I am a narcissist with BPD | Psychologist interviews a Narcissist with Borderline Personality

[@KyleeRackam]

Thanks for having me! I enjoyed my talk with you.

[@dr.beckyspelman]

Thanks so much @kyleerackam for giving your time and sharing your story and insights, it was such a pleasure. Keep up the good work you are doing with your fantastic content creation 💪🏻

[@JoshuaTrinityWolf-dc4up]

Love your info share.I grew up with 3 concussions and resulting Bipolar and also a Narciccistic mother and a toxic neglecting family. In a retirement hobbie I write script for a movie to raise money for the SPCA. I wrote this: " I believe in redemption .....it's a religion to me.....that we can rise from the ashes of our broken lives." Kaylee,... you are redemption and you inspire me.

[@sloene72]

Good interview. Appreciate the truth shared, so we can have more insights into borderline, narcissism, sociopathy etc. Thanks for the questions that Interviewer boldly asked. Would love a follow up, more in-depth if at all possible. I appreciate that these people deserve respect as we all do and that they can heal and have empathy. A person is not harmful 24/7.

[@sloene72]

​@JoshuaTrinityWolf-dc4up did you say concussions? What role does that play?

[@RUMBLEGO1]

Really appreciate you coming forward and discussing. I wonder if Ketamine therapy would be of any benefit? I recently have done treatments and it was of tremendous help with depression and suicidal ideation. The suicidal thoughts went away immediately after the first treatment. I was feeling so low and suicidal for 2 weeks and that all went away after the first Ketamine infusion. Not sure how it would help with mpd or bpd but it just may. Good luck and thanks for sharing again.

[@Anna-h-f4h]

As a recovering co dependent, I'm concerned about this movement to destigmatize NPD and BPD because of their tendency to use empathy to manipulate others and the co depents need to mother others. My life was destroyed several times by narcs who were "healing".

[@soph2878]

I'm thinking the same

[@TallGlass-fh8qf]

Same. There is a necessity to question if this is damage control, another route for reaping supply, a monetary benefit, or true healing. I guess we will never know. But one thing that it seems she may be confirming is a theory of mine…that NPD happens when someone has a sink or swim experience that they either understandably couldn’t swim through or simply chose not to swim through. If they experience a collapse, and have no other option but to return to those moments…then they are back in the water (sink or swim). Hopefully she is swimming, now.

[@Anna-h-f4h]

@TallGlass-fh8qf I find they are authenticly seeking help in the "sink" phase, but once that's over... back at it. I also wonder how one is supposed to internalize their self-esteem needs by being all over social media? Recovery is just another source of supply.

[@TallGlass-fh8qf]

@@Anna-h-f4h I don’t think recovery _itself_ for the narcissist is another source of supply, since I presume it would be agonizing for them being back into “the waters.” But I do know a narcissist sharing recovery to literally anyone else is when it will become a source of supply. Therefore to the extent of social media, I agree with you…it is *never* a recovery option for them, because it only triggers their disorder. There is too much power & control in it, plus the risk of internet shame & guilt is too high for them to immerse into recovery. One’s image and narration is literally required in content creating professionalism. Triggering!

[@reneelibby4885]

valid point.

[@SneekySecrets]

It's extremely rare for an NPD person to be capable to even acknowledge their condition. I'm not sure what to think about this guest. Mind blown.

[@TheSynisterMinister]

using social media to talk about recovery is another form of supply. dont mistake this for a changed person. self aware but still Extremely dangerous.

[@jennaeveland2619]

I don't think she is either. Right off the bat, 2 minutes in, I am predicting this is going to be more of an APD who found that copping to the lesser diagnosis was an easier sell to professionals than trying to be normal. She is very text book, well rehearsed, flat affect, and the signs keep going..

[@MissAndDav]

I am 58 and I was brought up by a covert narcissist mother. I am STILL subjected to her manipulation, constant gaslighting, character assassination, mocking, cruelty etc But also the backhanded apologies or gifts (often unwanted because sometimes it's things she doesn't want anymore, or they maje ne feel bought & like I owe her) to try to pacify. As a result of my narcissist mother I have absolutely NO self-esteem, cannot exert boundaries, get taken for granted, avoid social situations, attract toxic people as I seem to give out a vibe of being easy to bully. I am very unconfident and try to over perform to gain aporoval. I also people please to try to avoid conflict. I have anxiety and depression and feel trapped. PLEASE BE AWARE THAT A NARCISSIST CAN COMPLETELY RUIN YOUR PERSONALITY AND YOUR LIFE AND OFTEN DON'T EVEN CARE THAT THEY ARE DOING SO!

[@user-yx4cf6mw7k]

thats just an abuser. you dont need narcissism to be abusive.

[@Greeniecake]

In the same boat my friend, everything you said above... gifts that are just things she buys (has a amazon addiction). Always feel as though I owe her as she helps financially (even though she kind of made sure I wouldn't amount to much career wise). So feel obligated to go around to visit when she askes etc. Not sure what advice I can give as I am also a hermit, and either attract the wrong types of people or it is I that is the issue. Stay strong mate is the best thing I can offer.

[@sabrinasusen7463]

Sounds like perfectionism. I have a father who was a covert narcissist and perfectionism was my hope of becoming good enough. its a condition of just right but never enough. I would watch Mark DeJesus videos on KZbin he's taught me a lot about this response

[@callie6132]

This interview proves that narcissists can develop self-awareness and learn empathy for others. She may never be cured but there’s no denying that she has taken admirable steps towards healing. She experiences genuine love and kindness towards her partner and has worked hard to stop expressing toxic tendencies. Thank you for sharing your knowledge and experience with us, Kylee.

[@CocoLala84]

Iv always considered narcissists very self aware And very away of others. It's like they know "human behaviors, emotions" better than the average person. Thats what makes them great manipulators. I might be wrong but I feel self awareness isn't the problem, the problem is the disregard of other peoples needs and feelings if it doesn't benefit them.

[@Scratchy8644]

@@CocoLala84 Yes, their self-awareness doesn't mean that they have their toxic behavior under control. Most narcs sound very self aware but its just that they are THAT good at manipulating other people to get their empathy.

[@philipholding]

Sorry. The lady has been diagnosed with BPD and NPD (comorbity).Which is separate from a distinct diagnosis of NPD. Even though they are both cluster B, the diagnostic criteria is different in NPD ( DSM-5 tr).

[@perlitalaguna6622]

No thanks! Y'all can keep your narcisstic friends/lovers/family. I'm out! The moment I see the flags. I just ghosted an acquaintance about 2 weeks ago. She showed signs of "crazy". I overheard her fight with her boyfriend and my reaction was: "oh boy! She's nuts" Number blocked.

[@richarddebono7092]

I find the labels terribly destructive. Diagnosis in mental health are based on opinion, not the scientific method. Both her & her parter will outgrow the selfishness, but they will never outgrow the labels. That will take a conscious decision.

[@sponkmcdonk3898]

Love to see when people are self aware

[@Kari.F.]

Absolutely! Self awareness is necessary for people to understand that they need to get help, and work on themselves through therapy. It takes a lot of introspection, courage and time to get to where this woman is, and even more courage to be open about it. I'm learning a lot from her!

[@Portia620]

⁠agreed!

[@CocoLala84]

And honest! I believe many people are aware of their ways and behaviors but without accountability, honesty and work towards change behaviour the self awareness is valueless.

[@mikegoodwin5951]

I don’t even get how? The narcissists in my life would never entertain this .

[@Kari.F.]

@@mikegoodwin5951 That's exactly why we appreciate narcissists who are self aware and willing to talk openly about it. It's because it is so incredibly rare.

[@debtalan6255]

I think of my ex w NPD as functioning like a cornered animal afraid for his life almost all the time. Like a threat meter that’s all out of whack-from neurodivergence, trauma, lack of emotional regulation tools, etc. A cornered animal isn’t able to be “empathetic.” That said, they can slash you apart because they feel you’re there to harm them. When my ex wasn’t activated, he did have true empathy, but over time his protective patterns have solidified and I don’t trust shows of empathy at all anymore. He’s a dangerous person to be close to, so I keep as much distance as possible. But I have a son w him who shows many of the same protective patterns and rigidity of thinking (autism spectrum too.) My son was open to therapy as he was suffering inside so much, and I’m watching his capacity expand and am hopeful he doesn’t have to go down the same corrosive and then stuck route his dad did.

[@jetjet8550]

Great Analogy!

[@whitepouch0904]

What country are you from? Because I know someone like him. I’ve He has a son but separated from his baby mama. He is also rigid in his thinking. Some say he is autistic

[@natureflowadventure4158]

Wow. Sounds like you're describing my ex, who is high functioning autism, neuro-divergent, PTSD, and OCD. No NPD. We had a big break-up years ago due to his drinking and this time, the break up was due to his threat meter going completely off the rails. A benign argument escalated to complete emotional dis-regulation on his part, where he could not calm down, and ended up kicking me out of the house. I've been living elsewhere ever since. Living apart from him has really helped me get a healthy perspective on the dynamics going on with him plus discovering my co-dependency! I would say I'm a recovering co-dependent!

[@sallywillis1448]

The interviewer may be fully aware that she is fuelling this person’s narcissism. Praising her endless ly. The person seems to have read everything about narcissism and personality ,disorders.

[@DevoidVoid]

Sounds more like BPD.... NPD is not like this but I love the correlation and sexism that is still rampant throughout our society. Men are NPD and psychopaths. Women are BPD and histrionic. It's kinda laughable once you hear it enough lmao

[@ciarahenley9622]

I’ve followed her on insta for a while now and the videos they make are actually extremely informative and educational, she should get more positive comments as I can imagine it would be difficult at times to share. I think it’s really important to break the stigma and they’re doing so well through their content!! Love it!

[@dr.beckyspelman]

Yes Kylee is great, so knowledgeable

[@dcfan88]

I dealt with a girl that shows a lot of signs of borderline and narcissistic traits. But I don’t hate her I actually thank her. It was that experience that made me look at myself and having the courage to go to therapy. Without that experience I’ll probably still wouldn’t know my worth.

[@micahcraven6576]

This. I'll never forgive him. And I'm at peace with that. But it was life altering and rocketed my healing process from things prior

[@JasonGoldstein78]

I couldn't agree more.

[@pamelaheyer882]

100% grateful for that very reason as well. Life changing when you get to the other side of healing. I never would have realized what "I" needed for ME.

[@brandonmcalpin9228]

Many women seem narcissistic when they’re actually just solipsistic. Big difference, but can look similar. BPD is more common than NPD but I think it’s often over diagnosed tbh(BPD that is). Borderlines have a unique way about them and is easy to identify(if you know the literature). Not all borderlines self harm, but the vast majority do. So.. there’s that. Doesn’t always fit, but the frequent changing of hair color, their styles in how they dress, or just frequently changing up makeup styles is a common one. Not always, but it’s more of them than not. The hyper vigilance is unmistakable. Defensive and even aggressive. Walking on eggshells(if you’re extremely close to them, if you’re just an acquaintance, you’ll likely never see this side of them. The “I love you, I hate you, don’t leave me” thing is pretty accurate. In my experience, if you haven’t been told “I hate you” in the most dramatic way possible at least a handful of times within the first 3 months of dating, she might not be borderline. 😂 It’s still possible but man.. I can’t see that not being the case. Cluster B is the dramatic erratic cluster, so she’s got to be damn near ostentatious and theatrical, almost Histrionic in presentation tbh(BPD and HPD have a high co-morbidity anyway). Another sign you should pick up is the incessant problems or “emergencies” which occur at least a few times a day, It’s highly dramatized, her speech and mannerisms should convey dramatic and emotional(I don’t mean this in a negative way I love this shit 😂). She is probably even a hypochondriac and I mean a legitimate hypochondriac. Everyone thinks they know one until they actually meet one lol The emergencies which demand your full undivided attention on her several times a day may be centered around sickness anxiety(hypochondria). There’s just always an obstacle for you to overcome, always a challenge or hurdle. It’s never ending and if you aren’t amused by this or think it’s cute or like the constant attention yourself(ie narcissist 👋🏻), then this will drive you bonkers real quick. It may even trigger fight or flight responses from you, making YOU hyper-vigilant yourself or even a bit dramatic or god forbid, Borderline. You may start splitting too. This is due to you being sucked into her vortex and chaos rather than being her thing that calms it.

[@tamparealestatechannel]

This is the gift. Your mindset is what makes you better- so many people would wear their victimhood as a badge of honor and miss the lesson altogether.

[@jamesthomas6681]

being raised by a narcissistic or dating a bpd or both (as in my case) is a traumatic experience... the silver lining is when you are able to reflect and understand the dynamics and how each party plays into and relives different traumas... for myself, I realized I have co-dependent tendencies and low self worth which gravitated me towards people who wanted that sort of constant supply... I felt like I was saving them and useful, and they got their supply... now I still have those traits but I can recognize them and make healthier decisions instead of living life unconsciously.

[@SoundsBogus]

No. It's dangerous to empathize with a Narcissist. You can be compassionate, understanding and sympathetic without merging with them. Do not merge. That's how you become entrained into sharing the low frequencies. In time you could get stuck in that negative feedback loop, making you the *"Enabler"* . That's the hook. Narcissists prey on empaths, who typically have no boundaries, their shields are down, they're people pleasers and easily manipulated.

[@z32luvr]

Only empaths who aren’t aware of narcissism. Once they learn it won’t happen anymore.

[@SoundsBogus]

@@z32luvr A surprising number of empaths were raised by a Narcissist -- learned to be hyper-vigilant, anticipate the next rage, walk on eggshells, run to please. They become trauma-bonded Enablers; easy prey.

[@z32luvr]

@@SoundsBogus yes and now they’re scared of me. I turned the tables on their weak minded asses.

[@coffeepandacat]

The interviewer is a trained psychologist. She is aware

[@frankbreuer8849]

Yep ❤

[@JoMendezWarrior]

i think she's being quite vulnerable and honest. it's obvious she wanted to do the work, she is doing the work and kuddos to her for sharing the good and the bad..

[@boobootheballbreaker2092]

Uh, it's fake dude👌Never trust a cluster b

[@wuviou]

​@@boobootheballbreaker2092 now i know someone named "boobootheballbeeaker2092" aint talking 💀

[@bad.chickie66]

@@boobootheballbreaker2092you’re not helping shut up. Everyone deserves empathy.

[@JasonGoldstein78]

@@boobootheballbreaker2092 your perception could be greatly limited in soooo many ways. Just looking out for you!

[@boobootheballbreaker2092]

@@JasonGoldstein78 Um, dude my ex husband was a narcissist. People who have dealt with them know the manipulation😂Are you trying to “narcsplain” me?! You’re literally trying to gaslight me with your moronic comment😆Too funny!!!

[@synaesthesia4183]

INCREDIBLE interview!!!! WOW. A Goldmine, and what an intelligent woman she is...her insight and self-awareness is SO RARE! I am impressed

[@jmclaughlin3728]

This makes me question. While we all struggle with narcissistic qualities from one time or another, a true narcissist is not self reflective. I’m afraid this might give people false hope. I was married to a woman for 20 years who was BPD and NPD. She pulled the wool over my eyes thousands of times. She deceived counselors and she had all the help in front of her that she needed. She would NEVER admit to having BPD because of her NPD. She could NEVER have a disorder everyone around her had a disorder even accusing our 3 boys. I hope the best for everyone. But remember as you listen to anything question everything in a healthy manner. God bless.

[@xenusaves]

NPD is a very trendy diagnosis right now.

[@Harteo3917]

We all have narcissistic tendencies it's just i feel it's the huge fear, insecurities, hypervigilance, feeling unsafe, and traumas with being so extremely beaten down from day 1 of their lives that they become like this to protect themselves and when they have such a lack of sense of self all that's left is their animalistic self which is connected to the narcissistic tendencies we all have. Watch the documentary "child of rage" and it explains how it happens and that it actually needs to be treated from an early age, sadly most don't get that because narcissism is encouraged in schools because that's the only type of people they hire so it must be "right". It's completely normalized in these environments and is at home too, but from experiencing school like everybody else because everything is so indoctrinated and the schedule is so rigid that's definitely where most of the damage and where all the most unrealistic and wrong perceptions of life, the world, of yourself and others is formed and it's like they want you to feel all this. The education system just damaged my ability to form relationships from day 1 because it's to constricted the whole system needs redoing so things aren't indoctrinated because we're just behaving so dysfunctionally. I tried to run out then burst out crying the second i got in there because i felt it even when i didn't understand it because i'm on the "gifted" spectrum and i don't like being restricted at all, i've always had an understanding from early on that i have my own ideas of things and that i can. Sadly i never got to work out too many of what those ideas were because it's all about the ideas of the teachers and the system of what you should do not what you want to do, and since i left i've no idea what to do with myself. It all needs to change it really does because it's all about how you're expected to act and then you give yourself so much to it only to be taken advantage of and used and it's no wonder we grow up so confused because everything is so confusing and contradictory.

[@angelsonginmyheart]

My mother was BPD with NPD and possibly MPD. She almost broke me and she did break quite a few others - it has caused a great deal of trauma and heartache in my family as well as physical conditions. In any case, good for you @KyleeRackam for committing yourself to healing and taking responsibility. I enjoyed hearing your experience - it was very helpful and inspiring/hopeful. Good luck in your new life and new relationship.

[@medusaaf]

this is absolutely terrifying to hear, but at the same time, so insightful and useful. As a deeply empathetic and sensitive person, naive and optimistic to a fault, I just couldn't fathom how narcs can really think and act this way, and I would always come up with excuses for them. It's viscerally against my nature to have the capacity to even begin to understand how a human being could think and act this way: the manipulation and the JOY from hurting others, wtf... So hearing it loud and clear, with no bs, is really helpful. I can't deny it anymore. I hope I'll never forget this.

[@copycat-copycat]

moved to tears. i struggle with the same diagnosis and am working through them both in therapy. your courage and empathy isn’t going unnoticed. i see you healing. tysm.

[@whitepouch0904]

Bpd?

[@copycat-copycat]

@@whitepouch0904 bpd yeah and some narc traits too. they commonly live together.

[@DomexthexHorizon]

Your Profile pic and your Name gives strong vibes that you are absolutely ok with your disorders, maybe glorify them..

[@whitepouch0904]

@@copycat-copycat oh so both diagnoses? Or just narcissistic traits but not full- blown?

[@copycat-copycat]

@@DomexthexHorizon what a weird comment to leave here

[@jodiburnett6211]

I can feel her unrest. I want to exhale for her. Thank you for sharing this side of the narcissists story.

[@Roswell33]

I'm Autistic and I probably would have assumed she is too based on her hyper self aware intelligence and articulation. I'm glad I kept listening because I grew up with extreme trauma and I still get manipulated often due to giving people the benefit of the doubt. I worried before my diagnosis that I had NPD sometimes, but I'm hyper empathetic, cannot relate in the slightest to exploiting weaknesses etc, I'm the opposite in that I'm terrified to cross boundaries or harm someone. I realised I wondered if I was Narcissistic whenever I allowed someone who actually was to get close to me and make me question myself. My mother has NPD/BPD and my father is a sadistic Psychopath, yet here I am lol

[@someone-gi5lq]

i'm sorry about your parents and your trauma, i hope your journey is as easy as it gets

[@jensendkmg7209]

My experience was that the apologies were never truly genuine. Perhaps maybe that they felt like they were sorry. But every ACTION they ever made to SUPPORT that apology? Still just as self centered as always. There was never any follow through.

[@millyardopeacecraft9778]

Thats because "Im sorry" is a declaration of intent. Change behavior is the actual apology. And Narcs/BPDs/HPD's cluster B types do no change behavior. Only themselves cosmetically to engulf their next victim.

[@KyleeRackam]

I’ve made both genuine and disingenuous apologies. The disingenuous ones were when I didn’t actually make any drastic changes yet and only wanted to reach out to temporarily soothe my own ego (and unfortunately unless someone who is toxic and has a cluster B disorder seeks extensive therapy, these are the type of apologies that are usually given). Once I started putting the work in and making those self-realizations and doing the self-introspection, I became genuinely apologetic. Not everyone gets to that point. I don’t think I’ll ever hear a genuine apology from the narcissist who abused me. I’m sorry that you never received an apology, either. In hindsight, the best apology or ‘closure’ is living a life without them and not letting them have access to you again.

[@jensendkmg7209]

@@KyleeRackam I appreciate it. IT's been a very hard road. The way I can see it is that you're having to make a lot of effort every single day. Which is to be commended. Like you said, many people may never get there because its just hard to do every day. And you've consciously looked back into your own actions and realized that they were surface level apologies. Then worked to change that. Where my ex has only vocalized apologies but never actually changed her behavior at all.

[@mn0g0nm]

​@@millyardopeacecraft9778that's not true, ppl can change a lot. maybe you will find a way to grow out of this black & white thinking bc there really is hope for everyone 💕💖✨️

[@DontbeanNPC]

​@@KyleeRackamfirst, this is a very interesting video and I have my own experiences with cluster B disordered individuals including a diagnosed BPD (and maybe she has something else comorbid like you but I'm not sure) that I just finally got the courage to leave literally last night after she went off about not being able to take my car 3 hours away for the whole weekend for the 3 time that would leave me without a car that whole time. Hearing some of the things you said made me think about some of the things she said and did like her being very manipulative. Next, sorry to be that guy but there's no such word as "self-introspection" because that's repetitive. The word "introspection" by itself means to look into one's own emotional processes so the "self" is already understood and therefore not needed.

[@lindayoung6845]

An anti-social personality is not a kind and loving person. They act that way to rope you in, to manipulate you.

[@faemewmi]

NPD & BPD aren't ASPD, that's separate. All are apart of Cluster B personality disorders, however.

[@user-gd5tq7df8h]

Congratulations for your hard work Kylee. I also took myself to the therapist's office at an era when there was lots of stigma, I was early twenties back then. I was OCPD with narc traits, now it's all gone. But what a journey. Bless you you are important and necessary.

[@JasonGoldstein78]

I can't Express exactly how deep in awe of your courage and desire to become more aware. You make this world worth fighting for.

[@boobootheballbreaker2092]

Worth fighting for a damn narcissist?😂CRINGE😖She would chew you up and spit you out🤷‍♀️

[@heatherhall3452]

You are misguided- we are in the last days, the only real hope worth “fighting for” can only be found in Jesus Christ ✝️📖🙏🏽💗 ☁️☁️☁️☁️🙌🏽☁️☁️☁️☁️✝️

[@GodHelpMe369]

I'm so sorry you're going through this. Your pain is palpable, and I can sense just how heavy and overwhelming it feels right now. In times like these, it can be hard to see any light at the end of the tunnel, but I want you to know that you are not alone. There are compassionate hearts ready to support and comfort you. It's okay to feel tired and to need a break from the struggles you're facing. Give yourself permission to rest and seek the solace you need. The angels you call upon are there to wrap you in their warmth, offering you protection and guidance. Picture their wings enveloping you, providing a safe space where you can breathe and find a moment of peace. Know that your plea for comfort and support is heard. You're stronger than you realize, and your resilience is something to be admired. Hold on to hope, even if it feels fragile. Brighter days will come, and you will find your way out of this darkness. Until then, let the love and care of those around you and the angels you invoke, be your guiding light.

[@LinNoOne]

"People can be so compassionate towards people with autism, where their emotional literacy is limited, and they just explain in a different way because I know you don't understand, but people don't act that way toward people with narcissism, and I think that is a real shame at times, theres deficits that people need to be compassionate about." This was a good and enriching convo overall but that statement alarmed me enough to bother typing it out. In my experience the narcissistic person takes advantage of that compassion. They learn you'll go to great lengths to explain things & they'll rely on feigned or willful ignorance in ways that will absolutely frustrate and harm the victim, among many other manipulative tactics. I've shown so much compassion to my spouse of 25 years & it didn't get me anywhere, so, just wanted to put that out there

[@dr.beckyspelman]

Thank you, these are very valid comments, and yes it’s true people with narcissism cause a lot of pain. Thanks for sharing.

[@septleaves8521]

Not so! People DO absolutely act with compassion towards people with narcissism, that’s why they stay and tolerate the untoleratable in order to heal them etc and give up self care for the care of the bottomless pit Narc until that compassion COSTS them their jobs, reputation, friends, family, love, finances, early autoimmune illnesses, disability, homes, jail, bankruptcy, living in the streets and/or an early grave, thanks to the Narcissist who is laughing all the way to the bank with what is yours. When you recognize one, have compassion and love for yourself and run the other way, they’re not redeemable.

[@SoundsBogus]

Wow. Yes. A vulnerable "victim-mindset" N in my life uses the "poor me story" to elicit compassion. That's the bait. Don't take the bait. It's one thing to be sympathetic to their struggles but getting emotionally involved is deadly.

[@septleaves8521]

@@SoundsBogus Well said. My previous comment was deleted.

[@jeffreymerson8425]

As a man with a big heart and a commitment to everyone winning, I have VERY little good to say of my last marriage to a true female narcissist. Good people with open hearts and open arms MUST be more discerning and discriminating with whom they attach and love. My loss and lingering trauma at the hands and will of the narc mom taking her children from their father is profound!

[@lindalu8565]

I love that you say "I chose to heal" multiple times in this convo. That's the key. ❤

[@n7nms]

I'm currently married to a Female Covert Narcissist with BPD, and this helped me understand better about narcissist. I'm an INFJ Heyoka Empath and it's taken a huge amount of empathy away. I am so drained from the whole experience, at 61, I doubt if I ever recover empathy and compassion for people.

[@Vixinaful]

I have 47 experience of these relationships and yes, we do recover but after a while in solitude away from cluster Bs.

[@yahayrawho]

Regain your empathy of you get out of the marriage.

[@lulukallinen3057]

I am sorry to hear that. Don’t feel bad for wanting to be in peace, you deserve that and there is so much healthy love out in the world for you. Much love to you ❤️

[@ephesians6ten185]

I have deep empathy for you, but you still have not learnt the basic premise of psychopaths: They lie and lie and lie and lie, it's their nature, just like this one in this video, she's a manipulator supreme, hiding in plain sight.

[@Suedetussy]

Fellow INFJ here and i would like to share a sentence with you that i‘ve once heard and that made a great impact on me: Give your empathy to the right people, don’t waste it on undeserving people.

[@andrejensen7837]

Was married to one. Pure hell of evil manipulation.

[@dr.beckyspelman]

Sorry to hear this.

[@LaidOutBare]

Narcissist and dangerous my mum was a narcissist. She ruined my childhood. I never ended up being a narcissist thank God and then I got with a narcissist who tried to kill me for three years. My self-esteem was so low I lost my mind. I’m now recovering but after three years, I can’t even leave my house, taking forever to build myself back up again it’s a very hidden hidden disease narcissist very dangerous people home wreckers

[@andrejensen7837]

@LaidOutBare My father was an abusive alcoholic psyco, so as you I didn't see the danger as an adult. What helped me where psilocybin mushroom therapy with some lets call them religious hippies that practiced the lord Shiva. There was this female psycologist that talked with me, she got me so deep in to my trauma, that I today are freed.

[@Starstorm111]

@@andrejensen7837did you heal with microdosing? Or bigger ceremonies? I grew up with a psychotic evil narcissist mother who abused me in every form. I as a little girl was just so damaged and still healing now days at my 32 years old. I did mushrooms by myself and released a lot of emotional tension and pain. Still did not heal fully. Would love to know more about your experience

[@laughteraddict1003]

Who was psychologist ?​@@andrejensen7837

[@chewie7687]

I applaud your effort and admire that you are doing your best to break the cycle despite the trauma you've suffered. The people judging you have never been in your shoes. The fact that you are doing all this work means that you care and that is what matters. If more people followed your example and actually cared about making a change in their shortcomings, the world would be a better place. I wish you the best.

[@heatherhall3452]

The only thing that would make the world a better place is Romans 10:9 📖 ✝️🙏🏽

[@Janiacster]

I think we all end to address our own traumas, so we can evolve into whole human beings.

[@punkedpinkandemotionalsoup]

I really appreciated this interview. It held a lot of value from both ends. I'm a bpd in remission (also experienced medical gaslighting) going into the mental healthcare field, and your perspective and willingness to share your experiences are pushing me to reconsider personality disorders, individualistic expression, and how trauma plays pivotal roles. Thank you for having the courage to openly share.

[@NopeNotTodaySatan]

I was married to a malignant narcissistic sociopath & he absolutely destroyed my life as well as our Sons. Stayed single & healed for 7 years. Unknowingly ended up in a relationship with a covert narcissist. I’m worse off than I was before. They’re evil & cruel to the core. Both were the golden child and Mommy’s boys. They know what they’re doing. I’ve watched my ex turn on & off. Save yourself and run away as fast as you can. Period.

[@Pachoszn]

I really want you to understand the gift you've experienced without going into the extremes of good and bad. After 7 yrs, you cant have "healed" because your ex bf is another mitigated version of your ex husband. You dont have to run nor save yourself when "narcs" are around because you perceive them long before they have a chance to trauma bond with you. Every narc was a victim that was groomed to be an extreme people pleaser, with that outlook on life manipulation and competition is the norm and survival equals being the TOP people pleaser = Manipulator. When you truly understand this deeply, no narc can ever last long in your presence because you become their kryptonite. Your remnants of FEAR keeps you attached to them; find neutrality. Take them off the pedestal, take them off of the opponent/enemy scale and see them for the wounded child that they are. Dangerous only to those who are still in battle with their own paradigms of (people pleasing) fear.

[@akasha.avatar]

6:10 low key she looked into my soul like a praing mantis LMAO

[@MissAndDav]

I replayed that part to see what you meant. WOW! YOU ARE ABSOLUTELY RIGHT! VERY WEIRD & CREEPY! My mother is a narcissist & I have seen her do that look when 1. she is weighing up which way to play it to her advantage 2 . she is not happy with what she's hearing & is about to strike 3. she has a millisecond mask slip and her contempt or hatred is revealed. You are completely right. She looks like a praying mantris. 😮

[@akasha.avatar]

@@MissAndDav I resonate with the third option in this case, though I think she was just paying attention to something that caught her eye, maybe something in the screen of the computer like a notification, or maybe it was the question but I'm pretty sure it was something unexpected... or she just got a glitch LOL... But she looked soulless in those 3 seconds.

[@heatherhall3452]

@@akasha.avatarYour final observation - That’s exactly what I thought, the first thing I was looking at was her eyes and how non-human they look, especially now knowing what I know about this world… they don’t live in the sky, on other planets as we have been lead to believe, they live among us 👽😈

[@heatherhall3452]

Watch it at 0.5 speed 😟😳 🥴

[@tamieya05]

Thank you so much for your honest experience.. This is so powerful! Taking accountability for your own healing is the highest position of self love. Thank you for sharing your story.

[@SuperTank121212]

This is incredible! Sensible, while concise, and wise questions, illuminating and refreshingly frank answers. Thank you so much you two!

[@heatherhall3452]

And you’re not even slightly suspicious ?

[@Might-l5m]

Empath here appreciate you coming forward to educate the rest of us.

[@heatherhall3452]

Brainwashed 😵‍💫🤯

[@jonasandezekiel1109]

All I can say is.... Run.

[@lulalane1345]

Yes!!!! And fast.

[@brebre514]

And quietly

[@isabelleboulay2651]

People want to be compassionate with autism because it's not a disorder that triggers people's defenses. Where narcissists are in constant defensive approach so they get close to learn about your triggers. The better they can manipulate and control you, the safer they feel. I perceive them like the scared animal that has been abused, stuck in a corner. Whoever approaches, friend or foe, he doesn't see a difference, he just attacks whoever tries to get close.

[@debtalan6255]

OMgee just said same in my comment before seeing yours. I think threat meter is effed up in npd: from trauma, neurodivergence, lack of true emotional connection (neglect.)

[@mirandacox3751]

Threat meters can be from existence. Imagine what it must feel like for a person who is constantly triggered that they have to eat to stay alive when they have been beaten for eating. This stuff actually happens.

[@hg3895]

Autistic people can be highly manipulative the closer your get to them...especially in relationships

[@Roswell33]

Autistic people on adverage have higher affective empathy than Allistic people. It's just communicated differently. NPD means low affective empathy, often high cognitive (so it's easy for them to manipulate)

[@nikolagallova8627]

Approach us with cookies then 😸

[@marion9600]

Very difficult to have empathy towards someone who is a narcissist because firstly your are not in relationship with them and most aren’t willing to express themselves sincerely and being vulnerable. They will act in a way they will manipulate you and use you. Very dangerous! there are no real exchange. They need to seek help and eventually if they can show they try to overcome their abusive s tendencies. Like she says drastic change that shows they are changing.

[@heatherhall3452]

There’s no time left ⏳ ✝️ ☁️☁️☁️☁️🙌🏽☁️☁️☁️☁️💕

[@cellosong]

Excellent interview. That took a lot of courage to share about her mental health challenges. Thank you for sharing.

[@angelaava4685]

She is incredibly honest and self aware

[@christinasportiello8940]

Correct. Therefore she can’t be a narc. :)

[@chevyblueangel]

not true. learn about covert narcs. it will take A LOT of hours and months to learn it well!!

[@christinasportiello8940]

@@chevyblueangel I was with a Covert for years. There is no self awareness nor is there an ability to do anything more than blame the world. Coverts are always victims. This women is not covert. I suggest you take more than a few hours because it’s clear that coverts cannot take accountability which is part of the diagnosis. Anyone that understands a DSM knows you must qualify a diagnosis by reaching certain criteria. The above women is not meeting that criteria in any way shape or form. She does however exhibit borderline which is why she needs an identity. She will do anything to have an identity. Even if it’s claiming NPD.

[@christinasportiello8940]

@@chevyblueangel coverts don’t take accountability silly goose. I feel like I’m in some kind of backwards land where people just make shit up. It’s so strange anymore.

[@christinasportiello8940]

@@chevyblueangel coverts are always the victim. Not only have I read about it and studied it I have been around it my whole life.

[@user-qh8lb5cx6j]

Thanks to you both, this has really helped me. You've given me a new perspective. I came out of a 13 year relationship/marriage that started right out of HS. We had 5 kids together. I was discarded 4 years ago. I basically went from being loved and admired, for the most part, to the worst person who ever lived and with that came a lot accusations, lies, flying monkeys, gaslighting etc. To the point I lost everything including custody; and it goes on to this day on SM where I have no presence anymore. The hardest part has been forgiving her and trying to be truly empathic, and makes sense of it all. This has really helped thank you both so much.

[@dr.beckyspelman]

Thanks for sharing and I’m sad and sorry to hear your story.

[@thegridrunner9976]

I had a very similar experience.

[@nightowl334]

Just a few minutes in but I already wanted to say that I am so, so deeply impressed by the amount of self-awareness and openness. Thank you so much for being so vulnerable with us! The internet can be such a cruel place for people with NPD, so it takes actually a lot of bravery to do this! I am very moved and so happy I came across this interview.

[@boobootheballbreaker2092]

It's fake. She's a narcissist remember😆

[@gentlemanx7987]

This seems so open and honest. I am thanfull for every single one of us that finds a doorway into healing. We need to remember - we, that are the world - made this. We created this. Through trauma. In fact, we created everything. And every single one of us is traumatized in one way or another. Let's heal. Together. Empathy. Love. Compassion. Many thanks. Much love.

[@tallyho101]

I don’t understand she’s says she’s dating a sociopath who is a kind person?

[@ravenspace]

She is dating someone with a disorder which they are aware of and have been actively treating for many years. A sociopath is not always unkind to everyone, they mask, they cover up. They are more likely to act out when stressed.

[@Milla768]

I’m have live with a narcissist for 13 years. You don’t want be around of that,trust me. It’s a dangerous for you ,just run

[@WorldReserveCurrency]

I grew up in a family with members with severe Cluster B Personality Disorders. For decades, I didn't know what it was that my mom and younger brother suffered from until recently. I had gone no contact for at least a decade. I recently started dating again I have been matched with numerous women that were on the spectrum. I think the work Kylee is doing is so important. For one, it makes me question a few things. Given that many of us exhibit Narcissism to a certain level and some more extreme, isn't it better that someone is aware of it and working on it than someone that appears to be neurotypical but isn't and isn't getting any treatment whatsoever?

[@daniellakarenina8634]

Bpd and npd are NOT mental illnesses. People are not born with it and it is not a braindefect like autism. Bpd and npd are cluster B personality DISORDERS. It has nothing to do with NEUROTYPICAL brains

[@Marie-uf5gj]

Paranoid personnality disorder is probably the most massivelly un-diagnosed personnally disorder of all time because ppd sufferers are good at avoiding that.

[@justbecause9618]

I ain't no Doc. But I was a cab driver in a small town in Kansas. I carried a great many people over about a decade. They talk. Is actually amazing what people will tell you in a taxi... As a result of that and my own mental problems (Killed a woman late at night as she was walking along the road wearing all black when i was 21) and subsequent attempts to help myself and others. I came away with this truth: I can put a mental illness label on every single human I have ever met. I am relatively certain I have Social Anxiety Disorder with anger affect. Only child, moved a lot, lots of head trauma due to reckless behavior and fights lol. Finally I remembered somethin my grandmother taught me. She had a third grade education and was Country, if ya dig. She said "Pull your head out of your ass and make yourself useful" Even a "Mental Problem" can be a tool. My anxiety disorder, i am convinced, is why I have driven for a livin for nigh on 20 years of my life with no major accidents... I trust no one ya dig lol

[@RAralar]

The eyes never lie even though the person may. One look gave me the chills

[@jovanatrninic5166]

Yes I experience the same.. can you imagine you have a mom with the same eyes😢

[@jovanatrninic5166]

Is that look at 6:12min? I got chills on that look. This is bizare.

[@heide-raquelfuss5580]

​@@jovanatrninic5166 My mom too. As a baby, she holding me, giving me the bottle, i avoided her eyes. I never liked to look at her eyes. I felt never safe, loved, sherished with her eyes. She was disapointed, mad, because i looked where my father was, while she was giving me the bottle. Till this day...her eyes crush me every time. I have to admit, i am broken totally. She managed to even kill my dog, because she saw how much i cared about him, kissing him, giving him love, i never gave to her. For the first time i smacked her face and sai i will NEVER FORGIVE HER FOR THIS AND NEVER FORGET. I told her you destroy everyone and everything that i love. She had the nerves to ask me why i did not kiss her on her cheeck after 2 days when she went back to her home. I said...why i do not like kissing you? After you killed my dog?

[@questfortraquility]

Yes! I came to the comments to see if anyone else mentioned it!!

[@vuvify]

you people are ignorant

[@KillTheFear]

This doesn't make sense.

[@boobootheballbreaker2092]

A bullshitting narcissist. Of course it doesn't make sense.

[@LaidOutBare]

Because narcissist are pure liars they persuade people she’ll even think that she can persuade the therapist so you don’t even know what she’s saying. If it is the truth or not they’re very dangerous. People gaslighting is actually disgusting.

[@LaidOutBare]

She also love the attention of this. She’ll be very proud of what she’s been doing. They love it they love to be validated with everything so this attention will make her even worse or more clever about being a narcissist. Take it either way I was brought up with narcissist I can detect a narcissist now thank God,years though it took me ….

[@boobootheballbreaker2092]

@@LaidOutBare100%. She loves indulging her narcissism this way.

[@bad.chickie66]

@@LaidOutBareoh like Dr. Ramani who banks on narcissism videos? 😂

[@JasonGoldstein78]

It's all about avoiding shame. You shouldn't beat yourself up... The dynamics of your personality actually prevented you from seeing it. And if you can't see it, you can't understand or change it. Everyone is doing the best they can.

[@StopTheCatcher]

on point!

[@heatherhall3452]

Avoid accountability more to the point

[@StopTheCatcher]

@@heatherhall3452 Avoiding accountability is the direct result of fear of shame. Anyone who makes wrong decisions makes themselves ashamed. That's why they avoid accountability right away.

[@paulaoppedisano6460]

What I’ve learned over 35 years in AA, therapy and working in the addiction and mental health field is a person is committed to their own recovery process. It’s a total personal overhaul and a lot of people are really disordered yet they do get well. We all need support to grow and change and I think setting limits & boundaries from the start are the greatest help to all because they create safety to heal.

[@heatherhall3452]

Being in AA for 35 years have you noticed how Jesus has been whittled down and eventually removed from the 12 Step program ? I’ve only ever been as a support person, but I always liked the AA book which I have here in a box somewhere

[@javierbravo7509]

Rotten people. Now they wanna "heal" because knowledge about them is spreading and of course we all have to, again, dance to their music and pity them. "Look how great I am now that I can heal and be so great. I was the worst but I'm now over it, keep praising me". MORE OF THE SAME. Of course they have to make it public, they can't try to change quietly or just disappear in shame. They have to involve us in their process/acting and show off how elevated they are. Avoid them and isolate them. They don't change and that's why even therapists can't stand them. We can move on, they don't. FY. :) If you just want to share your experience there is no need to read and answer all comments... well, here's mine. 👍

[@averyintelligence]

you lack empathy and compassion. very ironic

[@javierbravo7509]

​@@averyintelligence I have immense empathy and compassion for anyone who has encountered or crosses paths with these abusive people, and for the global population actually, as we have to endure more people like this every day. Of course, I don't even blame them, but they can go screw themselves alone.

[@JasonGoldstein78]

God's plan is perfect, and everyone is doing the best they can. I'm so sorry you lost your ability to believe in the impossible. I will pray for you.

[@historyandculture6369]

@@javierbravo7509 These people are victims themselves, just because it happens when they were very young, its easy to dismiss them as just evil. I'm not saying you have to like them or interact with them, but dehumanising them isn't exactly empathetic! Most self-confessed empaths are narcissists anyway. Oh look how great I am, I'm so empathetic to your cause, until they're not.

[@user-2Hteyasizyc]

@@historyandculture6369 Its a choice to be evil, and that they are constantly. If you like feeling jaded and bitter then keep playing with those people. You dont need to tell us to go back.

[@Ketami-ch37]

I've never been diagnosed with NPD, but I have BPD and Bipolar. I got out from the relationship with a person with NPS a while ago, I had to end it because I developed a strong suicidal idealization. So, I related to this explanation a lot. Thank you so much for being brutally honest, which is beautiful. I really appreciate it. 🙏

[@millyardopeacecraft9778]

Stay away these people period. Regardless of all the fancy clinical labels everyone try to attach to it. It always comes down to emotional immaturity. Cluster B's are emotional con artist to varying degrees period. And giving them a new platform like this only adds to the perpetual BS they engineer. Peace only to the survivors of these people. Professor Sam Vaknin is the only person to listen to on the subject.

[@Portia620]

He is a NPD too. 😂. Sadly Your right run unless your doing research and maybe this is what she is doing. We need to understand it to possibly find ways to heal it.

[@alwayscreepin]

Never trust them period. Enough said.

[@andybankston8413]

Agree 💯 with this comment, being married to a BPD / NPD diagnosed. Strategic exit, covering all bases, protecting everything and anything that holds value to me, that I’ve worked hard for is my current situation and plan being followed right now until I feel that I’ve somewhat covered as many bases as possible. Readying myself for the battle to come. What I’m facing… 8 years of marriage, a 6 year old daughter, I’m the sole income provider, she’s a stay at home mom, large retirement, 401k and pension. I live in a community property state that heavily favors women in family court. And shit is about to get real😓

[@chakralove4300]

Only listen to Sam Vaknin lol 😂 That’s sounds a little cultish … be careful

[@andybankston8413]

@@chakralove4300 “ The night time is the right time, the night time is the right time”

[@robanjel]

Props to Kylee. I love to see the self reflection and strength. I co parent with a Bordeline. Im pretty sure. Have been discarded multiple times. Went no contact for over 2yrs she communicated through my mother. My mother unfortunately passed. And then ex came back. We slowly began spending time together. I was smarter and wiser. But… was still addicted to her to be honest. She then pretended to reminisce with me and was wishy washy about dating again. That wasn’t the case. Her behavior eventually changed. Being sneaky and pushing me away. I then broke and reacted. Discarded. I relapsed again. But, I feel a little more resilient or about self love. Really hurts though. Trying hard not to ruminate.

[@JenZenFlo]

Excellent, highly educational and insightful content; thank you for this!! CONGRATULATIONS to the lovely young lady being interviewed and having overcome SO MANY obstacles!💖

[@AD-hh6dd]

Genuine question…how can someone with antisocial personality disorder be a kind and loving person? They lack empathy and a regard for others…

[@cosmic_elle]

I think she mentioned she and her partner don’t experience empathy the same as others who do not share their diagnoses. So maybe what they perceive as love, kindness, and empathy between the two of them wouldn’t be recognized as such amongst others? I don’t really know, but if it works for the two of them in their relationship that’s great for them~

[@ameliorategrey]

It's possible that you forgot those years growing up because it was chaotic. I don't remember a lot of that age range in my life, because home life was incredibly hectic. Not at a place where I can afford therapy, but I appreciate the content.

[@Ms.Norths.Musings]

It's very hard for those who have been in an abusive relationship with a narcissist who are really traumatized for life. It erodes your very faith in Humanity, Love and Relationships. So I totally understand where the negativity comes from. However, you are self aware where as most Malignant Narcissists and Sociopaths are not. You are literally on the very edge of a minority. Your self awareness is good. You are the rare Jem who truly sees yourself honestly and is aware and tries to change MOST do not. That's why people are leery. You can be in a relationship for year and until the mask slips and you realize what a fool you've been you don'ttruly understand. The veil drops. It's a reality check and Earth shattering.

[@heatherhall3452]

Your comment should end at Sociopaths are not. Stick to the facts we know 😉👍🏽

[@godsgrace5777]

As a Therapist, I know a diagnosis does not go into remission. It’s not a disease.

[@caterinadelgalles8783]

EXACTLY.

[@belove9]

Every single diagnosis in the DSM was voted into existence by the APA without any type of scientific or measurable testing to prove them. Psychiatrists kill hundreds of thousands of people every single year with 💊 chemical lobotomies aka psych meds. Anyone who has symptoms of BPD has experienced trauma that is trapped in the nervous system. I do believe people can heal from trauma. 🙏

[@JasonGoldstein78]

@@godsgrace5777 can you clarify something for me? I'm not a therapist, a psychologist or a psychiatrist. However, God did give me a brain.... so I use it. Our personality, or the collection of psychological, and emotional, reactions to external stimuli, is essentially who we are.... correct? If those reactions are never "reality tested" or analytically compared to the collective norm (due to emotional and psychological avoidance), how would a person know that what they are doing is wrong? What if, say in the instance of a very attractive female, she continually surrounds herself with "yes men" and never seems to run out of a supply of fresh (not yet immorally saturated) victims. Could this person possibly live the majority of their life completely ignorant to their abusive and toxic behaviors?

[@yavrum22]

There are treatments beyond cognitive behavioral therapy that can assist tremendously with many mental disorders. EMDR is the first one that comes to mind. I don’t understand how you can Not see mental disorders as a disease Anyway, good luck @godgrace5777

[@amandapark7786]

I’m ready for these people to stop being platformed. The comments of how impressive and self aware they are will only feed their need for attention. The pats on the back are not helping. Let’s platform the people who are struggling to put the pieces together after one of these “relationships”. Also Covert Narcissism and BPD might as well be the same thing. NPD and BPD are already a Venn diagram with an enormous shared center piece.

[@KyleeRackam]

Comments like these are why people should be consuming more content like this (not necessarily saying it has to be from me, but from anyone with stigmatized disorders): society holds extreme vilified preconceptions for certain subsets of people. I’m a narcissist, I was abused by a narcissist, I’m still healing from it years later. My content is about recovery, accountability, and symptom reduction, it is NOT to condone abuse or toxicity, ever. Identifying and acknowledging that people like this exist and that it’s possible to not just keep them confined in ‘evil’ boxes allows growth and expansion for everyone, and gives people with narcissistic traits or behaviors a greater chance to look within and heal. If people hate narcissists so much, they shouldn’t disparage the ones who are trying to actively break the cycle. I sympathize with any trauma you’ve endured from people with personality disorders, and I hope you can heal. I sincerely mean that. You deserve happiness.

[@projectpiano5231]

That's an understandable concern that platforms can act as supply. I think in a way giving platforms to NP/BP folks IS giving a platform to people who're trying to pick up the pieces, because in the majority of cases NP/BP develop from trauma. It develops from growing up in an unsafe environment and I think having a platform can in a way be safe because it's a way to have a voice and hear other's voices. Personally in the video it rubbed me the wrong way when Dr. Spelman kept praising certain behaviors/thoughts that Kylee did (though I know the praise was well-intentioned and I'm also not intending to critique) but I also think there's value in seeing people with the disorders talk. At least for me I feel like a lot of my healing has been done by hearing someone with the conditions talk about their experiences, what led to development of the conditions, and what the person did in relationships, because it helps me vicariously through them understand/process what happened in my relationships and grieve. I'm not sure if that's healthy/always healthy but I think it's helped me/been a starting point which is what counts imo. In any case I wish you and anyone else reading this comment the best. Edit: I think the preference toward hearing people who've been in relationships with NP/BP folks vs hearing NP/BP folks themselves talk could be related to preference toward CBT vs psychodynamic-like therapy. Personally I lean a lot toward psychodynamic-like therapy/shadow work/etc. . I'm curious what your experience is on this. I feel that for me, understanding is what lets me grieve and move on. If I become aware of everything that's happening then I can surrender/accept the past and know how to be safer in the future and also handle other's personality vulnerabilities/unmet needs better in the future (whether that means trying to have more perspective in some cases, or leaving if I'm not equipped/able to have a relationship). It helps me know what boundaries I need. I'm not formally diagnosed but I've been colloquially diagnosed with ASD (to clarify, I mean autism) by multiple friends and pretty much fit the bill for it which I think may be related to understanding what happened helping me so much in processing and grieving. I think in any case, the more people's voices we can hear and still be able to maintain critical discourse about, the better. Just my two cents. Thanks for your comment.

[@sweetluvgurl]

Amanda, you don’t sound like such a great person yourself. Might want to reevaluate yourself and become a little more self aware.

[@JasonGoldstein78]

That was my biggest takeaway was learning to love myself after 45 years

[@daynaclift2276]

We don't need to have compassion, understanding or awareness of abusers with personality disorders. They have done enough damage and do not deserve compassion.

[@TallGlass-fh8qf]

Maybe not compassion, idk. But nothing is wrong with being aware of and understanding abusers whom were not born that way. Kaylee is an example of someone who was medically gaslit into a survival response, which caused her to enter a primal mindset that it’s either her or others-she chose herself (and _not_ in the moral sense). The exact opposite happens for codependents-they choose others (in an _unnecessarily_ moral sense).

[@boobootheballbreaker2092]

Thank you👏👏👏

[@DevoidVoid]

Abusers also are normal people. You sound like you are possibly abusive yourself.

[@Andypandieful]

1:41 medical gaslighting is not unusual I find.

[@boobootheballbreaker2092]

She’s a narcissist, remember?

[@Angels_Tender]

I think it's important to distinguish that, like anyone, a narcissist cannot change UNLESS they want to change. The mistake most narcissist victims make is believing they can change the narcissist. In truth, the only person one can change is oneself. "Help yourself...[and] love yourself first" are the true gems of advice in this video. Thanks for sharing your story and perspective. Excellent video. As someone with personality and anxiety disorders diagnoses, I know managing one's own behaviors is a daily challenge that is difficult work. It is work I will have to do everyday for the rest of my life. It takes great determination, focus, and strength. I wish everyone took the responsibility for their own behaviors that this young lady demonstrates. Not just people with diagnosed MH disorders, but everybody. If everyone took personal responsibility for their own behaviors, like she is, the world would be a better place. Good luck with your social media goals and dreams and keep "fighting the good fight."

[@cameronmacdonald772]

I want to believe that a narcissist can change for the better. But if the narcissist who hurt me called me up to apologize; it's not that I don't want to forgive her, it's that I would struggle to believe her. I would want to believe her but I would be concerned that I was just being naive. Even just watching you I found myself guarded and skeptical, though I want to believe you; and regardless, I wish you the best and have empathy for you. Ugh. After watching this video, I feel like a tortoise surrounded by scorpions looking for a ride across the river.

[@MrCopierre]

What a nice, interesting interview. I was abused by many narcs and had relationship with a bpd. I feel like forgiving now to all those narcisisstic people, thanks to this lady. I admire her willpower and selfawareness. All the bests Kylee ❤

[@jezabelmarcanopabellon9748]

A person can understand something in a rational way without being empathic.

[@Corina-dq2my]

Yes. True.

[@skyleawood2649]

I believe you meant "empathic". Yes. NPD is characterized by cognitive empathy and not emotional empathy. Very manipulative. Actors.

[@averyintelligence]

well yh its called intellect and it has nothing to do with emotions. intellectualisation is a common way to avoid emotions

[@samsamed2370]

she is a very good talker

[@heatherhall3452]

Too good

[@davidbarwood5313]

I think you are brave and honest , I can relate a little bit... I can't articulate it as well as you , but it was my hardest times that forced me to look, gain awareness, then shifts happened naturally I'm still trying to heal ,so your account is priceless ❤

[@deviantc]

Great interview. Insightful and genuinely helpful information from an incredibly articulate, well-spoken individual who understands these conditions from experience. Thanks for sharing.

[@AristotleFullThrottle]

Every person with BPD I’ve known has made claims that “no doctors could figure out what was wrong” with them. Not making a judgement, just an observation.

[@DevoidVoid]

Because they just give you pills and label you as depressed or very anxious... That's not helpful to getting healthy 😂 Observing people is a good indication you have some form of pathology going on btw. That's the first thing that clued me in.

[@sunflowerroark5170]

I admire your courage to explore answers and to survive through it all. Medical gaslighting is real.

[@Mirka-tq1ji]

Wow, I really needed to hear how BPD and NPD people see others as objects and extensions of themselves. it makes so much sense now. I feel like as someone who dated someone I suspect has BPD I was never able to grasp how is it possible to just leave the deep connection that we had. But now I finally have a clear view of how he saw me and that he didn't see as a deep connection and he never really saw me which is so true!!!! Thank you so much for sharing and being so honest and giving us the perspective and truth of how things are. This is literally the first time in years I have a sense of real understanding and even closure about what happened!

[@TallGlass-fh8qf]

I’m beginning to believe the same thing. That both NPD and BPD disordered people want us to literally play a role (minor or major) in their fantasy or stage play. It seems NPD’ers want people to supply the reinforcement that they _are_ their false self-whether good or bad-and are ‘the greatest’ or ‘most deserving.’ While it seems BPD’ers want people to supply the reinforcement that they _have_ a true self-whether good or bad-and as a result are ‘finally’ deemed good enough to be rightfully deserving. The combination of these as comorbid has to be excruciating and exhausting for _both_ the disordered person, and the healthy individual.

[@charlesallen897]

This was enlightening. Thank you @KyleeRackman and Dr. Becky Spelman.

[@MoonLeaf_RaquelLeBaudour]

What a terrific interview! 🍃👌🏽🍃

[@snezhanabanana7493]

Such an amazing interview! I love how accurately the behavior, thoughts and feelings of a person with NPD and BPD are described. It helps me a lot to better understand myself and people in my life with similar traits. Thank you so much Dr. Becky Spelman and Kylee Rackam🙏

[@Kristen10-22]

I was witness to horrific physical abuse my mom did to my dad from age 10 & up. She’d rip him apart. She too was super manipulative and downright mean to especially me. Corporal punishment in my home was the norm

[@kmsongbird]

I had a collapse of the ego through a no contact from my son that lasted 2 years. Prior to this I had no idea I was narcissistic. Through the crisis period, after the initial shock and despair and meltdown, I started studying to try to understand why he would do what he did, and learned all about this and, because I was praying for insight as well, I want to say God put a mirror to my face and made me wake up and SEE. I'm studying as much as I possibly can. It is constant repentance, and will be something I am practicing the rest of my days, because, like Kylee, I NEVER ever want to hurt another human soul again. God help me; God help us all.

[@user-xu7ri4iu3y]

Hi great video i have ADHD and autism and bpd and narcissistic traits. I believe their is a spectrum.

[@Kari.F.]

Yes, there's definitely is a spectrum. I think that's true of most diagnosis, both physical and psychological or mental ones.

[@TheBetheriemommie]

You aren't alone, there are a lot of people like us out here.

[@mirandacox3751]

I agree

[@TallGlass-fh8qf]

There is a spectrum within each perspective disorder, as well as each comorbidity. The areas in ones life where ADHD creates a hindrance can cause one to seek those needs either in a borderline manner, a histrionic manner, or a narcissistic manner. Typically this is how the overlap into other disorders begins for those whose original diagnosis was ADHD.

[@a44489]

I believe its social services by splitting up my normality and using one side with the other and purposely creating these health issues.

[@vuvify]

thank you for being the strong enough to share and to be so self aware you are trying to help others and ignore the people with ignorant comments you're an inspiration and I commend you for having the strength to do what other people do not

[@crux321]

her anti social partner is more social than the narcissist. let that sink in people. these conditions come in all shapes and sizes

[@user-bo1xn7ym5i]

Thank you both for this interview 🙏 @KyleeRacham, blessing to you for your bravery, honesty and sharing all of it with us🙏👏❤️ I have been in heavy relationship with the narcissist and especially and therefore someone like me, I would love to thank you for all, to support you and to wish you all the best ❤

[@Naturehealingperspectives33]

Ry for sharing. It's so important to not villanize the NPD but bring true awareness for what it is and toheal this collective.

[@libragal1750]

I can't believe how relatable this is. I have done so many of these things in relationships. 😦

[@YvonneMobley-uq1tl]

Kylee, you f ing go chicky, I am so proud of you. You have grown a huge sac and I commend you for your brave courage. You are beautiful, smart, worth your weight in diamonds and genuinely doing the world a solid with your honesty and compassion . You are kicking it's ass all the way to victory. "To The Victor Belong The Spoils". (That's You ).

[@boobootheballbreaker2092]

Cool. Be her friend😆See how long she can chew you for before you top yourself or she spits you out (the discard).

[@VICK18009]

Wow thank you so much this was so informative. I believe I have BPD and I was dating someone with NPD and I can relate a lot to all you are saying. I didn't know BPD & NPD can occur in one person but with personality disorders I'm learning something new everyday.

[@60nygal]

Oh wow years actually decades of environmental illness coupled by many years of gaslighting ..from medical to families to friends. .... multiple losses leading to homelessness has actually changed my personality terribly ..I I've noticed the shift .:-( actually identify with lots of these behaviours ( yikes ) My God I feel horrible becoming so cruel ...I wish I could find help. I've isolated myself to avoid conflict my health continues to spiral.. Bravo to you.!!!❤ A beautiful honest soul... I'm celebrating your courageous heart .. Life is exhausting

[@annehedonia156]

You've been traumatized. These are all symptoms of PTSD / CPTSD. It will take time to find yourself again, but I recommend Richard Grannon.

[@wattsinaname6975]

@@annehedonia156 LOL that's about the worst person you could recommend.

[@AskenEman]

OMG That was amazing. I was traumatized at 10 years old when I felt responsible for a teammate's death. I was diagnosed with BPD about 11 years ago at the age of 43. I took medication for 3 years, and then it happened to me again when I was 46 when my best friend committed suicide. My dad ended up calling the psychiatrists office. I don't know what he said, but they called me to make an appointment. I wasn't able to make it for the first time ever, and they booted me. So, I've been on my own figuring out my own way without "help". It's been rough, I've lost a lot of friends. But, I am better than ever feeling like a million bucks these days. I'm pretty much all alone, but, hey, hope is all I need. Thanks for sharing. It was really informative.

[@AskenEman]

@@rachmcd160 Thanks for the advice. I'm not really a believer in psychiatry anymore. I'm not interested in taking their drugs. I appreciate your sentiment, though. Cheers.

[@AskenEman]

@@rachmcd160 I love you. ❤️

[@AskenEman]

@rachmcd160 I would, however, love to talk to the person who gave this interview. After the first incident, I could not stop crying at practice. So, one of the coaches began teaching me martial arts with some of the other of the best athletes to help me control my mind. It was the best thing that ever happened to me. I believe that it saved my life. I am very fortunate. Thank you for being you.

[@leam1425]

I think a lot of self proclaimed "Empaths" on here might be Narcissists. 😂 It's very concerning.

[@trishawaldrop6830]

Yussssss.....it is.....🧐

[@Scarletpimpanel73]

I appreciate this but I find it hard to know how to parse it ... I mean, NPD is self referential (positive and negative). It's recursive to try to analyze where the reality is and the delusion begins. It's just intrinsically hard to parse a conversation with a person discussing their own NPD ... It's an interesting discussion and I don't actually know how I feel about it. I can't like it - as I'm not sure if I do.

[@cameronmacdonald772]

This video makes me feel like Charlie Brown looking at the football.

[@MissAndDav]

Have a look at 6:10 in the video. It appears to be a 'mask slip'. Uncomfortable to see her expression whilst contemplating what the other person is saying & how to play it.

[@blackxcherry22]

I've had the same mystery visual issues since I was about 12 myself. I've been going to the best eye doctors in my state and they all tell me I'm either crazy or that they just don't know. Hasn't made me a narcissist, but I've definitely experienced other mental and health issues due to the trauma and stress of thinking I'm going blind everyday.

[@mariacadavidgaviria2066]

Her sincerity is just one of those things that rebuilds hope in humanity evolution

[@jazz_honey]

Great interview, and extremely knowledgeable. However, I fear this information can be dangerous for those who need help, and possibly misguide folks into false hope and continue to be used and abused.

[@KyleeRackam]

I want to add to your comment then: to anyone who is dating someone with NPD, BPD, or any other disorder and they’re mistreating you, do not hold out hope that they’ll change. Disorders never justify abuse or toxicity, and you need to put your well-being first. Otherwise, you will lose yourself in a relationship that will break you down and cause a lot of psychological damage. It took me YEARS of intensive therapy until I was finally able to have healthy connections with people. I spent years prior to that emotionally hurting others. Just because one person with a disorder who was once not a nice person is going to therapy and attempting to make a change, that isn’t a hall pass for anyone who is currently with someone who is abusing them- especially if they aren’t self-aware, aren’t holding themselves accountable, and aren’t putting in any changes.

[@averyintelligence]

the get some boundaries.

[@samanthajones4928]

I love your self awareness, it’s like you almost have to become an expert of your own diagnoses.

[@pbj7890]

Nope. Run. Run for your life.

[@AdaptiveApeHybrid]

Ain't none going for you, you could jog

[@Phillip1220]

run!

[@reneelibby4885]

Many psychiatrists agree that NPD is almost impossible to treat. It's not a "myth" if there is a medical consensus.

[@DevoidVoid]

BPD was impossible to treat and was the general consensus at a certain period of time. It used to be considered a female only disorder despite men also having the disorder and it being 50/50.. Therapists and medical professionals and are also humans liable to engaging with stigma and in crowd and out crowd behaviour. Idk what you're purpose of this statement is... Humanity all dies when we give up and give ourselves to the abyss.

[@GeminiPlatypus]

I find it interesting that so many people with PD's report neurological and psychical problems alongside it. Obviously it is caused by trauma but personally I believe the structural and functional changes to the brain and body are overlooked in the medical setting.

[@justmichael6628]

Agree 💯 percent with your comment .

[@Lucy-ie8qw]

Fantastic Interview!! Thank you so much Becky and Kylee. So informative.

[@dr.beckyspelman]

@@Lucy-ie8qw glad you liked it