Pregnant Wife Told Me I'm Prioritising My Mental Wellbeing Over Her & The Baby

[@Nicmares404]

I miss when KZbin had a built in poll 😞

[@tyrannapusandfriends6254]

Still have no idea why they removed that

[@IlkaWaffy]

@@tyrannapusandfriends6254 let's be real here KZbin hasn't really been prioritising what the users want

[@bonniebaldridge1248]

Me, too. A lot of the time the poll is from a previous video.

[@xxratsrcutexx3494]

Yeah :/

[@sungjin-woo6363]

His wife saying he can have some him time and then being upset he did take it makes him NTA. Saying you're ready for a big change to your life and the realization that its happening are two different things. It took me two days to get through the shock of finding out I am going to be a father and start feeling happy about it. Took my wife a month to do the same. No one was an asshole, just people who had to take time to figure shit out. Hes 6 months now and our lives are great

[@allenwalkeranime7968]

As someone who is about to graduate with a psychology degree, believe me, finding a job with that degree is like finding a needle in a field of wheat. There isn't one job that asks for a psychology degree specifically. Especially, just a bachelors. That's why I'm getting a master's. In order to have a career in any psychology field you need at minimum a master's. Doctorate is preferable. This is why so many people with psychology degrees end up in retail or jobs like OPs daughter. It's either that or becoming a social worker and being traumatized for life. It's not easy. If I were in OPs shoes, I would have a long talk with my daughter about what she wants to do with this degree in the long run. Then go from there.

[@strawberrieproject]

Yes. I never understood why people who major in PSY just stopped with a BA. You need at least a MA in that field. The only time a BA works in mental health is a social worker.

[@allenwalkeranime7968]

@@strawberrieproject Exactly and there is a HUGE need for social workers, but the pay is crap, the hours are everywhere, and you either become traumatized by the sight of so many bad situations or become desensitized. It's not for the faint of heart.

[@TheNormExperience]

That’s one thing what I find so frustrating about schools today; it’s all hypothetically minded, with little to no preparation for reality following your graduation. It certainly doesn’t help that schooling and job market realities are also constantly changing in huge ways. Even picking the school to go to can feel like trying to find your footing during an Earthquake. The few colleges I know that manage to do this are only able to do so with a huge alumni network that helps students get real-world experience BEFORE graduation instead of after, but that is so far from the norm. It’s definitely unfortunate. I really wish all college and university age students had some kind of network to speak to someone currently working in the job they would like to be sure they’re on the right track and aware of the possible pitfalls or things they‘ll be better off knowing NOW rather than later.

[@Keiji555]

I agree. A BA in psychology simply helps with subtle matters. Working with kids, and going in Early Child Development? It can help see how to help out with special needs. A fashion degree? Matching a personality with a style can work wonders, and can build rapport. A business degree? Studying statistics (Mandatory in psychology) and reading people and how they function can give you an advantage. Politics? Understanding how an area responds to issues can help you figure out how to persuade them to vote for you. But it needs to be paired with something else. I work with kids in schools, and it gives me insight on how to address special needs, and if a kid needs help. It can also help figuring out how to use the kid's "currency". But a job itself? Nope.

[@Threadnaught]

Apparently with a master's, you get to call yourself a Master of Science, so that's cool I guess.

[@bioshockbrat9171]

Story 3: cousin sounds like an entitled brat that needs to learn her lesson. She didn't learn from her first charge and she most definitely didn't this time. She is becoming an adult soon and needs to understand actions have consequences and not everyone is going to be nice.

[@martinprochazka3714]

She's not becoming adult soon, she already is an adult. The story happened *after* her 18th birthday.

[@IlkaWaffy]

@@martinprochazka3714 only means she is legally an adult but she acts like a child

[@martinprochazka3714]

@@IlkaWaffy well, yes and that's the only thing that matters... Otherwise you could make a case that everyone is a child because life is too short and we are too damn stupid, lazy and ignorant to adopt the traits and responsibilities an "ideal adult" would have and that is just not helpful... Btw. does she really act like a child? To me it seems she acts like a criminal but what do I know? Maybe it's common in America to have kids destroying other people's property and I'm just too ignorant...

[@rayfordreed9304]

Since when is 18 still a kid, or a "baby cousin." Also, why would OP have the cousin do chores around their house after they destroyed their car, OP would have to watch her the whole time, so it wouldn't even help

[@GermAntibody]

Your brain doesn't stop growing/developing until you're 25, that's scientifically when adolescence ends. Humans are children mentally until the brain stops building and starts to decay at 25. 18 is VERY MUCH "still a kid".

[@technicaldifficulties368]

@@GermAntibody Legally its not though. Not to mention that considering what we know about what people throughout history have done at younger ages, she still deserves legal action.

[@blah7983]

@@technicaldifficulties368 Her life shouldn’t be ruined over this if she is capable of doing something far more directly beneficial to OP without it, given she complies

[@t.matthies3049]

@@blah7983 No, she made a series of bad choices, and this is the consequence of those choices. Not only did she damage OP's car, she's refusing to apologize, and is not showing and remorse for what she did. If she'd apologized, said she didn't realize she'd damage the car, and offered to make a payment plan with OP to cover the damages, than pressing charges wouldn't be necessary. But neither she nor her parents are accepting responsibility for the incident, therefore pressing charges is the best option OP has for holding her accountable. She's ruining her own life.

[@kitkakitteh]

@@GermAntibody really? then why are they voting and joining military services? 26 may be when the brain is thru for One stage of many stages. Still an adult, and charges are the least of her issues.

[@marist6734]

Imagine the chaos that would happened if teens were allowed to break a law with a "I'm going through a lot already" pass. I would love to see her parents tell that excuse to the judge and see what happens. That entitled cousin is going to suffer if she doesn't smarten up.

[@Mew_Mokuba_Akari]

Depends on how much money you have to throw around. Look at Ethan Couch. He literally killed 3-4 people I think drinking and driving in a head-on collusion and the defense was he was spoiled and didn't understand the concequences of his actions. Got a slap on the wrist don't do it again and probation.

[@digit5465]

“Just a kid” yet shes 18, a young woman with consequences. She deserves to be arrested for not getting what she wanted and its bloody stupid that her parents defending that action of their “precious angel”

[@danger-kitty]

Story 1: as someone with extreme anxiety, running away for a few daya like that guy did, in my experience, makes everything worse. You feel better in that moment, but when you come back, the problem is still there and the cycle just restarts. Hes nta for wanting to get his anxiety under control, but he is for the way he went about it. There are much healthier coping mechanisms to develop to work through it that doesn't leave his wife feeling abandoned and like her and the baby are an afterthought.

[@danacarter9147]

Exactly. My heart bleeds for 1st OP's wife, (SIGH), damn. I want to give that poor woman a shoulder to cry on, right now.😒

[@builtontherockhomestead9390]

If I showed up and my desk was clean, I'd say "what the heck?". I'm sure the company was looking for a reason to fire her. This woman clearly has issues and clearly a bad employee.

[@ravenvixen7903]

Story 1: can we stop acting like guys stop mattering as soon as a woman falls pregnant? Yes, the pregnancy was planned, but he pointed out he'd been having performance issues leading up to this because of his anxiety. Yes, he needs help with his anxiety issues for sure, but what he did was the right thing to do. Would the commenters prefer he ignored it until he had a complete mental breakdown? Because that would have been the outcome, and that doesn't help anyone. He took some time away, she agreed before he left, they stayed in constant communication and he came back in a better mind state. I applaud him for recognising he needed time away and doing it the right way, not just leaving and saying nothing.

[@SaveTheDragonsCorp]

Thank fuck someone said it.

[@Badartist888]

Totally agree. Plus, the language they used suggests to me that he has mental health problems. So his anxiety may be far worse than hers. Too many people in society act like men are just the "sperm donors" yet expect them to just magically be a father in one day.

[@comajuice]

It did imply that she let him leave, so depending on that I'd say ESH tbh

[@phoenixwaddell6093]

This thank you theres been so many pregnancy storys on Reddit rn where the new father or soon to be father will do something and even if it's for the good of themselves or there other children they are labeled the AH because the "wife is more important" I read a story the other day where a lot of the comments where saying this new dad was an AH because he didn't want to sit in the car with there like 4(?) year old while his wife gave birth because his MIL pushed her way into being in the room instead of talking the son back to her house.

[@geminigamer8154]

Hearing the Waffle King's disbelief in how much we Americans pay for education makes me feel just a tiny bit better in how much I despise my student loans.

[@beckyhartley9502]

I know someone who ended up with a £100k debt from doing art courses because she was adamant she was going to make it big in Japan designing games characters and working on animes, she was in the UK as well so it's still easy to accrue massive debts via university courses even here.

[@757Bricksquad]

Your own damn fault to be honest. You can have a 100k/year career learning a trade as an apprentice and you almost always get paid while learning as an apprentice.

[@Nuqutu]

Even though a pregnancy can be planned, it can still comes as a chock when it actually happens, so no, I don't thinks he's the asshole

[@brachiosaurus6350]

18 yo girl doing virtual school here I would absolutely never tell my friends I got a car for my birthday when I didn’t that’s just odd and if she’s “just a child” why should she be allowed to borrow a car? Plus the dui on her car definitely nta

[@TheZombifiedFairy]

Story 1: NTA. Either he could have separated himself or he could have had a panic attack in front of her, making both of them being worse for were. You're well being is not "second place" during a pregnancy. The wife was fine, he was not. Screw people who say mental health is a back burner. Is it a back burner when people have mental breaks and kill themselves or their families? No. And it shouldn't be now. Sure, she may have had anxiety, but does she have an anxiety disorder? Was she about to have a panic attack? No? Then her anxiety isn't the same.

[@zannis5441]

Amen

[@pandemoniumglaciers82]

Finally! It was making me so mad

[@sunnight8287]

He abandoned her. that is not stepping out for a minute. What is he going to do when the baby come.

[@thepinkestpigglet7529]

I have anxiety, diagnosed unlike the guy, hes in the wrong for having a kid when he deals with panic attacks by leaving for a few days. When that kid is born he wont be able to just walk out every time hes made anxious about something.

[@TheZombifiedFairy]

@@sunnight8287 abandoned would be him leaving and never coming back. Ask anyone who has TRULY been abandoned if they got the chance to see that person again within a few days.

[@mbyerly9680]

If the young cousin had a DUI, she doesn't have a license which would have been taken away the instant she was caught drunk, and she won't see it again until at least 21. So, she not only wanted to drive you car, she didn't have a license or insurance if she trashed that car. What a winner with parents who do nothing to stop this dangerous trainwreck of a child.

[@dianaphillips8038]

Story 2, she didn’t just tidy her desk, she removed everything and put it in op’s locker. Which she also should not have accused. And the manager walking through the area, was probably looking for whoever it had happened to know. This wasn’t the first time.

[@dragonrider1549]

Story 2 - I’m an organized chaos kinda guy, so if someone did that to one of my personal or work spaces without my permission, I’d be pissed. NTA

[@joimumu]

He might even have a sensitive information not necessarily bankruptcy information but sensitive information nonetheless

[@gottathinkupanewone]

I have to ask the first OP: by WHOM was the pregnancy planned? I mean, by both of you, together after conversation and consideration, or just by your wife?

[@hotjanuary]

In the comments, he says both of them.

[@KittenUndercover]

Story 2 - Oh she for sure could just get fired for that. He could have had confidential info on his desk, she could have stolen something..etc..property laws.

[@Sir_Gerald_Nosehairs.]

In Story 4 my understanding is the OP paid off the vast majority of their degree costs, 85%, anyway, so what exactly is the daughter whining about? She's in a far better position than most, and accepted the deal at the start. If she didn't want to be saddled with debt she should have taken a more in-demand degree, as her siblings did.

[@justabunneh6490]

Agree totally. I think she's being a bit entitled tbh. No one has to bail you out.

[@Deaznkid280]

Story 2: Seeking management or not, I work in Corporate and you don’t do that to someone’s cubicle. Guy is NTA.

[@joimumu]

I think the company saw a chance to get rid of her legally

[@talonsage954]

I can totally understand why the expectant father might benefit from a few days alone...ESPECIALLY since his pregnant SO okayed it!!! And as a former pregnant person myself, having the house to myself? Sounds like a great break to me!!!

[@dustyrose192]

Yeah, if she wanst okay with it, why ok? Why not tell him right away you're not comfortable? They were still in contact

[@GermAntibody]

Your pregnancies must have been muuuuch easier than the average pregnancy!! I'm happy for you. Most people need help, hurt, are sick, and have changing bodies dumping wild mood swings including panic into their bloodstream... She's building his whole kid-the least he could do is be there in case it's hard on her. He should have taken his cabin time BEFORE pronouncing he was ready to impregnate a mate. No one that doesn't know themselves well enough to know they're done making unilaterally selfish decisions should become a parent. A pregnant woman having an anxiety attack alone is much more likely to suicide than an un-pregnant person due to erratic hormone fluctuations.... plus if this guy has to be by himself to calm down instead of leaning on his mate to feel better, they're only going to grow apart instead of growing closer.

[@talonsage954]

@@GermAntibody Actually my first child died at 4 days old. My second pregnancy ended in miscarriage. My third pregnancy is now 20yrs old. I was considered high risk. So NO. My pregnancies were decidedly NOT "easier than the average pregnancy. " BUT, early on, in my pregnancies I was a rabid, snarling beast that could turn at any second. There was literally nothing I wanted done for me and no one...except my dog...I wanted within a hundred miles or so of me. Don't make assumptions.

[@simonO712]

@@GermAntibody Making sure you don't have a mental breakdown negatively affecting not only yourself but also the peoole around you is unilaterally selfish?

[@thefinalwarning1040]

Story 1 not the asshole speaking as someone who has had a child talking about having a child and having one is something completely different. I still struggle with how I am now so responsible for a tiny child

[@Darwinsmom]

I feel like an evil little kid for my reaction to the second story. All I could think of is that OP's co-workers should watch how they treat her, if she has the power to get someone fired. You'd think they would know better than to poke at a hornet's nest! LOL

[@cheatchick555]

I disagree with reddit on the first one. I think it's NTA. Firstly, people are saying he is creating a feeling of instability by leaving for a few days, however the wife told him he could, then went back on it. they were in full contact, she knew about the anxiety before hand, this isn’t like he went out to get a pack of cigarettes and never came back. Also I think it’s kind of sexist that because he’s the man he doesn’t get to take care of his mental health. If he had to leave for a few days for any other necessity, like for work, no one would have a second thought. Lastly that kid needs a father who knows how to deal with Their emotions in a healthy way or it will end up affecting them negatively in the long run. As someone with a father who dealt with anger issues and PTSD I can say I wish that He knew went to step back and go to a log cabin for a few days.

[@Arylwren1]

Story 1. Woman have gone away for a few days when they learn they are pregnant to process and relax, even planned pregnancies. Why shouldn't a father, already anxious before the pregnancy, do the same thing? He left, got his head on straight and can be a better father and husband as a result.

[@TheSoundOfAStar]

It's the stupid mindset that since women give birth men suffer absolutely nothing l.

[@key6955]

For the first story I feel like he isnt the asshole. Realizing you are gonna be a dad is a big thing even if it planned. I also feel you picked the comments that narrated how you felt about this. Pregnancy is scary for both partners but he only left for two days for a place to breathe. Any therapist would actually say that this was a good move. He was in constant contact with her and just needed time to adjust

[@gabebarnes6814]

Also, OP did mention that she said that he could take a few days for himself if he needed it. You can pull the "she didn't mean it" card all you want but if she said it's fine, she should have dang meant it enough to not change her mind. People commented about how OP should support his wife because she's going through a lot and they are right, but I don't see what she did for him. And yes, giving him the space he needs and not being a jerk about him doing what she said was fine is good enough. It's not like she was in labor and he ran off or anything. He just needed space for a bit in her very early stages of pregnancy. Honestly, I hope OP wasn't pressured into having a kid because the beginning part of the story sounded like he barely agreed to it in the first place. His wife saying that he could get some space if he needs it might have been the thing that convinced him to give the okay. If so, that's a huge breach of trust in my eyes and I fail to see how OP can ever believe that his wife will be understanding over his mental problems after that. And even if he actually was on board, the feeling about something during the planning phase vs the action phase can be different. So yes, it is perfectly possible for him to need to come to terms with his wife being pregnant, planned or not. Yes, I agree that OP should get help if any emotional issues happen again but he did the right thing for getting some space to clear his head instead of letting it boil, because that can only cause more damage, especially since his wife said it was fine to do.

[@marra9654]

I agree! But I don't think the narrator necessarily hand picked the comments. From what I understand that post was pretty rife with YTA replies and it was the popular opinion anyway.

[@personman8734]

There is a certain disconnect when you’re saying and planning it that you don’t have when the product of your work is in front of you.

[@darkshadow5581]

@@marra9654 I checked reddit for you, scrolled to the bottom, and used the Find command to search for NTA posts. Not a single post came up. Saddening

[@GermAntibody]

@@darkshadow5581 Well then being a grownup is saddening. The commenters are obviously grown ups. Choosing to be a parent then showing yourself to have childishly selfish priorities to the partner irrevocably committed via already being pregnant... that's pretty saddening. Also there's a lot of weight being thrown behind the idea that this guy's partner "said he could go", but it looks a lot like he freaked out and gave her ultimatums. People here on YT talking about how maybe she pushed him into the pregnancy, but they're not talking about how out of character her "saying he could go" seems, and how that could easily be the part of the story that's being exaggerated. For fairness sake it would be good to consider that she also might just as easily have felt pressured; she might have been pushed into "agreeing". Maybe he threatened to break up if she wouldn't let him go and she felt it was under duress but didn't feel like she had a choice, other than to voice that sure, he could go, they wouldn't automatically break up, but she wasn't going to be OK if he did.

[@marra9654]

I've heard the first story a few times and it's always rubbed me the wrong way. I think I just figured out how to put it into words: if he was building up so much anxiety that it resulted in him fleeing the scene, he wasn't as okay with being a dad as he was letting on. I think there's a possibility that it was planned by the girlfriend, and the guy went along with it because he figured that's what you do when you're a couple. But maybe he wasn't completely mentally on board with actually being a father. And yeah in a perfect world he could vocalize that but we don't know how much pressure the girlfriend might have been putting on him. I don't know I just think that, while his reaction seems extreme and out of the norm, I don't think he's an asshole for it. Even if he was completely on board, I could easily see months of tension over trying for a baby blow up in an already anxious person when what they've been trying for finally works. Like a bubble popping.

[@yellowishgreendragon.-.]

He had an equal part in the creation of said child. If he wasn't ok with being a parent then he should have said so. Instead of freaking out and abandoning his partner for "a few days".

[@abp8723]

@@yellowishgreendragon.-. some people are very manipulative. I have been guilted into doing things I didn't want (for example: getting a pet) by ex partners and family and while it's still his fault technically for letting himself be talked into it, some people are just easily manipulated, lack self esteem, etc. The way he describes his anxiety actually would fit really well. You let yourself talk into a thing, but you don't really want to and it worries you, but it's okay because your mind can still repress it. Then his wife is pregnant and suddenly all his repressed fear comes back causing him to have such anxiety that he doesn't know what to do and just needs to escape to a place free from distractions where he can think in peace. I'm not saying this is the case here but it could be

[@marra9654]

@@abp8723 ^ basically this. If you react that strongly to something it means there are feelings you haven't addressed yet.

[@humanstandssans2484]

@@yellowishgreendragon.-. Yeah, like the other guys said... It's not uncommon to either be guilted into, forced into, or "convinced" in other ways to just do what someone else wants. It's not abuse, per say, but it DOES kinda force someone into that position of feeling like they have to go along with it. The poor guy in the story probably never had a real chance to talk it over with her, for any number of reasons which we will not speculate to accuse, and just saying "he had an equal part in the creation" is a bit much. That's like saying someone who donates to a sperm bank had just as much part in making the child as someone who WENT to said place for in-vito. On the surface, maybe, but that disregards mental thinking which plays a HUGE part.

[@yellowishgreendragon.-.]

@@humanstandssans2484 well he didn't donate. He had () with his wife with the intention of getting her pregnant. Now that she is pregnant. He has to be responsible and he has no right to act so immature and abandon his wife for "a few days". He isn't a victim. Neither is his wife. If he feels scared he should communicate to his wife about it.

[@nukerwolf7788]

Story 4: easy solution I will hire the daughter to hear me complain for 5 min and pay her $10 boom she has a job in her field pay up dad

[@amylynneforsyth843]

OH Can I sign up, may have to give her 20 since I probably spend the time crying that more than her degree will handle.

[@anarchylove92]

NTA for story 1: it appears that he has diagnosed anxiety. As I have it as well, we find ways to cope when it acts up. Even with planned things, it doesn't change how severe the attack will be. He did what he had to, to deal with it.

[@sunnight8287]

Did he really need three days. That is totally different than stepping out for a couple of hours

[@pandemoniumglaciers82]

@@sunnight8287 everyone's anxiety is different

[@thepinkestpigglet7529]

In the comments it said he wasn't diagnosed and not seeking treatment.

[@V_Anxietea]

@@sunnight8287 people deal with stuff differently plus it sounds like you're trying to say op is to blame because he needs to care of himself too

[@Spyrika]

@@sunnight8287 3 out of 280? Does she really need 280 solid days of dedicated emotional support if he's not allowed the 3 SHE AGREED to let him have? She told him to do it. Why is she allowed to be mad that he listened to her? Is he not supposed to listen to her or is he supposed to assume she's hysterical and ignore her at face value?

[@WolframKKM]

I love the points raised in the comments for the last story! My job absolutely uses my degree on the daily but you wouldn't really be able to tell that from my job title and a general high-level description of it. If I was OP's kid, they would probably turn their nose up at my job too which would be wholly unfair. Besides, it takes a lot just to get through your bachelor's degree! The fact that she has a degree says a lot to employers, particularly if she was a good student.

[@thythyyyy]

Story 1: My guy just left for a couple days no big deal.

[@chetarisin3035]

Yeah. It really isn't a big deal. People really need to stop thinking men shouldn't prioritize their mental health. Anxiety can be a major bitch.

[@OnewBiased]

Homeboy is aware that he has anxiety about it, why not seeking counseling first and ask to postpone the PLANNED pregnancy (going back to birth control or easier ones by always using condoms)? If it's a surprise pregnancy it might be slightly understandable. Just because it's just a few days doesn't change the fact that he run away when things got real. What he gonna do when the kid is born and do what babies do? Run away again to "come to terms" with it?

[@azadalamiq]

nah dude did the wrong thing, if he was unsure or anxious he should have spoke up. the first poster said it best. Is he going to walk out every time it is hard? kid breaks a bone, he gonna leave? baby is collicy and up all night, is he gonna leave? she needs his support as her mood and wellbeing does effect the embryo/fetus. if he keeps leaving when it hard... she going to walk out.

[@taylorfrompapalouies783]

Id give a gentle yta because I think there is a better way to go and handle it. He did sign up for this and both parties agreed to having this baby, it’s not like it was accidental like the condom split by accident or something happened to the birth control He shouldn’t of suddenly walked out the door like that, since that will cause problems and trust issues to his wife making her find it hard to know if he’s gonna stick around when it comes to this child being born and if he’s gonna suddenly bail out whenever the baby cries, is sick and so forth. But I don’t feel like he should toss how he feels out the window because his wife is pregnant and is going through worse things by being sick, cravings, pains etc. Mental health should be taken care of and anxiety as well. And like Chetari had said, people need to stop thinking men shouldn’t prioritise their mental health. A lot of men out there never get the chance to speak up about how they feel because they’ll get shat on by people. I just personally think he could of handled it differently instead of just suddenly walking out the door when it became serious and it was actually happening because it won’t bring any trust with the wife if whenever it gets hard with the baby, he’s gonna bail out for a few days then come back

[@pandemoniumglaciers82]

@@taylorfrompapalouies783 the wife TOLD HIM he could take a few days though the wife knew it was a possibility

[@MsTemptation]

Story 4: NTA. Your money. Your rules. Frak all of the people telling you otherwise. Her reaction to you is a good reason to not give in to her. If she had been more understanding and humble but no....she had to take the entitled brat attitude. Do not reward her behavior. All of your other children earned their reward and so should she.

[@xTwilightWolvesx]

Again, we’re in a pandemic, so it’s unlikely she’d be able to get that job right away. Plus her mother promised, so it puts a spanner in the works when she doesn’t deliver on her promise. There’s nothing in the post that says she even made the agreement “as long as she gets a job in the relevant field” with her, and even if she did, how was the daughter supposed to predict that a pandemic would throw a curveball in her career plans? YTA.

[@justabunneh6490]

I agree she's being entitled. No one is entitled to your money, especially other grown adults.

[@xavierwolf4827]

In the first story, NTA even when planning things anxiety doesn't care. It can make you overthinking everything to the most minute thing. He took the time away to get himself in the right mindset not only for himself but for his wife and future child. Would she prefer him to be an anxious mess and having an anxiety attack during childbirth or something?

[@danacarter9147]

Nope, she would prefer him to be supportive and calm.

[@tacituskilgore5584]

All hail thy waffle king

[@silver5499]

LOL 🤣👍

[@AnotherLittleArtist]

All hail thy waffle king

[@sirenvampire0721]

Psych major here! It’s a really hard field job search-wise, she might go back to school to get her masters or doctorate, which are the degrees that get people into a “job in psychology”. There’s also a thing called I/O Psychology (Industrial/Organizational) which a receptionist position could be her foot-in-the-door. I plan on working at a daycare after I get my bachelors degree because I wanna be an art therapist that works with children.

[@rakky9694]

1st story: NTA. Even if it was something planned people feel really anxious, and Reddit always, except when they're cheaters or Karens, get on women's side. A man should never downplay anxiety or something similar, he has equal rights as the woman to seek mental help or walk away if needed. Plus the woman was ok with that at first, just to claim that he abandoned her and the baby. No he didn't, he walked off to calm down and come back better for her and the baby.

[@zachf748]

Story #4 - I have never understood how “doing chores around his house for money” is a solution… It generates no money. She can do that for 10 years, but at the end of the day, the money going towards fixing the damage is coming from OP’s pocket. I’ve seen this type of “punishment” or “solution” quite frequently. And I have never understood how that’s even remotely appropriate. It’s not even appropriate for kids who can’t work, *_unless_* in addition to that, the kids parents pay out of pocket to fix the damage.

[@shadow6743]

Psychology like most social science degrees you really need a master's degree to get your foot in the door for most career paths.

[@personman8734]

Story 4: I think the condition he put was understandable. He wants to get what he paid for. He doesn’t want to put more money down on a product that isn’t being used much. He literally told every single one of them the same rule so how is she being singled out. He already paid 85 percent of her debts automatically. If she isn’t going to use it than why should he spend more on it and he never said this was a one time deal so she can still go into her field and he will likely still pay the debt.

[@justabunneh6490]

Too many people are in crippling debt for this reason.

[@personman8734]

@@justabunneh6490 how is she in crippling debt she has to pay 15percent of a debt that we don’t even know the size of.

[@personman8734]

@@justabunneh6490 pretty sure it has l less to do with someone having to pay15PERCENT OF A DEBT isn’t the main cause of crippling debt. Pretty sure you can give that honor to abhorrent college expenses.

[@Bleg94]

1. Story: it almost sounds like the situation of a friend of mine ... his wife wants to have children and he isn‘t sure about it, but she convinced him that he wants a child and the instant the reality of her being pregnant kicked in he kinda freaked out „wtf are we supposed to do now? there is no way we are ready for a child or even able to give it a good life with our income!“ etc

[@Badartist888]

Also he might have had anxiety, as in the mental illness, so not the same as general person anxiety.

[@danacarter9147]

This first story reminds me a lot of VH1's DAD CAMP.

[@ruansteenkamp4289]

Story 1: What I don’t understand is that in all these posts on reddit whenever it involves pregnancy then the husband/father’s worries or anxieties are automatically made mute and nonexistent, just why? They are also humans just like the wife/mother with just as many flaws, but for some reason pregnancy is this automatic “You don’t matter” button

[@SGT676]

Yup I despise reddit for that

[@marvinyoung6599]

This was what I thought aswell and I think Mark was playing down the mental problems a little bit which was very uncool

[@amylynneforsyth843]

I can't speak for Reddit, since I prefer Mark reading me the top post and comments, saves me from reading a lot of crap. I agree men deserve equal rights, they were 50% in creating the child, so they are 50% in EVERYTHING, BUT . . . . How would a guy feel if his women told him she was pregnant and then freaks out and disappeared because they have to "come to terms" with it. I think any guy I know would be afraid of what she can do. Also, we don't know his medical history other than what he shared, so she could have been in a state of fear with the knowledge she has.

[@LunarisArts]

What I feel many forget to think of is that the woman usually has had their own time to come to terms with the pregnancy before telling their partner. The fact that men just has to deal with it, without being allowed the time to change their priorities mentally, is a weird one. Nobody has a breaker box in their minds, where you can just flip a switch, and you're suddenly in parent mode. Heck. Some of us deal with sudden change horribly, and NEED the time to come to terms with the change.

[@ruansteenkamp4289]

@@amylynneforsyth843 OP : “she thinks prioritized my mental wellbeing over her and the baby” well no shit, if the one you ask fore help is a complete wreck then it’ll lead to you being a wreck too, someone needs to at least have a stable mental state for them to help someone else

[@keul2704]

Story 1: ok, this hits a little close to home for me. People need their space to deal with their own things. Mental health of the parents strongly affects the children and their spouses. It should never be a back burner issue. Sometimes, we do not recognize the totality of a situation until we are either thrust into it or we place ourselves there. To say that this guy doesn’t care that much about the wife and child is absolutely horrible to say to a man who was struggling with anxiety. For an anecdote, my father was absolutely ridden with insecurities, mental issues, and all that comes with those. He was absolutely abysmal when it came to handling my brother and I, to the point where our household is an absolutely toxic environment due to his behavior. He never stayed with therapy to the degree that it ever helped anyone, and he refuses to acknowledge what is happening to him. For OP here, he did the adult thing, recognized he had an issue, and did the right thing by separating himself from the issue as to not make it worse. He even said that he felt much better after he had come back (which the wife never seemed to be against), which is not only better for him, but for his wife and child. The wife was in much better condition mentally than OP was, and frankly, when it comes to stress and pregnancies, they don’t mix well at all. Even if the wife had issues and stress piling up, OP is there to help because he is in a better mental state than she is at that point. If he let the anxiety fester, then he could cause more unneeded stress for his wife, which is dangerous for the pregnancy, especially with it being so early on. OP I absolutely NTA and it is really disheartening to see so many people bash him and downplay his mental state. He did the right thing which will definitely help later on in the pregnancy, as well as the marriage.

[@toniaherbert9448]

Keul It was PLANNED I would be on the husbands side if it was NOT PLANNED he should have got it together before PLANNING what happens when S.H.T.F. Poo hits the fan and he the father runs away every time!

[@unknownredacted3513]

@@toniaherbert9448 And you know what also PLANNED?! The fact he could use the cabin to process things?!

[@rebekanickell8451]

My only thing is he gets to run to a cabin, if the woman had anxieties where does she get to run to get away from that pregnancy stuff?? She doesn't. She ok'd the cabin, so I'm not gonna say he's an asshole. But if he left without her saying it was okay he would be. He's lucky his wife didn't also have a mental whatever this was during this time period.

[@GermAntibody]

"The wife was in much better condition mentally than OP was" is sure one hell of a completely unfounded assumption. You have absolutely no idea if that's true, at all, but your idea of him being in greater need utterly depends on that unfounded assumption. "and frankly, when it comes to stress and pregnancies, they don’t mix well at all"...What? Yes! You... know that? Yeah, they don't... *for the pregnant body.* If he thinks he's enough of an adult to get a woman pregnant on purpose he should already have a parents' priorities: that is to say, he shouldn't even be okay with doing shit 'just for himself' without making sure his family unit is in good standing first. That's what you sign up for when you start a family. The earlier in the pregnancy one is, the higher(MUCH higher) the chance is for a miscarriage. Many, many women miscarry immediately when they're abandoned or if their partner disappears or dies. He did like, the worst possible thing. Plus I said this somewhere else but it bears repeating... If you process anxiety by separating it destroys relationships. Leaning on a partner you trust and processing your anxiety together is how to grow together in a relationship. If you go grow by yourself, your relationship grows apart. That's a very, very not ideal situation in which to start a family.

[@unknownredacted3513]

@@GermAntibody A)I mean considering the fact OP literally stated to have a *panic attack* ,I think it is safe to say the wife has the stronger mental fortitude compared to the husband B)Yea no anxiety is a bitch. You can be fine in a one second and have a panic attack in the next (from what I have heard). OP DEFINITELY wanted a child but his anxiety prob made him second guess himself so he took those 3 days that *the wife said was fine or to be more exact wouldn't object to* So Adult Pants Argument falls flat thanks to the crippling power of Anxiety C)Worst possible thing... HE KEPT IN CONTACT WITH HER FOR THE 3 DAYS Meaning if she had any problems, she could contact him. It isn't like he went MIA for those 3 days just left the house and I doubt the cabin is THAT far from the house. Prob Far enough for OP to calm down but close enough for OP to reach her(but that is still speculations) D)I..Yea I agree. Both OP *and the wife* should have communicated better but I don't think that would count as either of them being an asshole just need to communicate better so NSH

[@baconfluffy]

The first guy wasn't TA for taking the break, but he should have went about it in a different way. If you're a woman who is scared and nervous and you've just found out you were pregnant, how would you take your husband running off to some cabin in the woods to leave you all alone? And, it's not a luxury the wife has, either. The baby is in her body, there's no getting away from it. Again, the guy isn't TA for having anxieties, but up and leaving your wife right then was not an optimal move. It probably really did hurt her, even if he needed that time off. In my mind, ESH for not planning better. If you're spiraling out of control over the pregnancy, then you should wait until you're ready to start trying for a baby, and that goes for both parents.

[@pandemoniumglaciers82]

Okay but you're ignoring the part where the wife said it was okay for him to take a few days

[@baconfluffy]

@@pandemoniumglaciers82 She let him go because he needed. That doesn't erase the pain that it caused her. The issue was him letting the whole situation occur in the first place.

[@unknownredacted3513]

@@baconfluffy No that just sounds dumb The wife shouldn't be upset that OP listened to HER advice about the cabin thing. Also I doubt OP just did on it a whim. He prob told her about it and told her the exact agreement about *she* made I would understand if maybe OP just sprung it on her and she didn't really get a chance to talk to him about it but from the post, it is pretty clear that she knew he would use the cabin strat If she is upset that he took her own advice, she has some problems she may need to deal with

[@baconfluffy]

@@unknownredacted3513 She didn't recommend that he leave, he decided to go. She probably just agreed because the situation was already what it was, and saying no would just increase the stressfulness of the situation.

[@unknownredacted3513]

@@baconfluffy Ahem 1:32 *"She did tell me that she wouldn't object if I felt like I needed a few days to process things"* Yea you didn't read that part

[@songohan3321]

Story 3. E-N-T-I-T-L-E-D P-A-R-E-N-T-S. "I know you will be out of thousands of dollars and probably won't be able to go to work for some time, but our precious child had a temper tantrum because she lied to her friends and it is not her fault."

[@thepinkestpigglet7529]

1 YTA. Don't have kids if this is how you deal with the anxiety of having kids. I have anxiety, diagnosed u like this guy, and I am putting off having kids until I get it under control because I know I wont be able to just walk out every time my kid makes me anxious.

[@emanx222]

Honestly I feel like your opinion on OP's actions is actually quite unfair to him. Peoe are allowed to have reactions to things even if they were planned. Its clear that planning to.have kids and the actual realisation that you plan will become a reality are 2 totally different things and while for some it may be easy to shove those worries to the back of their minds, for others like the OP it may be very difficult. He took time away, came back better, why is that such a bad thing. Why isn't he or anyone allowed to breathe in light of such news. There is a LOT that goes into raising a child and that realisation (even for those who are the most prepared) can be scary. I applaud you for deciding to put your mental health first before deciding to have a child but that doesn't suddenly invalidate other people who have anxiety that choose to have children that they actually plan to have. The only time id be worried about the OP in this story is if he consistently panics and breaks away from his wife at ever sign of feeling anxious. But that doesn't sound like its the case here. It just sounds like he literally just needed to come to terms with things and again, that is NOT a bad thing

[@darkshadow5581]

He should of gotten help earlier, but he got help, thats what matters. He resolved what he needed to to not have issues. With literally everything in life people underplay bad things. Do you think of the risks of driving every time you drive? Do smoking addicts think of the damage they are doing? It sometimes takes a snap to get yourself sorted, and thats what happened. He asked and communicated and, ignoring everything else, his wife agreed to him going and had contact with him all throughout the time and if she had any issues, she needs to communicate just the same he did when he had issues

[@emanx222]

@@darkshadow5581 This!

[@leopardnosepaws]

I saw story one post and it being flag as YTA. But after hearing it. I really don't think op is the TA. Mental health isn't something that should ever be put on the back burner for anything as it'll only lead to issues down the line. Should he had done this with his wife. Yeah but if the thing that is causing the stress with you, that may not Help. Not like he was gone for a few weeks or a month, only a few days. Better op dealt with the stress now rather than later.

[@noelhann5262]

story 1 is exactly why I'm never going to have children. I cannot and will not ever put other people above my own well being ever again. Ive tried that, didn't work out for me.

[@carsoncardell5832]

In story one, I don’t think y’all understand that people deal with stress differently. Him going away for a few days isn’t the same as going out for fucking cigs and never coming back. NTA

[@pandemoniumglaciers82]

@Gi Gi see that might be valid if the wife hadn't literally told him it was ok beforehand

[@jmass7835]

It's hard not to notice mark conveniently forgetting that fact and not for the first time. I think working on these can effect your judgement whether it's rubber stamping stories or simply forgetting facts

[@problematicprincess6270]

The pregnancy was planned he doesn't get to freak out it wasn't a unwanted/surprise pregnancy

[@jmass7835]

@@problematicprincess6270 since its clearly something that was previously discussed and approved as a couple yes he does. Discussing something is one thing but going through it is something else. Between your username and attitude I'm sure any man would consider your company and temperament a joy to be round 🙄

[@jmass7835]

@Gi Gi what are you even talking about? It was previously discussed and during that time they were in constant communication. Kind of sounds like you believe in matriarchal supremacy... Equality works both ways and if the situation was reversed I doubt you'd feel the same

[@Gungepup]

I normally don't comment on things like this, but I really have to say that story 1 hits close to home for me as well, as someone with anxiety. OP knew he needed a chance to process things, and came back in a much better place mentally, so that he could be stronger and more supportive of his wife and child-to-be. He didn't ghost her while he was gone; he kept in touch. And the most important point: she told him that it was okay for him to do so, so it's not like he asked her opinion on the matter and then disregarded it. A lot of the YTA posters seem to be overlooking that piece of information. Even if you know that a big life event is coming (i.e. a planned pregnancy), it can still give you a lot of anxiety when the reality dawns. It sounds to me like OP knew what he needed, and made sure his wife was okay with it before he did it. It's not his fault that she changed her mind afterward, and seeing everyone just rushing to demonize him is really disappointing.

[@mustbetheSUN]

I don't think this is demonizing him, though - this coming from someone with anxiety too. As much as anxiety hit the OP, it might have hit his wife. Sure she was "okay" at the beginning, just as he was "okay" planning the pregnancy, and then anxiety hit. When you are planning something as important as this, I'm sorry, but you toughen up and find a way to deal with it that doesn't involve leaving your partner. Or at least you don't complain if they are angry later.

[@sugar4me225]

NTA Second story, if it's not a fire and/or bio hazard. Then please Please PLEASE leave my stuff alone. hahahahaha NTA Third story, op is suppose to PAY for the damages to her own car? That was caused by the evil seed. And op should also PAY the evil seed to do chores around the house?!?!?!?!? HELL NO, get the police involve and take the parents to small claims court for damages:)

[@piffba]

Can’t express how much the fourth guy is the A. It’s hard to get a job, at all, in 2020 and you should be proud she found something in the middle of a global pandemic! And of course she won’t go into a career where it’s incredibly hard to get a job in, when she just graduated. Again, in a *global pandemic.*

[@piffba]

@@Slavino I see where your coming from but it’s a stupid rule, and she couldn’t exactly foresee the fact that there was a global pandemic the year she was graduating, making it even harder for her to find a job in her field. He paid for all his other kids, can’t he pay for hers too? Or is he only going to pay it once she gets a job in the psychology field? Not all degrees work the same, he should’ve said beforehand that “oh since there’s a chance you won’t be using this degree, because it’s not as specialized as your siblings, I might not pay for your education. If you still want to study this know that there’s a risk” instead of cutting her off after she isn’t able to immediately get a job in said field.

[@501Magnum]

1.NTA TheZimbifiedFairy worded it so well that i'll copy it here below: Either he could have separated himself or he could have had a panic attack in front of her, making both of them being worse for were. You're well being is not "second place" during a pregnancy. The wife was fine, he was not. Screw people who say mental health is a back burner. Is it a back burner when people have mental breaks and kill themselves or their families? No. And it shouldn't be now. Sure, she may have had anxiety, but does she have an anxiety disorder? Was she about to have a panic attack? No? Then her anxiety isn't the same. 2."tidying" someone else's office space up like that just isn't ok, what if OP had been autistic or some similar diagnosis (i have high functioning autism and have something extremely similar so i'm well aware of how that feels) 3.NTA that girl is on the highway going 500 km/m down the road to karenhood 4.YTA that feels a dangerously lot like favouritism

[@zannis5441]

1:NTA, the first one was bothering me with the" mental health is a back burner thing" I don't support the under prioritizing of mental health.

[@501Magnum]

@@zannis5441 exactly, I might have gone for YTA if that had not been said (or at least heavily implied.)

[@kenlee8970]

I agree with all of these 1. NTA. People are saying that she has feelings too and blah blah blah, saying that her feelings are more valid cause she's pregnant. I get that it is stressful, I'd ask her this, "Would you rather have a husband who isn't mentally stable to support you or have him mentally stable enough to do just that?" It's like they're telling him that his feelings do not matter, especially since he has anxiety that is worse than hers. How do they expect them to help her when he, himself, needs help.

[@StardragonEX2]

The guys responding to the first story should know about this story (sharpen your axe): kzbin.info/www/bejne/l4uZmKeGhbtgeqc In this case the axe was his brain. He wasn't an asshole at all. The people responding to his reddit post wasn't good to him (I wasn't at first to the wife, but I thought it better). He even said he never lost communication with his gf (or was it wife?) while he was staying with his parents. Maybe he could have handle it better giving the circumstances, but he is NTA. I think the wife is NTA either, it must be complete normal to feel betrayed for what he did after they planned it, but still she told him he could go, for what I understood. But they are human, like myself and everyone else.

[@beastly7106]

I don't have Autism but I still hate it when people touch my stuff on my desk or in my room.

[@Pocoentertainmentstudio]

First story: Are we just going to ignore the fact that wife said it was ok at first but said it was not ok after he did it I think we are all the asshole for not addressing this small detail

[@JohnAlcott238]

Well yeah but then we can't scream personal responsibility at this guy if we didn't ignore that.

[@Spyrika]

1- why are we being sexiest? She said YES and then got mad AFTER. She doesn't have the right to break his trust by leading him on and then suddenly switching opinions, making him the bad guy for even having asked in the first place, or for having trusted her.... Neither of them have any business having a child of he's getting such a harsh scolding. I say this as a woman- *Equal rights*, if he wasn't allowed to take time to himself for his mental health, she isn't allowed to demand he be there for her mental health. Either neither of them should have needed any coddling/they should have BOTH been perfect. OR, he should should be allowed to take a moment to himself, in the first trimester, to come to terms with the absolute finality of it all.

[@captainrex1718]

Op in 1st story is not the asshole because it’s better to get his mind in order than keeping it bottled up and have a breakdown during the middle of the pregnancy. But what puzzled me is why Op’s wife getting upset because it’s not like he up and left without talking to her, through a call, a note etc. And I would say the people who say he’s a asshole believe the moment the wife/girlfriend gets pregnant they should put everything they love hobbies, hanging out with friends, etc. and including mental health to fall in despair.

[@victorianoskov1441]

Here’s the thing with the first story NAH he got a couple of days off with PERMISSION from the wife. Mental health is important and it is possible he needed time by himself to process jeez have some sympathy for him

[@justinjones-smith5168]

Don't you know that we can't have sympathy for men? /s

[@victorianoskov1441]

@@justinjones-smith5168 right! Thank you! She gave him permission and then gets upset when he takes it bunch of shit

[@canadalovesanime3137]

Story1: It was only two days, he wasn't gone for the whole pregnancy. Even a planned baby is a shock. Would the wife have preferred a nervous wreck for a husband, or a calm supportive one. I know which I would prefer. NAH (I am a mum BTW) Story 2: If the desk wasn't a health hazard, don't touch it. It is not anyone's business how OP keeps his desk. She got herself fired not OP. OP didn't run and tell. One should never mess with someone's "system" NTA Story 3: She is NOT a kid. Keep a paper trail (well text trail). This shows that not only did she do it, but she "claims" it's your fault for not giving into her childish demands. I would love to see the judge's face if she said that in court! NTA Story 4: You don't just instantly jump in and become a psychologist . Plus it's hard to get into that line of work anyway, never mind during times like this. YTA

[@danacarter9147]

If I were the pregnant wife, I will definitely prefer a husband who is supportive and calm and also, unselfish, as opposed to one who is a nervous wreck, and only thinks of himself.

[@owl7072]

Story 1: Anxiety is wild man. Even if something is planned it can take a while for the reality of it to settle in. This isn't similar to the story, but when I first got my job it took a bit to settle in then I went "Omg wait-" and it took me a few days to process and come to terms with it. People process things at different speeds. Also the wife said it was perfectly fine if he did leave for a bit to process it and now she's mad that he did exactly that? I get being pregnant is scary but you can't ok something and then take it back after they do it.

[@minuit6305]

Story 1: im going with YTA. Honestly, i understand you had anxiety but to just walk away because it suddenly kicked in that she was actually pregnant? Because she can just magically put her fetus in a mason jar and also walk away to deal with her mental health. _"Don't worry baby, mommy will come back in 5-6 business days after mommy's free mental health trial is over"_

[@ashleyhellsan2039]

im gonna have to say story 1 is a clear NTA though that is because i do have a little info OP was not willing to give out... mainly because he denys it's even happening. the wife is abusive and basically strong armed him into having a baby when he's not at all ready and trust me, the baby is not the first time she's doing something like this

[@cody.b0658]

Story 1. no one is the A-hole. he has every right to relax its clear that he told her about the trip before he went . i hate that everyone just ignores how he feels and goes *oh but the wife might feel anxious to* well yeah but she can do the same thing at anytime its not like she is 7 months pregnant she at most is 1 week. NO ONE is the A-hole here every one is just downplaying the OPs feelings

[@draughtoflethe]

Story 4: Not only is the Plague currently going on, but as anyone who has browsed any job posting site in the last 10 years would tell you, I *guarantee* that receptionist posting said "bachelor's degree required." So she IS using her degree, even if the job isn't in her field. The girl is doing her best, and you want to punish her financially because she's not succeeding hard enough for you? YTA.

[@okayoc1545]

story 4; he did his share and now it’s her turn. if she is on her way to using her degree that’s something they need to talk about, but for right now, she knew the stipulations. NTA

[@GrandCorsair]

I'm glad I'm not the only thinking Story 1 is NTA. Your mental health has a knock on effect. You could end up doing more damage when you're not in the right state of mind. He came back better than when he left so he could have been more help to her then a anxious mess. He didn't abandon her he took time to process things now that the reality of parenthood is very real. Ugh, reddit is really frustrating sometimes. This is coming from a woman by the way.

[@videofan1010]

I'd be pissed if someone touched my desk, lol.

[@stephenlundy5082]

Story 3: NTA. The entitled little brat deserves what she gets. I'd might be willing to withdraw the charges if the parents paid for the entire new paint job on my car, not just the deductible. After all, if they just paid the deductible on my insurance, my insurance rates would still go up, I should not be inconvenienced in any way by their daughter's actions. The parents should also force the daughter to apologize properly to my face. The parent's are not willing to do this, and the daughter is not remorseful at all, so they should be rewarded with a felony record.

[@JootjeJ]

When I was a teenager I once pulled a stupid prank with unexpected financial consequences. (I never said I was nice.) My mum made me apologise and pay back every last penny. I still think that was one of the best lessons she taught me. Defending your child when they're being an a-hole is appalling parenting.

[@northernexe880]

Story 1 NTA he was trying to fix his issues before the baby was born is pretty common whether planned or not for parents to have a small freak out. I did though mine wasn't planned I was excited at first but the reality hit I'm going to be a Dad so I took a week away and went to therapy to resolve my issues I knew I be fine be but I needed to vent my issues after that I never had any freaks out again. I say he ahole if he didn't fix his issues and ran away or let them surface when the baby was born. I think the wife a slight while for giving him grief over bettering himself and I say she entitled to do the same if she was having issues or worries.

[@globalwarming5243]

Going to colledge requires an insane amount of money and causes a lot of problems with how people can get a higher education. It really sucks

[@Norinia]

*chores around my house for money* UH EXCUSE ME?? Cousin vandalizes her car, and so she’s entitled to an easy job to earn extra cash?? Am I getting this right? Op would be required to pay her, for minimum work (since OP likely, in general with people, doesn’t need to hire a housekeeper to begin with) The ENTITLEMENT. Geezum! Little miss princess does not deserve a ‘reward’ after her vandalism. If OP did ‘hire’ her, it shouldn’t be for ‘everyday chores’ it should be ‘paint my whole fence and house’ for free. The parenting bar is so low here it’s on the floor. Edited for my apparently amateur level of computer typing, I crossed out the sentence instead of trying to highlight it, lol my bad.

[@marinam3809]

Story 3: idk where it is, but at least in Canada you can’t get a psych job until you have a PhD(or just a masters in Alberta). OP should have talked to her before she went into psychology and work something out. Op is TA

[@SendarSlayer]

I doubt that. You can only get a PhD if you do something NEW in the field. No entire field is going to require people to have PhDs

[@marinam3809]

@@SendarSlayer from what I remember in my psych class, which was last year so it could be off, you have to do new research, but you don’t necessarily have to come to a new conclusion. My Professor did a study on people with Alzheimer’s.

[@emanx222]

The sad truth is that situations like the first story actually contribute to the ever growing list of reasons I will never ever have kids. I already know for a FACT that I'm far too anxious and ill prepared for a child. I would never be a good parent. And the constant thoughts that would fly through my head regarding if I'm.doimg the parenting thing right would drive me fucking mental That said, I don't think the OP in the first story is TA. As always people on Reddit are quick to throw someone away when they have an entirely human reaction. I don't think he's wrong for taking a breather People keep simplifying the idea that just because they planned the pregnancy, that suddenly means he's meant to feel OK with everything. How many times have you planned something and then actually doing I presents a multitude of problems, or scares the ever living fuck out of you. Planning doesn't always make everything OK and a pregnancy is a CLEAR example of that being the case. Plannjng a pregnancy and actually realising your plan.is gonna come to fruition are 2 totally different things. I think its naive to treat both as one in the same. They are not! When you plan something, it is hypothetical, it hasn't happened yet. When the plan is actively realised it becomes practical, that shift brings with it a whole host of thoughts that probably never crossed a person's mind prior. People need to get off their high horses and understand its OK to have certain reactions as long as we don't allow them to be consistent should they be negative. Now that the OP knows what he did was seen as unfair toward his wife, he can actively work to change things and get better but to say his reaction means he isn't ready for a baby or that he has no business having kids is so fucking extreme and unnecessarily over the top. Reddit people need to calm the Heck down and let people be human and oh idk...GROW! That one comment that said crap like "you don't get to act like that" WHAT? If the OP didn't act like that now, when would he ever get the chance??? It sure as hell wouldn't be when the baby is born. Better he have that reaction now while he can still improve BEFORE the baby comes than after the baby is born when it's more likely too late Edit to add. I actually don't think the OP went about anything the wrong way. He had consistent communication with his wife, his wife herself gave him the all clear and then revoked it etc. I think I was trying to play Devil's advocate and give the wife the benefit of the doubt in that maybe the OP went about things wrong but could still change but In all honesty I don't think he did Jack shit wrong whatsoever. I'm now editing my entire post lol

[@eviebraud1307]

I don't think that he went about it in the wrong way. He communicated with his wife the entire time. Plus she said it was ok for him to go in the first place. I don't think that sounds like he abandoned her. In fact that is one of the best reactions to anxiety I've seen. He avoided a break down while maintaining proper communication.

[@emanx222]

@@eviebraud1307 the funny thing is I agree with you entirely. I don't think the OP went about it the wrong way at all. I didn't make it clear but when I said that I was essentially playing Devil's advocate

[@eviebraud1307]

@@emanx222 well, then I suppose we're on the same page. I thought you were implying that he shouldn't have left for his mental health. Glad it was just a misunderstanding.

[@emanx222]

@@eviebraud1307 yeah it was my bad honestly :)

[@Mrs_Sugar_Min]

Isn't 18 an adult??🙄

[@TonySamedi]

As an American it's always interesting hearing folks from other countries react to our medical or education costs. Hopefully one day we'll catch up with the rest of the world and realize those things are essential. Not betting on it, but I can hope.

[@marikaaromaa8165]

minedu.fi/en/education-system what would you think about ours?

[@PetitTasdeBoue]

Yes, your american system sucks after reading so many reddit stories XD + you can add things like servers salary based on tips (like really ???) In my country where it's fine people are always crying and wanting more, what a bunch of greedy bastards. They don't have to get into debt to study or heal themselves, but they're still not happy about our system. People are never happy.

[@IlkaWaffy]

Its honestly baffling every time when I read or hear about medical or college debts in the us I'm extremely thankful that when I get sick I dont have to worry about paying off a huge debt for getting essential medical care

[@themenagerie5247]

Story 1: OP is not the asshole but does need to go to therapy.

[@shells500tutubo]

Years ago (pre-internet) my cousin got a degree in journalism, of course couldn't find a job so took a receptionist job at an aerospace corporation (Vietnam War era). Her writing skills were noted by someone there and she was transferred over to become a technical writer (scientists are not always the best at writing literate research papers) and grant writer. Well, she became good at the grant writing, had a knack for the business and finance part of it so got an MBA on the company's dime and eventually retired from a senior executive position with a six figure salary (a whole lot of money in the 1980s). All that to say, she started out in something completely unrelated.

[@little_lion_heart9850]

I can't imagine trying to get a job in psych with a BA during a pandemic. I'm a STEM major and I was supposed to do an internship in Germany over last summer and the pandemic stopped that. So now I am about to graduate with a BA in microbiology with no 'actual' experience since not just that internship, but all my back up places I applied for shut down for the summer. I am stressed about how I'll get a job in a field that is probably extra active right now. It's hard to get a career oriented job in psych on a good day. She is lucky to have a job.

[@Keiji555]

Story 4. I agree. If she told her father that she was pursuing her Masters, and was taking the job to help out with finances to help off with those education funds, then it would be a YTA. But since we don't know that detail, then we have to take it at face value. It would be one thing to use it in an indirect way. I'm studying to be an EA, and I graduated in psychology, and it gives me insight in children's behaviour, and how disabilities function, and how to identify problem behaviours. If she was double majoring in business and was using it to read people, then that would be one thing. If she is settling with being a receptionist, then I get where he comes from. Seems like he's saying that he will pay it off if she finishes and gets a job out of it, but otherwise, she knew the deal.

[@namename2040]

For story 4 you can get the job. Especially nowadays lots of people needs them.

[@sacilexi231]

Management wanted to fire her. I'm sure this was just the final straw..

[@Ravethecat12]

Lowkey all the comments left for the first story feel like they aren’t making his feelings valid. Like he as a right to be anxious, planned or not babies make everyone anxious at some point specially when they’re a new parent. I have a feeling people are just mad because he’s a man and he went to clear his head for a bit. I have a feeling if the genders were reversed people would have been super supportive about the wife going away for a few days to processes being pregnant. I could be wrong but that’s just the vibe I get but then again I’m a woman that doesn’t have or want children so maybe I’m wrong? 😅

[@parlerdisscuteretsameliore6005]

He has a right to be anxious. He doesn’t have a right to fuck off to the middle of nowhere as soon as he gets the news. The comments are right,as soon as you introduce children into the equation your well being comes second and your child is your first priority.

[@TinyRoseTamer]

@@parlerdisscuteretsameliore6005 How did he "fuck off"? Why can't both have a small moment to themselves to get their head straight on what's going to happen? Husband (financial/health/daycare)...Wife (body changes/breastfeeding or bottle/gonna work after recovery) Then after, both can have a reasonable talk with less anxiety or bickering.

[@TortoiseNotTurtle]

@@parlerdisscuteretsameliore6005 "to the middle of nowhere as soon as he gets the news", in the story he directly stated that his wife gave him the OK, he kept in contact with her, and also that he was with his parents. How is that the middle of nowhere? He didn't just disappear and even if she didn't know where he went calling her in-laws would reveal that answer straight away. Like I said, how the fuck is his parent's cabin "the middle of nowhere?". You make it seem as he went all gray man on them and didn't come back when he didn't.

[@sirikalapu1234]

Just finished your last video, you uploaded this just in time! Your videos help my anxiety and prepare me for bed. thank you!

[@yeetdab8292]

SAME!!! I have severe anxiety and severe depression. These calm me and make me laugh

[@danacarter9147]

The 1st OP is going to regret putting his mental health before his pregnant wife, when she divorces him, excludes him from their child's birth, and raises their child with her new husband, who is unselfish, supportive and calm (if she gets married again).

[@cynicalrabbit915]

Story 4) Dad pays for college only if you get a job with title of degree earned. As some of the Reddit comments stated, most people at one time or another get work that has nothing to do with the degree they earned. Case in point, a coworker from years ago had a degree in history but was working in IT. It's been pointed out that all most companies don't really care that you have a degree in making lace trim for lingerie just as long as you 1) Have a degree 2) That you have some experience in the position you are hiring for. I've been told that practically any degree is seen more as an indication that you can set a goal and achieve it. OP is TAH

[@EMShelley]

About 2: My sister and I have had trouble with our friend because of this. She's truly a good person and life wouldn't be the same without her, but sometimes she'll overstep her boundaries. She used to work with my sister and did this exact same thing with her desk, thinking she was helping. We both explained to her that not only is it an invasion of privacy, but also does little to help because my sister has to rediscover where everything is. She still doesn't see our side of the argument, and only felt like she wasn't appreciated. Once, she very kindly agreed to feeding the pets while we went on vacation... Some background first: Because we were raised in a trashy hoarder home, my sis and I are now very practical and don't really decorate our home much because of it. Our kitchen is clean, but also very plain. When we came back from vaca, we were shocked to find that our kitchen had been rearranged and decorated. Even our pantry and kitchen utensils had been moved and some of my cleaning tools were thrown out or replaced with ones that our friend bought. I knew that she only cared and wanted to surprise us with our kitchen looking snazzier, but I was still fuming. We called her about it and I could tell she wasn't expecting the reaction she got. I was civil, but I basically told her that it wasn't okay for her to do that to someone else's home and to never do that again. I felt bad afterward because apparently I made her cry and get super depressed. That was a while back and we're cool now. Like I said before, she's a wonderful person and friend, and has always been there for us, but sometimes she just does stuff like this and never seems to understand(or at least refuses to acknowledge) the lines she crosses, and it makes me want to pull out my hair.

[@VampireBatLord]

Psychology degrees can take a long ass time to get into proper field. my boyfriend who has finished all his psych schooling is trapped in intern level placement until he finishes the 2 years interning part to be /considered/ for hiring fulltime or referred for another clinic/facility. Psych stuff is in high demand, but the proper experience building needed for it takes forever! that parent definitely the ass.

[@beliciapinkrah3919]

Contreversial story 1: Nah I can understand how she feels but she also agreed to it

[@beliciapinkrah3919]

@@martid03 she agreed to let the husband process it and now that he's done he should help his wife too Sorry I tend to keep these short

[@victorianoskov1441]

@@martid03 she gave him permission

[@beliciapinkrah3919]

@Gi Gi but the thing with that is the wife gave him permission to go there and it's not like she's haven't heard from him he has been in constant contact plus we don't know where the cabin is

[@mothmanlol6263]

This topic confuses me because you should always prioritise your mental health over your relationship and partner and stuff but I don't know where it goes in relation to a thing you created

[@SorenPenrose]

anxiety is hard to understand for people who dont experience it. Logic does not matter when you have an anxiety disorder. Even if you know 100% that your anxiety is not logical, it is still there. Knowing it is an unreasonable fear does not help. He took a few days to get in the proper mindset to be there for his family. I disagree with everyone saying yta in the first one. They are just ignorant people who don't understand anxiety.

[@maize1126]

I just graduated with an Econ major. Some jobs you have to have PhDs for (Econ included) Therefore, an Econ degree at a bachelor's level means that I am good at compiling, researching, and analyzing data in a Business type role. For psychology students, it works in a similar way. My dad has a degree in Psychology and is an LTC in the Army, but he's not qualified to be a psychologist. So think business analyst, medical analyst, engineering analyst, Tax researcher, financial planner, contract specialist, financial examiner, etc etc

[@homersimpson5821]

It took my brother in law about 10 years to get a ph.d.

[@noraallies598]

Story 1 Is it possible that the wife was pushing for a baby when OP didn't want one? OP wasn't excited about having a kid and didn't sound like they even wanted one, but any adult that isn't interested in having kids can understand the social pressure to have kids even if you aren't ready. Op noted that their wife said she would "understand if he had to go away for a bit", and she apparently didn't say anything about it until he came back, then she was upset. From the story it sounds really manipulative, and now everyone is pilling up on OP since everyone is treating "nervous about having a kid/probably didn't want the kid in the first place but was pressured into having one" as the same as "dead beat dad".

[@karmageddon9047]

Being Honest, First Story? NAH. Everyone seems to be telling him that HES the asshole, but based on Context, it seemed that the Wife AGREED to let him leave to take a few days to process it, but when he came back, was reprimanded for taking those days he was given.

[@yourneighborhooddeadpool488]

I’m someone who possibly has anxiety and I think that the first OP shouldn’t have walked out. He probably should’ve tried to excuse himself and tried to relax and come to terms and then talk to his wife. YTA

[@victorianoskov1441]

He got permission from her to go

[@danacarter9147]

@vergorance I'll bet 1st OP will have more anxiety about paying child support when his wife files for divorce and gets full custody of their child.

[@danacarter9147]

@vergorance Hell yes.

[@katx9697]

Story:1 Here is the thing (being devil's advocate here) on the one hand you have one partner who takes themselves out the equation for a few days and the other you have one that has a full blown psychotic break in your presence. Which would you prefer? Oh and also guessing people here don't believe in male post partum depression right? And that's his fault to??

[@joimumu]

Also I think no one is ready to be parents first time around you can prepare all you want

[@katx9697]

It's a shock to the system you realise that your in charge of a life. The thing is, if you're not fit you can't help anyone. This is also a learning curf. If he recognise when is a good recoup or not he might be a more supportive partner. Plus it's better to gauge things now then in an actual crisis.

[@yemyearmii7231]

He is in the right to have his alone time. As is she. Then they can talk about it and relax together.

[@selbarton]

1st Story: If this is his response to trying to get pregnant and then getting pregnant, they don't need a kid. Running away is not an acceptable response. She got to worry whether or not he would come home or when taking care of the kid gets difficult will he run away leaving her to deal with it alone while stressing over if he will leave every time. Forget supporting his family, he will run off to ignore the issue. 2nd Story: Sounds like management was looking for the last reason to get rid of her. 3rd Story: Her friends thinking she got a car is her own fault. She will need to pay for a paint job, and she'll be paying more than a cheap car would have run her. It wasn't a prank. It was retaliation for not giving her the car. She's 18 so not a kid. Her parents want the 18 year old treated like she's a little kid, then they can pay for her damages. 4th Story: Hate to burst OP's bubble, but psychology helps as a receptionist, any job that deals with people even though it's not required. The other kids got lucky immediately getting to use the degree, but OP thinks they found a way out of paying for a kid's degree. OP likely expected to get out of paying more of them. Should be glad she is working to support herself rather than expecting OP covers her expenses completely.

[@pandemoniumglaciers82]

Right but I'm story one year ignoring the fact that he didn't run away he took a break from himself to process it being a father is a very hard thing and also she told him that it was okay if you needed to take a few days so she already knew that this was a possibility for him and then acted like that was never an agreement they came to and it very much was his mental health does not become second just because she's pregnant

[@selbarton]

@@pandemoniumglaciers82 he said he was ready, and then turned tail and ran like it was a surprise pregnancy they didn't want. If he can't handle getting what he wants, he can't handle being a father. His mental health put stress on his pregnant wife and the baby. His choice impacts more than himself. She doesn't get to run away from a pregnancy to wrap her mind around the agreed upon baby to decide if she could cope with being a mother like she said she would. He ran off to decide if he still wanted to be a daddy. He can't be running off for days at every little thing to decide if he's still game. She's going into labor - good luck, needs days to wrap his mind around being a father to the baby now that it's not staying in her tummy. Because that's a bigger change to wrap his head around than "hey you'll have a kid to deal with in 9 months". He has the same 9 months at home to work it out with her, but instead he left her coping with the same discovery on top of his possibly deciding he didn't want to be a father like he said. So which comes second - his mental state or the life of his baby? Because his wife is going to constantly question when he will run off again, adding extra stress to her which puts stress on the baby increasing risk of miscarriage. It's likely she didn't expect to feel as abandoned as she likely did the second she realized she was on her own caring for the life inside her. He proved he is not about supporting her or the baby, just himself. That reaction is going to hit her with everything that comes up. He has likely done damaged that he won't be undoing. She better have other people lined up to support her during the pregnancy and childbirth because she can't rely on her husband.

[@hotjanuary]

@@selbarton His wife must have been in shock when he said he needs to take his cabin vacation. She was expecting excitement at the news that they’ve conceived, instead she gets this...

[@selbarton]

@@hotjanuary agreed. Instead of happy, he tucked his tail and ran.

[@hotjanuary]

@@selbarton I don’t want to imagine how he takes bad news...

[@williamyoung2694]

For story one. I can say for sure NTA. Everyone seems to forget that his wife knew he was having anxiety and told him that it was OK to take a few days to process. Then she turns around and belittles him when he does just that. I have to say she is the AH. You do not get to tell your husband that he can take a few days to process then belittle him when he does the very thing you told him he could do. The husband was right wife was wrong and everyone calling the husband an AH is also wrong.

[@justinjones-smith5168]

Story 2: NTA. That couldn't have been the only thing she's done. Also, OP could of had something sentimental on the desk.

[@joimumu]

The company got it both ways fire someone they didn’t want and someone else gets to be the bad guy aka escape goat

[@beckyhartley9502]

Of course you didn't TP or egg someone's car Mark, why do that when your brother can tow them instead? 😎