Milton Jones - For One Night Only

This clip features the comedian Milton Jones from the show For One Night Only.
After the creative success of Saturday Live Again, broadcast in December 2007, ITV decided to commit to more comedy and music on ITV1 for 2008. The result was a co-production with ITV Productions called For One Night Only, a huge-scale variety music and comedy spectacular. Each week the show had a different pair of co-hosts - Vernon Kay and Joan Rivers anyone? - and just to make things more exciting, the series went out live (although the third one had a scheduling tussle with X Factor and had to transmit a little later). The show featured huge mainstream pop stars - Pink, Rihanna, Will Young, Pussycat Dolls, Tom Jones, Michael Bublé- all bumping shoulders in the narrow corridors at Fountain Studios with stand-ups like Milton Jones, Will Smith, Stephen K Amos and Mark Watson and a bunch of Chinese acrobats or a German wheel dancer or whichever crazy variety act had been booked that week....
If you'd like to hear more from Milton, all 5 series of his radio show Another Case of Milton Jones are available as a bundle at: amzn.to/3nLUdxg
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[@franzjohnston]

No swearing, no abuse, no problems!.......just funny ....a wonderful wonderful guy and brilliant comedian!

[@competitionglen]

Milton never gets old. His grandfathers, your houses stink. Mock the Week or his standup, i watch every 3 months or so when i am feeling down. He gets me to smile.

[@user-wp5ix9hy8c]

This man has so many Grandfather's his family Must be huge ❤❤❤❤

[@sandrasmead3552]

This guy is hilarious

[@Jay-im3qj]

Search mock the week it’s even better, when he’s on that is but he’s on most episodes.

[@cabbagedavidge]

Never heard of Milton Jones before today. Love him, just never stopped laughing at his ridiculous, silly and hilarious comedy.

[@chrisgorman1652]

You might want to go through “Mock the Week” - he is a regular on that. Sometimes he even stumps his fellow comedians with his play on words.

[@francisscott2196]

@@chrisgorman1652apparently he’s the one on mock the week who used to cause the most retakes because the next comic after him so often used to crack up!

[@francisscott2196]

Miss that show so much

[@DavidMiller-ps5rr]

@@chrisgorman1652 I've just watched a compilation on here of his one liners on MTW. a couple of the jokes were on this clip as well, but still funny.

[@arielsfish]

I discovered him yesterday

[@davidpendleton1174]

Now that is some great comedy.

[@cognitor900]

Almost the comedian’s comedian……. One of my faves of all time!

[@beartastic-ftw]

.. Milton is for _life!_

[@bobstewart8032]

This guy is absolutely hilarious!

[@troubledspirit3328]

2024 and still hilarious and relevant

[@kevintrace5396]

Another 1 who loves him funny guy

[@LonzosSprayPainting]

"i got up... and i punched grandma!" GOLD!

[@fins6191]

Didn't hear that part thanks for transcribing it

[@Traitorman.14.3]

Great comedy from a born again christian. Promoting violence. Yeah.

[@HiyaEverybody.]

Why do you think that is funny?

[@biggusdickus5986]

@@HiyaEverybody. Because its absurdist, and played with your expectations, you thought he was going to eat the cake, he's not really advocating punching your granny is funny. Whats it like to have survived a sense of humour bypass ?

[@jamesa7506]

​@@HiyaEverybody.Because I bet he knocked out her teeth when he did it and then kicked them across the floor and both him and his granddad pointed and laughed at her while she hobbled outside to the shed to go to bed without dinner!!😂😅😅😂

[@DogonChild]

Love this guy Mr Jones 👑💯🔥

[@zachpaterson2585]

Disney need to learn THIS is how you subvert expectations

[@lynngreene1993]

Love Mr Jones 😊 and his hair!!

[@cavan2664]

Love you Milton. Powerfully funny without malice. Always refreshing.

[@morbidromanceband]

Wonderful comedian and for once, a good crowd worthy of the performance.

[@deckyBWFC91]

Nice to know Orinoco from wombles went on to become a success on his own

[@phillipchambers6055]

LOVE IT

[@toddmercure9745]

Bobcat Goldthwait, but clean and funny.

[@droses1600]

He usually finishes off his set by asking: "Are there any aromatheraists in tonight?". Of course the audience is expecting the 'your houses stink' line, but he changes it to 'your houses smell lovely -somebody has to tell them'.

[@primalcolin2]

I love the constant progression of his craft and jokes 🙇‍♂️🙏🙉🥸✊🏻✌🏻❤️🇬🇧

[@raymondlindley769]

Not one swear word and yet hilarious

[@scottwhitehead6995]

I've said this before.... such a talent

[@Craigs_Veritas_Bullet1n]

He's a born again Christian

[@Traitorman.14.3]

@@Craigs_Veritas_Bullet1n And still he thinks it is funny to punch grandmother in the face.

[@MrDREWASIDE]

Tim vine is the same.

[@drewcampbell8555]

Fucking spot on, mate.

[@oddsandwindsocks5905]

Hes brilliant

[@donb3557]

Very clever he has a face for comedy, that zany look similar to the late great Norman Collier. Hope he comes to Nottingham would love to see his show.

[@williamrobinson7435]

This guy is just brilliant. Check out the radio sketches on goldfish and moths. Oh, and the one on pirates, who are skulls at the bottom of the sea.. Not having any lips, they say "k" instead of the plosive "p", to great effect.. BBC I Player, probably. 👍

[@jamesbutler6253]

1.Tim Vine 2.Milton Jones 3. Stewart Francis

[@kadiummusic]

Get 1 & 2 but always feel embarrassed for the 3rd because he just isn't funny.

[@exessex3522]

Milton Jones must lead a strange existence. He has an inexhaustible source of comedy material - everything he ever does or hears, sees or reads and probably even things he says. But can he ever just get on with life without wondering whether there's a joke somewhere in every bit of language or situation he encounters? I've tried this. It's not too difficult to think things up but these things are nowhere near good enough to go on stage and make people laugh with. HMJ's jokes, on the other hand, are plenty good enough and he's certainly very good at delivering them.

[@Keithbarber]

I'm like that to a degree can joke about many things and produce one liners but I'm not a patch on people like Milton

[@KingPepper41]

​@@Keithbarber Ha, Ha, Ha - that was a good one, oh sorry wasn't that a joke. 😂

[@voxac30withstrat]

Check out Steven Wright

[@plywoodcarjohnson5412]

This guy brings new meaning to the song. By Counting Crowes.

[@alm2187]

New fan theory: the joke at 4:39 is the secret premise of Spy Versus Spy! 😲🕵️

[@Williamwerenberg]

I wish the shops would still sell clothes like that

[@tonytee7845]

Great act

[@tonybazley5733]

Def a nice touch of Tommy Cooper in the bottom line

[@gwae48]

also looks like him

[@jamesfield1674]

It's his little quirks hmm and ahhs

[@Nooziterp1]

I only got the Joan Rivers' grandfather one when I saw her at the side of the stage at the end.

[@lukedrifter100]

Oh my god ...a funny guy with out foul language, ❤ that's the real deal folks,

[@kadiummusic]

Well said!

[@bpy4073]

That hair is soooo funny couldn't stop laughing.

[@andymcneil6568]

He’s a funny guy.

[@dallasreid7755]

He's great. Let me know who does his hair so I can avoid him😂

[@ainsbaroz1905]

Milton is humorous without resorting to bad language in order to attract his audience.

[@Firebrand55]

Thankfully.

[@levimcglinchey5843]

Some crowds are hard work, this crowd however...

[@neilcam]

Was a laugh track added in post-editing.

[@DarkAngel-wj6om]

He reminds me of the Womble Orinocho.

[@paulmoore9785]

Fantastic comic.

[@vparry1]

"Islamophobia?" "No, lamb's a type of meat!" Genius 🙂

[@bioLarzen]

About that "watching Dr Who back to back" joke - Tim Vine had this very same one-liner - wonder who had it first.

[@ianstocken8527]

All the mock the week crew was on radio 4 today funny as.....

[@paulbush1497]

Top fun..

[@seancolledge9447]

Milton Jones - For One Night Only... & not very long

[@bonkeydollocks1879]

Always one, he was just doing a turn on somebody else's show..

[@davidwormell6609]

True about cat owners homes!

[@markherzog9484]

Quality Ealing comedian…..

[@jakethekipper]

Makes Lenny Henry look like a 70s bus conductor.

[@alm2187]

Thinking of a certain slang metaphor. Someone's pudge is sometimes called "upholstery." Can't help noticing he looks a little pudgy in this vid, so let's just say it's fitting that the pattern he's wearing would look about right on a couch. 🤗🛋️

[@NichaelCramer]

Can someone explain the “Joan River’s Grandfather” joke?

[@gbwildlifeuk8269]

The joke was centered on joan rivers grandfather. By the time he got there he'd said, "my other grandfather" four times. Its highly unlikely you will have four grandfathers and even more unlikely one would be killed in a car driven by joan rivers grandfather! Joan rivers died at 81 so what are the odds her grandfather was around to be in a car with one of his 4 grandfathers!

[@jeanlafayette7152]

Joan Rivers must have been on the show earlier in the evening, and she probably did a variation on the joke, "I hope I die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather, not screaming in terror like his passengers."

[@gbwildlifeuk8269]

@@jeanlafayette7152 One Night Only is a British entertainment show, celebrating the best of British Music. Myleene Klass hosted the first episode in December 2008 with the singer Tom Jones. Ben Shephard hosted in 2009 and 2010, which saw Rod Stewart and Phil Collins take to the stage. In November 2010, Fearne Cotton hosted a one-off special with Bon Jovi and in 2011 presented by Christine Bleakley featuring music from Duran Duran. Another episode aired in November 2014, with Rob Brydon hosting Neil Diamond: One Night Only. Joanna Lumley presented the seventh episode with Bette Midler in December 2014. The 2008 Christmas special, which had Milton Jones, Will Smith and Cerys Matthews was directed by Geoff Posner and produced by David Tyler for Pozzitive Television. There is no mention of Joan Rivers appearing with Milton Jones.

[@dehro]

@@gbwildlifeuk8269 she is literally standing on the stage at the bottom of the screen, at the end of the set. quite obviously she was on before Jones, did a joke about her grandfather driving and Jones went with it.

[@bonkeydollocks1879]

@@gbwildlifeuk8269 incorrect, see the real reason below yours

[@austenj4539]

I thought the days of the 'one liner' sank with the Titanic. Milton demonstrates to all that Paradise has still not been found [anyone with a brain out there may comprehend this post]. If so, then post a two line response at the very least.

[@bobinscotland]

All rational delight, wherein the brute cannot be human consort... at least another 9,998 lines if you like.

[@geoffroi-le-Hook]

Avenge, O Lord, they slaughtered saints whose bones Lie scattered in the Alpine mountains cold

[@heli-crewhgs5285]

The Titanic was one liner!😮

[@PoppyKat72]

Cat-a-holic 😂

[@toddmercure9745]

Bobcat Goldthwait? But clean and funny.

[@davidmcintyre7908]

I didn't realise Milton's mum was Bruce Forsythe.

[@kerushun]

Can someone explain the Joan rivers joke

[@noodengr3three825]

See above

[@PetroicaRodinogaster264]

I laughed a few times but he is not Tim Vine

[@Dmatterarising]

The Pope is a Cat holic. Nice

[@dmitryogrady2004]

Cataholic.........Sorry Catholic😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

[@ericb9426]

Couldn't the sound guy figure out how to get the laughs without the echo when he starts talking again? Amateur. Milton is hilarious.

[@mr.shitebucket566]

More a case of bad editing in post. Hate laughter tracks.

[@motorbike650]

Why the' canned laughter'?

[@BranUGalen]

UK's Bobcat Goldthwait essentially?

[@Az_1987]

And funny

[@biggusdickkus2956]

Not really Milton speaks clearly Bob cat just screeches like Bjork

[@leeowen4989]

The hairstyle must cost a fortune in electricity.

[@davidhoward2487]

He's chanelling Ken Dodd.

[@voxac30withstrat]

Good grief not one swear word every 30 seconds like most of todays so-called comedians. Was on a cruise watching a late night comedy show. The 'comedian' was an aussie who seemed to think dropping the F bomb every second word wasz funny. It was to some people for maybe the first couple of times but after the 60th no one wa laughing. He was at the bar getting a drink after the show and I mentioned that I would love to be a comedian like him but what advice would he have for me? Would I have to say F#@k every second word just like him. He told me to "F#@k off". I said "Thanks for the first lesson" and he stormed off like child.

[@georgealderson4424]

I wonder if they swear to fill in the time they have rather than learning new material.

[@effdiffeyeno171]

Are there any aromatherapists in the audience...

[@malcolmdale]

Proof that you can be funny without profanity.

[@kadiummusic]

Bang on!

[@marksandsmith6778]

CAT joke was good... why?

[@remektekmedia6641]

Please no more canned laughter!

[@Beatlefan67]

Why do all audiences yell like a load of demented gibbons in response to questions? Must be more USA influence, unfortunately...

[@haberjennings475]

Hmmmmm Stuart Francis hair is a little unkempt

[@HelloMyNamesNino]

Are there any people with IBS here?

[@maximusaugustus6823]

repeated same jokes show to show televised I guess.

[@frankanderson3503]

Time for new material. same old stuff

[@davimurph]

You do know that this was recorded 12 years ago?

[@TonyHavenMusic]

@@davimurph people think if something is uploaded in 2020, it's from 2020 🤣🤣🤣 I saw someone pissed off at a panel show recently because they weren't social distancing, it was recorded 2019 😒😂

[@davimurph]

@@TonyHavenMusic I can understand someone making that mistake if it says 2020 on it. Maybe I was too quick with my sarcastic question.

[@vertigo4ubob704]

9 years on. Now that joke stinks.

[@brucethomson3512]

Good comedian, just needs to brush his hair properly 😕

[@ascgazz7347]

Seems to work for Boris Johnson.

[@brucethomson3512]

@@ascgazz7347 The late Boris Johnson. Executed already. That's what they do at Gitmo. Clones and CGI's etc take their place 😐

[@AB-ct4fn]

@@brucethomson3512 Why?

[@spiralpython1989]

The hair and the crazy shirts are part of the act.

[@davidhoward2487]

Yeah..Bruce, that would make it funnier...

[@coreymagin]

Maybe something is wrong with me because I didn't laugh once

[@georgealderson4424]

Who do you like to watch?

[@scotman5212]

Are you American? That may be the issue, I can’t really imagine Americans getting his humour…

[@georgealderson4424]

@@scotman5212 That's a good point! American humour does seem very different from English comedy. Having said that, it can also be a generation thing as I always found the Marx Brothers funny.

[@ots1634]

Only good one is the catholic joke, hmm..... maybe I need to start writing and performing jokes again

[@marksandsmith6778]

What is it about pointless pun comedy that Christians love so much.

[@dehro]

Not sure where Christianity factors in. I'm not one and still like Milton Jones

[@marksandsmith6778]

@@dehro Clandestine Christians like MJ are popping up everywhere.

[@geoffroi-le-Hook]

Genesis 21:6 "God has made laughter for me..."

[@AA-69]

Wow... Is this the new cutting edge comedy ?!?!.. What a load of bs

[@HiyaEverybody.]

First "joke" not funny. Some other "jokes" mildly semi-smile causing. First time viewing him, maybe not for me.

[@joperhop]

If you dont find him funny, than humour is not your thing.

[@Dennis-ws7tv]

he just makes book jokes! no content with this dude.

[@tontomctavish1519]

And you call this comedy..?

[@tontomctavish1519]

@Jack Durham well young lady you obviously do .I don’t know why you think I’m patronising, maybe you are on your period

[@unrepentantoffender188]

@@tontomctavish1519 what a douche

[@sjoormen1]

Yes.

[@biggusdickkus2956]

Certainly.

[@beartastic-ftw]

No, i call it a master of art at work.

[@darrylashton8428]

So unfunny. Not impressed. And I've seen some of "his" material plucked from the internet.

[@IrishScribbler]

Still funnier than you could ever be. And that’s just when he’s sleeping.

[@darrylashton8428]

@@IrishScribbler he is a chea.

[@darrylashton8428]

@@IrishScribbler He is a cheat. Fact. Bye bye.

[@russelleverson9915]

I'm not sure what you've seen where, and in what order - But let's not discount the possibility that the things you've seen on the internet are Milton's original jokes that someone has picked up and posted after they heard Milton. I watched an interview, where the interviewer asked Milton about his creative process and he was able to speak about it in great detail. The interviewer then asked him If people stealing his jokes was a problem and Milton said that it was and that some people even take his jokes and perform them on stage without asking. As for whether the jokes in this clip are funny or unfunny - Comedy is a VERY subjective thing. The fact that some person don't find them funny doesn't invalidate the experience of other people who DO find it funny. I personally like Milton Jones a lot, partly because he's able to bring such a distorted perspective to the world, partly because he's able to make such quick directional changes, but mostly because his language and subject matter are not profane. 👍

[@SimonSimon-rn3tm]

Is this yob meant to be amusing?

[@jasonblur5984]

Not funny!...Tim Vine wannabe!