people who think D&D is just skyrim

look the DM is wrong too okay, just let people have fun haha
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[@KingNedya]

"You enter the grand city gates-" "I quicksave."

[@solarmarks3093]

after killing the entirety of the countries population I reload my previous save and continue on my adventure

[@Purely_Andy]

@@solarmarks3093 You accidentally press f5 sgain and save with the blood on your hands.

[@solarmarks3093]

@@Purely_Andy welp whiterun is fucked time to live in riften

[@-Grovesy-]

"You're approached by a man named Nazeem" "I quicksave"

[@solarmarks3093]

@@-Grovesy- any traces of nazeems existence have now been removed I do not re load and continue on throughout my journey in world without a nazeem

[@skrumbleton3745]

“I put a cauldron on the shopkeepers head”

[@tetraphobie]

I've been waiting for this comment.

[@benjoe1993]

i was waiting for that

[@Id334ler]

I was personally waiting for a bucket, but it's the same concept.

[@skrumbleton3745]

@@Id334ler it was tough to choose between cauldron and bucket

[@Spoon199]

Don't you mean basket?

[@supervado7962]

"I use his forge" "You cant do that. The blacksmiths using it....." "I kick him off."

[@Shade7x]

Literally had a player do this. I guess he thought he’d just make a new weapon real quick. Video games really mess people up for tabletop.

[@MikayaAkyo]

@@Shade7x My group actually used a revamped Crafting system which made it so it didn't take as long to craft something. But we still weren't allowed to just use other people's stuff without asking XD But we didn't make it because Video Games ruined out perception for the craft and rather because it's Fantasy and nobody wants to waste multiple days because the Barbarian needed a new Axe.

[@Shade7x]

@@MikayaAkyo I actually agree that the rules-as-written crafting is really underwhelming in pretty much every edition and are fair game to house rule. It was a very “video game” interaction to barge into a forge, push the blacksmith aside and get to it though, lol. Like in Final Fantasy games where you help yourself to the contents of NPCs’ homes while they watch.

[@tomtom7955]

@@Shade7x 3e was the most robust imo

[@MikayaAkyo]

@@Shade7x Oh don't get me wrong. We would actually be kicked out of the forge or a house if we ever tried that, and we were aware of it. We had to specifically either start with the tools required for the craft or get to the place where the needed tools were around for people to 'rent' (Our DM did craft a new building in multiple locations that either was 'oh yes, sure you can use our forge' or 'for a price you can use the forge for X hours, sure') My character was an Alchemist, so i started with a potion kit or something and could actually just craft a poison or two in a few hours downtime rather than spending 20 days for 1. (Altho that would equal a lesser poison and had dimishing effects.) For more potent stuff i had to actually use an Alchemist Facility (Which i actually could use freely since i had a Background which we fashioned to allow me to use them free-of-charge while i had to deliver things in return) Another character was more fashioned as a Blacksmith so he could just fix a few things on the go, while crafting a new set of Armor meant spending a day or two in a Town. He was the one with the least relieable Schedule so he would get called to work on short notice sometimes. usually we pressed to end Sessions in a Town so if he couldn't make it we could just have a fun little Town-Adventure or investigate a lead to further the adventure while his character would craft (DM would contact him about what he would have crafted and they negotiated what he'd show up with next time XD) He was totally cool with that arrangement as he hated if we had to call off a session on short notice just because his job was like that and it meant he could just join the session if he got off work earlier and we were still going.

[@BingleFlimp]

"I drink an invisibility potion" "Okay you turn invisible. Several onlookers raise their concern and confusion as to why someone just walked in, crouched and then turned invisible. They begin to alert others to the situation."

[@AudieHolland]

Then the trapdoor opens all by itself. In the shoving and pushing caused by the general consternation, two bystanders fall through the trapdoor right on top of you. Hey! I fell onto someone here in the dark. I've got him by his ears!

[@W4iteFlame]

Yep

[@MaryDunford]

😂👍

[@lilben4184]

the LotR Prancing Pony in a nutshell

[@SpaceMissile]

@@lilben4184 ahahaha

[@Daahvuk]

The shopkeeper : "Where'd my swords go ?" The guy with the 5 swords : *"must have been the wind."*

[@combatxxxwombatxxx]

Curved swords?

[@Daahvuk]

@@combatxxxwombatxxx aaah the one you find at the top of a ship which stuns people ?

[@sammyblevins6046]

nah it was an arrow to the knee

[@Little_Rat1]

Ayyyyyyyyeeeeee! I like your profile picture, Kris! :D

[@Daahvuk]

@@Little_Rat1 thank you !

[@ArchArturo]

“The orc hits you, and he deals 7 damage” “I grab 43 rations and eat them”

[@smugron1101]

Dm: "....Why, just, wh- OK, you know what? Fine! the Ork Warlord is dumbfounded by your ability to eat so quickly and forgets about the battle going on around him." Party Member: "I shoot at the Ork Warlord with my crossbow." DM: "Roll for attack." Party Member: "Nat 20, plus stealth crit." DM: "...The Ork Warlord gets shot right in the head and the bolt causes his head to explode. The rest of the Orks retreat. When you all turn back to congratulate him for making the Ork Warlord stand still and winning them the fight, you see his corpse, his mouth full of rations, his cheeks bloated, mucus, tears and saliva everywhere around their respective holes."

[@askdeterminataleandaus5670]

@@smugron1101 He fucking killed himself just to dumbfound an Orc that will probably be amazed if you use a reflective blade to redirect a ray of sunlight.

[@Damond_Warrior]

@@askdeterminataleandaus5670 or blinded hehe

[@askdeterminataleandaus5670]

@@Damond_Warrior only if you aim the beam of sunlight.

[@allenbackbone]

"His like Nordic great axe is like coming down on you and just hit the pause menu, EIGHTY WHEELS OF CHEESE" - Heavenly Father 2021

[@asahearts1]

"No one can see you" "I open the hatch" "Everyone saw the hatch open on its own"

[@mrhitech6742]

I was thinking the same thing…

[@askdeterminataleandaus5670]

not to mention if it was Skyrim Logic it would undo the Invisibility since any interaction (Even talking to a companion) will undo it. I think its different for D&D, but it does run off the same logic that attacks will stop the effect.

[@jaredhardy5879]

@@askdeterminataleandaus5670 yeah in d&d invisibility isn’t fool-proof, but it’s decent until you do anything hostile, then it wears off

[@askdeterminataleandaus5670]

@@jaredhardy5879 Very similar to Skyrim's Invisibility then. thats easy to understand. thanks for clarifying.

[@bepisthescienceman4202]

"the tavern members begin to investigate the mysterious hatch and see you there the tavern members shout" witchery" and come barrelling towards you and begin to stomp you you feel there feet slowly crush your skull role for death saves"

[@bobiscoolksjajnqiajqjaijqjsi]

I love how DMs express their feelings through in-game characters. “WHY? WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS??!”

[@Supremax67]

A god comes down and curses you with unspeakable torment. All your stats drop by 6 pts. Welcome to DnD "b*atch" 😂

[@brianpembrook9164]

Seems reasonable to me. Though I would expect him to run further away and get cultists alerted... while the rogue awaits, mindlessly, for the guy to calmly walk back like nothing happened.

[@daviddamasceno6063]

"The blacksmith proceeds to sit in his non-existent chair and drinks his beer from his non-existent cup."

[@bread3453]

"I shoot him"

[@blakeirvin3011]

*The blacksmith stands up and draws a non-existent weapon as you place a bucket over his head.* "What in Oblivion was that??" *he says as he attempts to locate his assailant. Mere moments pass and he puts his non-existent weapon away into a non-existent sheath* "Must have been the wind." *The blacksmith begins to use a non-existent hammer to work on a non-existent sword, seeing as how everything he had has been stolen by now including the clothes he was wearing. All the while, an arrow is still sticking out from the side of his currently-existing neck.*

[@mslabo102s2]

Sounds like the party is stuck in an illusion or something.

[@SCP-Dr_Bright]

@@blakeirvin3011 (a crownsgaurd comes out of nowhere and says) You have committed crimes against Faerûn and her people. What say you in your defense?

[@Jfscloud723]

Wait I can explain everything, now listen very closely this is very important Someone stole my Sweetroll

[@diretarrasque7554]

"I put a bucket on the shopkeep's head." "He still knows you're there, dude." "How? He can't see me." "HE HAS OBJECT PERMANENCE"

[@zacharyrollick6169]

@Alfonso The Lie Weaver "I roll strength *clacking noises* nat 20." "You slam the bucket over the shopkeeper's head. You hear a sickening crack before his body drops to the floor."

[@cherrybee95]

@@zacharyrollick6169 many bystanders behind you watch in horror and are completely petrified one finally calls for the guards... Roll for initiative

[@walkingstickman1]

@@cherrybee95 10 of the town guard has entered the crime scene along with the captain of the guard, all with their swords drawn out.

[@VeryProfessionalGamer]

Ahh yes. Object Permanence. A feat that requires 13 intelligence and 13 wisdom.

[@brananherndon6947]

I love this comment, but alas, I may not like it because it’s at 666

[@Crit-Chance]

"Towering before you is perhaps the tallest mountain you've ever laid eyes on" "I use my horse to run up the mountain."

[@olegshkurenko-0448]

Unfortunately, you have not purchased the horse armor dlc, and your horse scratches it's leg on the way up, bleeding out before you make it to the top

[@articusramos808]

You now fall and hit your head. A cool breeze of wind is felt. You wake up bonded in a carriage next to several people. The man in front of you looks up. His long shoulder blood hair is braided. His name is Ralof. He says.... Ralof: Hey, You're finally awake.

[@blakeirvin3011]

After zoning out the following dialogue that you feel like you've heard countless times before you, the crowd gathered there for the executions watches in awe as your face, race, and even gender change multiple times right before their eyes as if by some unknown magic.

[@e3.14c4]

Upon straining your face's contortions for several hours, you rest your weary skull on a block of wood beside an executioner wielding a two handed axe for some well deserved time off of arduous adventuring. This, however, comes to a *quite literally* screeching halt, as Thomas the -Tank- Dank Engine descends from the heavens to perch upon an adjacent tower, blasting the nearby congregations to chaotic disarray. Amidst this opportunity, methodical movements through buildings and destruction gravitate you towards a door you intend to exploit unto landscapes of freedom, marking a feat thus unachieved until this very moment known as "glod". In light of celebration, cheers, and.. subs?, your fingers falter but for a moment, sending you to bathe in running waters below. By amounts of jeering, booing, and hysterical laughter, you find yourself immediately transported back in time to when you had rested your head down on the wooden block, as if stuck in a loop. You continue.

[@v8ali8]

"I save the game and download a mod that lets me fly."

[@Sketa0011]

The Cook tries to find you, you remain stealth. He looks all over the place and could not find you. He says "My mind play tricks on me" and restart the conversation with the suchef's corpse

[@PhrozenFox]

sous chef

[@connorludwig8472]

He also Starts Walking and sliding Against a wall

[@alexisglaab2572]

If D&D were Skyrim

[@supchefofficial]

Sous chef*

[@bert7651]

@@supchefofficial Sauce chef*

[@zacharyhutter9085]

Do you mean to tell me that my horse DOESN'T have a 500ft climbing speed? Blasphemous

[@Gaoler86]

It does, but only if you ride it backwards...

[@flaskhjertako]

It does if you start from the top of the mountain and 'climb' down

[@EzekiesAcheron]

@@flaskhjertako Yes but you also take 20d6 'climbing' damage lmao

[@incompetentnerd4051]

If I ever run a game set in tes, this is a secret piece of lore for my players

[@flokzzz]

I thought it was written Beaucephalus

[@Real_Genji]

It's a little bit difficult to outsmart the AI in D&D when the AI is literally a person

[@danielmiller3596]

I dunno. I have set commands for scenarios, to simplify and handle it quickly if needed. The Important stuff is intricately handled, and the side stuff keeps coming (many groups I play with have no attention span)

[@BYERE]

@Garren Brooks I dunno... I've had some DMs that weren't very I... but they were rather A

[@wishuponamonkeyspaw2458]

Just that in the DM's case the 'A' stands for 'arguable'

[@RazzBeri1]

@@wishuponamonkeyspaw2458 In this case I argue to play the game as stated by rules, or I get kicked out.

[@usheen42o]

A person who just listened and depending if theirs a companion possibly helped craft the plan is also the enemies and the shoo keeper 😂

[@nyctophilia188]

"He JUST made them." Is delivered so exceptionally i cant help but laugh every time.

[@springpanda9393]

Homestuck profile pic?

[@masonramos7542]

Homestuck

[@obamabarack7766]

Stinky homestuck

[@makarovmozzie]

7 _ 7

[@masonramos7542]

I'm not here to spread hate, my other KZbin account is literally just Tavros Nitram.

[@freddymcshreddy6586]

Rogue: Oh come on he's an NPC. DM: Yeah, an NPC that I control! Rogue: And NPC's are dumb, they can't be programed to think that much. DM: That isn't really how- wait, the fuck you say to me?!

[@raven4k998]

DM's a npc🤣

[@dragonfeesh8358]

“The owlbear tears at your torso, your organs being exposed” “Damn, I run away”

[@J.B.1982]

*eats three wheels of cheese*

[@krakkywakky863]

"The owlbear tears at your torso, your organs being exposed" "Damn, aight" *sounds of character sheets being torn up*

[@yveltal825]

"you fucking die from blood loss while running"

[@BM-13_KATYUSHA]

@@yveltal825 i open my inventory and I eat all of the food I have and use healing magic to stop the bleeding. YOU ARE A WARRIOR!!! fine I'll just reload the last save and not launch myself across the map by angling a horse. ...

[@yveltal825]

@@BM-13_KATYUSHA your last save point is right after you start bleeding out

[@GossamerGhoul]

"I talk to the blacksmith." "The blacksmith doesn't know you, and he doesn't care to know you."

[@shaggymcscraggy4251]

He doesn't claim to be the best blacksmith in all of (insert region name)

[@noctisocculta4820]

"Get out of my way before I have you clapped in irons!"

[@randomclod385]

LOL Imperial guard crying with a smile on his face.

[@hypermaeonyx4969]

@@shaggymcscraggy4251 Cyrodill? Skyrim? High Rock? Orsinium? Hammerfell? Morrowind? Alinor? Valenwood? Elsewhere? Black Marsh? Akaviir!? COME ON TELL WHICH IS IT!

[@ziwuri]

@@hypermaeonyx4969 Tuscant

[@cgillis3989]

"He would like the swords back." *"How would he know?"*

[@Wisegirl6521]

Would have had him roll deception at disadvantage

[@Damalon01]

I would then have the smith point out the makers mark he would have left engraved on the swords.

[@crazyscotsman9327]

@@Damalon01 Seriously a smith would always put his mark on his blade.

[@lewish4668]

“He JUST made them”

[@Wisegirl6521]

@@lewish4668 could be a dumb blacksmith with short term memory loss

[@MrChase115]

"The shopkeeper suspects you are a thief." "I put a bucket over his head so he can't see me stealing shit !"

[@raven4k998]

works everytime!!!

[@metalclawsteelheart]

He stops you and asks "what the hell are you doing!?"

[@MrChase115]

@@metalclawsteelheart who me? Or my dimwit of a House Carl Lydia?

[@metalclawsteelheart]

@@MrChase115 the shopkeeper

[@quantum_ogre]

"I used to be an adventurer like you....then my DM got tired of my antics and kicked me from the group."

[@shadowrealmopennings8093]

and shot me with an arrow in the knee

[@TheDarkPledge909]

This one sympathizes with his plight....

[@medi0cregameplay193]

Damn it somebody gave you another like!

[@LastFrostman]

You are being chased "Run around the corner and disguise as the couch" The couch you are disguising as is still there. "I throw the couch through the window"

[@Omega0850]

"... and turned my character into an NPC towns guard out of spite..."

[@JAKX091]

"You talk to the child. He's taunting yo-" *"I install the mod that lets me kill children"*

[@roywempor8395]

*YES*

[@DefineHatespeech]

The only correct response

[@DCTR-qv6jd]

"I'm not afraid of you. Even you are my elder!"

[@custodianvrael6471]

It was worth it, no regrets

[@madrabbit695]

Lol, what do you possibly roll for that

[@reedpratt1985]

This isn't even the friend who plays skyrim, this is the friend who hates roleplaying and thinks dnd is a do whatever you want simulator

[@Yuri98]

Well, it kinda is. You just have to deal with the consequences 😂

[@erickchristensen746]

@@Yuri98 Like getting kicked out of the game :P

[@jimwormmaster]

@@Yuri98 I remember a story once where the BBEG of a campaign was a necromancer...and he came with literally every NPC that their characters had killed in the campaign. Better yet, as this wasn't the first campaign in the setting, the necromancer had all the NPC's -any- of their characters had killed, in any campaign in the setting.

[@OtisCluck]

We call people like that murderhobos

[@wolflink9000]

Honestly that's kinda me. Partly I'm just really bad at roleplay and have a hard time differentiating what my character would do versus what I would do lol.

[@cekojuna6930]

"You see a nobleman walking past yo-" "I talk to him" "Have you ever been to the cl-" "I kill him"

[@friedtoads13]

Perfectly reasonable

[@Psykolord1989]

Understandable, have a nice day.

[@LuteEnjoyer]

Nazeem utters his final breaths: "-oud district? *wheeze* Oh what am I saying, of course you don't." *dies*

[@WeaponizedGoochsweat]

I saw nothing. Thank you for your service, Dragonborn

[@dragonknight6972]

@@WeaponizedGoochsweat dragonborn pickpockets the guard money: have a nice day

[@tarzymmos]

The real thing that frightens me is how good his rolls are

[@devynpon2707]

Tarzy Mmos what do you expect from the rogue?

[@HariRam-uk1xe]

weighted dice?

[@ARatherDapperTapir]

Rogues be like that. Though a 12? SMH.

[@CacadasdeFoghart]

Expertise I guess? Idk, the rogue on my table always get high numbers with low rolls, that bastard

[@kakakaka3219]

@@mostlyhamless1923 Same with bards, those two classes are skill monkeys

[@jayalbertcastigador9274]

Man, I DMed a whole party that was like this. It was a crazy time but we never got anywhere in the story and the campaign fizzled out

[@Ditidos]

I had the opposite problem where I expected a party like this but it wasn't and it became weird when the CE orc was the funniest dude and the one who got shit done. Luckily I now have a party who synergizes better with my weird videogamy way of handling NPCs when doing fantasy.

[@jayalbertcastigador9274]

@@Ditidos I guess it's all about handling expectations. I had 2 players who were very RP heavy and took things seriously. They also had previous table top role play experiences. The other 4 people were new to DnD and MASSIVE Skyrim fans. The four of them wanted to cause chaos for funsies and decided to steal their comrades' valuables (they were passed out after an encounter) in front of a bunch of mercenaries they were trying to work with. The mercs got antsy seeing that happen but shrugged it off as some kind of practical joke. Then they made the mistake of trying to steal from the Merc captain... They failed the sleight of hand check and chaos insued

[@Ditidos]

@@jayalbertcastigador9274 I agree completely, that's the kind of shit I love to see from my players. How they cause fucking caos and the situation evolves from there, it's somewhat limiting because any kind of grand plot will have to be backstory-related (or shoehorned that way), but other than that, it allows for pretty fun shenanigans (we also play tabletops and videogames toghether though so when we play RPGs we want stuff that only RPGs can offer and that kind of shit is truly exclusive to them). But I understand why someone would want a more serious tone and a complete history with actual, story elements in it, instead of a simulated puzzle enviroment to go crazy with solutions. I have played in a table like that and it also had big, cool moments, but I don't find it that rewarding as the GM.

[@gaburelmesmo3824]

@@Ditidos I would like both please. My entire group is pretty instigating, they like to see shit catching on fire and whatnot, they are all pretty respectful when it comes to serious stuff tho, a little change in the mood and the laughter becomes ugly crying. My sorcerer once "accidentally" burned a fey orphanage... Like a normal orphanage, but on the feywild, for lil Satyrs and fey to learn how to dance and play music with their lil hoofs there was even a fairy girl called Abelinda (Something like Beeatrice in English) who dressed like a bee... They're all fucking dead. The sorcerer, well in character, she was terrified but out of character we were having the fucking time of our lives.

[@Ditidos]

@@gaburelmesmo3824 Oh yes, of course, the characters do go crazy/sad with those interactions when appropiate. One thing is to cause complete caos because it's fun and another one is breaking the fourth wall on purpose (I don't really mind metagaming as long as the rolplaying aspect is still there). Like in last sesion we were making tentacle jokes because one character was being grapped very hard by one but the character was freaking out and it was a traumatizing experience for her. Again, we were laughing and making tentacle jokes. Oddly enough, I didn't make the correlation beforehand and it was supposed to be a relatively standart fight in the more strategic side.

[@chrisschoenthaler5184]

“I open the latch, and head down.” “As you open the trapdoor at the end of the room, five people see it suddenly swing open, apparently on its own. Two just look down at their drinks in bewilderment, but the other three scream and start freaking out about how the inn is apparently haunted, drawing everyone else’s attention to the open trapdoor.”

[@raven4k998]

so then it's buisness as usual?🤣🤣🤣

[@THOMAS_VANN]

even in skyrim it would make the potion wear off

[@FishoD]

This is too real. Too fucking real. I had a player regularly asking to “skip the cutscenes”. Which literally meant any story or roleplaying.

[@xFlareLeon]

I'm in an Adeptus Evangelion campaign right now and we have entire sessions devoted just to roleplay. I can only imagine how those would be with someone like that.

[@doibantikov2486]

Urge to kill rising

[@joelsf4857]

I can't stand players like this. Some people don't get that D&D doesn't have 'cutscenes', those parts of the narrative roleplaying are a just natural progression. They need to read more.

[@ShengFink]

@@joelsf4857 Stop having fun! Play how I like to play!

[@help4343]

You should tell him to join the housewives in playing Bunco if dice rolling is all he wants to do.

[@ItsCreaidan]

DM: "You die." Skyrim player: "Whatever, I'll just respawn." DM: "That's not how death works."

[@Dragon_Lair]

Respond? Maybe you mean respawn.

[@ItsCreaidan]

@@Dragon_Lair That is what I meant and I thank you for helping me correct my mistake.

[@Dragon_Lair]

@@ItsCreaidan No problem. ^_^

[@articusramos808]

My take: .... ok....fine. you wake up in camp long before this happened. It was like it was a dream. You and everyone losses everything up to that point. You got a penalty of +3 exhaustion because the daedric prince of dreams now thinks your an idiot. Vaermina now placed a curse on you. Now talk amongst yourselves. (Mutes and goes into a 5 min rant off screen kicking the flow chart with the party makes dumb mistake and need to fix it for them)

[@SUFHolbek]

.... there's no respawning in skyrim

[@GwenSpanner]

"I shout fus ro dah at the bandits" "You shout it and nothing happens" "Why, I'm the dragonborn, when I shout, cool stuff happens" "No, you're A dragonborn, different thing you can't do that"

[@DeadSnake13]

Lmao

[@wrongtime9097]

“You can still breathe fire, though”

[@Merilirem]

@@wrongtime9097 Oooooh. I shout "YOL!"

[@ArcTracertruepath]

@@Merilirem The bandits look at you confused as to what you are attempting

[@InquisitorThomas]

@@Merilirem DM: “Unfortunately you already already used your breath attack” Player: “Isn’t it off its cooldown yet? I used it like a half an hour ago and it did like 5 damage.” DM: “Unfortunately you can only you breath attack once a short rest.” Player: “Wow this ability is kinda terrible.” DM: “Yep...”

[@Corrupted]

"You feel a sharp pain in your abdomen, darkness fills the room and you hear the voice of your dead wife call your name from beyond the void. You look at your friends for help, but their shocked faces tell you all you need to know. It might be time to tell them that.." "F9, F9, F9"

[@victorvirgili4447]

please continue the story

[@michaelnello9459]

I love how the DM is so bewildered by Skyrim's actions and then in the same beat goes back to describing the game as if everything is normal. Perfection

[@alextrollip7707]

I mean a "normal" game often has the same thing. Player says something unthinkable Dm *pikachu face* Dm : describes it as if they had planned this course of action all along

[@michaelnello9459]

@@alextrollip7707 That is true! However, in my experience the DM still has a a hint of laughter or distain left in their voice as they go back to describing everything.

[@n3trosis121]

show must go on

[@muskatDR]

"I talk to the blacksmith" "Greetings citizen" "I ask him about the goblin raids we were told about" "Greetings citizen" "I ask if he knows anything" "Greetings citizen" "...i punch him square in the balls!" "Greetings citizen"

[@fliegenpilztim4914]

"...i punch him square in the balls!" "never should have come here"

[@-Grovesy-]

@@fliegenpilztim4914 damn i was about to write that too lol

[@killerqueenisthebeststando4381]

ai dungeon in a nutshell

[@KingNedya]

@@killerqueenisthebeststando4381 Pretty much. I tried the "Saying 'ok' until I die" challenge and ended up in an infinite loop. And that's not even the worst part; the worst part is that ctrl+f apparently only counts up to 1,000, and I exceeded 1,000 'ok's, so I have no idea how many I even made it to before stopping.

[@finjaquetemumnomeaqui4838]

D&D but it's a JRPG

[@chrishubbard64]

"I use my invisibility potion." "Ok fine you are invisible, what now?" "I open the trap door." I fully expected the next line to be "The entire crowd at the in starts freaking out at the trap door seeming to OPEN ON ITS OWN IN FRONT OF THEM. The alarm is now raised. What do you do?" /crouches "THAT DOESNT WORK!!!!!!!"

[@darknessdarkrai4549]

Thats what I expected also

[@surilius0467]

In skyrim if you open a door your invis runs out. So everyone would have looked over and seen rogue standing over and going into the trapdoor. Thankfully he went by dnd invis where only attacking breaks it.

[@joshuahendershot196]

I also expected a mention of, "wouldn't that turn me visible again" as in Skyrim interacting with anything/opening any door while invisible will cause you to become visible again.

[@joshuahendershot196]

@@surilius0467 Skyrim players might also think that opening the trap door to lead to an area transition.

[@vicc6790]

in a world where magic, including invisibility, exists, why would people freak out? In fact they would most likely be like oh look an invisible person is trying to sneak downstairs again call the guards.

[@knowhere9140]

I have an older brother who has joined in for some DnD sessions and he is literally this. He asked “Can we go into the nearby houses to loot them?” and the DM said “Not if you don’t want everyone in the village to kick the shit out of you” 😂

[@leyentieclb8099]

Shit dm

[@digitalshadow1235]

That's really sad to me. TTRPGs are a chance to tell stories that stick with you, things you would want to read in a book. It's so hard to imagine only wanting to steal and kill indiscriminately, when there's the opportunity to develop characters and stories you will care about and remember forever

[@confusedturtle183]

@@digitalshadow1235 such a well worded perspective. Thank you for this

[@redditshorts4u679]

@@digitalshadow1235 what if i want to tell a story about a guy who kills and steals for fun with no remorse

[@digitalshadow1235]

@@redditshorts4u679 Then I guess you should be exactly #Knowhere's brother. As long as the GM is cool with it. And get good at avoiding 'everyone in the village kicking the shit outta you'. Unless the story you wanted was to get the shit kicked outta you by the NPCs. Or maybe you're in a different game and your DM is cool with it idk man

[@PhyreI3ird]

"Let's go back to the Jarl. I'm sure we'll get a house or something for this." The Jarl: "Thank you, and take this as just reward for your bravery and service." *Hands pocket change*

[@rayswift5711]

Take this iron battleaxe of 5 frost damage, level 50 warrior

[@hornyfuckinturtle]

@@rayswift5711 actually, that's because the level scaling is broken and gets stuck at the level you first load them at. First load them at lvl 60 and you get ebony/glass

[@victorjun2421]

@Jagar Tharn That's more metal than what i remember.

[@Merilirem]

@Jagar Tharn Yeah you really need to do some modding or the system is completely bogus.

[@adrianj2666]

Umm I just started Skyrim, I have a combat mod tho but the game is so hard, mobs hit for 1/3, blocking is hard, arrows dont anything and you need to hit the mobs hard in order to kill em, rn I use Lydia for tanking while I power attack them with Greatsword - Lydia is trully a blessing

[@mistergiraffe9425]

"...how would he know..." "HE... JUST... MADE... THEM!"

[@Kingdeathtrooper]

All swords look alike, right?

[@PatternLand]

@@Kingdeathtrooper what game are you playing lol

[@Kingdeathtrooper]

@@PatternLand In games like Skyrim all the models of a sword look alike (I.E. all iron swords look the same, all the steel greatswords look the same)

[@PatternLand]

@@Kingdeathtrooper you played a bootleg Skyrim I guess

[@Kingdeathtrooper]

@@PatternLand Or you have played too much modded skyrim?

[@JeshieWafflez]

The DM's number one go to line: Player: "I'll drink an invisibility potion." DM: "AN INVI-... FOR THIS?!" x'D

[@rompevuevitos222]

We killed by accident an average thief we captured for questioning, a player wanted to revive him and another player went "No! you don't spend 500 gp on THIS!" I do appreciate that he offered to revive him since he killed it, but it was just an average thief we lured into the forest cuz he was wasted

[@georgehall7749]

@@rompevuevitos222Do invisibility potions work on dead bodies though? Cus so many ideas come to mind for hiding crimes.

[@rompevuevitos222]

​@@georgehall7749 If it is one of those invisibility oils then it works, but if they have to drink it i guess it wouldn't A common work around is to use an illusion spell to camouflage the body, like placing an illusory crate that covers the body or in some creative scenarios, make an illusion that makes the body seem still alive and just sleeping Illusions can occupy the same space as a creature after all

[@hm09235nd]

@@rompevuevitos222 yeah..... a magical crate.... very innocuous

[@rompevuevitos222]

@@hm09235nd Uh, it's just an "image", unless they touch the crate or make a successful investigation check there's no way to tell it is magical

[@DisturbedVibez]

My first D&D experience was exactly like this. My friends and I go into a tavern, Skyrim kid immediately throws his spear into the bartender. The owner then confronts him to which his response is to stab him and his wife in the chest. Five way too strong for us guards show up and he tries to fight them too, I knock him out with the blunt of my axe and use all his money to pay off the guards. We didn’t continue playing for like another 12 minutes because we were all laughing our asses off.

[@TechnoArpan]

It's really fun when people do random shit. Best part of DnD

[@erickchristensen746]

I would of just let the guards take the guy to jail. No amount of gold is worth defending that type of character haha.

[@googiegress]

"to pay off the guards" what, like right in front of the huge crowd of rubberneckers that would be impossible to drive away after that point? Nobody takes bribes under those conditions. And the triple-murderer is not going to just get off with a warning, after sentencing he's just gonna get crossbow bolted from outside his cell until extraordinarily dead. Time to roll up a new character.

[@DisturbedVibez]

@@googiegress You have an evil DM

[@whitewolf3051]

Yeesh, *imagine* this guy playing a Dragon Quest game, only to ask why there’s no crouch mechanic, unable to attack merchants or NPCs in towns, depending on the title that there’s a lack of bows. Seems like the guy would equate all RPGs to Skyrim.

[@thesilvercircle4582]

“If that hits, it's a crit - I’m an assassin. (HailSithis)”

[@masoodgh1131]

Hail Sithis!!!

[@hyperbolicparaboloid154]

Hail Sithis!!!

[@flannelpillowcase6475]

Hail Sithis

[@DiousVious]

Hail Sithis!

[@Rammbriel]

What is the color of night?

[@Gottaculat]

Jarl: * Doesn't award a house, is mortified you so casually confess to murdering one of his subjects. * Skyrim guy: "I sHoOt HiM."

[@Merilirem]

False, shooting him is pointless as he is immortal. The correct answer is "I mod out his immortality then shoot him"

[@MikayaAkyo]

@@Merilirem Why would i mod it out? can just take him out of the essential Category with console commands iirc

[@Merilirem]

@@MikayaAkyo Why would you use console commands over mods!? Console commands are a mess and a pain to use. Mods are much better.

[@nealheron8740]

@@Merilirem bro you just copy and paste a command, for mods you have to download them

[@Merilirem]

@@nealheron8740 Honestly if your not already using some mods for skyrim your not getting the full experience. Downloading a mod once you have it setup is as easy as using a console command and improves the game permanently instead of just letting you do a thing one time. One mod to make all npcs mortal or using a console command every time, which sounds like more trouble?

[@nom__sain2239]

I'm not gonna lie, as a DM I would actually love to see a player try that sword theft-and-resell scheme. Would it work? Almost certainly not, but you gotta respect the bravado

[@everinghall8622]

Roll for persuasion, charisma, and maybe intimidation?

[@namedchannel7267]

@@everinghall8622 Deception more likely

[@daviderwin4705]

What bluff, persuade, and perform are for.

[@spritemon98]

I'd definitely do that at a higher level and hope that will Wheaton doesn't curse me with his luck

[@InfamousGeff]

Lol, I've had players try this, but it is well established in my world that weapon and armor smiths typically have their own marks, kinda like an artist's signature, that they put on their creations

[@Spaceman_Sp1ff]

I played D&D with a guy like this once. The rest of our group was roleplaying our characters and actually playing the game. This guy however had zero interest in role playing. He attacked everything on sight, said and did absolutely nothing between fights, and just generally seemed more interested in just going from fight to fight with no context in between. We did a total of 3 sessions with him, and when he suggested that there was too much role play and not enough fighting we decided not to invite him anymore. Basically he just wanted to role for damage over and over and over. By the end he had murdered half of Phandalin for no apparent reason, got another party member killed when he attacked a group of travelers while we were all but dead from fighting everything else he had attacked, and than tried to say the DM was making it too hard. After we ghosted him we ended up rewinding to before he joined up and started there.

[@TheSMR1969]

I get him, role playing like this is so boring

[@Jay_Jay_Guy]

@@TheSMR1969 ratio

[@iainoftheizzetleague9850]

@@TheSMR1969 I agree, but being a murder hobo isn't fun either

[@zzzzz333-z5x]

​@@TheSMR1969that's... the game.

[@koolmckool7039]

@@TheSMR1969 You must hate having to talk to people.

[@ArmoredChocoboLPs]

“You steal the 5 swords but not his gold” Peck. I reload the save.

[@legendarymxbob2664]

Never thought I'd see someone else who uses "peck" in normal speech!

[@ArmoredChocoboLPs]

@@legendarymxbob2664 it’s a dirty habit, I’m trying to break it.

[@Orange_Swirl]

@@ArmoredChocoboLPs Dirty habit? It makes you unique, I don't think you should be trying to break it.

[@devin59320]

what is this term "peck" supposed to mean? I have never heard it up until now

[@amyloriley]

@@devin59320 It’s a reference to a bird character from the cute platforming game A Hat In Time. It’s a soft replacement for saying “heck,” as birds do... peck. With their beaks.

[@garretthopkins7035]

Rogue: “Wanna buy five swords?” Player: *Forgets he needs 100 Speech and a prior investment in a shopkeeper to sell stolen items.*

[@nonein7919]

You don't need to invest for it.

[@phaeste]

@@nonein7919 You very much do need to invest, the required perk is Fence and it literally states "Can barter stolen goods with any merchant you have invested in." Don't embarrass yourself by correcting someone wrongly

[@nonein7919]

@@phaeste Just drop the Item on the floor and tell a follower to pick them up. Doesn't work on some items though.

[@GarethTheGreat325]

@@nonein7919 Yes but that removes the stolen tag from the item so you aren't selling a stolen item, just a regular one.

[@radsubscriber2832]

*90

[@iYehuk]

If I was an evil cultist, and somebody killed my partner in crime in our secret cultist hideout, I too would say that I'm just a cook, and ask to not hurt me.

[@converge3111]

5-head cultist goon

[@Acesahn]

Didn't work this time!

[@NiflheimMists]

One man's priest is another man's cultist

[@reiteration6273]

Fair point, actually...

[@blakeirvin3011]

I was thinking the same thing. 🤔 😂

[@surprisedchar2458]

One of my friends did similar shit to a shopkeeper who had lost everything. I was trying to offer her a treasure to help her get back on her feet after things were destroyed but my friend shoved me out of the way and demanded she barter with him. In her destroyed shop where she had barely survived an attack by abominations. Yeah the DM punished my friend by making us watch as she cast fireball on herself because she was so done with his shit. It was hilarious.

[@hollowhoagie6441]

This guy sounds like he'd yell "ADVENTURE AWAITS, HUZZAH!" Before doing skyrim things in a campaign

[@marekbykowy1107]

Your comment is waaaaaay too low. Have a like!

[@TyDaGreatest.]

Ooouuu the reference is amazing lol

[@hubertkrakowski722]

Ah, I see you're a man (or woman) of culture as well.

[@azzarox6661]

Have you seen our town rat? He's been missing for a while.

[@hollowhoagie6441]

@@azzarox6661 I'm sorry but marshall is no longer... With us...

[@saber5274]

It's always the rogues.

[@MrFlourdelis]

The class that can kill people without even being seen? Makes sense.

[@theweirdone6019]

Of course it's us. *Mwahahaha*

[@justinisorange]

*high pitched voice* can i try????

[@hugofontes5708]

Sometimes it's warlocks but they likely have rogue levels

[@overse7938]

Op classes 3. Mystic 2. Rouge 1. PALADIN

[@RuskePerson]

"You shoot him? Are you sure you want to do that?" "Yep. I shoot him." "Alright, let me just..." *proceeds to grab the player's character sheet, changes their alignment to Chaotic Evil* "Yep, you killed this one in one shot too." "The rest of your party catches up to you at this point and they see you standing over the bloody corpses of two strangers." *turns to the Paladin/Champion* "Your Detect Evil ability shows that your companion has turned evil."

[@tophatsntales]

"Hello! I'd like to share the news of our lord and savior MY AXE IN YOUR FACE!"

[@Yawyna124]

In 5e, that has some funny connotations because it's "Your divine sense, if used, shows that your companion is now a fiend."

[@moartems5076]

So you need a special ability to notice how this is evil?

[@Yawyna124]

@@moartems5076 Amusingly, "detect good and evil" and divine sense are functionally more, "detect interplanar being", so it would have meant your companion has ascended to beyond mortality.

[@matejbosela9093]

@@tophatsntales "and I cast FIST!" Chaotic Good Barbarian, friend of the Paladin

[@spoookley]

I would love to send this to my dnd group chat, but based on the fact that last session I struggled to convince some of the party members to just *bring a bandit that tried robbing us to the guards* instead of *killing him outright* I feel that would be a bit passive aggressive lol

[@spoookley]

It’s also funnier knowing that that one of them literally named their character alduin lol

[@haku8135]

I mean that's kinda standard DnD fair I think. That's why a good DM should punish players (that are supposed to be good guys) when they break the law or keep doing immoral things.

[@NoriMori1992]

"He asks for the swords back." "How would he know?" …Isn't Skyrim the game where they can tell if an _apple_ is stolen?

[@water9892]

lol

[@TheoneandonlyGTA]

with some speech perks you would be able to sell them to him

[@Himmyjewett]

@@TheoneandonlyGTA no shit? I never knew that

[@themilkman6969]

reminds me of something that happened on a playthrough i was in a shop, early game, probably in whiterun, and i moused over to the shopkeep thing is, while doing that i accidentally pressed e and stole a singular gold coin next time i went in there were hired thugs by the way, this was EARLY game and i had no shouts or powerful weapons and then, on that same playthrough, i tried to pick up a physics prop thing is, i play a lot of fallout 3 and new vegas, and in there picking up an item is z the default key to shout in skyrim is z i shouted, full brunt, “fus ro dah” into a fucking mug apparently it hit someone guards were trying to kill me as it faded into black as i went on a horse and buggy to go and infiltrate a party or whatever

[@SvendleBerries]

Ive not played Skyrim in a long time, but I do remember just _looking_ at an object that belonged to someone else only to be told something along the lines of, "Dont get any ideas. Im watching you." Having played the Fallout games, kinda freaked me out since that doesnt happen in those games lol Hell, in Fallout you can move objects around and nobody cares. In Skyrim, you get called a thief lol As stupid as those NPCs are, they are a lot smarter than Fallout NPCs.

[@Dragoon45]

I think I got it reversed, the dragons aren't waiting for me to roll

[@tronche2cake]

hello Dragoon, I didn't expect to see you here lmao

[@Cloonsey_]

Dragoon you forgot to initiate conversation

[@AjlGamer-lu9sb]

Oh hi lol

[@djinni2005]

Take *THAT* Skyrim I do still love Skyrim, it's just a joke

[@ejoty_6128]

I will admit the last person I expected to see on a DnD video was funny voiceover guy who plays mostly skyblock but also a lot of other things.

[@stopmotiongarage220]

There should be a dnd session where the whole party finds themselves in a kingdom that works by Skyrim logic and they explore it confused until they find that it's all an elaborate illusion crafted by an arch wizard still trying to work out the bugs. Edit: this is the most liked and replied to comment I have ever had, thank you everyone for nerding out with me!

[@iododendron3416]

And the wizard is Todd Howard? Skyrim, now on Roll20.

[@SodaPopBarbecue]

The Illusionst Wizard has Bard levels, and begins singing "It just works, It just works, overpriced open worlds, it just works..."

[@ASuspiciousCrab]

Can I take this idea?

[@orb6144]

I really want to like this comment, but it's at 69. Please, inform me of when someone else has ruined it.

[@kylethomas9130]

@@orb6144 it's at 96

[@TheMatthew001]

i had a player like this, who had the added benefit of not liking it when things didn't go exactly his way. it was very painful watching him get surprised and caught off guard by what i imagine were pretty standard reactions anyone might have to what they did if it were real life.

[@jrmorrow2]

This man takes Dm-ing to the next level. Role playing as NPCs and the other Players.

[@TheRedRobin96]

I do that too. Aren't I super cool. Everyone should praise and adore me. ....I wish I had friends.

[@a1rh3add]

@@TheRedRobin96 I praise you. I wish I still had more friends to play with. I tried with my son and wife but she just kept trying to play it like a game and the was bossing around our son in meta. I had to pull her aside and tell her no more meta but she didn't listen. Meanwhile he was making all the right choices by talking with the townspeople and buying things like rope and grappling hook. He also got a spade shovel and improvised a shield.

[@Thalanox]

Some other D&D channels do that, too. One of them starts off every video with a skit where he plays the DM and every character. He even does video editing to get multiple characters in the same frame at the same time. The PC characters have different costumes, voices, and different colours of facepaint on.

[@Jamesjones-hi5qu]

You fool it's big dick wizard playing with his clones

[@StudioBleenk]

But... That's how you're supposed to DM

[@TheUltrahypnotoad]

"At that moment a mammoth falls out of the sky and crushes the party. Roll for damage."

[@ZenoDovahkiin]

"Why y'all looking at ME?" -The party's wild magic user, probably.

[@MidnightDStroyer]

Well these guys were underground in the cellar of the tavern at the time, so more appropriately, "Rocks fall. Everyone dies." First the rocks then, if anyone still had enough HP to survive that, the structure of the tavern itself collapses in with the caved-in tunnel & polishes them off. If anyone in the party happened to be a Cleric (regardless of whether or not the Cleric is still alive at all), all of the gods of the Cleric's pantheon combine power into a single "bolt from the sky," electrocuting anything that may have survived & starting a fire that cremates the whole mess. If there was no Cleric in the party, then the "Divine Lightning" came from any deity that anyone in the party had ever prayed to in their entire lives. Nothing will grow from that divinely-cursed plot of land ever again, throughout the rest of eternity. One of my Primary Maxims as a DM: "There is no such thing as overkill, precisely because there IS such a thing as underkill."

[@renneves4683]

Took a minute for one of my players to stop being like this. I’d like to thank my other great players for sitting down with him and telling him that DnD is not skyrim. He realized what we meant by that and is now a pretty good characters.

[@codyraugh6599]

I still have people somewhat like this despite being RP vets...moet like that don't realize, im real good at punishing players with in universe consequences. When murder investigators also are known as Necromancers it makes things rather terrible for guys like this.

[@dylankersten7873]

Well good to hear the guy realized and moved on. That is always the reaction you want to hear

[@commandercaptain4664]

Moral of the story: "murderhobos" are called that because when they murder enough, they are exiled to live exclusively in the woods. Campaign... ... after campaign... ... after campaign.

[@benry007]

@@commandercaptain4664 I played with a group of murder hobos. In their defence it was partly brough on by the fact that the dm never paid us when we finished quests. One time we cleared out a massive underground network of Kruthik (scary bug things). As a group we were given 2 ep for this work. So 1gp. This was in a campaign were we started with no gear in the middle of nowhere. We started as hobbos and developed into murder hobos.

[@synthetic240]

@@benry007 DM's thinking, "I really want them to feel like they've earned that upgrade from a short-sword to a long-sword in my awesome low-magic setting."

[@GoobieTheGoob]

I actually have a player like this in my party, it’s been nice to see him improve beyond just saying: “I stealth,” while playing a rogue who is standing out in the open, in the line of sight of five enemies.

[@sethbright7615]

*shoots a guy talking to his friend* The friend: Huh, must've been the wind

[@Petaurista13]

More Assasin's Creed than Skyrim. In AC you can murder whole patrol of guards without them noticing. I doubt you would not notice guy at your right or left disappearing.

[@Nerobyrne]

@@Petaurista13 actually this is a quote form Oblivion. In Skyrim, the AI was updated quite a bit and now they'll try to chase you down with a general idea of where you are if they see you kill someone, even if you're in stealth and they can't see you. But, in Oblivion I had 100% chameleon, I shot a dude in the face and his response was "must have been the wind". Full chameleon enchant is game-breakingly OP in Oblivion. Which is probably why they removed it in Skyrim.

[@Petaurista13]

@@Nerobyrne Still they are too dumb to cooperate in fights. Me: Trying to enter city without any causalities Vampires: attack and kill one guy Me, after 12 tries: killing vampires without them killing anyone, but I've accidentally scratched one fool who jumped on my blade Everyone: LET'S TRY TO KILL HIM!

[@Nerobyrne]

@@Petaurista13 yeah I never said that it's perfect. But they did do a lot of work on the AI. To the point where there are games coming out today with better budgets and the AI is worse. Although I'm kind of afraid Bethesda will rest on their laurels a bit too much and not improve it any further in ES 6. The radial AI system was revolutionary when it first came out in Oblivion, and Skyrim improved on it a lot. But what's come out from them in recent years really makes me lose hope.

[@Petaurista13]

@@Nerobyrne "Although I'm kind of afraid Bethesda will rest on their laurels a bit too much and not improve it any further in ES 6." nothing to rest on. Hearthfire is bugged even with unofficial patch. Plus all AI require is common sense. Adrianne Avenicci was who died few times in my tries, despite she was few meters from her house, but seeing few guards and 2 people in Dragonbone armors fighting Vampires she jumped into fight in shirt. Just give them option to run away when seeing opponent far stronger or sth.

[@yk-et3un]

Mage: "I cast fireball" DM: "But the room is only 10ft wide, th-that would-" Mage: "I didn't ask how big the room was, I said 'I cast fireball'."

[@dragoon6551]

To be fair, a 10x10 room is like a closet, so I'm not sure what kind of fight you'd be having in there unless you want to tie your arms together and have a knife fight

[@Keyofkarma]

There is no "I" in "Team", but there are 6 "I"s in "Fuck it, I don't care how big the room is, I cast fireball"

[@asurasyn]

I cast "Fuck Everything in That General Direction" !

[@DragoonZell]

I kid you not......this happened in a campaign of mine....it was against spiders and the player used fireball in a 10ft room and didnt even care about the radius.....he died from his own fireball.

[@asurasyn]

@@DragoonZell but the spiders didn't get him, did they? (Big brain meme)

[@dominicg2456]

"I'm an assassin. Hail Sithis." A man of culture I see.

[@BelegaerTheGreat]

Hail Sithis

[@theportaldestroyer9487]

''I hide from him.'' Roll for it. ''Nat 20.'' He watches as you run into the alley. ''What do you mean I got a 20.'' He did it right infront of him.

[@LamborghiniDiabloSVPursuit]

"You enter a store with a shoopkeep at the counter" "I put a bucket over his head and loot his entire store.

[@nautdead3197]

Roll intimidate

[@trielt1]

I expected him to do just that.

[@adamloga3788]

"He's a retired alcoholic wizard adventurer with anger issues and he does not appreciate your attempted robbery of his business. Roll Initiative."

[@Psykolord1989]

I remember seeing a meme where it explained this. "Look, a guy walked in caked in Daedra blood, wearing armor and wielding weapons forged from the scales and bones of fuckmothering dragons, oh and by the way he ate those dragons' *SOULS*, and looked at my whole stock like he was in a candy store. Before I could say anything, he puts a bucket over my head. So I can either call him out on the stealing I can clearly hear and die horribly, or I can sit here like an idiot, get my entire stock stolen, but I'll live to see tomorrow."

[@EmeraldPaladin777]

I would love for someone to try that to find that the barkeep is an retired epic level fighter...

[@DarttheLegend]

despite this being a comedy sketch, I actually found myself getting infuriated at the skyrim guy

[@neerdowell6687]

That is because you are a sane and rational person.

[@Moonshine_Victory]

My first D&D party mostly consisted of players like this- playing D&D like a video game: *killing everyone and everything, looting, going to the next place*

[@Gamewizard13th]

Mood

[@DrZaius3141]

@@Moonshine_Victory Stop that, I got PTSPD (post traumatic shitty party disorder).

[@thatredpyro6890]

This video is making me very mad and I don't even play D&D

[@RenjiXIII]

"I go to the cloud district." You can't go to the cloud district.

[@albbb96]

But I go to cloud district very often..! Unless I'm stuffing myself at jarl's backside.

[@anonymone453]

Ye find yeself in yon Whiterun. Ye see a CLOUD DISTRICT. Obvious exits are NORTH, SOUTH, and YSOLDA. What wouldst thou deau? > Get to yon CLOUD DISTRICT You can't get to yon CLOUD DISTRICT.

[@thatcrazyguyeveryonelikes4197]

@@anonymone453 I don't exit Ysolda. I enter Ysolda.

[@Ari-hc1vr]

Do you get to the cloud district often? Oh, who am I kidding? Of course you don't.

[@AtrociousAK47]

obviously, everyone knows the cloud district is cut content

[@kingdanett4043]

I like the D&D campaigns that take place in modern or futuristic worlds. A friend once had a campaign where the Narrator controlled character was a time traveler and would take his party all across different lands and genres. He wouldn't be overbearing though, mainly just being a guide to the time travel mechanic for the party rather than bring a beast slaying god.

[@mr_big_m50]

Man I love the XP to level 3 crew with the 7 Jacobs with there own games on the side.

[@SuperGoose42]

I didn't even notice that they were all Jacob 😂

[@God-nu7hy]

@@SuperGoose42 how

[@joonapukarinen1153]

@@God-nu7hy sarcasm

[@God-nu7hy]

@@joonapukarinen1153 ah

[@christophercrafte]

@@joonapukarinen1153 that's not what sarcasm is.

[@Tcg8136]

Plot Twist: Sous Chef was the incarnation of a daedric prince into mortal realm and the cult was only the first of its schemes to take over the realm. The GM is just angry because his main villian has been randomly killed by a psycho player.

[@Meme-Weeb-Dweeb]

Talos, this should have way more likes

[@gido9467]

I wonder how many times things like this have happened for real. Mass murderer struck and killed by drunk driver on his way to mass murder. Things like that.

[@TheDarkNerd]

If the DM hasn't explicitly stated the sous chef was the villain, or given explicit implications as such, it's trivial to just move that role to someone else. Never be too fixated on what you had already prepared.

[@Komodofq8]

@@TheDarkNerd That's such a bullshit way to DM. If you're going to retroactively edit the reality of the world to railroad your planned narrative & make player actions completely meaningless, you should just stick to video games

[@CabbageFoot16]

@@Komodofq8 lol, you'll never know the difference :) In a world governed by "magic" you can justify ANYTHING.

[@velkonemriam1935]

I just wanna see Matt Mercer DM a campaign with a bunch of people who only know Skyrim and just watch the horror unfold in their eyes haha

[@phahlastname8321]

Make a Kickstarter now

[@funnymonkey3961]

I don’t like critical role I like dnd because even though you’re sitting there talking for hours… For those hours your talking letting your imagination run wild. And then there’s critical role where you just watch other people do it… for hours which isn’t entertaining to me personally

[@kkTeaz]

@@funnymonkey3961 keep that to yourself, that is an inherently negative opinion which might make others feel unhappy. You don't like watching other people do stuff, you want to actually be doing stuff, which is fine. But if you want to do that, just play with some friends, online or offline.

[@cloverlucky5977]

@@funnymonkey3961 I agree with you

[@daixensorest]

@@kkTeaz it's just an opinion, the person wasn't bashing critical role as being horrible people or something. They explained in a non-aggressive and constructive way why they don't like critical role. Sure it's a negative opinion, but I doubt you would say the same if it was a positive opinion about critical role.

[@olorin_i_maia]

I once had a player who was playing for the first time and assumed it was basically like an RPG and after I set up the most obvious story hook he just says "I go to the forest" and when I asked why he said "I want to kill some random enemies and farm XP"

[@VecTron5]

still mechanically in line with dnd, if not in spirit.

[@greenhawk3796]

Just flag important NPCs as essential. Then they cant be killed lol then, tell the player they can buy your ultimate edition with mods enabled, but it costs them $30 real world dollars.

[@naerbo19]

The killsprees would still be morally dubious, but the consequences would be felt in a different place.

[@vinnregi4882]

30$? :o So, like, every DnD book/expansion?

[@lord6617]

Mother Mystra, that's actually brilliant! if you have very gamer PCs, who try to kill everything, just tell them there attacks do nothing, because of Plot Armor!

[@kevlarstargate4365]

You know, running a dnd game that intentionally has world altering mods that the players can enable or disable would be really interesting. It would completely ruin any suspension of disbelief, but could make for some really dumb moments, compared to normal dnd. To maintain some semblance of balance, probably lock them behind some quests or achievement (kill some number of dragon turtles, now they're all Thomas the train). The easiest mod to get, obviously, would have to be a crit fail table

[@lord6617]

@@kevlarstargate4365 If you watch any anime... I think an Isekai game might be fairly entertaining for a short to medium campaign.

[@toshomni9478]

It is amazing how many people new to D&D immediately try to kill someone, even if they are in relatively peaceful town.

[@thegreatandmightyseff7214]

They think it is funny

[@sbollimpalli]

@@thegreatandmightyseff7214 they also forget they can’t save and load a new file to reset, and that these aren’t an ai but a person playing the characters, a person with just as many options to respond as the player

[@firebrain2991]

One of the campaigns I went to one of the new players just decided "hey I can light things on fire very easily! Let's burn down the tavern! (and inn because it was the same building)" and ofc my character went up to that character like "what the fuck?" and the DM decided that was the perfect time to have his encounter (which was honestly a good decision on his part), but it was kind of fun playing a monk who is just exhasperated at everything going on.

[@dyinginside8716]

Literally my first session, the VERY first action a player took was to walk up to two chatting npcs and PUNCH them. They missed... and so did every other attack until the initial player started using spells, killing one and letting the other run away. That player ended up dying later that session, executed by upholders of the law.

[@remenant7372]

I know a guy who did this on his first-ever character. He shoved a dagger into the guy's face. I did my part and looted his body

[@artkash38]

DM: You see a guy in rich clothes P: I want to talk to him. DM: Okay. As soon as you approach, you hear "Do you get to the Cloud District very often? Oh, what am I saying, of course you don't." P: Quicksave.

[@deeganchase7104]

In the campaign I'm playing rn, I was trying to stop a kid that was stealing bread so one of the party members wouldn't kill them. Rolled for a non lethal attack and accidentally crit for 4 times their base health. That kid immediately turned into a pile of viscera. My pc promptly grabbed the bread and gave it back to the shop owner

[@duncanharrell5009]

Damn, your character musta been in absolute shock.

[@neopolitan2076]

If what you are trying to do is incapacitate a child with a nonlethal attack, a natural 20 should accomplish exactly that in exactly the way you intended. Considering it suddenly a lethal attack is just horrible DMing, no damage should have been rolled.

[@thegreycrusader]

DM: "A bandit sees you and attacks" Player: "I crouch" DM: "The bandit lands a hit with his axe dealing 5 dmg." Player: "What? How can he see me? I crouched?"

[@converge3111]

DM: “You forgot to side-shuffle halfway behind a nearby crate that’s a quarter your size.”

[@Eliezar18]

Also, you're only level 5, and have not unlocked shadow's embrace, nor are anywhere close to doing so.

[@unskilled822]

as you crouch the bandit performs opportunity attack in the head roll and save or be knocked prone

[@PaladinGear15]

That actually happens all the freaking time in D&D. The rogue is always like that, "The bandits see you in the flat grass plains and approach rapidly, demanding your gold" the rogue always does this... "I'm gonna stealth *rolls a natural 19+12* 31 I succeed!" and I've always got the same response "they were looking right at you and there is nowhere to hide, you can't just disappear" and again, the rogue always has the same response! "oh fine I guess stealth is just completely fucking useless then if you're not gonna let me use it". They've even tried that to hide from the person they were in melee combat with.

[@trickygamer555]

@@PaladinGear15 I mean, stealth usually works best when you don't literally announce where you are and what you are doing

[@IAmKnightsDawn]

"I just crouch" "People can still see you" "Can I roll stealth?" I'm done 😭😂

[@GumshoeClassic]

I remember one round of.... is it called "The dark eye" in english? Fairly popular rpg system around here, anyways, we just got a new player for our party and had him introduce his dwarven character (a scene in a tavern). He immediately headbutted our elf and went off into his room mumbling about "stupid pointy ears" and I was already thinking "oh god it's one of those people. Turned out he was an experienced player and wrote up a one page long story about his family dying in a mine accident which our DM integrated into the campaign and our party more or less ended up providing him with what he thought long lost: a home. Then he died tragically while holding up part of a collapsing roof to save a family, the daughter of which kept his crest as a reminder and swore and oath to one day bring his ashes back across the world to bury him with his loved ones.

[@spookybevr]

That, escalated quickly

[@TheArrancar44]

@@spookybevr D&D really is like that. I still think about how a ranger in my campaign hid out in a trash can and generally shitposted, but then ended the campaign having started an orphanage for war orphans so no one would have to go through the trauma that turned out to be in their backstory.

[@ramsesbams]

for a a few moments while reading this, i thought this was about me. i was a new player to 'the dark eye', made a dwarf that has basically lived his whole life in the mines. i don't remember any elf racism or being an experienced player tho. so i'm relieved about that

[@TheSecretmirror]

Oh, DSA is neat af, is quite neat for RP'ing but kinda stalls in fights tho imho

[@jikjak8505]

sounds like a decent campaign

[@Sinsults]

“You’re not invisible you shot an arrow” He wasn’t invisible anymore the moment he opened the trap door.

[@discycat]

Yes, thanks for doing my job bro!!

[@Pure_Havoc]

and guards in skyrim basically always have true sight so murder is a no go.

[@kendo5862]

“I grab a bucket and put it over shopkeeper’s head”

[@gavind351]

I'm surprised he didn't make that joke. I would've

[@ThunderEwokB]

I'm loving these sketches but the worst I've heard in my years of playing was from a certain DM. We were finishing up combat and the last enemy was just killed by our artificer with his thundercannon, the DM asked the iconic question: "So how you want to do this?" and the player gave a very nice, detailed and kinda dramatic description how he's slowly walking towards the bad guy, shooting at him, once, twice, thrice, reloading each time and paving a path of empty brass shells behind him, eventually dropping the weapon on the ground, leaving the barrel of his gun smoking, then he dropped to his knees, extremely exhaused arched his back and screamed straight up into the sky, because he was a little bit emotionally scarred after this particular job. We all were like: Woah, we didn't realize how much toll this had on the guy. And the DM was like: You can't do that, you have only one attack per round. Let's just say that campaign didn't last much longer, lol.

[@grim-4552]

Honestly as a DM I would have rule of cooled it and and said make a performance, intimidation, a bevy of attack roles, then beat his initiative.

[@deviljon]

Oh ffs the guy is dead anyway let the pc have his moment.

[@nategwright]

If you’re gonna go all rules lawyer on the guy’s killshot then why even ask “how do you wanna do this?” Asking that is basically giving them free reign to rule of cool all they want for flavor. The enemy is already dead, let then narrate it or just don’t ask.

[@katiehass5980]

I mean he's already dead, unless he's asking something ridiculous let the guy pump a corpse full of bullets just for the hell of it. sounds like an awesome scene frankly

[@doms.6701]

@@katiehass5980 "unless he's asking something ridiculous" Ridiculous like attacking more than once in your turn when you're not able to. Seems ridiculous to me

[@psixens7580]

You can’t sell his swords back! All merchants instinctually know when an item is stolen and won’t buy it.

[@loristnorton3723]

Simple just say that you looted the swords/weapons from a distant forest in a dungeon.

[@loristnorton3723]

@@thekindlykobold Then destroy the engraved mark. It's like stealing cars, you have to get new papers for it.

[@angiearevalo9382]

@@loristnorton3723 How will they destroy the engraved mark in a matter of minutes? In this scenario, the player immid tries selling it. Also... How do you know what to do to get away with stealing a car..

[@Nikioko]

In The Elder Scrolls yes, in Piranha Bytes games no. But in both cases, you are beaten up if they catch you red-handed. The difference is that Piranha Bytes marks items as forbidden only until they are in your inventory. Bethesda on the other hand marks them as forbidden permanently, which means that they can only be sold to fences, but not to normal merchants.

[@Nikioko]

@@loristnorton3723 Even if so. A craftsman would recognize his own work and tell it from others.

[@TheLordRumfish]

I have yet to encounter this, but I would explain the kind of game I like to run in session 0 nowadays. If one player absolutely wants a kick-in-the-door dungeon crawl or war campaign with precious few breaks from combat, that might be the time to let them know this isn't going to work out. If most or all the players want a game like that, I could maybe put up with it for a little while, but sometimes you need to identify when you as the DM aren't going to have fun. If they're all new players, I think I would try it out for a few weeks to see if the idea of roleplaying grows on them during the combat-heavy game as I toss a curveball here or there. My favorite approach to getting new players to question the world around them is to have the questgiver be a villain or a villain's lackey. When it suddenly becomes obvious they've been used for nefarious purposes, they can decide then if they're evil and join the villain, or if they're going to start using their heads and questioning the motives and interactions of the world.

[@Nunny_Urdam_Bidnez]

"You enter a store, an old merchant greets you..." "I put a bucket on his head and take everything I see...I´m a thief!"

[@banann_ducc]

Hail nocturnal

[@jesseweller2945]

the merchant takes the bucket off his head and asks " what the fuck are doing?"

[@ZUnknownFox]

just imagine that though you're just standing in a store a random guy puts a bucket on your head and tries to steal from you. like really?

[@robertwyatt3912]

@@ZUnknownFox and then it WORKS

[@tatersalad76]

Oh god, I've got a couple of players like this. One accepted that it's not skyrim after he had an unfortunate encounter with a mimic. The other got beaten up by a bounty hunter after committing grand theft

[@SentaroTheTiger]

I had a paladin in my Pathfinder game. Citizens executed him after he tried to loot houses and tried to steal from shop. After that he asked me why guards ignored his bribe.

[@commandercaptain4664]

@@SentaroTheTiger I'm starting to think this Skyrim... ain't a great role model game.

[@SentaroTheTiger]

@@commandercaptain4664 you think so?

[@8Rincewind]

I actually forget that all of these characters are just Jacob. It really feels like people having a conversation.

[@juanpablogonzalezlopez9165]

That's what being a DM needs

[@Fur4all]

Wait,i legit thought they were different people

[@stevefilms1997]

“I Stand on a bucket, grab it and ascend to heaven”

[@broken_foil503]

“I’m an assassin (hail sithis)” will never not be funny to me

[@SaintDamain]

“What, do you think he’d just ragdoll?” 🤷‍♂️ Got me weak af XD

[@HappyBeezerStudios]

"I'm gonna steal his pants!" "Why do you want his pants?" "I don't want them, I just want to know if I can steal them!"

[@anryx555]

Cit a great film

[@milesmatheson1142]

In PF, if a Rogue gets his Sleight of Hand high enough... He can. Its phocking ridiculous.

[@anryx555]

@@milesmatheson1142 what do you mean with PF? as a non main english the acronym is a little hard sorry, lol

[@codenamedelta9991]

@@anryx555 i think he meant Pathfinder

[@anryx555]

@@codenamedelta9991 right, have sense, but also in d&d 3.5 you can, as every game that a master too much soft bring...

[@KitKat55000]

Once had a busted rogue roll a nat20+5 on sleight of hand so i let them literally remove all the clothes from an NPC without the guy noticing, but I also made him have 0 reaction to it. He didn't notice his clothes vanish and when pointed out to him he just shrugged and said "such is life." Gave the rogue 0 satisfaction from doing it so they didn't bother trying it on any other npcs.

[@Zonic3451]

Honestly, for me, I would want to do that with more relevant NPCs, tbh. I just find that funny and even the non-reaction would make me wanna keep doing it.

[@TechnoArpan]

Why would you do that? It sounds like that could've been a very funny interaction

[@criticaltipper7699]

You failed the role play here not the rogue

[@gabrielanctil8794]

I died at the "For this?" cuz I had the same reaction when my party decided to use a potion of charms to seduce a barmaid to steal wine when they just got out of a mystery when they could have used it to gain info on the secret coup d'état that was happening.

[@jovalin5939]

No no... your party was right.

[@danielthompson6207]

How good was the wine, though? Was the barmaid a frothy wench of adequate beauty and pleasing countenance? With the gold they saved on wine, they could easily afford to go buy the information from some desperate vagrant in a dark alleyway. The vagabonds and squatters, those poor folk that are disregarded as pitiful creatures and so casually ignored; they are the real eyes and ears of the city. The financial stability of a master vintner depends wholly on his skill, so his goods are expensive. Information passes easily to unseen ears, it is cheap by its very nature, and a few silver coins may as well be a king's vault in the hands of a desperate man.

[@MasterGenshu]

@@danielthompson6207 best response!

[@di5963]

ok but this is good roleplaying as an inexperienced party

[@DaDunge]

Sounds like your party had a lot more fun with it.

[@somthinorother320]

I can't believe Todd ported Skyrim to 5e

[@greatclubsandwich5612]

Skyrim Deluxe Ultra Special Definitive Ultimate Game of the Year edition will be ported directly to your eyeballs...

[@necrowmancerowo]

Roll for getting crushed by raining mammoths because the port was poorly done and brought back half the day one bugs.

[@Sanguivore]

Dear God, don’t give them any ideas.

[@ExiledMarine]

@@necrowmancerowo You know that right there is actually a great idea for a random encounters table if you wanted more than just "A bloodied deer stumbles into the clearing, with 5 wolves on its trail" just have your party traveling through the woods or an open plane and suddenly, an entire, formerly alive, Woolen Mammoth just water balloons against the kings road... for no reason other than "Because Magic"

[@nessesaryschoolthing]

Hey, Bethesda, you wanna make money without fucking over your playerbase for once? Release a Tamriel campaign setting for 5e! We will buy that shit!

[@Dan-qy6zv]

"Lets go back to the Jarl." You are everything I aspire NOT TO BE.

[@gryzz6873]

I can only imagine the pain of a DM having to sit through a session with one of these guys

[@DoctorSoulll]

Town Guards: You there, you're under arrest for the murder of 2 innocents and attempted robbery. Rogue: Okay okay, how about I just pay the fine! *hands over a pouch of gold* Town Guards: ... And add attempted bribery of a public official!

[@chimeron260]

@KingBepisIke unless he’s a corrupt guard with a vendetta on the rogue and is abusing his power 🧐

[@stupidecunte]

I fucking read that guard's voice as if they were from Skyrim unintentionally😭

[@oz_jones]

Gallows await, wrongdoer!

[@borealsullivan5486]

@@stupidecunte True chads read those in the voice of Oblivion guards 🧐

[@stupidecunte]

@@borealsullivan5486 Where the lie at tho?

[@sylph8005]

"Doesn't shove them into a black hole in his pocket." *Not unless he's holding a Bag of Holding!*

[@EzekiesAcheron]

Or a portable hole, placed in the bottom of his pocket, maybe?

[@kylepessell1350]

Shoving things into a bag of holding can be dangerous. You can easily forget that it does actually have a weight limit and that it can be pierced, both of which will make everything in the bag lost forever.

[@Malcadon]

@@kylepessell1350 Or worse! Accidentally placing a bag of holding into a portable hole, causing a vortex that sucks everything and everyone nearby into the astral plane.

[@nothingbutlove4886]

@@Malcadon Yeah, at this point we're back at black hole

[@DeathnoteBB]

@@kylepessell1350 I have never heard either of these things omg

[@BigSisterMoon9812]

Murderhobos be like: "I wont get in trouble for Shoting him, right?" "No" "I shot him, that guy over there too, oh and also the guy I already shot I take all of his gold."

[@RaderizDorret]

At which point my character (usually Lawful Evil) waits for the guards to show up and see what's going on before murdering the Murderhobo for a bounty.

[@susinator]

@@RaderizDorret that's a beautifully LE thing to do.

[@TheManWhoErasedHisNane]

My character would probably threaten to execute the murderhobo if they attack innocents or if they were a spellcaster with a spell that hurts a person who unjustly hurts or kills someone.

[@GusBDamme]

@@TheManWhoErasedHisNane calm down badass its just a game

[@TheManWhoErasedHisNane]

@@GusBDamme I was just coming up with possible solutions or you could just tell them not to do that……..that’s if they even listen considering how people can be sometimes tell that not to do something they still do it anyway.

[@Vanderyn]

The first time my friend played DnD with us, he rolled a rogue. The party was in a small border village of about 20 people, which was guarded by a troop of rangers. My friend decided to steal the ranger-commanders' sword. He somehow did (lucky dice rolls) and equipped the sword. He was shocked when the commander beat him bloody after he saw him strutting around with the sword around the village.

[@kamikeserpentail3778]

I was expecting: "I open the trapdoor and go down." "Several people in The tavern turn and point towards this trapdoor that just opens on its own and shout what the hell is going on?"

[@tba3625]

Must have been the wind.

[@user-a5Bw9de]

Skyrim's invisibility potion wears off when you interacted with an object, including a door. That thief sure wanted to take better part of both worlds.