PDA masking

A 20 minute animated video describing masking carried out by PDAers *.
This video explores how PDA masking appears to be different from general autistic masking; what it's important for professionals, such as teachers, to understand about it; what it feels like; how it liberates; and how it can be fun.
This animation was created by me, Sally Cat, for the 2020 positive PDA summit
*Pathological demand avoidance = a neurotype

[@vazzaroth]

Holy shit this fear wall with people is so real for me. This is literally the FIRST time I've ever heard it described in the exact manner I experience this. I always call it 'initiation anxiety' but it does go further, that's just how I explain to my close people why strangers stress me out so much. Once someone is 'safe', I don't continue to freak out... but I do have to ride an adrenaline high to get through basically any social encounter unless I am intimately familiar with the other person and already have a pretty good idea of how they'll react to what I do.

[@katrinedda1107]

Although the audio quality makes my ears hurt a bit due to sensory issues, I really appreciate this video!! Ever since I can remember I've often hidden my true emotions, even if I felt a need to communicate them. Maybe the internal demand of communication can cause masking for us PDAers? But at the same time, once we learn to utilise it, masking actually helps us communicate it! I've been told I didn't cry when I was born despite nothing being wrong, which perplexed the doctors! I doubt I had the intellectual capacity to mask at that age yet it still sounds plausible to me. My first memory is of my dad holding me between his thighs as I was an infant, I was completely terrified and was screaming on the inside but nobody noticed because my scream was completely internal!

[@lanni8224]

Goodness gracious thank you! I believe I have answer! For my daughter and myself.

[@Jokaanan]

this is 100% my experience as well! i love getting to talk to people through the layers. playing a role helps me get things done. so as an adult i actually have far less DAP at work in a social job environment, because i am just acting all day! a key point though - the masks that make me feel this way are superhero masks rather than normal person masks. and superheroes do unusual, idiosyncratic things. so i am still allowed to be weird, in whatever way fits the role (that i've decided is a "safe" role that won't get me in trouble)! wearing a "superhero cashier" mask, i feel confident and energized. and i'm not actively monitoring my mannerisms/behavior. but i have another type of masking that *does* make me feel bad. if i am just saying to myself, "act normal, don't be weird", that requires me to actively monitor my behavior and consciously judge whether each new thing i'm doing is "normal" or "weird". i tend to do this in unfamiliar situations because i haven't figured out which superhero mask to choose yet, or in situations where i don't have the confidence to assume a superhero role. for example, when i was employed cleaning houses, i felt compelled to be very deferential to clients because i was in *their* house. it didn't feel right to be confident, so i could not commit to a superhero character while doing the work, which made the job emotionally taxing. it made me hyperaware of my expressions, mannerisms, choice of wording when talking to clients in an exhausting and socially limiting way.

[@shiamaxwell3482]

Are you saying “ you’re aware you’ll use this to your advantage “ ? Mask on mask off ?

[@TylinaVespart]

Man, I am having a hell of a day. I’m early thirties, discovered I’m adhd a couple of years ago, and because I’m blessed with some very aware friends I got tipped off to look at PDA for myself last night. It explains everything the adhd didn’t quite fit. And the masking is a huge part of it. I didn’t even notice I masked until some months ago and I was confused when there was a prevailing belief that adhd people can’t do it. I’m good at it, after all. So! Yes, this video yes, that’s me too.

[@jimwilliams3816]

Oh wow, another one that feels so right. My fear wall is after a social encounter: I will panic at least a little for having posted this. I don’t think I was good at hiding pain, but the feelings of not wanting my being upset to draw attention is so real. And the one place I get confused in autism discussions is masking. I don’t want to suggest that other people should be ashamed of their authentic self, but I cannot understand wanting to unmask. It feels like turning my back on skills I worked hard to learn, and it doesn’t feel like being unmasked would make me happier.

[@katrinedda1107]

I wonder if we PDAers are more prone to internal meltdowns due to this tendency? I haven't had an external meltdown in years but I have one internally every other day! It's very painful and hard to contain but I refuse to meltdowns in front of others to the point where people never even notice them, to them I'm just more quiet or daydreaming. Does anyone else experience this?

[@milliemaw]

This could have been written about my journey with my 8yr old, even down to the Fii allegations. I am concluding more and more with every video I watch in the summit, that not just my daughter is undiagnosed PDA but I am also. Thank you for this fab video.

[@lorenzmenke3121]

I just realized why I use other peoples methods against them, it is a form of mimicry. I only do then when the other party declares war against me. Now I am a self diagnosed PDA autistic. So now this makes sense, it is my form of masking! Holly cow now I understand!

[@vagabond197979]

I'm watching this in anticipating of my son's IEP meeting this afternoon. They are wanting to take away his services because even though he has an autism diagnosis (and highly suspected PDA), he does not show the same behavior at school as he does at home. It's really hard to have a leg to stand on as a parent when your child is so good at masking.

[@janineheap7067]

Really interesting and very brilliantly explained. Loved the graphics!

[@meta5175]

I do find a lot of it really relatable, but I don't think I enjoy masking. There's a possibility that I do enjoy the act itself, but only if I'm able to turn it on and off as I will (which is not the case, and I tend to feel exhausted after social situation, or if I don't mask and I'll fall into self blame for a long time), I also hate the feeling of not knowing who I am and have no output for my feelings and thoughts because I find it necessary to hide them from anyone else.

[@juliereid8022]

This was excellent and thank you for being so honest about Masking. I feel that we all, at some point in time, have masked ourselves whether we have PDA or Autism or are just somewhere on the spectrum.

[@joycekilgour3767]

Tku so much for explaining masking, and the different beliefs that surround it. This is very helpful .

[@Slipping_thru_the_Seams]

thank you so much for sharing your perspective on masking. as a fellow PDA autistic, this is very fascinating and i found it relatable as well!

[@corrinawood9202]

Brilliant, so helpful and insightful.

[@kfinn7068]

That was a really great video, thank you

[@caralynn.]

Thank you so much for this video. First I discovered INFJ videos, then I learned I was an "Enneagram 5", then the Autism videos started to pop up, then it narrowed to the PDA videos. Every step felt a little bit closer to understand what was wrong with me. Why my brain could be great, but also so obviously wrong. I am 40 years old and I am finally coming to terms with who I am, and this video is something I will show to my important people to help them understand too. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

[@eladhen2]

OK yeah. My masking is natural, and talk about "finding your true self" always rang hollow to me, as I myself felt sure that everyone is masking, so what's the point if under the mask you can only find a different mask? Nowadays I understand this isn't a universal experience...

[@Arnoric]

Those letters (PDA), were use to justify so much violence towards me. PDA does not exist. The pathology is on the side of the demanders, not on the side of the person being hurt by those unjustified and violent demands.

[@ooglemonster]

I hear you for sure on that but I also interpret things that aren’t demands at all as demands. Things like having to go to bed at night or take showers or eat food.

[@lara-pw9tj]

For a lot of us PDA does affect our lives in a very negative way and makes it hard to hold down work and relationships - even work and relationships that we love and want to keep - so PDA is very descriptive of our experience. I don’t think the problem lies so much in the words as it does in how others treated you and words aren’t necessarily going to change that, from my experience.

[@L5biszz]

Cub sounds really off.