7 Signs You Have A Fear of Intimacy

Do you have a fear of intimacy? Do you push people away when they get too close to you emotionally? It can be scary to be intimate and emotionally vulnerable to someone. Having a fear of intimacy is perfectly understandable, especially if you have a history of failed relationships and emotionally distant or absent parents.
Are you looking for relationship advice on how to overcome the fear of intimacy? Before we get to the "how", we need to identify the signs first and understand the psychology behind the fear. If this video described you or someone you know, we've also made a video on the four attachment styles of love to help you understand why you or someone may fear intimacy: • The Four Attachment St...
#intimacy #psych2go
Credits
Writer: Chloe Avenasa
Script Editor: Rida Batool
Script Manager: Kelly Soong
VO: Amanda Silvera
Storyboarder: Yi Lin
Animator: Andrew Allan
KZbin Manager: Cindy Cheong
References:
Watkins, P. C., Woodward, K., Stone, T., & Kolts, R. L. (2003). Gratitude and happiness: Development of a measure of gratitude, and relationships with subjective well-being. Social Behavior and Personality: an international journal, 31(5), 431-451.
Thelen, M. H., Vander Wal, J. S., Thomas, A. M., & Harmon, R. (2000). Fear of intimacy among dating couples. Behavior modification, 24(2), 223-240.
Szymanski, D. M., & Hilton, A. N. (2013). Fear of intimacy as a mediator of the internalized heterosexism-relationship quality link among men in same-sex relationships. Contemporary Family Therapy, 35(4), 760-772.
LeFebvre, L. (2017). Ghosting as a relationship dissolution strategy in the technological age. The impact of social media in modern romantic relationships, 219-235.
Martin, J. L., & Ashby, J. S. (2004). Perfectionism and fear of intimacy: Implications for relationships. The Family Journal, 12(4), 368-374.

[@Psych2go]

Did this video come out during the right timing? Did any of these signs describe you?

[@AGayMess]

I show all of the signs and now I’m a little scared cuz I’m in a ok relationship at the moment and I don’t wanna ruin it ;-;

[@poisoned_durian8]

I haven't experienced it

[@mitalinetam3917]

Yes , all of them How to change this ?

[@priyawonderland]

All are.. Idk.. If I have a actual fear for intimacy... I have All those sign.. And after realising it more.. I feel nervous.. It may lead me to a bad way too. But thanks for making it much more clear😔💜

[@byunbacon1074]

@@priyawonderland Same...I, too, have all those signs.

[@wesercole]

“If you don’t heal from what hurt you, you’ll bleed on people who didn’t cut you.”

[@siralinaomi7200]

Deep

[@user-my8qj]

Very true.

[@brianl8481]

Not if you stay away from others.

[@yourehereforthatarentyou]

@@brianl8481 *taps forehead*

[@EllySoccerstar]

What does that mean

[@soph_c7]

"The only person I can ever truly count on is myself" That hit me hard.

[@MrOssyMoro]

But it's true.

[@johnmcfadden9336]

It’s true. But my problem is I’m a plonker 😃

[@TheKlink]

can't even do that.

[@Mysikrysa]

It reminds me of the motto of some special forces like SAS or SEALS: "If you look for a helping hand, you will find it on your arm." It was meant to describe the fact these forces are the elite, the best of the best, so there´s noone more elite and skilled to save them if they get to some deadly dangerous situation. But it has always resonated with me perfectly even if I´m totally inept for military.

[@soph_c7]

@@TheKlink It all changes the moment you appreciate yourself... Don't let anyone lessen your worth, you deserve better. I recommend you to play "Persona" and "Epiphany" and many more songs by BTS (talks about loving yourself and rlly helped me a lot)

[@_lemon._.pie_4286]

“I can only trust myself “ that’s so true.

[@unknownperson8527]

Me an intellectual: trust no one, even yourself

[@_lemon._.pie_4286]

@@unknownperson8527 thanks I won’t and even now I dont

[@professorcube5104]

I don't even trust that i will do good things, i need help

[@eliasa2318]

That's totally true

[@robinsonnoble1698]

@@_lemon._.pie_4286 see u have to trust in life one need to trust in some ways

[@christysiaw]

Mine is , “ I have people in my life who want to show me love and intimacy but I get scared and push them away “

[@fighterinmkiwiscience3517]

They are pushing you , not you

[@balance9402]

Yeah…and the guilt after .. if you’ve got over it and got some advice for me I’d be grateful

[@koala01111986]

My FA ex pushed me away because of this, he is an FA to a T and completely described here in the video. I'm FA too but more healed and no matter how patient, loving, caring, etc I was, he kept pushing me away and then getting close until he went down heavily and pulled away and built huge walls. The last thing I've done is letting him know that I'm here if he decides to let me in and respect his need for space and being alone right now (he was in full deactivation mode) 😢

[@immapaulsen1885]

when you‘re craving a person until you can actually have them, that‘s the point you‘ll turn and run

[@k-savage2360]

Yasssssssss smh hate it here

[@iheartmarkipliergame]

The self sabotage is real

[@gebackeneketzer5267]

Yep...i've been there.Kinda sucks

[@markh4926]

Yep! One guy keeps telling me about a girl who's always flirting with him. I tell him to ask her out. He says he's afraid of rejection. So he will never ask a girl out even if she is so obvious about her interest. I told him girls will only take that kind of ignoring them for so long then it's 'bye forever dude'.

[@kelseycrawford]

ONG me

[@jocelynmontecinos748]

“You tend to be flaky” Me who went to one psychologist appointment and never returned because they know too much about me.

[@athenatennousu4716]

Bruh this is me

[@katdino8935]

Ahahaha

[@abyyman1671]

damn thats got me feels

[@abyyman1671]

damn thats got me feels

[@CallieRoseMartinsyde]

I've been to lots of counselors throughout my life and I grew to hate every one of them for this exact reason.

[@GoodWillPrevail]

One of the biggest reasons: insecurities about yourself. This is HUGE!

[@Mimkairo]

You're soo right!😩 That suck!

[@ogiyonkelesebane9756]

So true

[@criszellemaeayop4955]

:

[@Sweety-ws7hn]

It sucks.

[@keinsatzohnetippfehler9656]

While hearing all the time: You have to love yourselve in order to make others love you. That sentence is so dicouraging.

[@stephskeeper6161]

I never really considered it as having a genuine fear of intimacy, but I definitely have issues opening up and being vulnerable within relationships.. A part of me really wants to experience that deep, romantic connection with someone, but I have a really hard time talking about things that affect me negatively emotionally and mentally, outside of the relationship because I happen to have this ‘my problems are my own’ mentality, so I refuse to talk about those kinds of things with my partner because I want to ‘keep the peace’ within the relationship. I understand how harmful this is because it just makes my partner feel as if I don’t trust them enough, but it’s definitely something I’m still trying to work on 😪.. Also, I can be very self-deprecating whenever I get involved with someone who I feel is way too good for me. This is sometimes where self-sabotage comes in..

[@stephskeeper6161]

An afterthought lol: Just to be clear, when I say self-sabotage, I don’t mean cheating. But as in purposely distancing myself, becoming more emotionally unavailable, ghosting, etc..

[@MoskusMoskiferus1611]

This was just like me 😔

[@kellyg355]

Literallyyy! 🥲 I struggle with being vulnerable and require a consistent safe space but even then I still find it easier to push away than let them in . Currently trying to work on this

[@kyanajoyce8219]

damn, I feel so seen after reading this comment

[@ysmnazhri]

this is very me . been wondering all these years thinking whats wrong with me . and then when the relationship ends . it brokes me no mercy 😢

[@victoriaxx8532]

I love being there for my friends, but I never ask them to be there for me.

[@aymanhassan5650]

@StarJayGaming 👁️👁️NPC energy?

[@aymanhassan5650]

@StarJayGaming is that a bad thing ?

[@StellaNovaVR]

Yes I rather be there for my friends but I try not to ask from them.

[@StellaNovaVR]

@StarJayGaming I think I'm that way I have trouble starting a conversation if ppl start one though it's easy.

[@antoinelyons5323]

They should be there for you

[@dayarrhea9553]

I like how the main character has a plant on their head. They’re learning. They’re growing 🧡🥺

[@diadousall3827]

Love that for them 😌

[@oliviyalupardus7646]

Never thought of it like that! I like that insight 🥺

[@ryandoherty4291]

I really want to see the plant grow over time, and eventually be just a giant tree on their head.

[@GUTTERWITCH444]

@@ryandoherty4291 this right here

[@anabibi8178]

your name i’m crying

[@MsDancer4Life13]

Anyone else feel sick when they think about actually being in a relationship and all that entails, but also incredibly lonely?

[@labrown530]

YES DEFINITELY ‼️

[@victoriaxd789]

Yes

[@sm0llqueen289]

Yep

[@lust8571]

yes, i crave intimacy but im also afraid of it

[@zakosist]

Kind of feel the same, but to lesser degree for both. In my case I dont really feel the right type of feelings for people around me, I can not certainly say I feel romantically or sexually attracted to anyone directly, and have a hard time imagining what it would be like being physically intimate with each person, even harder being romantically intimate. I dont think anyone around is particularly interested in me either. But part of me still want that intimacy sometimes, and I also want to find a life partner before my older relatives die, so I can still have someone in my life that I am actually close to. It would have to be someone I like and would actually enjoy life with. I think alone is still much better than a bad relationship. I dont expect perfect either in personality or appearance. Maybe a pet is better than a human, but I couldn't have something you need to train like a dog, since I dont have that in me (I still love dogs, but couldn't be the main responsible)

[@an_omniscient_nobody]

What sucks for me especially is that I’m violently flirtatious lmao. This feeling of disgust whenever it comes to committing to relationships I’ve been seeing in the comments is something I resonate so well with. I’ve never been in a relationship before, never experienced any sort of sexual activity, and I’ve ever only let one person- my current best friend- know the disgusting gritty details of my cripplingly low self-esteem and how it affects me. I get scared when people ask me “so what is this?” Or “what do you want to do with me?”, which is honestly so embarrassing bc I just flirt and think nothing of them or I catching feelings. Whenever I do catch feelings, I just bottle it up and let it die because tbh, I can’t see myself in a relationship. I’m really good at making friends, but the thought of being in a romantic relationship turns my stomach despite craving intimacy. Thanks for stopping to read the memoirs of a donkey lmao.

[@LuvCroissant]

Yeah, exact same flirty tease over here smh. Haha.. I am comfortable to the point of the "will we, won't we?" stage and then I can't bring myself to fully love that person. I will self-sabotage or start making them appear like a terribly horrid match so that my feelings for them wane until I can distance myself. Its not a great feeling at all, but I know this is something related to my childhood and how my toxic family treated me. But I have to work on it because I want to be vulnerable with someone, its just so hard and scary.

[@dgaf516]

@@LuvCroissant omg samee

[@seraphimxo3123]

This channel brings us together

[@mokgaetsilamola9310]

This resonated so much. This is so me. I believe most of it is a result of porn - I was exposed at 9yrs n its my only sexual exposure. I think the idea of anything past the pleasure is terrifying.

[@gilezcious]

Super relate to this,.

[@zahrakj5746]

I would like to add 4 more: 8. never been in a relationship before and it's terrifying 9. feeling like you have too many unresolved issues to dump it all on your new partner 10. you can't stand hurting anyone 11. you feel pressured because of the assumption you 'should' be dating at this point so I'd rather try to love myself first then try to love someone else :) I realize all of these could be summarized into me being a damn perfectionist XD Edit: .... i've realised I'm aromantic and asexual guys lol It's so freeing to finally find a word that describes exactly what I was feeling. The reasons above were just me being hard on myself trying to find a reason why I didn't want to be in a relationship. So don't be hard on yourself. You might just not feel romantic or sexual attraction like me 💚💜🤗

[@jasminescott7]

I agree with all of your additional points. I was going to add that a 12. "You haven't dated yet because you want to be "perfect" for you partner" but I think that would fall under perfectionist too. The whole entire video described who I am as a person XD I know it's considered a fear but honestly it's a way a life for me

[@thetongueofangels1882]

☝🏽

[@Ikaros23]

A part of loving yourself. Is to come over our tendency to have superiority and inferiority complexes. By this i meen that this " self" you are going to love is a imperfect entity, thats always changeing. The japanese have consept of " Wabi-sabi" , thats about loving whats imperfect, asymetric, and often broken. It`s a idea that " natures nature" is to constant change to a kind of creative destruction and that this is the natural beauty of beeing sentient.

[@imalive6583]

Only 11

[@jereanellaster2085]

😄

[@lovely-bm2by]

What’s horrible is that I grew up in a normal childhood. My parents gave me a normal amount of love but I still turned out the way I am. I hate being touched and i hate intimacy. I cringe at very sweet and wholesome things that I shouldn’t cringe at and I feel so awkward and weird and I feel like running away when someone shows emotions. Every relationship that i get into makes me feel disgusted and weak so I purposely sabotage them to get away. I don’t know what happened to me. I don’t know why I turned out this way

[@lenyabellemare3918]

Hey, just the fact that you're existing makes you important to me

[@soup5084]

Same it always makes me feel like I'm somehow overreacting because everyone else has had a horrible childhood/relationships. Nothing particularly bad has happened in my life and I still end up with this and other mental health issues.

[@Angecm]

@@lenyabellemare3918 What a lovely sweet thing to say!

[@hope9582]

@@soup5084 I'm like that too, my therapist told me that trauma can manifest in many ways not just big stuff like if u were a sensitive child and your parents were distant it can also be genetics anyways ur feelings are valid

[@conejoblanco3600]

Hey, been in a similar situation, with sexual abuse and whatnot. You can heal. It took effort and going through a lot of pain, but now I have a gf and we're doing alright.

[@notsomuchhere1387]

I'm 22 and I've never been with a guy, the thought of being emotionally and physically intimate with someone makes me want to run for the hills even though it is something that I want Edit: I can't believe how much this blew up and how many people struggle with the same thing, I hope we all find true love one day and learn to overcome this fear

[@kirorupa]

I thought I m th only one... If I even get a hint a guy is interested or about to make his move... I run like I m being hunted.... N I don't know wht is the problem

[@seharabbasii]

@@kirorupa hahahah same 😂😂i can relate to that

[@seharabbasii]

@fennec fox damnnnn this is accurate

[@kirorupa]

@fennec fox hmmm glad to know I m not alone...

[@ITEEZ-]

@fennec fox SAME

[@jenb6412]

Oof. That is me, minus the workaholic bit. It took me six months to even ask someone I like to hang out on a friends level. Being so scared of loss or rejection does not leave one open to the possibility of something that actually does work out. I definitely need to work on this in my life.

[@tender0828]

"The only person you can truly count on is yourself." *true.*

[@NathanDavis508]

“If you want something done you gotta do it yourself”

[@swaaroo]

I always say that 😞 and I still believe that

[@SinisterScoundrel6562]

I'm a go getter, yes indeed!

[@jfishmento4147]

Or an amazing partner. Good luck finding one🙁

[@rnrse9986]

Indeed.

[@littlefishiesinthese]

Me: * already knows I’m afraid of intimacy * Me after this video: * surprised pikachu face *

[@strangeracademy8266]

FREAKING SAME.

[@zana9402]

😂😂😂 same. And after everything fact, I’m like “hey, that’s so me 🤔”

[@noserialkiller3596]

Basically, I avoid relationships because I am incapable of maintaining them. I just want to be left alone but there are times when I want a significant other but the truth is that's not a realistic option. There is nobody out there who wants to stay at home, say nothing and look miserable all of the time like I do. Nobody would find that attractive. I will always be a loner, which can be positive and negative. I find when I'm with people, I feel unhappy. As soon as I'm alone, I feel fine. No Serial Killer.

[@tanishasingh1636]

Bro this is literally me

[@neversaynever9788]

Thats me ✋

[@skymanlordoftheskies]

Relatable

[@simrank6580]

So me bro I just want someone to be home with 24/7 which is like unrealistic at this age

[@eleanorshakespeare8477]

Relatable

[@justkat22022]

"Having a honest emotional connection with someone scares you..." i felt that real hard

[@fortunecookie8312]

I feel like their going to look at me differently

[@kilssj2250]

I know it must be so hard to fight that feeling or that thought but right now I have weirdly strong feelings for somebody that I think sees it the same way you guys do. I don't want him to be scared and I hope you won't always be scared too❤

[@astoldbynickgerr]

@@fortunecookie8312 THIS!!! Someone else has said it! That’s my biggest fear when it comes to being emotionally vulnerable with people! They will look at you differently-that’s what I hate. I hate that. That terrifies me.

[@kanieraliapeng724]

@@fortunecookie8312 yesss

[@kanieraliapeng724]

@@astoldbynickgerr and they wont tell you but you can just see that they see you differently now😭💀

[@mercniwra7733]

Sign 8: You clicked here and watched till the end.

[@Picca65]

No, i just broke with someone anxious, a beautiful creature, but i didn't feel connection sad enough :(

[@GeekZone210]

Yeah

[@drgamerstat66]

Yeah

[@umamii936]

I watched it till the end because I have now found an explanation to behaviour of the person I want to date.

[@arianaventi4673]

Nah just wanted a different perspective

[@Meggi1314]

anyone else afraid intimacy because you’re extremely picky and intimacy never feels right bc they’re not like “the one”? i feel like i don’t relate to anyone and my standards are so high that i avoid everyone bc i know i can’t ever love them. it’s bad

[@horanghaeng]

you may be a demisexual/demiromantic, someone who only feels attraction to certain people, usually those more emotionally attached to you or that you feel more comfortable with

[@musicaltiger6576]

No one will ever feel exactly like you do, but I understand so much with them not being "the one" because I'm so naive that I end up liking people WAY out of my league, then find out they could never like me because I'm me. I'm sure you'll find the right person one day 🙂

[@hollyhunt9043]

I relate

[@theurbanegentleman4550]

Perfection is the enemy of good enough. Define your good enough, and then proceed with someone who meets that standard

[@TK-br2pf]

Literally the story of my life. I find it so hard to genuinely crush on anyone. A lot of the time I feel like Ill be alone forever because I just cant be interested in anyone

[@ithicagrey8833]

This has called me out completely and hit the nail on the head on every point except for being a workaholic. I tend to self-sabotage or try to put myself out there in the dating world only to disappear from it a day later. I hate the idea of being vulnerable with anyone because I'm too afraid that the other person won't want me anymore. It sucks being open about yourself only to be rejected afterward but my fear is in imagining the worst.

[@NenaLavonne]

It can feel threatening to feel that we are letting people in and that they would be able to see what we perceive as flaws or imperfections. But in reality, we are the harshest critics of ourselves, and we are truly worthy of love. ♥️

[@Psych2go]

Thank you for sharing! This is so true

[@bingusbitmy5838]

@@Psych2go It was awesome:)

[@jacktheIV44]

Love? Never heard of her...

[@BCSchmerker]

+FindingAwesome *True in spades for me -- as an autistic, I have a **_strong_** sense of exactness.* Recently I purchased a presser foot (ex-Peerless vibrating-shuttle sewing machine) for my White Model 1 (a Family Rotary in a redesigned shell), found it too tall and too set back; getting it to the exact shape for the Model 1 (viz., with the bottom parallel to the needle throat plate over the feed dogs' entire compass of traction) took a week. "Falling for the wrong ones," however, doesn't apply; I's never able to initiate an interpersonal connection without my several special interests.

[@Milliultimate]

Well said !

[@thetantikibox3253]

there isn’t a day that goes by that i don’t get called out by this account

[@Just1Independent1]

Out the box

[@raveandsweets]

Fr

[@leahshanaia8602]

Ikr

[@charmaine7781]

IK

[@escapethematrix4204]

I’ve been intimate with someone like this. And after watching this video I found myself more empathetic to her and understand why things were between us. I feel that while most of these videos are designed for personal self growth and recognition of your own behaviors, it’s great to be able to see these behaviors in others to develop empathy.

[@keira_heartu]

i daydream about being in a relationship and how healthy it is but once someone is genuinely interested in me i get scared but i dont back off i like the sensation of knowing im loved but i dont want that love or have the mental stability to give it back

[@userm180]

therapy might help you with this. can u try it?

[@okidoki4516]

Yesss. Like all I want is a loving relationship with my dream boy but when I have a chance of getting that I become scared because I don’t know how to do that or if Il be good at loving someone. And then I become scared and panicky, I have no idea why😭

[@squeaktheswan2007]

Same. Other people are creepy to me.

[@normasalas729]

Wow! This reminds me so much of my best friend, he was like this… very loving, we talked every day, I felt comfortable around him a lot. But when I asked him, “what are we?” I thought he was interested in me too cause he would flirt with me, send me gifts, and would say “let’s take things slow….” I was too shy to express my feelings, until that day I finally did. But he was blushing, nervous, panicky, he couldn’t say what we were… until finally he did, when told me “let’s just be friends, and maybe with more time our relationship might naturally process into something more”. We kept talking, I was hopeful… but not too hopeful. I like his company, and the fact that we can talk about anything, there is trust. But my feelings didn’t go away, and suddenly one day calmly with no nervous laughter whatsoever, he told me “I don’t see myself moving to you… I don’t see a future with you.” I was caught off guard, I started to cry, even though it was embarrassing for me to have to show this side of me but also I too was too in love to see the signs. Lesson learned: Focus on the actions. Actions speak louder than words. Someone can say they want a “serious relationship”, but if they are not taking steps to transform a friendship into something more then that doesn’t mean they are a “bad person” it just that they are emotionally unavailable. The last time I heard from this friend was on Tuesday, he called me and we had a friendly conversation like usual, like before that “confession” conversation since then I have not received a text or call from him. I see him online, and I do want to see him… but idk why I feel awkward about it, I didn’t feel like that before. The friendship is something special, during these 2 years we have known each other deeply, its beautiful knowing another who can have these long conversations on the phone (usually we would talk for 1 hour min) and realized, wait let’s carry on the conversation the next day, and even though I can’t ask him to be more than just my best friend… I still care about him. Usually in this situation, if I found out the guy I had a crush on wasn’t ready to give me more or simply did not share the same feelings, I let them go… I stay true to my word about not reaching out, it’s time to flip the page. But here… this situation feels different, possibly because it’s been 2 years of seeing each other mostly everyday, also we both have admitted to each other a this connection we have is something we both have not had with other people of the opposite sex. Is it time to close the book and open up a new one without him in it? Or do we keep talking to each other, not everyday like before, but just only as friends with no hopes like before? I feel lost… why is this so hard??

[@jamiestbaby2933]

same

[@TheHeywasgeht]

yes, but I still don´t see why I NEED to have a relationship? everybody acts like this is the one and only goal in life

[@chloebree7975]

I don't think it's just talking about romantic relationships but also friendships and relationships with family

[@lilianblake]

Thank you!! I understand that from a survival and evolutionary perspective it was necessary but were in the 21st century. We have the capacity to feed, shelter, and protect ourselves. It should be an option not an obligation or need to look for a partner.

[@vratkokabina8967]

No you don't need it. You want it or don't want it. But it's nice to have a relationship and it spices your life up. Only 30% of your happiness can relationship fill.

[@joeclark6413]

The majority of the video can be applied to friendships etc

[@carleflores9065]

You don't need one. The reasons why most people are looking for one, I think, can be traced back to the actual person, their story, their values, their personality, etc. I think if your other relationships are going well and your following your dreams and you feel alright with that, or if that's all you need there's no need to worry about a romantic relationship. But I also think that sometimes we might not want one out of the fear of intimacy as shown here (that's what happened to me anyway) and I have been facing the struggle to open up lately. I found out that really I did want a relationship because it can be very very beneficial to my life, really having that level of emotional connection and intimacy with a person. Actually, even if you don't "need" one in the traditional sense, relationships (and I'm not talking only romantic here) play a role on your mental well being, your success and your overall happiness (I saw that in a study, but I don't have it to link it sorry, it should appear on google scholar if you browse for those keywords). So you kinda do need relationships (not romantic necessarily but relationships overall). I think sometimes we can rationalize ourselves out of needing one because of the fear (or at least, once again that's what happened to me). So conclusion. We don't necessarily need a romantic partner, but we do relationships overall as their good for our mental health. Also that doesn't have to compete with our other life goals. And something very importan I'd say is to analyze oneself to find out if we are rationalizing ourselves out of the idea of needing relationships or if it's truly that romantic relationships just don't seem too appealing. And at the end of the day that is just my own experience with life and the things I've read. I hope everything goes well for you.

[@luvapril3414]

I'm 17. I'd rather ace my studies, go to good college, have a great job and possibly buy a house, THEN I'll find a partner for myself. Some people tell me it might be too late to find love by then, but I'd rather learn to be independent first than be dependent on someone that will possibly leave you anytime. Or maybe I just have trust issues lol

[@suhapatrawala]

You are totally right. It’s better to find someone after you have got what you wanted THE MOST. Cuz as we progress, we change. Who we liked a year ago may not be the one we care about today. It’s okay to be independent and also depend on your partner. I hope you achieve all that you want.

[@ellef5296]

This is so me. Dating is overrated anyways.

[@dhiyasadanandan8706]

Don't shut it off entirely though. Focus on building yourself up but keep an eye out for a good partner, there is never any guarantee of when you will meet them.

[@salliy9284]

Yes, I've found someone who thinks the same as me:))

[@anonanon9737]

I’m now in my third year of college still focused on my goals and still single :) you’ll be okay. Time after high school goes quicker than u think. I’m almost in my 4th year. It’s good that u have goals and are focused. Don’t let anyone take that away from you. Also time ever relationships are an addition to ur life. Don’t let it be a distraction haha

[@liz0742]

I was always alone. Isolating myself from others, no friends, always alone at home. And i was fine with it. Just let me stay alone, its alright! I sometimes liked it. People means stress and discomfort. But i realized the idea of having someone by your side could be nice too. I don´t wanna die alone. So i worked on getting back in live. Speaking to people. And now i am in a happy relationship. I still fail about some important things like talking to them honestly, not trying to hide or push them away but im working on it.

[@macaronncheese]

1. You're afraid of abandonment 1:23 2. You're fiercely independent 2:02 3. You always fall for the wrong ones 2:47 4. You tend to be flaky 3:30 5. You're a perfectionist 4:12 6. You're a workaholic 4:55 7. You sabotage your relationships 5:33

[@xoxo-gossipgirl8744]

ty!

[@greatwavefan397]

HOW

[@Psych2go]

Time traveler!

[@midnightartist43]

This guy: *I AM SPEED*

[@AutomaticDuck300]

I expect number 1 and I'm not number 5 any more, but definitely the rest

[@Azmina116]

If I like a guy I will show interest in him but as soon as he gets closer I’ll ghost him and not be around or even start hating him because of that

[@pluutoop]

Same here

[@nahmastay3300]

Dude same lol it’s so crippling

[@NaeK188]

A lot of that has to do with attachment styles. Remember that chemistry felt with another person = familiarity, so depending on what was familiar growing up, we will crave and seek that familiarity as adults even if it is unhealthy. That's why some are attracted to toxic people. Having people be distant to me was familar I childhood, so I experienced similar things where I would be interested in distant individuals until they started reciprocating that interest and then I would 'leave' because oop- that ain't familiar so therefore the chemistry I felt is gone now. Took me a while to realise that I had unhealthy programming and have been working on it and it's changed my life and relationships with people.

[@pluutoop]

@@NaeK188 wow that is 100% me! I always felt more comfortable with strangers than the people that I actually knew. Its fuc... sick. I reject anyone who is trying to get close to me. And I can strike a convo with literally any stranger on the road. I have hurt a lot of people unintentionally. My relationship with nature and animals is so wonderful and comfortable. I alow to open myself up to that love without thinking of repercussions. I love to suffer when it comes to them because I know that their love is pure and unconditional and zero baggage. Actually that is also because my dad acociates animals and nature with the most extraordinary beauty and it should be loved and cared for without question. But i was also told by my parents that even when I was a baby I was just obsessed with animals. Anyway sorry for rambling. Maybe one day one beautiful day I will be able to open up to humans and experience what is love from them. ❤

[@ncz7]

.

[@hisshissmotherheckers1927]

Me: *thinks I like a guy* Guy: I like you Me: I like you too Guy: cool *starts being more open with his interest in me* Me: wait no Edit: got into a relationship with him. A lot of unresolved issues made me unhappy, he ended up dumping me.

[@dinoelate5900]

my cousin feels the same

[@samsonfavour9265]

This is so meeee I complain about being single... But kinda get scared when someone comes too close

[@anais8164]

This makes me realize how damaged I am😭

[@marionneang8072]

So me 🤧

[@delieibelieveicanfly9854]

Same here😅😅😅

[@milkyway9420]

If you've been hurt multiple times by "opening up" and being "vurnerable", especially the ones that you consider the people closest to your heart, fear of intimacy or not, this is still an absolute win for me.

[@delieibelieveicanfly9854]

It's really strange... like I don't want to be single for the rest of my life, but each time I'm starting to have feelings for someone, I try to run away... I'm scared of "loving someone", I'm scared because I don't know what to do in a relationship, how to show my love for someone... that's frustrating because sometimes I have a big crush on someone, I think about him everytime, everyday but I'm trying each time to put barriers all around my heart, cuz I don't know anything about love.

[@delieibelieveicanfly9854]

@Super Nova 😭😭😭😭I'm not the only one 😢

[@shruumy]

@@extrashotofespresso_ I used the death of my grandpa as an excuse to break up with my bf. He was too close so I pushed him away. I even loved him but idk why i avoided him.

[@thisgirl9670]

Me too:(

[@lost9207]

Same here

[@kshrvpz1587]

...didn't you all were loved before?

[@concordialevinta3149]

1) Fear of abandoment 1:20 2) You're overly independant 2:02 3) You always fall for the wrong ones (for toxic people) 2:48 4) You tend to be flaky 3:30 5) You're a perfectionist 4:14 6) You're a workacholic- you use this as an excuse to avoid people 4:55 7) You sabotage your own relationships 5:33

[@annaliseb.7260]

thank you 💗

[@tinawang9790]

Signs you have an emotional connection. me and my guy friend . 7 signs you are afraid of intimacy. Also my guy friend 😄

[@someonesomeone25]

I'm none of those, but am scared and repulsed (and other negatives emotions) by romance and sexuality with humans. It leaves me very lonely.

[@kaamn1829]

thanks!

[@maxzubic]

My crush has some of these signs. Maybe that's why she's pulling away from me ever since I tried to get closer to her. We are good friends otherwise. EDIT: She recently expressed that she does not have feelings for me or anyone, and she is now unsure whether to even continue the friendship. She also mentions that she has a hard time with confrontation and speaking honestly about her feelings.

[@plop8697]

I never thought I had intimacy issues until I met the guy I'm with now. I felt uneasy when he's so vulnerable with me but now I know why. Especially because of my failed abusive relationship I tend to only rely on myself and no one else. I even admitted to him once about my feelings with him I just need to work on opening up more and I'm so glad he's patient with me. And now that he knows my history with my ex I'm surprised he hasn't abandoned me. Having him be so nice to me felt weird and at the same time I cry on the inside that I'm so grateful to find someone who understands me without having to say much. 💜

[@booknerd3593]

Im so happy for you!!!

[@jazung]

A keeper! Happy for you!

[@Jaloneeelaughs]

🙌🏽

[@cherrybacon3319]

This is more or less the situation with my new male friend, but if I feel I'm being pressured by anyone, I'll back off and cut contact. 🍒

[@judygraessle1442]

Happy for you and your mate.

[@Legend7Verma]

Honestly, I don't have the slightest clue what to even do in a relationship..never have had one, not sure what/if I'm doing something wrong..can't be everyone else all the time. I don't know how to be in any sort of romantic relationship..being single is all I know how to be

[@nahmastay3300]

I’ve said this so many times. It’s so hard for many people to understand what I mean when I ask “what do you even do in a relationship and how do you be a girlfriend to someone?” I legit can’t wrap my brain around it due to lack of experience and severe fear of intimacy lmao

[@ShawnRavenfire]

This is one of those things that no one is born knowing, and no one teaches you. You just sort of learn though years of trial and error. It sucks, because it means that the only way to be a good boyfriend/girlfriend is to have already spent years being a bad boyfriend/girlfriend.

[@anuzenko]

It’s like friendship but more intimate. It’s when You’re Friends Witz this Girl and the n suddenly think it would be nice to kiss her so you do. And if you keep doing you well then that’s a relationship

[@georgeorbinks8320]

You're overthinking this way too much, dude. When you're in love, everything comes so naturally that you don't even realize what you're doing half the time, you just sort of go with it. No-one knows how to be someone's S/O, there's no rulebook: we only know how to be ourselves and someone else comes along and thinks we're good enough for them to be themselves around.🤷🏻‍♀️

[@kirorupa]

Same here..

[@Emily-jt5wf]

Reading comments makes me feel so much better like I’m not alone. All of my friends have dated and I cant ever seem to keep talking to someone for more than a week before I ghost them bc I think they’re getting to close. I definitely have a fear of getting too attached and not being in control of myself.

[@strawberrydaurto3366]

I feel you. I am at this confusing stage where like this is who I truly am but I’m forcing myself not to be and I remember I hated giving people any form of physical affection because it made me cringe and I can really relate to these comments. Like I guess showing I like someone makes me feel weak and they can use that to their advantage or something idk. I guess I like the feeling of control better and even then if I know someone likes me I won’t ever pursue them. I actually don’t feel as bad anymore about not having a bf. I felt like a loser or like no boys ever liked me but honestly I have never in my life told someone I liked them or tried to be in a relationship. I also tend to ghost people even my friends for a couple weeks then I talk to them. I just hate feeling like I’m responsible for someone. But if I had a bf I would probably let them know it would be an open relationship just for the fact that I feel bad that I won’t be able to give them what they probably need. Idk lol. I know it’s random that I commented on your comment but here I am. Anyways have a great day

[@kingcreeper938]

@@strawberrydaurto3366 I think one of the most important things I’ve had to realize is, friendships and relationships aren’t a responsibility. They are an equal partnership, where both people receive love and care. Humans are social creatures, and even if it’s scary, eventually opening up to people will help make your life better. It’s also important to remember that you aren’t the only one feeling the way you do, so many other people do as well. Anyway I hope at least some of this helps, I hope you have a great day too!

[@pcpl_obesoat_alpha3608]

This video is a reminder of how I missed half of my life creating happy and meaningful relationships from other people. Because I am too afraid of intimacy, I never had a romantic relationship with a guy for 27 years. though they like me but I always tried everything to pushed them away. But thank God I learned to value myself and others gradually. I am always praying that I will overcome this fear and fortunately by next week will have my FIRST DATE for the very FIRST TIME. Wish me happiness guys. Hehe

[@juliecipolla6732]

Congratulations to you and good luck and enjoy!!!!

[@ClaraCB5]

Awww good luck! Hope it all works out great and you manage to overcome this fear ;)

[@thelazypotato9538]

That's nice change ...congratulation 🙂

[@userzquid]

Good luck!! have fun and enjoy yourself :)

[@astoldbynickgerr]

Soooooo....... what’d you do to overcome this fear of intimacy / problem with avoidance?

[@annakins1979]

I’m scared of intimacy but I don’t want to be alone all my life.

[@ratonoralo4358]

i fear intimacy so much (not only romantic or friends relashionships but also my own family) bc i dont want to be a bother yk? ppl always say "you can talk to me whenever you want" or "i am here if you need" but what if they just said that to be polite? what if they didnt really mean that? i am able to reconize what i am feeling, reconize my pros and cons, so i dont really *need* to talk to ther ppl about what i feel, but sometimes i really, really want someone who genuinely wants to hear me out. i feel like my "problems", my personality and my experiences are not valid enough to talk to other people about it without feeling guilt or embarrased...

[@clau6023]

omg same. my friends always say that they are there for me and that i can just call whenever i need to talk, but i've never called. it feels like they're just saying it for the sake of it. i hate myself for feeling like this, i just end up never reaching out to anyone and then i complain over why i'm so lonely when i did this to myself. i feel like i'm invisible sometimes

[@ratonoralo4358]

@@clau6023 im so sorry you feel like this. dont worry bc that is definely not your fault and i really hope that one day things are going to get better for both of us 💗

[@Hallieweenqueen]

Omg I relate to this soooo hard

[@floatingideas3226]

I can relate to this too.

[@meep9231]

@@floatingideas3226 I relate to that too

[@TheEssJay]

I just always believe that at the end of the day, people always leave and no one truly cares. So just expect and be ready for them to leave.

[@TheFirstStud]

Some of us care.

[@BansheeKing22]

Keep your expectations low and you will never be disappointed.

[@Peachy.Greenz]

Honestly same... I have a fear of opening to friends about this because I feel like I already know they can replace me and move on with ease tbh. I know most of them can’t fulfill my needs, so it’s just like why-even-bother mentality. And the ones I leave behind bc they were extremely toxic, have the nerve to keep coming back... it’s always the wrong ppl that want me :\

[@aestthelicx4408]

This is such a mood

[@meep9231]

@@Peachy.Greenz same man

[@inthepresent7834]

OK WTF I have NEVER been called out harder than this I just started watching and the vid hits me with the "The only person i can count on is myself" IHDZEFRGJ BRUH

[@pumoba9567]

BRUH I KNOW :'k

[@empressyin_]

same, the whole vid called me out😭

[@ethanpartridge7075]

I can't agree more it's crazy how accurate this was describing me...

[@tiffaneytaverner3316]

My heart just broke. Everything on the list...is me.

[@randomtv9209]

Wtf bro

[@athendity2567]

“Fear of Breakups and other past experiences” I literally haven’t dated anyone in my entire life, I only hear stories of how spouses ruined their partners’ lives, plus experiences of friends and relatives assured me it’s best to not depend my life on relationships.

[@crazylegs7484]

It's fine to feel that way, most people don't want to get their feelings hurt by someone they trusted so much. The best advice I could give you is to find someone that wants to be there for you and someone you want to be there for.

[@ruo-ye]

I felt the same, and it's not just from friends and relatives, it's from my own parents who thinks they're good at hiding it, little did they know I've been hearing it ever since I was a child.

[@StudiosDelirium]

Wait till you feel it in your gut, then follow your heart.

[@sisigs4820]

They just found the wrong partner. Find someone genuine that you are certain you can put your trust into.

[@beniswifty8874]

Amen 🙏🏾 lord.

[@tinswalo2807]

Ghosting my friends after communicating with them. I have never been called out so blatantly

[@ncz7]

Same

[@Maximus51022]

I don’t think I’m afraid it’s just that I never receive any so I don’t know how to handle it, I want and ask for help from people I know but I get nothing in return. So I’ve been shown for my entire life that I can’t trust anyone, but that makes me the bad guy

[@gorgeoushowsoever8794]

I don't want to be attached with someone because I'm afraid they might disappoint me . . . and I overthink a lot. I think about things in advance, I always become paranoid. Maybe this is the reason why I always fail in a relationship. 🙃 But now, I'm trying to survive. And this channel has been my lifesaver. Fact is, psych2go inspired me tons with my own channel, too! 😊💛 ps: I'm a small ytuber :))

[@gompowompo]

Gorgeous Howsoever why is this literally what happened to me

[@gorgeoushowsoever8794]

@@gompowompo we're on the same page 🙃

[@SRHisntSilent]

You're halfway to a solution

[@rosyidsyahruromadhonalimin8008]

oh she is ? hi half way to a solution, iam DarkMamba!

[@HoV326]

For me, it's the other way around. I'm afraid I'll disappoint them.

[@nejiiichan]

"Do you sometimes ghost your friends after spending some quality time together?" Damn how can I deny that? HAHAHAHAHAHA

[@Dee-mc4qg]

its not funny, its sad...the people who are your friends deserve better treatment.

[@franacha]

@@Dee-mc4qg we just don't want to bother them

[@Dee-mc4qg]

@@franacha if you ghosted them you already bothered them too much. Its too late if you opened up once and when it was becoming close you ran away leaving them hurt and confused...

[@franacha]

@@Dee-mc4qg It's not like you won't see them again, you need time to reset your head, maybe a week. But mostly people doesn't get hurt that easily, I have a few friends and I can go like a month without talking to them and then we can just hang out like nothing

[@janberrycakes]

That's how I've been for the past few years now...

[@hotmess784]

I’m just sitting here like how can you not be afraid of intimacy I mean those you love you the most can hurt you the most so.....

[@Elfenbein_]

Especially if they have been the ones who hurt you in the past

[@abyyman1671]

damn there is something in what youre saying. especially when your parents fight.

[@JessAnonymous]

@@Elfenbein_ aka my entire “family” I was suicidal for years and never understood why til I left her (my moms house) I just want to start over in life without dying 😭

[@JN-dj5xh]

That’s been my experience

[@darlingkitty248]

...crap....i have all the 7 signs....I pity myself but now I'm more self-aware....I hope i can overcome...my struggle with relationships. Thank you psychtogo 💜

[@n.dobbelsteen]

I’ve felt like something is wrong with me, because every time I like someone and they start liking me too, I run away and come up with excuses. I feel like I can’t breathe when someone comes too close…

[@D_Shivani]

Same happened with me too!

[@fighterinmkiwiscience3517]

@@D_Shivani noone asked 😡🤦

[@D_Shivani]

@@fighterinmkiwiscience3517 no one told you 😏

[@fighterinmkiwiscience3517]

@@D_Shivani you did lil kiddo 😡

[@D_Shivani]

@@fighterinmkiwiscience3517 calm down kiddo 😂😂

[@a-dawghunchback6927]

I’d rather be single and independent than settle with someone who doesn’t feel 100% right

[@shui1223]

that's a really high expectation for your partner! 😂

[@maxconrado8]

@@shui1223 someone that "feels 100% right" does not mean someone perfect, it means someone that's a good match for you, with a compatible personality and that makes you feel better by having them in your life. Isn't that what every romantic partner - if you plan to spend your life with them - should be about?

[@shui1223]

@@maxconrado8 thx for clarifying! i just thought that if it was like what u said, maybe ur partner should feel abt 80-90% right most of the time, because in my opinion, 100% sounded like a pretty high number

[@raveandsweets]

Right on

[@letmobilet]

me too but idk, I feel lonely af

[@BruceJC75]

Self loathing is probably my biggest barrier. How could I ever expect anyone to love and cherish me when I can’t even love myself? I would’ve never imagined the trauma I experienced as a child would’ve wrecked my mind and my life so much.

[@niacherryblossom]

Same worst for me as my mother was the perpetrator...now I lack empathy towards women n men don't exist to me.

[@KuvaPefo]

Self loathing, yeah I know it well.

[@Illlium]

I'd recommend sharing it with someone that's not going to be repulsed by your story. I used to have the same issue and confiding in another person made a world of difference.

[@yungxsauce2873]

Bro ik exactly what your going thru

[@lotti_stolpe2025]

This video is simply a description of my last relationship. I didn´t know why she did all those things at the time. Thank you for the clarification.

[@htft753]

If you dont mind may i ask what happened? How did it end?

[@naylee8569]

Not afraid of intimacy, just afraid of opening up to the wrong person, while having healthy ways of developing yourself.

[@introvert52]

Exactly

[@ayushmankhare8731]

Agreed

Jesus, what can I say about this one?

[@deadeyesolo]

Opening up to the wrong person and learning from your pain hurts less than trying to repress your need for intimacy. I felt the same way and uncontrollably developed strong feelings for someone who was opening themselves up for me, I tested the water for a couple months and kept them at a distance until they stopped talking to me all together and I'm still miserable

[@naylee8569]

@M'am this is a wendys to the wrong person...

[@Qwerzxcv954]

Me: I'm doing my best to hide my emotions and personal problems Also me: Why other people aren't understanding me?

[@MovieShortsTelevision]

Literally

[@73kdt]

What is interesting is the fact that I relate to most of these things, and the one thing in life I crave more than anything is intimacy...

[@eli8818]

right 😮‍💨

[@niaouw]

OK, I already thought I had a fear of intimacy seeing how I can't open up to people, but now I know I clearly do. I relate to *everything* !

[@RussiangirlKsenia]

when you want a boyfriend but you have social anxiety;-;

[@Psych2go]

How many of these signs described you?

[@frostlord1246]

Be careful. Don’t rush into a relationship. You’ll just be unhappy

[@ashleygailcipriano4786]

Trust issues

[@astoldbynickgerr]

...and you’re a dysfunctional / broken human being

[@EzequielMartin55vf]

Trust issues and being insecure. :(

[@Cadychan]

This entire video is uncomfortably accurate. I've seen the awful fallouts of so many relationships - my own parents included, so why even bother being in one? I'm just going to get hurt anyways...

[@natureboy1961]

depends on the person

[@JaneJn-e5c]

You'll find someone one day. Not everyone is out to get you. It depends on the person.

[@zerocat888]

I understand your feelings

[@kamufi1245]

You know thats an excuse for not having one. In that scenario your fear has won.

[@illgowithpinksurewhynot4868]

BRUH SAME OMFG

[@painoftheheart12]

"The people you care about" Jokes on you, I'm so avoidant of intimacy that I refuse to care about anyone. Cant get hurt if you never get attached

[@jaybird0312]

Facts. 100%

[@morbidmarz3710]

Yay! I'm not the only one! Goo team!! Im not even attached to my siblings or parents!!

[@jaybird0312]

@@morbidmarz3710 same here! I've got two friends. One I work with. The other I go camping, hiking, etc with. That's literally it. Not a single other person.

[@morbidmarz3710]

@@jaybird0312 yea, the only 2 friends I have, are my 2 kids.

[@jaybird0312]

@@morbidmarz3710 that's good! It's much better than what I've got. You've got someone to give love to and receive from. I don't even have that unfortunately. But hey, life goes on.

[@fairyofdespair5042]

That moment when you nod along to all the points, tear up during the last point and realize you have never been able to open up. Were always scared of letting others in. Have told them a lot about yourself only to act as if nothing was wrong. When you just tell everyone what you went through to seem like you are the perfect one without flaws. Man... this hit hard. Thank you Psych2Go for making videos this amazing.

[@Will-nq1cn]

Same reaction here... This video hits hard. Been trying to figure out if it's one of those horoscope videos where everyone can relate to things in this video or if I really have issues I need to work on within myself. Browsing the comments looking for next steps..

[@fairyofdespair5042]

@@Will-nq1cn Sounds like the best idea my dude. I feel like these videos are a bit like the horoscope thing too sometimes. But something inside of me can just relate to these things so perfectly in more regards than just the ones mentioned in the video that it's scary 😂

[@strikingly105]

I'd like to add that isolating yourself could also be a sign of fearing intimacy. I do this I like being alone and I fear intimacy. I don't like certain people poking their nose in my business.

[@samjones2015]

Hello, can I send you a DM?

[@disney_rocks_always8296]

Im not just afraid of intimacy.....I am terrified of it. I actually have never dated anyone in my life and struggle to make friends.

[@shylock5477]

Whoah! Do you think you're physically unattractive?

[@disney_rocks_always8296]

@@shylock5477 I think it depends in who you ask. I personally think that Im pretty. I am overweight and attempting to loose weight for health reasons and I always used to think I hated the way I look....but my school friends (years ago) asked me a question that changed my whole outlook......they asked me if I were to get plastic surgery what physical aspect would I change about myself? I tried to think of something but their was really nothing I wanted to change. I realized I love myself just the way I am but I felt like my appearance didn't meet the expectations of those around me and that made me think I hated myself. After I realized my problems weren't external and that they were internal I was able to work through so many problems and issues. I think the main problem I have is my lack of trust in people. I don't trust anyone enough to truly relax and act like myself because any time I do people start treating me like I have a third eye-ball.... They find me weird and uncomfortable to look at. Even if I am happy somehow the people around me aren't. I have to remind myself that I'm nobodies first every time friends pick other peoples actions and company over my own because if I don't then I will begin to hate myself or someone else when really I grow overly attached to my friends too quickly and give 110% from day 0 - infinity because Im also and over achiever. I have never met anyone I can really and truly be 100% open and honest with because I hide myself away so I dont have to feel the sting of rejectiom.

[@TinSoldier7]

I relate to this so much. Only difference is that I struggle with putting any effort in relationships/friendships at all because if the other person isn't super interested I assume they don't want to know me.

[@missylim7967]

Same

[@isaiahjr9259]

Bruh frr

[@erinshannon8031]

I'm definitely a perfectionist. When I was younger, I always wondered why nobody seemed to want to get close to me. I thought I was just noncharismatic and unattractive, but recently I've been able to see how I was always so afraid to show my true self to others and would hide my faults, thinking they would make me more unlikeable. It's just so hard to switch off perfectionism even after this realization.

[@strawberrydaurto3366]

Woah I think I have that too. I don’t do everything perfect but when it comes to like my personality I tend to be a people pleaser and I try not to show my flaws. I hate it when people point out my flaws so I kind of created this mask, and even though this mask is apart of me. I just want to be myself unapologetically, like I don’t want to have to be something that I created as a safe thing to be what I am. Like there are so many things I would love to talk about and give my opinion about but I don’t want to hurt or offend or even people not like me cause of what I think. I’m scared to be myself and what if people don’t have the same interest. And I also have a hard time standing up for myself so it’s kinda just frustrating lol.

[@chikewilson3724]

@@strawberrydaurto3366 you are literally meeee lool

[@angelabak-a3526]

I found my people. I'm exactly like that.

[@prachipandey129]

@@strawberrydaurto3366 omg!!!..finally found people who are exactly like me and I am so glad i did cuz i always thought that i am the only weirdo who wanted to seem perfect in every one's eyes and now i am the one left alone. More like cuz my parents wanted me to be perfect and that everyone praises for being a good girl. I am a people pleaser too so all of my teachers favored me and kids just got more and more jealous so they started talking behind my back, never include me in any parties or get togethers. It got so bad that i had to switch schools. But i did the same things again, got ignored even by my teachers now cause they liked fun kids who joked around kind of like the class clowns. Got neglected so much that i made my mind to never show my true self to any one cuz they will start hating for being fake this whole time if my personality changed. Yeah!! i went through shit alone. The only kid who sat alone. My classmates thought i was a nice and decent girl who minds her business and studies a lot but not the kind to hang around with. SO ALL OF MY SCHOOL BECAME SHIT JUST BECUZ OF MY PERSONALITY

[@hitchhiker1813]

Same, my parents used to punish me for every little things so I started hiding my true self from everyone. I struggle with this till today.

[@anushkabardhan]

I cannot explain just how called out I feel after watching this. I have convinced myself that I am an independent person and that at the end of the day, it is only me who will stick with me so there is no point in forcing relationships. I honestly feel so annoyed when someone tries to get too personal with me after a while and I end up ghosting them because of that.I have excused myself by always saying im busy with work and studies and I thought that was a reason valid enough to not make any friends until this video.

[@zehalberto3644]

Personally, I lack intimacy with everyone I know, even with family members. One of the drawbacks is that, by being with just my own thoughts, I seems to me that I'm the only person in the world. I can't feel for people, and I really wanted to understand them. I like to deal with emotions by myself. Maybe because I don't know how to deal with others emotions. That's a story I tend to repeat: my friend had at least 2 panic attacks at class, and I didn't even notice he was having until people started to help. It made me feel worthless that I couldn't at least pay attention to the well-being of others. It's a WIP 😑

[@mehmetgurdal]

I guess you had a pretty hard times at the past? Losing thrust to people who are even closest to you is definitely a terrible thing, it could leave you hanging in the past. Care to share?

[@bbycatto]

try... practice trying to understand emotions of other people. it might take a loooooot of time, but it will pay off well! read about face/emotion psychology, what to say to others if they are hurt or in pain, and HOW to say it. read about body language. i also personally recommend reading about myers-briggs type indicator (personality test) especially "cognitive functions"! the latter can help you improve yourself and your personality to handle situations, specifically those with emotions better. i hope this is benefical!!

[@zehalberto3644]

@@mehmetgurdal I'm not sure what to say. Maybe it's just a trauma by past events. People will lose trust someday and that's ok.

[@zehalberto3644]

@@bbycatto Indeed it is, thank you! I wish this message reaches out more people.

[@j.r.2674]

I am very well with detecting the emotion and feelings of others but I’m extremely bad at detecting how my own emotions and feelings affect me myself. Very weird but I agree with the part of being in your own world, it’s similar for me except mostly when I think of my own world it’s something very random that makes me laugh or something that comforts/intrigues me, most of the time it’s something random though LOL. 🗿🗿🗿🗿🗿🗿

[@priscilag4847]

I've never wanted a relationship. When people ask me "how do you imagine your future?", having a partner with me is never in my answers. I like romantic love as a fictional thing that only exists in movies and books. I seriously dont understand dates and all this stuff. I think I may be aromantic or just didn't find the right one. But I still dont even want to think about finding love. Maybe a video about aromantic people would be cool

[@libby4657]

Hey that’s valid!! 🥰🥰🥰

[@KeepingOnTheWatch]

Huh! Thought that I was the only who felt this way. Interesting to know I'm not. Concepts like going on dates, trying to impress the opposite sex, reading articles like "Qualities Women Find Attractive in Men" - I just don't get any of this. Concepts like love and romance are beautiful - just not for me, thank you very much! I'm very happy not only to be single but celibate as well.

[@Death_Tr00per58]

Omg same

[@Monlet12]

Same it just i see close relatives of mine having a bad relationship and divorces and I always end up thinking that will happen to me.

[@clau6023]

i feel the same way and it's not fun when you're a 17 year old girl. all of my friends have been in a relationship or talking to someone but that has just never happened to me. i'm an only child so i'm used to being on my own and it never bothered me until i realized not everyone in my age feel like that as well. now i feel really alone and don't know what's wrong with me. i also don't like the concept of going to parties, meeting new people and drinking. it's just not something i wanna be a part of. but because everyone else does it, i feel like i'm the weird one. also, i think love is beautiful but i can't imagine myself loving someone else if that makes sense?? i just can't get close to people and when i do, i immediately distance myself from them. i hate being a teenager because everything and everyone feels so fake. i also never get to meet new people and i don't know how i do that? i just feel like i'm stuck

[@isabellamurungi4366]

I can relate to 3 of these, after coming out of an unstable relationship i decided to focus on myself and work on what hurt me in the past.

[@qiqinightstar7013]

"the only person I can ever truly count on is myself," I know this isn't exactly the right way to think, but this had been cemented in my head after I get unsatisfied a lot whilst being with others.

[@kanieraliapeng724]

But honestly, it saved me from a lot of pain and heartbreak😭

[@angryanon3870]

It's kind of funny. I eake up and say to myself "Don't get attached to people, they'll just leave you". But once I actually meet new people, I emotionally chain myself to them and then bully myself why I did that.

[@whyamIaraccoon]

YES. Terrible behavior >.

[@astoldbynickgerr]

😅💙

[@abeautifulmess163]

same, you're not alone

[@a.cnugget0323]

Same here!

[@404-o9d]

I act the same way. I'm always cautious so as not to let anyone get too close. Whenever I let a part of me show with the intention of bonding, I already know that I will regret it and fret about it later. I guess I didn't realize it, but I, too, torment myself everytime I let it happen. Thanks for opening my eyes. I'll work on it.. you should too.

[@moonwaterflower]

In my defense for #2: You're fiercely independent.--That's because people have shown me throughout my life that they are unreliable! It was mainly the men in my family, and sometimes my mom. I have to be able to rely on myself, because if I believe the wrong person, they'll leave me high and dry, like my dad and uncles have. I'm working on this, but I'm just saying--it's good to be independent. But don't be afraid to ask your friends for help. They'll be a lot more reliable since they care a lot about you.

[@beyondhumanrange6196]

Well that might be your experience , but mine says no one CARES FOR U except your parents , but the catch is that they don't understand you !!

[@deliciamurugan2626]

exactly- we recognise pattern behaviour and learn from it

[@Sunshine4]

Friends also become distant as they marry and start families. Such is like. The best relationship should be with yourself. Lol, my self relationship kinda sucks.

[@yachnachauhan]

I support your argument. Be/become independent without any guilt.

[@the80sfanatic13]

What if someone doesn't have any friends? What would they do instead?

[@Lisa-nt7wt]

This video was helpful to me. I fear intimacy for several reasons. I want to be in love but its hard for me to open up and trust people. I enjoy being at home now that I am in my 30s, but I will try harder to soften up and get out there and mingle more. Thanks Psych2Go !

[@lagroad]

I've always been a relationship type of person, but after hitting my early 20s everyone just wanted to mess around and party. That destroyed my faith in love after numerous disappointments. Now in my late 20s I realized the only love that you can trust is the love you give yourself. Stop skipping over your self love like it's something optional. Once you love yourself (in a non- narcissistic way) that love can overflow to others and will attract better people. It'll also not hurt when temporary people leave, because you have you. You are enough.

[@batsky6061]

Well said

[@juliethaugabrook2828]

when you‘re craving a person until you can actually have them, that‘s the point you‘ll turn and run

[@SamElle]

I’m fiercely independent to a fault.... I never feel like I need anyone and have missed out on possible relationships....

[@Psych2go]

Thanks for sharing this with us. How many signs did you resonate with?

[@jessicakirsh]

I'm the same way. I feel like I would be letting myself down if I (big gulp) asked somebody for help when I really need(ed) it.

[@chunmancarmenchan]

Same ok

[@chunmancarmenchan]

I LOVE YOU ERIC NAM

[@chunmancarmenchan]

What do I do but just secretly spam my secrets on KZbin god

[@faheezaltaiwo3981]

I'm afraid to love someone cause I feel like I'll eventually lose them or they'll leave. I induratise a lot and it's heartwrenching

[@coconuthuman1797]

Same :"(

[@eviraspe9276]

Same after my last relationship:(. I was afraid to like get close to her/open up to her and when i eventually tried it was already too late and i lost her 🙃

[@ITEEZ-]

Same

[@faheezaltaiwo3981]

We'll all get through it somehow ❤

[@grethidlegend8698]

Same.....fear for being vulnerable &having a broken heart so I keep it for myself

[@FallisLife]

The thought of loving someone strikes a sense of deep panic in my heart. It’s not that I don’t want love or don’t want friends. I just don’t want to be used, to be hurt again, to be clung on to like I’m some beat up teddy bear. I don’t want to let someone in just to see them grimace at my wounds. My best friend has helped me with physical touch but now I’m the only one who can get myself out of this ditch. I’m terrified of even making new friends. I don’t know what to do :(

[@hf18455]

Or having controlling parents, refuse to let you create any close relationships bc they don’t want to see you grow or fear you being in a romantic relationship and then expect you to be 100% normal and able to interact with anyone when the time comes or should start dating people, especially the opposite sex, or is that just me

[@keerthikallanja9123]

Na fam. Same here

[@jesmasa1]

Omg I just realized why I never do any PDA.

[@Seulreve]

That’s literally me

[@vivianachicoma1423]

This comment describes how my environment don't let me create a intimacy with none but at the same time I don't let none try to stay with me I'm with fear all the time

[@cleanchannel3029]

Amen. Same here

[@michaeladdd]

For me, fear of intimacy happens because of ur affraid if someone who wants to be close to you have bad intentions.

[@ciandradenise8196]

same..i always think that ppl want to be close to me bcoz they just need something from me and will leave anyway therefore i push them away

[@rathodbhavna4413]

Same I feel this way

[@janep1347]

I thrive when I do things alone, I am supper secure within and confident in myself. I never fail me. I got by back. I am 100% in my team. I am not confident in others. That’s the drill.

[@pancakelover99]

That KZbin algorithm getting a bit too accurate man

[@lw3559]

lol thought the same thing😂 but I‘m kind of glad because now I have admitted go myself that this is a problem and I am doing some research on how I might make my life easier

[@sugar-sammich]

For fucking real man.

[@gl8092]

I always heard the saying “You are your own worst enemy” but damn I never knew how much hurt and pain I was inflicting on my self . Glad I watched this. I am working on my self now and hopefully next time she will be the right one and stay 🙏

[@rory260]

Any ideas how can i overcome all of this? How can i work on myself?

[@CynthiaSchoenbauer]

@@rory260 Wow, impressive that you want to pursue "working on yourself".

[@PeteraTom]

Thats a right attitude. I will take this one thanks. I was thinking about it in a same way

[@bp6635]

I was afraid of intimacy after my divorce. I was emotionally and sexually abused by my ex husband. I left him 12 years ago. I learned to heal myself thru self love and mediation. It was a long road but I always knew that I would heal. I am a Phoenix rising from the ashes. Nothing will even bring me down. I am stronger and wiser also my intuition is on point. Trust and believe in yourself and you will overcome any obstacles that comes your way. Love and Light to all. ❤️🙏

[@JaneJn-e5c]

Good for you 😁. That's good that you lifted yourself up again. Love and light to you as well ❤️🙏

[@chiefawesome]

What did you do to love yourself more? I'm struggling with that one.

[@AlexOKLM94]

Good to hear that. How long did it take you to heal?

[@sphinx2625]

I hope your ex was thrown in prison to rot. What trash.

[@PreciousPriscila]

@@chiefawesome look for words of affirmation on youtube, tapping too and say words to yourself that you want to hear from others, like, I am worthy of love, I am lovable, I love myself, I am confident, I want the universe to love me, I am loved

[@jessmjfan989]

This actually made me cry, because it described me perfectly! I am terrified of being loved just to be abandoned later on, I rather walk away first. And its so frustrating, I really NEED to get over it, But this is a fear that takes control over me sometimes.

[@crystalsanchez5532]

I’m a flaky person. As soon as I heard inconsistent, I was that me. Then run away or close themselves off, that me. Usually when I hear someone likes me... I try and avoid them at all cost or reject them. Like if they have any interest Im me. It’s ironic how I want someone to hold and have but the thought of truly someone hugging me, scares me. Now that I have a new perspective, I feel more open to it.

[@smartkidsgh2688]

In sch, I was always afraid n scared to hug my friends...even girls. Now that it's been a long time since I saw/ met them, I wish I can see all of them for even once and give them a really tight hug🤗... 😔

[@nightmare_symphony]

That's definitely me. I like being around friends and people but sometimes I just want to avoid replying to their texts and maintain distance. Fantasizing about ones love life is common, but I can't even imagine myself being with someone. I enjoy others company and like it when others like me but if they are too attentive to me it's...I don't really like that

[@charlieclark2609]

I grew up in a family that was very emotionally non existent. They didntbwanna hear about my problems and theyd always down play my feelings by saying " someone always has it worse than you " , which completely dismisses my issue. I never whined or botched as a kid, I brought up real hurts that I was going through, only to be glared and groped at for telling them. So , I grew up to only trust myself. I could barely trust my own mother sometimes. She died a year ago of cancer , a week before my 28th birthday. So many things were left unsaid , because she wouldnt talk about them. She was afraid to talk to about them. I'm looking into counseling.

[@ermyr7743]

I hope life is going well for you, and that you have found the help you need. It's really awesome that you exist :]

[@charlieclark2609]

@@ermyr7743 things are going ok. I've been working on my health, I've lost 110 lbs in about 2 years , I'm looking at going back to school , trying to figure my life out.

[@ermyr7743]

@@charlieclark2609 wow, that's great to hear. 110 lbs is an insane achievement, congratulations. Best of luck in deciding about school. I often consider the same thing.

[@딸기-m6r]

The scary thing is that I’m doing all 7 signs without me realizing that I’m doing them especially being flaky. I can have fun with my friends one day and ghost them out of my life the next. And I don’t know where to start fixing since it has become nature to me….

[@msawmusic]

I’m with you. I do all these things but I don’t really rationalize them as fear. It’s very normal to me to be in my own world

[@BEATmyguest31]

I do the same did several times - were your “friends” total douche bags like mine were?

[@denise9542]

Where for you i had on every school conversations with and trust person because school or my parents were worried about me

[@madsquirrelz276]

Same here I feel so guilty especially letting my best mate down I just feel some times I cannot bring myself to be around people and be open with them 😪 even the people I would trust the most I feel I constantly have to perform or wear a mask when I'm around people Especially at work I have to pretend that I'm not severely depressed and most of the time I want to scream because it's so suffocating not feeling I can open up But I'm scared if I do people will see the real me and not like it

[@janad4066]

@@madsquirrelz276 same :(

[@JohnReyes-qi8ei]

First time responding to any KZbin video... but it feels good knowing that I'm not alone... we all deserve love and be loved correctly... and I hope that we all find the that one person to give the key to our hearts, giving them the power to destroy and yet trusting them to not. I appreciate this channel and all that you do to help people understand more about ourselves..

[@markcuss3954]

I have had a fear of intimacy for many years. The thought of letting my guard down and being vulnerable to someone would absolutely terrify me, although deep down it's what I wanted. Most of the traits listed in this video rang true with me. I feel more able to talk to people now and let my guard down a bit because I feel more confident in myself as a person. I am slowly moving away from the past and enjoying each present moment.

[@cra4356]

"you always fall for the wrong ones" well uh- i've never- i don't really fall at all. haha.. ha.

[@cra4356]

@Its Complicated I do. I've had many relationships and I always think I'm in love, I always force myself to believe I'm in love but it just doesn't work. I can't feel anything. It's so overwhelming when you want to love someone but you just can't. I know the other person loves me, so I want to return their love. I eventually end up making myself believe I have fallen in love, then at some point give up and break up with them a few weeks/months after. I know this makes me sound like a horrible person. But I want to fall in love, I want to feel those emotions too. I want to love someone.

[@roslynschmidt2133]

@@cra4356 I know what you mean, but I think it’s much better to stop being with someone if you know that you don’t like them, it’s just better for both of you. Breaking up with someone doesn’t make you a horrible person :)

[@rigelr5345]

@@cra4356 Wow this is exactly how I feel, never met anyone who feels the same way. I'm 24 now and still haven't had a single crush on anyone or fallen in love before. I wonder if I'll be this way forever.

[@bridgettewhitney2615]

Lol i seriously fall for those who give me one-cent of attention

[@sisigs4820]

In todays society it feels like there is more "wrong ones" then ever. It so rare to come across any genuine good people anymore..

[@theuniversalconnection3510]

This video speaks directly to me. As painful as it is, it’s very true. I’ve never been able to be in a healthy relationship, especially when it comes to the issue of men. I was sent to boarding school at the tender age of five,an experience that didn’t do me well. I was very attached to my family, especially my mother so going away from her created much upheaval in my life. This filtered down into my adulthood, leaving me in a state of disarray. I’m trying to get past it but it’s not easy. Of course, I’ve come a very long way from where I was but the process is endless. To those of you who may be going through such an experience, just keep moving forward. Take life one day at a time and aspire for the best relationships you could possibly have. Blessings always.

[@mochibabi2267]

I already knew I had a fear of intimacy..but I didn’t know it was actually full blown but now I know. I’m gonna try to take some time for myself, gain my confidence, do the things I need to do before really getting into a relationship before I can hurt someone. I’ve hurt multiple people because of the way I am so I’m going to fix it.

[@ilikemusic2726]

Good luck! Rooting for you!

[@joeyjointjebaiter1275]

First of all, i cant get close to anyone. Second of all, being vulnerable would be a giant mistake

[@Psych2go]

Thanks for sharing :( What do you think might be the root cause of this?

[@bellamckinnon8655]

I can understand that man

[@edenchurch3901]

Damn, this is my exact thinking process

[@dingleberries3158]

felt this :(

[@vibevibevibemcommentedtoda5717]

(this vid was 3 days ago why does your comment say 3 MONTHS ago???) Yea I feel you. It gets worse when you're stuck in a toxic environment cuz quarantine

[@motjon]

I've simply stopped dating because I've experienced so much more trauma and disappointment trying to find love. And honestly, I find it so much better. So much less anxiety. And sure it may be a defense mechanism, but ultimately why fight against that. If my body feels that the best way to stay safe is to be alone why fight that. Maybe there's some truth in it.

[@starshine9662]

Shit if my fiancee and I break up, i plan on going solo all the way to the grave unapologetically. Im not doing this again 🤣

[@Peachessssss13]

Yea I get it and it's ur life so do whatever you want. However think about what your doing first. Why are you making this decision. Is it really what you want? You aren't supposed to actually tell me of course I just want you to think about it. I don't have any idea who you are. But I think you deserve to be happy. And whatever decision you do make just make sure it's a decision you made for you because you want it. Fear is the little death that kills us all.

[@benedict9508]

I’ve never dated someone in my life so i don’t know how i’ll act in a relationship. I’m afraid i might hurt the other person.

[@Belfreyite]

Our hang-ups are often so deep-rooted from our upbringing that nothing will ever shift them. Some of us get so tired of the fight, we just give up.

[@SamAlexKelly]

No, that's wrong! It's your coping mechanism and you should abandon yer confort zone. The delusion that now is better will ruin you, fight back.

[@createfun6533]

I'm literally all 7 of these. Been dealing with it since I was a child. Almost 27 now. I think it's time. I'm going to try therapy (again). I hope if you're reading this you do the same and some day have something special with someone. God Bless you.🙏

[@mariamayub212]

This is definitely me throughout my whole life, except for the flaky part. Even though I am scared to get too close to people, I'm still a people pleaser and I do things out of a feeling of responsibility but I also don't like anyone getting too close to me and expecting anything from me in return. I like to be that perfect person that makes everything better for everyone, even if I feel unfulfilled in my own life. But even with the other fulfillment, it's more terrifying to do something about it. It's like a real fear sometimes and gives me the same anxiety as jumping off a bridge or something. I've lived almost 50 years and never been married because of the fear. So this was very helpful!

[@Dee-mc4qg]

So if you really liked someone and they were trying to get close to you, wouldn't you be flakey with them? As in say you were going to meet them somewhere with other friends and last minute you chickened out of fear, by not turning up you behaved flakily? You sound like a friend of mine who does this but he can be really flakey suddenly...he is also unmarried and over 50 but has had 2 or 3 serious relationships in the past that never worked out. Probably because he was flakey there too...he does seem to be the anxious sort. Have you seen a counsellor for anxious attachment style Mariam?

[@Invalidationcoded]

does the description for "enneagram type 9" sound at all relatable to you?

[@anonymousishere7482]

I can be flaky in some circumstances but I still kinda relate to this because I gotta do what I have to but at the same time I don't wanna like people that way

[@userm180]

have u tried a therapist maybe?

[@userm180]

@@anonymousishere7482 in what way?

[@shruumy]

“you sabotage your relationships” I felt that. I used a family member’s death as an excuse to breakup. All he was trying to do was help and I pushed him away. How do I stop acting like this

[@mickeyrosa7226]

Get professional help to give you the tools or find really positive people who can give objective advice about your situation. Sometimes angels unaware come into your life with lessons.

[@Z4U3398]

Walk on. You're wasting his time. Everyone's got a life to live, hun. You're not the only one with demons to battle, honestly. He's got his own too but you probably think your little papercut wound is more important than his. Geez. What a drag.

[@shruumy]

@@Z4U3398 Has anyone told you how great you are at giving advice? You are clearly a professional in this field.

[@Z4U3398]

@@shruumy They didn't have a chance to because my parting words for them were as follows: "Rest in peace." Hope you find your peace too. Quit being the reason for someone else's misery, you.

[@shruumy]

@@Z4U3398 I cannot tell if this is satire or not but it made me giggle either way. I’m going to bed lmao.

[@Ozpex]

The most vicious part of this cycle is the fact that you push those you care for away, in turn, creating life-long bad memories that affect your thoughts on future relationships. Although you may come around to moving past those memories, they’ll still always dwell in the back of your mind, ready to remind you of why you don’t allow yourself to find friendships and love.