned at stakes. We need to pull together, no matter our color of skin, it's only an organ to protect our bodies. But our hearts and spirits for thousands of generations have been under a type of dominion that needs to end, for males to grow and their spirits be changed, we too must be open to fostering those trying to develop and rewire. Of course with boundaries.

[@rileyvpop]

Hey Alexander! Where are you sourcing/citing your information from? It would be super cool if you could provide some information/links! Great video! Thank you for providing it in such a digestible and open-minded manner!

[@JessieChar82]

This is a great video! Very interesting and informative.

[@rockinrollin8306]

I don't think men will ever give up Patriarchy willingly. It will happen as time goes on as women are getting better educated and self supportive. It will morph into a much more equal relationship as time goes on. Men will have to learn to identify as men without putting women in a degraded place. They will no longer use that to feel bigger or better about themselves.

[@kelebeksky]

Amazing 👏 😊 🙏 thank youuuuu

[@cesarpreciado4285]

Also another thing is thinking for yourself opening your mind, and taking responsibility for your own life. Don't let these people think for you. Acting like a victim will only affect your own life negatively. It's like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. Everyone is brainwashed so the first step is to acknowledge it and detach from it. If you look outside and see reality you will see that this guy is putting words in the mouth of the people on that side. Everything he is saying I can confirm this is nothing we think of. I know because I'm a man. I see the side of men aswell do the same thing the algorithm feeds you what you want to hear not what is actual. Even if it was it still wouldn't be reality. Bless your hearts.

[@ctibaga]

I find that women tend to uphold patriarchy. The system wouldn't work if women didn't support it. Once women as a collective challenge it, then things will change.

[@oOIIIMIIIOo]

It needs time to find the balance. You can't change the world from one day to the other as it hadn't changed out of the sudden before. It is a process. I don't support patriarchy for example, but I am one of billions.

[@taxusbaccata9200]

I agree with this. Some (not all) woment buy right into the idea that women should have a secondary role to men. This is especially prevalent in religious communities. We have met the enemy and it is us.

[@autumngrace8541]

Religion has been a huge part of this continued issue.

[@DL-idk]

Some women are even more diehard supporters of patriarchy than the general men. As women they tend to actually be able to recognize the existence of the system, while some men can’t even see the injustices for they aren’t the ones who face the constant suppression (I’m still seeing men being confused and frustrated about this “feminism thing” that seems in their eyes come into existence for no good reasons-because they simply can’t see what is the problem). The women who defend patriarchy could be straight up cruel to other women who aren’t willing to submit to the system. They’re more like knowing compliance compared to men who are most likely proud ignorant (either intentionally or unintentionally)

[@oldishandwoke-ish1181]

Women generally are too busy dragging each other down.

[@karenpowell3800]

What privilege do you get from having babies? Apart from having a blood line? It’s a lot of sacrifice for very little in return. No guarantees your kids won’t be horrible. Or that your husband won’t get abusive then you’re stuck with this kid that’s just a mini version of his father.

[@Lyrielonwind]

The privilege is for rich women so they don't have to work. Throughout History women depended on getting married. For peasants, having children meant having more arms to labour. For the rich, the first born was the one entitled to the inheritance, so the estate wouldn't be divided. The second son of a rich family went to the Church and the rest were soldiers and were poor. Women depended of making a "good" marriage, otherwise they will be poor or live like a servant of their fathers and brothers.

[@chrisr1695]

Thanks Alexander- A really interesting summary of something we all know, but seldom analyse.

[@pattataj]

It’s so sad for me as a woman. I’ve been sexually assaulted many times by those kind of men. It really hurt me and I still struggle and have to work on myself REALLY HARD because of it. But to be fair, I’m glad to be a woman. We (most of us) don’t look at people as less human, we’re empathetic and we’re able to show emotions, which is very human🙂 and yet, we’re looked at as less human. How crazy is that? 😉

[@RedaYoussef1]

From 20:37 to 20:58, it says it all! 👏 .. I have a question, please @21:00 Please address to us where in the Qura'n it's stated that women should serve men! Thank you

[@dainagrn7030]

I personally try to evaluate women and men equally. I don't take preferences. There are situations when women are wrong there are when men.

[@antoniotorcoli5740]

I have another experience of patriarchy and masculinity: my grandfather was born in a small italian village and started working as he was 12 and retired at 65. He was working in a factory but every morning he was waking up at 4 since he had to take care of his animals ( chickens, rabbits, turkeys , geese,pidgeons) and his relativly small field where he cultivated potatoes, wheat, grapes , olive trees etc.after work he used to spend a couple of hours in the field and whith his animals again. When he retired he started working no stop in his fields,even on sunday managing to increase their yields exponentially. My grandmother was taking care of the house . She was coocking and cleaning. My grandfather never raised his voice against her. He used to call her " my Queen" and he treated her as such.She was yelling at him all the times. He never screamed back. Not a single time.My father started working at 14 and managed to have a good career. He was working no stop. My mother was an housewife and took care of my father and of their children quite well. My father never raised his voice against my mother. He always showed the utmost respect towards her and other women.She was constantly yelling at him even if she loved him.He never complained. This is the experience I have with patriarchy. I never raised my voice against a woman, I never hurt one. A couple of times I risked my life to protect women I did not even know. I just did what my father and my granfather would have done in the same circumstances. This is my experience of patriarchy and masculinity. I tried to follow the example of my father and grandfather: I worked hard and I got married because I was in love. My ex wife was quite successful as well even if I earned 5 times more than her. She wanted a villa with swimming pool. I bought her one. She wanted to go out and eat in expensive reastaurants almost every evening. I did it. She wanted exotic vacations. I took care of that. I did her foot massage every single night, even when I was completely exhausted from work. I never raised my voice against her, I never criticised her. In exchange she was constantly insulting and yelling at me. When she started cheating on me I divorced whitout even blaming her. I took the entire responsibility of our failure as a couple.I am still an old fashioned gentleman, and I am thankfull to my humble but strong father and and grandfather because they showed me by example how to be a man and how to respect women. Even when they do not respect you.

[@dainagrn7030]

When your ex wife behaved as she behaved - no respect. It's not woman or man thing, she as a human behaved as a spoiled person and was wrong. So why to respect?

[@dainagrn7030]

I have an impression that some Italian men are too good with heir women/mothers. No need to be doormat.

[@antoniotorcoli5740]

@@dainagrn7030 you are right, totally right. But I was ( and partially still I am ) deeply influenced by the experiences I had in my family. For me being a man meant to be strong , protective and responsible. Even if my ( russian ) wife was abusing me I wrongly assumed that she had just a bad temper and that I was strong enough to stand her. Eventually when I was divorcing her she was chasing me and she told me " I love you because you have the balls to leave me ". I always had balls, but she did not notice them since I was kind and patient with her. Now I am happily divorced, I take good care of my kids and have a good life. My bad experience with my ex wife did not impact on my behavior vis a vis other women. I still behave as a gentleman, in every circumstances. But I will never be abused again. And you are right, many Italians of my generation are extremely kind with their women. Sometimes too much.

[@antoniotorcoli5740]

@DiogenesNephew my father and grandfather were highly respected by their community. My grandfather fought 5 years first in the italian army in Russia and in the Balkans, then as a freedom fighter against the Germans. My father started working when he was 14 and became later a successful manager.They both could not care less about women rants and antics, they just ignored them. Arguing with them was considered as arguing with a 3 years old child: a waste of time.They let them rule in the domestic space, but they obviously took all the important decisions.This model is obsolete of course, but it worked well for women, who were always protected, and satisfied since they felt important at home, and for men, who were basically living outside for working and other activities and came back home just for dinner. Men and women were living parallel lives, with little or not interference in the respective spaces. This was patriarchy in Italy and in other mediterranean countries. Each gender had a specific role in society, but there was no widespread gender violence since hitting a woman was considered a dishonorable act.

[@antoniotorcoli5740]

@DiogenesNephew indeed. I just wanted to show that the patriarchal society in Italy was quite protective of women. The division of roles was very strict : women stayed home and men were living outside for work and other activities. But domestic violence was rare because hitting a women was considered a dishonorable act. Paradoxically, men were quite linient with their wives as long as they accepted their role, and could not care less about their antics. They just ignored them. Once I asked my grandfather why was si standing my grandma's rants. He answered that arguing with a woman is like arguing with a 3 years old child. A waste of time.

[@coandageorge1488]

I can tell you that if I were a movemotional to my woman After a while she will get annoyed End will dump me.... It is not natural for a guy to cry like a woman. Because man and woman are built Differently

[@BEEaTREE]

👏❤🌲 🙏

[@dainagrn7030]

Where is the place without patriarchy and feminism? Cause i dont agree with both to some extent.

[@janusatthegate6201]

The way males and females tend to be has to be evolution continuing to succeed with it in survival. Making differences in society can move evolution to tend to equality and less fear.

[@michellemissy2]

Love your babies they do return love got nothing do with privilege being mom wouldn’t be here unless birthed meant be loved not mistreated

[@jaijai5250]

I agree with some of your points, but I don’t understand why you keep making reference to trans people. Trans are an extremely powerful group, who have the authority to direct policy, legislation, and even language. This is pertinent to biological adult males, who identify as women. That is a perfect definition of toxic masculinity, yet you continue to describe them as weaker members of society.

[@fushinusucaria36910]

Yes! It’s queer “patriarchy.” I commented on that too! I thought I was the only one who noticed about it.

[@fushinusucaria36910]

These kinds of “men” wanted to take the role of women as an escapism to be a real man. That’s so wrong 😭

[@mpress469]

As the timeless Ouroborus would suggest, patriarchy is a tail-end extension of its own matriarchal head, where one can not exist without the other as each follows the other throughout the course of all eternity. Spiritually speaking (gender aside), matriarchy can begin with an understanding of the cyclical nature of reality (God). Represented by the snake in many creation myths, the living cycle has a trinity of a beginning (head), a middle and end (tail). As above so below, the sexes were created in the image of God's cyclical nature where Mother is the head and opening to all beginnings and Father holds the tail to all endings (through which the sowing of seeds allow for the next great matriarchal rebirth).The joining of the two (symbolized by the Ouroborus or the marriage ring) is the sacred union needed in assuring the creation and continuation of new life cycles. To speak of the present day God as "Our Father" is simply an admission to our collective positioning within the bigger cycle. As all mothers have direct experience with the creator quality of birthing, so is the direct experience of rebirthing the divinity within (baptism) belong to that which is spiritually matriarchal. (John 3, verse 3-8). Sekhmet statues (ancient Egyptian) carry most of their weight in symbolic memory of what was a mother culture dedicated to the direct experience of baptism. As the leg shaped hairlocks extend from maternal breasts to the womb of rebirth, the lioness's head proportions are such that they highlight the bust of a second animal figure. The Lioness's ears as eyes and eyes as nose (nostrils) brings to life the figure of a reptile. 'Neath the halo headress of the solar egg, the lioness's egg fertilization process being internal (Set) and the reptile's egg fertilization process being external (Setting), such being key components to the safety of entering the trans-egoic or "born again" state. The life threatening fear associated with the predatory nature of a lion and/or crocodile encounter are reflective of the intense ego death experiences associated with the transpersonal awakening process. In spiritually matriarchal times, illumination could be seen as wearing the false beard (ancient Egyptian funerary "ego" death mask) as the high state of cyclical self knowing; high awareness of both our upper matriarchal half and our lower (later) patriarchal half (compared with a mini lower body replica, an "as above so below" tail end beard extension); in full recognition of her civilizational Underworld; her inevitable cyclical destiny. The male pharaoh wears his beard tapered in reverse, indicating a pointing upwards towards the patriarchal head, divine representative of God's tail end cycle. Mary's anointing and wiping of Jesus's feet with her hair can then be seen as "Head to tail" (toe) imagery as she descends her matriarchal head to his patriarchal feet, thus reenacting the high understanding of the divine cyclical process. (John 12, verse 3) To carry the Ankh (now the female symbol ♀️) was perhaps to symbolically carry that upper and lower understanding. As the upper matriarchal womb symbolised the fertile birthing of civilization, below, the now Christian cross is carried to place emphasis on the lower (later) "End Times" Father principle of the great cycle. Lord Ganesha, the elephant headed Hindu diety, displays a cyclical head to trunk symbolism and points to the Mother head of his matriarchal elephant society. Ganesha (like the elephant) wears God's cyclical nature on his face. A whole temple was dedicated to Hathor (ancient Egyptian diety), who is the matriarchal "Uterus" personified. kzbin.info/www/bejne/gGHQYa2AiKp5gZI "See all women as mothers, serve them as your mother. when you see the entire world as the mother, the ego falls away. See everything as Mother and you will know God." - Neem Karoli Baba "My son, keep thy father's commandment, and forsake not the law of thy mother." - Proverbs 6 : 20

[@nikolavojnovic6552]

Who's going to protect your country from the invaders, coach?

[@psusac]

I like that you are talking about this topic and defining it so clearly. I find that it’s rare for feminist thinkers to actually define these terms in any clear way. I appreciate your intellectual honesty in doing so. In my experience most feminists define patriarchy as “anything I don’t like about how my culture does gender.” So this is a relief. I agreed with most of the body of what you said, however I disagree with almost all your underlying assumptions. I think you came to some good conclusions starting from some incorrect places. Let me explain: First, I’m going to accept your definition of the toxically masculine patriarch: Ranking men as dominant over women, and strong men over week men Successful (i.e. competent). Emotionless (stoic) Inexpressive Sexually aggressive Attacks those who are different Untethered aggression Using morality as a manipulative tool Tribalistic Now I’m not an anthropologist. But I am a psychotherapist, and one of the techniques that I use when I see a pathological behavior is to refrain from judging that behavior, but to instead become curious about how that behavior is adaptive. So let’s ask ourselves, under what circumstances is this list of traits adaptive. Under what circumstances would this expression of masculinity be helpful to get a man through his life and to help to establish his status and wellbeing in his community? You describe these behaviors as “weird.” They are NOT weird. WE are weird. We are: “Western, Educated, Industrialized, Rich and Democratic.” In MOST of human history, indeed in most of western history, we lived in tribal and clan based relationships. In these societies, the men (i.e. the disposable members of society) needed to band together, form dominant hierarchies and go to war to protect the women and children (the essential members of society) from the neighboring tribes. This arrangement ended when we evolved the social technology known as the state. State systems outsource violence and protection from the tribe to the bureaucracy of the state system (a.k.a the police force). The status and sexual access of what you call patriarchy is the bribe that men were paid in order to have them be willing to sacrifice their bodies and comforts to protect the tribe. Women and children respected men and looked up to them because they were the ones who took the risks and made the sacrifices to protect the society as a whole. Women preferentially chose men who were good at this. MANY women still do preferentially choose men based on these traits. So female sexual preference is also an incentive in this process. Another consequence of this was that people with psychopathic tendencies often rose to positions of prominence because they were the ones who asserted their dominance the best and who were the best killers. Much as successful psychopaths become CEO’s today (read the book snakes in suits). Now you may think that we have grown beyond this sort of thing, but that is only true locally. There are still lots of places in the world where what you characterize as patriarchal “toxic masculinity” is still very adaptive to the local social environment. In addition, cultures change over time, and what may be “toxic” today may be highly sought after tomorrow if the police aren’t there to help you protect yourself, having an effective tribal warlord is the next best thing. So, again, thank you for being clear in your approach. I think it might be helpful for you to consider how these qualities in a man are valuable and not be so quick to throw the baby out with the bath water. For more on this topic I would encourage you to check out some books on the subject such as “why men are the way they are” by Warren Farrell. Patriarchal belief is not a pathology. It is a part of the the cultural tool kit that our for fathers have passed on to us. It's both good and bad. But then, so is feminism. Be well.

[@orangcurl]

Really interesting vid. Can you do one on misandry and matriarchy please?

[@autumngrace8541]

Some of the feminist groups need to be more balanced in their approach. It is going to take time to unravel and foster men with love and healthy boundaries. ❤️

[@RKmndo]

There's no such thing as "toxic masculinity". There is simply, "toxicity".

[@Billpro25]

True. But 'toxic masculinity' tends to be more destructive as a general rule compare to 'toxic feminity'. Is it surprising that it tends to concern people more?

[@RKmndo]

​@@Billpro25You just contradicted yourself. "True, but..."

[@karenpowell3800]

Who the fuck has a happy successful nuclear family?

[@Lyrielonwind]

Those scapegoated.

[@karenpowell3800]

@@Lyrielonwind yah not all. If they survive. Who would want to have a family after barely making it alive out of one? Likelihood of it failing is too high. Not worth the investment.

[@livinincalifornia]

This dude is an absolute ninny wit

[@karolinasoblinskyte1795]

If "true man" are SO successful, SO strong, SO indipendant, why they need to be provided by someone "weak" like whining boys, thats doe's not make sense.

[@alanarturdemitrovfernandes1161]

I see the video failed to mention that patriarchy tells that men are responsible and supposed to put the needs of others above his own, that mens lives are less worth than females so he isso expected to sacrifice his life and posessions to the benefit of women, that he is not supposed to hit back when assaulted by a woman and that he is not worthy of empaty nor has the right to express emotions because of another point the video forgets to mention is that the ranking of men are mostly done by the sexual preferences of the women. If you look at the characteristics for ranking the video lays out, these are the exactely same characteristics that makes men more sexually desirable. Success power money agressiveness body strenghth (specially height) assertiveness and being basically full of themselves is what women rank men in dating, and all the stats supports that, men without those traits know they are lower in the hierarchy because women make sure to show them that they simply are not desirable, and basically dont exist as a man. So maybe all this talk about taking down the patriarchy should start to talk about how they will make women feel sexually attracted to short depressed fat men that make less money then them, are agreeable to the point they say amen to all women say and just stay home taking care of the kids while she provides for him, because without breaking down this hierarchical structure mosltly imposed by the mating selection of women, i don´t see something good comming out of this anti masculinity crusade.

[@user-sm1jp4en9u]

Exactly. That's why as a man I am against patriarchy but I am not a feminist. They are really blaming it all on men when men suffer equally if not less.

[@fernandoocampo1619]

When he said “my definition of…..” he lost credibility.

[@taty9872]

So you believe that men can become women

[@cherilynnfisher5658]

IMO, it began when there was a "great divergence" in adaptation as we developed higher emotions. Some were not capable of making the leap.

[@georgemckenna462]

Mr. Butler is not the guru for you. His knack for over simplification and gross streo typical condemnation is not going to help you in life or having desirable relationships. Follow him out to the leafy glade as he yammers away at your own peril.

[@karenpowell3800]

Nature vs nurture for raising successful children?

[@aergv]

No, just no. There are no absolutes. Should really stop saying everyone and all. Can only be a 100% sure that you cannot be 100% sure of anything. But i am 110% certain you’re 100% wrong about everything you said. Congrats.

[@LUKE-qx1ii]

Which part is wrong? Can you pls elaborate further?

[@robr.5044]

You talk about patriarchy the same way Christians talk about sin. You are a preacher, preaching a false religion. We see through your unsubstantiated claims.

[@nuckalaskolew]

This video is toxic

[@thahbiaasad7]

Yup. This is exactly what Israel has been doing to Palestine.

[@karenpowell3800]

If I did a woman’s studies course I’d come out with a strap on and a bald head.

[@jessp8238]

As if that’s a bad thing for everyone

[@BeforeWarTheBook]

What?

[@karenpowell3800]

@@BeforeWarTheBook dildo and bald head. Oh everytime I leave my homeless shelter / cell someone puts wax in my hair. Sall good. I don’t need hair.

[@tomoth77]

Masculinity is a virtue. A virtue cannot be toxic. That would be an oxymoron.

[@fup723]

😂😂😂 delusional

[@BeforeWarTheBook]

Hon. masculinity is simply the fact of being a man. No more and no more less. You had nothing to do with that accident of birth. How could that be a virtue? That's an oxymoron. And this is moronic.

[@autumngrace8541]

Look at definitions of virtue and morals. Masculinity is not a virtue or a moral. Morals don't change. The use of masculinity certainly can be toxic, just as Feminity can be.

[@lawxs9114]

Woke culture began

[@BeforeWarTheBook]

actually wokeness is the opposite of feminism.

[@_paz_888]

The word woke talks about being aware of the importance of civil rights in regard to racial equity. Use of the word on any other context is incorrect (which I think we know but choose to ignore). Your automated reaction is boring af.

[@HonestCitizen-gi8gx]

intersectional feminism is wokeness@@BeforeWarTheBook

[@BeforeWarTheBook]

Agreed. But feminism itself is not. It’s very simply the idea that women are people and deserve the same opportunities.

[@femmefatale71]

@@BeforeWarTheBookoh so you think black women are not equal to fight for our rights? Original white feminists where also RACIST. This world thrived of misogynoir and that time is OVER.

[@christinesoto6789]

@thehighpoweredpodcast