How to have a FULFILLING SEXUAL RELATIONSHIP, or: in praise of 24-hour diners

[@psychacks]

As is often the case, a fulfilling sexual relationship often is an issue of selection. The way to have one is to pick someone with a comparable libido, and who (ideally) has worked through his or her sexual baggage. However, even within these general recommendations, difficulties can develop. In this episode, I will discuss how to handle a woman who turns down a bid for sex. Just because her kitchen's closed doesn't mean that you have to go hungry. Social Media Facebook: facebook.com/profile.php?id=100090053889622 LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/orion-taraban-070b45168/ Instagram: instagram.com/psyc.hacks Twitter: twitter.com/oriontaraban Website: oriontarabanpsyd.com Thinking of going to grad school? Check out STELLAR, my top-rated GRE self-study program based on the world's only empirically-validated test prep system. Use the code "PSYCH" for 10% off all membership plans: stellargre.com. GRE Bites: www.youtube.com/@grebites4993 Become a Psychonaut and join PsycHack's member community: kzbin.info/door/SduXBjCHkLoo_y9ss2xzXwjoin Book a paid consultation: oriontarabanpsyd.com/consultations Sponsor an episode: oriontarabanpsyd.com/sponsor-an-episode Presented by Orion Taraban, Psy.D. PsycHacks provides viewers with a brief, thought-provoking video several days a week on a variety of psychological topics, inspired by his clinical practice. The intention is for the core idea contained within each video to inspire viewers to see something about themselves or their world in a slightly different light. The ultimate mission of the channel is to reduce the amount of unnecessary suffering in the world. #dating #relationship #psychology

[@LoveLightLiberty6868]

I suppose that is good advice if you are interested in a divorce. Perhaps figure out a way to get her in the mood. Don't misunderstand. Women should not deny sex to their husband's. However, there are ways to get what you want without cheating on your wife.

[@whatupdun]

When a man maximizes his appeal with a great physique, strong frame, and knows what he's doing in bed, negotiating the frequency of sex becomes a non issue. This requires substantial investment, but is a transcendent path as compared to most folks' experience. IOW, build yourself into a man who inspires genuine *lust*, and you'll have (earned) exactly what you want.

[@LoveLightLiberty6868]

@Aaron Hope there are so many little things that average looking men can do to get sex from their woman. Every single person is unique, so a man will need some communication skills, observation, or trial and error to figure out what works on their special person. Keep in mind that a variety of tactics may be needed for different circumstances. For instance, there are some women who need non-sexual affection before they are ready to unwind. Or they man need some sort of physical stimulation in areas not normally considered sexual. I don't know how common this is, but my sternum bone has some crazy nerve connections. One of my exes had a trigger point on the back of his knee. Try some acupressure techniques in unusual places. And don't forget that women are emotional creatures who don't always know how to express their feelings positive. Women tend to be passive-aggressive and may withhold sex as punishment. It's worth a shot asking her what's wrong. And when she says "nothing" or "you know," remind her that you aren't psychic and need to know to resolve the problem. Good luck fellas.....

[@YouilAushana]

Yo, Dr. O! As a born again Christian man, who is based in understanding marriage is out of the question. What should I do?

[@JA-qk8gt]

Wow. How about therapy? At least your position seems to be clear, that sex is more valuable than relationship and men should seek to get their needs met at the expense of women, any woman (?or prostitute) will do. Wonder if this perspective will hold steady over the next 10-15 years as life happens... Misogny and the patriarchy are alive and well!!

[@markanthony2495]

Oh man this is great. I've never seen someone admit that this is a problem before. They'll say that Religion, Finances, Socio Economic Status, and Personality Traits matter, but everyone's afraid to admit that Sexual Mismatch blows relationships up.

[@joseph6243]

Because most people would rather look PC than keep it real.

[@GGWP-nx3kn]

It‘s always about smashing. Otherwise, there’s no relationship to begin with.

[@Sarah-hw7ok]

Always a focus of mine on par with the other things you mention. Actually above religion unless they’re a highly practicing person and want to convert me.

[@markanthony2495]

Mismatch took down 2 of my relationships in my 20's and 30's. I'm glad it happened though in hindsight, before things got too serious.

[@caucasianafrican1435]

​@@GGWP-nx3kn In that sense, the woman is the table.

[@bigspence6898]

I like this guy. Speaks the truth unapologetically

[@Flokoli1]

Kinda refreshing to see redpill psychologists

[@thehappywifeschool]

Great video and analogies. As women, we can make a simple choice to be in the mood if we want - I teach this to women. We play a game of control and manipulation to punish men by depriving sex. Unfortunately, we deprive ourselves too, because we enjoy sex if we let ourselves. Even if I am not in the mood, I can choose to have sex out of kindness and appreciation for my husband and marriage - not to mention the enjoyment and benefit for myself.

[@QED_]

The video and analogies would be even better . . . if they included a deeper understanding of what sex is actually all about. Food-hunger, for example, provides bodily nutrition. What does sex-hunger provide (?) If one doesn't know the answer to that (explicitly or implicitly), then confusion is inevitable . . .

[@lifter1000]

​@@QED_ Satisfaction from the partners pleasure

[@QED_]

@@lifter1000 That's just a specific subset of the more profound altered state of awareness that potentially accompanies sexual arousal . . .

[@lifter1000]

It's happening if the woman's libido is weaker that's the man. but if they both have high libido than she is always horny and unable to resist. in any case I can easily foreplaying up her mood. BTW I'm looking for a young woman with ultra strong Instinct/Libido and extremely promiscuous record, have an idea?

[@QED_]

@@GeeBeanie I made the change . . .

[@Avoid_Low_Frequency]

Whoa!!! That’s a phenomenal analogy! As a woman listening to your advice to men puts my thoughts in a new realm.

[@mynametrong5508]

Yes he is seriously amazing at explaining stuff

[@TravelsoftheCat]

It gets worse when the customer is the one paying all the bills for the restaurant to even exist but it doesn't want to open up.

[@David-ej1ps]

customer shouldn’t be paying bills at a restaurant… they should be paying for meals and good service only

[@53Strat]

Then you are a owner, like the dad. You a customer.

[@ErikLeed]

@AlienAbortionAnnals Hahaha:)

[@Drumm3rMichael]

I understand that you feel like she should reciprocate, especially if you’re providing for her. But people need to understand that sex is more than just getting off. Feeling entitled to sex in exchange to what you provide makes the experience seem so boring and transactional. We aren’t goods and services; Women are very emotional creatures and want to feel desired and loved. Show her some romance and that you actually desire her, rather than desire using her as a tool for you to get off, and she’ll give you everything you want.

[@michaelsorensen7567]

And also when it's not "come back tomorrow" but rather "next week" or "next month"

[@vryc]

Yup. Agree. Been married 24 years and the frequency of sex on a weekly basis hasn't changed. I like 4-5x per week, she likes 3-4x per week. Compromise was reached long ago. And we regularly head out to late night diners on spur-of-the-moment dates.

[@Macheako]

God bless y’all 😂❤ that’s exactly how it should be

[@Demour77]

Well done on maintaining your 'frame' Vryc, it sounds like you and your partner are well matched!

[@Alisha0413]

Can I ask how your dynamic works, is she a stay at home mother?

[@Mr.Ambrose_Dyer_Armitage_Esq.]

You compromised with your breedress? Brother, you've mistaken that walking uterus life support system, maid, cook, and governess for your equal...like one of the bros, or something. Glad things seem to be working for you but, I have a simpler approach. _"Either we're having sex or I'm having sex."_

[@eladbari]

How d'you guys keep attraction after 24 years? How is it not the same old thing?

[@double_0_jake263]

I'm a man and my ex wanted sex more often than me. Women get insanely upset if you aren't down when they are because it's totally unexpected.

[@dr.jenniferma3914]

Very true. Women can feel extra rejected because of the role reversal. The assumption in society is that men will always want it. But women often find that men don't like them to initiate sex.

[@Leoo117]

​@@dr.jenniferma3914 I believe women feel extra hurt when rejected because they take it to mean something personal about their attractiveness. It's an insecurity. Women initiating is probably the best and most natural thing. Any man that doesn't like a woman to initiate is also suffering from an insecurity.

[@sammyb1651]

@@Leoo117 Being real, it's just an entitlement thing. It's not much deeper than that. Women have a far greater sense of entitlement (to most things) than men.

[@Alex-bl8uh]

@@friendsandfriends970 and are you ok with that or do you wish for more?

[@Alex-bl8uh]

@dude Willis oh what a truly wild story. It seems like you tried to work it out with your husband, but he didn't cooperate. Do you know why? I mean I understand that you have cheated when he doesn't try to meet your needs at all. But there has to be a reason for it or not? There was a time where he love you so.. idk. At least you keep your family for the kids, but it could be better for the kids to divorce if you are cold to each other on a daily bases. With that said it's good that you are happier know I suppose.

[@sethbrolsma516]

This makes a ridiculous amount of sense.

[@EvaVas03]

💯

[@pwh5805]

Good. Can men now stop complaining about a lack of sex? Thanks.

[@user-dj4fd5vc6c]

@@pwh5805 Gladly. Lots of restaurants are open past 8:00.

[@pwh5805]

@@user-dj4fd5vc6c 👍

[@craiggoodwill7620]

Most of his videos do.

[@dr.jenniferma3914]

It's generally not a good policy to become rejecting of your partner. It's always an issue of "how long will this last" once sex becomes rare or changes from flowing to complicated. I think both women and men realize this. Rejecting isn't good. I know I won't reject a man I'm in love with as a general rule, not that it would even cross my mind. If your partner is rejecting as a pattern I agree: Don't let it slide without conversation. Confront the issue head on.

[@axl1002]

You can't talk your way out of woman losing her attraction because of your sexual dependency on her, she will see it as begging which is even more unattractive. The only way to restore it is to make her compete for your attention.

[@Bucephalus84]

​@axl100 your still playing games though. Wouldn't it be better to have an agreement early on that nobody is refused? It has worked for 12 years in my relationship.

[@axl1002]

@@Bucephalus84 Agreements work when they are enforced. But here you come and claim that your wife gets wet every time because of an agreement?

[@nalianalianalia]

The issue is however that men do not want to speak in case of why they want to reject a woman and don't want to have sex with her. Maybe this is because this is too intimate for them to speak why they reject a woman, maybe because they are manipulative and want to gaslight a woman, maybe because their culture forces them to act like a stallion and if they don't want sex, they cannot understand themselves why they don't want it. But the issue is, they don't want to speak about it. Actually, I know only one close example, that a man didn't want to have sex with me (this is my husband), but nevertheless, let me know other men who do such things.

[@Bucephalus84]

@N K men lose their want for intimacy and sex when the woman becomes invalidating and immasculating. Believe it or not, we are creatures with feelings as well.

[@MrCovi2955]

Lots of women seem to think that because sex is a mood for them, rejecting a man's advances will diminish his mood and thus make him not want sex. But comparing sex to hunger is a good analogy.

[@csmith9699]

Disagree completely that sex is a biological imperative for a man and a "mood" for a woman. Not even adequate biological information. Men and women are more sexually similar...even to the make-up of actual organs. Women also have more nerve endings in their lady parts, an organ that exists only for sexual pleasure (and no other function) and the capacity for multiple orgasms. Please get up to speed on this information, become better lovers and men's erotic intelligence will increase to everyone's benefit. It would help in general if men were better lovers. Some are but few and far between. I really don't understand why Orion doesn't address that

[@maam-yj8ph]

It also baffles me that men do not consider how to be better lovers. If women are like new and used cars, it's like men deliberately stall the car, grind the gears, wear down the axles, can't use the brakes correctly, never refill the gas until it's completely empty, never change the oil etc. and then whine about why they can't drive 100 miles on the freeway every night. Having a new car every year does not necessarily indicate that you are a good driver.

[@GigaNietzsche]

@@csmith9699Men have FAR more of a sex drive than women do that's just the reality with hormones. Regardless of how good a lover a man is a woman just doesn't have the same sex drive as a man.

[@larahuffmaster5857]

​@@maam-yj8ph mic drop 🎤

[@generalrendar7290]

As a man, I've always viewed sex as an expression of affection with 80% weighted value, fun 10%, and satisfying the drive 10%. I was raised to value it this way, and it led to my most satisfying relationship so far. The other relationship where fun and satisfaction were the leading motivations felt hollow, and I had to fend off feelings of guilt and rejection after each time. I worked hard to help each woman I dated be "in the mood," and I had varied results with both. It's my desire to build a relationship that is built on equivalent value but stay far away from transactional love. These videos are shedding invaluable light on how to achieve what's best for me and my future lover.

[@joseph6243]

Real talk

[@Sarah-hw7ok]

But what you’re describing isn’t even what he’s talking about. He’s saying that a woman needs to have sex anytime her man wants it. I agree important for libidos to match but even with a match, as I’m sure you recognize there’s times either partner might not be feeling it and isn’t obligated to satisfy the other every time. Even a match won’t match at all times.

[@generalrendar7290]

@Sarah you missed his point. He just said that a woman should be careful about how many times she tells her man, "No." If you make a habit of it, or feel like you have no obligation to see to your intimate partner's intimate needs, then you can't be shocked if they go somewhere else. Men are extremely patient on the whole when it comes to requesting intimacy. See the litany of sexless marriages if you need proof. However, increasing numbers of men are refusing to walk that path of months and years without intimacy. If it ever gets to the point where being intimate is like pulling teeth, then I'm leaving the relationship if I don't have an acceptable explanation. It communicates that I'm unwanted.

[@marktapley7571]

@@generalrendar7290 Yeah and just leave your house and half of all your other assets with her and Tyrone.

[@rosiemackenzie5976]

Sounds like a man who thinks.

[@wingsoffreedom3589]

This is exactly why Mgtow said "girlfriends are better than wives." One exists in a competitive market and if the product or service fails to satisfy you can go to their competition. Vs choosing to live in a monopolized market in which you have agreed to only buy at one store that chooses if or when it wants to open but still gets your money via a subscription model.

[@achiepalaago]

Subscription model indeed 😂😂. A lifetime subscription I might add. Very insightful.

[@tarablue4472]

Girlfriends do not exist in a competitive market. Boyfriends are the ones competing for the girlfriends, that's why some men are sexless, they've been outcompeted. The thing with marriage is that domestics fall disproportionately on women which tires them out and fatigue adversely affects their libido, that's why their sex drive drops. Girlfriends don't have to live with you, pick up after you or chase after children so they have more energy for sex. But it's men who have to compete more than women. Just to clear that up.

[@wingsoffreedom3589]

@@achiepalaago hence why marriage is stupid you are purchasing the possibility of a relationship she however is getting an insurance policy regardless of what happens.

[@wingsoffreedom3589]

@@tarablue4472 depends on ratios if you are a man of status you have options but if you marry you still have to pay Jeff Besos wife is one of the richest women on earth because of her ex husband. Also domesticity has long since been contradicted by other factors we see similar declines of sex in marriages where children have nannies and there is a family house cleaner. Women's libido can go down with weight increases and hormones over time. Many women marry for security and sex was a means to an end for them as in they had kids and and are secure for life this can also be paired with husbands lacking sex appeal do to unmasculine behavior. The final reason is lack of relational gratitude. Families where either party works away from their spouse can often take them for granted and also feel unapreciated themselves they then resent the other spouse and fall into being parents instead of lovers. Girlfriends tend to filter out the security based marriages since a chance of failure means she is there cause she actually likes the boyfriend and there is inherent performance pressure which is a good thing.

[@kevinbreitenstine2157]

“Vía a subscription model” 👏👏👏

[@rollingtinfist]

This is the most honest and real world take on the subject I’ve heard. Too many people are in denial on this.

[@samwellington2330]

I think this is why exclusive relationships need to be considered very carefully. A man needs to ensure the woman is fulfilling his sexual needs (and other needs) before considering exclusivity.

[@Sarah-hw7ok]

Haha. And what about fulfilling her sexual needs, which are more than frequency. Is frequency really your only consideration to be satisfied?

[@larryheim917]

In the beginning of a relationship sex is more frequent. It tapers off eventually. How will you know if you are sexually compatible?

[@Sarah-hw7ok]

@@larryheim917 good question. Frequency-wise, I think it’s really effective to just ask; even in relationship topic conversations before ever having sex. Sexuality or how things went sexually in previous relationships often comes up if you talk long enough before having sex. If already having sex, just ask if the frequency is working for her or how often she usually has in the past, or say what you did in comment “I know early in relationships sex is often more frequent; is this your usual frequency/ do you see this pace continuing/once life settles in and busy with other things too, how often realistically seems to work best for you?” I think a range is best for reference. For example, in the past I’ve found myself happiest in the 1-3x a week range, occasionally twice a day. I’d also ask her if she’s happy with things sexually now or if she has any requests or things she’d like to try, or an adjustment in technique. I’d check to be sure that the current frequency isn’t high due to effort to “get better together” and that she could get disenfranchised, uninterested if it doesn’t improve. Pressuring her to maintain frequency (whether or not you’re aware she’s unsatisfied)would then add irritation/annoyance or feeling used, to her feelings of disenfranchisement. And frequency isn’t the only measure of sexual compatibility. Check that kinks/fantasies and preferred/acceptable level of gentle/rough are compatible. Check that the length of foreplay/warmup is working for her. If not, she could be just unsure how to communicate/worried your feelings would be hurt if she said she needed something or she didn’t like/something was uncomfortable/painful. She may be communicating these things, but subtly and you could miss, which can build resentment…. And decreased frequency.

[@marguskiis7711]

You can NEVER ensure it! You must be some teenager talking such a bullshit.

[@tarablue4472]

And should he not be fulfilling her sexual needs. I've employed the same mentality as you. If he doesn't fulfill MY sexual needs than why should I be in that relationship?

[@Emin.V.Aliyev1]

Your analogies are second to none 💯

[@dekev7503]

One of the biggest mistakes that a man can make in a relationship is to allow his woman to believe that she's irreplaceable. If she knows that she's your only option, she'll treat you however she deems fit because she knows that there are no repercussions for her transgressions. If you make It abundantly clear that she's not special, she will go the extra mile to gain and secure her spot in your life.

[@audiosystemb8448]

This.

[@lorrilewis2178]

You couldn't be more wrong.

[@dekev7503]

@Gohann I agree with you 💯 . What I meant in my comment was that you should always make her feel the need to compete for your affection by making yourself as attractive as possible, not necessarily telling her outright that she's replaceable.

[@srikrishnavasanth3895]

No, Just tell her I Love you at the sametime don't tolerate her b.s. Handling disrespect is the key. Just be who you are when disrespected don't think how she can just roast her with jokes immediately or confront her.

[@jrtama5]

True, experience.

[@ReigningFlame]

(referring to men in relationships or marriages) As a Christian husband, I get the frustration. The bottom line seems to be that men must continue to do their part while women can go off their feelings. If you falter, the relationship is over, but if she is in the wrong, the man is responsible for giving grace, patience, and understanding. It's unequal. No matter your belief system... as a man (especially average men), if you chose to be in a relationship, you're choosing to be "Christ" (read Ephesian 5: 21-33) i.e. the one to love, suffer, hold the responsibly and be willing to "die". If you can't see yourself giving time, money, or energy into a woman, stay single. Relationships are a beautiful and enriching thing if you chose the right person, but regardless, to hold the burden is always the tradeoff.

[@Demour77]

Wonderful comment VESSEL, it's a hard truth the responsibility always comes down on the man - while the woman gets to dance around.

[@Macheako]

What is SHE responsible for?

[@ReigningFlame]

@@Macheako Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as [a service] to the Lord. For the husband is head of the wife, as Christ is head of the church, Himself being the Savior of the body. - Ephesians 5: 22-23 It's her job to follow the husband's leadership and willingly comply without nagging her husband. The key word being "husband" though. Although women should show some signs of this in dating, as we show signs of being providers (i.e. dates) it's not required for men or women to do marital obligations outside of marriage according to scripture.

[@ReigningFlame]

@@Demour77 noting is free, my friend. If you dance around now, you'll have to pay for it later. None of us can escape consequences, regardless if the society wants to soften the blows of life. Reality is the equalizer.

[@ReigningFlame]

@@treeaddict no denying that. The consequences I refer to are those ones that life gives. Those none of us can escape. People have to live with the devils in their mind. Regardless of the societal perceptions and loopholes, there's always a price being paid. Even if we don't see it in public.

[@stevemamooshka3425]

Some of the best metaphors I have ever heard have been from your videos!

[@marcin2053]

Me too. I love metaphors and he is using them like a pro.

[@jgarza03]

I love told a woman that refused to open up sexually, that I didn’t feel like opening up emotionally. Something has got to give.

[@melissalee5679]

And vice versa. Too bad he is usually the first one to withhold from her, then she reciprocates. Unfortunately the woman is the one that is usually required to give before she gets which puts her in a losing battle.

[@thecurrentmoment]

Isn't it a shame that life isn't fair

[@melissalee5679]

@@thecurrentmoment Not really a shame. Just life. I was just providing the other perspective. It's all give and take and about understanding each other's needs and wants and the willingness to put your own aside for the sake of harmony. But it has to be coming from both partners, not just from one.

[@thecurrentmoment]

@@melissalee5679 agreed. I don't know that the woman is usually the one giving before she gets, from what I've seen and heard, it seems that it the one who is most interested is the one who gives first, whether it is the man or woman. Probably from chasing people out of your league

[@kodeh7931]

You haven’t run into an avoidant dismissive woman yet. They don’t give emotionally or sexually

[@markminister2599]

Love the topic. If you you go to another restaurant No problem. If you go to another woman the Judge ruins your life.

[@tarablue4472]

So will STI's. Just get her in the mood and sharpen your love making skills.

[@susandavis903]

Get permission first. Open marriages can work with excellent communication

[@larahuffmaster5857]

​@@susandavis903for a while. I've seen plenty of Dateline, Snapped, and Snapped: Killer Couples to know that eventually it ain't going to work out so well. 😂

[@ralphwallen6907]

Great advice.....for single men. Unfortunately wedding cake kills the female libido faster than any known substance. To put that in the context of your metaphor, the wife has a monopoly on dining which changes the equation considerably. So, I think the first part of your video is really the key here. Find someone with a similar sex drive. For that matter, find someone with similar fetishes, or at least someone who is open minded sexually. Orion, I would love a video on how to handle prudish sexual partners, particularly those who have become puritan post nuptial. To be fair, children, work, life need to be taken into account in our theoretical restaurant closing. I don't think any guy can really expect to get served if he shows up frequently after 8, regardless of how good a customer he is.

[@slimbandicoot8990]

Use your creativity. If your wife is consistently withholding sexual intimacy, as the man, you can express your concerns, and if and when they're not met, you can start to withhold emotional intimacy. You can also begin to disengage and act distant. Once she starts to feel isolated and rejected, she will bring up the fact she doesn't feel seen and her needs aren't being met. At this point, you can explain to her the same way your actions made her feel undesired; her actions make you feel undesired and open the sex dialogue back up. Making someone feel the way you feel is the simplist way to force empathy. Most people have to experience your feelings to understand how you feel, and since women seldomly are rejected, they don't know how rejection makes the people they love feel. It's not petty if the end outcome is to have more peace and harmony in your relationship.

[@pwh5805]

@@slimbandicoot8990 What if you don’t really want to be emotionally intimate with your wife but still desire sex?

[@steveross4151]

Yeah thats because she got her needs met (security) which then leads to her ignoring yours over time. Marriage kills competition anxiety in women but they NEED that in order to keep trying their best. After you sign that devil contract all the good stuff disappears:)

[@bobyeah7334]

Mate wrong!! Stay fit stay in shape stay sexy. Most men are lazy out of shape and overweight after marriage. Stop watching TV 📺 , stop drinking beers 🍻 get a 6 pack. And watch how you’re wife treats you. FIT , IN SHAPE , SEXY. Easy no women can resist.

[@cturdo]

Yeah and you get to start over and lose half your stuff.@@slimbandicoot8990

[@TrueStormlore]

This is one of the most intelligent takes on this topic I've ever come across. Wow.

[@oneperson1461]

Great points except this kind of assumes the guy is in the wrong by showing up at the wrong time. When the times are not posted and kept secret. Also its very hard to eat out in a committed relationship. I guess establishing time hours of operation in the beginning of the relationship is key and stick to them.

[@Val-rv2xb]

This makes perfect sense! Never thought about men, women, and sex in this way, but this explanation is everything!!

[@Camperlife4ever]

This is a great breakdown on this topic. Some guys especially young and horny guys will take it too far early in a relationship, it gives justification of less than ideal behavior with a woman you are in a relationship with. I hope some guys use a rejection as motivation to do better, work harder at various aspects of your life. My wife and I have dealt with a lot of issues around this, we are getting closer to an equilibrium for us. But it does involve a lot of discussions together and reflections individually.

[@AlohaMichaelDaly]

The resturant analogy is good but at least they have set hours, you know where you stand at any moment. A better analogy would be a resturant that just might stay closed but sometimes may open just depending.

[@milkywaypride99]

Also, if you want to have a more fulfilling relationship with your partner, you must hit that like button.🙂

[@jrtama5]

Ha

[@TheNinjapancake14]

Ha

[@rosiemackenzie5976]

Yep! information is gold.

[@tarablue4472]

No. If you want a more fulfilling relationship with your partner and you hit the like button than you're not going to be compatible with women's sexual needs. You're only proving to be concerned solely with your sexual desires.

[@brianclark4040]

I think another issue is the different nature of fulfilling needs (typically) between men and women. Compared to men, women have WAY more requirements to be satisfied by their men. The amount of effort put out by a man who is a competent and intuitive lover fades the effort that I believe most women would give. For a man to be satisfied it’s more about frequency. The woman doesn’t have to really do that much for him. However, a man has to be an alpha, support her emotional needs, take care of various matters (so she’s not distracted by unpaid bills or dirty dishes) and he has to figure out how to please this specific woman. This is even if she is attracted to him. A woman’s response and needs vary quite a bit-between women and within the same woman. Men not so much. The amount of time it takes to satisfy a woman is greater typically than the amount of time it takes to satisfy a man. I think parity at physical intimacy is impossible to achieve because the needs tend to be very different.

[@jasonsamuel6601]

This is this is why lespeans hate each other

[@tarablue4472]

There is an Orgasm Gap with men enjoying 30% more orgasms than women. Lesbians have higher orgasm frequency than women. That would suggest that by and large women are having sex with their male partners even when they're not up to it. So women are putting in the effort to satisfy him.

[@cvinthe2255]

This dude.... I've never heard this topic broken down so well. Kudos, Orion!

[@eliztaylore]

I’m really enjoying binging all your content 🙌 it’s all so helpful!! I’d love to hear your perspective on covert narcissism if you haven’t already covered that.

[@peterudl]

Let's step back. First, a man needs to find a woman who has genuine desire for him. That is, a woman who not only finds him “attractive” (decent looking, good status, job etc.) but also “arousing” (physically/emotionally triggering, think Jason Momoa, Chris Helmsworth, the proverbial “hot guy in the foam cannon party in Cancun”). As Rollo Tomassi’s maxim states “you cannot negotiate genuine desire.” Either it's there, or it isn’t. What Orion seems to be implying is the use of “dread.” Perhaps effective, but not as good as genuine desire. Now, assuming genuine desire, even that wanes somewhere during the first three years or less, after the honeymoon/limerance period expires. (This works both ways. The saying “show me a beautiful woman and I’ll show you a man who is tired of banging her” is unfortunately true. Ask me how I know). But getting back to women, they value sex less than men. Think about it, it is easy for them to get laid, they have been having sausage thrown at them since age fifteen. Sperm is cheap, eggs are expensive. Unlike men, who are horny all the time, women are horny, well, when they’re horny. (Hat tip Caleb Jones). Women seem to have their own, built-in clock that winds down their libido in a monogamous relationship. This was documented in Daniel Bergman’s book, “What Do Women Want?”, which chronicles multiple women in committed relationships with men they love, lamenting their lack of desire and their surprise that revulsion develops towards intimate relationships with their beloved. The book speaks to the futile search for a “female viagra” to fix this problem. See also, Wednesday Martin’s book “Untrue”, which also addresses this issue. Esther Perel talks about this in “Mating In Captivity,” where she notes this phenomenon arising out of cohabitation. In short, it appears that our biology works against long-term monogamy, especially in women, and it takes work and creativity to sustain the flame for more than a few years. Thus, the age-old question posed by the singer James Ingram: “How do you keep the music playing? How do you make it last? How do you keep the song from fading too fast? ...”

[@fiveleavesleft6521]

The kind of man who would willingly succumb to monogamy simply isn't sexy to women. "Untameable" is sexy and, whilst there is sexiness in the process of taming, a tamed man makes her drier than the Sahara desert.

[@jasonsamuel6601]

@williamhughey6875 13d ago GET REAL. IS NOT THE PROBLEM WITH WOMEN THAT THEY ARE RARELY 100% HETEROSEXUA. RESEARCH SAYS WOMEN ARE A BISRXUAL AND GAY SPECIES. .. SO THE PROBLEM WITH WOMEN IS THEY ARE TRYING TO LIVE HETEROSEXUAL LIVRS WITH MEN WHILE THEIR TRUE EROTIC LUST OF WOMEN IS REALY FOR OTHER WOMEN. NOT MEN AT ALL!!!!! SO UNTIL YOU ADDRESS THIS PROBLEM, ALL THIS TALK IS BS!!!!!

[@tarablue4472]

@@fiveleavesleft6521 Wrong, women desire stability.

[@tarablue4472]

What happens with marriage and cohabitation is that the woman's housework increases by 70%. Even if she has a full time job, the domestics are not evenly distributed because of heavily entrenched gender roles. This is documented. Fatigue is the number one libido killer in women. This too is documented. This would explain this phenomenon.

[@showcase0525]

Your body of work on relationships will be reference that everyone will defer to in the future. Good job man.

[@TheActionBot]

Strong metaphor game. Lost me in the first half with the implication it’s a “ludicrous” to expect to be fed but, the additional layer of the metaphor makes it brilliant. We’ll done, doc.

[@markdaoust4598]

> Restaurant SSRIs burned down my favorite restaurant for the insurance money years ago.

[@riadhbouzaiene5820]

I found this episode very instructive and at times hilarious ... Thanks.

[@adrianayala2764]

More Attention = Less Sex. Even after explicitly knowing this as a man, I have to keep reminding myself of this fact: A woman will take everything you give her, with NO feeling of obligation, to reciprocate. The crazy part is (I’ve come to find), the type or character of the woman, does NOT matter. Even the most feminine, sexually driven women I’ve dealt with, will decrease their sexual output, when I increase the attention I give them. This is why it’s SO important to focus on your own growth, and only see your woma(e)n, a max of 2 days per week.

[@Susan-fg3nv]

That's hard to do when married. Does anyone on his page actually want a relationship? Children or just be adult children and play games?

[@petermathieson5692]

Nerves of steel. Iron discipline.

[@BaiMengLing]

HAHAHAHA 2 days per week, dude I don't know wh at kind of ice queen you are dating, but anything less than 4 times a week and I'm sexually starved. I need sex every other day, my boyfriend enjoys it.

[@GigaNietzsche]

It's more so More Security = Less Sex. Treat her like she's the only woman in the world to you and that no other woman matters and what she heard is "I have a full monopoly on him and can therefore "hike up the prices" with zero repercussions

[@GigaNietzsche]

@@Susan-fg3nvI'm sure this whole channel must be a real problem for women when more and more guys start to realize how much of a clusterfuck relationships are for guys nowadays

[@hopeinhumanity.]

I’d say that it’s not always the case for women that “having sex when you’re not in the mood is kinda like eating when you’re not hungry” and could add a different dining analogy such as “going to a restaurant to eat and you’re not served your dinner because they forgot to put in the order but your dining companion’s order was served and you leave the restaurant with no food while your dining partner ate and is satisfied with his meal”.

[@tarablue4472]

Yours is a much better analogy. I would be pissed if I wasn't satisfied. I got another analogy. Going to a restaurant, made to work in the kitchen, your dining companion eats a satisfying meal while you go home hungry, exhausted and used.

[@thouse0071]

IDK man, if I showed up to my favorite restaurant 5 minutes after closing and the host tells me that the kitchen closed, the head chef would come out, shake my hand and say "not for him." So if your bond is special enough, it doesn't matter.

[@Steph_1215]

I am laughing with tears! The metaphor is so funny, but so true!

[@timgibney5590]

Women though have different libidos than men. Not in strength but how they feel towards their partner determines it vs a man who is just wants some regardless. Example my exgf initiated intimacy by our second date and wouldn't take no for answer and had a stronger drive than me ... later she told me she is still asexual lol. I asked how as you most certainly are not haha. She said she is ... just not with me. BINGO! As men ... with you! Is something we need to learn. When a woman tells us I do not do that ... add with you. When in my case she is not asexual ... with me. If she says she wants space ... add with you as she would not say that to Chad. If she ain't feeling it you are not acting alpha or acting in confidence or have screwed up stuff so she lost interest. What turns a woman on is the person she is with as a WHOLE. Even if she is not in the mood at the moment if you can flirt and what he suggests as giving her a massage and listen to her will change her mood the following night if she is grateful. If you acted weak or a jerk for awhile then men you have work to do and need to change this awhile and act healthy, alpha, and confident. She will turn around. Also my ex-wife had a very high drive. She divorced her husband because she lacked intimacy to be with me. Later her ex-husband told me he tried to initiate it and she refused to sleep with him. He was mad at me that she gave it all up and acted freaky for me ... not him. He turned her off and her high drive had to be met ...by me eventually not him. That men is what makes a woman different than a man. It is so critical to know redpill and confidence and dating strategies. Women do not like betas and respond to a role with the right one which is the top 20%

[@M0viLover]

"Also my ex-wife had a very high drive." And, "Women do not like betas." So .. did *you* turn into a beta?? (she's your ex)

[@kenyanicholas6809]

“Chad”

[@timothygibney159]

​@@M0viLover No. I divorced her

[@290revolver290]

Doc is really good at this "game" 💯. His analogies is so relatable. Wow!

[@rnt45t1]

I haven't had sex in over 6 years Since I went bald, honestly. Women don't even look at me when I go out in public. I'm not fat, I'm not a loser in my mother's basement. I make good money, own my house, work out, and am in great shape. Invisible to women. God, I need to get laid. EDIT: for christ's sake, the "need" commend was more of a euphemism to illustrate how long it's been for me. Good lord you all latched on to that one. I don't interact with women in my day to day life, at all. I work from home, I go to the store, that's it.

[@paulkerrylegerme5205]

Your neediness is what prevent you to get laid it might sound unreal to you, but that’s the truth because everything is energy women are very intuitive the can sense your neediness

[@RafitoOoO]

Shave your head, hit the gym and own it. Tons of bald men in good shape get laid.

[@overtonbp1]

St.Hamudi once once said: "hair is life. if you are balding it's OVER buddy boyo"

[@timgibney5590]

Many women dig bold men. Do you shave your head?

[@richardw3347]

I`m bald and its not a big issue. Watch how you carry yourself. are you assertive when need be, etc. Learn to be more comfortable in your own skin. Approach girls with the mindset to see if you will even like her romantically or get along with her, this way it comes off less needy and actually work on yourself to become less needy, bc it can come out in other ways long term. It`s okay to want but once its a need, it becomes a turn off to women when it come to validation. Maybe in a relationship you may need them for a time and that can be okay but not too many girls will want you out of pity. Lead from a place of strength but don't be too try hard with it either. its a balance.

[@bobbyaffet1710]

You're a maestro in words with meaning. Always top-notch content.

[@MVProfits]

I've always had tons of sex in my LTRs. I just don't get the issue so many men have of a women not wanting it anymore. Like you say, find a partner with libido, and certainly NOT a woman who sees sex "as a man thing", to be leveraged, given or held on her whim. Women love sex too, well, a lot anyway. Don't settle for a low libido woman... and be sure to be good in bed, to do your part. I've had women complain about low libido men in their past so it goes both ways. I know some women do change after having kids. I didn't experience that but I admit this one must suck big time.

[@Magusgulf]

A “LTR” barely lasts a few years. Child’s play to mantain sex frequency. I’d like to see people with a 20+ year marriage show how it’s done. There’s huge demand for that and not many teacher, since it’s extremely hard. Have a good day

[@fiveleavesleft6521]

It's not about libido, it's about attraction. The cold, hard truth here that women are not attracted to most men. They get into relationships with those men for everything else (security, company, support, resources, social approved, status etc) than the sex. Absolutely no man should EVER stay with a woman who has sex with him under sufferance.

[@salaar75]

@MVProfits, as a resident of a comparatively sexually conservative country, any references of how to be good in bed?

[@susandavis903]

@@Magusgulfme too….After 24yrs married, menopause has turned sex into pain. Strong communication is crucial. Hubs now has a younger girlfriend (she’s also married). Everyone is on board, honest & trustworthy.

[@csmith9699]

​@@salaar75Thanks for expressing interest in your part as a lover. Very few men on Orion's comments seem to get that or think it's relevant. It's going ignored. A truly good lover will get a woman interested in short order. I don't know why this is being ignored because it's instrumental. A truly good lover even if long-term is basically impossible to turn down. There are lots of resources out there on this...perhaps search erotic intelligence, sensuality, the stuff that makes sex incredible for women and men

[@matthewnorris203]

This is a calm, logical, rational, masculine and SAVAGE way to approach sex in a relationship. I love it :)

[@anonanon7553]

Love this video. As much as you love a guy, if your sexual drives don't match up there's nothing you can do. It's better to let that guy go and not put him or yourself through the pain. I've had this experience. I'm not a sexual person, but the guy I was with and loved was. He wasn't satisfied with less sex, and I felt like pulling teeth when trying to have sex with him. It's not the relationship I want to be in when I have to have sex constantly when I'm not in the mood. We had the discussion early on, with me telling him I'm asexual/don't desire sex often. We still stayed together in the beginning because we loved each other, but it doesn't end up working out.

[@Highintensityhealth]

This is one of your best videos! Thank you so much.

[@brianclark4040]

It seems that the technique of saying up front that you are going to get your needs met elsewhere will self select a female partner with a similar libido. How many women would get involved with a dude if she knew he was going to other women to get satisfied? Eventually she will see herself out and he will choose other candidates.

[@tarablue4472]

Ok, I can see that. I've lived with a partner with a HUGE sex drive, multiple times per day, everyday, no compromise. It ruined the relationship. My sex drive is only 5x/week. I got out of that hell hole. Good thing I did because I found a better man with an EXACT libido match. So it's not like I was depriving my first mate when my second mate is satisfied with what he was getting. Sexual compatibility is very important to me, both in the activities and frequency. Where the doc took me aback is when he suggested that he'll go elsewhere if he doesn't get sex just this one time. Thus risking bringing STI's into the relationship.

[@PlanoRob]

Haven’t seen much of this man’s videos, but this is my favorite so far.

[@pedro.pe916]

I generally agree with you. I'm not sure if I could appreciate my partner having sex just to satisfy me. That's why it is necessary to find a roughly equal libido level partner, as you say. But I also think that when feelings are well developed, if one of the two is "hungry", he/she could make the other feel "hungry" too... I'm the type of guy that can easily get turned on if she pushes the right buttons even when I don't feel the drive. Can a woman be the same? Like get in the right mood just by letting herself be driven?...

[@canelareina3795]

Yes

[@elainer8288]

I think so. It is better to try that than threatening to cheat or any kind of agressive and selfish behavior.

[@GigaNietzsche]

Yeah women will never have the same libido as men given the hormonal differences. This is why in the past it was viewed as a woman's duty to please her man and given the other aspects of marriage and how each party had duties to each other this worked out well. Now it's all fucked up

[@GigaNietzsche]

@@elainer8288Oh yeah the MAN is the selfish one in this scenario. Not the woman who is utilizing her leverage to give the man she's in a relationship less and less as time goes on

[@ahrimusifosil9207]

One of the best explanaitions i have ever heared. Fit 100 % with my experiance but i was never able to put this in words. Now i know, what maybe the problem was/is. And that is depressing.

[@stillawake76]

My first thought: He’s clearly never worked in a restaurant. Having compatible s-drives is important. I’d say it’s one of the main compatibility factors that make for a solid relationship. But negotiating for it risks making it transactional - which is a slippery slope to introduce into a relationship. I’d say it’s best to recognize that there is some incompatibility in that department, and maybe it means this relationship won’t work in the long term.

[@axl1002]

He means that if you don't keep her on eggshells she will get bored with you.

[@Sarah-hw7ok]

I was thinking that too for the restaurant analogy. Typically, you want to aim for walking into a restaurant before 30mins before close and certainly usually before 15m to close.

[@TrenchcoatJesus]

@@Sarah-hw7ok I think you're in the weeds a bit on the analogy front. In this analogy, men aren't aware of the 'operating hours'. They're not posted anywhere. It's impossible for said restaurant to maintain regular hours in the first place; moods are fleeting and irrational. Positing that a woman's mood for sex is as regular and predictable as operating hours is a failure of this analogy, and shouldn't be something you focus on. The important part is the intersection of desire and availability. The closed restaurant doesn't turn off your hunger.

[@TrenchcoatJesus]

There's two extremes here: One is a fully 'transactional' approach in which you treat your relationship partner like an elevated sex worker with extra perks. That's obviously bad. The other is a fully faith-based approach in which neither openly discusses expectations for sex. That's gambling on compatibility and I'd argue even worse. It's important to set expectations early for important things. Start at the top of your priorities and work your way downwards. How important are finances to you? Kids? Marriage? Sex? You don't have to cover all of these topics on the first date (your first few dates should be fun and lighthearted in my opinion, you both want to make a good impression), but if you are dating with an intention, you need to communicate that intention in unambiguous ways. Telling a woman early on that you are not reliant exclusively upon her for sex is an unambiguous way to communicate your desire for sex. It doesn't work later on. As Orion suggested it doesn't have to be delivered in a vindictive, selfish, or childish way. It can be handled in a mature but unapologetic fashion. "I am hungry now, and I am going to eat. Have a good night."

[@Sarah-hw7ok]

@@TrenchcoatJesus “I am hungry now, and I’m going to eat. Goodnight”. You’re saying anytime you’re hungry you’re going to eat regardless if your partner wants to “eat” with you or not? Good luck with that. *No* one partner will always want to eat every time you want to, and vice versa. You have no expectation of monogamy for the rest of your life? And when she’s in the mood and you’re not, or aren’t maintaining a erection, she can eat elsewhere also? For a relationship that’s mostly a matched drive, why not masterbate for the few times a year or once a month one is in the mood and the other not?

[@MREScout]

Precedent what a great way to put it. Been married 18 years. I can tell you that what is established at the beginning becomes law. where were you then Doc huh?

[@doug8718]

The "kitchen is closed" is not a good analogy. If people are that black-and-white in their thinking, their lives will be very disappointing. The kitchen should very rarely be closed. If the cook is not feeling well, then tomorrow could be a very good option, perhaps better, because the cook can plan a much more intimate menu for tomorrow. If however, the cook just doesn't seem to want to cook much as a whole, or if the meals are boring, this is a big problem. On the other hand, if the hungry person is too demanding, spoiled, inconsiderate, it's little wonder that the cook doesn't feel in the mood to cook.

[@elainer8288]

I agree.

[@Susan-fg3nv]

These men who do not get sex often think that if women had more sex we would get the world offered to us on a gold plate. While the women having sex with men can see that's not true. Men get sex and continue to treat us how they want. No change

[@jarichards99utube]

IMPLICIT Communications... A Great Point

[@Macheako]

If a husband stopped having sex with his wife…would ANYONE tell her to STAY in that marriage? Hint: The answer is a resounding *No* 😂 people would be telling her to LEAVE ❤

[@melissalee5679]

Unfortunately this is not True. She is usually told she made a vow and has to deal with it. And then she is made to feel guilty for even thinking about it.

[@melissalee5679]

@@jerryjessup9192 Ummmm. The question was "Would ANYONE tell her to stay?" The answer states "a resounding NO, They would tell her to leave" So, I replied to that. That is not true. It doesn't matter if some tell her to go, some others will tell her to stay, that she made a vow, for better or for worse. Then make her feel guilty for it. Don't tell me, I'm living it.

[@melissalee5679]

@@treeaddict I do. It's a 2 way street. I have even told my own husband to step out and see if it helps. I bring up, maybe it's me. Maybe I'm just not 'doing it for him' anymore if ya know what I mean. He says it's not, but I reply how do you know if you don't try? But he also knows my stance. I love him enough to let him get his needs met elsewhere if it comes down to it, but he has to be just as understanding if it ever comes down to it being reversed.

[@TheNinjapancake14]

Idk any woman who would tell another to leave their husband for a reason like that 😭 The first step is communication.

[@pwh5805]

@@TheNinjapancake14 Of course the first step is communication but if nothing works leaving your husband is a very good option.

[@EvilFandango]

Excellent explanation, I really liked the distinction between mood and drive; thank you.

[@tarablue4472]

Yeah, too bad he didn't mention that moods can change with a little seduction.

[@GigaNietzsche]

@@tarablue4472If a woman isn't already in the mood the seduction in question won't do shit and will just make you look stupid.

[@33Jenesis]

A coworker of mine, his wife stopped being interested in sex after their son was born. So it went on for 5 years. He finally broke down and got it from someone else. Wife found out. He told me that night she was like a tigress in bed. Afterwards she grilled him for hours asking him to compare her with mistress. I don’t know if she stayed interested in sex from that point on because I moved to a different office.

[@radoslavtoth391]

I would really like to know how it has progressed 😀

[@bobyeah7334]

stay fit stay sexy stay in shape. A woman will not want you if other women don’t want you. Even if you’re married. So if you stay fit sexy in shape . You’re wife knows that other women be noticing you. Which will always keep her desires for you.

[@GigaNietzsche]

@@bobyeah7334Eh but at the end of the day given the court system and all that she still has that insane amount of leverage and power to where it's a "What are you going to do about it" situation. Damned if you do damned if you don't.

[@pescecanella4742]

Libido changes all the time for me. It depends on the quality of the relationship, my cycle, if I think I look good, how tired I am (not enough sleep and too much work), how much I exercise, weather (usually I want it in spring and summer more than in the cold) etc. There were periods of time when I wanted it 3x per day and others when 1x per week felt like a chore. In general, I wanted it more than my partner, though and as a woman it is unusual/socially not expected and therefore more heart-breaking when you get rejected when you try to initiate by massage etc. Anyway, I still am not sure what my libido is, I did not experience it as a general concept.

[@tarablue4472]

Glad for your input. I kept commenting that women need to feel desirable to be in the mood and that fatigue is the number one libido killer in women. Your comment backs that up.

[@M0viLover]

Ha, ha. "Get more out of him." Sounds like Jenna Elfman's interview on a late night talk show. She has an agreement with her husband that they have sex at least weekly. She shared that there were times she wasn't necessarily "in the mood," but participated nonetheless. She joked that sometimes afterward, her satiated / happy husband would buy her a bag / purse, or whatever, over the next week, to show his appreciation.

[@petermathieson5692]

I got on a plane and went where they were willing to serve me... and discovered that I was a pleasure to serve. Hit the road Jack.

[@elainer8288]

lynnferry291's comment in this video, also states she would leave a man that said that. I agree. If a man told me I need to sleep with him whenever he wants or else he will look for it elsewhere, I would leave him and think of all the other demands he would try to force on me. Take a look at her comment 8 months ago.

[@Straga_Severa]

This is not what the doctor says. He in no uncertain terms says that you are entitled to your boundaries. And his main idea is that boundaries have consequences, and it is better to find a partner with compatible boundaries than reject him too frequently.

[@elainer8288]

​@@Straga_Severa What you are saying makes a lot of sense. I probably misinterpreted what he said then. Thanks. 😊

[@Straga_Severa]

@@elainer8288 No worries :-)

[@adamschwartz4221]

This is the attitude all men need to adopt.

[@dmichaelgiles]

I think an important caveat is when women are going through menopause. I would love to hear your thoughts on men navigating relationships with their when their wives are going through menopause.

[@reneethorn145]

Thank you x

[@reneethorn145]

Thank you x

[@susandavis903]

Absolutely. Sex after menopause is PAINFUL. After taking one for the team multiple times my hubby has chosen to eat at another diner ….with my blessing

[@_6-6_]

I think this is just more proof I shouldn’t get married I really hate that I have a sex drive

[@M0viLover]

I've never been married. *But* - MOST of the w0men I've been intimate with have had at least the same sex drive I've had, if not even higher. So, correct - *do NOT get marrie*d. But, having a long term relationship *can* work out.

[@sammyb1651]

@@M0viLover Lol. MOST people have a roughly similar sex drive if your experience of women is a sequence of short to mid term relationships. They virtually ALL start off with both people wanting to bang like a barn door. LTR's/marriage is a wholesale different scenario.

[@M0viLover]

@@sammyb1651 I've had ONE long term relationship. Something like Feb 2002 thru July 2009. *But,* with at least two breakups over that time. One 2-3 months, the other at least 3 months. The sex drive was comparable, throughout. Including some rainy weekends where we had sex 4x in a day.

[@sammyb1651]

@@M0viLover Yeah, I'm not sure that counts tbh. A 7 year relationship where you broke up 3x total. It sounds like your experience is a succession of short to mids, generally. Just being real.

[@sethbrolsma516]

This reminds me of that viral Tiktok video where the guy says that if a girl is playing games and doesn’t to smash you should get up and act like you’re leaving. She’ll get scared and have sex with you. So many comments said that was coercion.

[@markaurelius61]

It's only coercion if only the woman matters. If only the man matters, it is a hostage situation.

[@jimlong2469]

It's just yet another one of those stupid games with stupid prizes.

[@metal.gendalf]

This is a good time to remember what we all did, age 12-17 before other people became a part of our sexual experience 😅😂 If the restaurant bans you for eating elsewhere sometimes it's better on ocasion to cook a meal by yourself 😂😂 Sex is just one in multitude of needs. Don't hyperfocus. But don't let it slide either.

[@JessicaFayToday]

"The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband. For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control" (1 Cor 7:3-5).

[@markaurelius61]

That is a good balancing text. Of course if my wife gives me sexual intimacy, I am going to hope that it comes from her genuine desire, and not a sense of duty.

[@Jan-qv8ku]

Can you do some videos about monogamous relationships please? What are the best ways to manage a monogamous relationship? What are reasonable expectations?

[@erikn54]

You dont have to be in the mood to have sex. A woman I met had learned to look at sex like any other thing people make for each other in a relationship. She said all people should just ask their partner to do this or that for them sexually, just like asking for help with changing tires on the car or anything else. I think one of the problems is that I believe that I have to fulfill my gfs needs the same ways she fulfills mine. Get her of, then she gets me of… If I let go of the shame of just asking her to make me a sexual favour, she might actually enjoy it more. It takes her a few minutes to get me of and then she can get on with her life. I dont need to be really comtted to fill the dish washer, I just do it.

[@marguskiis7711]

Haha, try to ask women for sex. It will end with disaster soon.

[@marguskiis7711]

You looks really hopeless in bed. Poor woman...

[@kassie5779]

I wish you had brought up the #1 reason that women aren't in the mood for sex -- lack of emotional intimacy in the relationship. And in that case, therapy can definitely help.

[@AlwaysEverNow]

Agreed. Women who feel heard and understood and are engaged emotionally can't get enough sex. No amount of therapy can create desire where it doesn't exist. Both people benefit from vetting heavily and agreeing to terms before committing.

[@AlwaysEverNow]

@@leegrande8226 Truth bomb. 💥

[@lynnferry291]

IMO, the #1 reason women don’t want sex is that their partner isn’t a good lover.

[@sammyb1651]

@@lynnferry291 The problem with that is, most women aren't very good either (if we're being honest), but significantly it doesn't stop the men from wanting it. It all goes back to the same thing. The libido gap. Which-at the bottom of it all-is what women benefit from more than anything else in society. Women are able to give very little for a huge amount of value in return from a man and men have to give a huge amount of value for very little in return from a woman. That mismatch is insoluble and no amount of food/restaurant analogising can assist.

[@anonanon7553]

@@sammyb1651 agreed. it's evolution that men desire sex more than women, and that women use sex for commitment. Unfortunate mismatch in men and women haha

[@freesk8]

Once you're married, "going to another restaurant" is not technically allowed. Violating that rule might end the marriage. And if kids are involved, we have a real problem with that. At that point, the man is stuck.

[@josephmauvais5500]

If she's willing to break things off when there are kids involved, I question her quality as a wife

[@freesk8]

@@josephmauvais5500 If you sleep with another woman during marriage, lots of women will want a divorce. Even if there are kids. And the state will require that you pay generous child support, yet give you limited access to your kids. In this society a wife has you over a barrel. That's just reality.

[@elainer8288]

Dr. Taraban has a really good video about that (for married man) in this channel. I also wrote a big comment on the video The Importance of Sex in a Relationship to which a lot of the few women that watch this channel agreed. I wrote it to help men with this particular question.

[@feedittothegoat388]

So we'll articulated, your education is not being wasted on any level

[@akultisgod5538]

if you take your hunger where someone else is serving you could end up being utterly destroyed in family court.

[@tarablue4472]

Or STI's.

[@kevohmistari]

Bro, you're a true beast of analogies 😂💪

[@tiredmdntblggr]

I can hear every woman in my life screaming bloody murder, and yes, this is simply metaphor and relationships aren’t exactly the same as a restaurant, but I think you are onto something…😊

[@dr.jenniferma3914]

Why are they screaming?

[@tiredmdntblggr]

@@dr.jenniferma3914 I have a nack for attracting narcissists. The screaming is metaphorical now I’m divorced. But when I was married my nex would often yell at me till 2 am, telling me I was abusive, I was a cheater, I was a bad provider. So now I’m (happily) single I refer to the women in my life “screaming bloody murder.” I actually DONT have any women in my life, except I call my sister once a week. She doesn’t scream at me. She is very kind and supportive. So I know there are some out there…

[@docnoproductions]

This video's musical counterpart is the Mel Waiters song where he says, "your kitchen was closed, so don't worry about where I eat"😂

[@EvaVas03]

Wow such a great way of looking at it 💯

[@matt-g-recovers]

The weird part is I was married to a girl who was absolutely driven by sex. Then I ended up in a medical position in which my testosterone was extremely low for years and I rarely wanted sex. My sex drive was completely gone... So I can kind of understand from the other side of it what that's like when somebody wants it. It's somebody You care about and you don't want to disappoint but you physiologically cannot help them... That 12-year marriage is no longer a thing. She ended up cheating on me. Obviously I discovered the testosterone problem and have since gotten fixed. What sucks. Now is if what you're saying is true. Most likely I'm going to end up on the other end of this thing... Unless I can find somebody that wants as much as I do and that I can trust at this point. Which that's going to be difficult. I wish things didn't have to be so damn complicated.

[@willek1335]

What issue was it, and how did you fix it?

[@matt-g-recovers]

@@willek1335 was medication related and unfortunately the only fixing is to inject testosterone into my leg every week. Changed my world. This is the question you had?

[@aaronlang2764]

Excellent analogy

[@miesanderson3408]

Female here 1. mismatched libidos and having a fulfilling sexual relationship. This is an excellent point “find someone interested in having sex more or less the same amount and you…. no amount of therapy will fix this.” 2. Drive vs mood. If you’re compatible sexually hes likely able to get you in “the mood”. Men can also learn to be amazing lovers….. seduction is an art form.

[@maurisagubler3230]

The problem being that in a relationship, it’s not acceptable to be selfish and tend to sexual needs outside the relationship, without including a partner in the discussion. It’s quite a different conundrum to eat at a different restaurant than simply getting sex else where

[@ayoutubecommenter7494]

That's the point, if you're in a committed monogamous relationship you can't get sex elsewhere so it's even more important to discuss these things because the need will be there

[@Dora-wc8be]

A sex drive spike can be a great excuse to get down with yourself or your hubby and have some fun. Having a high libido is nothing but natural. Thanks!

[@akam9919]

If you are married, denying sex threatens everything. Don't care how controversial this may or may not be to some, but saying no for reasons outside of health or having recently faced extreme emotional trauma (i.e. the cat died) is evil and perhaps the most wierdly perverse of sexual immoral things to do. Sex is a RIGHT in marriage, not a gift. If she says no, SHE should sleep on the couch. The reason you are even together is probably because you found each other physically attractive at the beginning. As such, saying no, is form of false advertising. Personally, I would almost say that this should be considered a sue-able offense if it wasn't for the fact I don't like gov getting anywhere near regulating the household and the relationships within it...though, I do believe this could be rational justification for divorce. I would also say that this is a good case for polygyny (with a cap; there's only so many women out there, and I definitely do not encourage pulling a solomon and having a 1000+ wives).

[@timsargent5970]

Don't forget that sometimes the sex goes away because it's not worth having by the other partner. Maybe insecurity creeps in one of the partner's and to satisfy that insecurity he or she needs sex to pacify/soothe them. It's very unattractive in the other's eyes... and they may even enjoy sex more than the other partner! Insecurity is a 'stinky-cologne' which kills relationships. I think there is more to it than you say in this video - even though I enjoyed it.

[@lynnferry291]

I think it’s good advice to find someone with a similar libido as yourself. However, I really feel this restaurant analogy is over the top. If a man I was dating told me that I should have sex with him whenever he wanted, otherwise he’d go elsewhere for it, I’d stop seeing him. It’s manipulative and I’d hate to think of what other things he’s going to try to force me to do.

[@elainer8288]

Exactly. These men are blind.

[@petersingh3255]

These analogies really bring the message home

[@zensvlognotapro]

Women are yes with moods, we have different seasons 4 seasons 😀. Usually some women must be happy and rested in order for her to give her all in bed. However If a right man understand and love her woman he will understand that and if a woman understand his man she will give what her man needs . However women must know to provide her partner, her hubby because it is a need not only wants by a man . In fact one of the reasons why some men cheat because they deprive from that one thing. We don't want to generalized because not all ppl is similar. In a committed relationship the women must provide his man on that area, same with men he needs to provide his woman in the area which she needs the most. There are failed relationships because needs and wants never met .

[@KalvinSmithWarriorsPathSystema]

Stand Operating Procedure is most cultures actually, and very common pre 1980’s.

[@abeladam5997]

To love is to deny oneself in service of the other; what is being proposed in the video teaches the opposite: seeking to be served - if not by the spouse, then by someone else; it fosters selfishness, which is the opposite of love, and a relationship based on this premise will bear fruits accordingly.

[@RafitoOoO]

You didn't get it. The message here is pretty simple: if a woman denies the needs of her man he might end up getting his needs cared by another woman. It's exactly about serving even if you didn't want it that much at that time.

[@axl1002]

@@johns.8439 You don't know the trains that the monks are making lol

[@abeladam5997]

@John S. 존 살라 Naturally, if both parties serve one another, then sex is never withheld. My dissent was aimed at the solution proposed in the video in case of the woman not being in the mood (which best describes the scenario presented), which, in any case, carries different connotations, than the world "withholding", which implies deliberation. Withal infidelity does not remedy selffishness on part of the other (two wrongs do not make a right).

[@abeladam5997]

@@RafitoOoO There is a difference between getting it and agreeing; perhaps my answer to John S. will dispell current misunderstandings.

[@hotlucky5622]

Women treat sex as leverage. That is the problem.

[@marriagecausesdivorce7540]

If a women is using sex as a weapon or reward the guy is a beta. She doesn't really like him. There's no genuine burning desire. That relationship will eventually end or just be sexless.

[@TriggerHappyThoughts]

​@@marriagecausesdivorce7540 Exactly lmfao. It makes 0 sense if the woman is actually attracted to the man. For example, I'm a woman who feels extremely attracted to my boyfriend. In fact, right after the day we started dating, I initiated sexual intimacy. Ever since, I've always been active in sexual intimacy and it's very rare that I reject sex because sometimes I can be extremely stressed. These people are only thinking about the women in purely transactional relationships where they are dating the man for their money or status, and see the relationship as a game

[@GigaNietzsche]

@@marriagecausesdivorce7540 Even if the guy is an alpha that is objectively attractive. Women will still use sex as leverage and eventually this will get worse as time goes on given she has a monopoly on his sex unless he cheats on her.

[@GigaNietzsche]

@@TriggerHappyThoughtsPast a certain point the attraction doesn't really matter and it just becomes a game of "I have this thing that you want more than I want and I will use this against you to get more of what I want". Unless the woman is severely mentally ill men will always have a higher sex drive than women. You know how women feel when they're ovulating? That's men on most days of the month.

[@andrewm.8841]

How would one handle this issue, while remaining celibate until after marriage, with a partner who isn't as interested? Especially if you don't want to be disloyal?

[@M0viLover]

It depends on how important sex is to you. If it is important - remind your partner of their marriage vows. If still not on-board - I'd initiate a divorce.

[@TheNinjapancake14]

This is the first comment I’ve seen mentioning celibacy. I don’t think this is the video for that lol

[@andrewm.8841]

I'm not married, or in a relationship. I am, however, celibate. I was just reaching into the well of men's experience to try and get a healthy answer.

[@TrenchcoatJesus]

The 'eating at another restaurant' bit is irrelevant to you. But setting the expectation for sex is still important. I view it like anything else you consider a priority in a relationship: Values, Finances, Marriage, Kids, etc., Sex should be something you both are open to discussing frankly and honestly even if you aren't actively engaging in it. It's pretty much impossible to get an accurate comparison of libido before marriage in your case. But the flipside is that I believe you will cherish sex more as you assign more value to it. There are pros and cons to premarital sex. I'm not convinced there's a clear 'right' answer, just tradeoffs.

[@elainer8288]

Dr. Taraban has a really good video about that (for married man) in this channel. I also wrote a big comment on the video The Importance of Sex in a Relationship to which a lot of the few women that watch this channel agreed. I wrote it to help men with this particular question. You are a special man with high principles. The woman who will be with you in the future is very lucky. 😊

[@davidkalman5691]

OMG, you are the man. I know it doesn't work that easily, but wow, "thanks, I'll go find someone who's open for business". I see how that underlying drive would eat away at a relationship

[@rebeccagreen7241]

How is this good advice? "You'll f*uck me when I feel like it or you'll suffer the consequences?" What kind of women would even want a man like that? It's disgusting.

[@Susan-fg3nv]

It would. When he discovers women are human his mind is going to be blown

[@GigaNietzsche]

@@Susan-fg3nvThey're human, but a much different kind of human than males.

[@melissalee5679]

Ok. So as a woman, I am assuming that this goes both ways right? So when a man is getting his needs met, but is leaving his woman denied of hers, she is allowed to go get dessert afterwards from another establishment. Or when the man hits that certain age, when he can no longer provide the main meal, she is also allowed to go elsewhere to eat? Because I see a lot of these videos that excuse the man of his indiscretions because he's a man and has needs so he is excused when he does what he does to get those needs met, but when a woman even thinks about it or brings it up she is not loyal and should just learn to live with it.

[@Leoo117]

He either has a hypocritical stance on this like the rest of them, or he hasn't thought it through. Or maybe he thinks cheating is ok at all times for everyone. Either way, this type of stance suggests that a person thinks only of themselves and their own pleasure.

[@bloodcarnage8285]

reverse roles.. take care of guy, protect him physically and be his first line of defense. pay for dates and take decisions. then lets talk about equally cheating. once you are put in a mans position you will feel like a loser when your partner cheats on you and see how unfair it is for women to cheat unlike for a dude. all he explained was how our mate strategy and libido is out of sync.

[@melissalee5679]

@@bloodcarnage8285 Haha. Woman do do those things for her man. Probably even more than he does. Most men these days think all they have to do is bring home a paycheck and they can do/say/live/treat others however they want, and still reap all the benefits a woman brings to the table. Cheating is Cheating no matter which partner does it, It's hurts just the same. So what's good for the goose is good for the gander. So If she's not doing her job in the sex department, he can get his needs met elsewhere, then if he's not doing his job in the sex department, then she also has the right to get her needs met elsewhere. PLAIN AND SIMPLE. The poster is not a woman and can't speak for women. Just as much as men think they NEED Sex, Woman have SEXUAL NEEDS, as well. So when he can't perform or chooses NOT to satisfy his needs, she has the right to get her needs met elsewhere, just as much as men feel they have the right to the same.

[@SnowofLight]

Every time my boyfriend turns me down for sex, I should be threatening to sleep with someone else, is what I'm hearing.

[@melissalee5679]

@@SnowofLight Are you replying to my comment, or the video? My comment is just providing the woman's possible perspective to the video which implies that if a woman isn't in the mood for the sex, that the man, as a man has a right to have his needs met elsewhere. So if your asking me, I will answer, that's between you and your boyfriend and the dynamic of your relationship. If your needs aren't being met by him, then you need to have that discussion with him on how to remedy the situation. No two relationships are the same, what works for others may not work for you.

[@retheisen]

Tip well. Don't overstay your welcome.

[@brownhat1290]

This is also a great argument for legalizing prostitution. Having options to safe sex with another woman whenever wifey is not "in the mood" will stop women from using sex as a bargaining tool in the relationship.

[@sakuraesther6309]

That will also make her available for other men when you are out with the prostitute . Because there is always a better man than you and since you dont want a relationship with a prostitute , then it is fair game .

[@maxhung69]

difference with the restaurant analogy is that you should be the only customer. serving random customers doesn't make a good girlfriend nor wife material...probably need a more appropriate analogy but the message is still clear

[@sanekabc]

AGAIN, you left out a VERY Important piece of advice to men: How to improve their ability to get women in the mood.

[@freeman8759]

Easy, he needs to create an unspoken sense of urgency around his presence and abilities. If hes useless and or always around why should she bother. This pattern is real

[@csmith9699]

​@@freeman8759Um...actually it depends to enormous degree on how savvy a lover the man is. Few women can say no to a truly good lover. Men would solve a lot of their problems if they'd figure this out. Truly good lovers are few and far between...they are treasures. They do not have to be in the top 1% of men. In fact the top 1% of men might make up the worst lovers of all. They tend to be entitled and also too busy with work, etc. They can be bland too. Thus channel is missing a huge piece of the puzzle when ignoring the importance of men learning to be really great lovers

[@tracyraven7444]

Yes this is very true but personally I think the most important part for me is a crazy attraction to my partner, two people can have the same drive but different attraction to each other. So like I said for me personally I'm very very attracted to my boyfriend and he is to me and it's firework's every time, ladies.... If you don't want sex with him he's the wrong man 😍😍