Project Kennel & Archangel Station | Humans are Space Orcs | HFY | TFOS1137

[@RealengoPrimordialDemon]

Making cats and dogs live as long as humans would be the most espectacular thing ever in the history of the human race.

[@IRMentat]

lifetime minus 20 would make more sense, adult adoption for a lifelong companion that wouldn't suffer should said companion die of old age first. either way adoption of pets would become a much more formal thing at that point because abandonment of a fad-purchase would have far more long term consequences to the companion animal (it's not nice, but it does happen).

[@Ghost-jx5hj]

But you gotta think about all the experiments born dog fetuses I doubt people would be happy with the deformed first dogs

[@RealengoPrimordialDemon]

@@IRMentat I agree but i bet if someone find the way to extend the lifetime of pets legislation will be created to protect pets and making a high crime to abandon or the mistreatment of pets. Someone killing a dog or cat on purpose or by negligence would get the death penalty in my book. Never mess with the fluff.

[@Amoth_oth_ras_shash]

only thing better would be to help them hitch that last snag and be able to be full blown citizens... but i guess that also merit a size change at least for some canines and most cats just for 'convenience' so to speak hmm

[@kopkaljdsao]

I think that's the best pun I have heard so far (2nd story).

[@alpheausfeltham9532]

That was the longest setup for a pun I've heard in a good while.

[@Theminecraftian772]

I had to look back at it after I read this comment because I completely missed it. Too busy thinking about the various symbologies for the names and what their bay's do.

[@BrazenBard]

@@Theminecraftian772 Yeah, I read up on the Archangels to get things as thematically appropriate as possible. ;)

[@johns9652]

That was the biggest setup for a 'DadJoke' I have seen in a looooooooonnnnngggg time. On par with some of the Rick Roll stories.

[@Destroyer_V0]

Whoever organized the pyrotechics in the second story, or whoever designed the station to be heavily reinforced around that section of the station. good job. You have allowed a meme.

[@gmailquinn]

Best way ti test equipment: give to a soldier and watch them find 50 ways to break it, so reinforcing the military section is common sense

[@charnor2727]

@@gmailquinn only 50?

[@loganshaw4527]

Alright who made the Michael Bay AI?

[@TheLastGarou]

...😮 An old man, leaning on a broom, that not everyone can see. In *Uriel* Bay. Nice Dresden Files reference. 😎👍

[@SittingOnEdgeman]

... shit, I completely missed that. That is AWESOME!

[@isaackinsley1662]

I knew that sounded familiar! Thank you for pinning it down, that was bugging me something fierce.

[@BrazenBard]

Second author here. Gotta love Mr. Fluffles' legacy; a nice exploration of what we'll do for our furry friends. As for my story, I make no apologies. Well read, as always.

[@thirg424]

Good story. I like how you did that.

[@BrazenBard]

@@thirg424 I've been working on the base premise for some time, but expanding it into a full-fledged shaggy dog story took some fine-tuning. Gotta love having a broad base of references, though; not many outside of Catholics might smell that punchline coming, far as I know.

[@S4t4n_NZ]

Awesome work. Thank you

[@dankboi666]

Honestly, one of the best puns i’ve heard in an HFY story

[@BrazenBard]

@@dankboi666 Why thanks. And there've been some stinkers.

[@petuniasevan]

Isaac Asimov would have approved.... he wrote several entire short stories JUST for the pun. Look up "Death of a Foy", "Shah Guido G.", and "Sure Thing".

[@fro5235]

That was a long way to go for a joke. Worth the trip, though. Truly groan worthy.

[@greyclydesdale]

Story 1: "For Russ and the Allfather!" Story 2: the Michael Bay.... *Snort*

[@chrisdufresne9359]

The Swarm fled from my work boots, thus saving my socks. Also, Archangel Station reminds me of The Babylon Project from Babylon 5.

[@534thnaniteswarmleader7]

The swarm never flees from a sock... But you might wanna check for snakes before putting them back on...

[@chrisdufresne9359]

@@534thnaniteswarmleader7 The Swarm runs from the biological terrors that are my work boots. They're on for at least 10 hours straight daily in 80 degree weather.

[@Kratos7560]

I was just watching an episode of that show as I read this comment.

[@kleinjahr]

So, space orcs riding wargs.

[@santiagoperez5431]

The ending of story two made me chuckle hard

[@Monster_Ink]

Loved the pets one The second one, they saw a chance and run with it for all it's worth 🤣 For the algorithm!

[@hunterv9983]

If I were riding my giant canine steed into battle and witnessed it's death, I'd be John Wicking the poor bastards who killed Khan.

[@reighniz4488]

That last one had me rolling my eyes. All that for a pun.

[@thereprehensible435]

Fenrir... A fitting name for super-massive, loyal and ferocious best fren doggos. I wish I could ride and hug such a huge and affectionate doggo.

[@greenrena8503]

Tweak the fur color a bit, give him a bionic flamethrower. Bingo! Instead Arcanine. And I would gladly sell a kidney to have one. Maybe even my own!

[@Destroyer_V0]

@@greenrena8503 CYBERNETICS AUGMENTATIONS SAYS YES

[@loganshaw4527]

The wolf's of wolf's a fenrir makes a wolf look like a dog in comparison.

[@TheFoxfiend]

That end, basically "no we aren't under attack, the armaments guys just love showing off."

[@yomogami4561]

loved the idea behind the first story i especially appreciated the pun in the second story 'michael bay' indeed

[@kennethhummel4409]

Humans, we all love our furry faced companions wether it’s a dog, a horse at an African cheetah!

[@534thnaniteswarmleader7]

The Michael bay joke made 3% of my swarm spontaneously combust...

[@citizen_grub4171]

Great. The space orcs have wargs, now.

[@carlfromtheoc1788]

Archangel, the 6th Babylon Station......... Emperor Molari approves.

[@discusmaximus]

For the Author(s), for the narrator Agro Squirrel, for the algorithm !!!

[@Hellsong89]

First story: Intense gasmask noises intensify even more Second story: God dammit, i see what you did there....

[@johnowen9349]

That was a wonderful work up to a Michael Bay Pun.

[@greyclydesdale]

Attend to Me Sleipnir! *giant 6 legged armored, Armed warhorse approaches*

[@ericlestick7325]

Archangel Station was like one, long Dad joke. It was horrible. It was magnificent.

[@SvenneMEan1337]

First story hit hard with havin' to put down my cat (Idi Amin, yes we name all our cats after despots and tyrants :D ) earlier this year.

[@Warutteri]

Oh yes, that story definitely got me tearing up a bit, I've had to bury two dogs so far (and given how much happiness those furry balls of love bring to my life I suspect I'll bury many more in due time 😭 *scratching my dog behind his ear lovingly*), the older of the two I got when I was 3 and we grew up together, he slept next to me every night I was home and his death was the single most heartbreaking moment of my life (even the death of my grandfather who I was really close with didn't hit quite as hard, although his long battle with a neurodegenerative disorder that took him from us piece by piece taking about a decade to run its course meant I had basically said my good byes long ago 😔)

[@SuperMcmonster]

You wrote a whole story for a single punchline. I....I'm pretty sure that's worse than a pun. I'm more impressed than mad.

[@BrazenBard]

You're welcome.

[@TheJMPD]

The Michael Bay... LMAO 😂

[@TheSonicfanx1]

Damn, that entire second story was just a setup for a joke lmao

[@radioactiveassassin5218]

in the first story I thought for a moment it would be about how humans created catgirls and then expanded them around galaxy.

[@zotaninoron3548]

That's a long way to go for a Michael Bay burn.

[@James-bw4np]

1st story is best for pet extension! 2nd story best unexpected zinger joke!

[@justsomejerseydevilwithint4606]

that second one was entirely setup for that joke. aha. ha. ha.

[@DEMONOFLOVEANDDEATH]

Praise the Squerril Praise the Author

[@willgallatin2802]

2nd story; Flash bangs are ready for testing, sir.

[@534thnaniteswarmleader7]

Damn human flashbangs... Did you know those things have the tendency to disrupt a Nanite swarm's coordination. Although only for a few seconds...

[@willgallatin2802]

@@534thnaniteswarmleader7 Hmm didn't know these had a EMP component.

[@hogfry]

I listened to a whole ass story for that pun... I can't decide whether I'm disgusted with myself or amused.

[@AgroSquerril]

lol

[@petemarkess9493]

Hehehe the “Michael Bay”

[@allenmorgan1007]

For the Algorithm, for the Author(s), For the Disembodied Voice!

[@edgeelric4245]

Pray noone needs learn of the Lucifer Bay XD

[@generalx13]

GOD DAMNIT sucked me into the story all for that pun.

[@MR0KITTY]

That second story, just for a pun...

[@sherylcascadden4988]

A comment to appease the algorithm and help the channel.

[@loganshaw4527]

In the far off future the return of Michael Bay.

[@litrpgfan1027]

This reminds me a bit of the David Birkenhead book series. Uplifted rabbits, love the series.

[@tedb.5707]

The Michael Bay ....hehhehheh.

[@zirtd9256]

PUNTASTIC!!!

[@malcolmanderson6735]

Oh my God. The lengths the second story went to for such a groaner is either impressive, or sad.

[@BrazenBard]

I will allow "a bit of both" as a canonical answer.

[@KaryxofBeornve]

... story 2... ya got me. I waited for that punchline, and ya got me.

[@AgroSquerril]

:)

[@jeanannd]

As a human, who would not want their beloved cat, dog or horse to live a better, healthier and longer life?

[@YEAHKINDA]

Did they name the bays before, or after, they started to crew the station

[@BrazenBard]

Before. The bays were definitely planned to host the specific departments, according to their patron Archangels.

[@dalemorgan8263]

Mfkn Michael Bay, omg

[@merlinathrawes746]

I can feel for the cat owner. I very recently had to put down one of the family cats due to severe illness. Why do I get the feeling the old man with the broom was more than he seemed?

[@BrazenBard]

A reference to Uriel, as he appears in The Dresden Files.

[@jinxiejae]

Beast masters

[@hughgordon6435]

Ferrets with opposable thumbs??? May the gods have mercy?there's a story there, about the last log of an alien predator having being boarded by human marines, thinks all is well until he realises that there are ferrets with opposable thumbs in the life support systems?

[@angrydragonslayer]

No.

[@chrisdufresne9359]

Release Defense force F

[@greyclydesdale]

Aren't those called Gremlins?

[@hughgordon6435]

@@greyclydesdale just imagine space marines with bio engineered ferrets? 4 times normal size , physic powers to pack bond ,AND opposable thumbs?? Go ferrets!!

[@americanpride5540]

It's Humanity Fuck Yeah not humans are space orcs.

[@elfeater1760]

For the Algorithm11!

[@asandrewsilvaw]

For the algorithm

[@WiredTurkey316]

Second one tho.🙄😆

[@hiddenoath8159]

Still first... still looking for the other sock!!😅🤣😂😂

[@robertcross9863]

I feel like her last sentence was supposed to be a joke I just didn't get

[@BrazenBard]

Michael Bay movies. It's a burn aimed at the movie director. :D

[@genericuser984]

neat

[@kurtismiller9544]

Our companion animals living as long as us? Wonderful thought. Able to be ridden? Amazing. Michael Bay... Flashy but ineffective ROFL

[@nabbitgohome9672]

Why do I feel some Pokémon (kinda) vides from the 1st story

[@carlfranz6805]

A long way to go for a Michael Bay joke. Not entirely sure it was worth it... could be wrong though. Any thoughts?

[@anti-socialmedia8195]

Michael Bay, lol. Excellent joke. I have worked with him. He really does love blowing crap up. To be fair, I do as well....

[@AgroSquerril]

nice

[@IRMentat]

pack bonding good, furrys bad, I approve of the first story. second one was a mean way to spring a pointed joke.

[@nocount7517]

All that for a Michael Bay joke.

[@BrazenBard]

I mean, he's made *how many* movies now, that could be considered the same? ;)

[@seanrobert9661]

Paging dr. Franklin

[@josmeijers2818]

F.T.A !

[@AgroSquerril]

For the algorithm

[@arakheno4051]

F.A.S.

[@hollyferay8131]

Huh

[@merlinwizard1000]

138th, 11 January 2024

[@jimmycoyote74]

For the algorithm