Solo motherhood Q&A | Answering your questions

In today's video I'm answering some of the most common questions I've been asked about solo motherhood recently.
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[@kaileyd]

I have 3 babies and having a partner isn’t always easier. Besides the fact that he isn’t always helpful (with our third baby he took a nap a few hours after she was born and I had to make everyone lunch while he did 🥲) I’m used to being a stay at home home and having him home in the mix makes the whole house crazy. When he’s home he doesn’t really contribute to the housework or parenting. I wish I didn’t love him so much because sometimes single parenting would be a lot easier

[@sophiewhyman9296]

Totally agree with you about partners at times being like another child. My dad wouldn’t even change my nappy and saw taking care of me as ‘taking me out of a box for 5 minutes then putting me away again,’ as my mum says. She said once she left my dad it was 100x easier to take care of me alone than when he was home. It’s shocking how ignorant and uncaring some partners can be

[@annie-pierlagueux7479]

Also a solo mom with an 18 mo and 26 weeks pregnant! Love to see some visibility for our reality! And I'm also very with you on the partner thing, if I want someone else to clean up after and only get money in exchange, I'll just have an other child! 😂 Also, parenting alone is so much easier, no arguing, no compromise to be made, everything is done my way and all the decisions are made exclusively by me 😉

[@matemahe]

How can you parent & pay for essentially. Parenting to me is actually spending few years bonding, raising and educationing a child. if it's gonna be in daycare its literally paying someone to care for your offspring

[@annie-pierlagueux7479]

@@matemahe well first, welcome in 2022 where women both single AND in relationships WORK, I know crazy right! Also, in Canada, we have 55 weeks paid maternity and parental leave. Also, daycare is actually very great for a child's development, they have the chance to socialize, gain skills in all developmental aspects, like physical, emotional, social, intellectual, etc. in a way they could not at home since the teachers are formed to do exactly that. I don't know about where you live but here it is very much encouraged for our child to go to a daycare, even part time!

[@meluvfriends]

I love your point about supportive partners. Ive always found it interesting that most relationships the woman takes on most or all of the parenting duties and no one really bats an eye. But then they seem concerned if a solo mum can do it lol like you said, it really isnt that different unless you have a fab other parent.

[@sophiewhyman9296]

And saying ‘he’s such a hands-on dad!’ when fathers take care of the children. It makes my blood boil, such a double standard

[@artycraftyem3630]

I'm in Australia and two of my friends are doing solo motherhood. They are so happy they did it!

[@danielleg1504]

I watched your videos religiously years ago and loved them! Once I was well established with my reusables journey, I disappeared for awhile (back when you started fostering)…. This is such a fun development in your life journey. Congratulations!!!!! ❤❤❤❤❤❤

[@kelleythenurse3283]

The solo parenting stuff is accurate. My husband is a quite competent parent, he has my twins “alone” about 2 days a week and 3 nights a week (my mom lives behind us and stops by to see the kids at lunch time most days when she’s not watching them and often stays for dinner when she does watch them). He also does a good share of the housework but when I’m home, it’s like his parent brain shuts off! The children have a routine and but he waits for me to tell him “hey it’s time to change their diapers” or whatever, he never notices the time himself. He will change a poo independent of me telling him if he smells it though. It drives me crazy sometimes that he waits for directions from me when we have them together.

[@gravic48]

Something that I was unprepared for when I became a parent, was how hard the emotional pull/biological attachment made dealing with a crying baby. A crying child who was not mine seemed so much easier to deal with because I had none of the, 'I'm their Mum, why can't I calm them, sooth them, why don't I know what they want?' I hope that makes sense.

[@soulcreeper6365]

Trust me hun, you’ll find your own flow with your little one. Lot of things will shock you that you’ll do that you didn’t expect to do or told yourself you wouldn’t do.

[@ralbynb158]

Thank you so much for being so open and honest about these subjects. It's so interesting and helpful :)

[@AnuschkavanDijke]

As a solo mom I've learned not to feel the burden of parenting on my own. What I mean is this: yes, you get to maken decisions on your own, little need for compromise. But, at the same time, because you lean on your network, as any parent does single or multi parent families alike, your child isn't exposed to just your judgement and opinions. It takes a village to raise a child not because you can't do it on your own, but because it's much better for the child to learn from multiple different people. There are things I won't be able to teach my child, or provide them with (think along the lines of the emotional, educational, not the practical or financial which is what most people focus on). They will need to get those from others. We seem to have in our societal view, the perception that partners complete each other, and that as single parents we need to be both. But more often its the network around parents (grandparents, teachers, friends, etc) that provide the alternative view on baby/child or alternative view on the world for baby/child to experience. It's quite a thing for a single parent to except help, but quite another thing to realize you yourself aren't the only one that your baby or child needs. This is not an argument for multiple parent families, but rather for realisation that parenting isn't exclusively done by a parent or parents.

[@theatrelover9920]

I love hearing how excited you are to meet baby and be a mum, I'm so happy for you! You're going to be amazing!

[@meganrausch8396]

5:11 With your background and history with fostering that's always a way of giving them a sibling experience over the years if you do decide to only have one. Family planning is deeply personal though, so I wish you the best with everything, thank you for sharing all of this with us! ❤️

[@emilysian8532]

Woahhh I feel like I have missed a hUGEEE chapter! Going on a major catch up session now!

[@strawycape9693]

I am very with you on the ways solo parenting may be easier - my partner and are are considering having children in the future (I have qualifications to finish first) and some of the things I would like to do (or at least be open to) as a parent - cloth nappies/EC/bedsharing/gentle parenting/Montessori - he has reservations about and therefore may not be as eager to help with or this might cause conflict. If its just you then you can parent however feels right to you.

[@DosyRosie169]

UK Midwife here! Loving watching these videos. Just hopping in to say - if you want to breastfeed, you ABSOLUTELY CAN (there are very few physical reasons that breastfeeding won't work, believing we can do it is a very powerful thing)! We've been done a disservice as British women, not seeing BF as a normal part of life, which I think contributes to so many in the UK finding it so hard (I'm currently in Uganda and it's so so normal here, there's no question of whether a new mum will be able to do it or not). Whilst they may well be some genetic/biological reasons why it's harder for western women, I think it's mostly down to expectations and lack of support. Reach out for support - whilst there's definitely room for improvement, it is there. Be insistent with midwives, contact infant feeding leads, have the phone numbers of peer supporters ready - there tend to be smaller organisations specific to the local area, but the Breastfeeding Network is a good place to start. Wishing you all the best in the rest of your pregnancy and for birth and beyond. (Oh, and if your midwife doesn't tell you about it, have a look at harvesting colostrum from 36 weeks - that can help HUGELY with the BF journey). x

[@TheChlozie]

Thank you for sharing your perspective as a midwife :) I really want to breastfeed if I have children

[@b10aa]

From a breastfeeding mum in the Netherlands: its the same here, the problem is mostly lack of knowledge and wrong advise from (well-meaning) Healthcare providers. So if you know where to find reliable breastfeeding information that's such a huuuge help. If you run in to any problems, hire a lactation consultant icblc. Also 'La lache league' is an international organization with great resources.

[@vonnykeatch7956]

I disagree it's not down to lack of knowledge or advice as to why some can't I could not breastfeed all my 4 kids sometimes woman can't don't make enough milk to feed there kids or there kids have medical problems at the start and the woman have to for the health and safety of there baby bottle feed then they get woman that can breastfeed making them feel like they failed there kids it should be looked at what's best for the health safety and will being of the baby that counts not what people been told is right there no right or wrong as my kids had no problems bottle feed all grew up healthy and well don't worry if u can't as long as bub gets feed and puts on weight and is healthy who really cares if it breastfeed or bottle I believe bottle way better u know how much they getting etc less stressing out thinking are they getting enough

[@user-ns4tv7ko1t]

If you can’t BF, then it won’t magically work. But usually, the lack of support is the true reason, while you keep blaming your body. I made it only 2 weeks with my first child before I gave up - yet even being aware of that it could have worked. But at that time, in a small town, they didn’t help me, instead made it worse by feeding the child formula without my knowledge, in the hospital, and many more little mistakes that added up. After that experience (plus having moved elsewhere), I built a personal network of midwife and BF-experts, way before birth. I definitely needed their personal help at times, it was hard the first few weeks, but later, the most wonderful experience and sooo easy going! The most helpful aspect was to go home directly after birth. You need to organize a good support, way ahead, for that. For some, as myself, it can be hard, at the beginning, but it is worth sticking to it.

[@user-ns4tv7ko1t]

Adding to my own response: If the child wants milk during the night, you can BF without even getting up. Such peaceful, cozy moments! I bet, when the baby reaches 6 months, you won’t think about moving him or her to another room, anymore. This was the tightest bond I ever had to other persons. Now, they are all teenagers, and my children have grown to be very independent. This very tight physical bond at the very beginning doesn’t mean you will glue yourself to your children, or become a helicopter mum.

[@emilysian8532]

Just caught up on all your recent news-Congratulations! I have a two year old (26 months), and suffered with perinatal mental health (pre and post natal), and I see you've had a rough ride. If you want to chat at all, I work alongside PANDAS Charity, and happy to be of any help. Congratulations again x

[@thackerybinx2637]

That is so great that the UK gives that much opportunity for maternity leave. I live in Wisconsin and I cried when my boss said that she would give me six weeks.

[@tutu8896]

It honestly makes sense for you to be a solo parent. You've been fostering for so long that you have more experience caring for a child than many parents

[@maryw.9338]

I recommend Tinyhood breastfeeding course for some no nonsense first time mum help- it's free and it has great informational videos with instructions and troubleshooting! Unlike some other sources I read, this one had no breastfeeding propaganda in it, which I found refreshing.

[@spoonermum]

Your absolutely right about bigger age gaps working. I'm 8 years older than my sister and 13 years older than my brother and we are all very close and I've never argued with either of them 🙂

[@shyspeaks9238]

So happy for you, Bryony. And so incredibly appreciative you're sharing this with us. I really feel like you're having a boy for some odd reason, can't wait to see the video with you announcing the sex to us. Congratulations since I don't think I've said it yet! Do you think you will share mum related videos after babe is born? Routines, day vlogs, monthly baby updates, etc?

[@anda101283]

You are so lovely and have such a great way of explaining without being judgemental ☺️ About breastfeeding, I have a saying that helped me with breastfeeding my 2 boys: "Breastfeeding is the most natural thing that does not come naturally".

[@Katie0119]

Could I request you either remove or lower the volume on the background music in your videos? Music in the background was extremely common if not seen as essential in the KZbin boom era of 2016ish but nowadays, people prefer videos without music if it’s a standard “sit down” video. Just some constructive feedback, thanks 🙂

[@SomeoneBeginingWithI]

yes I have been having difficulty hearing with the background music. the percussive sounds in particular make it harder to understand speach for people with sensory processing issues (which includes a lot of people with adhd, autism, and some other disabilities).

[@AngelsLieToKeepCtrl]

You have some good points about being able to discipline the way you like and not having to consult with a partner. Hope you're doing well :)

[@dominiquelydon118]

Similar feelings to you being a single child. Always felt loved to be growing up with a sibling.

[@malkahmollie]

I’m a teacher in the USA and we get literally zero paid leave. We have to have short term disability prior to getting pregnant and use sick time - here in Massachusetts we do have paid sick leave but not for state or city employees, teachers included

[@brilliantbutblue]

I agree with you on sole parenting points, it is easier without a partner!!

[@delphinium5555]

Hat off to anyone that fosters, must be incredibly difficult with not knowing their routine and a child torn from everything they know. I would imagine there would be a lot of tears. Very sad. I think she would be very caring of them.

[@Annieee858]

I love this, thank you so much for sharing! Do you think you'll be using cloth nappies and report back on them like period products? I'd be very interested if you did!

[@leeking6898]

Have you heard of or ever researched forest schools? I think they're a great option for those of us who can't reasonably consider homeschool or private education but want more options than state and grammar schools

[@Lena-nc3fm]

super interesting Q&A! I wish you all the best in your journey, any day now! Or maybe it already happened? I had my little one 5 months ago and it's been a journey! I fully agree with the partner answer. I so so lucky, that my husband and I are on the same wavelength and his job allows him to be flexible and very involved. I.e. I do all nights, as I bf, be he then takes her in the morning for a couple of hours and I can have a lie in. It warms my heart to hear them playing downstairs and her laughter, she then has a nap on him afterwards. Compared to some comments I get from other mums who say their partners get bored after 5mins, not knowing what to do with their baby, I count myself very lucky. It sounds like you also have your parents as support and that's a great mental help already, knowing that there is someone to help out. In regards to bf, I hope you can do it! It took me (well, the baby and me) about 4 months!!! to get the hang of it. She wouldn't latch and it was painful. It's still not great, but I'm so glad i stuck with it and didn't listen to the helpful " just give her the bottle!" suggestions. Pumping I found way too much work, as an additional task to feeding and luckily she gained weight ok, so despite the pain for me, she is doing ok. It's just a lot less hassle, as you say, sterilising bottles, preparing them when out etc...looking forward to getting updates on how you get on. I will pass this on a friend of mine, who wants to have a baby on her own too! as you said, there are more and more women (or people generally) who go the single way! I'm wishing you all the, I'm sure you'll rock it!

[@myabates3816]

I got 12 weeks of unpaid maternity leave 🙃 and that was with an extention that my doctor wrote in for me because it was originally 8 weeks

[@LotusBlack5]

It is exceptionally true that being a single parent because you're single is easier than being a single parent within a marriage or partnership. I have done both. I found myself constantly feeling hurt, undervalued, gaslit, taken advantage of, and generally treated like I was nothing whilst struggling with a baby 24 hours a day and who would also wake up every hour every night until he was 3 years old. And, in the initial stages, I had to do so while also recovering from a horrific pregnancy and even more horrific labour and delivery that nearly took my life. The complete lack of kindness, compassion, and care was incredibly hurtful and so although parenting alone because I'm actually alone is still just as hard on me in terms of the emotional and physical demands on me, it is ultimately preferable because it does not have that added issue of emotional pain caused by the utter indifference to your struggle that a partner can often harbour. Mothers many times become the default parent and we don't get to clock off at the end of the day like the financially supportive parent does. In my case, my husband expected me to stay home full-time to take care of our son (to save on childcare costs, not because he felt it was best for a parent to raise an infant) AND contribute half of our living expenses with the remote, work-from-home job he insisted I get. He is now an ex-husband and I am a single parent with a lot less emotional hurt I have to deal with every day.

[@chanaylorell]

Bryony I’ve been a silent subscriber since I was 14, I’m 22 now! Way Back before you stopped mentioning medication on period vlogs & when you used to go to dance festivals

[@jordiflower]

Love the series! Do you have a specific skin care routine? Also was your moms pregnancy with you also hard?!

[@maddiejoy6619]

Everyone is different and your experience may very well be totally different than mine. That said, I had a very difficult pregnancy. In my experience, having a newborn - 6 month old was way easier than being pregnant. I'm desperate to be pregnant again, though. It's so weird. I want to have another baby and I want to be pregnant again even after a difficult pregnancy.

[@halli2196]

I’m super curious to know why you wanted to have a biological child as opposed to just adopting. It seems like the experience of motherhood and actually being pregnant are connected but also separate. How do you think of this difference and why did you want to be pregnant yourself? If you knew how difficult your pregnancy would be, would you have decided not to do it? Do you feel like you were sold a lie by society of how pregnancy should be? Absolutely no judgment meant by this comment, just curious to hear your perspective 🥰

[@eboniz]

i would advice researching this topic from an adoptee point of view. there’s been a lot of discourse on how adoption is not an alternative to pregnancy and how we need to change our ways of thinking when it comes to adoption. (this isn’t meant to sound stern but i am bad at showing tone through typing haha)

[@emerald3232]

I would say the Natural and normal biological desire for having a child you carried and has biological ties with you. Bryony has always seemed to be a very curious and concious young woman when it comes to her fertility and how her body works so I don't doubt that experiencing a pregnancy was something she fancied the idea of. Not to mention her loving and generous nature when it came to children. Both seem to support why she would want to experience the full effect of motherhood from its most basic and elemental start (pregnancy).

[@emerald3232]

Plus I would also say that Bryony does seem to be open to the idea of adoption as well. But sometimes it can be hard to adopt when you are single. Even through foster caring.

[@pattyfluegel7816]

Think for yourself. There is no reason to move your baby to a room all alone at 6 months. They are still a tiny baby. You can easily and much more pleasantly for the baby share a room with your baby until they are older and thus continue to have a room for fostering if you like.

[@TheGLOSSette]

In Canada you get 12 months or 18 months paid. Same total amount so you get less monthly if u choose 18 months. I think for 12 months its 55% of your usual income.

[@EmmaRosenBooks]

Perhaps save the number of the breastfeeding helpline in your phone. They're amazing and no question is silly. If you need them then you've got that info ready x

[@mandimoo87]

I was very spoiled in that my father is extremely practical around the house and hard working. He would bring us down in the morning and make us warm milk and sit up by the fire whilst my mum got up. It's his silly bedtime stories with all the good voices that I remember. He is a good cook and DIYer. He tends to collect stuff quite a bit, but he's always busy doing other things that he doesn't have time to sort his belonging out and get rid of items he doesn't need anymore. That and being dad (and grandad) taxi on top. I'm yet to meet a partner that is on a par. The modern offering is somewhat lacking, I find.

[@gabrielacortez4893]

True that on the modern partners lack what your father has.

[@mandimoo87]

@@gabrielacortez4893 I've gone through such heartache to come to the conclusion that I'm better off alone.

[@gabrielacortez4893]

@@mandimoo87 it's rough. I'm having the same struggle myself. I can totally relate. Sometimes we are better off alone.

[@lizZLupin]

Also it is a good life skill to be able to collaborate with a spouse. Not always easy, but keeps you humble. Living a life where you always demand that things go your way is not healthy or virtuous in the long run.

[@natatatt]

I know as you said the UK doesn't have amazing parental leave, but I do think we're quite fortunate to live in places that have it (I'm in Canada, the leave here is pretty good too at 55% of salary for 1 year + employer top-up). It means that solo-parenting is much more feasible an option for me to consider in a few years, than if I lived in the US. That, and universal health care making the cost of birth essentially free.

[@biancahuntt6028]

The US doesn’t pay you for leave and will typically only hold your position for 8 weeks after giving birth or 12 weeks if you apply for an “extended leave” under the FMLA. It’s literally ridiculous.

[@itsalwaysteatime3803]

Is there any Rudolph Steiner schools near your area? That would be a great option

[@germaicanting212]

Are you building a postpartum stash for your lochia?

[@ashleyelizabeth90]

Cries in USA..we have barely any maternity leave

[@mstoraelle8582]

In the UK there is a law that you have to keep a baby in your room until 6 months...

[@cassandraschroeder9510]

I work for the US government and I get 5 days of paid leave and I have to apply for it. The remainder is leave without pay. I believe I lost up to $10,000 when I had my first daughter.

[@amagr1990]

Hi Bryony!! Thanks for the video! Always great to hear from you!! I have 2 pieces of advise for your future that helped me through child birth and breastfeeding! For child birth, even if you don’t have a partner I recommend you have someone there with you in child birth! It is a tough process, take your mom with you, I think everyone needs someone close on that process! And 2, get a breastfeeding teacher!! I’m sure this is not the right word in English but I think you’ll get what I’m talking about! Get someone that can teach you how to breastfeed, I thought it was something super easy that just happened and I was wrong!! It hurt a lot at the beginning and I was so scared that I could potentially be not feeding my baby properly, so I looked for a teacher and she literally saved my breastfeeding process!! In Spanish it is called a “asesora de lactancia” sorry that I don’t know the right word in English, but someone may give the right term! 😊

[@gabrielacortez4893]

I think it's called a lactation nurse

[@amagr1990]

Lactation consultant!! I found the word in another video on breastfeeding!! 🤣

[@amagr1990]

@@gabrielacortez4893 yes!! That’s it, thank you!!! 😄

[@nicolepilgrim3142]

I’m also an only child.. when I was younger I wanted siblings but as I got older and witness so much sibling rivalry( siblings not speaking with each other etc), I’m not very keen on it any more

[@Mysteriuminiquitatis1998]

It has its pros and cons

[@gravic48]

Most things in life have pros and cons!

[@alexwegner4221]

im really glad i have my sister, even when she ticks me off ahah! it's nice to have someone who understands my upbringing and has my back - but as the others have said, there is pros and cons :)

[@Mysteriuminiquitatis1998]

@@gravic48 I feel like everything in life has pros and cons. But being an only child can be both refreshing and scary. Refreshing because I’m naturally an introverted person and when I was younger it was great because I came home and didn’t really have to worry about a sibling getting on my nerves. I also feel like it was good because there was no sense of rivalry or comparison, I was allowed to just be myself. It sucks because it can be lonely, scary and uncertain. When my parents are gone, I’ll have other family members but it will feel like if I don’t find a partner in time, I’ll essentially have no one who would truly have my back unless I make amazing friends and get closer to my cousins or something.

[@sailingayoyo]

I was lucky, I always assumed that I would breastfeed my child, and I did for over 2 years. I’m so glad, because for a long time I was working on 4, not consecutive, hours a night. If I had had to get up and sort bottles on top of this, I would never have slept at all.😂

[@malkahmollie]

2k pounds is a bargain compared to the United States!

[@Lucifersfriend]

I have a question for you :) When your child is 18 years old and wants to do an dna test to find out who their father is would you be okay with that?

[@frog5291]

I believe that in the UK you legally can’t take a DNA test with sperm donors because the sperm donors are kept anonymous. The only time you can is if it’s not an official sperm donor. So for example through casual relationships or non-official sperm donors. So even if you wanted a DNA test for your donor you wouldn’t be able to because the details of the donor are kept anonymous.

[@mollysequoia7127]

Are you worried baby will want to meet their bio father , is the donor happy to be disclosed or not ?

[@natasha8966]

These people are anonymous for a reason.

[@mollysequoia7127]

@@natasha8966 they aren’t all anon , some are happy for the kid to Know of them at 18 .

[@meghanh2511]

Will you show your baby? If not, will you show them but not the face? Or will they never be in the video just like your foster children?

[@karinseaman4060]

I'm in South Africa and here you're allowed to take 3-4 months maternity leave... Some companies pay you a certain amount and some are unpaid. My company has unpaid maternity leave, but as I work from home I was supervising the temp doing my job, so they paid me something at least, about 1/3 of my salary. Then you can also claim the rest from the unemployment fund, however you don't always receive it and it's only a percentage of it. I took 2 months off and it's been 9 weeks since applying to the unemployment fund.... Still waiting...

[@epithalamium]

9 months PAID maternity leave? wow! here in kansas (united states) we get 12 weeks. unpaid mostly.

[@annie-pierlagueux7479]

Like she said, it's a totally normal thing around the world to have parental leave... US is way behind on that.

[@EmmaRosenBooks]

It's not necessarily full pay, depends on the nature of your work

[@say94l]

it's normal in most of the countries. :) For example in Czechia you have maternity leave first, which lasts 28 weeks, and then the parental leave continues immediately after that (automatically) and lasts until the moment your child is 3 y.o.

[@terriandlola]

I genuinely think doing night feeds with your own kid will be easier? I can’t imagine right now have a baby thrown at me that I don’t know and have to figure out! You are beyond prepared for this journey!

[@JennCampbell]

There are plenty of couples where the partner is so bad that they results in bringing negative numbers to parenting. They are so bad they can only make things better by leaving. This is hard to watch.....

[@bilong92]

I asked this before but i was wondering if you'd talk about why you decided to go straight to iui rather than using fresh donor sperm at home? from my perspective it seems easier and cheaper (aside from finding a donor irl and having to deal with a lawyer for the parental rights) but i'm curious about your thoughts!

[@TT-_-]

Yeah, of the straight couples amongst my relatives, its either a)dad doesn't participate much or b)mom doesn't LET the dad participate much. I think the society still is kind of disapproving of men taking care of the kids (playing house or playing with dolls is not for boys). No wonder most men feel awkward with taking care of kids, when they are *maybe* taught the basics when the kid is already on it's way. If the focus isn't just on supporting the woman during their so-important bonding with the baby... On the other hand, women are expected to have kids, and prepared for taking care of them through play from a very young age. Women have time to think about how they want to take care of the baby: cloth nappies/disposables, breastfeeding/formula, baby clothes, pacifiers or not, spoon feeding, strollers and carriers are familiar ideas. When the baby arrives, they know what they want to try and have knowledge of alternative ways, and quickly develop The Correct Way to take care of them. A fumbling man trying to help is quite likely to do things "wrong"; easier to do it herself The Correct Way.

[@TT-_-]

I like to think the more gender-neutral way to raise kids will result in some awesomely capable dads in the future. Not because they will all have a burning passion to become a parent, but because they are used to the idea of taking care of kids if they happen to have them. For women I'm wishing for NOT having kids or NOT being the primary caretaker to become more normal. I feel a slight internal pressure to have a kid, since neither of my sisters want kids, and I wouldn't mind. But I'm asexual, so there likely won't be a partner to give a push to make that happen, and I definitely don't feel capable of raising a kid on my own due to mental health struggles. I have joked that if I somehow magically became a "weekend mom" it would be nice. Magically, since I don't have enough drive to actually pursue it. Maybe I will have that drive some day, or find someone who gives me that push either as a partner or a co-parent, or I'll have better mental health so I feel capable of solo parenting... If not and my lady bits eventually stop working, oh well, it wasn't that important to me anyway.

[@lizZLupin]

While I can see why being a solo mom might be appealing, it's cruel to deliberately conceive a child that will never know their father.

[@natasha8966]

It’s called a stern donor for a reason, he don’t get involved at all just a helping hand. How is it cruel, a lot of men don’t care they have children or just tell a woman to get an abortion.

[@lizZLupin]

@@natasha8966 but the child still has a father. She is just deliberately forbidding the child from ever meeting their father. That's messed up. And just because there are situations where men are not being good fathers doesn't mean it's no big deal to be raised without a father. It is a big deal both in those situations and in this situation.

[@Badfishtooo]

@@lizZLupin Especially when she’s only 24 and very well could end up getting married. There’s no reason she had to do this right this second.

[@samh9528]

@@Badfishtooo She has a condition that will most likely end up with her getting a hysterotomy young, so that's one reason why she's choosing to do it now. Plus she's on the asexuality spectrum, meaning she doesn't have much interest in getting a partner anytime soon. Why is is so hard for people to just let others live their lives and make their own choices?

[@Melissa0774]

Why not adopt one of your foster kids? There must be some who are actually up for adoption, right?

[@TheChlozie]

She said in the video that she might do that in the future.

[@kelseyfarmer1473]

I’m an American foster parent, so this could be incorrect, but from my understanding adopting from foster care in the UK is quite difficult and take a lot of years. Versus here in America, depending on state, some kids are adoptable after a month. We are in the process of adopting a two year old.