Want DEEP Connection? This is What You Need to Be Able to Do | HealingFa.com

[@cspace1234nz]

My FA girlfriend absolutely loved the deeply intimate connection we shared, along with the love and affection from the base of clear, open communication. She loved the sexual intimacy and felt constantly nourished by all of it. She often said that ours was the relationship she always dreamed of. Still didn't stop her sabotaging it and destroying it. I ended up 'hurting first and hurting hardest' when I discarded the avoidant in order to allow her to fully feel the consequences of her actions. I have zero tolerance for that sort of behaviour in relationships I'm afraid. That's just how it is.

[@candacemassey]

Staying present throughout the connection was something I really struggled with for as long as I can remember. Racing thoughts! Always the quiet girl at school or any social event. I definitely had a traumatic childhood and early adulthood so this all makes sense. I started meditation a couple of years ago and it has changed my life. Thanks for sharing this!

[@DOL3rd]

What you said here 7:41 rings true with what I've learned from Jesse Lee Peterson. You said if you can feel the full range of emotion, accept it and not try to fix it, then you will automatically be able to make deeper connections. Jesse (JLP) frames it differently but there are some parallels. What he says is: 1. All thoughts are all lies all the time about anything (except practical thoughts like steps to complete a task), meaning that you don't create thoughts, they come from the evil spirit that made a home inside you when you first became angry at your parents as a child. If you have not overcome it then you would be living in a fallen state. 2. To overcome that fallen state there are a couple things you need to do. First you need to Go And Forgive your parents. This entails recognizing that just as you are suffering and driven by evil, so were your parents and they did the best they could. You confront your parents about how they messed you up as a kid and then forgive them, because it wasn't them, it was the spirit of evil driving them. Usually the mother tries to turn the child away from the father, so you need to return to your father in order to be saved and lead by God instead of evil. 3. You need to stay present, not in the past or future and when thoughts and emotions intrude into your mind, you don't fight them or try to fix them, you just observe them and let them pass. All you do is watch them and eventually they will be taken away from you. Have you ever heard JLP? What he says sounds so similar to your advice, so I'm curious what you think of his explanation. He has a youtube channel and does a 3 hour show every weekday, "The Jesse Lee Peterson Show" Thanks Paulien!

[@Locut0s]

I love your content Paulien! All of this hits close to home for me! Another way I think to describe my fear of connection is that I’m just terrified of leaning fully into the uncertainty of it all. Because we have experiences of pain, and being unseen, enmeshment, trauma etc… it seems like such a risk to lean in. Like being told to let yourself fall off a cliff. Surely we must check to make sure of the height, what’s at the bottom, if there’s something to catch us etc? Surely we have to make sure it’s “safe” before we can lean into connection. But paradoxically I am starting to think that’s actually what makes it feel unsafe.

[@antjestr1047]

32 yo and still healing from childhood abuse, never been in a relationship, all alone right now, guess I can say goodby to my wished own family 💔 my reason of living seems to be suffering and eventually healing from it ...💔💔

[@Patrick-ru2xg]

you got this i am 30 and in the same position :)

[@bbv5490]

Hi, Paulien! I know you've spoken about how Hollywood loves portraying fearful avoidant relationships as the ideal. Would you know movies, shows, webtoons, etc. that portray and focus on healthy relationships? I feel like those of us who are healing and learning about healthy, secure relationships need modeling because a lot of us didn't have good models in childhood.

[@SD-rm5ty]

Yes so confused most of the time

[@rosagravagnuolo7494]

I love you

[@yashi7799]

Did you ever experience rage coming up while healing? and how did you handle that, because i am trying to scream and release it but i am not too sure if it is healthy?

[@breemarie9393]

It is healthy, scream into a pillow and let it out. Cry scream release it

[@adeca5052]

Thank you for all your insight. Is there any way I could work with you directly? I truly need help healing and therapists have no answer. It’s incredibly isolating

[@KM-ub9yq]

Hi love, I truly appreciate your content. Can you make more of EFT tapping videos ? I’ve been tapping for anything and anytime when I feel I need to calm my nerve system.. but I have doubts back and forth and of course, when we get so close ( getting close to engagement ) my fear and doubt multiply. I want to be steady and confident about my decision… because I want to believe that’s good for me… my relationship ocd is activated and hard to tell if it’s coming from my true self or just fear… Also, my fear brain tries to control all the circumstances for me to feel 100 % safe or predictable.. I wanna let that go and go beyond of what I’m used to for my true happiness.. Thank you,

[@yashi7799]

idk if it helps but keep tapping on your fears and the toxic shame and i can assure you, it gets better. ofc nerves are a part of such a big life change but you will feel calmer in your relationship when you know that the fears have a dialogue of toxic shame behind that and its not as bad and scary it felt, its just unhealed beliefs.

[@somyaajoshi]

💖💖

[@Daemonenkoenigin13]

Thank you soo so much for your videos! Watching you often calms me down a lot, you have such a warm aura. One thing I've been asking myself over and over again and can't quite seem to get over is whether it's just my fear brain coming up with all these negative things about my partner to protect myself by breaking connection, or if he maybe really isn't a fit for me. Can you help with that? Partially my thoughts get as bad as thinking he might only be using me and could be narcissistic. But I might be having quiet BPD and this could just be a form of me splitting on him. I feel so lost when I'm stuck in this chaos of not knowing if I should trust my thoughts, if they're trying to safe me from a real threat, or just an imagined one (in form of connection) and therefore I shouldn't trust them :( It's an emotionally volatile nightmare.