Alpha Zylon Gameplay and Commentary

This is the greatest knife of All Time

[@StrikerMk2491]

There is a guy on Steam who played 180 hours of this game...

[@thedemonslayer51]

Maybe they keep meaning to play it, but instead they start playing and fall asleep, but they don't know when to quit so they do it again and again in desperation of completing the game, but fail everytime.

[@gorkaaustin5306]

Pyrocynical has over +300 hours on Garfield Kart.

[@markv6467]

Simon Seal People speedrun this game... dont know why...

[@GeorgeMonet]

@@thedemonslayer51 Maybe that's how they go to sleep. They load up this super boring game and it puts them right to sleep.

[@LiamH2004]

maybe he tried the game and went into a coma upon launching the game, sounds like a reasonable explanation to me

[@kaleb775]

Cr1tical should win the award of best game commentator on KZbin! His voice when he talks about playing shitty games literally cures cancer or even HIV he creates miracles for mankind.

[@mr.worthmoore8169]

His laugh cures cancer it cures anything cr1tikals laugh will destroy and creat dimensions and rips between time make life time Travel and cause females to squirt at the sound of his laugh

[@KobianoRoll]

His videos are sometimes though of as "better than orgasming while simultaneous winning the lottery and punching your nemesis in the groin"

[@drfrenchfrythe3rd]

irgasms Death Star lasers

[@voytek5550]

He cured my sore foot when he said "inbetween".

[@theJOYSofANALpenetration]

He cured my virginity.

[@CubiStudios]

"Where did those bullets hit me, my feelings?" Lost it. Classic commentary right here.

[@shintaro_13]

"It'd better have saved."... Splendid! Well thats the end" XD

[@stupidface7452]

I bought this game for 49 cents and I can for the love of fuck not make it past level two. There are a million enemies that will one shot kill you with rocket launchers and the grenade launcher you have bounces off of everything instead of exploding. Great fucking game!

[@tastywindex]

This game costs money? Holy shit.

[@AntiGravityC9]

This is a game? Holy shit.

[@rectaldestruction427]

I can't believe it's not butter!

[@Glaceogen]

Nesbro It cost $5,77 on steam now, I'm almost tempted

[@AHorseThatIsARadish]

@@Glaceogen it's 1 dollar on steam now I think.

[@Helena-mh6ti]

For some reason the "splendid!" at the end kills me XD

[@Ivanstov]

every time there is a cr1tikal notification on my phone I get fucking MOIST

[@cthulhu4145]

kinky

[@Astr0_racc]

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

[@Nrt2Pnt0]

You too? I thought I was the only one

[@ThunderThoster]

We all do.....

[@TheStormtrooperrr]

Lmao

[@EDFslayer]

"weapon of mass destruction that could end the world, our enemies could steal it! lets have it instead." - that right there, america in a nutshell. not all america obviously but whatevs

[@realSpook]

this solider went to the Prometheus school of running away from things

[@RolandTHX]

*ding*

[@UndeadInDitches]

*CinemaSins ding*

[@SlaPPxYouu]

*Ding*

[@LoppinLazy]

"Sometimes I just want to shove a whoopie cushion down my urethra." -Cr1tikal 2015

[@SteelRain211]

Is this the Modern Warfare 4 Beta?

[@swiftcrane8176]

this is the release

[@Catge]

I changed this comment now it doesnt get that much likes :P

[@LosEagle]

This game beats it in every way imaginable.

[@Whispers_of_Madness]

Cats i dont know why I laughed so hard at your comment

[@Ninjadave0o]

I don't think so, in this you don't fly 100 meters when you stab someone.

[@artfuldodger5933]

"Where did those bullets hit me? My feelings?" Gold.

[@THEREALSPARTAN]

When will the day come that the related videos wont be crappy minecraft youtubers. I hate them almost as much as (Redacted due to possible flame war material)!

[@mono4171]

I get minecraft and mario AND minecraft/mario mashups... what the hell

[@LazzyVamples]

PewDiePie

[@LazzyVamples]

***** I think your post single handedly lowered the average IQ of the entire world by at least ten points. I have never seen such unprecedented stupidity. Bravo sir, bravo!

[@LazzyVamples]

***** Hold on to those two cents, it's very probable that it's the only money you'll ever come across in your entire life. Some might say you could resort to begging, but I'm afraid you might get confused and choke on a quarter thinking it was candy.

[@LazzyVamples]

***** You'll be in newspapers, I have no doubt. I can see the headlines in front of me now. "Local idiot vexes scientists. 'Should not be able to be this stupid.'"

[@mastershadowreaper]

Nothing like watching Cr1t1cal in the middle of Biology. Fuck im dumb.

[@MetaI4Brains]

Watch the Classroom Aquatic video and Cr1tikal will teach you about biology.

[@mastershadowreaper]

T. Wiggins haha alright will do man

[@deluxegaming2330]

Literally doing the exact same thing

[@PewPew1234567]

Yes, you are dumb. But only because he is called cr1tikal

[@Megafish117]

Studies show that most students who pay attention in class have higher levels of intelligence.

[@TheMEEEEEEE123]

I was honestly in the worst mood of my life and nothing could even mildly cheer me up, but after watching some critikal videos, it really made me feel better. Thank you for always releasing hilarious content and making my bad days a little better.

[@ADadasadasdadw]

"where did those bullets hit me? My feelings?" One second later and I would've spit apple juice all over my desk from laughing :'-D

[@TACTommy1]

I'm more of an orange juice guy myself

[@MDMAx]

But where do I go if I don't want to see videos similar to this one?

[@DaniielArmstrong]

Your avatar is infuriating.

[@MorbusCQ]

to hell

[@mikecownter3920]

You go fuck yourself.

[@CyranofromBergerac]

Chill out guys! He just hates games that don't save after the first level...

[@IMZorkTheDork]

It's the health of Critikal, not the actual in-game character, it's surprising he can stay at 100% while playing this mess.

[@DeusExAngelo]

Ah, a fellow scorpion teabagging enthusiast! I thought I was the only one! Now we just need a few more individuals to join us to take down those uncouth tarantula humpers!

[@ThomasKatz]

I'm in. I've had enough of those spider-taint licking douche bags.

[@ЮлианБродняк]

I'm game.

[@koga924]

i once teabagged a scorpion, i now only have my left nut

[@ЮлианБродняк]

koga924 A worthy sacrifice.

[@DeusExAngelo]

koga924 As is typical as your rite of passage to become a proper scorpion teabagger. Your remaining nut will now be so potent (thanks to effects of the venom) that you'll only need one.

[@gracemason5964]

"And as Orville Reddenbocker as his witness, he was not going to deviate from that job description." All I'm going to gleam from this statement is that Cr1tikal worships Orville Reddenbocker as his god. Which means I must as well.

[@ShinyBlackNails]

The phase "You are filling my water balloons with urine" will always hold a special place in my heart.

[@juliavstheworld]

"Splendid! Well thats the end of this video" So much sass

[@juliavstheworld]

Mandrake Fernflower yea he is

[@chrystalbeast96]

Does anyone else think that Cr1tikal and Ray from Achievement Hunter would make the greatest commentary duo of All Time?

[@AfroNinjaBoy2]

What if... they are the same person...

[@chrystalbeast96]

What a twist!

[@MrFreakierTruth]

"You are filling my water balloons with urine, where did those bullets even hit me? In my feelings?" I love you dude

[@titani1k]

You know it's going to be a good Cr1TiKaL video when it opens with a game crash.

[@shintaro_13]

"Where did those bullets hit me? My feelings?"

[@yewty9894]

cheeky scrublords cannot comprehend the greatness of cr1tikalz

[@KattWuzHeer]

I like snails

[@yewty9894]

i like cats

[@jhonnycake1]

***** I like spaghetti

[@Affflex]

jhonnycake1 go away man nobody likes spaghetti

[@DrGandW]

affleks fuk yuo spaghetti uz mu childhoof

[@CattyMintgum]

I enjoy your videos so much, not only do I watch them again and again, but I also like to play them on 0.5x and 2x speeds for even more kicks!...

[@ElFreakinCid]

Ladies and gentlemen, we now have exploitable audio of everyone's Sans voice saying "whoopee cushion".

[@DSgamrz585]

"Fucking smegma is happening" -Cr1tikal 2015

[@KakkaRotSRL]

"Filling my balloon with piss" I always wonder if he comes up with these jokes ahead of time, or he is just that spontaneously hilarious. That and the starfish joke had me rollin.

[@bioswat96]

"What did those bullet hurt? My feelings?" I'm fucking dead

[@RelaxationalSensatio]

This is the greatest not first comment of all time.

[@RelaxationalSensatio]

I'm a scam.. I am first.

[@TheLozfan123]

You are the greatest scam of All Time

[@GTA2008]

This is the greatest comment to a comment of All Time

[@wateringcan2]

This is the greatest "of All Time" statement of All Time.

[@jerryrivers1981]

This is the greatest calling this comment thread gay of all time

[@unidentifiedones]

I love you critical. No matter how bad my mood is, your uploads are making it better.

[@SlavelikeConstructs]

"You are filling my water balloons with urine. Where did those bullets hit me? My feelings?" I am dying because I can't breathe. -Valk

[@skykra1962]

I honestly think and probably a lot of other people that you should be the number one subscribed youtuber. Keep up the great work XD

[@midlifecrisi]

Why does this game have health if you get instakilled all the time?

[@PewPew1234567]

If you had watched, you would have had seen, that the guys with AKs dont kill you instantly.

[@reginaldskarr6717]

***** Your name's suprisingly relevant.

[@RevemUp454ROAR]

***** "Chronic" Damn, you too!

[@reginaldskarr6717]

RevemUp454ROAR Holy shit what is going on here!?

[@cjolney]

Already looks amazing

[@geneeshays]

6:03 The skybox goes full-on Salvador Dali

[@realQuestion]

So the bad guys are clearly using Humvees and Abrams tanks, right? Which side is your hero on here?

[@sethtigner]

*ostensibly holding back tears* "Splendid!"

[@FullMetalBaldo]

BONUS FACT: at 5:52 you can see a ripped off Google Street photo of an italian palace (where usually the mayor works). Thanks to Fraws for noticing this

[@tylermauer3131]

I just love the fact that the hummer explodes for no reason

[@samuelvibritannia4831]

"He just continues to high five my chocolate starfish." -Cr1tikal, 2015 Heck yeah.

[@TheSqueezedLemon]

"Sometimes, I just wanna shove a whoppie cushion down my urethra."

[@tien4930]

Greatest youtuber to have ever roamed the earth

[@B_MacLevy]

I feel like every game Cr1TiKaL plays shows a bit more to his real life story.

[@blefyplayswowable]

Is there no way to not move around the clearly overly-visible mines?

[@striderkiwi2]

The first game to make Cr1tikal shed tears.

[@verinenpihvi]

this reminds me of cr1tikal's older videos. i love it.

[@FirstLast-jz4do]

Best video by far in a long time 👏

[@beans950]

I swear I'm always hungover. When watching these lol

[@Sizifus]

Yeah, those are gravitational mines that implode on contact, creating a giant increase in local field of gravity, like a mini-black hole, so instead of becoming flying pieces of yourself you smash forcefully into the ground and get your arm dislocated. Mighty effective mines indeed.

[@christiangarcia7010]

your day isn't done until you teabag the scorpion

[@Kektus1]

"Splendid!"

[@alexromero7029]

this guy and robbaz are my 2 favorite commentators

[@exiledPostman]

That was a really sad ending.

[@silentloudmouth4333]

every time i hear him say splendid, i just laugh so hard and i don't know why.

[@hehehuy93]

I love how you just end it with "Splendid!"

[@Kimairan]

Splendid.

[@winsthon88]

What a great way to start the day.

[@Eternalbuysafish]

top notch commentary as always.

[@Amyisheartbreak]

You are filling my water balloons with urine. Cr1t1kal always hits me right in the feelings.

[@Elseano14]

Splendid video.

[@TheHarh0o]

"Splendid! Well thats the end of this video" Laughed hard at that

[@tipper23131]

A year later and this is still the greatest knife of all time

[@samuelmillar770]

Splendid

[@ImThatDude737]

"you are filling my water ballons with urine" i don't know why i laughed hard at this quote xDD

[@headshot025]

Your voice is a gift from God

[@BlackShadowGir]

This video was splendid.

[@marksusano3444]

"This weapon is a danger to the world: Our enemies should never get possession of it! instead we should have it!" Murica in a nutshell.

[@Icewallowcome012]

I'm looking forward to this new COD game it looks amazing

[@existentiald562]

New Cr1TiKaL video, Splendid...

[@blorfenburger]

"you are filling my waterballons with urine"

[@Vernoy99]

Cr1tikal: The best crashing of all time.

[@wayedicand]

Splendid!

[@Ohnonoki]

Did these guys have oil?

[@jonathanchintapalli4070]

This is the greatest youtube of All Time

[@demtrombones2012]

"You are filling my water balloons with urine! Where did those bullets hit me? My feelings?"

[@bradanderson817]

"Splendid." Best line of the video. XD

[@princejaythethird8393]

You should play dance central at least once xD P.S: what ever happened to the walking dead you started?

[@THSP31011]

Quickest crash ever. On another note, You never seem to make me love you less.

[@BillyHerrington93]

As always great video.

[@emiel255]

Cr1TiKaL you should get your old mic back. I mean the mic from a couples months ago before you played babysitter bloodbath. It made your jokes much funnier. It also made your voice much more monotonelike. For the subscribers: check out BURGERMAKING, MARIO KART, HARD TIME for example you will see what I mean.

[@racdude01]

SPLENDID!

[@austinhatch9902]

Oh sweet, I actually suggested he play this game a few weeks ago.

[@josephkoval5434]

really funny the way he said "splendid" at the end of the video.

[@MaserXIV]

I need that "Splendid." I have so many uses for it.

[@tinytitanmc1276]

The new frogger sure is strange

[@carsonkeller4526]

Who else wants to see Cr1tical play The Zoo Race?

[@SOIBand]

The Jontron review was funny as hell but i would love to see critikals take on it ^^

[@compman12345]

Some time later: Cr1tical plays Zoo Race. Everybody says that Jontron/Pewdiepie/any other youtuber that i don't watch already played this game. Why u have to copy him?

[@carsonkeller4526]

*Sigh*, I realize this will happen, but I've heard of that game before any other big youtuber played it/reviewed it.

[@jurajgschwind7214]

The British way he says "splendit" at the end.

[@MrCorykrieg]

You're the greatest knife of All Time

[@Slendoman]

I would love to see you play Sonic 06

[@epiclepticgs]

"You are filling my water balloons with urine" Fucking using that.

[@russianderrick]

Last 30 secs were so damn wonderful

[@GNParty]

5:28 I knew that he offset the audio to name earlier and wittier come backs.

[@GetTheFO]

Cr1tikal is evolving! DUN DUN DUN DUUUUUUUHHHHHHHHH Cr1tikal has evolved into; Mildly perturbed Cr1tikal!

[@TheLaXandro]

The moment he said "It took less than two minutes to crash", my PC froze and then browser crashed. Coincidence? I THINK... Yes. Just a coincidence

[@shagmystermcgordon7252]

Is it me or was there a cut at the end of the video where critical went into full rage? Watch just as the game crashes for the fourth time and he raises his voice slightly just before his regular end message, it sounds like he actually raged but cut out the clip when he edited

[@stevejimenez4465]

"Its all about speed" *blows up* "...its not all about speed..." lol

[@abeckcod2656]

So I did some comedic COD and GTA commentary, check it out for a quick laugh if you'd like. If its complete shit, please let me know.